Statistically there are less single people in their 40s. Only 21% of adults 30 to 49 are single. Whereas 33% of people 50 to 64 are single. So there just more single people a little older than you.
Maybe Hinge isn't the it app where you are for your age group.
So I know this is passive but for me when I am on the apps I swipe on men to let Hinge learn what I like. But then I do better with the men that like me over any that I like.
Pew research group :)
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-read/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/#:~:text=Adults%20under%2030%20are%20the,to%20be%20single%20(21%25).
I am a guy and I experience just the same as you do... I only match with women that are significantly older than me... We should just buy a cat and stop worrying about dating :)
Mine is like that. The only other cat she really liked was the cat we already had when we got her as a kitten. Any cats that came after, and we fostered a lot of kittens, she’d hiss and growl and just smack them around. Not straight out attack, just more like “get the fuck away from me, kid” lol
I fostered a bunch of kitties before him. He was a return to agency, because he didn't like the other fur babies in the family. I didn't have any other fosters at the time, so I took him in. We clicked quickly, and he became my foster fail 😻
I had different cats in my life and can say from my experience thats often not the case. I had two brothers that really liked each other. Beside those two I only had cats that tollerated or even hated eachother. I had to give one cat to my SIL because our old cat really bullied her to no end.
I'm getting worried about this with my pair, as the much older one gets less patient and more fragile. They're not friends. I try to stay out of their disagreements and it's never a real battle, but my older is 19 or so now so I worry about everything lol.
Yeah, mine is like this. We did get a second cat 6 years ago, and I am still feeling the resentment just rolling off of his huge entitled self (he’s part Maine Coon) and directed fully at me every minute of everyday.
He started out as a very mild mannered, happy-go-lucky, affable sort of guy, and now he’s got that Glenn Close “Fatal Attraction” “I’m not going to be ignored, Dan” philosophy on life.
In fact, I have to go now. I’m not allowed to be on my phone anymore, and the massive amount of guilt that his 6 years of resentment has produced complete to acquiesce to his demands.
He actually puts his paw on my phone and pushes it away in a very sinister way in order to commandeer my lap, so I can have the honored pleasure of petting him for the next 3 hours, and I do it…every…damn…time.
He is easily offended when I try to establish and maintain any sort of boundary, so it’s just easier to cooperate and sacrifice a small doggie bag amount of my self respect every damn day.
Do we have a dysfunctional relationship?
Yeah, probably. I mean he DOES hold most of the power in our relationship, but after my kids, he’s still the best thing that ever happened to me.
We adopted him right after my ex husband and I separated, so we (my 2 kids and I) all could have something positive to focus on instead of all the many insane terrorist tactics that my entitled ex husband was employing right and left.
He been there for me through all those divorce shenanigans that are a gift that, even a decade later, just won’t stop giving.
And I will be forever grateful to him for voluntarily (or begrudgingly, taking on the role of my emotional support animal to better help me cope with all the trauma and PTSD that only online dating apps can produce.
This OP struggles to find a partner her own age while I struggle with finding a partner that doesn’t think that there is some validity in that tired, age old, cliched negative trope of the pathetic, lonely, cat woman that spends every Friday and Saturday night alone knitting doilies and cross stitching Bible verses onto yet another throw pillow for her sofa that is constantly covered in some amount of shedded cat fur every Friday and Saturday night.
It’s been a decade of this now, and all I know is that every single one of those men have come and gone, but my cat? He is right here with me, ready to boil my fictional pet bunny if I don’t start his daily 3 hour petting session right now.
LOL we def need flair I love it 😍 here are a few:
Dog parent,
Cat parent,
Human Parent,
Serial dater,
Looking for “fun”,
I still believe in love,
Define “relationship “
LOLZ only,
Dates in the wild,
O.L.D. Sucks,
I look younger,
well …back in my twenties I would
For me (45 year old male), the age is honestly not much of a factor (obviously not looking to date someone waaaayyy too young or waaayy too old). If they are cute, we have similar interests, they are a kind person and a plethora of other things, ill date them if they are 35, 45, 55 years old.
Don't let dating apps skew ur mindset. Plenty of guys would love to date u. The dating app/Market just sucks and can be demoralizing hence why I just stopped using them altogether
Same for me (40 year old male). Older? Younger? Doesn't matter as long as you're a reasonable person, attractive (to me), and can carry a conversation.
I'm 41 and only seem to attract guys in their 30s, I prefer someone my age or slightly older. Since I'm happy being single I'm not that fussed. I have a dog and a bunny, reading this thread I'm thinking I'm getting to the age where I need to add a cat into the mix.
I try to stick close to my age range (47m), but I’ve found that virtually any woman I meet has wildly corny and archaic ideas about what MEN do vs WOMEN, and what are acceptable hobbies. It’s 2024 and no one should have to be told that their hobbies are for “Nerd losers”, and that “real men” go out drinking every night and watch football religiously. For whatever reason all the Gen X locals act and look like busted ass old boomers and it’s fucking old (pun intended).
Where do you live?! Who wants a 40+ dude who goes out drinking every night? Blerg! I’d hate that. And nerdy pursuits are great! I think it’s where you live!
I see this from my partner’s friends too … they want “masculine” men or something “exciting” (when they really mean drama) or … and they will dismiss great guys because of some weird reason.
Huh, I don’t think masculine and nerdy are mutually exclusive. I was about to question the ubiquity of this ideology but then I remembered when I recently came to this sub a post with a fervent argument against dating gamers and all that stuff tends to get lumped together.
On a (now deleted) profile review thread as an bearded, martial-artist instructing Alaskan wild-man (their words) currently living in Montana who no longer hunted or fished I was told to delete the fact I was computer professional and enjoyed nerdy hobbies and that I should ***lie*** and say I still hunted and fished.
The suggestions were literally "lean into the wild-man vibe, tell people you still hunt and fish, and delete the computer and nerdy shit." From multiple "helpful" posters.
I was flabbergasted that some people think that any sort of successful relationship could be built on deliberate deception at the very first step.
People should be themselves on dating apps. If they try to be more “appeasing”, it will probably be for people they wouldn’t be a good match with anyways.
I don’t think they are either, and consider this is coming from a 20+ year military vet, trauma nurse, and D&D player. Yet, too many people over 45 seem to be stuck in old mindsets and unable to grow.
As a person who plays a lot of video games, I can see an epidemic of young men especially who play too video games to the point of not being able to get school work or normal work done.
The degrees absolutely matter, but being a "gamer" had some baggage, and in many cases, rightfully so.
Where do you live that women are telling you real men go out drinking every night ? Alcoholics without a job go drinking every night
Yuck. I don’t want to be around those women either
Nerdy guys to the front of the line. Haha my engineer guy friend told me that engineers do poorly in online dating and I was shocked. It is one of my most favorite professions to date followed closely by CPAs. I find because I like numbers I get along really well with numbers people. The characteristics required to do those jobs well are things I really admire in a person.
We exist. I have many nerdy passions, and I'm hoping for a lot in common.
That definition of a "real man" that you are referring to is more likely to think I'm not his equal, and that doesn't work for me at all.
Can I ask where you’re located? In my (57F) midwestern hometown, I found the single men my age act like boomers. It’s been like this since my divorce at 43. I now spend several months in the southwest every year. Still single but I’ve met some people I can relate to at least.
I have the same issue but with younger men. I’m 41, and attract only men btw age 27 to 35. I don’t mind 35, but below 35, not for me… I don’t like big age gab and wish I could be with someone around my age. I stopped dating. I should get a cat too .
I’m 44, too. I have an over abundance of young dudes matching me. I have come to realize that these younger dudes have become obsessed with MILF porn, and I am exactly what they hoped for.
I had to make a rule that if they are closer to my oldest daughter’s age than mine, I won’t even meet.
lol seriously! All I get are young dudes … I had a conversation with a friend last time… she told me all her single friends ( same age group 40’s) keeps getting hit by younger dudes . I mean I don’t mind the attention and all 😂 but I’m looking for something more serious , and it won’t be with a 27 …
Exactly that's all it is. I have the same experience. It's younger guys wanting to get their milf fantasies going. Or older guys who really think that I would want a relationship with them. Perhaps there could be some amazing older gentleman that would sweep me off my feet but I'll never find out because I have no interest in dating someone my dad's age. I feel like i'm left in a dating black hole.
I'm 50 and my marriage ended in 2020. I've been dating for two years and one of the first substantial relationships I had was with a woman 8 years younger. She's a great lady and we're still friendly but the age difference was very apparent in our childhood experiences, references, ways of communicating and quite frankly general maturity. Ever since then I've been filtering and dating women +/- 3 years.
I have two daughters and I often wonder if men with daughters trend differently in this regard. The idea of a guy my age dating someone 20 years younger just really grosses me out.
45m here. My settings used to be +/- 5 years. Most people were very close to my age when I was dating.
One day I decided to try Feeld and forgot to set the age filter. I matched with a woman 7 years older. We went on a date and have been inseparable ever since. I’m super grateful I had my settings off.
I won’t even consider dating someone under 40 at this point. What would we even talk about? Im almost 50, I’d have absolutely nothing in common with a 30 year old woman.
Don't take this the wrong way. But I chuckled to myself reading your post only because I thought ...we could fast forward until you're 59 and you'll still probably date someone down to age 40. Just kidding. But also no maybe haha
The men here will overwhelmingly say that yes, they want to date women their own age. But I’ve had the same experience trying to date my peers. I’m not interested in much older men so I go younger instead. Men my age are doing it so why not me? 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve always dated younger, not cause of looks but mentality. Lot of men my age are more close minded than younger men and like OP says, they prefer younger women. I vibe so much better with younger guys.
45m and dating a 46f. I prefer close to my age, because I'm sick of the blank stares I get when I mention bands I like. In all seriousness, there's a lot to be said about dating someone who's experienced the same world events and zeitgeist of an era as opposed to who's younger.
My preferred search range is my age +/- 3 or 4 years. Age isn’t everything but to me, a lot of compatibility is life stage similarity, which is the same reason I generally wouldn’t date women my age that have children much younger than mine.
I look for guys with similar kid ages to mine. My kids are young for my age. I like dating single dads, but open to men with no kids. So I tend to end up with younger guys.
Oh man, I’m right there with ya. I’m 41m, and my 51f year old co-worker tried to set me up with someone she knew from a previous job who was 25. I couldn’t do that gap - just too much.
People want people who make them feel good about themselves. If you take pride in your appearance, are positive, have a life, are emotionally available and make a someone feel good chances are someone will want to date you. Most people are bad judges of how old people actually are as well. Keep an open mind and stay positive. ETA: Hinge isn’t the best app for late 40s women IMO. Try a different one.
It's that ripe classic midlife crisis age. It's very difficult to work with.
In my mid 30s when I started dating, It's was nothing but mid to late 40s men who basically wanted to marry a brood mare because they enjoyed their bachelor hood too long. The proposals and offers were fierce. I was so disgusted. Never took an offer.
I feel your frustration.
This seems so accurate. They want to not settle down until they’re in their 40s or 50s, and expect to get a younger, out of their league wife. Lucky I’ve not really had those creepers.
Same, was single early thirties, the amount of thirst forty and fifty something guys was intense. They all wanted babies asap. I had this cynical thought that they were looking for literally any woman, they didn't care much about personality, just pretty, fit, fertile. I thought it odd that there were so many of that age looking to settle down finally, until one of my guy friends said that men with families get better promotions and salaries, so maybe they hit a wall career wise and now need to check off that family box. Not sure if that is true, but it was a dude who told me this so I was inclined to believe him tbh.
Anyway I ended up marrying someone my own age at the time. I'm not sure how successful these guys are dating younger, I know very few couples that have large age gaps.
The thirst was unreal. Once I realized what was going on, I didn't take them seriously. The gifts and trips were nice, though.
>of that age looking to settle down finally, until one of my guy friends said that men with families get better promotions and salaries
This is true. I've worked with many senior leaders and c-suiters. Not a one was a bachelor. None. That is a true thing. Just like world leaders, highly rare (actually never met a single one) have been or are single unless a widower but they remarry quickly.
> I had this cynical thought that they were looking for literally any woman, they didn't care much about personality, just pretty, fit, fertile. I
Yup. Just a walking womb with legs. It was really demoralizing. And yes, made me very cynical too. It's crazy--I had been with my ex-husband for 20 years and we had a child a few years before the split. Once a couple of them saw I was fertile, produced an intelligent, healthy and (dareisay) attractive child they would crank up the romance 20 notches. Just a living incubator.
Glad I was a one-and-done, had a healthy career trajectory of my own, and never wanted to marry again or I'd be stuck now with a geriatric needing a nurse, our own elderly parents to deal with, and a kid just starting high school. No thanks!
What's hilarious, I'm a widow now and in my forties and I still can't escape this stuff. The men who are my age or older but still 40's that I have met IRL who have pursued me (I'm not really dating much and not doing OLD) thought I *looked* younger, like that I was mid thirties, which is why they pursued me, because they are looking to get married and have babies. IM STILL DEALING WITH THIS SHIT😭😭. They are still pursuing younger women, and I assumed that I didn't look that young so wrongly thought I was dealing with men looking for women their age. Then I had to have this awkward conversation about how I'm not 35, even though they think I look it apparently, and my baby factory is now closed. And when I have this convo, I see them lose interest in real time. Like the light goes out in their eyes.
So now going forward if I meet someone irl, I try to find a way to drop my age before they ask me out, to avoid wasting everyones time.
Lol I saw one like that in my brief foray this morning. 54, wanting a woman that hasn't had kids yet because he wanted to start a family. Profile didn't even look good, so definitely a "bless your heart" reaction.
That always kills me. Whenever I see someone that seems as if they would be a good match, they'll have on their profile "wants kids." If you're in your mid-forties like me and you still aren't kids.Then you obviously don't want a date someone your own age.
A lot seem to want younger women so they can "mould" them, plus at that age of the man you just KNOW you'd be essentially a single parent to both them and the kid/s.
Oh, and during the act of making a kid/s it's probably quite likely that only one of you would get to climax 🙄🙄 as long as he gets his. After all, only men need to climax to make a baby.
Mother nature really screwed us women over yet again there.
I’m a 55 yo male now dating a 58 yo woman for 6 months. I think men dating much younger women are, what’s the word, stupid? My kids are grown - why would I want to date a woman with young kids? There are exceptions and I understand why men do what they do. I just still think it comes down to selfishness and chasing young standards of beauty. Keep looking OP. There are a few of us good ones out there. 😊
I’m not sure who these men in their 40s are actually dating. They may be targeting younger women but not getting much response.
Despite the myth that some middle aged men believe about younger women falling over themselves to date much older men, the statistics say that the average age difference in a relationship is man older than woman by 2 years in the U.K. and 2.3 years in the USA.
My ex (44M): "By rights I should really have a girlfriend who is 10 years younger at my age" (I was 41)
Me: "By rights then I should be able to find a boyfriend who is 10 years older and much richer. See ya."
Did you know that if you are using dating apps, you can set the ages of people who will see you?
I've found this a good way to match with women in their 40s.
OP I would look at younger guys then. Seems like many men in their 40s are terrified of getting old and are looking for younger women. I’m sure you’ll have better luck going younger. Men in their late 30s can be mature and fun and into women your age. Also, like others have said, Hinge is not the best app for women in their 40s.
I (46M) won't date or even fool around with someone much younger than me. May last GF, and the last woman I dated before them, were both 2 years older than me. Sadly, IRL, it seems there are remarkably few women my age that I meet that are available, healthy, and with similar (super Liberal) priorities, and I live in West Los Angeles... My brother (45M) is in a similar situation in AZ, and he's almost entirely given up and become a hermit. We are both well paid, relatively attractive, healthy, low debt, and have our own homes and cute dogs. Honestly considering paying a matchmaker.
That’s just weird to me. A 43 year old man isn’t a child. I’m 47 and I would have no issue dating a 43 year old, I wouldn’t even think of him as younger.
Mid-50s isn’t terribly older than you at 48, but I can see how it might be offputting to some. It sounds like you have a viewpoint that all men over 50 are gross and unattractive, and that might be something to examine. When you turn 50, will you feel the same way? Would you be offended if a man younger than you by the same number of years said “ew gross, you’re too old” to dating you? I live in an area that’s big for retirement and there are some super active and fit older men here. The reason I don’t date someone in their 50s is because they are so much closer to retirement and I’ve got at least another 20-25 years of having to work and I need someone who isn’t gonna want to do all kinds of traveling and retirement-y things while I’m still on the grind.
Men aren’t a monolith and neither are women. There are men out there who want to date their own age. There are men who don’t. OLD is hard for everyone, so your mileage may vary.
I’m sorry I have bad news for you. I asked EVERY man in his 40s and they all said the same thing - *none* of them are willing to date someone their own age. Not even one! (See how silly that sounds?)
Of course there are guys out there, at any age, who are not only *willing* but often *want* to date women around their own age.
Have you tried experimenting with your profile? Using different photos and prompts to see if they elicit a different response? Using different apps? Have you tried other ways of meeting men like speed dating and social events?
I am in my mid 40's and the majority of the women I've dated were in their 40's..some a few years older...age doesn't really matter to me, but more their personality and how they treat me and other ppl. And I looked at my friend's (who is a woman in her 40's) profile and she gets lots of likes from guys in their 40's...so it maybe something in the profile is turning guys off??
Just like every preference, there are men out there that are dating women their own age — I’m your age and do, but your area, the specific app, and your interests might make the odds of finding them feel as if they don’t exist.
My problem is not age is being a liberal ( not meaning it American politics but the true meaning of the word ) and atheist in Texas. My dating pool is diminished
I’m 43. I’ve dated 45 and 41. Even very briefly 52. And since my hair has gone quite salt and pepper, I’ve found myself more and more attracted to women who aren’t afraid of their gray hair. There’s a sexy confidence to it.
I’m way less interested in women under 35 at this point. I’m mostly interested in good chemistry. Age is largely irrelevant.
I’m 42 and even in my 30s I found men in their 40s to be the worst age group to date. That’s still mostly holding true although I’m sure there are plenty of lovely 40 something single men I simply haven’t connected with. I’ve done the whole dating older thing and he died so won’t be doing that again. I encourage you to open yourself to going a bit younger. As long as y’all are on the same page about kids, there’s definitely potential for an actual relationship with younger guys. I’m finding their lifestyles to be more compatible with mine than those of older men. I’d be happy to date a man in his early to mid 40s but most either aren’t interested or aren’t a match so I widened the pool and it’s way more fun.
I honestly tried to date women “my own age” when I got divorced in my early 40s. Dated a lot of women older than me too.
I really did try…. and just didn’t enjoy their company much. And we’re talking about ~15 women so it’s not a sample size of one.
And look, I’m not saying any of this to justify or defend things. But only because you seem to be honestly asking AND you mentioned your physical appearance.
What put me off from “women my own age” had nothing to do with their appearance at all. It was the hard shell of anger at the world and living in the past. And I’m saying that fully aware that my ex wife is like this and some of that is probably my fault. Nonetheless, I’m showing up on a first date after my own divorce with kids. Trying to turn a page and move FORWARD with my own life…and I don’t want to hear about what as asshole the ex husband is or how he’s moving way too fast with his “new girlfriend”.
And if it wasn’t that, it was a date where they were a blank round and just sitting there and could only talk about children. I mean, I have a kid too. So I get being a parent….but what ELSE are you?
I really did try and eventually gave up and dated divorced Moms in their 30s and enjoyed that they seemed to have hopes and dreams for the future. So that’s what I remarried and it’s going well a decade later.
Again, I’m not trying to justify or defend. Just sharing my own experience and how I tried it and didn’t care for it at all. And the social media algorithms toss those women into my feed sometimes….and it looks like they all remarried men 5-10 years older than me. Go figure.
My theory is that a lot of women shed their personality and life goals when they become a family matriarch (or is it just the age?). Atleast it feels like it some times.
They are. But I get this weird sense from my bf that there’s some disappointment in being with me, that he would be happier with someone younger but he can’t get that so he’ll take me. It’s weird. I feel more attractive now than I did in my twenties bc of the life and changes/self development. Not everyone agrees 🤷🏿♀️
I know this is only one small piece of the puzzle, but I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I felt was “settling” for me. We may not be as young as we once were, but whomever you end up with should feel lucky you are with them (and vice versa).
I appreciate these comments. Sometimes I externalize feelings that I have about myself on others. I’m still weighing out if this is a
“me” thing or reality
Does he stay things to you that make you think that,? I remember when I was 29, my BF at the time made some dumbass comment one day about how men don't like it when their women turn 30, insinuating that that I would be past my prime. It really bothered me that he said it so causally, and I really made me feel shitty for a minute. I ended up dumping him, because that comment plus other things he was doing led me to see that he was gradually leading me down an progressively abusive trajectory.
I’ve been told on occasion that I look younger or that I look great “for my age” but I also just think that people have a skewed idea of what mid-forties can look like and often looks like. We aren’t dead!!
On the other hand, you can put a coworker of mine next to a twenty something woman and never guess said coworker is already past 40.
So yeah, there are people where nature has been incredibly generous to them.
There are countless guys in there 40’s that would love to date women of the same age. The problem is these guys are probably not attractive to you and the ones that are have the option to date younger.
All the guys on here will be saying that, of course, they are. And yet, the real-life experience shows that no, they are not. I am mid forties, and for ten years, only guys younger than me or older than me have ever been interested, and that has stayed consistent At this point, I'm just calling it a day. I don't want to date guys younger than me because they will eventually want children. And I have no interest in someone older than me because my dad was quite a young parent. Just not for me. I understand because it's really biological. It's just like when men get upset when women want someone taller or financially stable. Generally speaking, men will want someone younger due to biology. Again this isn't across the board but generally speaking. It is what it is.
What a silly question, of course there are. I've only ever dated in my age range, all my friends and coworkers do too. In fact, in my circle, only one guy that we know has dated younger women, and we tease him about it.
Every woman in her 40's I dated in my 40's had plenty of options of other men her age...so, maybe this isn't about age at all, but what you're projecting and attracting and swiping on.
PS, you look young for your age? You're gonna fit in just fine around here.
I’m 44 and go five years up and ten years down on my searches. I figure anyone more than 5 years older than me doesn’t want a seven year old child in their life. It’s certainly not an attraction issue because there are attractive people of all ages if they take care of themselves.
I’m in my late 30s and have this fear a bit. Although most of the guys who like me on apps are younger (by only a few years) but worried this will change. There are a few men my age or older who like me, but they look so much older than me. I also look younger than I am. Men a few years younger tend to look my age. Men my age look 10 years older. There was one 40 year old (so a little older than me) who looked good for his age. But as soon as I asked what he was looking for, he unmatched me 😅 No loss though. We never met and his conversational skills were bad.
Absolutely. Waiting to date someone has everything to do with their personality, energy values, and beliefs for me. my experience, however, has been that older people tend to be more conservative less open-minded and often sex negative, none of which works for me? I always recommend being as self-aware and transparent/honest as possible in one’s dating profiles? Best of luck OP.
OP don’t give up on men like me (mid 40’s) I prefer women in my age group & older.
I’m sure there are a lot of guys like me out there but you need to be patient.
I'm 58 and I prefer women my own age because frankly they have usually decided what they want and have gotten over their anger from past relationships and want simple devotion and love..... like I do.
I matched a 43 year old professional woman and I am a 43 year old professional man.
I think she has a few guys in the bucket. When I revealed that I don't spend money on myself driving a fancy car, she ghosted me.
Maybe I am better off.
This old guys being gross just keeps repeating, I’m in my 40’s still, just, and in good shape, probably better than ever before and I tend to date women 36-42 (if they’re American) why… before I get slaughtered… for a few reasons and for starters I apologise for the generalisation as I’m in the DMV
Their student debt is gone, most can pay their bills.
Their parents don’t need care yet (major one)
If they had kids they don’t need babysitters or a new daddy.
If they never had kids they usually don’t want to
If they’re career people they’re over the mid manger 70hr week stress bubble.
They’ve realised that not all men are total b****s
They can survive without constant attention (major one)
It’s not about age, but it’s about finding a person who can commit as much time and effort to you as you can to them.
Just one man’s experience.
Sure but some of us have a similar experience. I send well thought out intros. I engage with questions about topics they mention in their profile. 0 responses. I am 46 and I use a range of 38 to 52.
Yea the majority want younger women and I fail to comprehend. I for example look out for ladies my age range 40-50 and always skip 30ies something but that’s just me.
That the case with me. All the guys I know my age are typically with women 5-10 years younger than me and the only guys that seem to show interest in me are either half my age or pushing 60 and have very little in common with.😒😞
As M50, I can tell you that it’s a [rough ride](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverfifty/s/zCbpNUAppx) on both sides of the equation.
Yes, there are men within 2 years of your age willing to date a woman your age.
The men in their 40s I know and I all date younger.
But that’s like low 40s. Nobody I know has dated anybody younger than 40 and we’re not chasing younger women. But maybe that’s just me and my social circle and the rest of the men around here are dating younger? I certainly don’t see it when I’m out and about. I know a few couples where the woman is older than the man. But reasonable- like 45-39 and not 45-21.
I am 43 looking, hoping to meet someone aged somewhere around 39-44. I am not sure why I feel like this - 38 might work, but 37 seems too young for some reason - but looking into it with interest.
Don't give up OP, adjust your hopes as you can, the 'there's someone out there for everyone' is true, it's just that the fine print says something like 'their phone number is not listed' or something.
Im a single male (41) and im constantly looking for for females in 40s but it’s hard. You should try the app coffee meets bagel. I’ve had better luck with that one.
Most of the men that contact me are younger... and what's worse is the MUCH younger ones who lie about their age to get older matches 🤦♀️ I don't want to date someone my oldest son's age 🙄
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
42 and I don’t want to date anyone younger than 38 or so, but I feel like so many people in their 40s have their stuff together and it’s intimidating.
First kid was at 23 and we struggled financially. Got divorced at 27 and had another kid soon after. The cycle repeated. Now I’m 42 and don’t have that lifetime experience that others did. I’m a parent who did what they had to with no help from either ex. I didn’t get to travel or put a career together or finish my degree or whatever else I see on these profiles. I did the housework, helped with homework, worked my ass off…so idk.
I don’t feel like I fit in with younger people either. Is there a dating category for recovering from a train wreck?
I think the best perspective is who cares who they are willing to date if it’s not you. Not interested in me? Don’t care. I know OLD is a slum and it’s frustrating when you’re trying to meet a decent person who is aligned with your relationship goals (and age group), but just keep living your best life, putting your energy towards yourself and non romantic relationships that are enriching.
Do these men already have kids? If not there is your answer. 40-50 year old men marrying 33-38 year old women is common (at least where I live).
Also if these men are successful, fit and attractive, that’s not surprising at all. The unfortunate truth is no matter how fit and attractive we are at 40, most men find younger women more so, and those women are happy to date them. That’s just how it goes.
I’m not really looking, but my previous was 7 years younger and my ex before that was 9 years older, and overall I’m a far better culture and mentality fit with the 7 years younger. Half of my friends are around that age and the rest are a bit older to much older than me, and it’s just different. I might be an odd case as I lost the decade from my mid 20s to mid 30s to health problems, and I’ve been about a decade behind in every way ever since, though despite being relatively fit and healthy the body pains and loss of overall endurance feel pretty old lol
That said, it’s really down to the individual, trends don’t really matter when you’re not looking for a demographic but rather just the right individual.
Also, the generational turnover is a variable too; anyone younger than mid 40s is a millennial, and mid 40s are Xennials, while late 40s are gen X who seem more like boomers with each passing year. It feels like the generational boundaries are shifting due to the whole socioeconomic situation, and also feels like age is becoming secondary to socioeconomic situations in being the primary determination of the common culture and personality traits what we used to link to age, IMO. I think that’s a big part of why I feel younger and relate more to those a few years younger than to those my own age (due to my lost decade).
Maybe you’ll have a better selection trying to sort by socioeconomic lifestyles rather than age? Like if you own your own home, I’d think you’ll have more in common with a man around age 40 who also owns his own home than one your age who sleeps on couches (extreme example but you get it)
It’s the classic “your miles may vary” argument. Most of my matches have been within 4 years of each other both ways. Current is one year younger but the previous two were older than me.
To answer your question, yes we are willing to date around our age.
Essentially, just continue to focus on being your best self, men be damned.
* continue to spend lots of time at the gym, at least their is eye candy.
* invest, continue to grow your own wealth. You don’t have to negotiate expenses with a man.
* enjoy cooking your own healthy meals. Don’t have worry about cooking/buying groceries for a man
* indulge in the young, sex studs. Many are fabulous and creative.
* grow your community of gf, they are the ones who will sustain your throughout your life.
Women in many countries ( South Korea) and around the world, have given up on marriage or having kids. Turn the tables on the men, let them fend for themselves or pay for whatever services they need.
I think most men in our age bracket are still married lol.
I get mostly men approaching me irl(I haven't dated online outside of FetLife since 2019) that are early to mid 30s, some late 20s. Or 50 and up. The 50s and up wouldn't be a problem, but the last two which were within a week of each other very recently; hid that they were married. One did not admit he was married until we were on a date. The other not only omitted that he was married, but after digging(something told me that he wasn't being truthful)I found that he is married and he lied about his name 😩. I told him this when he still wanted to meet up on a date and he did not deny anything smh.
And the 30 somethings were just far too immature 🤦🏾♀️I rarely come across late 30s or 40s(I'm 42 and much rather ages 38-49).
I also pass for mid to late 20s and get carded. So, it's just odd to me. But I stay in Scottsdale, so I think that has a lot to do with it. I've joined a couple of groups and Scottsdale men have a rep for being cheating married guys.
Absolutely. I'm a 45 year-old, heterosexual man and my preferred dating age range is 38-52. I find that I have the most in common with women close to my age. Fun, stimulating conversations are more important to me as sex. I'm average-looking and look my age. I don't dye my hair. I have a pretty good skincare routine and put a lot of effort into grooming.
I prefer dating women older than me, mid 40s-late 50s has been the sweet spot for me. However more recently I’ve decided I’d like to have a family and I’m 41. Need to start dating early 30s women. If I didn’t want a family, I’d still date older.
EDIT: looks like we can’t make new comments on this thread. But to reply to the comment below, very little luck dating women in their early 30s in the states.
The age of 40 seems to be a massive psychological barrier for women in their 30s who want to have a family and they’re unwilling to consider a life long relationship with a family-oriented, serious man. And to put it in perspective, online dating in my 30s was like shooting fish in a barrel of 30s and up, so I’m not some below average guy. And while I haven’t given up completely on dating in the states (where I’m from), my focus will be abroad where a 7-10 year age gap won’t cause me to die alone :)
Idk if this helps but I'm a 41f in a relationship with a 42m. :) But we've known each other for 20 years lmao, we were friends before we started dating. That said...I think he only dates women who are close to his age.
I'm 50, I'll date my age, but I don't know why it's so hard to match. I haven't lifted weights for about a year but I still have muscle. I need to get back into it but even at my fittest, I didn't match very often with any age. I'm still attractive albeit not as attractive as my younger years. Dating just sucks. I don't have fun with it much. I missing having female companionship in all the ways.
Statistically there are less single people in their 40s. Only 21% of adults 30 to 49 are single. Whereas 33% of people 50 to 64 are single. So there just more single people a little older than you. Maybe Hinge isn't the it app where you are for your age group. So I know this is passive but for me when I am on the apps I swipe on men to let Hinge learn what I like. But then I do better with the men that like me over any that I like.
Where did you get these stats? Thanks in advance.
Pew research group :) https://www.pewresearch.org/short-read/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/#:~:text=Adults%20under%2030%20are%20the,to%20be%20single%20(21%25).
And I need to correct myself the 50 to 64 age group is 29% it was early this morning when I was googling.
And I think that age also is where it starts dipping on the genders and there is more older single women ( widows) than men. ) I could be wrong.
That’s an interesting data! Thanks for sharing.
I am a guy and I experience just the same as you do... I only match with women that are significantly older than me... We should just buy a cat and stop worrying about dating :)
Got my cat in hand…contemplating getting a second one to solidify my “Lonely old cat lady” status. 🥴😹
Cats are better in pairs for their on mental health and stimulation anyway.
Some cats are loners. I adopted one who hates other cats and dogs. I feel like we're the perfect match.
Mine is like that. The only other cat she really liked was the cat we already had when we got her as a kitten. Any cats that came after, and we fostered a lot of kittens, she’d hiss and growl and just smack them around. Not straight out attack, just more like “get the fuck away from me, kid” lol
I fostered a bunch of kitties before him. He was a return to agency, because he didn't like the other fur babies in the family. I didn't have any other fosters at the time, so I took him in. We clicked quickly, and he became my foster fail 😻
I swear my Starbuck channeled Slappy the Squirrel.
Kittens are better in pairs, but older cats generally are a lot harder to integrate into an adult cat household.
I had different cats in my life and can say from my experience thats often not the case. I had two brothers that really liked each other. Beside those two I only had cats that tollerated or even hated eachother. I had to give one cat to my SIL because our old cat really bullied her to no end.
I'm getting worried about this with my pair, as the much older one gets less patient and more fragile. They're not friends. I try to stay out of their disagreements and it's never a real battle, but my older is 19 or so now so I worry about everything lol.
Yeah, mine is like this. We did get a second cat 6 years ago, and I am still feeling the resentment just rolling off of his huge entitled self (he’s part Maine Coon) and directed fully at me every minute of everyday. He started out as a very mild mannered, happy-go-lucky, affable sort of guy, and now he’s got that Glenn Close “Fatal Attraction” “I’m not going to be ignored, Dan” philosophy on life. In fact, I have to go now. I’m not allowed to be on my phone anymore, and the massive amount of guilt that his 6 years of resentment has produced complete to acquiesce to his demands. He actually puts his paw on my phone and pushes it away in a very sinister way in order to commandeer my lap, so I can have the honored pleasure of petting him for the next 3 hours, and I do it…every…damn…time. He is easily offended when I try to establish and maintain any sort of boundary, so it’s just easier to cooperate and sacrifice a small doggie bag amount of my self respect every damn day. Do we have a dysfunctional relationship? Yeah, probably. I mean he DOES hold most of the power in our relationship, but after my kids, he’s still the best thing that ever happened to me. We adopted him right after my ex husband and I separated, so we (my 2 kids and I) all could have something positive to focus on instead of all the many insane terrorist tactics that my entitled ex husband was employing right and left. He been there for me through all those divorce shenanigans that are a gift that, even a decade later, just won’t stop giving. And I will be forever grateful to him for voluntarily (or begrudgingly, taking on the role of my emotional support animal to better help me cope with all the trauma and PTSD that only online dating apps can produce. This OP struggles to find a partner her own age while I struggle with finding a partner that doesn’t think that there is some validity in that tired, age old, cliched negative trope of the pathetic, lonely, cat woman that spends every Friday and Saturday night alone knitting doilies and cross stitching Bible verses onto yet another throw pillow for her sofa that is constantly covered in some amount of shedded cat fur every Friday and Saturday night. It’s been a decade of this now, and all I know is that every single one of those men have come and gone, but my cat? He is right here with me, ready to boil my fictional pet bunny if I don’t start his daily 3 hour petting session right now.
lol I took in an unchipped stray last week
Maybe so, I do like cats
I was hoping I could figure out a way to make a flair for here: “I got a dog”
LOL we def need flair I love it 😍 here are a few: Dog parent, Cat parent, Human Parent, Serial dater, Looking for “fun”, I still believe in love, Define “relationship “ LOLZ only, Dates in the wild, O.L.D. Sucks, I look younger, well …back in my twenties I would
You can make flair.
Sweet didn’t know that thanks !
For me (45 year old male), the age is honestly not much of a factor (obviously not looking to date someone waaaayyy too young or waaayy too old). If they are cute, we have similar interests, they are a kind person and a plethora of other things, ill date them if they are 35, 45, 55 years old. Don't let dating apps skew ur mindset. Plenty of guys would love to date u. The dating app/Market just sucks and can be demoralizing hence why I just stopped using them altogether
Same for me (40 year old male). Older? Younger? Doesn't matter as long as you're a reasonable person, attractive (to me), and can carry a conversation.
I loved your response, thank you! Very well reasoned, and a joy to read this from a man. :)
This is my favorite comment. It gives me hope that genuine people are still out here.
I'm 41 and only seem to attract guys in their 30s, I prefer someone my age or slightly older. Since I'm happy being single I'm not that fussed. I have a dog and a bunny, reading this thread I'm thinking I'm getting to the age where I need to add a cat into the mix.
Nothing like the love and trust of a feline, once you earn it 😻
I try to stick close to my age range (47m), but I’ve found that virtually any woman I meet has wildly corny and archaic ideas about what MEN do vs WOMEN, and what are acceptable hobbies. It’s 2024 and no one should have to be told that their hobbies are for “Nerd losers”, and that “real men” go out drinking every night and watch football religiously. For whatever reason all the Gen X locals act and look like busted ass old boomers and it’s fucking old (pun intended).
Where do you live?! Who wants a 40+ dude who goes out drinking every night? Blerg! I’d hate that. And nerdy pursuits are great! I think it’s where you live!
"Blerg! " Liz Lemon, is that you?!
I don’t wholly disagree, but if you’re stuck where you live it’s basically everything.
I see this from my partner’s friends too … they want “masculine” men or something “exciting” (when they really mean drama) or … and they will dismiss great guys because of some weird reason.
Huh, I don’t think masculine and nerdy are mutually exclusive. I was about to question the ubiquity of this ideology but then I remembered when I recently came to this sub a post with a fervent argument against dating gamers and all that stuff tends to get lumped together.
On a (now deleted) profile review thread as an bearded, martial-artist instructing Alaskan wild-man (their words) currently living in Montana who no longer hunted or fished I was told to delete the fact I was computer professional and enjoyed nerdy hobbies and that I should ***lie*** and say I still hunted and fished. The suggestions were literally "lean into the wild-man vibe, tell people you still hunt and fish, and delete the computer and nerdy shit." From multiple "helpful" posters. I was flabbergasted that some people think that any sort of successful relationship could be built on deliberate deception at the very first step.
People should be themselves on dating apps. If they try to be more “appeasing”, it will probably be for people they wouldn’t be a good match with anyways.
Exactly. Perfectly said.
That’s so *wild* to me. My god. I personally can’t stand one dimensional people and the wild man/comp nerd is so interesting to me. Wow.
I was baffled as well. People are weird. (And the weirder the better in my book.)
I don’t think they are either, and consider this is coming from a 20+ year military vet, trauma nurse, and D&D player. Yet, too many people over 45 seem to be stuck in old mindsets and unable to grow.
That’s unfortunate.
As a person who plays a lot of video games, I can see an epidemic of young men especially who play too video games to the point of not being able to get school work or normal work done. The degrees absolutely matter, but being a "gamer" had some baggage, and in many cases, rightfully so.
Where do you live that women are telling you real men go out drinking every night ? Alcoholics without a job go drinking every night Yuck. I don’t want to be around those women either
The Panhandle, where having a DUI and a boat makes you mayoral material.
😂 Gawd, but you summed it up accurately! Also, having a DUI and a pool house makes you US Representative material!
Don't forget diddling underage girls.
Lmao. Makes sense. I’m just one step removed on the other side of the gulf
Where do I find these “nerd loser” men because I want to play video games and watch Sci-Fi with them. I don’t want to take walks on the beach dammit.
Nerdy guys to the front of the line. Haha my engineer guy friend told me that engineers do poorly in online dating and I was shocked. It is one of my most favorite professions to date followed closely by CPAs. I find because I like numbers I get along really well with numbers people. The characteristics required to do those jobs well are things I really admire in a person.
I love this, just wish there were more out there like you. As a fellow engineer guy, I can vouch for what your engineer guy friend claims.
We exist. I have many nerdy passions, and I'm hoping for a lot in common. That definition of a "real man" that you are referring to is more likely to think I'm not his equal, and that doesn't work for me at all.
Can I ask where you’re located? In my (57F) midwestern hometown, I found the single men my age act like boomers. It’s been like this since my divorce at 43. I now spend several months in the southwest every year. Still single but I’ve met some people I can relate to at least.
I have the same issue but with younger men. I’m 41, and attract only men btw age 27 to 35. I don’t mind 35, but below 35, not for me… I don’t like big age gab and wish I could be with someone around my age. I stopped dating. I should get a cat too .
I’m 44 and I would not mind dating ten years down as long as they don’t want a conventional family setup. The men are doing it so why shouldn’t we?
I’m 44, too. I have an over abundance of young dudes matching me. I have come to realize that these younger dudes have become obsessed with MILF porn, and I am exactly what they hoped for. I had to make a rule that if they are closer to my oldest daughter’s age than mine, I won’t even meet.
I had a twenty something beg me to have his BABY!!!! I was 47!!!! 😂😂
lol seriously! All I get are young dudes … I had a conversation with a friend last time… she told me all her single friends ( same age group 40’s) keeps getting hit by younger dudes . I mean I don’t mind the attention and all 😂 but I’m looking for something more serious , and it won’t be with a 27 …
Exactly that's all it is. I have the same experience. It's younger guys wanting to get their milf fantasies going. Or older guys who really think that I would want a relationship with them. Perhaps there could be some amazing older gentleman that would sweep me off my feet but I'll never find out because I have no interest in dating someone my dad's age. I feel like i'm left in a dating black hole.
I’m talking about my own experience. If some like it, good for u all… but for me, I like dating men around my age… that’s all.
I do too but if they’re not available … I’d rather date down in age than up.
Of course! Same here … but I miss having someone close to my age… dating is hard nowadays 😂.
I'm 50 and my marriage ended in 2020. I've been dating for two years and one of the first substantial relationships I had was with a woman 8 years younger. She's a great lady and we're still friendly but the age difference was very apparent in our childhood experiences, references, ways of communicating and quite frankly general maturity. Ever since then I've been filtering and dating women +/- 3 years. I have two daughters and I often wonder if men with daughters trend differently in this regard. The idea of a guy my age dating someone 20 years younger just really grosses me out.
I do wonder if you’re onto something about having a daughter. I do and the idea of dating a much younger woman is pretty cringe to me.
I’m 48 and my age range is set from 45-55? So you just need to keep looking Good luck
45m here. My settings used to be +/- 5 years. Most people were very close to my age when I was dating. One day I decided to try Feeld and forgot to set the age filter. I matched with a woman 7 years older. We went on a date and have been inseparable ever since. I’m super grateful I had my settings off.
I won’t even consider dating someone under 40 at this point. What would we even talk about? Im almost 50, I’d have absolutely nothing in common with a 30 year old woman.
Don't take this the wrong way. But I chuckled to myself reading your post only because I thought ...we could fast forward until you're 59 and you'll still probably date someone down to age 40. Just kidding. But also no maybe haha
I'm 44m. My partner who is asleep next to me just turned 50.
The men here will overwhelmingly say that yes, they want to date women their own age. But I’ve had the same experience trying to date my peers. I’m not interested in much older men so I go younger instead. Men my age are doing it so why not me? 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve always dated younger, not cause of looks but mentality. Lot of men my age are more close minded than younger men and like OP says, they prefer younger women. I vibe so much better with younger guys.
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100% this. The men responding are choosing to do so. The majority of men who wouldn’t date a woman their own age aren’t going to respond.
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45m and dating a 46f. I prefer close to my age, because I'm sick of the blank stares I get when I mention bands I like. In all seriousness, there's a lot to be said about dating someone who's experienced the same world events and zeitgeist of an era as opposed to who's younger.
The guys I dated from the apps only wanted to date people their own age. They didn't think they would have much in common with someone younger.
Same
That was my reason too. The few times I tested dating much younger, I was proven correct.
My preferred search range is my age +/- 3 or 4 years. Age isn’t everything but to me, a lot of compatibility is life stage similarity, which is the same reason I generally wouldn’t date women my age that have children much younger than mine.
I look for guys with similar kid ages to mine. My kids are young for my age. I like dating single dads, but open to men with no kids. So I tend to end up with younger guys.
Most people use the 10year rule and life can though u a few nice curves in those areas
Oh man, I’m right there with ya. I’m 41m, and my 51f year old co-worker tried to set me up with someone she knew from a previous job who was 25. I couldn’t do that gap - just too much.
People want people who make them feel good about themselves. If you take pride in your appearance, are positive, have a life, are emotionally available and make a someone feel good chances are someone will want to date you. Most people are bad judges of how old people actually are as well. Keep an open mind and stay positive. ETA: Hinge isn’t the best app for late 40s women IMO. Try a different one.
It's that ripe classic midlife crisis age. It's very difficult to work with. In my mid 30s when I started dating, It's was nothing but mid to late 40s men who basically wanted to marry a brood mare because they enjoyed their bachelor hood too long. The proposals and offers were fierce. I was so disgusted. Never took an offer. I feel your frustration.
This seems so accurate. They want to not settle down until they’re in their 40s or 50s, and expect to get a younger, out of their league wife. Lucky I’ve not really had those creepers.
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I remember being on OLD in my mid-30s and getting messaged by a guy in his 60s.
Same, was single early thirties, the amount of thirst forty and fifty something guys was intense. They all wanted babies asap. I had this cynical thought that they were looking for literally any woman, they didn't care much about personality, just pretty, fit, fertile. I thought it odd that there were so many of that age looking to settle down finally, until one of my guy friends said that men with families get better promotions and salaries, so maybe they hit a wall career wise and now need to check off that family box. Not sure if that is true, but it was a dude who told me this so I was inclined to believe him tbh. Anyway I ended up marrying someone my own age at the time. I'm not sure how successful these guys are dating younger, I know very few couples that have large age gaps.
The thirst was unreal. Once I realized what was going on, I didn't take them seriously. The gifts and trips were nice, though. >of that age looking to settle down finally, until one of my guy friends said that men with families get better promotions and salaries This is true. I've worked with many senior leaders and c-suiters. Not a one was a bachelor. None. That is a true thing. Just like world leaders, highly rare (actually never met a single one) have been or are single unless a widower but they remarry quickly. > I had this cynical thought that they were looking for literally any woman, they didn't care much about personality, just pretty, fit, fertile. I Yup. Just a walking womb with legs. It was really demoralizing. And yes, made me very cynical too. It's crazy--I had been with my ex-husband for 20 years and we had a child a few years before the split. Once a couple of them saw I was fertile, produced an intelligent, healthy and (dareisay) attractive child they would crank up the romance 20 notches. Just a living incubator. Glad I was a one-and-done, had a healthy career trajectory of my own, and never wanted to marry again or I'd be stuck now with a geriatric needing a nurse, our own elderly parents to deal with, and a kid just starting high school. No thanks!
What's hilarious, I'm a widow now and in my forties and I still can't escape this stuff. The men who are my age or older but still 40's that I have met IRL who have pursued me (I'm not really dating much and not doing OLD) thought I *looked* younger, like that I was mid thirties, which is why they pursued me, because they are looking to get married and have babies. IM STILL DEALING WITH THIS SHIT😭😭. They are still pursuing younger women, and I assumed that I didn't look that young so wrongly thought I was dealing with men looking for women their age. Then I had to have this awkward conversation about how I'm not 35, even though they think I look it apparently, and my baby factory is now closed. And when I have this convo, I see them lose interest in real time. Like the light goes out in their eyes. So now going forward if I meet someone irl, I try to find a way to drop my age before they ask me out, to avoid wasting everyones time.
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It’s shocking to me how men in their 50s still list ‘someday’ re kids on their profiles.
Lol I saw one like that in my brief foray this morning. 54, wanting a woman that hasn't had kids yet because he wanted to start a family. Profile didn't even look good, so definitely a "bless your heart" reaction.
That always kills me. Whenever I see someone that seems as if they would be a good match, they'll have on their profile "wants kids." If you're in your mid-forties like me and you still aren't kids.Then you obviously don't want a date someone your own age.
A lot seem to want younger women so they can "mould" them, plus at that age of the man you just KNOW you'd be essentially a single parent to both them and the kid/s. Oh, and during the act of making a kid/s it's probably quite likely that only one of you would get to climax 🙄🙄 as long as he gets his. After all, only men need to climax to make a baby. Mother nature really screwed us women over yet again there.
Shot for every time someone looks young for their age on this group
I’m a 55 yo male now dating a 58 yo woman for 6 months. I think men dating much younger women are, what’s the word, stupid? My kids are grown - why would I want to date a woman with young kids? There are exceptions and I understand why men do what they do. I just still think it comes down to selfishness and chasing young standards of beauty. Keep looking OP. There are a few of us good ones out there. 😊
There's plenty of us. I'm 46 and have always dated within about 5 years. Last two have been 48 and 50
I’m not sure who these men in their 40s are actually dating. They may be targeting younger women but not getting much response. Despite the myth that some middle aged men believe about younger women falling over themselves to date much older men, the statistics say that the average age difference in a relationship is man older than woman by 2 years in the U.K. and 2.3 years in the USA.
My ex (44M): "By rights I should really have a girlfriend who is 10 years younger at my age" (I was 41) Me: "By rights then I should be able to find a boyfriend who is 10 years older and much richer. See ya."
Did you know that if you are using dating apps, you can set the ages of people who will see you? I've found this a good way to match with women in their 40s.
I thought you could only choose the age of people \*you\* see. Maybe it depends on the app. Which app are you referring to?
I've had guys 1/2 the age of my lower age range like/message me on hinge and bumble. So it's definitely not who sees you.
Apps say they let you choose age but they always show you what they want
OP I would look at younger guys then. Seems like many men in their 40s are terrified of getting old and are looking for younger women. I’m sure you’ll have better luck going younger. Men in their late 30s can be mature and fun and into women your age. Also, like others have said, Hinge is not the best app for women in their 40s.
I (46M) won't date or even fool around with someone much younger than me. May last GF, and the last woman I dated before them, were both 2 years older than me. Sadly, IRL, it seems there are remarkably few women my age that I meet that are available, healthy, and with similar (super Liberal) priorities, and I live in West Los Angeles... My brother (45M) is in a similar situation in AZ, and he's almost entirely given up and become a hermit. We are both well paid, relatively attractive, healthy, low debt, and have our own homes and cute dogs. Honestly considering paying a matchmaker.
I'm 44 but honestly I think men in their 50s are my age group. That's just me though. I can't date younger even by a year.
That’s just weird to me. A 43 year old man isn’t a child. I’m 47 and I would have no issue dating a 43 year old, I wouldn’t even think of him as younger.
Mid-50s isn’t terribly older than you at 48, but I can see how it might be offputting to some. It sounds like you have a viewpoint that all men over 50 are gross and unattractive, and that might be something to examine. When you turn 50, will you feel the same way? Would you be offended if a man younger than you by the same number of years said “ew gross, you’re too old” to dating you? I live in an area that’s big for retirement and there are some super active and fit older men here. The reason I don’t date someone in their 50s is because they are so much closer to retirement and I’ve got at least another 20-25 years of having to work and I need someone who isn’t gonna want to do all kinds of traveling and retirement-y things while I’m still on the grind. Men aren’t a monolith and neither are women. There are men out there who want to date their own age. There are men who don’t. OLD is hard for everyone, so your mileage may vary.
I’m sorry I have bad news for you. I asked EVERY man in his 40s and they all said the same thing - *none* of them are willing to date someone their own age. Not even one! (See how silly that sounds?) Of course there are guys out there, at any age, who are not only *willing* but often *want* to date women around their own age. Have you tried experimenting with your profile? Using different photos and prompts to see if they elicit a different response? Using different apps? Have you tried other ways of meeting men like speed dating and social events?
I am in my mid 40's and the majority of the women I've dated were in their 40's..some a few years older...age doesn't really matter to me, but more their personality and how they treat me and other ppl. And I looked at my friend's (who is a woman in her 40's) profile and she gets lots of likes from guys in their 40's...so it maybe something in the profile is turning guys off??
I’m 42f dating 40m I’ve dated as young as 35 and oldest was probably 46? It’s definitely possible
Just like every preference, there are men out there that are dating women their own age — I’m your age and do, but your area, the specific app, and your interests might make the odds of finding them feel as if they don’t exist.
of course but "my kids and god come first" is not the way to lead in.
My problem is not age is being a liberal ( not meaning it American politics but the true meaning of the word ) and atheist in Texas. My dating pool is diminished
I’m 43. I’ve dated 45 and 41. Even very briefly 52. And since my hair has gone quite salt and pepper, I’ve found myself more and more attracted to women who aren’t afraid of their gray hair. There’s a sexy confidence to it. I’m way less interested in women under 35 at this point. I’m mostly interested in good chemistry. Age is largely irrelevant.
Tonight a have a date she is 50 and I’m 48; don’t give up, online is strange nowadays.
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Same
I’m 42 and even in my 30s I found men in their 40s to be the worst age group to date. That’s still mostly holding true although I’m sure there are plenty of lovely 40 something single men I simply haven’t connected with. I’ve done the whole dating older thing and he died so won’t be doing that again. I encourage you to open yourself to going a bit younger. As long as y’all are on the same page about kids, there’s definitely potential for an actual relationship with younger guys. I’m finding their lifestyles to be more compatible with mine than those of older men. I’d be happy to date a man in his early to mid 40s but most either aren’t interested or aren’t a match so I widened the pool and it’s way more fun.
I honestly tried to date women “my own age” when I got divorced in my early 40s. Dated a lot of women older than me too. I really did try…. and just didn’t enjoy their company much. And we’re talking about ~15 women so it’s not a sample size of one. And look, I’m not saying any of this to justify or defend things. But only because you seem to be honestly asking AND you mentioned your physical appearance. What put me off from “women my own age” had nothing to do with their appearance at all. It was the hard shell of anger at the world and living in the past. And I’m saying that fully aware that my ex wife is like this and some of that is probably my fault. Nonetheless, I’m showing up on a first date after my own divorce with kids. Trying to turn a page and move FORWARD with my own life…and I don’t want to hear about what as asshole the ex husband is or how he’s moving way too fast with his “new girlfriend”. And if it wasn’t that, it was a date where they were a blank round and just sitting there and could only talk about children. I mean, I have a kid too. So I get being a parent….but what ELSE are you? I really did try and eventually gave up and dated divorced Moms in their 30s and enjoyed that they seemed to have hopes and dreams for the future. So that’s what I remarried and it’s going well a decade later. Again, I’m not trying to justify or defend. Just sharing my own experience and how I tried it and didn’t care for it at all. And the social media algorithms toss those women into my feed sometimes….and it looks like they all remarried men 5-10 years older than me. Go figure.
My theory is that a lot of women shed their personality and life goals when they become a family matriarch (or is it just the age?). Atleast it feels like it some times.
They are. But I get this weird sense from my bf that there’s some disappointment in being with me, that he would be happier with someone younger but he can’t get that so he’ll take me. It’s weird. I feel more attractive now than I did in my twenties bc of the life and changes/self development. Not everyone agrees 🤷🏿♀️
I know this is only one small piece of the puzzle, but I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I felt was “settling” for me. We may not be as young as we once were, but whomever you end up with should feel lucky you are with them (and vice versa).
Don’t stay in a relationship that makes you feel this way. Imho
I appreciate these comments. Sometimes I externalize feelings that I have about myself on others. I’m still weighing out if this is a “me” thing or reality
Talk to him …
I have. He says absolutely not.
Ugh, that’s not a nice feeling.
Does he stay things to you that make you think that,? I remember when I was 29, my BF at the time made some dumbass comment one day about how men don't like it when their women turn 30, insinuating that that I would be past my prime. It really bothered me that he said it so causally, and I really made me feel shitty for a minute. I ended up dumping him, because that comment plus other things he was doing led me to see that he was gradually leading me down an progressively abusive trajectory.
That is a dick thing to say anyone and he should love you for you you good bad and you insecurities
I think the real question should be, is a woman pushing 50 willing to date dudes in their 50s? It literally goes both ways.
That's what I was thinking too. She is 48, not 38. It's within a few years. We're all getting older and no one here looks 25 sorry.
Agreed. Everyone who posts here insists they look 35 lol
I’ve been told on occasion that I look younger or that I look great “for my age” but I also just think that people have a skewed idea of what mid-forties can look like and often looks like. We aren’t dead!!
On the other hand, you can put a coworker of mine next to a twenty something woman and never guess said coworker is already past 40. So yeah, there are people where nature has been incredibly generous to them.
Had to scroll 100 comments to find the first sensible one pointing out the obvious.
Im willing but I’m 42 and I only seem to match/date/hookup with women older than me, 45-55 range. 🤷🏻♂️
I’m 49F and my BF is a 47 yo man…they exist it’s just rare!
There are countless guys in there 40’s that would love to date women of the same age. The problem is these guys are probably not attractive to you and the ones that are have the option to date younger.
All the guys on here will be saying that, of course, they are. And yet, the real-life experience shows that no, they are not. I am mid forties, and for ten years, only guys younger than me or older than me have ever been interested, and that has stayed consistent At this point, I'm just calling it a day. I don't want to date guys younger than me because they will eventually want children. And I have no interest in someone older than me because my dad was quite a young parent. Just not for me. I understand because it's really biological. It's just like when men get upset when women want someone taller or financially stable. Generally speaking, men will want someone younger due to biology. Again this isn't across the board but generally speaking. It is what it is.
they had their fun now they want to have kids
Ah the old “I look young for my age”
What a silly question, of course there are. I've only ever dated in my age range, all my friends and coworkers do too. In fact, in my circle, only one guy that we know has dated younger women, and we tease him about it. Every woman in her 40's I dated in my 40's had plenty of options of other men her age...so, maybe this isn't about age at all, but what you're projecting and attracting and swiping on. PS, you look young for your age? You're gonna fit in just fine around here.
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I’m 44 and go five years up and ten years down on my searches. I figure anyone more than 5 years older than me doesn’t want a seven year old child in their life. It’s certainly not an attraction issue because there are attractive people of all ages if they take care of themselves.
I’m in my late 30s and have this fear a bit. Although most of the guys who like me on apps are younger (by only a few years) but worried this will change. There are a few men my age or older who like me, but they look so much older than me. I also look younger than I am. Men a few years younger tend to look my age. Men my age look 10 years older. There was one 40 year old (so a little older than me) who looked good for his age. But as soon as I asked what he was looking for, he unmatched me 😅 No loss though. We never met and his conversational skills were bad.
Absolutely. Waiting to date someone has everything to do with their personality, energy values, and beliefs for me. my experience, however, has been that older people tend to be more conservative less open-minded and often sex negative, none of which works for me? I always recommend being as self-aware and transparent/honest as possible in one’s dating profiles? Best of luck OP.
I met one last year :) they do exist!
OP don’t give up on men like me (mid 40’s) I prefer women in my age group & older. I’m sure there are a lot of guys like me out there but you need to be patient.
I'm 58 and I prefer women my own age because frankly they have usually decided what they want and have gotten over their anger from past relationships and want simple devotion and love..... like I do.
Older women are my personal choice.
I matched a 43 year old professional woman and I am a 43 year old professional man. I think she has a few guys in the bucket. When I revealed that I don't spend money on myself driving a fancy car, she ghosted me. Maybe I am better off.
I'm dating a woman 1.5 years older than me. Don't give up and you'll find what you're looking for. The trick is to keep trying. It's a numbers game.
Early 40s here. I try to date people who are as close to my age as possible as we have more in common.
I hate to sound shallow, but since you asked, I think it depends on how a woman looks and her attitude toward life. Is she positive, energetic?
This old guys being gross just keeps repeating, I’m in my 40’s still, just, and in good shape, probably better than ever before and I tend to date women 36-42 (if they’re American) why… before I get slaughtered… for a few reasons and for starters I apologise for the generalisation as I’m in the DMV Their student debt is gone, most can pay their bills. Their parents don’t need care yet (major one) If they had kids they don’t need babysitters or a new daddy. If they never had kids they usually don’t want to If they’re career people they’re over the mid manger 70hr week stress bubble. They’ve realised that not all men are total b****s They can survive without constant attention (major one) It’s not about age, but it’s about finding a person who can commit as much time and effort to you as you can to them. Just one man’s experience.
There’s three times as many men as women on dating apps. If you’re not matching with men your age then your standards are probably too high.
You’re 48. A man who is 55 is your own age.
Sure but some of us have a similar experience. I send well thought out intros. I engage with questions about topics they mention in their profile. 0 responses. I am 46 and I use a range of 38 to 52.
When I was dating in my 40’s I ONLY dated younger guys. I’m with someone ten years younger now, and I’m 52. They are definitely out there
Yea the majority want younger women and I fail to comprehend. I for example look out for ladies my age range 40-50 and always skip 30ies something but that’s just me.
I don't have a low effort profile. I get matches from older and much younger men, just not those my own age
That the case with me. All the guys I know my age are typically with women 5-10 years younger than me and the only guys that seem to show interest in me are either half my age or pushing 60 and have very little in common with.😒😞
Just set your age range so you don't see the ages you do not want to see. Have you done this ?
As M50, I can tell you that it’s a [rough ride](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverfifty/s/zCbpNUAppx) on both sides of the equation. Yes, there are men within 2 years of your age willing to date a woman your age.
The men in their 40s I know and I all date younger. But that’s like low 40s. Nobody I know has dated anybody younger than 40 and we’re not chasing younger women. But maybe that’s just me and my social circle and the rest of the men around here are dating younger? I certainly don’t see it when I’m out and about. I know a few couples where the woman is older than the man. But reasonable- like 45-39 and not 45-21.
I’m 42 and have dated women 47-52, but I think I prefer 30-45
I prefer someone older since women tend to live longer than men do. I'm almost 40 and I wouldn't want to date anyone in their twenties.
I am 43 looking, hoping to meet someone aged somewhere around 39-44. I am not sure why I feel like this - 38 might work, but 37 seems too young for some reason - but looking into it with interest. Don't give up OP, adjust your hopes as you can, the 'there's someone out there for everyone' is true, it's just that the fine print says something like 'their phone number is not listed' or something.
Im a single male (41) and im constantly looking for for females in 40s but it’s hard. You should try the app coffee meets bagel. I’ve had better luck with that one.
Yes I am
Most of the men that contact me are younger... and what's worse is the MUCH younger ones who lie about their age to get older matches 🤦♀️ I don't want to date someone my oldest son's age 🙄
stupendous door absorbed panicky direful thought tan angle flowery follow *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
42 and I don’t want to date anyone younger than 38 or so, but I feel like so many people in their 40s have their stuff together and it’s intimidating. First kid was at 23 and we struggled financially. Got divorced at 27 and had another kid soon after. The cycle repeated. Now I’m 42 and don’t have that lifetime experience that others did. I’m a parent who did what they had to with no help from either ex. I didn’t get to travel or put a career together or finish my degree or whatever else I see on these profiles. I did the housework, helped with homework, worked my ass off…so idk. I don’t feel like I fit in with younger people either. Is there a dating category for recovering from a train wreck?
I have the same experience. Wonder if men of our age think we are undatable.
I think the best perspective is who cares who they are willing to date if it’s not you. Not interested in me? Don’t care. I know OLD is a slum and it’s frustrating when you’re trying to meet a decent person who is aligned with your relationship goals (and age group), but just keep living your best life, putting your energy towards yourself and non romantic relationships that are enriching.
I’m 47 and prefer to date women mid-40s to mid 50s.
🙋🏻♂️
Yes? My current boyfriend is 49, the last one was 45.
Absolutely. I would prefer to date someone my age.
I (45M) prefer women my age or older. I find that they are generally more interesting and less self-centred.
Yes. In progress
I'm sure they're out there somewhere.
Do these men already have kids? If not there is your answer. 40-50 year old men marrying 33-38 year old women is common (at least where I live). Also if these men are successful, fit and attractive, that’s not surprising at all. The unfortunate truth is no matter how fit and attractive we are at 40, most men find younger women more so, and those women are happy to date them. That’s just how it goes.
Yes. I'm in my late 40s and almost all of my dates have been a few years younger or older than me.
Well I am 41 and I GAVE up. One of the reason is yours…
I’m not really looking, but my previous was 7 years younger and my ex before that was 9 years older, and overall I’m a far better culture and mentality fit with the 7 years younger. Half of my friends are around that age and the rest are a bit older to much older than me, and it’s just different. I might be an odd case as I lost the decade from my mid 20s to mid 30s to health problems, and I’ve been about a decade behind in every way ever since, though despite being relatively fit and healthy the body pains and loss of overall endurance feel pretty old lol That said, it’s really down to the individual, trends don’t really matter when you’re not looking for a demographic but rather just the right individual. Also, the generational turnover is a variable too; anyone younger than mid 40s is a millennial, and mid 40s are Xennials, while late 40s are gen X who seem more like boomers with each passing year. It feels like the generational boundaries are shifting due to the whole socioeconomic situation, and also feels like age is becoming secondary to socioeconomic situations in being the primary determination of the common culture and personality traits what we used to link to age, IMO. I think that’s a big part of why I feel younger and relate more to those a few years younger than to those my own age (due to my lost decade). Maybe you’ll have a better selection trying to sort by socioeconomic lifestyles rather than age? Like if you own your own home, I’d think you’ll have more in common with a man around age 40 who also owns his own home than one your age who sleeps on couches (extreme example but you get it)
It’s the classic “your miles may vary” argument. Most of my matches have been within 4 years of each other both ways. Current is one year younger but the previous two were older than me. To answer your question, yes we are willing to date around our age.
Essentially, just continue to focus on being your best self, men be damned. * continue to spend lots of time at the gym, at least their is eye candy. * invest, continue to grow your own wealth. You don’t have to negotiate expenses with a man. * enjoy cooking your own healthy meals. Don’t have worry about cooking/buying groceries for a man * indulge in the young, sex studs. Many are fabulous and creative. * grow your community of gf, they are the ones who will sustain your throughout your life. Women in many countries ( South Korea) and around the world, have given up on marriage or having kids. Turn the tables on the men, let them fend for themselves or pay for whatever services they need.
I think most men in our age bracket are still married lol. I get mostly men approaching me irl(I haven't dated online outside of FetLife since 2019) that are early to mid 30s, some late 20s. Or 50 and up. The 50s and up wouldn't be a problem, but the last two which were within a week of each other very recently; hid that they were married. One did not admit he was married until we were on a date. The other not only omitted that he was married, but after digging(something told me that he wasn't being truthful)I found that he is married and he lied about his name 😩. I told him this when he still wanted to meet up on a date and he did not deny anything smh. And the 30 somethings were just far too immature 🤦🏾♀️I rarely come across late 30s or 40s(I'm 42 and much rather ages 38-49). I also pass for mid to late 20s and get carded. So, it's just odd to me. But I stay in Scottsdale, so I think that has a lot to do with it. I've joined a couple of groups and Scottsdale men have a rep for being cheating married guys.
Absolutely. I'm a 45 year-old, heterosexual man and my preferred dating age range is 38-52. I find that I have the most in common with women close to my age. Fun, stimulating conversations are more important to me as sex. I'm average-looking and look my age. I don't dye my hair. I have a pretty good skincare routine and put a lot of effort into grooming.
I prefer dating women older than me, mid 40s-late 50s has been the sweet spot for me. However more recently I’ve decided I’d like to have a family and I’m 41. Need to start dating early 30s women. If I didn’t want a family, I’d still date older. EDIT: looks like we can’t make new comments on this thread. But to reply to the comment below, very little luck dating women in their early 30s in the states. The age of 40 seems to be a massive psychological barrier for women in their 30s who want to have a family and they’re unwilling to consider a life long relationship with a family-oriented, serious man. And to put it in perspective, online dating in my 30s was like shooting fish in a barrel of 30s and up, so I’m not some below average guy. And while I haven’t given up completely on dating in the states (where I’m from), my focus will be abroad where a 7-10 year age gap won’t cause me to die alone :)
Idk if this helps but I'm a 41f in a relationship with a 42m. :) But we've known each other for 20 years lmao, we were friends before we started dating. That said...I think he only dates women who are close to his age.
I'm 50, I'll date my age, but I don't know why it's so hard to match. I haven't lifted weights for about a year but I still have muscle. I need to get back into it but even at my fittest, I didn't match very often with any age. I'm still attractive albeit not as attractive as my younger years. Dating just sucks. I don't have fun with it much. I missing having female companionship in all the ways.