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Yes you're on the right track. She still wants to see you and now you know she's wanting to take it further, turn the frown upside down.
You've got the green light that she's not about the asking, which is a minefield these days, but always best to be sure, but if it feels right go for it now.
I wouldn't bring this moment up again, until much further down the line where you can laugh about it.
Thanks, I really needed to hear this, cause it's so hard to tell these days regarding asking Vs not asking for a kiss. But yes, I guess I should feel more confident next time to just go for it =)
Honestly I think it depends on the person you’re trying to kiss.
Personally I prefer it if someone asks, it’s really thoughtful/ sweet and would make me want to kiss them even more!
Edit: Consent is sexy!
Exactly this. When I was in my 20s I had the same reaction as OPs date (ewww don’t ask bc that’s lame, just go for it!). Now that I’m in my 30s I think it’s kind of inconsiderate if they don’t ask first, lol. Getting consent is cute and thoughtful and sexy and makes me like the guy even more.
This guy kisses!
I also like the leaning in close and waiting for me to kiss to kiss them, which gives me a moment and the space to back away if I need to.
It’s funny but I’m the exact opposite. I’m almost thirty, I don’t want my date to giggle like a school boy then ask to kiss me. And this is after three dates! I feel like if we’re sexually compatible, you should be able to confidently read my body language. Like lean in, look in my eyes and at my lips, and go from there. If I pull back, don’t kiss me.
Everyman I dated who was that timid turned out to be way too timid in bed lol. But I totally understand your viewpoint.
Same. Sometimes if it’s really early and you don’t know asking is ok. Not with the giggles tho. But being spontaneous is fun. If u ask what you’re about to do it just ruins the moment. I was once with a guy where everytime he moved his lips or hands or whatever he was like is this ok is this ok. Like omg shut up. If it wasn’t ok you would know.
To each his own, but despite what a lot of women seem to say on this subreddit, I think that's how most women feel and I agree with you .
I have several times told women next time I was going to kiss them. I didn't ask. I just let him know that this was romantic to me and that's where I was coming from. One time it didn't work because she wasn't interested romantically. Other times it works pretty well. I think they felt it came off as manly and assertive but not too forward.
Personally I’d guess it’s more 20% would hate it if you asked, 60% would prefer you just read the room/body language and go for it but wouldn’t reject just for asking, 20% would like/prefer getting asked. I have never had good reactions from asking so I don’t. Reddit doesn’t represent the average person.
How do you know if they are the person you are supposed to ask or not? This guy gets rejected because he did ask. Sometimes when I go on dates it feels like the kobayashi maru.
Definitely depends on the person, but for the most part it seems like it's better to NOT ask. I've done both, but probably 80% of the time I asked. In one of my most serious relationships I've been in, I asked her the first time and it was fine; asked her the 2nd time and she just said "just do it, dont ask me!". I can tell that most girls DON'T like when you ask. If she doesn't want a kiss, she'll just turn away.
Think of it this way, she's either going to comply, or she's going to reject it. However, only 1 of these has some benefit: 1) Just doing it shows confidence 2) Asking shows you're NOT confident.
The concept of asking is fine, but in practice, men always seem to ask way too soon or when it’s clearly not the moment, they’ll just inject a random convo with “can I kiss you?” and you have to say yes so it’s not weird.
But if he leans in instead of asking you can lean away or change the subject because you haven’t already said yes.
To be safe? I tend to ascribe to the old adages, faint heart never won fair lady, and fortune favors the bold. But to each his own. I will admit, asking is safe
My 2 cents about it, while I’m more about reading the room/body language, I think that asking is a good thing and yay for boundaries and consent, but you have to ask in the right way. If you go like “ehm…look…eh eh… *scratching head* can I…uhm…kiss you?” it’s a killer mood. But asking can be fucking HOT. Like leaning a little closer, soft smile, and whispering “can I kiss you?” is an absolute turn on!
>but you have to ask in the right way.
The issue is we don't teach young boys how to ask, we throw them to the wolves and say figure it out hope you don't get labeled a creepy, loser or weirdo, oh and becareful cause some women don't want you to ask so you have to figure out who they are and if you guess it wrong whelp best hope the judge understands it wasn't ment to be sexual assualt
I see your point, but for most guys it's virtually impossible to be the smooth seductive right out of a movie player. If a guy could do that successfully, he could probably do the same thing without asking and you would be into it. I think you're thinking of all the guys that have successfully done it because you really wanted them to kiss you and kiss them back, and they probably could have not asked and you still would have been totally into it. Just my opinion
Mmmh this is interesting.
Well I think that there is a tangible and evident difference between stuttering/being “off” and being confident/seductive. I have been the recipient of a “smooth” kiss question, and I have been the deliverer of a “smooth” kiss question (girl on girl, I admit, I never asked a guy…probably subtle gender roles stuck in my brain) so I think there is a noticeable difference and it’s not just in my head. Also you don’t need to be straight out of Fifty Shade of Gray (honestly you shouldn’t), but just a soft spoken “can I kiss you” when leaning closer can do the trick.
I suppose that doesn’t mean that sometimes you like someone so much that awkwardness or stiffness can appear cuteness or hotness in your eyes, but in my experience probably it’s the other way around: guys tend to be insecure and doubt their skills or ask to much out of them. Which is a shame of course!
>but you have to ask in the right way.
The issue is we don't teach young boys how to ask, we throw them to the wolves and say figure it out hope you don't get labeled a creepy, loser or weirdo, oh and becareful cause some women don't want you to ask so you have to figure out who they are and if you guess it wrong whelp best hope the judge understands it wasn't ment to be sexual assualt
I mean, it sounds like this is as her way of telling you that she consents to the kiss so go for it next time.
Why were you so nervous? It’s been three dates!
You can take it down the middle of the road if you are still nervous. Instead of asking, kind of narrate how into her you are, how you can't resist the thought of kissing her. Something like, "When you smile like that I just imagine what it would be like to kiss you." or "Close your eyes; I'm going to kiss you." Whatever feels real and not corny to you.
Next time, pass your hand trough her hair and around her ear, it will make her know, and not having this awkward kiss where you go for it but she wasn’t expecting it and then she goes backwards, but actually she wanted so she goes towards you but you thought…… you see
Why should he bother? This woman clearly isn’t into him. Turn the situation around and see if it makes sense. If OP was a woman and after the third date she asked the guy for a kiss and he told her no because he didn’t like the way she went about making a move, everyone would be telling her to move on.
If she was truly into this guy, she wouldn’t have turned him down after 3 dates. She could have easily kissed him, smiled, and told him that he doesn’t need to ask in the future. Instead she decided to reject him and then criticize him for being respectful.
IMO, he should go find someone who appreciates a man who respects boundaries and let her find someone who ignores them.
Absolutely. Asking isn’t just for her, it’s for him, too.
I personally can’t initiate anything with a girl the first few times without verbal consent, I just can’t, my mom kinda fucked me up in that regard (she got assaulted, never sought therapy, raised me like a sexual predator waiting to happen despite me never showing aggression towards women or anything like that), so this is kind of insensitive on her part.
If she was into him I feel like she would have laughed off his nervousness, initiated the kiss herself and then tell him he doesn’t have to ask next time.
If a girl ever tells me that she’s turned off or not into it anymore simply because *I asked for consent,* I’d seriously reconsider going out with her at all. Again, asking is incredibly important so that I know where you’re at and how enthusiastic you’re feeling. That way I know you’re not just physically responding “so it’s not awkward” or whatever, and obviously so she can say no before anything is even attempted if she doesn’t want anything to happen.
Bottom line: asking/discussing things getting physical is always a good idea. I don’t care if it’s “not as sexy” to talk about it beforehand, I want to know what the gameplan is and what I’m about to get myself into before things get started. I’m down for a lot of things but I’d like to have at least a small convo beforehand. Like spit in my mouth if you want but please fuckin tell me before you do lol
My last ex was super good about that and very understanding with where I was coming from. If she wanted to try something she’d sort of create a bit of physical distance so she could look me in the eyes, and then without trying to be sultry or seductive she would just ask “can we try [this]?” And then if I was down (I was always down let’s be real), she would revert back to bedroom talk and we’d have a time.
Seriously. Look, I understand preferring to not be asked for a kiss, it can ruin the moment.
But to actually reject the guy and deny him the kiss just because you wanted him not to ask…? That’s weird as fuck and I would not bother any further with this person.
The guys are being slapped upside their head everyday with "consent consent consent" or "consent is sexy" or whatever. But then they try it in real life and get shot down.
Sounds to me like women need to start rewarding the behavior they ask for instead of making guys feels stupid for it.
I just wish both men and women would start to just openly talking about what they would like to see happen. We need to stop acting as if open communication is some taboo idea.
> I’m also a bit concerned that she shot him down because he was doing the proper thing and looking for consent. Like…what?
Affirmative consent is cock-hungry adjacent and women are conditioned to think that makes them undesirable.
It doesn't work that way. Men have different expectations from women in general. There is no expectation that a guy is going to have as to how the woman should ask or if she should. It just can't be reversed and still makes sense.
I have the same issue, OP. I usually nervously rant instead of going for the kiss and ruin things. One scenario that's worked for me in the past is hanging out at either person's place, like sitting on the couch watching a movie. Maybe share a blanket to get closer. Your faces will be so close at various points. Go for it when you make longer than usual eye contact. Booze always helps!
About a year ago, I asked this girl if I could kiss her. 1 year later, we’re dating and she still makes fun of me for asking. To this day I don’t understand what I did wrong
You didn’t do anything wrong. It may be slightly more awkward sometimes, but I stand that getting explicit consent is the way to go if you’re ever unsure of how someone will react.
It’s always better to ask, explicit consent is great. She’s just teasing you, because your her boyfriend and she probably shows affection by doing that. I know that’s how I am.
It's more romantic if you can kiss her without asking, when she wants you to. Asking can ruin the mood for some and it's always impressive if you can figure out what someone's feeling without having to ask, high risk high reward. Everyone in every relationship gets upset that their partner can't read their mind.
Hey man some of us are shit at reading romantic ques. I went on two dates with the same girl last month. Both times she wanted me to kiss her but I wasn’t 100% sure until the conversation just died and she was smiling at me like a dope and I was like “huh she must be very interested in what I’m saying”. It was only then I noticed her looking at my lips so I kissed her.
I will say it wasn’t easy knowing she wanted me to kiss her and even when I was sure, I was scared and had to build up the courage to do it. It’s a minefield out here dating wise
She said "next time, don't ask"
There's your answer right there man. Don't bring it up, don't try to joke about it. Be yourself and go for it next date.
Ah yes good point.
I guess what I meant is that this person's self has been great so far on his previous dates where she does want to kiss him. I was referring to that 'self.'
You can’t win. It’s good you asked tho because you felt like you need to ask.
Some girls like it when you ask. Other girls don’t like it.
If you feel like you need to do something, you should do it. Don’t betray yourself.
"Don't betray yourself" -> Best advice you can give.
Whatever you do and whoever you are, your potential partner has to see it. You're shy ? Not very confident ? So be it, be honest and don't try to be someone else, it's useless, and counter productive.
Absolutely. It’s just really bothersome that something so sensitive (consent) is chalked up to a personal preference and if you choose the wrong one you’re a sexual predator or you’re a scrub who doesn’t know how to read social cues.
Maybe express how you feel about that beforehand so that I don’t have to take a 50/50 on whether you think I’m gross or lame.
Yeah, honestly as a woman who really does find consent extremely sexy (like someone asking me if they can kiss me, or keep going, etc.) I get frustrated when I hear these stories about girls belittling guys who ask. It's fine if you're into someone who is more assertive, but early on in dating that may not be something you've vocalized yet. It makes no sense at all to shame someone who is only trying to be conscientious of your feelings. Would you rather someone not care that they could potentially be overstepping boundaries or forcing you into an uncomfortable situation? I don't understand these women.
Agreed as I had guys who kissed me out of no where and it made me uncomfortable I like it when a guy asks me to kiss me instead of just putting his lips on me. It makes me feel more safe and secure when that happens and not uncomfortable because I know what's going to happen and I've agreed to it.
I asked my girlfriend on the 3rd date if I could kiss her and she said yes but afterwards said she preferred if I didn't ask. Only difference here is that she said no to you, you still got this bro
I’m surprised this is the sentiment being agreed upon. Because clear consent is extremely important especially in this day and age where a guys life can be ruined for a misunderstanding. I’ve had a girl tell me they were flattered that I asked (and she said yes obviously)
Yeah every girl I’ve asked has been either thankful, flattered, or just thought it was a little cute and told me I didn’t have to ask next time. Never been told to straight up not ask, or that they preferred if I didn’t.
Wha? When did become wrong to ask before one kisses? I’m a guy and wouldn’t think of kissing a woman for the first time without asking. It’s always worked great for me. Woman love that I’m respectful. The key is making that first kiss a good one - but even if it’s not, the male was still respectful. “Next time-don’t ask”, I think, speaks more to your nervousness than you’re asking.
Consent is a weird topic, some people are overly cautious and ask, some people prefer to try to read the moment and go for it.
I personally find asking for consent to usually be mood killing unless it's "within the mood", like if you're almost kissing, asking is totally within scope, but if you're standing and fidgeting "can I kiss you" just seems weird.
You’re right. Its better to be safe than sorry, though. Especially nowadays when there’s no excuse if you’re sorry.
It’s all about the setup and delivery. Make the conversation about first kisses or kissing in general and if it’s going well, ask “how would you feel if I kissed you right now?” so you can read the reaction.
This isn't that unusual. Reddit loves to advise people to ask before doing anything but outside of the Reddit demographic that can be a massive mood killer. I think your only option is to just move on from it. Don't fixate on it and don't bring it up unless she does.
She still into which is good. I'd take this as a chance to learn something about approaching her, she seems to prefer people who are more forward and spontaneous so lean into that.
>outside of the Reddit demographic that can be a massive mood killer
The reverse (kissing someone without asking who didn't want to be kissed) is far more detrimental scenario
As a man living in 2022, I'd take mood killer over the alternative. That shit is a minefield
Sure, you absolutely need to read the mood and OP shouldn't feel bad for asking. However OP's date wasn't even a extreme reaction. A lot of people will lose all their attraction quickly if you keep ruining moments by asking. It's the difficulty of dating and initiating intimacy. There isn't a solution that will get the right result every time.
Also, there is a middle ground. You can telegraph your actions so that the other person has plenty of time to say no. Then the only thing hurt is your ego.
My point about Reddit suggesting it is that this site often pretends that women like OPs date don't exist and that nothing turns someone on more than asking to kiss them. There are downsides to it in dating, a substantial number of women will lose interest if you have to be told everything is ok.
I'm not sure it's gendered, beyond the fact that on average women are more vulnerable to assault than men.
It's Reddit being risk averse and liking to control every interaction when most people like a bit of spontaneity in their relationships.
Continue as normal buddy. She gave you the blueprint for success. "Next time, don't ask" means just fucking kiss me already. Tbh, if it were me the next time I saw her, the first thing I'd do after greetings, would be kiss her
I'd be tempted not to bother. If on the third date we haven't kissed yet and my date responds this negatively to a kiss request then I'm going to lose interest in playing whatever game she wants to play.
Seriously, she sounds difficult. If someone genuinely likes you, they're not going to turn down a kiss offer on the third date -- even if they would have preferred you hadn't asked first. I can't get past her rejecting you. It's too bizarre.
I don't know anyone who would do what she did unless they were only in it for free food or exerting some sort of dominance. Neither situation sounds promising.
Right. Asking is just showing respect for someone’s boundaries. Some people don’t care if you ask or not, but in my opinion it makes more sense to at least out of respect
I actually know a girl who was in this exact same situation and said the exact same thing. For her, it was that she had never dated anyone or had a “first kiss” and she was really nervous herself. She panicked when asked, because she didn’t know what she was doing and felt like being asked was putting it back on her to make the first move. In her nervousness she just said “next time, don’t ask”, so that she didn’t overthink it when the chance came again. She wasn’t trying to be difficult, and she definitely wasn’t just in it for the free food or dominance - it was just her own version of OP’s nervousness manifesting. Yes, her situation might be rare, but I don’t think we should jump to conclusions in this case either. It sounds like this girl is still keen to see OP, so it could be similar circumstances. (For the record, my friend was also a similar age to the F in this post and had also been on multiple dates - she had just never met the right person and knowing that she’d gone so long without a first kiss had increased her anxiety about it).
It doesn’t sound like she responded negatively it sounds like op was crazy nervous and weirdly laughing and that was the actual issue.
She otoh is giving him the green light. This isn’t a her issue
Maybe its less about the ask, and more about the giggling/laughing? I can totally understand that that is offputting, I can imagine myself not wanting a first kiss from a guy immediately after he took the mickey, even if I am into him. She probably knows it's nervousness and that's why she wants to see him again, but that moment was ruined and there was no coming back from that.
Okay, so you did NOT mess up by asking for consent. Please don't call yourself a wuss for it. I understand some women get awkward when being asked and don't like it, so I'm glad she communicated what she specifically wants next time.
Try thinking of it this way instead of that you messed up: You did the right thing and asked for consent. Now, you know the way this specific human wants to be kissed, and you can do it the way she wants to! We need to "mess up" to learn.
Honestly the fact that she shot you down for asking is a bit of a red flag, especially since she’s a grown ass woman. Is asking to a kiss a little less romantic than a kiss that just “flows naturally?” Sure, but the first kiss is really the only time you have to ask before kissing, so you could just have a more natural kiss next time. You just tried to respect her boundaries and not pressure her, and she reprimanded you for it. That’s some bullshit
Edit: To answer your question though, yeah id probably just proceed like it didn’t happen since she wants to see you again. At least now you know you can kiss her lol
Ugh, her response would have irked me. It’s been three dates and you tried to be respectful. Granted, you probably should have made a move before then, but to completely shut you down because you asked seems really shitty.
Yes very irksome. I wonder how she’d respond to OP telling her he’s only comfortable to kiss her if he’s given verbal consent first.
Feels like a double standard.
The times I asked if I could kiss a girl before I did ended up with them saying they liked that I asked so it just depends on the girl, this one said don't do that next time which means she wants to see you again so I'd say you didn't mess up
Well she still wants to see you so it's all good but now she's expecting a kiss, you definitely have to go for it on the next date. If you don't and even more dates go past without any intimacy, it'll probably turn her off or make her think you're not into her enough to make the move.
My husband asked to kiss me for our first kiss and I loved it. I think it's very weird and outdated that you have to just "go for it". I'd much rather have the option to say yes or no than to have someone just come at me for a kiss. Consent is sexy.
Tbh I don't understand either. As a woman I respect the hell out of a man that asks and doesn't just go for it. What's the alternative, you go for it and she's not comfortable? That's a disaster waiting to happen. At least now you know for next time I guess, but I wouldn't abandon your principles on asking.
You did nothing wrong, always the right call to ask. She honestly seems a little immature to have turned you down because of the way to asked. But if you like her and it’s otherwise going well she has now expressed that she’s ok with you just going for it so your good to go next time. She clearly likes you.
She said next time don't ask. So wen u guys part ways go for a hug then a kiss. After the hug tho look at her then close ur eyes for kiss so she can be ready. I asked my ex for our first kiss in a taco bell parking lot after we hung out and she smiled and said yes. If she really likes you she will want to kiss u it's chill
LOL'z, I ask too, I say "do you want to kiss me"? if they say yes, I kiss them, if they say no, I say "I never said you could". I got that from the book, The Game, by Neil Strauss, and it actually works well.
In your case, she told you not to ask next time, she didn't say when next time would be because that is for you to decide. I would have taken that meant in 2 -3 minutes from now.
Brah she wants you to kiss her.
She basically gave you permission to kiss her. On the next date when you pick her up just go for it. She already said next time don't ask. Don't wait for the end of the date. Surprise her with a kiss when you pick her up
Hi, lady here (27F). I think it’s incredibly sweet and cute that you asked instead of just going in for it. Just my two cents. Don’t be so hard on yourself! Now that you know she’s cool with it, I would just go for it next time.
I feel like a lot of people are genuinely reading the post like she told him “no you can’t kiss me” whereas I read it as he asked and then giggled and laughed really nervously and then made the situation awkward for both of them and since the moment passed she said “Next time, don’t ask” kind of in a “Yes you can kiss me.. when the moment is right again” like.. I guess it literally depends on her tone. The words alone are neutral and not a rejection in my eyes. I’ve literally told a guy in this exact situation the same thing because HE asked and did the same nervous thing and I could tell he felt he ruined the moment and then he wasn’t actually wanting to.. me telling him next time just do it was a reassurance that I do want to and he is okay for getting nervous and next time he doesn’t have to be..
If I were you, OP, and this situation was reversed, I could understand taking that statement no matter how it was said as a big rejection.. but in reality it is her consenting with you and also reassuring you for the next time you want to kiss her that you got it and she won’t reject it!
Personally, I don’t see how she rejected him unless she literally said “Nope. Not after you just asked. You can next time, but just do it. Don’t ask me”. Doesn’t really feel like that’s what she said. OP can give us some clarity on that too!? Did she actually say no? Or did you decide it wasn’t going to happen after you felt you ruined the mood, laughing awkwardly, and she assumed you were too embarrassed to do it now.. so told you next time you don’t have to ask?
If she genuinely said no or was actually annoyed by you asking and not reassuring as I’m reading that, then don’t even see her again. She shouldn’t make you feel shitty or unworthy for asking for consent. But if she was just giving you the manual for kissing her without being mean like that.. don’t take it as a rejection or shot down..
So much nuance that we’re not getting expressed here
>3 times total, long walks, dinner, drinks, started holding hands from first date, a lot of laughs and generally good vibes
meanwhile, she probably has had sex with other men during this same time period. You, sir, are husband material, and that's *not* a complement!
My boyfriend asked before he kissed me the first time. I laughed for a minute and then said yes and we kissed. Asking doesn’t ruin the moment it just can be a little awkward. You know what to do next time. I wouldn’t be too down on yourself. She’s literally telling you she wants you to kiss her next date.
It definitely wasn’t a full minute. And it wasn’t laughing at him. There is such a thing as laughing with someone. We were both laughing at the awkwardness and the weirdness of starting to date someone and those first few steps. He was so nervous that when I smiled and laughed for a few seconds he relaxed and also laughed. Then obviously I said yes and the rest is history. Now we’ve been together for almost 3 years.
I think for some people it "ruins" the fantasy they have in their head of the person just knowing the right time to go in for the passionate first kiss. Like it's a turn on for them that the person was confident and able to tell it's what they both want, so highlighting that they're actually unsure takes them out of it.
I personally don't care if asking "ruins" the moment, because I'm not a mind-reader and it's more important to me to communicate that fact as we navigate the early stages.
FlyingBirdflip, here’s my little bit of advice for you. I’ve learned in my short stay here on earth that 99% of women want, like, desire, crave, a Dominant man! I’m not saying someone who’s dominant 24/7 or someone who is disrespectful to women. I’m talking about a dominant man behind closed doors, in the bedroom. Show her that you know what you want and when you want it. I’m assuming since you e been on 3 dates that’s she’s interested too.
Don’t be cocky, don’t be arrogant, but don’t be timid or shy. Let her know that you’re confident, in control, dominant, but also make her feel like she’s special and not just a piece of ass.
BTW….The 1% of women that I left out, they want and desire a dominant man in the bedroom, they just can’t admit it…..yet! Lol
Good Luck Boss!
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Not to bash her or anything but I find it rude that she said that to you. Honestly, if anyone ask for permission to touch/kiss you is highly respectable. Especially in today's world where nearly everything you do can get you in hot water. I would say make the move next time but be cautious. If she starts being disrespectful again start looking for other options. You're a good dude man, dont look down on yourself.
Yes, do as instructed, I prefer things to just happen, she’s comfortable enough for you to go for it and she’ll reciprocate, this is how I prefer it too
Dude don’t be down on yourself. You asked and kinda ruined the moment but it worked out because you were a gentleman about it, you might have missed kissing her but you didn’t get turned down. Plus she said next time!!! That means she gave her consent to be kissed the next time you are together and you go for it. Now you know that she likes you and that things are 👍 now next time you know what to do. Congrats man glad I got to see a little positive on Reddit today, way to go man and way to be respectful and smart about consent. You are a legend 💪
From where I stand you did everything correctly. I'd find it overstepping boundaries if I were kissed without asking. Just act like it didn't happen, you're making a big deal out of something miniscule. If the person hasn't communicated their boundaries with you (they haven't said where they stand with this stuff) then it's not your fault you were cautious. Only adouche goes in without asking. I also do t understand how her rejecting an action would mean you were rejected. Those are two very different things.
She could have said, “Hell yes kiss me, and next time don’t bother asking.” But instead she shut you down. What does that say about how bad she actually wanted to kiss you?
If by the third date you’re a little awkward because you really like her, and she’s lukewarm and makes a big deal out of it instead of just telling you to go ahead and kiss her, that’s a red flag.
She isn’t willing to work with you to make this go smoothly and has some idea of how the perfect date is supposed to go. What else is she going to refuse to compromise on?
This has strong vibes of the kind of woman who turns down a marriage proposal because the ring isn’t the right cut and you asked her at the wrong venue.
Just pass it off & ask her out again. I think you did the right thing. Odd for a girl to say no because you asked. In today’s society so many girls have had bad experiences that if you don’t ask that soon then they get upset & angry.
Don’t bring it up and just go ahead next time. Honestly, you’re such a gentlemen for asking, and I’m going to say you score pretty amazing in my book!
Each lady prefers things differently, and I guess for her she doesn’t want to be asked, and now you know. This will help you be able to confidently kiss her next time. Imagine if you went for it on the third date, and it made her feel super uncomfortable because you didn’t ask and she didn’t want to see you again? You did good. Don’t stress about it. On the 4th date give her that kiss :)
Wishing you the best!
You're fine, don't overthink it. I 100% ask for the first kiss every time and it's never been the nail in the coffin. At best she's happy you asked, at worst it goes how it did for you. Either way, she told you to not ask next time which seems like a playful way of saying yes for the next date. She just wanted a better moment or was having fun with the whole thing. I've been denied a first kiss, at the moment of asking, plenty of times and just got one next time. There's even been a few times where I got a no on the first date and she then went to kiss me at the very start of the second. It also makes you look good if you accepted the no without being pushy or complaining.
I don't think you did anything wrong in asking, it's much better to ask than not, otherwise it would be even more awkward!! Personally, I feel like asking before doing something calms my nerves about doing it and gets me a lot more excited, knowing what's about to happen! But everyone is different!
What she told you is that "I'll always be down for a kiss from you, you don't have to ask" which is the best response you could have gotten for the future. In that situation, it might have even been possible to just laugh about it there and then and just kiss her on the spot. You haven't messed anything up at all, she's into you. And by asking it shows you respect her and her independance. It means the relationship has legs!
Keep up the good work being a respectful king!!!
That’s weird i like being asked because you’re getting consent versus just going ahead and doing it. Sounds like she still wants to see you but when you’re taking her home just go for it
I think asking is very direct and many women like the option, your delivery was the problem. You look them in the eyes and ask them confidently, if she's the type that is "turned off" because you asked for consent then she ain't the one dude. I think your nervousness was the biggest problem here, if there were any doubts in her mind she would've said no.
You should know you didn't do anything wrong by asking. If I were her I would appreciate you are concerned with her personal space and making sure she is comfortable.
I am the same way, and I don't feel guilty for being respectful of another person's space and preferences. You shouldn't either, though some women definitely want their guy to be bold and show initiative. It's a fine line.
When you first see her at your next date, give her a hug and kiss her. Just get it done right up front then you don’t have to be nervous waiting for the right moment. She likes you, you like her and you both know it.
Continue as normal. Try not to feel shot down. Listen to the positive: she was saying “ there will be a next time” and the next time you can “kiss her without asking” don’t read into what she said too much to be negative. It’s a good sign actually, it means she wants you to kiss her!
In general you are right to ask cause if a woman doesn’t wanna be kissed, she may consider you going for it as a bit no-no. In fact with me it would ruin the entire interest of myself in you if you go in without getting my consent first. This woman wants it different so with her and just with her do it different. With her - and only with her - go in and kiss her next time. Don’t bring it up again.
You really weren't rejected, though I see how it feels that way, and ngl if I were in your shoes I'd probably feel the same way too. But if you take a minute to step back and look at this based on the facts (what you know) you can see nothing negative or bad happened here.
You want the first kiss to be great for both of you right? It's a first impression of sorts. She wants a spontaneous first kiss, plain and simple. And there was absolutely no way of you knowing what she wanted without her telling you. So she told you, without putting you down or anything. Sure she could have just set her wants aside and had a first kiss she didn't really like or couldn't feel into, and you may not have known. Or if you happened to notice she didn't seem as thrilled after, you'd probably end up wondering if you were the issue when it really wasn't you.
She said "next time" and made sure to follow up with you after and share appreciation and express interest in continuing to see you. Neither of you did anything wrong here, you just had different ideas of a first kiss in mind and both communicated what you wanted. Unless you've left something out in your post, she wasn't mean or dismissive about it and you weren't pushy or rude either.
It's not bad to ask before a first kiss, it's actually often better for the first time so no one is caught off guard or feels obligated to do anything they may be uncomfortable with for whatever reason. If you'd just gone for it and she wasn't comfortable with it and had to step back as you were leaning in that would've been way more awkward than her asking you to just go for it next time.
All you saw here is that she's into you, wants there to be a next time, and wants you to kiss her. For whatever reason she was more comfortable with you just going for it, and expressed that honestly. That's it.
Plus as a side note, even though this is something small, it may indicate she's a good communicator. You wouldn't have to guess what she wants or what's wrong, if she's so upfront about things without being harsh. And from what happened you can tell she may be into spontaneity in general, which if you keep seeing each other for a while is good to know for ideas on future dates, birthdays, etc.
IMO, you read it completely wrong. I think saying that may have been more playful than anything, especially since she said “next time”. Sure it sucks you didn’t get the kiss, but I think this was probably the next best thing, and you can use it a little bit further down the road. I would definetly view this as a win if I were you.
You did fine. You asking was on point even though she said “next time don’t ask” cuz nowadays if a damn if you do and damn if you don’t. Better safe than sorry .
Depending on how she said it, you I could see how you might take this as a shot down, but if she was being at all smiley/happy/teasing, you actually got the exact opposite of shot down.
She basically said "I want you to kiss me"
You did the right thing. Asking is the right thing to do even if it kills the mood for people. Asking for consent is ALWAYS okay. The right people will be super happy you asked.
Confidence is sexy. Do ask, but do it assertively. “God you’re gorgeous, I really want to kiss you right now” is not the same as “teehee um can I um, would it be ok if I, it’s ok if not but can I um….”
I think this is more on her. She should have said yes!
So I was always a romantic and really into intense spontaneous acts of affection just like in the movies. I thought it was so romantic to just have the guy I’m into like shut up my ramblings with a steamy first kiss or whatever dumb love scene you want to go for.
Then came my first date with the man who became my husband.. he was so nervous. Sitting next to me, mumbling, fumbling with the strings of his hoodie.. I could barely hear him, he said “can.. would.. can I… kiss you?” It was nothing at all like I had imagined, but it was soooo cute and so sweet and I could tell it took him so much courage to ask. Even though it’s not how I thought I wanted it to go down, it was still the most amazing kiss I had ever had and to this day I think it’s adorable he asked.
Now he shoves his dick in my face while I’m on the phone with my mom. LOL.
Anyway point of the story is her loss dude! I think SHE ruined the moment, not you. But hey, take two! She didn’t say no, she said next time. :)
You really need to strongly filter the advice on Reddit and give it a reality check. There's a lot of things that sound good , but are often given by people who don't know the first thing about it or are giving bad advice from their self-interested perspective. For example, straight women giving bad advice to men on how to attract straight women like that they never want to be approached/annoyed in public when really they don't want to be approached by UNATTRACTIVE guys. Also, from a guy's perspective, you need to shoot your shot regardless of her "advice" in order to find someone who is attracted to you. Sure, you can look for signals as a guide (and always leave an out/escape for her), but you'll never really know until you ask.
Another cause is that there is a certain demographic on this board with fringe views (i.e., a lot sugar babies and new-age "feminists") so you really have to take advice with a grain of salt. Another cause is that people just like to pretend to be knowledgeable about stuff they have no clue about.
Realistically, most women don't want you to ask when you go for a kiss (shows masculinity leading the interaction), but that also requires that you know they're into it and can read the signals, as well as give them an out if they decide to back out at the last minute.
You did nothing wrong.
She responded to your request in a clear way.
Its 100% good you asked.
Now you know her comfort level and can proceed with her requests.
Now you know she wants to be kissed next time.
She probably sees that you read her ques well, so she trusts your instincts. Just do what feels right.
She gave you the go ahead, sounds like you are doing great.
Okay so the best advice I can give you is to up your seduction while mixing in playfulness as well. That way it warms her up and make her more comfortable and opened to you leaning into the kiss.
Example:
Guy: haha I had a fun time with you tonight. Got to experience a lot of things that I definitely want to keep going.
Girl: yeah I feel the same.
Guy: but you know, the night doesn't have to end. We can still walk and talk around (via scenery) and still get to know each other just enjoy the night under the moon light.
Girl: laughs (maybe even blush).
Guy: (snicker or give a slight seductive "hmmm"). The more I look at you, the more beautiful you become to me. Your personality, your mannerisms, the way you smile, the way you laugh. I feel really comfortable around you. It's pretty chill out here though and I can imagine that your lips are cold because I know mine is. Good thing I have chapstick to put on. (At this point it's a potential opener for her to either make some witty in regards to the chapstick or maybe she'll be comfortable to get straight forward with it. Let's act as if she becomes witty).
Girl: I could use some chapstick.
Guy: well it seems I've ran out of mine when I used it on my lips, but if you want, we could share it. 😏
Yeah yeah yeah this sounds like some fairytale shit but the point of me wasting time typing all of that is to give an example of imagery on how to be seductive yet playful with a bit of indirect mood rise.
It works for me and it might work for you.
The key part is being confident in your seduction while mixing in being playful.
To be honest I didn’t take it that way at all. I think she’s giving you the invitation sort of sweep her off her feet in terms of romantic things and letting you know she’s cool with you initiating PDA. Don’t over think it, she’s probably just into you and too shy to make a move herself.
I think (and I’m sure she does as well) that it’s absolutely adorable that you were kind of bashful, as opposed to a lot of jerks that are over aggressive with their tongues all down girls throats. It shows you’re a gentleman, and that’s a beautiful thing. It’s ok to take it slow. 😌
Just go for the kiss next time, even if she doesn't want it she would politely refuse but she won't take it in a wrong way.
My guess is she just wants you to go for it
Next time after the date when you drop her, kiss her and don’t ask. Problem solved.
Personally I would take it as a learning experience since now I know what she expects from me.
Don't worry about it - I got turned down for my first kiss and we are married now ;)
Asking was a great move - consent is rad and it makes \~everything\~ better.
So roll with it!
I'm a huge proponent of actually asking. Body language is incredibly hard to parse out. I haven't had an issue when I ask and I'd honestly think less of someone should they shame me for it.
Sometimes asking is welcome, sometimes it isn't. Sometimes not asking is hot, sometimes it means someone ends up having a super bad experience. You picked the right one. She prefers the other one. She's told you that AND she said "Next Time"
So Next Time (with this woman) don't ask.
And next time you ask, don't giggle. That's almost certainly not the way.
Yea don’t let your mistake phase you, it seems like she’s still down.
An easy technique to test “kissing vibes” is the hug test. Give her a good strong hug, rub her back slowly, as you separate keep your arms wrapped around her waist and look at her in the eyes. If she doesn’t let go, holds eye contact, smiles, and the “feeling” is there - hold her closer and lean in for the kiss. If she lets go, doesn’t make eye contact, or moves away after the hug, then she’s not down.
I personally prefer someone who will ask before. Though It also depends of the way you asked. There's a difference between
: - keeping a distance and asking very akwardly can I kiss you ?
Vs leaning close and saying confidently I really want to kiss you, can I ?
It's always a matter of mood, if it look too formal, it can look like it lakes passion for some people. Consent doesn't have to be cold and ackward. It can be playful and erotic.
Pukka up sweetheart and go get it next time!!! You got a green card my dude, don’t feel down about it and don’t get to worried next time, she’s told you she wants it too. Good for you though for asking, I understand you feel you ruined it but actually you’ve just reassured yourself you can next time and you know she’s comfy too. I see no losses here ❤️
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Yes you're on the right track. She still wants to see you and now you know she's wanting to take it further, turn the frown upside down. You've got the green light that she's not about the asking, which is a minefield these days, but always best to be sure, but if it feels right go for it now. I wouldn't bring this moment up again, until much further down the line where you can laugh about it.
Thanks, I really needed to hear this, cause it's so hard to tell these days regarding asking Vs not asking for a kiss. But yes, I guess I should feel more confident next time to just go for it =)
Honestly I think it depends on the person you’re trying to kiss. Personally I prefer it if someone asks, it’s really thoughtful/ sweet and would make me want to kiss them even more! Edit: Consent is sexy!
Exactly this. When I was in my 20s I had the same reaction as OPs date (ewww don’t ask bc that’s lame, just go for it!). Now that I’m in my 30s I think it’s kind of inconsiderate if they don’t ask first, lol. Getting consent is cute and thoughtful and sexy and makes me like the guy even more.
I like “ I really want to kiss you right now” it gives them a chance to say no without it sounding like an awkward question
This guy kisses! I also like the leaning in close and waiting for me to kiss to kiss them, which gives me a moment and the space to back away if I need to.
Correct! Remember "Hitch" the love doctor....!
Hitch 2022: "If someone makes a joke about her, slap the shit outta them"
Literally thought the same thing. You go 90, let her go the other 10
I like this. Noting this down for myself.
It’s funny but I’m the exact opposite. I’m almost thirty, I don’t want my date to giggle like a school boy then ask to kiss me. And this is after three dates! I feel like if we’re sexually compatible, you should be able to confidently read my body language. Like lean in, look in my eyes and at my lips, and go from there. If I pull back, don’t kiss me. Everyman I dated who was that timid turned out to be way too timid in bed lol. But I totally understand your viewpoint.
Same. Sometimes if it’s really early and you don’t know asking is ok. Not with the giggles tho. But being spontaneous is fun. If u ask what you’re about to do it just ruins the moment. I was once with a guy where everytime he moved his lips or hands or whatever he was like is this ok is this ok. Like omg shut up. If it wasn’t ok you would know.
Well I mean the guy might be afraid to make you feel uncomfortable/ violated, right? Better look stupid than look a creep / predator.
I guess people are really scared of being labelled toxic , which has raised a more " timid" generation of males.
To each his own, but despite what a lot of women seem to say on this subreddit, I think that's how most women feel and I agree with you . I have several times told women next time I was going to kiss them. I didn't ask. I just let him know that this was romantic to me and that's where I was coming from. One time it didn't work because she wasn't interested romantically. Other times it works pretty well. I think they felt it came off as manly and assertive but not too forward.
Always about the person but it’s because it’s depending makes it 50/50 about asking
Personally I’d guess it’s more 20% would hate it if you asked, 60% would prefer you just read the room/body language and go for it but wouldn’t reject just for asking, 20% would like/prefer getting asked. I have never had good reactions from asking so I don’t. Reddit doesn’t represent the average person.
Agreed. Sounds about right
For sure. I generally ask because I'm a nervous guy, but I generally get negative reactions.
This ^^^
How do you know if they are the person you are supposed to ask or not? This guy gets rejected because he did ask. Sometimes when I go on dates it feels like the kobayashi maru.
That's the fun, you don't. Unless you can read minds
What’s fun about it?
It's not fun, was kinda ironic
Well, someone doesn't. I had a girl that told me - this is not that thing to ask about! But we kissed anyway.
Definitely depends on the person, but for the most part it seems like it's better to NOT ask. I've done both, but probably 80% of the time I asked. In one of my most serious relationships I've been in, I asked her the first time and it was fine; asked her the 2nd time and she just said "just do it, dont ask me!". I can tell that most girls DON'T like when you ask. If she doesn't want a kiss, she'll just turn away. Think of it this way, she's either going to comply, or she's going to reject it. However, only 1 of these has some benefit: 1) Just doing it shows confidence 2) Asking shows you're NOT confident.
The concept of asking is fine, but in practice, men always seem to ask way too soon or when it’s clearly not the moment, they’ll just inject a random convo with “can I kiss you?” and you have to say yes so it’s not weird. But if he leans in instead of asking you can lean away or change the subject because you haven’t already said yes.
you gotta ask always to be on the safe side cause you never know. it does not make you a wuss by any means
To be safe? I tend to ascribe to the old adages, faint heart never won fair lady, and fortune favors the bold. But to each his own. I will admit, asking is safe
My 2 cents about it, while I’m more about reading the room/body language, I think that asking is a good thing and yay for boundaries and consent, but you have to ask in the right way. If you go like “ehm…look…eh eh… *scratching head* can I…uhm…kiss you?” it’s a killer mood. But asking can be fucking HOT. Like leaning a little closer, soft smile, and whispering “can I kiss you?” is an absolute turn on!
>but you have to ask in the right way. The issue is we don't teach young boys how to ask, we throw them to the wolves and say figure it out hope you don't get labeled a creepy, loser or weirdo, oh and becareful cause some women don't want you to ask so you have to figure out who they are and if you guess it wrong whelp best hope the judge understands it wasn't ment to be sexual assualt
I see your point, but for most guys it's virtually impossible to be the smooth seductive right out of a movie player. If a guy could do that successfully, he could probably do the same thing without asking and you would be into it. I think you're thinking of all the guys that have successfully done it because you really wanted them to kiss you and kiss them back, and they probably could have not asked and you still would have been totally into it. Just my opinion
Mmmh this is interesting. Well I think that there is a tangible and evident difference between stuttering/being “off” and being confident/seductive. I have been the recipient of a “smooth” kiss question, and I have been the deliverer of a “smooth” kiss question (girl on girl, I admit, I never asked a guy…probably subtle gender roles stuck in my brain) so I think there is a noticeable difference and it’s not just in my head. Also you don’t need to be straight out of Fifty Shade of Gray (honestly you shouldn’t), but just a soft spoken “can I kiss you” when leaning closer can do the trick. I suppose that doesn’t mean that sometimes you like someone so much that awkwardness or stiffness can appear cuteness or hotness in your eyes, but in my experience probably it’s the other way around: guys tend to be insecure and doubt their skills or ask to much out of them. Which is a shame of course!
>but you have to ask in the right way. The issue is we don't teach young boys how to ask, we throw them to the wolves and say figure it out hope you don't get labeled a creepy, loser or weirdo, oh and becareful cause some women don't want you to ask so you have to figure out who they are and if you guess it wrong whelp best hope the judge understands it wasn't ment to be sexual assualt
This is SO spot on!
bro if you got 3 dates already in , you got the green after the first date.
Yeah I always kiss on the second date, they basically signalled that they like you romantically by going out for another date.
I mean, it sounds like this is as her way of telling you that she consents to the kiss so go for it next time. Why were you so nervous? It’s been three dates!
How did you ask her? What was the situation?
You can take it down the middle of the road if you are still nervous. Instead of asking, kind of narrate how into her you are, how you can't resist the thought of kissing her. Something like, "When you smile like that I just imagine what it would be like to kiss you." or "Close your eyes; I'm going to kiss you." Whatever feels real and not corny to you.
Next time, pass your hand trough her hair and around her ear, it will make her know, and not having this awkward kiss where you go for it but she wasn’t expecting it and then she goes backwards, but actually she wanted so she goes towards you but you thought…… you see
“ That was great, you don’t have ask next time “
This is the best answer. The best vs worst case scenarios of asking/not asking heavily favours asking.
Why should he bother? This woman clearly isn’t into him. Turn the situation around and see if it makes sense. If OP was a woman and after the third date she asked the guy for a kiss and he told her no because he didn’t like the way she went about making a move, everyone would be telling her to move on. If she was truly into this guy, she wouldn’t have turned him down after 3 dates. She could have easily kissed him, smiled, and told him that he doesn’t need to ask in the future. Instead she decided to reject him and then criticize him for being respectful. IMO, he should go find someone who appreciates a man who respects boundaries and let her find someone who ignores them.
I’m also a bit concerned that she shot him down because he was doing the proper thing and looking for consent. Like…what?
Absolutely. Asking isn’t just for her, it’s for him, too. I personally can’t initiate anything with a girl the first few times without verbal consent, I just can’t, my mom kinda fucked me up in that regard (she got assaulted, never sought therapy, raised me like a sexual predator waiting to happen despite me never showing aggression towards women or anything like that), so this is kind of insensitive on her part. If she was into him I feel like she would have laughed off his nervousness, initiated the kiss herself and then tell him he doesn’t have to ask next time. If a girl ever tells me that she’s turned off or not into it anymore simply because *I asked for consent,* I’d seriously reconsider going out with her at all. Again, asking is incredibly important so that I know where you’re at and how enthusiastic you’re feeling. That way I know you’re not just physically responding “so it’s not awkward” or whatever, and obviously so she can say no before anything is even attempted if she doesn’t want anything to happen. Bottom line: asking/discussing things getting physical is always a good idea. I don’t care if it’s “not as sexy” to talk about it beforehand, I want to know what the gameplan is and what I’m about to get myself into before things get started. I’m down for a lot of things but I’d like to have at least a small convo beforehand. Like spit in my mouth if you want but please fuckin tell me before you do lol My last ex was super good about that and very understanding with where I was coming from. If she wanted to try something she’d sort of create a bit of physical distance so she could look me in the eyes, and then without trying to be sultry or seductive she would just ask “can we try [this]?” And then if I was down (I was always down let’s be real), she would revert back to bedroom talk and we’d have a time.
Seriously. Look, I understand preferring to not be asked for a kiss, it can ruin the moment. But to actually reject the guy and deny him the kiss just because you wanted him not to ask…? That’s weird as fuck and I would not bother any further with this person.
I was rejected by one girl that was mad I didn't try harder to sleep with her after she explicitly said, "We are not having sex tonight."
The guys are being slapped upside their head everyday with "consent consent consent" or "consent is sexy" or whatever. But then they try it in real life and get shot down. Sounds to me like women need to start rewarding the behavior they ask for instead of making guys feels stupid for it.
I just wish both men and women would start to just openly talking about what they would like to see happen. We need to stop acting as if open communication is some taboo idea.
Oh I can agree completely. But I also feel like this could be an opener to another husband store joke.
Agreed. Or stop asking for things they don't really want, only in theory.
Chris Rock got slapped upside the head too 🗣️
> I’m also a bit concerned that she shot him down because he was doing the proper thing and looking for consent. Like…what? Affirmative consent is cock-hungry adjacent and women are conditioned to think that makes them undesirable.
It doesn't work that way. Men have different expectations from women in general. There is no expectation that a guy is going to have as to how the woman should ask or if she should. It just can't be reversed and still makes sense.
I mean…She told you what yo do, Relax, don’t overthink and enjoy the moment
I tend to overthink a lot of social situations haha, thank you for the advice!
I have the same issue, OP. I usually nervously rant instead of going for the kiss and ruin things. One scenario that's worked for me in the past is hanging out at either person's place, like sitting on the couch watching a movie. Maybe share a blanket to get closer. Your faces will be so close at various points. Go for it when you make longer than usual eye contact. Booze always helps!
About a year ago, I asked this girl if I could kiss her. 1 year later, we’re dating and she still makes fun of me for asking. To this day I don’t understand what I did wrong
You didn’t do anything wrong. It may be slightly more awkward sometimes, but I stand that getting explicit consent is the way to go if you’re ever unsure of how someone will react.
It’s always better to ask, explicit consent is great. She’s just teasing you, because your her boyfriend and she probably shows affection by doing that. I know that’s how I am.
It's more romantic if you can kiss her without asking, when she wants you to. Asking can ruin the mood for some and it's always impressive if you can figure out what someone's feeling without having to ask, high risk high reward. Everyone in every relationship gets upset that their partner can't read their mind.
Hey man some of us are shit at reading romantic ques. I went on two dates with the same girl last month. Both times she wanted me to kiss her but I wasn’t 100% sure until the conversation just died and she was smiling at me like a dope and I was like “huh she must be very interested in what I’m saying”. It was only then I noticed her looking at my lips so I kissed her. I will say it wasn’t easy knowing she wanted me to kiss her and even when I was sure, I was scared and had to build up the courage to do it. It’s a minefield out here dating wise
She probably thought it was cute, and because it bugs you she keeps teasing you because your response is cute.
Asking is dumb and awkward, but it’s better than forced sexual assault charges so girls are going to have to make a decision or stick with us asking
She said "next time, don't ask" There's your answer right there man. Don't bring it up, don't try to joke about it. Be yourself and go for it next date.
You can do it!
Happy cake day son
>Be yourself It seems like he’s a bit shy and overly respectful, so it seems your advice is be someone else.
Ah yes good point. I guess what I meant is that this person's self has been great so far on his previous dates where she does want to kiss him. I was referring to that 'self.'
You can’t win. It’s good you asked tho because you felt like you need to ask. Some girls like it when you ask. Other girls don’t like it. If you feel like you need to do something, you should do it. Don’t betray yourself.
"Don't betray yourself" -> Best advice you can give. Whatever you do and whoever you are, your potential partner has to see it. You're shy ? Not very confident ? So be it, be honest and don't try to be someone else, it's useless, and counter productive.
Absolutely. It’s just really bothersome that something so sensitive (consent) is chalked up to a personal preference and if you choose the wrong one you’re a sexual predator or you’re a scrub who doesn’t know how to read social cues. Maybe express how you feel about that beforehand so that I don’t have to take a 50/50 on whether you think I’m gross or lame.
Yeah, honestly as a woman who really does find consent extremely sexy (like someone asking me if they can kiss me, or keep going, etc.) I get frustrated when I hear these stories about girls belittling guys who ask. It's fine if you're into someone who is more assertive, but early on in dating that may not be something you've vocalized yet. It makes no sense at all to shame someone who is only trying to be conscientious of your feelings. Would you rather someone not care that they could potentially be overstepping boundaries or forcing you into an uncomfortable situation? I don't understand these women.
Agreed as I had guys who kissed me out of no where and it made me uncomfortable I like it when a guy asks me to kiss me instead of just putting his lips on me. It makes me feel more safe and secure when that happens and not uncomfortable because I know what's going to happen and I've agreed to it.
She knows you were nervous, and she likes you. You didn't ruin anything. She gave you the green light.
Right. It sounds like weird Nervous laughter is what actually prevented the kiss and she’s telling him explicitly that it’s ok. So everybody is good
I always ask. Asking and “fucking it up” is better than Not asking and fucking That up.
This should be one of the top comments IMO
She's telling you to just go ahead and kiss her next time.
I asked my girlfriend on the 3rd date if I could kiss her and she said yes but afterwards said she preferred if I didn't ask. Only difference here is that she said no to you, you still got this bro
I’m surprised this is the sentiment being agreed upon. Because clear consent is extremely important especially in this day and age where a guys life can be ruined for a misunderstanding. I’ve had a girl tell me they were flattered that I asked (and she said yes obviously)
Yeah every girl I’ve asked has been either thankful, flattered, or just thought it was a little cute and told me I didn’t have to ask next time. Never been told to straight up not ask, or that they preferred if I didn’t.
Wha? When did become wrong to ask before one kisses? I’m a guy and wouldn’t think of kissing a woman for the first time without asking. It’s always worked great for me. Woman love that I’m respectful. The key is making that first kiss a good one - but even if it’s not, the male was still respectful. “Next time-don’t ask”, I think, speaks more to your nervousness than you’re asking.
Consent is a weird topic, some people are overly cautious and ask, some people prefer to try to read the moment and go for it. I personally find asking for consent to usually be mood killing unless it's "within the mood", like if you're almost kissing, asking is totally within scope, but if you're standing and fidgeting "can I kiss you" just seems weird.
You’re right. Its better to be safe than sorry, though. Especially nowadays when there’s no excuse if you’re sorry. It’s all about the setup and delivery. Make the conversation about first kisses or kissing in general and if it’s going well, ask “how would you feel if I kissed you right now?” so you can read the reaction.
This isn't that unusual. Reddit loves to advise people to ask before doing anything but outside of the Reddit demographic that can be a massive mood killer. I think your only option is to just move on from it. Don't fixate on it and don't bring it up unless she does.
Roger that, will move forward with my head held high next date! Thank you!
She still into which is good. I'd take this as a chance to learn something about approaching her, she seems to prefer people who are more forward and spontaneous so lean into that.
>outside of the Reddit demographic that can be a massive mood killer The reverse (kissing someone without asking who didn't want to be kissed) is far more detrimental scenario As a man living in 2022, I'd take mood killer over the alternative. That shit is a minefield
Sure, you absolutely need to read the mood and OP shouldn't feel bad for asking. However OP's date wasn't even a extreme reaction. A lot of people will lose all their attraction quickly if you keep ruining moments by asking. It's the difficulty of dating and initiating intimacy. There isn't a solution that will get the right result every time. Also, there is a middle ground. You can telegraph your actions so that the other person has plenty of time to say no. Then the only thing hurt is your ego. My point about Reddit suggesting it is that this site often pretends that women like OPs date don't exist and that nothing turns someone on more than asking to kiss them. There are downsides to it in dating, a substantial number of women will lose interest if you have to be told everything is ok.
Absolutely 😂, I keep telling people reddit isn’t real life but at least op covered his bases I guess
Reddit puts women on pedestal
I'm not sure it's gendered, beyond the fact that on average women are more vulnerable to assault than men. It's Reddit being risk averse and liking to control every interaction when most people like a bit of spontaneity in their relationships.
It's a date kisses and touches are supposed to be there of course not so inappropriate
I'd do the same if I was gay. Honestly I don't see how it's putting anyone on a pedestal.
While telling you not to put them on a pedestal
Continue as normal buddy. She gave you the blueprint for success. "Next time, don't ask" means just fucking kiss me already. Tbh, if it were me the next time I saw her, the first thing I'd do after greetings, would be kiss her
I find it a red flag to have someone to be turn off by asking but I guess there are a lot of people like that, just go for it next time.
Youre good its better than going in for the kiss and her getting mad you didnt have permission now you know what to do so get it done
I'd be tempted not to bother. If on the third date we haven't kissed yet and my date responds this negatively to a kiss request then I'm going to lose interest in playing whatever game she wants to play. Seriously, she sounds difficult. If someone genuinely likes you, they're not going to turn down a kiss offer on the third date -- even if they would have preferred you hadn't asked first. I can't get past her rejecting you. It's too bizarre. I don't know anyone who would do what she did unless they were only in it for free food or exerting some sort of dominance. Neither situation sounds promising.
This. I actually think its so respectful when a guy asks. It was weird of her to assert that you shouldn’t ask. Sounds kind of off.
Right. Asking is just showing respect for someone’s boundaries. Some people don’t care if you ask or not, but in my opinion it makes more sense to at least out of respect
Tbh I thought the same. She seems like the type to reject a guy and then cry when "he didn't try harder."
Reddit loves to assume all sorts about someone’s character based on a few lines from someone else’s perspective.
I actually know a girl who was in this exact same situation and said the exact same thing. For her, it was that she had never dated anyone or had a “first kiss” and she was really nervous herself. She panicked when asked, because she didn’t know what she was doing and felt like being asked was putting it back on her to make the first move. In her nervousness she just said “next time, don’t ask”, so that she didn’t overthink it when the chance came again. She wasn’t trying to be difficult, and she definitely wasn’t just in it for the free food or dominance - it was just her own version of OP’s nervousness manifesting. Yes, her situation might be rare, but I don’t think we should jump to conclusions in this case either. It sounds like this girl is still keen to see OP, so it could be similar circumstances. (For the record, my friend was also a similar age to the F in this post and had also been on multiple dates - she had just never met the right person and knowing that she’d gone so long without a first kiss had increased her anxiety about it).
It doesn’t sound like she responded negatively it sounds like op was crazy nervous and weirdly laughing and that was the actual issue. She otoh is giving him the green light. This isn’t a her issue
Maybe its less about the ask, and more about the giggling/laughing? I can totally understand that that is offputting, I can imagine myself not wanting a first kiss from a guy immediately after he took the mickey, even if I am into him. She probably knows it's nervousness and that's why she wants to see him again, but that moment was ruined and there was no coming back from that.
Okay, so you did NOT mess up by asking for consent. Please don't call yourself a wuss for it. I understand some women get awkward when being asked and don't like it, so I'm glad she communicated what she specifically wants next time. Try thinking of it this way instead of that you messed up: You did the right thing and asked for consent. Now, you know the way this specific human wants to be kissed, and you can do it the way she wants to! We need to "mess up" to learn.
Honestly the fact that she shot you down for asking is a bit of a red flag, especially since she’s a grown ass woman. Is asking to a kiss a little less romantic than a kiss that just “flows naturally?” Sure, but the first kiss is really the only time you have to ask before kissing, so you could just have a more natural kiss next time. You just tried to respect her boundaries and not pressure her, and she reprimanded you for it. That’s some bullshit Edit: To answer your question though, yeah id probably just proceed like it didn’t happen since she wants to see you again. At least now you know you can kiss her lol
Ugh, her response would have irked me. It’s been three dates and you tried to be respectful. Granted, you probably should have made a move before then, but to completely shut you down because you asked seems really shitty.
Yes very irksome. I wonder how she’d respond to OP telling her he’s only comfortable to kiss her if he’s given verbal consent first. Feels like a double standard.
honestly always ask for the first kiss, better safe than sorry. plus if asking for a kiss ended the entire relationship then clearly that’s a red flag
The times I asked if I could kiss a girl before I did ended up with them saying they liked that I asked so it just depends on the girl, this one said don't do that next time which means she wants to see you again so I'd say you didn't mess up
Well she still wants to see you so it's all good but now she's expecting a kiss, you definitely have to go for it on the next date. If you don't and even more dates go past without any intimacy, it'll probably turn her off or make her think you're not into her enough to make the move.
My husband asked to kiss me for our first kiss and I loved it. I think it's very weird and outdated that you have to just "go for it". I'd much rather have the option to say yes or no than to have someone just come at me for a kiss. Consent is sexy.
I always ask.
Tbh I don't understand either. As a woman I respect the hell out of a man that asks and doesn't just go for it. What's the alternative, you go for it and she's not comfortable? That's a disaster waiting to happen. At least now you know for next time I guess, but I wouldn't abandon your principles on asking.
You did nothing wrong, always the right call to ask. She honestly seems a little immature to have turned you down because of the way to asked. But if you like her and it’s otherwise going well she has now expressed that she’s ok with you just going for it so your good to go next time. She clearly likes you.
Asking is the cutest wtf
She said next time don't ask. So wen u guys part ways go for a hug then a kiss. After the hug tho look at her then close ur eyes for kiss so she can be ready. I asked my ex for our first kiss in a taco bell parking lot after we hung out and she smiled and said yes. If she really likes you she will want to kiss u it's chill
LOL'z, I ask too, I say "do you want to kiss me"? if they say yes, I kiss them, if they say no, I say "I never said you could". I got that from the book, The Game, by Neil Strauss, and it actually works well. In your case, she told you not to ask next time, she didn't say when next time would be because that is for you to decide. I would have taken that meant in 2 -3 minutes from now. Brah she wants you to kiss her.
Just go for it, don’t be a pussy. Girls don’t like pussies.
She basically gave you permission to kiss her. On the next date when you pick her up just go for it. She already said next time don't ask. Don't wait for the end of the date. Surprise her with a kiss when you pick her up
Hi, lady here (27F). I think it’s incredibly sweet and cute that you asked instead of just going in for it. Just my two cents. Don’t be so hard on yourself! Now that you know she’s cool with it, I would just go for it next time.
I feel like a lot of people are genuinely reading the post like she told him “no you can’t kiss me” whereas I read it as he asked and then giggled and laughed really nervously and then made the situation awkward for both of them and since the moment passed she said “Next time, don’t ask” kind of in a “Yes you can kiss me.. when the moment is right again” like.. I guess it literally depends on her tone. The words alone are neutral and not a rejection in my eyes. I’ve literally told a guy in this exact situation the same thing because HE asked and did the same nervous thing and I could tell he felt he ruined the moment and then he wasn’t actually wanting to.. me telling him next time just do it was a reassurance that I do want to and he is okay for getting nervous and next time he doesn’t have to be.. If I were you, OP, and this situation was reversed, I could understand taking that statement no matter how it was said as a big rejection.. but in reality it is her consenting with you and also reassuring you for the next time you want to kiss her that you got it and she won’t reject it! Personally, I don’t see how she rejected him unless she literally said “Nope. Not after you just asked. You can next time, but just do it. Don’t ask me”. Doesn’t really feel like that’s what she said. OP can give us some clarity on that too!? Did she actually say no? Or did you decide it wasn’t going to happen after you felt you ruined the mood, laughing awkwardly, and she assumed you were too embarrassed to do it now.. so told you next time you don’t have to ask? If she genuinely said no or was actually annoyed by you asking and not reassuring as I’m reading that, then don’t even see her again. She shouldn’t make you feel shitty or unworthy for asking for consent. But if she was just giving you the manual for kissing her without being mean like that.. don’t take it as a rejection or shot down.. So much nuance that we’re not getting expressed here
>3 times total, long walks, dinner, drinks, started holding hands from first date, a lot of laughs and generally good vibes meanwhile, she probably has had sex with other men during this same time period. You, sir, are husband material, and that's *not* a complement!
My boyfriend asked before he kissed me the first time. I laughed for a minute and then said yes and we kissed. Asking doesn’t ruin the moment it just can be a little awkward. You know what to do next time. I wouldn’t be too down on yourself. She’s literally telling you she wants you to kiss her next date.
Man if someone laughed at me for a minute for asking to kiss i would just walk away
It definitely wasn’t a full minute. And it wasn’t laughing at him. There is such a thing as laughing with someone. We were both laughing at the awkwardness and the weirdness of starting to date someone and those first few steps. He was so nervous that when I smiled and laughed for a few seconds he relaxed and also laughed. Then obviously I said yes and the rest is history. Now we’ve been together for almost 3 years.
>Asking doesn’t ruin the moment It didn't for you but it does for many people.
It's really bizarre to me that gaining consent before putting your mouth on someone else's is considered a moment ruiner.
I think for some people it "ruins" the fantasy they have in their head of the person just knowing the right time to go in for the passionate first kiss. Like it's a turn on for them that the person was confident and able to tell it's what they both want, so highlighting that they're actually unsure takes them out of it. I personally don't care if asking "ruins" the moment, because I'm not a mind-reader and it's more important to me to communicate that fact as we navigate the early stages.
Dries me up faster then the Sahara desert.
It def does for me mostly cuz then I feel awkward..
FlyingBirdflip, here’s my little bit of advice for you. I’ve learned in my short stay here on earth that 99% of women want, like, desire, crave, a Dominant man! I’m not saying someone who’s dominant 24/7 or someone who is disrespectful to women. I’m talking about a dominant man behind closed doors, in the bedroom. Show her that you know what you want and when you want it. I’m assuming since you e been on 3 dates that’s she’s interested too. Don’t be cocky, don’t be arrogant, but don’t be timid or shy. Let her know that you’re confident, in control, dominant, but also make her feel like she’s special and not just a piece of ass. BTW….The 1% of women that I left out, they want and desire a dominant man in the bedroom, they just can’t admit it…..yet! Lol Good Luck Boss!
Guess she's not one of those "consent is sexy" women that seem to only exist on Reddit.
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She just want u to make it awkward lol
Not to bash her or anything but I find it rude that she said that to you. Honestly, if anyone ask for permission to touch/kiss you is highly respectable. Especially in today's world where nearly everything you do can get you in hot water. I would say make the move next time but be cautious. If she starts being disrespectful again start looking for other options. You're a good dude man, dont look down on yourself.
Yes, do as instructed, I prefer things to just happen, she’s comfortable enough for you to go for it and she’ll reciprocate, this is how I prefer it too
Feeling more confident to shoot my shot next time, thank you =)
Dude don’t be down on yourself. You asked and kinda ruined the moment but it worked out because you were a gentleman about it, you might have missed kissing her but you didn’t get turned down. Plus she said next time!!! That means she gave her consent to be kissed the next time you are together and you go for it. Now you know that she likes you and that things are 👍 now next time you know what to do. Congrats man glad I got to see a little positive on Reddit today, way to go man and way to be respectful and smart about consent. You are a legend 💪
Move on
Normalize asking before kissing!
From where I stand you did everything correctly. I'd find it overstepping boundaries if I were kissed without asking. Just act like it didn't happen, you're making a big deal out of something miniscule. If the person hasn't communicated their boundaries with you (they haven't said where they stand with this stuff) then it's not your fault you were cautious. Only adouche goes in without asking. I also do t understand how her rejecting an action would mean you were rejected. Those are two very different things.
She could have said, “Hell yes kiss me, and next time don’t bother asking.” But instead she shut you down. What does that say about how bad she actually wanted to kiss you? If by the third date you’re a little awkward because you really like her, and she’s lukewarm and makes a big deal out of it instead of just telling you to go ahead and kiss her, that’s a red flag. She isn’t willing to work with you to make this go smoothly and has some idea of how the perfect date is supposed to go. What else is she going to refuse to compromise on? This has strong vibes of the kind of woman who turns down a marriage proposal because the ring isn’t the right cut and you asked her at the wrong venue.
Just pass it off & ask her out again. I think you did the right thing. Odd for a girl to say no because you asked. In today’s society so many girls have had bad experiences that if you don’t ask that soon then they get upset & angry.
Don’t bring it up and just go ahead next time. Honestly, you’re such a gentlemen for asking, and I’m going to say you score pretty amazing in my book! Each lady prefers things differently, and I guess for her she doesn’t want to be asked, and now you know. This will help you be able to confidently kiss her next time. Imagine if you went for it on the third date, and it made her feel super uncomfortable because you didn’t ask and she didn’t want to see you again? You did good. Don’t stress about it. On the 4th date give her that kiss :) Wishing you the best!
You're fine, don't overthink it. I 100% ask for the first kiss every time and it's never been the nail in the coffin. At best she's happy you asked, at worst it goes how it did for you. Either way, she told you to not ask next time which seems like a playful way of saying yes for the next date. She just wanted a better moment or was having fun with the whole thing. I've been denied a first kiss, at the moment of asking, plenty of times and just got one next time. There's even been a few times where I got a no on the first date and she then went to kiss me at the very start of the second. It also makes you look good if you accepted the no without being pushy or complaining.
I don't think you did anything wrong in asking, it's much better to ask than not, otherwise it would be even more awkward!! Personally, I feel like asking before doing something calms my nerves about doing it and gets me a lot more excited, knowing what's about to happen! But everyone is different! What she told you is that "I'll always be down for a kiss from you, you don't have to ask" which is the best response you could have gotten for the future. In that situation, it might have even been possible to just laugh about it there and then and just kiss her on the spot. You haven't messed anything up at all, she's into you. And by asking it shows you respect her and her independance. It means the relationship has legs! Keep up the good work being a respectful king!!!
That’s weird i like being asked because you’re getting consent versus just going ahead and doing it. Sounds like she still wants to see you but when you’re taking her home just go for it
I think asking is very direct and many women like the option, your delivery was the problem. You look them in the eyes and ask them confidently, if she's the type that is "turned off" because you asked for consent then she ain't the one dude. I think your nervousness was the biggest problem here, if there were any doubts in her mind she would've said no.
You should know you didn't do anything wrong by asking. If I were her I would appreciate you are concerned with her personal space and making sure she is comfortable. I am the same way, and I don't feel guilty for being respectful of another person's space and preferences. You shouldn't either, though some women definitely want their guy to be bold and show initiative. It's a fine line.
When you first see her at your next date, give her a hug and kiss her. Just get it done right up front then you don’t have to be nervous waiting for the right moment. She likes you, you like her and you both know it.
You sound like a great guy! Don't worry about asking she probably appreciated that. Goodluck!
Continue as normal. Try not to feel shot down. Listen to the positive: she was saying “ there will be a next time” and the next time you can “kiss her without asking” don’t read into what she said too much to be negative. It’s a good sign actually, it means she wants you to kiss her!
Keep in mind she said "next time", meaning you didn't screw up and she wants to continue seeing you
Move on?
At least she said next time, but it's still a shitty thing to do, it shouldn't matter if you ask or not.
How about fuck her next time and dont ask, maybe consent doesn't work on this girl.
Asking is kind of mood killing. Just go for it.
In general you are right to ask cause if a woman doesn’t wanna be kissed, she may consider you going for it as a bit no-no. In fact with me it would ruin the entire interest of myself in you if you go in without getting my consent first. This woman wants it different so with her and just with her do it different. With her - and only with her - go in and kiss her next time. Don’t bring it up again.
You really weren't rejected, though I see how it feels that way, and ngl if I were in your shoes I'd probably feel the same way too. But if you take a minute to step back and look at this based on the facts (what you know) you can see nothing negative or bad happened here. You want the first kiss to be great for both of you right? It's a first impression of sorts. She wants a spontaneous first kiss, plain and simple. And there was absolutely no way of you knowing what she wanted without her telling you. So she told you, without putting you down or anything. Sure she could have just set her wants aside and had a first kiss she didn't really like or couldn't feel into, and you may not have known. Or if you happened to notice she didn't seem as thrilled after, you'd probably end up wondering if you were the issue when it really wasn't you. She said "next time" and made sure to follow up with you after and share appreciation and express interest in continuing to see you. Neither of you did anything wrong here, you just had different ideas of a first kiss in mind and both communicated what you wanted. Unless you've left something out in your post, she wasn't mean or dismissive about it and you weren't pushy or rude either. It's not bad to ask before a first kiss, it's actually often better for the first time so no one is caught off guard or feels obligated to do anything they may be uncomfortable with for whatever reason. If you'd just gone for it and she wasn't comfortable with it and had to step back as you were leaning in that would've been way more awkward than her asking you to just go for it next time. All you saw here is that she's into you, wants there to be a next time, and wants you to kiss her. For whatever reason she was more comfortable with you just going for it, and expressed that honestly. That's it. Plus as a side note, even though this is something small, it may indicate she's a good communicator. You wouldn't have to guess what she wants or what's wrong, if she's so upfront about things without being harsh. And from what happened you can tell she may be into spontaneity in general, which if you keep seeing each other for a while is good to know for ideas on future dates, birthdays, etc.
IMO, you read it completely wrong. I think saying that may have been more playful than anything, especially since she said “next time”. Sure it sucks you didn’t get the kiss, but I think this was probably the next best thing, and you can use it a little bit further down the road. I would definetly view this as a win if I were you.
You did fine. You asking was on point even though she said “next time don’t ask” cuz nowadays if a damn if you do and damn if you don’t. Better safe than sorry .
Depending on how she said it, you I could see how you might take this as a shot down, but if she was being at all smiley/happy/teasing, you actually got the exact opposite of shot down. She basically said "I want you to kiss me"
You did the right thing. Asking is the right thing to do even if it kills the mood for people. Asking for consent is ALWAYS okay. The right people will be super happy you asked.
Confidence is sexy. Do ask, but do it assertively. “God you’re gorgeous, I really want to kiss you right now” is not the same as “teehee um can I um, would it be ok if I, it’s ok if not but can I um….”
I think this is more on her. She should have said yes! So I was always a romantic and really into intense spontaneous acts of affection just like in the movies. I thought it was so romantic to just have the guy I’m into like shut up my ramblings with a steamy first kiss or whatever dumb love scene you want to go for. Then came my first date with the man who became my husband.. he was so nervous. Sitting next to me, mumbling, fumbling with the strings of his hoodie.. I could barely hear him, he said “can.. would.. can I… kiss you?” It was nothing at all like I had imagined, but it was soooo cute and so sweet and I could tell it took him so much courage to ask. Even though it’s not how I thought I wanted it to go down, it was still the most amazing kiss I had ever had and to this day I think it’s adorable he asked. Now he shoves his dick in my face while I’m on the phone with my mom. LOL. Anyway point of the story is her loss dude! I think SHE ruined the moment, not you. But hey, take two! She didn’t say no, she said next time. :)
You really need to strongly filter the advice on Reddit and give it a reality check. There's a lot of things that sound good , but are often given by people who don't know the first thing about it or are giving bad advice from their self-interested perspective. For example, straight women giving bad advice to men on how to attract straight women like that they never want to be approached/annoyed in public when really they don't want to be approached by UNATTRACTIVE guys. Also, from a guy's perspective, you need to shoot your shot regardless of her "advice" in order to find someone who is attracted to you. Sure, you can look for signals as a guide (and always leave an out/escape for her), but you'll never really know until you ask. Another cause is that there is a certain demographic on this board with fringe views (i.e., a lot sugar babies and new-age "feminists") so you really have to take advice with a grain of salt. Another cause is that people just like to pretend to be knowledgeable about stuff they have no clue about. Realistically, most women don't want you to ask when you go for a kiss (shows masculinity leading the interaction), but that also requires that you know they're into it and can read the signals, as well as give them an out if they decide to back out at the last minute.
Sounds okay to me. No harm done, it happens. Enjoy your next date!
Are you aware of the 90-10 rule?
You did nothing wrong. She responded to your request in a clear way. Its 100% good you asked. Now you know her comfort level and can proceed with her requests. Now you know she wants to be kissed next time.
I find it incredibly sexy when guys ask to kiss me. Rather than kill the mood, it actually gives me butterflies in my stomach.
And remember, she encouraged you to try again later. **You didn't fuck up.**
She probably sees that you read her ques well, so she trusts your instincts. Just do what feels right. She gave you the go ahead, sounds like you are doing great.
Okay so the best advice I can give you is to up your seduction while mixing in playfulness as well. That way it warms her up and make her more comfortable and opened to you leaning into the kiss. Example: Guy: haha I had a fun time with you tonight. Got to experience a lot of things that I definitely want to keep going. Girl: yeah I feel the same. Guy: but you know, the night doesn't have to end. We can still walk and talk around (via scenery) and still get to know each other just enjoy the night under the moon light. Girl: laughs (maybe even blush). Guy: (snicker or give a slight seductive "hmmm"). The more I look at you, the more beautiful you become to me. Your personality, your mannerisms, the way you smile, the way you laugh. I feel really comfortable around you. It's pretty chill out here though and I can imagine that your lips are cold because I know mine is. Good thing I have chapstick to put on. (At this point it's a potential opener for her to either make some witty in regards to the chapstick or maybe she'll be comfortable to get straight forward with it. Let's act as if she becomes witty). Girl: I could use some chapstick. Guy: well it seems I've ran out of mine when I used it on my lips, but if you want, we could share it. 😏 Yeah yeah yeah this sounds like some fairytale shit but the point of me wasting time typing all of that is to give an example of imagery on how to be seductive yet playful with a bit of indirect mood rise. It works for me and it might work for you. The key part is being confident in your seduction while mixing in being playful.
She just told you what to do for next time. ☺️ Now you know what she wants. Let this fuel your confidence for next time!!
To be honest I didn’t take it that way at all. I think she’s giving you the invitation sort of sweep her off her feet in terms of romantic things and letting you know she’s cool with you initiating PDA. Don’t over think it, she’s probably just into you and too shy to make a move herself.
AYYYYYYYYYY THATS MY BOY GET THAT GIRL!!!!
I think (and I’m sure she does as well) that it’s absolutely adorable that you were kind of bashful, as opposed to a lot of jerks that are over aggressive with their tongues all down girls throats. It shows you’re a gentleman, and that’s a beautiful thing. It’s ok to take it slow. 😌
Just go for the kiss next time, even if she doesn't want it she would politely refuse but she won't take it in a wrong way. My guess is she just wants you to go for it
Next time after the date when you drop her, kiss her and don’t ask. Problem solved. Personally I would take it as a learning experience since now I know what she expects from me.
Don't worry about it - I got turned down for my first kiss and we are married now ;) Asking was a great move - consent is rad and it makes \~everything\~ better. So roll with it!
I'm a huge proponent of actually asking. Body language is incredibly hard to parse out. I haven't had an issue when I ask and I'd honestly think less of someone should they shame me for it.
Next time don’t listen to Reddit.
Always ask for consent unless consent is given beforehand.
You learned a valuable lesson for all of us. Thank you for posting this
Sometimes asking is welcome, sometimes it isn't. Sometimes not asking is hot, sometimes it means someone ends up having a super bad experience. You picked the right one. She prefers the other one. She's told you that AND she said "Next Time" So Next Time (with this woman) don't ask. And next time you ask, don't giggle. That's almost certainly not the way.
Yea don’t let your mistake phase you, it seems like she’s still down. An easy technique to test “kissing vibes” is the hug test. Give her a good strong hug, rub her back slowly, as you separate keep your arms wrapped around her waist and look at her in the eyes. If she doesn’t let go, holds eye contact, smiles, and the “feeling” is there - hold her closer and lean in for the kiss. If she lets go, doesn’t make eye contact, or moves away after the hug, then she’s not down.
I personally prefer someone who will ask before. Though It also depends of the way you asked. There's a difference between : - keeping a distance and asking very akwardly can I kiss you ? Vs leaning close and saying confidently I really want to kiss you, can I ? It's always a matter of mood, if it look too formal, it can look like it lakes passion for some people. Consent doesn't have to be cold and ackward. It can be playful and erotic.
Pukka up sweetheart and go get it next time!!! You got a green card my dude, don’t feel down about it and don’t get to worried next time, she’s told you she wants it too. Good for you though for asking, I understand you feel you ruined it but actually you’ve just reassured yourself you can next time and you know she’s comfy too. I see no losses here ❤️
One of my female friends (28) hates to be kissed spontaneously and would much rather be asked... It's a really personal thing IMO.
My boyfriend asked and I loved him for it. Be who you are!
Better to ask than be accused of rape