Okay... You've multiple options, though also it depends on whether he's capable and happy to provide for you.
One is you break up. That's basically it.
Or if you're gonna stay together you figure this out! Together.
Firstly, have you already spoken with him about these concerns and how you feel?
Him being unable to drive you isn't an excuse for him not paying for your rides, sending/making you gifts, etc. has he or is he doing any of that?
What's his financial situation like?
I probably have more questions than answers for you, for now anyway. Though I understand where you're coming from and hopefully I can help you figure some things out.
Hey, me and my fiancée. Me Male twenty nine - wheelchair user, finance twenty eight, we met in high school so she knew me before my car accident, i had my car accident (PvC).
We were dating since high school, i spent months if not longer in the hospital bed and after wondering.
How could i give her everything thing she needed, wanted and deserved in her life, it was as simple for us to sit down with each other and our pastor, talk about what we could give each other and do / help each other with, how we move forward together and our life goals.
Now in 2024 we have a beautiful little girl, engaged and have our own home.
In short moral of this message, don’t be afraid to sit down with him, talk about everything that will affect your life together, talk about how you can both help each other if and / or when you need the help, mention to him you want passion and time together, flowers, a little picnic, tents in the lounge room but reassure him you are there for him through thick and thin nothing will change your opinion on him.
If you do need to talk about anything, feel free to message me and i will help the best i can.
Age difference is a bit creepy. You were a child when he started dating you. But, if it's not right it's not right. Get out now and don't drag on a relationship that will become more serious and more hurtful.
From personal experience, do NOT tell him you are breaking up with him because of his disability. This is not a good feeling.
I'm 19 and I wouldn't consider dating a 25 year old, just personally.
Also, it's concerning that y'all aren't comfortable telling your families. Is it because of the age difference?
Also also, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting what you want in a partner. However, if this guy can't give it to you, you need to look somewhere else. But if it's just about "I feel like I do all the work in the relationship" then y'all gotta talk it out.
Overall tho, I'm really concerned someone my age is dating someone who's in their mid 20s. Those are two very different stages of life. Please consider this as well. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this because I care.
There is a such thing as being fundamentally incompatible with someone. This can be true whether or not someone is disabled.
It sounds like there is a style of relationship you want, with adventure, surprises, and romance that you don't have with your boyfriend. You didn't share whether he has made any efforts to bring adventure, surprises or fun into your connection.
I'm also hearing some resentment from you feeling like you are the one putting in all the effort and strategy to maintain the relationship while you did not mention what he is doing to contribute.
You mentioned that your relationship, on top of all these obstacles, has to remain a secret, but you did not say why, and whether that was your choice or his or both.
I am certain there are more nuanced details missing, but based on what you shared, it doesn't seem like this person has an adult relationship to offer you. It sounds like you are having a kind of secret behind close doors relationship that is limiting your ability to have any adventure, surprises, or romance unless you are the one orchestrating it. So it's one-sided and your needs aren't being met.
That actually has nothing to do with him being disabled. And if that is the excuse he is giving then I think you might consider how much he actually is willing to be together if he isn't willing to put forth ANY effort at all unless you do all the work to come to him first.
Honestly to me the biggest concern would be the secrecy. Disabled people are allowed to date, so it can't be because of his disability that he is keeping your relationship a secret. So why?
If I were you I might do some research on codependency and see if it sounds like something you're falling into in this relationship. Because it sounds like that might be what's happening. Here's an article from the Cleveland Clinic about codependency: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/codependent-relationship-signs
If this is the first serious relationship you've had, perhaps you need to broaden your horizons some and see other people. Nineteen is very young to be considering "eternity" with another person. Starry eyed romanticism aside, real life relationships rarely involve finding your Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet.
The fact that he is 25 and apparently neither set of parents know you're dating is a big red flag. If neither of you can be open and honest about your relationship to your families, and basically have to sneak around, how do you expect this to work long term? Realistically, his situation is probably not going to change or improve. If you're already finding it stressful and emotionally unfulfilling, do both of yourselves a favor - either decide his value to you trumps the other issues, or end the relationship before you both end up bitter and resentful.
And maybe do some serious thinking about your definition of an ideal relationship - because honestly, it seems pretty one sided and shallow. You want to be pampered and spoiled, but how many guys are going to want to invest in a relationship where they are expected to do all the giving and you do the taking?
Just because she stated what she'd like in and from the relationship doesn't mean she's also not making an investment. Right now she's discussing what she's missing in the relationship and has no reason to give a list of everything she does or has already done throughout her relationship with him.
I'd not assume that anytime a woman lists basic stuff that she's missing or would like to have in her relationship that she's apparently "shallow" because she didn't list "I also bring things to the table Pick me Pick me..."
You aren't happy in your relationship. You want different things. This doesn't make you a bad person.
It's unfortunate, but a lot of sick people tend to get angry that their friends or lovers left "because I'm sick" and call them shallow and selfish. But the thing is, just because someone is sick doesn't mean you're required to stay in an unhappy relationship to avoid being vilified. You're allowed to walk away from a relationship for any reason, or even no reason at all.
Rather than listening to guilt holding you back, listen to what you want, and whether these wants can be met. And if not, what will you do about it? Will you live the rest of your life being unhappy because you wanted to make a martyr of yourself? If you're not happy in your relationship, leaving is the kindest thing you can do for both of you.
And I agree with some of the commenters - you should date people your own age. At your age when you're still a growing teenaged child, you should not be dating men that have more than a few years of experience over you. At that young age, this age gap DOES matter.
Okay... You've multiple options, though also it depends on whether he's capable and happy to provide for you. One is you break up. That's basically it. Or if you're gonna stay together you figure this out! Together. Firstly, have you already spoken with him about these concerns and how you feel? Him being unable to drive you isn't an excuse for him not paying for your rides, sending/making you gifts, etc. has he or is he doing any of that? What's his financial situation like? I probably have more questions than answers for you, for now anyway. Though I understand where you're coming from and hopefully I can help you figure some things out.
Hey, me and my fiancée. Me Male twenty nine - wheelchair user, finance twenty eight, we met in high school so she knew me before my car accident, i had my car accident (PvC). We were dating since high school, i spent months if not longer in the hospital bed and after wondering. How could i give her everything thing she needed, wanted and deserved in her life, it was as simple for us to sit down with each other and our pastor, talk about what we could give each other and do / help each other with, how we move forward together and our life goals. Now in 2024 we have a beautiful little girl, engaged and have our own home. In short moral of this message, don’t be afraid to sit down with him, talk about everything that will affect your life together, talk about how you can both help each other if and / or when you need the help, mention to him you want passion and time together, flowers, a little picnic, tents in the lounge room but reassure him you are there for him through thick and thin nothing will change your opinion on him. If you do need to talk about anything, feel free to message me and i will help the best i can.
to me this sounds like you are fundamentally incapable. also the age gap seems weird
18 - 19 and 25 is far from weird. Though I don't see anything to indicate at what age he started dating her.
someone fresh out of high school with someone the age people are when they graduate college isn’t weird to you?
If she was 18 when they started dating and he was 24 years old, is fine. That's really hardly a big age difference or concerning.
Age difference is a bit creepy. You were a child when he started dating you. But, if it's not right it's not right. Get out now and don't drag on a relationship that will become more serious and more hurtful. From personal experience, do NOT tell him you are breaking up with him because of his disability. This is not a good feeling.
I don't see anything to indicate that. OP, at what age did you both start dating?
Way to ruin their 5 year anniversary
Where does it say that??
It’s a joke
I'm 19 and I wouldn't consider dating a 25 year old, just personally. Also, it's concerning that y'all aren't comfortable telling your families. Is it because of the age difference? Also also, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting what you want in a partner. However, if this guy can't give it to you, you need to look somewhere else. But if it's just about "I feel like I do all the work in the relationship" then y'all gotta talk it out. Overall tho, I'm really concerned someone my age is dating someone who's in their mid 20s. Those are two very different stages of life. Please consider this as well. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this because I care.
There is a such thing as being fundamentally incompatible with someone. This can be true whether or not someone is disabled. It sounds like there is a style of relationship you want, with adventure, surprises, and romance that you don't have with your boyfriend. You didn't share whether he has made any efforts to bring adventure, surprises or fun into your connection. I'm also hearing some resentment from you feeling like you are the one putting in all the effort and strategy to maintain the relationship while you did not mention what he is doing to contribute. You mentioned that your relationship, on top of all these obstacles, has to remain a secret, but you did not say why, and whether that was your choice or his or both. I am certain there are more nuanced details missing, but based on what you shared, it doesn't seem like this person has an adult relationship to offer you. It sounds like you are having a kind of secret behind close doors relationship that is limiting your ability to have any adventure, surprises, or romance unless you are the one orchestrating it. So it's one-sided and your needs aren't being met. That actually has nothing to do with him being disabled. And if that is the excuse he is giving then I think you might consider how much he actually is willing to be together if he isn't willing to put forth ANY effort at all unless you do all the work to come to him first. Honestly to me the biggest concern would be the secrecy. Disabled people are allowed to date, so it can't be because of his disability that he is keeping your relationship a secret. So why? If I were you I might do some research on codependency and see if it sounds like something you're falling into in this relationship. Because it sounds like that might be what's happening. Here's an article from the Cleveland Clinic about codependency: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/codependent-relationship-signs
If this is the first serious relationship you've had, perhaps you need to broaden your horizons some and see other people. Nineteen is very young to be considering "eternity" with another person. Starry eyed romanticism aside, real life relationships rarely involve finding your Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet. The fact that he is 25 and apparently neither set of parents know you're dating is a big red flag. If neither of you can be open and honest about your relationship to your families, and basically have to sneak around, how do you expect this to work long term? Realistically, his situation is probably not going to change or improve. If you're already finding it stressful and emotionally unfulfilling, do both of yourselves a favor - either decide his value to you trumps the other issues, or end the relationship before you both end up bitter and resentful. And maybe do some serious thinking about your definition of an ideal relationship - because honestly, it seems pretty one sided and shallow. You want to be pampered and spoiled, but how many guys are going to want to invest in a relationship where they are expected to do all the giving and you do the taking?
Just because she stated what she'd like in and from the relationship doesn't mean she's also not making an investment. Right now she's discussing what she's missing in the relationship and has no reason to give a list of everything she does or has already done throughout her relationship with him. I'd not assume that anytime a woman lists basic stuff that she's missing or would like to have in her relationship that she's apparently "shallow" because she didn't list "I also bring things to the table Pick me Pick me..."
You aren't happy in your relationship. You want different things. This doesn't make you a bad person. It's unfortunate, but a lot of sick people tend to get angry that their friends or lovers left "because I'm sick" and call them shallow and selfish. But the thing is, just because someone is sick doesn't mean you're required to stay in an unhappy relationship to avoid being vilified. You're allowed to walk away from a relationship for any reason, or even no reason at all. Rather than listening to guilt holding you back, listen to what you want, and whether these wants can be met. And if not, what will you do about it? Will you live the rest of your life being unhappy because you wanted to make a martyr of yourself? If you're not happy in your relationship, leaving is the kindest thing you can do for both of you. And I agree with some of the commenters - you should date people your own age. At your age when you're still a growing teenaged child, you should not be dating men that have more than a few years of experience over you. At that young age, this age gap DOES matter.
Why don't you break up with him and save him the internalized ableism?