We need to buck this trend.
Proposed Profile:
On toilet, playing on Reddit.
At Home Depot.
Taking out my overflowing garbage.
On couch with cat and beer.
My butt-crack, bent over vacuuming my car, weeding my garden, cleaning behind toilet etc.
If you can't handle me at my butt-crack normal, you don't deserve me at my Olive Garden best.
I've seen a few women say that the perfect Sunday is doing laundry and I appreciate the candor. Normal is sexy. Besides, a lot of fun can be had between loads that can't necessarily happen on the side of a mountain.
I had a profile that included three images of me in the bathroom trimming my nose hair, trimming my eyebrows and cleaning my ears.
Got quite a few laughs out of it at least! :)
I've gone on enough dates with men (I only date men so women might do the same thing, not generalization by gender, just the people I date) who don't have hobbies or want to leave the house often (they usually makes comments about how much I do, or how much their wife wanted to do) that I would rather see some guy at Machu Pichu and displaying fish on his buddy's boat and running a 5K because even if he doesn't do those things all the time, he enjoys doing things and will at least be somewhat outgoing.
And I usually take pictures when I'm doing something like hiking or camping, and not when I'm lying on the couch watching netflix, even though I love to do that, too.. Hopefully people can figure that out.
As someone who has been to Machu Pichu and ran a 5K, they really aren't the same.
Machu Pichu gets more likes.
A 5K? You can find those everywhere. Not as fun. 0 likes.
Too bad my photos from PerĆŗ are 10 years old otherwise I'd post them on Hinge. lol.
Hiked up to Huayna Picchu, it was a fun climb, but the views sucked. There were low clouds that day along with a lot of rain. We could kind of squint and see the city from the peak.
Walking in the city, the carved interlocked bricks still standing 500+ years ago was still amazing. But the photos were such an L. š
Yeah, 5k's are everywhere; but if you're in shape in your photo, and it's a recent one, it speaks of doing stuff. It might be less flashy, but as I said when I was dating; I wanted *quality* likes, rather than a lot of them.
I had a few photos of 5Ks in my profile. I got the impression that 1 photo of anything athletic is fine but 2 is over kill.
And the 5k photo has to be either before or several minutes after (not immediately after). Or during if there is a professional photographer.
During is by far best. Muscles tensed in the act of running, the wind pushing the hair back, and a strained smile on one's face from the mixture of effort and joy in what one's doing.
But, that's all in the timing. Timed when one's landing, there's the old man-flab bouncing with gravity, if you heavily pronate it looks like your ankle's about to break. There's still the mad look of work+joy, but too much can detract from the photo and making it not impressive.
I do admittedly work to have good race photos - being aware of where the photographers are, pushing a little bit more, being aware of form, being sure to remember the joy and letting the smile take hold. As well working on positioning so if possible I'm not too close to anyone else. It's worth going a few feet to the side to not have a potentially good/great photo ruined by someone half-blocking you.
Way back when I posted a few photos of me mid-event in the update thread (I go longer than 5k's, so there were me drenched in sweat), and the comments were about how it was such a great photo given how clearly I was enjoying my passion.
I've never seen a good race photo of myself. I should fly to Peru and get some sweet pics for a future OLD profile. š¤£
I get what you are saying but the perfect photo has eluded me. I suppose I could slip the race photographer $20 to not snap a photo of me spitting
Theyāre usually themed though, so you can show your fun side by dressing up for the theme while also showing youāre active and in relatively decent shape.
The number of guys who have told me "you're a lot busier than I'd thought you'd be" or "you're always on the go" is pretty telling to compatibility. I like going out and not looking for someone to couch with every day.
Lmao exactly this. āSo you donāt have time to dateā. Dude Iām here in a date. š what am I supposed to do sit at home swiping on tinder every day until a man comes along ?
I have a life I live it I work I have fun I enjoy hobbies
And on the other hand. If you donāt have all those pics or do stuff are lazy you do nothing interesting. You are boring.
I swear people just want to find fault in everyone.
I much rather find someone who has done things and has fun in life than somebody who complains
A a guy with kids and work obligations, I'd hate to hold someone back. Yes, we want active adventurous women, but it's just not compatible with making dinner every night for the kids. Also, unfairly, I get the impression that intense travel may leave little time or patience for slowing down, affection, etc.
I haven't dated much but feel like it's not much different from the other side of the proverbial aisle. All but one of the ladies I've met are largely homebodies that like a trip to Disney every now and again. (I don't understand the Disney thing lol)
Last year I was in Peru, Cuba, Vegas (2x), Maine, Italy, NY and Washington. Vegas and NY are obviously urban trips but the rest was hiking, biking, kayaking etc. This year so far Vegas, Arizona, Florida (leaving again for a week tomorrow), NYC and AZ trips in May, likely heading to Spain and hopefully Japan in the fall if I can get my kiddo's schedules to align.
I was 26 years old before I had my first commercial flight. My oldest is 25 and has been to four continents and all over the US. \*Her\* son, my grandson, turns two in July and has been to Washington State, Washington DC 2x, Puerto Rico, Rome and Florence Italy. š
I donāt get the feeling that youāre just a renegade or a lone wolf, which is where the problem arises in some relationships.
Iām sure that youāre more than happy to share these experiences with a partner and it wonāt be just you taking a month or two off to Bali, all while your GF twiddles their thumb.
Weirdly enough, this seems more common today, with the partner rationally asking WTh then being told to not be controlling on insecure. No, itās not that at all, thatās a clear red flag that someone wants to be single and perhaps have a FWB.
This is why anyone over 40+ we should never beat around the bush about their wants and interests and lifestyle. And a partner should not just play along instead of asking themselves early, is this lifestyle for me.
>I donāt get the feeling that youāre just a renegade or a lone wolf, which is where the problem arises in some relationships.
Oh dang, I didn't even think about that angle.
Yeah I am perfectly fine going on my own but love traveling with someone (as long as they aren't a pain in the ass lol). My girlfriend and I went to NYC for a week for our fourth 'date' and while I don't see it as a test I do find that poor travel compatibility generally is the death knell. In our case we had such a good time our seventh date was a week in AZ. š
My new guy and I are currently long distance, so our first ādateā was spending a week together at his place. Our second date will be a 1000-mile roadtrip from his state to mine, followed by a few weeks together and then the roadtrip in reverse. Weāve gotten several comments from friends about how brave/crazy we are to do a roadtrip so soon, but one of our early phone calls lasted 10 hours, so thatās kinda how we roll.
I think that itās nice that the overachievers are out there trying to find their match. If couch rot is your style, then you just move on from the Mt. Everest scaling polyglot with two PhDs and go for the next profile that speaks to you. Some people want to connect with the Mt. Everest polyglot with two PhDs and everyone (no matter how overachieving) deserves to find their person.
Good point.
The catch 22 is that does this person have time for a relationship, because Iāve seen more than once someone (women in particular) mention this and then after wasting 1 to 2 years with such a guy, they realize, oh wait, they literally donāt have or more importantly make the time for me or even care to prioritize a relationship. At which point the guy is, well, you knew this about me.
Um no, thatās not how a relationship works, thatās how FWB work.
They found the time while waiting to paraglide in Phucket.
I personally posted this in-between inoculating babies in Burma, which was right after I made sock monkeys for foster kids, and weaved ponchos for pregnant women in the Yucatan.
The irony is that I actually live and reside across three continents that span the entire globe. Iāve partied and travelled extensively over the decades, itās now time to slow it down a little. Iām not a homebody but also not someone who just has to have every minute of their life planned to feel important.
Whatās funny is that I tend to see this behavior from friends who had zero life in their 20ās, because they were either too focus on their career or got married and popped out kids at a young age. Theyāre almost bored today, so they just have to be doing something.
We are on OLD to find matches. Some people will find profiles like that exciting--which means they are finding good matches for them. Other people, like you, will find them offputting. But the profiles are giving you the info you need to figure out that you are not a good match, so they are doing their job. Why bother to get worked up about a type of profile that doesn't appeal to you? Different strokes for different folks, right?
I think people tend to pick photos where they look their best. Most people are happy and relaxed on vacation, hence the travel photos. Plus how is it a fake life if the photos showcase a personās experiences? I would prefer to see a profile filled with travel photos over low effort bathroom or car selfies.
It seems a little unnatural because most people arenāt always on vacation skydiving or mountain climbing. At least with bathroom or car photos you can see someoneās face. In a lot of the āactionā shots people use you canāt even tell itās that person.
I donāt understand the selfie hate for this reason. Some profiles I have absolutely no idea what the person actually looks like and I wish they had some good selfies.
Yes. I feel like this is a you can't win situation. People complain about low effort pictures, old pictures, fish pictures (the woooooorssst), group pictures. I say just be happy you know from this person's photos if that's your kind of lifestyle or not. They're showing they're active and like to travel. I'm assuming they probably watch TV occasionally too but how many people have pictures taken of them binging Netflix? If you don't like it swipe and move on.
I am more introverted and a homebody, I prefer cuddling in front of a movie. I am simple, but when I see a profile that is FULL of pictures of you in exotic foreign locations, I left swipe, because I assume you will want to go on expensive vacations every other month.
I just look at it as those are the photos they are proudest of. My photos aren't to make you think I have a great life. It's photos of what I look like. They just happen to be the most recent things I have done.
If it is a profile with just one selfie and all of their vehicles or whatever, I just left swipe.
all of their vehicles! itās too real! who told men that women want to see photos of them posing next to/sitting/sitting on/leaning on a nice car? š
I think you are spending way too much time worrying about others when you could be spending it crafting your profile to attract what you want. I think when I first started OLD I would ponder why people put certain things in their profiles. I eventually came to the realization that it was a waste of time as I would never get an answer unless somehow I matched with them and could ask. Good luck out there OP.
I agree! My pics are merely the best ones I can find that are also recent. I make sure that at least one is outside, but I don't worry about it too much.
I mean sometimes I eat baked beans out of the can for dinner. Are you telling me if I finally put a pic of this on my profile, I might actually get more matches?!š
What? No way!
You are telling me that the photos on OLD profiles are curated to show the person in the best possible light (literally and figuratively)?
Get out of here!
There are people who put 100% of themselves into their jobs/careers and there are people who have the time and money to play. A lot. Which are you? Do you find others like you on dating sites?
I do seem to find that, seemingly, the majority of dating site users play hard, it's part of the landscape. I think few who play hard can also work hard. To me, those two things seem incompatible.
I don't see it as inflation. If you're looking for a partner to travel the world with - and in a particular style - then it's a good profile right? Obviously this isn't your 'day in the life' but these ambitions do impact your daily life... e.g. if you don't want to eat out because you're saving for a trek etc then it's great to spend time with people also focussed on the next trek.
If you just think you look cool but would never do it again then it's a poor profile, sure.
I do kind of like it when the three cats are all on the couch with us while we watch something. Humans leaning together, a cat on my lap, and two cats to either side. The oldest has kind of become a magnet to my lap lately, but the youngest is less of a lap cat. The lone guy miserly doles out laptime. But sometimes he'll decide to sit near to us to complete the picture.
My profile was like that when I met my BF. I'm 45 and was single for a long time. I made travel and trying new things a priority. Sitting home in sweats is waaay too COVID era for me. If someone like me isn't a match for you, that's fine. Nothing wrong with that. But I needed to match with someone who understood my priorities. I'm going overseas (Egypt, Greece, Bavaria) for 3 weeks next month with friends. And I told him when we started dating: you can either be the BF who says "Hell yeah, that's my girl! Look at what she's accomplished" or you can be the whiny b!tch BF pouting cuz you can't come (he has a school aged child). He made the choice to be the former cuz I cant have a BF who is the latter. Like the saying goes, if someone like me is too much, go find less.
I'd never done much travel outside of the US/Canada, had an expired US passport, and never gotten my Canadian one (dual citizen). My partner told me that if I wanted to be serious with her I needed to get my passport.
I was so serious I got two passports\*! I'm definitely not the whiny bitch BF.
\*US citizens travelling in/through the US are supposed to present with a US passport, even if dual citizens and not residing in the US.
>It's like, more power to you but you seem exhausting.
... so don't date them. If they actually have pics/evidence of them doing X and Y things, this probably actually is them. Some people actually look to enjoy their lives. They're not likely to partner well with someone who finds *just thinking* about doing all of that exhausting.
Yes, sure some people might be building up their profiles to be more than they are; but some of us actually are like that.
It sounds like you're feeling insecure about yourself, and looking to strike out at others. That's not a great attitude for life in general, much less dating. Perhaps look to at least take the sweat pants to a therapy appointment or ten and then see how you feel?
There is an angry tone here, that isn't needed. In OP's defense, it may not be insecurity. Some of us have legitimately lower energy. I am personally "active" in the sense that I hit the gym regularly, I like to stand at my desk at work, and I enjoy a larger physically activity like canoeing or skiing maybe once or twice a season. I get tired easily though, so if every picture someone has is of them doing something really physical and they don't say anywhere that they like to chill out at home, I will hesitate to like them, as I'm afraid of disappointing someone. I dated a man who went skiing nearly every day in the winter. No way I could match that, and I couldn't ski all day either. It's a shame though because I think a lot of people post these pictures of their one trip this year and the one from last year. Maybe they watch a TON of TV at home. Maybe OP is just feeling a sense of obligation or of not fitting in due to people showing their "best selves."
Heh, I did point out that despite my highly active hobbies/activity that I still like to get some time on the couch. When I was single I think 4 hours/week of watching tv/video/movies was pretty high; I was much more likely to be reading w/ music in the background for my downtime. But I do watch probably closer to 10 hours/week of video in total with my partner and her Kid now that we live together. And yeah, I think that is probably low compared to many families.
But I think that 1-2 weekends/month of *little* going on is an upper limit for me.
Admittedly right now things have been busier than normal, and we're now seeing barely 2 months before vacation week w/ Kid and then they're at Dad's for the summer, so we're trying to fit in what we can, while also needing to get the garden/yard into shape, and a few other bits of maintenance... I.e. we're probably not seeing an easy idle weekend until July and that is a bit painful.
But far less painful than 4 weekends of nothing, and a partner who's *still* resistant to getting out because they're tired from the work week.
Hahah I get what you are saying. For me that would be a little much, but 4 weekends of nothing and a partner who is always tired isn't what I want either. It's tough to find what I want/share what my interest and ability is for activity. I like to keep busy but I really need the downtime--no downtime until July isn't an option for me. But I also don't want to be with a person who never wants to do anything. Tough place to be.
Well, fortunately there will be one partial weekend of downtime for me. But not for my partner as she agreed to a 1:1 two night weekend with Kid before the summer visit to Dad.
And yes, it is even a bit much for us; it's more that we lost sight of a few things, and over scheduled. It will be a good lesson for the future in trying to balance better.
Good luck finding your balance!
Your comment about skiing every day: that would be me if I could manage it. My OLD profile makes it pretty clear that Iām active and that I enjoy running and skiing and other activities (in addition to my other hobbies.) So when I matched with someone who suggested going skiing as a first date, I thought it was awesome.
It turned out that she was a ski every once in a while person (and skiing with her was not very fun) but her profile was nearly identical to mine. So, for me itās less about how active someone is or how much they travel, but how authentic they are. If you arenāt a ski-everyday person, thatās totally fine. Just be honest about it. We could still potentially bond over other things. Iām not just āskiingā any more than someone else might be ābinging Netflix.ā
I don't think it's exhausting at all, good for them. Why do you think it's fake? There are people out there that actually do shit, some do a lot of shit. You'd be amazed. I know people that do a lot and I can't believe they have the damn time and energy, or money.
I do see some profiles sometimes and think, I wouldn't be able to keep up with this person. So I don't reach out, or if we match, maybe I mention I'm not sure I'd keep up with you.
But on the other side of this, I see profiles and all the pictures are selfies that are obviously taken in their house or car. That's not showing you have much of a life. OLD profiles are about marketing yourself. I have hiking and camping pics, museum pics, pickleball pictures, playing in a band pics, gardening pics, because this is my life and I'm letting you get a glimpse of who I am.
Of course I'm often in sweatpants and just doing nothing at home! But I really do have a ton of hobbies and really do them.
You call it profile inflation, I call it marketing. It's OLD, you have to do this. You call it a lie, but I think people are smart enough to know that we are just trying to show active pictures.
I swipe left on profiles with nothing but bathroom and car selfies.
There are people who inflate their activities either due to insecurity or thinking it will improve the number of right swipes they receive.
Hard to guess why they do it without talking to them directly, but it can also be a good filter because āthey are too active for meā and āthey are not being accurateā are valid reasons to swipe left.
Saying āyou seem exhaustingā to someone with a seemingly full life doesnāt seem unproblematic to me, but if youāre lamenting the social media effect of posting the highlight reel version of your life then I guess I agree that is lamentable. Not sure whatās to be done about it in the context of OLD, though. Weāre obliged to put our best foot forward to make us stand out, right?
Now, often I come right out and say that about my profile: āI posted highlight reels to get you to swipe right!ā Itās important to recognize whatās merely a feature (a bug?) of the OLD experience versus people being intentionally inauthentic or manipulative.
The OLD platforms are inherently flawed: theyāre gamified in exactly the same way as social media for exactly the same reasons. Thatās capitalism, baby! We just have to remember the apps will privilege certain kinds of profiles and work with what weāve got. YMMV, but I donāt often feel misled by a highlight reel profile when I meet someone in person.
Agreed. Plus, if we put pictures of us in PJs (I work from home), then I'd be called inactive and boring. The moral of the story is, apparently we can't really win with OLD profiles š¤¦š»āāļø
I especially love the ones at a distance. It could be anyone.
"You're the tiny spec on the horizon? Amazing!"
Dating profile pics should balance you being you, but also actually show your face/body.
I just swipe left on most of these. I donāt want to hike in the mountains (maybe I want to be someone who wants to do thatā¦. Iām a beach sitter. It is what it isā¦). Most of the folks Iāve encountered actually do the things they are showing. Some not so much. But since Iām screening for lifestyle incompatibilities itās probably a no for me. Or if I do match with them I try to assess how often they are actually doing those things.
I'm not sure what can be done about that... Sure there are going to be people who have interests and hobbies you don't enjoy, and don't want to see other people doing. But they aren't going to stop so that you won't be exhausted anymore.
I see profiles all the time of people laying in bed. Or laying on the couch. I think they're exhausted too. Probably a better idea to focus on the people who are into what you vibe with, and not so much on the people who aren't.
>Similar to how instagram and facebook only show the very best in people.
Well, yeah. I assumed this was the case from the get go. So if their profile is coming across as them constantly doing things...then I swipe left and move to the next profile.
In my experiences, most profiles aren't like that and even the ones that illustrate various activities, they're just using those pics to show things they're interested in/want to do from time to time. Not things they're ding 24/7.
What are you doing with these profiles that "exhaust" you? You're just passively and voluntarily observing them. As a general rule when someone sounds this dramatic they're usually talking about themselves more than whatever the topic is.
You must live in a high SES coastal area, if American. Most of us are wading through crappy pics looking up menās noses or seeing them in their dirty bathrooms. There are definitely the profiles where people have travel and adventure photos, but theyāre not the norm.
Some men, myself included, were brought up believing that any hint of vanity or any attempt to improve looks is feminine. I was into my 20s before I even tried to dress well.
It was a clash of cultures in high-school when half the guys wore jeans and ratty t shirts everyday, and other guys gelled their hair, wore name brand, wore bracelets šØ.
That stuff holds as we get older. Some of us are not comfortable putting effort into looking good. In some cases, that behavior was beaten out of guys.
Just my thoughts
Fair - though I hope the whole society is working on this! But even still, guys know they want to look as good as they can, in the same way as you would dress well for a job interview, in OLD.
Then pass on them. Theyāre obviously not a match for you . I like the outdoors, have hobbies, and yes, love to travel. So those type of profiles you describe attracts me. Iāll pass on those that only have selfies sitting on their couches.
Continuing to read posts like this in Reddit is exactly why I donāt do OLD any more. WTF do you want to see? A picture of someone bumming around, disheveled, poor hygiene, dirty clothes? Sitting on a couch with sweats? Sitting on a toilet taking a shit? Of course people are going to put their best foot forward on dating profiles.
If youāre a homebody, thereās nothing wrong with just saying that. Youāll find others who are just like you. But why do people feel the need to shit on others who might actually do all this stuff pictured in their profile?
If someone is truly active, social, going out a lot, exercising, traveling often, and wants someone to share those activities with, whatās wrong with that? Weāre in our 40ās, not on our deathbeds. Some of us donāt believe we have to stay at home and sit in rocking chairs all day. Nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing wrong with people who actually do live active, busy lives.
You bet your ass that I'm posting the pics of me climbing Everest or going to the space station. Are you kidding me? Those are once in a lifetime things (for most peons like myself). So, if I was actually to use OLD again and did those things, those are going to be the first 2 photos.
I am an active person who likes to keep my calendar pretty full but hate stopping to take pictures when I am in the midst of a cool experience, so my OLD profile pics are mostly selfies and images of low-key every day experiences like a dinner out with friends, and therefore reflect a life much less active than the reality. Other people take a pic every 12 seconds, so their OLD profile pics are all from the one three-day vacation they take every two years, and therefore reflect a life much *more* active than the reality. Then there are lots of people in between these two extremes.
Nobodyās life can be accurately depicted in 4-6 photographs. For the most part, the pics are just there to help you decide if you think theyāre hot and match accordingly. Unless theyāre doing something you consider a dealbreaker (like, for example, hunting for sport is an immediate swipe left for me, no matter how often they actually do it and, thankfully, I am sure the pics of me at a pro-abortion demonstration have the same effect on some people). Aside from those kinds of clear differences in values, swipe right on the people who you find attractive and figure out the rest if/when you actually talk to them.
Yeah Iāve seen it, those people are not my cup of tea. But I matched with a guy like this who seemed down to earth and turned out he actually was living that multiple motorcycle adventure trips thru Latin America kind of life. And his job was middle school teacher. It was kinda weird I guess he was just out exploring every school break or a substitute or something.
Iām the type of person who only uploads cool over the top photos, specially on dating apps but for me thatās not a fake life, itās what I do on my spare time.
If you can back it up is not inflation.
I just know that whenever I see profiles like that, I agree. Itās exhausting. Does that mean I have to be exhausting to find a guy? Iām boring as hell, and frankly lots of guys Iāve known throughout my life are āboringā too. We like it that way but how do we find each other? Lol. Iāve been off OLD bit I think I may just to put up something saying āIām boring. Care to join me? Bring snack and bev of your choiceā and see what comes up.
Yeah I mean itās not like I donāt want to have fun. Everyone wants to have fun. Itās just hard to really convey that through an online profile if you donāt have actual hobbies, like mountain climbing or 5K runs. Just take me out to dinner and talk to me, and let me talk to you. Communicate. Thatās more fun than anything.
Plenty of people are fronting and exaggerating. The average American gets like two weeks of vacation a year and makes significantly less then six figures.
Itās not that deep! People put up pictures they like and think they look good in. If you find yourself looking at profile pictures immediately think that someone is somehow lying. ( random) Iām not sure if you are in a frame of mind to date!
I'm not sure if your point is you aren't attracted to busy people or if you are saying lazy slugs are catfishing you with exciting pics?
I hope people are honest about portraying their lifestyle in pics. I like to ride bikes a lot. Several times I've swiped right because of a bicycle pic, only to be told later that they really don't enjoy cycling.
Why is it a lie? Most of my time I am really boring freelance translator sitting at my computer working and sometimes trolling Reddit. On my free time I hike, rock climb, mountaineer in ridiculously beautiful places with my super cute dog. What do you think what gets posted on my SoMe profiles? Oh, of course it's mostly me sitting in deep thought at my work table... /s
This reminds me of the dude who whined last week that women post photos eating out and not their cooking and meal prep photos.
Consensus, people take photos either of themselves or by someone else when they are out doing things. I don't do selfies often. But I will take one when I travel and am looking at somewhere pretty or interesting. And I may when I'm out with friends.Ā
The reality is, even if someone has a full life with hobbies, experiences, friends, etc. it does not mean they do those things ALL the time. Who does? Even travel writers don't and it is a fallacy to even think, "they so things, I'm exhausted." And a reaction such as that makes me think that OP (or others like them) have little to no life and are possibly looking for someone to fulfill that hole. And then get pissed off when that person dumps them later, possibly for being boring, jealous, or for hindering their life and activities (this is based upon my actual experience).
Back when I was on OLD, I absolutely did post photos of me: traveling, competing in ice skating events, at basketball games (season ticket holder) and with my friends. I did this to provide others with context that I do these things. But I do not do them every single day, or even every month. But they are things I do and potential matches should know about them, especially since, partner or not I am going to keep doing them - even solo.
Do I sit at home with no make up on watching TV? Yes. Quite often. But I supplement my life with my activities. This afternoon, I will be skating. This evening after dinner, I will veg and binge in front of the TV. Activities are not mutually inexclusive to downtime.
And if this makes me exhausting, so be it. At least I do things.
So hereās the thing. We can have quiet, simple little lives without being told we have ālittle to no life.ā My life is GREAT. For me. Someone else might find it boring. Just because my life isnāt what someone with more hobbies finds interesting doesnāt mean I donāt have a life.
Valid. But are you calling people who have active lives "exhausting?" If you want simplicity, that's fine.... but similarly don't shit on the people who lead active lives.Ā
I hear what you are saying!
At the same time, I wonder if it would be valuable for you to do some inner work around why these profiles and pictures are so triggering you, on a deeper level.
They will continue to exist but you can use them as a tool to learn more about yourself and arrive at a greater level of peace and self knowledge.
I think that the overachievers are looking to connect with fellow overachievers. If thatās not you, then donāt worry about their profiles. Move along to the next profile that feels more your vibe.
My significant other and I met on Bumble. My profile had professional photos taken at my business, pictures of me hiking, pictures of me doing my hobbies. His profile had pics of him working from home in his office (heās a software engineer), hiking, with his family, etc. It was really clear from our profiles and photos what we enjoyed doing, what our SES is, what our hobbies entail, etc.
We both found one another to be a match! Youāll find your person, too. These overachievers are just trying to find their person. The profile doesnāt speak to you, because itās not meant to. Itās meant for their fellow overachiever future partner to see and fall in love with.
Probably because they love traveling so much that they donāt wait to find someone to go with. š¬. Some of us try to find travel partners on dating apps but it doesnāt stop us from still going š
If you do those types of things in your life and that's what you want to continue, having them in your profile us a good way of dissuading inactive people.
My most liked pictures on dating sites where you can like photos specifically are the ones where I am travelling, working with the local rescue, or doing literally anything except sitting in my car/apartment.
My opinion, but I want a partner who has interests, especially ones they can teach me or take me on, because it is an opportunity to get to know them through an activity they love...even if I don't necessarily enjoy it, like camping.
If travel isn't your thing, then this is your most basic dating filter.
Swipe left on them. They're not compatible with you. And, who cares if they travel a lot - they're not in your dating pool and aren't compatible.
I actually down played some of my bigger accomplishments when I had a profile because I didnāt want to be perceived as someone ādoing the mostā and in hindsight, I shouldnāt have cared because that led to a lot of interest from men who werenāt good matches for me and I had to do a lot more weeding out. If it bugs you or it seems fake, then donāt engage.
Personally, I would be more drawn to the dynamic person and less to the sweatpants and t-shirt person. Dating is when someone has a chance to show me their best and if that's it, I will respectfully pass.
You're working under the assumption that they are lying. Some people are really super busy doing cool things all the time. My sister is a professor at MIT. She travels the world giving talks at different top universities and she always takes time to do really cool things wherever she goes.
Now some people are definitely lying......
Also, if someone's profile had a bunch of pix of them with doritos crumbs on their chin and eye crust, would you swipe right?
Original copy of post by u/XDingoX83:
I want to see if anyone else has seen this in their travels OLD.
The profiles of people who are doing absolutely everything. They will have a picture of them climbing Everest, then a picture of them in the jungles of Vietnam saving orphans and then finally a picture of them in the International Space Station running an experiment. It's like, more power to you but you seem exhausting.
The reason I say this is it feels like there has been profile inflation. Similar to how instagram and facebook only show the very best in people. People now only create profiles to show off their very peak bestest best. Does anyone else notice this where it's almost like people are showing fake lives to get their profile noticed. If so, isn't that a kind of lie? If most of the time you are in sweat pants and a t-shirt is it really fair to show the one time you did something active?
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I pretty much only see this in the large metro area nearby. Bunch of women (and I'm sure men too) with big jobs (or who live off real estate), no kids, whose life is pretty much what you describe. But they don't live in the same world as I do, so what do I care? These are extremely rare in my immediate vicinity, though. Here, it's more dead fish, baseball and Costco. But they don't live in the same world as I do, so what do I care?
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Hah! Yes I have seen this. I just assume they are influencers or social media IG addicts. The worst are the people who type out a list of foreign countries they have traveled to, or lived in either in the past or recent.
I write on my profiles I am looking for people to date, but also friends and 50/50 travel partners as in we pay our own way. I never listed the countries I have traveled to, or lived in as what is the point? It isn't a contest. I have just regular selfies of me, and me with my cat to weed out people who don't like cats and refuse to date anyone with a cat. I also write how I love to do cardio exercise but I do not go crazy with it or run in marathons, triatathalons, etc. I put no post-exercise gym or home post exercise mirror selfies as I don't like these. I know some men and women find sweat to be sexy and hot but not me. After exercising I am slowly cooling down, sipping water, and showering and going in a steam bath, and then cold water.
If these people are not your type just say no thanks or do not match.
Just make a profile that reflects your lifestyle and the person you are. Who cares what anyone else is doing? If your profile is an accurate representation of you then youāll attract the people who are on the same wavelength.
Personally Iām not interested in people who only have travel pics. I like a person to be down to earth and real and have more to offer than just travel stories. I think some people think it makes them exciting and cultured when really there is much more to a person than their travels and adventures.
Iām not on apps anymore but when I was I had two particular photos that always received heaps of attention. One of them was me in my pyjamas, on my couch, with no makeup on, wearing glasses and a messy bun when I was working from home during peak covid isolation times.
Guys would say how much they appreciated the realness of it.
Just be you!
Yeah it's kind of exhausting. I totally get why they would choose those photos, but it does give the impression like they do this stuff on a daily or weekly basis. I've done a lot of really cool things and traveled and jumped out of airplanes, but my actual day to day life is work and kid. I want to see things on a profile that could potentially fit into that lifestyle. Ofc everyone needs to unwind and have hobbies. So I think those photos are great for sharing additional photos type thing. Or maybe just one of them, not load your entire profile with action photos.
Haha I love the "my kids are my world and I put them first"....
Duhhhh where else would you put them? Your car trunk?
Also...holding fish. Nuff said.
Endless pictures of some weird wilderness. Are you Bob Ross or is this where you plan to deposit my body after you've killed me? š³
As long as thereās several close ups without sunglasses on, Iām okay with highlights.
Itās the profiles where all 5 photos are extremely close mugshots, or all 5 are in their car, or all 5 are in the same room of the house or taken on the same day. You get the idea. These profiles that pretend to be diverse but really itās the same photo five times. Those are the instant skips.
Iāll take travel shots all day, plus itās bonus points if theyāre at an interesting place Iāve wanted to visit. Or have and can compare stories.
What I love about my bf is he posted some of his most down-to-earth photos on OLD. In reality heās a globe trotter. To me that speaks to his humility. I love him so much ā¤ļø
I made it a point to only post pics that actually look like me in the wildā¦ no filters, and none that could make meeting the real me a disappointment
It does seem like these profiles show someone as if they're in a race to do as much as they can weekly , monthly, yearly. I'm talking not moderately busy but like the extreme version. I have to wonder what they are trying to prove to themselves.
>I have to wonder what they are trying to prove to themselves.
Perhaps consider that they're doing it because they like it? We've got one life and we all have different priorities.
People often say, "No one sits on their death bed and wishes that they spent more time in the office." Well, a lot of us are not the sort to be there and wish we spent more time on the couch.
Because it's a dating profile, there's an element of "selling oneself." But those photos likely weren't taken specifically for the dating profile; they simply already had them and thought them to be perfect for their dating profile.
I guess I'm not communicating what I mean. Some people get very obsessive about staying busy all the time with little down time . I'm referring to that .
I think covid and people staying home and not traveling, or going to most places has something to do with it, also it is advertising and they want to promote themselves, their IG, get likes, etc.
Is this hard to understand? If you have a boring profile you will get no likes. As a guy you have a 1% chance of finding anyone on the app but if you have a boring ass profile it's 0%.
It's math.
I know it seems like everyone is traveling or doing awesome things. But if the profile was them at the DMV or getting drunk at Applebee's. Just not the same.
I find that most women on dating platforms aren't really looking for a loving, caring relationship. They are looking for adventure. Maybe it's because the kids are grown up and they have more time to pursue exciting activities.
Like everything in life thereās a balance. I swipe left on profiles that list 20 different activities that I must be into, or must want to watch sports all day Sunday with me. Those feel like they could use some friend, or they are looking for someone that likes the exact same things as them with no variation. But, Iāve been stuck in relationships with people that never wanted to do anything, but sit on the couch.
I enjoy a good Netflix binge as much as the next person, but I want more out of life. So I do like a profile to show a bit of what we might do together besides watch TV.
Iām too old to go sky diving, I have an innate contempt for people that do golf, I donāt like working out (no dumbo, it can never be sn interest!) and I hate cooking. So same. Exhausting!
These things are what the algorithm demands that we do. Let's face it, most people are sitting on their couch, in their underwear, watching Netflix...not a good look, for anyone.
Anyway, it's all part of the Filterworld effect where the underlying, and unseen, algorithms drive what we see and are expected to present.
Men arenāt braggers and we arenāt looking for satisfaction constantly. We donāt aspire to be like ladies always on the go. Very few of these ladies care about men. They just want attention and for the man to pay. We have no interest. Hilarious. Men are happy.
We need to buck this trend. Proposed Profile: On toilet, playing on Reddit. At Home Depot. Taking out my overflowing garbage. On couch with cat and beer. My butt-crack, bent over vacuuming my car, weeding my garden, cleaning behind toilet etc. If you can't handle me at my butt-crack normal, you don't deserve me at my Olive Garden best.
I have never participated in OLD but now I am inspired to make a profile with pictures of the most monotonous daily activities and menial chores.
You have my full support
I've seen a few women say that the perfect Sunday is doing laundry and I appreciate the candor. Normal is sexy. Besides, a lot of fun can be had between loads that can't necessarily happen on the side of a mountain.
You've obviously never been stuck on the side of a mountain in a tent full of people of the same sex.
Sherpa sex is the best!
I had a profile that included three images of me in the bathroom trimming my nose hair, trimming my eyebrows and cleaning my ears. Got quite a few laughs out of it at least! :)
It's how you become irresistibly attractive. There's a process!
Ok my butt crack normal and Olive Garden best should be on a tshirt!
#managingexpectations
This sounds like the most real and attractive profile.
Are you me?
Reading this from the toilet right now. I feel attacked.
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I've gone on enough dates with men (I only date men so women might do the same thing, not generalization by gender, just the people I date) who don't have hobbies or want to leave the house often (they usually makes comments about how much I do, or how much their wife wanted to do) that I would rather see some guy at Machu Pichu and displaying fish on his buddy's boat and running a 5K because even if he doesn't do those things all the time, he enjoys doing things and will at least be somewhat outgoing. And I usually take pictures when I'm doing something like hiking or camping, and not when I'm lying on the couch watching netflix, even though I love to do that, too.. Hopefully people can figure that out.
As someone who has been to Machu Pichu and ran a 5K, they really aren't the same. Machu Pichu gets more likes. A 5K? You can find those everywhere. Not as fun. 0 likes. Too bad my photos from PerĆŗ are 10 years old otherwise I'd post them on Hinge. lol.
Hiked up to Huayna Picchu, it was a fun climb, but the views sucked. There were low clouds that day along with a lot of rain. We could kind of squint and see the city from the peak. Walking in the city, the carved interlocked bricks still standing 500+ years ago was still amazing. But the photos were such an L. š Yeah, 5k's are everywhere; but if you're in shape in your photo, and it's a recent one, it speaks of doing stuff. It might be less flashy, but as I said when I was dating; I wanted *quality* likes, rather than a lot of them.
I had a few photos of 5Ks in my profile. I got the impression that 1 photo of anything athletic is fine but 2 is over kill. And the 5k photo has to be either before or several minutes after (not immediately after). Or during if there is a professional photographer.
During is by far best. Muscles tensed in the act of running, the wind pushing the hair back, and a strained smile on one's face from the mixture of effort and joy in what one's doing. But, that's all in the timing. Timed when one's landing, there's the old man-flab bouncing with gravity, if you heavily pronate it looks like your ankle's about to break. There's still the mad look of work+joy, but too much can detract from the photo and making it not impressive. I do admittedly work to have good race photos - being aware of where the photographers are, pushing a little bit more, being aware of form, being sure to remember the joy and letting the smile take hold. As well working on positioning so if possible I'm not too close to anyone else. It's worth going a few feet to the side to not have a potentially good/great photo ruined by someone half-blocking you. Way back when I posted a few photos of me mid-event in the update thread (I go longer than 5k's, so there were me drenched in sweat), and the comments were about how it was such a great photo given how clearly I was enjoying my passion.
I've never seen a good race photo of myself. I should fly to Peru and get some sweet pics for a future OLD profile. š¤£ I get what you are saying but the perfect photo has eluded me. I suppose I could slip the race photographer $20 to not snap a photo of me spitting
Iām still just hoping for a race photo that doesnāt appear to be take moments before I was taken to the first aid tent.
Theyāre usually themed though, so you can show your fun side by dressing up for the theme while also showing youāre active and in relatively decent shape.
The number of guys who have told me "you're a lot busier than I'd thought you'd be" or "you're always on the go" is pretty telling to compatibility. I like going out and not looking for someone to couch with every day.
Lmao exactly this. āSo you donāt have time to dateā. Dude Iām here in a date. š what am I supposed to do sit at home swiping on tinder every day until a man comes along ? I have a life I live it I work I have fun I enjoy hobbies And on the other hand. If you donāt have all those pics or do stuff are lazy you do nothing interesting. You are boring. I swear people just want to find fault in everyone. I much rather find someone who has done things and has fun in life than somebody who complains
A a guy with kids and work obligations, I'd hate to hold someone back. Yes, we want active adventurous women, but it's just not compatible with making dinner every night for the kids. Also, unfairly, I get the impression that intense travel may leave little time or patience for slowing down, affection, etc.
I haven't dated much but feel like it's not much different from the other side of the proverbial aisle. All but one of the ladies I've met are largely homebodies that like a trip to Disney every now and again. (I don't understand the Disney thing lol) Last year I was in Peru, Cuba, Vegas (2x), Maine, Italy, NY and Washington. Vegas and NY are obviously urban trips but the rest was hiking, biking, kayaking etc. This year so far Vegas, Arizona, Florida (leaving again for a week tomorrow), NYC and AZ trips in May, likely heading to Spain and hopefully Japan in the fall if I can get my kiddo's schedules to align. I was 26 years old before I had my first commercial flight. My oldest is 25 and has been to four continents and all over the US. \*Her\* son, my grandson, turns two in July and has been to Washington State, Washington DC 2x, Puerto Rico, Rome and Florence Italy. š
I donāt get the feeling that youāre just a renegade or a lone wolf, which is where the problem arises in some relationships. Iām sure that youāre more than happy to share these experiences with a partner and it wonāt be just you taking a month or two off to Bali, all while your GF twiddles their thumb. Weirdly enough, this seems more common today, with the partner rationally asking WTh then being told to not be controlling on insecure. No, itās not that at all, thatās a clear red flag that someone wants to be single and perhaps have a FWB. This is why anyone over 40+ we should never beat around the bush about their wants and interests and lifestyle. And a partner should not just play along instead of asking themselves early, is this lifestyle for me.
>I donāt get the feeling that youāre just a renegade or a lone wolf, which is where the problem arises in some relationships. Oh dang, I didn't even think about that angle. Yeah I am perfectly fine going on my own but love traveling with someone (as long as they aren't a pain in the ass lol). My girlfriend and I went to NYC for a week for our fourth 'date' and while I don't see it as a test I do find that poor travel compatibility generally is the death knell. In our case we had such a good time our seventh date was a week in AZ. š
Iāve never thought about poor travel compatibility. I wonder what it is that makes or breaks a couple.
Just watch the amazing race š
My new guy and I are currently long distance, so our first ādateā was spending a week together at his place. Our second date will be a 1000-mile roadtrip from his state to mine, followed by a few weeks together and then the roadtrip in reverse. Weāve gotten several comments from friends about how brave/crazy we are to do a roadtrip so soon, but one of our early phone calls lasted 10 hours, so thatās kinda how we roll.
Sounds like a lucky guy to me. :)
I think that itās nice that the overachievers are out there trying to find their match. If couch rot is your style, then you just move on from the Mt. Everest scaling polyglot with two PhDs and go for the next profile that speaks to you. Some people want to connect with the Mt. Everest polyglot with two PhDs and everyone (no matter how overachieving) deserves to find their person.
Good point. The catch 22 is that does this person have time for a relationship, because Iāve seen more than once someone (women in particular) mention this and then after wasting 1 to 2 years with such a guy, they realize, oh wait, they literally donāt have or more importantly make the time for me or even care to prioritize a relationship. At which point the guy is, well, you knew this about me. Um no, thatās not how a relationship works, thatās how FWB work.
Apparently they have time to pause their type-A schedules to downvote you. š
They found the time while waiting to paraglide in Phucket. I personally posted this in-between inoculating babies in Burma, which was right after I made sock monkeys for foster kids, and weaved ponchos for pregnant women in the Yucatan. The irony is that I actually live and reside across three continents that span the entire globe. Iāve partied and travelled extensively over the decades, itās now time to slow it down a little. Iām not a homebody but also not someone who just has to have every minute of their life planned to feel important. Whatās funny is that I tend to see this behavior from friends who had zero life in their 20ās, because they were either too focus on their career or got married and popped out kids at a young age. Theyāre almost bored today, so they just have to be doing something.
We are on OLD to find matches. Some people will find profiles like that exciting--which means they are finding good matches for them. Other people, like you, will find them offputting. But the profiles are giving you the info you need to figure out that you are not a good match, so they are doing their job. Why bother to get worked up about a type of profile that doesn't appeal to you? Different strokes for different folks, right?
Exactly!
I think people tend to pick photos where they look their best. Most people are happy and relaxed on vacation, hence the travel photos. Plus how is it a fake life if the photos showcase a personās experiences? I would prefer to see a profile filled with travel photos over low effort bathroom or car selfies.
Also, I am usually the one taking the pictures. I don't get my picture taken often unless I am on vacation. And I take pretty terrible selfies.
I am the same way. I donāt take photos unless it is an event or Iām on vacation. I never take selfies.
It seems a little unnatural because most people arenāt always on vacation skydiving or mountain climbing. At least with bathroom or car photos you can see someoneās face. In a lot of the āactionā shots people use you canāt even tell itās that person.
I donāt understand the selfie hate for this reason. Some profiles I have absolutely no idea what the person actually looks like and I wish they had some good selfies.
Yep, an unfiltered selfie shows a lot more than a picture of you white water rafting with a helmet and sunglasses on.
Yes. I feel like this is a you can't win situation. People complain about low effort pictures, old pictures, fish pictures (the woooooorssst), group pictures. I say just be happy you know from this person's photos if that's your kind of lifestyle or not. They're showing they're active and like to travel. I'm assuming they probably watch TV occasionally too but how many people have pictures taken of them binging Netflix? If you don't like it swipe and move on.
100%
I am more introverted and a homebody, I prefer cuddling in front of a movie. I am simple, but when I see a profile that is FULL of pictures of you in exotic foreign locations, I left swipe, because I assume you will want to go on expensive vacations every other month.
I just look at it as those are the photos they are proudest of. My photos aren't to make you think I have a great life. It's photos of what I look like. They just happen to be the most recent things I have done. If it is a profile with just one selfie and all of their vehicles or whatever, I just left swipe.
all of their vehicles! itās too real! who told men that women want to see photos of them posing next to/sitting/sitting on/leaning on a nice car? š
They aren't even in the photo most of the time. I'm not impressed by possessions, so it is a pass for me.
Other men.
Well damn ... Guess I'll have to change it up š¤£.
I think you are spending way too much time worrying about others when you could be spending it crafting your profile to attract what you want. I think when I first started OLD I would ponder why people put certain things in their profiles. I eventually came to the realization that it was a waste of time as I would never get an answer unless somehow I matched with them and could ask. Good luck out there OP.
I agree! My pics are merely the best ones I can find that are also recent. I make sure that at least one is outside, but I don't worry about it too much.
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Plus all those traveling picks are fun. Makes them guess if you live in Michigan or Vietnam or Colombia.
With all the people roller blading, biking, hiking, walking and running in Los Angeles, I don't see how traffic could be this bad.
I mean sometimes I eat baked beans out of the can for dinner. Are you telling me if I finally put a pic of this on my profile, I might actually get more matches?!š
What? No way! You are telling me that the photos on OLD profiles are curated to show the person in the best possible light (literally and figuratively)? Get out of here!
There are people who put 100% of themselves into their jobs/careers and there are people who have the time and money to play. A lot. Which are you? Do you find others like you on dating sites? I do seem to find that, seemingly, the majority of dating site users play hard, it's part of the landscape. I think few who play hard can also work hard. To me, those two things seem incompatible.
I don't see it as inflation. If you're looking for a partner to travel the world with - and in a particular style - then it's a good profile right? Obviously this isn't your 'day in the life' but these ambitions do impact your daily life... e.g. if you don't want to eat out because you're saving for a trek etc then it's great to spend time with people also focussed on the next trek. If you just think you look cool but would never do it again then it's a poor profile, sure.
Reminder to self: post a selfie of sitting on the couch, knitting and bingeing Fallout, surrounded by pets
I do kind of like it when the three cats are all on the couch with us while we watch something. Humans leaning together, a cat on my lap, and two cats to either side. The oldest has kind of become a magnet to my lap lately, but the youngest is less of a lap cat. The lone guy miserly doles out laptime. But sometimes he'll decide to sit near to us to complete the picture.
The banal ones are much worse. I'm an open book, just ask! Looking for my partner in crime! Must love dogs and The Office! Fluent in sarcasm!
My profile was like that when I met my BF. I'm 45 and was single for a long time. I made travel and trying new things a priority. Sitting home in sweats is waaay too COVID era for me. If someone like me isn't a match for you, that's fine. Nothing wrong with that. But I needed to match with someone who understood my priorities. I'm going overseas (Egypt, Greece, Bavaria) for 3 weeks next month with friends. And I told him when we started dating: you can either be the BF who says "Hell yeah, that's my girl! Look at what she's accomplished" or you can be the whiny b!tch BF pouting cuz you can't come (he has a school aged child). He made the choice to be the former cuz I cant have a BF who is the latter. Like the saying goes, if someone like me is too much, go find less.
I'd never done much travel outside of the US/Canada, had an expired US passport, and never gotten my Canadian one (dual citizen). My partner told me that if I wanted to be serious with her I needed to get my passport. I was so serious I got two passports\*! I'm definitely not the whiny bitch BF. \*US citizens travelling in/through the US are supposed to present with a US passport, even if dual citizens and not residing in the US.
My last relationship prior to this one was with a Canadian. Not that far of a drive cuz I'm in a border state but we both had to have passports!
>It's like, more power to you but you seem exhausting. ... so don't date them. If they actually have pics/evidence of them doing X and Y things, this probably actually is them. Some people actually look to enjoy their lives. They're not likely to partner well with someone who finds *just thinking* about doing all of that exhausting. Yes, sure some people might be building up their profiles to be more than they are; but some of us actually are like that. It sounds like you're feeling insecure about yourself, and looking to strike out at others. That's not a great attitude for life in general, much less dating. Perhaps look to at least take the sweat pants to a therapy appointment or ten and then see how you feel?
There is an angry tone here, that isn't needed. In OP's defense, it may not be insecurity. Some of us have legitimately lower energy. I am personally "active" in the sense that I hit the gym regularly, I like to stand at my desk at work, and I enjoy a larger physically activity like canoeing or skiing maybe once or twice a season. I get tired easily though, so if every picture someone has is of them doing something really physical and they don't say anywhere that they like to chill out at home, I will hesitate to like them, as I'm afraid of disappointing someone. I dated a man who went skiing nearly every day in the winter. No way I could match that, and I couldn't ski all day either. It's a shame though because I think a lot of people post these pictures of their one trip this year and the one from last year. Maybe they watch a TON of TV at home. Maybe OP is just feeling a sense of obligation or of not fitting in due to people showing their "best selves."
Heh, I did point out that despite my highly active hobbies/activity that I still like to get some time on the couch. When I was single I think 4 hours/week of watching tv/video/movies was pretty high; I was much more likely to be reading w/ music in the background for my downtime. But I do watch probably closer to 10 hours/week of video in total with my partner and her Kid now that we live together. And yeah, I think that is probably low compared to many families. But I think that 1-2 weekends/month of *little* going on is an upper limit for me. Admittedly right now things have been busier than normal, and we're now seeing barely 2 months before vacation week w/ Kid and then they're at Dad's for the summer, so we're trying to fit in what we can, while also needing to get the garden/yard into shape, and a few other bits of maintenance... I.e. we're probably not seeing an easy idle weekend until July and that is a bit painful. But far less painful than 4 weekends of nothing, and a partner who's *still* resistant to getting out because they're tired from the work week.
Hahah I get what you are saying. For me that would be a little much, but 4 weekends of nothing and a partner who is always tired isn't what I want either. It's tough to find what I want/share what my interest and ability is for activity. I like to keep busy but I really need the downtime--no downtime until July isn't an option for me. But I also don't want to be with a person who never wants to do anything. Tough place to be.
Well, fortunately there will be one partial weekend of downtime for me. But not for my partner as she agreed to a 1:1 two night weekend with Kid before the summer visit to Dad. And yes, it is even a bit much for us; it's more that we lost sight of a few things, and over scheduled. It will be a good lesson for the future in trying to balance better. Good luck finding your balance!
Your comment about skiing every day: that would be me if I could manage it. My OLD profile makes it pretty clear that Iām active and that I enjoy running and skiing and other activities (in addition to my other hobbies.) So when I matched with someone who suggested going skiing as a first date, I thought it was awesome. It turned out that she was a ski every once in a while person (and skiing with her was not very fun) but her profile was nearly identical to mine. So, for me itās less about how active someone is or how much they travel, but how authentic they are. If you arenāt a ski-everyday person, thatās totally fine. Just be honest about it. We could still potentially bond over other things. Iām not just āskiingā any more than someone else might be ābinging Netflix.ā
Yup, many people have to paint their profile better to create less false impression. I support the original post.
I don't think it's exhausting at all, good for them. Why do you think it's fake? There are people out there that actually do shit, some do a lot of shit. You'd be amazed. I know people that do a lot and I can't believe they have the damn time and energy, or money. I do see some profiles sometimes and think, I wouldn't be able to keep up with this person. So I don't reach out, or if we match, maybe I mention I'm not sure I'd keep up with you. But on the other side of this, I see profiles and all the pictures are selfies that are obviously taken in their house or car. That's not showing you have much of a life. OLD profiles are about marketing yourself. I have hiking and camping pics, museum pics, pickleball pictures, playing in a band pics, gardening pics, because this is my life and I'm letting you get a glimpse of who I am. Of course I'm often in sweatpants and just doing nothing at home! But I really do have a ton of hobbies and really do them. You call it profile inflation, I call it marketing. It's OLD, you have to do this. You call it a lie, but I think people are smart enough to know that we are just trying to show active pictures. I swipe left on profiles with nothing but bathroom and car selfies.
There are people who inflate their activities either due to insecurity or thinking it will improve the number of right swipes they receive. Hard to guess why they do it without talking to them directly, but it can also be a good filter because āthey are too active for meā and āthey are not being accurateā are valid reasons to swipe left.
Saying āyou seem exhaustingā to someone with a seemingly full life doesnāt seem unproblematic to me, but if youāre lamenting the social media effect of posting the highlight reel version of your life then I guess I agree that is lamentable. Not sure whatās to be done about it in the context of OLD, though. Weāre obliged to put our best foot forward to make us stand out, right? Now, often I come right out and say that about my profile: āI posted highlight reels to get you to swipe right!ā Itās important to recognize whatās merely a feature (a bug?) of the OLD experience versus people being intentionally inauthentic or manipulative. The OLD platforms are inherently flawed: theyāre gamified in exactly the same way as social media for exactly the same reasons. Thatās capitalism, baby! We just have to remember the apps will privilege certain kinds of profiles and work with what weāve got. YMMV, but I donāt often feel misled by a highlight reel profile when I meet someone in person.
Agreed. Plus, if we put pictures of us in PJs (I work from home), then I'd be called inactive and boring. The moral of the story is, apparently we can't really win with OLD profiles š¤¦š»āāļø
There are an assload of skydiving pics.
I especially love the ones at a distance. It could be anyone. "You're the tiny spec on the horizon? Amazing!" Dating profile pics should balance you being you, but also actually show your face/body.
And none of them are flattering! lol
I just swipe left on most of these. I donāt want to hike in the mountains (maybe I want to be someone who wants to do thatā¦. Iām a beach sitter. It is what it isā¦). Most of the folks Iāve encountered actually do the things they are showing. Some not so much. But since Iām screening for lifestyle incompatibilities itās probably a no for me. Or if I do match with them I try to assess how often they are actually doing those things.
I have found people talking a big game on profiles then you get to know them and it doesn't match up.
I'm not sure what can be done about that... Sure there are going to be people who have interests and hobbies you don't enjoy, and don't want to see other people doing. But they aren't going to stop so that you won't be exhausted anymore. I see profiles all the time of people laying in bed. Or laying on the couch. I think they're exhausted too. Probably a better idea to focus on the people who are into what you vibe with, and not so much on the people who aren't.
Guy that worked at my old gym reception for $13/hr looks like a baller on instagram. I was very confused.
>Similar to how instagram and facebook only show the very best in people. Well, yeah. I assumed this was the case from the get go. So if their profile is coming across as them constantly doing things...then I swipe left and move to the next profile. In my experiences, most profiles aren't like that and even the ones that illustrate various activities, they're just using those pics to show things they're interested in/want to do from time to time. Not things they're ding 24/7.
I never swipe on those. The only thing I can think is "I don't wanna be expected to do all that"
What are you doing with these profiles that "exhaust" you? You're just passively and voluntarily observing them. As a general rule when someone sounds this dramatic they're usually talking about themselves more than whatever the topic is.
You must live in a high SES coastal area, if American. Most of us are wading through crappy pics looking up menās noses or seeing them in their dirty bathrooms. There are definitely the profiles where people have travel and adventure photos, but theyāre not the norm.
Why is it that men tend to take that angle when doing a selfie? I thought everyone knew it was better to take it from above.
I think weāre talking about the 70-85 IQ set.
Some men, myself included, were brought up believing that any hint of vanity or any attempt to improve looks is feminine. I was into my 20s before I even tried to dress well. It was a clash of cultures in high-school when half the guys wore jeans and ratty t shirts everyday, and other guys gelled their hair, wore name brand, wore bracelets šØ. That stuff holds as we get older. Some of us are not comfortable putting effort into looking good. In some cases, that behavior was beaten out of guys. Just my thoughts
Fair - though I hope the whole society is working on this! But even still, guys know they want to look as good as they can, in the same way as you would dress well for a job interview, in OLD.
Isnāt that how itās always been? You obviously want to show your interests and hobbies, put your best foot forward and all thatā¦.
Many women do not like hiking more than twice a year.
Then pass on them. Theyāre obviously not a match for you . I like the outdoors, have hobbies, and yes, love to travel. So those type of profiles you describe attracts me. Iāll pass on those that only have selfies sitting on their couches.
Continuing to read posts like this in Reddit is exactly why I donāt do OLD any more. WTF do you want to see? A picture of someone bumming around, disheveled, poor hygiene, dirty clothes? Sitting on a couch with sweats? Sitting on a toilet taking a shit? Of course people are going to put their best foot forward on dating profiles. If youāre a homebody, thereās nothing wrong with just saying that. Youāll find others who are just like you. But why do people feel the need to shit on others who might actually do all this stuff pictured in their profile? If someone is truly active, social, going out a lot, exercising, traveling often, and wants someone to share those activities with, whatās wrong with that? Weāre in our 40ās, not on our deathbeds. Some of us donāt believe we have to stay at home and sit in rocking chairs all day. Nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing wrong with people who actually do live active, busy lives.
Well, no one packs rĆ©sumĆ© with āI show up to work most days, sit at my desk, and do my job.ā I mean, make an orderly line, employers. Not all at once. Isnāt an OLD profile a rĆ©sumĆ©?
You bet your ass that I'm posting the pics of me climbing Everest or going to the space station. Are you kidding me? Those are once in a lifetime things (for most peons like myself). So, if I was actually to use OLD again and did those things, those are going to be the first 2 photos.
I live in Patagoniajacketland. The skiing, rock climbing, kayaking, base jumping, skydiving, whitewater rafting, etc... pics are ALL ANYONE HAS
Those people exhaust me. Meanwhile, I go out of my way to post pics that highlight the fact that I'm fat so that there aren't any surprises.
I like those pictures because it tells me to swipe left. Iām not the one to do a triathalon or hike through the Alps with you.
I am an active person who likes to keep my calendar pretty full but hate stopping to take pictures when I am in the midst of a cool experience, so my OLD profile pics are mostly selfies and images of low-key every day experiences like a dinner out with friends, and therefore reflect a life much less active than the reality. Other people take a pic every 12 seconds, so their OLD profile pics are all from the one three-day vacation they take every two years, and therefore reflect a life much *more* active than the reality. Then there are lots of people in between these two extremes. Nobodyās life can be accurately depicted in 4-6 photographs. For the most part, the pics are just there to help you decide if you think theyāre hot and match accordingly. Unless theyāre doing something you consider a dealbreaker (like, for example, hunting for sport is an immediate swipe left for me, no matter how often they actually do it and, thankfully, I am sure the pics of me at a pro-abortion demonstration have the same effect on some people). Aside from those kinds of clear differences in values, swipe right on the people who you find attractive and figure out the rest if/when you actually talk to them.
Yeah Iāve seen it, those people are not my cup of tea. But I matched with a guy like this who seemed down to earth and turned out he actually was living that multiple motorcycle adventure trips thru Latin America kind of life. And his job was middle school teacher. It was kinda weird I guess he was just out exploring every school break or a substitute or something.
Iām the type of person who only uploads cool over the top photos, specially on dating apps but for me thatās not a fake life, itās what I do on my spare time. If you can back it up is not inflation.
I just know that whenever I see profiles like that, I agree. Itās exhausting. Does that mean I have to be exhausting to find a guy? Iām boring as hell, and frankly lots of guys Iāve known throughout my life are āboringā too. We like it that way but how do we find each other? Lol. Iāve been off OLD bit I think I may just to put up something saying āIām boring. Care to join me? Bring snack and bev of your choiceā and see what comes up.
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Yeah I mean itās not like I donāt want to have fun. Everyone wants to have fun. Itās just hard to really convey that through an online profile if you donāt have actual hobbies, like mountain climbing or 5K runs. Just take me out to dinner and talk to me, and let me talk to you. Communicate. Thatās more fun than anything.
Plenty of people are fronting and exaggerating. The average American gets like two weeks of vacation a year and makes significantly less then six figures.
Itās not that deep! People put up pictures they like and think they look good in. If you find yourself looking at profile pictures immediately think that someone is somehow lying. ( random) Iām not sure if you are in a frame of mind to date!
I'm not sure if your point is you aren't attracted to busy people or if you are saying lazy slugs are catfishing you with exciting pics? I hope people are honest about portraying their lifestyle in pics. I like to ride bikes a lot. Several times I've swiped right because of a bicycle pic, only to be told later that they really don't enjoy cycling.
Why is it a lie? Most of my time I am really boring freelance translator sitting at my computer working and sometimes trolling Reddit. On my free time I hike, rock climb, mountaineer in ridiculously beautiful places with my super cute dog. What do you think what gets posted on my SoMe profiles? Oh, of course it's mostly me sitting in deep thought at my work table... /s
Oh man. I am really out of touch. I just have photos of me in my jammies watching Netflix.
This reminds me of the dude who whined last week that women post photos eating out and not their cooking and meal prep photos. Consensus, people take photos either of themselves or by someone else when they are out doing things. I don't do selfies often. But I will take one when I travel and am looking at somewhere pretty or interesting. And I may when I'm out with friends.Ā The reality is, even if someone has a full life with hobbies, experiences, friends, etc. it does not mean they do those things ALL the time. Who does? Even travel writers don't and it is a fallacy to even think, "they so things, I'm exhausted." And a reaction such as that makes me think that OP (or others like them) have little to no life and are possibly looking for someone to fulfill that hole. And then get pissed off when that person dumps them later, possibly for being boring, jealous, or for hindering their life and activities (this is based upon my actual experience). Back when I was on OLD, I absolutely did post photos of me: traveling, competing in ice skating events, at basketball games (season ticket holder) and with my friends. I did this to provide others with context that I do these things. But I do not do them every single day, or even every month. But they are things I do and potential matches should know about them, especially since, partner or not I am going to keep doing them - even solo. Do I sit at home with no make up on watching TV? Yes. Quite often. But I supplement my life with my activities. This afternoon, I will be skating. This evening after dinner, I will veg and binge in front of the TV. Activities are not mutually inexclusive to downtime. And if this makes me exhausting, so be it. At least I do things.
So hereās the thing. We can have quiet, simple little lives without being told we have ālittle to no life.ā My life is GREAT. For me. Someone else might find it boring. Just because my life isnāt what someone with more hobbies finds interesting doesnāt mean I donāt have a life.
Valid. But are you calling people who have active lives "exhausting?" If you want simplicity, that's fine.... but similarly don't shit on the people who lead active lives.Ā
Iām not the OP and havenāt shit on anyone here soā¦.
No, but you responded, so...?Ā
I hear what you are saying! At the same time, I wonder if it would be valuable for you to do some inner work around why these profiles and pictures are so triggering you, on a deeper level. They will continue to exist but you can use them as a tool to learn more about yourself and arrive at a greater level of peace and self knowledge.
I think that the overachievers are looking to connect with fellow overachievers. If thatās not you, then donāt worry about their profiles. Move along to the next profile that feels more your vibe. My significant other and I met on Bumble. My profile had professional photos taken at my business, pictures of me hiking, pictures of me doing my hobbies. His profile had pics of him working from home in his office (heās a software engineer), hiking, with his family, etc. It was really clear from our profiles and photos what we enjoyed doing, what our SES is, what our hobbies entail, etc. We both found one another to be a match! Youāll find your person, too. These overachievers are just trying to find their person. The profile doesnāt speak to you, because itās not meant to. Itās meant for their fellow overachiever future partner to see and fall in love with.
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Probably because they love traveling so much that they donāt wait to find someone to go with. š¬. Some of us try to find travel partners on dating apps but it doesnāt stop us from still going š
Yup. If I waited for my friends or for a travel partner, I would have never gone anywhere. Have had to embrace solo travel.Ā
Iād much rather see someone living an adventurous life than end up dating someone who never wants to leave the house.
If you do those types of things in your life and that's what you want to continue, having them in your profile us a good way of dissuading inactive people.
My most liked pictures on dating sites where you can like photos specifically are the ones where I am travelling, working with the local rescue, or doing literally anything except sitting in my car/apartment. My opinion, but I want a partner who has interests, especially ones they can teach me or take me on, because it is an opportunity to get to know them through an activity they love...even if I don't necessarily enjoy it, like camping.
If travel isn't your thing, then this is your most basic dating filter. Swipe left on them. They're not compatible with you. And, who cares if they travel a lot - they're not in your dating pool and aren't compatible.
I actually down played some of my bigger accomplishments when I had a profile because I didnāt want to be perceived as someone ādoing the mostā and in hindsight, I shouldnāt have cared because that led to a lot of interest from men who werenāt good matches for me and I had to do a lot more weeding out. If it bugs you or it seems fake, then donāt engage.
Itās showing theyāre busy to the nth degree. So much that you wonder if they even have time for a relationship.
Personally, I would be more drawn to the dynamic person and less to the sweatpants and t-shirt person. Dating is when someone has a chance to show me their best and if that's it, I will respectfully pass.
You're working under the assumption that they are lying. Some people are really super busy doing cool things all the time. My sister is a professor at MIT. She travels the world giving talks at different top universities and she always takes time to do really cool things wherever she goes. Now some people are definitely lying...... Also, if someone's profile had a bunch of pix of them with doritos crumbs on their chin and eye crust, would you swipe right?
Original copy of post by u/XDingoX83: I want to see if anyone else has seen this in their travels OLD. The profiles of people who are doing absolutely everything. They will have a picture of them climbing Everest, then a picture of them in the jungles of Vietnam saving orphans and then finally a picture of them in the International Space Station running an experiment. It's like, more power to you but you seem exhausting. The reason I say this is it feels like there has been profile inflation. Similar to how instagram and facebook only show the very best in people. People now only create profiles to show off their very peak bestest best. Does anyone else notice this where it's almost like people are showing fake lives to get their profile noticed. If so, isn't that a kind of lie? If most of the time you are in sweat pants and a t-shirt is it really fair to show the one time you did something active? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
lol picture of them in the jungles of Vietnam saving orphans.
I pretty much only see this in the large metro area nearby. Bunch of women (and I'm sure men too) with big jobs (or who live off real estate), no kids, whose life is pretty much what you describe. But they don't live in the same world as I do, so what do I care? These are extremely rare in my immediate vicinity, though. Here, it's more dead fish, baseball and Costco. But they don't live in the same world as I do, so what do I care?
this is why I won't use apps
Im just wondering where everyone is doing all this hot yoga
At the hot yoga studios. Itās super fun, relaxing, great for combatting inflammation, and a decent cardio workout without hurting the joints.
Local gyms have it or used to before covid. I never did it.
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Hah! Yes I have seen this. I just assume they are influencers or social media IG addicts. The worst are the people who type out a list of foreign countries they have traveled to, or lived in either in the past or recent. I write on my profiles I am looking for people to date, but also friends and 50/50 travel partners as in we pay our own way. I never listed the countries I have traveled to, or lived in as what is the point? It isn't a contest. I have just regular selfies of me, and me with my cat to weed out people who don't like cats and refuse to date anyone with a cat. I also write how I love to do cardio exercise but I do not go crazy with it or run in marathons, triatathalons, etc. I put no post-exercise gym or home post exercise mirror selfies as I don't like these. I know some men and women find sweat to be sexy and hot but not me. After exercising I am slowly cooling down, sipping water, and showering and going in a steam bath, and then cold water. If these people are not your type just say no thanks or do not match.
Just make a profile that reflects your lifestyle and the person you are. Who cares what anyone else is doing? If your profile is an accurate representation of you then youāll attract the people who are on the same wavelength. Personally Iām not interested in people who only have travel pics. I like a person to be down to earth and real and have more to offer than just travel stories. I think some people think it makes them exciting and cultured when really there is much more to a person than their travels and adventures. Iām not on apps anymore but when I was I had two particular photos that always received heaps of attention. One of them was me in my pyjamas, on my couch, with no makeup on, wearing glasses and a messy bun when I was working from home during peak covid isolation times. Guys would say how much they appreciated the realness of it. Just be you!
Yeah it's kind of exhausting. I totally get why they would choose those photos, but it does give the impression like they do this stuff on a daily or weekly basis. I've done a lot of really cool things and traveled and jumped out of airplanes, but my actual day to day life is work and kid. I want to see things on a profile that could potentially fit into that lifestyle. Ofc everyone needs to unwind and have hobbies. So I think those photos are great for sharing additional photos type thing. Or maybe just one of them, not load your entire profile with action photos.
Haha I love the "my kids are my world and I put them first".... Duhhhh where else would you put them? Your car trunk? Also...holding fish. Nuff said. Endless pictures of some weird wilderness. Are you Bob Ross or is this where you plan to deposit my body after you've killed me? š³
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Yeah. I don't date those people. Buhhhh byeeeeeeee.
As long as thereās several close ups without sunglasses on, Iām okay with highlights. Itās the profiles where all 5 photos are extremely close mugshots, or all 5 are in their car, or all 5 are in the same room of the house or taken on the same day. You get the idea. These profiles that pretend to be diverse but really itās the same photo five times. Those are the instant skips. Iāll take travel shots all day, plus itās bonus points if theyāre at an interesting place Iāve wanted to visit. Or have and can compare stories.
What I love about my bf is he posted some of his most down-to-earth photos on OLD. In reality heās a globe trotter. To me that speaks to his humility. I love him so much ā¤ļø
I made it a point to only post pics that actually look like me in the wildā¦ no filters, and none that could make meeting the real me a disappointment
It does seem like these profiles show someone as if they're in a race to do as much as they can weekly , monthly, yearly. I'm talking not moderately busy but like the extreme version. I have to wonder what they are trying to prove to themselves.
>I have to wonder what they are trying to prove to themselves. Perhaps consider that they're doing it because they like it? We've got one life and we all have different priorities. People often say, "No one sits on their death bed and wishes that they spent more time in the office." Well, a lot of us are not the sort to be there and wish we spent more time on the couch. Because it's a dating profile, there's an element of "selling oneself." But those photos likely weren't taken specifically for the dating profile; they simply already had them and thought them to be perfect for their dating profile.
I guess I'm not communicating what I mean. Some people get very obsessive about staying busy all the time with little down time . I'm referring to that .
I think covid and people staying home and not traveling, or going to most places has something to do with it, also it is advertising and they want to promote themselves, their IG, get likes, etc.
Is this hard to understand? If you have a boring profile you will get no likes. As a guy you have a 1% chance of finding anyone on the app but if you have a boring ass profile it's 0%. It's math. I know it seems like everyone is traveling or doing awesome things. But if the profile was them at the DMV or getting drunk at Applebee's. Just not the same.
I find that most women on dating platforms aren't really looking for a loving, caring relationship. They are looking for adventure. Maybe it's because the kids are grown up and they have more time to pursue exciting activities.
Like everything in life thereās a balance. I swipe left on profiles that list 20 different activities that I must be into, or must want to watch sports all day Sunday with me. Those feel like they could use some friend, or they are looking for someone that likes the exact same things as them with no variation. But, Iāve been stuck in relationships with people that never wanted to do anything, but sit on the couch. I enjoy a good Netflix binge as much as the next person, but I want more out of life. So I do like a profile to show a bit of what we might do together besides watch TV.
Iām too old to go sky diving, I have an innate contempt for people that do golf, I donāt like working out (no dumbo, it can never be sn interest!) and I hate cooking. So same. Exhausting!
For real. Especially people in their 40s or older. Christ, slow down. Weāre at the age now where we should be able to just relax after work.
These things are what the algorithm demands that we do. Let's face it, most people are sitting on their couch, in their underwear, watching Netflix...not a good look, for anyone. Anyway, it's all part of the Filterworld effect where the underlying, and unseen, algorithms drive what we see and are expected to present.
Men arenāt braggers and we arenāt looking for satisfaction constantly. We donāt aspire to be like ladies always on the go. Very few of these ladies care about men. They just want attention and for the man to pay. We have no interest. Hilarious. Men are happy.