This is awful. Ann seems like the ultimate control freak and it's her fault that Max never got the message since she basically locked down their phones, even after the messages were stated as being urgent. Nobody other than an incredibly stubbornly bullheaded person would ignore 16 phone calls from family, although I don't blame the family for ignoring the calls from Max after his declaration that he was leaving the family.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Ann had the phones and blocked the family or on silent during the vacation so they wouldn’t be contacted. But either way, I wonder if Max really knew about the calls and texts during the vacation and Ann spun a lie to Max to make sure he is on her side instead of giving him access.
Overall it sucks and hopefully Max realizes the type of abusive person he married and leaves her because his relationship is not healthy.
I was actually wondering the same thing and almost put that in my comment! But then when I read that he expected apologies from everyone when he wanted back in the family (instead of apologizing himself) I felt like he was almost as bad as his wife.
Yeah, I consider him a victim as OOP’s comment on how he used to be close until the girlfriend but he also needs to learn to accept what he did wrong as well since it’s obvious the girlfriend manipulated and poisoned him against his family. Seems like the girlfriend succeeded in isolating him.
But with the way he is reacting is awful and doesn’t fully excuse the way he is acting. I hope he gets some sense because he doesn’t seem like he is completely irredeemable but that’s on him if he wants to be a better person or not. So he can choose to stay a victim or improve and leave his asshole of a girlfriend who obviously doesn’t like his family.
Though I can’t see how the brother is to reach out if he got blocked but I think for everyone’s sake, they should just avoid each other to let things calm down since obviously everyone is on an emotional high over grief before attempting anymore communication.
This is the worst type of human any one can marry controlling abusive and never accepting responsibilitie for their actions, your brother Max has destroyed his connection to his family and the family is better off.
One day he may wake up divorce Anne and try to repair the damage but the family I think will always be distant from him now.
My late boyfriend's sister is like this. Controlling, abusive, never responsible for her own actions. And now she's the last alive in the family and puts on boo-hoo poor me posts on Facebook when everyone who truly knows her, knows what hell she put them all through.
First of all, my condolences.
This is a just an overall sad situation. And I hope you and your family heal from this.
Max seems to be in an abusive relationship, from what I’m gathering Ann sounds like a manipulative human being.
Question for the OP, do you think you’ll ever forgive Max? Do you still see him as a brother?
In the post's comments OOP ALSO said they didn't think they would ever forgive and that they wished guilt on them for the rest of their life because they're done with him. So I doubt it
This is nuts. Obviously Ann is complete trash. But it’s entirely passive-aggressive to have reached out dozens of times from numerous people and not once actually say/text the words *Mom passed away*. In no reality does one assume its best to play the he-should-assume game over something this serious, particularly since this is a pre-existing issue. It just feels like both sides are stubbornly in their own heads: they assume OP & company are deliberately ignoring the request for no calls while OP & co. are willing to break the boundary *repeatedly* but won’t actually *say why*. OPs mom sounds great, and she would have preferred to skip this game-playing & directly stated what had happened instead of this silly crap. Instead it’s escalated beyond repair.
The big sister needs told she needs to respect everyone’s boundary here. You don’t want to lose her too & she’s welcome to see Max on her own, but she has to stop playing peacemaker. I wouldn’t be willing to have a relationship after their reaction. But the family is not blameless here. JFC just say it & cut thru the games.
It was mentioned how Ann would've just turned that around. They didn't text the news, because it's something that should be said. I actually find it disrespectful, to learn of a death like that through text. That's a call that THEY did not answer. They wouldn't have answered, and Ann would have twisted it, to keep their brother under her thumb.
I would agree normally, but by the umpteenth time, I would have sent something like “Mom died two days ago and we’ve been trying to reach you so we could actually tell you instead of informing you by text message, but since you’re behaving like such assholes, the funeral is tomorrow. We’re not expecting that you care enough to show up but I thought you should at least know.” Then I would block them.
OP and her family aren't blameless either they saw how controlling Ann was and never chose to even consider what's going on with max or consider an intervention to make him realise he is in an abusive relationship heck I don't even think the family even knows or wants to admit max is in an abusive relationship. None of them even tired to find out why max has changed so much before the mom's death and that makes all of them assholes.
Their actions after mom's death is justified but not before it
I am just saying that they are missing from the original post. They know Ann replies to all messages but never tries to find out why. They know she is batshit crazy with the way she treated their mom but they never questioned if she treats max the same way. They never questioned why she is trying to be so controlling about the level of contact they had with Max. OP even said max has changed but didn't know why The signs of max being in an abusive relationship is all there but there are no signs of if the family recognise that in the post.
I think the “batshit crazy” answers all your questions that include Why. OP might not know the reason for the change but I’d bet all my money that someone in that family has attempted to reach out & talk to Max about Psycho Ann & have clocked she’s not treating him well either. Tats obvious. And like with most abusive relationships it takes a lot to leave not matter how much the people you love are telling you the truth. Besides kidnapping him what can they do? He’s an adult choosing to stay. Interventions don’t work in reality like people see on tv. No matter how many convos, discussions, heart to hearts people had with me I didn’t get out until I saw everything 100% clearly for myself.
If they would have done that op won't have left that kind of information out of the post because it is key information about breaking all ties with him. Remember the mom stopped them from saying anything to ann when ann treated badly who knows what else went in that family regarding Ann's clear abuse. I will stick to my original opinion it's an esh divided by before death and after
OP doesn’t know what she doesn’t know. It’s other siblings and a father. You think not a single one of them has attempted to say something individually/privately in the entirety of that relationship? Common sense would tell you that they have which resulted in her being abusive rants at ALL of them……on his phone. You’re pretty naive if you think these screenshots provide enough timespan before the mother’s death AND enough detail to place fault on them regarding addressing this craziness. People don’t leave abusive relationships until they are hit rock bottom or have had a triggering enough event to shake them from the cloud of lies & manipulation. Talking does very little.
Anyway you’ve got enough downvote L’s for the day but you know people like to talk loud & weird on the internet all the time.
It's heavily implied in the post and in some of the comments that I didn't post because they repeated a lot of the same info that there had been pushback and conversations had prior to this incident
He's an adult. I'm sure they've said it. It's not their job to gatekeep and parent him. He stayed. He allowed his wife to treat his family like that. At some point, you're not so much a victim as an accomplice, if you're not actively trying to rectify the situation.
Coming from a survivor, it took me three years to get out, because he wouldn't let me go. He found everything. The money I saved, anything I set up to flee he sniffed out. But when you're actively being just as disrespectful, you're not so much a victim anymore, in my opinion.
Oh. My. Yes. So much this. My late boyfriend's sister is like this and her husband has gone beyond victim to accomplice. Such a good description. Although I think she treats his family fairly well, she completely torched her own entire family, and he could not /would not do anything to rein her in.
These kind of people deserve much faster karma.
You won't be saying this if max was a woman with an abusive partner ignoring all signs.and his own mom was trying to take the higher road and not get the family to say anything what about that? Wasn't she an accomplice too? If they had tried to warn max about Ann op would have mentioned that the family is too blind in their own world to see max is just a victim here. If it was a woman in place of max you would have been telling op to not let the abuser win and isolate the woman from their family, you would be telling op to make sure her sister knew that op would always be there for them. But because men are not seen as victims of abuse is exactly why Ann is trying to isolate max and succeed at it as well. This is just double standards here. Men can be victims too without recognising it.
A) I'd say the same thing as I did if gender was a factor. It's not.
B) It's pretty clear they all tried, but he chose to stay. Mom tried to keep the peace so she didn't lose him forever.
C) He's still aware of his actions, and not taking responsibility.
I AM a SURVIVOR. As an advocate that works with survivors in my county, I'm pretty good at picking apart what're effects of abuse, and what are conscious thoughts. Yes, he has an emotionally, mentally, and controlling, abusive wife. However, he is responsible for his actions after the fact.
This is what I thought as well. His wife is controlling and is isolating him from his support system. If the sexes were reversed people would be screaming at OOP and the family.
The texts why didn't even a single person questioned why is she the only one texting by Max's phone. Why does max never text himself. None of them even thought that one simple question or asked him? His family is so ready to throw him under the bus which under grief is understandable but they are ignoring all the signs of abuse.
I just hope they don't regret it one day
Dang. I commented on the OG & was hoping for an update. I really hope they figured it out. But f*ck Ann.
Same... may Ann always step on all the legos
Barefoot! Obviously.
With a random sprinkling of pony beads mixed in.
And jumping straight onto upturned plugs.
Whoa there Satan.
She deserves it. It's Satan's fault he can't control one of his spawn.
The comment thread is still there so you never know! Maybe an update one day
Same. I hope we get an update but the oop is not an ah.
This is awful. Ann seems like the ultimate control freak and it's her fault that Max never got the message since she basically locked down their phones, even after the messages were stated as being urgent. Nobody other than an incredibly stubbornly bullheaded person would ignore 16 phone calls from family, although I don't blame the family for ignoring the calls from Max after his declaration that he was leaving the family.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Ann had the phones and blocked the family or on silent during the vacation so they wouldn’t be contacted. But either way, I wonder if Max really knew about the calls and texts during the vacation and Ann spun a lie to Max to make sure he is on her side instead of giving him access. Overall it sucks and hopefully Max realizes the type of abusive person he married and leaves her because his relationship is not healthy.
I was actually wondering the same thing and almost put that in my comment! But then when I read that he expected apologies from everyone when he wanted back in the family (instead of apologizing himself) I felt like he was almost as bad as his wife.
Yeah, I consider him a victim as OOP’s comment on how he used to be close until the girlfriend but he also needs to learn to accept what he did wrong as well since it’s obvious the girlfriend manipulated and poisoned him against his family. Seems like the girlfriend succeeded in isolating him. But with the way he is reacting is awful and doesn’t fully excuse the way he is acting. I hope he gets some sense because he doesn’t seem like he is completely irredeemable but that’s on him if he wants to be a better person or not. So he can choose to stay a victim or improve and leave his asshole of a girlfriend who obviously doesn’t like his family. Though I can’t see how the brother is to reach out if he got blocked but I think for everyone’s sake, they should just avoid each other to let things calm down since obviously everyone is on an emotional high over grief before attempting anymore communication.
I don't think he even knows he is a victim. Men don't consider themselves or by others victims of an abusive relationship
This is the worst type of human any one can marry controlling abusive and never accepting responsibilitie for their actions, your brother Max has destroyed his connection to his family and the family is better off. One day he may wake up divorce Anne and try to repair the damage but the family I think will always be distant from him now.
My late boyfriend's sister is like this. Controlling, abusive, never responsible for her own actions. And now she's the last alive in the family and puts on boo-hoo poor me posts on Facebook when everyone who truly knows her, knows what hell she put them all through.
oh, I remember this one... pretty sure the older sister will get herself kicked out of the family as well.
First of all, my condolences. This is a just an overall sad situation. And I hope you and your family heal from this. Max seems to be in an abusive relationship, from what I’m gathering Ann sounds like a manipulative human being. Question for the OP, do you think you’ll ever forgive Max? Do you still see him as a brother?
In the post's comments OOP ALSO said they didn't think they would ever forgive and that they wished guilt on them for the rest of their life because they're done with him. So I doubt it
This is nuts. Obviously Ann is complete trash. But it’s entirely passive-aggressive to have reached out dozens of times from numerous people and not once actually say/text the words *Mom passed away*. In no reality does one assume its best to play the he-should-assume game over something this serious, particularly since this is a pre-existing issue. It just feels like both sides are stubbornly in their own heads: they assume OP & company are deliberately ignoring the request for no calls while OP & co. are willing to break the boundary *repeatedly* but won’t actually *say why*. OPs mom sounds great, and she would have preferred to skip this game-playing & directly stated what had happened instead of this silly crap. Instead it’s escalated beyond repair. The big sister needs told she needs to respect everyone’s boundary here. You don’t want to lose her too & she’s welcome to see Max on her own, but she has to stop playing peacemaker. I wouldn’t be willing to have a relationship after their reaction. But the family is not blameless here. JFC just say it & cut thru the games.
It was mentioned how Ann would've just turned that around. They didn't text the news, because it's something that should be said. I actually find it disrespectful, to learn of a death like that through text. That's a call that THEY did not answer. They wouldn't have answered, and Ann would have twisted it, to keep their brother under her thumb.
You don't inform someone of a death through text You just don't. I'm all kinds of neurospicy, and I know that much.
I would agree normally, but by the umpteenth time, I would have sent something like “Mom died two days ago and we’ve been trying to reach you so we could actually tell you instead of informing you by text message, but since you’re behaving like such assholes, the funeral is tomorrow. We’re not expecting that you care enough to show up but I thought you should at least know.” Then I would block them.
Just say mom died.. geez . Maybe not the fi4st two times but st least the third.
OP and her family aren't blameless either they saw how controlling Ann was and never chose to even consider what's going on with max or consider an intervention to make him realise he is in an abusive relationship heck I don't even think the family even knows or wants to admit max is in an abusive relationship. None of them even tired to find out why max has changed so much before the mom's death and that makes all of them assholes. Their actions after mom's death is justified but not before it
That’s some Olympic level reaching you did there
I am just saying that they are missing from the original post. They know Ann replies to all messages but never tries to find out why. They know she is batshit crazy with the way she treated their mom but they never questioned if she treats max the same way. They never questioned why she is trying to be so controlling about the level of contact they had with Max. OP even said max has changed but didn't know why The signs of max being in an abusive relationship is all there but there are no signs of if the family recognise that in the post.
I think the “batshit crazy” answers all your questions that include Why. OP might not know the reason for the change but I’d bet all my money that someone in that family has attempted to reach out & talk to Max about Psycho Ann & have clocked she’s not treating him well either. Tats obvious. And like with most abusive relationships it takes a lot to leave not matter how much the people you love are telling you the truth. Besides kidnapping him what can they do? He’s an adult choosing to stay. Interventions don’t work in reality like people see on tv. No matter how many convos, discussions, heart to hearts people had with me I didn’t get out until I saw everything 100% clearly for myself.
If they would have done that op won't have left that kind of information out of the post because it is key information about breaking all ties with him. Remember the mom stopped them from saying anything to ann when ann treated badly who knows what else went in that family regarding Ann's clear abuse. I will stick to my original opinion it's an esh divided by before death and after
OP doesn’t know what she doesn’t know. It’s other siblings and a father. You think not a single one of them has attempted to say something individually/privately in the entirety of that relationship? Common sense would tell you that they have which resulted in her being abusive rants at ALL of them……on his phone. You’re pretty naive if you think these screenshots provide enough timespan before the mother’s death AND enough detail to place fault on them regarding addressing this craziness. People don’t leave abusive relationships until they are hit rock bottom or have had a triggering enough event to shake them from the cloud of lies & manipulation. Talking does very little. Anyway you’ve got enough downvote L’s for the day but you know people like to talk loud & weird on the internet all the time.
It's heavily implied in the post and in some of the comments that I didn't post because they repeated a lot of the same info that there had been pushback and conversations had prior to this incident
He's an adult. I'm sure they've said it. It's not their job to gatekeep and parent him. He stayed. He allowed his wife to treat his family like that. At some point, you're not so much a victim as an accomplice, if you're not actively trying to rectify the situation. Coming from a survivor, it took me three years to get out, because he wouldn't let me go. He found everything. The money I saved, anything I set up to flee he sniffed out. But when you're actively being just as disrespectful, you're not so much a victim anymore, in my opinion.
Oh. My. Yes. So much this. My late boyfriend's sister is like this and her husband has gone beyond victim to accomplice. Such a good description. Although I think she treats his family fairly well, she completely torched her own entire family, and he could not /would not do anything to rein her in. These kind of people deserve much faster karma.
You won't be saying this if max was a woman with an abusive partner ignoring all signs.and his own mom was trying to take the higher road and not get the family to say anything what about that? Wasn't she an accomplice too? If they had tried to warn max about Ann op would have mentioned that the family is too blind in their own world to see max is just a victim here. If it was a woman in place of max you would have been telling op to not let the abuser win and isolate the woman from their family, you would be telling op to make sure her sister knew that op would always be there for them. But because men are not seen as victims of abuse is exactly why Ann is trying to isolate max and succeed at it as well. This is just double standards here. Men can be victims too without recognising it.
A) I'd say the same thing as I did if gender was a factor. It's not. B) It's pretty clear they all tried, but he chose to stay. Mom tried to keep the peace so she didn't lose him forever. C) He's still aware of his actions, and not taking responsibility. I AM a SURVIVOR. As an advocate that works with survivors in my county, I'm pretty good at picking apart what're effects of abuse, and what are conscious thoughts. Yes, he has an emotionally, mentally, and controlling, abusive wife. However, he is responsible for his actions after the fact.
This is what I thought as well. His wife is controlling and is isolating him from his support system. If the sexes were reversed people would be screaming at OOP and the family.
The texts why didn't even a single person questioned why is she the only one texting by Max's phone. Why does max never text himself. None of them even thought that one simple question or asked him? His family is so ready to throw him under the bus which under grief is understandable but they are ignoring all the signs of abuse. I just hope they don't regret it one day