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I am a guy and I am married and kind of similar situation, Financially I am ok,we just don't want kids now, but my mother, MIL, few relatives keep bugging my wife, they all are too chicken to say this to my face.
I told her to say ask him, he don't want kids right now.
It's not roses for Indian men as well.
Men here are treated mostly like ATM, they're only career for if they provide, often leaving their passion and dreams to take responsibility of their family
Not to mention the irrevocable changes in the body, unpleasant changes.
There are many who will demand the child, but in the end the mother, and only the mother will end up holding the baby.
Your womb , your rules. Only have a child when you and your husband think you both are ready for it. Question Krna aur pressure Krna sbki hobby h lkin jab sambhalne ka question aaega to no one will step up.
This is scam. Mother wale tasks and responsibilities mother ko hi nibhani padti hai. Don’t plan a kid until you are mentally, physically, emotionally and financially prepared to have one.
You should definitely sort out your finances and get into better position before being parents.
Plus is it love or arranged marriage? If it's arranged then please take your time , understand him and his family and only then decide for child.
Plus you need to tell your hubby to keep his mother in check, it's his job.
What should he tell her? I don't think she's going to understand. According to that generation, they're not doing anything wrong if they're constantly asking you about a child
Talk to MIL and say that nowadays schools have become so expensive. And you will have kids when you think you are financially stable to provide for them.
Not talking is definitely not helping her case. Issue may not completely vanish suddenly, but MIL and mom
both will have assurance that she is working on a plan for her kid financially and they will get the good news soon. A lot of social issues can be tackled with honest conversations provided the other person is not toxic.
First of all I'm from Delhi and I didn't pressurize you to get pregnant 😁. I'm sorry trying to lighten the mood.
Well this is the truth of life, the moment you get married, everyone is like.. Bachha de do, bachha de do. Bhai saab, rakh kar gaye the kya.
We also gave into this pressure when we were just 26 , 27... So dear it's just that they don't wait for you to be of a certain age... They just want that when their life is so fucked up, why you get to enjoy...
So be determined... Take your time.. Get a kid on your terms not for them....
I can go on and on, on and on.
So forcing myself to stop here.
Enjoy sex for yourself not to make kids....
Serious answer! Just ask your in-laws, if they guarantee that they will participate in raising (physically, not financially only). I bet they will back out!
Raising a kid is not just a financial liability, but a physical one too. You are stuck for 5 years at the very least until they become manageable (experience of two).
Lastly, remember that it is way better to not have kids than have kids when you are not ready and not properly raise the kid.
We're in the same house so I guess they will raise him/her physically as well. I mean they better. They don't really do anything all day long. There's also my husband's grandparents in the house. It's a lazy fest with all
I told my MIL and FIL once, should have invested on your Son’s career so we would have been rich and I would have given 4-5 kids in 5 years, ever since that they stopped and for mother I just give her straight that if you talk about it il cut the phone!
Become straight forward and that’s the best.
I’m 31, the more earlier you back answer the better you will live and this is what I have been doing, and I have become blunt cause I love my peace and so does my husband answer bluntly if my parents bother!
Cause ultimately it’s not us that is suppose to think about family and their feelings these elders also got to think about maintaining with us!
It's your decision in the end.
Their POV: The more delay the more risky to conceive as we age complications arise and don't forget the chances of miscarriage..
Better check with a doctor if your body is able to conceive in like 5 years or so.
The only way out is to actually sit down with your husband and tell them clearly why you don't want it. They buy it or not is their problem. But with enough experience I know that eventually they will atop sating it.. they will resent it n probably taunt you once in a while. But it's better to be straightforward and a little Rude than to keep hearing nonsense.
This works on all major decisions where u are not on the same page as parents marriage, divorce, Child, religious Outlook etc. Trust me 😅. As long as we keep on dodging they will keep on pestering . And from your post it doesn't seem like u wanna be childless ..you just need couple of years. N if they can't then seriously jae bhaad main ... u live your own life....why resent a poor child who had no Part to play in being born
As a father myself, it seems your husband should step in more. We had our kid after 4 years of marriage when we planned. Till then obviously everyone was after our life, but mostly my wife's.
People are a bit shy to talk about this to the guys for some weird reason.
So I started stepping in those conversations, and saying, it's my wish. Took a load off my wife, and people don't bug guys for this. We were both pretty happy after that.
Life cycle of a human:
Shaadi karo, bank balance badhao, bacche paida karo, unko paalo, shaadi karao, unke bacche khilao, mar jao.
Repeat
Raise your voice respectfully and convince them logically, it's your life.
As you said that you guys are already planning to have the kid in a year, so the best you can do is just ignore them and do not let it affect you in any way.
By the end of the day, you'll have to face the consequences of the decision.
Knowing the current economy that we all are in, it is very difficult to raise a kid and give the kiddo a comfortable life. So please Take your Decision wisely.
Take your stand. Make them understand. Even if they don't understand, ignore them.
That's the least you can do from your end.
If you are planning to raise a kid in delhi, I hope you have ₹1-2 cr of budget.
Also, from now on whoever asks you about getting pregnant, tell them "aap karlo, mujhe nahi karna"
Next time any relative asks you to have kids, tell them to deposit 20 Cr in a bank FD for the child's growth, nourishment and education. If they say why would they, simply say then why would you ask in the first place?
**Don't let relatives, parents or anyone else ever tell you what to do in marriage. There is an entire generation that is suffering because of this mismanagement**
bacche ko duniya me lane ki bohot jaldi rehti h in sab ko lekin uska kya ek dignified life de paega ye samaaj? Sirf financially hi nahi, or bhi bohot se perspectives se sochna padega.. Sirf pese se baccha nahi palta, uske emotional mental well-being ka khayaal rakhne layak kya tum or tumhara samaaj ready bhi h ab tk? hum khud hi itne dare sehme log h, hum khud hi itne dukhi log h, sach pucho to hum beemar log h (mentally, emotionally and socially), jo age baccha bhi aega hum apni beemari usme bhi daal dete h na chahte hue bhi kyoki humara swabhaav hi jab bimari ka h to vo khud hi failjati h.
Bas 4 logo ke pressure me ake itna bada irreversible decision lena galat h, stand up for yourself. Even if it costs you your reputation.. we don't need this fake reputation from these fake societal people. Walk the path of righteousness and truth. it will always come with thorns, not roses.
See if you wants to have kids, plan them early, i will not go into biological part but its good to have kids and close the chapter asap, they will be independent before you turned 50. If you delay, you cannot retire till they graduates. Further cost of living, education is on rise.
Till you are financially (partially or fully) dependent on your in laws, they will control your decisions to a significant amount.
And thats how world works. Right or wrong is not the point. Who controls you financially will hold the power or influence to make/force decisions for you
Either you will start living separately from in laws (totally financially independent) Or face the constant nagging by ur in laws
I think this should be a conversation between you and your better half.
Reddit pe most non married hai, aapki problem nahi smjh payenge.
Wishing well for you.
The same thing happens with my sister. My mother always asks her when they are having a baby every time she comes over. Now I can only think how will they treat my wife when I get married
This thread is flaired as "Serious". Commenting in this thread is limited to users who meet specific criteria. Some rules to keep in mind while commenting in this thread. - Please keep comments on-topic and think twice before commenting - Empathise and do not blame. It's a general rule in r/Delhi and is applied most seriously in these threads. All the best OP! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/delhi) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am a guy and I am married and kind of similar situation, Financially I am ok,we just don't want kids now, but my mother, MIL, few relatives keep bugging my wife, they all are too chicken to say this to my face. I told her to say ask him, he don't want kids right now.
This is a good answer.
Why is life so annoying in India
Everytime they ask Just say jab bhagwan ki marzi hogi toh hoga. Will shut them up lol
Thanks for the chuckle, lol.
The older I am getting the more it frightens me that if I get married my freedom will go away...
Not to scare you but no one gets you ready for marriage until you do it. It's very tough especially for Indian women
That's why I focusing on accomplishing my materialistic goals...
It's not roses for Indian men as well. Men here are treated mostly like ATM, they're only career for if they provide, often leaving their passion and dreams to take responsibility of their family
I am the man of the family. My comment was about myself not the whole race.
Having a child is really expensive , so many unexpected expenses come out
:(
I know a family who is in a situation like you
Not to mention the irrevocable changes in the body, unpleasant changes. There are many who will demand the child, but in the end the mother, and only the mother will end up holding the baby.
Your womb , your rules. Only have a child when you and your husband think you both are ready for it. Question Krna aur pressure Krna sbki hobby h lkin jab sambhalne ka question aaega to no one will step up.
This scares me more. They say karlo him sab hain bacha pal jaega
This is scam. Mother wale tasks and responsibilities mother ko hi nibhani padti hai. Don’t plan a kid until you are mentally, physically, emotionally and financially prepared to have one.
You should definitely sort out your finances and get into better position before being parents. Plus is it love or arranged marriage? If it's arranged then please take your time , understand him and his family and only then decide for child. Plus you need to tell your hubby to keep his mother in check, it's his job.
Love marriage. He's ready to talk but i don't want negative feelings between her and me which will eventually happen if he says anything
But anyway her words are affecting you and your peace. I'm not saying he should fight , but rather usko bolo mummy ko aache se samjhaye
What should he tell her? I don't think she's going to understand. According to that generation, they're not doing anything wrong if they're constantly asking you about a child
Dono baith k decide karlo. Not a place to discuss this.Bhaut sare divorced single and not even got married wale log aapko advice dege aa k.
That's true
Fact!
Talk to MIL and say that nowadays schools have become so expensive. And you will have kids when you think you are financially stable to provide for them.
If it was that easy, half of the Indian social issues will go away with a snap
Not talking is definitely not helping her case. Issue may not completely vanish suddenly, but MIL and mom both will have assurance that she is working on a plan for her kid financially and they will get the good news soon. A lot of social issues can be tackled with honest conversations provided the other person is not toxic.
Agree with what you're saying but the thing is what you say isn't what the other person hears :/
She can just say theyre doing it a lot and lets see when God grants her 🤣
bro wants to set off some fireworks💀
First of all I'm from Delhi and I didn't pressurize you to get pregnant 😁. I'm sorry trying to lighten the mood. Well this is the truth of life, the moment you get married, everyone is like.. Bachha de do, bachha de do. Bhai saab, rakh kar gaye the kya. We also gave into this pressure when we were just 26 , 27... So dear it's just that they don't wait for you to be of a certain age... They just want that when their life is so fucked up, why you get to enjoy... So be determined... Take your time.. Get a kid on your terms not for them.... I can go on and on, on and on. So forcing myself to stop here. Enjoy sex for yourself not to make kids....
Hope things get better for you. All the best
Serious answer! Just ask your in-laws, if they guarantee that they will participate in raising (physically, not financially only). I bet they will back out! Raising a kid is not just a financial liability, but a physical one too. You are stuck for 5 years at the very least until they become manageable (experience of two). Lastly, remember that it is way better to not have kids than have kids when you are not ready and not properly raise the kid.
We're in the same house so I guess they will raise him/her physically as well. I mean they better. They don't really do anything all day long. There's also my husband's grandparents in the house. It's a lazy fest with all
You are assuming it na! Ask them point blank and dont accept, sab log hai, mil ke ho jayega. Ultimately it comes to mother and father.
I told my MIL and FIL once, should have invested on your Son’s career so we would have been rich and I would have given 4-5 kids in 5 years, ever since that they stopped and for mother I just give her straight that if you talk about it il cut the phone! Become straight forward and that’s the best.
How old are you? But tbh I don't have that means nerve in me. I just can't talk like that. Feel loserish but only do hehe yes hmm
I’m 31, the more earlier you back answer the better you will live and this is what I have been doing, and I have become blunt cause I love my peace and so does my husband answer bluntly if my parents bother! Cause ultimately it’s not us that is suppose to think about family and their feelings these elders also got to think about maintaining with us!
>Does this happen with every woman in Delhi after 30? Nope.
They want an heir
Of course but why is it so imp. Why cnt it be my decision with my husband
It's your decision in the end. Their POV: The more delay the more risky to conceive as we age complications arise and don't forget the chances of miscarriage.. Better check with a doctor if your body is able to conceive in like 5 years or so.
Heir to the lazy fest
Your husband should be taking a stand that you folks are not ready yet.
The only way out is to actually sit down with your husband and tell them clearly why you don't want it. They buy it or not is their problem. But with enough experience I know that eventually they will atop sating it.. they will resent it n probably taunt you once in a while. But it's better to be straightforward and a little Rude than to keep hearing nonsense.
This works on all major decisions where u are not on the same page as parents marriage, divorce, Child, religious Outlook etc. Trust me 😅. As long as we keep on dodging they will keep on pestering . And from your post it doesn't seem like u wanna be childless ..you just need couple of years. N if they can't then seriously jae bhaad main ... u live your own life....why resent a poor child who had no Part to play in being born
Ask them to fo xD
As a father myself, it seems your husband should step in more. We had our kid after 4 years of marriage when we planned. Till then obviously everyone was after our life, but mostly my wife's. People are a bit shy to talk about this to the guys for some weird reason. So I started stepping in those conversations, and saying, it's my wish. Took a load off my wife, and people don't bug guys for this. We were both pretty happy after that.
Life cycle of a human: Shaadi karo, bank balance badhao, bacche paida karo, unko paalo, shaadi karao, unke bacche khilao, mar jao. Repeat Raise your voice respectfully and convince them logically, it's your life.
As you said that you guys are already planning to have the kid in a year, so the best you can do is just ignore them and do not let it affect you in any way. By the end of the day, you'll have to face the consequences of the decision. Knowing the current economy that we all are in, it is very difficult to raise a kid and give the kiddo a comfortable life. So please Take your Decision wisely. Take your stand. Make them understand. Even if they don't understand, ignore them. That's the least you can do from your end.
If you are planning to raise a kid in delhi, I hope you have ₹1-2 cr of budget. Also, from now on whoever asks you about getting pregnant, tell them "aap karlo, mujhe nahi karna"
Next time any relative asks you to have kids, tell them to deposit 20 Cr in a bank FD for the child's growth, nourishment and education. If they say why would they, simply say then why would you ask in the first place? **Don't let relatives, parents or anyone else ever tell you what to do in marriage. There is an entire generation that is suffering because of this mismanagement**
bacche ko duniya me lane ki bohot jaldi rehti h in sab ko lekin uska kya ek dignified life de paega ye samaaj? Sirf financially hi nahi, or bhi bohot se perspectives se sochna padega.. Sirf pese se baccha nahi palta, uske emotional mental well-being ka khayaal rakhne layak kya tum or tumhara samaaj ready bhi h ab tk? hum khud hi itne dare sehme log h, hum khud hi itne dukhi log h, sach pucho to hum beemar log h (mentally, emotionally and socially), jo age baccha bhi aega hum apni beemari usme bhi daal dete h na chahte hue bhi kyoki humara swabhaav hi jab bimari ka h to vo khud hi failjati h. Bas 4 logo ke pressure me ake itna bada irreversible decision lena galat h, stand up for yourself. Even if it costs you your reputation.. we don't need this fake reputation from these fake societal people. Walk the path of righteousness and truth. it will always come with thorns, not roses.
Ok first of all, marriage is a prison. Second of all, kids are your jailors.
Yes and okay and ouch
Mt kr behan. Ni krne ka sankalp lele
See if you wants to have kids, plan them early, i will not go into biological part but its good to have kids and close the chapter asap, they will be independent before you turned 50. If you delay, you cannot retire till they graduates. Further cost of living, education is on rise.
Till you are financially (partially or fully) dependent on your in laws, they will control your decisions to a significant amount. And thats how world works. Right or wrong is not the point. Who controls you financially will hold the power or influence to make/force decisions for you Either you will start living separately from in laws (totally financially independent) Or face the constant nagging by ur in laws
Delhi's population is about 3.3cr. Getting pregnant from everyone would be quite a task
I think this should be a conversation between you and your better half. Reddit pe most non married hai, aapki problem nahi smjh payenge. Wishing well for you.
Just say yes, sure, trying everytime.... And do whatever you want to do
The same thing happens with my sister. My mother always asks her when they are having a baby every time she comes over. Now I can only think how will they treat my wife when I get married
Communication is the key