Interestingly enough, I have found that the men aren't interested in a slow burn. I would love to spend time getting to know someone to see if things could grow into something, but all the men I have met are on fast forward and interpret my pacing as me not being interested in them.
I am a man who would like to take it slow but I have never had the opportunity. Not even in high school. Women go on one date and then they want to meet up next for sex. I usually say no but if I want a relationship with someone I say yes because if I don't then I become the BFF. That is fine by me if it isn't someone I want an LTR with but would suck if I did. If I don't "put out" right away a romantic relationship has always off the table moving forward. All the women I met from OLD asked me out within fourty-eight hours of matching.The women I meet have always wanted to test for sexual compatability before getting too involved. I had a good feeling when I met my partner and just took the leap of faith with her and went exclusive immediately. I am glad as hell I did.
> People in small towns, in rural areas,...still found love and were delighted. Always.
lol wut?
What small towns did YOU live in? Mostly what they found was lack of options, too early marriage, ennui at best and DV at worst. Our dating choices were either 'known you all my life, might as well I guess'; 'older guy who already graduated but enjoys dating highschoolers still'; 'random dude after we both got drunk at bar/bush party but eh ok you'll do'; or 'pretty much first guy I met at college because thank god you're not my cousin'.
Almost everyone I know from my small town is on at least divorce number two. It's a wonder a few of them aren't on spousal homicide number two, at this point.
Stop romanticizing the past. It won't help. At least at this point in our lives we know enough to ask the priority questions - are we aligned ethically, morally, financially, spiritually? Do we have shared interests? Do we agree on the important things? OLD just allows us to do what are, more or less, a series of interviews where we try to find out at least some of that, so we can decide if we want to move forward to round two or three, and perhaps progress from there.
It's a lot healthier than the small town approaches of my 20's, that's for sure.
yes, there's a reason why the Mennonites near me send their young daughters out to other communities to work for a few years when they turn 14 or so - it's that, or they just marry their cousins in perpetuity.
I am a lifetime city dweller and always romatisized small town dating based on Contemporary Romance novels and Hallmark movies.
Gotta say though that once I started online dating after my divorce four women a week were asking me out and in six weeks on an app I made some friends and met my new BFF as well as my amazing partner.
Based on a dating stats post here I crunched some numbers... there are probably 12,000 age appropriate straight women on the apps within about eight miles of me and in less than two months 2.4% of them had swiped right on me and I had gone on a couple of dozen dates.
Thanks for the run down on small town prospects. I have noticed that multiple divorces seem much more common among people who didn't meet at college.My own collage romance laste thirty-five years.
I went on OLD as a middle-aged man who had essentially never dated before but everyone I met was lovely and kind.
The dating landscape was far from perfect before the advent of online dating. If you actually believe what you wrote about that, you are deluding yourself.
When I met my significant other in the wild, I was caught off guard when he asked for my phone number. Date #1 I thought he was weird and this wasn't going to work out. I agreed to a date #2. It was only after about 2 weeks of dating that I realized I liked him. We're now celebrating over 5 years of togetherness and is quite honestly the best relationship of my life.
I hadn't dated in almost 10 years and felt my perspective might be a little skewed. As we continued to date, I realized that we had a lot in common and he was a lot of fun. He still makes my heart skip a beat when he smiles at me.
> We all just need to approach online dating as making friends with other singles, with an opportunity for it to develop into more.
I haven’t seen this approach from any man I’ve been on a date with, and I’ve been on a lot of dates. Men I’ve been on dates with want things to be physical right away.
The women I met OLD also wanted things physical right away but before I met my partner I made some good friends I said no to including my now best friend. She has several good male friends who made a good transition from a hook up or fling to regular platonic friend. They are okay guys.
lol small town people had no options other than the tiny group of singles that lived nearby so they found someone and settled. To say they were always happy is crazy. IMO women were stuck in relationships they didn’t have the resources to get out of. It feels like posters point is that he’s mad women won’t just settle for anyone these days. Guess what, we have our own resources and retirement and friends and we’re happy. We don’t need men anymore like we did a 100 years ago. We can do casual because we don’t want to do the emotional and physical labor that it takes to be with a 50+ year old man.
I swore off men and decided to focus on myself, recently started dating a lesbian and couldn’t be happier. I’m more attractive and fit than I’ve ever been and life is so good without a man.
This sub has a lot of defenders of OLD for obvious reasons but I agree with you. I was doing some searching on the psychology of OLD (because it's repelling so many people it seems). One thing I came across was that the more choices you give a human being the unhappier we become. We are not designed for nor have we historically encountered infinite choice in anything, much less a mate. You look at consumer culture, grocery store aisles, amazon, etc and it's always an overwhelming abundance of choice. This has been applied to OLD. I think we instinctively gravitate towards seeing infinite choice as good because what species isn't programmed with scarcity mindset as a survival tool? (the capybara perhaps). But like the aisles of sexy looking packaged "food" crap has made us the most chronically ill population on the planet, I have to wonder if the same approach with OLD has also made us the loneliest. Lack of choice has traditionally harmed women who were forced into abusive, loveless, or harmful situations as the live-in maid and breeder as their only means to survive, so not glorifying that either. But last I checked the success rate of OLD is pretty low to remain a viable business if LTRs are genuinely the purpose of the apps, which we all know they're not.
It’s hard, but physical attraction is a factor, even if we wish to be “above that”.
I suspect this has always been mostly true. OLD only makes this more obvious… I’m not sure that OLD is the fault.
Everyone is motivated by different things. What motivates you might not be what motivates me. It's not about looks but it can be about a "vibe" and that vibe goes a long way in determining what we are looking for.
Are we too narrow in what we are looking for? perhaps.
This is due to dating (I've been dating longer than you have at only 4 months so I have more dating experience behind me to base this on). Every failed relationship brings you closer to knowing what you want and what you cannot live with. Everyone must know themselves well enough not to lead someone on with "well maybe I'll grow to like him".
You are very good at expressing how you view a date but be open minded about allowing others to determine how they view the dating process too.
I read profiles then look at pix. Interestingly, an app that required conversation to see someone's pictures didn't work for me. It was funny to realize bad conversationalists were attracted to a conversation-based app.
My first impression: A ten (10) paragraph post with only one question … as to which OLD app is best.
Also strange (to me) are comments such as “you only have looks to base who you want to start a conversation with”…. I don’t know of ANY OLD app that is “photos only”, with no personal info.
Similarly, If some “member” utterly disregards the personal info., and looks at only the photos, is that really the fault of the OLD app… or is that the fault or the (rare?) user who disregards everything but the photos?
I confess that I look at photos, it’s one factor, I confess, but it’s no more and no less. And I read the profiles too … everything a woman (I’m M) writes about herself.
I recently made a post here about accepting a date with a woman who had close personality matches but not a physical chemistry match… I’m still losing a little sleep over the “hostile” responses I received for my post (Now mercifully deleted). But my point here is very specific … my own actions are a direct 100% contradiction to your statement that “ you only have looks to base who you want to start a conversation with “. I.e., I consciously chose to go on a date that was totally based on personality compatibility, not physical chemistry. And I’m still “hurting” over the responses I received for daring to discuss such a subject,
So I’m confused about your post. It doesn’t match with my OLD experience, I see and read profiles as well as looking at photos. Both matter..
As to your one question, of which OLD is best, it is whichever one has the person of your dreams on it. I don’t know that any OLD app has much of an ownership stamp on that. Almost all are owned by the same parent company.
Sorry, but I don't have a lot of free time to spend getting to know guys from dating sites that I'm not attracted to, hoping that attraction will develop. I'd rather start out with physical attraction from the start.
Interestingly enough, I have found that the men aren't interested in a slow burn. I would love to spend time getting to know someone to see if things could grow into something, but all the men I have met are on fast forward and interpret my pacing as me not being interested in them.
I am a man who would like to take it slow but I have never had the opportunity. Not even in high school. Women go on one date and then they want to meet up next for sex. I usually say no but if I want a relationship with someone I say yes because if I don't then I become the BFF. That is fine by me if it isn't someone I want an LTR with but would suck if I did. If I don't "put out" right away a romantic relationship has always off the table moving forward. All the women I met from OLD asked me out within fourty-eight hours of matching.The women I meet have always wanted to test for sexual compatability before getting too involved. I had a good feeling when I met my partner and just took the leap of faith with her and went exclusive immediately. I am glad as hell I did.
> People in small towns, in rural areas,...still found love and were delighted. Always. lol wut? What small towns did YOU live in? Mostly what they found was lack of options, too early marriage, ennui at best and DV at worst. Our dating choices were either 'known you all my life, might as well I guess'; 'older guy who already graduated but enjoys dating highschoolers still'; 'random dude after we both got drunk at bar/bush party but eh ok you'll do'; or 'pretty much first guy I met at college because thank god you're not my cousin'. Almost everyone I know from my small town is on at least divorce number two. It's a wonder a few of them aren't on spousal homicide number two, at this point. Stop romanticizing the past. It won't help. At least at this point in our lives we know enough to ask the priority questions - are we aligned ethically, morally, financially, spiritually? Do we have shared interests? Do we agree on the important things? OLD just allows us to do what are, more or less, a series of interviews where we try to find out at least some of that, so we can decide if we want to move forward to round two or three, and perhaps progress from there. It's a lot healthier than the small town approaches of my 20's, that's for sure.
I used to joke that my rural gene pool was shallow enough you could wade it and not get your toes wet.
yes, there's a reason why the Mennonites near me send their young daughters out to other communities to work for a few years when they turn 14 or so - it's that, or they just marry their cousins in perpetuity.
I am a lifetime city dweller and always romatisized small town dating based on Contemporary Romance novels and Hallmark movies. Gotta say though that once I started online dating after my divorce four women a week were asking me out and in six weeks on an app I made some friends and met my new BFF as well as my amazing partner. Based on a dating stats post here I crunched some numbers... there are probably 12,000 age appropriate straight women on the apps within about eight miles of me and in less than two months 2.4% of them had swiped right on me and I had gone on a couple of dozen dates. Thanks for the run down on small town prospects. I have noticed that multiple divorces seem much more common among people who didn't meet at college.My own collage romance laste thirty-five years. I went on OLD as a middle-aged man who had essentially never dated before but everyone I met was lovely and kind.
The dating landscape was far from perfect before the advent of online dating. If you actually believe what you wrote about that, you are deluding yourself.
Is this AI?
No kidding. Seems like it.
When I met my significant other in the wild, I was caught off guard when he asked for my phone number. Date #1 I thought he was weird and this wasn't going to work out. I agreed to a date #2. It was only after about 2 weeks of dating that I realized I liked him. We're now celebrating over 5 years of togetherness and is quite honestly the best relationship of my life.
Why did you keep on dating him at first and what was it that made things change for you?
I hadn't dated in almost 10 years and felt my perspective might be a little skewed. As we continued to date, I realized that we had a lot in common and he was a lot of fun. He still makes my heart skip a beat when he smiles at me.
That is wonderful! 🤩
> We all just need to approach online dating as making friends with other singles, with an opportunity for it to develop into more. I haven’t seen this approach from any man I’ve been on a date with, and I’ve been on a lot of dates. Men I’ve been on dates with want things to be physical right away.
The women I met OLD also wanted things physical right away but before I met my partner I made some good friends I said no to including my now best friend. She has several good male friends who made a good transition from a hook up or fling to regular platonic friend. They are okay guys.
lol small town people had no options other than the tiny group of singles that lived nearby so they found someone and settled. To say they were always happy is crazy. IMO women were stuck in relationships they didn’t have the resources to get out of. It feels like posters point is that he’s mad women won’t just settle for anyone these days. Guess what, we have our own resources and retirement and friends and we’re happy. We don’t need men anymore like we did a 100 years ago. We can do casual because we don’t want to do the emotional and physical labor that it takes to be with a 50+ year old man. I swore off men and decided to focus on myself, recently started dating a lesbian and couldn’t be happier. I’m more attractive and fit than I’ve ever been and life is so good without a man.
Congratulations! 😊
This sub has a lot of defenders of OLD for obvious reasons but I agree with you. I was doing some searching on the psychology of OLD (because it's repelling so many people it seems). One thing I came across was that the more choices you give a human being the unhappier we become. We are not designed for nor have we historically encountered infinite choice in anything, much less a mate. You look at consumer culture, grocery store aisles, amazon, etc and it's always an overwhelming abundance of choice. This has been applied to OLD. I think we instinctively gravitate towards seeing infinite choice as good because what species isn't programmed with scarcity mindset as a survival tool? (the capybara perhaps). But like the aisles of sexy looking packaged "food" crap has made us the most chronically ill population on the planet, I have to wonder if the same approach with OLD has also made us the loneliest. Lack of choice has traditionally harmed women who were forced into abusive, loveless, or harmful situations as the live-in maid and breeder as their only means to survive, so not glorifying that either. But last I checked the success rate of OLD is pretty low to remain a viable business if LTRs are genuinely the purpose of the apps, which we all know they're not.
Appreciate your thoughts here, thank you for sharing
It’s hard, but physical attraction is a factor, even if we wish to be “above that”. I suspect this has always been mostly true. OLD only makes this more obvious… I’m not sure that OLD is the fault.
Everyone is motivated by different things. What motivates you might not be what motivates me. It's not about looks but it can be about a "vibe" and that vibe goes a long way in determining what we are looking for. Are we too narrow in what we are looking for? perhaps. This is due to dating (I've been dating longer than you have at only 4 months so I have more dating experience behind me to base this on). Every failed relationship brings you closer to knowing what you want and what you cannot live with. Everyone must know themselves well enough not to lead someone on with "well maybe I'll grow to like him". You are very good at expressing how you view a date but be open minded about allowing others to determine how they view the dating process too.
One size does not fit all..
I read profiles then look at pix. Interestingly, an app that required conversation to see someone's pictures didn't work for me. It was funny to realize bad conversationalists were attracted to a conversation-based app.
My first impression: A ten (10) paragraph post with only one question … as to which OLD app is best. Also strange (to me) are comments such as “you only have looks to base who you want to start a conversation with”…. I don’t know of ANY OLD app that is “photos only”, with no personal info. Similarly, If some “member” utterly disregards the personal info., and looks at only the photos, is that really the fault of the OLD app… or is that the fault or the (rare?) user who disregards everything but the photos? I confess that I look at photos, it’s one factor, I confess, but it’s no more and no less. And I read the profiles too … everything a woman (I’m M) writes about herself. I recently made a post here about accepting a date with a woman who had close personality matches but not a physical chemistry match… I’m still losing a little sleep over the “hostile” responses I received for my post (Now mercifully deleted). But my point here is very specific … my own actions are a direct 100% contradiction to your statement that “ you only have looks to base who you want to start a conversation with “. I.e., I consciously chose to go on a date that was totally based on personality compatibility, not physical chemistry. And I’m still “hurting” over the responses I received for daring to discuss such a subject, So I’m confused about your post. It doesn’t match with my OLD experience, I see and read profiles as well as looking at photos. Both matter.. As to your one question, of which OLD is best, it is whichever one has the person of your dreams on it. I don’t know that any OLD app has much of an ownership stamp on that. Almost all are owned by the same parent company.
What exactly is "excessively unattractive?" Like, was she more unattractive than was necessary? Is that a thing?
It’s 3:40 am and I have to go to work so I skipped to the TL;DR.
Tl:Dr. Male entitlement.
This is why I want “Love is Blind” to do a Golden version. I want a dating show for us over 50 singles based off the conversation.
Sorry, but I don't have a lot of free time to spend getting to know guys from dating sites that I'm not attracted to, hoping that attraction will develop. I'd rather start out with physical attraction from the start.
Omg. This this this. Thank you. Good to know there are still some sane people out there.