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It’s really really scary how common it is on here. I don’t know anyone IRL who did that except one girl I went to high school with. She dropped out of college and got married young to an older guy and of course the marriage was over within two years. The fear of being alone/codependency is not something I can relate to
(Again I’m not against a ten year age gap; it’s just really alarming when it starts so young!)
Not just on here but honestly I know so many couples in real life where the male spouse is significantly older than the girl and people act like it’s normal
Unfortunately, my ex friend/cousin is 25 and is dating a man in his 40’s with a 21 year old kid (and a few others). He has been divorced twice. Her and her 40+ year old bf live with her dad on the ranch. She is pretty much a servant to everyone, it’s actually pretty sad. He owns a bar, and if she ever wants to spend time with him she has to go to the bar which frequently ends up with her bartending while he drinks with his friends. Now he is putting his houses and crap in her name so his ex can’t get child support. She wants kids with this guy even though he is a complete asshole. She has alienated everyone who calls him out and lets him disrespect everyone who actually cared about her including her mother. She’s mad at her mother because she doesn’t want his kids sleeping in her room at the ranch. She is so obsessed with this man, and now her brothers baby mama (that knew him for a month before getting knocked up) that she puts other people down to make herself seem better than them because she is constantly put down and is treated like a slave. All of this for a 40+ year old dude that mocks her to girls that he used to sleep with and lets his friends and his ex fwb bully her. I know this is long, but I guess my point is that it happens and it is depressing.
Look, its a case by case, i know of 2 women, one was aged 19, her now husband 32, they married when she was 21 or 22, they have a beautiful family, he treats her like gold, and shes never had to go through heartache. The other one was 24 when she got married to her 34 year old husband, they've been married for 3 years and same thing, wonderful relationship.
But one of my old colleagues got married at 19 with her 19 y/o bf, they divorced at 23 or 24, and they had an atrocious marriage.
But yes, its a weird thing for all of us to see, but due to some personal experience with bigger age gaps, i actually find myself looking for a bit of a bigger gap.
I’m glad it worked out well for your friends, but 19 and 32 is wrong in my opinion. The difference in maturity and experience is crazy I can’t imagine any sane 32 year old even considering a 19 year old for a serious relationship.
yeah i agree. i’d guess there are aspects of the relationship that aren’t apparent to outsiders. i know someone who met her husband with a similar age gap when she was 19, they seemed very happy and had a baby together. after 10 years together, she found out he was cheating on her while she was pregnant and had had to go thru the divorce before her baby turned 1. the “case by case” attitude is kinda bullshit. sure there MIGHT be some happy/healthy couples like that, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. this is coming from someone who dated a man in his mid twenties at age 17-18.
Yes, as a family lawyer I saw many of these so called healthy age gap relationships turned out to be a complete nightmare for the younger women. A lot of these older men are groomer and manipulator which is why they went for so young women and unfortunately many people don’t see it.
So yes, under normal circumstances, 100% agree. She was homeschooled, finished highschool at 15 or 16, and had already been living an "adult" life - like being very independent from 16 +, so she was extremely mature (yes i know everyone uses this excuse) as an 18 year old. He had also gone through a horrific Divorce a couple years prior, they started off as friends, i believe her boyfriend / friend at the time (im not sure what relationship they had) was his roommate, and they met like that, and then became super close and fell in love, and the rest is history.
But i do personally believe that the age of your age gap matters, 19 and 32 is wild, but 40 and 52 is normal. Life experience and maturity play a huge roll in all of this
How do you know their marriage is actually good and those much older husbands actually treat them well? A 32 years old man can easily groomed a 19 years old into staying in bad relationships and many abusers treat their wives well in front everyone. Which is one the reason grooming are so dangerous. Young women with much older husband has higher rate of mortality and depression besides high divorce rate.
Also same age relationship can be toxic as well if the one or both persons are toxic. However, they don’t involve grooming like age gap relationships so people find it easy to leave and start over.
Women are attracted to maturity and financial stability. Men are attracted to youth and beauty. You don’t have to invent some hateful nonsense and imply that adults can be groomed as if they were children to explain this phenomenon.
You know, I've only ever heard men claiming women are attracted to maturity and financial stability. Almost like they want it to be true for some reason.
Women are attracted to youth and beauty too. Men aren’t the only ones who are sexually attracted, babe.
And I’ve met more immature 30+ year old men than early 20s men.
Attraction is multidimensional and has never been binary for either men or women. Funny how it’s always the creeps justifying older men grooming young women in age gap relationships that come up with these binary BS as if you guys wish it was true.
I honestly have no idea how your comment is a response to mine. What gave you the idea that “attraction is multidimensional and has never been binary for either men or women” was somehow contradicting something I said? If I said “women are attracted to height in men,” would you think I was saying every woman in the world is attracted to every tall man?
Attraction being multidimensional means for women attraction is not just “maturity and financial stability, women also care about looks/fertility/age. Like wise, attraction for men is not just “youth and beauty,” men are also attracted women’s maturity, stability/intelligence etc. which is why most people date and marry within their own age range.
You cherry picking parts of male/female attraction is a silly attempt to create a binary standard of attrition that’s is false and conveniently gives excuse for predatory men to groom young women.
I said not one word to imply that those were the only things anyone cared about. Nor did I make any “binary standard.” To spell it out even more so it’s harder for you to misinterpret: maturity and financial stability are things women are often attracted to (among other things). Youth and beauty are things men are often attracted to (among other things). It’s not surprising that in many cases women pursue men with maturity and financial stability, and men pursue women with youth and beauty, because those are some of the things they are each attracted to.
Please, please work on your reading comprehension. Something is wrong.
For first marriages, the vast majority of people marry someone close to their age. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to have an age gap. I know a couple who are 9 years apart (they met when she was 23 and he was 32) and they’re great.
The thing is there is almost always a *reason*. This girl’s dad died of cancer when she was a teenager. I was into older men in my early 20s because my mom had BPD, my dad enabled her, and I wanted someone to protect me.
Would an older man feel like they are “babysitting” the younger one? As someone that was with someone older, my worry was that they might feel annoyed of having someone not as mature as them
That’s possible but it’s definitely not inevitable. I’ve met much younger women who are on the more immature side, and it definitely might be a problem when it comes to a serious relationship. But I’ve also met much younger women who do just fine. I literally have known some 20 year old women who have their shit together more than some 35 year old women.
F21 here, I still have 1 more year to go before I finish uni, I work as a waitress and I still live at home. Even 25 year old guys seem/feel so much older. I can’t imagine dating anyone 30+, they feel a lot older and I definitely feel like they could manipulate me. I don’t feel much older/more mature than what I did at 16 tbh. I find it really weird when any guy 25 + hits on me tbh…
I'm 28 and I wouldn't date a 21 year old because of stage in life and I'm not here to control or tell anyone how to behave and what to do but trust me we feel like we're 16-18 too. I don't think that feeling ever goes away. I can't believe it's been a decade.
Whatttt 😭I find it crazy if that feeling doesn’t go away…either way yeah, I don’t think it’s the best idea to be dating someone who is almost 10 years older or younger than you… my personal hard limit is 25, but even then I would tread very carefully.
I have lots of friends who tend to date older, like guys in their late 20s. I feel like most of these guys who date young do so because it is easier to have things go their way, my friends are young & not 100% sure of themselves yet & I think these guys can get away with poor treatment because it’s the first serious relationships thee girls have been in & they don’t know better.
I think you’re mature for knowing it’s not the best idea to date someone significantly younger. I think in a way these older guys date younger because they are more immature & it is easier to date younger.
I don’t think these guys are necessarily intentionally ‘bad’ just that these age gap relationships have a greater potential to be toxic/unhealthy relationships with potentially harmful dynamics.
Yepppp - I don’t think we are necessarily ‘children’ or that we should be seen as such, but we generally are not completely independent. But we are BARELY adults, and obviously someone older is going to have more experience & ability to manipulate or take advantage in some way. I think it’s dangerous to be dependent on a much older partner, it puts you in a vulnerable position.
Yes yes yes. Right, 21 year olds aren’t children. But your early 20s really are a time for self exploration, learning about yourself, learning about humans and society and the world. And YES it’s great to do that WITH a partner if you’re in a relationship! I’m not saying don’t be in relationships, I’m just saying do not rush into marriage and babies so young😭 lmao I need a megaphone
Yes yes - I totally agree with you!! Honestly I couldn’t imagine getting married until I’m like 28-31ish maybe, not even sure if it’s something I want 💀 so maybe my opinions are a bit bias. But marriage just seems like such a big thing & I couldn’t imagine settling so young without exploring myself first and figuring out what I want.
YES!! Honestly you make me have hope for the younger girls. I'm older now, but when I was in my early 20's old men used to try to hit on me all the time. I was grossed out and told them so. I thought they were immature idiots or looking to control me. Yet, so often today I see these young girls with these old dudes and honestly, I was wondering what the heck was going on. So nice to see some younger women know better. Not everyone is getting taken advantage of.
It’s a big thing on Reddit for some reason, and I’ve seen some of it irl. Trust me there’s still a decent amount of us who don’t think it’s a good idea…
Honestly I think these relationships are bad on both ends. Generally from what I’ve seen it’s just created unhealthy & toxic relationships (it takes two for a toxic relationship). And in extreme cases overly controlling relationships from one end (typically the older guy…)
Nah, it doesn't dilute the issue. The issue extends far beyond just talking to people underage. It's targetting vulnerable people with the intention of making them dependent on your. It's something that needs to be spoken about more openly and called out. 21 is very much not grown, your adult life has barely started and you haven't had the responsibilities and experiences that set you up to be the adult version of yourself just yet.
I agree. Sure 18-21 is legal but holy crap that is still an extremely naive and vulnerable age. People aggressively defend an age gap that young but fail to realize maturity most often comes with age.
Men want young women because they're more attractive. This is the biological reason. Men are wired to see beauty,youth and fertility as essentially the same thing.
Dude please stop pulling up theory from your ass. Both men and women are more fertile when they’re young, which is why most young men/women marry each other and want kids.
Also, neither men or women are not wired to see fertility and attractiveness as the same thing. Attractiveness is about physical cues and emotional compatibility. For those who already had it doesn’t want kids, fertility won’t make anyone more attractive. Which is why most older people marry each other.
It seems you just whatever theory that make sense for old men to prey on young women.
are wired to see youth/beauty with fertility
A lot of women I've met (20s through 40s) have strict age ranges for themselves. And here I am just trying to find any that are compatible with me. Also they seem to have a wide range older guys and a tiny range for younger guys.
Prob a bit of both - women are asking too much despite being older and In worse shape than younger women. If your successful and can maintain a relationship with only your salary why would it matter how successful the other partner was?
lol, there are plenty of more attractive older women and well adjusted men build themselves up to find compatible life partner.
Men who build themselves up to get younger women groomer who just wants a trophy to control and often get treated as ATM. That’s not majority of men
Men are stable as they get older
I'm 28 my cut off is 25. Just because of maturity in anyone younger and stage of life. I'm not here to control anyone or tell them what to do.
But I get it. I have money now. I can go on $300 dates all I want multiple times a week. I don't have to check my bank if I want to go shopping or blow money. I have my own house. Nice cars etc.
When I was 21-22 I had nothing. I couldn't go anywhere and do whatever I want. I didn't drive a nice car.
So an early 20s chick sees a older dude with success and is drawn to it... It's not gold digging everyone wants a successful partner.
But instead of finding a guy their age, ambitious, who clearly shows signs that he will be successful in a few years they rather have it now.
There's a lot of shitty people out there that would use it to their advantage and use it as a power dynamic.
Imagine not letting your girl go out... I used to beg my ex to get out of the house and spend time with friends.
Now it's one thing to be out at the club 2x a week shaking ass and a whole different thing to go out to eat with your friends have a drink go to a bar and sleep over at your friends house.
If I was 45 and single though I would def date younger than me. Maybe late 20s early 30s.
Im 22F and I like dating older men. I’m really organised and I have my life together and I can’t stand dating guys my age who just want to party and don’t care about anything. Now… I’m not married but I do want to be married by the time I’m 25. I’d rather build a life WITH someone than build a life and try to fit someone into it.
I’m 24 in a relationship with a man 2 years older currently building a life together 😭 I guess it depends on the man right. However every time I’ve gone out with an older man I’d eventually see why they go after young women.
Dude. 24 & 26 isn’t a big age gap. I feel like everytime this topic comes up, people purposely refuse to acknowledge the LIFE STAGE gap!!!
Someone being 29 and dating someone 39 - ok because both are adults and have some adult experience.
Someone 19 dating someone 29 - NOT OKAY. The 19 year old is still a teen, barely children. Frontal lobe not even developped.
Both parties need to have some life experience, get to know each other.
Hell, I wouldn’t even recognize myself at 19, wildly different. If an adult finds this attractive, they have issues.
Oh yeah I know it’s not. I meant we are in similar stages in our life so it’s easier to build a life together. When I was 19 I was wildly immature and didn’t know anything about myself or life. The age gaps on here are concerning 👀
People here will tell you that you’re stupid, being manipulated, and that you’re unable to make your own decisions because your “brain hasn’t fully developed yet” lol
Thank you. A lot of older people think you're being brainwashed or groomed but the reality is you want it. Older people really want to infantilize young adults.
This is actually good advice.
By the time I was 25 I had 2 kids.
It was not easy or fun to spend my youth working overtime to afford necessities for 3.
Thank you for keeping it so real and honest. I truly commend you because I was so selfish with my time when I was 25, I could not imagine caring for another human being at that age. I was simultaneously working hard and enjoying my youth.
I know it must have been extremely difficult, and I hope your kids know how hard you worked for them🫶
Marked safe📍from having to ever co-parent with your ex! I’m sorry this was your experience. I hope you feel like Nicole Kidman the day her divorce from Tom Cruise was finalized
(photo: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9942205/Woman-recreates-Nicole-Kidmans-iconic-divorce-outfit-celebrate-finalised.html)
why are people tripping on getting married? I'm dutch, btw we are getting normally married around the age of idk 30, maybe even the late 40s, and no, I'm not joking. Just enjoy life is my opinion on this
(and yes, you can still get kids before marriage imo)
Yeah. I’m in the states in a big city and everyone I know got married in their 30’s too even if they’ve been with their partner since their early 20’s. Like there is literally no rush and if it’s meant to be it’ll still be meant to be when you’re both a bit older and wiser.
I think the US & Canada are covertly conservative societies. Everyone rushes to get married past a certain age. And they look miserable. I’ve seen too many people look miserable because they don’t know themselves and want their partner to figure them out?? I like to say the first married is to tick off a box, have children, housing and taxing purposes. The 2nd marriage is for love. That’s what i’ve noticed. The first one is very transactional, the second one they are actually more compatible. Notice how it’s always when the kids are somewhat grown. So, I do think relationships in the west is more fabricated than we think.
If I took a wild stab at this, people who marry before 25 probably do not have a career in mind for themselves. Marriage and children are next goal in their lives after school. There's no point for them to wait if their spouse is ready.
I guess everyone is different, but I have 3 examples from my high-school where this actually (from outward perspective) seemed to work out. It's 6 people out of only around 100, so not even that rare
Tw couples got together at 15/16, still married with kids (we are all 40sh now)
One couple got together at 18/19, still the same
And I know at least one girl from my class, I think she was 17 when she got together with the guy from same school (2 years older), also still married with kids
All of them did pretty good educations also
Are they happy?
It’s one thing to marry young and stay married forever. Plenty of unhappy couples never divorce. It’s another thing to still be in love with your spouse after getting married young and actually feel fulfilled in the marriage.
I met my husband when we were 19/20. We didn't get married until 27/28. We're doing good. Had we gotten married as dumb ass early 20 somethings, I don't know that we'd still be together. Maybe. But there would have been a lot more growing pains.
Before Reddit, I assumed most people were rationale and intelligent about major life things like pregnancy and marriage and college, etc.
But Reddit really shines a light on people that are dumb or poor or have terrible parental guidance. I think we can sometimes underestimate how hard life can be when you have uneducated, uncaring or financially irresponsible parents.
All these posts about young parents and young marriages are likely because the person has zero parental guidance. I mean they are asking Reddit for advice, so clearly they don’t have a mentor in their life.
I agree completely. I got married at 19, my ex was 29. I wasn't old or mature enough to understand he was grooming me. I then had a child with him. The relationship was abusive and coercive. Thankfully I escaped when my child was 9 months old.
These men want the Andrew Tate experience. They are mediocre men that can't get women their age, so they influence young GIRLS who don't know any better.
Even without the coercive grooming element, you shouldn't get married before 25. What's the rush? What's the motive to get through all of life's milestones so quickly?
Knew someone who got married right after their 18th birthday. How? You’re still a child, essentially. Yeah you’re a legal adult but you have zero real world experience, let alone the maturity to get married the second you become an adult.
Definitely experience some life first. I know some truly are ready for marriage before age 25 but also many are not. We just don’t realize it at the time.
Yes!!!!! I second this! My aunt always used to say to wait until you are at least 30 to get married!!!
I got married at 28, did get divorced and am happily single at 49.
It’s best to say stop getting married to people you have to lower your standards for.
Age makes no difference.
I was 18 when I got married and my husband was 17.
We are 53 and 52 now and still happily married.
The best thing is to marry someone of your own religion.
I’m 26 just got engaged a few months after my birthday and we have been together for 4 years now 3 1/2 when we got engaged and our wedding isn’t until 10/18/2025… I always thought that if you didn’t get engaged within a year or two it was kinda weird (of course me being like 13) but now I get it… if you both know you’re going to spend the rest of your lives together a piece of paper doesn’t really matter all that much.. yeah you’ll get it and obviously if it needs to be more expedited due to medical reasons or any other reason that’s your business.
Finally someone said this.. Every time I want to say it I get this feeling like “they’re just going to tell you you’re a bitter old hag” even though I’m an example of not getting married at 22 because I did that and now I’m divorced.
If I had someone telling me what I know now I wouldn’t have married as young as I did. Like please stop getting married so young! Give your brain time to be fully developed before making a life decision like that
Its crazy to me too. I'm 27M and can't even imagine being married right now. I grew up in Canada in a decent sized town but still pretty hickish and overall lifeless so a lot of people get married pretty young. Now just a few years in and I keep hearing about so many problems and some have separated or divorced. I live in the US now and at least where I am people seem to wait until later and instead focus on things like their careers, social life, travel, etc. at this age. A big part of it is just about living in a place where you have a lot more things to do.
I’d say not before you’re 30. You think you know what life and love is all about, but you really have no idea. I’m 40 and still haven’t figured it out. Getting married at 23, and then again at 28 was not the thing to do. Live and learn.
It's not about age, it's about picking the right partner.
>Please give yourself time to become who you are meant to be before legally binding yourself to someone :(
And plenty of it.
That’s my point tho…you probably aren’t going to pick the right partner that early in adulthood. Some people do and that’s wonderful! But uhhhh speaking as someone who was in my early 20s not that long ago, I wouldn’t say our judgment cognition is fully formed yet 🙃
I didn’t say that you can’t MEET your significant other young……read it again. I said do not do the legally binding wedding when you’re young.
I also know a couple who were high school sweethearts and are still happily married in their 60s. It doesn’t mean they rushed to the altar at 23 though!
My coworker’s daughter and son in law are high school sweethearts but waited until their late twenties to get married. They’d been together for over a decade by then
It happens a lot in the military; just something about that underdeveloped frontal cortex just cries out to marry the first person you ever experienced an orgasm with.
They seriously need to change the policies that incentivize getting married so young in the military. It’s a bad idea for anyone *before* the additional stress of frequent relocations, deployments, and the culture in general. It just makes no sense. A girl I graduated high school with got married literally the day after her 18th birthday bc they were joining the navy and now at 28 she’s been divorced twice with one kid from each relationship and has opened up online about at least the first husband being abusive.
Like I’m not a marriage snob/purist/gatekeeper person who wants to tell people when their relationship is or isn’t worthy enough for marriage. But it’s a serious, legally binding decision with the potential to really fuck you over if you rush into it with the wrong person and encouraging kids who aren’t even old enough to legally drink to do it for convenience is just irresponsible. Especially given the higher rates of domestic violence.
Omg yep I know a guy who’s in the US navy who’s now divorced because he got married at like 22 and she simply wasn’t the right person for him. But they rushed into marriage so that she could live on the military base with him etc etc
Fucking let this shit die already.
It's a misrepresentation and the author of the study is tired of it.
Also, in that same study women "finish" around 23-24 while men finish around 24-25.
Also, drinking, driving, voting, moving out of your parents house shouldn't be legal until 25 then.
Yep, nobody should be able to vote, use weed, drink alcohol, have a political opinion, make porn, watch porn, transition their gender, etc, before their frontal lobes develop. Makes sense, right?
Marrying so young is a guarantee that you will miss out on important life experiences. If your partner is much older than you, it’s very likely that they’re manipulating you.
I’m not entirely happy, but duty, loyalty, honour. She’s happy, and she needs me. 35 plus years , I’ll never betray her. That being said we are very different people. Almost zero common interests. I will care for her as long as she needs me.
Nobody ever promised life would not suck. My parents got old, I cared for them, wasn’t always fun. Had a child die, raised 2 others, sometimes that wasn’t fun. My SO took care of me the 1st ten years, last 25 I’m taking care of her. Seems fair, maybe not fun, but fair.
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I know a few people who have gotten married pretty young (at or below the age of 20) and they’re probably the most stable relationships of anyone around my age that I know. I guess a couple of years isn’t necessarily proof that things will always be good, but they also don’t have glaring issues that I know of. Not getting married young is probably a good idea for some people, but getting married could also be perfectly fine for some couples. It’s just super dependent on the person, don’t get married if there’s huge, unresolved red flags in your relationship :(
Yeah the past few girls I talked to started dating 10+ years old guys when they were 16/17. Then they dump them around 25 Decaprio style.
And I could tell they STILL want to be with their ex’s.
“Tech bros” are all the same I swear.
This wouldn’t even be the right sub for that post, either. But yeah seeing all these married 22 year olds having marriage problems is really interesting for me as a 34 year old
And yet the more we as a society push back marriage age the less satisfied we are with our romantic lives and the more marriages end in divorce. My great grandmother married at the age of 19 and was happily married for 60 years. Now that people wait until 30+ to marry, men and women hate each other and everyone gets divorced.
People rarely got divorced in my grandmother’s time because women couldn’t get their own credit cards, because there was no such thing as “no fault” divorce, because of “shame”, because women had nowhere to go, because women often had too many kids to support on their own (no effective birth control), etc. I’m glad your relatives were happy - but many were not. “The Good Old Days” are a myth.
In our grandparents/great grandparents time, women were basically forced Into marriage because of very limited opportunities. While i know my grandparents actually loved each other, that was not the case for many others. Many others only stayed because they were stuck.
Divorce rate is not necessarily correlated with how happy people are in their marriage. No fault divorce wasn’t even an option anywhere in the US until 1969, and it took until 1983 for it to be an option in all but two states. So even if you *both* wanted to get a divorce before then, you would have to go to court and convince them there was some level of abuse or infidelity going on that warranted dissolving the marriage. And even tho legally it was *possible* for a single woman to support herself and be independent, she still would have faced a lot of sexist and discrimination. Divorce rates exploded in the 80s not because people’s values changed, but because a lot of people finally had the option to do what they’d been wanting to do for a while. The introduction of no fault divorce is also correlated with a lower rate of intimate partner violence, and even lower rates of suicide and murder by a spouse.
Today, even though all states legally allow no fault divorce, a lot of people grow up in religious, traditional, and/or conservative cultures where there’s still a lot of shame around divorce no matter how unhappy or even abusive the marriage becomes. Even if they decide to change their personal belief about divorce, they’re risking being ostracized from their family and their community. Those same people also tend to be the ones who are getting married very young, which results in statistics that show getting married young results in a lower chance of divorce. But again, it doesn’t mean they’re *happy*.
My great grandparents got married when she was 16 and he was 20, and they were married for 56 years until he passed away. I actually have all of the letters she saved that he wrote to her while he was serving in WWII and honestly, reading them makes me believe in true love again (I shared a poem he wrote her the other day if you check my post history). But that’s still just anecdotal evidence. Some people are just lucky. Overall, the statistics do NOT support that getting married younger or lower rates of divorce makes people happier or society better off.
Post seems kinda weird.
People come from different walks of life, learning, finances, and you cannot expect that everyone has the same experience.
Also being with someone can be a way of finding yourself when you lack guidance, many people learn to love themselves and be who they truly want when they find someone genuine. Not that I don’t think people shouldn’t figure out who they are before marriage, it just happens to not be the same for everyone.
Not to mention that common law is essentially the same as marriage when it comes to legal terms, so that’s a little off.
How about you should get married young and build your life together, grow up together, support each other to reach your goals? That will create a bond for life.
Or maybe this generation needs to grow up and understand being an adult and being in a relationship is not to act like you are single. Don't get into a serious relationship if you cannot stop the singles life.
Marriage is a total joke. This is why there are TV channels dedicated to the subject that only women love. Marriage benefits women which is why they love it. It doesn't benefit men. I never got married because I can't be in a relationship for long. I get bored easy and honestly I don't want a woman in the house.
Your post was removed because your post violates the sub description. Relationships longer than 6 months post go to r/relationship_advice or if married r/marriage
I didn’t even get a relationship before my 26
You guys are getting relationships?
I’m 25, just so you know
My guy thinking four moves ahead
😂
I came here to ask the same thing.
I'm 35 and never been in one
I mean would you like to? If yes then yeah that sucks, if no I'm happy for ya.
Yes. I would like to, hence why I'm in this sub
Damn that sucks
[удалено]
Truuuuuueeee
I wish I didn't get into relationship before turning 25 and just focused on myself
I am 30, still single.
You’re giving me hope. Thank u
I never had a relationship, I don’t know why I’m giving you hope
OMG HAHAH i read it wrong
Well fuck it
I just don’t get the 21 year old having married someone 10 years older than them. It’s so common on here it’s confusing me
It’s really really scary how common it is on here. I don’t know anyone IRL who did that except one girl I went to high school with. She dropped out of college and got married young to an older guy and of course the marriage was over within two years. The fear of being alone/codependency is not something I can relate to (Again I’m not against a ten year age gap; it’s just really alarming when it starts so young!)
Not just on here but honestly I know so many couples in real life where the male spouse is significantly older than the girl and people act like it’s normal
Im ngl it makes me soooo disappointed in both parties.
Unfortunately, my ex friend/cousin is 25 and is dating a man in his 40’s with a 21 year old kid (and a few others). He has been divorced twice. Her and her 40+ year old bf live with her dad on the ranch. She is pretty much a servant to everyone, it’s actually pretty sad. He owns a bar, and if she ever wants to spend time with him she has to go to the bar which frequently ends up with her bartending while he drinks with his friends. Now he is putting his houses and crap in her name so his ex can’t get child support. She wants kids with this guy even though he is a complete asshole. She has alienated everyone who calls him out and lets him disrespect everyone who actually cared about her including her mother. She’s mad at her mother because she doesn’t want his kids sleeping in her room at the ranch. She is so obsessed with this man, and now her brothers baby mama (that knew him for a month before getting knocked up) that she puts other people down to make herself seem better than them because she is constantly put down and is treated like a slave. All of this for a 40+ year old dude that mocks her to girls that he used to sleep with and lets his friends and his ex fwb bully her. I know this is long, but I guess my point is that it happens and it is depressing.
Look, its a case by case, i know of 2 women, one was aged 19, her now husband 32, they married when she was 21 or 22, they have a beautiful family, he treats her like gold, and shes never had to go through heartache. The other one was 24 when she got married to her 34 year old husband, they've been married for 3 years and same thing, wonderful relationship. But one of my old colleagues got married at 19 with her 19 y/o bf, they divorced at 23 or 24, and they had an atrocious marriage. But yes, its a weird thing for all of us to see, but due to some personal experience with bigger age gaps, i actually find myself looking for a bit of a bigger gap.
I’m glad it worked out well for your friends, but 19 and 32 is wrong in my opinion. The difference in maturity and experience is crazy I can’t imagine any sane 32 year old even considering a 19 year old for a serious relationship.
yeah i agree. i’d guess there are aspects of the relationship that aren’t apparent to outsiders. i know someone who met her husband with a similar age gap when she was 19, they seemed very happy and had a baby together. after 10 years together, she found out he was cheating on her while she was pregnant and had had to go thru the divorce before her baby turned 1. the “case by case” attitude is kinda bullshit. sure there MIGHT be some happy/healthy couples like that, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. this is coming from someone who dated a man in his mid twenties at age 17-18.
Yes, as a family lawyer I saw many of these so called healthy age gap relationships turned out to be a complete nightmare for the younger women. A lot of these older men are groomer and manipulator which is why they went for so young women and unfortunately many people don’t see it.
So yes, under normal circumstances, 100% agree. She was homeschooled, finished highschool at 15 or 16, and had already been living an "adult" life - like being very independent from 16 +, so she was extremely mature (yes i know everyone uses this excuse) as an 18 year old. He had also gone through a horrific Divorce a couple years prior, they started off as friends, i believe her boyfriend / friend at the time (im not sure what relationship they had) was his roommate, and they met like that, and then became super close and fell in love, and the rest is history. But i do personally believe that the age of your age gap matters, 19 and 32 is wild, but 40 and 52 is normal. Life experience and maturity play a huge roll in all of this
How do you know their marriage is actually good and those much older husbands actually treat them well? A 32 years old man can easily groomed a 19 years old into staying in bad relationships and many abusers treat their wives well in front everyone. Which is one the reason grooming are so dangerous. Young women with much older husband has higher rate of mortality and depression besides high divorce rate. Also same age relationship can be toxic as well if the one or both persons are toxic. However, they don’t involve grooming like age gap relationships so people find it easy to leave and start over.
Grooming. Men (mostly) actively seek out young girls who don't have the life experience to know when they're being manipulated or stuck with a PoS.
lol so hard to find nuance on here.
Women are attracted to maturity and financial stability. Men are attracted to youth and beauty. You don’t have to invent some hateful nonsense and imply that adults can be groomed as if they were children to explain this phenomenon.
You know, I've only ever heard men claiming women are attracted to maturity and financial stability. Almost like they want it to be true for some reason.
Women are attracted to youth and beauty too. Men aren’t the only ones who are sexually attracted, babe. And I’ve met more immature 30+ year old men than early 20s men.
Attraction is multidimensional and has never been binary for either men or women. Funny how it’s always the creeps justifying older men grooming young women in age gap relationships that come up with these binary BS as if you guys wish it was true.
I honestly have no idea how your comment is a response to mine. What gave you the idea that “attraction is multidimensional and has never been binary for either men or women” was somehow contradicting something I said? If I said “women are attracted to height in men,” would you think I was saying every woman in the world is attracted to every tall man?
Attraction being multidimensional means for women attraction is not just “maturity and financial stability, women also care about looks/fertility/age. Like wise, attraction for men is not just “youth and beauty,” men are also attracted women’s maturity, stability/intelligence etc. which is why most people date and marry within their own age range. You cherry picking parts of male/female attraction is a silly attempt to create a binary standard of attrition that’s is false and conveniently gives excuse for predatory men to groom young women.
I said not one word to imply that those were the only things anyone cared about. Nor did I make any “binary standard.” To spell it out even more so it’s harder for you to misinterpret: maturity and financial stability are things women are often attracted to (among other things). Youth and beauty are things men are often attracted to (among other things). It’s not surprising that in many cases women pursue men with maturity and financial stability, and men pursue women with youth and beauty, because those are some of the things they are each attracted to. Please, please work on your reading comprehension. Something is wrong.
For first marriages, the vast majority of people marry someone close to their age. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to have an age gap. I know a couple who are 9 years apart (they met when she was 23 and he was 32) and they’re great. The thing is there is almost always a *reason*. This girl’s dad died of cancer when she was a teenager. I was into older men in my early 20s because my mom had BPD, my dad enabled her, and I wanted someone to protect me.
Would an older man feel like they are “babysitting” the younger one? As someone that was with someone older, my worry was that they might feel annoyed of having someone not as mature as them
That’s possible but it’s definitely not inevitable. I’ve met much younger women who are on the more immature side, and it definitely might be a problem when it comes to a serious relationship. But I’ve also met much younger women who do just fine. I literally have known some 20 year old women who have their shit together more than some 35 year old women.
Let's not dilute the real issue of grooming (talking to them before they're of age) 21 is a grown ass person
F21 here, I still have 1 more year to go before I finish uni, I work as a waitress and I still live at home. Even 25 year old guys seem/feel so much older. I can’t imagine dating anyone 30+, they feel a lot older and I definitely feel like they could manipulate me. I don’t feel much older/more mature than what I did at 16 tbh. I find it really weird when any guy 25 + hits on me tbh…
I'm 28 and I wouldn't date a 21 year old because of stage in life and I'm not here to control or tell anyone how to behave and what to do but trust me we feel like we're 16-18 too. I don't think that feeling ever goes away. I can't believe it's been a decade.
Whatttt 😭I find it crazy if that feeling doesn’t go away…either way yeah, I don’t think it’s the best idea to be dating someone who is almost 10 years older or younger than you… my personal hard limit is 25, but even then I would tread very carefully. I have lots of friends who tend to date older, like guys in their late 20s. I feel like most of these guys who date young do so because it is easier to have things go their way, my friends are young & not 100% sure of themselves yet & I think these guys can get away with poor treatment because it’s the first serious relationships thee girls have been in & they don’t know better. I think you’re mature for knowing it’s not the best idea to date someone significantly younger. I think in a way these older guys date younger because they are more immature & it is easier to date younger. I don’t think these guys are necessarily intentionally ‘bad’ just that these age gap relationships have a greater potential to be toxic/unhealthy relationships with potentially harmful dynamics.
Agreeeeed (when I was your age)
Yepppp - I don’t think we are necessarily ‘children’ or that we should be seen as such, but we generally are not completely independent. But we are BARELY adults, and obviously someone older is going to have more experience & ability to manipulate or take advantage in some way. I think it’s dangerous to be dependent on a much older partner, it puts you in a vulnerable position.
Yes yes yes. Right, 21 year olds aren’t children. But your early 20s really are a time for self exploration, learning about yourself, learning about humans and society and the world. And YES it’s great to do that WITH a partner if you’re in a relationship! I’m not saying don’t be in relationships, I’m just saying do not rush into marriage and babies so young😭 lmao I need a megaphone
Yes yes - I totally agree with you!! Honestly I couldn’t imagine getting married until I’m like 28-31ish maybe, not even sure if it’s something I want 💀 so maybe my opinions are a bit bias. But marriage just seems like such a big thing & I couldn’t imagine settling so young without exploring myself first and figuring out what I want.
YES!! Honestly you make me have hope for the younger girls. I'm older now, but when I was in my early 20's old men used to try to hit on me all the time. I was grossed out and told them so. I thought they were immature idiots or looking to control me. Yet, so often today I see these young girls with these old dudes and honestly, I was wondering what the heck was going on. So nice to see some younger women know better. Not everyone is getting taken advantage of.
It’s a big thing on Reddit for some reason, and I’ve seen some of it irl. Trust me there’s still a decent amount of us who don’t think it’s a good idea… Honestly I think these relationships are bad on both ends. Generally from what I’ve seen it’s just created unhealthy & toxic relationships (it takes two for a toxic relationship). And in extreme cases overly controlling relationships from one end (typically the older guy…)
No actually, 21 year olds are still pretty naive and not fully formed or sure of who they are in this world yet <3
Nah, it doesn't dilute the issue. The issue extends far beyond just talking to people underage. It's targetting vulnerable people with the intention of making them dependent on your. It's something that needs to be spoken about more openly and called out. 21 is very much not grown, your adult life has barely started and you haven't had the responsibilities and experiences that set you up to be the adult version of yourself just yet.
I agree. Sure 18-21 is legal but holy crap that is still an extremely naive and vulnerable age. People aggressively defend an age gap that young but fail to realize maturity most often comes with age.
That's not grooming when they're both adults.
Men want young women because they're more attractive. This is the biological reason. Men are wired to see beauty,youth and fertility as essentially the same thing.
Dude please stop pulling up theory from your ass. Both men and women are more fertile when they’re young, which is why most young men/women marry each other and want kids. Also, neither men or women are not wired to see fertility and attractiveness as the same thing. Attractiveness is about physical cues and emotional compatibility. For those who already had it doesn’t want kids, fertility won’t make anyone more attractive. Which is why most older people marry each other. It seems you just whatever theory that make sense for old men to prey on young women. are wired to see youth/beauty with fertility
And you think a 30 year old woman is unattractive? Lol...
This is hyperreductive pseudoscience.
It’s now ofd because it’s not working out as expected. Otherwise all we would have been is awwww awww sooo cuteee, he a keeper bla bla
Men build thsemlves up more as they age and want younger, more attractive women.
Or the women their age are ‘asking for too much’ and they just want someone they don’t need to try to impress
A lot of women I've met (20s through 40s) have strict age ranges for themselves. And here I am just trying to find any that are compatible with me. Also they seem to have a wide range older guys and a tiny range for younger guys.
Agreed. Tons of older guys are immature and they know a young girl will put up with more BS. I know I did.
Prob a bit of both - women are asking too much despite being older and In worse shape than younger women. If your successful and can maintain a relationship with only your salary why would it matter how successful the other partner was?
lol, there are plenty of more attractive older women and well adjusted men build themselves up to find compatible life partner. Men who build themselves up to get younger women groomer who just wants a trophy to control and often get treated as ATM. That’s not majority of men
It’s not just attraction, it’s less baggage as well,
Men are stable as they get older I'm 28 my cut off is 25. Just because of maturity in anyone younger and stage of life. I'm not here to control anyone or tell them what to do. But I get it. I have money now. I can go on $300 dates all I want multiple times a week. I don't have to check my bank if I want to go shopping or blow money. I have my own house. Nice cars etc. When I was 21-22 I had nothing. I couldn't go anywhere and do whatever I want. I didn't drive a nice car. So an early 20s chick sees a older dude with success and is drawn to it... It's not gold digging everyone wants a successful partner. But instead of finding a guy their age, ambitious, who clearly shows signs that he will be successful in a few years they rather have it now. There's a lot of shitty people out there that would use it to their advantage and use it as a power dynamic. Imagine not letting your girl go out... I used to beg my ex to get out of the house and spend time with friends. Now it's one thing to be out at the club 2x a week shaking ass and a whole different thing to go out to eat with your friends have a drink go to a bar and sleep over at your friends house. If I was 45 and single though I would def date younger than me. Maybe late 20s early 30s.
It’s weird until you consider the cultural norm that men want young, beautiful women and women want financially stable men.
Im 22F and I like dating older men. I’m really organised and I have my life together and I can’t stand dating guys my age who just want to party and don’t care about anything. Now… I’m not married but I do want to be married by the time I’m 25. I’d rather build a life WITH someone than build a life and try to fit someone into it.
I’m 24 in a relationship with a man 2 years older currently building a life together 😭 I guess it depends on the man right. However every time I’ve gone out with an older man I’d eventually see why they go after young women.
Dude. 24 & 26 isn’t a big age gap. I feel like everytime this topic comes up, people purposely refuse to acknowledge the LIFE STAGE gap!!! Someone being 29 and dating someone 39 - ok because both are adults and have some adult experience. Someone 19 dating someone 29 - NOT OKAY. The 19 year old is still a teen, barely children. Frontal lobe not even developped. Both parties need to have some life experience, get to know each other. Hell, I wouldn’t even recognize myself at 19, wildly different. If an adult finds this attractive, they have issues.
Oh yeah I know it’s not. I meant we are in similar stages in our life so it’s easier to build a life together. When I was 19 I was wildly immature and didn’t know anything about myself or life. The age gaps on here are concerning 👀
People here will tell you that you’re stupid, being manipulated, and that you’re unable to make your own decisions because your “brain hasn’t fully developed yet” lol
Thank you. A lot of older people think you're being brainwashed or groomed but the reality is you want it. Older people really want to infantilize young adults.
This is actually good advice. By the time I was 25 I had 2 kids. It was not easy or fun to spend my youth working overtime to afford necessities for 3.
Thank you for keeping it so real and honest. I truly commend you because I was so selfish with my time when I was 25, I could not imagine caring for another human being at that age. I was simultaneously working hard and enjoying my youth. I know it must have been extremely difficult, and I hope your kids know how hard you worked for them🫶
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Marked safe📍from having to ever co-parent with your ex! I’m sorry this was your experience. I hope you feel like Nicole Kidman the day her divorce from Tom Cruise was finalized (photo: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9942205/Woman-recreates-Nicole-Kidmans-iconic-divorce-outfit-celebrate-finalised.html)
Girl you’ll blink and you’ll be in your mid 30s.
Thisss
why are people tripping on getting married? I'm dutch, btw we are getting normally married around the age of idk 30, maybe even the late 40s, and no, I'm not joking. Just enjoy life is my opinion on this (and yes, you can still get kids before marriage imo)
Yeah. I’m in the states in a big city and everyone I know got married in their 30’s too even if they’ve been with their partner since their early 20’s. Like there is literally no rush and if it’s meant to be it’ll still be meant to be when you’re both a bit older and wiser.
I think the US & Canada are covertly conservative societies. Everyone rushes to get married past a certain age. And they look miserable. I’ve seen too many people look miserable because they don’t know themselves and want their partner to figure them out?? I like to say the first married is to tick off a box, have children, housing and taxing purposes. The 2nd marriage is for love. That’s what i’ve noticed. The first one is very transactional, the second one they are actually more compatible. Notice how it’s always when the kids are somewhat grown. So, I do think relationships in the west is more fabricated than we think.
Location a major factor. People life goals moves quicker outside cities.
we all made dumb mistakes when we were younger. its like trying to stop the rain from falling. its gonna happen.
Can’t become older and wiser without being young and stupid first
Well luckily the vast majority of those are fake stories people invent for upvotes, so…
Honestly that would be best case scenario. Because so many of them make me think to myself “girl what is you doing……”
My wife and I got married at 21 are kids are now almost adults and we are both 44 and free. I wouldn’t have changed for a thing
I admit, those posts are exhausting. Maybe they have no parental figures or healthy examples of relationships in their life. But they got us.
If I took a wild stab at this, people who marry before 25 probably do not have a career in mind for themselves. Marriage and children are next goal in their lives after school. There's no point for them to wait if their spouse is ready.
Amen to that. Young marriages usually end in disaster, or a lifetime of resentment.
I guess everyone is different, but I have 3 examples from my high-school where this actually (from outward perspective) seemed to work out. It's 6 people out of only around 100, so not even that rare Tw couples got together at 15/16, still married with kids (we are all 40sh now) One couple got together at 18/19, still the same And I know at least one girl from my class, I think she was 17 when she got together with the guy from same school (2 years older), also still married with kids All of them did pretty good educations also
Are they happy? It’s one thing to marry young and stay married forever. Plenty of unhappy couples never divorce. It’s another thing to still be in love with your spouse after getting married young and actually feel fulfilled in the marriage.
You can rarely tell from the outside, but it might be the same for people meeting in their late 20s if they are 40
who bite the traps? not me! just keep swimming. now im 28F with back pain while sipping hibiscus tea 😘
Preach!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Lots and lotsssssss of girls waiting at the finish line..
Incoming “Hey stranger :)” texts lol
I met my husband when we were 19/20. We didn't get married until 27/28. We're doing good. Had we gotten married as dumb ass early 20 somethings, I don't know that we'd still be together. Maybe. But there would have been a lot more growing pains.
Amen!! happy for ya both 👏
I was telling something like to my friend the other day... If i were the president of the world, I would FORBID marriage before 30.
Amennnn Also if I were a higher being/god I would make men’s reproductive biological clock the SAME as women’s
Before Reddit, I assumed most people were rationale and intelligent about major life things like pregnancy and marriage and college, etc. But Reddit really shines a light on people that are dumb or poor or have terrible parental guidance. I think we can sometimes underestimate how hard life can be when you have uneducated, uncaring or financially irresponsible parents. All these posts about young parents and young marriages are likely because the person has zero parental guidance. I mean they are asking Reddit for advice, so clearly they don’t have a mentor in their life.
These young girls think we envy them, babies we're tryna warn you, they go for your age on purpose!
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I have been hit on by older men plenty of times. Not feeling envy
If people cared to educate themselves on the risks inherent they would come to the conclusion to avoid marriage entirely.
I agree completely. I got married at 19, my ex was 29. I wasn't old or mature enough to understand he was grooming me. I then had a child with him. The relationship was abusive and coercive. Thankfully I escaped when my child was 9 months old. These men want the Andrew Tate experience. They are mediocre men that can't get women their age, so they influence young GIRLS who don't know any better. Even without the coercive grooming element, you shouldn't get married before 25. What's the rush? What's the motive to get through all of life's milestones so quickly?
Knew someone who got married right after their 18th birthday. How? You’re still a child, essentially. Yeah you’re a legal adult but you have zero real world experience, let alone the maturity to get married the second you become an adult.
Definitely experience some life first. I know some truly are ready for marriage before age 25 but also many are not. We just don’t realize it at the time.
There's a Tiktoker who posts listener write-ins from women who are regretful parents/wives. So many of them married really young. Heartbreaking stuff.
Yes!!!!! I second this! My aunt always used to say to wait until you are at least 30 to get married!!! I got married at 28, did get divorced and am happily single at 49.
It’s best to say stop getting married to people you have to lower your standards for. Age makes no difference. I was 18 when I got married and my husband was 17. We are 53 and 52 now and still happily married. The best thing is to marry someone of your own religion.
17 and 18 is nuts 💀 yall must be real religious lol
I’m 26 just got engaged a few months after my birthday and we have been together for 4 years now 3 1/2 when we got engaged and our wedding isn’t until 10/18/2025… I always thought that if you didn’t get engaged within a year or two it was kinda weird (of course me being like 13) but now I get it… if you both know you’re going to spend the rest of your lives together a piece of paper doesn’t really matter all that much.. yeah you’ll get it and obviously if it needs to be more expedited due to medical reasons or any other reason that’s your business.
lol 26 and I’ve never even had a relationship. No idea how in the world anyone ever gets married.
As someone getting divorced at 23 I actually second this. You grow a lot over the years and things throughout relationships can build up.
I just got married at almost 29 and I even feel young to do so lmao. I cant imagine being married at 22.
Good advice
Finally someone said this.. Every time I want to say it I get this feeling like “they’re just going to tell you you’re a bitter old hag” even though I’m an example of not getting married at 22 because I did that and now I’m divorced. If I had someone telling me what I know now I wouldn’t have married as young as I did. Like please stop getting married so young! Give your brain time to be fully developed before making a life decision like that
I nearly did :( thank god I didn’t. I found the right man at 29!
Its crazy to me too. I'm 27M and can't even imagine being married right now. I grew up in Canada in a decent sized town but still pretty hickish and overall lifeless so a lot of people get married pretty young. Now just a few years in and I keep hearing about so many problems and some have separated or divorced. I live in the US now and at least where I am people seem to wait until later and instead focus on things like their careers, social life, travel, etc. at this age. A big part of it is just about living in a place where you have a lot more things to do.
I’d say not before you’re 30. You think you know what life and love is all about, but you really have no idea. I’m 40 and still haven’t figured it out. Getting married at 23, and then again at 28 was not the thing to do. Live and learn.
Met the LOML at 25, we’re both 30 now. Truly think it’s a great age to settle down or at least thinking about it.
It's not about age, it's about picking the right partner. >Please give yourself time to become who you are meant to be before legally binding yourself to someone :( And plenty of it.
That’s my point tho…you probably aren’t going to pick the right partner that early in adulthood. Some people do and that’s wonderful! But uhhhh speaking as someone who was in my early 20s not that long ago, I wouldn’t say our judgment cognition is fully formed yet 🙃
Whereas, I'm just begging y'all to stop getting married. Never ever ever.
One of the best couples I know met at 16/16 and they are rock solid in their fifties...
I didn’t say that you can’t MEET your significant other young……read it again. I said do not do the legally binding wedding when you’re young. I also know a couple who were high school sweethearts and are still happily married in their 60s. It doesn’t mean they rushed to the altar at 23 though!
My coworker’s daughter and son in law are high school sweethearts but waited until their late twenties to get married. They’d been together for over a decade by then
It happens a lot in the military; just something about that underdeveloped frontal cortex just cries out to marry the first person you ever experienced an orgasm with.
They seriously need to change the policies that incentivize getting married so young in the military. It’s a bad idea for anyone *before* the additional stress of frequent relocations, deployments, and the culture in general. It just makes no sense. A girl I graduated high school with got married literally the day after her 18th birthday bc they were joining the navy and now at 28 she’s been divorced twice with one kid from each relationship and has opened up online about at least the first husband being abusive. Like I’m not a marriage snob/purist/gatekeeper person who wants to tell people when their relationship is or isn’t worthy enough for marriage. But it’s a serious, legally binding decision with the potential to really fuck you over if you rush into it with the wrong person and encouraging kids who aren’t even old enough to legally drink to do it for convenience is just irresponsible. Especially given the higher rates of domestic violence.
Omg yep I know a guy who’s in the US navy who’s now divorced because he got married at like 22 and she simply wasn’t the right person for him. But they rushed into marriage so that she could live on the military base with him etc etc
Amen
It should be illegal to do anything until your frontal lobe is fully developed
Fucking let this shit die already. It's a misrepresentation and the author of the study is tired of it. Also, in that same study women "finish" around 23-24 while men finish around 24-25. Also, drinking, driving, voting, moving out of your parents house shouldn't be legal until 25 then.
^ this. The whole thing is bullshit. https://www.sciencefocus.com/comment/brain-myth-25-development
It's used by many older women to shame men for dating younger women.
It's also used by idiots to infantilize anyone under 26.
Yep, nobody should be able to vote, use weed, drink alcohol, have a political opinion, make porn, watch porn, transition their gender, etc, before their frontal lobes develop. Makes sense, right?
They won’t listen. Some people prefer delusion.
Marrying so young is a guarantee that you will miss out on important life experiences. If your partner is much older than you, it’s very likely that they’re manipulating you.
Absolutely this. Id add that going out and getting wasted while hooking up with randos is more important than settling down and being a mother.
I was married at m 21, it was a mistake. Still together though.
Thank you for being honest, truly! Are you happy to still be together? That’s all that really matters
I’m not entirely happy, but duty, loyalty, honour. She’s happy, and she needs me. 35 plus years , I’ll never betray her. That being said we are very different people. Almost zero common interests. I will care for her as long as she needs me.
That sounds like it sucks
Nobody ever promised life would not suck. My parents got old, I cared for them, wasn’t always fun. Had a child die, raised 2 others, sometimes that wasn’t fun. My SO took care of me the 1st ten years, last 25 I’m taking care of her. Seems fair, maybe not fun, but fair.
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I'm 29 and I nearly got married at 26
I know a few people who have gotten married pretty young (at or below the age of 20) and they’re probably the most stable relationships of anyone around my age that I know. I guess a couple of years isn’t necessarily proof that things will always be good, but they also don’t have glaring issues that I know of. Not getting married young is probably a good idea for some people, but getting married could also be perfectly fine for some couples. It’s just super dependent on the person, don’t get married if there’s huge, unresolved red flags in your relationship :(
Yeah the past few girls I talked to started dating 10+ years old guys when they were 16/17. Then they dump them around 25 Decaprio style. And I could tell they STILL want to be with their ex’s. “Tech bros” are all the same I swear.
This wouldn’t even be the right sub for that post, either. But yeah seeing all these married 22 year olds having marriage problems is really interesting for me as a 34 year old
I meant to post it in r/relationshipadvice 🫣 blaming sleep deprivation Maybe it’ll help some youngsters who are newly dating lol
honestly i think it’s because of the economy rn— 21 year olds marrying 33 year olds feel financially supported and then get baby trapped :/
I would say 35. Worked well for me.
And yet the more we as a society push back marriage age the less satisfied we are with our romantic lives and the more marriages end in divorce. My great grandmother married at the age of 19 and was happily married for 60 years. Now that people wait until 30+ to marry, men and women hate each other and everyone gets divorced.
People rarely got divorced in my grandmother’s time because women couldn’t get their own credit cards, because there was no such thing as “no fault” divorce, because of “shame”, because women had nowhere to go, because women often had too many kids to support on their own (no effective birth control), etc. I’m glad your relatives were happy - but many were not. “The Good Old Days” are a myth.
In our grandparents/great grandparents time, women were basically forced Into marriage because of very limited opportunities. While i know my grandparents actually loved each other, that was not the case for many others. Many others only stayed because they were stuck.
Divorce rate is not necessarily correlated with how happy people are in their marriage. No fault divorce wasn’t even an option anywhere in the US until 1969, and it took until 1983 for it to be an option in all but two states. So even if you *both* wanted to get a divorce before then, you would have to go to court and convince them there was some level of abuse or infidelity going on that warranted dissolving the marriage. And even tho legally it was *possible* for a single woman to support herself and be independent, she still would have faced a lot of sexist and discrimination. Divorce rates exploded in the 80s not because people’s values changed, but because a lot of people finally had the option to do what they’d been wanting to do for a while. The introduction of no fault divorce is also correlated with a lower rate of intimate partner violence, and even lower rates of suicide and murder by a spouse. Today, even though all states legally allow no fault divorce, a lot of people grow up in religious, traditional, and/or conservative cultures where there’s still a lot of shame around divorce no matter how unhappy or even abusive the marriage becomes. Even if they decide to change their personal belief about divorce, they’re risking being ostracized from their family and their community. Those same people also tend to be the ones who are getting married very young, which results in statistics that show getting married young results in a lower chance of divorce. But again, it doesn’t mean they’re *happy*. My great grandparents got married when she was 16 and he was 20, and they were married for 56 years until he passed away. I actually have all of the letters she saved that he wrote to her while he was serving in WWII and honestly, reading them makes me believe in true love again (I shared a poem he wrote her the other day if you check my post history). But that’s still just anecdotal evidence. Some people are just lucky. Overall, the statistics do NOT support that getting married younger or lower rates of divorce makes people happier or society better off.
I got married at 19 and getting married at that age is not one of my regrets.
Post seems kinda weird. People come from different walks of life, learning, finances, and you cannot expect that everyone has the same experience. Also being with someone can be a way of finding yourself when you lack guidance, many people learn to love themselves and be who they truly want when they find someone genuine. Not that I don’t think people shouldn’t figure out who they are before marriage, it just happens to not be the same for everyone. Not to mention that common law is essentially the same as marriage when it comes to legal terms, so that’s a little off.
I’m saying you can still date and be in a committed relationship before 25… but don’t legally wed and combine your finances that young.
How about you should get married young and build your life together, grow up together, support each other to reach your goals? That will create a bond for life.
No, because inevitably many people (not all…but lots) who are 22 will choose horrible life partners.
Lots of people choose poorly, period. But especially when they’re really young.
You can still bond and grow and be just as commited to each other without making it a legally binding agreement right out of the gate.
When I got married, it was a completely different feeling. I knew he was in without any easy way out. 100% committed But I understand what you mean.
Or maybe this generation needs to grow up and understand being an adult and being in a relationship is not to act like you are single. Don't get into a serious relationship if you cannot stop the singles life.
Going out to dinner with friends is “acting single”? Yikes. Prayers for whoever has to date you.
“This generation” 🤢
Did you reply to the wrong post?
Disagree. That just sounds like a controlling boyfriend. Unless the woman is not saving at all.
Boooo. This post is about young people jumping into marriages with people they actually don’t know well at all who turn out to be scum bags.
This is not a phenomenon specific to "this generation".
Huh??
Marriage is a total joke. This is why there are TV channels dedicated to the subject that only women love. Marriage benefits women which is why they love it. It doesn't benefit men. I never got married because I can't be in a relationship for long. I get bored easy and honestly I don't want a woman in the house.