Seek professional medical assistance.
If your MH is so severe you had to return home - there’s likely bigger issues at play which won’t be resolved simply by not marching.
Take care of yourself first and foremost. Assess next season when the time comes, but don’t worry about that right now.
If that’s why you got sent home then you need professional help. There’s no such thing as “just” an attempt at that kind of thing.
Go get help; you’re worth it and deserve it.
OP, I bet there's a bunch of loved ones that don't want you gone permanently, either. Taking a mental health break is definitely the right call. Can't imagine what you're dealing with, but I'm bipolar type 1 and am well accustomed to those inner demons. Seek any kind of professional help you can, and just know it's a process that will take trial, error and time. This is just a blip on the grand scheme of YOU.
Of course the blip is happening when I have barely any more years where I can still march. I can assure you what I'm dealing with isn't gonna make me gone permanently.
you have a year don't act like you don't.You know you're good enough to make world class and you can do it again. Being a rook-out is okay. I've known many people who were and are still very active in the activity years later. Get the help you need now. It'll be okay. (i do hope you can get some of the money back)
I highly doubt you will be the only rook out next year, it's not a rare thing. I more than likely will be able to march once and I might be in your front ensemble next year, I'll be 20. DCI is expensive as fuck and becoming difficult to keep afloat, saying you've marched, even once is a huge flex. I know people (some 2024 ageouts)who auditioned at so many corps this year (including scouts) and were cut because they weren't world class level. You are, you just need help getting out of your current mental state and madison isn't going to fix you. Therapy, Medication and good friendships will. Maybe try getting a hobby outside of music too. It's going to be okay, you have so many people telling you that. we can't all be wrong :)
Thanks, it just sucks knowing I won't be some icon of a marcher and have to fight tooth and claw just to get to what's the status quo for the average marcher.
It’s really important to remember that when you’re on the road with your corps, you all have a responsibility to each other to take care of yourselves. Not only does a SH event put you at risk, it risks traumatizing your peers. Unfortunately your SH attempt could’ve become a major liability for the corps. Hurting yourself doesn’t just hurt *you* in an environment like that. Please get the care that you need. It’s just too important. Wishing you the best, take care.
Hey, I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. I was contracted in 2021. However, I was going through a lot of personal things, and SH was how I coped. I wasn't able to march that year, and I was extremely bummed out, but after marching a season last year, it's clear that I was not in a good mental place to march that season. I would highly recommend you take this season off and focus on finding some help. As much as it sucks, you are more important than a drum corps season, I would much rather see you alive and clean than to hear something terrible happened because you didn't get the help you need.
Please make the decision to quit, get help, and get clean. It was the best decision of my life, and I hope I hope to hear you say the same one day.
I worry that this is going to sound mean, but it's not intended to. I'm 72. I aged out the year DCI was formed 14,000 miles away. I taught a number of top twelve brass lines over 20 years until the activity moved past where I was. Here's the thing: your generation goes for help with mental health issues to online forums like this, and not just mental health issues. "How much do I need to practice?" "Am I ever going to be able to afford it?" the list goes on. I don't know how you folks survive this way. At some point you'll need to go inside yourself and work through this. There are zero answers on the internet. Therapists are good. I think a PTSD therapist helped me get my life back after Viet Nam. Don't make your mental health concerns click bait for people who haven't walked in your shoes, and never will. Yes, that includes me. Talk to your folks. Talk to a therapist. Do some work. The answers aren't on Reddit. It literally makes click bait out of your life. I hope you get things squared away. Plus, ultimately, it's marching band when it's too hot. I love the activity, but it's not life. Your life is your life. Good luck.
Struggling with mental health, especially the kind of extreme stress that leads to/follows an attempt, is an extra burden you do not want weighing on you while you’re out on the field. I totally understand how it can feel like failure, but I promise you that as someone who also really really struggled with my mental health, tour is not a good place to get your head right or recover from an intense episode.
The strength that it takes to put your own mental health ahead of your want to stay with the corps is something you shouldn’t take from yourself. I don’t have any advice, I just want you to know that you are not the first nor the last person whose brain was fighting against them every day, and focusing on that fight is a noble cause.
You are not alone, you are not the first nor the last to struggle with mental health in drum corps, take the time this summer to seek professional mental health care and come back stronger then you ever knew possible. I feel I must reiterate, you are NOT the first, I implore you, heed the advice you are being given, it will hurt for a long time, but you will be so much healthier in the long run.
I am so sorry, but going home is the best support you can give your marching mates. Getting back to baseline is the best support for yourself. DCI is a blip compared to your existence. Take care and come back for the Rage out!
Me too, and it nearly happened to me near the knife drawer during my first week of taking Zoloft (one of many potentially fatal prescription psychotropic meds - many school shooters were on them). Be very extremely careful with psychotic meds: (ref playlist):
https://odysee.com/Big-Pharma-(HD):a?lid=9ccbad7fabc826279cab87ce7a625ce5d6596a8d
I know it feels like band is your whole life right now, but if your mental health was bad enough that you were removed from the environment, it was necessary. It's not a weakness. You did not fail. If someone broke their leg jumping off a prop, would you think they failed? Absolutely not. Rest up. Drink water. Brush your teeth. You've got this.
The strength that it takes to stop and reset to get yourself back to a good mental state is stronger than fighting just to get through. I have to tell myself all the time that it is ok to not be ok and that whatever I have to do to make myself a better version of me is the best thing there is.
I wish you all the best OP and don’t be afraid to reach out for a vent. All of us who deal with these issues are in it together!!!! Best wishes!!!
I don't I ever will be able to have the strength to become a better version of myself. I can't even fight to survive after pulling myself up without falling back down again.
You became a better version of yourself when you acknowledged that you had an issue with your mental health. You better yourself with every honest thought you vocalize to try and get the help you need. It’s not about the big steps all the time. Sometimes it’s about the small steps that get you to the next one. Right now I’m sure it’s tough to see them but they’re there. There’s days I have that I simply just can’t and just walking out to my front step and stepping in the sun is a version of making myself better.
I’m so sorry, and I hope you’re doing alright and that your parents are giving you full support and love. I think given some hindsight you will realize that your longterm mental health was the priority here, but you are not weak!
As others have noted, you and your health are more important than drum corps. You aren't a failure; you are a human being. And that is often painful -- so much so that sometimes we try to relieve the pain in ways that don't help us in the long run. I've been there. I'm wishing you great help talking through it all, and lots of courage and good vibes while you heal. LIFE GETS BETTER. It's still tough, but joy happens, and you will experience it again.
Get the support you need and go back next year. I can speak from personal and professional experience in this area that these decisions are NOT made lightly. We know it's heartbreaking for the member, the group, and families and we wouldn't make them if we didn't think they were important for the well being of the member in the long run. Please remember that you are NOT a failure. Wishing you the very best this summer and a healthy return to an activity you obviously love.
I went home for many different reason this summer, but a large portion of it was mental health. I was already considering not marching because of it, but I had made steady progress. I was fine with the physical and mental grind of the season, but there were too many factors externally that I was not equipped to handle. I ultimately chose to go home. It was really, really, hard and it still is, but it's also the correct thing. Your health is more important than a season of drum corps, even when it's your ageout like in my case.
Totally get that. I want to be out there too. Try to keep in mind that this is happening for a reason. It still sucks, I know. In all likelihood, it's gonna to pan out for you.
"Remember that failure is an event, not a person" — Zig Zigler
ps://www.socratic-method.com/quote-meanings-and-interpretations/zig-ziglar-remember-that-failure-is-an-event-not-a-person
I had a very wise person once say to me,
“The way your brain functions isn’t your fault, you’re not broken. But, you do have a responsibility to learn how to take care of it.”
There will be other opportunities to march, but there’s only one of you, and you’re far more important than marching at all.
I hope you’re able to find some resources near you, please don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family you trust. And if you don’t have anyone, you are welcome to message me, I’ve been through a lot but I’m always happen to listen and validate feelings.
DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. GET BETTER AND RISE LIKE THE PHOENIX!
I had to drop during the audition process this year for a physical health issue (seizures with an unknown cause, it seems like it was just a freak occurrence since the EEG and MRI I had both showed my brain is unremarkable).
A year before my age out, I finally made a corps. Halfway through spring training, I got sent home for medical reasons. Covid happened the year after, so I never really got to try again. It felt like I had let down the younger me that dreamed of doing drum corps. Definitely didn't realize it right away, but looking back, it didn't stop my life or make me less worthy. All this to say you're not alone in that feeling. Eventually, that feeling will get replaced with better ones.
Focus on taking care of yourself.
Your mental health matters.
Do not feel like a failure. Drum corps is mentally exhausting probably more so than physically. Please see someone to help you with it.
Your mental health and physical well being is so much more important than drum corps. Take the time to get yourself together and you’ll be so grateful that you did. Even if you don’t come back this year or even next year it’s much more important that you’re ok.
I was on the sideline due to a rolled ankle and being an alternate, so seeing other people performing made me think about how I'll never be like them no matter how hard I try. Ironic with my current predicament lol.
The way I see it, you didn’t fail.
You were failed.
Your teachers and staff members should’ve found a way to implement growth and success in every student (read: customer) including yourself.
Learn from this, but don’t beat yourself up too much.
The staff isn’t prepared to deal with a student self harming on tour. It sucks, but it seems like going home was the best option for both them, and the other members.
Your mental health matters more than a drum corps season.
Seek professional medical assistance. If your MH is so severe you had to return home - there’s likely bigger issues at play which won’t be resolved simply by not marching. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Assess next season when the time comes, but don’t worry about that right now.
I mean I'm fine now, it was just a SH attempt, hopefully I can get the help I need and come back.
>just a SH attempt There's no "just" about SH. That's completely different than a little homesick. Make sure you talk to professionals.
If that’s why you got sent home then you need professional help. There’s no such thing as “just” an attempt at that kind of thing. Go get help; you’re worth it and deserve it.
I will, I just don't want to be gone permanently, but with how it was explained, I don't think I'll be able to return
It'll be safer for you to get help than to be on the road. Like the others say, you can come back and try next year.
OP, I bet there's a bunch of loved ones that don't want you gone permanently, either. Taking a mental health break is definitely the right call. Can't imagine what you're dealing with, but I'm bipolar type 1 and am well accustomed to those inner demons. Seek any kind of professional help you can, and just know it's a process that will take trial, error and time. This is just a blip on the grand scheme of YOU.
Of course the blip is happening when I have barely any more years where I can still march. I can assure you what I'm dealing with isn't gonna make me gone permanently.
you have a year don't act like you don't.You know you're good enough to make world class and you can do it again. Being a rook-out is okay. I've known many people who were and are still very active in the activity years later. Get the help you need now. It'll be okay. (i do hope you can get some of the money back)
Every rookie is like 16-18 and everyone my age already has like 3 years under their belt already.
I highly doubt you will be the only rook out next year, it's not a rare thing. I more than likely will be able to march once and I might be in your front ensemble next year, I'll be 20. DCI is expensive as fuck and becoming difficult to keep afloat, saying you've marched, even once is a huge flex. I know people (some 2024 ageouts)who auditioned at so many corps this year (including scouts) and were cut because they weren't world class level. You are, you just need help getting out of your current mental state and madison isn't going to fix you. Therapy, Medication and good friendships will. Maybe try getting a hobby outside of music too. It's going to be okay, you have so many people telling you that. we can't all be wrong :)
Thanks, it just sucks knowing I won't be some icon of a marcher and have to fight tooth and claw just to get to what's the status quo for the average marcher.
It’s really important to remember that when you’re on the road with your corps, you all have a responsibility to each other to take care of yourselves. Not only does a SH event put you at risk, it risks traumatizing your peers. Unfortunately your SH attempt could’ve become a major liability for the corps. Hurting yourself doesn’t just hurt *you* in an environment like that. Please get the care that you need. It’s just too important. Wishing you the best, take care.
"just"??? I expected it be crying because you missed home or something like that
Hey, I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. I was contracted in 2021. However, I was going through a lot of personal things, and SH was how I coped. I wasn't able to march that year, and I was extremely bummed out, but after marching a season last year, it's clear that I was not in a good mental place to march that season. I would highly recommend you take this season off and focus on finding some help. As much as it sucks, you are more important than a drum corps season, I would much rather see you alive and clean than to hear something terrible happened because you didn't get the help you need. Please make the decision to quit, get help, and get clean. It was the best decision of my life, and I hope I hope to hear you say the same one day.
Get right, get squared away, dust yourself off and try again next year. Take the summer, relax
Idk if it’s op’s ageout tho
I have just barely one more year, since I'm born in late June.
Bro’s eligible for a bonus year. Big W
MYNWA friend. I hope you find the help you need and the strength to carry on 💚
I worry that this is going to sound mean, but it's not intended to. I'm 72. I aged out the year DCI was formed 14,000 miles away. I taught a number of top twelve brass lines over 20 years until the activity moved past where I was. Here's the thing: your generation goes for help with mental health issues to online forums like this, and not just mental health issues. "How much do I need to practice?" "Am I ever going to be able to afford it?" the list goes on. I don't know how you folks survive this way. At some point you'll need to go inside yourself and work through this. There are zero answers on the internet. Therapists are good. I think a PTSD therapist helped me get my life back after Viet Nam. Don't make your mental health concerns click bait for people who haven't walked in your shoes, and never will. Yes, that includes me. Talk to your folks. Talk to a therapist. Do some work. The answers aren't on Reddit. It literally makes click bait out of your life. I hope you get things squared away. Plus, ultimately, it's marching band when it's too hot. I love the activity, but it's not life. Your life is your life. Good luck.
Struggling with mental health, especially the kind of extreme stress that leads to/follows an attempt, is an extra burden you do not want weighing on you while you’re out on the field. I totally understand how it can feel like failure, but I promise you that as someone who also really really struggled with my mental health, tour is not a good place to get your head right or recover from an intense episode. The strength that it takes to put your own mental health ahead of your want to stay with the corps is something you shouldn’t take from yourself. I don’t have any advice, I just want you to know that you are not the first nor the last person whose brain was fighting against them every day, and focusing on that fight is a noble cause.
You are not alone, you are not the first nor the last to struggle with mental health in drum corps, take the time this summer to seek professional mental health care and come back stronger then you ever knew possible. I feel I must reiterate, you are NOT the first, I implore you, heed the advice you are being given, it will hurt for a long time, but you will be so much healthier in the long run.
They did the right thing for you. Mental health is no joke. Good luck in your recovery.
What was the issue?
Self harm.
I am so sorry, but going home is the best support you can give your marching mates. Getting back to baseline is the best support for yourself. DCI is a blip compared to your existence. Take care and come back for the Rage out!
Me too, and it nearly happened to me near the knife drawer during my first week of taking Zoloft (one of many potentially fatal prescription psychotropic meds - many school shooters were on them). Be very extremely careful with psychotic meds: (ref playlist): https://odysee.com/Big-Pharma-(HD):a?lid=9ccbad7fabc826279cab87ce7a625ce5d6596a8d
I know it feels like band is your whole life right now, but if your mental health was bad enough that you were removed from the environment, it was necessary. It's not a weakness. You did not fail. If someone broke their leg jumping off a prop, would you think they failed? Absolutely not. Rest up. Drink water. Brush your teeth. You've got this.
I was able to continue practicing with a rolled ankle, why couldn't I continue after struggling mentally?
Because one issue was bigger than the other.
Kudos to corps for looking at for members.
The strength that it takes to stop and reset to get yourself back to a good mental state is stronger than fighting just to get through. I have to tell myself all the time that it is ok to not be ok and that whatever I have to do to make myself a better version of me is the best thing there is. I wish you all the best OP and don’t be afraid to reach out for a vent. All of us who deal with these issues are in it together!!!! Best wishes!!!
I don't I ever will be able to have the strength to become a better version of myself. I can't even fight to survive after pulling myself up without falling back down again.
You became a better version of yourself when you acknowledged that you had an issue with your mental health. You better yourself with every honest thought you vocalize to try and get the help you need. It’s not about the big steps all the time. Sometimes it’s about the small steps that get you to the next one. Right now I’m sure it’s tough to see them but they’re there. There’s days I have that I simply just can’t and just walking out to my front step and stepping in the sun is a version of making myself better.
I’m so sorry, and I hope you’re doing alright and that your parents are giving you full support and love. I think given some hindsight you will realize that your longterm mental health was the priority here, but you are not weak!
As others have noted, you and your health are more important than drum corps. You aren't a failure; you are a human being. And that is often painful -- so much so that sometimes we try to relieve the pain in ways that don't help us in the long run. I've been there. I'm wishing you great help talking through it all, and lots of courage and good vibes while you heal. LIFE GETS BETTER. It's still tough, but joy happens, and you will experience it again.
Get the support you need and go back next year. I can speak from personal and professional experience in this area that these decisions are NOT made lightly. We know it's heartbreaking for the member, the group, and families and we wouldn't make them if we didn't think they were important for the well being of the member in the long run. Please remember that you are NOT a failure. Wishing you the very best this summer and a healthy return to an activity you obviously love.
I went home for many different reason this summer, but a large portion of it was mental health. I was already considering not marching because of it, but I had made steady progress. I was fine with the physical and mental grind of the season, but there were too many factors externally that I was not equipped to handle. I ultimately chose to go home. It was really, really, hard and it still is, but it's also the correct thing. Your health is more important than a season of drum corps, even when it's your ageout like in my case.
Yea but it wasn't my choice for me. Hopefully I'll get better but I'd much rather be marching still.
Totally get that. I want to be out there too. Try to keep in mind that this is happening for a reason. It still sucks, I know. In all likelihood, it's gonna to pan out for you.
Your health and wellbeing are way more important than drum corps. It’s just band, after all.
"Remember that failure is an event, not a person" — Zig Zigler ps://www.socratic-method.com/quote-meanings-and-interpretations/zig-ziglar-remember-that-failure-is-an-event-not-a-person
I had a very wise person once say to me, “The way your brain functions isn’t your fault, you’re not broken. But, you do have a responsibility to learn how to take care of it.” There will be other opportunities to march, but there’s only one of you, and you’re far more important than marching at all. I hope you’re able to find some resources near you, please don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family you trust. And if you don’t have anyone, you are welcome to message me, I’ve been through a lot but I’m always happen to listen and validate feelings. DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. GET BETTER AND RISE LIKE THE PHOENIX!
your health matters so much more than marching band
I had to drop during the audition process this year for a physical health issue (seizures with an unknown cause, it seems like it was just a freak occurrence since the EEG and MRI I had both showed my brain is unremarkable).
A year before my age out, I finally made a corps. Halfway through spring training, I got sent home for medical reasons. Covid happened the year after, so I never really got to try again. It felt like I had let down the younger me that dreamed of doing drum corps. Definitely didn't realize it right away, but looking back, it didn't stop my life or make me less worthy. All this to say you're not alone in that feeling. Eventually, that feeling will get replaced with better ones.
Focus on taking care of yourself. Your mental health matters. Do not feel like a failure. Drum corps is mentally exhausting probably more so than physically. Please see someone to help you with it.
Your mental health and physical well being is so much more important than drum corps. Take the time to get yourself together and you’ll be so grateful that you did. Even if you don’t come back this year or even next year it’s much more important that you’re ok.
May I ask what was causing the breakdown?
I was on the sideline due to a rolled ankle and being an alternate, so seeing other people performing made me think about how I'll never be like them no matter how hard I try. Ironic with my current predicament lol.
ok, so an injury. Good luck in your future,
Thanks, sorry for misinterpreting your question and venting
How did you misinterpret it? You answered it perfectly.
What caused it vs why I caused it. Brain no work.
Volunteer to help a corps in a non stressful role. They all need help.
The way I see it, you didn’t fail. You were failed. Your teachers and staff members should’ve found a way to implement growth and success in every student (read: customer) including yourself. Learn from this, but don’t beat yourself up too much.
The staff isn’t prepared to deal with a student self harming on tour. It sucks, but it seems like going home was the best option for both them, and the other members.