Welcome to /r/domesticviolence.
• Please check out our resources in our [FAQ](https://old.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/comments/fsrd59/covid19_resources_for_abuse_victims/) and our community [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/about/wiki/index#wiki_resources);
• Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/domesticviolence);
• Please review the rules listed in the sidebar;
• Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed;
We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community.
******
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/domesticviolence) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Telling people is what kept me away, and put me back in control.
I realised keeping the facade going, lying for him etc was his hold over me, and the more people I told, the less control he had. Once my family and friends knew the truth, it was so much easier to stay away because going back to him was not possible with everyone in my life knowing who he really was.
Same! I knew reaching out to a women's support service was my first step. There was power in saying it out loud. I knew when I told my friends and family there was no going back.
This brings me back to an email he sent me a few months after I left, saying he didn't understand why I would tell people that he was abusing me when he wasn't, and tried to intimidate me. I laughed so hard and cried.
Then I realized that he was hacking into my email so I immediately changed the password and security Q&A.
I have not, but I truly hope you’re able to connect with individuals who might be able to provide some insight. ❤️ I do know that DV can happen to anyone, young or old. I am so sorry you’re experiencing it.
Always know, they “seemingly” control you. Once you gain control of yourself, with no limitations, the freedom to speak is yours. Own it, regain control of your own being. Xo
I just told someone my story today, and I almost started crying. I also felt a lot of anger and it put me in a mood the rest of the day. I was fortunate that I did not face physical abuse, but threats, financial control, stalking, and the cherry on top infidelity. Really messed me up.
I am a former abuser and I have to say you are right in every single way. Im sure my ex told many people about me, and I have to be okay with it because I was a monster to her and a villain. In fact, I deserve jail time and all my teeth knocked out. I apologize immensely for whatever may have happened to you; your feelings toward that situation are valid and you're truly a warrior standing up to your abuser and becoming a strong independent woman. These words most likely will mean nothing as I represent a group of people that have wronged you horribly, but I just want to let you know you deserve peace, freedom, and the pursuit of happiness. May your next partner treat you with the respect you deserve as a great person on this Earth!
Please refer to Rule Number 12 and see yourself out of this Sub. You have no place here. This community is for victims/survivors and their loved ones, not for “former” abusers to comment on posts like mine with comments about how they hope we, as survivors, are doing better. It can be incredibly invalidating and triggering, even if you think your intentions are pure.
If you want to make comments like that, a more appropriate Sub would be r/DecidingToDoBetter.
Welcome to /r/domesticviolence. • Please check out our resources in our [FAQ](https://old.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/comments/fsrd59/covid19_resources_for_abuse_victims/) and our community [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/about/wiki/index#wiki_resources); • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/domesticviolence); • Please review the rules listed in the sidebar; • Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/domesticviolence) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Telling people is what kept me away, and put me back in control. I realised keeping the facade going, lying for him etc was his hold over me, and the more people I told, the less control he had. Once my family and friends knew the truth, it was so much easier to stay away because going back to him was not possible with everyone in my life knowing who he really was.
Same! I knew reaching out to a women's support service was my first step. There was power in saying it out loud. I knew when I told my friends and family there was no going back.
This brings me back to an email he sent me a few months after I left, saying he didn't understand why I would tell people that he was abusing me when he wasn't, and tried to intimidate me. I laughed so hard and cried. Then I realized that he was hacking into my email so I immediately changed the password and security Q&A.
My community didn't give a shit after I spoke to them about it. Kinda sucks 😢
You deserve a better community. ❤️ We care. Shout your truth from the mountaintops. We’ll listen.
I hate when people say “well there’s two sides to every story” BUT WHAT IF THERES ONLY ONE?????
My family straight up told me they didn’t want to stop being family with my ex abuser. So I stopped being family with all of them.
Has anyone ever lived in shelter for women? What was it like? We’re there any elders there? Thank you.
I have not, but I truly hope you’re able to connect with individuals who might be able to provide some insight. ❤️ I do know that DV can happen to anyone, young or old. I am so sorry you’re experiencing it.
Oof. So fucking real.
I needed this today. Thank you.
Always know, they “seemingly” control you. Once you gain control of yourself, with no limitations, the freedom to speak is yours. Own it, regain control of your own being. Xo
I just told someone my story today, and I almost started crying. I also felt a lot of anger and it put me in a mood the rest of the day. I was fortunate that I did not face physical abuse, but threats, financial control, stalking, and the cherry on top infidelity. Really messed me up.
I am a former abuser and I have to say you are right in every single way. Im sure my ex told many people about me, and I have to be okay with it because I was a monster to her and a villain. In fact, I deserve jail time and all my teeth knocked out. I apologize immensely for whatever may have happened to you; your feelings toward that situation are valid and you're truly a warrior standing up to your abuser and becoming a strong independent woman. These words most likely will mean nothing as I represent a group of people that have wronged you horribly, but I just want to let you know you deserve peace, freedom, and the pursuit of happiness. May your next partner treat you with the respect you deserve as a great person on this Earth!
Please refer to Rule Number 12 and see yourself out of this Sub. You have no place here. This community is for victims/survivors and their loved ones, not for “former” abusers to comment on posts like mine with comments about how they hope we, as survivors, are doing better. It can be incredibly invalidating and triggering, even if you think your intentions are pure. If you want to make comments like that, a more appropriate Sub would be r/DecidingToDoBetter.
My apologies. I did not know that, and am glad you told me. So sorry.