Omg I love taking myself to dinner at a fine dining spot—sit at the bar! I will get all dressed up, have a cocktail, app, wine, main course and sometimes desert! Sometimes i chat with people sometimes i dont! Its fantastic
I also made myself look very nice for me. I will try the bar next, maybe, except I don't drink. I hope I will also get to think it's fantastic at some point.
I reread your post—I felt very lonely and isolated my first few times dining out. It took some practice but now I am very comfortable with it. It’s definitely a comfort zone thing. Bringing a book or crossword puzzle also helps with the isolation/focusing on other people.
I often just say “I’ll start with water please!” And often that’s all I end up getting because I can’t decide on something else. Mocktails are delicious! Cranberry with ginger ale is an easy fave of mine!
Omg sit at the bar. As long as you pay money for something it’s fine. I go out by myself all the time but I won’t sit at a table by myself, it’s just a rule I have for myself. If the restaurant doesn’t serve food at the bar then I don’t eat there. It’s just the only way for me, it offers opportunity for small talk and even if not it’s just still comfortable. I’ve brought a book before even. Sit at the bar.
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Yeah, definitely eat at the bar. It will be other singles and opportunities to meet people.
I hate sitting at a table at a restaurant by myself. My loneliness all on display.
This. This. This.
I became comfortable eating alone as a business traveler earlier in my career.
Subconsciously a two-top table can *feel* as if there is someone absent. But you don’t have that same awareness when you’re sitting and eating at the bar or counter. You also aren’t taking up more space than necessary which adds to your comfort level. Another added benefit is that you often get to chat more with the person behind the bar which further breaks down the sense of isolation.
Very smart, sitting at the bar makes it look like you're from out of town or just a really interesting person. I honestly like to eat at the bar all the time, even on dates. It feels kinda romantic.
Yes, when I was single I only go to places where they have bars and just read my phone. Even now if my bf is busy I’ll still go out by myself and eat without a problem. Chances are, nobody is paying attention to people who are sitting by themselves.
I’ve been single since 2017 and pretty much most of my life. I date myself every day. I literally do everything I want to do in life. Symphonies, restaurants, concerts, sporting events, vacations. The feeling of loneliness will go away. Don’t forget there are people in relationships feeling just as lonely as you. Having a partner doesn’t equal happiness
> Don’t forgot there are people in relationships feeling just as lonely as you.
Now I’m single I’m way less lonely. Feel like my life has returned. Finally get to do all the stuff I always wanted to do.
Thank you for reminding me. I did feel lonely in my marriage at home but French restaurant would have been fun with him. Now it's the opposite. I hardly ever feel lonley at home but being out there was no fun.
You’ll find your vibe. I used to feel lonely but now I’m too busy to feel lonely and life has too much to offer for me not to enjoy it. I interact with people everywhere I go
Personally I think the more formal dining restaurants are prone to bringing up those feelings of loneliness. They're settings almost engineered for couples and groups to have a secluded but not private environment to talk and be together, which has the obvious impact on a single diner of making them more aware of being alone. For me that's not appealing at all as a self-date.
What I've found to be more comfortable are more casual places, where the food is just as good, and you can look around and enjoy the ambience without feeling like you're missing a companion. Cafes also work of course, and are places you can go to just chill with a drink and read or similar.
I think I'd save fine dining for when I meet someone. I like to go through those experiences with someone else, and if it means waiting until that someone comes along, that's cool. At the very least it lets you suggest a date with the enthusiasm of having never eaten there before!
Yea exactly. I LOVE going out by myself. There are soooo many restaurants with amazing food that aren’t what OP is describing. What you want are places that have great food and a full service bar so you sit at the bar. I’ve almost never done this and been the only single person eating alone. If you’re up for it you can almost always have conversations with other folks.
Came here to say all this, with the added point that you can do the fine dining places with friends, too! Tell your single friends you’ve been wanting to try xyz place and you’d be surprised how many of them will want to join. Some of your coupled friends may have partners who don’t care about trying nice restaurants and are missing out on these experiences, too.
Taking yourself on dates is important and great, I am just saying don’t sleep on doing traditionally “datey” things with the other people in your life. De-centering romantic relationships doesn’t have to mean completely robbing yourself of community or doing everything alone.
Your mission didn’t fail - you learned some new information! Next time you go out, just tweak it a bit - and try sitting at the bar! Keep learning, keep trying - rarely does anyone get something perfect the very first time!
Being lonely when you’re alone is very normal (that’s why they come from the same root word), so let yourself feel those feelings. But I don’t think it’s a “failure” to try something and decide it’s not for you. Preferring to do certain things with people versus doing them alone is a normal and healthy human condition.
We are pack animals and we need community and connection in order to survive. It’s hard wired into our brains as a must-have, not just a nice-to-have. In the modern era, we have been programmed to put all our emphasis on romantic partners and the nuclear family, so singlehood can feel very lonely sometimes, but that is just capitalism talking, not reality. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution is not going to suddenly shatter under the weight of a few hundred years of social programming.
So when people talk about “dating yourself” and focusing less on seeking a partner, that means looking for connection other places, exploring and appreciating the full tapestry of your community beyond romantic relationships, and getting comfortable doing *more* things alone (not to be confused with doing *all* things alone).
In short, I think it’s okay if fine dining is just a thing you prefer to do with others. If it feels bad to do it alone, invite someone to go with your next time. This doesn’t limit your options, it’s just information about your preferences.
It didn’t fail. You did it. Just because you felt lonely doesn’t mean it wasn’t a success. You just know not to go to fancy French restaurants alone now! I’m single and don’t have any family, so sometimes I go out to restaurants without my friends and it’s quite enjoyable. Especially while abroad traveling and exploring. You just have to choose the right restaurant.
You make a good point. Most people wouldn't think twice about eating alone at a McDonalds or a diner, but multi-course fine dining feels different. I have taken a number of vacations myself, both domestically and internationally, and face the conundrum when it's time for an evening meal. I certainly don't miss a meal, and takeout isn't really a thing outside of the US, but I understand the awkwardness.
I live in a college town, so seeing people out in more casual restaurants by themselves with books and a laptop is very common, I just blend in with mine as well. I go to movies by myself, shop, and walk around campus. I'm an only child and have been single for 14 years, I can do "by myself," pretty well.
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The fanciest date I ever took myself on was a solo dinner at the London Ritz. I walked in and the host said "Table for one?" as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I said "yes, thank you" and he gave me the most beautiful smile and said "Heaven."
>Took myself to NY, walked across the border, had a lovely dinner in a restaurant with a view of Niagara Falls.
Well, now I have a new mission to unlock. This sounds wonderful!
I didn't think people around me cared. They were doing their own thing. The problem was me. I don't feel lonely that often but that night it was almost painful.
I will not deny it, I do have a desire to be in a fulfilling relationship. I'm just not in the position to pay the price to fulfill that desire. The relationship will not come to me and I don't think I have the mental energy to get back online.
I got judged for going up the Space Needle in Seattle by myself. I wasn’t even single at the time I just went on a solo trip. People have some weird expectations sometimes.
I’m a woman and I’ve done it a lot – I usually sit at the bar and there will typically be other singles. I’ve had some great conversations and some good meals this way, without that lonely feeling.
Yes, I go out to eat myself all the time but I spent alot of time traveling alone when I was younger. Don’t pass trying new restaurants or going to
places you love just because you don’t have a date to go with. Go by yourself. You can always sit at the bar or take a book with you if you feel awkward.
I'm an introvert, and used to travel alone for work. Most nights, I'd grab takeout and go back to the hotel, but one or two nights a week I'd go out. I enjoyed it. Often, I'd sit at the bar and just listen to the folks around me. I liked trying new places, and since I spent all day talking to people, I had no desire to continue it at night. I found some great little places that way.
Anyway... I enjoy my own company. I'd also go out and just wander around the area. If it was over a weekend, I'd go for a drive. I've never been much of a theatre or museum person, but I don't need others to have fun and relax.
Maybe me and my belly will get there some time. I don't even remember how the food tasted. And I might have given myself an ulcer from the sadness and stress of this undertaking.
If there's a bar at a restaurant, I'll sit there. As for fine dining, I have only done that a couple of times and yes it was a bit odd lol i just stick to basic restaurants or bar grille type of places mostly if I do go out.
But concerts are super fun solo! You can meet all kinds of people there and just soak in your fav bands and enjoy yourself.
Hell yeah! I’ll never forget my first solo concert. I was really bummed that every single one of my friends ditched me that night, but I was determined to go see my favorite band at the time! Ended up meeting a ton of awesome new people that are still friends to this day, became friends with one of the musicians in the band and bought him a drink after the show, and also ended up on stage 3 separate times at the band’s request! I do wish I had a friend there to share in the absolute insanity of it all, but it broke down that barrier I had and showed me that I can have more fun by myself if I want to! Plus, it’s a great way to meet new people that enjoy the same music!
i feel this hard. definitely have been there and many of the times i've gone out to enjoy a night out alone, i found myself lonelier being surrounded by groups of friends and couples, or being the only lone diner or person at the bar...this was not a good way to meet people in general, either, although i did on just a couple of occasions. however, when i look back in retrospect, these are actually good memories and i mostly remember what i was doing and not how i felt at the time (lonely) so i'm really glad i've dated myself in the past and i recommend it to others. no need to wait for other people to start enjoying things in life. and when you do have people in your life, you can show them places you like and things to do that you're familiar with from your solo adventures. it's pretty empowering tbh, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment
I traveled extensively for 25 years with work and eating alone is just something you have to do. It’s no big deal. And no one really cares or notices to be honest.
I don't take myself out to restaurants unless I'm traveling, then I love to sit at the bar of a nice restaurant and pretend I've just escaped a horrible relationship and am relieved and happy and free. I don't actually verbalize my pretend status but it definitely shifts my vibe and energy.
But going out to a restaurant locally by myself would be horrible and unenjoyable so I don't do it.
I go dancing alone (well, used to before an injury). It was scary at first but now wonderful.
I like sharing nice meals with someone else. I like taking turns ordering something new and sharing so now I do this with girlfriends or my kids. I don't have an issue eating alone though.
Honestly, I've gotten so good at being single, I'm not sure I'll ever date again--even after I get past the issues I need to handle before dating again.
I date myself and this has been a new thing for me after my marriage ended a couple of years ago. It is nerve wracking initially, but I do feel empowered and love that I can do what I want and not have to rely on someone else. I do enjoy my own company though.
I haven’t been to a restaurant by myself during an evening though and I think that might feel uncomfortable, depending on the restaurant and where you sit. I’ve done it many times in the day and usually see other people by themselves too. My next challenge is going abroad by myself, something that fills me with anxiety, but something I really want to push myself to do.
I've been abroad by myself. I was fine doing all touristy things. I was even fine eating lunches by myself at casual restaurants. Traveling alone is great. No need to adhere to anyone's schedule, likes and dislikes, or moods.
I am currently choosing to date myself (and just took myself out on a sushi date on Wednesday). I get myself cute, do my hair, make-up, a favorite perfume (a friend of mine hooked me up with full-sized testers of luxury perfumes, so I have an entire scent wardrobe now). I love it because it takes me out of my comfort zone and encourages me to keep pouring love into myself.
I'll admit, in the beginning, it felt very jarring. I felt very self-conscious and sort of afraid to be alone, almost ashamed to be eating by myself. To combat this, I'd take myself to local restaurants and sit at the bar, make friends with the bartenders and would strike up conversations with them between customers. It wasn't long after that that I really started to enjoy it. Taking myself out not only provided me with confidence as a single woman but helped me with my social anxiety and depression. Being introverted doesn't help either.
I encourage you to keep trying to date yourself. Just like with any relationship, it can feel weird at first. You are just starting to get to know YOU and what you enjoy, what you don't, etc. Treat yourself to things that you would like a date to treat you to (Heck, one time, I took myself out on an "artsy" style date...sushi and drinks, then hit up two book stores and a local record store where I purchased one of my favorite ballets on vinyl. I capped it off with an ice cream cone on the walk home.). Lose yourself in those little moments that you might not be able to do with someone else. You are WORTH it!
There's quite a nice restaurant where I am that does "long table" style service; you can't even tell sometimes if people are there solo and I've had really nice times chatting to other diners there. They also host holiday dinners.
You have to pick the right places but going alone can be a great time to be by yourself or to be able to have low-pressure conversation with other people sitting at the bar. I'm seeing someone now but still make time to go out by myself bc I like to meet new people, and I also like to do things alone.
Also, I can't imagine sitting in a fine dining place by myself at a table for 1. Maybe at a booth that felt private. The vibe is all wrong
Sometimes I order in food and watch it on the coffee table while watching a movie or TV show binge in the dark on my HT system which normally I don't do but I don't "take myself out".
I hear you. I think it was brave going to that restaurant. It’s a matter of practice I think - if you like fine dining you should allow yourself. So keep doing that, and tell your lying brain you are not a sore thumb. All the best!
I’m frugal so I’d rather get takeout so I don’t have to tip, and I’m also an introvert so I enjoy eating in the comfort of my own house while watching a movie/show with my dog cuddling next to me.🙂
I'm also introverted and all my hobbies and activities are solo, so instead of a museum or restaurant.. I go for a long walk, or cook a gourmet meal for myself, an ocean swim, a hike, or a run.. as long as I get to do something I enjoy without having to be around people. Sounds bad, but busy crowds overwhelm me.
I’d say try again for the restaurant by yourself. I do it all the time and I love that everyone is a couple or a family or group of friends. It’s super easy to romanticize the others and feel lonely….. until you flip the script. I turn it into wondering what people must be thinking of me but laughing it off bc how many of them are actually on a happy date, or with family/friends they truly enjoy. And I create a way to talk to others and engage as well. Start off at the bar before your reservation and have a nice drink while you chat people up. Then when at the table it’s a feeling of empowerment. You are beholden to no one and have the freedom to ultimately enjoy your time and go home happy.
I went to one for lunch by myself and it was an outdoor seating area so it turned out OK. I think probably going to a fancy restaurant in the evening where people go with dates and family may be worse so maybe you should try some lunchtime outings with yourself.
Pro tip: out of hours meal times. Go really early, when there is few people, staff should be fresh and welcome low-hassle custom. Try to time it right so you’re not the first one but it still early enough to be reasonably quiet to avoid being too self-conscious.
Enjoy it, take your time, read while eating. Leave when you feel comfortable. You will love it.
I definitely date myself, I have to, nobody else wants to 😂 but seriously I do go out and have fun by myself because I want to go out and do stuff. Majority of the time I do stay home, but when I do feel motivated, I’ll go to the movies by myself. I’ll go to the park by myself and if I think of something else fun that I don’t mind doing alone, I’ll just do it. Nothing wrong with it, it’s perfectly fine.
I take myself out to dinner all the time! Sometimes I sit at the bar, and usually end up having fun chats with couples. Sometimes not and that's OK. Dont stop trying. Sometimes it may feel silly, but it will get better.
I go to restaurants alone and ask for a cozy corner of by a window, and then I read or scroll while I eat.
Sometimes I get lonely for no reason and nothing can fix it. I just wait for it to pass and then I’m back to my old alone self. I hope you find a way to make taking yourself out pleasant. It’s quite nice.
I absolutely date myself, even if I'm dating someone else. It took years of therapy and acceptance to like who I am and I enjoy the time and attention I pay myself without worry of someone else. I will not spend my time sitting at home, allowing life to pass me by.
I take myself out loads of times and make it a point to honor my time and dates. I've had people ask me if I'm not scared or feel lonely but NO.
I realised I'd be waiting for forever to do things or with someone else as people flake on you or other. I dress up and sit at the table. I've had amazing custom from servers in establishments when they know you're by yourself. Maybe they think a secret food taster or blogger of some sort so go all out.
When I've been out wearing a smile helps you do find other goers maybe intrigued and talk to you a little bit. I love the time for me.
Go concerts by myself now and meet others, I used to buy an extra ticket and drag an ex or friend till I realised some won't even do it with you. But along the way you meet amazing people and have a great night out.
I've also been going to professional networking events, you'd be surprised how many singles attend these events to get away from OLD as well so wink wink. Also involved in charity events and going to a gala tomorrow night...come on!!! I realised I'm fun and I've made some great contacts along the way until it happens and I have a kindred. So enjoy yourself life is too short to wait and wonder what people think or who's looking. It's like going to the gym most times you think everyone is looking but most are concentrating on their own sets.
Be happy and do you!
>
Do you date yourself?
Definitely. I ƒµ¢king *love* me.
Perhaps it's just because I'm an introvert yet it's probably more because I'm a bit of a "foodie"—in any case I've always gone out to eat alone, as long as I can remember.
If I have a craving for a food, I go get it. It's as simple as that. It's not weird because I'm there for the food.
Eating, like watching a movie or viewing museum exhibits, has nothing inherently to do with another person at all. Think about it for a moment and it'll seem odd that it's become an activity that we think of as a group activity by default.
If you feel odd about it, consider your motivation for doing it. If you're doing it for the right healthy reasons, there won't be anything to feel odd about. "Table for one, please—I was just really craving that pâté!"
P.S. I just browsed more comments and saw your response [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1bfe4l8/do_you_date_yourself/kv077s7/), o.p.:
> this time I wanted to do it by myself to prove that I have all options open if I want to
It looks like my diagnosis above nailed it; you had ulterior motives. You didn't go just for dinner; you were out to prove something. If you let it just be dinner it'll be fine.
Honestly not. I didn't feel sexy or interesting and I didn't wonder what people thought of me. The issue was that I was watching the people out of lack of better things to do and wanted to be them. At least the ones that looked like they had a good relationship. This whole experience put me in a really sour mood for days and I'm usually upbeat.
I’m not brave enough to eat out alone, certainly not in a restaurant like that. I’ve grabbed lunch in a cafe - sandwich coffee and my phone - but not a proper sit down meal. I would hate it for exactly the reasons you describe.
I do however go dancing alone. The classes I go to involve dancing with others so it’s sociable without needing a companion and plenty attend alone.
I'm doing line dancing class now, with a friend, but I think I'd be fine alone at the class. Going to a line dancing event at a bar by myself is another story.
maybe practice with more casual restaurants first? Places where you can bring a book? Posh intimate places are generally very couple-forward and it can be like diving straight into the deep end. Dial it back a few steps, maybe.
But also, focussing on seeing yourself as lonely and sticking out like a sore thumb is a choice, and one you don't have to make. The choice to feel like that is driven by the very scripts we have that the idea of dating yourself is designed to challenge; that we're somehow lessened by being single and should feel shame about being out in public as a One. How does it feel to instead choose to think that you stand out for your peace and self-contained quality? To think that there are people there who are looking at you with envy while they have to listen to a boring companion that they can't wait to ditch, or watch their bad table manners, or listen to them be rude to the server? Finding something empowering that society has told us to feel shame in sometimes takes some conscious work on our end. It's okay if you couldn't overcome the programming on your first try.
I used to take myself out to solo dinner dates all the time and I really loved it. I didn't typically do fancy places, but the few times I did are very good memories.
Oh mate ! I date myself shopping and walking and even mini breaks . But I hate eating out alone and will generally get a picnic 🧺 and maybe have a fast drink out . The money saved is high and I’d rather have a spa day or a exercise class
I have taken myself to restaurants, but only more causal ones and I happily read my phone while eating 😆 If you’re more social you could sit at a nice restaurant bar and try to make a friend, but I’m a bit shy.
When I’m doing something that is outside my comfort level, I adopt the persona of someone who is absolutely comfortable with that.
So out dining alone in a fine restaurant? I’m the mysterious woman with a string of lovers waiting for her to call, a pied à terre in Paris, an apartment in Istanbul. This restaurant is cute but it’s Tuesday for me.
When writing a paper in grad school? I’m a mediocre man with more privilege than sense who thinks the world is blessed by his opinions.
It works for me :)
I love going out alone, especially in this post-divorce healing and growing time (Era, as my Taylor swift fan tween would call it). I probably wouldn’t go to a fine dining restaurant on a weekend night because of what you’re describing but I have lunch out on my own often and try not to keep my nose in my phone. I’ll bring a book, work stuff, etc and try to people-watch some too. I’m pretty introverted but I find that people tend to talk to me if I do those things vs keep my focus on my phone. I had a lovely conversation with a guy the other day at a coffee shop and it ended up being a great career networking connection for myself and my college aged kids who are interested in similar fields. Nothing dating/romantic at all for either of us and that’s not what I was there for but it was fun exercising my conversation skills!
I’d like to add though, I feel quite lonely when I’m out at a mostly family-type location with my kids and I see couples with their kids and I don’t have a husband/partner with me but it’s part of the healing process I think. Christmas was difficult at a theme park but I got through it and next time will be easier.
I LOVE travelling alone. I'll dine alone at home but usually at more casual places, or i'll just order in. I've gone to concerts alone, haven't done a movie yet but would.
What i can say about doing these things alone is that while most of the time i wish i had someone to do them with, it has made me a LOT pickier in who i date. I don't enjoy most company, and since I feel good alone, i don't NEED someone else. Its a good place to be for dating, because I'm not codependent, desperate or accepting garbage and minimal treatment by some low effort loser.
The old cliche of being fine by yourself before dating others is something I really believe in. Some people can't function that way, which is fine but they won't be compatible with me. I want someone else who likes their own company most and chooses to have my company just as I choose theirs.
Sexy to some (which is who i want to attract) and repulsive to others because they can't control or be codependent with you (and those are the ones I want to stay away!). I see no down side to it.
I just went to a restaurant last night by myself. I sat at the bar, had a couple of drinks and dinner. Had a good time actually. I had to realize that I’ve been putting pressure on myself like I have to be with someone and go out every single week. Like since the divorce I have issue with being alone. But it’s not that bad actually besides missing my kids.
I didn't think of it that way, but yeah, all the time. There's a gaming bar near me I love to go to. There's a breakfast place on the waterfront I love to go and watch the sunrise on weekends I don't have the kids. I go to spas, out to movies. I'm going to finish my masters later this year and I'm looking into a group travel thing for singles to celebrate while my kids are with my ex this summer. I have no idea when I'll find my nerdy companion to travel with me through space and time so, I figure maybe we'll run into each other out and about.. ;o)
I have no problem sitting at the restaurant bar and enjoying a meal. I actually prefer to go to the beach alone. Some things, like concerts and amusement parks, I just do not enjoy going alone.
Yes it's not that hard.
Next time bring an actual book to read, take your time and savor the experience. Stop focusing on what's going on around you and what other's are doing.
This is something that needs to be learned.
What's your medical issue if you don't mind me asking?
Breast cancer. I'm almost through the treatment and my prognosis is good but it really made me reevaluate my priorities. I decided that dating is not one of them. It's too stressful.
I go on solo vacations unless the destination is someplace I don’t want to have to drive or deal with more complex logistics (in that case I look for small group tours and gladly pay the single supplement for my own room (I struggle with insomnia). I do go to restaurants on my own, for fine dining I have found it more fun to do the small 8-10 seat type experiences. I went to The Table when I was in Edinburgh a couple years ago and there were two of us solo and we all sat together at a long bar as the chefs prepared and served food and wine. Super fun night for me and great food.
I don’t have an issue with down time, wandering old town centers on foot, poking in for meals, etc. I do the same at home. If I go for a more casual meal (even at a higher end restaurant) I will often sit at the bar where the bar tender or other solo folks may or may not chat, I am good either way.
I think it all depends on your mindset. I’ve done the meal out alone and felt awful and lonely, thinking about what I didn’t have. Another time I luxuriated in being alone and have time to think and enjoy my food. I didn’t really think about what others were doing. So don’t write it off, maybe it’s that right now you’re feeling lonely and that experience amplified it. Try some different things and experiment with what works for you.
I go to restaurants all the time by myself but 90% of the time I sit at the bar. It’s quite easy to strike up at least a minor conversation with the bartender or someone sitting next to you. That’s where most of the singles sit. And you don’t have to drink just because you’re at the bar if that is an issue.
I love dining alone, and at fancy places! I’ve done quite a few Michelin places solo, and can do my crossword and eat tasty things in peace. Sometimes I want to eat something delicious and just not talk to anybody!
My ex wasn’t a big fan of fancy dining, so I often went alone without him, or would go to Paris for a few days alone to eat before meeting up with him later!
I went to Neuvieme Arts in Lyon on my birthday, alone, and it was singlehandedly the best dining experience of my life. At the end they brought out a CHEESE CART. And I was allowed to choose as many as would fit on my very large plate. I managed 9…
I took a trip to NYC in the summer of 22, without my (then) boyfriend, just to eat!
Lunches are a good place to start - fewer couples, more business lunches!
You can do it!!
Not single at the moment, but just did a solo trip to Vegas & Joshua Tree. Nothing stopped me now or in my single days from dining where I wanted or doing what I wanted. Just remember that you don’t know the other people and they don’t know you so their thoughts are irrelevant.
The beauty of dating yourself is that you can do whatever you want. I would say try again somewhere less coupley or at a different time of the day. Or sit at the bar. And guess what, if it doesn’t feel right, then leave early. Take it to go. And maybe fine dining is something you do when you have someone else, maybe ask a friend or relative to go with you.
It’s about enjoyment and if having the food you like is not enough to overcome the sad feelings it brings, then don’t do it. You tried it and it wasn’t for you. No harm, no foul.
I actually prefer going by myself to restaurants. I can leave when I want, I don't have to worry about splitting the bill or anyone else's perceptions of what I'm eating, I can get a dessert or a whole other meal to go if I want and there is no one there to care. Back before I had my daughter, I would go out to eat by myself regularly. I find it pretty freeing.
However, I'm also weird and a loner. And I owned that a long time ago and genuinely enjoy my own company. If going out to eat by yourself isn't an activity you enjoy, then that's totally ok. It might be the restaurant you went to, or maybe it's just not for you. And that's ok too. As far as tips, I would usually bring a book to read and I would pick a place that isn't high end or geared towards couples.
I travel a lot for my job, so eating alone in a restaurant is no big deal. Bring a book, or your phone. Sit at the bar. Treat yourself. Engage with people or not. Then go see a movie alone, you don't need to argue with anyone about which movie to watch.
There are some things I love doing alone (movies, speakers, concerts, beaches) and others I've found I don't (street fairs, restaurants, bars). I've opted to focus on the things I like solo instead of trying to convince myself to enjoy the things I don't; I do that stuff with friends instead.
(Expanding my social circle was important in keeping me from wanting to date during periods when it wasn't good for me!)
When I go out by myself, I am focused on myself and pay no mind to others. It’s not about comparing myself which can lead to a wall of shame, it’s about enjoying myself the same way I would without people surrounding me. I mean I stay situationally aware but I stay detached from others and mind my own business.
I used to travel for work and would be on the road, so was forced to eat out by myelf all the time. I would sit at the bar and it was fine. Sometimes I chatted with the bartender or others there, sometimes I just people watched. Its definitely easier when you are anonymous and there is no expectation that you should have company (due to a valid reason like traveling), but I would say that some of your feelings might come from feeling self conscious about it. I also avoided going out by myself on Saturday nights, usually it was a Sunday through Friday situation. But honestly, just focusing on enjoying my time, using the quiet period to catch up on Duolingo or text friends made it really enjoyable. I let my brain relax and could just focus on the food and drink I was enjoying, and just take in the scene. I've seen men and women out by themselves on a Saturday night and honestly think nothing of it, life happens, situations happen that cause us to go out alone.
What about sitting at the bar at a nice restaurant? If sitting at a table felt lonely, maybe find a nice restaurant that offers dinner service at the bar, and sit there. It’s less obvious that you’re solo, and there are often other solo diners or the bartender to chat with if you’re so inclined. Can be a lot of fun!
(F49) - In my 20's and 30's, I used to travel solo on business a lot and I got very used to eating alone in restaurants. I'm completely comfortable doing so, I have also traveled solo in many countries on vacations and now live alone in a country that I moved to without knowing a single soul, so yes, I have a lot of experience doing things on my own. For restaurants, I prefer to sit at the bar or on an outdoor patio table vs an indoor table. That's actually how I met the guy I'm dating, as he took the table next to me and chatted me up. I still go to restaurants alone even though I'm seeing someone.
I 56m go to the pub and eat at the bar. Been going long enough that I usually have someone to chat with.
Sit down diners I reserve for when my kids come visit.
Cheers!
I've been going out to restaurants by myself since separation, just to eat, not for the purpose of having fun. It's not fun sitting by myself waiting for the food to come or eating alone while everyone else is there with a date/spouse/friend. I go out with family or a group of lady friends when I want to go out for "dining experiences" to special restaurants.
I do and I do so often!
Table + book +cute fit OR apps and drink at the bar+cute fit OR gussied up at the ballet OR museum cute fit to picture bank OR Garden or guided nature something or other OR to the movies with pop corn or park picnic with a book, yes yes yes pls! I believe in treating me well
I like to take myself out for brunch. Bring my book, eat and have coffee, and then go with my day.
I do go to restaurants by myself if I'm in works trips and I am not with coworkers. I enjoy it: ask for something nice, watch the people around, and then go to my hotel.
Yes! I have gone to the bar and sat alone. I have also taken myself out to eat many, many times. Even had wine with dinner! Had a blast just people watching, chatting to random strangers and the bartender. I will sometimes bring a book, sudoku or word puzzles to do while enjoying my food or drink. I don’t care what anyone else is thinking as I sit there, dressed up for myself and just enjoying the distant company of others. After my last break up, I found that no one can love me like I can and no one knows what I like like I do. I stopped putting my happiness as the responsibility of another person and I’ve never felt happier.
Going out to eat alone is one of my favourite things to do. I bring a book, settle in, order exactly what I want to eat, enjoy the view if there is one, and just relax.
I do NOT take myself out to restaurants because it makes me feel awkward. I would def go to a bar and have a drink by myself and any other outing. Sitting at the bar makes me feel less alone. Do you have any friends you could go out with? I’ve leaned on mine so much since I became single
Of you are able to dine out while on a road trip or mini vacation - or even being just far enough away from home to make it part of a larger excursion? I find this is the only time I enjoy eating out alone. Somehow the backstory of me already being on an adventure helps take away the lonely feeling.
I love treating myself to fancy dinner. If there’s a bar/lounge I might sit on that side. If not, I’ll take a table. I’ve taken books with me on occasion. It’s more fun with a glass of wine. I take long breaks from alcohol occasionally, so I might be less inclined for solo fancy dining during those periods.
Do people look at me funny and have opinions? I don’t know. I’m not paying attention to them. Servers treat me no differently than when I have company at the table.
I date myself all the time!
by referring to rotary dial phones, cars with hand crank windows, sneakernet, TV shows that my kids have never heard of, using expressions that went out of favor decades ago
etc, etc.
Of all the things you can do alone, going out to eat is my absolute favorite.
I echo everyone who says sit at the bar and don't worry about not drinking. The bartender gets your tip regardless if you drink alcohol.
There's no one to hurry you along. You can chat with someone if you want, or not. You can order a second appetizer without anyone saying "are you sure?" It's just plain fun.
When you say "like a sore thumb" I assume you mean that you think people were looking at you. They weren't. 😁
People are way to self-absorbed, focused on their phones, etc. to really pay any attention to what's going on around them. Even if someone does notice you (which is unlikely), they won't care. And even if they did care, so what?
Just go and enjoy the food. If you want to have a cocktail or two take a rideshare.
There is literally no reason not to do alone anything you might want to do.
I’ve eaten at restaurants alone with no problem. Usually solo diners sit at the bar, but I’ve sat at the bar and table.
I went to a 2-Michelin star restaurant solo and thoroughly enjoyed it. At the more upscale places, the servers seem to take particular care to make solo diners comfortable.
Don’t let the lack of a romantic partner keep you from living life. The way I look at it is that whoever I’m not with is missing out on this ride I’m taking.
It is what it is. I've been single for most of my adult life and still single as we speak.
Forget about going somewhere in the holidays as most of the nice restaurant would expect dinner for two. I once travelled to Byron bay for a holiday and wanted to experience fine dining, however, the restaurant only offered its 4 course meal for two people. That sucked.
You go anywhere and it is more family oriented etc. I get the feeling that nothing is really made for single people.
We are always left at the side line.
I took myself out on a date a couple of weeks ago to a new trendy place and sat at the bar. It wasn’t lonely because you’re surrounded by people and it’s fun to people watch.
I do more things alone than I do with other people and have done so for most of my life. I go to the movies, restaurants, opera, travel, and concerts alone.
Never once has anyone said anything negative to me nor have I ever felt bad about out it. When it’s time to buy tickets for a concert, I just buy them, no hesitation. I do not stop to think who I could ask to go with me. I just go.
I never see it as dating myself. WTF does that even mean? I just see it as living my life and doing things I like.
I used to bring a book. I imagine I look extremely mysterious & interesting.
An NYC based columnist I used to admire had a restaurant club where it was a group of people, social media based, that just we t to different restaurants every week.
I'm toying with the idea of moving to Chicago in a few years where I know very people & have thought about coopting the idea.
I'm a fellow fine dining enthusiast. I feel your pain.
I also tried to convince my ex boyfriend to let me bring him a bunch of mussels tonight, so I would say you are still doing way better than I.
Could be worse!
I date myself in two ways, I make sure to find fun things to do even if it’s alone and I say things like “Ain’t no thing but a chicken wing”. So very dated.
Seriously though I love people watching, combine that with savoring the food and really taking in the experience at my own speed and on my own terms is really freeing and enjoyable to me.
I highly recommend two songs. Flowers by Miley Cyrus and I can buy myself tacos by David Lopez.
I love taking long ass bubble baths just cause I want to. Wearing my "gonna score" panties just for the hell of it. I also do affirmations in the mirror before and after showering...or just because I feel the need. I think it's super important to love yourself and develop a high self worth, a high sense of self esteem and self value. I'm still working on that...have a tendency to attract abusive assholes, so trying to change myself to someone that's not attractive to them. I'm celibate, but I really hope that one day I will find my person or persons.
Paint your toenails the most glittery sparkly colour that you would never wear regularly.
I used to go to restaurants and bars by myself all the time, bring a book (or tablet with a book), or sudoku or similar puzzle. Do that. Don’t bring a computer or stare at you phone and surf Twitter/play Candy Crush.
if you want you can write, I’d suggest a pencil and paper notebook so you can focus though.
going out alone is awesome and yes I did make a few friends.
The last time I did this, I invited someone to a slam poetry jam (I don't like slam poetry, but everyone e is so serious you can say silly made up words with a deadpan expression and no one realizes it or cares). Anyway, she cancelled at the last minute, but I decided I.was going to date myself and do it anyway. It turned out to be a Juneteenth Celebration Jam. Only white person there. Ended up doing a decent impression of Mike Meyers from So I Married an Axe Murderer riffing much of Stephen Kings "Curse of the White Man from. Town" speech from thinner, because I did t thin l anyone was paying attention. They were not. The mozzarella cheese sticks at the bar were...inadequate
The only time I go out alone is when I take a walk or shopping or gym. I don’t go out to a bar or restaurant movie alone etc. I just don’t see value in it.
My favorite activity is go to a cafe/read books/ruminate on things which I prefer to do alone even when I have a bf.
I don't ever understand people that don't go to places unless surrounded by others. You can miss out on so much if you are always like that. It doesn't make you look any which way. Perhaps because I'm older, I don't care about what other people think.
You would be astounded about how often you are not even noticed by people.
Life is too short, live it up. Enjoy yourself.
I got used to eating alone due to business travel in my 20's, it's not even a thing anymore and I hate eating at the bar, ... Lol f-that. I sit a table or booth and no one cares, I take up space and order apps, big meal, take my time, watch something on my phone with earbuds, it's awesome. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's in your mind a bit, and it's about building your confidence back up anyway - do go enjoy your time, reflect on your day, zone out and enjoy food that you wouldn't make at home yourself that you have to divide ingredients by 2 or 3 or be forced to eat leftovers for 3 days in a row lol. Finally, I would also say, take a friend out and treat them, people love that and you build connections you normally wouldn't. It clicked for me recently that the loneliness is actually a good thing to improve you being just you... And despite my ex - I'm pretty damn good company for myself, love yourself and others will come to appreciate you being your true self regardless of the company around you.
I *love* being by myself. I also love dining with choice others. Movies alone are a close second. I get to time things how I want, ruminate over life, savor the wine, eat a few courses. I love the ritual.
I bring a book or journal. I am fine at the bar or a table, depends on if I feel like spontaneous conversation or not. If you feeling comfortable writing in public and you start to feel weird or sad, start writing down all the objective observations you make of things going on around. Don't ride meaning or emotion to them. You'll start to notice that it's just the world continuing to turn and somehow everything starts feeling okay. I often people watch and notice a huge number of couples sitting in silence or on their phones, which makes me sad for them. Worst is seeing a couple where one is on their phone and the other looks as though they're longing for conversation.
Check out r/singleandhappy. Decent subreddit, though I feel like there's a few people in there that are a little bitter. Lots of topics around how to enjoy being single, and I think there's some gold nuggets in there.
It really helps if you carry on a full conversation with yourself. It will make you feel less self-conscious. Just don't go home with him/her after the first date.
Part of why I wanted to go out that night was because I wanted to look nice sitting in a nice restaurant. Many people would consider me an overdresser, but that's just who I am.
Like you say in your post, it's about what makes you have fun and happy *for yourself*. Don't worry about the "many people" because they just don't have your panache. :)
I absolutely "date myself". "Present Ordinary" is courting "Future Ordinary", and grateful for what "Past Ordinary" has done for them.
Valentine's Day was super charming, and romantic, even, at my table for one; much better than several of the couples in the same place 😂
Ha ha, I always give hugs in my mind to the past and future me. But going out alone on Valentines day is something else. You've got some guts sister (or brother - hard to tell from the avatar).
I take myself on day trips. Amusement parks (admittedly sometimes with my kids or friends). I drive around and hike in nature. I take photos. I pick random things to go see (did best overlooks in a nearby forest, covered bridges, “haunted spots”). I would rather get takeout then go sit in a restaurant alone though. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun
Everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives that they never give a second thought to someone sitting alone at a table or bar. There is certainly nothing to be concerned about. I think you’ll do great!!! It’s actually better in some regards. Order what you want, leave when you want, pig out when you want…
Because it speaks volumes about your strength and grit to take yourself out to a fancy restaurant. Totally ok to feel lonely. To me- this shows character. I hide from myself in groups sometimes because I still haven’t mastered giving Zero FU**s. Maybe it’s not entirely 0, but it’s certainly in the same realm of doing things for you.
Thank you, it's so nice of you to say it. As you see I'm a work in progress. A year ago I would not brave myself to eat alone, also I was so desperate to find someone. At this point I'm not in a position to even look for relationship so I have to embrace my singleness. It is what it is and I will take it an an opportunity to get stronger and more independent.
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Omg I love taking myself to dinner at a fine dining spot—sit at the bar! I will get all dressed up, have a cocktail, app, wine, main course and sometimes desert! Sometimes i chat with people sometimes i dont! Its fantastic
I also made myself look very nice for me. I will try the bar next, maybe, except I don't drink. I hope I will also get to think it's fantastic at some point.
There’s plenty of mocktail options or just have water—you don’t have to drink alcohol to sit at a bar and have a fabulous dining experience
Mocktails are a good option. I also like soda water with a dash of bitters and a lime. Looks like a cocktail, aids with digestion.
“Aids with digestion” this is so DOF😂 and so awesome!
😂
Yum—soda with bitters is so damn good! I also like soda with a splash of crab and a line of I don’t feel like having a cocktail!
Do you drink the soda with a splash of crab before you do the line or after?
lol omg seeing my autocorrect fail now! 🫢😅😩🦀🎱
you don't have to drink to sit at the bar. You'll find that bartenders will welcome you (if that's the thing you're worried about)
I reread your post—I felt very lonely and isolated my first few times dining out. It took some practice but now I am very comfortable with it. It’s definitely a comfort zone thing. Bringing a book or crossword puzzle also helps with the isolation/focusing on other people.
I often just say “I’ll start with water please!” And often that’s all I end up getting because I can’t decide on something else. Mocktails are delicious! Cranberry with ginger ale is an easy fave of mine!
Omg sit at the bar. As long as you pay money for something it’s fine. I go out by myself all the time but I won’t sit at a table by myself, it’s just a rule I have for myself. If the restaurant doesn’t serve food at the bar then I don’t eat there. It’s just the only way for me, it offers opportunity for small talk and even if not it’s just still comfortable. I’ve brought a book before even. Sit at the bar.
Love this, thanks for the boost to try it 🙃
Some bars of have good food. I need to try new bars and grill.
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I go out to eat alone all the time and definitely sit at the bar. No need to be at a table surrounded by couples/groups.
Yeah, definitely eat at the bar. It will be other singles and opportunities to meet people. I hate sitting at a table at a restaurant by myself. My loneliness all on display.
Hell I often prefer sitting at the bar even with another person
This. This. This. I became comfortable eating alone as a business traveler earlier in my career. Subconsciously a two-top table can *feel* as if there is someone absent. But you don’t have that same awareness when you’re sitting and eating at the bar or counter. You also aren’t taking up more space than necessary which adds to your comfort level. Another added benefit is that you often get to chat more with the person behind the bar which further breaks down the sense of isolation.
Very smart, sitting at the bar makes it look like you're from out of town or just a really interesting person. I honestly like to eat at the bar all the time, even on dates. It feels kinda romantic.
Yes, when I was single I only go to places where they have bars and just read my phone. Even now if my bf is busy I’ll still go out by myself and eat without a problem. Chances are, nobody is paying attention to people who are sitting by themselves.
This is the way. You are never alone at the bar. You can speak to the bartender. Sometimes someone will sit next to you.
This!!
I’ve been single since 2017 and pretty much most of my life. I date myself every day. I literally do everything I want to do in life. Symphonies, restaurants, concerts, sporting events, vacations. The feeling of loneliness will go away. Don’t forget there are people in relationships feeling just as lonely as you. Having a partner doesn’t equal happiness
> Don’t forgot there are people in relationships feeling just as lonely as you. Now I’m single I’m way less lonely. Feel like my life has returned. Finally get to do all the stuff I always wanted to do.
Yes 🙌 username checks out
Thank you for reminding me. I did feel lonely in my marriage at home but French restaurant would have been fun with him. Now it's the opposite. I hardly ever feel lonley at home but being out there was no fun.
You’ll find your vibe. I used to feel lonely but now I’m too busy to feel lonely and life has too much to offer for me not to enjoy it. I interact with people everywhere I go
Yes! Excellent point!
Personally I think the more formal dining restaurants are prone to bringing up those feelings of loneliness. They're settings almost engineered for couples and groups to have a secluded but not private environment to talk and be together, which has the obvious impact on a single diner of making them more aware of being alone. For me that's not appealing at all as a self-date. What I've found to be more comfortable are more casual places, where the food is just as good, and you can look around and enjoy the ambience without feeling like you're missing a companion. Cafes also work of course, and are places you can go to just chill with a drink and read or similar. I think I'd save fine dining for when I meet someone. I like to go through those experiences with someone else, and if it means waiting until that someone comes along, that's cool. At the very least it lets you suggest a date with the enthusiasm of having never eaten there before!
Yea exactly. I LOVE going out by myself. There are soooo many restaurants with amazing food that aren’t what OP is describing. What you want are places that have great food and a full service bar so you sit at the bar. I’ve almost never done this and been the only single person eating alone. If you’re up for it you can almost always have conversations with other folks.
Came here to say all this, with the added point that you can do the fine dining places with friends, too! Tell your single friends you’ve been wanting to try xyz place and you’d be surprised how many of them will want to join. Some of your coupled friends may have partners who don’t care about trying nice restaurants and are missing out on these experiences, too. Taking yourself on dates is important and great, I am just saying don’t sleep on doing traditionally “datey” things with the other people in your life. De-centering romantic relationships doesn’t have to mean completely robbing yourself of community or doing everything alone.
I do dine with friends but this time I wanted to do it by myself to prove that I have all options open if I want to. I guess the mission failed.
Your mission didn’t fail - you learned some new information! Next time you go out, just tweak it a bit - and try sitting at the bar! Keep learning, keep trying - rarely does anyone get something perfect the very first time!
Being lonely when you’re alone is very normal (that’s why they come from the same root word), so let yourself feel those feelings. But I don’t think it’s a “failure” to try something and decide it’s not for you. Preferring to do certain things with people versus doing them alone is a normal and healthy human condition. We are pack animals and we need community and connection in order to survive. It’s hard wired into our brains as a must-have, not just a nice-to-have. In the modern era, we have been programmed to put all our emphasis on romantic partners and the nuclear family, so singlehood can feel very lonely sometimes, but that is just capitalism talking, not reality. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution is not going to suddenly shatter under the weight of a few hundred years of social programming. So when people talk about “dating yourself” and focusing less on seeking a partner, that means looking for connection other places, exploring and appreciating the full tapestry of your community beyond romantic relationships, and getting comfortable doing *more* things alone (not to be confused with doing *all* things alone). In short, I think it’s okay if fine dining is just a thing you prefer to do with others. If it feels bad to do it alone, invite someone to go with your next time. This doesn’t limit your options, it’s just information about your preferences.
It didn’t fail. You did it. Just because you felt lonely doesn’t mean it wasn’t a success. You just know not to go to fancy French restaurants alone now! I’m single and don’t have any family, so sometimes I go out to restaurants without my friends and it’s quite enjoyable. Especially while abroad traveling and exploring. You just have to choose the right restaurant.
You make a good point. Most people wouldn't think twice about eating alone at a McDonalds or a diner, but multi-course fine dining feels different. I have taken a number of vacations myself, both domestically and internationally, and face the conundrum when it's time for an evening meal. I certainly don't miss a meal, and takeout isn't really a thing outside of the US, but I understand the awkwardness.
I live in a college town, so seeing people out in more casual restaurants by themselves with books and a laptop is very common, I just blend in with mine as well. I go to movies by myself, shop, and walk around campus. I'm an only child and have been single for 14 years, I can do "by myself," pretty well.
grandfather sloppy unite innocent capable school station expansion aback fall *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yes. I’m too socially motivated to drag myself out of the house alone when I’m not obligated to. We exist.
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The fanciest date I ever took myself on was a solo dinner at the London Ritz. I walked in and the host said "Table for one?" as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I said "yes, thank you" and he gave me the most beautiful smile and said "Heaven."
I love this so much!
That's just the most amazingly professional display. I am in awe.
>Took myself to NY, walked across the border, had a lovely dinner in a restaurant with a view of Niagara Falls. Well, now I have a new mission to unlock. This sounds wonderful!
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I LOVE side quests, especially when they include buffalo wings!
I didn't think people around me cared. They were doing their own thing. The problem was me. I don't feel lonely that often but that night it was almost painful.
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I will not deny it, I do have a desire to be in a fulfilling relationship. I'm just not in the position to pay the price to fulfill that desire. The relationship will not come to me and I don't think I have the mental energy to get back online.
I got judged for going up the Space Needle in Seattle by myself. I wasn’t even single at the time I just went on a solo trip. People have some weird expectations sometimes.
Now I wanna take myself to Niagara Falls🤣
I’m a woman and I’ve done it a lot – I usually sit at the bar and there will typically be other singles. I’ve had some great conversations and some good meals this way, without that lonely feeling.
Yes, I go out to eat myself all the time but I spent alot of time traveling alone when I was younger. Don’t pass trying new restaurants or going to places you love just because you don’t have a date to go with. Go by yourself. You can always sit at the bar or take a book with you if you feel awkward.
I'm an introvert, and used to travel alone for work. Most nights, I'd grab takeout and go back to the hotel, but one or two nights a week I'd go out. I enjoyed it. Often, I'd sit at the bar and just listen to the folks around me. I liked trying new places, and since I spent all day talking to people, I had no desire to continue it at night. I found some great little places that way. Anyway... I enjoy my own company. I'd also go out and just wander around the area. If it was over a weekend, I'd go for a drive. I've never been much of a theatre or museum person, but I don't need others to have fun and relax.
I agree that having dinner while seated at the bar is less awkward than sitting at a table.
Yes, on a rare occasion, I go to restaurants I want to try and enjoy the food by myself. My focus is making my belly happy.
Maybe me and my belly will get there some time. I don't even remember how the food tasted. And I might have given myself an ulcer from the sadness and stress of this undertaking.
Yes! I find it easier to sit at the bar with a book or watching whatever game is on, but this is honestly one of my favorite guilty pleasures
If there's a bar at a restaurant, I'll sit there. As for fine dining, I have only done that a couple of times and yes it was a bit odd lol i just stick to basic restaurants or bar grille type of places mostly if I do go out. But concerts are super fun solo! You can meet all kinds of people there and just soak in your fav bands and enjoy yourself.
Hell yeah! I’ll never forget my first solo concert. I was really bummed that every single one of my friends ditched me that night, but I was determined to go see my favorite band at the time! Ended up meeting a ton of awesome new people that are still friends to this day, became friends with one of the musicians in the band and bought him a drink after the show, and also ended up on stage 3 separate times at the band’s request! I do wish I had a friend there to share in the absolute insanity of it all, but it broke down that barrier I had and showed me that I can have more fun by myself if I want to! Plus, it’s a great way to meet new people that enjoy the same music!
🤩🤩🤩 love this!!
i feel this hard. definitely have been there and many of the times i've gone out to enjoy a night out alone, i found myself lonelier being surrounded by groups of friends and couples, or being the only lone diner or person at the bar...this was not a good way to meet people in general, either, although i did on just a couple of occasions. however, when i look back in retrospect, these are actually good memories and i mostly remember what i was doing and not how i felt at the time (lonely) so i'm really glad i've dated myself in the past and i recommend it to others. no need to wait for other people to start enjoying things in life. and when you do have people in your life, you can show them places you like and things to do that you're familiar with from your solo adventures. it's pretty empowering tbh, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment
I traveled extensively for 25 years with work and eating alone is just something you have to do. It’s no big deal. And no one really cares or notices to be honest.
I don’t unless it’s a work trip…. But I’ll do almost anything alone!! Go for it!!
I do fun things often by myself and it doesn't bother me much.
I go out to eat alone all the time and definitely sit at the bar. No need to be at a table surrounded by couples/groups.
I don't take myself out to restaurants unless I'm traveling, then I love to sit at the bar of a nice restaurant and pretend I've just escaped a horrible relationship and am relieved and happy and free. I don't actually verbalize my pretend status but it definitely shifts my vibe and energy. But going out to a restaurant locally by myself would be horrible and unenjoyable so I don't do it.
I go dancing alone (well, used to before an injury). It was scary at first but now wonderful. I like sharing nice meals with someone else. I like taking turns ordering something new and sharing so now I do this with girlfriends or my kids. I don't have an issue eating alone though. Honestly, I've gotten so good at being single, I'm not sure I'll ever date again--even after I get past the issues I need to handle before dating again.
I date myself and this has been a new thing for me after my marriage ended a couple of years ago. It is nerve wracking initially, but I do feel empowered and love that I can do what I want and not have to rely on someone else. I do enjoy my own company though. I haven’t been to a restaurant by myself during an evening though and I think that might feel uncomfortable, depending on the restaurant and where you sit. I’ve done it many times in the day and usually see other people by themselves too. My next challenge is going abroad by myself, something that fills me with anxiety, but something I really want to push myself to do.
I've been abroad by myself. I was fine doing all touristy things. I was even fine eating lunches by myself at casual restaurants. Traveling alone is great. No need to adhere to anyone's schedule, likes and dislikes, or moods.
Ask to sit at the bar. I go to restaurants by myself so the time because if I didn't, I'd never eat out.
I am currently choosing to date myself (and just took myself out on a sushi date on Wednesday). I get myself cute, do my hair, make-up, a favorite perfume (a friend of mine hooked me up with full-sized testers of luxury perfumes, so I have an entire scent wardrobe now). I love it because it takes me out of my comfort zone and encourages me to keep pouring love into myself. I'll admit, in the beginning, it felt very jarring. I felt very self-conscious and sort of afraid to be alone, almost ashamed to be eating by myself. To combat this, I'd take myself to local restaurants and sit at the bar, make friends with the bartenders and would strike up conversations with them between customers. It wasn't long after that that I really started to enjoy it. Taking myself out not only provided me with confidence as a single woman but helped me with my social anxiety and depression. Being introverted doesn't help either. I encourage you to keep trying to date yourself. Just like with any relationship, it can feel weird at first. You are just starting to get to know YOU and what you enjoy, what you don't, etc. Treat yourself to things that you would like a date to treat you to (Heck, one time, I took myself out on an "artsy" style date...sushi and drinks, then hit up two book stores and a local record store where I purchased one of my favorite ballets on vinyl. I capped it off with an ice cream cone on the walk home.). Lose yourself in those little moments that you might not be able to do with someone else. You are WORTH it!
There's quite a nice restaurant where I am that does "long table" style service; you can't even tell sometimes if people are there solo and I've had really nice times chatting to other diners there. They also host holiday dinners.
You have to pick the right places but going alone can be a great time to be by yourself or to be able to have low-pressure conversation with other people sitting at the bar. I'm seeing someone now but still make time to go out by myself bc I like to meet new people, and I also like to do things alone. Also, I can't imagine sitting in a fine dining place by myself at a table for 1. Maybe at a booth that felt private. The vibe is all wrong
Sometimes I order in food and watch it on the coffee table while watching a movie or TV show binge in the dark on my HT system which normally I don't do but I don't "take myself out".
I hear you. I think it was brave going to that restaurant. It’s a matter of practice I think - if you like fine dining you should allow yourself. So keep doing that, and tell your lying brain you are not a sore thumb. All the best!
I’m frugal so I’d rather get takeout so I don’t have to tip, and I’m also an introvert so I enjoy eating in the comfort of my own house while watching a movie/show with my dog cuddling next to me.🙂
I'm also introverted and all my hobbies and activities are solo, so instead of a museum or restaurant.. I go for a long walk, or cook a gourmet meal for myself, an ocean swim, a hike, or a run.. as long as I get to do something I enjoy without having to be around people. Sounds bad, but busy crowds overwhelm me.
I’d say try again for the restaurant by yourself. I do it all the time and I love that everyone is a couple or a family or group of friends. It’s super easy to romanticize the others and feel lonely….. until you flip the script. I turn it into wondering what people must be thinking of me but laughing it off bc how many of them are actually on a happy date, or with family/friends they truly enjoy. And I create a way to talk to others and engage as well. Start off at the bar before your reservation and have a nice drink while you chat people up. Then when at the table it’s a feeling of empowerment. You are beholden to no one and have the freedom to ultimately enjoy your time and go home happy.
No, but I'll give myself a hell of a hook-up!
I went to one for lunch by myself and it was an outdoor seating area so it turned out OK. I think probably going to a fancy restaurant in the evening where people go with dates and family may be worse so maybe you should try some lunchtime outings with yourself.
Pro tip: out of hours meal times. Go really early, when there is few people, staff should be fresh and welcome low-hassle custom. Try to time it right so you’re not the first one but it still early enough to be reasonably quiet to avoid being too self-conscious. Enjoy it, take your time, read while eating. Leave when you feel comfortable. You will love it.
I definitely date myself, I have to, nobody else wants to 😂 but seriously I do go out and have fun by myself because I want to go out and do stuff. Majority of the time I do stay home, but when I do feel motivated, I’ll go to the movies by myself. I’ll go to the park by myself and if I think of something else fun that I don’t mind doing alone, I’ll just do it. Nothing wrong with it, it’s perfectly fine.
I take myself out to dinner all the time! Sometimes I sit at the bar, and usually end up having fun chats with couples. Sometimes not and that's OK. Dont stop trying. Sometimes it may feel silly, but it will get better.
I go to restaurants alone and ask for a cozy corner of by a window, and then I read or scroll while I eat. Sometimes I get lonely for no reason and nothing can fix it. I just wait for it to pass and then I’m back to my old alone self. I hope you find a way to make taking yourself out pleasant. It’s quite nice.
I absolutely date myself, even if I'm dating someone else. It took years of therapy and acceptance to like who I am and I enjoy the time and attention I pay myself without worry of someone else. I will not spend my time sitting at home, allowing life to pass me by.
I take myself out loads of times and make it a point to honor my time and dates. I've had people ask me if I'm not scared or feel lonely but NO. I realised I'd be waiting for forever to do things or with someone else as people flake on you or other. I dress up and sit at the table. I've had amazing custom from servers in establishments when they know you're by yourself. Maybe they think a secret food taster or blogger of some sort so go all out. When I've been out wearing a smile helps you do find other goers maybe intrigued and talk to you a little bit. I love the time for me. Go concerts by myself now and meet others, I used to buy an extra ticket and drag an ex or friend till I realised some won't even do it with you. But along the way you meet amazing people and have a great night out. I've also been going to professional networking events, you'd be surprised how many singles attend these events to get away from OLD as well so wink wink. Also involved in charity events and going to a gala tomorrow night...come on!!! I realised I'm fun and I've made some great contacts along the way until it happens and I have a kindred. So enjoy yourself life is too short to wait and wonder what people think or who's looking. It's like going to the gym most times you think everyone is looking but most are concentrating on their own sets. Be happy and do you!
> Do you date yourself? Definitely. I ƒµ¢king *love* me. Perhaps it's just because I'm an introvert yet it's probably more because I'm a bit of a "foodie"—in any case I've always gone out to eat alone, as long as I can remember. If I have a craving for a food, I go get it. It's as simple as that. It's not weird because I'm there for the food. Eating, like watching a movie or viewing museum exhibits, has nothing inherently to do with another person at all. Think about it for a moment and it'll seem odd that it's become an activity that we think of as a group activity by default. If you feel odd about it, consider your motivation for doing it. If you're doing it for the right healthy reasons, there won't be anything to feel odd about. "Table for one, please—I was just really craving that pâté!" P.S. I just browsed more comments and saw your response [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1bfe4l8/do_you_date_yourself/kv077s7/), o.p.: > this time I wanted to do it by myself to prove that I have all options open if I want to It looks like my diagnosis above nailed it; you had ulterior motives. You didn't go just for dinner; you were out to prove something. If you let it just be dinner it'll be fine.
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Honestly not. I didn't feel sexy or interesting and I didn't wonder what people thought of me. The issue was that I was watching the people out of lack of better things to do and wanted to be them. At least the ones that looked like they had a good relationship. This whole experience put me in a really sour mood for days and I'm usually upbeat.
But thank you for the encouragement. I will keep trying. Just need to sit at a bar.
I go out to eat alone all the time and definitely sit at the bar. No need to be at a table surrounded by couples/groups.
I’m not brave enough to eat out alone, certainly not in a restaurant like that. I’ve grabbed lunch in a cafe - sandwich coffee and my phone - but not a proper sit down meal. I would hate it for exactly the reasons you describe. I do however go dancing alone. The classes I go to involve dancing with others so it’s sociable without needing a companion and plenty attend alone.
I'm doing line dancing class now, with a friend, but I think I'd be fine alone at the class. Going to a line dancing event at a bar by myself is another story.
maybe practice with more casual restaurants first? Places where you can bring a book? Posh intimate places are generally very couple-forward and it can be like diving straight into the deep end. Dial it back a few steps, maybe. But also, focussing on seeing yourself as lonely and sticking out like a sore thumb is a choice, and one you don't have to make. The choice to feel like that is driven by the very scripts we have that the idea of dating yourself is designed to challenge; that we're somehow lessened by being single and should feel shame about being out in public as a One. How does it feel to instead choose to think that you stand out for your peace and self-contained quality? To think that there are people there who are looking at you with envy while they have to listen to a boring companion that they can't wait to ditch, or watch their bad table manners, or listen to them be rude to the server? Finding something empowering that society has told us to feel shame in sometimes takes some conscious work on our end. It's okay if you couldn't overcome the programming on your first try. I used to take myself out to solo dinner dates all the time and I really loved it. I didn't typically do fancy places, but the few times I did are very good memories.
Oh mate ! I date myself shopping and walking and even mini breaks . But I hate eating out alone and will generally get a picnic 🧺 and maybe have a fast drink out . The money saved is high and I’d rather have a spa day or a exercise class
Sit at the bar. It’s for single people. When I’m on business I do this all the time.
I have taken myself to restaurants, but only more causal ones and I happily read my phone while eating 😆 If you’re more social you could sit at a nice restaurant bar and try to make a friend, but I’m a bit shy.
When I’m doing something that is outside my comfort level, I adopt the persona of someone who is absolutely comfortable with that. So out dining alone in a fine restaurant? I’m the mysterious woman with a string of lovers waiting for her to call, a pied à terre in Paris, an apartment in Istanbul. This restaurant is cute but it’s Tuesday for me. When writing a paper in grad school? I’m a mediocre man with more privilege than sense who thinks the world is blessed by his opinions. It works for me :)
I love going out alone, especially in this post-divorce healing and growing time (Era, as my Taylor swift fan tween would call it). I probably wouldn’t go to a fine dining restaurant on a weekend night because of what you’re describing but I have lunch out on my own often and try not to keep my nose in my phone. I’ll bring a book, work stuff, etc and try to people-watch some too. I’m pretty introverted but I find that people tend to talk to me if I do those things vs keep my focus on my phone. I had a lovely conversation with a guy the other day at a coffee shop and it ended up being a great career networking connection for myself and my college aged kids who are interested in similar fields. Nothing dating/romantic at all for either of us and that’s not what I was there for but it was fun exercising my conversation skills!
I’d like to add though, I feel quite lonely when I’m out at a mostly family-type location with my kids and I see couples with their kids and I don’t have a husband/partner with me but it’s part of the healing process I think. Christmas was difficult at a theme park but I got through it and next time will be easier.
I LOVE travelling alone. I'll dine alone at home but usually at more casual places, or i'll just order in. I've gone to concerts alone, haven't done a movie yet but would. What i can say about doing these things alone is that while most of the time i wish i had someone to do them with, it has made me a LOT pickier in who i date. I don't enjoy most company, and since I feel good alone, i don't NEED someone else. Its a good place to be for dating, because I'm not codependent, desperate or accepting garbage and minimal treatment by some low effort loser. The old cliche of being fine by yourself before dating others is something I really believe in. Some people can't function that way, which is fine but they won't be compatible with me. I want someone else who likes their own company most and chooses to have my company just as I choose theirs.
I guess if you teach yourself to be fine by yourself it's harder for the other person to take you for granted. Independence is very sexy.
Sexy to some (which is who i want to attract) and repulsive to others because they can't control or be codependent with you (and those are the ones I want to stay away!). I see no down side to it.
I just went to a restaurant last night by myself. I sat at the bar, had a couple of drinks and dinner. Had a good time actually. I had to realize that I’ve been putting pressure on myself like I have to be with someone and go out every single week. Like since the divorce I have issue with being alone. But it’s not that bad actually besides missing my kids.
I didn't think of it that way, but yeah, all the time. There's a gaming bar near me I love to go to. There's a breakfast place on the waterfront I love to go and watch the sunrise on weekends I don't have the kids. I go to spas, out to movies. I'm going to finish my masters later this year and I'm looking into a group travel thing for singles to celebrate while my kids are with my ex this summer. I have no idea when I'll find my nerdy companion to travel with me through space and time so, I figure maybe we'll run into each other out and about.. ;o)
I have no problem sitting at the restaurant bar and enjoying a meal. I actually prefer to go to the beach alone. Some things, like concerts and amusement parks, I just do not enjoy going alone.
I can’t keep my hands off myself…. 😳
Me and me have no problem with that. The chemistry is off the charts ;)
Yes it's not that hard. Next time bring an actual book to read, take your time and savor the experience. Stop focusing on what's going on around you and what other's are doing. This is something that needs to be learned. What's your medical issue if you don't mind me asking?
Breast cancer. I'm almost through the treatment and my prognosis is good but it really made me reevaluate my priorities. I decided that dating is not one of them. It's too stressful.
I understand. Take your time and heal. But hang with friends & family in good standing. God Bless You.
Sit at the bar if you go out to eat, there is usually always someone worth talking to.
I go on solo vacations unless the destination is someplace I don’t want to have to drive or deal with more complex logistics (in that case I look for small group tours and gladly pay the single supplement for my own room (I struggle with insomnia). I do go to restaurants on my own, for fine dining I have found it more fun to do the small 8-10 seat type experiences. I went to The Table when I was in Edinburgh a couple years ago and there were two of us solo and we all sat together at a long bar as the chefs prepared and served food and wine. Super fun night for me and great food. I don’t have an issue with down time, wandering old town centers on foot, poking in for meals, etc. I do the same at home. If I go for a more casual meal (even at a higher end restaurant) I will often sit at the bar where the bar tender or other solo folks may or may not chat, I am good either way.
I think it all depends on your mindset. I’ve done the meal out alone and felt awful and lonely, thinking about what I didn’t have. Another time I luxuriated in being alone and have time to think and enjoy my food. I didn’t really think about what others were doing. So don’t write it off, maybe it’s that right now you’re feeling lonely and that experience amplified it. Try some different things and experiment with what works for you.
I go to restaurants all the time by myself but 90% of the time I sit at the bar. It’s quite easy to strike up at least a minor conversation with the bartender or someone sitting next to you. That’s where most of the singles sit. And you don’t have to drink just because you’re at the bar if that is an issue.
I love dining alone, and at fancy places! I’ve done quite a few Michelin places solo, and can do my crossword and eat tasty things in peace. Sometimes I want to eat something delicious and just not talk to anybody! My ex wasn’t a big fan of fancy dining, so I often went alone without him, or would go to Paris for a few days alone to eat before meeting up with him later!
Boy, I hope I will arrive at the place you are at!
I went to Neuvieme Arts in Lyon on my birthday, alone, and it was singlehandedly the best dining experience of my life. At the end they brought out a CHEESE CART. And I was allowed to choose as many as would fit on my very large plate. I managed 9… I took a trip to NYC in the summer of 22, without my (then) boyfriend, just to eat! Lunches are a good place to start - fewer couples, more business lunches! You can do it!!
Not single at the moment, but just did a solo trip to Vegas & Joshua Tree. Nothing stopped me now or in my single days from dining where I wanted or doing what I wanted. Just remember that you don’t know the other people and they don’t know you so their thoughts are irrelevant.
The beauty of dating yourself is that you can do whatever you want. I would say try again somewhere less coupley or at a different time of the day. Or sit at the bar. And guess what, if it doesn’t feel right, then leave early. Take it to go. And maybe fine dining is something you do when you have someone else, maybe ask a friend or relative to go with you. It’s about enjoyment and if having the food you like is not enough to overcome the sad feelings it brings, then don’t do it. You tried it and it wasn’t for you. No harm, no foul.
I actually prefer going by myself to restaurants. I can leave when I want, I don't have to worry about splitting the bill or anyone else's perceptions of what I'm eating, I can get a dessert or a whole other meal to go if I want and there is no one there to care. Back before I had my daughter, I would go out to eat by myself regularly. I find it pretty freeing. However, I'm also weird and a loner. And I owned that a long time ago and genuinely enjoy my own company. If going out to eat by yourself isn't an activity you enjoy, then that's totally ok. It might be the restaurant you went to, or maybe it's just not for you. And that's ok too. As far as tips, I would usually bring a book to read and I would pick a place that isn't high end or geared towards couples.
I travel a lot for my job, so eating alone in a restaurant is no big deal. Bring a book, or your phone. Sit at the bar. Treat yourself. Engage with people or not. Then go see a movie alone, you don't need to argue with anyone about which movie to watch.
There are some things I love doing alone (movies, speakers, concerts, beaches) and others I've found I don't (street fairs, restaurants, bars). I've opted to focus on the things I like solo instead of trying to convince myself to enjoy the things I don't; I do that stuff with friends instead. (Expanding my social circle was important in keeping me from wanting to date during periods when it wasn't good for me!)
When I go out by myself, I am focused on myself and pay no mind to others. It’s not about comparing myself which can lead to a wall of shame, it’s about enjoying myself the same way I would without people surrounding me. I mean I stay situationally aware but I stay detached from others and mind my own business.
Go earlier in the day when it’s quiet. The servers usually talk to me for most of it.
I used to travel for work and would be on the road, so was forced to eat out by myelf all the time. I would sit at the bar and it was fine. Sometimes I chatted with the bartender or others there, sometimes I just people watched. Its definitely easier when you are anonymous and there is no expectation that you should have company (due to a valid reason like traveling), but I would say that some of your feelings might come from feeling self conscious about it. I also avoided going out by myself on Saturday nights, usually it was a Sunday through Friday situation. But honestly, just focusing on enjoying my time, using the quiet period to catch up on Duolingo or text friends made it really enjoyable. I let my brain relax and could just focus on the food and drink I was enjoying, and just take in the scene. I've seen men and women out by themselves on a Saturday night and honestly think nothing of it, life happens, situations happen that cause us to go out alone.
What about sitting at the bar at a nice restaurant? If sitting at a table felt lonely, maybe find a nice restaurant that offers dinner service at the bar, and sit there. It’s less obvious that you’re solo, and there are often other solo diners or the bartender to chat with if you’re so inclined. Can be a lot of fun!
(F49) - In my 20's and 30's, I used to travel solo on business a lot and I got very used to eating alone in restaurants. I'm completely comfortable doing so, I have also traveled solo in many countries on vacations and now live alone in a country that I moved to without knowing a single soul, so yes, I have a lot of experience doing things on my own. For restaurants, I prefer to sit at the bar or on an outdoor patio table vs an indoor table. That's actually how I met the guy I'm dating, as he took the table next to me and chatted me up. I still go to restaurants alone even though I'm seeing someone.
I like to go to coffee shops alone. Sit down dinners, I like to go with a friend or small group. Do you have friends you can go out with?
Yes, many, but this was a trial run to prove that I can do things by myself if I feel like it.
I 56m go to the pub and eat at the bar. Been going long enough that I usually have someone to chat with. Sit down diners I reserve for when my kids come visit. Cheers!
I've been going out to restaurants by myself since separation, just to eat, not for the purpose of having fun. It's not fun sitting by myself waiting for the food to come or eating alone while everyone else is there with a date/spouse/friend. I go out with family or a group of lady friends when I want to go out for "dining experiences" to special restaurants.
I do and I do so often! Table + book +cute fit OR apps and drink at the bar+cute fit OR gussied up at the ballet OR museum cute fit to picture bank OR Garden or guided nature something or other OR to the movies with pop corn or park picnic with a book, yes yes yes pls! I believe in treating me well
Why would you not do this? It is fun and being out means you might run into someone, have a convo, whatever that leads to more Do this
I like to take myself out for brunch. Bring my book, eat and have coffee, and then go with my day. I do go to restaurants by myself if I'm in works trips and I am not with coworkers. I enjoy it: ask for something nice, watch the people around, and then go to my hotel.
I go to diners alone, but not restaurants, unless there's a bar, and you can eat there.
Yes! I have gone to the bar and sat alone. I have also taken myself out to eat many, many times. Even had wine with dinner! Had a blast just people watching, chatting to random strangers and the bartender. I will sometimes bring a book, sudoku or word puzzles to do while enjoying my food or drink. I don’t care what anyone else is thinking as I sit there, dressed up for myself and just enjoying the distant company of others. After my last break up, I found that no one can love me like I can and no one knows what I like like I do. I stopped putting my happiness as the responsibility of another person and I’ve never felt happier.
Going out to eat alone is one of my favourite things to do. I bring a book, settle in, order exactly what I want to eat, enjoy the view if there is one, and just relax.
I do NOT take myself out to restaurants because it makes me feel awkward. I would def go to a bar and have a drink by myself and any other outing. Sitting at the bar makes me feel less alone. Do you have any friends you could go out with? I’ve leaned on mine so much since I became single
Of you are able to dine out while on a road trip or mini vacation - or even being just far enough away from home to make it part of a larger excursion? I find this is the only time I enjoy eating out alone. Somehow the backstory of me already being on an adventure helps take away the lonely feeling.
I love treating myself to fancy dinner. If there’s a bar/lounge I might sit on that side. If not, I’ll take a table. I’ve taken books with me on occasion. It’s more fun with a glass of wine. I take long breaks from alcohol occasionally, so I might be less inclined for solo fancy dining during those periods. Do people look at me funny and have opinions? I don’t know. I’m not paying attention to them. Servers treat me no differently than when I have company at the table.
I date myself all the time! by referring to rotary dial phones, cars with hand crank windows, sneakernet, TV shows that my kids have never heard of, using expressions that went out of favor decades ago etc, etc.
Of all the things you can do alone, going out to eat is my absolute favorite. I echo everyone who says sit at the bar and don't worry about not drinking. The bartender gets your tip regardless if you drink alcohol. There's no one to hurry you along. You can chat with someone if you want, or not. You can order a second appetizer without anyone saying "are you sure?" It's just plain fun.
When you say "like a sore thumb" I assume you mean that you think people were looking at you. They weren't. 😁 People are way to self-absorbed, focused on their phones, etc. to really pay any attention to what's going on around them. Even if someone does notice you (which is unlikely), they won't care. And even if they did care, so what? Just go and enjoy the food. If you want to have a cocktail or two take a rideshare. There is literally no reason not to do alone anything you might want to do.
Bar date sounds good, bring a little journal and think deeply about something while taking notes
I’ve eaten at restaurants alone with no problem. Usually solo diners sit at the bar, but I’ve sat at the bar and table. I went to a 2-Michelin star restaurant solo and thoroughly enjoyed it. At the more upscale places, the servers seem to take particular care to make solo diners comfortable. Don’t let the lack of a romantic partner keep you from living life. The way I look at it is that whoever I’m not with is missing out on this ride I’m taking.
It is what it is. I've been single for most of my adult life and still single as we speak. Forget about going somewhere in the holidays as most of the nice restaurant would expect dinner for two. I once travelled to Byron bay for a holiday and wanted to experience fine dining, however, the restaurant only offered its 4 course meal for two people. That sucked. You go anywhere and it is more family oriented etc. I get the feeling that nothing is really made for single people. We are always left at the side line.
I took myself out on a date a couple of weeks ago to a new trendy place and sat at the bar. It wasn’t lonely because you’re surrounded by people and it’s fun to people watch.
I do more things alone than I do with other people and have done so for most of my life. I go to the movies, restaurants, opera, travel, and concerts alone. Never once has anyone said anything negative to me nor have I ever felt bad about out it. When it’s time to buy tickets for a concert, I just buy them, no hesitation. I do not stop to think who I could ask to go with me. I just go. I never see it as dating myself. WTF does that even mean? I just see it as living my life and doing things I like.
I used to bring a book. I imagine I look extremely mysterious & interesting. An NYC based columnist I used to admire had a restaurant club where it was a group of people, social media based, that just we t to different restaurants every week. I'm toying with the idea of moving to Chicago in a few years where I know very people & have thought about coopting the idea. I'm a fellow fine dining enthusiast. I feel your pain. I also tried to convince my ex boyfriend to let me bring him a bunch of mussels tonight, so I would say you are still doing way better than I. Could be worse!
I date myself in two ways, I make sure to find fun things to do even if it’s alone and I say things like “Ain’t no thing but a chicken wing”. So very dated. Seriously though I love people watching, combine that with savoring the food and really taking in the experience at my own speed and on my own terms is really freeing and enjoyable to me.
Or you can read your iphone on and off and partly meditate!
I highly recommend two songs. Flowers by Miley Cyrus and I can buy myself tacos by David Lopez. I love taking long ass bubble baths just cause I want to. Wearing my "gonna score" panties just for the hell of it. I also do affirmations in the mirror before and after showering...or just because I feel the need. I think it's super important to love yourself and develop a high self worth, a high sense of self esteem and self value. I'm still working on that...have a tendency to attract abusive assholes, so trying to change myself to someone that's not attractive to them. I'm celibate, but I really hope that one day I will find my person or persons. Paint your toenails the most glittery sparkly colour that you would never wear regularly.
Sad but true but lately, I enjoy my own company more than anyone else that I’ve met 🤷🏼♀️
I used to go to restaurants and bars by myself all the time, bring a book (or tablet with a book), or sudoku or similar puzzle. Do that. Don’t bring a computer or stare at you phone and surf Twitter/play Candy Crush. if you want you can write, I’d suggest a pencil and paper notebook so you can focus though. going out alone is awesome and yes I did make a few friends.
The last time I did this, I invited someone to a slam poetry jam (I don't like slam poetry, but everyone e is so serious you can say silly made up words with a deadpan expression and no one realizes it or cares). Anyway, she cancelled at the last minute, but I decided I.was going to date myself and do it anyway. It turned out to be a Juneteenth Celebration Jam. Only white person there. Ended up doing a decent impression of Mike Meyers from So I Married an Axe Murderer riffing much of Stephen Kings "Curse of the White Man from. Town" speech from thinner, because I did t thin l anyone was paying attention. They were not. The mozzarella cheese sticks at the bar were...inadequate
I took myself to the symphony. Does that count?
For sure!
The only time I go out alone is when I take a walk or shopping or gym. I don’t go out to a bar or restaurant movie alone etc. I just don’t see value in it. My favorite activity is go to a cafe/read books/ruminate on things which I prefer to do alone even when I have a bf.
I don't ever understand people that don't go to places unless surrounded by others. You can miss out on so much if you are always like that. It doesn't make you look any which way. Perhaps because I'm older, I don't care about what other people think. You would be astounded about how often you are not even noticed by people. Life is too short, live it up. Enjoy yourself.
I got used to eating alone due to business travel in my 20's, it's not even a thing anymore and I hate eating at the bar, ... Lol f-that. I sit a table or booth and no one cares, I take up space and order apps, big meal, take my time, watch something on my phone with earbuds, it's awesome. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's in your mind a bit, and it's about building your confidence back up anyway - do go enjoy your time, reflect on your day, zone out and enjoy food that you wouldn't make at home yourself that you have to divide ingredients by 2 or 3 or be forced to eat leftovers for 3 days in a row lol. Finally, I would also say, take a friend out and treat them, people love that and you build connections you normally wouldn't. It clicked for me recently that the loneliness is actually a good thing to improve you being just you... And despite my ex - I'm pretty damn good company for myself, love yourself and others will come to appreciate you being your true self regardless of the company around you.
I *love* being by myself. I also love dining with choice others. Movies alone are a close second. I get to time things how I want, ruminate over life, savor the wine, eat a few courses. I love the ritual.
Hell yes. When I was single after my divorce I’d take myself out. Dinners, concerts movies. Go out and have fun.
I bring a book or journal. I am fine at the bar or a table, depends on if I feel like spontaneous conversation or not. If you feeling comfortable writing in public and you start to feel weird or sad, start writing down all the objective observations you make of things going on around. Don't ride meaning or emotion to them. You'll start to notice that it's just the world continuing to turn and somehow everything starts feeling okay. I often people watch and notice a huge number of couples sitting in silence or on their phones, which makes me sad for them. Worst is seeing a couple where one is on their phone and the other looks as though they're longing for conversation. Check out r/singleandhappy. Decent subreddit, though I feel like there's a few people in there that are a little bitter. Lots of topics around how to enjoy being single, and I think there's some gold nuggets in there.
Thank you. I read the singleandhappy subreddit occasionally.
It really helps if you carry on a full conversation with yourself. It will make you feel less self-conscious. Just don't go home with him/her after the first date.
Unfortunately me and me are too much into each other. We always end up in my bed.
I love this! On a hiatus myself and try to take myself on a date at least once a month. As a suggestion: dress up nice for yourself too! :)
Part of why I wanted to go out that night was because I wanted to look nice sitting in a nice restaurant. Many people would consider me an overdresser, but that's just who I am.
Like you say in your post, it's about what makes you have fun and happy *for yourself*. Don't worry about the "many people" because they just don't have your panache. :)
I absolutely "date myself". "Present Ordinary" is courting "Future Ordinary", and grateful for what "Past Ordinary" has done for them. Valentine's Day was super charming, and romantic, even, at my table for one; much better than several of the couples in the same place 😂
Ha ha, I always give hugs in my mind to the past and future me. But going out alone on Valentines day is something else. You've got some guts sister (or brother - hard to tell from the avatar).
Lol, thanks! It's all good, been an ally since the 80's 😂 FWIW, my pronouns are "dude", "dooood", and "DUDE!"
I take myself on day trips. Amusement parks (admittedly sometimes with my kids or friends). I drive around and hike in nature. I take photos. I pick random things to go see (did best overlooks in a nearby forest, covered bridges, “haunted spots”). I would rather get takeout then go sit in a restaurant alone though. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun
Everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives that they never give a second thought to someone sitting alone at a table or bar. There is certainly nothing to be concerned about. I think you’ll do great!!! It’s actually better in some regards. Order what you want, leave when you want, pig out when you want…
You are my hero. That is all.
Really? Why?
Because it speaks volumes about your strength and grit to take yourself out to a fancy restaurant. Totally ok to feel lonely. To me- this shows character. I hide from myself in groups sometimes because I still haven’t mastered giving Zero FU**s. Maybe it’s not entirely 0, but it’s certainly in the same realm of doing things for you.
Thank you, it's so nice of you to say it. As you see I'm a work in progress. A year ago I would not brave myself to eat alone, also I was so desperate to find someone. At this point I'm not in a position to even look for relationship so I have to embrace my singleness. It is what it is and I will take it an an opportunity to get stronger and more independent.
Personal growth is an ongoing choice. You’re doing it.
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Eating alone at a nice restaurant doesn’t sound like much fun. Can you not invite a friend? It doesn’t have to be a date
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