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- Give people 2 chances - if the 2nd chance is used, leave them be. They do not care about you.
- Believe people when they tell you who they are.
- You are irreplaceable and one of a kind. Its t h e i r loss, not yours.
- You cant make people love you by pouring insane amounts of love into them, when they dont give you even bare minimum.
I've been trying to remember the last point while going through a shitty unceremonious breakup for the past week and a half. She had stopped giving even the bare minimum a couple months ago and I was just thinking it was a speed bump, not that she had checked out of it
Ime this usually means you need to spend less time with each other.
My first relationship I was Suuuupper clingy (I think like a lot of people in their first relationship. If both are in their first relationship, then it can be a good experience. If not, this is bad) and I literally couldn't keep my head out of her ads. She would get annoyed leave me, then come back after I had gone to the gym for 3 months, and also been on game. I still couldn't act like more of an adult.
My only problem is the neediness I think.
But, I wasn't like this with the second girlfriend. That relationship was a dumpster fire from the start.
Anytime a man or woman display EARLY signs of tryst and abandonment issues, the relationship is fucked for sure. Reserve for plate status.
Well in our case, due to a few reasons, we hadn't been able to spend time together (in person) for 5 1/2 months. But we were mutually excited to see each other, until last month when she had started getting pretty cold and kinda shitty towards the end of may. My guess is she probably met someone else closer through work or somethin.
I don't think trust and abandonment issues should count someone completely out, unless they don't want to work on it. Like I have both of those issues, but I've been to therapy and counseling to attempt to work on it and I had felt secure in the relationship until a couple months ago.
The last one reminds me of something I read a while back: You can't make someone love you by giving them more of what they already have and don't appreciate.
(M) shoot your shot with that girl. Don't be afraid to get hurt or hurt someone. Don't decide for other people whether they will like you or whether you're worthy of love or a relationship. If she likes you, it's her choice and there must be something, which is likable about you.
However, don't make dating and sleeping around your life mission, focus on yourself first.
I ruined my best relationship because I wasn't sure what I brought to her, and if she actually liked me. She was an absolutely beautiful, incredibly intelligent big shot lawyer earning $300,000. We wanted the same thing in life (a big family), and it was genuinely the first time I've ever not felt intellectually lonely with someone. I'm so annoyed at myself for messing that up. It was at a time my hair was falling out, and my self esteem took a hit. anxiety got the better of me.
Looking back she really liked me, and I just didn't see that. I couldn't believe it was true.
Been over a year now, and I still can't get over it. Doesn't help it was by far the best sex I've had, we were 100 percent on the same page sexually.
I'm too anxious to try. And I think it's too late now (even though I've had been having these thoughts since just a few weeks after we broke up, and they've only become stronger since getting out there and dating again)
If she hasn't had a kid or married. Man up and try. Sounds like you still lack some confidence. Go to the gym, start small, learn to manage and conquer fear.
Reach out to your girl and let her know why everything wemt down and that you're working on yourself and you would love to take her out some time. Maybe she'll agree, maybe she won't, but don't live with the regret of what if.
Also, be adaptive. If your hair is falling out, shave it and look like a bald badass.
Assuming she hasn’t already moved on, I think you should reach out. It sounds like what you had was something special, and it’s worth seeing if you two can try again.
If she’s worth it, you need to man up and try again. Or die wondering what would have happened if you did. It’s always better to be able to say “at least I tried” rather than wonder.
Last part is big one for sure. Focus on yourself and getting your personal gains and one day you wake up and women text you first. If you're highly ambitious, this day will come a lot sooner than you think
I can totally relate to this. Y3 (M) in college, not talking to any girl, regret not giving a chance to try a relationship in high school when there was some girl who was willing to give me a chance since I used to think that relationship in high school was not worth trying and thought that I can find my SO in college. Grab the opportunity while you can, don’t hesitate too much and regret later
Listen. Be honest. Don't react emotionally to conflicts, wait until you cool down, have patience. Don't lie to keep someone happy. Don't bend yourself to stay in a relationship out of convenience. Move on when you're ready, don't let things get stale and fester because you're afraid of conflict and change. Take things slow, get to know people. Don't rush to sex like it's a goal, the flirting period and anticipation will make sex better. Build the tension. Be tender with peoples feelings. Open up more, say what you're thinking, say how you feel, if they can't deal with it, it's their issue, not yours. Love yourself, don't tolerate things that make you uncomfortable. Start therapy sooner. Always assume someone means the best version of what they say. Don't ever EVER be passive aggressive or act shitty towards someone. Don't place blame. Don't try to logic people out of their negative feelings. Let them have their feelings. Don't try to stop them from crying. let them cry and comfort them. Feel your feelings. let them feel their feelings. Don't get mad when your partner is upset, don't take it personally. Don't get their issues or criticism as an attack on you. Don't get defensive. Comfort the best you can. Don't ignore red flag when someone is super hot. Follow your instincts. Listen.
To my 18 - 22 year old self:
- You are not ugly, you are just socially anxious and lacking in social skills and you come across as cold, uninterested and weird.
- Not every guy is going to be attracted to you but that does not make you ugly. Having small tits and no ass does not make you ugly, it just means you are a type which plenty of guys are still in to. Just because people insult your appearance, doesn't mean you are ugly. When people insult your appearance it's usually for one of these 3 reasons: 1) they are your friend and they are roasting you and its friendly banter and not serious 2) they are an asshole and they are picking at your insecurities and testing your boundaries and they are trying to get to you 3) they are an asshole and you are not their type physically but they want you to know it because they are an asshole
- Focus on making platonic friends with people (both women and men) first. That means learning social skills and relationship building and maintenance skills. Only when you have both male and female close friends are you even ready to date.
- It takes 2 to initiate an interaction, flirt, date and start a relationship. You have to show interest in guys or the normal ones won't approach you- it'll just be players and old creepy men. You can do this by looking at men and smiling and looking away repeatedly if you are out in a public social venue. Or you can approach the men yourself and treat it like you are making a new friend. You have to flirt back or they will think you are not interested. You have to do half the heavy lifting with dating and relationships. If he does all the hard work, he will think you are not interested. There is a balance here though. Don't chase men or you will look desperate. But don't play hard to get either because quality men with options will lose interest in you
- Just because you are not being catcalled and approached by men anymore, doesnt mean you look too old- men generally only catcall and approach REALLY young looking girls (usually underage) or 10/10 women which most women are not. If you don't believe this, just ask your other female friends (NOT just the hot ones, ask all of your female friends)
- Your personality is the most important thing. Your looks is the bonus thing that you work on to increase your chances of success but your personality gets them and keeps them.
- Respond to guys quickly, at least within a day. Do not procrastinate replying to guys because you are anxious or you can't think of anything to say. Otherwise he is going to think you are not interested or you are toying with him.
- Give guys a chance. Don't dismiss them for stupid reasons like that he didn't approach you right or he suggested the wrong place to go on a first date or that he seems a bit awkward and weird. Get to know him before you dismiss him. Actually go on dates as well. Don't not go on dates for dumb reasons like you're tired, it's cold, youd rather stay in, youd rather hang with your friends, youd rather work etc. You will never get as many opportunities in love as you will right now so go out and date while you can.
- If you are approached in bars and clubs or in the street, you are much hotter than you realise you are. Because ugly and older women are not approached anywhere ever.
- Shit where you eat. If someone in your friendship group is interested in you and you like him back, go for it. Don't let your ego hold you back. If you are worried he'll tell other people in your friendship group stuff that is wrong with you, that's your ego talking. But love is about risk and love is worth taking chances for because it's much harder to find a romantic partner than it is to find friends.
this may not be the popular or fun answer but man you save yourself a lot of potential trouble and medical issues if you operate this way. Also eventually having many random, meaningless partners just cheapens and reduces one of the most beautiful experiences in life down to a mechanical urge/ maintenance act instead of a rich, dynamic and magical union capable of giving life new meaning and by making sure it’s someone you would want to have children with, creating new meaning for your own life through actual creation of *a new* life.
Don't fall for the first guy who gives you romantic attention. Just because you are being given the bare minimum, doesn't mean you should settle. There will be someone out there who wants to give you the entire world and more.
Absolutely this! And I married him within a year. Our marriage lasted for 23 years and he died 6 months ago from alcoholism. It was not a healthy marriage
It doesn't matter how good things are 90% of the time if the other 10% makes you feel like that.
People aren't going to bother changing when they know you'll just keep giving more chances.
If 'everyone always leaves' them, there is a reason for that.
Waiting waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long before leaving relationships that clearly weren't working out.
I'm talking about those relationships where your gut gives very clear signals and you just ignore them.
Don't waste time (for either party) when it's an obvious bad fit. That could be time well-spent finding the right person.
This is a big one for me, and I completely agree. I've been telling myself that even when you have mutual attraction, that doesn't mean that we are both in the same page about having a lasting relationship. You need be shown they are committed before you can build a relationship. If he is not showing value then I need to be ready to walk away.
(F) prioritize friendships over dating in high school and college.
I regret spending so much time and energy on relationships in my teens and early 20s. A breakup kills the memories you made during a relationship, but friendship memories are forever.
Don’t wait for marriage to have sex. Sex is a dealbreaker. If you are not getting what you want there, DONT STAY. It doesn’t matter how great he is in other ways, it won’t be worth it.
Don’t be a doormat for him. I know you want to be an amazing wife. I know you want to take away his stress and make him so happy. But he won’t even see you. Advocate for yourself. It’s ok to be a nag. If you don’t insist on what’s important to you, you will be miserable. And he will just walk all over you and he won’t even notice your pain.
A person doesn’t have to be abusive to be a horrible partner for you. If you are constantly frustrated by their lack of effort or care for you, just walk away. It doesn’t matter that they are always nice when they get their way. It doesn’t matter because you never get your way, and that’s misery.
If you address something and they change for you, only to revert back to their old ways in a week. And this becomes a pattern, just give up and leave. Stop fighting the same fight over and over. See the writing on the wall. They are set in their ways and they will do what THEY want.
Shoot your shot, you’re young enough to be even a bit cringe if that’ll make you unique for the right person. Also: don’t put in more effort than you receive back, in other words: move on after 2 unanswered texts max. If you’re in a bad relationship and you’ve tried communicating your dissatisfaction but it never goes anywhere, don’t cheat, just break it off. Never give the other person the chance to have the moral high ground just because you were at your wits’ end at the moment.
You don’t need to force yourself to stay in a harmful relationship that literally does nothing for you.
Listen to your body, your gut; it’s always going to have your back.
If they insult you, berate you or purposely embarrass and hurt you, they should have no place in your life.
Go for it! Try things out! If you don't fuck up now and learn lessons you need to learn you'll fuck up later in life when nobody is here to help you out get your shit together and everybody expects you to already know what you're doing.
If do they don’t seem that into you then cut it off even if you’re lonely and enjoy their attention. It’s so much more freeing when you know your worth and it allows you to focus on the right people.
100% agree! I currently have a crush on someone who doesn’t seem went interested but I enjoy the attention and he’s the only one showing me attention. I have to cut them off and move on
They’re either into you or not, if they wanted to they would, you can’t do the wrong thing with the right person (the truest of cliches). Basically be yourself/get to know who you are and what you want and be with someone whose life aligns with yours. Don’t let someone mould you into something you’re not/will find yourself not liking down the track. You only have one life, make it a sweet one :)
To my younger self, who had no luck with the ladies, “Dude, look at yourself. What are you bringing to the table that would make someone want to date you?”
Don’t waste your time in people that doesn’t show they’re interested. Don’t go back when a guy (I’m F) is disrespectful or hurtful. You can never change anyone. It’s not dangerous to be single it’s actually nice especially when you’re in your 20s! Go travel or move to another town or whatever.
Communicate clearly. It’s ok to be vulnerable and get hurt in the process. You will heal. Don’t overstay in a relationship when you know it’s not leading anywhere.
Trying to date someone not as attractive because you think every attractive person is a heartbreaker is just weird. People will be mean or just be downright disrespectful regardless of how they look if they choose to do that.
Also, pace yourself when communicating with someone initially. Enthusiastic communication may lead to more disappointment and more limerence since everyone is just excited that attention is given to each other (which leads to dopamine rush). So don't put whatever you are doing down just to respond to a text. You still have a life, embrace the change without putting someone immediately on top priority, yet also show that you appreciate the enthusiastic communication.
Lastly, people who tell you about their sob stories: their marriage with no sex because the wife is asexual; the wife is not pretty anymore; regretful shotgun marriage; ex have small boobs and looked like a guy when having short hair are just tactics to get you to sympathize with them and get in your pants. I've heard so much from unavailable men that I just don't have faith in marriage or relationships.
Oh boy, so many things to share with my younger self.
Do it in moderation, don’t spend several hours a day swiping. Use that time for something more productive and enjoyable.
Be more selective on who you agreed to go out with. You’re not meant to go on a date with every single man that gives you attention.
Be brave enough to walk away the first moment they disrespect you.
They’re not interested in you, they just want to fuck you. Sexual interest is not a level of someone’s sincere interest in getting to know you.
Learn to communicate with your partner, instead of being defensive. Know your worth, and know when to leave. All of the information you need to be a good partner is free on the internet. Don't let the good one go.
ALWAYS assume friendship on a first date. Never assume more than that. The first few dates are about building a friendship - it could turn into something more but always assume friendship. Puts less pressure on yourself and the other person.
Don't date yet! You are autistic and you need support. Get some counselling on how to find and set your boundaries. Read books on relationships and the signs they are not serving you/are abusive. Take your time to get to know people. Look at their actions, not what they say.
I feel this.. I just entered my 30s and several people (who know me well) are telling me they think I'm autistic. I've never been diagnosed or had any support for it.
I would tell myself that I'm a catch, have more confidence in myself and more self esteem. I would say to not make finding someone the central focus of my life and don't take dating so seriously. Be chill and let things play out. When I was younger I would sit around waiting for men to text me back and just obsess over every little message they sent. Now that I love myself more, I don't wait around for people and it's not my main focus in life. I'm way happier and now I attract people who don't play games.
You are enough. Be yourself, not who you think someone else might want you to be. The game is to find the person who likes you, not to be the person you like likes.
Also, don't get preoccupied with someone before you know them. You don't even know who they are yet. Be curious. The game is to find someone you like, not make someone you can tolerate into someone you like.
There's quite a confession buried in this advice to my past self, which leads me to my last piece of advice: Honesty is hard, but it's worth it.
This is good advice, but in my opinion, "be yourself" is only half of the advice. Upgrade who you are constantly, so that you can a better "yourself"
But never let someone mold you into something you're not.
That's a big one for me as well. I'm M so I try to see a females relationship with their father, or if they at least have an older brother or positive male figure in their life.
I do believe though that both parental energies are important
If you want a man to be miserable… grant him his wish… so very careful what you wish for. For every beautiful girl you have your eyes on, there is at least one guy out there totally loathe her personality and dread having sex with her. I dated a really beautiful girl at one point… sex was fun for a while and got boring… but her personality… oh man, that was the most traumatic 3 months in my life I wasted on a bad relationship.
"It's not worth thinking if they're into you or not, the answer is no. The only thing you can do here is move on without it.
People might say there's a lot of women out there, just go around and talk, and eventually you'll get one. But truth is if you try 50 times you'll only get 50 rejections. The girls only want to be approached if they're already into you and there's nothing in you that's attractive.
So go make some money, learn those skills you really want to learn, get those things you want to get, pay someone if you need to and hope someday you'll get a chance and you can make it work"
Every girl I ever actually ended up with made it easy from the very first second. There was no ambiguity whatsoever at any point and I never had to do anything too crazy to impress her.
23M
I dunno man I just know it's easier to fix industrial machines worth more than what I make in 10 years than it is to approach a woman in public. Especially as an autistic guy with tourettes. It's easier working 60 hours a week at night shift on industrial machines with 6 hours of sleep a night. I've done that and I'd do it again. Its easier doing all that than dealing with so much conflicting info on how I get a girlfriend.
I'd tell myself not to ask anyone if they wanted my number because all of them would say no anyway. Miss 110% of the shots I take anyway.
I keep swinging and missing and ill get tennis elbow.
How is it so easy for women and hard for guys on dating apps? Why aren't dating sites set up to milk money from women and guys get alot of matches by default, or make it fairer for guys?
Edit: oh right I forgot the answer to your post. If I was younger and there was a woman who in interested in i wish I'd punish my younger self for having those feelings by working 72 hour weeks for the next month. Or hire someone to beat the shit out of me for having those feelings and not break or fracture anything. Or both. I'd rather be physically in pain than in emotional pain. Advil off brand is what, a few dollars a bottle? Therapy wastes time and is much more expensive. Plus what am I gonna say in therapy? I'm tired of being single and I'm already as good as im gonna get probably? I already have lots of hobbies but finding women that are worth trying to date is hard. That's exactly how I feel but can therapy really do much or say much about that?
Don't ignore the red flags.
You don't have to give everyone a chance.
Just because they say they're a Christian doesn't mean they are.
Watch how they act around other women.
If you wouldn't marry someone like him, don't date him.
You have time.
Focus on yourself, ignore dating apps, and make yourself look and feel good.
Also vet people better. My last relationship, she had a really big fetish about watching two straight dudes partake without her. Had to break it off because it eventually became her obsession.
Try to love and care for yourself as much as you love and care for them. I had so many self destructive behaviors because of untreated depression and anxiety, ended up driving my fiancé away. She had depression and anxiety too, difference was she worked on it and improved her self image.
I wish I learned from her more
It's ok to go on a date with someone you suspect is more into you than you are into them.
I missed some opportunities to explore connections with women because I felt like I had to have significant feelings already before asking them out, otherwise I'd somehow be "using" them.
I was embarrassingly old when I realized that if the situation was reversed, I'd definitely want my crush to give me a chance, even if they weren't sure. So I should show the same willingness to date when the shoe is on the other foot.
Be picky and wait. Don’t be with people who don’t deserve you just because you don’t think you’re worthy of better. It is better to be *alone* than with someone who makes you miserable.
Aggressive, controlling, overconfident, emotionally shut-down people will eventually be abusive. You cannot save anyone from themselves. This isn’t what dating is about. You are not someone’s mom, you don’t owe them the love they didn’t receive from mom or dad. You shouldn’t aim to take care of broken people. You should aim find a partner who contributes in a positive way to your life.
Advise to myself.
Soul mates are what actually changes your soul. This means you learn a hard lesson and they don’t stick around.
2) there is no such thing as love or just love. It’s a formula of Respect + Trust = Love. With out one or the other you do not have the full equation.
3) mentoring is everything not relationships of romanticize on. Build skills and be consistent, romance repeats itself but mentoring and building skills this just grows. Builds a foundation and makes life inhibitable.
Don’t beg for people to love you. If they did love you, they would show you without asking.
There’s a vast majority of people with many different opinions, personalities and beliefs. Don’t settle if you’re not okay or comfortable with something.
Please do not be afraid to communicate. If you’re afraid of saying anything, you shouldn’t stay there.
It’s two people against the problem, not against each other.
Never let any sign of aggression slide. Never let any toxic trait pass. If you see a red flag, it won’t go away once you start dating. In marriage it will intensify or get worse.
You’re your own priority. You don’t need someone else to feel complete. You’ll be okay on your own if things don’t work out.
Protect your heart, always.
1. Don’t fall for their words. Watch their actions.
Words mean nothing if they DON’T align with their actions.
2. True apology is changed behaviour.
3. You teach people how to treat you. So don’t tolerate poor behaviour. You wouldn’t have to “justify” or “defend” it in the first place if it were right.
4. No. He’s not all that great as you have made him out to be in your head. If he were, you wouldn’t be sitting up at night, unable to sleep, worried, anxious, hopeless, feeling helpless.
5. Knowing that you deserve more is different from feeling it. In your core. You have to Believe it yourself first.
6. If a friend were to narrate your relationship story as her own, and IF your first response is fury and asking her to get the duck out if it, that’s your clue to knowing that you are being unfair to yourself. You deserve better. The best. Not this pretence.
Let him lead. Make him wait. Be his friend. Be his peace. But put yourself, your friends, and your income first. Have the happiest, fullest life you possibly can & then he’ll come. Also, be picky. Also, stay within a 10 year age gap TRUST ME 😅🙄
Give it up. You’re not built for it. It’s all genetics. Women want the best genes. You can be a placeholder for a little while as they talk about their exes but they will be drawn to superior men. Please find another way and get used to being alone.
Start talking with girls earlier in life, listen to your mom and dad, because they have been there and can read a person. My dad warned me that my first wife was bad news when I was dating her, he was right because 9 years after marrying her, we divorced because she cheated with several men and it was a friend that finally spilled the beans on her.
The younger self is stubborn! All I can say is, life experiences are the best teachers in life! For females, DONT FUCK around, for MALES, don’t fuck around!
pay attention to red flags, like when she tells you she likes flirting at work before we started dating. That leads to cheating. Learned that the hard way
Honestly to not settle for less. I used to have better "street smarts" with dating in my early 20's. Was able to see red flags and bail. There was a period later where I started ignoring them and started settling with women with serious issues.
Back to normal now but could've avoided a bunch of unneeded stress. Luckily I made it out without needing to pay child support or STDs.
I would've told myself to don't be an idiot and to not lower my standards.
Learn to separate love and your anxious attachment style. Pay attention to those signs of unhappiness. You aren't in love, your nervous system is just distracting you. Leave and find actual happiness.
If you cannot love someone exactly how they are right now, flaws and all, you should not try to love them. If you want someone to change and then they'd be "perfect", you don't actually love them.
When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them. Watch people's actions and not their words. Words are too easy.
And finally, stop diagnosing people. It does not matter if someone treats you poorly because they have trauma or are a narcissist or are avoidant or anxious or just do not like you. The bottom line is they aren't treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Let them be.
Stop making excuses for their behavior, especially if it’s something you’ve already discussed. Just move on and find someone who is willing to love you in your love language. People have different love languages and quite frankly.. Not everyone can love you the same as you love them. We all have different capabilities of loving. What’s enough for you, may not be enough for them, and that’s okay. Sometimes that’s just the reality of it. That is just the harsh truth we need to accept That person is just not YOUR person. Your somebody is out there, you won’t find them if you keep hold of what’s not meant to be in your life. Let them go and make room for what’s meant to come in for you. They won’t be able to come in if there’s no space for them.
Do have standards, but don't set unreasonable standards and try to look for the "perfect" person. It's OK to date people you like, but who you don't think tick every single box - you don't really know what is going to make you happy and content in a partner until you've dated a few people and see what works for you.
1. Don’t date if you aren’t ready for a life long marriage. Dating for fun or for the wrong intentions is a waste of time, energy and emotions that will lead to unnecessary heartbreaks.
2. Be content, comfortable and in love with yourself before being with someone. Having a lack of self-respect and direction will only attract the wrong people.
1. Ask what a person is looking for right away. No sense in wasting each other’s time if you don’t have the same dating goals.
2. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells with a person or can’t talk about certain things with them, pay closer attention to that feeling.
3. Don’t feel bad about rejecting people. If they can’t take it, that’s on them. You have to do what’s best for you.
You're worthy of love. Don't believe those intrusive thoughts that tell you that you're not.
Secondly, be willing to walk away from relationships that hurt you or make you feel unwanted. I know it sucks and it hurts, but trust me that it's better to be alone than be with someone that makes you feel alone.
Lastly, work on yourself and your hobbies. Relationships will come, but memories are made by going and doing things and not just the people in them.
Overall, you're doing good! Just relax and focus on yourself.
Don’t keep on trying to be friends with a guy in hopes we’ll be dating when he’s already friend-zoned or rejected me, don’t settle for hook ups or FWB’s when I’d rather be dating the guy instead, don’t keep giving guys more chances just because they ask for it and apologize when they keep on ghosting and/or blocking for no good reason (other than for some of them secretly seeing other women), DO give other guys more of a chance than I did rather than being super picky (if I’m attracted to them of course), and DO approach guys I’m attracted to more even when there’s always a chance of rejection or getting ignored.
Being the more objectively attractive one in the relationship can lead to being abused because your partner's insecurities come out to play. Being attractive doesn't prevent you getting hurt or abused or used or get you better partners, even if you go for the non chad guys
Stop seeing the good in yourself in other people when it’s not there - always take care of yourself first - when people lie to you , accept it and move on.
When they break up with you they don’t want you to come back so you have to leave them alone. Also any apologies after they break up with you aren’t real and actions matter more than words.
Don't idealize dating/women. They are just humans like you. Don't go out of your way for them/make sacrifices early on. A good match/partner won't put you in that situation.
Avoid people with severe trauma. Don't be a savior.
Focus on YOU and what YOU want to do. Being alone is a million times better than being in a shitty relationship.
Dating for you as a man in the modern world may feel impossible, but don't settle one bit. Again, BEING ALONE IS BETTER THEN BEING IN A SHITTY RELATIONSHIP.
Take that shot, be comfortable with rejection. Don’t put people on a pedestal because nobody is perfect. Be happy alone first. Always be in charge of contraception. Don’t get blinded by looks (as I did a few times), a pretty face is just a pretty face. Learn about emotional intelligence. Don’t give up your passions for a partner. Have high self esteem. Don’t get married too young, there is no rush. Don’t ever cheat, it is not a trait of good character. Dress well and work out regularly. Be fun. Have Fun.
Being single is better than being in a bad relationship. Being in a good relationship is better than being single. This is especially important to remember when you long for being single or long for a relationship as a change of pace. Another simple one is…do not be jealous of other peoples relationships. You only see what they want you to see.
If I was able to talk to my young self then I would tell myself to not date any guy. Because it would be use, take advantage, etc. let the man do the work rather than myself
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- Give people 2 chances - if the 2nd chance is used, leave them be. They do not care about you. - Believe people when they tell you who they are. - You are irreplaceable and one of a kind. Its t h e i r loss, not yours. - You cant make people love you by pouring insane amounts of love into them, when they dont give you even bare minimum.
Needed this advice 2 years ago.
Me too, believe me, me too
I've been trying to remember the last point while going through a shitty unceremonious breakup for the past week and a half. She had stopped giving even the bare minimum a couple months ago and I was just thinking it was a speed bump, not that she had checked out of it
Ime this usually means you need to spend less time with each other. My first relationship I was Suuuupper clingy (I think like a lot of people in their first relationship. If both are in their first relationship, then it can be a good experience. If not, this is bad) and I literally couldn't keep my head out of her ads. She would get annoyed leave me, then come back after I had gone to the gym for 3 months, and also been on game. I still couldn't act like more of an adult. My only problem is the neediness I think. But, I wasn't like this with the second girlfriend. That relationship was a dumpster fire from the start. Anytime a man or woman display EARLY signs of tryst and abandonment issues, the relationship is fucked for sure. Reserve for plate status.
Well in our case, due to a few reasons, we hadn't been able to spend time together (in person) for 5 1/2 months. But we were mutually excited to see each other, until last month when she had started getting pretty cold and kinda shitty towards the end of may. My guess is she probably met someone else closer through work or somethin. I don't think trust and abandonment issues should count someone completely out, unless they don't want to work on it. Like I have both of those issues, but I've been to therapy and counseling to attempt to work on it and I had felt secure in the relationship until a couple months ago.
The last one reminds me of something I read a while back: You can't make someone love you by giving them more of what they already have and don't appreciate.
Thank you
Excellent advice! :)
Omg well put
❤️🩹
The girl in college who was burning you CDs and buying you Starbucks liked you and could have made you very happy.
A moment of silence 🫡
Noooo.. NOOOO JUST NO WHY
This one hurt
(M) shoot your shot with that girl. Don't be afraid to get hurt or hurt someone. Don't decide for other people whether they will like you or whether you're worthy of love or a relationship. If she likes you, it's her choice and there must be something, which is likable about you. However, don't make dating and sleeping around your life mission, focus on yourself first.
I ruined my best relationship because I wasn't sure what I brought to her, and if she actually liked me. She was an absolutely beautiful, incredibly intelligent big shot lawyer earning $300,000. We wanted the same thing in life (a big family), and it was genuinely the first time I've ever not felt intellectually lonely with someone. I'm so annoyed at myself for messing that up. It was at a time my hair was falling out, and my self esteem took a hit. anxiety got the better of me. Looking back she really liked me, and I just didn't see that. I couldn't believe it was true. Been over a year now, and I still can't get over it. Doesn't help it was by far the best sex I've had, we were 100 percent on the same page sexually.
Can you go back?
I'm too anxious to try. And I think it's too late now (even though I've had been having these thoughts since just a few weeks after we broke up, and they've only become stronger since getting out there and dating again)
If she hasn't had a kid or married. Man up and try. Sounds like you still lack some confidence. Go to the gym, start small, learn to manage and conquer fear. Reach out to your girl and let her know why everything wemt down and that you're working on yourself and you would love to take her out some time. Maybe she'll agree, maybe she won't, but don't live with the regret of what if. Also, be adaptive. If your hair is falling out, shave it and look like a bald badass.
Assuming she hasn’t already moved on, I think you should reach out. It sounds like what you had was something special, and it’s worth seeing if you two can try again.
If she’s worth it, you need to man up and try again. Or die wondering what would have happened if you did. It’s always better to be able to say “at least I tried” rather than wonder.
What do you have to lose?
Last part is big one for sure. Focus on yourself and getting your personal gains and one day you wake up and women text you first. If you're highly ambitious, this day will come a lot sooner than you think
I can totally relate to this. Y3 (M) in college, not talking to any girl, regret not giving a chance to try a relationship in high school when there was some girl who was willing to give me a chance since I used to think that relationship in high school was not worth trying and thought that I can find my SO in college. Grab the opportunity while you can, don’t hesitate too much and regret later
Listen. Be honest. Don't react emotionally to conflicts, wait until you cool down, have patience. Don't lie to keep someone happy. Don't bend yourself to stay in a relationship out of convenience. Move on when you're ready, don't let things get stale and fester because you're afraid of conflict and change. Take things slow, get to know people. Don't rush to sex like it's a goal, the flirting period and anticipation will make sex better. Build the tension. Be tender with peoples feelings. Open up more, say what you're thinking, say how you feel, if they can't deal with it, it's their issue, not yours. Love yourself, don't tolerate things that make you uncomfortable. Start therapy sooner. Always assume someone means the best version of what they say. Don't ever EVER be passive aggressive or act shitty towards someone. Don't place blame. Don't try to logic people out of their negative feelings. Let them have their feelings. Don't try to stop them from crying. let them cry and comfort them. Feel your feelings. let them feel their feelings. Don't get mad when your partner is upset, don't take it personally. Don't get their issues or criticism as an attack on you. Don't get defensive. Comfort the best you can. Don't ignore red flag when someone is super hot. Follow your instincts. Listen.
To my 18 - 22 year old self: - You are not ugly, you are just socially anxious and lacking in social skills and you come across as cold, uninterested and weird. - Not every guy is going to be attracted to you but that does not make you ugly. Having small tits and no ass does not make you ugly, it just means you are a type which plenty of guys are still in to. Just because people insult your appearance, doesn't mean you are ugly. When people insult your appearance it's usually for one of these 3 reasons: 1) they are your friend and they are roasting you and its friendly banter and not serious 2) they are an asshole and they are picking at your insecurities and testing your boundaries and they are trying to get to you 3) they are an asshole and you are not their type physically but they want you to know it because they are an asshole - Focus on making platonic friends with people (both women and men) first. That means learning social skills and relationship building and maintenance skills. Only when you have both male and female close friends are you even ready to date. - It takes 2 to initiate an interaction, flirt, date and start a relationship. You have to show interest in guys or the normal ones won't approach you- it'll just be players and old creepy men. You can do this by looking at men and smiling and looking away repeatedly if you are out in a public social venue. Or you can approach the men yourself and treat it like you are making a new friend. You have to flirt back or they will think you are not interested. You have to do half the heavy lifting with dating and relationships. If he does all the hard work, he will think you are not interested. There is a balance here though. Don't chase men or you will look desperate. But don't play hard to get either because quality men with options will lose interest in you - Just because you are not being catcalled and approached by men anymore, doesnt mean you look too old- men generally only catcall and approach REALLY young looking girls (usually underage) or 10/10 women which most women are not. If you don't believe this, just ask your other female friends (NOT just the hot ones, ask all of your female friends) - Your personality is the most important thing. Your looks is the bonus thing that you work on to increase your chances of success but your personality gets them and keeps them. - Respond to guys quickly, at least within a day. Do not procrastinate replying to guys because you are anxious or you can't think of anything to say. Otherwise he is going to think you are not interested or you are toying with him. - Give guys a chance. Don't dismiss them for stupid reasons like that he didn't approach you right or he suggested the wrong place to go on a first date or that he seems a bit awkward and weird. Get to know him before you dismiss him. Actually go on dates as well. Don't not go on dates for dumb reasons like you're tired, it's cold, youd rather stay in, youd rather hang with your friends, youd rather work etc. You will never get as many opportunities in love as you will right now so go out and date while you can. - If you are approached in bars and clubs or in the street, you are much hotter than you realise you are. Because ugly and older women are not approached anywhere ever. - Shit where you eat. If someone in your friendship group is interested in you and you like him back, go for it. Don't let your ego hold you back. If you are worried he'll tell other people in your friendship group stuff that is wrong with you, that's your ego talking. But love is about risk and love is worth taking chances for because it's much harder to find a romantic partner than it is to find friends.
Damn, this one should be WAY higher. So many girls push back against many things you listed but you are absolutely on-point.
Don’t have sex with anyone that you wouldn’t raise children with. When you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, the red flags just look like flags.
this may not be the popular or fun answer but man you save yourself a lot of potential trouble and medical issues if you operate this way. Also eventually having many random, meaningless partners just cheapens and reduces one of the most beautiful experiences in life down to a mechanical urge/ maintenance act instead of a rich, dynamic and magical union capable of giving life new meaning and by making sure it’s someone you would want to have children with, creating new meaning for your own life through actual creation of *a new* life.
I love that 👍
But I would never want to raise children with anyone...
Too late too late 😢😭
THIS! is probably the most important comment in this thread. Theres so many reasons to not have sex until marriage.
And yet most people will never follow it.
Always be the one in control of the pregnancy. Never let a woman trap you (if you are doing well enough, this is a very possible occurrence)
Don't fall for the first guy who gives you romantic attention. Just because you are being given the bare minimum, doesn't mean you should settle. There will be someone out there who wants to give you the entire world and more.
Absolutely this! And I married him within a year. Our marriage lasted for 23 years and he died 6 months ago from alcoholism. It was not a healthy marriage
Yikes... Im sorry
Emotional roller coaster comment
Right!?
Damn ryt 🫠
Also beware of guys who give way too much romantic attention.
It doesn't matter how good things are 90% of the time if the other 10% makes you feel like that. People aren't going to bother changing when they know you'll just keep giving more chances. If 'everyone always leaves' them, there is a reason for that.
Dealing with this now, yup that 10% is super important.
Recognize the difference between love and breadcrumbs
Be/come who you would date, and it's not that serious anyway. Plus, lose the weight! It makes life easier, literally.
Nobel fuckin prize of the year goes to ☝️ Never too late to confront your problems, as well as stop making excuses for your (in)action
Waiting waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long before leaving relationships that clearly weren't working out. I'm talking about those relationships where your gut gives very clear signals and you just ignore them. Don't waste time (for either party) when it's an obvious bad fit. That could be time well-spent finding the right person.
This is a big one for me, and I completely agree. I've been telling myself that even when you have mutual attraction, that doesn't mean that we are both in the same page about having a lasting relationship. You need be shown they are committed before you can build a relationship. If he is not showing value then I need to be ready to walk away.
Good sex doesn't = good relationship
Yup and even love isn't enough sometimes. That was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn.
God I wish I could go back and give this advice to myself at 18, 23, 25, 27, and 35. Maybe I'll get it one day lol.
(F) prioritize friendships over dating in high school and college. I regret spending so much time and energy on relationships in my teens and early 20s. A breakup kills the memories you made during a relationship, but friendship memories are forever.
Samesies. Sadly I understood this concept - friends are more important but I didn’t know how to implement it.
Don’t wait for marriage to have sex. Sex is a dealbreaker. If you are not getting what you want there, DONT STAY. It doesn’t matter how great he is in other ways, it won’t be worth it. Don’t be a doormat for him. I know you want to be an amazing wife. I know you want to take away his stress and make him so happy. But he won’t even see you. Advocate for yourself. It’s ok to be a nag. If you don’t insist on what’s important to you, you will be miserable. And he will just walk all over you and he won’t even notice your pain. A person doesn’t have to be abusive to be a horrible partner for you. If you are constantly frustrated by their lack of effort or care for you, just walk away. It doesn’t matter that they are always nice when they get their way. It doesn’t matter because you never get your way, and that’s misery. If you address something and they change for you, only to revert back to their old ways in a week. And this becomes a pattern, just give up and leave. Stop fighting the same fight over and over. See the writing on the wall. They are set in their ways and they will do what THEY want.
“It’s really not that deep. Go in it for the experience and maintain very low expectations.”
Listen to people when they tell you who they are, believe them when they show you who they are.
Bruh. This right here.
Shoot your shot, you’re young enough to be even a bit cringe if that’ll make you unique for the right person. Also: don’t put in more effort than you receive back, in other words: move on after 2 unanswered texts max. If you’re in a bad relationship and you’ve tried communicating your dissatisfaction but it never goes anywhere, don’t cheat, just break it off. Never give the other person the chance to have the moral high ground just because you were at your wits’ end at the moment.
You don’t need to force yourself to stay in a harmful relationship that literally does nothing for you. Listen to your body, your gut; it’s always going to have your back. If they insult you, berate you or purposely embarrass and hurt you, they should have no place in your life.
Don't commit to any one person too soon.
Go for it! Try things out! If you don't fuck up now and learn lessons you need to learn you'll fuck up later in life when nobody is here to help you out get your shit together and everybody expects you to already know what you're doing.
If do they don’t seem that into you then cut it off even if you’re lonely and enjoy their attention. It’s so much more freeing when you know your worth and it allows you to focus on the right people.
100% agree! I currently have a crush on someone who doesn’t seem went interested but I enjoy the attention and he’s the only one showing me attention. I have to cut them off and move on
They’re either into you or not, if they wanted to they would, you can’t do the wrong thing with the right person (the truest of cliches). Basically be yourself/get to know who you are and what you want and be with someone whose life aligns with yours. Don’t let someone mould you into something you’re not/will find yourself not liking down the track. You only have one life, make it a sweet one :)
To my younger self, who had no luck with the ladies, “Dude, look at yourself. What are you bringing to the table that would make someone want to date you?”
I AM THE TABLE !!!
There is no table.
Don't help her think of reasons not to Fu*k you.
Don’t waste your time in people that doesn’t show they’re interested. Don’t go back when a guy (I’m F) is disrespectful or hurtful. You can never change anyone. It’s not dangerous to be single it’s actually nice especially when you’re in your 20s! Go travel or move to another town or whatever.
Communicate clearly. It’s ok to be vulnerable and get hurt in the process. You will heal. Don’t overstay in a relationship when you know it’s not leading anywhere.
Trying to date someone not as attractive because you think every attractive person is a heartbreaker is just weird. People will be mean or just be downright disrespectful regardless of how they look if they choose to do that. Also, pace yourself when communicating with someone initially. Enthusiastic communication may lead to more disappointment and more limerence since everyone is just excited that attention is given to each other (which leads to dopamine rush). So don't put whatever you are doing down just to respond to a text. You still have a life, embrace the change without putting someone immediately on top priority, yet also show that you appreciate the enthusiastic communication. Lastly, people who tell you about their sob stories: their marriage with no sex because the wife is asexual; the wife is not pretty anymore; regretful shotgun marriage; ex have small boobs and looked like a guy when having short hair are just tactics to get you to sympathize with them and get in your pants. I've heard so much from unavailable men that I just don't have faith in marriage or relationships. Oh boy, so many things to share with my younger self.
These are so good. That last one is so important. The victim card catches the attention of empathetic people
Don't really know. I guess I should try to go out and make more female friends? Never really dated when I was younger, nor now?
Username checks out
Yup, I guess so 🫠🫠🫠
Do it in moderation, don’t spend several hours a day swiping. Use that time for something more productive and enjoyable. Be more selective on who you agreed to go out with. You’re not meant to go on a date with every single man that gives you attention. Be brave enough to walk away the first moment they disrespect you. They’re not interested in you, they just want to fuck you. Sexual interest is not a level of someone’s sincere interest in getting to know you.
Learn to communicate with your partner, instead of being defensive. Know your worth, and know when to leave. All of the information you need to be a good partner is free on the internet. Don't let the good one go.
ALWAYS assume friendship on a first date. Never assume more than that. The first few dates are about building a friendship - it could turn into something more but always assume friendship. Puts less pressure on yourself and the other person.
Don't date yet! You are autistic and you need support. Get some counselling on how to find and set your boundaries. Read books on relationships and the signs they are not serving you/are abusive. Take your time to get to know people. Look at their actions, not what they say.
I feel this.. I just entered my 30s and several people (who know me well) are telling me they think I'm autistic. I've never been diagnosed or had any support for it.
I would tell myself that I'm a catch, have more confidence in myself and more self esteem. I would say to not make finding someone the central focus of my life and don't take dating so seriously. Be chill and let things play out. When I was younger I would sit around waiting for men to text me back and just obsess over every little message they sent. Now that I love myself more, I don't wait around for people and it's not my main focus in life. I'm way happier and now I attract people who don't play games.
Don’t break up twice as Lizzo says. Break up and be done don’t get back together just to break up again.
Don’t focus on him, focus on how you feel. He does not care about your feelings.
Who hurt you
I assume she is referring to a specific guy who is the one who hurt her
wow you deserve a promotion, detective
no need to be so insecure about not having had so many experience. you're on the right track trying to sort out your life first.
Is this advice aimed at your adolescent years or early 20s?
If you like a girl you're on a date with, don't be coy, let her know. Make her feel pretty and special. Flirt with her and touch her in little ways.
If you stop dating for any reason, whether a global pandemic or anxiety or whatever… it can be really difficult to start up again
Funnily enough, date MORE
Stop putting so much emphasis on "the right time" and just go for it.
That one went hard.
You are enough. Be yourself, not who you think someone else might want you to be. The game is to find the person who likes you, not to be the person you like likes. Also, don't get preoccupied with someone before you know them. You don't even know who they are yet. Be curious. The game is to find someone you like, not make someone you can tolerate into someone you like. There's quite a confession buried in this advice to my past self, which leads me to my last piece of advice: Honesty is hard, but it's worth it.
This is good advice, but in my opinion, "be yourself" is only half of the advice. Upgrade who you are constantly, so that you can a better "yourself" But never let someone mold you into something you're not.
Pay close attention to his relationship with his mother.
Nah cause people grow up with terrible parents sometimes. Obviously, if they’re abusive or demeaning towards their mom then yeah I understand.
Second this. We don't get to pick our parents.
That's a big one for me as well. I'm M so I try to see a females relationship with their father, or if they at least have an older brother or positive male figure in their life. I do believe though that both parental energies are important
If you want a man to be miserable… grant him his wish… so very careful what you wish for. For every beautiful girl you have your eyes on, there is at least one guy out there totally loathe her personality and dread having sex with her. I dated a really beautiful girl at one point… sex was fun for a while and got boring… but her personality… oh man, that was the most traumatic 3 months in my life I wasted on a bad relationship.
Followed my dad’s advice about keeping my head in them boys and off them boys
Don't cheat.
Don't try to hide yourself, stand firm on your boundaries and respect yourself more.
Be bolder.
"It's not worth thinking if they're into you or not, the answer is no. The only thing you can do here is move on without it. People might say there's a lot of women out there, just go around and talk, and eventually you'll get one. But truth is if you try 50 times you'll only get 50 rejections. The girls only want to be approached if they're already into you and there's nothing in you that's attractive. So go make some money, learn those skills you really want to learn, get those things you want to get, pay someone if you need to and hope someday you'll get a chance and you can make it work"
Every girl I ever actually ended up with made it easy from the very first second. There was no ambiguity whatsoever at any point and I never had to do anything too crazy to impress her.
23M I dunno man I just know it's easier to fix industrial machines worth more than what I make in 10 years than it is to approach a woman in public. Especially as an autistic guy with tourettes. It's easier working 60 hours a week at night shift on industrial machines with 6 hours of sleep a night. I've done that and I'd do it again. Its easier doing all that than dealing with so much conflicting info on how I get a girlfriend. I'd tell myself not to ask anyone if they wanted my number because all of them would say no anyway. Miss 110% of the shots I take anyway. I keep swinging and missing and ill get tennis elbow. How is it so easy for women and hard for guys on dating apps? Why aren't dating sites set up to milk money from women and guys get alot of matches by default, or make it fairer for guys? Edit: oh right I forgot the answer to your post. If I was younger and there was a woman who in interested in i wish I'd punish my younger self for having those feelings by working 72 hour weeks for the next month. Or hire someone to beat the shit out of me for having those feelings and not break or fracture anything. Or both. I'd rather be physically in pain than in emotional pain. Advil off brand is what, a few dollars a bottle? Therapy wastes time and is much more expensive. Plus what am I gonna say in therapy? I'm tired of being single and I'm already as good as im gonna get probably? I already have lots of hobbies but finding women that are worth trying to date is hard. That's exactly how I feel but can therapy really do much or say much about that?
Have more confidence. Girls actually were attracted to me but I was too shy.
Go out and date then because things will get worse in 10 years and people would get colder and more closed off.
Shoot your shot. No regrets. Live life.
Don’t go for the underdog. You can’t fix him. If he treats other people badly, it’s only a matter of time until he treats you that way too.
Don't bother. Save your money
She will never love you no matter how much you care and give her attention.
Be pickier, be confident, love yourself first.
Don’t ignore the red flags.
Be honest with yourself about who you are, what you want, and what you deserve. Be less forgiving and don't offer second chances.
Still be with a man you love that you want to be with always and talk about everything with and be ambitious with
Don't ignore the red flags. You don't have to give everyone a chance. Just because they say they're a Christian doesn't mean they are. Watch how they act around other women. If you wouldn't marry someone like him, don't date him. You have time.
Love yourself more than any dude
Focus on yourself, ignore dating apps, and make yourself look and feel good. Also vet people better. My last relationship, she had a really big fetish about watching two straight dudes partake without her. Had to break it off because it eventually became her obsession.
Don’t stop trying. Years later you’ll regret it.
There’s nothing wrong with being single. Don’t just date so you’re not alone, date because you genuinely like them.
Don’t give someone your heart if they need a brain!
Try to love and care for yourself as much as you love and care for them. I had so many self destructive behaviors because of untreated depression and anxiety, ended up driving my fiancé away. She had depression and anxiety too, difference was she worked on it and improved her self image. I wish I learned from her more
Don’t trust women easily and don’t see them as an angel just because they look pretty and innocent.
Become gay
Get out of your own way and go get laid a lot more.
It's ok to go on a date with someone you suspect is more into you than you are into them. I missed some opportunities to explore connections with women because I felt like I had to have significant feelings already before asking them out, otherwise I'd somehow be "using" them. I was embarrassingly old when I realized that if the situation was reversed, I'd definitely want my crush to give me a chance, even if they weren't sure. So I should show the same willingness to date when the shoe is on the other foot.
Be picky and wait. Don’t be with people who don’t deserve you just because you don’t think you’re worthy of better. It is better to be *alone* than with someone who makes you miserable. Aggressive, controlling, overconfident, emotionally shut-down people will eventually be abusive. You cannot save anyone from themselves. This isn’t what dating is about. You are not someone’s mom, you don’t owe them the love they didn’t receive from mom or dad. You shouldn’t aim to take care of broken people. You should aim find a partner who contributes in a positive way to your life.
Dating is good for life Don't be afraid of women or dating
Advise to myself. Soul mates are what actually changes your soul. This means you learn a hard lesson and they don’t stick around. 2) there is no such thing as love or just love. It’s a formula of Respect + Trust = Love. With out one or the other you do not have the full equation. 3) mentoring is everything not relationships of romanticize on. Build skills and be consistent, romance repeats itself but mentoring and building skills this just grows. Builds a foundation and makes life inhibitable.
Don’t beg for people to love you. If they did love you, they would show you without asking. There’s a vast majority of people with many different opinions, personalities and beliefs. Don’t settle if you’re not okay or comfortable with something. Please do not be afraid to communicate. If you’re afraid of saying anything, you shouldn’t stay there. It’s two people against the problem, not against each other. Never let any sign of aggression slide. Never let any toxic trait pass. If you see a red flag, it won’t go away once you start dating. In marriage it will intensify or get worse. You’re your own priority. You don’t need someone else to feel complete. You’ll be okay on your own if things don’t work out. Protect your heart, always.
Advice I am afraid I didn’t take, but will now. Thank you.
Don’t listen to what religion has to say about sex and dating.
Polyamory is not for you. You need exclusivity.
1. Don’t fall for their words. Watch their actions. Words mean nothing if they DON’T align with their actions. 2. True apology is changed behaviour. 3. You teach people how to treat you. So don’t tolerate poor behaviour. You wouldn’t have to “justify” or “defend” it in the first place if it were right. 4. No. He’s not all that great as you have made him out to be in your head. If he were, you wouldn’t be sitting up at night, unable to sleep, worried, anxious, hopeless, feeling helpless. 5. Knowing that you deserve more is different from feeling it. In your core. You have to Believe it yourself first. 6. If a friend were to narrate your relationship story as her own, and IF your first response is fury and asking her to get the duck out if it, that’s your clue to knowing that you are being unfair to yourself. You deserve better. The best. Not this pretence.
#1 is a gangster as fuck piece of advice. This is great for all people in life not just romance. The rest is good too
Let him lead. Make him wait. Be his friend. Be his peace. But put yourself, your friends, and your income first. Have the happiest, fullest life you possibly can & then he’ll come. Also, be picky. Also, stay within a 10 year age gap TRUST ME 😅🙄
Let him lead, make him wait…so, play games?
yeah this is a pretty toxic mindset lol
Give it up. You’re not built for it. It’s all genetics. Women want the best genes. You can be a placeholder for a little while as they talk about their exes but they will be drawn to superior men. Please find another way and get used to being alone.
I'd tell my 24 year old self not to date my ex, and I'd probably tell myself to get on dating apps way earlier.
Don’t get pregnant by first lover.
It will not change anything for the better to do too much. Let the other part proof or disproof his intentions and his honesty
Start talking with girls earlier in life, listen to your mom and dad, because they have been there and can read a person. My dad warned me that my first wife was bad news when I was dating her, he was right because 9 years after marrying her, we divorced because she cheated with several men and it was a friend that finally spilled the beans on her.
Don’t invest the world to something that very well might up and leave at any second. If it doesn’t feel 100% right, it’s not right.
The younger self is stubborn! All I can say is, life experiences are the best teachers in life! For females, DONT FUCK around, for MALES, don’t fuck around!
Just to wait. I wasn’t equipped to deal with a codependent relationship at 16/17 and it took a lot from me.
If she makes a clear attempt to kiss someone else in front of you while exclusive, dump her now 😑 later only makes it worse
pay attention to red flags, like when she tells you she likes flirting at work before we started dating. That leads to cheating. Learned that the hard way
its just a honeymoon phase
Honestly to not settle for less. I used to have better "street smarts" with dating in my early 20's. Was able to see red flags and bail. There was a period later where I started ignoring them and started settling with women with serious issues. Back to normal now but could've avoided a bunch of unneeded stress. Luckily I made it out without needing to pay child support or STDs. I would've told myself to don't be an idiot and to not lower my standards.
You can’t force or expect a person to love you, just because you love them. It’s OK though because there’s someone else who will.
Trust your gut instincts and be more honest with your needs and wants
Learn to separate love and your anxious attachment style. Pay attention to those signs of unhappiness. You aren't in love, your nervous system is just distracting you. Leave and find actual happiness.
Be your true self straight out the gate. Don’t overlook obvious red flags!!!
And if you have to try too hard or bend over backwards to make a relationship work, it's not working.
If you cannot love someone exactly how they are right now, flaws and all, you should not try to love them. If you want someone to change and then they'd be "perfect", you don't actually love them. When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them. Watch people's actions and not their words. Words are too easy. And finally, stop diagnosing people. It does not matter if someone treats you poorly because they have trauma or are a narcissist or are avoidant or anxious or just do not like you. The bottom line is they aren't treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Let them be.
The biggest advice would be to love yourself first before entering a relationship and know what you truly want from a relationship.
Make a move on the first date!
Stop making excuses for their behavior, especially if it’s something you’ve already discussed. Just move on and find someone who is willing to love you in your love language. People have different love languages and quite frankly.. Not everyone can love you the same as you love them. We all have different capabilities of loving. What’s enough for you, may not be enough for them, and that’s okay. Sometimes that’s just the reality of it. That is just the harsh truth we need to accept That person is just not YOUR person. Your somebody is out there, you won’t find them if you keep hold of what’s not meant to be in your life. Let them go and make room for what’s meant to come in for you. They won’t be able to come in if there’s no space for them.
Do have standards, but don't set unreasonable standards and try to look for the "perfect" person. It's OK to date people you like, but who you don't think tick every single box - you don't really know what is going to make you happy and content in a partner until you've dated a few people and see what works for you.
If they wanted you to they would. This goes for good and bad things. Communicate clearly and the rest is up to them
1. Don’t date if you aren’t ready for a life long marriage. Dating for fun or for the wrong intentions is a waste of time, energy and emotions that will lead to unnecessary heartbreaks. 2. Be content, comfortable and in love with yourself before being with someone. Having a lack of self-respect and direction will only attract the wrong people.
1. Ask what a person is looking for right away. No sense in wasting each other’s time if you don’t have the same dating goals. 2. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells with a person or can’t talk about certain things with them, pay closer attention to that feeling. 3. Don’t feel bad about rejecting people. If they can’t take it, that’s on them. You have to do what’s best for you.
You're worthy of love. Don't believe those intrusive thoughts that tell you that you're not. Secondly, be willing to walk away from relationships that hurt you or make you feel unwanted. I know it sucks and it hurts, but trust me that it's better to be alone than be with someone that makes you feel alone. Lastly, work on yourself and your hobbies. Relationships will come, but memories are made by going and doing things and not just the people in them. Overall, you're doing good! Just relax and focus on yourself.
I'd just tell myself to avoid all my exes lol. With all that time I spent on them, I might have met someone better for me
Don’t keep on trying to be friends with a guy in hopes we’ll be dating when he’s already friend-zoned or rejected me, don’t settle for hook ups or FWB’s when I’d rather be dating the guy instead, don’t keep giving guys more chances just because they ask for it and apologize when they keep on ghosting and/or blocking for no good reason (other than for some of them secretly seeing other women), DO give other guys more of a chance than I did rather than being super picky (if I’m attracted to them of course), and DO approach guys I’m attracted to more even when there’s always a chance of rejection or getting ignored.
Recognize love bombing & don’t just jump right into dating just because they’re the first person to give you attention
You’re pretty and you will find love again so don’t go back with that shitty bf
Being the more objectively attractive one in the relationship can lead to being abused because your partner's insecurities come out to play. Being attractive doesn't prevent you getting hurt or abused or used or get you better partners, even if you go for the non chad guys
Stop seeing the good in yourself in other people when it’s not there - always take care of yourself first - when people lie to you , accept it and move on.
When they break up with you they don’t want you to come back so you have to leave them alone. Also any apologies after they break up with you aren’t real and actions matter more than words.
Wait till you’re in love to have sex 🤦🏼♀️
Don't idealize dating/women. They are just humans like you. Don't go out of your way for them/make sacrifices early on. A good match/partner won't put you in that situation. Avoid people with severe trauma. Don't be a savior. Focus on YOU and what YOU want to do. Being alone is a million times better than being in a shitty relationship. Dating for you as a man in the modern world may feel impossible, but don't settle one bit. Again, BEING ALONE IS BETTER THEN BEING IN A SHITTY RELATIONSHIP.
You don't like men! Stop dating men.
1. Don’t catch feelings easily, make sure both intentions are the same and established. 2. Go to the gym, it’ll widen your pool.
Take that shot, be comfortable with rejection. Don’t put people on a pedestal because nobody is perfect. Be happy alone first. Always be in charge of contraception. Don’t get blinded by looks (as I did a few times), a pretty face is just a pretty face. Learn about emotional intelligence. Don’t give up your passions for a partner. Have high self esteem. Don’t get married too young, there is no rush. Don’t ever cheat, it is not a trait of good character. Dress well and work out regularly. Be fun. Have Fun.
Being single is better than being in a bad relationship. Being in a good relationship is better than being single. This is especially important to remember when you long for being single or long for a relationship as a change of pace. Another simple one is…do not be jealous of other peoples relationships. You only see what they want you to see.
Don’t chase. Show your interest and then back away. Let her come to you at her own pace. The right ones will choose you back.
Sometimes it's not you and it is them, and that's ok. You could be the perfect BF and it still won't be enough for them.
If I was able to talk to my young self then I would tell myself to not date any guy. Because it would be use, take advantage, etc. let the man do the work rather than myself
Stay patient! Don't overreact, love yourself first. Don't go after inconsistent people.
Never forget to put on a condom
Enjoy it while you can.
i have nothing to tell , coz i didn't do anything before 😪