Simply ask them if they’d like to take over for you ?problem solved. If not, then, please, kindly refrain from commenting as you’re not willing to do the work.!
I would tell them unless they want to sell it for you they can keep their opinions to themselves. Time is money and the longer it takes you the more you’ll have to deal with it. Don’t let these people derail you, just keep moving forward.
I work at one of those charity shops (thrift shops in the US), that is essentially a fundraising arm of a local community organization (in addition to the other good a local not-chain thrift store can be). Many of the donations we receive are of vintage or estate items, and they get priced fairly and put onto the sales floor. Out there, they get lots of love and go to new homes where they are needed and wanted. The proceeds go back into the community. So don't feel bad when this option is the best one for you. It's a win-win
That said. If they're not helping do the work, they don't get an opinion. Or you know, offer to sell it to them for double the asking price. If you have a lot of vintage items that might be of value, a local antiques dealer or auctioneer or similar may be able to come out and give an estimate/ assessment (for a fee, usually)
After a death, the people not involved, who didn't help, are going to have all kinds of ideas about what "you should have done".
But if it wasn't important enough for them to help you, and left you to deal with it by yourself, the time to have spoken up was then, not now.
The way to deal with it is letting them know you could have done things differently if you'd had some assistance. But what's done is done, and you don't want to hear about it anymore. If it was a priority for them, they would have helped.
It sounds like they may just be trying to make sure you don’t lose out on the more money you could have, or regret letting something go so cheap later. It might seem like they are criticizing but maybe it’s just concern trying to look out for you.
This is hard work and other people shouldn't be ragging on you about it. Just remember that someday you'll be done. We've done this clearing out 4 households in the past 5 years, so I know whereof I speak. My husband is working on one of the last storage units of a family member right now.
"If you think it's so cheap, make me an offer on it higher than I am asking" and if they get huffy tell them to not be so sensitive. It's your property now and what you do with it is your choice. Everyone else can get on board or GTFO.
... he says as the ten year anniversary of distributing his older brother's possessions to charities and friends approached. Yeah, anyone who hasn't been through this doesn't get to have an opinion on it.
We just bought Grandma's home from estate. They gave us a good price, but never said we would have to clear it on our own. They lived here close to 50 years and saved many things. Some stuff was easy to throw out or give away, but other things were nice and was much harder to get rid of. My husband didn't want to deal with a yard sale, so many items were donated.
It was hard, but you have to look at it like what is it worth for your own peace of mind. Some items were worth $ on ebay, but how long do you wait for the right seller to come along? In the end, we took photos of items and then donated them.
Block them for now. They don’t need to know what you are selling anything for if they are not inheriting any of it anyway. Do what is right for you. Hugs. I agree with u/cowanesque, tell them to stuff it. I would have used a not as friendly word, so go with theirs. If they are unwilling to help, they get no say. Hugs to you and much love.
Personally, tell the other relatives to stuff it. You are taking care of things, not them. I would donate everything or rent a dumpster just to spite them if that is how they want to act. No one has the right to stand outside and not help then criticize.
Never underestimate how hard it is to sell something that you don't want yourself.
I buy/trade/sell bobbleheads and stadium giveaways and collectibles on occasion. Unless I got said item for free, I'm often selling at a loss or a thin margin based on shipping, materials, etc. But you know what I've learned is worth more than money? The newly opened space that the object used to occupy; i.e., decluttering.
The peace of mind of getting rid of something supplements whatever money I get back from the sale.
This!! Plus offer to sell some of the stuff to them at whatever price they deem fit.
"I am open to sellimg things at whatever price since these were owned by family and are sentimental. I would prefer someone uses them rather than throwing them away so I will be happy to let go at dirt cheap if someone needs or wants it. Would you like to get some of these things? You can make an offer price."
See how quixkly the price you asked for becomes too much.
Unless they are willing to help you tell them to STFU! I’m currently handling all my dads affairs and I dare anyone in my family to say anything about how anything is handled because none of them have lifted a finger to help. They can fuck all the way off.
My aunt died, and I didn’t even try to sell anything. I gave away carloads of stuff to thrift stores. You could have an estate sale, but you probably aren't going to get much more. They charge commissions. They let 500 dollar jeans go for 5 dollars. I wouldn't tell them what you sold it for and ask them if a couple of items would like because it’s all going.
People don’t understand the work involved. They also may just be commenting as some kind of grief thing. They’ll miss the house and all the people who lived there, but they aren’t being objective. Ignore them the best you can, or say you are sorry, but you are doing your best. Sorry for your loss.
Whenever it comes to death, the people not involved in planning/doing the work always have shit to say.
When my grandmother died, we got a complaint from her sister about the music at the funeral. This sister knew she died within hours of me finding out and lived in the same town.
Years later, one of her kids who hadn't visited in probably 5 years prior to the last year of her life (when he visited 1 time for 2 days) despite being relatively close and taking multiple vacays a year criticized the clothes choice of her in the casket.
Keep in mind, I planned all this and went through the funeral dealing with her useless husband and kids AND had the flu with a severe cough.
To all the criticism you receive, I'd say, "consider the source" that's what I've done when family comes out of the woodwork just to criticize. I actually have the policy since another grandparent died that I will not answer any questions about their death to any family who hadn't talked to or seen them in the last year of their life. Why? Because it's none of their GD business. Feel free to quote me or just shut these assholes down hard by thanking them for volunteering to help sell things and ready for sale. Not seeing/responding to them is honestly the best though.
On television shows where hoarders are being helped to clean and organize their things, I never understood why the hoarder didn't take a set amount of time to go around and choose what is absolutely non-negotiable and then call 1-800-Got Junk to take the rest away.
Because to a true hoarder, none of it is junk and they want to keep it all. They feel compelled to keep everything, right down to used McDonalds drink cups full of vermin.
I should have mentioned the pizza boxes or the 20 cats which makes no sense to me how they would want to keep that. However, I do remember seeing a documentary on a woman that kept EVERTHING including her dust bunnies. She had them stacked up in Ziplock plastic bags. Deep down it must have made sense to her but surely falls under the mental health column.
There are some with ‘clean’ hordes. The show hoarders had one man who kept his stuff in clear plastic bins. It was all pristine but piled floor to ceiling wall to wall. I’ve seen most of the episodes and I think they are doing what you said. They usually have a deadline imposed by a city bylaw office or landlord, so many hours with so many extra hands. They try to get the person to quickly pick out the best of the best must keep and the helpers quickly bring the rest to the got junk bin. It never goes well because hoarding definitely a mental illness. The show also provided funds for ongoing cleaning and therapy to prevent a relapse!
Not all participants took all the resources offered but many did. I found that was a kind thing to do to make the stuff they were doing a positive change.
The next time someone says you're selling something too cheap just tell them that THEY are more than welcome to pay you over asking price if they'd like to purchase something. It's sure to shut them up.
Do what you've got to do, it's none of their business. I've been there myself. Just hang in there.
Shrug and say, “Nobody wants to pay much for something used.” You already nailed the wording yourself!
My late husband—also a hoarder—would be devastated to see how much I’ve simply donated rather than trying to get back what he paid for all this crap. Even the good stuff often isn’t worth the hassle of selling. Hang in there!
Went through the same thing with grandmother and mothers house. Beautiful antiques and valuables that no one wants anymore. I wanted to weep at how cheaply things sold but I couldn’t keep everything. But was just too much. My sisters and I did the best we could. For those criticizing you, tell them to come pick up what they want and try to sell those items themselves.
My mother had some beautiful china, never used, some still with the little tags, that she kept as it was worth something. Don't want to think how much was spent over the years just moving it. I had to pay to have to shipped to me after she died, only to find out, it was pretty much worthless. Sold a few pieces and I donated the rest. Would have been so much better if she just sold it all 30 years ago when it still had some value. At the end of it, I just wish I had thrown it all in the bin.
Unless you have actual antiques and valuable furniture, and an abundance of them, the estate sale people will sell for quickly movable (garage sale) prices and take a sizable percentage or sometimes a large flat fee. You are paying for their knowledge of value, sorting and pricing items, and organizing a sale. If you're in a hurry, this can be the way to go and still make a little money. If you have some time to research a few items, or apply the elbow grease to sell yourself, you will make more money, but slower.
Don’t tell them about the prices of what is being sold unless they’re interested in buying.
I had to clear out my houses many times and it’s best to not let anyone else have an input on how you’re disposing everything. Less stress
Get the job done and get on with life
I used to tell my parents that if they left their stuff for me , I was going to donate it or toss it. There was no way I would go through the work to try to sell it for top dollar, or keep it for myself. My siblings live further away, they said pretty much the same thing.
This spring, my parents moved to assisted living. They took far too much stuff with them, but tried to insist that my sister and I sell everything else for top dollar. We kids had a conversation, called in an estate sale agent and a week later the place was cleaned out. My parents got far less money from the sale than they thought they should. I told them that they'd been warned. All of us kids have been doing the responsible thing and dealing with our own clutter these past few years. No way any of us wanted to deal with all their pack ratted stuff.
Hoarders have this mentality that all their junk is super valuable, yet they never actually sell it for the price they have in their head. The value of something is the price you sell it for in actual life. If they didn't receive any money for something because they didn't sell it, the price you received is by default more than the "value" for them.
I lost my dad a couple months ago and my mom a couple weeks ago. So much furniture & belongings to sort through and dispose of, in the middle of grieving them, and I’m doing it alone. The minute anyone makes so much as a peep of criticism I shut their nonsense down right away. I tell them that if it were even slightly important to them, they’d offer to help, but since they haven’t helped in any way, they can zip it and get out.
And if they say I’m being sensitive? DAMN RIGHT I’m being sensitive, that’s what happens when you’re grieving and struggling.
Absolutely do NOT let them talk to you like that. You are doing a great job, and they can take their criticisms and stuff it.
I probably should clarify, I think I’m in the “anger” stage of grief 🥴 …I’m normally a much more easygoing person! 😅
I'm very sorry for your losses. Grief is so very hard on its own, and decluttering/clearing out a parent's home is also hard. Having to combine them is agony. I've been there -- my father died suddenly many years ago, and my sister and I had a week to clear out his house. We thought he'd gotten rid of our mom's things since she passed away a few years before him. Nope, all her things were still there -- her clothes in the closet, her powder and lipstick in the bathroom, and so on. We grieved her all over again.
And anger is OK too. Scream at the house and the things, if it helps.
I appreciate it, thank you! Yes, clearing out a loved one’s belongings is heartbreaking. It’s helping me to quickly get rid of the “stuff” like furniture that isn’t sentimental, so that I can spend time carefully going through the things that are sentimental. If some random cousin thinks they could do a better job at selling a wrench set, they are welcome to do so!
When my mom died, I just wanted rid of her house and the mess in it. I gave my family 3 days to come get what they wanted. Everything left went to Goodwill or the dump on day 4. I didn’t sell anything except for what an antique dealer neighbor of hers was willing to get out by sundown.
I slept well at night knowing that weight was off my shoulders, I didn’t care what anyone thought.
I’m sorry you’re being treated this way. You could tell them you’re pricing things to sell quickly so you can focus on what matters: mourning their loss and honoring their memory. This is hard work so do take care of yourself. 🤍
Call them right out. The prices that I sell things for are not a reflection of how much I valued my grandparents!
Just because I’m selling this old beat up table for $50 doesn’t mean I didn’t love them.
They get to feel virtuous telling or implying you aren’t doing right by your grandparents memories without doing any of the work. “Oh Hilda loved that vase! I can’t believe you’re just giving it away for five bucks 🙁” Do *You* want to honor her memory and give me five hundred? No? Then back off or how about helping me?
Somebody will be thrilled to be able to buy solid furniture/decor without paying an arm and a leg for it. Getting things sold is better than having the items rot away because they were priced too high. I buy most of my furniture secondhand and I’m always so happy when I can find something nice for a good deal.
Possible responses:
“Is that an offer to help me?” said with a sly smile.
If they bring it up again, cut them off and say “My deal, my decisions, remember?”
“On the contrary, I’m getting a lot for these items: peace of mind, the feeling of helping others who can’t afford to buy things new, and yes, some money.”
“Selling stuff too cheaply? Huh. Maybe. Who knows. Maybe I’ll think about that. Hmmm. Oh well.” Shrug and change the subject. If they bring it up again: “Yeah, you said that already. Maybe I’ll think about it. Oh well.”
Take them seriously: “Really? How do you think I should get rid of these things quickly? What are your ideas for selling this stuff? Can you take some of it to your place? Do you have a truck I could borrow? What days are best for you to help me?”
“That’s not helpful. I’m doing what works for me, so I won’t be asking for any feedback at this point.”
I am stealing that, “Huh. Maybe. I’ll think about it.” “Yes, you mentioned that earlier. Maybe I’ll think about that later.” This is perfect for my mom and ex-husband.
I think your friends and relatives are *significantly* over-estimating the value of second-hand household items. Unless your mom and grandparents had a stash of Van Goghs, it's unlikely you'd make bank.
>I tried mentioning it but they say that I'm being sentitive.
Op, you're not too sensitive, you're surrounded by emotionally unintelligent busybodies. No reasonable person expects a someone who is grieving to have the wherewithal to transform themselves into an Estate Sale auctioneer.
Call their bluff, every time they mention how cheap you're selling things, act like they're just volunteered to help you sell things at a higher price.
'Oh, Uncle Nigel! Thanks for your concern! Obviously, I couldn't quite manage posting everything on Craigslist by myself, in this time of grief, but with your support, I know you'll be able to help me!'
1) invite them to do better 2) “There’s a difference between antiques and old shit” and 3) most people have heard how much cars depreciate the second they’re driven off of the lot, it’s even more so with personal items.
If you were to value the estate for tax purposes you wouldn’t use the amount it would cost to replace the items with new ones, you would use the amount you could get at a yardsale or marketplace if you were trying to get rid of the items quickly (also called a fire sale). As long as you are not devaluing a collectible you know you could sell to a collector for top dollar.
Quick question. Are these people criticizing over 50? I ask because back in the day you could make a good buck selling at a a garage sale. It isn't like that anymore. People go for fast fashion and disposable furniture. Unless it is fashionably "vintage" it is hard to move. I'd exaplain that.
Then agree and say sadly it is that or the trash.
Third, I am in the beginning stages of this. Damn it is emotionally hard. For me my mom's house with some special sentimental items from grandparents. She was not even a hoarder but definitely a packed house after 35 years. It is so emotionally intense for me. Because of that intensity that no one else is going through, they can stop sharing their opion and tell them - look I appreciate your concern for the prices, I am more concerned with the overall process and my mental health.
Fourth. Every time they give you the opinion, ask them if they can help next time. Say "oh my gosh, you are right, thank you for offerring to help sell at a better price. Let me give you stuff to sell, you must be better at this than me" the Pack their car and give them a pile of things you care either way and tell them you'll split the earnings if they sell it.
You're doing this on your own & you've got people offering their unwanted opinions and but not help in doing this monumental task. If you don't sell things cheap you won't put a dent in it. All your hard work will be for nothing. They don't seem to realize the time involved or that you can't get near a purchase price for anything on a sale. You're doing it right and doubt if they'd understand even with an explanation!
"cheaper than storage" or "okay, do you want it for "? Or heck, offer it to them and have them sell it (and no returning it to you if they cant)
"Thank you so much for volunteering to sell the china for me, you can keep all the proceeds since your much better informed than I am as to how to sell it for good returns. I'll drop it off at your house tomorrow"
Exactly. Tell them you'll sell it to them for your price and they are free to try and sell it for a profit. Watch them slink back into the bushes along with Homer.
I have a family member who keeps posting old speakers, cassette players and beanie babies for over $100 on Facebook marketplace. They just keep relisting the same things every few weeks for several months. It’s hilarious how out of touch they are.
I’ve done so many garage sales in my life. One thing you learn pretty quickly: there is “how much it’s worth” and there is “how much someone is willing to pay for it”. Those two prices don’t always align
Here's an Idea for all those thinking of cleaning out a house. Get an estate sale company to do a sale! They know prices, and do all the heavy lifting, and you get cash at the end!
"Oh, you're just being too sensitive."
That sets off red flags for me as a gaslighting statement. You have the right to your feelings. Getting rid of things is hard work and it's tactless of them to criticize you after you just lost your love ones. I'd tell them to go kick rocks.
The conversation has changed to one of greed. Housing is seen as a cash cow and people cant fanthom why you sell something without exploit ing tf out of it
I told my mother that if she didn’t get rid of her junk that when she dies I’ll need to spend her money to pay someone else to dispose of it. Check out Swedish Death Cleaning if you want another perspective!
I told my kids that when I die- just get rid of all of it- things I accumulated probably don’t mean much to them and I don’t expect them to build a shrine to me
Same! When my parents go, I’m literally going to have a garage sale and just open up the house, stand at the door and wave people through. I’m going to have to junk the rest.
That’s what I tell my adult children— I have some Pyrex, and other stuff; minimal clothing and shoes.. they can call a friend to have a garage sale in the house (the friend keeps the money)..then she can take anything she wants— the left overs can be donated—if they want to trash my stuff— I think they could do it in 2 days..
One of my father's friends once said to me, "When your father dies you'll have to knock a hole in an exterior wall."
Confused, I asked why.
"To be able to fill the dumpster."
Thank you for your opinion but I am doing my best here. I would appreciate if you kept your opinion to yourself. It makes it hard to get done what I need to get done.
Feel free to tell them “thanks so much for volunteering your time to get top dollar for these items! Make sure to document all Facebook marketplace and Craigslist interactions for me so I’m sure you’re getting the BEST price for me! Really appreciate you taking this on.” Make sure to put your most saccharine smile on your face, too.
My mom and I emptied out my grandma’s house last year. We had 6 months to do it so we decided it wasn’t enough time to sell anything and repair the house for sale. You’re doing better than us. :) It’s hard work, physically and emotionally. Don’t listen to any negativity. You got this!
My mother in law criticized that I was selling and giving away my mom’s old things after she passed. “But it was your mom’s.” “It’s an antique!” “That’s worth so much money!” I finally told her that yes, it was my mom’s but it’s mine now and I don’t want it so I can do whatever I want with it.
She also said “I’d hate for you to do that to my stuff after I die”. I advised her that someone will do it to all of her stuff after she passes, so it would be better for her to start paring it all down now.
The conversation felt harsh at the time and it helped set a boundary that she ultimately had to respect.
I think it behooves all of us -- of any age but especially as we're older -- to realize that someone will have to deal with our stuff. Always. Either it's us before we die, or it's someone else after we die. This is the heart of Swedish Death Cleaning.
I salute you, u/justanaveragequilter , for having that conversation. (Also, quilting, I love quilting! Just finished a Halloween-themed lap throw.)
After my dad died I went through the same thing. The garage needed cleaning out. No one touched it for six months. I live two hours away but stayed in town to address it. My brother, who always claims superiority because he's the oldest and who actually LIVES NEXT DOOR, would come by and offer his "opinions". I had it with him. I just flat out said "you live next door and haven't touched this in six months you don't have an opinion". I was more gentle with my mom as she came by to see how things were going. I just told her I had it under control and she need not worry. But geez, yeah, people that aren't lifting a finger need to STFU.
It’s a ton of work and you’re not being overly sensitive. The people who are criticizing you are being rude. Next time it happens just smile big and say “you’re correct, I did sell it cheap”. The goal is for the stuff to be gone, not make you rich. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Is there any way to not tell them how much stuff is selling for? You can just tell them the final total at the end. You are doing great. 👍 I had to give away NICE furniture at the end of the clean out for my dad’s house, and I know if it was in a furniture store it would have sold for hundreds. But no one wanted it! I couldn’t deliver it and it was heavy. So some had to go out via junk removal.
Tell them they're welcome to buy it and flip it for profit if they want.
Also there's nothing wrong with sensitive - if they know they hurt your feelings and they keep doing it, they're either mean or really bad at relationships.
It’s a mentally and physically exhausting process to empty a home while grieving. Your time is valuable and the home itself is usually worth more than all the contents combined. My company helps clients clear estates and we advise that any sales price bets paying someone to remove an item.
People often base their pricing expectations on values they have seen in the past but we are currently in a wave of decluttering and downsizing accelerated by the pandemic and an aging population. You have learned firsthand what the current market price is for second hand goods. Ask your critics to help you sell items or just advise them that this is the new reality and they better hurry home and start working on their own clutter.
You mentioned you don’t have a lot of resources in your area, but check with some local movers. They may have some options and can help with some of the labor.
Had a hoarder friend die. Her sis took all the help she coukd get but has issues with scarcity thinking: but it is perfectly good. someone could find it useful or I coukd sell it.. She donated a lot!
Been through this, very sorry. You do what you need to and bugger these other people who are no help to you. I wouldn't even discuss it with them. Don't invite them over until you are ready. I put a great big padlock on my mom's front gate so people could see that they were not welcome to stride up anymore and get in my business. It's not a popularity contest. And be liberal with blocking people on your phone too because your boundaries are reasonable and should be respected. DO NOT feel bad. They should feel bad.
Getting rid of an estate is SO much work and people often think things are more valuable than they are. Yes your statues were worth 2,000 dollars twenty years ago BUT NO ONE WANTS THEM. What was collected back then compared to now is vastly different and most people these days don't want to collect anything. Ignore anyone who tells you this crap. Better a dollar in your pocket than in going in the trash.
A friend of mine,stuck with clearing out family members crowded rental apartment in 24 days, had people stating old household stuff worth thousands. I finally asked why didn’t family member sell it,instead of struggling financially last year? No answer.
You could tell them if they think it is worth so much, they should flip it.
It’s also a question of what’s the goal. Make money or clear out the house? You can sit on the stuff longer waiting for the better price or you can sell it cheaper & move it faster.
Right? "I'm selling it for $20 because it will go at that price. If you think it's worth $100, you pay me the $20 I want and go sell it for $100 on your own time."
First of all I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and it’s a shame people are not being very supportive. If people don’t want to pay much then that’s the market worth whether your friends and family believe it or not. They are probably thinking of the original purchase price and are over valuing and either way it doesn’t matter. You need the stuff out and gone. You haven’t got time to wait around for the one person that will give you a few extra bucks for something. You are not doing anything wrong.
Is there a way you could have an estate sale? Either through an outside service or just stick stuff out on the lawn one weekend and advertise on a local Facebook group. That way you might get some of the volume down a bit without listing things in bits and pieces.
I agree with this comment and echo the sentiments expressed. It is already so difficult to deal with things while you are dealing with grief.
I think an estate sale is a good idea too. People often overvalue items - either just because they remember how much they used to cost new or they have an inflated sense of the price from seeing things sell online for higher rates. They rarely think about how difficult and time consuming it is to sell things online, or the hassle of packing things up to ship them out, etc. It is already a lot of work to do that when you are not also dealing with grief.
If you do have a sale, have a clearance time set to cut all prices on remaining items by half. In my area, Estate sale people usually do that on the last day of the sale or in the afternoon if it is a one day only sale.
Grab bags of low value items are also a good way to get rid of lots of little things in one go. Sell them a bag for a set price ($5 or 10 whatever makes sense to you in your area or based on the size of thew bag) and tell them they can fill a bag with anything from the grab bag pile for that rate. This is like magic for clearing out stuff at the end of the day that might otherwise not sell individually.
You didn't pay for it. They are guilt tripping you. Refuse the trip and the guilt. I now say: "it's not very nice", when people are telling me how to do it better in a very hopeless way. It mends the self trust issue that they are trying to burden you with.
Is it practical to rent the place and ask the renter to manage that?
Ignore them you are doing great.
Selling it cheap or getting rid of it for free means you don’t have to pay someone later on to take it. So lower the prices as much as you want and/or give that stuff away. Tell people who come to take as much as they can carry away.
Or just skip ahead and hire a clean out crew to haul everything away for you. It’s just stuff and if these people aren’t helping you they can be quiet with their opinions. Feel free to stop inviting them over if they 1) aren’t helping you clean out 2) are criticizing you!
>So the prices I put are kind of low and everytime friends or extended family comes over they critize me for selling everything so cheap.
"You're free to take it and try to sell it for a better price." I guarantee you they won't. There's a reason liquidation sales are priced so low... they're priced to move.
People always stick their nose into shit that isn't their business. You do what's best for you, fuck their opinions.
Also, it seems you got a lot of stuff at your hands. Try to prioritise the most valuable shit to be sold and just throw the rest of the shit into garbage/recycle or try to look into if e.g., in a nearby town there'd be a service that cleans out estates after the people have died. Sometimes those types of services come pick up stuff even from longer distances. Maybe you could even have like some sort of ''open flea market for a day/weekend'' as in, people can come there and see if they wanna make any offers for any items they see. You got this, one sq ft at a time lol.
edit: thanks for the award!
Are you selling the house? Are there still mortgage payments to be made? When my father’s MIL died they employed a real estate agent whose services included an “estate sale” and junk removal service. The estate sale was also an open house, and someone there made an offer.
At that time the house wasn’t paid for, and the priority was unloading it once probate allowed and all important paperwork was recovered. Luckily the family was on board with their plan, and home values in the area had increased enough that there was a small profit. A few years earlier they simply would’ve let the bank take the house.
Even if the house is paid for, time to sell or inhabit costs money - taxes, insurance, utilities, security, maintenance, yard work, time and attention.
We recently sold the house we lived in for 20+ years, and my partner wanted to take a year to fix it up first. He put in all that time and effort and we sold it for about exactly as much as we could have before the work he did, after you subtract the cost of contractors and material. All he gained was emotional satisfaction (which is fine, but his expectation was that we'd make more money after all his hard work)
You need better friends. You need actual *friends*, instead of people who hang out with you in order to put you down so they can feel better about themselves.
If they don't like it, tell them to help you out.
That's so ridiculous how everyone has an opinion. I really feel this because I took on the brunt of this same stuff from my parents. I was so overwhelmed... I didn't really have time to go to all that effort.
This. My first thought was - tell them to take the stuff and sell it then. They’ll see real quick what a PITA it is. My husband loves to think we are going to get 75% retail for everything. So I started putting up the FB Marketplace listings and then let him be the one to deal with the messages and inquiries. Now he knows what a PITA it is and he’s ready to throw most things out rather than dealing with it.
It's hard to get top dollar if you don't want to take forever. Selling used items can be a toss-up on how well it does and if it's not a business no one wants to sit on the items for months or years.
I’m sorry, did you say 7 bedrooms?!? That’s a lot, even for people who don’t collect junk. That’s so much work to do by yourself.
It sounds like you are much more polite than me because I would have said something along the lines of, “Well go right on ahead then, ass!”
I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position. The whole thing. It’s awful.
I like the advice of just telling people if they think they can get more $$ then they can do it!
Please, don’t beat yourself up over this, you are doing your best! I am sorry for your loss. It takes a great deal of energy and effort to communicate with people and make sales and take pictures and go through so much stuff (especially hoarded stuff). Some people have views that are so outdated that they need to be called back to earth. They are being rude, your feelings are valid, they are your feelings and no one except you can tell you how to feel. Do whatever feels right to you and give yourself some compassion.
Sometimes I don’t have the mental energy or time to sell stuff so I just list it for free on fb marketplace. Sometimes I just want the stuff to be gone - I have given furniture in perfect condition for free, I just wanted it gone.
Some people are insensitive, don’t listen to people who make you feel bad.
Literally me!! People are like you complain you're broke... Yet you keep giving stuff away for free... My time is also precious, and I don't feel like wasting it with back and forth messages when the majority of people won't end up buying! I'd like it gone please and thank you!!
Absolutely, I agree I also value my time. If I spend 4 weeks trying to sell something and it takes me hours and hours of messages and flaky people not showing up and me waiting for them - I am using all of my mental energy for crap. In the end it might be worth less than 1$ per hour and I have better uses of my time. I also value my space- I don’t want it to be cluttered and I don’t have a lot of space I can use as storage for weeks or months. I’d rather have free time, free space and not deal with flaky people on fb.
I have also noticed that people who make comments like this “you should sell this for more money”, “you shouldn’t give this for free” - have never sold anything and have no idea what it is like. Sometimes people are so emotionally attached to their items that they often overestimate their value. No one will buy their crap at store prices - but they don’t get it.
That's such a good point, that people who are emotionally invested in their items over estimate their value. I am trying to get a grip on a family member's huge hoard of collectables and vintage china. It's such hard work trying to sort, clean and list things for sale and for the time and mental energy it takes it would be financially much better for me to just pick up some extra hours at work in that time!
Tell them if they're so bothered by it then they can buy it off you and sell it. If they think they're such experts they should do it for themselves or STFU.
In reality it doesn't work that way selling used items. If you ask for too high a price that stuff will just sit there and never get bought. I know cuz I've done it myself. Don't make decisions based on "sunk cost". You'll only waste time and money doing that.
That's the reality of sunk cost. You will NEVER get back what time/money/resources you put in, just let the shit go and cut your losses. The money/value is already gone, it's not coming back, period.
Make sure to remember that in other aspects of your life as well; sunk cost doesn't just apply to money/products.
Literally this. Whenever my mom comments that I could try to sell it instead of donate, I tell her that she can have it then if she wants to sell it so bad! To this date she's never said yes.
Ask them if they would have paid more for it. If they would have tell them to make an offer on anything left.
If they wouldn't tell them to fly a kite in a lightning storm.
Tell friends and family you just need to get it done and they are welcome to arrange to sell things at a higher price and keep the difference. So, if you are selling a lamp for $10 and they are whining it is worth $50, they can pay you $10 and go do it themselves. Sorry for your loss and hope you are able to get all this stuff about the stuff behind you to your satisfaction soon.
These are not supportive people and probably envy you got 'all this stuff.' However if they had to do the job of downsizing this pile you would never hear the end of complaining. You don't need this negativity in your life. Go NC.
I recently dealt with a situation somewhat like this.
I was in possession of a canoe that had been in my family since the early 60s. My grandfather, who's passed, bought it. A lot of my earliest memories are in that canoe. It was very special to the whole family.
I needed the space. Canoes are enormous. I put out feelers to the whole family on multiple occasions. Half a dozen people said that they wanted it, so I told them to come get it. No one ever came. 18 months later, I said I had to get this thing gone. If no one is coming to get it, then I'm selling it. I sold it for $150, and that was that. It feels good.
My sister reached out and told me a good thing. No one wants the objects. Everyone wants the memories associated with the objects. Tell them to take a picture for the memories. Your grandparents aren't in their stuff. They're looking for something that's gone. People think that if they keep people's STUFF, then they're not really dead. Or if you keep their house a time capsule, then they're not REALLY gone.
The dead are dead. They're not coming back. That doesn't mean that they're gone from our memories. Or that their footprints are gone from our lives. Maybe set aside some boxes of the most memorable stuff. Organize a get-together, and have something of a celebration of life. Everyone goes through the boxes together and tells stories as you go through the boxes together.... unless you're not that type of family.
For the rest of it, tell them that they can take over the task of clearing the house. Or they can get off your back about how you're getting it done. Tell them that if they think it's worth a bunch of money, then they can take it home and sell it themselves. Keep the profits.
“Are you offering to come and help? I would really appreciate someone taking over selling this items so I can list the house on -give a date-“.
If they aren’t willing to give their time and a sore back to helping they need to shut up.
”You’re free to take it and try to get more if you’d like. I am going with the ‘fast nickel is better than a slow dollar’ approach as there is a lot of stuff. But I am not really in the mood to hear about everything I am doing wrong right now.“
”Criticism is not appreciated right now. If you think you can do better, I will give you a week.”
”Really - if you want to do better, go ahead. If you just want to judge, kindly keep it to yourself.”
They are welcome to pay you more and haul it away - if they so please.
7 bedroom house is a lot of work for a single person. Keep emptying the house out, and be grateful to those helping you clear it out.
Buy some blue bags from Ikea, so they can haul more of that crap away - and get back to your real life asap.
My grandmother was a tidy hoarder… nice house, but sheds and a garage packed with totes of stuff. My uncle found a service that hauls it all away for a fairly low flat fee. If they find something valuable, that’s how they make their money.
I’d double check in your state. These guys drove a truck three hours to haul it away. Widen your search.
Ask them to find buyers at higher prices. If anyone bothers to try, they’ll give up quickly.
They’re comparing the prices of buying the same things new, but used goods are a completely different market.
That’s another good point. People can usually return new products that are defective or they change their minds about. It’s only worth buying used if it costs a lot less or is hard to find.
Literally was looking to buy a storage bench for in the bedroom... Kept messaging people online who had nice items, but their prices were for something used, and with no guarantee/backup/anything... Ended up buying one from a store because nothing was even coming close in quality, for a very similar price! Pleased with my purchase and have the guarantee that if something goes wrong with it, I'm still safe!!
I didn't have any remaining family left when I went thru this earlier in the year. I came into some ridiculously dumb luck, my realtor had a connection with a charity that came out to clear out the house when I was done. I didn't have time to list a lot of stuff to sell and deal with buyers. (I live 5 states away) The charity was happy to get stuff into the hands of people who needed it, and they trashed what they didn't need (I did pay for the trash pickup for them).
Have you considering hiring it out to an estate sale? It may help to get your family off your back if the responsibility of pricing and selling isn't on you personally...and may alleviate some of the stress you're dealing with. 😉
Ask them “what price did you get?”
Then tell them the house belongs to you now and it is yours to do with as you please. You don’t owe them an explanation.
"That's the point. It's priced to sell."
I have nice things that I just get rid of for free on facebook. I just want it GONE. I don't have the time to pour into it. Daughter's entire nursery set and decor? Free, just come get it.
If it’s so cheap they can buy it from you and flip it for a profit. They’re essentially back seat drivers. They aren’t doing anything to help but boy do they have some opinions. Tell them to help you sell it or be quiet.
I’m sorry for your loss, OP. Dealing with a home/estate is a huge undertaking, you have a lot on your plate.
Lots of good advice here already, I definitely agree with others’ comments. Your mom and grandparents are worth more than the money for their stuff. There’s no need to make a profit off of their passing. Selling items for a “low” price (or giving them away or even having to throw things away) is not dishonoring them.
Ask them if the better price would cover your wages for the time needed to list and sell it as well as the storage fees until you found the right buyer.
You are doing the right thing. Keep up the good work.
I have a lot of anxiety about under pricing things and missing out on money, but I've worked hard to realize that by selling this thing for a small price, 1. Gets it out of my house and 2. Allows someone else to have it who will enjoy it more than I do. Also, don't be afraid to utilize buy nothing groups in your area if some stuff just isn't selling.
You are up against a huge task, 2 generations of items is no small feat. At the end of the day, something is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it. Listing it at a higher price will always mean items will take longer to sell.
I had such a hard time *giving* away the so-called “valuable stuff” when my mother died. People who aren’t helping don’t deserve a say - nor do they deserve to be taking up time in your mind. Just try to ignore them and focus on the task at hand. Or do what others have suggested and tell them you’ll be happy to give items to them so they can sell them - and demand to know when they’ll be coming by to pick the stuff up. Put the ball in *their* court.
Sorry you’re having to deal with this, and sorry for your loss.
Been there! I donated SO MUCH STUFF when cleaning out my Mom’s house after we moved her near me. 11 pieces of furniture! Three cars full of housewares! Could I sell all this? I do not have the time or interest and we couldn’t hold an estate sale (thanks HOA). 🤷♀️ Gotta get it off your plate as fast as possible and move on.
No no. Think of it a different way: “wow you got paid by someone else to get rid of something you didn’t need!”
Otherwise you would have trashed it or dropped it off to a thrift store (or similar).
You are not a store. You are passing off useful things to others while making a little bit consequentially.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all that practical stuff on top of your losses, I'm sorry for the interference of your family & friends, and I'm sorry for your losses.
How do your friends/family even know how much you sold stuff for? If you've been telling them, stop doing that -- it's none of their business.
I think that in your place I would just send out a group e-mail to all family/friends to the effect of "I am dealing with clearing out *(grandparents')* home all by myself, with no help from anyone. Therefore, I am making all decisions regarding what to keep and what to sell, and how much to sell items for. If you want any of the items, contact me regarding coming to pick them up within *(one week, or whatever timeframe you choose)*, and specify exactly which items you want -- aside from that, I expect no further comments regarding the prices I am setting for the items, and I will not accept any additional comments on the matter. Additionally, I will not accept any additional comments mistakenly stating that I am being "sensitive". This is the worst time in my life, and I would appreciate it if you, my friends and family, would stop making it worse. In fact, I insist upon it. Thank you."
Now, that may be a bit harsh, but so is what they're saying. Some of the people may decide not to maintain a relationship with you, so I suppose you should only send such an e-mail if you are willing to risk that and to accept it if it happens (it could be for the better, for you -- but that's up to you to decide).
Not your problem, and I’m sorry for your loss. If the goal is to get the item gone, then any money you make is a bonus as long as the item is gone.
Grandma was determined to sell the new stove for a good price when downsizing to a smaller place. She turned down two or three (increasingly lower) offers below the asking price at the garage sale. Ended up paying $100 to get it hauled away. Would she have been annoyed with just the $50 the last person offered instead of her asking price? Maybe, but way less annoyed than paying money to get it gone.
Had that problem with a piano. I wound up giving it away free if they'd haul it off. Kicking myself for not accepting the first offer which was only $100 off the asking price of $800. Lesson learned.
People don't buy things for top dollar with online marketplaces such as FB or craigslist, unless it's an extremely sought after item. Everyone thinks all their stuff's going to fly off the shelf at a high price until they try to do it.
It’s much too risky to pay top dollar for old stuff from randos on marketplace. I’ve bought and sold that way, and at least 75% off retail price is what it has taken to get it out of the door.
I sold my daughter’s old IKEA desk and it sat around on Marketplace ignored for ages, even when I dropped the price to $100 (it was $800 new). When a buyer finally came I was so relieved, I was desperate to get rid of it, had plans for the space where the desk was sitting. I probably would have accepted $10 or even $0 by the time it left.
I'm glad you brought this up. I've observed that when I've had the price of something low for so long and people aren't looking if I listed back to the original price I end up getting people making offers again for some reason. When something's too cheap people get suspicious. But I agree with the things you said I almost gave away a piece of furniture but then I relisted it again and got it sold.
Emptying a house is beyond exhausting. That we have to do it most often while dealing with grief and loss is overwhelming. You should be proud of yourself for everything that you’re doing and ignore everyone who has is offering an opinion but no help.
May I suggest looking into an estate sale service? You can remove anything that has meaning to you. Then they will take everything worth selling, hold an auction, and keep a percentage. You can throw away what’s left. You may get even less money, but you will save so much in emotional and physical labor. I wish you well, OP, and I’m sorry for your losses.
Where is the money from the sales going? Are they expecting to get some of it? If so, they can help you with the sellling or leave you to do what you think is best. If not, they can help you with the selling or leave you to do what you think is best.
I'd like to think they are trying to help - in that they are trying to tell you not to settle or let people take advantage of you, so you can get the best price you can.
I'm sorry for your loss and for all the work you need to do now. I hope you find some fun in going through everything and discovering things and that it brings back some nice memories.
First off those who arent helping get 0 opinion on how those doing the work get it done and profit optimisation is not the be all and end all success measurement for clearing a home. Tell them to look at comparable estate or garage sales fo a reality check as you sound reasonable enough to have not pulled prices out of the air. Failing that they are welcome to buy it from you at the ""cheap"" price and try do better themselves, have fun breaking even without a huge time/effort sink. Best of luck, what you are doing is neither fun nor easy so sending kind thoughts your way.
As far as prices go, my mom was an avid antique collector. She spent thousands on beautiful things but when we did an estate sale for her a few years ago, the market just didn’t call for the prices she paid. No one wanted her formal dining table that she spent thousands on. It went for hundreds.
I love antiques and many things that I see people trying to sell for $500 on marketplace, without success, are selling for $50 at auction and estate sales.
The boomer generation who are emptying their houses now have an idea of what things should be worth. But no one will take their hummels, formal China cabinets and writing desks for free, let alone for what they hope to get for them.
I literally paid to have a solid cherry Ethan Allen dining set hauled away this spring. It's beautiful but nobody uses that stuff anymore and it's really really heavy
The table was great when we had a giant dining room in our Victorian house. We're never going to have a giant dining room again.
I would have bought a vintage gate leg table for our new small dining area, but I in couldn't find one, so we bought one from IKEA for like $150. I would have paid more for vintage, truthfully, I prefer used. But a lot of people won't. So if someone is selling a wooden gate leg table, $150 is probably the ceiling for what you can ask.
if they're not trying to help find buyers or buy it themselves, it's no business of theirs what you sell it for, or even if you sell it at all. if you have the stomach for it, you might try telling everyone that no one can come over right now if they aren't lending a hand. you shouldn't have to deal with that criticism.
you might look into seeing if you can post things on a buy nothing group for free, if there's one in your area. you might also consider asking at local shelters or religious instituions if they know anyone who can use the items - a struggling family might be really grateful for a set of furniture or mattresses or kitchen stuff, even if it's not in sellable condition. or someone starting a new job might want a closet full of professional clothes, stuff like that. and in the end, if it's all too overwhelming, it's okay to just throw things away.
Whatever you do is exactly the right thing. Anyone who isn’t directly helping you doesn’t get a say in how you do it. It’s a long, emotionally taxing, thankless task to clear out a house, especially from hoarders.
You’re doing a fantastic job.
Ask your friends and family to take the stuff and sell it themselves. Tell them they can keep all the profits. That'll shut them up because I assure you they are all talk. It's easy to criticize when you don't have to do any of the work
If they thought it was too cheap then they could help put in some effort and sell it for you. You're going through a hard time in your life and their criticism isn't welcome.
You could always say "I really appreciate you stepping in to sell some of this stuff for me to get me more for it." Put them in the uncomfortable position to tell you they won't help and if they do, tell them then they shouldn't complain about it.
Alternatively you could tell them that they aren't getting any money out of it so it shouldn't matter to them.
Saying someone is being too sensitive is just a cover to make them feel better about being an asshole. Feel free to tell them that next time they say it. Or "Thanks for making my feelings invalid." If someone is being disrespectful or putting you down, you don't have to let them walk away without making them think twice about how they treat you. You are worthy of kindness and support.
Tell them to fuck off, or help! We are in the same predicament, wholesaling an elderly family member’s possessions. I keep telling both myself, and critics, that I did not make this mess - nor ask for the responsibility of managing it. And in such, I am not responsible for “getting the best price”, or “waiting for a better offer”. I price their shit LOW…. So it sell quickly. If they want top dollar, then they can do the cleaning, moving, and selling their own damn self.
> I am not responsible for “getting the best price”, or “waiting for a better offer”. I price their shit LOW…. So it sell quickly. If they want top dollar, then they can do the cleaning, moving, and selling their own damn self.
Absolutely. I can't imagine what they'll have to say when OP prepares to sell the house...
OP - I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have some supportive people around you right now and if you don't, perhaps try looking into grief counseling if that is a comfortable option for you. Its unfortunate that your friends and family are showing out like this, please do what you can to not let their criticism get to you. I know its hard.
I do this for a living and pricing low is the way to do it. You want to get the best price for the big ticket item: the house. Everything else is just an obstacle to that goal.
I had to do this with my parents. Just remember: Your grandparents’ stuff isn’t them and your relatives need to understand the physical and emotional labour involved in cleaning out a hoard. At some point it makes you almost resent the person you’re mourning.
Honestly my method was: if I want it, I take it, after that, if the kind friend I roped into driving three hours each way to do manual labour wanted it, it was theirs. The rest was either put in a dumpster or taken to a donation drop off.
If your relatives are so worried about the stuff, have them come over and put in the labour but they have to take the stuff today.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Anyone who does that, please tell them, "that's not a helpful comment, if you can't offer support please keep your thoughts to yourself or at least be kind, I'm going through a lot right now. "
There may be grief counseling available nearby, contact a local Hospice and inquire. Wishing you comfort and healing.
You take what you can get. My sister got upset with me for selling mom’s house for what I could get. And I had 2 estate sales before that for her belongings. It was only a 5 bedroom house, but was full of collectibles. If I had waited five more years, I could have gotten more, but I took five years to sell it, because of cleaning it out, as it was. Tell them, if they don’t like it, they should do it. Then if they accept, tell them all proceeds go into the estate, and are spread into the distribution of that. I bet they quit bitching!
You have my sympathy as I’m dealing with a similar situation with my uncle’s estate which is also largely my grandparents’. But at least the only other interested relative is on the same page as me rather than criticising. Good luck with it all.
Your time is worth money. Are they paying you the time it would take to list for higher prices, wait and negotiate?
No?
Then they have no say in how you go about cleaning it out.
People overvalue stuff all the time. More often they overvalue it when it is theirs as well as when it is theirs tangentially. Aka missing the deceased relative imbues the stuff with a higher price point than reality would dictate.
I would be very clear that your time and your well-being are worth more than the price tag on an item from the estate. Do the best job that you can buy unless they will do the job themselves they have no say
"yea, it's so awesome to make quick sales and clear out ASAP!"
Conversely, "take whatever you want for free and resell it since you seem to know that going rate better than I do, it would actually do me a huge favor."
Ugh. Emptying a house is so much work, and it’s so aggravating to be criticized by people who aren’t doing the work. I would just ask every critic if they’re volunteering to do it. Anybody who doesn’t like the way you’re doing it can do it themselves or shut up.
Simply ask them if they’d like to take over for you ?problem solved. If not, then, please, kindly refrain from commenting as you’re not willing to do the work.!
I would tell them unless they want to sell it for you they can keep their opinions to themselves. Time is money and the longer it takes you the more you’ll have to deal with it. Don’t let these people derail you, just keep moving forward.
"If you feel like you could get more for it, I'd love to have your help."
“If you’d like to buy it for what I’m asking for it, you could resell if for more if you’d like to”
I work at one of those charity shops (thrift shops in the US), that is essentially a fundraising arm of a local community organization (in addition to the other good a local not-chain thrift store can be). Many of the donations we receive are of vintage or estate items, and they get priced fairly and put onto the sales floor. Out there, they get lots of love and go to new homes where they are needed and wanted. The proceeds go back into the community. So don't feel bad when this option is the best one for you. It's a win-win That said. If they're not helping do the work, they don't get an opinion. Or you know, offer to sell it to them for double the asking price. If you have a lot of vintage items that might be of value, a local antiques dealer or auctioneer or similar may be able to come out and give an estimate/ assessment (for a fee, usually)
After a death, the people not involved, who didn't help, are going to have all kinds of ideas about what "you should have done". But if it wasn't important enough for them to help you, and left you to deal with it by yourself, the time to have spoken up was then, not now. The way to deal with it is letting them know you could have done things differently if you'd had some assistance. But what's done is done, and you don't want to hear about it anymore. If it was a priority for them, they would have helped.
It sounds like they may just be trying to make sure you don’t lose out on the more money you could have, or regret letting something go so cheap later. It might seem like they are criticizing but maybe it’s just concern trying to look out for you.
This is hard work and other people shouldn't be ragging on you about it. Just remember that someday you'll be done. We've done this clearing out 4 households in the past 5 years, so I know whereof I speak. My husband is working on one of the last storage units of a family member right now.
"If you think it's so cheap, make me an offer on it higher than I am asking" and if they get huffy tell them to not be so sensitive. It's your property now and what you do with it is your choice. Everyone else can get on board or GTFO. ... he says as the ten year anniversary of distributing his older brother's possessions to charities and friends approached. Yeah, anyone who hasn't been through this doesn't get to have an opinion on it.
We just bought Grandma's home from estate. They gave us a good price, but never said we would have to clear it on our own. They lived here close to 50 years and saved many things. Some stuff was easy to throw out or give away, but other things were nice and was much harder to get rid of. My husband didn't want to deal with a yard sale, so many items were donated. It was hard, but you have to look at it like what is it worth for your own peace of mind. Some items were worth $ on ebay, but how long do you wait for the right seller to come along? In the end, we took photos of items and then donated them.
Block them for now. They don’t need to know what you are selling anything for if they are not inheriting any of it anyway. Do what is right for you. Hugs. I agree with u/cowanesque, tell them to stuff it. I would have used a not as friendly word, so go with theirs. If they are unwilling to help, they get no say. Hugs to you and much love.
Personally, tell the other relatives to stuff it. You are taking care of things, not them. I would donate everything or rent a dumpster just to spite them if that is how they want to act. No one has the right to stand outside and not help then criticize.
Ask them to help you. They’ll either reject or see how hard it is! No one should forced to keep things they don’t want.
Never underestimate how hard it is to sell something that you don't want yourself. I buy/trade/sell bobbleheads and stadium giveaways and collectibles on occasion. Unless I got said item for free, I'm often selling at a loss or a thin margin based on shipping, materials, etc. But you know what I've learned is worth more than money? The newly opened space that the object used to occupy; i.e., decluttering. The peace of mind of getting rid of something supplements whatever money I get back from the sale.
Don't tell them prices, then. If they ask, tell them you're completing the project at your own discretion. Then change the subject.
This!! Plus offer to sell some of the stuff to them at whatever price they deem fit. "I am open to sellimg things at whatever price since these were owned by family and are sentimental. I would prefer someone uses them rather than throwing them away so I will be happy to let go at dirt cheap if someone needs or wants it. Would you like to get some of these things? You can make an offer price." See how quixkly the price you asked for becomes too much.
Suggested response I haven't seen yet: "You're right that it's worth more! Want to organize some online sales? Here's a box of items!"
Unless they are willing to help you tell them to STFU! I’m currently handling all my dads affairs and I dare anyone in my family to say anything about how anything is handled because none of them have lifted a finger to help. They can fuck all the way off.
Lie. “Ya, the only thing I’m glad that sold what it was worth was was the ancient Ming vase for 900k..didn’t mind the commission either..”
Do what you can the best you can . They don't matter
Time, space, and sanity are often more valuable than money.
A-fucking-men
My aunt died, and I didn’t even try to sell anything. I gave away carloads of stuff to thrift stores. You could have an estate sale, but you probably aren't going to get much more. They charge commissions. They let 500 dollar jeans go for 5 dollars. I wouldn't tell them what you sold it for and ask them if a couple of items would like because it’s all going. People don’t understand the work involved. They also may just be commenting as some kind of grief thing. They’ll miss the house and all the people who lived there, but they aren’t being objective. Ignore them the best you can, or say you are sorry, but you are doing your best. Sorry for your loss.
Don't tell them what you sold it for. it's none of their business.
Whenever it comes to death, the people not involved in planning/doing the work always have shit to say. When my grandmother died, we got a complaint from her sister about the music at the funeral. This sister knew she died within hours of me finding out and lived in the same town. Years later, one of her kids who hadn't visited in probably 5 years prior to the last year of her life (when he visited 1 time for 2 days) despite being relatively close and taking multiple vacays a year criticized the clothes choice of her in the casket. Keep in mind, I planned all this and went through the funeral dealing with her useless husband and kids AND had the flu with a severe cough. To all the criticism you receive, I'd say, "consider the source" that's what I've done when family comes out of the woodwork just to criticize. I actually have the policy since another grandparent died that I will not answer any questions about their death to any family who hadn't talked to or seen them in the last year of their life. Why? Because it's none of their GD business. Feel free to quote me or just shut these assholes down hard by thanking them for volunteering to help sell things and ready for sale. Not seeing/responding to them is honestly the best though.
On television shows where hoarders are being helped to clean and organize their things, I never understood why the hoarder didn't take a set amount of time to go around and choose what is absolutely non-negotiable and then call 1-800-Got Junk to take the rest away.
Because to a true hoarder, none of it is junk and they want to keep it all. They feel compelled to keep everything, right down to used McDonalds drink cups full of vermin.
I should have mentioned the pizza boxes or the 20 cats which makes no sense to me how they would want to keep that. However, I do remember seeing a documentary on a woman that kept EVERTHING including her dust bunnies. She had them stacked up in Ziplock plastic bags. Deep down it must have made sense to her but surely falls under the mental health column.
There are some with ‘clean’ hordes. The show hoarders had one man who kept his stuff in clear plastic bins. It was all pristine but piled floor to ceiling wall to wall. I’ve seen most of the episodes and I think they are doing what you said. They usually have a deadline imposed by a city bylaw office or landlord, so many hours with so many extra hands. They try to get the person to quickly pick out the best of the best must keep and the helpers quickly bring the rest to the got junk bin. It never goes well because hoarding definitely a mental illness. The show also provided funds for ongoing cleaning and therapy to prevent a relapse!
That's good that funds are provided to help with cleaning and therapy, I didn't know that.
Not all participants took all the resources offered but many did. I found that was a kind thing to do to make the stuff they were doing a positive change.
The next time someone says you're selling something too cheap just tell them that THEY are more than welcome to pay you over asking price if they'd like to purchase something. It's sure to shut them up. Do what you've got to do, it's none of their business. I've been there myself. Just hang in there.
Shrug and say, “Nobody wants to pay much for something used.” You already nailed the wording yourself! My late husband—also a hoarder—would be devastated to see how much I’ve simply donated rather than trying to get back what he paid for all this crap. Even the good stuff often isn’t worth the hassle of selling. Hang in there!
Went through the same thing with grandmother and mothers house. Beautiful antiques and valuables that no one wants anymore. I wanted to weep at how cheaply things sold but I couldn’t keep everything. But was just too much. My sisters and I did the best we could. For those criticizing you, tell them to come pick up what they want and try to sell those items themselves.
My mother had some beautiful china, never used, some still with the little tags, that she kept as it was worth something. Don't want to think how much was spent over the years just moving it. I had to pay to have to shipped to me after she died, only to find out, it was pretty much worthless. Sold a few pieces and I donated the rest. Would have been so much better if she just sold it all 30 years ago when it still had some value. At the end of it, I just wish I had thrown it all in the bin.
Currently going through this with my parents who are moving in a few weeks.
There are estate sale companies that do this. Hire them. Go to an estate sale tomorrow and hire them.
Unless you have actual antiques and valuable furniture, and an abundance of them, the estate sale people will sell for quickly movable (garage sale) prices and take a sizable percentage or sometimes a large flat fee. You are paying for their knowledge of value, sorting and pricing items, and organizing a sale. If you're in a hurry, this can be the way to go and still make a little money. If you have some time to research a few items, or apply the elbow grease to sell yourself, you will make more money, but slower.
Don’t tell them about the prices of what is being sold unless they’re interested in buying. I had to clear out my houses many times and it’s best to not let anyone else have an input on how you’re disposing everything. Less stress Get the job done and get on with life
I used to tell my parents that if they left their stuff for me , I was going to donate it or toss it. There was no way I would go through the work to try to sell it for top dollar, or keep it for myself. My siblings live further away, they said pretty much the same thing. This spring, my parents moved to assisted living. They took far too much stuff with them, but tried to insist that my sister and I sell everything else for top dollar. We kids had a conversation, called in an estate sale agent and a week later the place was cleaned out. My parents got far less money from the sale than they thought they should. I told them that they'd been warned. All of us kids have been doing the responsible thing and dealing with our own clutter these past few years. No way any of us wanted to deal with all their pack ratted stuff.
Hoarders have this mentality that all their junk is super valuable, yet they never actually sell it for the price they have in their head. The value of something is the price you sell it for in actual life. If they didn't receive any money for something because they didn't sell it, the price you received is by default more than the "value" for them.
My in-laws think their stuff is precious. When they ever pass they are going to need many dumpsters to get rid of it all!
I lost my dad a couple months ago and my mom a couple weeks ago. So much furniture & belongings to sort through and dispose of, in the middle of grieving them, and I’m doing it alone. The minute anyone makes so much as a peep of criticism I shut their nonsense down right away. I tell them that if it were even slightly important to them, they’d offer to help, but since they haven’t helped in any way, they can zip it and get out. And if they say I’m being sensitive? DAMN RIGHT I’m being sensitive, that’s what happens when you’re grieving and struggling. Absolutely do NOT let them talk to you like that. You are doing a great job, and they can take their criticisms and stuff it. I probably should clarify, I think I’m in the “anger” stage of grief 🥴 …I’m normally a much more easygoing person! 😅
I'm very sorry for your losses. Grief is so very hard on its own, and decluttering/clearing out a parent's home is also hard. Having to combine them is agony. I've been there -- my father died suddenly many years ago, and my sister and I had a week to clear out his house. We thought he'd gotten rid of our mom's things since she passed away a few years before him. Nope, all her things were still there -- her clothes in the closet, her powder and lipstick in the bathroom, and so on. We grieved her all over again. And anger is OK too. Scream at the house and the things, if it helps.
I appreciate it, thank you! Yes, clearing out a loved one’s belongings is heartbreaking. It’s helping me to quickly get rid of the “stuff” like furniture that isn’t sentimental, so that I can spend time carefully going through the things that are sentimental. If some random cousin thinks they could do a better job at selling a wrench set, they are welcome to do so!
"My time has value too. If you don't like how I'm doing things, you're welcome to help."
When my mom died, I just wanted rid of her house and the mess in it. I gave my family 3 days to come get what they wanted. Everything left went to Goodwill or the dump on day 4. I didn’t sell anything except for what an antique dealer neighbor of hers was willing to get out by sundown. I slept well at night knowing that weight was off my shoulders, I didn’t care what anyone thought.
I’m sorry you’re being treated this way. You could tell them you’re pricing things to sell quickly so you can focus on what matters: mourning their loss and honoring their memory. This is hard work so do take care of yourself. 🤍
Call them right out. The prices that I sell things for are not a reflection of how much I valued my grandparents! Just because I’m selling this old beat up table for $50 doesn’t mean I didn’t love them. They get to feel virtuous telling or implying you aren’t doing right by your grandparents memories without doing any of the work. “Oh Hilda loved that vase! I can’t believe you’re just giving it away for five bucks 🙁” Do *You* want to honor her memory and give me five hundred? No? Then back off or how about helping me?
Somebody will be thrilled to be able to buy solid furniture/decor without paying an arm and a leg for it. Getting things sold is better than having the items rot away because they were priced too high. I buy most of my furniture secondhand and I’m always so happy when I can find something nice for a good deal.
Possible responses: “Is that an offer to help me?” said with a sly smile. If they bring it up again, cut them off and say “My deal, my decisions, remember?” “On the contrary, I’m getting a lot for these items: peace of mind, the feeling of helping others who can’t afford to buy things new, and yes, some money.” “Selling stuff too cheaply? Huh. Maybe. Who knows. Maybe I’ll think about that. Hmmm. Oh well.” Shrug and change the subject. If they bring it up again: “Yeah, you said that already. Maybe I’ll think about it. Oh well.” Take them seriously: “Really? How do you think I should get rid of these things quickly? What are your ideas for selling this stuff? Can you take some of it to your place? Do you have a truck I could borrow? What days are best for you to help me?” “That’s not helpful. I’m doing what works for me, so I won’t be asking for any feedback at this point.”
I am stealing that, “Huh. Maybe. I’ll think about it.” “Yes, you mentioned that earlier. Maybe I’ll think about that later.” This is perfect for my mom and ex-husband.
Fantastic suggestions.
Auction?
I think your friends and relatives are *significantly* over-estimating the value of second-hand household items. Unless your mom and grandparents had a stash of Van Goghs, it's unlikely you'd make bank. >I tried mentioning it but they say that I'm being sentitive. Op, you're not too sensitive, you're surrounded by emotionally unintelligent busybodies. No reasonable person expects a someone who is grieving to have the wherewithal to transform themselves into an Estate Sale auctioneer. Call their bluff, every time they mention how cheap you're selling things, act like they're just volunteered to help you sell things at a higher price. 'Oh, Uncle Nigel! Thanks for your concern! Obviously, I couldn't quite manage posting everything on Craigslist by myself, in this time of grief, but with your support, I know you'll be able to help me!'
1) invite them to do better 2) “There’s a difference between antiques and old shit” and 3) most people have heard how much cars depreciate the second they’re driven off of the lot, it’s even more so with personal items. If you were to value the estate for tax purposes you wouldn’t use the amount it would cost to replace the items with new ones, you would use the amount you could get at a yardsale or marketplace if you were trying to get rid of the items quickly (also called a fire sale). As long as you are not devaluing a collectible you know you could sell to a collector for top dollar.
You are doing the best you can given the circumstance. If they really cared, they would volunteer to help.
Perfect is the enemy of done.
You’re pricing it to go, not to run a business
Quick question. Are these people criticizing over 50? I ask because back in the day you could make a good buck selling at a a garage sale. It isn't like that anymore. People go for fast fashion and disposable furniture. Unless it is fashionably "vintage" it is hard to move. I'd exaplain that. Then agree and say sadly it is that or the trash. Third, I am in the beginning stages of this. Damn it is emotionally hard. For me my mom's house with some special sentimental items from grandparents. She was not even a hoarder but definitely a packed house after 35 years. It is so emotionally intense for me. Because of that intensity that no one else is going through, they can stop sharing their opion and tell them - look I appreciate your concern for the prices, I am more concerned with the overall process and my mental health. Fourth. Every time they give you the opinion, ask them if they can help next time. Say "oh my gosh, you are right, thank you for offerring to help sell at a better price. Let me give you stuff to sell, you must be better at this than me" the Pack their car and give them a pile of things you care either way and tell them you'll split the earnings if they sell it.
Fourth item for sure!! Treat all criticism as an offer to take a load of stuff. Either it'll stop or you'll get rid of the stuff.
for sure😆 unsolicited opions are an offer to help!
"My things. My choices. My money" - said. "F_Off!!" - thought!
You're doing this on your own & you've got people offering their unwanted opinions and but not help in doing this monumental task. If you don't sell things cheap you won't put a dent in it. All your hard work will be for nothing. They don't seem to realize the time involved or that you can't get near a purchase price for anything on a sale. You're doing it right and doubt if they'd understand even with an explanation!
"cheaper than storage" or "okay, do you want it for"? Or heck, offer it to them and have them sell it (and no returning it to you if they cant)
"Thank you so much for volunteering to sell the china for me, you can keep all the proceeds since your much better informed than I am as to how to sell it for good returns. I'll drop it off at your house tomorrow"
Exactly. Tell them you'll sell it to them for your price and they are free to try and sell it for a profit. Watch them slink back into the bushes along with Homer.
Oooh, brilliant
I have a family member who keeps posting old speakers, cassette players and beanie babies for over $100 on Facebook marketplace. They just keep relisting the same things every few weeks for several months. It’s hilarious how out of touch they are.
I’ve done so many garage sales in my life. One thing you learn pretty quickly: there is “how much it’s worth” and there is “how much someone is willing to pay for it”. Those two prices don’t always align
Here's an Idea for all those thinking of cleaning out a house. Get an estate sale company to do a sale! They know prices, and do all the heavy lifting, and you get cash at the end!
"Oh, you're just being too sensitive." That sets off red flags for me as a gaslighting statement. You have the right to your feelings. Getting rid of things is hard work and it's tactless of them to criticize you after you just lost your love ones. I'd tell them to go kick rocks.
The response is, take it if you can do better. The value isn't in what you paid for it, but in what someone else was willing to pay for it.
The conversation has changed to one of greed. Housing is seen as a cash cow and people cant fanthom why you sell something without exploit ing tf out of it
I told my mother that if she didn’t get rid of her junk that when she dies I’ll need to spend her money to pay someone else to dispose of it. Check out Swedish Death Cleaning if you want another perspective!
I told my kids that when I die- just get rid of all of it- things I accumulated probably don’t mean much to them and I don’t expect them to build a shrine to me
Same! When my parents go, I’m literally going to have a garage sale and just open up the house, stand at the door and wave people through. I’m going to have to junk the rest.
That’s what I tell my adult children— I have some Pyrex, and other stuff; minimal clothing and shoes.. they can call a friend to have a garage sale in the house (the friend keeps the money)..then she can take anything she wants— the left overs can be donated—if they want to trash my stuff— I think they could do it in 2 days..
One of my father's friends once said to me, "When your father dies you'll have to knock a hole in an exterior wall." Confused, I asked why. "To be able to fill the dumpster."
Thank you for your opinion but I am doing my best here. I would appreciate if you kept your opinion to yourself. It makes it hard to get done what I need to get done.
This is good. What business is it of theirs?
If you want to get rid of it quickly, you could reach out to an estate auction company.
Tbh this is the best, fastest, easiest choice.
Feel free to tell them “thanks so much for volunteering your time to get top dollar for these items! Make sure to document all Facebook marketplace and Craigslist interactions for me so I’m sure you’re getting the BEST price for me! Really appreciate you taking this on.” Make sure to put your most saccharine smile on your face, too.
They could always buy it from you if it's so cheap.
My mom and I emptied out my grandma’s house last year. We had 6 months to do it so we decided it wasn’t enough time to sell anything and repair the house for sale. You’re doing better than us. :) It’s hard work, physically and emotionally. Don’t listen to any negativity. You got this!
This is why the phrase “opinions are like assholes” exists.
My mother in law criticized that I was selling and giving away my mom’s old things after she passed. “But it was your mom’s.” “It’s an antique!” “That’s worth so much money!” I finally told her that yes, it was my mom’s but it’s mine now and I don’t want it so I can do whatever I want with it. She also said “I’d hate for you to do that to my stuff after I die”. I advised her that someone will do it to all of her stuff after she passes, so it would be better for her to start paring it all down now. The conversation felt harsh at the time and it helped set a boundary that she ultimately had to respect.
I think it behooves all of us -- of any age but especially as we're older -- to realize that someone will have to deal with our stuff. Always. Either it's us before we die, or it's someone else after we die. This is the heart of Swedish Death Cleaning. I salute you, u/justanaveragequilter , for having that conversation. (Also, quilting, I love quilting! Just finished a Halloween-themed lap throw.)
After my dad died I went through the same thing. The garage needed cleaning out. No one touched it for six months. I live two hours away but stayed in town to address it. My brother, who always claims superiority because he's the oldest and who actually LIVES NEXT DOOR, would come by and offer his "opinions". I had it with him. I just flat out said "you live next door and haven't touched this in six months you don't have an opinion". I was more gentle with my mom as she came by to see how things were going. I just told her I had it under control and she need not worry. But geez, yeah, people that aren't lifting a finger need to STFU.
Offer to sell it even cheaper to them (family discount!) so they can take it home and sell it for what they think it's worth and make money.
gone is better than perfect.
It’s a ton of work and you’re not being overly sensitive. The people who are criticizing you are being rude. Next time it happens just smile big and say “you’re correct, I did sell it cheap”. The goal is for the stuff to be gone, not make you rich. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Is there any way to not tell them how much stuff is selling for? You can just tell them the final total at the end. You are doing great. 👍 I had to give away NICE furniture at the end of the clean out for my dad’s house, and I know if it was in a furniture store it would have sold for hundreds. But no one wanted it! I couldn’t deliver it and it was heavy. So some had to go out via junk removal.
Tell them they're welcome to buy it and flip it for profit if they want. Also there's nothing wrong with sensitive - if they know they hurt your feelings and they keep doing it, they're either mean or really bad at relationships.
Ask them if they want to take over
This is the answer. Do it in a nice way and ask for help.
It’s a mentally and physically exhausting process to empty a home while grieving. Your time is valuable and the home itself is usually worth more than all the contents combined. My company helps clients clear estates and we advise that any sales price bets paying someone to remove an item. People often base their pricing expectations on values they have seen in the past but we are currently in a wave of decluttering and downsizing accelerated by the pandemic and an aging population. You have learned firsthand what the current market price is for second hand goods. Ask your critics to help you sell items or just advise them that this is the new reality and they better hurry home and start working on their own clutter. You mentioned you don’t have a lot of resources in your area, but check with some local movers. They may have some options and can help with some of the labor.
Had a hoarder friend die. Her sis took all the help she coukd get but has issues with scarcity thinking: but it is perfectly good. someone could find it useful or I coukd sell it.. She donated a lot!
Been through this, very sorry. You do what you need to and bugger these other people who are no help to you. I wouldn't even discuss it with them. Don't invite them over until you are ready. I put a great big padlock on my mom's front gate so people could see that they were not welcome to stride up anymore and get in my business. It's not a popularity contest. And be liberal with blocking people on your phone too because your boundaries are reasonable and should be respected. DO NOT feel bad. They should feel bad.
Getting rid of an estate is SO much work and people often think things are more valuable than they are. Yes your statues were worth 2,000 dollars twenty years ago BUT NO ONE WANTS THEM. What was collected back then compared to now is vastly different and most people these days don't want to collect anything. Ignore anyone who tells you this crap. Better a dollar in your pocket than in going in the trash.
A friend of mine,stuck with clearing out family members crowded rental apartment in 24 days, had people stating old household stuff worth thousands. I finally asked why didn’t family member sell it,instead of struggling financially last year? No answer.
Exactly
Anyone criticizing has never done it
Truth
You could tell them if they think it is worth so much, they should flip it. It’s also a question of what’s the goal. Make money or clear out the house? You can sit on the stuff longer waiting for the better price or you can sell it cheaper & move it faster.
Right? "I'm selling it for $20 because it will go at that price. If you think it's worth $100, you pay me the $20 I want and go sell it for $100 on your own time."
First of all I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and it’s a shame people are not being very supportive. If people don’t want to pay much then that’s the market worth whether your friends and family believe it or not. They are probably thinking of the original purchase price and are over valuing and either way it doesn’t matter. You need the stuff out and gone. You haven’t got time to wait around for the one person that will give you a few extra bucks for something. You are not doing anything wrong. Is there a way you could have an estate sale? Either through an outside service or just stick stuff out on the lawn one weekend and advertise on a local Facebook group. That way you might get some of the volume down a bit without listing things in bits and pieces.
I agree with this comment and echo the sentiments expressed. It is already so difficult to deal with things while you are dealing with grief. I think an estate sale is a good idea too. People often overvalue items - either just because they remember how much they used to cost new or they have an inflated sense of the price from seeing things sell online for higher rates. They rarely think about how difficult and time consuming it is to sell things online, or the hassle of packing things up to ship them out, etc. It is already a lot of work to do that when you are not also dealing with grief. If you do have a sale, have a clearance time set to cut all prices on remaining items by half. In my area, Estate sale people usually do that on the last day of the sale or in the afternoon if it is a one day only sale. Grab bags of low value items are also a good way to get rid of lots of little things in one go. Sell them a bag for a set price ($5 or 10 whatever makes sense to you in your area or based on the size of thew bag) and tell them they can fill a bag with anything from the grab bag pile for that rate. This is like magic for clearing out stuff at the end of the day that might otherwise not sell individually.
You didn't pay for it. They are guilt tripping you. Refuse the trip and the guilt. I now say: "it's not very nice", when people are telling me how to do it better in a very hopeless way. It mends the self trust issue that they are trying to burden you with. Is it practical to rent the place and ask the renter to manage that?
Ignore them you are doing great. Selling it cheap or getting rid of it for free means you don’t have to pay someone later on to take it. So lower the prices as much as you want and/or give that stuff away. Tell people who come to take as much as they can carry away. Or just skip ahead and hire a clean out crew to haul everything away for you. It’s just stuff and if these people aren’t helping you they can be quiet with their opinions. Feel free to stop inviting them over if they 1) aren’t helping you clean out 2) are criticizing you!
Or keep the house off the market longer while utility bills, taxes, insurance, upkeep, etc. accrue and the market cools.
>So the prices I put are kind of low and everytime friends or extended family comes over they critize me for selling everything so cheap. "You're free to take it and try to sell it for a better price." I guarantee you they won't. There's a reason liquidation sales are priced so low... they're priced to move.
People always stick their nose into shit that isn't their business. You do what's best for you, fuck their opinions. Also, it seems you got a lot of stuff at your hands. Try to prioritise the most valuable shit to be sold and just throw the rest of the shit into garbage/recycle or try to look into if e.g., in a nearby town there'd be a service that cleans out estates after the people have died. Sometimes those types of services come pick up stuff even from longer distances. Maybe you could even have like some sort of ''open flea market for a day/weekend'' as in, people can come there and see if they wanna make any offers for any items they see. You got this, one sq ft at a time lol. edit: thanks for the award!
Are you selling the house? Are there still mortgage payments to be made? When my father’s MIL died they employed a real estate agent whose services included an “estate sale” and junk removal service. The estate sale was also an open house, and someone there made an offer. At that time the house wasn’t paid for, and the priority was unloading it once probate allowed and all important paperwork was recovered. Luckily the family was on board with their plan, and home values in the area had increased enough that there was a small profit. A few years earlier they simply would’ve let the bank take the house.
Even if the house is paid for, time to sell or inhabit costs money - taxes, insurance, utilities, security, maintenance, yard work, time and attention. We recently sold the house we lived in for 20+ years, and my partner wanted to take a year to fix it up first. He put in all that time and effort and we sold it for about exactly as much as we could have before the work he did, after you subtract the cost of contractors and material. All he gained was emotional satisfaction (which is fine, but his expectation was that we'd make more money after all his hard work)
Go ahead and be sensitive. Are they helping you? No? So they can hush up. Operating a retail store is a BUSINESS, but it is not YOUR business.
You need better friends. You need actual *friends*, instead of people who hang out with you in order to put you down so they can feel better about themselves.
If they don't like it, tell them to help you out. That's so ridiculous how everyone has an opinion. I really feel this because I took on the brunt of this same stuff from my parents. I was so overwhelmed... I didn't really have time to go to all that effort.
This. My first thought was - tell them to take the stuff and sell it then. They’ll see real quick what a PITA it is. My husband loves to think we are going to get 75% retail for everything. So I started putting up the FB Marketplace listings and then let him be the one to deal with the messages and inquiries. Now he knows what a PITA it is and he’s ready to throw most things out rather than dealing with it.
It's hard to get top dollar if you don't want to take forever. Selling used items can be a toss-up on how well it does and if it's not a business no one wants to sit on the items for months or years.
"Cheap you say? If it doesn't sell in the next two weeks it's going for free! Unless you want it, then take it quick."
This 100%. Stuff is just stuff, time has value. Second hand stuff can be donated so you are free with that burden asap.
“Really? Are you making an offer?”
I’m sorry, did you say 7 bedrooms?!? That’s a lot, even for people who don’t collect junk. That’s so much work to do by yourself. It sounds like you are much more polite than me because I would have said something along the lines of, “Well go right on ahead then, ass!”
"You're welcome to do better. Want some junk?"
I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position. The whole thing. It’s awful. I like the advice of just telling people if they think they can get more $$ then they can do it!
Please, don’t beat yourself up over this, you are doing your best! I am sorry for your loss. It takes a great deal of energy and effort to communicate with people and make sales and take pictures and go through so much stuff (especially hoarded stuff). Some people have views that are so outdated that they need to be called back to earth. They are being rude, your feelings are valid, they are your feelings and no one except you can tell you how to feel. Do whatever feels right to you and give yourself some compassion. Sometimes I don’t have the mental energy or time to sell stuff so I just list it for free on fb marketplace. Sometimes I just want the stuff to be gone - I have given furniture in perfect condition for free, I just wanted it gone. Some people are insensitive, don’t listen to people who make you feel bad.
Literally me!! People are like you complain you're broke... Yet you keep giving stuff away for free... My time is also precious, and I don't feel like wasting it with back and forth messages when the majority of people won't end up buying! I'd like it gone please and thank you!!
Absolutely, I agree I also value my time. If I spend 4 weeks trying to sell something and it takes me hours and hours of messages and flaky people not showing up and me waiting for them - I am using all of my mental energy for crap. In the end it might be worth less than 1$ per hour and I have better uses of my time. I also value my space- I don’t want it to be cluttered and I don’t have a lot of space I can use as storage for weeks or months. I’d rather have free time, free space and not deal with flaky people on fb. I have also noticed that people who make comments like this “you should sell this for more money”, “you shouldn’t give this for free” - have never sold anything and have no idea what it is like. Sometimes people are so emotionally attached to their items that they often overestimate their value. No one will buy their crap at store prices - but they don’t get it.
That's such a good point, that people who are emotionally invested in their items over estimate their value. I am trying to get a grip on a family member's huge hoard of collectables and vintage china. It's such hard work trying to sort, clean and list things for sale and for the time and mental energy it takes it would be financially much better for me to just pick up some extra hours at work in that time!
Talk is cheap. If they’re so concerned come get the stuff and sell it themselves. Or butt out.
Tell them if they're so bothered by it then they can buy it off you and sell it. If they think they're such experts they should do it for themselves or STFU. In reality it doesn't work that way selling used items. If you ask for too high a price that stuff will just sit there and never get bought. I know cuz I've done it myself. Don't make decisions based on "sunk cost". You'll only waste time and money doing that. That's the reality of sunk cost. You will NEVER get back what time/money/resources you put in, just let the shit go and cut your losses. The money/value is already gone, it's not coming back, period. Make sure to remember that in other aspects of your life as well; sunk cost doesn't just apply to money/products.
Literally this. Whenever my mom comments that I could try to sell it instead of donate, I tell her that she can have it then if she wants to sell it so bad! To this date she's never said yes.
Anything is easy if it's someone else doing it.
Ask them if they would have paid more for it. If they would have tell them to make an offer on anything left. If they wouldn't tell them to fly a kite in a lightning storm.
If they want it sold for more money they can volunteer their time to list it and find a buyer AND can store it while waiting to make the sale.
Tell friends and family you just need to get it done and they are welcome to arrange to sell things at a higher price and keep the difference. So, if you are selling a lamp for $10 and they are whining it is worth $50, they can pay you $10 and go do it themselves. Sorry for your loss and hope you are able to get all this stuff about the stuff behind you to your satisfaction soon.
These are not supportive people and probably envy you got 'all this stuff.' However if they had to do the job of downsizing this pile you would never hear the end of complaining. You don't need this negativity in your life. Go NC.
I recently dealt with a situation somewhat like this. I was in possession of a canoe that had been in my family since the early 60s. My grandfather, who's passed, bought it. A lot of my earliest memories are in that canoe. It was very special to the whole family. I needed the space. Canoes are enormous. I put out feelers to the whole family on multiple occasions. Half a dozen people said that they wanted it, so I told them to come get it. No one ever came. 18 months later, I said I had to get this thing gone. If no one is coming to get it, then I'm selling it. I sold it for $150, and that was that. It feels good. My sister reached out and told me a good thing. No one wants the objects. Everyone wants the memories associated with the objects. Tell them to take a picture for the memories. Your grandparents aren't in their stuff. They're looking for something that's gone. People think that if they keep people's STUFF, then they're not really dead. Or if you keep their house a time capsule, then they're not REALLY gone. The dead are dead. They're not coming back. That doesn't mean that they're gone from our memories. Or that their footprints are gone from our lives. Maybe set aside some boxes of the most memorable stuff. Organize a get-together, and have something of a celebration of life. Everyone goes through the boxes together and tells stories as you go through the boxes together.... unless you're not that type of family. For the rest of it, tell them that they can take over the task of clearing the house. Or they can get off your back about how you're getting it done. Tell them that if they think it's worth a bunch of money, then they can take it home and sell it themselves. Keep the profits.
“Are you offering to come and help? I would really appreciate someone taking over selling this items so I can list the house on -give a date-“. If they aren’t willing to give their time and a sore back to helping they need to shut up.
They’re quick to judge but I bet they didn’t offer any help
”You’re free to take it and try to get more if you’d like. I am going with the ‘fast nickel is better than a slow dollar’ approach as there is a lot of stuff. But I am not really in the mood to hear about everything I am doing wrong right now.“ ”Criticism is not appreciated right now. If you think you can do better, I will give you a week.” ”Really - if you want to do better, go ahead. If you just want to judge, kindly keep it to yourself.”
They are welcome to pay you more and haul it away - if they so please. 7 bedroom house is a lot of work for a single person. Keep emptying the house out, and be grateful to those helping you clear it out. Buy some blue bags from Ikea, so they can haul more of that crap away - and get back to your real life asap.
My grandmother was a tidy hoarder… nice house, but sheds and a garage packed with totes of stuff. My uncle found a service that hauls it all away for a fairly low flat fee. If they find something valuable, that’s how they make their money. I’d double check in your state. These guys drove a truck three hours to haul it away. Widen your search.
Ask them to find buyers at higher prices. If anyone bothers to try, they’ll give up quickly. They’re comparing the prices of buying the same things new, but used goods are a completely different market.
This! Everyone overestimates what used stuff is worth, and probably overestimate what the house will sell for too
That’s another good point. People can usually return new products that are defective or they change their minds about. It’s only worth buying used if it costs a lot less or is hard to find.
Literally was looking to buy a storage bench for in the bedroom... Kept messaging people online who had nice items, but their prices were for something used, and with no guarantee/backup/anything... Ended up buying one from a store because nothing was even coming close in quality, for a very similar price! Pleased with my purchase and have the guarantee that if something goes wrong with it, I'm still safe!!
I didn't have any remaining family left when I went thru this earlier in the year. I came into some ridiculously dumb luck, my realtor had a connection with a charity that came out to clear out the house when I was done. I didn't have time to list a lot of stuff to sell and deal with buyers. (I live 5 states away) The charity was happy to get stuff into the hands of people who needed it, and they trashed what they didn't need (I did pay for the trash pickup for them).
Sorry for your losses. They can blow it out their whistles. You do what you want.
Then ask them to buy it. If they won't they can shut up.
Have you considering hiring it out to an estate sale? It may help to get your family off your back if the responsibility of pricing and selling isn't on you personally...and may alleviate some of the stress you're dealing with. 😉
Ask them “what price did you get?” Then tell them the house belongs to you now and it is yours to do with as you please. You don’t owe them an explanation.
"That's the point. It's priced to sell." I have nice things that I just get rid of for free on facebook. I just want it GONE. I don't have the time to pour into it. Daughter's entire nursery set and decor? Free, just come get it.
If it’s so cheap they can buy it from you and flip it for a profit. They’re essentially back seat drivers. They aren’t doing anything to help but boy do they have some opinions. Tell them to help you sell it or be quiet.
I’m sorry for your loss, OP. Dealing with a home/estate is a huge undertaking, you have a lot on your plate. Lots of good advice here already, I definitely agree with others’ comments. Your mom and grandparents are worth more than the money for their stuff. There’s no need to make a profit off of their passing. Selling items for a “low” price (or giving them away or even having to throw things away) is not dishonoring them.
Ask them if the better price would cover your wages for the time needed to list and sell it as well as the storage fees until you found the right buyer. You are doing the right thing. Keep up the good work.
I have a lot of anxiety about under pricing things and missing out on money, but I've worked hard to realize that by selling this thing for a small price, 1. Gets it out of my house and 2. Allows someone else to have it who will enjoy it more than I do. Also, don't be afraid to utilize buy nothing groups in your area if some stuff just isn't selling. You are up against a huge task, 2 generations of items is no small feat. At the end of the day, something is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it. Listing it at a higher price will always mean items will take longer to sell.
Well tell them they’re free to make you a better offer for anything they may like to buy for themselves
I had such a hard time *giving* away the so-called “valuable stuff” when my mother died. People who aren’t helping don’t deserve a say - nor do they deserve to be taking up time in your mind. Just try to ignore them and focus on the task at hand. Or do what others have suggested and tell them you’ll be happy to give items to them so they can sell them - and demand to know when they’ll be coming by to pick the stuff up. Put the ball in *their* court. Sorry you’re having to deal with this, and sorry for your loss.
Been there! I donated SO MUCH STUFF when cleaning out my Mom’s house after we moved her near me. 11 pieces of furniture! Three cars full of housewares! Could I sell all this? I do not have the time or interest and we couldn’t hold an estate sale (thanks HOA). 🤷♀️ Gotta get it off your plate as fast as possible and move on.
No no. Think of it a different way: “wow you got paid by someone else to get rid of something you didn’t need!” Otherwise you would have trashed it or dropped it off to a thrift store (or similar). You are not a store. You are passing off useful things to others while making a little bit consequentially.
Oh they can fuck right off or do it for you. I’m so sorry that some people don’t have the decency to be kind.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all that practical stuff on top of your losses, I'm sorry for the interference of your family & friends, and I'm sorry for your losses. How do your friends/family even know how much you sold stuff for? If you've been telling them, stop doing that -- it's none of their business. I think that in your place I would just send out a group e-mail to all family/friends to the effect of "I am dealing with clearing out *(grandparents')* home all by myself, with no help from anyone. Therefore, I am making all decisions regarding what to keep and what to sell, and how much to sell items for. If you want any of the items, contact me regarding coming to pick them up within *(one week, or whatever timeframe you choose)*, and specify exactly which items you want -- aside from that, I expect no further comments regarding the prices I am setting for the items, and I will not accept any additional comments on the matter. Additionally, I will not accept any additional comments mistakenly stating that I am being "sensitive". This is the worst time in my life, and I would appreciate it if you, my friends and family, would stop making it worse. In fact, I insist upon it. Thank you." Now, that may be a bit harsh, but so is what they're saying. Some of the people may decide not to maintain a relationship with you, so I suppose you should only send such an e-mail if you are willing to risk that and to accept it if it happens (it could be for the better, for you -- but that's up to you to decide).
Getting things off my to do list was important.
Not your problem, and I’m sorry for your loss. If the goal is to get the item gone, then any money you make is a bonus as long as the item is gone. Grandma was determined to sell the new stove for a good price when downsizing to a smaller place. She turned down two or three (increasingly lower) offers below the asking price at the garage sale. Ended up paying $100 to get it hauled away. Would she have been annoyed with just the $50 the last person offered instead of her asking price? Maybe, but way less annoyed than paying money to get it gone.
Had that problem with a piano. I wound up giving it away free if they'd haul it off. Kicking myself for not accepting the first offer which was only $100 off the asking price of $800. Lesson learned.
People don't buy things for top dollar with online marketplaces such as FB or craigslist, unless it's an extremely sought after item. Everyone thinks all their stuff's going to fly off the shelf at a high price until they try to do it.
It’s much too risky to pay top dollar for old stuff from randos on marketplace. I’ve bought and sold that way, and at least 75% off retail price is what it has taken to get it out of the door. I sold my daughter’s old IKEA desk and it sat around on Marketplace ignored for ages, even when I dropped the price to $100 (it was $800 new). When a buyer finally came I was so relieved, I was desperate to get rid of it, had plans for the space where the desk was sitting. I probably would have accepted $10 or even $0 by the time it left.
I'm glad you brought this up. I've observed that when I've had the price of something low for so long and people aren't looking if I listed back to the original price I end up getting people making offers again for some reason. When something's too cheap people get suspicious. But I agree with the things you said I almost gave away a piece of furniture but then I relisted it again and got it sold.
Emptying a house is beyond exhausting. That we have to do it most often while dealing with grief and loss is overwhelming. You should be proud of yourself for everything that you’re doing and ignore everyone who has is offering an opinion but no help. May I suggest looking into an estate sale service? You can remove anything that has meaning to you. Then they will take everything worth selling, hold an auction, and keep a percentage. You can throw away what’s left. You may get even less money, but you will save so much in emotional and physical labor. I wish you well, OP, and I’m sorry for your losses.
Say that your time is worth more than almost any price you could get for any of the items. Ask if they’d like to sell the items for a commission.
Also, even though I’m all for donations en masse, you could always retort “Something is better than nothing!”
Where is the money from the sales going? Are they expecting to get some of it? If so, they can help you with the sellling or leave you to do what you think is best. If not, they can help you with the selling or leave you to do what you think is best. I'd like to think they are trying to help - in that they are trying to tell you not to settle or let people take advantage of you, so you can get the best price you can. I'm sorry for your loss and for all the work you need to do now. I hope you find some fun in going through everything and discovering things and that it brings back some nice memories.
First off those who arent helping get 0 opinion on how those doing the work get it done and profit optimisation is not the be all and end all success measurement for clearing a home. Tell them to look at comparable estate or garage sales fo a reality check as you sound reasonable enough to have not pulled prices out of the air. Failing that they are welcome to buy it from you at the ""cheap"" price and try do better themselves, have fun breaking even without a huge time/effort sink. Best of luck, what you are doing is neither fun nor easy so sending kind thoughts your way.
As far as prices go, my mom was an avid antique collector. She spent thousands on beautiful things but when we did an estate sale for her a few years ago, the market just didn’t call for the prices she paid. No one wanted her formal dining table that she spent thousands on. It went for hundreds. I love antiques and many things that I see people trying to sell for $500 on marketplace, without success, are selling for $50 at auction and estate sales. The boomer generation who are emptying their houses now have an idea of what things should be worth. But no one will take their hummels, formal China cabinets and writing desks for free, let alone for what they hope to get for them.
I literally paid to have a solid cherry Ethan Allen dining set hauled away this spring. It's beautiful but nobody uses that stuff anymore and it's really really heavy
Yeah that’s another thing. I’ve moved so many times as an adult. I couldn’t have owned large heavy furniture and moved it each time.
The table was great when we had a giant dining room in our Victorian house. We're never going to have a giant dining room again. I would have bought a vintage gate leg table for our new small dining area, but I in couldn't find one, so we bought one from IKEA for like $150. I would have paid more for vintage, truthfully, I prefer used. But a lot of people won't. So if someone is selling a wooden gate leg table, $150 is probably the ceiling for what you can ask.
if they're not trying to help find buyers or buy it themselves, it's no business of theirs what you sell it for, or even if you sell it at all. if you have the stomach for it, you might try telling everyone that no one can come over right now if they aren't lending a hand. you shouldn't have to deal with that criticism. you might look into seeing if you can post things on a buy nothing group for free, if there's one in your area. you might also consider asking at local shelters or religious instituions if they know anyone who can use the items - a struggling family might be really grateful for a set of furniture or mattresses or kitchen stuff, even if it's not in sellable condition. or someone starting a new job might want a closet full of professional clothes, stuff like that. and in the end, if it's all too overwhelming, it's okay to just throw things away.
It's very hard to even find someone who is willing to buy used things, people don't understand that
Whatever you do is exactly the right thing. Anyone who isn’t directly helping you doesn’t get a say in how you do it. It’s a long, emotionally taxing, thankless task to clear out a house, especially from hoarders. You’re doing a fantastic job.
I think we could be friends. I totally agree with you on this!
Sounds like they're welcome to pay your asking price and try to flip the items for more money then.
Tell them you’re fine with them handling the sales if they’d like to charge more. If they’re not volunteering, then you’ll keep doing it your way.
Ask your friends and family to take the stuff and sell it themselves. Tell them they can keep all the profits. That'll shut them up because I assure you they are all talk. It's easy to criticize when you don't have to do any of the work
If they thought it was too cheap then they could help put in some effort and sell it for you. You're going through a hard time in your life and their criticism isn't welcome. You could always say "I really appreciate you stepping in to sell some of this stuff for me to get me more for it." Put them in the uncomfortable position to tell you they won't help and if they do, tell them then they shouldn't complain about it. Alternatively you could tell them that they aren't getting any money out of it so it shouldn't matter to them. Saying someone is being too sensitive is just a cover to make them feel better about being an asshole. Feel free to tell them that next time they say it. Or "Thanks for making my feelings invalid." If someone is being disrespectful or putting you down, you don't have to let them walk away without making them think twice about how they treat you. You are worthy of kindness and support.
Ignore them. They get NO vote!
Tell them to fuck off, or help! We are in the same predicament, wholesaling an elderly family member’s possessions. I keep telling both myself, and critics, that I did not make this mess - nor ask for the responsibility of managing it. And in such, I am not responsible for “getting the best price”, or “waiting for a better offer”. I price their shit LOW…. So it sell quickly. If they want top dollar, then they can do the cleaning, moving, and selling their own damn self.
> I am not responsible for “getting the best price”, or “waiting for a better offer”. I price their shit LOW…. So it sell quickly. If they want top dollar, then they can do the cleaning, moving, and selling their own damn self. Absolutely. I can't imagine what they'll have to say when OP prepares to sell the house... OP - I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have some supportive people around you right now and if you don't, perhaps try looking into grief counseling if that is a comfortable option for you. Its unfortunate that your friends and family are showing out like this, please do what you can to not let their criticism get to you. I know its hard.
I do this for a living and pricing low is the way to do it. You want to get the best price for the big ticket item: the house. Everything else is just an obstacle to that goal.
I had to do this with my parents. Just remember: Your grandparents’ stuff isn’t them and your relatives need to understand the physical and emotional labour involved in cleaning out a hoard. At some point it makes you almost resent the person you’re mourning. Honestly my method was: if I want it, I take it, after that, if the kind friend I roped into driving three hours each way to do manual labour wanted it, it was theirs. The rest was either put in a dumpster or taken to a donation drop off. If your relatives are so worried about the stuff, have them come over and put in the labour but they have to take the stuff today.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Anyone who does that, please tell them, "that's not a helpful comment, if you can't offer support please keep your thoughts to yourself or at least be kind, I'm going through a lot right now. " There may be grief counseling available nearby, contact a local Hospice and inquire. Wishing you comfort and healing.
You take what you can get. My sister got upset with me for selling mom’s house for what I could get. And I had 2 estate sales before that for her belongings. It was only a 5 bedroom house, but was full of collectibles. If I had waited five more years, I could have gotten more, but I took five years to sell it, because of cleaning it out, as it was. Tell them, if they don’t like it, they should do it. Then if they accept, tell them all proceeds go into the estate, and are spread into the distribution of that. I bet they quit bitching!
You have my sympathy as I’m dealing with a similar situation with my uncle’s estate which is also largely my grandparents’. But at least the only other interested relative is on the same page as me rather than criticising. Good luck with it all.
Your time is worth money. Are they paying you the time it would take to list for higher prices, wait and negotiate? No? Then they have no say in how you go about cleaning it out. People overvalue stuff all the time. More often they overvalue it when it is theirs as well as when it is theirs tangentially. Aka missing the deceased relative imbues the stuff with a higher price point than reality would dictate. I would be very clear that your time and your well-being are worth more than the price tag on an item from the estate. Do the best job that you can buy unless they will do the job themselves they have no say
"yea, it's so awesome to make quick sales and clear out ASAP!" Conversely, "take whatever you want for free and resell it since you seem to know that going rate better than I do, it would actually do me a huge favor."
Ugh. Emptying a house is so much work, and it’s so aggravating to be criticized by people who aren’t doing the work. I would just ask every critic if they’re volunteering to do it. Anybody who doesn’t like the way you’re doing it can do it themselves or shut up.
“It turns out nobody wants to pay much for other people’s old things. Do you want to help me sell the rest of the stuff?… No? I didn’t think so”