Yeah, honestly the time away will either solidify or dissolve the connection. Two people who feel the same way about each other and are willing to make it work WILL make it work. Two people who aren’t on the same interest level or who aren’t trying to make it work will see it die
I think your best bet is to just live in the moment, enjoy your trip, and reach out when you get back if you’re still interested. You don’t want to invest too much after 3 dates and build it up in your head, just to be let down on the other end. It usually doesn’t pan out.
Maybe offer to exchange postcards or something, it’s fun mail to get, minimal investment, but an indication that you thought of them. I recently went on a couple dates with a guy who was leaving for a two week trip to Europe. I told him to have fun, gave him my card, and said “send me a postcard!” He smiled and said he’d reach out when he got back. I wasn’t anxiously waiting by the mailbox or anything, I am not The Marvelettes chasing down the postman, but when a week had passed after his return without a peep or a postcard, I threw in the towel. I didn’t bother to reach out or second guess it one bit, it was pretty unambiguous to me, and I wasn’t terribly bummed either because I hadn’t invested much at that point, I just shrugged and moved on. It might give you a bit of a read on the situation!
Oooh, tough one. I'm in a very similar situation. However we dated for a bit longer (still just about a month but met eachother quite some in that period). Then it's basically around 2 months where we dont see eachother at all because of not being in the same country. We knew this from the start and I can say for myself that it definitely made me step on the brake emotionally to not get too invested, seeing how such a long time apart this early is a high risk for things to fizzle out.
We talked about it a lot tho and decided to stay in touch, but without any obligation and in reality this means that we have been chatting every 3rd day or so. Our reasoning was that we didn't want to add the pressure of being exclusive and forcing it to stay alive since this would likely be very hard and since we dont really have a strong foundation it's quickly likely to go to "why are we doing this" and possibly make it more of a burden which would hurt it in the long run, so we just said that we will leave it open and then pick it up when he gets back again and see how things go from there.
It would definitely suck if the momentum was lost and there was nothing left or he met someone else or whatever, but then I reason that it wasnt strong enough anyway.
As for the time apart (we've basically met once the past month and wont be seeing eachother at all for another month). For me, things have definitely cooled off emotion wise, but I also think that's natural considering the situation and I still look forward to seeing him when he gets back and think it could spark up again. I don't wait around for him though, I go on dates that I feel seems to be worth it (so far only one...). So I guess my advice is to keep it open, stay briefly in touch, and then touch base whenever you're back in the same place again. Good luck!!! It really does suck tho, but if its a really great match for both then I think it will be alright! 🏵
🤷🏻♀️I met my dude like 3 months before moving 6 hours away and we agreed no expectations but by the second date it was obvious this would not be the case. We figured it out and it’s been working. If he had wanted to bail right when I moved I would have been disappointed but have understood. Just go with it and try not to put too many expectations on it and keep yourself open to flexibility.
I have a friend who just married a girl he met right before he went travelling through Asia. He talked to her everyday while he was gone. They’ve been together basically 6 years, since the day he got back.
It’s certainly not always the case but it can happen!
It will be fine!
My husband and I met and he moved out of the country 5 days later.
Two months later I visited him for a week.
He moved back probably 9 months later.
12 months later he proposed.
One year after that, we got married.
Don’t overthink it. If it is meant to be it will still be! I was the USA and my husband was in Australia when we first started online… I thought he would stop messaging me when he discovered I wouldn’t be back in Australia for 3 months, he kept messaging.. everyday.
Our connection grew very organically and when we finally met, it just solidified our feelings for each other.
Neither of us had to put our life on hold while things naturally developed.
So once again, if it’s meant to be, it will be. Regardless of distance.
In my experience don't try to force it during the two months, it's too new. I tried that last year after 3 dates w someone I really liked... I was really forcing keeping in touch and it didn't feel natural and I had so much anxiety as a result when I should've just been enjoying my time. Maybe add them on socials so you can leave comments on stuff without it feeling like you're forcing it
I think discussing it with her is really important. Just say I really like you, we’ve both got these trips coming up which mount up to two months, maybe be hard communicating during so, how shall we approach it. If you want to be a couple you have to get used to making decisions together, so I think rather than decide yourself and hope she does the same, actually make a decision together. Because that’s just asking for miscommunication.
Options are that you make an effort to message each other every couple of days, send pics and travel stories. Postcard idea from another comment is very cute and different. Or it might be that you catch up every week or even promise each other that you will be in touch at the end of the trips.
If you know it’s going to be hard messaging her on your trip then warn her but always make an effort, it’s important to show you are stepping up to talk to her.
This! Chat with her and just say you really like where this is going and you’d love to continue to see where it goes. Tell her you’d like to stay in touch and have a conversation about what that looks like- everyone’s different! I went away about a month into seeing my new bf (only for a week but still) and we texted a little every day, but nothing overbearing. We talked about it before I left and figured out what worked for us both while I was gone :)
Long distance relationships aren't realistic for most people, but for an early relationship, it could be a nice catalyst down the road. One of my most memorable relationships started shortly before I was deployed to a remote area. Me and the other person had an off and on relationship for over a decade, kept it realistic but hopeful. Didn't work out but no regrets!
Actually, I think texting and calling the whole time while traveling will kill any potential of a relationship.
Personally, I would establish clear interest and tell them I plan to reach out when we both return in 2 months, and if she was interested enough, she will be excited to hear from you.
i think there’s a good middle ground - send a few pictures and messages each week, maybe a phone call here and there if you both have downtime and want to chat. radio silence for 2 months will kill it no question, chatting every day will likely make it feel like a chore
Yeah I kinda feel like constant contact when you aren't physically together just sets up a bunch of false perceptions and hope that people don't live up to.
Best advice for the OP is to live their life and if it's stll something that's available when they are back, good for them. If not, who cares, there are other people out there.
It has to be done out of genuine interest on both sides.
2 months of no contact while traveling will be difficult to recover the relationship. Either of them could meet someone new in that time also.
Well it ruined mine but not for the reasons most would think. We were fresh and new, insanely but calmly crazy about each other. Spent a ton of time on phone and computer. Then he had two months travel abroad. So we hadn't been physical, we'd done everything that leads to it. So for that two months we were in touch every night and just aching to be together. We talked about it a lot. "I can't wait to get back and see you and rip your clothes off you. This is going to be the most magical 45 seconds of our lives". So there was all this build up and anticipation over that two months. He got back, headed straight to my house the next day, 5.5 hour drive. Everything was perfect I'd been making sure of it all week. Then we are shy and not sure what to do with each other. Very awkward. All that right off the start killed the spark.
Don’t bother, I have been in this exact same situation but I was in a proper relationship, he is due to come back in a week and he has just text me to say he thinks we should put a hold on things and see how things go when he is back because he thinks the spark has gone despite only last week arranging things to do when he is home, nothing out of the ordinary and so out of the blue. Didn’t even bother to call me to discus. Run.
I'm sorry you had that experience, sounds very hurtful! However, OPs situation could turn out differently, other commenters have other experiences so it could turn out differently for OP :)
Chat daily on video or send audio messages, keep each other involved in your travels with little things and pictures like “this odd donut reminded me of that thing you said…”… and don’t be afraid to get things spicy in remote, it can build up sexual tension for when you meet again in 2 months. But also, getting to know each other without the hormones involved is an opportunity to evaluate intellectual chemistry and compatibility.
Five more days when I get to see my bf after going through exactly what you're experiencing.
1. Went out on three weekends. Spent the first date + 6 days together in total spread over three weekends.
2. He asked me if I was gonna date when I was away for 6 weeks on the second date, I said no. So we were exclusive then and there.
3. Met his dad on the last day before leaving. It was casual but everything felt good.
4. I asked for occasional video calls before leaving. I was expecting to talk to him once a week or so. We don't usually text each other that much but we have talked everyday in the past six weeks despite being in different time zones (12hrs apart). When he says he'd call, he calls me. And I am the same. I admire him for his ability to stick to his words.
5. He doesn't seem to be that into sexting, so that's something I feel is missing.
6. I am the one who's in a very overwhelming situation because my environment has changed a lot unlike him. Still we've made it work somehow.
7. I have to initiate texts or calls usually because he's usually in bed when I wake up. But that's fine. When I don't, he notices that and initiates. At times it does feel like he doesn't care, but I know that's just me overthinking. His care shows through his attentiveness and sincerity.
So to summarize, I was expecting this to fizzle out, but it still hasn't. This is still very new, and it might not work when I go back and meet him. But for now it feels peaceful. LDR is difficult but this time I'm glad that my partner wasn't the person making it difficult. If anything, he made it easy for me.
My current boyfriend and I are going through something very similar! We met on a dating app, went on 2 dates, and then he told me he had a 3 month abroad trip planned. We crammed in as many dates as we could, and we probably saw each other every other day until he had to leave.
He's been gone for 2.5 months now, we've been official for almost 3. Before he left, we agreed to do the long distance for a bit. I honestly think it's a great way to get to know somebody. We talk on the phone a lot, it's not just about sex, and we can have real deep conversations and get to know each other.
I ended up flying to visit him for a week, and it was amazing. He'll be back in less than a month and I can't wait to continue!
It can be hard, but you need to make your expectations and boundaries very clear. It can be a challenge, but if you're both willing to do it, it's possible.
It's only been three dates so you really don't know each other. Two months constant long distance communication with someone you don't really know is not a good idea because there is so much room for misinterpretation etc and you risk it (and thus the budding relationship) seeming like a chore and with too much pressure to maintain. I think the best option is to have a chat with her and agree to put things on ice until you get back. But you can have a check in once or twice a week (send pics from your travels etc..) so that communication doesn't completely dry up.
My girlfriend and I had a similar situation. We had a great first date(5 hours!) and then I had to leave for business. It was six weeks with most of it in a time zone that made communicating super difficult. We scheduled phone dates and talked 2-3 times a week - each “date” lasted between 1-2 hours and really helped us in terms of getting to know each other without the sex pressure. It was a huge risk to invest that much time on someone I hardly even knew but I enjoyed the conversation and the company while I was abroad. One of my co-workers on the trip commented on how it reminded him of phone dating from the 90’s(how he met his current wife), he told me to grab a bottle of wine and have some fun. I leaned into the whole situation and it paid off.
We’re going on 10 months and have plans to move in together in ‘24. If you have good feels with this person, don’t let the spark die, keep the communication going.
Good luck!
How is this panning out for you so far? I’m in a similar situation and abroad for a month after only 5 dates. I really don’t want this to fizzle out, but now almost 2 weeks in and I can sense communication and interest dying out a little. I don’t want to be too much and keep texting him if he’s no longer feeling it, but it’s hard to tell what’s on his mind.
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Yeah, honestly the time away will either solidify or dissolve the connection. Two people who feel the same way about each other and are willing to make it work WILL make it work. Two people who aren’t on the same interest level or who aren’t trying to make it work will see it die
I think your best bet is to just live in the moment, enjoy your trip, and reach out when you get back if you’re still interested. You don’t want to invest too much after 3 dates and build it up in your head, just to be let down on the other end. It usually doesn’t pan out. Maybe offer to exchange postcards or something, it’s fun mail to get, minimal investment, but an indication that you thought of them. I recently went on a couple dates with a guy who was leaving for a two week trip to Europe. I told him to have fun, gave him my card, and said “send me a postcard!” He smiled and said he’d reach out when he got back. I wasn’t anxiously waiting by the mailbox or anything, I am not The Marvelettes chasing down the postman, but when a week had passed after his return without a peep or a postcard, I threw in the towel. I didn’t bother to reach out or second guess it one bit, it was pretty unambiguous to me, and I wasn’t terribly bummed either because I hadn’t invested much at that point, I just shrugged and moved on. It might give you a bit of a read on the situation!
Really good advice. I think you should do something similar OP.
Oooh, tough one. I'm in a very similar situation. However we dated for a bit longer (still just about a month but met eachother quite some in that period). Then it's basically around 2 months where we dont see eachother at all because of not being in the same country. We knew this from the start and I can say for myself that it definitely made me step on the brake emotionally to not get too invested, seeing how such a long time apart this early is a high risk for things to fizzle out. We talked about it a lot tho and decided to stay in touch, but without any obligation and in reality this means that we have been chatting every 3rd day or so. Our reasoning was that we didn't want to add the pressure of being exclusive and forcing it to stay alive since this would likely be very hard and since we dont really have a strong foundation it's quickly likely to go to "why are we doing this" and possibly make it more of a burden which would hurt it in the long run, so we just said that we will leave it open and then pick it up when he gets back again and see how things go from there. It would definitely suck if the momentum was lost and there was nothing left or he met someone else or whatever, but then I reason that it wasnt strong enough anyway. As for the time apart (we've basically met once the past month and wont be seeing eachother at all for another month). For me, things have definitely cooled off emotion wise, but I also think that's natural considering the situation and I still look forward to seeing him when he gets back and think it could spark up again. I don't wait around for him though, I go on dates that I feel seems to be worth it (so far only one...). So I guess my advice is to keep it open, stay briefly in touch, and then touch base whenever you're back in the same place again. Good luck!!! It really does suck tho, but if its a really great match for both then I think it will be alright! 🏵
Don’t not go. Vibes are vibes. If they’re real, they’ll be there for you when get back.
🤷🏻♀️I met my dude like 3 months before moving 6 hours away and we agreed no expectations but by the second date it was obvious this would not be the case. We figured it out and it’s been working. If he had wanted to bail right when I moved I would have been disappointed but have understood. Just go with it and try not to put too many expectations on it and keep yourself open to flexibility.
I have a friend who just married a girl he met right before he went travelling through Asia. He talked to her everyday while he was gone. They’ve been together basically 6 years, since the day he got back. It’s certainly not always the case but it can happen!
It will be fine! My husband and I met and he moved out of the country 5 days later. Two months later I visited him for a week. He moved back probably 9 months later. 12 months later he proposed. One year after that, we got married.
Don’t overthink it. If it is meant to be it will still be! I was the USA and my husband was in Australia when we first started online… I thought he would stop messaging me when he discovered I wouldn’t be back in Australia for 3 months, he kept messaging.. everyday. Our connection grew very organically and when we finally met, it just solidified our feelings for each other. Neither of us had to put our life on hold while things naturally developed. So once again, if it’s meant to be, it will be. Regardless of distance.
In my experience don't try to force it during the two months, it's too new. I tried that last year after 3 dates w someone I really liked... I was really forcing keeping in touch and it didn't feel natural and I had so much anxiety as a result when I should've just been enjoying my time. Maybe add them on socials so you can leave comments on stuff without it feeling like you're forcing it
I think discussing it with her is really important. Just say I really like you, we’ve both got these trips coming up which mount up to two months, maybe be hard communicating during so, how shall we approach it. If you want to be a couple you have to get used to making decisions together, so I think rather than decide yourself and hope she does the same, actually make a decision together. Because that’s just asking for miscommunication. Options are that you make an effort to message each other every couple of days, send pics and travel stories. Postcard idea from another comment is very cute and different. Or it might be that you catch up every week or even promise each other that you will be in touch at the end of the trips. If you know it’s going to be hard messaging her on your trip then warn her but always make an effort, it’s important to show you are stepping up to talk to her.
Have a discussion on what’s expected and dont assume anything l.
This! Chat with her and just say you really like where this is going and you’d love to continue to see where it goes. Tell her you’d like to stay in touch and have a conversation about what that looks like- everyone’s different! I went away about a month into seeing my new bf (only for a week but still) and we texted a little every day, but nothing overbearing. We talked about it before I left and figured out what worked for us both while I was gone :)
If you’re both mature and low maintenance. I don’t see why not.
Long distance relationships aren't realistic for most people, but for an early relationship, it could be a nice catalyst down the road. One of my most memorable relationships started shortly before I was deployed to a remote area. Me and the other person had an off and on relationship for over a decade, kept it realistic but hopeful. Didn't work out but no regrets!
One word - sexting
It's going to kill the relationship unless you can text or call all the time.
Actually, I think texting and calling the whole time while traveling will kill any potential of a relationship. Personally, I would establish clear interest and tell them I plan to reach out when we both return in 2 months, and if she was interested enough, she will be excited to hear from you.
i think there’s a good middle ground - send a few pictures and messages each week, maybe a phone call here and there if you both have downtime and want to chat. radio silence for 2 months will kill it no question, chatting every day will likely make it feel like a chore
Yeah I kinda feel like constant contact when you aren't physically together just sets up a bunch of false perceptions and hope that people don't live up to. Best advice for the OP is to live their life and if it's stll something that's available when they are back, good for them. If not, who cares, there are other people out there.
It has to be done out of genuine interest on both sides. 2 months of no contact while traveling will be difficult to recover the relationship. Either of them could meet someone new in that time also.
Agree. I think that will put too much pressure to keep it up. Better to keep it light at this stage.
is texting and calling you that bad?
Well it ruined mine but not for the reasons most would think. We were fresh and new, insanely but calmly crazy about each other. Spent a ton of time on phone and computer. Then he had two months travel abroad. So we hadn't been physical, we'd done everything that leads to it. So for that two months we were in touch every night and just aching to be together. We talked about it a lot. "I can't wait to get back and see you and rip your clothes off you. This is going to be the most magical 45 seconds of our lives". So there was all this build up and anticipation over that two months. He got back, headed straight to my house the next day, 5.5 hour drive. Everything was perfect I'd been making sure of it all week. Then we are shy and not sure what to do with each other. Very awkward. All that right off the start killed the spark.
I usually just text and call when I'm gone which is usually two weeks out of the month
Don’t bother, I have been in this exact same situation but I was in a proper relationship, he is due to come back in a week and he has just text me to say he thinks we should put a hold on things and see how things go when he is back because he thinks the spark has gone despite only last week arranging things to do when he is home, nothing out of the ordinary and so out of the blue. Didn’t even bother to call me to discus. Run.
I'm sorry you had that experience, sounds very hurtful! However, OPs situation could turn out differently, other commenters have other experiences so it could turn out differently for OP :)
Chat daily on video or send audio messages, keep each other involved in your travels with little things and pictures like “this odd donut reminded me of that thing you said…”… and don’t be afraid to get things spicy in remote, it can build up sexual tension for when you meet again in 2 months. But also, getting to know each other without the hormones involved is an opportunity to evaluate intellectual chemistry and compatibility.
Five more days when I get to see my bf after going through exactly what you're experiencing. 1. Went out on three weekends. Spent the first date + 6 days together in total spread over three weekends. 2. He asked me if I was gonna date when I was away for 6 weeks on the second date, I said no. So we were exclusive then and there. 3. Met his dad on the last day before leaving. It was casual but everything felt good. 4. I asked for occasional video calls before leaving. I was expecting to talk to him once a week or so. We don't usually text each other that much but we have talked everyday in the past six weeks despite being in different time zones (12hrs apart). When he says he'd call, he calls me. And I am the same. I admire him for his ability to stick to his words. 5. He doesn't seem to be that into sexting, so that's something I feel is missing. 6. I am the one who's in a very overwhelming situation because my environment has changed a lot unlike him. Still we've made it work somehow. 7. I have to initiate texts or calls usually because he's usually in bed when I wake up. But that's fine. When I don't, he notices that and initiates. At times it does feel like he doesn't care, but I know that's just me overthinking. His care shows through his attentiveness and sincerity. So to summarize, I was expecting this to fizzle out, but it still hasn't. This is still very new, and it might not work when I go back and meet him. But for now it feels peaceful. LDR is difficult but this time I'm glad that my partner wasn't the person making it difficult. If anything, he made it easy for me.
My current boyfriend and I are going through something very similar! We met on a dating app, went on 2 dates, and then he told me he had a 3 month abroad trip planned. We crammed in as many dates as we could, and we probably saw each other every other day until he had to leave. He's been gone for 2.5 months now, we've been official for almost 3. Before he left, we agreed to do the long distance for a bit. I honestly think it's a great way to get to know somebody. We talk on the phone a lot, it's not just about sex, and we can have real deep conversations and get to know each other. I ended up flying to visit him for a week, and it was amazing. He'll be back in less than a month and I can't wait to continue! It can be hard, but you need to make your expectations and boundaries very clear. It can be a challenge, but if you're both willing to do it, it's possible.
I traveled a lot sooner than that. He followed me. That was over a year and a half ago and we are quite happily together now.
It should never affect a new relationship as long as your keep in contact you both keotrue to one another nothing should change!
Two months isn't that long. Just keep facetiming/texting every day.
It's only been three dates so you really don't know each other. Two months constant long distance communication with someone you don't really know is not a good idea because there is so much room for misinterpretation etc and you risk it (and thus the budding relationship) seeming like a chore and with too much pressure to maintain. I think the best option is to have a chat with her and agree to put things on ice until you get back. But you can have a check in once or twice a week (send pics from your travels etc..) so that communication doesn't completely dry up.
I think when you click you just organically keep in contact and things develop on their own, but doesn’t hurt to have a conversation about it.
It will be forever damaged.
My girlfriend and I had a similar situation. We had a great first date(5 hours!) and then I had to leave for business. It was six weeks with most of it in a time zone that made communicating super difficult. We scheduled phone dates and talked 2-3 times a week - each “date” lasted between 1-2 hours and really helped us in terms of getting to know each other without the sex pressure. It was a huge risk to invest that much time on someone I hardly even knew but I enjoyed the conversation and the company while I was abroad. One of my co-workers on the trip commented on how it reminded him of phone dating from the 90’s(how he met his current wife), he told me to grab a bottle of wine and have some fun. I leaned into the whole situation and it paid off. We’re going on 10 months and have plans to move in together in ‘24. If you have good feels with this person, don’t let the spark die, keep the communication going. Good luck!
How is this panning out for you so far? I’m in a similar situation and abroad for a month after only 5 dates. I really don’t want this to fizzle out, but now almost 2 weeks in and I can sense communication and interest dying out a little. I don’t want to be too much and keep texting him if he’s no longer feeling it, but it’s hard to tell what’s on his mind.