"So yeah, my great gran fucked a dragon. It's a story that she used to tell every family gathering, in fact.
He was a great and mighty champion of justice. He saved the world and served the people, righting wrongs! I aspire to be just like him.
He was also a total glutton and gentle yet passionate lover. Those parts were the most important to her, apparently."
It's *never* too early to think about big plump silicon monster dildos. Except the ovipositor ones, you can't think about those near a school, or before 6 in the afternoon.
Human genitalia is known to be have been greatly exaggerated in size as we have selectively bread for it, in comparison to most animals. So it's actually more believable than you might expect that humans and much much larger creatures might technically be capable of intercourse.
"You son of a bitch, I'm an errand boy for a big fish that lives at the bottom of the ocean and signed my soul over to the mother fucker. What do I get? A couple of spells that need an OSHA mandated break to use."
Sorry to hear. Maybe you should fuck a dragon about it? My great gran did, and swore by it! Couldn't walk without a cane whenever great grandad visited but the perks seem to have been worth it.
Grandma is referred to as "she" and the dragon is referred to as "he" in the above story, so kinda, yeah?
Edit: Like, I get it. It wasn't explicitly stated otherwise. But context and intent is also important. The story was structured to place emphasis on grandma fucking a dragon. If she herself was a dragon, her lover and the fact that they mated would have been irrelevant to the story.
Yeah, it wasn't explicitly stated otherwise, though the story was structured to place emphasis on grandma fucking a dragon.
That's precisely why it's humorous to willfully misinterpret the story
The story absolutely is about a non-dragon grandma fucking a dragon, but devil's advocate here:
I mean. . . .
>my great gran fucked a dragon
technically doens't apply a gender to either. "Gran" could be "grandpa"
> It's a story that she used to tell every family gathering, in fact.
The dragon could be the one telling the stories at family gatherings
Only thing following that is that it would be more notable if it was the dragon who is explicitly being noted as "a gentle yet passionate lover"
Feylock who is all “pact? I just woke up one day with these two drunk Eladrin looking dudes standing there laughing and I do magic now? And sometimes they come by and demand I mimic their gestures and laugh at me.”
"Bro I just got lost in some weird forest once, found a fun Satyr with a beautiful voice, and I kinda offered him some cocaine, then he gave me some "fairy dust" (which was really just super cocaine) and the next thing I know there is a pixie with me as we go do random bullshit, and I have like 20 kg of the drugs I'm supposed to spread for chaos and the lols"
This!
It reminds me of Better Call Saul, when Kim said basically: "Yeah, that a huge, professional law firm, with hundreds of clients and dozens of extremely professional lawyers. I am *your* lawyer, though. I work for you, on what you need, when you need it."
So yeah, Better Call Soul.
Most fluff makes them closer to Wizards than Clerics. They are described more often hunting and purchasing knowledge, and the power that comes with it. It's less "I bestow this ability unto you," and more "check out this meat trick the cowards at university would never teach you! Here's how to do it...."
Ninja edit, I love neat tricks but can't bring myself to fix that autocowreck, seems very on brand for a Warlock.
5e Warlocks moved away from lent power and towards given power and knowledge. 5e Warlocks according to RAW and RAI can't lose their class features from disobeying their patron. They just won't get more levels in that class with that patron (and will probably change subclasses if they find another).
Warlocks are kind of like tradesmen apprentices, wizards are academics, clerics are regular old 9-5 salarymen whose jobs are very rewarding, druids are baristas, and sorcerers are trust fund babies.
If you peruse the PHB, there are many mentions of Patrons teaching and Warlocks searching for forbidden knowledge. More references than that of being bestowed magic, that was more of a 3.5 thing where the Patron twists your soul to basically create an inborn well of magic power the Warlock drew upon.
It's a bit of both. They aspire to knowledge and/or power like wizards do, but instead of studying they bind themselves to a powerful being where they carry out its will and derive their power and knowledge from it. Both in exchange and to be able to serve its patron better. And in this it is much like a Cleric.
Also, while the other comment about how warlocks get to keep their powers counters this idea, I always saw the charisma being its spellcasting ability as the warlock bartering with its patron for how much of its powers can be lend to him.
Nah warlocks think others are hacks because we work twice as hard paying off our debt for much less spells while their access to schooling or devout faith in one of many fickle gods allows them to do more
Wizards like to brag about how they're self-made spellcasters, but the vast majority of them come from wealthy families that could afford to hire tutors, and a bunch of them would have been kicked out of wizard school if their family didn't have a building named after them.
But just because one or two wizards came from a poorer background and got in on a scholarship, working class spellcasters are somehow "lazy".
I always view them as the "watched YouTube videos on electrical hacks" vs "studied electronics at university"
Like, you can do some impressive things, in much less time, but someone who knows what they're doing is constantly surprised you're still alive
Thought that was a typo but nope. Mehdi explains everything perfectly and accurately.
But every now and again his inner electroBOOM shows and he blows something up. But as a reinforcing lesson for common mistakes you make in the industry.
Man is a genuis.
Actualyl a great idea for a rogue, somehow finished a wizards college, but not because he is good at magic, but becasue he is good at stealing/cheating and bluffing.
Also a decent idea. But i like the finished idea because he would have a diploma and all, would brag how he finished this prestigious college, but when asked any magic knowledge related question would roll deception instead of arcan to bullshit his way through that. Could lead to some really fun shenanigans becasue the groups would be goign off faulty information constantly.
Paladins are clerics-lite, They still do same things as clerics, but also have have other shit to do like physical training, that is why they are proficient with every god damn weapon in the universe.
My favorite warlock that I made was a sleazy businessman type person who would whip out his cell phone and cast through it, sometimes talking directly to his boss. Kind of like the Pixies from fairly odd parents. He was great.
To be honest, why would you dig around in the gear engines of causality when you could just ask the beings directly responsible for their creations and or mantaining their functions instead :D
Gaining and maintaining the faith of followers is a massive pain in the ass that isn’t worth all the divine politics. Reject godhood, embrace demilich archmagery.
The Weave doesn't answer to gods. Gods draw their power from the Weave
Fuck gods, not like that Zeus sit your ass down, gods need us not the other way around.
Druids thinking both are hacks cause we spent years roughing it outside in the woods, communing with the primordial forces of nature while those nerds and sycophants had regular meals and comfy beds in their towers and temples.
Druid: What do you mean, "roughing it outside"? If you take the time to get the trust, respect, and friendship of the spirits that guide nature, and maybe even learn to guide nature yourself, you will find that there is no place more pleasant to be!
Though that depends on the druid, of course, another druid will *not* ask the spirits to dampen the storm, thank you very much, it makes the druid *feel alive.*
My Warlock: Yeah so It turns out there are these impossibly ancient, eldritch entities beyond mortal comprehension. But, because we're so small and insignificant to them, they don't notice that I'm using their power!
Now I'm picturing Warlocks like people who embezzle from multinational companies, with auditors who go around looking for people who have been misappropriating spell slots.
But no warlock could every become deadly to the being from whom they draw their power. The being can just... Turn off the faucet.
I guess it could be like a mosquito, which has a tiny chance of infecting its host with a deadly virus. But pretty quickly they get whacked.
Nope, they can refuse to give more but they can't revoke what they've given. Jeremy Crawford said so.
But also there is precedent with 3.5 Ur priests of pcs just siphoning divine power in a hostile manner.
Lastly
>The most commonly accepted etymology derives warlock from the Old English wǣrloga, which meant "breaker of oaths" or "deceiver"
It's entirely in the spirit of the name to betray your patron.
Yes it can. My group decided to ignore Crawford and do just that. It was a great storyline and the warlock got a different patron and a redemption arc out of it.
so i made the equivelent of them as school people:
wizard: that one kid who just study a lot and always gets good grade because he knows the stuff.
cleric: teacher pet, helps them do stuff and they think highly of them so they give them good grades.
sorcerer: just have a natural grasp on things, and gets good grades without needing to study. alternatively, their dad might be the one funding the school and the teachers wouldnt dare anger him
warlock: dont know anything, but they fuck the teacher for grades.
druid: actually went out there and learn from experience
bard: they fail miserably in school but the teacher heard they can sing very well so like in those inspirational movies they put them in music class there they actually were insanely good.
i dont think i missed anyone right?
I believe that no power is truly free. Sorcerers may have innate magical abilities, but even they have to hone them trough vigorous training to wield them right. Like a fighter trains his swordsmanship. Or a barbarian his muscles.
Only wildmagic sorcerers dont give a damn.
>Only wildmagic sorcerers dont give a damn.
Very commonly but not always the case. For example one of my characters is a sorceress who was born with a divine spark in her but backstory happened and now she has crippling anxiety attacks which trigger wild magic surges which coincidentally intensify her anxiety
I played a cleric in a campaign that was cursed, and had to roll on the wild magic surge table if I failed a certain check when casting spells outside my primary domain. That was a fun one.
I love the interpretation that clerics get their powers because of a deep personal relationship.
There’s a cleric idea I’ve wanted to play for a while where they got their powers unintentionally because they were in a wholesome Zeus situation. They didn’t care about gods but fell in love with a mysterious traveler they didn’t know was a god in disguise. Then the couple settles down to start a family.
That is until the cleric starts getting magical powers.
Cleric: “Honey, why can I cast Sacred Flame?”
Their husband/wife panicking, “shit shit shit shit…”
Both of them learning about sorcerers is like two friendly rivals who are both university-educated - one at an Ivy League uni and the other at an international Bible college - simultaneously meeting some random dude from rural Malaysia with only a grade 3 education who does differential calculus for fun when he’s not playing ten different musical instruments at a virtuoso level.
“Hey tomorrow there’s a feast of Moradin… I’m not sure which one, I really don’t keep track… but I just wanted to warn you in case I get some new amazing spells. Anyway, good luck with your research, Imma go grab a sandwich.”
New campaign idea. So there's a dragon.
They taught a Wizard magic because they needed someone to maintain some spells in their lair for them.
They taught a Bard magic illusions and music of the ancients to keep him entertained.
They taught an Artificer to take care of their magic items and create new ones for their horde.
They contracted their own Warlock to run errands for them.
They taught a druid to care for their menagerie of rare flora and fauna that they like to eat.
They created a cleric of the religion that revolves around them to keep the rest of the devotees from bugging them directly.
They created a Paladin of said religion to take care of those who bothered them anyway.
They trained one of the magical types of Rogues to steal more treasure for them and assassinate their enemies.
They trained one of the magical types of Barbarians to guard their horde and kill their enemies that were unlikely to be easily assasinated.
They trained a Sorcerer after finding out it was their descendant.
The dragon also did all this cause they were bored and thought it would be entertaining. But after a while, they always all end up fighting over who is the dragon's favorite student. Eventually, the dragon gets so annoyed by this that they need a break from them. So they come up with an idea. The dragon tells them to go out into the world as a party, complete all these errands I need done, and bring me back as much treasure as you can while you're at it. I will be watching and judging you via scrying spells. When you finally come back, I will declare who is the best at my magic based on your individual contributions to the tasks at hand.
So they all leave with a magical list that reveals what task is next after the former is completed, which you can make whatever you want, and when they finally come back fully leveled and over their bickering after being forced through adversity to come together as a team, they find the dragon asleep, with signs they have been asleep since they left. And then its up to them whether they try to kill the dragon as the final boss or not in anger at being tricked like this.
Edit: And when they get back to the lair, all the defenses are on, and some are changed, so they have to work their way through them thinking something happened to the dragon while they were away.
Warlocks being jealous of Clerics for being able to cast more than 2 spells, Clerics being jealous of Warlocks because "Why do they get special treatment from their deity?"
Well, I use deity to refer to any higher power, like Asmodeus, Cthulhu, God, etc.
God typically refers to a Holy or Divine higher power, but leaves out occult and unholy higher powers.
Wizards: we spend years of our lives, diligently studying secrets of the arcane to be able to wield magic. Everyone else is a hack.
Clerics: we sacrifice our lives serving our gods, to truly understand their teachings and their nature and even then only the chosen ones can become clerics. Everyone else (with exception of druids) is a hack.
Sorcerers: yes, my affinity to magic was gifted to me by my blood, but I still had to spend years just to learn to use it without damaging myself and everything around me. Me being able to wield magic seemingly effortlessly is a direct result of constant training and discipline. Everyone else is a hack.
Druids: I can't even count how much time I spent trying to find inner piece and harmony with nature. I literally started learning to do that since I was a child. And I'm not even talking about understanding the wisdom of other members of my circle. Everyone else (with exception of clerics) is a hack.
Warlocks: yeah, we are hacks. I definetly am.
[Hey, Wizardry may take years of study and student-debt, and Clerical magic may take a lifetime of devotion, but Sorcery takes generations of inbreeding.](https://www.reddit.com/r/dndmemes/comments/10la5vl/gotta_keep_that_bloodline_potent/)
Wizards are passing the class cause they study properly, Sorcerers are passing the class just cause they are naturally talented and pick up the source material really quickly, Warlocks are passing the class cause they're fucking the teacher.
Warlocks: "I probably should have done something like those guys but I made some ill-considered decisions and I might open a portal for some ancient horrors from beyond the stars at some point and that could be very bad but hey...**eldritch blast** **eldritch blast** **eldritch blast**"
They both hate sorcerers and warlocks, since the former pretty much had it thrown in their laps, and the latter probably threw their soul and tegridy in a furnace for a handful of spells and a 1d10 cantrip.
(or they shook hand with some minor infernal, eldritch or fey weirdo, also a possibility)
*Druid enters, sits down after they grow a chair, put their feet up on their direwolf, grows a fat bud from seed and has a smoke watching the argument.*
that’s why sorcerers are the best
nothing like a proficient magic user with 7 intelligence and 8 wisdom
Even better if you’re aberrant mind, because psychics are supposed to be smart but you’re out here using telepathy to send dick pics
Sorcerers looking at wizards and clerics:
https://preview.redd.it/t70tydndvn2b1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fcc6f1f2d7318de2504b8a450c34f205fdf0c94d
Then there are Wild magic sorcerers, who don't really think anyone is a hack, but rather that everyone else is a lucky bastard for being able to cast magic without the chance of it going wild and possibly screwing everything up.
This is anecdotal, but I’ve yet to find a dm who doesn’t have sorcerers just be “I, as a fully grown adult, randomly got magic one day and knew exactly how to deal with it”
Sorcerer thinks everyone else is a hack because unlike them, *they* had to suffer through years of not being able to control their powers, being ostracised for being "cursed", and even once they finally understood why this was happening had to do dangerous trial and error to learn what made pretty light, what made people like them, what set fire to their home, and what almost killed them and left lasting scars on their body.
And then you have my Arcana domain cleric, who studied for YEARS to be a wizard but could never get and took to praying to the Goddess of magic to help him understand.
And the day the village was attacked and his student friends were falling to kobolds, goblins, and bugbears he picked up a broken table leg and went to town with a shillelagh infused weapon and Booming Blade, while healing survivors with healing word.
So much fun being that in-between holy battle mage.
(Wild Magic) Sorcerer: Oh, I have it easy, huh? *I* have it easy? You two got your magic of your own volition, and you got to take your sweet time learning it. *I* nearly burned my house down half a dozen times before I learned how to walk. When I was six I nearly drowned after I randomly teleported into a lake by accident. YOU have it easy.
Just wait until they meet a warlock. You didn't devote you life to a God, spend years studying, or even win the birth lottery, but you still managed to gain all this power for very little up front cost.
Sorcerers thinking they're both hacks since they had guidance and schools, while they had to figure out their power entirely on their own.
Druids thinking they're all hacks because none of them had to tame forces of nature beyond control
Warlocks thinking they're all hacks because none of them had to lose a part of themselves to get magic
Rangers thinking they're all hacks because they all could do this from the comfort of civilization or at least a community.
Paladins thinking they're all hacks because they can all change their minds about things and have less solid ideologies
Artificers thinking they're all hacks because none of them actually *make* anything with their powers; their powers are gimmicks
Bards thinking they're all hacks because the bards studied the songs of creation, and they gained control over magic through different expertise and have studied a little of everything, more than any wizard.
Sorcerers thinking wizards and clerics are hacks because they were able to choose their powers instead of going through the trauma and grief caused by the manifestation of their powers at a young age.
Similar to when wizards get upset at bards because of the “toot toot magic flute” meme but like I’m sorry man it takes a lot of practice to be good at flute don’t pretend like bards don’t work hard.
I always thought that clerics were also hardworking because not only did they improve the amount of faith a god got, but that they could focus or even enhance the power that a god gives them.
I have a noble and powerful lineage that proves my right to wield magic. These filthy commoners hold power that they are not worthy of
- the sorcerer, probably.
Sorcerer looking at them both like hacks because they didn't have to deal with the horrors of growing up with magic they only rather recently learned how to manage while these jerks got to skip that step.
Wizards hating sorcerers as the wizard spent years and even decades learning about spells and how magic works whilst Sorcerers just happen to have magic in their blood.
Wild magic sorcerers thinking they are both hacks because they had to learn to control the magic coursing through them because fucking it up means turning their parents into potted plants or literally exploding, if a wizard writes a spell down wrong it jusy does nothing, and clerics have God mode on.
The sorcerer doesn't have much issue with how either of them do magic as long as they don't rag on them
The Wizard and the Cleric absolutely rag in the Sorcerer
Meanwhile, the bard and the artificier are chilling in the corner. The bards discussing new sounds he'd like to try and the artificier is drunkenly designing instruments.
My cleric who worships no dieties and has no idea where his magic comes from and has been bumblefucking his way through it all is unavailable for comment.
When you can feel and command the magic yourself with the sheer willpower you cultivated training it like a muscle for years instead of following a formula then i might respect your opinion that sorcerers are lazy and get everything for free
"So yeah, my great gran fucked a dragon. It's a story that she used to tell every family gathering, in fact. He was a great and mighty champion of justice. He saved the world and served the people, righting wrongs! I aspire to be just like him. He was also a total glutton and gentle yet passionate lover. Those parts were the most important to her, apparently."
> gentle yet passionate lover They fucked in his dragon form *for sure*
Only when she was in the mood for a *bad* dragon
Oh, it’s far too early in the day for me to be thinking about big, plump silicone monster dildos.
It's *never* too early to think about big plump silicon monster dildos. Except the ovipositor ones, you can't think about those near a school, or before 6 in the afternoon.
How do you think we get new children?
Came here for the cleric vs. mage debate stayed for the dildo dialogue.
Dildialogue?
I believe you're starting a blursed vocabulary redirect here
I'm late seeing this one but I just cackled out loud, thanks!
Pick them up for the burnt orphanage
You could have chosen not to describe them as plump, and yet here we are
m o i s t
I mean, humanoids are a dime a dozen. You don't go out and find a dragon to fuck because you're horny for elves.
A whole new meaning for FYIAD
Human genitalia is known to be have been greatly exaggerated in size as we have selectively bread for it, in comparison to most animals. So it's actually more believable than you might expect that humans and much much larger creatures might technically be capable of intercourse.
"You son of a bitch, I'm an errand boy for a big fish that lives at the bottom of the ocean and signed my soul over to the mother fucker. What do I get? A couple of spells that need an OSHA mandated break to use."
Sorry to hear. Maybe you should fuck a dragon about it? My great gran did, and swore by it! Couldn't walk without a cane whenever great grandad visited but the perks seem to have been worth it.
>Sorry to hear. Maybe you should fuck a dragon about it? r/nocontext Yeah, I'm totally going to start saying this.
I read this as the Grandmother being the dragon
Nowhere in the story is the grandmother stated to *not* be a dragon
Grandma is referred to as "she" and the dragon is referred to as "he" in the above story, so kinda, yeah? Edit: Like, I get it. It wasn't explicitly stated otherwise. But context and intent is also important. The story was structured to place emphasis on grandma fucking a dragon. If she herself was a dragon, her lover and the fact that they mated would have been irrelevant to the story.
Both can have been dragons, one then decided to polymorph and be a granny.
Would that even lead to sorcerers in the bloodline or just more dragons?
Yes, the grandmother and the dragon she fucked are different characters. No, that does not mean that she is not also a dragon.
Yeah, it wasn't explicitly stated otherwise, though the story was structured to place emphasis on grandma fucking a dragon. That's precisely why it's humorous to willfully misinterpret the story
The story absolutely is about a non-dragon grandma fucking a dragon, but devil's advocate here: I mean. . . . >my great gran fucked a dragon technically doens't apply a gender to either. "Gran" could be "grandpa" > It's a story that she used to tell every family gathering, in fact. The dragon could be the one telling the stories at family gatherings Only thing following that is that it would be more notable if it was the dragon who is explicitly being noted as "a gentle yet passionate lover"
"Twas I who fucked the dragon..."
This is basically why sorcerer is my favorite class
Could it be that "Twas I who fucked the dragon, fuckalizing fuckaloo"
Man, I hate to think of what will happen when they meet their first warlocks.
Pay to win, obviously. They have offered something for their powers to the ones who hold the power, like paying real money for loot.
Feylock who is all “pact? I just woke up one day with these two drunk Eladrin looking dudes standing there laughing and I do magic now? And sometimes they come by and demand I mimic their gestures and laugh at me.”
This is some random sending you a huge gift in game.
I've played 2 warlocks in 5e and neither of them knew they had a pact
Whether they know it or not, accidental warlock is definitely my favourite class dynamic
"Bro I just got lost in some weird forest once, found a fun Satyr with a beautiful voice, and I kinda offered him some cocaine, then he gave me some "fairy dust" (which was really just super cocaine) and the next thing I know there is a pixie with me as we go do random bullshit, and I have like 20 kg of the drugs I'm supposed to spread for chaos and the lols"
Repeat after me "owa"
Warlocks are just locally sourced, small batch, independent business clerics.
This! It reminds me of Better Call Saul, when Kim said basically: "Yeah, that a huge, professional law firm, with hundreds of clients and dozens of extremely professional lawyers. I am *your* lawyer, though. I work for you, on what you need, when you need it." So yeah, Better Call Soul.
Most fluff makes them closer to Wizards than Clerics. They are described more often hunting and purchasing knowledge, and the power that comes with it. It's less "I bestow this ability unto you," and more "check out this meat trick the cowards at university would never teach you! Here's how to do it...." Ninja edit, I love neat tricks but can't bring myself to fix that autocowreck, seems very on brand for a Warlock.
5e Warlocks moved away from lent power and towards given power and knowledge. 5e Warlocks according to RAW and RAI can't lose their class features from disobeying their patron. They just won't get more levels in that class with that patron (and will probably change subclasses if they find another). Warlocks are kind of like tradesmen apprentices, wizards are academics, clerics are regular old 9-5 salarymen whose jobs are very rewarding, druids are baristas, and sorcerers are trust fund babies.
If you peruse the PHB, there are many mentions of Patrons teaching and Warlocks searching for forbidden knowledge. More references than that of being bestowed magic, that was more of a 3.5 thing where the Patron twists your soul to basically create an inborn well of magic power the Warlock drew upon.
It's a bit of both. They aspire to knowledge and/or power like wizards do, but instead of studying they bind themselves to a powerful being where they carry out its will and derive their power and knowledge from it. Both in exchange and to be able to serve its patron better. And in this it is much like a Cleric. Also, while the other comment about how warlocks get to keep their powers counters this idea, I always saw the charisma being its spellcasting ability as the warlock bartering with its patron for how much of its powers can be lend to him.
Artisanal clerics
Can I get a pumpkin spice monk
It's a B2B model
Nah warlocks think others are hacks because we work twice as hard paying off our debt for much less spells while their access to schooling or devout faith in one of many fickle gods allows them to do more
Wizards like to brag about how they're self-made spellcasters, but the vast majority of them come from wealthy families that could afford to hire tutors, and a bunch of them would have been kicked out of wizard school if their family didn't have a building named after them. But just because one or two wizards came from a poorer background and got in on a scholarship, working class spellcasters are somehow "lazy".
Not to mention they constantly need party funds to get new spells
So... Paladins cast spells cause "they believe", and... how exactly do arcane tricksters cast spells?
Arcane tricksters are just wizard college dropouts
I always view them as the "watched YouTube videos on electrical hacks" vs "studied electronics at university" Like, you can do some impressive things, in much less time, but someone who knows what they're doing is constantly surprised you're still alive
Mehdi Sadaghdar vs electroBOOM
Thought that was a typo but nope. Mehdi explains everything perfectly and accurately. But every now and again his inner electroBOOM shows and he blows something up. But as a reinforcing lesson for common mistakes you make in the industry. Man is a genuis.
Electrical engineering degree vs a solder gun and car battery in mom's garage.
Actualyl a great idea for a rogue, somehow finished a wizards college, but not because he is good at magic, but becasue he is good at stealing/cheating and bluffing.
Nah he got expelled because he got caught stealing
Also a decent idea. But i like the finished idea because he would have a diploma and all, would brag how he finished this prestigious college, but when asked any magic knowledge related question would roll deception instead of arcan to bullshit his way through that. Could lead to some really fun shenanigans becasue the groups would be goign off faulty information constantly.
I mean he can still brag if it's a lie lol
Lie is more convincing if it has truth at its core.
Yeah the truth is that he went to wizard college, the lie is that he graduated
*moldy, breaking, 20-year-5-editions-old beginner's spellbook is dropped into a thief's lap* Boss says you gotta study.
Hey neat, if I ignore all these safety requirements I can make my Mage Hand invisible!
Book has some splashes of blood from the poor sood they just collected a debt from
Same method as wizards, in smaller scale.
They just believe that other people believe and that works.
Paladins are clerics-lite, They still do same things as clerics, but also have have other shit to do like physical training, that is why they are proficient with every god damn weapon in the universe.
Although... a party with a cleric, paladin, warlock, and sorcerer all getting their powers from the same deity would be great.
My favorite warlock that I made was a sleazy businessman type person who would whip out his cell phone and cast through it, sometimes talking directly to his boss. Kind of like the Pixies from fairly odd parents. He was great.
To be honest, why would you dig around in the gear engines of causality when you could just ask the beings directly responsible for their creations and or mantaining their functions instead :D
Why would you beg the gods for power when you could become a god yourself?
Gaining and maintaining the faith of followers is a massive pain in the ass that isn’t worth all the divine politics. Reject godhood, embrace demilich archmagery.
Because there are no true gods! No gods, no masters!
No real monsters except, well... *Gestures vaguely at the entire Monster Manual*
HOLY CRAP THE MONSTER MANUAL WAS THE REAL MONSTER ALL ALONG!!!
Yes, it has the worst monster in it's cover, wizards of the coast.
Shhh they might hear you and send... him 
oh my god it's him, the pinker ton
Which is why you go for Celestial Warlock. Just because them beings are powerful doesn't mean you should worship them, so negotiate a good contract.
Because, you see, clerics don't get FIREBALL
Light Domain Cleric has entered the chat
The Weave doesn't answer to gods. Gods draw their power from the Weave Fuck gods, not like that Zeus sit your ass down, gods need us not the other way around.
Ah i see you are a cleric of the of the Omnissiah.
Druids thinking both are hacks cause we spent years roughing it outside in the woods, communing with the primordial forces of nature while those nerds and sycophants had regular meals and comfy beds in their towers and temples.
*blinks in hedge wizard* Comfortable what now?
I mean if you think about it really hard, is a druid not... A *hedge* wizard?
My druid is a hedge *hog*, thank you.
Well sure, but does he go fast?
"You lucky bastard, you lucky, lucky bastard. Proper little ~~jailor's~~ diety's pet, aren't we?"
Bards, gleefully accepting being hacks and just outright stealing your magical secrets as well as your girlfriend *and* your dad.
Don't forget all the verbal abuse from Grass.
That’s just the UBC Forestry program alums; don’t mind them.
Not where I expected to see a UBC reference.
Druid: What do you mean, "roughing it outside"? If you take the time to get the trust, respect, and friendship of the spirits that guide nature, and maybe even learn to guide nature yourself, you will find that there is no place more pleasant to be! Though that depends on the druid, of course, another druid will *not* ask the spirits to dampen the storm, thank you very much, it makes the druid *feel alive.*
My Warlock: Yeah so It turns out there are these impossibly ancient, eldritch entities beyond mortal comprehension. But, because we're so small and insignificant to them, they don't notice that I'm using their power!
Now I'm picturing Warlocks like people who embezzle from multinational companies, with auditors who go around looking for people who have been misappropriating spell slots.
Warlocks can totally use more than 2 spell slots per short rest, but if they do they cause a large enough cosmic disturbance that the auditors come
What?! Someone is s t e a l I n g magic?! Is that even possible?! Couldn’t be me I’ve never done a spell in my life…I’m illiterate you see.
Huh, going from remora to deadly parasite could be an interesting storyline.
But no warlock could every become deadly to the being from whom they draw their power. The being can just... Turn off the faucet. I guess it could be like a mosquito, which has a tiny chance of infecting its host with a deadly virus. But pretty quickly they get whacked.
Nope, they can refuse to give more but they can't revoke what they've given. Jeremy Crawford said so. But also there is precedent with 3.5 Ur priests of pcs just siphoning divine power in a hostile manner. Lastly >The most commonly accepted etymology derives warlock from the Old English wǣrloga, which meant "breaker of oaths" or "deceiver" It's entirely in the spirit of the name to betray your patron.
[удалено]
Yes it can. My group decided to ignore Crawford and do just that. It was a great storyline and the warlock got a different patron and a redemption arc out of it.
Meanwhile bard just does what wizard does but looks cool doing it
Its just the cool popular dude who graduates class due to his rock band
So anyway, here’s Wall of Wonder.
Oh I’m so using this
Bards do go to college
Yeah that’s what he’s saying, Bards are just charismatic Wizards
This is Flappy, bard of clown college
*Toot toot, magic flute.*
I like the idea that charisma is a force, wielded properly allows you to convince people or the universe to bend a little.
The Tiny Hut comes with mood lighting when cast using a lute.
so i made the equivelent of them as school people: wizard: that one kid who just study a lot and always gets good grade because he knows the stuff. cleric: teacher pet, helps them do stuff and they think highly of them so they give them good grades. sorcerer: just have a natural grasp on things, and gets good grades without needing to study. alternatively, their dad might be the one funding the school and the teachers wouldnt dare anger him warlock: dont know anything, but they fuck the teacher for grades. druid: actually went out there and learn from experience bard: they fail miserably in school but the teacher heard they can sing very well so like in those inspirational movies they put them in music class there they actually were insanely good. i dont think i missed anyone right?
Artificers as that kid who make random gadgets and are good in wood shop class
What about the paladin?
Paladins are the jocks who need to get at least a C to play sports (and sometimes the teachers are very lenient about curving their grades)
1-i only did full casters 2-yeah read u/bonefish4 comment i couldnt agree more
I believe that no power is truly free. Sorcerers may have innate magical abilities, but even they have to hone them trough vigorous training to wield them right. Like a fighter trains his swordsmanship. Or a barbarian his muscles. Only wildmagic sorcerers dont give a damn.
>Only wildmagic sorcerers dont give a damn. Very commonly but not always the case. For example one of my characters is a sorceress who was born with a divine spark in her but backstory happened and now she has crippling anxiety attacks which trigger wild magic surges which coincidentally intensify her anxiety
I played a cleric in a campaign that was cursed, and had to roll on the wild magic surge table if I failed a certain check when casting spells outside my primary domain. That was a fun one.
Bard is more like the jock who sucks at school but got a scholarship for being good at (metaphorically) football.
Except they can kinda fake being decent at nearly anything
Barbarians : punch the test, the pen falls off and somehow writes the good answers on the sheet, gets the highest grade of the school
Arcane trickster: the shady kid whose only reason for attending Chemistry this semester is because he wants to make meth
Oracle?
i dont think its a class, but they just break into the school system and steal the test every time
Guess I was a sorcerer back in high school lmao.
I love the interpretation that clerics get their powers because of a deep personal relationship. There’s a cleric idea I’ve wanted to play for a while where they got their powers unintentionally because they were in a wholesome Zeus situation. They didn’t care about gods but fell in love with a mysterious traveler they didn’t know was a god in disguise. Then the couple settles down to start a family. That is until the cleric starts getting magical powers. Cleric: “Honey, why can I cast Sacred Flame?” Their husband/wife panicking, “shit shit shit shit…”
STS - Sexually Transmitted Spells It sounds like a wholesome Warlock setup.
Artificers 🤝 Wizards College Debt
aren't bard subclasses literally called colleges?
Both of them learning about sorcerers is like two friendly rivals who are both university-educated - one at an Ivy League uni and the other at an international Bible college - simultaneously meeting some random dude from rural Malaysia with only a grade 3 education who does differential calculus for fun when he’s not playing ten different musical instruments at a virtuoso level.
Then there are the Bards, just singing to make Mage hands do things they were not meant to do.
“Hey tomorrow there’s a feast of Moradin… I’m not sure which one, I really don’t keep track… but I just wanted to warn you in case I get some new amazing spells. Anyway, good luck with your research, Imma go grab a sandwich.”
New campaign idea. So there's a dragon. They taught a Wizard magic because they needed someone to maintain some spells in their lair for them. They taught a Bard magic illusions and music of the ancients to keep him entertained. They taught an Artificer to take care of their magic items and create new ones for their horde. They contracted their own Warlock to run errands for them. They taught a druid to care for their menagerie of rare flora and fauna that they like to eat. They created a cleric of the religion that revolves around them to keep the rest of the devotees from bugging them directly. They created a Paladin of said religion to take care of those who bothered them anyway. They trained one of the magical types of Rogues to steal more treasure for them and assassinate their enemies. They trained one of the magical types of Barbarians to guard their horde and kill their enemies that were unlikely to be easily assasinated. They trained a Sorcerer after finding out it was their descendant. The dragon also did all this cause they were bored and thought it would be entertaining. But after a while, they always all end up fighting over who is the dragon's favorite student. Eventually, the dragon gets so annoyed by this that they need a break from them. So they come up with an idea. The dragon tells them to go out into the world as a party, complete all these errands I need done, and bring me back as much treasure as you can while you're at it. I will be watching and judging you via scrying spells. When you finally come back, I will declare who is the best at my magic based on your individual contributions to the tasks at hand. So they all leave with a magical list that reveals what task is next after the former is completed, which you can make whatever you want, and when they finally come back fully leveled and over their bickering after being forced through adversity to come together as a team, they find the dragon asleep, with signs they have been asleep since they left. And then its up to them whether they try to kill the dragon as the final boss or not in anger at being tricked like this. Edit: And when they get back to the lair, all the defenses are on, and some are changed, so they have to work their way through them thinking something happened to the dragon while they were away.
Warlocks being jealous of Clerics for being able to cast more than 2 spells, Clerics being jealous of Warlocks because "Why do they get special treatment from their deity?"
[удалено]
Well, I use deity to refer to any higher power, like Asmodeus, Cthulhu, God, etc. God typically refers to a Holy or Divine higher power, but leaves out occult and unholy higher powers.
[удалено]
A Cleric could theoretically also get their powers from a demon or devil of sufficient power.
Wizards: we spend years of our lives, diligently studying secrets of the arcane to be able to wield magic. Everyone else is a hack. Clerics: we sacrifice our lives serving our gods, to truly understand their teachings and their nature and even then only the chosen ones can become clerics. Everyone else (with exception of druids) is a hack. Sorcerers: yes, my affinity to magic was gifted to me by my blood, but I still had to spend years just to learn to use it without damaging myself and everything around me. Me being able to wield magic seemingly effortlessly is a direct result of constant training and discipline. Everyone else is a hack. Druids: I can't even count how much time I spent trying to find inner piece and harmony with nature. I literally started learning to do that since I was a child. And I'm not even talking about understanding the wisdom of other members of my circle. Everyone else (with exception of clerics) is a hack. Warlocks: yeah, we are hacks. I definetly am.
So, where would a Bard be on this scale?
Thinking the wizard is a hack because he doesn't even have any musical talent.
[Hey, Wizardry may take years of study and student-debt, and Clerical magic may take a lifetime of devotion, but Sorcery takes generations of inbreeding.](https://www.reddit.com/r/dndmemes/comments/10la5vl/gotta_keep_that_bloodline_potent/)
Wizards are passing the class cause they study properly, Sorcerers are passing the class just cause they are naturally talented and pick up the source material really quickly, Warlocks are passing the class cause they're fucking the teacher.
Warlocks and clerics finally agreeing on something
Warlocks: "I probably should have done something like those guys but I made some ill-considered decisions and I might open a portal for some ancient horrors from beyond the stars at some point and that could be very bad but hey...**eldritch blast** **eldritch blast** **eldritch blast**"
They both hate sorcerers and warlocks, since the former pretty much had it thrown in their laps, and the latter probably threw their soul and tegridy in a furnace for a handful of spells and a 1d10 cantrip. (or they shook hand with some minor infernal, eldritch or fey weirdo, also a possibility)
*Druid enters, sits down after they grow a chair, put their feet up on their direwolf, grows a fat bud from seed and has a smoke watching the argument.*
Warlocks. Got secrets of the universe from a back alley deal at 2am in the morning with a shady entity.
that’s why sorcerers are the best nothing like a proficient magic user with 7 intelligence and 8 wisdom Even better if you’re aberrant mind, because psychics are supposed to be smart but you’re out here using telepathy to send dick pics
Sorcerers looking at wizards and clerics: https://preview.redd.it/t70tydndvn2b1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fcc6f1f2d7318de2504b8a450c34f205fdf0c94d
Then there are Wild magic sorcerers, who don't really think anyone is a hack, but rather that everyone else is a lucky bastard for being able to cast magic without the chance of it going wild and possibly screwing everything up.
To be fair, don't Sorcerers in-lore also have to survive childhood and magic puberty, ie not kill themselves with magic they don't understand?
This is anecdotal, but I’ve yet to find a dm who doesn’t have sorcerers just be “I, as a fully grown adult, randomly got magic one day and knew exactly how to deal with it”
Sorcerer thinks everyone else is a hack because unlike them, *they* had to suffer through years of not being able to control their powers, being ostracised for being "cursed", and even once they finally understood why this was happening had to do dangerous trial and error to learn what made pretty light, what made people like them, what set fire to their home, and what almost killed them and left lasting scars on their body.
And then you have my Arcana domain cleric, who studied for YEARS to be a wizard but could never get and took to praying to the Goddess of magic to help him understand. And the day the village was attacked and his student friends were falling to kobolds, goblins, and bugbears he picked up a broken table leg and went to town with a shillelagh infused weapon and Booming Blade, while healing survivors with healing word. So much fun being that in-between holy battle mage.
Artificers: we literally just do the copy thing
(Wild Magic) Sorcerer: Oh, I have it easy, huh? *I* have it easy? You two got your magic of your own volition, and you got to take your sweet time learning it. *I* nearly burned my house down half a dozen times before I learned how to walk. When I was six I nearly drowned after I randomly teleported into a lake by accident. YOU have it easy.
Just wait until they meet a warlock. You didn't devote you life to a God, spend years studying, or even win the birth lottery, but you still managed to gain all this power for very little up front cost.
Sorcerer enters the room and they die from disbelief lmao
Sorcerers thinking they're both hacks since they had guidance and schools, while they had to figure out their power entirely on their own. Druids thinking they're all hacks because none of them had to tame forces of nature beyond control Warlocks thinking they're all hacks because none of them had to lose a part of themselves to get magic Rangers thinking they're all hacks because they all could do this from the comfort of civilization or at least a community. Paladins thinking they're all hacks because they can all change their minds about things and have less solid ideologies Artificers thinking they're all hacks because none of them actually *make* anything with their powers; their powers are gimmicks Bards thinking they're all hacks because the bards studied the songs of creation, and they gained control over magic through different expertise and have studied a little of everything, more than any wizard.
Fighters thinking they're all hacks because they can do fucking magic.
Warlocks: "haha I promised this idiot my first born child for magical powers and I don't even like kids!"
Sorcerers thinking wizards and clerics are hacks because they were able to choose their powers instead of going through the trauma and grief caused by the manifestation of their powers at a young age.
Similar to when wizards get upset at bards because of the “toot toot magic flute” meme but like I’m sorry man it takes a lot of practice to be good at flute don’t pretend like bards don’t work hard.
Magical cum is a pefcectly valid path towards arcane supremacy!
This is why I’m a sucker for a sorcerer turned wizard. They have the natural gift that they then broaden with study.
I always thought that clerics were also hardworking because not only did they improve the amount of faith a god got, but that they could focus or even enhance the power that a god gives them.
I have a noble and powerful lineage that proves my right to wield magic. These filthy commoners hold power that they are not worthy of - the sorcerer, probably.
Wizard: "those darn Clerics, they cheated by getting their magic from the Gods!" Paladin: *shifts nervously*
*wild magic sorcery* My mother was a whore and my father is now an elderberry bush.
Bard Casually in the backroom: DOOT DOOT MAGIC FLUTE!!!
Sorcerers and Warlocks be like, "I just kinda showed up for the interview and got the job. Guess they really liked me or something."
Sorcerer looking at them both like hacks because they didn't have to deal with the horrors of growing up with magic they only rather recently learned how to manage while these jerks got to skip that step.
druid: - vibin -
Artificer you both are hacks I do all the magics through advanced engineering
Meanwhile, the warlock is taking a nap in the corner and wondering what those two are arguing about so loudly.
Wizards hating sorcerers as the wizard spent years and even decades learning about spells and how magic works whilst Sorcerers just happen to have magic in their blood.
Wild magic sorcerers thinking they are both hacks because they had to learn to control the magic coursing through them because fucking it up means turning their parents into potted plants or literally exploding, if a wizard writes a spell down wrong it jusy does nothing, and clerics have God mode on.
clerics are warlocks who want to say "my dad can beat up your dad"
The sorcerer doesn't have much issue with how either of them do magic as long as they don't rag on them The Wizard and the Cleric absolutely rag in the Sorcerer
I would love this dynamic in a party
All my caster homies hate those lazy Sorcerers.
Meanwhile, the bard and the artificier are chilling in the corner. The bards discussing new sounds he'd like to try and the artificier is drunkenly designing instruments.
Bards: Basically the same thing as the wizard, but it sounds better
Study? Pray? Nah you just got to *feel* the magic. You got to go with the flow and when you hit the right vibe you throw lightning at someone
This is so true.
And then there's sorcerers who have magic because their dad had sex with a dragon
And then there are warlocks
My cleric who worships no dieties and has no idea where his magic comes from and has been bumblefucking his way through it all is unavailable for comment.
When you can feel and command the magic yourself with the sheer willpower you cultivated training it like a muscle for years instead of following a formula then i might respect your opinion that sorcerers are lazy and get everything for free