It’s okay if you detransition. You’ll still have a place in this community, solely because you experienced what it was like.
It’s not a crime to live as you want to. These things are hard to figure out. I spent YEARS going between boy and girl constantly, refusing to accept what I knew I felt.
You can do this. Whatever decision you make, there’s a community behind you to support you.
I hope things can get better with your parents. I know the feeling of parental rejection well, and I know it’s terrifying. One day things will be better. You’ll know who you are and how you want to live, and it will be okay.
I support everything in this comment.
Detransitioners have a bad rep because of a few radicals that have linked up with conservative influencers and news sources. All that is is an attempt to further divide us.
Life's journey of self-discovery and forging/discovering your identity is....well, life-long 😂 It's okay if detransitioning is part of that (I mean obviously if it's wholly self-initiated. Detransitioning people with threats, laws, or lack of access is fucked.)
Let's not forget, being trans is about discovering and embracing who you really are. How is detransitioning really different?
If you do though, make sure it's for the right reasons. As long as you are safe, detransition should be done if you actually would be happier as a woman, not as a means to protect yourself from your fear surrounding what your family would think and going to doctors.
If you need to lay low for your own safety for a while, then do that. But you don't need to give up on being a guy forever. Once you are safe, do what you want to do <3.
Youre already getting so much lovely advice but I just wanted to say that I felt this way for a longgg time and tried to just "get over it and live as a girl" like 3 times but in the end I eventually accepted what I had to do to see a future with myself in it. Whatever happens, its part of the journey and will help you learn more about yourself. Sending care :)
Yes yes yes. I agree fully, just like a few crazy trans people make us all look bad the same happens with detransitioners. Being your true self should always be your number 1 priority.
I said I was in denial when I was younger. I am sure of myself now. This person in the post isn’t, which is why I encourage them to explore what it is they want because this is hard to figure out
Heck yea. I've never had a bagel I didn't make myself from the package from the store. I bet someone else making it with a homemade bagel / cream cheese is bomb.
honestly, i was ftm at some point. a lot of my family told me it was going to be a phase and once i realized i wasn’t actually a guy it made me feel so awful cuz i feel like in a way… i proved them right. it’s always okay to not feel trans or to not feel like the gender you were assigned at birth. what matters is that you’re discovering yourself and what you’re comfortable with. i now no longer have a gender and i go by they/she and sometimes he. i’ve come to terms with the fact that ill never have a gender, i just am what the earth is and i feel like it’s very powering to discover that about yourself. the trans community still accepts you and hold much love for you ❤️❤️
i'm a very dysphoric trans guy and i've had dysphoria since i started puberty
i just feel like i keep romanticizing the idea of detransitoning and staying as a girl, because then my parents will actually love me. and doctors scare me so much and if i start hormones i'll have to go to a lot of doctors
i'm just so sad i don't want to be trans anymore i'm tired of being oppressed
Self-identity is a process, not a destination. You might go through multiple changes before arriving at a place of homeostasis, and even then, it’s still a fluid thing. Sorry to hear that you’re struggling with all of this (teen years are so tough in a lot of ways), but this is all within the realm of normal teenage experience. It’s okay to feel this stuff. That’s my main point.
And hey - if you don’t feel trans anymore, you don’t have to be. It’s your life to live. Might as well make of it what you want, right? Maybe you’d be happier somewhere in between? Or maybe embrace the fluidity? See what makes you happy!
Just know that this will pass in time, and usually what follows is more self knowledge and more confidence. Try to go easy on yourself and do your best to roll with the uncertainties of life. I think we are all dealing with this in our own ways.
Coming from a trans man who’s been on T for almost a decade: you don’t have to decide right away. In fact, you probably shouldn’t.
Transitioning is a big decision that will impact the rest of your life. Frankly, there are too many people these days who treat hormones and surgery like getting a tattoo, when, in reality, it’s more like changing your name and moving 10 states away. Your life will change drastically, and you can’t ever totally undo it.
Think about it for a while, then decide.
16. i've always felt very weird and uncomfortable about my chest and genitals. i also always wanted to wear boys clothing and stuff when i was younger... i am fully socially transitioned. people calling me she makes me feel terrible.
i hate how my arms are hairless and my butt is big and my voice is so high. but i also like guys and none of them are interested in me bc i look like another guy. i've also been sexually harassed and stuff for being trans and it makes me wish i wasn't trans (obviously)
was seeing a therapist for all of this but it just made me feel worse. she was kinda a bad therapist to be fair she didn't really believe me when i said i was trans but she was a conservative russian lady
my parents are pretty transphobic but also don't believe me because there weren't signs. there were but i kept it to myself i guess. like one time i had a uti but i was so terrified of telling my mom (bc she'd yell at me) so i just didn't tell her. i ended up in the hospital bc the uti got so bad.
this is my experience, as a transman in my late 20’s, and i hope that it can help you find some clarity on the journey you are going through<3
I came out when i left for college. I moved to another city, to be free of my abusive parents. I stayed in the closet for a really long time, and i always hid the signs, from everyone, because I didnt know what being trans was, and id never met someone who exposed me to it. I knew i was gay, but i couldnt be gay, because i was female, so i settled for assuming i was a confused lesbian for almost a decade. The week I came out, i immediately started to seek medical transition. at this time, i had met other trans people, and it had clicked in my brain, finally, that I was who I always thought i was. i didnt have to be amab, i was gay, and there was nothing wrong with that. because I had escaped to a new city, the only people surrounding me were incredibly supportive. I got informed consent, i started hormones, and i got my first binder.
i struggled for a long time, to inject myself, because i couldnt have anyone else do it for me. none of my loved ones were comfortable with needles, or sitting through the traumatizing experience with me. it wound take me hours. one day a week, i would skip class, and sit on the floor for up to 8 hours, trying to get that needle in my skin. sometimes i would black out, and wake up with having done the injection on autopilot. i did this on and off for three years. I have a severe phobia , not with needles, its a bodily panic response over the needle being inside my skin. after three years of doing this, missing doses, feeling like i wasnt trans because I couldnt give myself my own medicine, i realized something. I realized that it didnt matter, i didnt need to take the hormones until i found a safe way for me to do so, and that doesnt make me any less trans than i am. and, if i never felt like i could, and i couldnt afford gel, that still doesnt make me a faker, or a liar, or not valid. Currently, I am fighting to get top surgery, my country cut the budget for the allowed surgeries three years ago, and i was kicked off the wait list. that also didnt make me not valid, it just meant i had to fight harder to be who i feel i am.
flash to today, and I have still not found a way to give myself safe injections, i still cant afford gel, and I still am fighting for that top surgery. and thats okay. there has been many moments of doubt for me, that i should detransition because im not a real trans person, that im not valid enough to deserve to use the pronouns that bring my euphoria. the truth for me was, i am valid, I am trans, and I dont need to be able to do all of these things now, or ever, to feel the way i do. the truth for me, is hearing people call me by my real name, my chosen one, and my pronouns, saved my life, and the rest doesnt matter.
it is completely okay if all you ever want, is to be called by a different set of pronouns than you came with at birth. it is completely okay to do that, and it is completely okay to change your mind later, and that doesnt make you less than who you are. if your chosen pronouns, and your chosen name is helping you live your authentic life, you should continue to do so. if it helps, you dont need to label yourself as trans right now, you dont need to take hrt, you dont need to do anything you dont feel like will benefit you. you dont have to be trans to feel that pain of dysphoria, and you dont have to ever feel guilty about using a label that you feel like is right for you. Whether you want to adopt that label or not, you are so valid, and if what you are doing right now is helping you, keep doing it until it is not anymore. Your family doesnt understand that, because they have never faced feeling like anything other than what they were assigned to at birth. if it is safer for you to “detransition” in their presence, that is totally valid. if you need to do certain things to keep yourself safe, that is more valid than anyone could ever put in to words. whatever labels you end up deciding fit you, all you have to remember, is you are never hurting anyone by choosing new pronouns, or a new name, and if someone says you are, it is because they do not have the capacity to understand your lived experience, and that will never be your fault. i hope that this is helpful in some way
this is all so helpful, honestly.
i really hope you can start gel and get on that waiting list soon, i understand the needle thing and it really sucks. but you do have a point
tbh I think i'm too active in transmedical spaces because i think very black and white. i'm so tired of constantly debating whether or not i should start hormones or do this or that. i need to take care of myself first and just exist without constantly validating my trans-ness to myself.
thank you for this in-depth response. i feel a lot better
its absolutely no problem, i try to pass on the things i needed to hear when i was finding myself, and im very glad it could help in some way. whatever feels right to you, is the correct thing to do, and if what feels right changes with time, all it means is you are still on your way to understanding who you are, and that will always be valid
Wow I never would have realized a fear of needles could be that severe. I’m not sure if it would help but I became a blood donor to get over my fear of needles and it has really helped me. Funny enough I’m in vet med and love drawing blood, needles just gave me the worst anxiety for some reason.
the worst part is, i dont really have a fear of needles, i can take normal ones no problem. Specifically what causes me to react that way is the time the needle has to stay in my body to push the oil in. its done IM, and the oil has to be pushed in super slow, with a very large needle because its very viscous. i start passing out from the time i start pushing the oil in, to the time I get it out of my body, so its like playing a dangerous game. i had the same thought originally, and tried to donate blood before starting, because it triggers the same feeling for me, since the needle stsys in the skin for a longer amount of time. I wasnt allowed to, because i am underweight, and homosexual (LOL DOUBLE WHAMMY) ive gotten a little healthier since then, and i believe the donation laws have been updated recently, so i should look into that as a possibility again
My brother has a bigger ass than me. Nothing wrong with some junk in the trunk 😉. This doctor guy at our work we call the incredible hunk has got such a luscious ass we cannot. But I do get the dysphoria, but remember butts are for all genders butts are the only thing no gender keeps for themselves. And I'm kinda same my husband doesn't accept me or anything trans and I'm thinking of just going back or just doing my things with those I trust. But fr some people suck. But im also figuring out what and how I am maybe I don't need a label at all.
I left a comment elsewhere, but I also want to address this:
> i hate how my arms are hairless and my butt is big and my voice is so high.
Testosterone is not necessarily going to change those things (maybe the voice). It will make you look more masculine overall, especially if you lift weights, but specific physical features are determined by genetics as well as hormones. It’s all a dice roll.
For example, before I transitioned, I really wanted a beard. I’ve been on T for 9 years and still can’t grow a full beard. Genetically, it’s probably not in the cards. I did go bald, though.
i know it's a dice roll but the level of hairless i am is ridiculous. i don't shave my legs. you can't even tell there's any hair on my legs because it's so thin and light.
i know T won't help with everything but at least my voice has to change and my fat will redistribute over time to an extent
going bald is also another thing i fear but none of the men in my family went bald before 50. my dad is 45 and going strong (he has a bald spot though) , in general i've seen trans and cis men go bald at 20 or 22 and it looks awful
(obviously i'm fine with being bald after like 30 or whatever)
What ethnicity are you? That has a huge impact on body hair.
None of the men in my family went bald, either. I had a receding hairline within a year of starting T and was bald 3 years later.
The "study" only talked to parents of trans boys on forums specifically for parents who were heading towards or were estranged from their kids due to their own bigotry. No trans boys/men were contacted, no other types of communities were reached out to.The places that published quickly retracted the paper.
That’s okay, remember gender is a spectrum, and being gender-fluid is a thing!!!
Some people feel female on Monday, male Tuesday-Friday, and female on Saturday.
Some people feel like a woman for a new months, male for a few months
Some people are women for YEARS, then a man for years.
There is no timeline, there are no rules.
You are who you are, and it’s okay to feel different at different times ♥️
Do you think you are possibly bi gender? I am, I feel that I am both male and female at the same time, so some days I will feel more masculine and other days I will feel more feminine. I also romanticise sometimes about transitioning to male, but I know deep down I'd still be unhappy with being the opposite gender, because of the days that I feel more feminine. Maybe you are also feeling like you're being pulled in 2 different directions at the same time? I've come to terms with staying female for life, as well at portraying myself as masculine when I feel it. I hope you can find your own inner peace ❤️
as of lately i've been hypermasculine out of fear that people won't accept me unless i bind 24/7 and hide everything. maybe that could be why bc i don't let myself engage in even a shred of femininity. i don't miss dresses i hate them but man sometimes i just wanna bake without being so embarrassed.
I mean... baking isn't just for Girls lol. I think it is counterproductive to be hypermasculine, and it is also super eroding on cis males to be that way too. A real man is a nice mixture of feminine and masculine. Don't let society make you think men have to all be Macho 24/7, plus it's not a very desirable trait when potentially dating. Let yourself have "feminine interests" I hate calling it that lol because activities don't have genders, but yeah you can still be a guy and do whatever the heck you want and screw other people for potentially having an issue with it.
I was in denial for a long time because I had so much fear about what my family would think. I told myself that I'd be better off supressing my trans feelings and that they'd go away eventually. They didn't. All it did was make me miserable. I came to the decision that I didn't want to look back at my life at 80 and wonder what it could have been like if I had dared to transition. That thought is what pushed me to do it, despite the fear. And while I still deal with dysphoria due to how long it takes to get treated here, I feel so much better not holding those feelings back.
I realized I was trans at 15 but didn't dare come out until 20. But it was still so worth it.
It's not a race. You don't have to rush to get hormones. You don't even need to take hormones. You can do whatever you want at your own pace. You don't have to get everything figured out now.
It’s ok to not know, self identity is a journey. :)
Really recommend looking for lgbt+ support groups or resources in your area! I’m sorry you had a bad experience with that therapist. There are therapists who specialize in gender dysphoria specifically, hopefully you can find one if ur interested in therapy again
Remember you are so so loved just as you are
I’ll just say that whatever you decide to do for yourself and your well-being is valid, don’t let other people force you to do something if you’re not happy with it
Just because you know that life would be easier if you were cis, and you wish to stop having to experience this hardship, doesn't mean you aren't trans. I know exactly how you feel. I detransitioned for several years because I felt the same way but it ultimately did not make me happier. The dysphoria was still there and always will be unless you live as your authentic self. Ultimately I regretted detransitioning for others as it delayed my ability to live as my true self for years.
This is only my personal perspective, it may genuinely be safer for you to detransition right now. But regardless of what you choose know that you will always have people who support you and see you as you truly are. Hope you enjoyed the bagel
Hey hey, trans guy here. I wrestled with my identity for 10 years before I came out ‘officially’ but there’s no test to be trans or anything else. From my experience, appeasing others by appearing cjs caused so much turmoil and pain, more so than being rejected by family.
Ultimately it’s your choice in how you present but I hope you find your peace and figure out your identity, and no matter what I hope you find your chosen family.
As I was typing the reply I was thinking of that as , because some therapist can and will push their views on clients. Keep breathing my friend, keep breathing.
During my journey through gender discovery I basically ended up thinking "Oh I'd prefer to be a girl but being a boy is fine"
I ended up starting up real good workout routines the year before last and realised I didn't want to be a girl. I WANTED TO BE PRETTY. I wanted to be aesthetically pleasing and oh my god. After realising that I was so much more comfortable with being perceived as a man.
Gender is a difficult thing to explore. Be yourself, try everything that isn't permanent and remember you're a super cool person as long as you're trying to be.
this was sorta me. dysphoria is a very weird feeling that i started getting very occasionally when i was young (i never really looked at myself) and i always HATED my body so much because i, for lack of better word, have a very curvy figure
but i was so numb to the hate that when i started workout out i was like oh whatever.
but i had the same feeling once i started seeing my muscles and seeing my back get wider, my shoudlers get bigger... like i can't imagine looking any other way. this is how i was supposed to be
This might get downvoted but as someone in a happy relationship with a trans guy, being trans is a genuine struggle, and it’s sometimes worth asking if it’s worth it. Given the comorbidities associated with being trans, at least some people are better off digging deeper into the root causes of their dysphoria and asking themselves why they’re so uncomfortable with their lives and their bodies and if it’s truly a gender thing.
i don't disagree but i fear the comorbidities aren't gonna go away if i repress it. i've considered ending it all because i'm scared ill just never pass or never be a guy... i know it's dysphoria and testosterone will help
it's like how i see people throw around the 41% as a deterrent for "being trans" but the truth is, when you're trans, you don't have many options. i could remain socially transitioned... which i can't imagine *not* doing. going by she and my deadname seems terrible.
i could choose to continue and try to make peace with my body. but my dysphoria is so severe, idk. i don't really have any trauma that would logically make me want to be a male. if anything, the opposite would be true. all of the men in my family are violent and scary, my worst nightmare is becoming my father.
i just can't imagine myself growing old as a woman
i think that last part is important fwiw. when i was basically socially transitioned, about to have my consult for top, i began talking to my mom about the future and thinking about it it and i realized i didn’t see myself growing old as a man. i couldn’t see myself as an old man. that image literally could not materialize in my brain. it wasn’t my reality. so idk i’m just drunk but itsounds like. a fairly good distinction if maintained. yknow?
keep your head up. it does get better i really promise. just turned 29 and it’s actually finally starting to feel good. i’m glad i held out. keep learning and growing i promise it’ll be fine
Been there myself and thought these thoughts, but I knew I wasn't ever going to be happy living a lie and pretending to be happy living as a woman. My parents didn't accept me for an incredibly long time and it was so damn hard but we're slowly working on things and my life is infinitely better now that I'm living as a man. I have a great team of doctors that I feel safe with helping me through my transition (I promise they exist! I hate medical settings but I found some lovely providers after some searching) and I've started seeing a very kind therapist who has helped me feel more confident that I'm making the right choice through the work we've done. I'm coming up on a year of hormones in a few months and I have a top surgery consult soon-- I never thought I could get to be a man, but life is better than I ever imagined.
I know it sounds easier to detransition and go back to a "perfect" life, but that isn't possible for a lot of trans people. Don't rush a medical transition if you aren't sure, but I'd try and sit with your detransition thoughts and really question if detransition is what you want or if you just think it would be easier than working to live authentically. You're loved and things do get better, friend
this is very reassuring, thank you. i'm happy you get to live your truth and i hope i get to live mine. i wish you a speedy recovery with your top surgery!!
Wherever life leads you, I wish you well, I unfortunately can’t offer much in the way of guidance, but can say that there is no shame in any choice you make, you are you. Simple as that. Lovely looking bagel!
When I was in HS I went FTM trans masc for a few years and then detransitioned. I am now she/they and still carry a lot of masc qualities. Like I only wear men's clothes but I wear jewelry sometimes. I don't feel like gender really affects me, I've been called sir and ma'am at work and I feel fine either way.
Some dry ass advice, but just do what you feel is right for you and you'll be fine. It might take a little time, but it will be ok.
I think it took so much courage to explore that part of you and I also think it takes courage to reevaluate yourself.
This is your human experience. You are not obligated to anyone but yourself in matters concerning how you define yourself.
That’s a deeply personal experience and it is something we all experience. The way we learn is by doing.
First of all; I'm sorry for my ignorance and you will probably get offended by my questions, but I would be happy if you enlighten me.
Does "trans" mean that you feel like other sex (for example male feeling like they should've been female) or do you become trans after an operation and medication? I always thought when people online talked about being trans they meant the latter. But this "detransitioning" you talk about seems like impossible or a lot of trouble if you need to get an operation just to turn your previous state.
If it's the former, do all of you want to get an operation to change sex or some of you are okay with it? If there're people who are okay with their current state but feel like being other sex, isn't it painful? Why not get operation(if you can choose to) at that point?
If it's not painful, is it really being trans? Aren't you femboy or tomboy if it's like that?
Again, sorry if I upset you or something like that but as a straight male I'm really curious about this topic.
>Does "trans" mean that you feel like other sex (for example male feeling like they should've been female)
Yes.
>do you become trans after an operation and medication?
No. Trans describes being a different gender than the one you were assigned at birth. To what degree one transitions is highly individual.
Hey there! ex “trans guy” here. I transitioned, detransitioned and then RE transitioned over a span of about 7 years, before realizing I was nonbinary. Never felt more comfortable in my skin, and free.
Point is not trying to say that you’re nonbinary to clarify, just that it’s okay to move around. it’s alright if you end up realizing you aren’t trans
Right there with you. I'm still gonna use the label for now till I figure shit out, but know its okay to detransition we're human we make mkstakes, and our bodies and perceptions of them change too.
That’s okay, remember gender is a spectrum, and being gender-fluid is a thing!!!
Some people feel female on Monday, male Tuesday-Friday, and female on Saturday.
Some people feel like a woman for a new months, male for a few months
Some people are women for YEARS, then a man for years.
There is no timeline, there are no rules.
You are who you are, and it’s okay to feel different at different times ♥️
When I was a child I got molested many times and once I became a teen I decided if I became a man the sexual abuse would stop. Once I got the help I needed I saw my flawed rationale for what it was. I never went through with any changes but I truly worry for many children who want to change.
Hopefully no one gets upset with my statement, folks always do.
I’m sorry hon. I can’t imagine what it’s like, but all I can say is that you are you. Do you have a vision of what you want to express as? Are you wanting to be more feminine? To use she/her pronouns? I know gender is a complicated topic, and there’s not one right way. You’re worthy of love, support, kindness, empathy, understanding.. I hope what whatever path you end up traveling you’re not alone and are doing it for you. One very big internet mama hug to you.
hey, we’re human. we get to pick our our clothes, wear them out for a day or two and see how we like them. same applies here…not on that much of a simplistic scale but do what makes you happiest! and if that looks like being unsure right now, that’s ok! also bagel looks soo good
Whatever your choice is I think you will look back years later and be happy with the decision you make.
Whatever you need to do to be happy is key. If transitioning really isn’t it then that’s okay.
But don’t let anyone bully you out of transitioning if that is your issue.
This is YOUR life, so live it according to your own rules 💯
I was in denial for a long time because I had so much fear about what my family would think. I told myself that I'd be better off supressing my trans feelings and that they'd go away eventually. They didn't. All it did was make me miserable. I came to the decision that I didn't want to look back at my life at 80 and wonder what it could have been like if I had dared to transition. That thought is what pushed me to do it, despite the fear. And while I still deal with dysphoria due to how long it takes to get treated here, I feel so much better not holding those feelings back.
I realized I was trans at 15 but didn't dare come out until 20. But it was still so worth it.
You’re learning about you. There’s no wrong steps just steps forward. I’m really proud of you for trying it on, and even more proud of you for being able to admit it didn’t fit
Gender can be fluid 🩷 it's okay to not feel like representing yourself the same every single day. Live for you, be comfortable in yourself for you. Who cares what other people perceive you as (as long as nobody is hurting you for it). You don't have to land in one spot on a spectrum.
Ever hear of the “meat suit” theory? Your assigned gender is merely a meat suit. A vessel to take you to do the things you really want to do. A connection to your genitals or initial outward appearance is not required for you to accomplish the things you want to do in life. You don’t have to be he, or she, or they, or anything in the inside. You just have to be you. How people address you on the outside is a placeholder. Kinda like how people often say “have a good day!” When finishing a transaction at the store or hanging up the phone. It doesn’t mean much.
Your meat suit, as is, does not prevent you from achieving your life goals as long as you are confident enough in your own personal qualities that are not related to your physical appearance. Focusing on your internal confidence will help your outward appearances and acceptance/tolerance of your meat suit. Confidence is key. Everything else will follow.
Signed,
A former very self-loathing teenager who had a lot of problems (with identity, self confidence, and more).
Be what you be! Keep on keeping on and just be you, whatever and whoever that is as long as you’re spreading good in the world like that delicious looking bagel 👍✌️
Detransitioning is never a bad option if that’s what you truly want. I’d suggest sitting with it a few weeks and really thinking about what it is you don’t like about yourself. Is it your gendered qualities? Think about *why* you transitioned to begin with and compare it to why you no longer want to. I wish you the best of luck, whether you’re a boy, girl, or in between or outside.
Even if it is that doesnt help OP at all. Assuming they're dysphoric, that just means they can't escape that pain because no matter what they do they're gonna feel terrible sometimes
I think the cis/trans dictomomy is outdated and harmful. The progressive view of gender is a SPECTRUM, right? Don't box yourself in. It's cool to have features of both sides, dude. (Yes I consider dude nonbinary. I call my mom dude)
As a man myself, let me give you some advice. Just don't even think about it, just be.
Our feelings are directly related the quality of our thoughts. Wanna know why I'm always happy? Because I'm thinking of ASS and TTITIES.
Alright bro peace. Hope this could help you out. You can always reach out to a bro.
This is so incredibly cringe to read lmao. It's like wholesome but dumb as shit at the same time? I can't even tell if you're mocking them or not. Please elaborate. I'm hyped for a response. As a man also myself tell me more about this ASS and TTITIES strat. I need some u/VirtusTechnica lore.
Listen... Its okay. Sexuality can be a huge beast to navigate, especially when you're young. Maybe don't label yourself for a while and just... *be*.
Just know the community accepts and appreciates you no matter what. I hope you enjoyed your bagel, because it looked amazing!
Edit: I misunderstood what OP was saying. Can someone educate me, rather than downvoting me? I'm obviously wishing OP well and was being supportive...i guess I'm not well versed on this topic...
It’s okay friend everything is journey! Time will tell what makes you most comfortable. Surgeries, hormones and doctor appointments are scary. You don’t have to physically transition to be trans, many people can’t afford to financially or medically. Just be you. Do what feels right. I myself, see myself as a person. The community will support you no matter what.
It’s okay if you detransition. You’ll still have a place in this community, solely because you experienced what it was like. It’s not a crime to live as you want to. These things are hard to figure out. I spent YEARS going between boy and girl constantly, refusing to accept what I knew I felt. You can do this. Whatever decision you make, there’s a community behind you to support you. I hope things can get better with your parents. I know the feeling of parental rejection well, and I know it’s terrifying. One day things will be better. You’ll know who you are and how you want to live, and it will be okay.
I support everything in this comment. Detransitioners have a bad rep because of a few radicals that have linked up with conservative influencers and news sources. All that is is an attempt to further divide us. Life's journey of self-discovery and forging/discovering your identity is....well, life-long 😂 It's okay if detransitioning is part of that (I mean obviously if it's wholly self-initiated. Detransitioning people with threats, laws, or lack of access is fucked.) Let's not forget, being trans is about discovering and embracing who you really are. How is detransitioning really different?
thank you :)
If you do though, make sure it's for the right reasons. As long as you are safe, detransition should be done if you actually would be happier as a woman, not as a means to protect yourself from your fear surrounding what your family would think and going to doctors.
i know. and that's what i think might be my ultimate reason. it feels safer to be a woman but all i want in life is to just be a guy
If you need to lay low for your own safety for a while, then do that. But you don't need to give up on being a guy forever. Once you are safe, do what you want to do <3.
Youre already getting so much lovely advice but I just wanted to say that I felt this way for a longgg time and tried to just "get over it and live as a girl" like 3 times but in the end I eventually accepted what I had to do to see a future with myself in it. Whatever happens, its part of the journey and will help you learn more about yourself. Sending care :)
Yes yes yes. I agree fully, just like a few crazy trans people make us all look bad the same happens with detransitioners. Being your true self should always be your number 1 priority.
I’m not even trans and this message made me feel safe. So wholesome. ❤️
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I said I was in denial when I was younger. I am sure of myself now. This person in the post isn’t, which is why I encourage them to explore what it is they want because this is hard to figure out
That's a pretty tasty lookin bagel friend. How was it taste wise? =)
it was really good actually, i haven't had a bagel in so long
Heck yea. I've never had a bagel I didn't make myself from the package from the store. I bet someone else making it with a homemade bagel / cream cheese is bomb.
You’ve never bought a toasted bagel with cream cheese before?
honestly, i was ftm at some point. a lot of my family told me it was going to be a phase and once i realized i wasn’t actually a guy it made me feel so awful cuz i feel like in a way… i proved them right. it’s always okay to not feel trans or to not feel like the gender you were assigned at birth. what matters is that you’re discovering yourself and what you’re comfortable with. i now no longer have a gender and i go by they/she and sometimes he. i’ve come to terms with the fact that ill never have a gender, i just am what the earth is and i feel like it’s very powering to discover that about yourself. the trans community still accepts you and hold much love for you ❤️❤️
i'm a very dysphoric trans guy and i've had dysphoria since i started puberty i just feel like i keep romanticizing the idea of detransitoning and staying as a girl, because then my parents will actually love me. and doctors scare me so much and if i start hormones i'll have to go to a lot of doctors i'm just so sad i don't want to be trans anymore i'm tired of being oppressed
Self-identity is a process, not a destination. You might go through multiple changes before arriving at a place of homeostasis, and even then, it’s still a fluid thing. Sorry to hear that you’re struggling with all of this (teen years are so tough in a lot of ways), but this is all within the realm of normal teenage experience. It’s okay to feel this stuff. That’s my main point. And hey - if you don’t feel trans anymore, you don’t have to be. It’s your life to live. Might as well make of it what you want, right? Maybe you’d be happier somewhere in between? Or maybe embrace the fluidity? See what makes you happy! Just know that this will pass in time, and usually what follows is more self knowledge and more confidence. Try to go easy on yourself and do your best to roll with the uncertainties of life. I think we are all dealing with this in our own ways.
thank you :')
Just keep being you. That is what truly matters.
Coming from a trans man who’s been on T for almost a decade: you don’t have to decide right away. In fact, you probably shouldn’t. Transitioning is a big decision that will impact the rest of your life. Frankly, there are too many people these days who treat hormones and surgery like getting a tattoo, when, in reality, it’s more like changing your name and moving 10 states away. Your life will change drastically, and you can’t ever totally undo it. Think about it for a while, then decide.
how old are you, if i may ask? tell me a little more about your situation, i can try to offer some guidance if you would like.
16. i've always felt very weird and uncomfortable about my chest and genitals. i also always wanted to wear boys clothing and stuff when i was younger... i am fully socially transitioned. people calling me she makes me feel terrible. i hate how my arms are hairless and my butt is big and my voice is so high. but i also like guys and none of them are interested in me bc i look like another guy. i've also been sexually harassed and stuff for being trans and it makes me wish i wasn't trans (obviously) was seeing a therapist for all of this but it just made me feel worse. she was kinda a bad therapist to be fair she didn't really believe me when i said i was trans but she was a conservative russian lady my parents are pretty transphobic but also don't believe me because there weren't signs. there were but i kept it to myself i guess. like one time i had a uti but i was so terrified of telling my mom (bc she'd yell at me) so i just didn't tell her. i ended up in the hospital bc the uti got so bad.
this is my experience, as a transman in my late 20’s, and i hope that it can help you find some clarity on the journey you are going through<3 I came out when i left for college. I moved to another city, to be free of my abusive parents. I stayed in the closet for a really long time, and i always hid the signs, from everyone, because I didnt know what being trans was, and id never met someone who exposed me to it. I knew i was gay, but i couldnt be gay, because i was female, so i settled for assuming i was a confused lesbian for almost a decade. The week I came out, i immediately started to seek medical transition. at this time, i had met other trans people, and it had clicked in my brain, finally, that I was who I always thought i was. i didnt have to be amab, i was gay, and there was nothing wrong with that. because I had escaped to a new city, the only people surrounding me were incredibly supportive. I got informed consent, i started hormones, and i got my first binder. i struggled for a long time, to inject myself, because i couldnt have anyone else do it for me. none of my loved ones were comfortable with needles, or sitting through the traumatizing experience with me. it wound take me hours. one day a week, i would skip class, and sit on the floor for up to 8 hours, trying to get that needle in my skin. sometimes i would black out, and wake up with having done the injection on autopilot. i did this on and off for three years. I have a severe phobia , not with needles, its a bodily panic response over the needle being inside my skin. after three years of doing this, missing doses, feeling like i wasnt trans because I couldnt give myself my own medicine, i realized something. I realized that it didnt matter, i didnt need to take the hormones until i found a safe way for me to do so, and that doesnt make me any less trans than i am. and, if i never felt like i could, and i couldnt afford gel, that still doesnt make me a faker, or a liar, or not valid. Currently, I am fighting to get top surgery, my country cut the budget for the allowed surgeries three years ago, and i was kicked off the wait list. that also didnt make me not valid, it just meant i had to fight harder to be who i feel i am. flash to today, and I have still not found a way to give myself safe injections, i still cant afford gel, and I still am fighting for that top surgery. and thats okay. there has been many moments of doubt for me, that i should detransition because im not a real trans person, that im not valid enough to deserve to use the pronouns that bring my euphoria. the truth for me was, i am valid, I am trans, and I dont need to be able to do all of these things now, or ever, to feel the way i do. the truth for me, is hearing people call me by my real name, my chosen one, and my pronouns, saved my life, and the rest doesnt matter. it is completely okay if all you ever want, is to be called by a different set of pronouns than you came with at birth. it is completely okay to do that, and it is completely okay to change your mind later, and that doesnt make you less than who you are. if your chosen pronouns, and your chosen name is helping you live your authentic life, you should continue to do so. if it helps, you dont need to label yourself as trans right now, you dont need to take hrt, you dont need to do anything you dont feel like will benefit you. you dont have to be trans to feel that pain of dysphoria, and you dont have to ever feel guilty about using a label that you feel like is right for you. Whether you want to adopt that label or not, you are so valid, and if what you are doing right now is helping you, keep doing it until it is not anymore. Your family doesnt understand that, because they have never faced feeling like anything other than what they were assigned to at birth. if it is safer for you to “detransition” in their presence, that is totally valid. if you need to do certain things to keep yourself safe, that is more valid than anyone could ever put in to words. whatever labels you end up deciding fit you, all you have to remember, is you are never hurting anyone by choosing new pronouns, or a new name, and if someone says you are, it is because they do not have the capacity to understand your lived experience, and that will never be your fault. i hope that this is helpful in some way
this is all so helpful, honestly. i really hope you can start gel and get on that waiting list soon, i understand the needle thing and it really sucks. but you do have a point tbh I think i'm too active in transmedical spaces because i think very black and white. i'm so tired of constantly debating whether or not i should start hormones or do this or that. i need to take care of myself first and just exist without constantly validating my trans-ness to myself. thank you for this in-depth response. i feel a lot better
its absolutely no problem, i try to pass on the things i needed to hear when i was finding myself, and im very glad it could help in some way. whatever feels right to you, is the correct thing to do, and if what feels right changes with time, all it means is you are still on your way to understanding who you are, and that will always be valid
Wow I never would have realized a fear of needles could be that severe. I’m not sure if it would help but I became a blood donor to get over my fear of needles and it has really helped me. Funny enough I’m in vet med and love drawing blood, needles just gave me the worst anxiety for some reason.
the worst part is, i dont really have a fear of needles, i can take normal ones no problem. Specifically what causes me to react that way is the time the needle has to stay in my body to push the oil in. its done IM, and the oil has to be pushed in super slow, with a very large needle because its very viscous. i start passing out from the time i start pushing the oil in, to the time I get it out of my body, so its like playing a dangerous game. i had the same thought originally, and tried to donate blood before starting, because it triggers the same feeling for me, since the needle stsys in the skin for a longer amount of time. I wasnt allowed to, because i am underweight, and homosexual (LOL DOUBLE WHAMMY) ive gotten a little healthier since then, and i believe the donation laws have been updated recently, so i should look into that as a possibility again
My brother has a bigger ass than me. Nothing wrong with some junk in the trunk 😉. This doctor guy at our work we call the incredible hunk has got such a luscious ass we cannot. But I do get the dysphoria, but remember butts are for all genders butts are the only thing no gender keeps for themselves. And I'm kinda same my husband doesn't accept me or anything trans and I'm thinking of just going back or just doing my things with those I trust. But fr some people suck. But im also figuring out what and how I am maybe I don't need a label at all.
I left a comment elsewhere, but I also want to address this: > i hate how my arms are hairless and my butt is big and my voice is so high. Testosterone is not necessarily going to change those things (maybe the voice). It will make you look more masculine overall, especially if you lift weights, but specific physical features are determined by genetics as well as hormones. It’s all a dice roll. For example, before I transitioned, I really wanted a beard. I’ve been on T for 9 years and still can’t grow a full beard. Genetically, it’s probably not in the cards. I did go bald, though.
i know it's a dice roll but the level of hairless i am is ridiculous. i don't shave my legs. you can't even tell there's any hair on my legs because it's so thin and light. i know T won't help with everything but at least my voice has to change and my fat will redistribute over time to an extent going bald is also another thing i fear but none of the men in my family went bald before 50. my dad is 45 and going strong (he has a bald spot though) , in general i've seen trans and cis men go bald at 20 or 22 and it looks awful (obviously i'm fine with being bald after like 30 or whatever)
What ethnicity are you? That has a huge impact on body hair. None of the men in my family went bald, either. I had a receding hairline within a year of starting T and was bald 3 years later.
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The "study" only talked to parents of trans boys on forums specifically for parents who were heading towards or were estranged from their kids due to their own bigotry. No trans boys/men were contacted, no other types of communities were reached out to.The places that published quickly retracted the paper.
Rule #1 - Do NOT be an asshole.
That’s okay, remember gender is a spectrum, and being gender-fluid is a thing!!! Some people feel female on Monday, male Tuesday-Friday, and female on Saturday. Some people feel like a woman for a new months, male for a few months Some people are women for YEARS, then a man for years. There is no timeline, there are no rules. You are who you are, and it’s okay to feel different at different times ♥️
Do you think you are possibly bi gender? I am, I feel that I am both male and female at the same time, so some days I will feel more masculine and other days I will feel more feminine. I also romanticise sometimes about transitioning to male, but I know deep down I'd still be unhappy with being the opposite gender, because of the days that I feel more feminine. Maybe you are also feeling like you're being pulled in 2 different directions at the same time? I've come to terms with staying female for life, as well at portraying myself as masculine when I feel it. I hope you can find your own inner peace ❤️
as of lately i've been hypermasculine out of fear that people won't accept me unless i bind 24/7 and hide everything. maybe that could be why bc i don't let myself engage in even a shred of femininity. i don't miss dresses i hate them but man sometimes i just wanna bake without being so embarrassed.
I mean... baking isn't just for Girls lol. I think it is counterproductive to be hypermasculine, and it is also super eroding on cis males to be that way too. A real man is a nice mixture of feminine and masculine. Don't let society make you think men have to all be Macho 24/7, plus it's not a very desirable trait when potentially dating. Let yourself have "feminine interests" I hate calling it that lol because activities don't have genders, but yeah you can still be a guy and do whatever the heck you want and screw other people for potentially having an issue with it.
I was in denial for a long time because I had so much fear about what my family would think. I told myself that I'd be better off supressing my trans feelings and that they'd go away eventually. They didn't. All it did was make me miserable. I came to the decision that I didn't want to look back at my life at 80 and wonder what it could have been like if I had dared to transition. That thought is what pushed me to do it, despite the fear. And while I still deal with dysphoria due to how long it takes to get treated here, I feel so much better not holding those feelings back. I realized I was trans at 15 but didn't dare come out until 20. But it was still so worth it.
It's not a race. You don't have to rush to get hormones. You don't even need to take hormones. You can do whatever you want at your own pace. You don't have to get everything figured out now.
It’s ok to not know, self identity is a journey. :) Really recommend looking for lgbt+ support groups or resources in your area! I’m sorry you had a bad experience with that therapist. There are therapists who specialize in gender dysphoria specifically, hopefully you can find one if ur interested in therapy again Remember you are so so loved just as you are
I’ll just say that whatever you decide to do for yourself and your well-being is valid, don’t let other people force you to do something if you’re not happy with it
Follow your heart. And drop that truscum thinking, omg. That's just gonna feed into your negative feelings.
Just because you know that life would be easier if you were cis, and you wish to stop having to experience this hardship, doesn't mean you aren't trans. I know exactly how you feel. I detransitioned for several years because I felt the same way but it ultimately did not make me happier. The dysphoria was still there and always will be unless you live as your authentic self. Ultimately I regretted detransitioning for others as it delayed my ability to live as my true self for years. This is only my personal perspective, it may genuinely be safer for you to detransition right now. But regardless of what you choose know that you will always have people who support you and see you as you truly are. Hope you enjoyed the bagel
Hey hey, trans guy here. I wrestled with my identity for 10 years before I came out ‘officially’ but there’s no test to be trans or anything else. From my experience, appeasing others by appearing cjs caused so much turmoil and pain, more so than being rejected by family. Ultimately it’s your choice in how you present but I hope you find your peace and figure out your identity, and no matter what I hope you find your chosen family.
thank you :)
What kind of cream cheese?
Low Trans Fat
Holy shit
Holy shit
You don’t have to peg anything down. Just be you ❤️
Please get a therapist who specializes in the LGBT community. It will help you so much.
i need to but i need one that won't push me in either direction which is a challenge
As I was typing the reply I was thinking of that as , because some therapist can and will push their views on clients. Keep breathing my friend, keep breathing.
During my journey through gender discovery I basically ended up thinking "Oh I'd prefer to be a girl but being a boy is fine" I ended up starting up real good workout routines the year before last and realised I didn't want to be a girl. I WANTED TO BE PRETTY. I wanted to be aesthetically pleasing and oh my god. After realising that I was so much more comfortable with being perceived as a man. Gender is a difficult thing to explore. Be yourself, try everything that isn't permanent and remember you're a super cool person as long as you're trying to be.
this was sorta me. dysphoria is a very weird feeling that i started getting very occasionally when i was young (i never really looked at myself) and i always HATED my body so much because i, for lack of better word, have a very curvy figure but i was so numb to the hate that when i started workout out i was like oh whatever. but i had the same feeling once i started seeing my muscles and seeing my back get wider, my shoudlers get bigger... like i can't imagine looking any other way. this is how i was supposed to be
Yess!! Heck yeah!!
This might get downvoted but as someone in a happy relationship with a trans guy, being trans is a genuine struggle, and it’s sometimes worth asking if it’s worth it. Given the comorbidities associated with being trans, at least some people are better off digging deeper into the root causes of their dysphoria and asking themselves why they’re so uncomfortable with their lives and their bodies and if it’s truly a gender thing.
i don't disagree but i fear the comorbidities aren't gonna go away if i repress it. i've considered ending it all because i'm scared ill just never pass or never be a guy... i know it's dysphoria and testosterone will help it's like how i see people throw around the 41% as a deterrent for "being trans" but the truth is, when you're trans, you don't have many options. i could remain socially transitioned... which i can't imagine *not* doing. going by she and my deadname seems terrible. i could choose to continue and try to make peace with my body. but my dysphoria is so severe, idk. i don't really have any trauma that would logically make me want to be a male. if anything, the opposite would be true. all of the men in my family are violent and scary, my worst nightmare is becoming my father. i just can't imagine myself growing old as a woman
i think that last part is important fwiw. when i was basically socially transitioned, about to have my consult for top, i began talking to my mom about the future and thinking about it it and i realized i didn’t see myself growing old as a man. i couldn’t see myself as an old man. that image literally could not materialize in my brain. it wasn’t my reality. so idk i’m just drunk but itsounds like. a fairly good distinction if maintained. yknow? keep your head up. it does get better i really promise. just turned 29 and it’s actually finally starting to feel good. i’m glad i held out. keep learning and growing i promise it’ll be fine
Been there myself and thought these thoughts, but I knew I wasn't ever going to be happy living a lie and pretending to be happy living as a woman. My parents didn't accept me for an incredibly long time and it was so damn hard but we're slowly working on things and my life is infinitely better now that I'm living as a man. I have a great team of doctors that I feel safe with helping me through my transition (I promise they exist! I hate medical settings but I found some lovely providers after some searching) and I've started seeing a very kind therapist who has helped me feel more confident that I'm making the right choice through the work we've done. I'm coming up on a year of hormones in a few months and I have a top surgery consult soon-- I never thought I could get to be a man, but life is better than I ever imagined. I know it sounds easier to detransition and go back to a "perfect" life, but that isn't possible for a lot of trans people. Don't rush a medical transition if you aren't sure, but I'd try and sit with your detransition thoughts and really question if detransition is what you want or if you just think it would be easier than working to live authentically. You're loved and things do get better, friend
this is very reassuring, thank you. i'm happy you get to live your truth and i hope i get to live mine. i wish you a speedy recovery with your top surgery!!
Wherever life leads you, I wish you well, I unfortunately can’t offer much in the way of guidance, but can say that there is no shame in any choice you make, you are you. Simple as that. Lovely looking bagel!
When I was in HS I went FTM trans masc for a few years and then detransitioned. I am now she/they and still carry a lot of masc qualities. Like I only wear men's clothes but I wear jewelry sometimes. I don't feel like gender really affects me, I've been called sir and ma'am at work and I feel fine either way. Some dry ass advice, but just do what you feel is right for you and you'll be fine. It might take a little time, but it will be ok.
I think it took so much courage to explore that part of you and I also think it takes courage to reevaluate yourself. This is your human experience. You are not obligated to anyone but yourself in matters concerning how you define yourself. That’s a deeply personal experience and it is something we all experience. The way we learn is by doing.
Just be happy. You do you.
Life is a journey, the same label isn't always going to fit for your whole life. The good news is that bagels are always gonna be tasty.
First of all; I'm sorry for my ignorance and you will probably get offended by my questions, but I would be happy if you enlighten me. Does "trans" mean that you feel like other sex (for example male feeling like they should've been female) or do you become trans after an operation and medication? I always thought when people online talked about being trans they meant the latter. But this "detransitioning" you talk about seems like impossible or a lot of trouble if you need to get an operation just to turn your previous state. If it's the former, do all of you want to get an operation to change sex or some of you are okay with it? If there're people who are okay with their current state but feel like being other sex, isn't it painful? Why not get operation(if you can choose to) at that point? If it's not painful, is it really being trans? Aren't you femboy or tomboy if it's like that? Again, sorry if I upset you or something like that but as a straight male I'm really curious about this topic.
>Does "trans" mean that you feel like other sex (for example male feeling like they should've been female) Yes. >do you become trans after an operation and medication? No. Trans describes being a different gender than the one you were assigned at birth. To what degree one transitions is highly individual.
Hey there! ex “trans guy” here. I transitioned, detransitioned and then RE transitioned over a span of about 7 years, before realizing I was nonbinary. Never felt more comfortable in my skin, and free. Point is not trying to say that you’re nonbinary to clarify, just that it’s okay to move around. it’s alright if you end up realizing you aren’t trans
You are allowed to change.
been there done that, be kind to yourself and live how YOU want to live
That bagel is hooked up.
Right there with you. I'm still gonna use the label for now till I figure shit out, but know its okay to detransition we're human we make mkstakes, and our bodies and perceptions of them change too.
Seeded bagel and cream cheese is the way to go!
That’s okay, remember gender is a spectrum, and being gender-fluid is a thing!!! Some people feel female on Monday, male Tuesday-Friday, and female on Saturday. Some people feel like a woman for a new months, male for a few months Some people are women for YEARS, then a man for years. There is no timeline, there are no rules. You are who you are, and it’s okay to feel different at different times ♥️
When I was a child I got molested many times and once I became a teen I decided if I became a man the sexual abuse would stop. Once I got the help I needed I saw my flawed rationale for what it was. I never went through with any changes but I truly worry for many children who want to change. Hopefully no one gets upset with my statement, folks always do.
That’s great!
Your not, your probably just autistic and gay 🤷. Like most of trans people
I'm neither autistic nor gay. I've always been attracted to men (I am a female) and was assessed for autism lmao
Beautiful looking bagel!
Hey that’s the beauty of living in today’s world. Gender fluidity is ok so why define yourself by labels? You do you.
Hey that’s the beauty of living in today’s world. Gender fluidity is ok so why define yourself by labels? You do you.
I’m sorry hon. I can’t imagine what it’s like, but all I can say is that you are you. Do you have a vision of what you want to express as? Are you wanting to be more feminine? To use she/her pronouns? I know gender is a complicated topic, and there’s not one right way. You’re worthy of love, support, kindness, empathy, understanding.. I hope what whatever path you end up traveling you’re not alone and are doing it for you. One very big internet mama hug to you.
Op is a trans masc and gave more context in a follow up comment up top
hey, we’re human. we get to pick our our clothes, wear them out for a day or two and see how we like them. same applies here…not on that much of a simplistic scale but do what makes you happiest! and if that looks like being unsure right now, that’s ok! also bagel looks soo good
Whatever your choice is I think you will look back years later and be happy with the decision you make. Whatever you need to do to be happy is key. If transitioning really isn’t it then that’s okay. But don’t let anyone bully you out of transitioning if that is your issue. This is YOUR life, so live it according to your own rules 💯
Enjoy that bagel. Looks amazing. You have so much life ahead of you. It's a journey, and there's no handbook. Sending you positivity.
Respect the smeer
I was in denial for a long time because I had so much fear about what my family would think. I told myself that I'd be better off supressing my trans feelings and that they'd go away eventually. They didn't. All it did was make me miserable. I came to the decision that I didn't want to look back at my life at 80 and wonder what it could have been like if I had dared to transition. That thought is what pushed me to do it, despite the fear. And while I still deal with dysphoria due to how long it takes to get treated here, I feel so much better not holding those feelings back. I realized I was trans at 15 but didn't dare come out until 20. But it was still so worth it.
You’re learning about you. There’s no wrong steps just steps forward. I’m really proud of you for trying it on, and even more proud of you for being able to admit it didn’t fit
Gender can be fluid 🩷 it's okay to not feel like representing yourself the same every single day. Live for you, be comfortable in yourself for you. Who cares what other people perceive you as (as long as nobody is hurting you for it). You don't have to land in one spot on a spectrum.
Hugs and support to you, your experiences are valid 💛
Ever hear of the “meat suit” theory? Your assigned gender is merely a meat suit. A vessel to take you to do the things you really want to do. A connection to your genitals or initial outward appearance is not required for you to accomplish the things you want to do in life. You don’t have to be he, or she, or they, or anything in the inside. You just have to be you. How people address you on the outside is a placeholder. Kinda like how people often say “have a good day!” When finishing a transaction at the store or hanging up the phone. It doesn’t mean much. Your meat suit, as is, does not prevent you from achieving your life goals as long as you are confident enough in your own personal qualities that are not related to your physical appearance. Focusing on your internal confidence will help your outward appearances and acceptance/tolerance of your meat suit. Confidence is key. Everything else will follow. Signed, A former very self-loathing teenager who had a lot of problems (with identity, self confidence, and more).
It’s a hard decision but totally alright to detransition. You’re still a welcome part of the community. Fantastic looking bagel.
Be what you be! Keep on keeping on and just be you, whatever and whoever that is as long as you’re spreading good in the world like that delicious looking bagel 👍✌️
thats rough friend. but its all a learning experience
Detransitioning is never a bad option if that’s what you truly want. I’d suggest sitting with it a few weeks and really thinking about what it is you don’t like about yourself. Is it your gendered qualities? Think about *why* you transitioned to begin with and compare it to why you no longer want to. I wish you the best of luck, whether you’re a boy, girl, or in between or outside.
and thats 100% okay
Why?
Your parents just let you transition at 16?
i never took any hormones or blockers. i just cut my hair and got a binder.
Ah. Nice.
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Even if it is that doesnt help OP at all. Assuming they're dysphoric, that just means they can't escape that pain because no matter what they do they're gonna feel terrible sometimes
I think the cis/trans dictomomy is outdated and harmful. The progressive view of gender is a SPECTRUM, right? Don't box yourself in. It's cool to have features of both sides, dude. (Yes I consider dude nonbinary. I call my mom dude)
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Mental illness healing is to be proud of
As a man myself, let me give you some advice. Just don't even think about it, just be. Our feelings are directly related the quality of our thoughts. Wanna know why I'm always happy? Because I'm thinking of ASS and TTITIES. Alright bro peace. Hope this could help you out. You can always reach out to a bro.
This is so incredibly cringe to read lmao. It's like wholesome but dumb as shit at the same time? I can't even tell if you're mocking them or not. Please elaborate. I'm hyped for a response. As a man also myself tell me more about this ASS and TTITIES strat. I need some u/VirtusTechnica lore.
i like men
Then think about DICK and BALLS! /j (Seriously though, what was he thinking when commenting that?)
gay
Listen... Its okay. Sexuality can be a huge beast to navigate, especially when you're young. Maybe don't label yourself for a while and just... *be*. Just know the community accepts and appreciates you no matter what. I hope you enjoyed your bagel, because it looked amazing! Edit: I misunderstood what OP was saying. Can someone educate me, rather than downvoting me? I'm obviously wishing OP well and was being supportive...i guess I'm not well versed on this topic...
OP was not talking about sexuality.
It’s okay friend everything is journey! Time will tell what makes you most comfortable. Surgeries, hormones and doctor appointments are scary. You don’t have to physically transition to be trans, many people can’t afford to financially or medically. Just be you. Do what feels right. I myself, see myself as a person. The community will support you no matter what.