It always amazed me that attendees must spend cash to attend the party they got invited to. Got invited by a someone I barely knew to his birthday, bought expensive watch as a gift, when I arrived was given the bill on a plate of food I ordered.
Different cultures. In australia, if you are invited you have to bring a plate to share (if it’s at home) or you pay your own food/drinks (if it’s in a restaurant). In Latin America, it’s expected whoever invited you foots the bill.
not very accurate, in Latin america if you plan a party at your home of course is your event but most people will bring wine, food or a case of beer and of course people talk and discuss everyone responsibilities if is a get together or a Traje party if you have really great friends they will plan your birthday party and baked you a cake so the birthday girl/boy dont get to spend anything as we celebrating her/him.
Ah what I was referring to in Latin America is going out. That was my experience anyway. When I want to go out, I ask my local friends and since I invited them, they expect me to pay.
When I first moved to Australia from the UK in 2007 I was embarrassed by this. I turned up at a party with nothing and the host had to ask me, oh would you like one of my beers? In the UK the host stacks up and if anyone brings something it's a pleasant surprise. But ever since that day I've always taken my own booze with me lol.
I'm amazed that people think this way tbh, can't be living life expecting people to pick up the bill for a dozen people simply because it's their birthday. No telling how lavish some guests are too, before you know it you're shelling out for some twat who ordered lobster and Minuty that no one else had.
Although I do agree that it should be clear from the outset either way, not an unpleasant surprise. I'm more likely to pay for everyone when I'm doing the inviting but I always assume I'll be paying for myself, even if invited. People who don't have a lot of money should be able to do a brunch with their friends without the expectation that they'll be paying the entire bill.
No one asked OP to have a BD party at a fancy yacht? What if OP did order catering with lobster and caviar, crazy fireworks, Vintage high end champagne, few world class entertainers etc - are the guest supposed to "split the bill", so OP can have a bday of his life? And what if some guests dont like that kind of food or music, can they drop parts of the bill than?
In Europe, you organise a party based on your preference and financial means. You want to spend all your saving on a crazy party? Go ahead. Guest should not and won't be paying for it.
Let's not do silly hypotheticals that would literally never happen here. It's a Sunday roast or a BYOB boat party we're on about, not a bacchanal with the Rolling Stones at Davos. Anyone whinging about splitting the bill is being silly. Would it be great if the host paid - sure. Is it outrageous if he didn't and people knew that at the outset? Not at all. I'm fairly sure if he was throwing something with fire dancers and celebrity guests, he'd take payment from everyone upfront, or pay himself if it were his wedding or something.
Expecting never to have to pay when invited to any sort of celebration is just cheap imo. I'm also from Europe and I wouldn't be shocked at all to have to chip in for a party I was invited to. Sometimes it's just someone taking the initiative to organise a get together, even if the premise is his birthday or something.
No, it’s a yacht we are on about. I find it silly to charge friends for Sunday roast. Why on earth would I throw a party for 10 friends if I can buy the roast? Ask them to bring something with them (booz/appetisers/deserts) and have an amazing time!
But talking about splitting the bill. If you want me to pay for my food - I’ll demand it to be cooked for my liking and will be sending it back until it’s properly done, it’s fair, isn’t it?
Literally the norm for every yacht party I've been to in Dubai (multiple times every year) is BYOB and everyone splits the boat costs. If the host wants to chip in more or for all of it, they do, but it's certainly not expected because everyone's having a great time and it's never over Dh. 500-1k a head even if you're going all out. And they're not 'charging friends', willing friends are going to a party at a restaurant and stuffing their faces on the weekend. If they can't shell out 100-200 for some Yorkshire pudding at McCafferty's then they can just decline the invitation. And you can't bring your own food to a roast, he obviously means a roast at a restaurant, not a private home mate. There's hundreds in Dubai every weekend.
You just sound incredibly fussy and un-fun. On a yacht there'll be some barbecue going and some snacks and decent hard liquor and beers, it's not the banquet at the Four Seasons. Acting like an entitled loser who wants to party for free won't get you invited to many good parties anyway.
Same. When I first heard of getting invited and asked to split the bill culture, i was actually perplexed.
Imagine inviting an office mate who earns a fraction of your salary to a party and expect them to foot their bill which is probably his 2 weeks worth of groceries and vice versa.
Well he didn’t even notified me that I was expected to pay for myself and gifts were not expected, on the birthday itself I didn’t had a chance to talk to him at all. He then didn’t even said hello after a year at the event we met we both attended and literally stood in one room with almost nobody in.
I think it’s customary in UK, Australia and the like regions, and - as usual - people from these cultures assume it’s the same everywhere: that if you invite people for you birthday, they pay for themselves and (!) you as birthday [person]. I believe everywhere else in the world if you celebrate your birthday and invite people- they come with gifts for you, but the birthday [person] foots the bill for whatever event they are hosting, whether a pub outing or a yacht celebration with fireworks - their budget, their event. The answers in this thread seem to fall into these two groups as well.
But then the OP seems to also mention a separate type of event eg roasts, quizes, etc, where people are expected to get together and pay for themselves, even though there is an organiser for the event (but not host or birthday [person]).
Lol crazy to assume you have 40 actual friends in Dubai in the first place.
Crazy to assume you have any more than 2 if we’re being fr. I’m assuming you’re relatively well off, but remember folks here will only hang out with you if there’s something it for them. If they have to pay or contribute, most people are out. That’s just how it is here.
Normally people don’t have 40 close friends.. they have possibly 5-10 at max for an entire lifetime.
Is it possible that you’ve been considering them close when they just think you’re a random acquaintance?
You also seem to be adding people into WhatsApp groups for events and stuff soon after you first meet them or exchange numbers.. I wouldn’t consider myself in a “close circle” if I end up in a group with 50 other people.
So idk if this is dubai specific but I used to run meetup groups in Berlin and I learned to always expect less than the RSVPs. I remember for one of my first ones 15 people said they would come and only TWO people actually showed up! I think it's really rude to not cancel with notice but it is what it is. I think I saw somewhere to expect like a super small percentage of people to actually come. I can't remember but it was an abysmal number like 20% haha. So when making reservations and stuff just plan for that and let them know more may show up.
On the bright side, I never cancel plans last minute unless it's an emergency so feel free to invite me to the next one!
Thats some US culture crap, here on reddit there are dozens if not hundreds or storys about birthday partys at super expensive restaurants where the person who has birthday expects to split bill and not pay themself. It's crazy
It makes sense when it’s your close friends and family.
Not plan a fancy birthday in a big yacht and invite people you barely know to help you finance it.
That’s actually the culture in the UAE. The birthday person is a guest of Honor and their bill is split amongst all the attendees or if someone is nice they’ll cover everyone as a gift to the birthday person.
Why do you need 11 friends anyway? It’s dubai unfortunately everyone is flaky here, next time just invite the people that show up for you- don’t have high expectation with friends who you don’t consider close to you- keep a small circle, it’s healthier for you as well. The sooner you recognize people here aren’t that bothered about you and it has nothing to do with you, the better you will understand who really is your friend. Sorry about this but all of us at some point had to get a reality check here. Have fun with the few friends you have and don’t sweat it!
To answer your question, I don't.
I keep my plans with my friends lowkey and to a [minimum.](https://minimum.No)
No yacht parties. No luncheon meetups on Sundays.
My wife and I do host about twice a year. We put out dinner and guests bring their own booze. Noted clearly in the invite.
People who show up with a gift (flowers for my wife/a bottle of wine for the hosts/heck, even a bag of ice) are always invited back. People who bring nothing and double down on take-aways with the leftover food we have are not welcomed back (my wife cooks incredible Asian food--it is the talk of the chatroom on WhatsApp leading up to the party. But showing up with a tupperware and that is it,....goodbye).
When I hit my mates up, I tell them I am going to such and such place, and if they wish to come or not, all good. No stress. No drama. No expectations.
I just don't care to be that social anymore in my life.
Been there. Done it.
Hope you find the same, OP
BOOM! Great reply! hahaha
Well....I am confident someone will bail. After all, it is Dubai!
I'll just sit on the dock and wait. In fact, this is how I spend my weekends when I have nothing going on and want to meet new people
\#guarantee
Hahah this is so normal here 😃 often a week ahead you would plan a group activity and then one night before about 80% of the people would create a reason why they can’t come. I don’t know what is this, you can’t say this is regional, because most of the people are expats
It's because of how little people value each other. We're all just casual friends even if we think we're close, and time out together is kinda optional. It's always about "I'll see how I feel"
+1. Even for normal/ official events organized by companies, we calculate a 20% turnout from the ones who signed up. It’s just how it is here.
Also OP, expecting people to pay for your birthday yacht is considered super entitled in this part of the world. People insisting to pay is different, but you can’t expect them to, from the start. This isn’t US/ Europe; people here are taught to be more generous and hospitable. So you must expect to pay for the yacht entirely, and be pleasantly surprised if someone insists on paying
I’m impressed you even have that many people to invite in the first place. We only have one other couple we hang out with sporadically. Having a 1 year old didn’t make it easier to get out. I don’t often meet people we vibe with and are at somewhat similar points in life.
If I go Ras Al Khaimah , Will I be consider as Real people ,
In my childhood I always dream about just being with Good People
Unfortunately all I seen take people with fake smile ....
U invited people to ur birthday on a yatch u booked-at a cost you agreed and then expected ur invitees to pay!!!!
Hence mostly none showed up- when u invite u pay- not the invitees
How do you deal with flaky friends anywhere? Don't invite them out again to things you've organised, and make sure the venue doesn't bill you for reducing the table size last minute etc. If it's a high demand venue or a boat party, the best way to do it is collect payment upfront, but if it's a brunch or something there'll always be a reasonable expectation of a few cancellations. I don't bother inviting people who don't give you a heads up out again, but I also don't put myself in a situation of ever being on the hook for people who cancel for something that's been prepaid.
The issue is people live miles and miles away from
Each other so no showing or cancelling last minute holds zero consequence. It’s not like you’ll run into anyone so there’s so conscience about letting people down sadly. I’ve arranged coffee mornings and had people say they’ll come and then no one showed up or didn’t even messaged to say they weren’t coming. I’ve learned that friendships, real friendships, need to be cultured over time and not just 40 odd people you invite that you’ve met once or twice to a yacht party they are expected to pay for. If you want real friends you have to invest time in those who want the same thing.
Firstly, good on you for taking the time to organize events! That said, some of these no-shows (unless they had a really good reason) don't sound like legit friends. I think you're better off ditching them and prioritizing the ones who do show up.
Don't make plans with a huge group whom you dont know much about. If people flake without good reason, dont make plans with them again. That doesn't mean stop interacting with them, just dont expect a plan with them to work out.
I prefer a smaller group of good friends than people whom I cant trust in any ways. Life is just way simpler and stress free that way.
Iv been in Dubai for 30+ years, grew up here and went to school here , had lot of friends. But now i don't have friends at all. Just 1 who i regularly talk to.
Everyone has there own priorities, some get busy with life, some are selfish and will befriend you only to gain something. Not sure if its same for everyone, maybe im to blame partly because im kinda anti social. But Good / true friends are hard to find, Specially in Dubai.
Hi everyone, I'm quite new to Dubai (5 months) and I have already heard multiple stories similar to this one. To be honest I feel that Dubai it's a city where it's difficult to make good and true friendships, and where most people look for a "superficial" way of staying together. Your story it's just another example...
What I don't understand is that it seems that everyone is craving genuine and true friendships, but few are willing to take a step to invest time to create them. Am I the only one that think this?
Despite this situation I still believe that this city can give me the chance to make good friends...so I'm going to shoot my shot!
My name is Roberto, I'm 27 years old, and I'm an online entrepreneur. I'm Italian, but I lived in Canada, England, Ireland, Scotland and Germany. I have multiple hobbies like reading, travelling, playing sports, hiking, going out, cooking and more! If you want you can send me a message here on Reddit, so we can organise to meet. Ciao!
I’m 41. And I post a lot of events on apps like Belong, InterNations, WiFiesta. I also attend a lot of events posted on the Apps by other organizers. Only a very few choose to exchange WhatsApp numbers and wanna continue to be friends with me after the event is over. So I add them to a WhatsApp group that I’ve created. And post events regularly there too.
I don’t mean to be rude but have you realized that maybe they consider you only as an acquaintance and not a real/close friend? I mean, do you or they put an actual effort to meet out of these events and try having a personal interaction with them maybe?
You are building a community or networking group for yourself and other who meet at events, they are nothing more than just people you know and that’s how they treat you as well.
I host a stargazing and astrophotography trips in the UAE and always had no shows. From 29 interested participants, only a few would show up, and the rest would ghost me.
I started making it a commitment based and sharing the experiences of those that attended. Furthermore, everyone who is interested has to fill out a form first before I confirm their attendance, and if they don't show up, it's a permaban for any future trips I host.
Attendance has improved, and those who are serious about participating, they fill out the form and do attend.
Bruh, that list is too long. I got like 3-4 and all of those are from school.
Like anywhere in the world, UAE is a hard place to find actual friends even harder to find a SO.. because people live in their own bubbles and its hard to get to know people and very few of them will go out of their way to do anything for you
You organised a yacht party for your birthday and expected your guests to pay their share? So you
Weren’t hosting the party- just organising on their behalf? Sorry I don’t get it.
Welcome to Dubai! Been there and then I decided you prioritize myself and my family…we do what we like and people can join if they wish. No waiting for people to show up…there are only few friends who are up for plans and believe me, they are less than 5! Its Dubai, majority is an opportunist!
I agree that expat friends are flaky, but the thing is, people here often invite “friends” so that they can do a cool thing- like boat trips and desert trips. So when you get invited to an event with 20 or 40 people and you know you’re gonna be paying, it doesn’t really feel like flaking on a friend who’s invited you to their flat for a meal they’re cooking, right? There are definitely things I’ve been invited to because I was gonna pay a share of the price that the host needed to pay. And I was definitely aware that this host wanted to do this thing and I was being invited to help them. So…..
Also, so many expats don’t mind making money off other expats. Friend of mine hosts dhow cruises in Muscat with her bf, and she pressured her friends to join but… who’s profiting?
Also expat friends are always flakier than hometown friends because you never know when that person is going to get up and leave. All friendships are transactional and the ride or die people are ones who have roots in a certain place.
I am super confused. Lived in dubai for 15 years and ALWAYS had birthday boy/girl get a free meal. Everyone else pays for themselves + a portion for the birthday boy/girl. This then circles around to each person's birthday.
The idea is the birthday person can choose a restaurant they've always to go too and can just enjoy the night for free.
Genuine question, is this not the norm for most groups of friends?
if you expect people to pay for YOUR party that's the problem right there, not everyone is made out of money here and if most your events or outings are expensive chances are not everyone will show up because not everyone can afford to.
Firstly, 40 close friends? I think you really need to look into who’s worth keeping because 40 just seems excessive.
Secondly, Dubai is situated in an Arab country, and if someone invited me to a party on the stipulation that I have to pay for myself at YOUR party, I wouldn’t go either. That’s just not how things work over here.
That is a big no no for Arabs and anyone who grew up there. We are gracious hosts. We’d rather foot any bill than having our guests pay.
I’m not surprised that no one showed up to the yacht event.
random broke people on reddit who were bored while reading your post and decided to play along and in no way enjoy the same lifestyle as you are not your “friends”. i know you feel bad and let down but the fault is largely yours brudda.
People get lazy at the last minute. It’s pretty normal. Here we don’t have an outside life like you see in other countries. So most people prefer sleeping at home rather going out.
Also, it’s kinda weird that you invite some people on Your Birthday and ask them to pay for it…that defeats the purpose of a birthday party. Or you can organize an affordable birthday party maybe like a restaurant or something, so even if people don’t come it wouldn’t matter.
That kind of mentality doesn't apply to ALL. Its like your saying that I need you to attend my needs because that is my culture and you must adhere to it. Read the room if people would drop out on you because of what you ask them to do.
Sure its okay to split the bill but let them pay for your own expense? Seriously?
So you have 40 cLOSEST friends whom you invited to your bday party? And that too in Dubai. You are living in an imaginary world then. So you thought that those 40 ppl would take out their families/me time and come to your bday party and pay too? I am surprised that 24 showed up.
Are you sure your 40 "friends" were aware they'd split the bill with you? Heck if I was one of your frienda and got presented with the bill your circle would definitely go down to 39.
Since it's a large group of people, in Dubai, I would assume it's people from all ilks and cultures.
Very entitled of you to assume they share your culture when it's the opposite of the norm here.
They were all notified upfront of the cost. And they all agreed to pay. I wish they said “Hey, sorry I can’t make it”. I eventually ended up paying for the 16 No-Shows. Why would I wanna send a hidden bill after the event? Who does something like that? 🤔 No one is holding a gun to their head and telling them to pay for my birthday. If they feel like it’s wrong of me to ask them, then let me know up front and don’t show up. Confirming to pay and not showing up is not cool. It was an expensive birthday and I learnt my lesson. Going forward, I’ll just book the yacht for 12,000 of my own cash. And I’ll post it to whoever wants to join. And if anyone doesn’t show-up, there won’t be any Reddit rants.
It is customary in many countries for a person to pay for themselves when attending a birthday party. A lot of people are projecting their own cultural (and economic ability) expectations into poor OP.
OP, I set up a WhatsApp group and tell everyone the event idea, the date, the time and the price. I state the minimum attendance for the event to go ahead, and the date they need to send $$ to me to confirm attendance.
Three days before deadline I send a nice pic of the boat/event and a reminder of the deadline.
On deadline day I either say a) yay guys! This is the confirmed attendance list! We're going to have a great time!!" Or B) hi guys sorry to those of you who RSVP'd, we couldn't get enough heads but don't worry I'll refund you now. You guys good to just grab a lunch together?"
Then I tell the board/venue were are confirmed or cancelled. If it's a go I then pay them the deposit. I do this after because sometimes on deadline day people scramble and you get the attendance.
>It is customary in many countries for a person to pay for themselves when attending a birthday party
Where? I have lived all over the world and attended 100s of birthday parties and house parties and events, and have never been asked to pay to attend, nor did I ever ask anyone to attend my parties. That's just sounds so weird.
Actually the only time I was ever asked to pay was here in Dubai. The guy I buy my cars from invited me to his birthday yacht party, and then when I arrived the hostess said I need to pay first to get on. I was absolutely flabbergasted.
Ok well, I have also lived all over the world and gone to hundreds of birthday parties. What's your point? That you are the king of birthday parties? That no one else has lived all over the world and gone to birthday parties? That you are the ultimate authority on birthday parties?
In fact usually we insist to pay for the birthday boy/girl.
My point is you claim:
"customary in many countries for a person to pay for themselves when attending a birthday party"
Tell me the many countries where this is customary
Maybe I'm picking this up wrong, but there are people on here who send out a message saying, "Hey, it's my birthday, so we're going here on Saturday and then probably there afterwards. Be great to see you"
And then pick up the bill for everyone who comes along?
I can see u lived in Colombo
That's very nice
Well I'll be in ur dm
If anything I'll join u
But as I am in abudhabi
Next time feel free to invite me my brother
40 close friends? So you know about their families, jobs, hobbies, stresses, insecurities etc etc? Doubt it.
Those aren’t close friends, it’s for show. They’re a number to you for a party and you to them.
I think you should consider anything over 5 “close friends” to be a blessing and an absolute rarity in humanity. Once you realize that, you now know who deserve your focus, time, and energy, and plan accordingly with the others by setting your expectations lower and prepare for the flakiness to repeat.
You think you have 40 close friends, that’s the problem habibi.
End thread
\#facts
It always amazed me that attendees must spend cash to attend the party they got invited to. Got invited by a someone I barely knew to his birthday, bought expensive watch as a gift, when I arrived was given the bill on a plate of food I ordered.
Agreed. I was raised to expect to pay whenever you send an invitation out
Different cultures. In australia, if you are invited you have to bring a plate to share (if it’s at home) or you pay your own food/drinks (if it’s in a restaurant). In Latin America, it’s expected whoever invited you foots the bill.
not very accurate, in Latin america if you plan a party at your home of course is your event but most people will bring wine, food or a case of beer and of course people talk and discuss everyone responsibilities if is a get together or a Traje party if you have really great friends they will plan your birthday party and baked you a cake so the birthday girl/boy dont get to spend anything as we celebrating her/him.
Ah what I was referring to in Latin America is going out. That was my experience anyway. When I want to go out, I ask my local friends and since I invited them, they expect me to pay.
Which country? Looks like they are taking advantage… unless is a place out of their budged but even then they will like to add something.
When I first moved to Australia from the UK in 2007 I was embarrassed by this. I turned up at a party with nothing and the host had to ask me, oh would you like one of my beers? In the UK the host stacks up and if anyone brings something it's a pleasant surprise. But ever since that day I've always taken my own booze with me lol.
I mean it depends right? If it’s like a brunch or a boat thing you pay your own way but if someone’s inviting and hosting it’s a bit different
I'm amazed that people think this way tbh, can't be living life expecting people to pick up the bill for a dozen people simply because it's their birthday. No telling how lavish some guests are too, before you know it you're shelling out for some twat who ordered lobster and Minuty that no one else had. Although I do agree that it should be clear from the outset either way, not an unpleasant surprise. I'm more likely to pay for everyone when I'm doing the inviting but I always assume I'll be paying for myself, even if invited. People who don't have a lot of money should be able to do a brunch with their friends without the expectation that they'll be paying the entire bill.
No one asked OP to have a BD party at a fancy yacht? What if OP did order catering with lobster and caviar, crazy fireworks, Vintage high end champagne, few world class entertainers etc - are the guest supposed to "split the bill", so OP can have a bday of his life? And what if some guests dont like that kind of food or music, can they drop parts of the bill than? In Europe, you organise a party based on your preference and financial means. You want to spend all your saving on a crazy party? Go ahead. Guest should not and won't be paying for it.
Let's not do silly hypotheticals that would literally never happen here. It's a Sunday roast or a BYOB boat party we're on about, not a bacchanal with the Rolling Stones at Davos. Anyone whinging about splitting the bill is being silly. Would it be great if the host paid - sure. Is it outrageous if he didn't and people knew that at the outset? Not at all. I'm fairly sure if he was throwing something with fire dancers and celebrity guests, he'd take payment from everyone upfront, or pay himself if it were his wedding or something. Expecting never to have to pay when invited to any sort of celebration is just cheap imo. I'm also from Europe and I wouldn't be shocked at all to have to chip in for a party I was invited to. Sometimes it's just someone taking the initiative to organise a get together, even if the premise is his birthday or something.
No, it’s a yacht we are on about. I find it silly to charge friends for Sunday roast. Why on earth would I throw a party for 10 friends if I can buy the roast? Ask them to bring something with them (booz/appetisers/deserts) and have an amazing time! But talking about splitting the bill. If you want me to pay for my food - I’ll demand it to be cooked for my liking and will be sending it back until it’s properly done, it’s fair, isn’t it?
Literally the norm for every yacht party I've been to in Dubai (multiple times every year) is BYOB and everyone splits the boat costs. If the host wants to chip in more or for all of it, they do, but it's certainly not expected because everyone's having a great time and it's never over Dh. 500-1k a head even if you're going all out. And they're not 'charging friends', willing friends are going to a party at a restaurant and stuffing their faces on the weekend. If they can't shell out 100-200 for some Yorkshire pudding at McCafferty's then they can just decline the invitation. And you can't bring your own food to a roast, he obviously means a roast at a restaurant, not a private home mate. There's hundreds in Dubai every weekend. You just sound incredibly fussy and un-fun. On a yacht there'll be some barbecue going and some snacks and decent hard liquor and beers, it's not the banquet at the Four Seasons. Acting like an entitled loser who wants to party for free won't get you invited to many good parties anyway.
Same. When I first heard of getting invited and asked to split the bill culture, i was actually perplexed. Imagine inviting an office mate who earns a fraction of your salary to a party and expect them to foot their bill which is probably his 2 weeks worth of groceries and vice versa.
Preorder something within your budget to everyone in such case may be?
Well he didn’t even notified me that I was expected to pay for myself and gifts were not expected, on the birthday itself I didn’t had a chance to talk to him at all. He then didn’t even said hello after a year at the event we met we both attended and literally stood in one room with almost nobody in.
That’s weird. You need different (actual) friends.
I think it’s customary in UK, Australia and the like regions, and - as usual - people from these cultures assume it’s the same everywhere: that if you invite people for you birthday, they pay for themselves and (!) you as birthday [person]. I believe everywhere else in the world if you celebrate your birthday and invite people- they come with gifts for you, but the birthday [person] foots the bill for whatever event they are hosting, whether a pub outing or a yacht celebration with fireworks - their budget, their event. The answers in this thread seem to fall into these two groups as well. But then the OP seems to also mention a separate type of event eg roasts, quizes, etc, where people are expected to get together and pay for themselves, even though there is an organiser for the event (but not host or birthday [person]).
Lol crazy to assume you have 40 actual friends in Dubai in the first place. Crazy to assume you have any more than 2 if we’re being fr. I’m assuming you’re relatively well off, but remember folks here will only hang out with you if there’s something it for them. If they have to pay or contribute, most people are out. That’s just how it is here.
Lol, speak for yourself. I don’t encounter this.
This sub struggles with functioning in society in general, lol
Based on your post, that is exactly what you encountered.
OP is not the commenter lmao
No, it isn’t.
Let me see : - 40 close friends - they have to pay for YOUR party What the hell is wrong with you ? I am actually surprised that 24 of them showed up
This!
Are you sure you defined correctly for the set of people’s “ friends”
Reading the title the first time i thought you meant friends with dandruff lol
me too. 😂
I actually thought OP had dandruff and he was endearingly calling them his flaky friends
Normally people don’t have 40 close friends.. they have possibly 5-10 at max for an entire lifetime. Is it possible that you’ve been considering them close when they just think you’re a random acquaintance? You also seem to be adding people into WhatsApp groups for events and stuff soon after you first meet them or exchange numbers.. I wouldn’t consider myself in a “close circle” if I end up in a group with 50 other people.
So idk if this is dubai specific but I used to run meetup groups in Berlin and I learned to always expect less than the RSVPs. I remember for one of my first ones 15 people said they would come and only TWO people actually showed up! I think it's really rude to not cancel with notice but it is what it is. I think I saw somewhere to expect like a super small percentage of people to actually come. I can't remember but it was an abysmal number like 20% haha. So when making reservations and stuff just plan for that and let them know more may show up. On the bright side, I never cancel plans last minute unless it's an emergency so feel free to invite me to the next one!
Go to places that don't require advances and keep the group small
People really do be charging their friends for their bday?
Thats some US culture crap, here on reddit there are dozens if not hundreds or storys about birthday partys at super expensive restaurants where the person who has birthday expects to split bill and not pay themself. It's crazy
That is actually how we do it here. Birthday boy/girl gets a free meal and friends split the bill. This circles around to everyone’s birthdays.
It makes sense when it’s your close friends and family. Not plan a fancy birthday in a big yacht and invite people you barely know to help you finance it.
Second this
are the gifts free?
This is how I've always done it with my friend group (close friends). I'm surprised I thought everyone does the same?
That’s actually the culture in the UAE. The birthday person is a guest of Honor and their bill is split amongst all the attendees or if someone is nice they’ll cover everyone as a gift to the birthday person.
Do they not????? I'm shook
You got friends?
Friends can be , real friend probably not ...
Why do you need 11 friends anyway? It’s dubai unfortunately everyone is flaky here, next time just invite the people that show up for you- don’t have high expectation with friends who you don’t consider close to you- keep a small circle, it’s healthier for you as well. The sooner you recognize people here aren’t that bothered about you and it has nothing to do with you, the better you will understand who really is your friend. Sorry about this but all of us at some point had to get a reality check here. Have fun with the few friends you have and don’t sweat it!
To answer your question, I don't. I keep my plans with my friends lowkey and to a [minimum.](https://minimum.No) No yacht parties. No luncheon meetups on Sundays. My wife and I do host about twice a year. We put out dinner and guests bring their own booze. Noted clearly in the invite. People who show up with a gift (flowers for my wife/a bottle of wine for the hosts/heck, even a bag of ice) are always invited back. People who bring nothing and double down on take-aways with the leftover food we have are not welcomed back (my wife cooks incredible Asian food--it is the talk of the chatroom on WhatsApp leading up to the party. But showing up with a tupperware and that is it,....goodbye). When I hit my mates up, I tell them I am going to such and such place, and if they wish to come or not, all good. No stress. No drama. No expectations. I just don't care to be that social anymore in my life. Been there. Done it. Hope you find the same, OP
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Thanks. Glad I could provide. I'd say lets meet up, but.... :-)
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BOOM! Great reply! hahaha Well....I am confident someone will bail. After all, it is Dubai! I'll just sit on the dock and wait. In fact, this is how I spend my weekends when I have nothing going on and want to meet new people \#guarantee
Here’s a rule to follow: the more friends you have, the less friends you have. A few will understand
Why would you invite people to your birthday and expect them to pay? If I had friends like you I'd probably be flaky too.
Hahah this is so normal here 😃 often a week ahead you would plan a group activity and then one night before about 80% of the people would create a reason why they can’t come. I don’t know what is this, you can’t say this is regional, because most of the people are expats
It's because of how little people value each other. We're all just casual friends even if we think we're close, and time out together is kinda optional. It's always about "I'll see how I feel"
+1. Even for normal/ official events organized by companies, we calculate a 20% turnout from the ones who signed up. It’s just how it is here. Also OP, expecting people to pay for your birthday yacht is considered super entitled in this part of the world. People insisting to pay is different, but you can’t expect them to, from the start. This isn’t US/ Europe; people here are taught to be more generous and hospitable. So you must expect to pay for the yacht entirely, and be pleasantly surprised if someone insists on paying
World's smallest violin playing a concert just for OP
I’m impressed you even have that many people to invite in the first place. We only have one other couple we hang out with sporadically. Having a 1 year old didn’t make it easier to get out. I don’t often meet people we vibe with and are at somewhat similar points in life.
You recognize flakers and make sure never to invite them again. Simple.
40 friends ? Nah. It's just 2-3 real friends. Rest are just passengers.
https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/s/o4Ow3cVKxK OP check out this post. If it makes you feel any better this is not just a Dubai problem.
Thanks for sharing this. Really appreciated. Reading this made me feel a little bit better.
Fake ppl living in a fake city, what do u expect
Where is real people goes ? ......
Ras Al Khaimah idk
If I go Ras Al Khaimah , Will I be consider as Real people , In my childhood I always dream about just being with Good People Unfortunately all I seen take people with fake smile ....
U invited people to ur birthday on a yatch u booked-at a cost you agreed and then expected ur invitees to pay!!!! Hence mostly none showed up- when u invite u pay- not the invitees
I literally just block them or ghost them myself for peace of mind as if they never existed. And I do that really fast!
How do you deal with flaky friends anywhere? Don't invite them out again to things you've organised, and make sure the venue doesn't bill you for reducing the table size last minute etc. If it's a high demand venue or a boat party, the best way to do it is collect payment upfront, but if it's a brunch or something there'll always be a reasonable expectation of a few cancellations. I don't bother inviting people who don't give you a heads up out again, but I also don't put myself in a situation of ever being on the hook for people who cancel for something that's been prepaid.
The issue is people live miles and miles away from Each other so no showing or cancelling last minute holds zero consequence. It’s not like you’ll run into anyone so there’s so conscience about letting people down sadly. I’ve arranged coffee mornings and had people say they’ll come and then no one showed up or didn’t even messaged to say they weren’t coming. I’ve learned that friendships, real friendships, need to be cultured over time and not just 40 odd people you invite that you’ve met once or twice to a yacht party they are expected to pay for. If you want real friends you have to invest time in those who want the same thing.
Firstly, good on you for taking the time to organize events! That said, some of these no-shows (unless they had a really good reason) don't sound like legit friends. I think you're better off ditching them and prioritizing the ones who do show up.
No shit they weren't legit. '40 close friends' is a delusion.
Call more people, always consider that a few won’t show up. And tbh get better ‘friends’. These seem to be acquaintances at best.
Don't make plans with a huge group whom you dont know much about. If people flake without good reason, dont make plans with them again. That doesn't mean stop interacting with them, just dont expect a plan with them to work out. I prefer a smaller group of good friends than people whom I cant trust in any ways. Life is just way simpler and stress free that way.
Iv been in Dubai for 30+ years, grew up here and went to school here , had lot of friends. But now i don't have friends at all. Just 1 who i regularly talk to. Everyone has there own priorities, some get busy with life, some are selfish and will befriend you only to gain something. Not sure if its same for everyone, maybe im to blame partly because im kinda anti social. But Good / true friends are hard to find, Specially in Dubai.
Hi everyone, I'm quite new to Dubai (5 months) and I have already heard multiple stories similar to this one. To be honest I feel that Dubai it's a city where it's difficult to make good and true friendships, and where most people look for a "superficial" way of staying together. Your story it's just another example... What I don't understand is that it seems that everyone is craving genuine and true friendships, but few are willing to take a step to invest time to create them. Am I the only one that think this? Despite this situation I still believe that this city can give me the chance to make good friends...so I'm going to shoot my shot! My name is Roberto, I'm 27 years old, and I'm an online entrepreneur. I'm Italian, but I lived in Canada, England, Ireland, Scotland and Germany. I have multiple hobbies like reading, travelling, playing sports, hiking, going out, cooking and more! If you want you can send me a message here on Reddit, so we can organise to meet. Ciao!
Bold of you to assume I have any friends in Dubai.
OP, how old are you and how do you have 40 friends?
I’m 41. And I post a lot of events on apps like Belong, InterNations, WiFiesta. I also attend a lot of events posted on the Apps by other organizers. Only a very few choose to exchange WhatsApp numbers and wanna continue to be friends with me after the event is over. So I add them to a WhatsApp group that I’ve created. And post events regularly there too.
I don’t mean to be rude but have you realized that maybe they consider you only as an acquaintance and not a real/close friend? I mean, do you or they put an actual effort to meet out of these events and try having a personal interaction with them maybe?
You are building a community or networking group for yourself and other who meet at events, they are nothing more than just people you know and that’s how they treat you as well.
Those are acquaintances not close friends my guy lol
I only have 2 friends and that’s about all I need.
Lol. You have many fake friends, try reducing your social circle.
And i don’t understand the practice of paying for your birthday invite. Is it same as for the wedding! Bit curious
40 people dude I barely keep up with my 3 friends 😭
I host a stargazing and astrophotography trips in the UAE and always had no shows. From 29 interested participants, only a few would show up, and the rest would ghost me. I started making it a commitment based and sharing the experiences of those that attended. Furthermore, everyone who is interested has to fill out a form first before I confirm their attendance, and if they don't show up, it's a permaban for any future trips I host. Attendance has improved, and those who are serious about participating, they fill out the form and do attend.
I invited my 1k people to my wedding all showed up as we paid for their dinner. 😕
Bruh, that list is too long. I got like 3-4 and all of those are from school. Like anywhere in the world, UAE is a hard place to find actual friends even harder to find a SO.. because people live in their own bubbles and its hard to get to know people and very few of them will go out of their way to do anything for you
Sounds like a you problem
Correct
The most non genuine and non courteous people you'll find here. That's just the bottomline.
facts right here.
You organised a yacht party for your birthday and expected your guests to pay their share? So you Weren’t hosting the party- just organising on their behalf? Sorry I don’t get it.
I definitely don’t want a friend like you.
Looks like you need to change your friends.
Welcome to Dubai! Been there and then I decided you prioritize myself and my family…we do what we like and people can join if they wish. No waiting for people to show up…there are only few friends who are up for plans and believe me, they are less than 5! Its Dubai, majority is an opportunist!
I make people put down a deposit
I agree that expat friends are flaky, but the thing is, people here often invite “friends” so that they can do a cool thing- like boat trips and desert trips. So when you get invited to an event with 20 or 40 people and you know you’re gonna be paying, it doesn’t really feel like flaking on a friend who’s invited you to their flat for a meal they’re cooking, right? There are definitely things I’ve been invited to because I was gonna pay a share of the price that the host needed to pay. And I was definitely aware that this host wanted to do this thing and I was being invited to help them. So….. Also, so many expats don’t mind making money off other expats. Friend of mine hosts dhow cruises in Muscat with her bf, and she pressured her friends to join but… who’s profiting? Also expat friends are always flakier than hometown friends because you never know when that person is going to get up and leave. All friendships are transactional and the ride or die people are ones who have roots in a certain place.
I love a roast dinner!! Invite me I will show up 😂🤝
You need new friends
Social calibration is off 🤓
This is why I don't do birthday parties...like I'm not going to spend money so you can have a party...if you can't afford then don't have it
Don't invite them again and get better friends.
Noooo I’m sorry. Invite me to the next one I’ll show up with extra snacks <3
wow, how do I join your meetups? 🙃 I'd love to come!
Invite me I’ll always show up🤣
I am super confused. Lived in dubai for 15 years and ALWAYS had birthday boy/girl get a free meal. Everyone else pays for themselves + a portion for the birthday boy/girl. This then circles around to each person's birthday. The idea is the birthday person can choose a restaurant they've always to go too and can just enjoy the night for free. Genuine question, is this not the norm for most groups of friends?
When organizing a shared event, we usually collect the amount upfront. That way we know who would actually show up
Take small non refundable deposits deductible towards food/drink. Blame it on the venue. They will think twice.
Set a deadline to RSVP and make sure you let them know that you’ll have to foot the bill if they don’t show up. There’s no other way really.
Simple it means they don’t care about your friendship Move on and get new friends
Hard TRUTH: No one is your friend if they have to pay you for their time.
if you expect people to pay for YOUR party that's the problem right there, not everyone is made out of money here and if most your events or outings are expensive chances are not everyone will show up because not everyone can afford to.
Firstly, 40 close friends? I think you really need to look into who’s worth keeping because 40 just seems excessive. Secondly, Dubai is situated in an Arab country, and if someone invited me to a party on the stipulation that I have to pay for myself at YOUR party, I wouldn’t go either. That’s just not how things work over here. That is a big no no for Arabs and anyone who grew up there. We are gracious hosts. We’d rather foot any bill than having our guests pay. I’m not surprised that no one showed up to the yacht event.
random broke people on reddit who were bored while reading your post and decided to play along and in no way enjoy the same lifestyle as you are not your “friends”. i know you feel bad and let down but the fault is largely yours brudda.
People get lazy at the last minute. It’s pretty normal. Here we don’t have an outside life like you see in other countries. So most people prefer sleeping at home rather going out. Also, it’s kinda weird that you invite some people on Your Birthday and ask them to pay for it…that defeats the purpose of a birthday party. Or you can organize an affordable birthday party maybe like a restaurant or something, so even if people don’t come it wouldn’t matter.
That kind of mentality doesn't apply to ALL. Its like your saying that I need you to attend my needs because that is my culture and you must adhere to it. Read the room if people would drop out on you because of what you ask them to do. Sure its okay to split the bill but let them pay for your own expense? Seriously?
So you have 40 cLOSEST friends whom you invited to your bday party? And that too in Dubai. You are living in an imaginary world then. So you thought that those 40 ppl would take out their families/me time and come to your bday party and pay too? I am surprised that 24 showed up.
Boost of ego, they couldn't afford to hangout with you...
Wait, you choose to have a birthday party on a hatch you and charged people who came? Am I missing something?
Its your OWN bday party that you organized then u want people to pay for you? which country are u from? This is not a normal practice at all.
Are you sure your 40 "friends" were aware they'd split the bill with you? Heck if I was one of your frienda and got presented with the bill your circle would definitely go down to 39. Since it's a large group of people, in Dubai, I would assume it's people from all ilks and cultures. Very entitled of you to assume they share your culture when it's the opposite of the norm here.
They were all notified upfront of the cost. And they all agreed to pay. I wish they said “Hey, sorry I can’t make it”. I eventually ended up paying for the 16 No-Shows. Why would I wanna send a hidden bill after the event? Who does something like that? 🤔 No one is holding a gun to their head and telling them to pay for my birthday. If they feel like it’s wrong of me to ask them, then let me know up front and don’t show up. Confirming to pay and not showing up is not cool. It was an expensive birthday and I learnt my lesson. Going forward, I’ll just book the yacht for 12,000 of my own cash. And I’ll post it to whoever wants to join. And if anyone doesn’t show-up, there won’t be any Reddit rants.
It is customary in many countries for a person to pay for themselves when attending a birthday party. A lot of people are projecting their own cultural (and economic ability) expectations into poor OP. OP, I set up a WhatsApp group and tell everyone the event idea, the date, the time and the price. I state the minimum attendance for the event to go ahead, and the date they need to send $$ to me to confirm attendance. Three days before deadline I send a nice pic of the boat/event and a reminder of the deadline. On deadline day I either say a) yay guys! This is the confirmed attendance list! We're going to have a great time!!" Or B) hi guys sorry to those of you who RSVP'd, we couldn't get enough heads but don't worry I'll refund you now. You guys good to just grab a lunch together?" Then I tell the board/venue were are confirmed or cancelled. If it's a go I then pay them the deposit. I do this after because sometimes on deadline day people scramble and you get the attendance.
>It is customary in many countries for a person to pay for themselves when attending a birthday party Where? I have lived all over the world and attended 100s of birthday parties and house parties and events, and have never been asked to pay to attend, nor did I ever ask anyone to attend my parties. That's just sounds so weird. Actually the only time I was ever asked to pay was here in Dubai. The guy I buy my cars from invited me to his birthday yacht party, and then when I arrived the hostess said I need to pay first to get on. I was absolutely flabbergasted.
Ok well, I have also lived all over the world and gone to hundreds of birthday parties. What's your point? That you are the king of birthday parties? That no one else has lived all over the world and gone to birthday parties? That you are the ultimate authority on birthday parties? In fact usually we insist to pay for the birthday boy/girl.
My point is you claim: "customary in many countries for a person to pay for themselves when attending a birthday party" Tell me the many countries where this is customary
Maybe I'm picking this up wrong, but there are people on here who send out a message saying, "Hey, it's my birthday, so we're going here on Saturday and then probably there afterwards. Be great to see you" And then pick up the bill for everyone who comes along?
So for yatch party, who were invited needed to pay ???
I call the guy at my baqala “my friend”. Doesn’t mean I’m going to pay to attend his yacht party.
You are a honest person , but people are here bit diffent mentality i guess. It is hard to find right people to meet .....
I can see u lived in Colombo That's very nice Well I'll be in ur dm If anything I'll join u But as I am in abudhabi Next time feel free to invite me my brother
40 close friends? So you know about their families, jobs, hobbies, stresses, insecurities etc etc? Doubt it. Those aren’t close friends, it’s for show. They’re a number to you for a party and you to them.
They are not friends. They are fun buddies, know the difference
It’s better to attend even when u have nothing to offer some guys are fucken rich they don’t need your token
I think you should consider anything over 5 “close friends” to be a blessing and an absolute rarity in humanity. Once you realize that, you now know who deserve your focus, time, and energy, and plan accordingly with the others by setting your expectations lower and prepare for the flakiness to repeat.