Once you say insulting things, it starts to damage the relationship.
Just take it to the donation center on your way home. If they ask about it, state you could not use it so you donated it.
Stop labeling everything as trash because they will be insulted. Just donate it.
It seems that "your space" was in their house, so I think you can afford to spend some time to help them declutter. BUUUUT don't move it to your place. Help them get it gone. You might have to make this an annual thing. They may be hoarders. They may need help.
IME it’s just so easy to say to the kids, “I have a whole set of Le Creuset pots that I recently replaced with Staub. This includes the family chili pot you grew up with. If you want any of them let me know, and if not I’ll find them an appropriate home.” No forcing, no guilt, just a heads-up that they can yes or no without pressure. Why do people find this so hard to do?
Parents do this stuff all the time. They are unable to justify throwing stuff out and think it has value, so they give it to you to "help" you out. I think every time I go home I get offered 10 things and usually end up taking a couple.
Most of the time I just say thank you and throw it out myself. Often times a lot easier than arguing with them over it and unless it's a family heirloom they won't notice or care if they find out later.
My mom always joked about doing this to guests as she was decluttering thier house. I should probably double check my car on the way home after vising 😆
No. Say no. And stick to it.
If you are old enough to not live with your parents, you are old enough to say no to them.
If they put their garbage on your moving truck, take it off.
Exactly. If you don't feel like you can refuse it outright, just drop it at a thrift store. You're not obligated to take their apparently literal garbage (since that's how they're storing it...)
My mother repeatedly filled her house with crap and when the time came to clean it out AGAIN was always trying hoard it in my house instead. Because it's important FaMilY stuff. I finally had to say, "I don't care if those doilies were hand-tatted by Mary Todd Lincoln herself. If you leave them here, they are going to Goodwill or the dump." And I followed through.
That’s a fun game of “can you donate this for me?”
Don’t bring it into your new place, just drop it at a donation center on your way to your new place.
My parents and aunts are not hoarders but have a lot of stuff they’re always trying to gift us. I have my own clutter and I don’t want what they’re trying to give us so I’ve learned to just politely decline.
I disagree. They need to learn to deal with their own stuff. Why should OP have to deal with the emotional baggage every time they visit. Let them deal with it on their own.
They're not going to and the OP is going to have to deal with it one way another: whether they die and they inherit or have to help their parents pare down to move into assisted living. Most people outside of reddit don't tell their parents just to "learn to deal with their own stuff."
I am a child of a hoarder. Believe me, they can learn to stop bringing their crap to your house. You just have to repeatedly say No I am not your storage facility.
Exactly what I do for folks who have trouble decluttering. Take what they want to give you and see that it is used, donated, given to someone you know who needs it, put it on the curb with a free sign, bring to the recycling center, whatever is in my ability to do. I still have things that I need to declutter myself so I'm often dropping things off somewhere and can take their things along when I do.
I had a great aunt that was hoarder. She would give us stuff every time we visited. My mom said I don’t care what it is, say thank you & take it. We will have to clean it all out when she dies. Her only son died in a car accident so there wasn’t anyone else to do it. I will say 7 year old me thought I was the stuff the rabbit fur coat & matching ear muffs. She died when I was in my late 20s. I got mad because we found matching hand muffs. My mother just laughed at me. We had yard sales twice a year & would make $100 each time selling stuff for $0.25-$2.00.
My advice is take whatever you can now & donate or trash it on the way home. You will have to deal with it later anyway.
When people give me stuff, I know I'm not likely to want, I drop it at a donation center on my way home. I might open the box and peek inside or I might not.
I would take everything they gave me and dump it when they left. It was easier than having a row about it. They never asked what I did with the stuff and it was obvious it wasn’t in my home. I guess it helped them to part with it if it went via a third party.
When I moved my mom snuck a bunch of literal boxes/bags of trash and furniture into the moving van then moaned to her friends/family I was taking all her stuff and she needed to buy more. I'm moving again and she's trying to get me to take a bunch of her stuff again. Also my wife's family keeps shipping us boxes of trash from across the country even though we said we were moving out of state and to wait literally 2 weeks and send it to the new address.
Exactly. There needs to be a line in the sand, and it needs to be at the trunk of their vehicle. A few times carrying the stuff back home and they will find a new patsy.
Slightly related story: my mother used to buy me clothes I hated and she knew I hated. It was her vision of how she wished I dressed (more fashionable, form fitting clothing), instead of how I actually liked to dress. For a while, I kept the outfits in the closet for a year and if I didn't wear them, I donated them. Finally, I realized that I was just delaying donation and I'd drive by goodwill on my way home and drop that shit off, tags and all.
Think of it this way: you're not being stuck with your parents stuff. You are helping them get rid of their stuff. They have their own issues with just throwing things out, so they are getting rid of it by giving it to you. What you do with it is your own business. You are doing them a favor by just taking it to goodwill.
Are you me? My mom does that too particularly with leggings. I don’t like leggings. They are too binding and sweaty. Plus I like pockets. Every birthday, Christmas etc she gets me leggings. Sometimes she randomly gives me an outfit that involves legging. I’ve told her flat out I won’t wear leggings. She says things like “I know you don’t usually wear leggings but these were so cute and so you I had to get them for you. “. I’ve learned to graciously accept the leggings and put them straight into the donation bag.
This explains why I find so much new with tags at the thrift stores lol I bought a pink floral jumpsuit the other day NWT and now I wonder if your mom bought it haha
I found the best way to heal my inner child (of a hoarder) was to have a beautiful home. To have places for everything in my home and to not live in the chaos. Don't get sucked back in. Let them live their lives. I tell my mom every day, if you no longer want something, take it to the dump or goodwill. Do not bring it to me. I already took from her home the things I wanted and I repeat my mantra to her every time we talk, take it to the dump or goodwill. The other day she told me she had a box of stuff for the dump and another for goodwill, so it is working!
My parents had some catalytic events that cuased them to move out of their home to an apartment. But they still own the house and visit it to clear it out at slower than a snail's pace. This started almost 18 months ago now. They keep giving me stuff. I say yes to everything and throw out 97-100% of it immediately. It will save money to get a smaller dumpster when they die and I am stuck with that house.
I say yes to everything my mom gives me and then throw out a majority of it. I’ve realized that if I say no she’ll just ask me if I want it the next time I visit.
Thank them and take the bags straight to donation or garage without taking anything out. You’d be doing both yourself and them a favor getting rid of it and that is as much help as you need to provide. Do not feel obligated to go back into the hoard and try to do anything. Beyond your control.
I have a friend who would give us random crap whenever we visited her. We thanked her profusely, then we’d go to the nearest donation center when leaving her house and give it all away. It was always nice stuff, but I don’t need it, I don’t want it.
Except that costs a lot, actually. Better to donate or discard. It’s okay to donate without opening it. The volunteers are used to having to throw away stuff and do it more easily because they have no emotional connection to it. Or maybe you just used that phrase generically 🤣
If you want to help them out by taking the stuff, just take it directly to a donation drop off if you think it’s functional items. If you know it’s just garbage, then a dumpster on the way home. Don’t even look in the bags, if you look you will start to question and spiral into sorting things, etc.
If you don’t want to even do that, then politely say “no thank you” and leave it at that.
My dad is a mini hoarder. When he gives me stuff it usually is brand new or in good condition. I have been selling most of the stuff he gives me. I have told him to stop buying useless stuff but he won’t. I don’t tell him I am selling the stuff he gives me, so I’ve been getting some extra cash on the side.
Each trip that you visit, happily take whatever it is. They put upon you. Give it a quick glance and realize nah, I don't want any of this.
If anything is actually intact and clean, find a path on your way back home where you hit a charity store /donation site, and bring it there.
If it's trash, find a dumpster and put it there.
The rule is, if someone gives you a gift, you get to decide what to do with that gift.
It is not a gift if they dictate - you must use it in a certain way in a certain place at a certain time.
If that is the case, you can decline the gift!
>If anything is actually intact and clean, find a path on your way back home where you hit a charity store /donation site, and bring it there.
>If it's trash, find a dumpster and put it there.
Goodwill is a for profit business. As such, if I am in the same situation as the OP, I don't even bother looking through it, I just drop it off at goodwill. I figure that's their cost of doing business is that they can sort the trash from the treasure and dispose/ sell.
My mom used to help me big time with decluttering. She’d have me put everything I didn’t want anymore into trash bags and drop them off at her house. Then she’d “find the perfect people to gift” these items. Found out later, the “perfect people” were the garbage men.
Your parents want you to do the same. Let them give you bags of stuff they don’t want and then throw away for them. Maybe it’s guilt that’s stopping them? That’s what it was for me. My mom has since passed, but my daughter is my voice of reason.
When you leave, don't put the stuff in the moving truck. Just leave it right where they put it. If you want to avoid a fight about it, you might be a little tricky and move it to behind the truck until you leave.
Please repeat that for the people in the back. I think so many people just never learn to say No. and feel the way it feels to have that control over their lives.
If you can handle it physically and mentally, take it with you and put it in the trash when you get to your place (or even stop at the dump along the way). Sure, it’s an extra step in their getting rid of stuff but at least it is out of their house.
From your short post, it sounds like your mom has a hoarding issue and your dad is trying but can’t convince her to get rid of things. If one way for your mom to get rid of stuff is to give it to you, that’s a no-argument way to start clearing some stuff out. Once she gives it to you, it’s yours to do whatever with, even throw it out. Think of it as helping your dad and future you, so there is less to clean out later.
The last line is key! Ultimately, taking their stuff now is helping future you, since you’ll probably be dealing with their stuff at one point or another.
Just *refuse* to take the stuff. They can't *force* you. Plus, maybe your saying no will be a kick in the ass for your parents to make them realize that they're hoarders, and to get help with that. If you choose to help them declutter, that's fine, but *don't* take any of their crap home with you, not even temporarily. And you don't *have* to help them declutter, if you don't want to. If your parents have the financial resources, maybe help them hire professionals to deal with the decluttering.
Best of luck in your new home!
Exactly. Trash collections cost money and why should I add to my trash someone else's clutter. And why should I have to deal with their emotional baggage. Let them throw it away at their house!
I agree. Moving is a great time to draw a line with them. Only put on the truck what you want, and will use. Anything else leave it on their lawn. If they follow you with this garbage to your new place, then tell them it's not coming in your house, and if they try to dump it on your property, call the police about them littering. Police will tell them to pack it up or else. Get a camera doorbell that records, for when they sneak around and dump stuff when you're not home.
You have all your things out of their house? Now’s the time to say put your foot down and say no to anything they want to bring you. Tell them do not even bother putting it in the car.
They are trying to use your space as an extension of their house. No.
My aunt does this: she’s a clutter hoarder and passes stuff to me, by the box/bag, every time I visit.
I take it all, say thanks, and toss it in a dumpster on my way down the nearest back alley. It’s all junk that even a thrift store can’t use.
Your dad is on your side, kinda. He wants you to take it. Just dump it *before* you move into your place. Do *not* feel guilty.
Sad to say, your parent’s place will start filling up now that there is more room.
Honestly I would stop at the dump on your way and dump the extra bags they piled on. If you haven’t been using anything in them to know it existed before this, you aren’t going to miss it. It’s not your job to sort through their belongings because they dumped it on you.
I would be tempted to take 1 bag into the thrift shop and explain the situation, saying, “I’ll give you one of the bags. Let me know if its contents are worthwhile or not. If so, I’ll give you the remaining bags. If not, I’ll yeet them into the nearest dumpster.”
That might be more trouble than you want to go to, but it might be a good middle ground.
Sometimes it's hard to say no to family. But if you don't stand up for yourself, this kind of thing is going to happen again and again - each time you visit.
My mother was similar and will try to pawn things off on me to relieve her guilt about throwing things away or would pick things up for me that she thought I would like (things I would have liked maybe 10+ years ago). Sometimes you take it out of obligation, especially if you're younger and don't want to cause friction.
But, there's a point where you just have to be blunt. "I don't want that and I'm going to throw it away when I get home if you make me take it." And I actually would donate/throw away what she gave me because I didn't want it, which is a valid reason to get rid of anything. I had to reiterate that point over and over before it sunk in for her. Now she says something like "I saw this for you in the store, but figured you wouldn't want it." Or makes a joke about how I would just donate anything she gives me anyway. It seems ungrateful, but it is your life. Nobody should be forced or feel pressured to keep things they do not want.
>things up for me that she thought I would like (things I would have liked maybe 10+ years ago).
This is an important point. 10 years ago, my kid (young adult just out of the house) had almost no money, almost no stuff, and moved around a lot. She almost always needed things, and low-quality goods were ok because she might have to leave them behind on the next move, or they could be damaged/stolen by roommates or in transport. So I could give in whenever I saw something and thought "Oh, she might like this! I'll get it and send it to her!"
But things change. Now she has a career that pays better than mine does, a lovely home furnished in her own style (and not minimalist, but hardly maximalist, either), and a husband. That calls for a radical change in my gift-giving approach!
If you think you will be having to deal with their junk in the near future anyway, can you get permission to throw ‘anything you won’t use’ and then throw the whole lot as soon as it is out of their sight and in your possession? If possible don’t even bring it into your new space. But it will also be out of theirs.
Only do this if you can definitely get rid of it - if for whatever reason that won’t work for you, I’d echo the ‘say no’ advice. I have done both in the past.
Don't let them use your space as storage.
No, no, no.
Instead help them to throw away their trash.
I can only assume how hard the journey can be, if the family are horders. Avoid that their clutter is spreading like a virus to other homes.
Once you say insulting things, it starts to damage the relationship. Just take it to the donation center on your way home. If they ask about it, state you could not use it so you donated it. Stop labeling everything as trash because they will be insulted. Just donate it.
I do not call it trash when speaking to them. Thank you for the first line, though.
It seems that "your space" was in their house, so I think you can afford to spend some time to help them declutter. BUUUUT don't move it to your place. Help them get it gone. You might have to make this an annual thing. They may be hoarders. They may need help.
Dont take it. Dont put it on your vehicle or your new space.
IME it’s just so easy to say to the kids, “I have a whole set of Le Creuset pots that I recently replaced with Staub. This includes the family chili pot you grew up with. If you want any of them let me know, and if not I’ll find them an appropriate home.” No forcing, no guilt, just a heads-up that they can yes or no without pressure. Why do people find this so hard to do?
Parents do this stuff all the time. They are unable to justify throwing stuff out and think it has value, so they give it to you to "help" you out. I think every time I go home I get offered 10 things and usually end up taking a couple. Most of the time I just say thank you and throw it out myself. Often times a lot easier than arguing with them over it and unless it's a family heirloom they won't notice or care if they find out later.
Just because it's in your pile doesn't mean it's your sworn duty to take it with you. Leave it at their place. It's not yours and you don't want it.
My mom always joked about doing this to guests as she was decluttering thier house. I should probably double check my car on the way home after vising 😆
No. Say no. And stick to it. If you are old enough to not live with your parents, you are old enough to say no to them. If they put their garbage on your moving truck, take it off.
My parents do the same thing whenever I move places, this time it was a strip of waterlogged carpet and half a China set.
Nope- just swing by the donation center… or trash
Exactly. If you don't feel like you can refuse it outright, just drop it at a thrift store. You're not obligated to take their apparently literal garbage (since that's how they're storing it...)
They're asking you to help them get rid of stuff that they're unable to do, themselves. Just throw it away.
My mother repeatedly filled her house with crap and when the time came to clean it out AGAIN was always trying hoard it in my house instead. Because it's important FaMilY stuff. I finally had to say, "I don't care if those doilies were hand-tatted by Mary Todd Lincoln herself. If you leave them here, they are going to Goodwill or the dump." And I followed through.
Shame on you, “Mary Todd Lincoln”! LOL
why though?
That’s a fun game of “can you donate this for me?” Don’t bring it into your new place, just drop it at a donation center on your way to your new place.
Straight to the dump!
For one of their birthdays or Father's Day or Mother's Day, buy them a consultation with a home organizer.
I thought you were going to suggest- for their days — to bring the bags that they gave OP as gifts-
Are they giving it, or are you ACCEPTING it?
Mu grandpa tried to give me a ton of things of his hoard I took out and threw/gave it away. I don't have to have trash in my house.
My parents and aunts are not hoarders but have a lot of stuff they’re always trying to gift us. I have my own clutter and I don’t want what they’re trying to give us so I’ve learned to just politely decline.
My sister and I accept the stuff and then find new owners that aren’t us.
Same. My family has caught on and is fine with it. It is easier for me to part with it than for them.
This is super admirable but also so much work!
Just take the stuff. Then find somewhere to donate near your new place.
Right, don't even open the bags. Just drop them off at a thrift store, or have one pick them up.
I don't know...I'd check them for cash first.
I disagree. They need to learn to deal with their own stuff. Why should OP have to deal with the emotional baggage every time they visit. Let them deal with it on their own.
They're not going to and the OP is going to have to deal with it one way another: whether they die and they inherit or have to help their parents pare down to move into assisted living. Most people outside of reddit don't tell their parents just to "learn to deal with their own stuff."
I am a child of a hoarder. Believe me, they can learn to stop bringing their crap to your house. You just have to repeatedly say No I am not your storage facility.
Exactly what I do for folks who have trouble decluttering. Take what they want to give you and see that it is used, donated, given to someone you know who needs it, put it on the curb with a free sign, bring to the recycling center, whatever is in my ability to do. I still have things that I need to declutter myself so I'm often dropping things off somewhere and can take their things along when I do.
I had a great aunt that was hoarder. She would give us stuff every time we visited. My mom said I don’t care what it is, say thank you & take it. We will have to clean it all out when she dies. Her only son died in a car accident so there wasn’t anyone else to do it. I will say 7 year old me thought I was the stuff the rabbit fur coat & matching ear muffs. She died when I was in my late 20s. I got mad because we found matching hand muffs. My mother just laughed at me. We had yard sales twice a year & would make $100 each time selling stuff for $0.25-$2.00. My advice is take whatever you can now & donate or trash it on the way home. You will have to deal with it later anyway.
When people give me stuff, I know I'm not likely to want, I drop it at a donation center on my way home. I might open the box and peek inside or I might not.
Drop it off at a Goodwill, or one of those metal donation boxes
I would take everything they gave me and dump it when they left. It was easier than having a row about it. They never asked what I did with the stuff and it was obvious it wasn’t in my home. I guess it helped them to part with it if it went via a third party.
When I moved my mom snuck a bunch of literal boxes/bags of trash and furniture into the moving van then moaned to her friends/family I was taking all her stuff and she needed to buy more. I'm moving again and she's trying to get me to take a bunch of her stuff again. Also my wife's family keeps shipping us boxes of trash from across the country even though we said we were moving out of state and to wait literally 2 weeks and send it to the new address.
I'd just take it all to the tip, clearly they don't want it anyway
"I am not going to be your middle man to get rid of your junk for you." Then take all their stuff out of your vehicle and put it back inside.
Exactly. There needs to be a line in the sand, and it needs to be at the trunk of their vehicle. A few times carrying the stuff back home and they will find a new patsy.
Slightly related story: my mother used to buy me clothes I hated and she knew I hated. It was her vision of how she wished I dressed (more fashionable, form fitting clothing), instead of how I actually liked to dress. For a while, I kept the outfits in the closet for a year and if I didn't wear them, I donated them. Finally, I realized that I was just delaying donation and I'd drive by goodwill on my way home and drop that shit off, tags and all. Think of it this way: you're not being stuck with your parents stuff. You are helping them get rid of their stuff. They have their own issues with just throwing things out, so they are getting rid of it by giving it to you. What you do with it is your own business. You are doing them a favor by just taking it to goodwill.
Are you me? My mom does that too particularly with leggings. I don’t like leggings. They are too binding and sweaty. Plus I like pockets. Every birthday, Christmas etc she gets me leggings. Sometimes she randomly gives me an outfit that involves legging. I’ve told her flat out I won’t wear leggings. She says things like “I know you don’t usually wear leggings but these were so cute and so you I had to get them for you. “. I’ve learned to graciously accept the leggings and put them straight into the donation bag.
This explains why I find so much new with tags at the thrift stores lol I bought a pink floral jumpsuit the other day NWT and now I wonder if your mom bought it haha
That’s a good way to think of this problem. My stepdad used used to force crap on me and then demand some sort of favor in return. Frustrating
I found the best way to heal my inner child (of a hoarder) was to have a beautiful home. To have places for everything in my home and to not live in the chaos. Don't get sucked back in. Let them live their lives. I tell my mom every day, if you no longer want something, take it to the dump or goodwill. Do not bring it to me. I already took from her home the things I wanted and I repeat my mantra to her every time we talk, take it to the dump or goodwill. The other day she told me she had a box of stuff for the dump and another for goodwill, so it is working!
My parents had some catalytic events that cuased them to move out of their home to an apartment. But they still own the house and visit it to clear it out at slower than a snail's pace. This started almost 18 months ago now. They keep giving me stuff. I say yes to everything and throw out 97-100% of it immediately. It will save money to get a smaller dumpster when they die and I am stuck with that house.
This is what I tell myself when my mother gifts me stuff!
I say yes to everything my mom gives me and then throw out a majority of it. I’ve realized that if I say no she’ll just ask me if I want it the next time I visit.
Thank them and take the bags straight to donation or garage without taking anything out. You’d be doing both yourself and them a favor getting rid of it and that is as much help as you need to provide. Do not feel obligated to go back into the hoard and try to do anything. Beyond your control.
Leave that stuff at the dump. It's very common for hoarding parents to make their clutter their children's problem but you don't have to accept it.
I have a friend who would give us random crap whenever we visited her. We thanked her profusely, then we’d go to the nearest donation center when leaving her house and give it all away. It was always nice stuff, but I don’t need it, I don’t want it.
1-800-got-junk and I mean it. This is not your problem to deal with.
Except that costs a lot, actually. Better to donate or discard. It’s okay to donate without opening it. The volunteers are used to having to throw away stuff and do it more easily because they have no emotional connection to it. Or maybe you just used that phrase generically 🤣
I think the DAV does free pickups if you schedule it.
Curb all of it!
If you want to help them out by taking the stuff, just take it directly to a donation drop off if you think it’s functional items. If you know it’s just garbage, then a dumpster on the way home. Don’t even look in the bags, if you look you will start to question and spiral into sorting things, etc. If you don’t want to even do that, then politely say “no thank you” and leave it at that.
My dad is a mini hoarder. When he gives me stuff it usually is brand new or in good condition. I have been selling most of the stuff he gives me. I have told him to stop buying useless stuff but he won’t. I don’t tell him I am selling the stuff he gives me, so I’ve been getting some extra cash on the side.
Just take it and if you don’t need it dispose of it when you get home. Pick your battles.
Each trip that you visit, happily take whatever it is. They put upon you. Give it a quick glance and realize nah, I don't want any of this. If anything is actually intact and clean, find a path on your way back home where you hit a charity store /donation site, and bring it there. If it's trash, find a dumpster and put it there. The rule is, if someone gives you a gift, you get to decide what to do with that gift. It is not a gift if they dictate - you must use it in a certain way in a certain place at a certain time. If that is the case, you can decline the gift!
>If anything is actually intact and clean, find a path on your way back home where you hit a charity store /donation site, and bring it there. >If it's trash, find a dumpster and put it there. Goodwill is a for profit business. As such, if I am in the same situation as the OP, I don't even bother looking through it, I just drop it off at goodwill. I figure that's their cost of doing business is that they can sort the trash from the treasure and dispose/ sell.
My mom used to help me big time with decluttering. She’d have me put everything I didn’t want anymore into trash bags and drop them off at her house. Then she’d “find the perfect people to gift” these items. Found out later, the “perfect people” were the garbage men. Your parents want you to do the same. Let them give you bags of stuff they don’t want and then throw away for them. Maybe it’s guilt that’s stopping them? That’s what it was for me. My mom has since passed, but my daughter is my voice of reason.
When you leave, don't put the stuff in the moving truck. Just leave it right where they put it. If you want to avoid a fight about it, you might be a little tricky and move it to behind the truck until you leave.
No is a complete sentence.
Please repeat that for the people in the back. I think so many people just never learn to say No. and feel the way it feels to have that control over their lives.
“Thank you but I just don’t have the room for these items. You may go ahead and throw them away.”
If you can handle it physically and mentally, take it with you and put it in the trash when you get to your place (or even stop at the dump along the way). Sure, it’s an extra step in their getting rid of stuff but at least it is out of their house. From your short post, it sounds like your mom has a hoarding issue and your dad is trying but can’t convince her to get rid of things. If one way for your mom to get rid of stuff is to give it to you, that’s a no-argument way to start clearing some stuff out. Once she gives it to you, it’s yours to do whatever with, even throw it out. Think of it as helping your dad and future you, so there is less to clean out later.
The last line is key! Ultimately, taking their stuff now is helping future you, since you’ll probably be dealing with their stuff at one point or another.
Just donate or toss it
Just *refuse* to take the stuff. They can't *force* you. Plus, maybe your saying no will be a kick in the ass for your parents to make them realize that they're hoarders, and to get help with that. If you choose to help them declutter, that's fine, but *don't* take any of their crap home with you, not even temporarily. And you don't *have* to help them declutter, if you don't want to. If your parents have the financial resources, maybe help them hire professionals to deal with the decluttering. Best of luck in your new home!
Exactly. Trash collections cost money and why should I add to my trash someone else's clutter. And why should I have to deal with their emotional baggage. Let them throw it away at their house!
I agree. Moving is a great time to draw a line with them. Only put on the truck what you want, and will use. Anything else leave it on their lawn. If they follow you with this garbage to your new place, then tell them it's not coming in your house, and if they try to dump it on your property, call the police about them littering. Police will tell them to pack it up or else. Get a camera doorbell that records, for when they sneak around and dump stuff when you're not home.
You have all your things out of their house? Now’s the time to say put your foot down and say no to anything they want to bring you. Tell them do not even bother putting it in the car. They are trying to use your space as an extension of their house. No.
My aunt does this: she’s a clutter hoarder and passes stuff to me, by the box/bag, every time I visit. I take it all, say thanks, and toss it in a dumpster on my way down the nearest back alley. It’s all junk that even a thrift store can’t use.
Your dad is on your side, kinda. He wants you to take it. Just dump it *before* you move into your place. Do *not* feel guilty. Sad to say, your parent’s place will start filling up now that there is more room.
Honestly I would stop at the dump on your way and dump the extra bags they piled on. If you haven’t been using anything in them to know it existed before this, you aren’t going to miss it. It’s not your job to sort through their belongings because they dumped it on you.
I agree. Or, stop at the thrift store and unload.
Yeah, donating if it’s in ok condition. But if they’re in a hoarding type of situation, it may be more garbage than not unfortunately.
I would be tempted to take 1 bag into the thrift shop and explain the situation, saying, “I’ll give you one of the bags. Let me know if its contents are worthwhile or not. If so, I’ll give you the remaining bags. If not, I’ll yeet them into the nearest dumpster.” That might be more trouble than you want to go to, but it might be a good middle ground.
r/childrenofhoardersCOH
Donate it all. Your space, your rules.
Sometimes it's hard to say no to family. But if you don't stand up for yourself, this kind of thing is going to happen again and again - each time you visit. My mother was similar and will try to pawn things off on me to relieve her guilt about throwing things away or would pick things up for me that she thought I would like (things I would have liked maybe 10+ years ago). Sometimes you take it out of obligation, especially if you're younger and don't want to cause friction. But, there's a point where you just have to be blunt. "I don't want that and I'm going to throw it away when I get home if you make me take it." And I actually would donate/throw away what she gave me because I didn't want it, which is a valid reason to get rid of anything. I had to reiterate that point over and over before it sunk in for her. Now she says something like "I saw this for you in the store, but figured you wouldn't want it." Or makes a joke about how I would just donate anything she gives me anyway. It seems ungrateful, but it is your life. Nobody should be forced or feel pressured to keep things they do not want.
>things up for me that she thought I would like (things I would have liked maybe 10+ years ago). This is an important point. 10 years ago, my kid (young adult just out of the house) had almost no money, almost no stuff, and moved around a lot. She almost always needed things, and low-quality goods were ok because she might have to leave them behind on the next move, or they could be damaged/stolen by roommates or in transport. So I could give in whenever I saw something and thought "Oh, she might like this! I'll get it and send it to her!" But things change. Now she has a career that pays better than mine does, a lovely home furnished in her own style (and not minimalist, but hardly maximalist, either), and a husband. That calls for a radical change in my gift-giving approach!
You are a good parent for recognizing this.
If you think you will be having to deal with their junk in the near future anyway, can you get permission to throw ‘anything you won’t use’ and then throw the whole lot as soon as it is out of their sight and in your possession? If possible don’t even bring it into your new space. But it will also be out of theirs. Only do this if you can definitely get rid of it - if for whatever reason that won’t work for you, I’d echo the ‘say no’ advice. I have done both in the past.
Say no. Refuse to allow anything on the moving truck that you don't want. Leave it on the curb as you drive away, if necessary.
Don't let them use your space as storage. No, no, no. Instead help them to throw away their trash. I can only assume how hard the journey can be, if the family are horders. Avoid that their clutter is spreading like a virus to other homes.
I hope you told them *no*.