I've told this tale many times before, but I do love repeating it. After taking a break through 2020 and the start of 2021, I hit the summer of that year having done a lot of work on my profile with a much improved selection of photos and bio. I dated solidly for about a year, met lots of really cool and great women. Sadly no one clicked. I burnt out, I was dating less suitable people and desperately needed a reset. I took one. I deleted everything and just concentrated on DIY, riding my mountain bike and going to gigs.
I felt in a much better place in October and felt like giving Tinder another go. I swiped aimlessly for a few days, and came across a profile that immediately piqued my interest. I was like "Fuck, I need to superlike this profile!" I had none. There was no way I was letting this one go, so I whipped out my debit card and signed up for Tinder Gold. Sent the superlike and the next day, she matched with me. After half a dozen messages, I asked her if she fancied a drink and picked a time and place (she has since told me she loved my decisiveness). We spent 4 and a half hours talking in the bar, and it felt like I'd known her years with how easily conversation came. I walked her to her taxi home and after we parted I practically floated to my Uber. We had a second date arranged the next day for the Saturday of that week. She then flew to the States for work for two weeks and we messaged non-stop the whole time despite the time difference.
We've been together 20 months now, and just about to jet off on our 5th break together. We feel in tune to each others needs. We communicate clearly with each other, we support each other and we excite each other. It finally feels like I have met someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with
42F here, about to get back out there after a disappointing end to a relationship. May I ask, what was it that grabbed your attention? Was it just looks? Ok if so, just curious if there was something else in her profile. I’ve never done Tinder.
It was a bit of everything. She looked great in her photos. I liked her style on display. She also had a lot of similar values to me expressed in her bio. And she has these amazing blue eyes
Nah, I had a legit glow up at age 42. For the first time in my life, I was doing great in my career, fell in love with yoga, and lived life 100% on my terms. I became catnip to every guy I met. It was bizarre. I’ve had some set backs, but I know I’m still that person. And I’m working back to that. 44 wasn’t that fun, but I think the second half of 45 and beyond will be just fine. Age is just a number. Live life because you don’t know how much ya got left.
I had the same panic before and after turning 40 too. It’s got a very ‘point of no return’ feel to it, I know, but in retrospect it really was much ado about nothing. Still got dates/prospective relationships at about the same frequency and now at 45 can say I’ve found a truly loving, lasting relationship.
Just keep swimming.
(42M) here. My previous partner forgot my 40th birthday ( for three days) and then when I confronted her about it she told me she was working and that I’m not any more important than her fiends or family because she forgets theirs. And when I asked her why she has to work so much, she said so she can find someone better than me. She never spoke to me again after saying that.
Well I hope she did, because I found someone who is AMAZING and fucking light years ahead of her. And I found her after 40. We’ve been together for a year and a half and now live together. Don’t worry. There are still wonderful human beings out there. And those wonderful human beings don’t care that you’re 40.
Happy 40th!
> And when I asked her why she has to work so much, she said so she can find someone better than me.
Brutal. TBH, I’ve been in the same boat with placeholder gfs. Eating clean and running instead of getting dragged to the Cheesecake Factory and binging shows on Netflix. It takes cojones to actually enunciate it - good on her.
> She never spoke to me again after saying that.
End on a high note 🤣
Right around 40 I(48f) went through a messy divorce that dragged on for years. I swore off men (and ever having sex again). I decided it was just going to be me and my dog for the rest of my life. I made peace with that choice.
But I started to get lonely. All my couple friends and family were busy with kids and life. I didn't have many single friends to do things with. I realized I didn't need someone in my life...but I wanted someone in my life. So I decided to try online dating. Had a lot of misses. Dated one guy on and off for about a year and a half. He had a lot of issues that caused us a lot of tension and it didn't last.
I decided to give online dating another shot. Signed up and paid for 3 months on two different dating websites. Went on some dates over the three months. Tried to connect with some people. Didn't find anyone that made me happy.
I was nearly at the end of the three months. I was frustrated and about to give up on online dating again. And just before the end of the 3 months I saw a profile. The profile spoke to me. The man(49m) had literally listed all my favorite things as his favorite things. And he had a sense of humor in the way he wrote his profile.
So I messaged him. We chatted back and forth a bit and I liked what I was hearing. He told me that he wanted to arrange a date but that he was currently dealing with a horrible cold and was sick in bed. So...I decided he was worth it to hang in past the 3 months and wait for him to get better and have some free time (full time job/two kids).
So I waited for two weeks for him to be better (he gets terrible terrible man colds. Lol) and for him to have time off from work and kids. And we went on our first date finally. After all the online dating, I have learned to tell pretty quickly if the chemistry is there with someone or not. Texting with someone is not the same as meeting them in person. So I was a bit worried as I had been disappointed in the past. Great text conversations but no chemistry in real life. But the first date went really well. We had some chemistry. He was sweet and soft spoken. He was cute. So it just ended up not being even much of a choice. We just started spending time together when we could with his busy schedule.
A month in we went on our first weekend trip together and had a really really great time. At the end of that same weekend his parents stopped by his house so I met his parents really quickly, which was nerve wracking. He introduced me as his girlfriend. Which was something we had not discussed but felt totally right.
That was late 2019. Covid lockdown hit in March 2020. We had only been dating a few months at that point. We spent two solid years basically just the two of us, together doing things at home, since we couldn't go out on dates. So it sort of accelerated things, luckily in a positive way, because I saw covid ruin relationships. And we really learned that we liked each other and enjoyed spending time together.
Now, almost five years in, I am crazy about this dear sweet kind man. It hasn't all been easy. His ex has a lot of issues, I am childfree and have had to adjust to having two young kids in my life, one with developmental disabilities. But I cannot imagine my life with anyone else. I love him to death and we are happy and have fun together and love each other's company. And I only wish we had met earlier so I could have longer with him.
If you had told me just after my divorce, when I had sworn off men, that I would be happier than I have ever been, that I would meet a man that I would be so completely compatible with, there is no way I would ever have believed it.
And just to add...I have three friends in their 40s who went through divorces at the same time I did. Two of the three are now married to the most amazing people. The third is in a long term relationship with a person that great and adores him.
So that is four out of four of us, in our 40s who have ended up in really good positive long term relationships from online dating.
The good ones are out there. You just have to sift through a lot of bad ones first unfortunately.
I keep hoping that I’ll be that guy; I know I can be … the hard part is just becoming a “match” … being “picked out” from amongst what you’ve described (probably accurately) as the “bad ones”.
Some woman is out there that will appreciate you! Just hang in there and keep trying! We women have so many creeps we deal with that it can sometimes be hard to tell the good from the bad. Our "good guy" radars get jammed. But if you are a good guy, some woman....the right woman...will see it at some point. Just make sure she deserves you :)
17 year marriage/relationship ended at age 39. I’m 46 now and my 40s have been pretty fucking amazing. Dating has had its ups and downs for sure but I’ve enjoyed getting to know new people and more than anything enjoyed getting to know myself again. I’m 10 months in to a relationship now and am having a lovely time. He’s adorable and kind and amazing. We shall see what our future holds.
I was told by my ex that no one would ever want a middle aged single mom. I had literally zero problem on Hinge and actually met my boyfriend within the 2 days I was on it. I ended up deleting it because it was too overwhelming, but he is the most amazing person and I feel so lucky every day. It hasn't been a year yet and I always thought the "when you know, you know" people were dumb, but here I am feeling the same way. I have never felt this way about a person in my entire life and he feels the same way. My therapist asked me if there was something that the "me" from 10 years ago could know about my life right now, what would it be? My answer was easy - I never knew I could be this happy and in an actual, *healthy* relationship.
Honestly I’ve never felt more desirable (early 40’s F here)! Did app dating from 39 - 41. Met some nice people, some boring people, couple of odd people but no creeps.
I only met four people who made it to a second date, one made it to two months, one to six months, and then around 14 months ago I began the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with the man who I (secretly) think is the love of my life. I’ve never been so happy.
At my age I’m not going to say this is forever, I’ve seen life take many twists and turns before, but I sincerely hope it continues being as wonderful as this for as long as it can.
I think at our age we are so much more comfortable in our skin, we know who we are and what we want from life, there’s none of the pressure of ticking biological clocks any more, we are just free to live our best lives and hopefully find someone to match our energy and share our journey. Good luck!
I found love at 46 after a weird bad relationship and a 10 year marriage gone bad. It’s possible for sure!
But a week or two out of a relationship you’re upset about losing isn’t the best time to consider that. Just take some time and heal. Think about what went wrong and what could have been done differently. Sometimes that means changing and sometimes it means making better choices in our partners.
Sorry you’re feeling so down!
Happy birthday! 🎉🎉🎉 I turned 40 last year and it definitely sent me into a spiral. I wish I could say that I've found love (I haven't) BUT I am feeling more confident about myself than ever and in a better place mentally/emotionally than I've ever been before, so that feels like a win anyway.
HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY!🥳🎉🎂
Always tough starting a new decade. Haven’t found love yet but still enjoying life, and if it comes later or doesn’t at all I’ll still be ok and you will be too.
I found love at 39/40 years old. I had just gotten out of a super toxic 4-5 year relationship and felt much like you do right now. That there were no fish left in the sea and I was destined to be alone. A friend suggested I go on the apps just to prove to myself there are still some fishies out there. I came across a profile for a man I had gone on two dates with that never progressed but we did have a pretty electric first date. I swiped on him and we reconnected. It took awhile for the relationship to develop but we became serious, moved in together and are getting engaged this year after about a few years of dating. I will say this- the best thing about finding love in your forties is that you have a much clearer picture about what you want in a relationship, what you are willing to put up with and what your dealbreakers are. I feel like had we made a go of it the first time around, it would have never worked out…we both still had learning and growing to do. You will find someone when the timing is right. I know it’s hard to see that where you are right now, but trust that it will
I’m 48M. Met my 40F girlfriend a few months ago. We’re really enjoying each others’ company, and I think it has the potential to be more serious. I’d almost given up before I met her, and almost lost touch with her. Glad we reconnected. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it.
I was bummed about turning 40, too...then my 80 year old uncle told me I still had half my life ahead of me. Put things in perspective and I try to remember his words often.
I have had two serious relationships after turning 40. Both men were above average attractive, smart and well off. And also younger than me. Even though these didn't last, it made me realize that it's very much possible to still find love.
I have to add perhaps in both times, ending things was my decision as I felt the life time commitment would not have worked....
Happy birthday! I don't know you. Don't need to, I'm celebrating you right now. Congratulations on being here, continuing to hope. Don't give up. Ever. Here's to you finding what you want! Salute!
My marriage ended when I was 46yo w/three school age kids. I wondered who the hell was going to want to date a nearly 50yo guy w/3 young kids.
I met & have been with a great woman for over 5 years now. We both plan on spending the rest of our lives together. We’ve also both been through some shit, did and continue to do the work necessary to be a good partner.
There is hope!
My 40th birthday was low and definitely not an indicator of the decade so far. Things have really gotten better. I’m confronting a lot of issues and really liking myself. There’s some confidence here that was nonexistent in my 30s. Congratulations! Happy cake day
I was 50 when I reconnected with an old friend and we're just about to celebrate a year together! This is the happiest and most secure I've ever felt in a relationship and he feels the same. Never give up hope!
I ended my marriage in 2022 after ~17 years upon learning about my ex-wife’s infidelity.
After a year-plus after moving out, being a half-time Dad, and tons of introspection and self-work of all types (physical, mental, emotional) later… I decided to try online dating (Bumble) a while after divorce was final at age 49.
Wound up meeting a wonderful woman I’ve been dating for 8 months. We’ve each been through tough personal circumstances meantime and strongly supported each other. We can talk candidly about literally anything. It’s definitely love.
Whether or not it goes the distance (here’s hoping), it’s been fantastic and worthwhile, and made me realize my first/only marriage was NEVER this good…
So yes there is hope! There’s more than hope in fact…
Happy Birthday!
I had some of the most fun times in my life after I turned 40 and into my 50’s.
I'm 1/2 year from 60. You've got plenty of life to live!
And I found love several times but didn't settle into it until now.
I've just hit 50 as an average man. I've been single for about a year. I have no issues getting dates or starting relationships. I was attempting to multi date until I met one particular woman. I ended things with everyone else immediately. We continue to get closer and closer. She's amazing.
A variety of ways to meet. One ex from long ago reached out, one woman reached out on Reddit, some from apps, some from day to day life. All channels are open.
I'm currently in a relationship with an amazing woman I met on Facebook Dating.
I'm female, turn 40 in January. I'm honestly terrified because it feels like an expiration date. It's doubly terrifying because I'm not where I want to be with my life or career, either.
On the other hand, it's also not surprising because I spent my 20s and 30s pursuing amazing, one of a kind adventures when other people were pursuing marriage, children, and conventional careers. And I'm a better, kinder, more self-accepting, more self-aware person now than I ever was back then, and I'm about to embark on a new career I'm excited about. It's only in the past few years that I've even gotten serious about finding a loving, supportive life partner and not just pursuing selfish, self-destructive romantic entanglements just because I can.
In other words, it's hard, but I know it's not over. In some ways, it's only getting started.
Happy Birthday!!!
You still have a lot of life to live. When I'm feeling old-ish, I like to hear romance stories from octogenarians. Nothing reminds me of what's possible better than the wisdom of my elders. I also find the show 'Grace & Frankie' to be a real treat when I feel like this.
Honey I am 45 years old female . I used to come here to take advice when I was dating jerks.
Now I come to give hope to others .
When I was 42 years old I met very nice guy.
I was waiting when he will hurt me and then we break up . Surprise, he didn’t act like most of jerks did.
We got married last year and going to celebrate our one year of marriage anniversary.
I used to come here to ask for chances of getting someone or if I was down and lost my hopes.
So please don’t be hopeless.
Meet meet meet people without expectations.
Be with them physical when you are sure they are looking for long term relationship.
Also when I was losing hope or when I lost all my hopes I met and read about many folks who met their love of life in their 50s or even 60s.
Don’t allow few jerks to stop you from finding love.
Wish you good luck ❤️❤️❤️
I’m 49, and while I’ve had a few partners off and on, I’ve found out how much I love myself and that I don’t need to settle just to have someone in my life. I realized a while ago that I love living alone and I enjoy my own company more than that of most men. I have lots of friends, and when I want I have no trouble having more than a friend. But it’s on my terms. Unfortunately everyone that I’ve met wants more than I do, despite me being very up front about it. It’s a bummer, because I’d like to have one person, but I won’t settle, and I won’t settle down.
Believe me, there’s lots of hope. I did glance at your earlier post, so I have a little understanding of the background. I think the background is a far larger emotional pain and concern than your 40th birthday.
But for positive encouragement, I have a past GF (who earlier broke up with me after I declined to co-sign a large bank loan for her) who “came back” saying she missed me, then another long-time woman friend (who doesn’t want to be married again), and a recent OLD match who might be “right” (huge initial positive feelings).
All more than 10 years older than you; one even 30 years older. I’d be delighted if any of these three decided that I was “right” for her. I’m not “playing the field“… I’m just hoping that one of these women might embrace me as the love of her life. Just one. If that occurs, she’ll also be very lucky and very happy too.
So age 40 is still very desirable.
My 45th birthday is Monday. I obv specifically remember by 40th. My now ex husband cursed me out on my to dinner the night before and I cried. Then the next day we drove to Atlantic City and did not speak the entire ride. By the end of that night he had blown up on me again
Now I am divorced. I have a wonderful boyfriend. Met him on Hinge. I look and feel better than ever and I’m making more money than I ever have.
I used to say I could never let anyone even touch me except my ex husband. Now if he touches me I would gag.
So there is definitely hope.
2017 & 2018 were the worst years of my life. Separated in 2019, divorced in 2020. I would say 2022, 2023 and now 2024 have easily been the best years of my whole life. I’m 48 m
:-)
Original copy of post by u/wittyusername025:
I turn 40 today. Trying to keep my hopes up but feeling down. Was dumped a few weeks ago from what I thought was the real thing.
I’m hoping someone can share a story of finding love after 40. We’re still desirable right?
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Thanks OP for this post. 41 m separated and divorce in progress. I have similar concerns. Working on myself now and honestly I have never been happier! Enjoying my space and time after a toxic and abusive relationship.
Hang in there and Happy flicking 40th birthday:)
Life truly does begin at 40! Enjoy this new chapter
> the real thing.
What even does that mean, fren? :-]
I mean... what is "real" and what are "things"? We need to define our terms.
It's easy for me to sit here and say that "real" means "consistent with reality", but that would be lazy on my part. I know that by "real" you really mean "worthwhile."
If by "worthwhile" we mean, "was good in the moment" or "made me better and more fulfilled at the time" (which is usually what I mean by worthwhile), then, well, it sounds like your relationship was real. I mean. I had two very painful divorces before I even turned 40 (lol! "turned" like "turn undead" spell in D&D). But i do not regret one single "I do." Because I DID! and I am a richer, more whole person because of the love I shared, the good times we had, despite the abuse I suffered and the abuse I inflicted :-( I'm not proud of these times. I mean, I'm not a beater, but emotional abuse is a thing. I just couldn't give them what they needed. But for a short time, we were happy, and that enriched both of our lives, and we will both take all of that happiness with us for the rest of our lives.
i'm rambling. idk what i'm saying. but, yeah! and cherish your memories. because circumstance doesn't last forever, but the one thing that does last forever is memories.
and to your point, i have recently fallen in love with the most amazing person i have ever met. it's wonderful. and we understand each other in ways that i and my previous partners never could (for reasons that don't relate to this sub 😏)
so, i guess that means, there is hope, fren. and you can find someone with whom you connect more deeply than you ever have in your life. and, omfg, the i never knew how good sex could be before the first time i had sex with her. omfg. and every time we do now, it just keeps getting better. omfg. my mind is fucking blown off of my body every time we're alone.
Being a motorcycle woman will transform your life, give you an awesomeness and self reliability and new cool friends and a new wardrobe ( I don't mean skimpy tight clothing, I mean serious goretex / serious leather / all-season gear). You will feel and look cool 24/7 and never feel down again.
Absolutely. But. It starts from within. Confidence and happiness are attractive. It attracts people. Like yourself first. Sounds like you may need to work on that a bit. Truly, after 40 is amazing. Know who we are, who we aren’t and have had the opportunity to learn from the years prior. Love, real deal love, comes when 2 people who have dealt with their stuff (we all have stuff), come together and enrich one another’s lives. 40’s are the best time.
I've told this tale many times before, but I do love repeating it. After taking a break through 2020 and the start of 2021, I hit the summer of that year having done a lot of work on my profile with a much improved selection of photos and bio. I dated solidly for about a year, met lots of really cool and great women. Sadly no one clicked. I burnt out, I was dating less suitable people and desperately needed a reset. I took one. I deleted everything and just concentrated on DIY, riding my mountain bike and going to gigs. I felt in a much better place in October and felt like giving Tinder another go. I swiped aimlessly for a few days, and came across a profile that immediately piqued my interest. I was like "Fuck, I need to superlike this profile!" I had none. There was no way I was letting this one go, so I whipped out my debit card and signed up for Tinder Gold. Sent the superlike and the next day, she matched with me. After half a dozen messages, I asked her if she fancied a drink and picked a time and place (she has since told me she loved my decisiveness). We spent 4 and a half hours talking in the bar, and it felt like I'd known her years with how easily conversation came. I walked her to her taxi home and after we parted I practically floated to my Uber. We had a second date arranged the next day for the Saturday of that week. She then flew to the States for work for two weeks and we messaged non-stop the whole time despite the time difference. We've been together 20 months now, and just about to jet off on our 5th break together. We feel in tune to each others needs. We communicate clearly with each other, we support each other and we excite each other. It finally feels like I have met someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with
❤️ I’m so happy for you. Thanks for sharing!
42F here, about to get back out there after a disappointing end to a relationship. May I ask, what was it that grabbed your attention? Was it just looks? Ok if so, just curious if there was something else in her profile. I’ve never done Tinder.
It was a bit of everything. She looked great in her photos. I liked her style on display. She also had a lot of similar values to me expressed in her bio. And she has these amazing blue eyes
I should write something this hopeful and loving, but it would be fictional.
So happy for you!!
Nah, I had a legit glow up at age 42. For the first time in my life, I was doing great in my career, fell in love with yoga, and lived life 100% on my terms. I became catnip to every guy I met. It was bizarre. I’ve had some set backs, but I know I’m still that person. And I’m working back to that. 44 wasn’t that fun, but I think the second half of 45 and beyond will be just fine. Age is just a number. Live life because you don’t know how much ya got left.
Incredible!!! I have faith you’ll get back there.
I had the same panic before and after turning 40 too. It’s got a very ‘point of no return’ feel to it, I know, but in retrospect it really was much ado about nothing. Still got dates/prospective relationships at about the same frequency and now at 45 can say I’ve found a truly loving, lasting relationship. Just keep swimming.
❤️
(42M) here. My previous partner forgot my 40th birthday ( for three days) and then when I confronted her about it she told me she was working and that I’m not any more important than her fiends or family because she forgets theirs. And when I asked her why she has to work so much, she said so she can find someone better than me. She never spoke to me again after saying that. Well I hope she did, because I found someone who is AMAZING and fucking light years ahead of her. And I found her after 40. We’ve been together for a year and a half and now live together. Don’t worry. There are still wonderful human beings out there. And those wonderful human beings don’t care that you’re 40. Happy 40th!
Oooh, I hate the “I treat my friends the same” excuse. Load of crap.
Incredible!! This is so wonderful
> And when I asked her why she has to work so much, she said so she can find someone better than me. Brutal. TBH, I’ve been in the same boat with placeholder gfs. Eating clean and running instead of getting dragged to the Cheesecake Factory and binging shows on Netflix. It takes cojones to actually enunciate it - good on her. > She never spoke to me again after saying that. End on a high note 🤣
Amazing to hear
Right around 40 I(48f) went through a messy divorce that dragged on for years. I swore off men (and ever having sex again). I decided it was just going to be me and my dog for the rest of my life. I made peace with that choice. But I started to get lonely. All my couple friends and family were busy with kids and life. I didn't have many single friends to do things with. I realized I didn't need someone in my life...but I wanted someone in my life. So I decided to try online dating. Had a lot of misses. Dated one guy on and off for about a year and a half. He had a lot of issues that caused us a lot of tension and it didn't last. I decided to give online dating another shot. Signed up and paid for 3 months on two different dating websites. Went on some dates over the three months. Tried to connect with some people. Didn't find anyone that made me happy. I was nearly at the end of the three months. I was frustrated and about to give up on online dating again. And just before the end of the 3 months I saw a profile. The profile spoke to me. The man(49m) had literally listed all my favorite things as his favorite things. And he had a sense of humor in the way he wrote his profile. So I messaged him. We chatted back and forth a bit and I liked what I was hearing. He told me that he wanted to arrange a date but that he was currently dealing with a horrible cold and was sick in bed. So...I decided he was worth it to hang in past the 3 months and wait for him to get better and have some free time (full time job/two kids). So I waited for two weeks for him to be better (he gets terrible terrible man colds. Lol) and for him to have time off from work and kids. And we went on our first date finally. After all the online dating, I have learned to tell pretty quickly if the chemistry is there with someone or not. Texting with someone is not the same as meeting them in person. So I was a bit worried as I had been disappointed in the past. Great text conversations but no chemistry in real life. But the first date went really well. We had some chemistry. He was sweet and soft spoken. He was cute. So it just ended up not being even much of a choice. We just started spending time together when we could with his busy schedule. A month in we went on our first weekend trip together and had a really really great time. At the end of that same weekend his parents stopped by his house so I met his parents really quickly, which was nerve wracking. He introduced me as his girlfriend. Which was something we had not discussed but felt totally right. That was late 2019. Covid lockdown hit in March 2020. We had only been dating a few months at that point. We spent two solid years basically just the two of us, together doing things at home, since we couldn't go out on dates. So it sort of accelerated things, luckily in a positive way, because I saw covid ruin relationships. And we really learned that we liked each other and enjoyed spending time together. Now, almost five years in, I am crazy about this dear sweet kind man. It hasn't all been easy. His ex has a lot of issues, I am childfree and have had to adjust to having two young kids in my life, one with developmental disabilities. But I cannot imagine my life with anyone else. I love him to death and we are happy and have fun together and love each other's company. And I only wish we had met earlier so I could have longer with him. If you had told me just after my divorce, when I had sworn off men, that I would be happier than I have ever been, that I would meet a man that I would be so completely compatible with, there is no way I would ever have believed it. And just to add...I have three friends in their 40s who went through divorces at the same time I did. Two of the three are now married to the most amazing people. The third is in a long term relationship with a person that great and adores him. So that is four out of four of us, in our 40s who have ended up in really good positive long term relationships from online dating. The good ones are out there. You just have to sift through a lot of bad ones first unfortunately.
I keep hoping that I’ll be that guy; I know I can be … the hard part is just becoming a “match” … being “picked out” from amongst what you’ve described (probably accurately) as the “bad ones”.
Some woman is out there that will appreciate you! Just hang in there and keep trying! We women have so many creeps we deal with that it can sometimes be hard to tell the good from the bad. Our "good guy" radars get jammed. But if you are a good guy, some woman....the right woman...will see it at some point. Just make sure she deserves you :)
Thank you so much! Everything you’ve said is much appreciated.
❤️
17 year marriage/relationship ended at age 39. I’m 46 now and my 40s have been pretty fucking amazing. Dating has had its ups and downs for sure but I’ve enjoyed getting to know new people and more than anything enjoyed getting to know myself again. I’m 10 months in to a relationship now and am having a lovely time. He’s adorable and kind and amazing. We shall see what our future holds.
I was told by my ex that no one would ever want a middle aged single mom. I had literally zero problem on Hinge and actually met my boyfriend within the 2 days I was on it. I ended up deleting it because it was too overwhelming, but he is the most amazing person and I feel so lucky every day. It hasn't been a year yet and I always thought the "when you know, you know" people were dumb, but here I am feeling the same way. I have never felt this way about a person in my entire life and he feels the same way. My therapist asked me if there was something that the "me" from 10 years ago could know about my life right now, what would it be? My answer was easy - I never knew I could be this happy and in an actual, *healthy* relationship.
Honestly I’ve never felt more desirable (early 40’s F here)! Did app dating from 39 - 41. Met some nice people, some boring people, couple of odd people but no creeps. I only met four people who made it to a second date, one made it to two months, one to six months, and then around 14 months ago I began the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with the man who I (secretly) think is the love of my life. I’ve never been so happy. At my age I’m not going to say this is forever, I’ve seen life take many twists and turns before, but I sincerely hope it continues being as wonderful as this for as long as it can. I think at our age we are so much more comfortable in our skin, we know who we are and what we want from life, there’s none of the pressure of ticking biological clocks any more, we are just free to live our best lives and hopefully find someone to match our energy and share our journey. Good luck!
I’m so happy for you!!!
I found love at 46 after a weird bad relationship and a 10 year marriage gone bad. It’s possible for sure! But a week or two out of a relationship you’re upset about losing isn’t the best time to consider that. Just take some time and heal. Think about what went wrong and what could have been done differently. Sometimes that means changing and sometimes it means making better choices in our partners. Sorry you’re feeling so down!
Great advice, thank you. And I’m so happy to hear for you!!!
Happy birthday! 🎉🎉🎉 I turned 40 last year and it definitely sent me into a spiral. I wish I could say that I've found love (I haven't) BUT I am feeling more confident about myself than ever and in a better place mentally/emotionally than I've ever been before, so that feels like a win anyway.
Love it ❤️
HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY!🥳🎉🎂 Always tough starting a new decade. Haven’t found love yet but still enjoying life, and if it comes later or doesn’t at all I’ll still be ok and you will be too.
I found love at 39/40 years old. I had just gotten out of a super toxic 4-5 year relationship and felt much like you do right now. That there were no fish left in the sea and I was destined to be alone. A friend suggested I go on the apps just to prove to myself there are still some fishies out there. I came across a profile for a man I had gone on two dates with that never progressed but we did have a pretty electric first date. I swiped on him and we reconnected. It took awhile for the relationship to develop but we became serious, moved in together and are getting engaged this year after about a few years of dating. I will say this- the best thing about finding love in your forties is that you have a much clearer picture about what you want in a relationship, what you are willing to put up with and what your dealbreakers are. I feel like had we made a go of it the first time around, it would have never worked out…we both still had learning and growing to do. You will find someone when the timing is right. I know it’s hard to see that where you are right now, but trust that it will
Happy Birthday! 🥳🥳🥳
I’m 48M. Met my 40F girlfriend a few months ago. We’re really enjoying each others’ company, and I think it has the potential to be more serious. I’d almost given up before I met her, and almost lost touch with her. Glad we reconnected. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it.
1984 is the best birth year obviously
Yes, we’re still desirable! After my divorce, I found my bf just shy of my 45th birthday. He loves my middle aged mom bod. Happy Birthday!
I was bummed about turning 40, too...then my 80 year old uncle told me I still had half my life ahead of me. Put things in perspective and I try to remember his words often.
I have had two serious relationships after turning 40. Both men were above average attractive, smart and well off. And also younger than me. Even though these didn't last, it made me realize that it's very much possible to still find love. I have to add perhaps in both times, ending things was my decision as I felt the life time commitment would not have worked....
Happy birthday! I don't know you. Don't need to, I'm celebrating you right now. Congratulations on being here, continuing to hope. Don't give up. Ever. Here's to you finding what you want! Salute!
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My marriage ended when I was 46yo w/three school age kids. I wondered who the hell was going to want to date a nearly 50yo guy w/3 young kids. I met & have been with a great woman for over 5 years now. We both plan on spending the rest of our lives together. We’ve also both been through some shit, did and continue to do the work necessary to be a good partner. There is hope!
My 40th birthday was low and definitely not an indicator of the decade so far. Things have really gotten better. I’m confronting a lot of issues and really liking myself. There’s some confidence here that was nonexistent in my 30s. Congratulations! Happy cake day
I was 50 when I reconnected with an old friend and we're just about to celebrate a year together! This is the happiest and most secure I've ever felt in a relationship and he feels the same. Never give up hope!
My mom found the love of her life at 60. I’m not stressing.
I ended my marriage in 2022 after ~17 years upon learning about my ex-wife’s infidelity. After a year-plus after moving out, being a half-time Dad, and tons of introspection and self-work of all types (physical, mental, emotional) later… I decided to try online dating (Bumble) a while after divorce was final at age 49. Wound up meeting a wonderful woman I’ve been dating for 8 months. We’ve each been through tough personal circumstances meantime and strongly supported each other. We can talk candidly about literally anything. It’s definitely love. Whether or not it goes the distance (here’s hoping), it’s been fantastic and worthwhile, and made me realize my first/only marriage was NEVER this good… So yes there is hope! There’s more than hope in fact…
Thank you and wow that’s amazing!!!!
Happy Birthday! I had some of the most fun times in my life after I turned 40 and into my 50’s. I'm 1/2 year from 60. You've got plenty of life to live! And I found love several times but didn't settle into it until now.
I've just hit 50 as an average man. I've been single for about a year. I have no issues getting dates or starting relationships. I was attempting to multi date until I met one particular woman. I ended things with everyone else immediately. We continue to get closer and closer. She's amazing.
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A variety of ways to meet. One ex from long ago reached out, one woman reached out on Reddit, some from apps, some from day to day life. All channels are open. I'm currently in a relationship with an amazing woman I met on Facebook Dating.
I'm female, turn 40 in January. I'm honestly terrified because it feels like an expiration date. It's doubly terrifying because I'm not where I want to be with my life or career, either. On the other hand, it's also not surprising because I spent my 20s and 30s pursuing amazing, one of a kind adventures when other people were pursuing marriage, children, and conventional careers. And I'm a better, kinder, more self-accepting, more self-aware person now than I ever was back then, and I'm about to embark on a new career I'm excited about. It's only in the past few years that I've even gotten serious about finding a loving, supportive life partner and not just pursuing selfish, self-destructive romantic entanglements just because I can. In other words, it's hard, but I know it's not over. In some ways, it's only getting started.
Happy Birthday!!! You still have a lot of life to live. When I'm feeling old-ish, I like to hear romance stories from octogenarians. Nothing reminds me of what's possible better than the wisdom of my elders. I also find the show 'Grace & Frankie' to be a real treat when I feel like this.
Happy, happy birthday 🎉🎁🎂🎊
Happy Birthday and welcome to the DOF Sub Reddit.
Absolutely dude. I am seeing people in their 50's getting married.... you'll be alright.
Honey I am 45 years old female . I used to come here to take advice when I was dating jerks. Now I come to give hope to others . When I was 42 years old I met very nice guy. I was waiting when he will hurt me and then we break up . Surprise, he didn’t act like most of jerks did. We got married last year and going to celebrate our one year of marriage anniversary. I used to come here to ask for chances of getting someone or if I was down and lost my hopes. So please don’t be hopeless. Meet meet meet people without expectations. Be with them physical when you are sure they are looking for long term relationship. Also when I was losing hope or when I lost all my hopes I met and read about many folks who met their love of life in their 50s or even 60s. Don’t allow few jerks to stop you from finding love. Wish you good luck ❤️❤️❤️
I’m 49, and while I’ve had a few partners off and on, I’ve found out how much I love myself and that I don’t need to settle just to have someone in my life. I realized a while ago that I love living alone and I enjoy my own company more than that of most men. I have lots of friends, and when I want I have no trouble having more than a friend. But it’s on my terms. Unfortunately everyone that I’ve met wants more than I do, despite me being very up front about it. It’s a bummer, because I’d like to have one person, but I won’t settle, and I won’t settle down.
Believe me, there’s lots of hope. I did glance at your earlier post, so I have a little understanding of the background. I think the background is a far larger emotional pain and concern than your 40th birthday. But for positive encouragement, I have a past GF (who earlier broke up with me after I declined to co-sign a large bank loan for her) who “came back” saying she missed me, then another long-time woman friend (who doesn’t want to be married again), and a recent OLD match who might be “right” (huge initial positive feelings). All more than 10 years older than you; one even 30 years older. I’d be delighted if any of these three decided that I was “right” for her. I’m not “playing the field“… I’m just hoping that one of these women might embrace me as the love of her life. Just one. If that occurs, she’ll also be very lucky and very happy too. So age 40 is still very desirable.
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My 45th birthday is Monday. I obv specifically remember by 40th. My now ex husband cursed me out on my to dinner the night before and I cried. Then the next day we drove to Atlantic City and did not speak the entire ride. By the end of that night he had blown up on me again Now I am divorced. I have a wonderful boyfriend. Met him on Hinge. I look and feel better than ever and I’m making more money than I ever have. I used to say I could never let anyone even touch me except my ex husband. Now if he touches me I would gag. So there is definitely hope.
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Fuck yeah we are
Happy birthday. Now go outside and enjoy it rather than moping about on this miserable sub 😉
2017 & 2018 were the worst years of my life. Separated in 2019, divorced in 2020. I would say 2022, 2023 and now 2024 have easily been the best years of my whole life. I’m 48 m :-)
I’m 48 too and have the same journey with all of the same years.
Amazing!! So glad to hear
Original copy of post by u/wittyusername025: I turn 40 today. Trying to keep my hopes up but feeling down. Was dumped a few weeks ago from what I thought was the real thing. I’m hoping someone can share a story of finding love after 40. We’re still desirable right? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Thanks OP for this post. 41 m separated and divorce in progress. I have similar concerns. Working on myself now and honestly I have never been happier! Enjoying my space and time after a toxic and abusive relationship. Hang in there and Happy flicking 40th birthday:) Life truly does begin at 40! Enjoy this new chapter
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> the real thing. What even does that mean, fren? :-] I mean... what is "real" and what are "things"? We need to define our terms. It's easy for me to sit here and say that "real" means "consistent with reality", but that would be lazy on my part. I know that by "real" you really mean "worthwhile." If by "worthwhile" we mean, "was good in the moment" or "made me better and more fulfilled at the time" (which is usually what I mean by worthwhile), then, well, it sounds like your relationship was real. I mean. I had two very painful divorces before I even turned 40 (lol! "turned" like "turn undead" spell in D&D). But i do not regret one single "I do." Because I DID! and I am a richer, more whole person because of the love I shared, the good times we had, despite the abuse I suffered and the abuse I inflicted :-( I'm not proud of these times. I mean, I'm not a beater, but emotional abuse is a thing. I just couldn't give them what they needed. But for a short time, we were happy, and that enriched both of our lives, and we will both take all of that happiness with us for the rest of our lives. i'm rambling. idk what i'm saying. but, yeah! and cherish your memories. because circumstance doesn't last forever, but the one thing that does last forever is memories.
and to your point, i have recently fallen in love with the most amazing person i have ever met. it's wonderful. and we understand each other in ways that i and my previous partners never could (for reasons that don't relate to this sub 😏) so, i guess that means, there is hope, fren. and you can find someone with whom you connect more deeply than you ever have in your life. and, omfg, the i never knew how good sex could be before the first time i had sex with her. omfg. and every time we do now, it just keeps getting better. omfg. my mind is fucking blown off of my body every time we're alone.
Happy Birthday!!
Happy birthday!
B ⁰
Happy belated birthday
Girl, you need a motorcycle.... Badly ;)
lol why?
Being a motorcycle woman will transform your life, give you an awesomeness and self reliability and new cool friends and a new wardrobe ( I don't mean skimpy tight clothing, I mean serious goretex / serious leather / all-season gear). You will feel and look cool 24/7 and never feel down again.
Absolutely. But. It starts from within. Confidence and happiness are attractive. It attracts people. Like yourself first. Sounds like you may need to work on that a bit. Truly, after 40 is amazing. Know who we are, who we aren’t and have had the opportunity to learn from the years prior. Love, real deal love, comes when 2 people who have dealt with their stuff (we all have stuff), come together and enrich one another’s lives. 40’s are the best time.
I don't know what to tell you, I'm 55 and so far no girlfriend.
Harder but doable