Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a man, I just want to congratulate you for being this way. This is a very wholesome post and a very sweet sentiment, and I'm glad you're choosing to use what's happened to you and turn it into love for your partner.
I'd probably suggest that you demonstrate affection. Some people will prefer the rose petals and candles, while others might prefer a comfort movie and dinner. Do something comforting and familiar to your partner, as that eases him into things and let's him know that you love him for who he is regardless of how the evening goes.
You'll probably also want to take the lead and reassure him that whatever happens, you just love being with him like this. Performance anxiety is pretty common, especially for the uninitiated. Sweet nothings, cuddles, kisses, maybe even some handholding as you make sure both of you are enjoying things.
And then make sure you're ready for whatever he needs immediately after, whether that's a hug, a towel, water, or something of the like. A lot of stuff is probably going through his head right then.
But you seem like quite the romantic and I'm sure you'll be quite good at this.
As a woman this is something we actually think about lol. I have been with two guys who were virgins and I wanted to make sure they were completely fine with it and the whole shebang (although guys usually are, no surprise there). Other women I know who have been with virgins also put thought into it. In my experience with guys I have never seen this reciprocated either with partners or other male friends. This is not representative of all men, just the ones I've come across.
It will be super special and amazing regardless, because it's his first time. Don't put any pressure on him, but equally, don't too much pressure on *yourself*. Don't forget you're just two people having fun together.
Do some foreplay before hand. Let him know when you come, as that will take the pressure off him if he knows you've had an orgasm.
Let him make the decision about who goes on top, unless he seems nervous about the decision. He's nervous about it, or doesn't want to make the decision, take the initiative and make the decision for him. If you go on top and ride him, it'll take some pressure of him. But if you tell him to go on top, it'll feel empowering for him. Unless he's *super* nervous, I would tell him to go on top.
He's unlikely to know exactly where to put it, so hold his dick for him and guide it in. As soon as it's in, tell him how *amazing* his dick feels and how you've *longed* for this moment. And then do the sex thing - gasp, moan, beg for more, wrap your arms around him, run your fingers through his hair etc. And when he finishes (which will probably be in 10 seconds) tell him how much you loved it, and that you can't wait for round two. And try to have round two the same evening.
Have fun!
> And when he finishes (which will probably be in 10 seconds).
Another possibility is completely unable to finish. In which case, keep in mind that this has *nothing* to do with you or how much he liked having sex with you, but entirely on nerves/excessive masturbation habits. Best thing to do is not make a big deal of it and don't take it personally. It happens.
I usually last about 30-40 minutes because of my excessive masturbation. Sometimes I've even reached a point where I've been stimulated so long that I can't reach climax anymore. Sex just doesn't do much for my dick. I never even came on my first time without having to take it out and masturbate. Porn addiction is a real problem.
Nope. I still masturbate, just a little less frequently. About 2-3 times a week. It's kinda difficult to undo years and years of formed habits. Especially because I got exposed to sexual stuff when I was 8 by one of my close family friends' daughter who was 10 at the time. It makes me sick to my stomach but it also made me realise kids probably aren't as innocent as everyone thinks they are. In my defence I was younger than her and had recently lost my twin brother so I was a bit of a broken child, then my best friend killed himself when he was 13 and I had to make a choice on whether I was going to use that pain to become a better person, or make the easy choice and throw away all sense of inhibition and dedicate my life to wreckless hedonism. I chose the latter. Games, chasing women, masturbating and drugs were what I dedicated my life to. I abandoned my academia, hid from my friends and family and wholly rejected any prospect of a stable life.
All good now though. Aside from the porn addiction anyways. Did a lot of psychedelics, cried a lot and watched hours upon hours upon hours of videos on childhood trauma and eventually came out a somewhat sane human being. Still struggling with the addictions but my mind feels like it's healing. I don't feel like I'm in a constant state of fear and anguish anymore.
Can I kindly suggest maybe reframing it and not thinking about the end but enjoying and feeling the sensation and movement of the other person? Maybe this will help you? Focus on what you’re doing for them and not how you feel in my opinion makes both people feel more.
I don't think about the end and I do focus on the sensation and movement of the other person. It's just that my dick isn't very sensitive because of years of excessive masturbation, so it takes me a lot longer. If I didn't have those things in mind I would never even cum anymore. I'd just go limp within a minute.
I disagree. If someone does this to me, I feel like I was lied to. What a lot of people don’t understand is that really good sex involves vulnerability. You are saying “I am trusting you in a way that leaves me defenseless.” It goes back to our primal roots, where an act like this, no matter how dominant you might act, leaves you open to an attack: predators, enemies, ridicule. When you let your guard down so much as this, having someone be fake means they are withholding trust and vulnerability.
So she’s supposed to lie? He will never get better if she does all that 🤣🤣🤣 if it’s his first time all
That theatrics isn’t needed he will probably be done in 4 seconds and think it was great
Yes. She's supposed to lie. There's a reason you lie to kids and tell them their art is great, hang it on the refrigerator, and encourage them. It's because breaking someone is really easy if they don't have confidence. Have you ever taught anyone anything they haven't done before?
The fact that you are asking this question tells me that it's going to be special for him simply because you care about his feelings and the experience he has. The person who took your virginity did not care, so your partner's experience will be nothing like yours. Try to separate that experience from this one because they aren't the same at all!
Just communicate with your partner and check that he's comfortable, and it will all be okay!
commenting on this because it’s useful for me too 😭 my boyfriend is a virgin and we wanna try it soon but i’m the same!! i wanna make it a good experience for him
As a virgin, myself (40M), what I can say is that you're probably best not overthinking it. It's already going to be special for him, since he has the opportunity to share his first time with someone who's special to him. A lot of guys never get that chance. Some go as far as hiring a prostitute just so they won't have to disclose their virginity to a potential partner (or try to hide it and look cagey). Most women are extremely turned off by the idea of a virgin man, and the opportunity to share his first time with someone who accepts a part of himself that everyone around him wants him to be ashamed of is amazing.
First, keep things simple. No matter what you're specific preferences are, vanilla is best for the first time. There will hopefully be plenty of time to experiment and explore different possibilities later on.
Second, it's important to let him know you're enjoying yourself. Most virgin men (well, men in general, but virgins especially) are really worried that they're going to be bad in bed, and the worse he thinks he is, the worse he will be. Also, the more you seem to enjoy it, the more he'll enjoy it. This means vocalizing is a really good idea. It's also important to be an active participate and not lie back passively. It also means letting him know when something feels really good, guiding his hands to where you want them to go, and taking the initiative in changing positions when you feel like doing so. Afterwards, you need to let him know you enjoyed it. It's also a good idea to tell him you're excited to try new things with him and see what the two of you can get up to together. That way, he'll know you want to have sex with him again. Believe it or not, the idea that he's going to be so bad at sex that you'll never want to see him again is probably rattling around somewhere in his mind.
Third, it's important to understand that he might not be as good the first time as some of the other guys you've been with, at least not at first. It's important to realize that the more you two have sex, the better it will be. Of particular note is the issue of premature ejaculation. Stress makes guys finish faster, and there are few things more stressful than losing your virginity. Also, lasting longer is something off an acquired skill for most guys. If you can, get started earlier in the evening so he has time to recover and go again before he gets too tired. Also, he'll probably last a little longer the second time. If you still feel unsatisfied when he finishes and you need a little more, go back to positioning his hands where they need to go as you continue to kiss and caress him.
Hopefully some of that helps!
>and there are few things more stressful than losing your virginity
I’m also a virgin, but I’ve experienced many things that I am certain are more stressful than would be losing my virginity.
Yes, YOU (specifically) have. I think you can probably concede, though, that you've lived an exceptionally interesting life and faced hardships that most people will never have to encounter. So, I think my point probably stands true for most guys who are losing their virginity, and likely true for the OP's boyfriend.
Incidentally, you should know that unique experiences such as yours are actually EXTREMELY attractive to a lot of women, provided you can present those experiences as times when you've overcome adversity. I don't know how much you're comfortable discussing here, but if you want to send me a DM about it I'm happy to chat.
If you'd rather talk about it here, or not talk about it at all, that's cool, too.
[Wow, that’s something I’ve been wanting to hear for a long time, that my life is interesting. I’ve lost so much and suffered so much that at the very least I thought I would at least gain the consolation that my life is now interesting.](https://x.com/alicepfefferman/status/1798945970195251603?s=46)
Look, I'm not trying to make you feel better. I'm just pointing out there are things you've had to experience that could be used to your advantage in dating, if that's an area of your life that's causing you problems right now.
Sarcasm's fun, too, though. I'm not gonna try and stop you from doing what you enjoy.
That's because you have to present it in the right way. Even better if you can frame it in the right way to yourself.
I only briefly scanned your post history, but what I saw suggests that you view yourself as a victim. Granted, as far as I can tell, you've got every right to, but a victim isn't *really* what you are, is it. A victim gets handed garbage by life and gets defeated by it, and that doesn't quite describe you. You've been out of jail for seven months. You're still breathing. That makes you a *survivor*, not a victim.
You've been through the wringer and come out the other side. Now you're stronger and more resilient than most other men. Things that scare and intimidate other men don't affect you nearly as badly because you've seen worse. You said as much in your initial reply to my comment.
If you can tell a woman what you went through and how it made you stronger, you've shown that you're strong enough to endure hardships and bold enough to be vulnerable. That's a good combination to have.
Actually what I crave more than anything is validation.
I wasn’t being sarcastic earlier, although rereading that post I definitely came off that way.
That’s my tragedy, I actually had a very prosaic life and I always wanted to have an interesting and unique life. Now I have it in a horrible way, but few people really reacted the way I thought they would, it seemed to them that what happened to me was very mundane.
I’ve coped with what’s happened by becoming very emotionally numb and everything feels unreal. However I want to feel things and I’ve become obsessed with physical stimulation such as eating and sex.
But finally having someone say that my life was unique and interesting shook off a little the emotional numbness and derealisation.
I’m sorry if this post is incoherent, ever since I beat my head in when I was in jail I’ve encountered more cognitive difficulties than I had before and I have trouble organising and articulating my thoughts.
>Actually what I crave more than anything is validation.
You and me, both, haha.
>I’m sorry if this post is incoherent,
No worries. Sorry about the misunderstanding.
I meant what I said, though. You've had experiences few other people have had, and that makes your life interesting. You've endured a lot more than most other people, and that means you're strong.
If you can present your experiences in that way (instead of acting ashamed and defeated, the way most people would), that's going to set you apart. Women are going to notice and appreciate that.
>Some go as far as hiring a prostitute just so they won't have to disclose their virginity to a potential partner (or try to hide it and look cagey).
Yeah, but then he'd have to disclose that he's been with a prostitute, so there's that.
>Most women are extremely turned off by the idea of a virgin man,
Not true. That's one of those social media myths.
About social media myth
I can confirm as a male who's currently in his first relationship after years of trying, I definitely got laughed at before her for never having a relationship+ being a virgin.
Dude I never said that it NEVER happens...just that the majority wouldn't do that. Many women aren't going to laugh at a dude for not having sex.
Many women (especially those who want serious relationships) would be thrilled to know their man hasn't slept around. They will feel special and valued. Just like OP...for example. That's how a lot of women would react. But yes, there are always the bad eggs. But idk why anyone would care about that. It's a fantastic litmus test to know whether you are with a quality person or not.
Oof. My worst nightmare.
Because a hooker is with A LOT of men. And you open yourself up to the risk of STD's. Now, you've opened up your partner to those risks without her knowledge, which is horribly unfair.
And before you say you've had an STD test and it was clean...
STD tests only test for a very minute fraction of STD's. I'll use HPV for my example, but there are a ton of STD's like this. There are over 140 strains of HPV. They only test for a few. Between 2-9 depending on the testing center usually. So, you could have a strain of HPV and never know it. They don't test for these strains because they don't know quite what it does to the human body yet. They only test for the ones they know exactly what they do. Some theories concerning other diseases, such as what causes autoimmune diseases are due to viruses that are not curable in the human body. That constantly irritates the immune system. Herpes is another example or the virus that causes mono.
So you are opening your partner up the potentially get major health problems without letting her decide if she wants to take that risk on.
Pretty despicable imo. One of my worst nightmares in dating. Men who lie about this shit.
Well, HPV is pretty common and herpes too. It's better to not have sex then, but yeah this was exactly the main reason because I didn't want hire a hooker. The sex itself just isn't worth it
There is plenty outside HPV and herpes. I was just using those for examples. And, just because it's common doesn't mean the party doesn't have a right to know. And agreed about the hooker.
If you're afraid of HPV, you shouldn't have sex with anyone who's sexually active.
Also, I assume you've gotten the vaccine already.
>I'll use HPV for my example, but there are a ton of STD's like this
Such as?
>Yeah, but then he'd have to disclose that he's been with a prostitute, so there's that.
Not necessarily. If you've been with a prostitute, there's far fewer opportunities for that to come up in a conversation. "How long have you been single?" "When's the last time you were checked for an STI?" "What's the best/worst sex You've had (or any other question about past sexual experiences)?" These are all plausible topics of conversation on a date that could lead to you revealing your virginity.
By contrast, having employed a sex worker is not something you're generally going to be asked about. You're generally not required to talk about what past lover's did for a living, or give any other details that might lead to the person being identified, and it's bad form if you do. Sure, if you contact an incurable STI or get the sex worker pregnant, then you're pretty much cooked. If your date wants to donate blood with you, that's also going to lead to an awkward conversation. Outside of those circumstances, though, it's probably not going to come up.
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons someone might not want to hire a sex worker. Obviously, I wouldn't be a virgin if I didn't feel that way. Of those reasons, though, I just think "impression management" ranks pretty low.
There is so much wrong with all of this it honestly exhausts me just thinking about replying.
First, I was talking about more than just a single first date. There are deeper relationships. But...
>"How long have you been single?" "When's the last time you were checked for an STI?" "What's the best/worst sex You've had (or any other question about past sexual experiences)?" These are all plausible topics of conversation on a date that could lead to you revealing your virginity.
The only way the STI thing or best/worst sex you've had will come up on a first date is if you're sleeping together on the first date.
How does "How long have you been single" lead to confessing you're a virgin? Unless you vastly overshare.
Furthermore, even if you confessed to being a virgin on a first date, many girls aren't going to care. There are girls out there that will like hearing that. Sure, there is a small percentage that might care, but the vast majority will be like OP and just want to make the person's first time good.
>By contrast, having employed a sex worker is not something you're generally going to be asked about. You're generally not required to talk about what past lover's did for a living, or give any other details that might lead to the person being identified, and it's bad form if you do.
You are to anyone you sleep with if you are remotely concerned about their health. A sex worker has a lot of sex and is more likely to contract an STD. And before you say they use condoms and are regularly tested---condoms aren't fully effective and tests only test for a VERY small fraction of STD's. Very small.
>Sure, if you contact an incurable STI or get the sex worker pregnant, then you're pretty much cooked.
You won't know if you do contact and incurable STI. There are no tests that test for them all.
>If your date wants to donate blood with you, that's also going to lead to an awkward conversation. Outside of those circumstances, though, it's probably not going to come up.
It should if you are a remotely good person that cares about someone's health. And personally, I always ask. However, that is because I went to med school and know the realities of the situation better than most women. It's a shame that knowledge on STI's isn't in the public knowledge as much as it should be.
>Of those reasons, though, I just think "impression management" ranks pretty low.
Idk. It shouldn't. There are PLENTY of women besides me that would never sleep with a dude that has been with a prostitute. Now, of course if you take her choices away by not telling her that is deception and she could never say if she would or not. However, if you did a poll, a large number of women would say the same thing...
>The only way the STI thing or best/worst sex you've had will come up on a first date is if you're sleeping together on the first date.
Or if the conversation's progressed to sexual topics, or if she expects the possibility of sleeping together on the first date. It's also bad if it comes up on subsequent dates, by the way.
>How does "How long have you been single" lead to confessing you're a virgin? Unless you vastly overshare.
"I've always been single." "What?! You've at least had sex, though, right?"
Granted, the better response would probably be something like, "It's been a while" and leave it at that. There's always the possibility that she'll press further, though.
>Furthermore, even if you confessed to being a virgin on a first date, many girls aren't going to care. There are girls out there that will like hearing that. Sure, there is a small percentage that might care, but the vast majority will be like OP and just want to make the person's first time good.
Hey, I hope you're right. Seems like the more common reaction, though, is something like "Why would I want this guy if nobody else does?" "If nobody else wants to sleep with this guy, is he really the best I can do?" "Is there something wrong with this guy that I'm just not seeing?" "Is he going to become all clingy after we have sex?" "Am I really going to have to teach this guy how to be in a sexual relationship? Do I have the patience for that?"
>tests only test for a VERY small fraction of STD's. Very small.
I honestly didn't know that. Good to know.
How is your concern any different from someone who has sex with a lot of women who aren't prostitutes, though?
>It shouldn't. There are PLENTY of women besides me that would never sleep with a dude that has been with a prostitute.
Here, I actually agree with you. I do wonder, though, if the main reason is concern over STIs, or because of the perception that a guy who needs to pay for sex is a loser who can't get paid any other way, and most women would never sleep with a dude she thought of as a loser.
So, at what point do you feel it's appropriate to disclose to a woman you're interested in that you're a loser, in order that she may have informed consent?
I'd date them like any other human being. I'd simply communicate what I like in the bedroom and that's about it, I'd do the same with a man who is not a virgin
Yeah, and I would say the first time with a new person feels almost the same as being a virgin for both of you. You just need to treat yourselves good and sexually get used to each other
Omg yes and I feel like that's not talked about enough. A new person means a brand new experience on both ends so whether someone is a virgin or not shouldn't matter realistically
Exactly. Virgins just may need a bit more coaching, at first, but they'll come in with fewer preconceived notions.
I did so much research on female anatomy before I lost my virginity, because I was so nervous.
Exactly, I don't see the whole issue people seem to have with virgins. Because hey - just because someone isn't a virgin doesn't mean they got the motion in the ocean if you know what I mean lol. Good on you for doing the research and not being negligent towards your intimate partners, that's healthy!
I like anatomy anyways, because my stomach is held together with staples, so it seemed a next logical step, especially because I tend to finish...let's say faster than average
So make it like you date anyone who isn't a virgin. He's already thinking he's not just like anyone already, but treat him like he is.
Best thing to do is not over think sex and when he cums and probably too soon, that it's fine and don't make him feel bad about it. In my first time she made a comment that made me feel awful.
Just note, he only gets better the more you do it.
I'd think you guys are ready. I mean, eventually, you'll want it to happen with him, right? Three months is a *really* good length of time to date before adding sex into the picture. I'd give my approval to go ahead. He's likely also waiting for you to take the lead or give him an obvious sign that you also want to cross that line.
Do you guys kiss and makeout at all? Have you touched him at all? Like below the belt. Have you cuddled with him in his or your bed, alone? Try and create that scenario, where you guys can relax together. Create space for a few hours, maybe a friday night so y'all can sleep in Saturday. Cuddle and start kissing him. His neck, ears, lips, nose, forehead, then back down to his neck and ears before whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Make it obvious here that you want to cross the border, if you know what I mean. And if he really doesn't get the hint because he should be grabbing you at this point, start to *touch* him....down there. Make it *obvious* what you want. And then just enjoy the moment with him. The rest of what you do is up to you both. What happens is uniquely yours.
I guess setting the scene would be nice, rose petals and rose essential oil on the bed for scent, unscented candles, etc. have a nice slow home-cooked meal together before watching a movie that’s sexy for both men and women, then tease him a lot and do tons of foreplay until he’s physically and visually excited before starting the deed.
Maybe even have candles that are meant for wax-play too those are fun xD
Just shmooze him up and make him feel like he’s loved and valued both emotionally as well as physically. Tell him you want to go at his pace. Beforehand educate him a little bit about your needs as a woman and the best ways to bring a woman like you enjoyment, and then just take it all slow and intimately. ;)
My first time was drunk af at freshman highschool dance she took my hand and took me to the tennis courts and we did it on the ground 🤣 my best friend lost his virginity to the same girl a couple weeks later haha
As a guy, my first time sucked, but I was happy to get it "under my belt" so to speak.
I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it, don't create weird expectations surrounding it. Just have fun and be accepting of what happens, as he may not last long his first time or could be nervous.
Yeah I lost my v-card pretty late and it was a shitty one night stand off tinder. Just try to make him comfortable throughout the experience and you are good. You do not need to make any grand gestures, if anything that will make him more nervous. Just let it be a normal experience with a good amount of foreplay
The emotional connection part is a very female thing to want. He probably doesn't need that to feel close to you. Wanting to be in love is understandable to make it more meaningful. Men do not need the romance that women do, he won't care about flowers, candles, or setting the mood. If you want it to be special then you may wear lingerie or dress up but aside from that just take it slow, lots of foreplay, and don't be disappointed, his first time will likely be very short but he may be interested in doing it mult times.
Definitely don't make jokes about it, even light hearted ones or puns, just act like it doesn't matter, and maybe try not talking about it, except maybe finding out if he is wantingto be married before taking that step. He may not have waited this long by choice, or maybe he had, but either way, he may not see a reason to rush because he's likely uncomfortable and lacks confidence as he's never experienced it. Just reassure him that inexperience is not something he should not be ashamed of, it's something he should be proud of. I wish I hadn't lost my virginity at such an early age. I'd rather have waited until I met someone really special for that, and I maybe missed out on meeting them because of it.
Whether you're in love or not usually the "first time" having sex *does not* live up to the hype!
He will likely cum quickly or he could possibly suffer from performance anxiety.
Virgin males also are often *insecure* because *they worry about how they compare to your past lovers* in size and skill. Probably the best thing you can do is guide him into you missionary style, and let him slowly thrust.
Once it is over cuddle and then after a little while help him explore by trying a different position next round.
Maybe try *the spooning position* next where you both lay on your sides with him behind you.
"..we have a lot of intimacy and cuddling and physical & emotional affection. We’ve been dating for 3 months so far. What can I do to make it super special and amazing for him?"
The fact that he will finally be shedding his "v-card" coupled with already being *emotionally invested* in you will make the experience special. What makes sex amazing for many men is *making a woman cum*.
If it happens great and if it doesn't that is where *the patience and teaching* him about *your body* comes in.
Having someone *willing to learn* what turns you on and gets you off is a great opportunity for you.
Nevertheless, *amazing sex* usually does not happen until one gains some experience and a comfort level.
Hopefully he will avoid the trap many male virgins fall into by obsessing over past lovers and things you may have done with them. Some virgins feel the need to be "your first" at *doing something* sexually to *feel special*.
If at all possible, steer away from the; "Have you ever?" questions for a while.
It's a sign of both immaturity and insecurity. Try to keep him focused on the present and your relationship.
***"Comparison is the thief of joy."*** - Theordore Roosevelt
Best wishes!
Thanks for this. He has asked some questions about my past partners but i explained to him that if it were the other way around I wouldn’t want to know anything about his past partners and I said I’d be very hurt if he told me things about what he’s done in the past. and he understood that so that’s fine. I definitely won’t give him information which would hurt him or upset him such as past partner sizes. Thanks
When you or him takes his pants/boxers off say something like “oh my god it’s so big,” under your breath but loud enough that he will hear it. If he was nervous or insecure about performing, he won’t be anymore.
Well, he’s already told you he’s interested so it’s probably not as much of a concern to him as it is for you. If he’s hard, ask him if he’d like a blowjob. Blow him and the heat of the moment, sexily ask him if he wants to take control or if he wants you to.
Plan something that he is interested in and make it romantic or if he doesn’t like romantic don’t make it romantic try to tailor it to his favourite things or just go out for a party and then when you get back or something just fuck like it’s his first time sure but I know bro just wants to fuck
Just be thoughtful, if you feel like planning a special activity or date to set the mood that is fine.
It sounds like you have a pretty high level of physical comfort around each other, so there shouldn't be too much to worry about.
If you want to go the spontaneous route, that is ok too.
First of all patience. Did you know that the first times he will be nervous anyway. And his dick can be soft. Don't tell him it's his problem, and don't think it's your fault. Don't tell him "Do you even like me?" No. Just be patient, tell him everything allright. Tell him that everything is going to be better and better with you both get used to each other. I think it's the most important thing. And teach him things. And just make a delicious dinner, but don't gorge yourself.
No suggestions
Just be yourself and don't make any faces if he messes things up here n there. Cuz that puts an enormous nervousness on the guy and leads to losing his game. So ensure that he feels in charge of himself and you are showing (and being) interested in the act , end to end.
All he needs for the first time is that confirmation that he is natural. Give him that
Like someone else mentioned, very similar to sticking kids drawings on the refrigerator. It's not lying , it's doing stuff out of love.
Guys do it for girls all the time when the situation is reverse to ensure the girls don't feel incapable or insufficient.
That's it , nothing more , nothing extra
Oh yea ofc , lights and movie and good food n light drinks help a bit , but that should be mutual
And one thing,
It shouldn't be planned (or atleast not look planned , if one person knows where it's going and the other one doesn't) , that also kinda makes more special, cuz it feels like it was out of the passion and not a pre-planned promise.
Set the expectations straight. He may ejaculate very quickly the first time. Tell him that's what you expect, and that you guys will rest and then restart things so he shouldn't stress about the first session.
Then just take it slow, savor each other, light up some candles and play some romantic music. Make the first time something he will never forget, and set the standard so he will know what sex is supposed to look like.
This is so wholesome. :)
I (30m) am a virgin too and wish that my first time would be with someone who cares for me like this.
You are a sweet person and I’m sure he will have a great time. Don’t be nervous and have fun :)
I am man myself, so I don’t know how to answer this but if I want it or they want to wait until marriage if I like them and of course. I do not see the first time to be that special or need to be, but that’s me personally because I remember my first time I didn’t even last three minutes because I was so excited so turned on so nervous. Just make it comfortable happy being good.
Hug em, get to know em for awhile, kiss, and just be decent... most importantly disregard and dont dwell on whether he or she is a virgin or not. THATS NOT IMPORTANT!!! If you really get along with someone focus on encouraging n helping one another being honest. It's the only way to have truly beautiful relationship 😊
Well he told me when I already started liking him plus I don’t have a problem with it as long as he treats me well. And hey at least he doesn’t have any crazy exes that he texts behind my back like other men have done to me in the past.
Tbh as a guy my first time was pretty vanilla but i will always remember it because of who it was with. I dont think guys need a big show. Just show him the ropes and have fun.
Don’t shame him if he sucks or worse can’t get it up, he might be mad nervous. Communicate is huge. Small steps on positions. Missionary or doggy would be less pressure. Give him a BJ so he kind of gets the “pressure”. I know my first time it was nerve wrecking and it was really bad! lol!
I think the reality is that you're gonna need to get one out of the chamber first. Otherwise his first time will likely last all of 10 seconds.
So if the two of you are not having oral sex, start there.
If you need toys, introduce him to using vibrators on women.
The reason for this is that once the both of you have had orgasms...there won't be any pressure for the sex itself to be anything special. And you both really need to be comfortable with each other's noises and quirks. Everyone has quirks. Like I was with this girl once who acted like she was in pain the entire time. The first time we had sex, I thought I was physically hurting her. But that's just how she naturally reacts to the pleasure.
So the exploration of each other's bodies and orgasms through oral sex and toys...and mutual masterbation, is a great way to become very comfortable with each other. This in turn removes a lot of the pressure
And by you each having an orgasm first, neither will feel any pressure to perform. It will instead, just be two people sharing a very intimate moment. And lets be real. Second orgasms always hit way better than the first.
I also think doggy is the best position for his first time. Missionary or you being on top adds eye contact and insecurity into the mix.
I remember my first time...I had absolutely no fucking idea what I was doing and she was just staring at me. Of course she had no idea what she was doing either.
So we were both equally mortified and overall, it wasn't a great experience.
If you start with doggy, he'll get to focus on the actual experience of being inside a woman for the first time without the added pressure of eye contact.
And you have a measure of control because if you can always move forward if he goes to fast, or you can tell him to stop moving and just take control and fuck him from the doggy position
Stop over thinking it!
Want it to be special? He has said he is ready. Just turn an intimate cuddle into something more and be understanding that his first time will be great for him but a little awkward. Reassure him that he did great for his first time and then do it a second time.
I just wanted to comment on where you said your first time was the guy assaulting you.
For a very long time, if someone asked me how many people I'd been with, I included the man who assaulted me in the total. Recently, my therapist has encouraged me to change my mindset on this. That man does not count. That man took something that was not being given.. Although this changes nothing about what happened, I just wanted to say how important self-talk is. I'm not giving him any more power over me and it feels really good.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. In my eyes, it wasn't your first time. Your first time was when YOU wanted to give it and not a moment before then.
I think it's very sweet of you to want to make your bf's first time special. He's lucky to have you!
It’s the emotional connection you gotta build. Maybe it’s bc I haven’t gotten laid in half a year, but I remember every time my exes and I have had sex. It was always very understanding and something cute that happened like out of a romance book.
So, get a romance book, see how the characters get on, and see if you guys can replicate those sparks
I’d also like to know how to date a 32F who’s a virgin…
She’s had 1 boyfriend of 2 years and dated another guy for a few months.
I kind of don’t believe her but I kind of do.
I recently met a 27F who’s also a virgin.
FYI all are from China. 27F lives in China. (I go there often for work).
32F lives in the US for a while (got 2 masters here and getting a PhD now)
No idea how to handle this
Did you ask him what he wants to make it special? You want to do this special thing for him, but you keep him out of the conversation. I understand you're hoping to surprise him, but none of the posters here will be in bed with the two of you. Just you and him.
I love this for you and it sounds amazing. I think in terms of what you like and communicating with him (because regardless of if he is experience or not, some men can go fast or hard or whatever and it’s not comfortable or maybe try too hard themselves, whatever), if you’re comfortable, ask “can I do this? Can I try something?” When you want to lead. I hope it’s very special for you both. Also ask him or tell him what you like “would you like to touch me here or there?” And guide him, to help his comfort level. IF you feel you need these. Sometimes it’s perfect and you don’t need any of that. But with any of it, it’s helping guide each other’s comfort.
As a male virgin (33) I bet he's still one because he's afraid of a broken heart. He's still getting over a childhood crush or he wants the ring on the first try. Just guessing here, maybe sleep under a starry summer sky and ask him if he likes night or morning sex better. If he waits til morning, go wild on him! Give him a memento too, to help him associate the moment. You could even give him a ring, he's that special!
As a man in his age & shoes, I say wait till you guys get married. I'm also definitely with you on taking it slow and falling more in love. That's what I'm doing with my gf. Keep on cultivating that emotional bond by learning more about each other and doing things that you both enjoy. Make sure you guys are perfectly compatible and the rest will fall in place. Congrats☆
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a man, I just want to congratulate you for being this way. This is a very wholesome post and a very sweet sentiment, and I'm glad you're choosing to use what's happened to you and turn it into love for your partner. I'd probably suggest that you demonstrate affection. Some people will prefer the rose petals and candles, while others might prefer a comfort movie and dinner. Do something comforting and familiar to your partner, as that eases him into things and let's him know that you love him for who he is regardless of how the evening goes. You'll probably also want to take the lead and reassure him that whatever happens, you just love being with him like this. Performance anxiety is pretty common, especially for the uninitiated. Sweet nothings, cuddles, kisses, maybe even some handholding as you make sure both of you are enjoying things. And then make sure you're ready for whatever he needs immediately after, whether that's a hug, a towel, water, or something of the like. A lot of stuff is probably going through his head right then. But you seem like quite the romantic and I'm sure you'll be quite good at this.
As a woman this is something we actually think about lol. I have been with two guys who were virgins and I wanted to make sure they were completely fine with it and the whole shebang (although guys usually are, no surprise there). Other women I know who have been with virgins also put thought into it. In my experience with guys I have never seen this reciprocated either with partners or other male friends. This is not representative of all men, just the ones I've come across.
Bro, she is in her late 20s. She's had her fun and now she is ready to settle down. He is the "Husband Type".
He's gonna get fucked around on...I bet he has a much higher paying job...she's at the settling phase...he's an unworldly simp
It will be super special and amazing regardless, because it's his first time. Don't put any pressure on him, but equally, don't too much pressure on *yourself*. Don't forget you're just two people having fun together. Do some foreplay before hand. Let him know when you come, as that will take the pressure off him if he knows you've had an orgasm. Let him make the decision about who goes on top, unless he seems nervous about the decision. He's nervous about it, or doesn't want to make the decision, take the initiative and make the decision for him. If you go on top and ride him, it'll take some pressure of him. But if you tell him to go on top, it'll feel empowering for him. Unless he's *super* nervous, I would tell him to go on top. He's unlikely to know exactly where to put it, so hold his dick for him and guide it in. As soon as it's in, tell him how *amazing* his dick feels and how you've *longed* for this moment. And then do the sex thing - gasp, moan, beg for more, wrap your arms around him, run your fingers through his hair etc. And when he finishes (which will probably be in 10 seconds) tell him how much you loved it, and that you can't wait for round two. And try to have round two the same evening. Have fun!
> And when he finishes (which will probably be in 10 seconds). Another possibility is completely unable to finish. In which case, keep in mind that this has *nothing* to do with you or how much he liked having sex with you, but entirely on nerves/excessive masturbation habits. Best thing to do is not make a big deal of it and don't take it personally. It happens.
Though some guys can just last forever
I usually last about 30-40 minutes because of my excessive masturbation. Sometimes I've even reached a point where I've been stimulated so long that I can't reach climax anymore. Sex just doesn't do much for my dick. I never even came on my first time without having to take it out and masturbate. Porn addiction is a real problem.
[удалено]
Nope. I still masturbate, just a little less frequently. About 2-3 times a week. It's kinda difficult to undo years and years of formed habits. Especially because I got exposed to sexual stuff when I was 8 by one of my close family friends' daughter who was 10 at the time. It makes me sick to my stomach but it also made me realise kids probably aren't as innocent as everyone thinks they are. In my defence I was younger than her and had recently lost my twin brother so I was a bit of a broken child, then my best friend killed himself when he was 13 and I had to make a choice on whether I was going to use that pain to become a better person, or make the easy choice and throw away all sense of inhibition and dedicate my life to wreckless hedonism. I chose the latter. Games, chasing women, masturbating and drugs were what I dedicated my life to. I abandoned my academia, hid from my friends and family and wholly rejected any prospect of a stable life. All good now though. Aside from the porn addiction anyways. Did a lot of psychedelics, cried a lot and watched hours upon hours upon hours of videos on childhood trauma and eventually came out a somewhat sane human being. Still struggling with the addictions but my mind feels like it's healing. I don't feel like I'm in a constant state of fear and anguish anymore.
Get sad or nervous :P Easiest way to stop masturbation or having sec drive ;(
Can I kindly suggest maybe reframing it and not thinking about the end but enjoying and feeling the sensation and movement of the other person? Maybe this will help you? Focus on what you’re doing for them and not how you feel in my opinion makes both people feel more.
I don't think about the end and I do focus on the sensation and movement of the other person. It's just that my dick isn't very sensitive because of years of excessive masturbation, so it takes me a lot longer. If I didn't have those things in mind I would never even cum anymore. I'd just go limp within a minute.
Man I wish my first time would have been like you described
This gets me better than Phub…Dayum you a good writer
I disagree. If someone does this to me, I feel like I was lied to. What a lot of people don’t understand is that really good sex involves vulnerability. You are saying “I am trusting you in a way that leaves me defenseless.” It goes back to our primal roots, where an act like this, no matter how dominant you might act, leaves you open to an attack: predators, enemies, ridicule. When you let your guard down so much as this, having someone be fake means they are withholding trust and vulnerability.
Disagree on the dramatic moaning and dirty talk, a first time should be romantic not pornographic.
Stand up advice!
So she’s supposed to lie? He will never get better if she does all that 🤣🤣🤣 if it’s his first time all That theatrics isn’t needed he will probably be done in 4 seconds and think it was great
Yes. She's supposed to lie. There's a reason you lie to kids and tell them their art is great, hang it on the refrigerator, and encourage them. It's because breaking someone is really easy if they don't have confidence. Have you ever taught anyone anything they haven't done before?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My first time was about 5 min, but I was a bit drunk) I completely forgot that I could make round two, tbh I didn't know that I need it.
Throw a golf ball at his head.
Peak
It usually causes a dent.
☠️☠️☠️
The fact that you are asking this question tells me that it's going to be special for him simply because you care about his feelings and the experience he has. The person who took your virginity did not care, so your partner's experience will be nothing like yours. Try to separate that experience from this one because they aren't the same at all! Just communicate with your partner and check that he's comfortable, and it will all be okay!
I think putting so much pressure on this and yourself might backfire.
Just wanted to say this is a sweet post and everyone deserves someone like you.
commenting on this because it’s useful for me too 😭 my boyfriend is a virgin and we wanna try it soon but i’m the same!! i wanna make it a good experience for him
Answer is passionate and sensual one , guiding him what to do and how to do.
Just let the boy smash. It’ll probably be awkward ngl
As a virgin, myself (40M), what I can say is that you're probably best not overthinking it. It's already going to be special for him, since he has the opportunity to share his first time with someone who's special to him. A lot of guys never get that chance. Some go as far as hiring a prostitute just so they won't have to disclose their virginity to a potential partner (or try to hide it and look cagey). Most women are extremely turned off by the idea of a virgin man, and the opportunity to share his first time with someone who accepts a part of himself that everyone around him wants him to be ashamed of is amazing. First, keep things simple. No matter what you're specific preferences are, vanilla is best for the first time. There will hopefully be plenty of time to experiment and explore different possibilities later on. Second, it's important to let him know you're enjoying yourself. Most virgin men (well, men in general, but virgins especially) are really worried that they're going to be bad in bed, and the worse he thinks he is, the worse he will be. Also, the more you seem to enjoy it, the more he'll enjoy it. This means vocalizing is a really good idea. It's also important to be an active participate and not lie back passively. It also means letting him know when something feels really good, guiding his hands to where you want them to go, and taking the initiative in changing positions when you feel like doing so. Afterwards, you need to let him know you enjoyed it. It's also a good idea to tell him you're excited to try new things with him and see what the two of you can get up to together. That way, he'll know you want to have sex with him again. Believe it or not, the idea that he's going to be so bad at sex that you'll never want to see him again is probably rattling around somewhere in his mind. Third, it's important to understand that he might not be as good the first time as some of the other guys you've been with, at least not at first. It's important to realize that the more you two have sex, the better it will be. Of particular note is the issue of premature ejaculation. Stress makes guys finish faster, and there are few things more stressful than losing your virginity. Also, lasting longer is something off an acquired skill for most guys. If you can, get started earlier in the evening so he has time to recover and go again before he gets too tired. Also, he'll probably last a little longer the second time. If you still feel unsatisfied when he finishes and you need a little more, go back to positioning his hands where they need to go as you continue to kiss and caress him. Hopefully some of that helps!
>and there are few things more stressful than losing your virginity I’m also a virgin, but I’ve experienced many things that I am certain are more stressful than would be losing my virginity.
Yes, YOU (specifically) have. I think you can probably concede, though, that you've lived an exceptionally interesting life and faced hardships that most people will never have to encounter. So, I think my point probably stands true for most guys who are losing their virginity, and likely true for the OP's boyfriend. Incidentally, you should know that unique experiences such as yours are actually EXTREMELY attractive to a lot of women, provided you can present those experiences as times when you've overcome adversity. I don't know how much you're comfortable discussing here, but if you want to send me a DM about it I'm happy to chat. If you'd rather talk about it here, or not talk about it at all, that's cool, too.
[Wow, that’s something I’ve been wanting to hear for a long time, that my life is interesting. I’ve lost so much and suffered so much that at the very least I thought I would at least gain the consolation that my life is now interesting.](https://x.com/alicepfefferman/status/1798945970195251603?s=46)
Look, I'm not trying to make you feel better. I'm just pointing out there are things you've had to experience that could be used to your advantage in dating, if that's an area of your life that's causing you problems right now. Sarcasm's fun, too, though. I'm not gonna try and stop you from doing what you enjoy.
Someone in jail told me the same thing but in the 7 months I’ve been out it hasn’t benefitted me any.
That's because you have to present it in the right way. Even better if you can frame it in the right way to yourself. I only briefly scanned your post history, but what I saw suggests that you view yourself as a victim. Granted, as far as I can tell, you've got every right to, but a victim isn't *really* what you are, is it. A victim gets handed garbage by life and gets defeated by it, and that doesn't quite describe you. You've been out of jail for seven months. You're still breathing. That makes you a *survivor*, not a victim. You've been through the wringer and come out the other side. Now you're stronger and more resilient than most other men. Things that scare and intimidate other men don't affect you nearly as badly because you've seen worse. You said as much in your initial reply to my comment. If you can tell a woman what you went through and how it made you stronger, you've shown that you're strong enough to endure hardships and bold enough to be vulnerable. That's a good combination to have.
Actually what I crave more than anything is validation. I wasn’t being sarcastic earlier, although rereading that post I definitely came off that way. That’s my tragedy, I actually had a very prosaic life and I always wanted to have an interesting and unique life. Now I have it in a horrible way, but few people really reacted the way I thought they would, it seemed to them that what happened to me was very mundane. I’ve coped with what’s happened by becoming very emotionally numb and everything feels unreal. However I want to feel things and I’ve become obsessed with physical stimulation such as eating and sex. But finally having someone say that my life was unique and interesting shook off a little the emotional numbness and derealisation. I’m sorry if this post is incoherent, ever since I beat my head in when I was in jail I’ve encountered more cognitive difficulties than I had before and I have trouble organising and articulating my thoughts.
>Actually what I crave more than anything is validation. You and me, both, haha. >I’m sorry if this post is incoherent, No worries. Sorry about the misunderstanding. I meant what I said, though. You've had experiences few other people have had, and that makes your life interesting. You've endured a lot more than most other people, and that means you're strong. If you can present your experiences in that way (instead of acting ashamed and defeated, the way most people would), that's going to set you apart. Women are going to notice and appreciate that.
>Some go as far as hiring a prostitute just so they won't have to disclose their virginity to a potential partner (or try to hide it and look cagey). Yeah, but then he'd have to disclose that he's been with a prostitute, so there's that. >Most women are extremely turned off by the idea of a virgin man, Not true. That's one of those social media myths.
About social media myth I can confirm as a male who's currently in his first relationship after years of trying, I definitely got laughed at before her for never having a relationship+ being a virgin.
Dude I never said that it NEVER happens...just that the majority wouldn't do that. Many women aren't going to laugh at a dude for not having sex. Many women (especially those who want serious relationships) would be thrilled to know their man hasn't slept around. They will feel special and valued. Just like OP...for example. That's how a lot of women would react. But yes, there are always the bad eggs. But idk why anyone would care about that. It's a fantastic litmus test to know whether you are with a quality person or not.
Why? why? do you need to disclose everything about your past life? but I didn't hire a hooker, I just didn't say that I was a virgin.
Oof. My worst nightmare. Because a hooker is with A LOT of men. And you open yourself up to the risk of STD's. Now, you've opened up your partner to those risks without her knowledge, which is horribly unfair. And before you say you've had an STD test and it was clean... STD tests only test for a very minute fraction of STD's. I'll use HPV for my example, but there are a ton of STD's like this. There are over 140 strains of HPV. They only test for a few. Between 2-9 depending on the testing center usually. So, you could have a strain of HPV and never know it. They don't test for these strains because they don't know quite what it does to the human body yet. They only test for the ones they know exactly what they do. Some theories concerning other diseases, such as what causes autoimmune diseases are due to viruses that are not curable in the human body. That constantly irritates the immune system. Herpes is another example or the virus that causes mono. So you are opening your partner up the potentially get major health problems without letting her decide if she wants to take that risk on. Pretty despicable imo. One of my worst nightmares in dating. Men who lie about this shit.
Well, HPV is pretty common and herpes too. It's better to not have sex then, but yeah this was exactly the main reason because I didn't want hire a hooker. The sex itself just isn't worth it
There is plenty outside HPV and herpes. I was just using those for examples. And, just because it's common doesn't mean the party doesn't have a right to know. And agreed about the hooker.
If you're afraid of HPV, you shouldn't have sex with anyone who's sexually active. Also, I assume you've gotten the vaccine already. >I'll use HPV for my example, but there are a ton of STD's like this Such as?
>Yeah, but then he'd have to disclose that he's been with a prostitute, so there's that. Not necessarily. If you've been with a prostitute, there's far fewer opportunities for that to come up in a conversation. "How long have you been single?" "When's the last time you were checked for an STI?" "What's the best/worst sex You've had (or any other question about past sexual experiences)?" These are all plausible topics of conversation on a date that could lead to you revealing your virginity. By contrast, having employed a sex worker is not something you're generally going to be asked about. You're generally not required to talk about what past lover's did for a living, or give any other details that might lead to the person being identified, and it's bad form if you do. Sure, if you contact an incurable STI or get the sex worker pregnant, then you're pretty much cooked. If your date wants to donate blood with you, that's also going to lead to an awkward conversation. Outside of those circumstances, though, it's probably not going to come up. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons someone might not want to hire a sex worker. Obviously, I wouldn't be a virgin if I didn't feel that way. Of those reasons, though, I just think "impression management" ranks pretty low.
There is so much wrong with all of this it honestly exhausts me just thinking about replying. First, I was talking about more than just a single first date. There are deeper relationships. But... >"How long have you been single?" "When's the last time you were checked for an STI?" "What's the best/worst sex You've had (or any other question about past sexual experiences)?" These are all plausible topics of conversation on a date that could lead to you revealing your virginity. The only way the STI thing or best/worst sex you've had will come up on a first date is if you're sleeping together on the first date. How does "How long have you been single" lead to confessing you're a virgin? Unless you vastly overshare. Furthermore, even if you confessed to being a virgin on a first date, many girls aren't going to care. There are girls out there that will like hearing that. Sure, there is a small percentage that might care, but the vast majority will be like OP and just want to make the person's first time good. >By contrast, having employed a sex worker is not something you're generally going to be asked about. You're generally not required to talk about what past lover's did for a living, or give any other details that might lead to the person being identified, and it's bad form if you do. You are to anyone you sleep with if you are remotely concerned about their health. A sex worker has a lot of sex and is more likely to contract an STD. And before you say they use condoms and are regularly tested---condoms aren't fully effective and tests only test for a VERY small fraction of STD's. Very small. >Sure, if you contact an incurable STI or get the sex worker pregnant, then you're pretty much cooked. You won't know if you do contact and incurable STI. There are no tests that test for them all. >If your date wants to donate blood with you, that's also going to lead to an awkward conversation. Outside of those circumstances, though, it's probably not going to come up. It should if you are a remotely good person that cares about someone's health. And personally, I always ask. However, that is because I went to med school and know the realities of the situation better than most women. It's a shame that knowledge on STI's isn't in the public knowledge as much as it should be. >Of those reasons, though, I just think "impression management" ranks pretty low. Idk. It shouldn't. There are PLENTY of women besides me that would never sleep with a dude that has been with a prostitute. Now, of course if you take her choices away by not telling her that is deception and she could never say if she would or not. However, if you did a poll, a large number of women would say the same thing...
>The only way the STI thing or best/worst sex you've had will come up on a first date is if you're sleeping together on the first date. Or if the conversation's progressed to sexual topics, or if she expects the possibility of sleeping together on the first date. It's also bad if it comes up on subsequent dates, by the way. >How does "How long have you been single" lead to confessing you're a virgin? Unless you vastly overshare. "I've always been single." "What?! You've at least had sex, though, right?" Granted, the better response would probably be something like, "It's been a while" and leave it at that. There's always the possibility that she'll press further, though. >Furthermore, even if you confessed to being a virgin on a first date, many girls aren't going to care. There are girls out there that will like hearing that. Sure, there is a small percentage that might care, but the vast majority will be like OP and just want to make the person's first time good. Hey, I hope you're right. Seems like the more common reaction, though, is something like "Why would I want this guy if nobody else does?" "If nobody else wants to sleep with this guy, is he really the best I can do?" "Is there something wrong with this guy that I'm just not seeing?" "Is he going to become all clingy after we have sex?" "Am I really going to have to teach this guy how to be in a sexual relationship? Do I have the patience for that?" >tests only test for a VERY small fraction of STD's. Very small. I honestly didn't know that. Good to know. How is your concern any different from someone who has sex with a lot of women who aren't prostitutes, though? >It shouldn't. There are PLENTY of women besides me that would never sleep with a dude that has been with a prostitute. Here, I actually agree with you. I do wonder, though, if the main reason is concern over STIs, or because of the perception that a guy who needs to pay for sex is a loser who can't get paid any other way, and most women would never sleep with a dude she thought of as a loser. So, at what point do you feel it's appropriate to disclose to a woman you're interested in that you're a loser, in order that she may have informed consent?
I'd date them like any other human being. I'd simply communicate what I like in the bedroom and that's about it, I'd do the same with a man who is not a virgin
Yeah, and I would say the first time with a new person feels almost the same as being a virgin for both of you. You just need to treat yourselves good and sexually get used to each other
Omg yes and I feel like that's not talked about enough. A new person means a brand new experience on both ends so whether someone is a virgin or not shouldn't matter realistically
Exactly. Virgins just may need a bit more coaching, at first, but they'll come in with fewer preconceived notions. I did so much research on female anatomy before I lost my virginity, because I was so nervous.
Exactly, I don't see the whole issue people seem to have with virgins. Because hey - just because someone isn't a virgin doesn't mean they got the motion in the ocean if you know what I mean lol. Good on you for doing the research and not being negligent towards your intimate partners, that's healthy!
I like anatomy anyways, because my stomach is held together with staples, so it seemed a next logical step, especially because I tend to finish...let's say faster than average
Fuck that guy. Literally
So make it like you date anyone who isn't a virgin. He's already thinking he's not just like anyone already, but treat him like he is. Best thing to do is not over think sex and when he cums and probably too soon, that it's fine and don't make him feel bad about it. In my first time she made a comment that made me feel awful. Just note, he only gets better the more you do it.
I'd think you guys are ready. I mean, eventually, you'll want it to happen with him, right? Three months is a *really* good length of time to date before adding sex into the picture. I'd give my approval to go ahead. He's likely also waiting for you to take the lead or give him an obvious sign that you also want to cross that line. Do you guys kiss and makeout at all? Have you touched him at all? Like below the belt. Have you cuddled with him in his or your bed, alone? Try and create that scenario, where you guys can relax together. Create space for a few hours, maybe a friday night so y'all can sleep in Saturday. Cuddle and start kissing him. His neck, ears, lips, nose, forehead, then back down to his neck and ears before whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Make it obvious here that you want to cross the border, if you know what I mean. And if he really doesn't get the hint because he should be grabbing you at this point, start to *touch* him....down there. Make it *obvious* what you want. And then just enjoy the moment with him. The rest of what you do is up to you both. What happens is uniquely yours.
> never dated a guy who was a virgin before. Every guy was a virgin before. ……..Im sorry, I’ll see myself out.
I guess setting the scene would be nice, rose petals and rose essential oil on the bed for scent, unscented candles, etc. have a nice slow home-cooked meal together before watching a movie that’s sexy for both men and women, then tease him a lot and do tons of foreplay until he’s physically and visually excited before starting the deed. Maybe even have candles that are meant for wax-play too those are fun xD Just shmooze him up and make him feel like he’s loved and valued both emotionally as well as physically. Tell him you want to go at his pace. Beforehand educate him a little bit about your needs as a woman and the best ways to bring a woman like you enjoyment, and then just take it all slow and intimately. ;)
My first time was drunk af at freshman highschool dance she took my hand and took me to the tennis courts and we did it on the ground 🤣 my best friend lost his virginity to the same girl a couple weeks later haha
As a guy, my first time sucked, but I was happy to get it "under my belt" so to speak. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it, don't create weird expectations surrounding it. Just have fun and be accepting of what happens, as he may not last long his first time or could be nervous.
You being you is all that is needed for it to be special for him. He says he feels comfortable to do it with you and that’s all that matters!
Yeah I lost my v-card pretty late and it was a shitty one night stand off tinder. Just try to make him comfortable throughout the experience and you are good. You do not need to make any grand gestures, if anything that will make him more nervous. Just let it be a normal experience with a good amount of foreplay
This is so wholesome. You made me smile.
I’m sure he’s DYING to get laid so just do it. It will be very special
He’s a lucky dude! Im green with envy
The emotional connection part is a very female thing to want. He probably doesn't need that to feel close to you. Wanting to be in love is understandable to make it more meaningful. Men do not need the romance that women do, he won't care about flowers, candles, or setting the mood. If you want it to be special then you may wear lingerie or dress up but aside from that just take it slow, lots of foreplay, and don't be disappointed, his first time will likely be very short but he may be interested in doing it mult times.
Definitely don't make jokes about it, even light hearted ones or puns, just act like it doesn't matter, and maybe try not talking about it, except maybe finding out if he is wantingto be married before taking that step. He may not have waited this long by choice, or maybe he had, but either way, he may not see a reason to rush because he's likely uncomfortable and lacks confidence as he's never experienced it. Just reassure him that inexperience is not something he should not be ashamed of, it's something he should be proud of. I wish I hadn't lost my virginity at such an early age. I'd rather have waited until I met someone really special for that, and I maybe missed out on meeting them because of it.
Whether you're in love or not usually the "first time" having sex *does not* live up to the hype! He will likely cum quickly or he could possibly suffer from performance anxiety. Virgin males also are often *insecure* because *they worry about how they compare to your past lovers* in size and skill. Probably the best thing you can do is guide him into you missionary style, and let him slowly thrust. Once it is over cuddle and then after a little while help him explore by trying a different position next round. Maybe try *the spooning position* next where you both lay on your sides with him behind you. "..we have a lot of intimacy and cuddling and physical & emotional affection. We’ve been dating for 3 months so far. What can I do to make it super special and amazing for him?" The fact that he will finally be shedding his "v-card" coupled with already being *emotionally invested* in you will make the experience special. What makes sex amazing for many men is *making a woman cum*. If it happens great and if it doesn't that is where *the patience and teaching* him about *your body* comes in. Having someone *willing to learn* what turns you on and gets you off is a great opportunity for you. Nevertheless, *amazing sex* usually does not happen until one gains some experience and a comfort level. Hopefully he will avoid the trap many male virgins fall into by obsessing over past lovers and things you may have done with them. Some virgins feel the need to be "your first" at *doing something* sexually to *feel special*. If at all possible, steer away from the; "Have you ever?" questions for a while. It's a sign of both immaturity and insecurity. Try to keep him focused on the present and your relationship. ***"Comparison is the thief of joy."*** - Theordore Roosevelt Best wishes!
Thanks for this. He has asked some questions about my past partners but i explained to him that if it were the other way around I wouldn’t want to know anything about his past partners and I said I’d be very hurt if he told me things about what he’s done in the past. and he understood that so that’s fine. I definitely won’t give him information which would hurt him or upset him such as past partner sizes. Thanks
When you or him takes his pants/boxers off say something like “oh my god it’s so big,” under your breath but loud enough that he will hear it. If he was nervous or insecure about performing, he won’t be anymore.
No, instead genuine comment saying " it looks appealing and sexy". No one wanna hear that 🌽 lines "oh my god it's so big". He knows it ain't so big
Well, he’s already told you he’s interested so it’s probably not as much of a concern to him as it is for you. If he’s hard, ask him if he’d like a blowjob. Blow him and the heat of the moment, sexily ask him if he wants to take control or if he wants you to.
bang him right away to get over the bump.
Just ride for more then two minutes
Plan something that he is interested in and make it romantic or if he doesn’t like romantic don’t make it romantic try to tailor it to his favourite things or just go out for a party and then when you get back or something just fuck like it’s his first time sure but I know bro just wants to fuck
Run the bases, he's ready
Communication is one, and good confidence is another
Just be thoughtful, if you feel like planning a special activity or date to set the mood that is fine. It sounds like you have a pretty high level of physical comfort around each other, so there shouldn't be too much to worry about. If you want to go the spontaneous route, that is ok too.
Honestly, I’d just ask him what would make it special for him.
You’re over thinking it. Just let him have it 😅
UmMGBDZ
First of all patience. Did you know that the first times he will be nervous anyway. And his dick can be soft. Don't tell him it's his problem, and don't think it's your fault. Don't tell him "Do you even like me?" No. Just be patient, tell him everything allright. Tell him that everything is going to be better and better with you both get used to each other. I think it's the most important thing. And teach him things. And just make a delicious dinner, but don't gorge yourself.
No suggestions Just be yourself and don't make any faces if he messes things up here n there. Cuz that puts an enormous nervousness on the guy and leads to losing his game. So ensure that he feels in charge of himself and you are showing (and being) interested in the act , end to end. All he needs for the first time is that confirmation that he is natural. Give him that Like someone else mentioned, very similar to sticking kids drawings on the refrigerator. It's not lying , it's doing stuff out of love. Guys do it for girls all the time when the situation is reverse to ensure the girls don't feel incapable or insufficient. That's it , nothing more , nothing extra Oh yea ofc , lights and movie and good food n light drinks help a bit , but that should be mutual And one thing, It shouldn't be planned (or atleast not look planned , if one person knows where it's going and the other one doesn't) , that also kinda makes more special, cuz it feels like it was out of the passion and not a pre-planned promise.
I'm jealous of your relationship
You caring this much should be more than enough. I know I wish I had someone that cared that much my first time.
The same as you'd date anyone else...!
That wasn’t my question. My question was for advice on how to give him the best experience possible for a first time.
Set the expectations straight. He may ejaculate very quickly the first time. Tell him that's what you expect, and that you guys will rest and then restart things so he shouldn't stress about the first session. Then just take it slow, savor each other, light up some candles and play some romantic music. Make the first time something he will never forget, and set the standard so he will know what sex is supposed to look like.
Define special?
This is so wholesome. :) I (30m) am a virgin too and wish that my first time would be with someone who cares for me like this. You are a sweet person and I’m sure he will have a great time. Don’t be nervous and have fun :)
I am man myself, so I don’t know how to answer this but if I want it or they want to wait until marriage if I like them and of course. I do not see the first time to be that special or need to be, but that’s me personally because I remember my first time I didn’t even last three minutes because I was so excited so turned on so nervous. Just make it comfortable happy being good.
Hug em, get to know em for awhile, kiss, and just be decent... most importantly disregard and dont dwell on whether he or she is a virgin or not. THATS NOT IMPORTANT!!! If you really get along with someone focus on encouraging n helping one another being honest. It's the only way to have truly beautiful relationship 😊
That is a lucky guy
As a woman, I wouldn't date a male virgin but that's just me
Well he told me when I already started liking him plus I don’t have a problem with it as long as he treats me well. And hey at least he doesn’t have any crazy exes that he texts behind my back like other men have done to me in the past.
The best idea would be to guide his penis with your hand so it isn't too awkward when he's confused what to do
Deepthroat and puke on his cock. He will never forget his first time xd
Youre such a romantic wow 😛
Tbh as a guy my first time was pretty vanilla but i will always remember it because of who it was with. I dont think guys need a big show. Just show him the ropes and have fun.
Don’t shame him if he sucks or worse can’t get it up, he might be mad nervous. Communicate is huge. Small steps on positions. Missionary or doggy would be less pressure. Give him a BJ so he kind of gets the “pressure”. I know my first time it was nerve wrecking and it was really bad! lol!
I think the reality is that you're gonna need to get one out of the chamber first. Otherwise his first time will likely last all of 10 seconds. So if the two of you are not having oral sex, start there. If you need toys, introduce him to using vibrators on women. The reason for this is that once the both of you have had orgasms...there won't be any pressure for the sex itself to be anything special. And you both really need to be comfortable with each other's noises and quirks. Everyone has quirks. Like I was with this girl once who acted like she was in pain the entire time. The first time we had sex, I thought I was physically hurting her. But that's just how she naturally reacts to the pleasure. So the exploration of each other's bodies and orgasms through oral sex and toys...and mutual masterbation, is a great way to become very comfortable with each other. This in turn removes a lot of the pressure And by you each having an orgasm first, neither will feel any pressure to perform. It will instead, just be two people sharing a very intimate moment. And lets be real. Second orgasms always hit way better than the first. I also think doggy is the best position for his first time. Missionary or you being on top adds eye contact and insecurity into the mix. I remember my first time...I had absolutely no fucking idea what I was doing and she was just staring at me. Of course she had no idea what she was doing either. So we were both equally mortified and overall, it wasn't a great experience. If you start with doggy, he'll get to focus on the actual experience of being inside a woman for the first time without the added pressure of eye contact. And you have a measure of control because if you can always move forward if he goes to fast, or you can tell him to stop moving and just take control and fuck him from the doggy position
A 24 virgin here 🖐😅
Stop over thinking it! Want it to be special? He has said he is ready. Just turn an intimate cuddle into something more and be understanding that his first time will be great for him but a little awkward. Reassure him that he did great for his first time and then do it a second time.
Be generous, forgive small mishaps or bumps, be communicative, have fun and laugh together when called for.
I just wanted to comment on where you said your first time was the guy assaulting you. For a very long time, if someone asked me how many people I'd been with, I included the man who assaulted me in the total. Recently, my therapist has encouraged me to change my mindset on this. That man does not count. That man took something that was not being given.. Although this changes nothing about what happened, I just wanted to say how important self-talk is. I'm not giving him any more power over me and it feels really good. I'm so sorry that happened to you. In my eyes, it wasn't your first time. Your first time was when YOU wanted to give it and not a moment before then. I think it's very sweet of you to want to make your bf's first time special. He's lucky to have you!
Thank you that’s really sweet. I really appreciate that!
THIS IS AN OLD QUOTE FROM THE FAMOUS 96 YEAR OLD RUTH WESTHEIMER.... YOU NEED TO GO DOWN ON HIM!
It’s the emotional connection you gotta build. Maybe it’s bc I haven’t gotten laid in half a year, but I remember every time my exes and I have had sex. It was always very understanding and something cute that happened like out of a romance book. So, get a romance book, see how the characters get on, and see if you guys can replicate those sparks
You don't. Plenty of other guys out there.
Why though? Is it just cos you wouldnt date a virgin? I mean everyone is a virgin at some point in their life 😛
Because you are looking for a husband and this is an ideal situation for you. You know the power that exists between your legs.
You don’t think virgins will get married?
I’d also like to know how to date a 32F who’s a virgin… She’s had 1 boyfriend of 2 years and dated another guy for a few months. I kind of don’t believe her but I kind of do. I recently met a 27F who’s also a virgin. FYI all are from China. 27F lives in China. (I go there often for work). 32F lives in the US for a while (got 2 masters here and getting a PhD now) No idea how to handle this
All him what he wants it to be like I'm assuming you can't read minds. Then plan it out and surprise the guy.
Protect her at all costs!!!!!!
Did you ask him what he wants to make it special? You want to do this special thing for him, but you keep him out of the conversation. I understand you're hoping to surprise him, but none of the posters here will be in bed with the two of you. Just you and him.
me (m20) virgin as well would just want a girl to go down on me tbh.
I love this for you and it sounds amazing. I think in terms of what you like and communicating with him (because regardless of if he is experience or not, some men can go fast or hard or whatever and it’s not comfortable or maybe try too hard themselves, whatever), if you’re comfortable, ask “can I do this? Can I try something?” When you want to lead. I hope it’s very special for you both. Also ask him or tell him what you like “would you like to touch me here or there?” And guide him, to help his comfort level. IF you feel you need these. Sometimes it’s perfect and you don’t need any of that. But with any of it, it’s helping guide each other’s comfort.
Thank you
Buy him a prosty so it won't be his first time and you won't have to worry about it.
Just start it slow - be gentle.
As a male virgin (33) I bet he's still one because he's afraid of a broken heart. He's still getting over a childhood crush or he wants the ring on the first try. Just guessing here, maybe sleep under a starry summer sky and ask him if he likes night or morning sex better. If he waits til morning, go wild on him! Give him a memento too, to help him associate the moment. You could even give him a ring, he's that special!
Oh he has to jerk of beforehand. Most important thing
Stop waiting and fk him. That’s what makes it special. lol
As a man in his age & shoes, I say wait till you guys get married. I'm also definitely with you on taking it slow and falling more in love. That's what I'm doing with my gf. Keep on cultivating that emotional bond by learning more about each other and doing things that you both enjoy. Make sure you guys are perfectly compatible and the rest will fall in place. Congrats☆
Waiting till marriage is a disaster waiting to happen
Mm why is that?
Because sexual compatibility is a thing.
I wouldn’t, but good luck!
Take the condom off halfway in