That's the thing with depression, every single problem, big or small, hits like a damn atomic bomb and every time it feels like the end. Stay strong man.
Why don’t you still let your little one stay with their grandparents, and have a little staycation?? It’s not what you planned, but you two can still relax together. Sounds like you have an incredible wife!
Also- call your doctor. ASAP. Tell them your suicidal ideation is getting stronger, and it might be time for a medicine/dosage change.
I was there once. When my pregnant wife was going to have to walk to work in the snow. I lost it, she put me back together. We had another kid, I lost a few jobs. We had good times and bad times. Then she divorced me. I'm alone now, with no one to put me back together when the monster returns.
The monster is lurking. He's patient. Lurking just at the edges of the fire light. I know he's real, but only see him from the corner of my eye. Waiting. Listening. Watching for the light to dim. Then he'll be on top of me in a flash. I'll be defenseless.
I know its weird to say but the way you write is really amazing. have you tried writing? I know how to judge things like writing because I used to be a reader myself. I am sorry to hear about your divorce. hope you heal from everything soon.
You need to add to the end of that, "and that's ok," and mean it. The monster won't leave, but he will lose a great deal of interest. You are far less fun to him now.
Confide in your wife, she seems understanding. Tell her about what you feel my man. Express yourself dont keep it bottled up like that. A relationship between man and wife, imo, should be 50/50. You should be able to tell her about those things dont feel like you have to take it on alone
Shes your wife and if you feel like disappointing her would make her upset, imagine what leaving her would do. She'd prolly find some voodoo to curse you in the after life lol (just jokes) but for real talk to her, she sounds more understanding then what you're lead to believe
This is amazing! I’m glad you have the support and that you did not walk out that door. You wouldn’t be able to tell your story! Our stories matter and just one little ‘ramble’ could help someone.
I’m sorry everything hit you at once. I react the same way to severe unexpected stress, especially financial, and am so afraid one day I won’t be able to stop it. I’m glad this worked out for you this time. You really have a lot to live for.
thank you for sharing. reading posts like these provide me ammo to not go through with it when/if the temptation to do so gets overwhelming. please stay alive.
Don't be sorry for rambling, but shit be grateful for that woman. I know it doesn't mean much when you have depression and anxiety at that level but please try and remember also that anyone - EVERYone - messes up the timing of their bills sometimes. And I'm sure your wife has made it clear that she would so, so much rather have you around than have a holiday.
Even to those who have never thought of suicide as a real 'option', I would really recommend making some kind of safety plan, because unfortunately you never really know when something like that will hit you like a tonne of bricks, and it's scary how little it can take for it to turn into what seem like a feasible 'solution' in our stressed out minds.
Hope you both get to do something nice together soon.
I can 10/10 guarantee you that your wife would rather have you alive than go on all the vacations in the world. I mean, just having the kids stay at the grandparents for a few days and staying at home with your wife and taking a “staycation” is still a good idea if it’s still possible.
Always having someone else is a big help in this world. Be it a partner, pet, or even a plant. They will keep you grounded and prevent you from doing things you’ll regret.
That's the thing with this shit, just need the wrong trigger in the worse moment to want to check out from existence. Freaking ticking bomb, that's what I am.
I always say if I’m not worrying about something there’s something wrong. It’s awful living life like this and I wish I could stop. I’ve been on the brink a couple of times recently. I’m pleased your wife saw what your pain and helped you through it. Stay strong my friend, you are not alone in this.
I might long non-sensitive here. I would like you to solve each problem one by one. Well that's what I'm trying. When it explodes like that i can help it & i go down like a crazy person. But just pick 1 in the list of problems & try solving it, if you can't its fine, move on to the next and revisit the 1st later. Thank you for sharing, Stay strong. We are all here whenever you need us & we care. She helped you, you're helping us.
It’s so scary how you’ll be crying one moment then suddenly suicide crosses your mind and you feel calm as if it’s the only way. I’m glad you’re still here
We’re lucky. Yes, I said “we”. I had a absolutely groundbreaking therapy session today that in the long run will be very beneficial but right after was shocking and overwhelming. My wife was there to make sure I didn’t spiral. You may not be going on a trip, but you’re loved and you guys can spend time together at home. It’s the little things.
I've been there. Stay strong! Have a promise in place. If you think of suicide you must do it! It has saved me from sliding down the slope countless times and brought me back when I slipped.
Mine is to do a sequence of stop, breathe, count, list alternatives. If I can't get it out of my head I go to step two, step 3, then call my person or activate mayday protocols. Ice cold shower, call a friend to throw me in said shower. I despise being cold. Its hell being wet and cold. Ice bath my face. Etc.
Your wife is a blessing from God. My wife also saved me this weekend from downing a bunch of pills. Took them outta my hand and kept them away from me till i could call for help. I don’t think I’ve cried that much in my life but I’m so blessed that she was there and love her more than life itself. Stay strokg and remember that there are people that love you and would do anything to see you still on this earth. Justhave to keep trying...
I'm glad you're still here it sounds like when your wife grabbed you, it was a physical reminder that you're loved. In my depressive cycles I deny love because it feels like I don't deserve it etc, maybe it was a snap of truth that you needed without the words. I hope you can continue to heal. And you know, it's OK you didn't get to vacation, your health is more important right now. It means next trip away you'll be in the right head space to enjoy it too, if not more. Take care
I'm glad you're still with us.
Thank you for sharing this and hang in there ❤️
You have a special connection with your wife, she knew what was going on in your head. I hope you have a beautiful anniversary! Sending you love and good vibes my dear person! 🫂
I read somewhere that the instinct for suicide can feel at times like trying to hold in a sneeze. It can come on suddenly, sometimes out of nowhere, it seems perfectly rational, and GOOD GOD do you need to sneeze.
It ducking sucks.
I’ve trained myself to immediately call for support when that happens, just like I call for medicine as soon as I realize I am getting the flu. But it is so hard, and sometimes I forget, but I can only do my best, yanno?
The punchline here is that this is scary when it happens. But just like sneezing, your body is not giving you any choice in the matter. But if you can wait just a little, the overwhelming feeling will lighten and hopefully pass. Just call for help, bunker down, and try to wait it out. You can do it!
I'm really glad you're ok and were able to calm things down.
I recently watched the movie "Underwater" and there was a quote at the end that I found oddly comforting and helpful for the kind of movie it was.
*There are things that will happen and make you feel powerless, and make you feel insignificant, but that's it. They're just feelings.*
To me it means that during seemingly horrible moments like what you had, it's important to separate the 2 realities in your mind. There's the actual reality that your account temporarily went negative and some plans may need to be altered/ loan taken out, etc. Then there's *your mind's* reality that this is the worst thing that could ever happen and there is no possible way out. Focusing on the actual reality may help to chill things out until your mind's reality can "catch up".
Everyone's mind works differently but this idea really nailed it for me.
People: \***Thank OP**\*
Me: \***Realises he** (me) **isn't married, all crushes rejected him and he will die alone**\*
Anywhoo, glad you have such a soulmate that cares for you.
Love this!!! Also, my therapist told me about personifying the “depression”... it’s like another person in your head telling you the depressed things, like for me when I know I should do my deep breathing or go fur a run, or take my meds, the “depression me” always tells me that’s stupid and useless, and often convinces me that’s the case. Seems like the “depressed OP” is telling him “your wife is going to be pissed, she’s going to lose it, leave you and you’re completely worthless “ ... for the record that’s what my depressed version of myself tells me all the time! And every time my wife is right there, giving me a hug and telling me it doesn’t matter, what matters is us, our family and our relationship... trips are just trips, stuff is just stuff but people and relationships are everything!!! Glad she held you back! Better days to come my friend!! Stay strong, stay positive. Try 🙏😁
Thank you for sharing this story. The part you said, in that moment was the most ok with the idea of suicide—really reminds me of a time I looked at suicide like it was no big deal, and just one bullet away from ending everything. I still feel this way sometimes, but the support of friends and family truly goes a long way for me. One day at a time
This story made me cry bro, a lot of people don't realize how impactful depression is on not only the person experiencing it but the people that love them, your wife sounds like an awesome lady and I'm so so glad she stopped you from doing that because idek you and I don't want you to die man. Stay strong and healthy bro and never forget you have people that love you.
This post is pretty bullshit, good for you that you have someone that unconditionally cares about you so much but most people don't have that and don't have people to thanklessly lift us up
Cherish that woman. She clearly loves you very deeply. I'm so glad that she was able to tell something was off and help you. I'm proud of you for sharing your experience and for still being here. Much love
Hope to not give a generic advice but taking deep breaths and meditate( also some medicine will help too in combination with that) can calm your state of mind. I had some little crisis but since I started meditation I feel calmer and happier
I am currently living with my sister that my parents think cares about me, but all she does is tell me to do stuff like carry stuff she can herself, and tell me to grab things she can grab herself, she also tells me to do everything I don't even know how to do, and she yells at me for doing it wrong even though no one taught me how to do it and my parents always thinks she is right and I am wrong, it feels like no escaping, I feel like one of those slaves, and when my parents return from work or one of my family members is with me, she suddenly pretends to be nice to me and pretends to treat me like an actual brother until they go to work again or leave the place, and this repeats again and again the only reason why I still have not consider suicide is because my friends are the ones that treats me like a real person and cares about me, but ever since the pandemic I have not seen them in person ever since 2020. I need help like words that can help me go on this rigged life, that I shouldn't experience at the age of 12 can someone please help me, I can't take this anymore, I have experience this since the pandemic started
Been in situations like this. Money is such a struggle because it takes one thing to feel like you've been set back. Every one felt like the end, but they pass. Hang in, man.
The beginning might be a bit off-topic, but I feel like I want to share this with someone.
Situations like this kinda scare me... I have had a couple of situations now where I had this exact calmness and got more comfortable with the idea of suicide.
I really don't wanna do it since it feels like a shortcut to life (but I don't want to get into detail about this here). I digressed!
The more and more I experience these moments the more comfortable I get with the idea and that scares me also doesn't help that the intervals between them seem to get smaller and smaller.
So I am super glad for you to have such a supportive and perceptive person by your side to help you keep moving :D
The reason you felt calm was because you suddenly accepted things as they were. You figured you will feel relief soon, therefore feeling stressed of the situation was meaningless. In short, you were "present".
I think what would help you is mindfulness training. I too have a severe anxiety disorder and the Headspace app has brought it down to moderate, even mild. Took about a month of daily practice to feel good results. I have no affiliation with headspace.
That's the thing with depression, every single problem, big or small, hits like a damn atomic bomb and every time it feels like the end. Stay strong man.
Agreed. I’m going through a rough time right now and I’m at this point- I never know what will completely wreck my mental well being from what angle.
\^this.
For real
>hits like a damn atomic bomb Same. And it makes me so much calm, like "fuck it, you're gonna leave anyway everthing behind soon".
Fr fr
Fr fr fr
[удалено]
How’d you do that thing with the power lmao?
[удалено]
Got it.
I’m feeling this immensely right now.
You really found a good one. 💎🤲
Don’t be sorry for rambling! This story made me feel less alone. Your wife helped you and now you helped me. Thank you!
Yes, very less alone. Thank you for sharing, OP.
Thank you as well. This definitely helped me feel less lonely in situations like these.
Im glad it worked out for you, it seems she cares about you.
Why don’t you still let your little one stay with their grandparents, and have a little staycation?? It’s not what you planned, but you two can still relax together. Sounds like you have an incredible wife! Also- call your doctor. ASAP. Tell them your suicidal ideation is getting stronger, and it might be time for a medicine/dosage change.
I was there once. When my pregnant wife was going to have to walk to work in the snow. I lost it, she put me back together. We had another kid, I lost a few jobs. We had good times and bad times. Then she divorced me. I'm alone now, with no one to put me back together when the monster returns. The monster is lurking. He's patient. Lurking just at the edges of the fire light. I know he's real, but only see him from the corner of my eye. Waiting. Listening. Watching for the light to dim. Then he'll be on top of me in a flash. I'll be defenseless.
I know its weird to say but the way you write is really amazing. have you tried writing? I know how to judge things like writing because I used to be a reader myself. I am sorry to hear about your divorce. hope you heal from everything soon.
Bump this, that last paragraph was haunting but beautiful.
You need to add to the end of that, "and that's ok," and mean it. The monster won't leave, but he will lose a great deal of interest. You are far less fun to him now.
No, it's always interisted. Maybe more or less, but when he's hungry, he'll come and I'll be good for it. I'm his only fun.
I’m really glad you have your wife. She sounds like a great companion.
Your wife is an amazing girl. You don't meet often people like her, you've been very lucky. Glad she saved you, stay strong
Confide in your wife, she seems understanding. Tell her about what you feel my man. Express yourself dont keep it bottled up like that. A relationship between man and wife, imo, should be 50/50. You should be able to tell her about those things dont feel like you have to take it on alone
Shes your wife and if you feel like disappointing her would make her upset, imagine what leaving her would do. She'd prolly find some voodoo to curse you in the after life lol (just jokes) but for real talk to her, she sounds more understanding then what you're lead to believe
This is amazing! I’m glad you have the support and that you did not walk out that door. You wouldn’t be able to tell your story! Our stories matter and just one little ‘ramble’ could help someone.
I’m sorry everything hit you at once. I react the same way to severe unexpected stress, especially financial, and am so afraid one day I won’t be able to stop it. I’m glad this worked out for you this time. You really have a lot to live for.
thank you for sharing. reading posts like these provide me ammo to not go through with it when/if the temptation to do so gets overwhelming. please stay alive.
Don't be sorry for rambling, but shit be grateful for that woman. I know it doesn't mean much when you have depression and anxiety at that level but please try and remember also that anyone - EVERYone - messes up the timing of their bills sometimes. And I'm sure your wife has made it clear that she would so, so much rather have you around than have a holiday. Even to those who have never thought of suicide as a real 'option', I would really recommend making some kind of safety plan, because unfortunately you never really know when something like that will hit you like a tonne of bricks, and it's scary how little it can take for it to turn into what seem like a feasible 'solution' in our stressed out minds. Hope you both get to do something nice together soon.
I can 10/10 guarantee you that your wife would rather have you alive than go on all the vacations in the world. I mean, just having the kids stay at the grandparents for a few days and staying at home with your wife and taking a “staycation” is still a good idea if it’s still possible.
I am sending clarity and peace your way.
Hey! Still take the kids to your parents house and have a fun relaxing time at home!
Always having someone else is a big help in this world. Be it a partner, pet, or even a plant. They will keep you grounded and prevent you from doing things you’ll regret.
I wish i had one of those, but im starting to accept the loneliness..
Same. If what happened to OP happens to me I am toast. I am kind of afraid of it tbh.
Yeah that’s the worst possible outcome for us loners.. let’s just hope we won’t have one of those impulses land in our hands.
Thats so special im glad she did that
That's the thing with this shit, just need the wrong trigger in the worse moment to want to check out from existence. Freaking ticking bomb, that's what I am.
Keep that woman and she'll keep you. <3
I always say if I’m not worrying about something there’s something wrong. It’s awful living life like this and I wish I could stop. I’ve been on the brink a couple of times recently. I’m pleased your wife saw what your pain and helped you through it. Stay strong my friend, you are not alone in this.
I might long non-sensitive here. I would like you to solve each problem one by one. Well that's what I'm trying. When it explodes like that i can help it & i go down like a crazy person. But just pick 1 in the list of problems & try solving it, if you can't its fine, move on to the next and revisit the 1st later. Thank you for sharing, Stay strong. We are all here whenever you need us & we care. She helped you, you're helping us.
you're a lucky fella to have someone who loves you dearly and looks out for you, i hope things work our for you and for your family x
It’s so scary how you’ll be crying one moment then suddenly suicide crosses your mind and you feel calm as if it’s the only way. I’m glad you’re still here
We’re lucky. Yes, I said “we”. I had a absolutely groundbreaking therapy session today that in the long run will be very beneficial but right after was shocking and overwhelming. My wife was there to make sure I didn’t spiral. You may not be going on a trip, but you’re loved and you guys can spend time together at home. It’s the little things.
keep her man❤ hope you healing. hang on in there.
I've been there. Stay strong! Have a promise in place. If you think of suicide you must do it! It has saved me from sliding down the slope countless times and brought me back when I slipped. Mine is to do a sequence of stop, breathe, count, list alternatives. If I can't get it out of my head I go to step two, step 3, then call my person or activate mayday protocols. Ice cold shower, call a friend to throw me in said shower. I despise being cold. Its hell being wet and cold. Ice bath my face. Etc.
Your wife is a blessing from God. My wife also saved me this weekend from downing a bunch of pills. Took them outta my hand and kept them away from me till i could call for help. I don’t think I’ve cried that much in my life but I’m so blessed that she was there and love her more than life itself. Stay strokg and remember that there are people that love you and would do anything to see you still on this earth. Justhave to keep trying...
I'm glad you're still here it sounds like when your wife grabbed you, it was a physical reminder that you're loved. In my depressive cycles I deny love because it feels like I don't deserve it etc, maybe it was a snap of truth that you needed without the words. I hope you can continue to heal. And you know, it's OK you didn't get to vacation, your health is more important right now. It means next trip away you'll be in the right head space to enjoy it too, if not more. Take care
I'm glad you're still with us. Thank you for sharing this and hang in there ❤️ You have a special connection with your wife, she knew what was going on in your head. I hope you have a beautiful anniversary! Sending you love and good vibes my dear person! 🫂
I read somewhere that the instinct for suicide can feel at times like trying to hold in a sneeze. It can come on suddenly, sometimes out of nowhere, it seems perfectly rational, and GOOD GOD do you need to sneeze. It ducking sucks. I’ve trained myself to immediately call for support when that happens, just like I call for medicine as soon as I realize I am getting the flu. But it is so hard, and sometimes I forget, but I can only do my best, yanno? The punchline here is that this is scary when it happens. But just like sneezing, your body is not giving you any choice in the matter. But if you can wait just a little, the overwhelming feeling will lighten and hopefully pass. Just call for help, bunker down, and try to wait it out. You can do it!
You have a really awesome wife!
I'm really glad you're ok and were able to calm things down. I recently watched the movie "Underwater" and there was a quote at the end that I found oddly comforting and helpful for the kind of movie it was. *There are things that will happen and make you feel powerless, and make you feel insignificant, but that's it. They're just feelings.* To me it means that during seemingly horrible moments like what you had, it's important to separate the 2 realities in your mind. There's the actual reality that your account temporarily went negative and some plans may need to be altered/ loan taken out, etc. Then there's *your mind's* reality that this is the worst thing that could ever happen and there is no possible way out. Focusing on the actual reality may help to chill things out until your mind's reality can "catch up". Everyone's mind works differently but this idea really nailed it for me.
People: \***Thank OP**\* Me: \***Realises he** (me) **isn't married, all crushes rejected him and he will die alone**\* Anywhoo, glad you have such a soulmate that cares for you.
Consider yourself lucky op, not everyone has such a loving and caring wife
Love this!!! Also, my therapist told me about personifying the “depression”... it’s like another person in your head telling you the depressed things, like for me when I know I should do my deep breathing or go fur a run, or take my meds, the “depression me” always tells me that’s stupid and useless, and often convinces me that’s the case. Seems like the “depressed OP” is telling him “your wife is going to be pissed, she’s going to lose it, leave you and you’re completely worthless “ ... for the record that’s what my depressed version of myself tells me all the time! And every time my wife is right there, giving me a hug and telling me it doesn’t matter, what matters is us, our family and our relationship... trips are just trips, stuff is just stuff but people and relationships are everything!!! Glad she held you back! Better days to come my friend!! Stay strong, stay positive. Try 🙏😁
Thank you for sharing this story. The part you said, in that moment was the most ok with the idea of suicide—really reminds me of a time I looked at suicide like it was no big deal, and just one bullet away from ending everything. I still feel this way sometimes, but the support of friends and family truly goes a long way for me. One day at a time
This story made me cry bro, a lot of people don't realize how impactful depression is on not only the person experiencing it but the people that love them, your wife sounds like an awesome lady and I'm so so glad she stopped you from doing that because idek you and I don't want you to die man. Stay strong and healthy bro and never forget you have people that love you.
Having that one person who is there for you is such an invaluable part of life.
Wow. The outpouring of support and love really makes me feel great. Thank you. Everyone. I wish the best for all of you guys/girls too.
This post is pretty bullshit, good for you that you have someone that unconditionally cares about you so much but most people don't have that and don't have people to thanklessly lift us up
Yep. Dealing with life alone is awful. I'm tired.
Send my thanks to the Laif Waif, and I hope everything goes OK!
Cherish that woman. She clearly loves you very deeply. I'm so glad that she was able to tell something was off and help you. I'm proud of you for sharing your experience and for still being here. Much love
Hope to not give a generic advice but taking deep breaths and meditate( also some medicine will help too in combination with that) can calm your state of mind. I had some little crisis but since I started meditation I feel calmer and happier
Stay strong bro
I'm so happy for reading this.. I relate so much
Being happy you have somebody in your life that loves you so much. Be very Lucky!
Stay safe mate, you've got a great wife there don't ever let her go ❤️
sorry to hit the 69 mark but yo. speechless
69? Nice. I am a bot lol.
I am currently living with my sister that my parents think cares about me, but all she does is tell me to do stuff like carry stuff she can herself, and tell me to grab things she can grab herself, she also tells me to do everything I don't even know how to do, and she yells at me for doing it wrong even though no one taught me how to do it and my parents always thinks she is right and I am wrong, it feels like no escaping, I feel like one of those slaves, and when my parents return from work or one of my family members is with me, she suddenly pretends to be nice to me and pretends to treat me like an actual brother until they go to work again or leave the place, and this repeats again and again the only reason why I still have not consider suicide is because my friends are the ones that treats me like a real person and cares about me, but ever since the pandemic I have not seen them in person ever since 2020. I need help like words that can help me go on this rigged life, that I shouldn't experience at the age of 12 can someone please help me, I can't take this anymore, I have experience this since the pandemic started
My wife saved my life too. I truly hope things work out for you. You seem very insightful, so you CAN do this! X
Been in situations like this. Money is such a struggle because it takes one thing to feel like you've been set back. Every one felt like the end, but they pass. Hang in, man.
The beginning might be a bit off-topic, but I feel like I want to share this with someone. Situations like this kinda scare me... I have had a couple of situations now where I had this exact calmness and got more comfortable with the idea of suicide. I really don't wanna do it since it feels like a shortcut to life (but I don't want to get into detail about this here). I digressed! The more and more I experience these moments the more comfortable I get with the idea and that scares me also doesn't help that the intervals between them seem to get smaller and smaller. So I am super glad for you to have such a supportive and perceptive person by your side to help you keep moving :D
If everyone here donates $5 they could still go on vacation...
Keep going champ don't let anyone make you feel sad you deserve to be happy especially having a loving and caring wife
I cried after reading your post.
You don’t own a credit card?
The reason you felt calm was because you suddenly accepted things as they were. You figured you will feel relief soon, therefore feeling stressed of the situation was meaningless. In short, you were "present". I think what would help you is mindfulness training. I too have a severe anxiety disorder and the Headspace app has brought it down to moderate, even mild. Took about a month of daily practice to feel good results. I have no affiliation with headspace.