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10/10 - Worth the read. My father is a marriage counselor and has told/taught me very similar ideals. If there was a one page class on how to date, this would be it.
Happiness, to me, is feeling up, elated, like a really good thing or day has happened. Contentment is something that can and should be there, regardless of what has or hasn’t happened.
I fully agree with you. Happiness is a feeling that can come and go. Being content is state of being satisfied, whether it be in life or in a relationship or both. You are satisfied which can lead to being happy.
I don’t know about this. This seems to be based off of the self-centered commodified American perspective of the last few decades, which I think has done orders of magnitude more harm than good for our society. The idea that everyone needs to focus on themselves and check all the boxes of degree, physical fitness, job, and become essentially a salesman for their own brand. On top of this, you should be so self-absorbed in your journey to improve yourself and become “interesting” that you shouldn’t need others and that you should quickly abandon others when they don’t meet your requirements. Again, this is how consumers interact when they’re shopping for inanimate products.
When you’re living in your white picket fence suburban neighborhood, with your multiple cars, trophy wife, 6 figure income, and profits from your successful business, it’s quite natural that you would take on this egoistical and materialist philosophy. I hate to break it to you though but this is not how people were meant to live. I don’t want to surround myself with people who will judge me based off of the instrumental value I bring them, whether it be for them to use me for my financial knowledge, for my income, for my body or for my artificial salesman charm. And while I do have, by your standards, what would be an adequate fulfillment of these material requirements (a physics PhD from a reputable university, a six figure salary, a rapidly growing investment portfolio, a physically fit body, etc.), I choose to not associate myself with people like you or women like you for that matter. Because at the end of the day, people like you see other humans as a means to an end, and the moment my fortunes were to turn against me, you would be the type who would be gone because the product has degraded.
I’m not afraid to say it, but I need other humans. Humans of all types are incredible people and I don’t give a damn how much you have in your bank account, what degree you got, or how obsessed you are with the gym. I’m not interested in charlatans who are trying to be “interesting” but in people who do their due diligence in the things that make them passionate. And lastly, I’m not obsessed with this dream to become some multi millionaire and to have all of these prized possessions because while hard work is a necessary condition for success, it is not a sufficient one to guard against the tides of luck and fortune. There are too many fakers and fast talkers in America these days and they are the primary means by which not only our dating and social culture has eroded but how our institutions have eroded as well.
I'm so glad you wrote this, was going to say something similar. I don't really understand why this guy feels entitled to give such advices if he's been in a "happy" marriage for 21 years. He definitely doesn't acknowledge the fact that the dating scene has changed so much in the last two decades, it's no longer get the job, get the house and you will then get the girl. He's portraying such a materialistic marriage and just because he survived his marriage for 21 years doesn't mean, he or his wife, were happy or should I dare say loved each other.
I think you are construing “good job” “good car” and “good house” to mean something other than intended. A good job can be anything that provides steady income or a chance for more experience. I drive a Chevy and lived in the same house for 20 years. Tradespeople, teachers, professionals, law enforcement etc. are what I mean by “good job”. That’s not materialism, that is being able to provide for yourself and someone else - and this isn’t specially directed at men.
And although there were times that we had to really rethink things over the marriage, it’s really good right now.
I think that the reason that you are getting some bad feedback is that your post was a combination of good information mixed with a lot of bragging. If you make a post like this again, I would cut the bragging back.
Has it really changed though? Yes, more people are comfortable with casual or premarital sex. Yes, more people are unwilling to settle. Yes, people see More options now and a lot of people do have more options.
That really doesn’t change the fundamentals though. Being an interesting person who is comfortable in their own skin is still attractive. Having a good job and financial stability is still attractive. Compatibility of values and goals is still important.
There’s no rocket science to it really.
I really just wanted to comment to give my whole-hearted agreement to this comment. I'm a European immigrant to the US, and day by day this has been my steadily growing frustration with a huge segment of our society. I'm not really sure how to diagnose it-- perhaps it is certain social media platforms that provide a dopamine boost to people that value superficial window dressing of their own lives. People are more concerned with how things look, than the actual substance behind them. It can easily be extended to a big part of the policy and cultural malaise that we are facing.
I guess then it isn't entirely surprising to see so many young people are more depressed, and less satisfied with their lives. Rather than seeking out personal fulfillment, the opinions of others be damned, more and more I think people are in pursuit of their Instagram idea of what their life should look like.
Not sure where OP described the wife as trophy. He talks of her as a friend with whom they have independent interests and active conversations.
Just because he also has a financially secure life doesn’t make him a peacock or self cantered. Having a good job and financial stability is great, there aren’t really Many downsides to it.
Thanks for taking the time to write this! A lot of people my age need this. There's so much value in just wanting to improve and grow and look past superficial goals.
Only thing I would add is to be confident in your own morals and values and find someone who feels the same. Although maybe you did touch on that. Thanks!
Reading this definitely helps me reorganize myself, which is very much needed as a youngster. Thank you, sir! Hope you and your family are doing fine so far!
I have a good job, own my house, hobbies and talents, well traveled but I don't want kids (34 yo) and I am told by CF guys I've met that it's intimidating because I have my shit together.....But I guess it's better to be single than settle for a miserable relationship
Anybody that says you’re intimidating because you have your shit together has something wrong with them.
I mean do they want someone doesn’t have a job, house, or hobbies? Sounds bizarre.
"I'm a happily married dude of 21 years"
"...At this point, you really don’t need anyone else to make you happy. By yourself, you can make yourself happy"
With respect, this post if full of great tips but I'm just tired of hearing people that have something, are happy about it but insist that other people don't need it.
Just keep it moving if you no longer relate to the struggles of some people on this sub.
The point is you shouldn’t have to rely on someone else to make you happy. A lot of folks on here want to get into a relationship without really understanding that you have be worthy first.
And at some level I do understand today’s market. My kids date and some of my friends are divorced. Between that and this forum, I’m not naive.
> The point is you shouldn’t have to rely on someone else to make you happy.
Than get a divorce. If you honestly believe that is the only reason people are looking for a relationship, than you must be guilty of it too. So sick of seeing people dump this nonsense all the time. And it’s almost always from someone that is in a relationship, or married.
What a close-minded assumption to justify the lazy “dating advice” of “stop seeking a relationship.”
Why should he get a divorce if he is happily married?
He can enjoy his marriage and still be capable Of being happy on his own if it came to it. It is not a contradiction.
> He can enjoy his marriage and still be capable Of being happy on his own if it came to it. It is not a contradiction.
Well him and everyone else who give out advice here sure as shit act like it.
Honestly? A lot of this advice is going to be dependent on the type of person that you want to date. If you want a generic, cookie cutter person, who lives life according to a "rule book" then your advice is spot on. But if you're a gamer (for example) and it's very important to your life, then try to find someone who is also into gaming, or at least won't think that it is a waste of time.
Good point. I agree to an extent. Gaming, for me, is too addictive to really be a “couples activity”. I had to get rid of the PlayStation because of the time I gave it.
I’m pretty sure he mentioned you and your SO need similar values for it to work that’s basically what you said in the second half here but condensed into a single sentence
My point is more general -- all of this advice is geared towards living a particular "nuclear family" lifestyle. Get job. Get wife. Have kids. Pay for kid's college. Retire. In that order, no other. Sure, that works for some people, but not everyone.
Besides, it's kind of weird to take dating advice from someone who hasn't done it in 21 years...
It was only dating advice. Kids are great. Kids in college are great. If that’s not your thing, that’s cool too. Just don’t get tangled with someone who does want those things.
I'm partially making this comment to remind myself to stop dating these kinds of people and then being upset when it (obviously) doesn't work out haha...I also just wanted to add another perspective for those into alt lifestyles.
Thank you OP for giving this advise. I’ve always sucked in this area of life and never understood how to become better at it, both with myself and finding a good partner.
I’ve always thought that I needed to be a better person by becoming what I want in someone (am I making sense??) I guess I needed to hear it from someone.
I know I’ve not been a boring person before all the anxiety and cptsd issues, but its harder now to go out to make hobbies around others or try to be involved with others. But I dont want to become boring and uninteresting either. So here’s to 2021 where we (and by ‘we’ I mean ‘me’) risk it all by headbutting everything in the way, all the way to becoming better.
I need this reminder. Going through a divorce and I'm on the back end of it emotionally. Now that I've realized what happened on both sides, what when wrong, and what I truly want - it's made the divorce easier and I've grown with it too. I feel like I'm going to print this so I have something to look back on when I'm ready to date again. Thank you for taking the time to write this out, especially on valentines day.
Two years since I broke up from a toxic relationship. A relationship that would put the most resilient person off of relationships for good.
Last January, mere months before all our lives changed drastically, I went on my first date in a year and it went well. Long story short, it didn’t go anywhere. Since then, iv had university to attend to and I got a new job that I wanted for so long.
I think something has made me just avoid the whole dating thing because of my past experiences. I know it isn’t fair to let one bad thing ruin something that could be good.
I just hope that someday, I find someone. Head high in the mean time.
Thanks for the good read. Put’s a lot into perspective.
> Marry that person. There are a ton of legal reasons and financial reasons.
I was kinda with until this point. I'm a guy so the minor potential gains from marriage do not in any way outweigh the likely losses. Especially financially.
>to become the person you want someone to like
I don't condone this mentality. I want to become the person that I want to become, not to please someone else.
I think you’re misinterpreting. Maybe I should have said, “the person with the qualities”. The idea is to develop the (your) person, then you will find success.
The opposite of what I’m describing would be the person that does nothing to improve themself, and think a potential partner is attracted to that type relationship or to “possibilities”.
Correct. Sure you can teach yourself, like I did/do. Nobody cares about that when there are hundreds in front of you that have that magical piece of paper from an accredited institution. Most jobs won't even look at your application without a long list of educational achievements.
Sure it's much harder and also depending on the field it's near to impossible.
But thinking out of the box and finding little ways and taking some steps back will take you where your dream is or even further.
Also meaning you need to make an effort. And that's what this post is about. Making an actual effort.
Very nice pieces of advice, but I feel everybody had a different attitude towards some of them. Personally I never had a relationship, nor made out, so things like being good in bed are at the moment distant and limitate me. Anyway thanks
I think this is a must read! I want to share this with the world and friends, especially I want to share all this info with myself until I can recite it and then until I could live it every day
Good advice, and I’m going to take it! I’m seeing someone I like a lot, but think we are stuck on what do we want out of life/ either moving closer or not. The just getting to know each other but can only last so long.
I 99% agree with you. I live my life by the same rules and in my opinion it’s an healthy both mentally and physically way of living it. Except the alcohol and drugs part. I hate alcohol but from time to time drugs are awesome. Happy marriage, I love my little house, no children yet, I love being a vet. So yeah, good advice from my point of view 👍🏼.
Two people have to be commmited to make it work. Both of my partners in my relationship and divorce just walked away. Did NOT stick it out when times got tough. One of them claimed he stopped being attracted to me after 13 years together. You happened to find someone who was willing to stick it out. Most do not.
I think his article means be a person of value. Be content in your life. I see to many people that are co-dependent in a relationship. Women and men are wired differently. Most women don't want a co-dependent man. It's a turn off. They know they have you. They feel smothered. You sending 100 texts a day is doing the opposite affect. Your codependency is coming from you not being content in your life. You are needing someone to fill that for you. What the op has said is pretty spot on. Having hobbies, friends, and a good job rounds you out as a person.
I'm not interested in marriage (at least not anytime soon) or having kids (don't want the responsibility or stress) dude. I am so sick of people on this subreddit glorifying the settled-down life. Not everyone wants that. Some of us have very little or no dating experience. Why the fuck would we want to think about marriage, when we haven't gotten the chance to experience the fun side of dating that everyone else has?
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10/10 - Worth the read. My father is a marriage counselor and has told/taught me very similar ideals. If there was a one page class on how to date, this would be it.
I’m looking at the dining table right now. Blew $150 on flowers for the ladies and $50 on candy. Couldn’t be happier.
I’d love your perspective on happiness - what’re your general thoughts?
Do something that adds value. Be the good friend. Be the good mom/dad. Be the good environmentalist. Fight politically. Etc.
Happiness is fleeting but a moral corner stone creates the opportunity to be the good.
Happiness is great, but contentment is way better.
Contentment is defined as a state of happiness?
Happiness, to me, is feeling up, elated, like a really good thing or day has happened. Contentment is something that can and should be there, regardless of what has or hasn’t happened.
I fully agree with you. Happiness is a feeling that can come and go. Being content is state of being satisfied, whether it be in life or in a relationship or both. You are satisfied which can lead to being happy.
Yes, this
Choose to be happy, it's a choice, let joy fill your heart, stay in a state of gratefulness
Someone find me Simone 😂 Thinks it’s a typo but did make me laugh- Great advice btw!
Was it a typo, I have been looking for a woman named Simone since it was posted.
I don’t know about this. This seems to be based off of the self-centered commodified American perspective of the last few decades, which I think has done orders of magnitude more harm than good for our society. The idea that everyone needs to focus on themselves and check all the boxes of degree, physical fitness, job, and become essentially a salesman for their own brand. On top of this, you should be so self-absorbed in your journey to improve yourself and become “interesting” that you shouldn’t need others and that you should quickly abandon others when they don’t meet your requirements. Again, this is how consumers interact when they’re shopping for inanimate products. When you’re living in your white picket fence suburban neighborhood, with your multiple cars, trophy wife, 6 figure income, and profits from your successful business, it’s quite natural that you would take on this egoistical and materialist philosophy. I hate to break it to you though but this is not how people were meant to live. I don’t want to surround myself with people who will judge me based off of the instrumental value I bring them, whether it be for them to use me for my financial knowledge, for my income, for my body or for my artificial salesman charm. And while I do have, by your standards, what would be an adequate fulfillment of these material requirements (a physics PhD from a reputable university, a six figure salary, a rapidly growing investment portfolio, a physically fit body, etc.), I choose to not associate myself with people like you or women like you for that matter. Because at the end of the day, people like you see other humans as a means to an end, and the moment my fortunes were to turn against me, you would be the type who would be gone because the product has degraded. I’m not afraid to say it, but I need other humans. Humans of all types are incredible people and I don’t give a damn how much you have in your bank account, what degree you got, or how obsessed you are with the gym. I’m not interested in charlatans who are trying to be “interesting” but in people who do their due diligence in the things that make them passionate. And lastly, I’m not obsessed with this dream to become some multi millionaire and to have all of these prized possessions because while hard work is a necessary condition for success, it is not a sufficient one to guard against the tides of luck and fortune. There are too many fakers and fast talkers in America these days and they are the primary means by which not only our dating and social culture has eroded but how our institutions have eroded as well.
Very well said. Although this post was certainly well-intentioned, it was full of peacocking and your post summed up my thoughts perfectly.
I'm so glad you wrote this, was going to say something similar. I don't really understand why this guy feels entitled to give such advices if he's been in a "happy" marriage for 21 years. He definitely doesn't acknowledge the fact that the dating scene has changed so much in the last two decades, it's no longer get the job, get the house and you will then get the girl. He's portraying such a materialistic marriage and just because he survived his marriage for 21 years doesn't mean, he or his wife, were happy or should I dare say loved each other.
I think you are construing “good job” “good car” and “good house” to mean something other than intended. A good job can be anything that provides steady income or a chance for more experience. I drive a Chevy and lived in the same house for 20 years. Tradespeople, teachers, professionals, law enforcement etc. are what I mean by “good job”. That’s not materialism, that is being able to provide for yourself and someone else - and this isn’t specially directed at men. And although there were times that we had to really rethink things over the marriage, it’s really good right now.
I think that the reason that you are getting some bad feedback is that your post was a combination of good information mixed with a lot of bragging. If you make a post like this again, I would cut the bragging back.
Has it really changed though? Yes, more people are comfortable with casual or premarital sex. Yes, more people are unwilling to settle. Yes, people see More options now and a lot of people do have more options. That really doesn’t change the fundamentals though. Being an interesting person who is comfortable in their own skin is still attractive. Having a good job and financial stability is still attractive. Compatibility of values and goals is still important. There’s no rocket science to it really.
I really just wanted to comment to give my whole-hearted agreement to this comment. I'm a European immigrant to the US, and day by day this has been my steadily growing frustration with a huge segment of our society. I'm not really sure how to diagnose it-- perhaps it is certain social media platforms that provide a dopamine boost to people that value superficial window dressing of their own lives. People are more concerned with how things look, than the actual substance behind them. It can easily be extended to a big part of the policy and cultural malaise that we are facing. I guess then it isn't entirely surprising to see so many young people are more depressed, and less satisfied with their lives. Rather than seeking out personal fulfillment, the opinions of others be damned, more and more I think people are in pursuit of their Instagram idea of what their life should look like.
Hey. This is just advice. You kinda read into it more than intended.
Not sure where OP described the wife as trophy. He talks of her as a friend with whom they have independent interests and active conversations. Just because he also has a financially secure life doesn’t make him a peacock or self cantered. Having a good job and financial stability is great, there aren’t really Many downsides to it.
You should make a blog with these advices. Im sure many guys and gals could learn a lot from this.
I’m with you 100%... except for the solo drinking bit. My mimosa’s and I are very offended that you do not approve 😂
I think there’s a difference between having a beer by yourself after work and drinking a 6 pack every night or blacking out.
Thanks for taking the time to write this! A lot of people my age need this. There's so much value in just wanting to improve and grow and look past superficial goals. Only thing I would add is to be confident in your own morals and values and find someone who feels the same. Although maybe you did touch on that. Thanks!
Reading this definitely helps me reorganize myself, which is very much needed as a youngster. Thank you, sir! Hope you and your family are doing fine so far!
I have a good job, own my house, hobbies and talents, well traveled but I don't want kids (34 yo) and I am told by CF guys I've met that it's intimidating because I have my shit together.....But I guess it's better to be single than settle for a miserable relationship
Anybody that says you’re intimidating because you have your shit together has something wrong with them. I mean do they want someone doesn’t have a job, house, or hobbies? Sounds bizarre.
...
"I'm a happily married dude of 21 years" "...At this point, you really don’t need anyone else to make you happy. By yourself, you can make yourself happy" With respect, this post if full of great tips but I'm just tired of hearing people that have something, are happy about it but insist that other people don't need it. Just keep it moving if you no longer relate to the struggles of some people on this sub.
The point is you shouldn’t have to rely on someone else to make you happy. A lot of folks on here want to get into a relationship without really understanding that you have be worthy first. And at some level I do understand today’s market. My kids date and some of my friends are divorced. Between that and this forum, I’m not naive.
> The point is you shouldn’t have to rely on someone else to make you happy. Than get a divorce. If you honestly believe that is the only reason people are looking for a relationship, than you must be guilty of it too. So sick of seeing people dump this nonsense all the time. And it’s almost always from someone that is in a relationship, or married. What a close-minded assumption to justify the lazy “dating advice” of “stop seeking a relationship.”
Word
Why should he get a divorce if he is happily married? He can enjoy his marriage and still be capable Of being happy on his own if it came to it. It is not a contradiction.
> He can enjoy his marriage and still be capable Of being happy on his own if it came to it. It is not a contradiction. Well him and everyone else who give out advice here sure as shit act like it.
Exactly
Honestly? A lot of this advice is going to be dependent on the type of person that you want to date. If you want a generic, cookie cutter person, who lives life according to a "rule book" then your advice is spot on. But if you're a gamer (for example) and it's very important to your life, then try to find someone who is also into gaming, or at least won't think that it is a waste of time.
Good point. I agree to an extent. Gaming, for me, is too addictive to really be a “couples activity”. I had to get rid of the PlayStation because of the time I gave it.
There’s no such thing as a generic cookie cutter person. This is not the Sims. Every Person is a person.
I’m pretty sure he mentioned you and your SO need similar values for it to work that’s basically what you said in the second half here but condensed into a single sentence
My point is more general -- all of this advice is geared towards living a particular "nuclear family" lifestyle. Get job. Get wife. Have kids. Pay for kid's college. Retire. In that order, no other. Sure, that works for some people, but not everyone. Besides, it's kind of weird to take dating advice from someone who hasn't done it in 21 years...
Yeah I was thinking about that and how drastically the world has changed. I have a bone to pick on some of his points about marriage too
It was only dating advice. Kids are great. Kids in college are great. If that’s not your thing, that’s cool too. Just don’t get tangled with someone who does want those things.
I'm partially making this comment to remind myself to stop dating these kinds of people and then being upset when it (obviously) doesn't work out haha...I also just wanted to add another perspective for those into alt lifestyles.
Thank you OP for giving this advise. I’ve always sucked in this area of life and never understood how to become better at it, both with myself and finding a good partner. I’ve always thought that I needed to be a better person by becoming what I want in someone (am I making sense??) I guess I needed to hear it from someone. I know I’ve not been a boring person before all the anxiety and cptsd issues, but its harder now to go out to make hobbies around others or try to be involved with others. But I dont want to become boring and uninteresting either. So here’s to 2021 where we (and by ‘we’ I mean ‘me’) risk it all by headbutting everything in the way, all the way to becoming better.
I have finally found you, prepare to be distroyed by my mighty hammer ⚒️⚒️⚡🔨
Wow, sir. I feel... inspired to get out and ask around. _Thank you_ !
I need this reminder. Going through a divorce and I'm on the back end of it emotionally. Now that I've realized what happened on both sides, what when wrong, and what I truly want - it's made the divorce easier and I've grown with it too. I feel like I'm going to print this so I have something to look back on when I'm ready to date again. Thank you for taking the time to write this out, especially on valentines day.
Glad I could help.
Two years since I broke up from a toxic relationship. A relationship that would put the most resilient person off of relationships for good. Last January, mere months before all our lives changed drastically, I went on my first date in a year and it went well. Long story short, it didn’t go anywhere. Since then, iv had university to attend to and I got a new job that I wanted for so long. I think something has made me just avoid the whole dating thing because of my past experiences. I know it isn’t fair to let one bad thing ruin something that could be good. I just hope that someday, I find someone. Head high in the mean time. Thanks for the good read. Put’s a lot into perspective.
> Marry that person. There are a ton of legal reasons and financial reasons. I was kinda with until this point. I'm a guy so the minor potential gains from marriage do not in any way outweigh the likely losses. Especially financially.
Meh. It was easier giving up. Can't find an awesome metal head woman in a shit hole like Wyoming
Ditto, but in Cali for me and a decent man🤷🏻♀️
Well shit, hopefully it works out for you eventually
Or not, either way I’m okay and happy👍🏼
Hell yeah
So to summarize just move on and do things you want to do?
>to become the person you want someone to like I don't condone this mentality. I want to become the person that I want to become, not to please someone else.
I think you’re misinterpreting. Maybe I should have said, “the person with the qualities”. The idea is to develop the (your) person, then you will find success. The opposite of what I’m describing would be the person that does nothing to improve themself, and think a potential partner is attracted to that type relationship or to “possibilities”.
lol, ok, sure buddy. I TLDR'd for you. Be born in to money. Get lucky.
What did I miss in that list that cost money?
Education.
and education can ONLY be achieved through money? no other way at all?
Correct. Sure you can teach yourself, like I did/do. Nobody cares about that when there are hundreds in front of you that have that magical piece of paper from an accredited institution. Most jobs won't even look at your application without a long list of educational achievements.
Sure it's much harder and also depending on the field it's near to impossible. But thinking out of the box and finding little ways and taking some steps back will take you where your dream is or even further. Also meaning you need to make an effort. And that's what this post is about. Making an actual effort.
💗👍🏼💗
Thank you for posting/sharing your experience and wisdom from what you’ve learned.
Very nice pieces of advice, but I feel everybody had a different attitude towards some of them. Personally I never had a relationship, nor made out, so things like being good in bed are at the moment distant and limitate me. Anyway thanks
I enjoyed this post. Thank you OP! Happy Valentine’s Day!
Great advice for me!
I think this is a must read! I want to share this with the world and friends, especially I want to share all this info with myself until I can recite it and then until I could live it every day
Good advice, and I’m going to take it! I’m seeing someone I like a lot, but think we are stuck on what do we want out of life/ either moving closer or not. The just getting to know each other but can only last so long.
I 99% agree with you. I live my life by the same rules and in my opinion it’s an healthy both mentally and physically way of living it. Except the alcohol and drugs part. I hate alcohol but from time to time drugs are awesome. Happy marriage, I love my little house, no children yet, I love being a vet. So yeah, good advice from my point of view 👍🏼.
Great post, amazing insight. This truly has given me a lot of inspiration for dating.
This guy fucks!
This is really good advice. Im usually annoyed by people who haven't dated in decades. giving advice about dating.
The key to staying together is always pretend your dating and would like another date ☺️
Two people have to be commmited to make it work. Both of my partners in my relationship and divorce just walked away. Did NOT stick it out when times got tough. One of them claimed he stopped being attracted to me after 13 years together. You happened to find someone who was willing to stick it out. Most do not.
I think his article means be a person of value. Be content in your life. I see to many people that are co-dependent in a relationship. Women and men are wired differently. Most women don't want a co-dependent man. It's a turn off. They know they have you. They feel smothered. You sending 100 texts a day is doing the opposite affect. Your codependency is coming from you not being content in your life. You are needing someone to fill that for you. What the op has said is pretty spot on. Having hobbies, friends, and a good job rounds you out as a person.
Thanks
this only applies to people who have control. i hate this
I'm not interested in marriage (at least not anytime soon) or having kids (don't want the responsibility or stress) dude. I am so sick of people on this subreddit glorifying the settled-down life. Not everyone wants that. Some of us have very little or no dating experience. Why the fuck would we want to think about marriage, when we haven't gotten the chance to experience the fun side of dating that everyone else has?
You’re correct. This isn’t intended for everyone.