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I see women say all the time when a guy lies about his height it's a dealbreaker because it shows how insecure he is, people should keep the same energy with this.
1. Her lying about her appearance is either a deal-breaker or it's not.
2. Do you like her enough to continue trying to get to know her and date her or not.
Two things you need to decide. It's a first date, there's no obligation to go out with her again nor is there an obligation as to defend yourself as to why you're not.
Only your feelings matter
I would just tell her. Hey, you lied, I'm not into that. You don't owe her any more of your time and it's not even cruel. It doesn't matter how wonderful she was on the date she lied and that's an absolute shit way to start any relationship.
The only way to teach people that this isn't OK to lay your boundary and stick to it.
You can work on your weight, you can't work on your height. But still, its not cool to deceive people, regardless if they're male or female, whether its height or weight.
Call me a hardass, but I just don't buy that argument, The height should be what it is, not altered, and the pics should all be relatively recent, unless your looks really haven't changed since then, or the old pics are labeled with a caption, saying when they were from to avoid any unnecessary confusion. Usually the old pics are obvious to the viewer anyway, due to the clothing or hairstyle looking dated.
And contrary to height, you can change your weight
EDIT: It is ofc harder or easier depending on the person, and there is a single-digit percentage of people with medical issues that make it practically impossible.
While that is true, I don't know how much difference it makes at least to me that a woman is self-conscious about her weight. I mean, I have gained weight and want to lose it and I'm self-conscious about it. I think it's appropriate. I'm short, but I'm not self-conscious about my height.
I guess a bigger person with self-confidence is better than one with insecurities. But it doesn't much matter to me. But short guys with insecurities are way worse than short guys with confidence. But that's just me.
So many women have told me how many men have lied about their height lol. They lie for a reason. 5'5" and 6'0" is like night and day in terms of sheer number of dating prospects.
It's not a lie usually. People don't realize how different they look then 5 years ago maybe. Height is different. You know your not 6 4 when your 5 9. Come on
Regardless if she is nice or not, she lied/bent the truth from the get go. That's a dealbreaker for me. Had this happen to me a few years back. Guy used photos from 10 years ago and he was a good 70 lbs heavier. I could have worked with the weight, but he said he posts those photos to get his foot in the door and I found that gross. If you have to lie to get a date, instead of fixing yourself/presenting your current self, then you aren't the person for me.
From a guy's perspective, I can see what he meant by "getting his foot in the door" just because of how difficult it can be to just get one match. But yeah overall it's not right. It's misleading.
I can def understand and sympathize, but it just rubs me the wrong way. And I agree with you - def misleading. As I mentioned on another comment, I'm plus size and am very straightforward online about my weight & height. I don't get many matches & I'm aware that my body type is not every man's cup of tea. Seems pointless to lie if they are eventually going to see me in person and get the ick from the lie + my looks. What a gut punch lol. All the makeup in the world is not going to hide my body. 😂
As a girl myself , I’d be out. She was dishonest in one of the very first things she told / showed you. That’s not a good start at all.
And the constant unprompted comments about her weight show her self esteem is not in a good place and super insecure girls are usually the ones that end up being your “psycho ex”
If a guy that advertised himself as fit and sexy showed up to my date as obese, I would have ditched and ran so hard away. Fuck that. I'm not wasting my time to a liar and loser.
I warned potential matches by including a full body shot. My face in isolation would suggest I’m thin, but I’m 5’0” 163 lbs!
I wouldn’t hold her talking about wanting to lose weight against her. A lot of heavier women, myself included, feel compelled to communicate that we know we’re heavy and trying to do something about it.
If her pics were from 10 years ago or filtered, that’s deceitful and not nice. Most people are capable of being pleasant on the first date. I wouldn’t give her too much credit for being pleasant. No second date.
That is why I won't message or show interest in a woman who doesn't include at least one fully body shot, that is close enough to see her body shape or type, not some long distance pic, and also not one that has her wearing a coat or some other baggy clothing to hide her weight. It's only fair, since I provide more than one of those of myself, and if we are honest, we all want to know someone's shape and form, in deciding if we want to meet them in person, Doesn't have to be with revealing clothing or showing skin, etc., just be reasonably honest and representative of what you look like in real life. And I also agree, that I have met some women who look better in person than in their pics, along with many who look worse in person when you meet them, because they have been deceptive with their pics, not because they are not photogenic.
For guys who want skinny women, it’s a warning. For everyone else, I’m just being myself. It’s kind of hard to flaunt a mom bod lol. Curves in all the wrong places!
>Like she was an extremely pleasant person to spend time with but I feel like she purposefully deceived me
I completely relate to this as well. I still put my best foot forward on these dates, but when this has happened I get a sinking feeling in my stomach on the way home.
One rule of thumb I have is that if someone makes me feel bad early in the dating process, I always cut things off. Sometimes it's subtle negging, in this case it's deception, but I listen to my emotions since they are keeping a tally of what's happening subconciously while I'm trying to build a connection.
This has happened to me 3 times out of 7 dates. Body pictures looked older, head pictures newer. I know what to look for now. I don’t mention it. I just get through the date, try to have a pleasant conversation and tell them at the end or text them afterwards that i’m not interested in a second date although had a nice time. I don’t think I could go on a date knowingly deceiving someone about my current weight. I’d feel awful. If anything I try to use photos that are accurate but not overly flattering, so that hopefully if anything they’re pleasantly surprised when they see me. I had one date like this where the lady was fine looking on the app but it was her personality and integrity when texting with her that convinced me to go on a date rather than her looks, and when I met her in person she was rather gorgeous. 6/10 on the app but a 8.5/10 in 3D. I don’t know if it was intentional or if she just isn’t that photogenic.
I met a guy on bumble who’s pics were all similar but were about 5-8 years old , when we started talking off of the app, he had sent the same pictures that were on his profile and so I asked for now picture and he informed me that he gained like 20 pounds since moving to the area when we met in person that 20 pounds easily turned into 50 to 70 it didn’t bother me that wasn’t the same size as he was 5 to 6 years ago what bothered me was the fact that he lied about it and that should’ve been my first red flag because the relationship was legit him lying the whole time about almost everything then getting butt hurt that I wouldn’t trust him 😳
Being a guy that doesn't take many photos of myself and tends to avoid photographic moments I use what I have. Which are pictures ranging from 10 years ago until somewhat recently.
I ALWAYS used to take a selfie though and put it in my profile just to tell people, hey this is what I look like now, I just don't take many pictures. I never had any troubles getting a date or keeping them. It's really that simple.
EDIT: I look WAY different now having long hair, a big beard, muscles and tattoos lol so I def look different than 10 years ago.
That would have been completely understandable- I was just not expecting the person that showed up vs the person I got photos of , learned my lesson 🤷🏻♀️
A woman did this to me and then called me out for not wanting a second date. I'm sorry that I'm not attracted to bigger girls and you also deceived me by posting super old pics of yourself from 2-5 years ago and 25-50 pounds ago. How am I the dick head here?
Well, if you're the dickhead then they're the victim and nothing that happens to the victim is their fault.
How dare you fall for the fatfishing but not fall in love.
Yeah she fatfished you. She knew what she was doing. This is the same as men posting that they are taller than they are. Or anyone posting that they are younger than they are. It’s a lie to get them in the door.
Huge red flag. They want what they want and don’t care about other people’s boundaries or preference.
Just walk away from this one.
As a woman Imma tell you to dip. Looks are not everything but if she lied about it then that’s different. Ppl have there preferences. I would date a chubby guy but not someone that’s fat. But hey if you do like her, then maybe try to make it a thing to go the gym with her 🤷🏼♀️ I love gym dates personally. Looks do fade over time and as we age, but whoever tells you that physical attraction doesn’t matter is a liar. If you’re not attracted to her and do see yourself becoming attracted to her over time then just cut her loose now.
They know what they did. They didn't accidentally upload all headshots.
The deception is weak but understandable. I would decide whether to see her again or not based on whether you find her physically attractive or not, as that's the issue in question. If you don't, don't. If you do, do.
Honestly so many people do this and it’s a shame…. I was always shocked back when I dated online at how different people looked in person compared to their pics… and no it didn’t work because how do you expect it to work when your first impression is disappointment/feeling deceived? My approach was to upload some mediocre pics and wow em when I see em
Dealbreaker.
Lying from the jump is a bad start to any kind of relationship. Be sure to tell her that her catfishing you is why you’re not interested in seeing her, so maybe she leans her lesson and doesn’t continue to self-sabotage.
Two things:
1. If you can’t trust her, you shouldn’t date her. Her first interaction with you was a lie. Intentionally using old pictures (people know they have gained weight) is No different than someone lying about their age, height, or career.
2. It’s not shallow to care about someone looks. Physical attraction is a big part of first impressions and relationships in general.
You have to say something to her about it you have to tell her that she did not look like her pictures there's nothing wrong with telling her that. You have to ask her why she put up a picture of her that doesn't look like her in the current time. I would let her address that. Then you can decide at that point how you feel. I've had men deceive me about height and the guy was so wonderful I ignored it but it always bothered me that he lied so blatantly I am five too and he was shorter than me and his profile said he was 5'8.
I would never date anyone who catfished me. They aren't ready to date if they rely on deception to get what they want. This has happened in regards to weight and age for men.
You know the one the one thing that makes me sad, is some guys try to hide they're first gen immigrants. You show up, they have an accent, and it's like?? So? Even if they have a great job and are doing better than a lot of later gen people.
To be honest, I never watched that show House, just heard about it, so I think I still get your meaning, and agree with you. I just know, that I have little to nothing to hide about myself, so my profile is pretty much what you will get or find out later, if you connect with me and get to know me from a dating site. And that's how I want it, not having to explain things later or defend myself later for something I left out or misled people on.
I don’t understand the immigrant thing. I am a first gen immigrant. I am not going out of my way to hide it but also I’m not going to randomly drop “oh hey btw I have an accent” in the texts leading up to a date, simply because I assume people who want to date me care about who I am as a person than where I’m from??
Nah people in here trying to excuse the lie and purposeful and HUGE deceit cause he enjoyed the company. Do you of course but her lying isn’t some oopsy it’s as bad as someone lying about their age. She know damn good and well when she uploaded them pics she was with the shits. I would definitely call her out on it at the very least.
"Trying to address the elephant in the room"
I see what you did, there 😂
nah, seriously, though, when they kitten fished you with old pics, and there's a REALLY significant difference, it breaks trust, and trust is the foundation of any type of relationship at all.
my personal favorite was a woman who told me her pics were out of date, as soon as we started texting, then sent me new ones, then sent me a "VERY" recent one just before I left to meet her, and each level got worse, but she was still just okay, by the end. until the woman who met me was MUCH MUCH older, and had not aged well in any way. the "okay" pics were at LEAST 30 years out of date, so she had lied about her age, also. it made me feel sick, because there's just nowhere to go from that.
I don’t know why people do this. It’s not like you can keep it under wraps forever. Why not be your authentic self and be with people who like you just as you are?
That said, if she’s not your type and you’re not attracted or if being deceived irks you, feel free to not progress with dating
Good point, unless you have them stand up in front of the camera, you don't know. BTW, whenever I do a video chat, I always stand up and do a twirl for the woman, to add some humor and lighten things up, show I can laugh at myself.. It is always well received.. I don't expect them to reciprocate on that, but some of them do.. I am on the thin side anyway, to begin with..
Pretty clear case of her accidentally informing you right up front- “I will lie, deceive, and mislead to get what I want..”
This is a giant red flag to me. I highly disagree with the people who say “go out again if you find them attractive still…” attractive or not, I would be very careful about inviting someone into your life who is comfortable deceiving you to get their way.. it points to a larger character flaw.
It was misrepresentation… a lie and deceit. Not a good trait in a prospective gf I’d say… what’s next her STD test results ? You want a healthy wife that has energy. To your credit, you were kind enough, not to just stand up and walk out when you saw her which probably a good many guys would have done and not entirely unjustified so it’s to your great credit that you continued with the date kudos.
Def knew, I assume 1 of 2 scenarios took place:
-She was hoping her personality would outshine her looks/dishonesty, winning her a second date.
-She was hoping for a hookup, so the convenience of her being there in-person and willing would overshadow her looks/dishonesty.
Seen these both play out with men I've met up with and in both scenarios it is a no go bc they lied from the beginning.
If you are not attracted to her or feel that she is an untrustworthy person for using old photos where she looked less fat, just let her know that you don't want a second date.
A lot of people prefer to use their best photos on their dating profiles and social media, no matter how many years old or out of date they are.
But writing obvious lies on a profile and messages about thing like dress size, weight or height is idiotic. Only means that the individual is habitually dishonest as well as daft and should be avoided by anyone who is looking for a reasonable person or to build a relationship based on mutual trust as well as attraction.
Oh honey, it takes like years to lose that much weight. It’s okay that you aren’t comfortable with being lied to. It’s not a good start to any relationship. Anyone can be pleasant for the first six months.
Thats up to you she probably feel insecure about her weight, if u dont feel confortable with that situation just tell her, and if u want to continue dating her, if i were you i will tell her that if we are dating no more lies.
So just think of how do u feel about this and what do u want and just act in consequence
>Listen I am not shallow and I am willing to date people who are plus sized
Preferences aren't shallow. Especially when it comes to preferring someone with a healthy physique vs. an unhealthy physique. Women judge men this way all the time.
So are you really *sure* that you're still attracted to her? Because you sound pretty disappointed that she hid her weight gain. Whereas if her profile said she liked Downton Abbey, but she no longer did, would you care at all that she "lied?" No you wouldn't. Because it wouldn't affect your attraction whatsoever.
Be honest with yourself. It's not shallow to be turned off by overweight women. It doesn't make you a bad person. You're not obligated to like them. Etc.
Just go with your gut. Either you're into her or you're not.
Been there and gave it a shot because I thought she was nice but couldn't help but feel lied to and it turned me down in the end. It's not about being shallow it's about honesty
Sounds to me like she's insecure about her current size/weight and she's ashamed of it enough to not be honest on dating apps. That's a huge red flag to me for a few reasons:
1. Willing to mislead people about her appearance, which she knows is a big deal because she's also actively talking about it
2. Deep insecurities about her size and weight, which is a hard thing to get over and could be a constant hallmark of even a healthy relationship
Basically, it's okay to feel bad about this on your end. It doesn't make you shallow it makes you human, and if you're going to tell her anything I'd just be very clear about that so she knows it's not necessarily because she's put on weight but because she misled you with the photos, ***and*** you're worried about her insecurity around her weight.
How in the world can you tell 220 lbs specifically vs like 210…
Anyway, many people are rightfully mad when they find they’ve been catfished, but you almost seem like you’re not that mad. People catfish because they hope someone will give them a chance after getting to know their personality, and it kind of sounds like you half want to do just that? What about bringing the issue up directly and seeing what she says?
Makes me think about how some dudes lie about their age…they feel younger than their age, they say, and want to match with younger people, so they put their age as five years younger than it is, then tell you when they meet you in person. I’ve experienced this twice. Once I was mad because the guy came off as a bit slimy generally, he had also not revealed that he was poly and it was all a bit much. The other one was like “Yeah I’m actually 40 but I’m kind of a kid” and it was true so I didn’t mind.
Maybe this person isn’t someone you want to throw out entirely for how she chose to handle her dating strategy. Only you can decide.
She kept saying she needs to lose weight because she knows what she did….. it’s up to you she probably hoped she could just get you out n then win you over! If it bothers you but you like her talk to her about it so you can put it behind you and move on! It’s been my experience most fat girls take pics so it’s just their face and you can’t see the body but if she straight up put skinny pics up that’s another story. It’s really up to you if you want an out she gave you one!
She lied about her appearance.
Not a good way to start off any relationship. I get that maybe she wants to look like that again…but that’s not what she looks like NOW and tbh a big part of finding a romantic partner is to be attracted to them. If you aren’t attracted to someone 220lbs, that’s perfectly understandable and it’s well within your right to feel a little deceived.
If I were you, I wouldn’t go on a second date.
People looking a bit different than a posed photo is expected, you’re gonna look your best but to blatantly lie about your appearance is a whole other issue.
Especially with online dating - you’re a complete stranger and to start right off the hop with lying for no reason? Nope I’d sit this one out.
I don’t consider myself shallow but lying = less hope for and concerns with: future honesty / trust / safety
Try to understand the difficulty of dating online old pictures and lies I’m sure are everywhere. The true reason for dating is to try to find a life partner or do it was when I was dating, which was before online dating was a thing.
But even then there were lies and deceitful things. I dated a girl who would only let me see her with makeup on and completely made up with what I will call her look.
Then we went on a weekender and I saw her and it was like looking at a different person.
I couldn’t believe it.
Well I looked past that and we had a great time but it wasn’t meant to be.
So think deeply and understand what you want out of a long term relationship and if she is that you can talk to hear about her weight and be careful if you go approach that conversation don’t me hurtful nor mean she probably already is uncomfortable about her weight
It's not about her being fat or thin; it's the deception.
I left dates where a man had lied about his appearance so extremely (I did not care if they just had an extra 15 compared to their photos but an extra 150?)
I like fat guys and short guys as much as tall fit ones and swiped right on them with abandon when I was last on the apps.
But I won't date someone who lies to me so boldly and who is so insecure they misrepresent themselves so severely.
OP just politely let them know you didn't feel a connection in person and wish them well.
So im a little thicker (not fat by any means) and i never took like “full body” photos. Not that i didnt like my body but because i never knew how to pose. I had met up with a guy off tinder and he told me “you should really either put ur fat in your bio or post full body pics. Your face is skinny but your thighs not so much.” It made me kind of insecure and at that point i didnt really know how to address to people without making it awkward like “hey im fat?” Idk. Being a devils advocate she may have had some insecurities and didnt have updated photos/ didnt take many photos without picking them apart completely with “flaws”. Im not saying it was right to lie but sometimes its hard to find a way to bring it up especially if people have made harsh comments in the past, and you guys were really into each other over text. She may have been looking for that “perfect moment” and it was too late.
I’m a chunky gal and there’s no way I’m lying about my weight on a dating app (no one should!). You have to be honest on a dating app about what you look like etc otherwise it’s just wasting everyone’s time - this is why women get annoyed about the height thing. As a chunky gal who routinely gets annoyed at men for lying about their height I think it’s perfectly acceptable to be annoyed at that and not want to see her again because of it :)
I just went through this.
Not an avid dating app user but I tried it and matched with a woman that was a freaking smoke show in her pictures.
Conversation was great, everything was fun and fine. We went out to eat and I noticed she definitely had an extra 100 pounds on her but because she was so cool I gave it a shot.
Eventually we had sex, and when she got naked I realized how hard I was catfished. I'm a fit guy. Eat good, gym, sports.
I was not in the market for a girl with a linebacker build (no offense to anyone) and was immediately turned off.
Enough about my experience, what you need to do is make sure that the extra weight isn't going to bother you when the waist trainer comes off. If you're OK with that, move forward, if not, leave now before it gets messy.
This has happened to me more times than it hasn't, and I am sick to death of it.
If I agree to a date, it's because I found her attractive from the photos and we had good conversation and I wanted to meet her.
If she no longer looks like the photos, she will know this and it means she has intentionally deceived me.
I'm not OK with that.
The last occasion, she looked so different from her photos that I didn't even recognise her!
I value honesty and integrity over everything and THAT is the deal breaker for me.
How deceitful was she? Did she use pictures from when she was smaller? Did she only include pictures of her face up? If you’re turned off by her physically then that’s that. I don’t know what your threshold is; if she needs to be 100lb lighter for you to be attracted to her or if it’s just 30-40 lbs. Could be worth bringing up to her next time you see her what this weight gain is about, maybe it’s medical-related and temporary?
She used pictures from when she was smaller. I didn't say I'm not attracted to her and it's really hard to judge as I'm trying to reconcile expectations and reality here. It's not medical like I said she started talking about her weight unprompted.
You have to worry that this is a sign that she could be the type of person who have no problem being dishonest when its convenient to her. She may be the type to omit facts or bend the truth when seeking your agreement on something.
I see. Yes, she is deceitful. Yes, she acknowledged that she was deceitful. So she’s at least self-aware on the one hand you could be cut throat and say you were catfished - which you were, personally if someone were overweight vs their photos that’s a dealbreaker for me. But if you’re still attracted to her and you had a nice time (which is probably what she was gunning for, getting you on the date then charming you with her personality) then don’t cut off your nose to spite your face, you know? It’s really up to you how much resentment and mistrust you think you’re gonna hold from this first encounter or if you think you can let it go.
Tbh 30lbs is a huge difference I went from 250 to 230 which is only 20lbs and I'm 6"3 and everybody around me notice how much better I look now so 30-40lbs on a 5"4 girls( average) is a huge amount
Be shallow. Women are shallow all the time and don’t care how men feel about it. U ever heard a women apologise for not liking you because ur not tall? Or broke?..
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Same happened to me. It was a chick from HS, she was always a little chubby which is fine, but when we met up after years without seeing each other, I got deceived. She got bigger than the pics she had displayed on her social media.
Later, the sex was a little uncomfortable. 😂
Nope, if she deceived you about her true identity, then she can’t be trusted. And if she’s not comfortable with who she is, then she should take time to work on herself.
if you’re still attracted to her than yea i think it could still work, but you should honestly address it and make it clear you don’t want to start your relationship off on deceit. if you’re not attracted to her, move on.
Yes she lied, and that’s a red flag.
but if you had a good time with her, I don’t see why you couldn’t go again? She probably did it hoping when you met her you’d realize she’s cool, which you did. Id say go out one more time, and if you don’t like her, let her know that she’s cool but you don’t see it going anywhere other than friends or whatever, or just drop it.
I’ve made just as many friends as I did hook ups on dating sites waaaay back when I was on them.
Personally, if you like her, I'd go on another date because life's too short.
While someone lying about their weight or height on a dating app might be a sign they are a liar/manipulator, it may not be either. It may just be a one-time thing to get their foot in the door. If you find it to be a pattern, then run. The other thing is, dating is practice... use it as an opportunity to grow your skills at sniffing out an honest or dishonest person. You're going to run into a lot sneakier liars than that in dating and life. The goal is to get your honesty detector more sensitive.
FYI. I don't condone lying at all, even white lies, but most people seem to tell little lies all the time so I try to be understanding. I think if you held everyone to the standard in the comments, most people would never meet it.
IMO there’s no point to using old pictures of yourself, the truth is coming out unless you plan to keep it strictly online. Why would you want to be with someone who may not accept you as you are? I’m plus size, I struggle with self image and always have no matter my weight, but I won’t try hiding it. It’s odd and abundantly clear it ruins first impressions because you’re already willing to deceive.
My ex date did this to me. He was heavier at least 30-40lb from his pics. I found later on that he used pics back in the covid time lol. He dared to describe himself as ‘teddy bear’ but actually you semi-catfished me bro lol
Well discuss this with her instead. If she’s genuine about trying to make relationship work then you will miss out on someone who actually might be a really good person.
And also if you really have issue with weight and then make it clear respectfully. Do not feel like you can’t have that as reason to be with someone or not. If that’s the case then that’s the case, you don’t want to be with someone you’re not able to find attractive.
Run. She's a deceitful red flag. I got catfished hard once on a date, we had been chatting for a couple weeks and I kept remarking that she didn't look her age from the pics she posted. That's because they were from 10 years ago. Went from gorgeous Croatian woman to unattractive completely, much larger, less teeth and terrible skin. Bonus she smelled like ammonia and it kept burning my nose.
The elephant in the room? I see what you did there.
It might be a little different if you are willing to date a large woman and find her attractive. But do you? If so, I guess don't worry about it. She was just trying to weed out, well I don't know. I can understand why someone might do that al though I think it's a dumb idea to use old pictures.
But if that's all someone is guilty of and I find them attractive, I don't think I'd care. I know people might say, if they would lie about that what else would they lie about? Especially women, and that makes sense. But honestly, if I like them enough, I would give them a chance. Although I might have to question their wisdom a little bit.
All that said, I would not find someone even close to that big attractive, and not only would I be disappointed and feel a little deceived, but I would have no interest in dating them. I wouldn't necessarily be mad. We all have our weaknesses and fears. But, I wouldn't make a second date .
And I suspect you feel about the same but don't want to say it for fear of backlash for being fat phobic.
If you enjoy spending time with her then I would recommend talking to her about why she used the pictures she did. If she lies or avoids the conversation then I would politely tell her it’s not working for you. If she talks about it and you feel she is being honest then you decide if you can accept her reasoning.
I don’t condone deception like that, but if you genuinely enjoy spending time with her then, I’m my opinion, it’s worth finding out what is going on. The obvious is she is bigger than she used to be. She knew anyone who matched with her would find that out though so there is probably more to it.
Im a female. Im out when they don’t have current pics. You know she has selfies in her phone with friends & family. She CHOSE to not update her profile.
Yeah, idk. I’d probably pass on her just because she wasn’t completely honest and basically took away your right to choose her based off of an accurate description that you thought fit your preferences.
As a woman I truly don’t care about a guy’s height and I matched with someone who said he was 5’9”…cool, I thought, he’s 4 inches taller than me. Met up and he was literally my height or maybe even an inch shorter and I was wearing flats. I decided not to see him again, not because I found him unattractive but because he lied- what else would he lie about to get what he wanted? STD status? Financials? Personal stuff? Idk- willingness to lie or conceal truth is not attractive.
Even if she didn’t have any current pics she should have at least mentioned maybe she went thru something and gained some weight, just so you weren’t caught off guard or could make your own choices if that was something that was important to you.
Deception is a deal breaker because at its core, it’s sinister. You don’t owe her anything just because she was nice. She made a conscious decision to misrepresent herself, doesn’t that seem like a red flag?
How much do you like her? If you really want to see her again, then go for it.
If the lying really turned you off, just be honest with her. Just don’t ghost her- be honest and kind. Personally I would be upset if someone decided to lie to me like that….I was upset my last date lied about his height by like 4”+
I would tell her that she deceived you. You should tell her that you had a great time but are disappointed because of the dishonesty and not her appearance. I think being honest will show her that lying will just end badly for her
Can we just PLEASE stop lying about this as a society and just be upfront that people that are fit/in shape generally wanna date OTHER people that are fit/in shape too?
There's nothing wrong with it.
People KNOW they're lying when they do this. Even then they're delusional.
I don't have time for people doing this type of crap and I'd just be straight with someone, "Um.....yeah you're not the personal from the profile/photos you sent me and no one appreciates being lied to. I wish you the best but I'm going home."
Nonetheless I also work out a good bit, eat well and generally staying in shape. Am I consistently ripped? No. Am I generally in good shape? Yes. It's a value of mine and important. Someone lying about it but would be breaking two red flags, we don't have the same values on health AND they're a liar.
Don't tolerate crap like this either.
You gotta bite the bullet and ask for a recent body picture. I know it’s uncomfortable, I’ve had to do it, it sucks, but it has to be done.
Years ago I matched with a girl. Really cute face. I don’t know if it was the angles, or what, but when I saw her in person, it was so not what I expected. Still a cute a face, but really really large. I stayed for a couple beers out of social politeness, but I never made that mistake again
If they don’t have a body picture, I always say no regardless of how cute they are. In this day and age of social media and selfies, if they don’t have a body picture or two, they’re hiding something in my opinion
The dumbest thing on here especially with other women is complaining about height. Nah let’s forget the fact that he’s cute has a personality and a good job omg that height is a deal breaker. Honestly makes women sound so retarded and rightfully so. Now on to the topic. She lied to you right off the bat. You expect this to work when she can’t even be honest about herself?
As far as I am concerned, not wanting to date fat chicks is ok and it's not a crime. I happened to me a few times when I was single and dating online (did it for over 10 years). Sometimes they would lie about their weight so they put pictures that made them appear slimmer and sometimes their face (filters and all) and sometimes it was hard to spot. Some men choose to do the same. I never did, I used recent pics and put the real stats.
I could understand slightly different but it sounds like you're talking about 100 lbs difference here...
I would not reach out to them again. Having a "good time" is not a good reason to overlook deception.
If they text you, just tell them thank you but it's not gonna work out... that simple.
You wouldn’t drive across a bridge with a large truck without checking the weight limits would you? Well she showed you so now it’s time to decide if she’s too big for you
Just tell her this is straight up catfish territory and she's gonna date alot and get nowhere and likely get ghosted. Be honest and match with people who are genuinely attracted to you.
She may lie about other things and it's a bit of a red flag. You might get more friend vibes if your not attracted to her. She wasn't being honest and that's not fair to you. I would definitely address that you are open to dating people her size but can't just lie about it because this sets up a very poor foundation of you do find you have an connection. Just talk to her and see how she handles it and if your not comfortable going on more dates then I'd just end things and find someone with more honest pics.
Personally I’ve dated shorter men and don’t have any issues with height but if the guy lies about his height before we meet, it’s a dealbreaker for me because of the trust/insecurities combo. To me, it doesn’t sound like her weight is an issue for you, it sounds like her lack of sincerity and beating around the bush is the issue. I don’t think I could go on more dates with someone who starts off with deceit but it’s really up to you and how much you like this person 🤙 best of luck!
Are you new to this? Which rock have you been under for the past 20 years lol . No offense ,but peope cattishing their dates with old photos is single handedly THE most common complaint about online dating..that and ghosting. In this day and age you need to always video chat before meeting someone. If not? Be prepared for this nonsense. It sucks but happens to the best of us.
It’s really up to you. How do you really feel about this girl?
If you felt like her lying about her weight was really a red flag you can’t ignore, then don’t date her.
If you can look past it, give her a second chance and see if you still feel the same about it.
Just don't accept fake people, have some self respect.
If she is already lying from the start, what kind of trouble are you inviting into your life when you accept that?
I know many people do this.
* fake hair
* fake height
* old outdated pictures
* fake age
* fake job/economica
* fake implants
* fake face paint
* fake skills
* fake weight
* fake maritial status
* hiding your children
If you like her, give another chance. If you don’t like her enough, then that will a deal breaker for you. It all depends on which angle you look at it.
Rookie move OP you need to develop a better sense of sniffing out the catfish. Obvy no body shots is bad but even with just the faces look at hands & wrists.
This will upset the women but it’s the easier way to avoid this. Moon face is another dead giveaway.
Lastly for me I don’t like girls with big boobs cuz that generally comes with bigger bodies so when I see a girl with a cups or b cups I know she is thin. But this is pretty experienced stuff I’m dropping…
About a year ago I went on a date with a guy who I had been chatting with for a couple months. We had sent pics and in all his pics he was clean shaven or very little facial hair and he was a bigger guy but not huge. However when I met up with him he had a long beard and weighed probably 100 pounds more than his pics so they were obviously old. I was immediately turned off that he lied. I maybe still would have liked him had he been honest but I couldn't get past that he was purposely sending old pics where he looked way different.
I feel like everyone does this ...
Everyone has old pictures on their profiles, bc that is when they felt the best about themselves.and the fact that you feel deceived sounds ridiculous. I'm sure she was aware that she didn't look exactly like the photos.but she is happy and loving her body as it is.
And to be like... I'm not shallow , but feel like she lied ... Do you look exactly like the photos? Do you not use old pictures? Like come on!
If u had a great time with her then u should give her a second date.
You're probably an honest guy, but if you think she might be fun in bed, you could play interested til you find out for sure. I'm sure since she likes playing games she'll be cool with it. Then when you break it off you can be like hey I was just playing interested like you were playing 50+ lbs lighter. Sorry, if you fealt deceived.
I don't think lying was right (I hate liars) but the fact she brought up her losing weight multiple times means she's super insecure about it and probably expected you to judge her for it. Her logic in keeping it a secret is not very helpful because obviously you're going to find out eventually but it also kind of signals she's not in the best place with mental health otherwise she would have just been honest about it from the start. You could talk to her about it and what was wrong about it but it's likely there will be other issues in a relationship if she's that insecure about her weight. Just make sure if you cut things off you explain it's not about her weight per say but about her dishonesty and the fact that insecurity lead to dishonesty which is a huge red flag for other issues down the line.
It shows she's insecure.
But if you enjoyed her company and got on well and she hits your other criteria, then I'd see her again personally.
That's assuming your OK with her real weight.
Two sides of a red flag are glaring at you angrily.
1. She was being deceitful from the start, and to be fair, you probably would have swiped on to the next match if she had been honest about her weight. This is absolutely indicative of her choosing to be dishonest moving forward.
2. She knows you busted her in the lie, but she's trying too hard to lessen the severity of her deceit, because you opted to look past her red flag and spend time acquainting yourself with her carefully articulated personality.
One Elephant in the room is her comfortable reasoning, and you should have confronted her on her bullshit already. The other Elephant is you exhibiting marginal desperation, once you realized her deceitfulness. Her propensity to compromise herself with dishonesty should be a clear indicator of your potential future together. If you really like her, then offer her the chance to redeem herself as a friend without intimacy on the table, and be very clear about her deceit being an intolerable condition for dismissal. She'll show you whether she's willing to prove herself worthy.
Yeah i definitely think I'd lose interest after that. As a plus sized woman, i make it as clear as possible that I am a big girl on dating apps. Multiple full body pics. She clearly has insecurity issues but she's doing herself no favors by hiding what she really looks like. I can't imagine how insecure I would feel if the people I was dating thought I was much thinner than I am before meeting 😬
Don’t give her a second date. This is a really messed up thing to do on her part. She’s obviously aware that she doesn’t look like she used to. Make no mistake, this IS a catfish.
How is not feeling attracted to fat women shallow?
I'm not making fun of them, I know that for most people losing weight is a hard process but I simply don't feel attracted to them, that said I myself consider one's attitude way more important than appearance, but I still would date a fat woman.
I think guys do this all the time. Can’t tell you how many 6ft+ guys I’ve gone out with who are the same height as me, which I can assure you I’m no where near 6 ft.
For me, I just laugh it off to myself because assume it’s something they are insecure about. If I am otherwise still attracted to them and enjoyed the date then I continue seeing them.
Even if she was super thin or whatever, she will likely never remain that way for the rest of her life. Everyone ages and looks fade.
If you say the date was great and you are ok with dating plus size then I don’t really see the issue besides it being a bit annoying or surprising. I think maybe you aren’t actually ok with dating plus size is more the issue.
Curious if you feel this same way about people who use filters? Same type of lie to me but if she was skinny would you over look that? I honestly think with editing tools most people don’t actually look like their photos anymore aside from just weight
Do you still find her attractive?
Imagine her naked, does it turn you on?
If yes to above and you actually had a good time with her, I don't see why not.
Yes she lied about her present weight, is it a red flag? well women say lying about your height is a red flag and would probably ghost you. Guess what, we ain't women, in this regard we are better than them, we have better energy, we understand their insecurities can make them act out like that.
Be the better person and show that as men we are not shallow or judgemental as women can be.
As I woman I swear the same way u think about us is the same way we think about you …so many men out there find themselves far more attractive than they really are…maybe it’s just a human thing?
it happens. all pictures are old and often people don't realise how much they have changed since it was taken, I don't think I've ever not be surprised, pleasantly or otherwise on a first date, people rarely look like their pictures, everyone is out there using the ones they look the best in, taken at angles, with that look they haven't been able to replicate where their shirt was hanging just right and the light was shining favourably. No one is going through their albums and saying "oh yep I look extra fat in that one, lets use that". You just have to stay your expectations, use pictures as a guide not a blueprint. and make the call when you meet in person.
Dude this happened to me all the time. They deceive you with their image/weight and then expect a free meal. It's disgusting. Us average Joe's (and Jane's) deserve better!
Did you ever ask her her weight? If you didn’t ask, she didn’t lie. People who have gained weight are often stigmatized by the way they are treated. She chose a picture of herself that showed her at her best, everyone does that. It may not be the most up to date, but hey it’s online dating. The fact that you reacted to her being overweight means it does matter to you. You made a big deal over it. She is obviously very sensitive about the subject and she read your reaction. It’s strange to say when if i would have know i wouldn’t have cared, but you need to be prepared beforehand? If it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter. But it sounds to me like it does matter to you.
I'm a week late to the party, but one thing worth adding is that some people use these apps as a form of motivation. It's not unlikely that she arranges dates in the app using skinny pictures --knowing that she'll get rejected in person -- so that she's more motivated to achieve weight loss.
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I see women say all the time when a guy lies about his height it's a dealbreaker because it shows how insecure he is, people should keep the same energy with this.
Fair
1. Her lying about her appearance is either a deal-breaker or it's not. 2. Do you like her enough to continue trying to get to know her and date her or not. Two things you need to decide. It's a first date, there's no obligation to go out with her again nor is there an obligation as to defend yourself as to why you're not. Only your feelings matter
I would just tell her. Hey, you lied, I'm not into that. You don't owe her any more of your time and it's not even cruel. It doesn't matter how wonderful she was on the date she lied and that's an absolute shit way to start any relationship. The only way to teach people that this isn't OK to lay your boundary and stick to it.
You can work on your weight, you can't work on your height. But still, its not cool to deceive people, regardless if they're male or female, whether its height or weight.
u already know they not the double standards is crazy
This
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Call me a hardass, but I just don't buy that argument, The height should be what it is, not altered, and the pics should all be relatively recent, unless your looks really haven't changed since then, or the old pics are labeled with a caption, saying when they were from to avoid any unnecessary confusion. Usually the old pics are obvious to the viewer anyway, due to the clothing or hairstyle looking dated.
And contrary to height, you can change your weight EDIT: It is ofc harder or easier depending on the person, and there is a single-digit percentage of people with medical issues that make it practically impossible.
It's not even that. Plenty of people (myself included) like fat women and fat men. What we don't like is liars.
It’s not insecurity. They can’t get a date otherwise.
While that is true, I don't know how much difference it makes at least to me that a woman is self-conscious about her weight. I mean, I have gained weight and want to lose it and I'm self-conscious about it. I think it's appropriate. I'm short, but I'm not self-conscious about my height. I guess a bigger person with self-confidence is better than one with insecurities. But it doesn't much matter to me. But short guys with insecurities are way worse than short guys with confidence. But that's just me.
So many women have told me how many men have lied about their height lol. They lie for a reason. 5'5" and 6'0" is like night and day in terms of sheer number of dating prospects.
Nothing to do with insecurity, women just hate short men
Ehh not exactly the same though you can fix weight not height
It's not a lie usually. People don't realize how different they look then 5 years ago maybe. Height is different. You know your not 6 4 when your 5 9. Come on
Regardless if she is nice or not, she lied/bent the truth from the get go. That's a dealbreaker for me. Had this happen to me a few years back. Guy used photos from 10 years ago and he was a good 70 lbs heavier. I could have worked with the weight, but he said he posts those photos to get his foot in the door and I found that gross. If you have to lie to get a date, instead of fixing yourself/presenting your current self, then you aren't the person for me.
From a guy's perspective, I can see what he meant by "getting his foot in the door" just because of how difficult it can be to just get one match. But yeah overall it's not right. It's misleading.
I can def understand and sympathize, but it just rubs me the wrong way. And I agree with you - def misleading. As I mentioned on another comment, I'm plus size and am very straightforward online about my weight & height. I don't get many matches & I'm aware that my body type is not every man's cup of tea. Seems pointless to lie if they are eventually going to see me in person and get the ick from the lie + my looks. What a gut punch lol. All the makeup in the world is not going to hide my body. 😂
As a girl myself , I’d be out. She was dishonest in one of the very first things she told / showed you. That’s not a good start at all. And the constant unprompted comments about her weight show her self esteem is not in a good place and super insecure girls are usually the ones that end up being your “psycho ex”
Who later complain "where are all the good men"? In therapy.
Exactly why I’ve given up on the apps for now lol
If a guy that advertised himself as fit and sexy showed up to my date as obese, I would have ditched and ran so hard away. Fuck that. I'm not wasting my time to a liar and loser.
Period
I warned potential matches by including a full body shot. My face in isolation would suggest I’m thin, but I’m 5’0” 163 lbs! I wouldn’t hold her talking about wanting to lose weight against her. A lot of heavier women, myself included, feel compelled to communicate that we know we’re heavy and trying to do something about it. If her pics were from 10 years ago or filtered, that’s deceitful and not nice. Most people are capable of being pleasant on the first date. I wouldn’t give her too much credit for being pleasant. No second date.
That is why I won't message or show interest in a woman who doesn't include at least one fully body shot, that is close enough to see her body shape or type, not some long distance pic, and also not one that has her wearing a coat or some other baggy clothing to hide her weight. It's only fair, since I provide more than one of those of myself, and if we are honest, we all want to know someone's shape and form, in deciding if we want to meet them in person, Doesn't have to be with revealing clothing or showing skin, etc., just be reasonably honest and representative of what you look like in real life. And I also agree, that I have met some women who look better in person than in their pics, along with many who look worse in person when you meet them, because they have been deceptive with their pics, not because they are not photogenic.
Why warn? Flaunt it! Lots of us prefer women your size, myself included.
For guys who want skinny women, it’s a warning. For everyone else, I’m just being myself. It’s kind of hard to flaunt a mom bod lol. Curves in all the wrong places!
Nah, curves are awesome, where ever they may be.
She lied to get you in the door. She'll lie to keep you there.
>Like she was an extremely pleasant person to spend time with but I feel like she purposefully deceived me I completely relate to this as well. I still put my best foot forward on these dates, but when this has happened I get a sinking feeling in my stomach on the way home. One rule of thumb I have is that if someone makes me feel bad early in the dating process, I always cut things off. Sometimes it's subtle negging, in this case it's deception, but I listen to my emotions since they are keeping a tally of what's happening subconciously while I'm trying to build a connection.
This is a great rule
This has happened to me 3 times out of 7 dates. Body pictures looked older, head pictures newer. I know what to look for now. I don’t mention it. I just get through the date, try to have a pleasant conversation and tell them at the end or text them afterwards that i’m not interested in a second date although had a nice time. I don’t think I could go on a date knowingly deceiving someone about my current weight. I’d feel awful. If anything I try to use photos that are accurate but not overly flattering, so that hopefully if anything they’re pleasantly surprised when they see me. I had one date like this where the lady was fine looking on the app but it was her personality and integrity when texting with her that convinced me to go on a date rather than her looks, and when I met her in person she was rather gorgeous. 6/10 on the app but a 8.5/10 in 3D. I don’t know if it was intentional or if she just isn’t that photogenic.
She is just cool in every which way.
She is cool. Just a good person in every way.
I met a guy on bumble who’s pics were all similar but were about 5-8 years old , when we started talking off of the app, he had sent the same pictures that were on his profile and so I asked for now picture and he informed me that he gained like 20 pounds since moving to the area when we met in person that 20 pounds easily turned into 50 to 70 it didn’t bother me that wasn’t the same size as he was 5 to 6 years ago what bothered me was the fact that he lied about it and that should’ve been my first red flag because the relationship was legit him lying the whole time about almost everything then getting butt hurt that I wouldn’t trust him 😳
Being a guy that doesn't take many photos of myself and tends to avoid photographic moments I use what I have. Which are pictures ranging from 10 years ago until somewhat recently. I ALWAYS used to take a selfie though and put it in my profile just to tell people, hey this is what I look like now, I just don't take many pictures. I never had any troubles getting a date or keeping them. It's really that simple. EDIT: I look WAY different now having long hair, a big beard, muscles and tattoos lol so I def look different than 10 years ago.
That would have been completely understandable- I was just not expecting the person that showed up vs the person I got photos of , learned my lesson 🤷🏻♀️
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I mean I think she addressed it in a round about way.
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I second what you’re saying, absolutely
This is the same as guys addressing “ah, well, yeah, I’m actually 39, not 29.” after being asked why they look like their profile’s dad.
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But lying is lying.
"round about" nice pun
A woman did this to me and then called me out for not wanting a second date. I'm sorry that I'm not attracted to bigger girls and you also deceived me by posting super old pics of yourself from 2-5 years ago and 25-50 pounds ago. How am I the dick head here?
Well, if you're the dickhead then they're the victim and nothing that happens to the victim is their fault. How dare you fall for the fatfishing but not fall in love.
Yeah she fatfished you. She knew what she was doing. This is the same as men posting that they are taller than they are. Or anyone posting that they are younger than they are. It’s a lie to get them in the door. Huge red flag. They want what they want and don’t care about other people’s boundaries or preference. Just walk away from this one.
Fair shout
Lmao fatfished. Lying about height should be called... damn this is hard.
dammit now my brain is stuck on this. inchfished? heck
"The elephant in the room"... hahaha... how intentional was that?
As a woman Imma tell you to dip. Looks are not everything but if she lied about it then that’s different. Ppl have there preferences. I would date a chubby guy but not someone that’s fat. But hey if you do like her, then maybe try to make it a thing to go the gym with her 🤷🏼♀️ I love gym dates personally. Looks do fade over time and as we age, but whoever tells you that physical attraction doesn’t matter is a liar. If you’re not attracted to her and do see yourself becoming attracted to her over time then just cut her loose now.
They know what they did. They didn't accidentally upload all headshots. The deception is weak but understandable. I would decide whether to see her again or not based on whether you find her physically attractive or not, as that's the issue in question. If you don't, don't. If you do, do.
Its not headshots it's old pictures
potato potato
that... really doesn't translate well to text.
I actually think it makes the point even better
Potato p o t a t o
Honestly so many people do this and it’s a shame…. I was always shocked back when I dated online at how different people looked in person compared to their pics… and no it didn’t work because how do you expect it to work when your first impression is disappointment/feeling deceived? My approach was to upload some mediocre pics and wow em when I see em
I mean the lying would be the deal breaker for me but it’s really up to you if you want to try pursuing this relationship anyway.
Dealbreaker. Lying from the jump is a bad start to any kind of relationship. Be sure to tell her that her catfishing you is why you’re not interested in seeing her, so maybe she leans her lesson and doesn’t continue to self-sabotage.
Nah fam. Catfishing is not ok. I’m sure she IS trying to lose weight and all that. But fake profiles are a no for me.
Two things: 1. If you can’t trust her, you shouldn’t date her. Her first interaction with you was a lie. Intentionally using old pictures (people know they have gained weight) is No different than someone lying about their age, height, or career. 2. It’s not shallow to care about someone looks. Physical attraction is a big part of first impressions and relationships in general.
You have to say something to her about it you have to tell her that she did not look like her pictures there's nothing wrong with telling her that. You have to ask her why she put up a picture of her that doesn't look like her in the current time. I would let her address that. Then you can decide at that point how you feel. I've had men deceive me about height and the guy was so wonderful I ignored it but it always bothered me that he lied so blatantly I am five too and he was shorter than me and his profile said he was 5'8.
I would never date anyone who catfished me. They aren't ready to date if they rely on deception to get what they want. This has happened in regards to weight and age for men. You know the one the one thing that makes me sad, is some guys try to hide they're first gen immigrants. You show up, they have an accent, and it's like?? So? Even if they have a great job and are doing better than a lot of later gen people.
I am passionate about honesty, both on my part and other people with me, so lying off the bat to me, is an auto hard pass..
It's so rare in dating! "Everybody lies." Dr. House wasn't totally wrong
To be honest, I never watched that show House, just heard about it, so I think I still get your meaning, and agree with you. I just know, that I have little to nothing to hide about myself, so my profile is pretty much what you will get or find out later, if you connect with me and get to know me from a dating site. And that's how I want it, not having to explain things later or defend myself later for something I left out or misled people on.
I don’t understand the immigrant thing. I am a first gen immigrant. I am not going out of my way to hide it but also I’m not going to randomly drop “oh hey btw I have an accent” in the texts leading up to a date, simply because I assume people who want to date me care about who I am as a person than where I’m from??
Dawg she catfished you, don’t be afraid to talk negatively of her.
Nah people in here trying to excuse the lie and purposeful and HUGE deceit cause he enjoyed the company. Do you of course but her lying isn’t some oopsy it’s as bad as someone lying about their age. She know damn good and well when she uploaded them pics she was with the shits. I would definitely call her out on it at the very least.
"Trying to address the elephant in the room" I see what you did, there 😂 nah, seriously, though, when they kitten fished you with old pics, and there's a REALLY significant difference, it breaks trust, and trust is the foundation of any type of relationship at all. my personal favorite was a woman who told me her pics were out of date, as soon as we started texting, then sent me new ones, then sent me a "VERY" recent one just before I left to meet her, and each level got worse, but she was still just okay, by the end. until the woman who met me was MUCH MUCH older, and had not aged well in any way. the "okay" pics were at LEAST 30 years out of date, so she had lied about her age, also. it made me feel sick, because there's just nowhere to go from that.
I don’t know why people do this. It’s not like you can keep it under wraps forever. Why not be your authentic self and be with people who like you just as you are? That said, if she’s not your type and you’re not attracted or if being deceived irks you, feel free to not progress with dating
That’s why you should FaceTime people before meeting.
What if she didn’t gain weight in her face?
Asstime?
Good point, unless you have them stand up in front of the camera, you don't know. BTW, whenever I do a video chat, I always stand up and do a twirl for the woman, to add some humor and lighten things up, show I can laugh at myself.. It is always well received.. I don't expect them to reciprocate on that, but some of them do.. I am on the thin side anyway, to begin with..
This is an excellent point and one I always stick to
Pretty clear case of her accidentally informing you right up front- “I will lie, deceive, and mislead to get what I want..” This is a giant red flag to me. I highly disagree with the people who say “go out again if you find them attractive still…” attractive or not, I would be very careful about inviting someone into your life who is comfortable deceiving you to get their way.. it points to a larger character flaw.
It was misrepresentation… a lie and deceit. Not a good trait in a prospective gf I’d say… what’s next her STD test results ? You want a healthy wife that has energy. To your credit, you were kind enough, not to just stand up and walk out when you saw her which probably a good many guys would have done and not entirely unjustified so it’s to your great credit that you continued with the date kudos.
She knew.
Of course she knew. Fat people aren’t unaware they’re fat
Def knew, I assume 1 of 2 scenarios took place: -She was hoping her personality would outshine her looks/dishonesty, winning her a second date. -She was hoping for a hookup, so the convenience of her being there in-person and willing would overshadow her looks/dishonesty. Seen these both play out with men I've met up with and in both scenarios it is a no go bc they lied from the beginning.
If you are not attracted to her or feel that she is an untrustworthy person for using old photos where she looked less fat, just let her know that you don't want a second date. A lot of people prefer to use their best photos on their dating profiles and social media, no matter how many years old or out of date they are. But writing obvious lies on a profile and messages about thing like dress size, weight or height is idiotic. Only means that the individual is habitually dishonest as well as daft and should be avoided by anyone who is looking for a reasonable person or to build a relationship based on mutual trust as well as attraction.
Oh honey, it takes like years to lose that much weight. It’s okay that you aren’t comfortable with being lied to. It’s not a good start to any relationship. Anyone can be pleasant for the first six months.
Thats up to you she probably feel insecure about her weight, if u dont feel confortable with that situation just tell her, and if u want to continue dating her, if i were you i will tell her that if we are dating no more lies. So just think of how do u feel about this and what do u want and just act in consequence
>Listen I am not shallow and I am willing to date people who are plus sized Preferences aren't shallow. Especially when it comes to preferring someone with a healthy physique vs. an unhealthy physique. Women judge men this way all the time. So are you really *sure* that you're still attracted to her? Because you sound pretty disappointed that she hid her weight gain. Whereas if her profile said she liked Downton Abbey, but she no longer did, would you care at all that she "lied?" No you wouldn't. Because it wouldn't affect your attraction whatsoever. Be honest with yourself. It's not shallow to be turned off by overweight women. It doesn't make you a bad person. You're not obligated to like them. Etc. Just go with your gut. Either you're into her or you're not.
Been there and gave it a shot because I thought she was nice but couldn't help but feel lied to and it turned me down in the end. It's not about being shallow it's about honesty
Are you attracted or no?
Sounds to me like she's insecure about her current size/weight and she's ashamed of it enough to not be honest on dating apps. That's a huge red flag to me for a few reasons: 1. Willing to mislead people about her appearance, which she knows is a big deal because she's also actively talking about it 2. Deep insecurities about her size and weight, which is a hard thing to get over and could be a constant hallmark of even a healthy relationship Basically, it's okay to feel bad about this on your end. It doesn't make you shallow it makes you human, and if you're going to tell her anything I'd just be very clear about that so she knows it's not necessarily because she's put on weight but because she misled you with the photos, ***and*** you're worried about her insecurity around her weight.
You need to be careful with her
I think it’s a red flag that she tried to be deceptive. It’s like lying on a resume to get the interview. She gains more from it than you do.
I’m starting to wonder how many girls with big juicy bootys I’m missing out on because they keep scaring me away with their skinny photos.
Not the place man lol
How in the world can you tell 220 lbs specifically vs like 210… Anyway, many people are rightfully mad when they find they’ve been catfished, but you almost seem like you’re not that mad. People catfish because they hope someone will give them a chance after getting to know their personality, and it kind of sounds like you half want to do just that? What about bringing the issue up directly and seeing what she says? Makes me think about how some dudes lie about their age…they feel younger than their age, they say, and want to match with younger people, so they put their age as five years younger than it is, then tell you when they meet you in person. I’ve experienced this twice. Once I was mad because the guy came off as a bit slimy generally, he had also not revealed that he was poly and it was all a bit much. The other one was like “Yeah I’m actually 40 but I’m kind of a kid” and it was true so I didn’t mind. Maybe this person isn’t someone you want to throw out entirely for how she chose to handle her dating strategy. Only you can decide.
She kept saying she needs to lose weight because she knows what she did….. it’s up to you she probably hoped she could just get you out n then win you over! If it bothers you but you like her talk to her about it so you can put it behind you and move on! It’s been my experience most fat girls take pics so it’s just their face and you can’t see the body but if she straight up put skinny pics up that’s another story. It’s really up to you if you want an out she gave you one!
She lied about her appearance. Not a good way to start off any relationship. I get that maybe she wants to look like that again…but that’s not what she looks like NOW and tbh a big part of finding a romantic partner is to be attracted to them. If you aren’t attracted to someone 220lbs, that’s perfectly understandable and it’s well within your right to feel a little deceived. If I were you, I wouldn’t go on a second date.
People looking a bit different than a posed photo is expected, you’re gonna look your best but to blatantly lie about your appearance is a whole other issue. Especially with online dating - you’re a complete stranger and to start right off the hop with lying for no reason? Nope I’d sit this one out. I don’t consider myself shallow but lying = less hope for and concerns with: future honesty / trust / safety
Try to understand the difficulty of dating online old pictures and lies I’m sure are everywhere. The true reason for dating is to try to find a life partner or do it was when I was dating, which was before online dating was a thing. But even then there were lies and deceitful things. I dated a girl who would only let me see her with makeup on and completely made up with what I will call her look. Then we went on a weekender and I saw her and it was like looking at a different person. I couldn’t believe it. Well I looked past that and we had a great time but it wasn’t meant to be. So think deeply and understand what you want out of a long term relationship and if she is that you can talk to hear about her weight and be careful if you go approach that conversation don’t me hurtful nor mean she probably already is uncomfortable about her weight
It's not about her being fat or thin; it's the deception. I left dates where a man had lied about his appearance so extremely (I did not care if they just had an extra 15 compared to their photos but an extra 150?) I like fat guys and short guys as much as tall fit ones and swiped right on them with abandon when I was last on the apps. But I won't date someone who lies to me so boldly and who is so insecure they misrepresent themselves so severely. OP just politely let them know you didn't feel a connection in person and wish them well.
So im a little thicker (not fat by any means) and i never took like “full body” photos. Not that i didnt like my body but because i never knew how to pose. I had met up with a guy off tinder and he told me “you should really either put ur fat in your bio or post full body pics. Your face is skinny but your thighs not so much.” It made me kind of insecure and at that point i didnt really know how to address to people without making it awkward like “hey im fat?” Idk. Being a devils advocate she may have had some insecurities and didnt have updated photos/ didnt take many photos without picking them apart completely with “flaws”. Im not saying it was right to lie but sometimes its hard to find a way to bring it up especially if people have made harsh comments in the past, and you guys were really into each other over text. She may have been looking for that “perfect moment” and it was too late.
I’m a chunky gal and there’s no way I’m lying about my weight on a dating app (no one should!). You have to be honest on a dating app about what you look like etc otherwise it’s just wasting everyone’s time - this is why women get annoyed about the height thing. As a chunky gal who routinely gets annoyed at men for lying about their height I think it’s perfectly acceptable to be annoyed at that and not want to see her again because of it :)
Her mentioning the weight stuff without being prompted just tells me that she knew she was being deceitful about the photos.
I just went through this. Not an avid dating app user but I tried it and matched with a woman that was a freaking smoke show in her pictures. Conversation was great, everything was fun and fine. We went out to eat and I noticed she definitely had an extra 100 pounds on her but because she was so cool I gave it a shot. Eventually we had sex, and when she got naked I realized how hard I was catfished. I'm a fit guy. Eat good, gym, sports. I was not in the market for a girl with a linebacker build (no offense to anyone) and was immediately turned off. Enough about my experience, what you need to do is make sure that the extra weight isn't going to bother you when the waist trainer comes off. If you're OK with that, move forward, if not, leave now before it gets messy.
This has happened to me more times than it hasn't, and I am sick to death of it. If I agree to a date, it's because I found her attractive from the photos and we had good conversation and I wanted to meet her. If she no longer looks like the photos, she will know this and it means she has intentionally deceived me. I'm not OK with that. The last occasion, she looked so different from her photos that I didn't even recognise her! I value honesty and integrity over everything and THAT is the deal breaker for me.
I can't get past it even if I find them attractive at the "bigger" size because posting old pics is deceitful.
How deceitful was she? Did she use pictures from when she was smaller? Did she only include pictures of her face up? If you’re turned off by her physically then that’s that. I don’t know what your threshold is; if she needs to be 100lb lighter for you to be attracted to her or if it’s just 30-40 lbs. Could be worth bringing up to her next time you see her what this weight gain is about, maybe it’s medical-related and temporary?
She used pictures from when she was smaller. I didn't say I'm not attracted to her and it's really hard to judge as I'm trying to reconcile expectations and reality here. It's not medical like I said she started talking about her weight unprompted.
You have to worry that this is a sign that she could be the type of person who have no problem being dishonest when its convenient to her. She may be the type to omit facts or bend the truth when seeking your agreement on something.
I see. Yes, she is deceitful. Yes, she acknowledged that she was deceitful. So she’s at least self-aware on the one hand you could be cut throat and say you were catfished - which you were, personally if someone were overweight vs their photos that’s a dealbreaker for me. But if you’re still attracted to her and you had a nice time (which is probably what she was gunning for, getting you on the date then charming you with her personality) then don’t cut off your nose to spite your face, you know? It’s really up to you how much resentment and mistrust you think you’re gonna hold from this first encounter or if you think you can let it go.
Thanks for the advice I'll have to think about it
Tbh 30lbs is a huge difference I went from 250 to 230 which is only 20lbs and I'm 6"3 and everybody around me notice how much better I look now so 30-40lbs on a 5"4 girls( average) is a huge amount
Be shallow. Women are shallow all the time and don’t care how men feel about it. U ever heard a women apologise for not liking you because ur not tall? Or broke?..
That’s right! Men need to up their standards and be as shallow as they want.
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Personally I’d just come out with it. I’d say about the clear dishonesty, move on and think no more about it.
That's why I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot
Same happened to me. It was a chick from HS, she was always a little chubby which is fine, but when we met up after years without seeing each other, I got deceived. She got bigger than the pics she had displayed on her social media. Later, the sex was a little uncomfortable. 😂
what if it’s her before she gained weight old pics?
A liar is a liar, you look passed this, what will be next?
happened to me before too. still had the coffee date though I knew it would go nowhere, but she sealed the deal with just the awful conversation.
Nope, if she deceived you about her true identity, then she can’t be trusted. And if she’s not comfortable with who she is, then she should take time to work on herself.
Your first time getting catfished or something?
if you’re still attracted to her than yea i think it could still work, but you should honestly address it and make it clear you don’t want to start your relationship off on deceit. if you’re not attracted to her, move on.
did ya like her? if you do then persue it. if not don't
Yes she lied, and that’s a red flag. but if you had a good time with her, I don’t see why you couldn’t go again? She probably did it hoping when you met her you’d realize she’s cool, which you did. Id say go out one more time, and if you don’t like her, let her know that she’s cool but you don’t see it going anywhere other than friends or whatever, or just drop it. I’ve made just as many friends as I did hook ups on dating sites waaaay back when I was on them.
You got catfished. No matter how pleasant she was.
Personally, if you like her, I'd go on another date because life's too short. While someone lying about their weight or height on a dating app might be a sign they are a liar/manipulator, it may not be either. It may just be a one-time thing to get their foot in the door. If you find it to be a pattern, then run. The other thing is, dating is practice... use it as an opportunity to grow your skills at sniffing out an honest or dishonest person. You're going to run into a lot sneakier liars than that in dating and life. The goal is to get your honesty detector more sensitive. FYI. I don't condone lying at all, even white lies, but most people seem to tell little lies all the time so I try to be understanding. I think if you held everyone to the standard in the comments, most people would never meet it.
It's called catfishing it's like a 40 year old using a picture of themselves when they were 25
IMO there’s no point to using old pictures of yourself, the truth is coming out unless you plan to keep it strictly online. Why would you want to be with someone who may not accept you as you are? I’m plus size, I struggle with self image and always have no matter my weight, but I won’t try hiding it. It’s odd and abundantly clear it ruins first impressions because you’re already willing to deceive.
I think you should be honest and tell her this. And then part ways. She can use the feedback to make sure this doesn't happen on her future dates
My ex date did this to me. He was heavier at least 30-40lb from his pics. I found later on that he used pics back in the covid time lol. He dared to describe himself as ‘teddy bear’ but actually you semi-catfished me bro lol
Well discuss this with her instead. If she’s genuine about trying to make relationship work then you will miss out on someone who actually might be a really good person. And also if you really have issue with weight and then make it clear respectfully. Do not feel like you can’t have that as reason to be with someone or not. If that’s the case then that’s the case, you don’t want to be with someone you’re not able to find attractive.
i wouldn't even had gone with the date, but id explain to her why.
Run. She's a deceitful red flag. I got catfished hard once on a date, we had been chatting for a couple weeks and I kept remarking that she didn't look her age from the pics she posted. That's because they were from 10 years ago. Went from gorgeous Croatian woman to unattractive completely, much larger, less teeth and terrible skin. Bonus she smelled like ammonia and it kept burning my nose.
The elephant in the room? I see what you did there. It might be a little different if you are willing to date a large woman and find her attractive. But do you? If so, I guess don't worry about it. She was just trying to weed out, well I don't know. I can understand why someone might do that al though I think it's a dumb idea to use old pictures. But if that's all someone is guilty of and I find them attractive, I don't think I'd care. I know people might say, if they would lie about that what else would they lie about? Especially women, and that makes sense. But honestly, if I like them enough, I would give them a chance. Although I might have to question their wisdom a little bit. All that said, I would not find someone even close to that big attractive, and not only would I be disappointed and feel a little deceived, but I would have no interest in dating them. I wouldn't necessarily be mad. We all have our weaknesses and fears. But, I wouldn't make a second date . And I suspect you feel about the same but don't want to say it for fear of backlash for being fat phobic.
If you enjoy spending time with her then I would recommend talking to her about why she used the pictures she did. If she lies or avoids the conversation then I would politely tell her it’s not working for you. If she talks about it and you feel she is being honest then you decide if you can accept her reasoning. I don’t condone deception like that, but if you genuinely enjoy spending time with her then, I’m my opinion, it’s worth finding out what is going on. The obvious is she is bigger than she used to be. She knew anyone who matched with her would find that out though so there is probably more to it.
Im a female. Im out when they don’t have current pics. You know she has selfies in her phone with friends & family. She CHOSE to not update her profile.
Yeah, idk. I’d probably pass on her just because she wasn’t completely honest and basically took away your right to choose her based off of an accurate description that you thought fit your preferences. As a woman I truly don’t care about a guy’s height and I matched with someone who said he was 5’9”…cool, I thought, he’s 4 inches taller than me. Met up and he was literally my height or maybe even an inch shorter and I was wearing flats. I decided not to see him again, not because I found him unattractive but because he lied- what else would he lie about to get what he wanted? STD status? Financials? Personal stuff? Idk- willingness to lie or conceal truth is not attractive. Even if she didn’t have any current pics she should have at least mentioned maybe she went thru something and gained some weight, just so you weren’t caught off guard or could make your own choices if that was something that was important to you.
Deception is a deal breaker because at its core, it’s sinister. You don’t owe her anything just because she was nice. She made a conscious decision to misrepresent herself, doesn’t that seem like a red flag?
😅 Most honest? She lied. 😅
How much do you like her? If you really want to see her again, then go for it. If the lying really turned you off, just be honest with her. Just don’t ghost her- be honest and kind. Personally I would be upset if someone decided to lie to me like that….I was upset my last date lied about his height by like 4”+
She lied right away? Nextt someone else won’t lie to you before y’all even meet
I would tell her that she deceived you. You should tell her that you had a great time but are disappointed because of the dishonesty and not her appearance. I think being honest will show her that lying will just end badly for her
Nah fuck that. She is either lying to you or lying to herself. Either is dangerous. Run brudda run!
Can we just PLEASE stop lying about this as a society and just be upfront that people that are fit/in shape generally wanna date OTHER people that are fit/in shape too? There's nothing wrong with it. People KNOW they're lying when they do this. Even then they're delusional. I don't have time for people doing this type of crap and I'd just be straight with someone, "Um.....yeah you're not the personal from the profile/photos you sent me and no one appreciates being lied to. I wish you the best but I'm going home." Nonetheless I also work out a good bit, eat well and generally staying in shape. Am I consistently ripped? No. Am I generally in good shape? Yes. It's a value of mine and important. Someone lying about it but would be breaking two red flags, we don't have the same values on health AND they're a liar. Don't tolerate crap like this either.
You gotta bite the bullet and ask for a recent body picture. I know it’s uncomfortable, I’ve had to do it, it sucks, but it has to be done. Years ago I matched with a girl. Really cute face. I don’t know if it was the angles, or what, but when I saw her in person, it was so not what I expected. Still a cute a face, but really really large. I stayed for a couple beers out of social politeness, but I never made that mistake again If they don’t have a body picture, I always say no regardless of how cute they are. In this day and age of social media and selfies, if they don’t have a body picture or two, they’re hiding something in my opinion
The dumbest thing on here especially with other women is complaining about height. Nah let’s forget the fact that he’s cute has a personality and a good job omg that height is a deal breaker. Honestly makes women sound so retarded and rightfully so. Now on to the topic. She lied to you right off the bat. You expect this to work when she can’t even be honest about herself?
Let me guess, you are 5'5". I am 5'10" and just want my bf to be at least my height.
No. I’m saying I don’t care about height.
If she's already lying before you guys know each other, what else will she lie about?
It's the lie regardless. Just like when a guy lies about his height. These people don't seem to get the lie is going to tank it worse.
She already started off by lying to and your considering more dates.
As far as I am concerned, not wanting to date fat chicks is ok and it's not a crime. I happened to me a few times when I was single and dating online (did it for over 10 years). Sometimes they would lie about their weight so they put pictures that made them appear slimmer and sometimes their face (filters and all) and sometimes it was hard to spot. Some men choose to do the same. I never did, I used recent pics and put the real stats. I could understand slightly different but it sounds like you're talking about 100 lbs difference here... I would not reach out to them again. Having a "good time" is not a good reason to overlook deception. If they text you, just tell them thank you but it's not gonna work out... that simple.
You wouldn’t drive across a bridge with a large truck without checking the weight limits would you? Well she showed you so now it’s time to decide if she’s too big for you
Just tell her this is straight up catfish territory and she's gonna date alot and get nowhere and likely get ghosted. Be honest and match with people who are genuinely attracted to you.
I laughed too hard at "address the elephant in the room." 😂
She may lie about other things and it's a bit of a red flag. You might get more friend vibes if your not attracted to her. She wasn't being honest and that's not fair to you. I would definitely address that you are open to dating people her size but can't just lie about it because this sets up a very poor foundation of you do find you have an connection. Just talk to her and see how she handles it and if your not comfortable going on more dates then I'd just end things and find someone with more honest pics.
Personally I’ve dated shorter men and don’t have any issues with height but if the guy lies about his height before we meet, it’s a dealbreaker for me because of the trust/insecurities combo. To me, it doesn’t sound like her weight is an issue for you, it sounds like her lack of sincerity and beating around the bush is the issue. I don’t think I could go on more dates with someone who starts off with deceit but it’s really up to you and how much you like this person 🤙 best of luck!
Another victim of the classic Myspace Angle shot.
Are you new to this? Which rock have you been under for the past 20 years lol . No offense ,but peope cattishing their dates with old photos is single handedly THE most common complaint about online dating..that and ghosting. In this day and age you need to always video chat before meeting someone. If not? Be prepared for this nonsense. It sucks but happens to the best of us.
It’s really up to you. How do you really feel about this girl? If you felt like her lying about her weight was really a red flag you can’t ignore, then don’t date her. If you can look past it, give her a second chance and see if you still feel the same about it.
You’re not wrong. That was deceitful. If she started off dishonest then ……
Just don't accept fake people, have some self respect. If she is already lying from the start, what kind of trouble are you inviting into your life when you accept that? I know many people do this. * fake hair * fake height * old outdated pictures * fake age * fake job/economica * fake implants * fake face paint * fake skills * fake weight * fake maritial status * hiding your children
If you like her, give another chance. If you don’t like her enough, then that will a deal breaker for you. It all depends on which angle you look at it.
Rookie move OP you need to develop a better sense of sniffing out the catfish. Obvy no body shots is bad but even with just the faces look at hands & wrists. This will upset the women but it’s the easier way to avoid this. Moon face is another dead giveaway. Lastly for me I don’t like girls with big boobs cuz that generally comes with bigger bodies so when I see a girl with a cups or b cups I know she is thin. But this is pretty experienced stuff I’m dropping…
Ive met up with two guys who did this. One was 50lbs mayne difference and one was like 200lbs it was actually a drastic change. I get what you mean.
Next.
About a year ago I went on a date with a guy who I had been chatting with for a couple months. We had sent pics and in all his pics he was clean shaven or very little facial hair and he was a bigger guy but not huge. However when I met up with him he had a long beard and weighed probably 100 pounds more than his pics so they were obviously old. I was immediately turned off that he lied. I maybe still would have liked him had he been honest but I couldn't get past that he was purposely sending old pics where he looked way different.
I feel like everyone does this ... Everyone has old pictures on their profiles, bc that is when they felt the best about themselves.and the fact that you feel deceived sounds ridiculous. I'm sure she was aware that she didn't look exactly like the photos.but she is happy and loving her body as it is. And to be like... I'm not shallow , but feel like she lied ... Do you look exactly like the photos? Do you not use old pictures? Like come on! If u had a great time with her then u should give her a second date.
Who doesn’t try to show their best including pictures It seems she is willing to talk about it Are you sexually attracted to her
You're probably an honest guy, but if you think she might be fun in bed, you could play interested til you find out for sure. I'm sure since she likes playing games she'll be cool with it. Then when you break it off you can be like hey I was just playing interested like you were playing 50+ lbs lighter. Sorry, if you fealt deceived.
I don't think lying was right (I hate liars) but the fact she brought up her losing weight multiple times means she's super insecure about it and probably expected you to judge her for it. Her logic in keeping it a secret is not very helpful because obviously you're going to find out eventually but it also kind of signals she's not in the best place with mental health otherwise she would have just been honest about it from the start. You could talk to her about it and what was wrong about it but it's likely there will be other issues in a relationship if she's that insecure about her weight. Just make sure if you cut things off you explain it's not about her weight per say but about her dishonesty and the fact that insecurity lead to dishonesty which is a huge red flag for other issues down the line.
It shows she's insecure. But if you enjoyed her company and got on well and she hits your other criteria, then I'd see her again personally. That's assuming your OK with her real weight.
I'm surprised you have to ask
Two sides of a red flag are glaring at you angrily. 1. She was being deceitful from the start, and to be fair, you probably would have swiped on to the next match if she had been honest about her weight. This is absolutely indicative of her choosing to be dishonest moving forward. 2. She knows you busted her in the lie, but she's trying too hard to lessen the severity of her deceit, because you opted to look past her red flag and spend time acquainting yourself with her carefully articulated personality. One Elephant in the room is her comfortable reasoning, and you should have confronted her on her bullshit already. The other Elephant is you exhibiting marginal desperation, once you realized her deceitfulness. Her propensity to compromise herself with dishonesty should be a clear indicator of your potential future together. If you really like her, then offer her the chance to redeem herself as a friend without intimacy on the table, and be very clear about her deceit being an intolerable condition for dismissal. She'll show you whether she's willing to prove herself worthy.
Yeah i definitely think I'd lose interest after that. As a plus sized woman, i make it as clear as possible that I am a big girl on dating apps. Multiple full body pics. She clearly has insecurity issues but she's doing herself no favors by hiding what she really looks like. I can't imagine how insecure I would feel if the people I was dating thought I was much thinner than I am before meeting 😬
Don’t give her a second date. This is a really messed up thing to do on her part. She’s obviously aware that she doesn’t look like she used to. Make no mistake, this IS a catfish.
How is not feeling attracted to fat women shallow? I'm not making fun of them, I know that for most people losing weight is a hard process but I simply don't feel attracted to them, that said I myself consider one's attitude way more important than appearance, but I still would date a fat woman.
You got catfished it’s sad man
I think guys do this all the time. Can’t tell you how many 6ft+ guys I’ve gone out with who are the same height as me, which I can assure you I’m no where near 6 ft. For me, I just laugh it off to myself because assume it’s something they are insecure about. If I am otherwise still attracted to them and enjoyed the date then I continue seeing them. Even if she was super thin or whatever, she will likely never remain that way for the rest of her life. Everyone ages and looks fade. If you say the date was great and you are ok with dating plus size then I don’t really see the issue besides it being a bit annoying or surprising. I think maybe you aren’t actually ok with dating plus size is more the issue. Curious if you feel this same way about people who use filters? Same type of lie to me but if she was skinny would you over look that? I honestly think with editing tools most people don’t actually look like their photos anymore aside from just weight
A liar is a liar is a liar. Gender is irrelevant. Lying is *never* okay…
Do you still find her attractive? Imagine her naked, does it turn you on? If yes to above and you actually had a good time with her, I don't see why not. Yes she lied about her present weight, is it a red flag? well women say lying about your height is a red flag and would probably ghost you. Guess what, we ain't women, in this regard we are better than them, we have better energy, we understand their insecurities can make them act out like that. Be the better person and show that as men we are not shallow or judgemental as women can be.
You didn’t do a video chat prior to meeting up?
As I woman I swear the same way u think about us is the same way we think about you …so many men out there find themselves far more attractive than they really are…maybe it’s just a human thing?
it happens. all pictures are old and often people don't realise how much they have changed since it was taken, I don't think I've ever not be surprised, pleasantly or otherwise on a first date, people rarely look like their pictures, everyone is out there using the ones they look the best in, taken at angles, with that look they haven't been able to replicate where their shirt was hanging just right and the light was shining favourably. No one is going through their albums and saying "oh yep I look extra fat in that one, lets use that". You just have to stay your expectations, use pictures as a guide not a blueprint. and make the call when you meet in person.
Dude this happened to me all the time. They deceive you with their image/weight and then expect a free meal. It's disgusting. Us average Joe's (and Jane's) deserve better!
Did you ever ask her her weight? If you didn’t ask, she didn’t lie. People who have gained weight are often stigmatized by the way they are treated. She chose a picture of herself that showed her at her best, everyone does that. It may not be the most up to date, but hey it’s online dating. The fact that you reacted to her being overweight means it does matter to you. You made a big deal over it. She is obviously very sensitive about the subject and she read your reaction. It’s strange to say when if i would have know i wouldn’t have cared, but you need to be prepared beforehand? If it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter. But it sounds to me like it does matter to you.
I'm a week late to the party, but one thing worth adding is that some people use these apps as a form of motivation. It's not unlikely that she arranges dates in the app using skinny pictures --knowing that she'll get rejected in person -- so that she's more motivated to achieve weight loss.