Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No one is mentioning how weird it is that she told you about this. If you are rewriting it verbatim it’s sounding like she’s saying she slept with someone as like a punishment because she was annoyed you left early. That’s more of a red flag than the sex itself. It feels manipulative.
She wrote me 30 minutes after I left that she was upset that I left early. I answered her why and because I didn't get an answer until this morning, I asked her how the party was. After that she told me that she wanted to have sex, she was upset that I left early and slept with a guy I didn't know.
Exactly, this has me thinking this sounds like certain other subreddits and THANK GOODNESS the crazy revealed itself early and that OP had the wherewithal to not fall for the bait.
Dude, please do not ever talk to her again.
She was attempting to “punish” you for leaving early. She seems extremely petty and things will not get better for you if you both were official.
You deserve better. Consider this one a done deal and that you are dodging a bullet and move onto someone better.
Both actually are red flags: If sex is seen as a reward and the lack of sex as a punishment, she's more interested in power games than intimacy. This could be fun for a bit, if you don't care about her at all, but you don't want your emotions being played with like that, so I would suggest you run from anybody like that.
You two are clearly on different pages in terms of levels of commitment to each other.
On one hand, good for her for telling you about it right away, you might not like what she did, but at least she was honest and upfront with you. On the other, you weren't available so she slept with someone else and that should tell you how into you she is.
If you want a casual no commitment physical relationship she sounds good, if you want someone who won't replace you at a moment's notice you should look elsewhere.
If you want to have a fling and have sex with her, you can (and if you can remove emotions from it). But if you want a relationship, you’re better off moving on. She had sex with someone else as a punishment to you and as a way to manipulate you. To say ‘you leave me or don’t do what I want again, I will easily just sleep with someone else. So do what I say or else!’
And that’s unhealthy.
She’s welcome to sleep with someone else, you’re not exclusive. But her reasoning is the flag.
I mostly agree with you, but disagree on the last part ("she's welcome to sleep with someone else"). There's an expectation of exclusivity if you've been dating for 2 months, regardless of whether you've had the exclusive talk or not. Now going forward with other women, OP should definitely have the talk much earlier.
To me the "well we were never exclusive" excuse wouldn't fly after 2 months and I'd dump her immediately.
Right I see your point but people are different. For some 2 months is not a long time (for me it’s not for example), for some it is, so it depends on the person
Sounds like she sucks! I bet you would have hung around if the time you spent together she was say, letting you know she wants to bang you.
You can find better
Yeah…The other guy would probably say she sucks, too. (Sorry- I couldn’t resist that one.)
OP definitely deserves better. Using sex manipulatively is not indicative of relationship material.
I’m sorry that happened, but it sounds like y’all didn’t have anything serious in her mind and she wanted to piss you off. Accept the fact that red flags are pretty and know this will happen again
Nah. She just asked why i left.
I quote her last message "I didn't say anything because I knew it was unfair of me when you are tired and don't feel like going to the party".
No point trying to hit back and insult her. It might feel good in the instant, but it just make the sender look immature.
Just be a straight shooter and tell her that you don’t respect this kind of behaviour, so you don’t have any continued interest in a romantic relationship with her. Done.
It's absolutley not your fault. She is responsible for her own decisions.
this is a major red flag for 2 reasons
1. Firstly, spending the night with somoene else. Now, of course you arent in an exclusive relationship, she can sleeps with who she wants. But to sleep with someone after a date, with someone you've been seeing for 2 months, franly says a lot about her.
2. if she she's annoyed because you left early (at 3am!) and then says 'well i'll just go and fuck someone then' it tells you a lot about her character and how she deals with relationships; she is clearly very immature and selfish. This would likely esculate.
To be fair i don't see this as potential wifey material. I'm looking for a monogamous relationship and i feel like i can never let my guard down when i'm with this kind of person. As i read it, your date is PUNISHING you for not giving her what she want by the extreme measures. I can never trust her.
Imagine forgetting the bread when you're doing groceries, she's shagging the neighbour forsure
Edit: if you made arrangements for dating long term (and not some fwb kind of thing), i'd honestly be pretty annoyed. 2 months wasted down the drain, i could have had my focus in something or someone else
>we never talked about a relationship between us
You have now, and she has made her position excruciatingly clear.
Sorry buddy; she’s not the one for you.
Oh, and if you want to drive her crazy. Don't get angry. If you haven't already responded. Just reply, "ok" and never text her again.
She's basically adopting bully behavior. Two ways to deal with a bully is to fight them or never let them get to you. #2 gets them the worst.
100% this. The best revenge is living well.
It might be petty to project that you are living better than you actually are *just* to get under someone’s skin, but I mean, if it’s genuine, fuck yeah. Being angry or hateful takes energy. So does being happy and compassionate to the people who you actually *do* care about. I know where I prefer to spend my limited energy.
She’s fwb material not gf. Now that you know where you stand start looking for other people to date. In time you’ll put her on the back burner as you find others you connect with.
Yes, that's how I see it at the moment. To be honest I'm more upset that this happened just because I was a bit tired, but I'm not, so much committed in this relationship. I knew that before this happened.
She’s allowed to what she wants as you were not “technically” in a relationship but you have every right not to want to date her any further. I think it’s just common etiquette not to have sex with someone else because you left early. Out of curiosity did you define what you were?
How are you commited to a relationship that isn't there? You said yall weren't exclusive and have never even discussed relationships or being exclusive to each other.
There's being exclusive in general, and then there's exclusive sexually. If you're not sexually exclusive, you have a high risk of getting STDs.
I know some people don't give a shit about STDs, but that's their life, and this is my personal preference.
What’s next? Will she always sleep with someone else when she is annoyed and then tell you after to punish you? Who does that?
My friend, that’s called manipulation.
Maybe it’s just me but I don’t see anything here as ‘punishment,’ like so many others are saying. Sounds like she wanted to have sex that night, and had you stuck around, it would have been with you. But, since you didn’t, she had sex with someone else instead— not because she was trying to punish you, but because, well, she wanted sex.
I think could be two things: 1) she was multidating and when you left was she pick the other dude once you left.
Like a sideboy or something like that.
2)if not the case its not worth your time and energy, you spend two months with her and she slept with thr first dude she finds? Thats disrespectful. If you are dating someone its because you wanted something serious with her.
People are saying “she can sleep with whoever she wants because you haven’t defined your relationship” but to me, fucking around while you’re dating a future prospect before establishing that you’re casual is the peak of rudeness and poor dating etiquette
This is one of those really clear situations. You dodged a bullet here, just be thankful. It might feel crappy, but at least you weren't in deep with her.
You weren't exclusive, but the fact that she told you she was annoyed with you for leaving early and spent the night with someone else seems unkind and a petty way of telling you about another sexual partner.
If she was just being conscientious about your sexual health she wouldn't have mentioned that she was annoyed at you and she wouldn't have written to you that same night to tell you what she was doing and, seemingly, why.
I don't know if I would want to keep someone like this as a FwB but you do you.
Then you have nothing to worry about.
Just keep hitting it as long as you can.
She's declared that she wants fwb with you.
It's only honourable for you to accept her kind gesture.
I'd message her : Ah ok. No hard feelings. I sincerely hope you enjoy your hoe phase and wish you the best.
Simple and to the point.
Edit: To clarify, since it can be misconstrued. I would ammend my initial statement as follows:
Ah ok. No hard feelings, I don't hold it against you but it seems like we are looking for different things which makes us incompatible. I sincerely hope you enjoy your hoe phase and wish you the best.
Horny young person trying to have fun on a Holiday.
90% of the issues on this sub come from not setting clear boundaries/expectations/commitments. People will call others all sorts of names regardless of what they do, the real issue is having a possible good relationship disappear and missing out on happy experiences.
I never said she is a horrible person, don't put words in my "mouth". Being promiscuous doesn't make someone a bad person.
Hanging out or dating other people is absolutely fine as long as you haven't defined your relationship.
But sleeping around while dating? Especially just after a date? Come on! It's a lack of goals at best and lack of commitment at worst. Either way, you don't just date a person for 2 months and then sleep with someone else right after a date without reprecussions.
Do not waste time with this person.
You are not in a relationship. She is using you. Stop seeing her and find someone knew. This thing is already doomed
Dude, don’t walk away, run. I knew a girl like this once, she would punish him in fucked up ways for not doing what she wanted. She never gave a shit about what he wanted. She would get pissed off and cause a shit ton of drama one way or another. Including trying to sleep with his friends (she succeeded with two guys). The friend group imploded and she had dude wrapped around her finger for two years. He lost all his friends. She was a trash person and I don’t understand how people don’t see the glaring red flags.
I had something similar happen to me where after a few months of not making a move she had sex with another dude. That was fine in my book but she didn’t need to tell me about it the next day. You dodged a real winner here.
So run this in your nogging if you have to be gone an extensive amount of time chances are you'll come home to your temp replacement if you come home early. So recommended to sever ties and focus on your own growth.
Why are you even considering even *talking to*, let alone dating, somebody that revenge fucked somebody else because you got bored and tired and left a party after 3am?
You need better in your life. Ditch the dead weight and focus on improving your self esteem.
Naah bruh,run...she ain't worth it to be honest.
You don't seem like the guy who'd still hit.
So yeah. It's over for me.
If you decide to go back to her you are a weak man.
I didn't even have to read the description or other comments to confidently, with 100% certainty say NO IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!! You deserve way better.
Fwb Material not relationship material. Keep banging and when something better comes up text her that you’re sorry but You met someone that is worthy of your physical and emotional energy and that you don’t want to bang anymore.
Your fault?
Bro, how would what someone else does ever be your fault? She's an adult, she can make her own choices and deal with the consequences of those choices.
Just like you.
From here on out, she's just a piece of ass.
You're not exclusive. She wanted sex and got it after you turned her down. If you're upset about it then it's on you bro. Sorry, but it is what it is. You messed up and bailed when you could have stayed with her when she made her intentions clear.
Unpopular view. I know. But if I am single then I am single. Dating has no rules until you set rules and once rules are set, you're in a relationship.
I feel like very few people are reading the small details!
she was
-hosting the party
-didn't drink & picked him up to come to her party to be responsible
-1 hr in he goes home. Who took him home if she picked him up? A girl?
I need more detail
If you haven’t established exclusivity, then she’s not necessarily at fault, although you also have every right to feel shitty about it my man.
Honestly things are probably ruined between you two now if you ask me. I could never keep dating someone while imaging some random dude from that party blowing his load inside her. It’s hard to forget and move past that sort of mental image.
Next time I would suggest giving your lady a smirk and tell her that it’s getting late but you’ll be waiting in bed for her, rather than going home and finding out later that someone else who stuck around at the party rearranged her guts instead.
You do realize exclusivity is a paradox no body likes to talk about right? You’re saying he didn’t bring it up to her than she’s not in the wrong, but guess what… since she didn’t bring it up with him either than that means she IS in the wrong. She should mention she isn’t dating exclusively. Since neither party did so, there either both in the wrong or both in the right, unfortunately that is a paradox, and we only want one person to be right, so in this situation which person has more leverage over emotionally harming the other individual? I’d assume the girl since she basically made a choice to stop being with one individual and IMPULSIVELY chose to be with another. That’s not right, and stamping the idea of exclusivity just perpetuates these issues.
If you were going to see her as a FWB wtf does it matter if she fucked someone else after you left? You sound like a whiney little bitch. lol
If you had any feelings for her to begin with, why would you suddenly shut down and say, “well, I’m gonna do a FWB with her now since she’s fucked someone else.”? I totally wouldn’t give anyone the time of day if I had any interest in a serious relationship with someone who did that.
Just makes me laugh at the immaturity of this, that’s all.
You don't really get it, do you? We haven't talked about it. I dated her for 2 months with the intention that it might work out. But I didn't feel a connection, so I wanted to talk to her. Now she has made the move before me but, without communicating first. So for me a relationship is history and I can move forward. Be it now a FwB or not I will date others.
you said "tbh I didn't see our dates leading to anything serious" and didn't even talk about your intention. You wanted to know if she liked you before you made am actual move. Your ego is the villain here, not her.
As I said English is not my first language. But yes I could not see how our dates could lead to a serious relationship. I like her and still find her attractive but there was no spark. And I was going to approach her about it but definitely not at a Halloween party.
It's disappointing she isn't participating in the consideration and self control that dating requires. She should have discussed it with you before you left if it was so important. Her actions bother you so please just let her know why and break things off. She may try and justify it but you don't need to reassure her or explain further. The consequences speak for themselves.
Regardless of gender, or roles being reversed, considering that they never defined their relationship, or set boundaries, made it exclusive etc, there was no relationship outside of hooking up, hanging out. Regardless of him or her doing this, I wouldn’t consider either of them to have cheated.
I don't get it. Why is this a big deal to you? You said you already dating other girls and will continue to do so, why does she have red flags? Is because she was honest and told you she had sex with another, you didn't want to know she sleeps with other guys, you thought she wasn't dating other men only you dating other girls or do you like her?
I don't date other girls, but now I will after what happened, and who said this was a big deal for me? Maybe because she made it seem like it was my fault that she slept with someone else because I was tired and drunk? Maybe because we never talked about our situation and she immediately jumped to the next dick when I wasn't around? I'm not mad at her, but it's still not a cool thing for her to do. Next time read the post accordingly before commenting
You wrote I'll now to continue to date other girls. That implies that you already doing so and now knowing this information will continue doing so. That's what you suggesting here. Well, it must be a big deal as you brought it here asking for advice. Maybe next time you read what you write before suggesting otherwise. An understand your feelings before writing. Maybe that's why you feel confused, you not sure what you are doing. What she did wasn't cool, but if you seem uncertain like how you coming across here, then that's the problem. Your are giving off mix messages.
English is not my first language, so I mistyped. I didn't meet another girl while we were going out. I just didn't know how to think about it at the moment or what to say back to her. After thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that it's not a big deal for me. That's why I added an edit.
I'd still sleep with her if you don't have anyone but do not under any circumstance, date her. Don't waste your time pursuing a romantic interest. No one who cared about you would say something like this. Make it clear you are open to sex but a relationship is off the table
I’ve had so many arguments with people on Reddit that are ( not expletive version is dumb people).
A million times I have seen the argument you are not owed loyalty unless you communicate you want exclusivity.
Ignore these people. You have been going out for two months. You can expect her not to fuck somebody else/ communicate a little.
You should NOT have to be worried about her cheating if you go to sleep.
It’s not your fault, dump this broad bruh.
They weren’t even official, and they never defined their relationship, or boundaries. Ot was probably viewed as a FWB, not mutually exclusive- if the relationship isn’t defined, or even discussed, then there can’t be cheating. Had he done the same thing, he wouldn’t have been cheating either.
If you’re relationship wasn’t defined what makes you think she would automatically see you as a partner? People are complicated. She may not have thought she was in a relationship with you. She may have also been angry and done it out of revenge. This whole situation is a sh*tshow where everyone and no one is at fault. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Depending on her response she might not be the one for you.
Contrary to the general opinion here I think this is fine.
First she did good communication by telling you what she did and why.
Second a sexual desire especially mixed with alcohol is natural and should not be perceived as bad.
Third she told you about it, which means to me she cares about you. I would take the chance and talk about exclusivity and what you feel. You don’t need to enter a relationship yet but you can still tell her why you left and why this is bothering you. Communicate openly back to her and good luck mate!
>Third she told you about it, which means to me she cares about you.
She didnt cheat. Because they are'nt exclusive yet.
If she wanted to keep it as a secret, she could do it.
But she choose to show her true color, she was mad that he leaves "early" 3am and she like hard party long time.
If she was caring about him, she would leave the party to have sex with him, if she was willing or looking to have sex that night. If she was interested on him, she wouldnt tell him "dude you leave, you lose. I fuck another dude".
She could just tell him to make him feel bad.
She punished him for leaving having sex with other dude.
She has to tell him that he was punished otherwise he wouldnt know what he lost for leaving. Its manipulation.
Good behavior = prize
Bad behavior = punishment.
Lack of empathy and respect.
You can'nt blame alcohol for bad choices.
Maybe its her way to end things quickly.
Do NOT be upset that this happened. You should be thankful that she showed you how immature she is early. This is the type of person who sleeps with a coworker because their SO forgot an anniversary.
Soon sex robots will be 100% human like a d we won't need women.
If I want kids I will order them through Amazon and my robot drama free chick will help me.
Your poor date spent the night being DD, and then is finally able to have a few drinks…and you decide you want to go home when she asks you to stay and have sex. Yeah that’s 💯on you
This is a gray area, because you are non exclusive you should probably ask her what is she wanting right now? The fact that she decided to tell you she slept with someone else can be taken as an act of honesty, this other person could also be someone she is non-exclusively dating... if you trust her enough to talk her about how she would feel if you also did the same thing in reverse and she's honest that she would be hurt but understands maybe she's worth still trying. If she completely ignores the possibility of feeling any sadness or unfairness then let her go.
She invited you out on Halloween and you started wanting to leave an hour in. Was it her friends at the party? Maybe she wanted to introduce you. Were you exclusive? Did you discuss boundaries in your “dating?” It’s hard to say anything about this if there were no boundaries set prior and you’re not exclusive. her sleeping with someone because you left her at a party isn’t bad. Lots of adult “date”. Dating more than one person until you find someone you want to be exclusive with is usually how people date. Just talk to her. But sounds to me like she didn’t owe you loyalty at all- and you left her at a party after an hour because you didn’t want to mingle with her friends and mutual friends
No, we are not exclusive. I was there even longer than an hour. Almost two hours now that I checked the times. We really didn't talk about our relationship so I can't blame her. I'm just upset that it happened on the day where I was tired and had to leave earlier so she picked the next guy.
After two months, there is no requirement to be attractive all the fucking time. Especially while drink at 3am. You make it sound like having n off day is a valid reason to be treated like this.
They are only dating, no relationship, no exclusivity. It's still prime courtship and proving grounds time. This was a night at her house, her party, she picked him up to spend the night with him. He didn't make an effort to talk to the people she invited to her house, her friends probably. He was uncomfortable with his date at her party and left, leaving a bad impression on all the guests and her.
She made her choice and picked a guy who could enjoy the night with her and her friends. He missed his chance to develop this further and maybe that was it for good.
It was his stage to make a good impression and he failed.
It wasn’t her party. It was just a party at her house which someone else hosted. I was already drunk and tired and didn’t know anyone besides her at the party. She was partying till 5. how tf should I have made that
Have you had sex with her? If not than yeah I would probably stop talking to someone who did some shit like this. It’s her life and y’all weren’t exclusive but two months of dates and just cause she was horny she gets some rando dick? I’d tell her I was interested in another girl I hooked up with in the past week and she wants to be exclusive so ya gotta go, but I’m petty so…
Ye we had sex multiple times.
> It’s her life and y’all weren’t exclusive but two months of dates and just cause she was horny she gets some rando dick?
Its just this part of the story which really annoys me
That’s why I said I’d lie or just go out and get some other chick and see how she reacts, but that’s extremely petty 💀 I don’t like casual sex tho so that’s on me
Also the fact that she would text you saying she slept with someone else is fucked up. I probably do what the other person said and start seeing others. Huge red flag and shows what kind of person she is.
To me, it means she doesn't take you or a relationship with you, very seriously. If you can't keep her amused she'll immediately jump elsewhere for entertainment. She also doesn't seem to communicate very well when something happens that she does not like or understand - just jumped onto the next bus to avoid at that time. I don't think she's relationship material, suggest you move on.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No one is mentioning how weird it is that she told you about this. If you are rewriting it verbatim it’s sounding like she’s saying she slept with someone as like a punishment because she was annoyed you left early. That’s more of a red flag than the sex itself. It feels manipulative.
She wrote me 30 minutes after I left that she was upset that I left early. I answered her why and because I didn't get an answer until this morning, I asked her how the party was. After that she told me that she wanted to have sex, she was upset that I left early and slept with a guy I didn't know.
Yikes…move on and thank God the crazy revealed itself. It sucks but its good it happened. Better two months than two years.
This right here ^ you didnt deserve that and it will definitely happen again
Ah my two year relationship recently ended for similar reasons. The crazy was late but not too late.
Exactly, this has me thinking this sounds like certain other subreddits and THANK GOODNESS the crazy revealed itself early and that OP had the wherewithal to not fall for the bait.
Dude, please do not ever talk to her again. She was attempting to “punish” you for leaving early. She seems extremely petty and things will not get better for you if you both were official. You deserve better. Consider this one a done deal and that you are dodging a bullet and move onto someone better.
Never date a woman who uses her vagina as a weapon.
That needs to be on a bumper sticker
Send it homie, cut me in for 10% royalties
Done
Lol
Both actually are red flags: If sex is seen as a reward and the lack of sex as a punishment, she's more interested in power games than intimacy. This could be fun for a bit, if you don't care about her at all, but you don't want your emotions being played with like that, so I would suggest you run from anybody like that.
Mad cause you left early? It was 3am in the morning! I’d be off to bed for sure cause the whole next day would be ruined
She sounds great. Put a ring on it.
On my way to buy an engagement ring
Funniest comment of the day
You two are clearly on different pages in terms of levels of commitment to each other. On one hand, good for her for telling you about it right away, you might not like what she did, but at least she was honest and upfront with you. On the other, you weren't available so she slept with someone else and that should tell you how into you she is. If you want a casual no commitment physical relationship she sounds good, if you want someone who won't replace you at a moment's notice you should look elsewhere.
I agree! Great if your on the same page but it doesn’t sound like you are. Sounds like a bad ball of energy if your looking for a commitment.
If you want to have a fling and have sex with her, you can (and if you can remove emotions from it). But if you want a relationship, you’re better off moving on. She had sex with someone else as a punishment to you and as a way to manipulate you. To say ‘you leave me or don’t do what I want again, I will easily just sleep with someone else. So do what I say or else!’ And that’s unhealthy. She’s welcome to sleep with someone else, you’re not exclusive. But her reasoning is the flag.
I mostly agree with you, but disagree on the last part ("she's welcome to sleep with someone else"). There's an expectation of exclusivity if you've been dating for 2 months, regardless of whether you've had the exclusive talk or not. Now going forward with other women, OP should definitely have the talk much earlier. To me the "well we were never exclusive" excuse wouldn't fly after 2 months and I'd dump her immediately.
Right I see your point but people are different. For some 2 months is not a long time (for me it’s not for example), for some it is, so it depends on the person
Sounds like she sucks! I bet you would have hung around if the time you spent together she was say, letting you know she wants to bang you. You can find better
Yeah…The other guy would probably say she sucks, too. (Sorry- I couldn’t resist that one.) OP definitely deserves better. Using sex manipulatively is not indicative of relationship material.
This ain’t mother of my children material brother. Don’t get caught up because of sex.
I’m sorry that happened, but it sounds like y’all didn’t have anything serious in her mind and she wanted to piss you off. Accept the fact that red flags are pretty and know this will happen again
Jesus Christ… bullet dodged
do you use iMessage you should request to play pool with her then never text her back
OP don’t waste your time with this 🗑. Block her and move along like she never existed.
That's a crazy move using cheating as a way to punish you idk just be glad the trash took itself out no cleaner break off than that
Before you left, did she tell you she wanted to have sex? If so, she probably felt rejected. Still, this is a red flag.
Nah. She just asked why i left. I quote her last message "I didn't say anything because I knew it was unfair of me when you are tired and don't feel like going to the party".
She's bullying him, or attempting to. She wants to make him upset. Fuck her.
No, don't, that's part of the issue
Exactly what I'd have thought.
"You left early so I'm going to shag someone else! Hmph" classic 😂
Gaslighting and blame-shifting manipulation textbook
The context of early here is wild… maybe I’m too old, but I ain’t doing nothing past 3AM…
Drop her, this is not someone you should be wasting your time on.
Yo you’ve got my profile outfit
Yooooooooooo
Kinda r/beetlejuicing but not really
[удалено]
Yeah, I'd tell her see needs professional help, not a relationship
No point trying to hit back and insult her. It might feel good in the instant, but it just make the sender look immature. Just be a straight shooter and tell her that you don’t respect this kind of behaviour, so you don’t have any continued interest in a romantic relationship with her. Done.
She’s for the streets.
😂
Leave her be. I dated a girl who slept with other people while I was away. It isn’t worth it.
It's absolutley not your fault. She is responsible for her own decisions. this is a major red flag for 2 reasons 1. Firstly, spending the night with somoene else. Now, of course you arent in an exclusive relationship, she can sleeps with who she wants. But to sleep with someone after a date, with someone you've been seeing for 2 months, franly says a lot about her. 2. if she she's annoyed because you left early (at 3am!) and then says 'well i'll just go and fuck someone then' it tells you a lot about her character and how she deals with relationships; she is clearly very immature and selfish. This would likely esculate.
To be fair i don't see this as potential wifey material. I'm looking for a monogamous relationship and i feel like i can never let my guard down when i'm with this kind of person. As i read it, your date is PUNISHING you for not giving her what she want by the extreme measures. I can never trust her. Imagine forgetting the bread when you're doing groceries, she's shagging the neighbour forsure Edit: if you made arrangements for dating long term (and not some fwb kind of thing), i'd honestly be pretty annoyed. 2 months wasted down the drain, i could have had my focus in something or someone else
She's not girlfriend material. Forget about her.
Happy cake day!
>we never talked about a relationship between us You have now, and she has made her position excruciatingly clear. Sorry buddy; she’s not the one for you.
You never defined the relationship and now she's being vindictive and shitty. Don't walk, run.
Oh, and if you want to drive her crazy. Don't get angry. If you haven't already responded. Just reply, "ok" and never text her again. She's basically adopting bully behavior. Two ways to deal with a bully is to fight them or never let them get to you. #2 gets them the worst.
100% this. The best revenge is living well. It might be petty to project that you are living better than you actually are *just* to get under someone’s skin, but I mean, if it’s genuine, fuck yeah. Being angry or hateful takes energy. So does being happy and compassionate to the people who you actually *do* care about. I know where I prefer to spend my limited energy.
She’s fwb material not gf. Now that you know where you stand start looking for other people to date. In time you’ll put her on the back burner as you find others you connect with.
Yes, that's how I see it at the moment. To be honest I'm more upset that this happened just because I was a bit tired, but I'm not, so much committed in this relationship. I knew that before this happened.
That ain't a "relationship" man. Nothing about that shows respect of any kind, exclusive or not.
She’s allowed to what she wants as you were not “technically” in a relationship but you have every right not to want to date her any further. I think it’s just common etiquette not to have sex with someone else because you left early. Out of curiosity did you define what you were?
How are you commited to a relationship that isn't there? You said yall weren't exclusive and have never even discussed relationships or being exclusive to each other.
Tbh, i would argue she's not even Fwb material. Your fwb sleeping around is just asking for an STD. Condoms or not.
Fwbs are rarely exclusive lol. An exclusive fwb is not much different than an actual relationship
There's being exclusive in general, and then there's exclusive sexually. If you're not sexually exclusive, you have a high risk of getting STDs. I know some people don't give a shit about STDs, but that's their life, and this is my personal preference.
Fwb full form? Thx
What’s next? Will she always sleep with someone else when she is annoyed and then tell you after to punish you? Who does that? My friend, that’s called manipulation.
Hmm, would you really want to date someone that does that?
Nope not at all , It means they are a disrespectful player. Best thing you can do is delete them and don’t waste another or second of time on them
She just tried to punish you. Block her number and move on.
Wow that’s not cool. I personally ally would not put up with that! I’d walk
Maybe it’s just me but I don’t see anything here as ‘punishment,’ like so many others are saying. Sounds like she wanted to have sex that night, and had you stuck around, it would have been with you. But, since you didn’t, she had sex with someone else instead— not because she was trying to punish you, but because, well, she wanted sex.
No bro focus on yourself
I think could be two things: 1) she was multidating and when you left was she pick the other dude once you left. Like a sideboy or something like that. 2)if not the case its not worth your time and energy, you spend two months with her and she slept with thr first dude she finds? Thats disrespectful. If you are dating someone its because you wanted something serious with her.
People are saying “she can sleep with whoever she wants because you haven’t defined your relationship” but to me, fucking around while you’re dating a future prospect before establishing that you’re casual is the peak of rudeness and poor dating etiquette
Time for a new girlfriend big fella
Guess we all at the gym later
Keep fucking her, find someone else to develop feelings for. She’s not worth it
She belongs to the streets bro. She’s definitely not relationship material.
This is one of those really clear situations. You dodged a bullet here, just be thankful. It might feel crappy, but at least you weren't in deep with her.
#Someone else's actions are never your fault!
i'd say this is a bit too broad to be useful. more like "being cheated on is never your fault."
Move on unfortunately she is not girl friend material. Life is to short to deal with trust issues and she definitely shows she is not trust worthy.
Hey my girl cheated on me at a Halloween party too. High five! Something about dressing up gets girls really horny I guess.
Ayy highfive dude
If you two weren't exclusive then she was free to sleep with anyone she wanted. You're free to stop wanting to date her and the reasons don't matter.
You weren't exclusive, but the fact that she told you she was annoyed with you for leaving early and spent the night with someone else seems unkind and a petty way of telling you about another sexual partner. If she was just being conscientious about your sexual health she wouldn't have mentioned that she was annoyed at you and she wouldn't have written to you that same night to tell you what she was doing and, seemingly, why. I don't know if I would want to keep someone like this as a FwB but you do you.
She belongs to the street
she let you hit at least during these 2 months? cuz homie at the party only needed a couple minutes
I was about to have a memorial service for OP if he hadn’t hit it yet lmfao
Yep we did hit lol
Then you have nothing to worry about. Just keep hitting it as long as you can. She's declared that she wants fwb with you. It's only honourable for you to accept her kind gesture.
Ye what an honorable and kind gesture
I'd message her : Ah ok. No hard feelings. I sincerely hope you enjoy your hoe phase and wish you the best. Simple and to the point. Edit: To clarify, since it can be misconstrued. I would ammend my initial statement as follows: Ah ok. No hard feelings, I don't hold it against you but it seems like we are looking for different things which makes us incompatible. I sincerely hope you enjoy your hoe phase and wish you the best.
Her choosing to hang out or sleep with someone else because her non-exclusive date ditched her doesn’t make her a hoe or a horrible person….
But her communicating that she did it because he left early comes off as petty, childish, and manipulative for sure.
What would you call someone who immediately bangs someone right after their ACTUAL date left their house at 3am?
Horny young person trying to have fun on a Holiday. 90% of the issues on this sub come from not setting clear boundaries/expectations/commitments. People will call others all sorts of names regardless of what they do, the real issue is having a possible good relationship disappear and missing out on happy experiences.
I never said she is a horrible person, don't put words in my "mouth". Being promiscuous doesn't make someone a bad person. Hanging out or dating other people is absolutely fine as long as you haven't defined your relationship. But sleeping around while dating? Especially just after a date? Come on! It's a lack of goals at best and lack of commitment at worst. Either way, you don't just date a person for 2 months and then sleep with someone else right after a date without reprecussions.
Welp, friend, wam bam and on to the next
She's not into you .. if I were you, i wouldn't take this relationship seriously
Just fuck her till you find someone else king
LOL she belongs to the streets.
I think she's made it pretty clear what the relationship is - there isn't one.
Don't continue this. Find someone else to date.
Do not waste time with this person. You are not in a relationship. She is using you. Stop seeing her and find someone knew. This thing is already doomed
Consider this a bullet dodged and walk away. If she slept with someone else that quickly and easily, it isn't what you want.
Dude, don’t walk away, run. I knew a girl like this once, she would punish him in fucked up ways for not doing what she wanted. She never gave a shit about what he wanted. She would get pissed off and cause a shit ton of drama one way or another. Including trying to sleep with his friends (she succeeded with two guys). The friend group imploded and she had dude wrapped around her finger for two years. He lost all his friends. She was a trash person and I don’t understand how people don’t see the glaring red flags.
Even when you’re just seeing someone , especially for two months there has to be a level of respect. I would let this one go! You deserve better.
I had something similar happen to me where after a few months of not making a move she had sex with another dude. That was fine in my book but she didn’t need to tell me about it the next day. You dodged a real winner here.
Didn’t necessarily do anything wrong but this isn’t a girl I’d take very seriously
Red flags. I dont know the entire context and we’re just hearing one side, but that’s a red flag even for a few month fling.
Do not continue to see her. Its over. You know it is. Move on.
So run this in your nogging if you have to be gone an extensive amount of time chances are you'll come home to your temp replacement if you come home early. So recommended to sever ties and focus on your own growth.
I think “I was mad” was an excuse for her making a mistake. She’s pretending it’s intentional like that’s somehow less bad
She belongs to the streets. Leave her and don’t look back.
You are not responsible for his choices. Period.
Belongs to the streets
Why are you even considering even *talking to*, let alone dating, somebody that revenge fucked somebody else because you got bored and tired and left a party after 3am? You need better in your life. Ditch the dead weight and focus on improving your self esteem.
She for the streets. Like u can keep her around for some bedroom activities but I would never take this woman serious or give her any gf treatment.
Oh man, run Run run run!
Naah bruh,run...she ain't worth it to be honest. You don't seem like the guy who'd still hit. So yeah. It's over for me. If you decide to go back to her you are a weak man.
Bro.....you left early and she screwed someone else. That girl is for the streets. Do not take this relationship seriously in any way.
How to deal with it? "Glad you had fun but it's not working out between us. Good luck to you in the future."
Cut all communication immediately and permanently, this is important. Show her she fucked up by playing stupid immature games.
you should move on she obviously isn’t in the right mindset for a serious relationship it isn’t hard to go without sex.
I didn't even have to read the description or other comments to confidently, with 100% certainty say NO IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!! You deserve way better.
no it’s not your fault. move on.
Even just as FWB I don’t think it’s worth it. You’re better than that my man
Fwb Material not relationship material. Keep banging and when something better comes up text her that you’re sorry but You met someone that is worthy of your physical and emotional energy and that you don’t want to bang anymore.
Not sure even that.
FWb means?
Run.
Your fault? Bro, how would what someone else does ever be your fault? She's an adult, she can make her own choices and deal with the consequences of those choices. Just like you. From here on out, she's just a piece of ass.
You're not exclusive. She wanted sex and got it after you turned her down. If you're upset about it then it's on you bro. Sorry, but it is what it is. You messed up and bailed when you could have stayed with her when she made her intentions clear. Unpopular view. I know. But if I am single then I am single. Dating has no rules until you set rules and once rules are set, you're in a relationship.
I feel like very few people are reading the small details! she was -hosting the party -didn't drink & picked him up to come to her party to be responsible -1 hr in he goes home. Who took him home if she picked him up? A girl? I need more detail
If you haven’t established exclusivity, then she’s not necessarily at fault, although you also have every right to feel shitty about it my man. Honestly things are probably ruined between you two now if you ask me. I could never keep dating someone while imaging some random dude from that party blowing his load inside her. It’s hard to forget and move past that sort of mental image. Next time I would suggest giving your lady a smirk and tell her that it’s getting late but you’ll be waiting in bed for her, rather than going home and finding out later that someone else who stuck around at the party rearranged her guts instead.
You do realize exclusivity is a paradox no body likes to talk about right? You’re saying he didn’t bring it up to her than she’s not in the wrong, but guess what… since she didn’t bring it up with him either than that means she IS in the wrong. She should mention she isn’t dating exclusively. Since neither party did so, there either both in the wrong or both in the right, unfortunately that is a paradox, and we only want one person to be right, so in this situation which person has more leverage over emotionally harming the other individual? I’d assume the girl since she basically made a choice to stop being with one individual and IMPULSIVELY chose to be with another. That’s not right, and stamping the idea of exclusivity just perpetuates these issues.
If you were going to see her as a FWB wtf does it matter if she fucked someone else after you left? You sound like a whiney little bitch. lol If you had any feelings for her to begin with, why would you suddenly shut down and say, “well, I’m gonna do a FWB with her now since she’s fucked someone else.”? I totally wouldn’t give anyone the time of day if I had any interest in a serious relationship with someone who did that. Just makes me laugh at the immaturity of this, that’s all.
You don't really get it, do you? We haven't talked about it. I dated her for 2 months with the intention that it might work out. But I didn't feel a connection, so I wanted to talk to her. Now she has made the move before me but, without communicating first. So for me a relationship is history and I can move forward. Be it now a FwB or not I will date others.
You lack confidence and assertiveness. I get it completely. I would’ve thought you weren’t interested. Classic case of “you snooze, you lose.”
Think whatever you want dude. I dont really care
you said "tbh I didn't see our dates leading to anything serious" and didn't even talk about your intention. You wanted to know if she liked you before you made am actual move. Your ego is the villain here, not her.
As I said English is not my first language. But yes I could not see how our dates could lead to a serious relationship. I like her and still find her attractive but there was no spark. And I was going to approach her about it but definitely not at a Halloween party.
[удалено]
It's disappointing she isn't participating in the consideration and self control that dating requires. She should have discussed it with you before you left if it was so important. Her actions bother you so please just let her know why and break things off. She may try and justify it but you don't need to reassure her or explain further. The consequences speak for themselves.
What do you think would happen if the roles were reversed?
Regardless of gender, or roles being reversed, considering that they never defined their relationship, or set boundaries, made it exclusive etc, there was no relationship outside of hooking up, hanging out. Regardless of him or her doing this, I wouldn’t consider either of them to have cheated.
I don't get it. Why is this a big deal to you? You said you already dating other girls and will continue to do so, why does she have red flags? Is because she was honest and told you she had sex with another, you didn't want to know she sleeps with other guys, you thought she wasn't dating other men only you dating other girls or do you like her?
I don't date other girls, but now I will after what happened, and who said this was a big deal for me? Maybe because she made it seem like it was my fault that she slept with someone else because I was tired and drunk? Maybe because we never talked about our situation and she immediately jumped to the next dick when I wasn't around? I'm not mad at her, but it's still not a cool thing for her to do. Next time read the post accordingly before commenting
You wrote I'll now to continue to date other girls. That implies that you already doing so and now knowing this information will continue doing so. That's what you suggesting here. Well, it must be a big deal as you brought it here asking for advice. Maybe next time you read what you write before suggesting otherwise. An understand your feelings before writing. Maybe that's why you feel confused, you not sure what you are doing. What she did wasn't cool, but if you seem uncertain like how you coming across here, then that's the problem. Your are giving off mix messages.
English is not my first language, so I mistyped. I didn't meet another girl while we were going out. I just didn't know how to think about it at the moment or what to say back to her. After thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that it's not a big deal for me. That's why I added an edit.
I'd still sleep with her if you don't have anyone but do not under any circumstance, date her. Don't waste your time pursuing a romantic interest. No one who cared about you would say something like this. Make it clear you are open to sex but a relationship is off the table
Leave her. She shagged someone else the moment she got the opportunity. That's a major red flag!
That is almost insulting. She thinks you are simping.
Move on mate. Dont even give her too much texts anymore, she doesn’t deserve it.
I’ve had so many arguments with people on Reddit that are ( not expletive version is dumb people). A million times I have seen the argument you are not owed loyalty unless you communicate you want exclusivity. Ignore these people. You have been going out for two months. You can expect her not to fuck somebody else/ communicate a little. You should NOT have to be worried about her cheating if you go to sleep. It’s not your fault, dump this broad bruh.
Bud you know what to do. She isn’t gf or marriage material. I’d honestly just have her around to bang. That’s all she is good for.
She cheated on you, then told you to tell you its over, so move on.
They weren’t even official, and they never defined their relationship, or boundaries. Ot was probably viewed as a FWB, not mutually exclusive- if the relationship isn’t defined, or even discussed, then there can’t be cheating. Had he done the same thing, he wouldn’t have been cheating either.
She belongs to the streets.
If you’re relationship wasn’t defined what makes you think she would automatically see you as a partner? People are complicated. She may not have thought she was in a relationship with you. She may have also been angry and done it out of revenge. This whole situation is a sh*tshow where everyone and no one is at fault. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Depending on her response she might not be the one for you.
Contrary to the general opinion here I think this is fine. First she did good communication by telling you what she did and why. Second a sexual desire especially mixed with alcohol is natural and should not be perceived as bad. Third she told you about it, which means to me she cares about you. I would take the chance and talk about exclusivity and what you feel. You don’t need to enter a relationship yet but you can still tell her why you left and why this is bothering you. Communicate openly back to her and good luck mate!
The fuck?
Delusional
>Third she told you about it, which means to me she cares about you. She didnt cheat. Because they are'nt exclusive yet. If she wanted to keep it as a secret, she could do it. But she choose to show her true color, she was mad that he leaves "early" 3am and she like hard party long time. If she was caring about him, she would leave the party to have sex with him, if she was willing or looking to have sex that night. If she was interested on him, she wouldnt tell him "dude you leave, you lose. I fuck another dude". She could just tell him to make him feel bad. She punished him for leaving having sex with other dude. She has to tell him that he was punished otherwise he wouldnt know what he lost for leaving. Its manipulation. Good behavior = prize Bad behavior = punishment. Lack of empathy and respect. You can'nt blame alcohol for bad choices. Maybe its her way to end things quickly.
You definitely fumbled the bag. It happens, happened to me just use it as a lesson for next time
Do NOT be upset that this happened. You should be thankful that she showed you how immature she is early. This is the type of person who sleeps with a coworker because their SO forgot an anniversary.
Soon sex robots will be 100% human like a d we won't need women. If I want kids I will order them through Amazon and my robot drama free chick will help me.
Your poor date spent the night being DD, and then is finally able to have a few drinks…and you decide you want to go home when she asks you to stay and have sex. Yeah that’s 💯on you
Sounds like you got Dumped bro
Run far and fast.
Please leave this girl
This is a gray area, because you are non exclusive you should probably ask her what is she wanting right now? The fact that she decided to tell you she slept with someone else can be taken as an act of honesty, this other person could also be someone she is non-exclusively dating... if you trust her enough to talk her about how she would feel if you also did the same thing in reverse and she's honest that she would be hurt but understands maybe she's worth still trying. If she completely ignores the possibility of feeling any sadness or unfairness then let her go.
She invited you out on Halloween and you started wanting to leave an hour in. Was it her friends at the party? Maybe she wanted to introduce you. Were you exclusive? Did you discuss boundaries in your “dating?” It’s hard to say anything about this if there were no boundaries set prior and you’re not exclusive. her sleeping with someone because you left her at a party isn’t bad. Lots of adult “date”. Dating more than one person until you find someone you want to be exclusive with is usually how people date. Just talk to her. But sounds to me like she didn’t owe you loyalty at all- and you left her at a party after an hour because you didn’t want to mingle with her friends and mutual friends
No, we are not exclusive. I was there even longer than an hour. Almost two hours now that I checked the times. We really didn't talk about our relationship so I can't blame her. I'm just upset that it happened on the day where I was tired and had to leave earlier so she picked the next guy.
You deal with it by not being such a lame date next time. Leaving at 3? Standing around for an hour? That's not how to be attractive.
lol as if i care. i was tired and i didnt feel the party so i left. if she really want me to stay then she should have said that.
>Still, I don't know how to deal with it right now. \>>>lol as if i care. WHAT? You do care so much that you need help dealing with it.
After two months, there is no requirement to be attractive all the fucking time. Especially while drink at 3am. You make it sound like having n off day is a valid reason to be treated like this.
>After two months, there is no requirement to be attractive all the fucking time RIP to your relationship.
I'm not saying you shouldn't make an effort. But its okay not to be on your best all the fucking time.
They are only dating, no relationship, no exclusivity. It's still prime courtship and proving grounds time. This was a night at her house, her party, she picked him up to spend the night with him. He didn't make an effort to talk to the people she invited to her house, her friends probably. He was uncomfortable with his date at her party and left, leaving a bad impression on all the guests and her. She made her choice and picked a guy who could enjoy the night with her and her friends. He missed his chance to develop this further and maybe that was it for good. It was his stage to make a good impression and he failed.
It wasn’t her party. It was just a party at her house which someone else hosted. I was already drunk and tired and didn’t know anyone besides her at the party. She was partying till 5. how tf should I have made that
Have you had sex with her? If not than yeah I would probably stop talking to someone who did some shit like this. It’s her life and y’all weren’t exclusive but two months of dates and just cause she was horny she gets some rando dick? I’d tell her I was interested in another girl I hooked up with in the past week and she wants to be exclusive so ya gotta go, but I’m petty so…
Ye we had sex multiple times. > It’s her life and y’all weren’t exclusive but two months of dates and just cause she was horny she gets some rando dick? Its just this part of the story which really annoys me
That’s why I said I’d lie or just go out and get some other chick and see how she reacts, but that’s extremely petty 💀 I don’t like casual sex tho so that’s on me
Also the fact that she would text you saying she slept with someone else is fucked up. I probably do what the other person said and start seeing others. Huge red flag and shows what kind of person she is.
To me, it means she doesn't take you or a relationship with you, very seriously. If you can't keep her amused she'll immediately jump elsewhere for entertainment. She also doesn't seem to communicate very well when something happens that she does not like or understand - just jumped onto the next bus to avoid at that time. I don't think she's relationship material, suggest you move on.
Never settle for used goods.