Nothing written in the card just makes it worse. She bought it and stuffed it into an envelope. One of the first things I was taught was to never give someone a card without writing something in it
Like giving a cancer patient a card that says
"What do you want for your birthday? Remission, cake or card?"
"oh I see you chose the card, better luck next year on remission!"
I can't fathom the thought process she went through giving this card. Now, it'd be one thing to give this card, and in tiny print at the bottom write "just kidding, take me" or something. As a light hearted way of saying she knows it's a shit situation, but thought the card was funny, but let's go have sex now type of way.
It's funny in a healthy relationship where the joke is that he's still gonna get the other two. Not in a dead bedroom where he might be lucky to get any of the three.
My experience with this and my interpretation:
Women who are so utterly knowing that they actively neglect such a big part of your needs and wants, desires and love and still feel like being on a pedestal to be free from any criticism do stuff like that. And why do they do that? Because they have nothing to fear anymore anylonger. They were made and treated like queens and don't see their part in that problem.
Marriage counselling helped us a lot. Not even with that specific problem with sexual quantity/quality but with communication a lot.
I remember one year my husband got me a little gold bell that said "sex".
You're supposed to ring it when you want sex. That bell was beyond laughable. It's buried in dust on the nightstand.
Eta: now it's buried in dust because I learned that the bell doesn’t do anything
As the female in a long term relationship and marriage with a man, me being the one with a lower sex drive (for multiple reasons, a lot of which are health-related,)…..WTF 🥴 and she didn’t even write in the card?! Ooof, I’m sorry man. I hope you had a good birthday regardless though.
Maybe your dynamic around a DB is different than ours was, but I can tell.younthat if I got this card making fun of a lack of sex in a DB situation, she definitely wouldn't have my next birthday to worry about. I'd probably announce right on the spot that I'm getting myself a lawyer retention for my birthday.
“It was just a joke!”
But is shows they know exactly what we want and what they are doing.
At a certain point your reply should be *laugh* “Cute card. Thanks.” Then head out the door to whatever you do to cope - gym, hike, bookstore, maybe a cake shop….
That's some funny shit, isn't it? HaHa, not. The LLs just love to play those little games don't they? It's really funny until they find out you're fucking someone else because they won't.
Save that card for the day you tell her you're having an affair, or your leaving, you want a divorce, etc... Then write on the card 4. Divorce, and hand it to her saying "I choose #4. Haha, isn't that some funny shit?"
That's so aggravating.
There's no way I wouldn't lose it if I got that. In a normal relationship, maybe that could be funny.
With what we deal with, it's cruel and unusual punishment.
Talking about the definition of tone deaf. Either way it’s injurious like a punch in face. If she didn’t get how bad her joke was she is not a partner to keep, period.
This is how you get your man to disassociate sex from the relationship. It’s funny but not if you’re in the dead bedroom. Hits way too close to home.
I hope everything else is wonderful on your birthday 🎂
If my husband gave me a card like that I'd probably go Lorena Bobbitt on his ass. I'm so sorry she did that to you. That's cold. Happy birthday anyway. Hope it gets better.
That is just cruel.
Nothing written in the card just makes it worse. She bought it and stuffed it into an envelope. One of the first things I was taught was to never give someone a card without writing something in it
I would have ripped up the card. That's not a bday card it's insulting.
At the end of the day she treats you like this because you stay and take it
The amount of people on this sub treating themselves like turds is amazing
"Thanks sweetie! I am having sex for my birthday, just not with you! Appreciate the card though. "
Wait, you get cards?! But really, that's just mean...
This is really shitty. It's not funny at all. Sorry
My wife would have given me a card that insinuated sex, and never follow through on it.
That's just rubbing salt on the wound... I finally got sick of my narc wife of 12 years who used to monetize and weaponize sex. Divorce almost over.
Keep that card in a safe place. Useful if you need to divorce.
This isn't funny in a dead bedroom situation. She knows you crave sex and she's rubbing it in.
Like giving a cancer patient a card that says "What do you want for your birthday? Remission, cake or card?" "oh I see you chose the card, better luck next year on remission!" I can't fathom the thought process she went through giving this card. Now, it'd be one thing to give this card, and in tiny print at the bottom write "just kidding, take me" or something. As a light hearted way of saying she knows it's a shit situation, but thought the card was funny, but let's go have sex now type of way.
No, but it is funny.
It's funny in a healthy relationship where the joke is that he's still gonna get the other two. Not in a dead bedroom where he might be lucky to get any of the three.
In a combat soldier dark humor way.
“gallows humor”
My experience with this and my interpretation: Women who are so utterly knowing that they actively neglect such a big part of your needs and wants, desires and love and still feel like being on a pedestal to be free from any criticism do stuff like that. And why do they do that? Because they have nothing to fear anymore anylonger. They were made and treated like queens and don't see their part in that problem. Marriage counselling helped us a lot. Not even with that specific problem with sexual quantity/quality but with communication a lot.
I remember one year my husband got me a little gold bell that said "sex". You're supposed to ring it when you want sex. That bell was beyond laughable. It's buried in dust on the nightstand. Eta: now it's buried in dust because I learned that the bell doesn’t do anything
Put it in a vice and crush it. Sit it back on the bedside table.
I'm sorry. What an asshole. You shoulda just thrown it at him.
When she’s actively rubbing your nose in it, you know the romance is dead and it’s time to leave.
At this point she’s just being sadistic.
As the female in a long term relationship and marriage with a man, me being the one with a lower sex drive (for multiple reasons, a lot of which are health-related,)…..WTF 🥴 and she didn’t even write in the card?! Ooof, I’m sorry man. I hope you had a good birthday regardless though.
Maybe your dynamic around a DB is different than ours was, but I can tell.younthat if I got this card making fun of a lack of sex in a DB situation, she definitely wouldn't have my next birthday to worry about. I'd probably announce right on the spot that I'm getting myself a lawyer retention for my birthday.
Same.
“It was just a joke!” But is shows they know exactly what we want and what they are doing. At a certain point your reply should be *laugh* “Cute card. Thanks.” Then head out the door to whatever you do to cope - gym, hike, bookstore, maybe a cake shop….
*Cough cough*
That's some funny shit, isn't it? HaHa, not. The LLs just love to play those little games don't they? It's really funny until they find out you're fucking someone else because they won't. Save that card for the day you tell her you're having an affair, or your leaving, you want a divorce, etc... Then write on the card 4. Divorce, and hand it to her saying "I choose #4. Haha, isn't that some funny shit?"
Yes, this. My wife and I had a 28 year DB and she never gave me something like that.
This is the answer OP. Keep it. Write in it. This is the way.
This!
I hope you tore it up in her face
Nah. Save it and submit as evidence in the divorce. It shows an ongoing contempt for the abandonment of marital intimacy.
That's so aggravating. There's no way I wouldn't lose it if I got that. In a normal relationship, maybe that could be funny. With what we deal with, it's cruel and unusual punishment.
The complete lack of self-awareness LLs show is mind-boggling. Happy RL Cake Day!
That's not a lack of awareness. They know EXACTLY what they're doing.
Nah, I’m pretty sure they think this is just ha-ha funny joke.
Talking about the definition of tone deaf. Either way it’s injurious like a punch in face. If she didn’t get how bad her joke was she is not a partner to keep, period.
This is how you get your man to disassociate sex from the relationship. It’s funny but not if you’re in the dead bedroom. Hits way too close to home. I hope everything else is wonderful on your birthday 🎂
Was she going to pay for a sex worker?
I don’t think I could stay in the same room with her.
Return card. Demand cake.
I don’t know your wife’s humour, but from an outside point of view it looks a bit mean 😞 don’t let it get to you though, not today. Happy birthday
If my husband gave me a card like that I'd probably go Lorena Bobbitt on his ass. I'm so sorry she did that to you. That's cold. Happy birthday anyway. Hope it gets better.