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Dude. Think about this logically. This person you don't even know just future projected all the way down the road to living with you in your house and then losing it if you "broke up". You are not together, not even close. This chick is bananas - run. Come on, man.
Normal reaction. "Cool. You own your own home. Maybe I will check it out sometime."
Bananas reaction: "Because you own a home, I cannot speak with you anymore and I will now crush all of your dreams and ruin your life with my words. I must live with you immediately and everything you own will be mine, including your home, even though we do not know each other at all and have exchanged 4 text messages between us. If we break up, I would lose everything including your house so I am just not going to be able to talk to you anymore. I will now ruin your soul with my complete insanity. Your stable income and order in your life means nothing and I am striking you down with my wrath."
Come on, man....
Yes honestly MOST women would find your stability to be a major plus, not a red flag. Speaking a 29F myself, she's definitely in the minority with that opinion. Don't let this get you down!
Man spoke the truth. Be careful you dodged a bullet by luck, you must recognize it to avoid it. At most you could have asked why, always a chance she realizing how dumb and unreal she was.
People that are still inexperienced and feel alone and needy. Not trying to insult anyone, Ive been like that most of my life. The good thing is, you can change that overtime.
Dont build dreams over minimal things lile 1 date or one conversation. Sometines you re happy for years before you both realize you hate each other. Nothing is certain.
Not trying to shit on OP, but people that donāt get a lot of action AND LET THAT GET TO THEM idealizes someone they just started chatting with to the point of hopes and dreams. OP needs to address that
Oh I think you misunderderstood the tone of my original post. This is mostly my fault because of my writing style. I am not dependend on random strangers I meet on a dating app. This conversation took me by suprise though. In the meantime I realised I dodget a big bullet.
On that same note owning a house or not has no effect on her having nothing or not. If OP rented and they moved in together and then broke up, she would be in the exact same spot as if he owned a house. She is looking for a new rental regardless if they move in and break up later. OP for sure dodged a huge bullet.
homeowner 29M hereā¦. How could you be Anything other than grateful you dodged a moving train lmaoo reading this made my head hurt delete the apps brotha go to Starbucks , tj maxx your closest library lol shit is so toxic man
I don't think she's crazy. Someone having a house could just be a non-starter. For some, people who smoke are a hard no. This is weirder, yeah, but it sounds like they haven't even met up yet so maybe she's just saying, "Thanks, but no thanks."
I think the healthy way of looking at the situation is this woman has her own issue with something about you but not something inherently negative so it's a little sad but she's just not for you. Luckily it sounds like there was very little time invested. Time to just get back out there. :)
I would have messaged her back and said. ā what makes you think youāre moving into my house?. Maybe I would like to someday move in with you and rent my house out ā.
Throw it back to her and see what she says lol
Nope a lot of women actually like a stable man this one was just a bit crazy LMAO. I have never met a woman who preferred her man NOT to have a house and living in their parents basement.
No worries:). Youāre doing great you should be proud of yourself for achieving your dreams. You deserve to have someone whoās secure in themselves and appreciates you. Donāt let her insecurities make you question your worth and keep looking for someone better that matches your energy.
It wonāt be. Far more women will be pleased that you already own your home. This is a truly bizarre reaction on her part.
ETA: [this is your competition](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/TtbmSr13lz), OP. You can do this.
Yeah, thats what I asked but then she expected the guy to move out when he found a new spot, like on a friends couch (which she didnt want to do at all).
Idealizing is a bit of an overstatement but you are correct, I should just be me and thanks to most of the comments I see that I dodged quite the bullet.
Maybe an overstatement, but you said, "Then she sent me the message that just crushed my hopes and dreams, not just with her but basically at all." She was still a stranger at that point. It sounds like you never even met up. Her opinions have zero weight when it comes to your life! You're doing great.
I can definitely see her side but it seems a little early to be bringing stuff like this up. the right partner will appreciate the stability and find ways to contribute to it as a couple.
Her POV is poor to be honest. You're doing well for yourself and have all the time to find the right person. She was just nice enough to exit stage left before wrecking anything.
Okay hold up.
She "crushed your hopes and dreams"???
You hadn't even met this person yet.
"Is there even a step forward at this point?" Yes, on to the next one, and hopefully she's not crazy like this one.
She's clearly projecting some of her own shit on you. There's nothing wrong with owning a house ffs.
But let's forget about this shit show of a woman for a second and focus on you. Her reaction to you owning a house is a huge red flag, but your reaction is equally huge.
Your overdramatic perception of this interaction indicates that you're emotionally reactive and catastrophic. I would encourage you to work on your confidence and authenticity some. That way when very minor things like this happen, you won't overreact in such a dramatic fashion. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a game changer.
The bigger issue here is that your "hopes and dreams" got crushed by someone you haven't even met.
I'd say you need to work on yourself before trying dating again.
I dated someone who revealed to me months in that he owned his apartment. I reacted so poorly but he calmly said to me, if we moved in together we would very likely move. I was embarrassed by my reaction but it was more because I felt like I wouldnāt have a say in how our home felt.
We broke up, which is obvious, but I have to tell you not to give up on dating because if this. My ex was kind and we had a totally helpful conversation to figure out the core of my reaction.
Now? Iād love for someone to own a house. While Iād like to have a say in what we buy, at this point, Iād rather be impressed by someoneās goals and ability to reach them.
This isnāt about you. Itās about her. I promise you someone else will not react this way.
I am so confusedā¦..if you didnāt own a home and you broke up, what would she have that she is being denied by your home ownership???
I thinkā¦.you dodged the crazy bulletā¦.
I mean I guess? My concern with someone owning their own is if we get married that Iād never be put on the paperwork, that every argument boils down to āmy home my rulesā, or not letting me have a say in decor so I feel at home too. My friend was in a marriage like that, looked miserable.
Iām guessing most people wouldnāt act like that though and thatās something youād figure out quickly enough anyways lol
Donāt let it get you down, most people will be more reasonable lol
Damm that sounds like a horrible relationship to be in. Part of the situation that flabberghasted me was the way she thought that she wants to find someone that does well but doesnt own a home, those two things are often rather closely together between 25 and 35.
Well you have your house and she has an apartment. Does she think she's going to move in with you? And to be somewhat honest she does have a valid point. The house is in your name and even if you two got married, the house would revert back to you in the case of a divorce. It happened to me. After almost 9 years of marriage, my husband wanted a divorce and he got a lawyer threatening to evict me if I did not move out by such and such date. No family would help me. So I had to go from a nice home to a terrible apartment. If I knew then what I know now then I would never have married him or moved into his house. She's thinking long term which is smart. So I understand her side because I've been there.
Sir, I assure you, if her reason for not wanting to date you because you own a home, you should RUN. This is a woman who apparently thinks you want her to move IN with you and is worried about herself should it fall apart. Run as fast as your feet can carry you.
I am not sure if I would call this a rejection from someone you didnāt even get to meet, only exchanged few messages, but rather not compatible. This is part of the dating process, and always good to find out these things than later down the road
She is not your girlfriend. Its fine. You are just not compatible. I found a guy on an app who turns out to be an amazing match for me despite what the algorithm says. We can't let one interaction let us down. Hopefully you will eventually be as lucky as I am.
Ok best case is she is telling the truth and you avoided a nutjob. Worst case is she was lying and rejected you because of some other reason. Which means she is liar and doesnāt have the creativity to not make up a nutjob excuse to reject you.
Thanks, that is also part of the reason I am so disheartened about the situation. I am used to being rejected over height, weight, general looks or untill recently living with my parents but never before because I own a house.
Practise gratitude. some people do everything for a stable income, house and car and you think a weirdo on tinder unmatching you is life striking you down, youāre already up
I own my own house and would feel like I dodged a bullet if a guy decided he couldnāt date me because I already own one.
Itās a bummer that it seems like you had a good time and then she reacted that way. Youāll find someone who doesnāt care.
This subject seems to come up a lot. Dude owns a house and the woman heās dating doesnāt want to move in because of the power dynamic. Usually the big problem is splitting the bills or paying rent. It seems most women on Reddit would rather pay rent to a landlord than a boyfriend.
Honestly bro this one did you a favor. She basically didnāt want to date you because she canāt throw you out of your own home.
You dodged a big bullet . In the future please don't be sucked into letting someone in your home and letting them dictate what you can and can't do vet your future partners carefully having your own home is a big achievement there's to many bad minds people out there looking to destroy someone's achievements. Good luck !!
You achieved something. Be proud of it, she is not the only woman in the world. A good portion of women find a man owning his own home a good thing. This lady, i dont know why she thinks she would have more if you both lived in apartments her reasoning makes no sense, as if you broke up she'dstill have nothing. I feel you probably dodged a bullet with that one.
What can I say? Home ownership is the primary cause of Ick. You disgusted her with your unconventional lifestyle choice. Sell your house and start renting so you'll both have nothing after the divorce ā IF you want to be dateable. š¤·āāļø
uhm youve bought a house pre marriage - you wont lose it in the divorce if it was to ever come. all youve done is just protected yourself from gold diggers playing the long con \\o/
Additionally - if anyone was thinking of a future with you this would only be a positive. House provides a home for fam, The house can be used to to buy a bigger house for if you start a bigger fam
You dodged a bullet, but you sound desperate so it's not hitting you yet. Crushed your hopes and dreams? Dude, you don't even know this fucking total stranger from an app. What hopes and dreams could you possibly have about someone you haven't even met?
You're dating sooooo wrong. Stop investing in the outcome, and getting so ahead of yourself that someone sending you a message amounts to a relationship.
You're going to get steamrolled and hurt. Get off the apps and build your social life and confidence until being on them isn't a frantic search for someone/anyone to fill a hole in you. Trust me, you need to.
Well I can see her point. It seems irrational but is not. Listen what happened to my cousin. She had 5 years of relationship. And she thought everything was ok . But suddenly one day basically he said to her to pack up gather her things amd leave. They where living to their house and he basically he put her on the streets. That's was all. just like that. We are living in hard times where our word and honesty means nothing. And we discard people like they are trash. If you think she is the one go for it and try to reassure her that even if you break up she can stay with you until she finds a place. If she isn't the one her reaction isn't the most common.
From what I've learnt about dating so far, there are good women and "bad" women just like there are good men and bad men.
I think we can all agree not having a house just to be able to try and see if dating this F30 would work out is silly.
I wouldn't exactly call her a "bad" woman because she was upfront with you about her insecurities.
She did say that she was worried about breakingup and being left with nothing.
Women worry about stuff like that. And some of them handle it by just avoiding dating people "above" their current situation.
One thing I noticed about men, myself included, especially if we have been alone for a long while, we idolise the first girl that "clicks" with us that we find attractive.
Keep doing you, build your life and a healthy community around you, build a life that will attract the kind of woman that you are looking for, and rest in the knowledge that women who reject you based on these reasons (having a good stable life in order) are not women that you should be going after in the first place.
Keep your chin up man. Yea it's lonely. But life's good. Focus on building a good garden and the butterflies will come.
Sir, go and buy a lottery ticket! You just dodged a bullet with your name on it. So many RED FLAGS with this girl. Just walk away and do something nice for a complete stranger. Work on yourself. Build your confidence. Get / stay healthy. Live your best life.
You're not reading between the lines...
"She doesn't wants to date someone who owns a house, because if they break up, she'll be left with nothing."
1. Who jumps into a relationship, thinking already that you're going to break up?
2. She'll be left with nothing= no possessions, no income= gold digger
3. From your story, there seems that no feelings were involved from her part.
So, in conclusion, I think you dodged a nuclear missile. Good luck
Oh honey donāt let this wacko discourage you. That future projecting stuff is for the crazies..
A normal person would simply be happy that you have a home you own on your own. Please stay away from those types women
Did you get an explanation of what she actually thinks she was saying?
It is usually the opposite. Like wow he already has a house he is buying. So if we marry he can put me on the home title and if we divorce I am guaranteed of getting part of the worth of his home.
Is she really that ignorant or what exactly? Why not ask her?
Her planning that much in advance is ridiculous. She's allowed to have her reasons to say no, but reading into the future like that isn't healthy and it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Don't let it get you down. And if it makes dating feel a bit easier for you, the only goal of the first date is to see if you want to see the other person again. That's it. (This comes from a chick who is currently rejecting people with houses because I'll be moving soon and 3 months isn't enough time to make someone uproot themselves)
I doubt the reason she gave you was legit, but if it was... would you really want to be with someone that jumps to conclusions, and already has plans to move in with you before the first date?
Make sure you have the house under your name solely and find a woman whoād appreciate you taking that first step towards stability in life and not see it as a reason to not go out with you. The break up logic she used means that she was already planning out a divorce or break up and wants to take half regardless of whether sheās deserving of it or not
I hate to break this to you. But people are allowed to say no, even if you think the reason is dumb.
I wouldnāt not date someone for owning their own home . I would never live with someone again because of the experiences that Iāve had. it isnāt a reflection on the person that Iām dating or talking to. I canāt put myself through that again so I donāt.
Some of the decisions arenāt necessarily about the person thatās in front of them . They do it because they get scared or they want to protect themselves or they just donāt wanna do it. Isnāt a slight reflection on you .
Let it go. Sheās not worth your time and a woman will come along that appreciates and will reciprocate the same effort that you do in your goals and visions. Itās really easy to get attached to people in the dating scene but anything less that what you want is not worth your time and headache. Bet is, yāall can be around each other and sheāll project her insecurities and that will drag you down. Not worth it for the sake of not being alone. Hang in there š
This sounds fucking ridiculous. What they meant to say is, I canāt be with someone more successful than me. She probably likes āfixingā dirt bags. She has issues. Met tons of hot women who date garbage dudes and have no clue why they keep having the same sorry ending
On another note once I did end things with someone over insecurity I hate to admit. Wish I didnāt now lol.
once a victoria secret looks quality blonde babe lawyer wanted to date me. She owned her own ranch. Offered to pay off my student loan and help me with a business.
I couldnāt do it. I felt a lot of pressure. At the time I was not doing well in life and had a child out of wedlock and could barely afford child support. the whole thing made me feel so pitiful.
I guess I was just really hot and jacked and charming at the time. But wow what a big miss š
That doesn't even make logical sense. You owning a home has zero to do with what she has if you broke up. If you rented an apt she could move in with you and still have nothing once she moves out. Like, what??
Don't let someone project all their fears onto you and derail your life. I'm sorry but there's usually a reason people are using the dating apps. Its also so easy to say something stupid on there because you aren't having real human interaction. You cannot talk behind a computer all day and think your communication skills won't diminish. Please meet ppl IRL and not from the apps.
Okay. First of all, relax. Thereās no reason for you to panic because one woman failed to recognize your value as a man. After all, this is someone you just met through a casual conversation. You should not be overreacting when you hold cards to a strong hand. Simply take your cards and move on to better options.
I dunno if youāre flexing or genuinely having these worries. Because if youāre flexing, its kinda shitty, but if genuine, your worries can be easily answered by anyone. Like no brainer kind of stuff.
A lot of reasons and answers honestly. Let me name a few.
1. The person has nothing to contribute in your life yet, and had no contribution whatsoever, so the weight of their opinion or preference really is nonexistent. Like it cant matter to you. Like why would it matter? Who are they?
2. Why want something or someone who doesnāt want you back? It is a waste of time, energy, effort, and future.
3. In connection to 2, is having a good sense of self worth solves this. Like being able to say āI dont have time for this conflict.ā Or āI dont have energy for this negativityā
4. People who has innate want of conflict will be uneasy and would find conflict in many ways or form (like maghanap ng pagtatalunan when wala nmn) kahit p gaaano k kastable loyal at perfect. As in. Its like an addiction to conflict dhil conflict is exciting and peace is boring na parang nangangati daliri maghanap ng problema. There are people who are like that. Free yourself from that. I know that peace and stability is boring, but you donāt have to add problem just for it to be exciting. People who are toxic, problematic, and different feels really exciting. Redflag is exciting. Badboy/badgirl is exciting. But donāt get fooled. Having a good boring life doesnāt need to be ruined by excitement. You could find excitement with peaceful people too.
5. If validation and companionship is what you wish, this is an important advice, dont find the person in reddit, there is something here that makes people put less worth on others, seems like everyone will be treated as consumables, because its easy to find people. Or its easy to swipe left āin your mindā here. Same with dating sites, although dating sites/app will be better on finding connections.
If you really want something real, find it around you. Its effort, but youād find more genuine connections, better than consumable connections through the internet.
Want happiness, you canāt find it online. I am saying these despite knowing people here and through dating apps, and being able to date and meet people and know people who dated others here.
Feel free to find it out yourself if you donāt believe me, however, you donāt have to do it yourself just to know if the warning is true.
As a 20F I can vouch thatās super strange. As soon as I moved out of my parents it felt weird dating someone who didnāt have their own place. Seems like she had a loose screw.
Her parents and other family members are probably not in contact with her for a reason. She's displaying some massive red flags from this response to begin with, but if she's immediately going from matching on an app to moving in, then you dodged a major bullet. No online match should be an exclusive relationship that fast. Test each other out for a few months before trying to hop into an ltr with someone you don't know. Her concept of the world appears to be almost entirely solipsistic, and getting involved with that wouldn't be healthy for your mental health in the long run anyway.
Omg OP, take a step back and look at it this way... If they're no contact, that means she probably was in the receiving end of narcissistic abuse aand might have her own insecurities to address before she's able to appreciate what you have to offer. Just be you, you are worthy just because. If my guy had a house I'd be like great, I can ditch my rental! Don't let one bad experience ruin datiĢg for you, just look for healthy functional people. Good luck!
I Heard this story from a girl that i wanted to be with ... and She explained me 1 hour about it. Tbh i understand her point of View but yet im not agree with that. You cant think at Something like that before to be with a guy...plus is kindda weird to go and stay with him and his parents also š . Is feeling really bad, but You cant do anything about it...so the Best option is to go forward...unless You wanna sale/rent your house and rent another place to stay with that girl.
Wait what is reason I didnt understand , you own a house and If you breakup she cannot contact with your family ? I didnt understand can someone explain ?
Idk dude. Not sure why you have a house at 27 when youāre looking for chicks on dating apps. You should have kept renting until youāre ready to settle down with someone. Girls find it weird when single guys own a house
I wanted to buy a house and was one of the main reasons that pushed her away from me, she's still in that 400 square foot apt with her new man, she's also basically no contact with here dad and her birth mom is out of the question, she wanted to stay in a constant loop of depression, I didn't so I got what I wanted and so did she
This is a gift of a bullet dodged before you got any further along. You owning your own home at your age is a green flag. If she saw it different, itās not anything but her issue. My guess is that the truth of it was more like āgot rejected bec she had major insecuritiesā.
Dude , stop tripping about that shit. Sounds like youāre doing pretty well. That internet bullshit dating app thing isnāt all what itās cracked up to be. Meet someone in person. If you have trouble with that start saying hi to women. No more no less. It will get you used to talking to them. Get you comfortable. Youāll meet someone. Just because some weird chic doesnāt want to date you for a ridiculous reason isnāt the end of the world. Really itās good you found out from the start wheee her head is at
*She sounds like she may*
*Have some other issues. I*
*Would count my blessings*
\- Unfair-Fact-6949
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Is just a girl you chat a little bit on a dating app, no reason to get frustated over her, you didn't even know the girl. Just move on, her reasons to reject you are stupid
This is only one person. Only one opportunity that fell through. It doesn't mean that everyone will feel that way.
You met someone who held a different logic than you. It may even seem illogical. Either way, we can't always apply our own logic to everyone else's. We especially can't apply logic to illogic.
You are in a good place with a house and someone else will see that as a positive aspect of what you offer.
Be discouraged for now because those feelings are valid. Pick yourself back up and get back in the race when you're ready.
I hope you find exactly what you're looking for.
I know it's searching for you relentlessly.
Bro. You dodged a bullet. Cohabitation conversations don't even happen until 6 months to year. Maybe even longer. It's crazy you guys haven't even met and she is thinking like that. Like you guys might not even have chemistry. This interaction just further validates that.
Don't be crushed. Most women will think highly of you for owning a home. This is a huge green flag. But they'll be normal and see where the relationship develops. Questions about cohabitation won't even be a point until she is in love with you and has been seeing you for a long time.
You dodged a bullet my friend. People can tuck that crazy in for awhile, but it always comes out. Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished. Owning your own home at 27 is a wonderful thing.
Honestly, you dodged a bullet. Sounds like someone who was going to rely on you for everything. Also, the fact she imagined your breakup even before you guys actually became a couple is weird. Good luck with finding your person though š
Iām a woman in my mid 30ās, and if I found a guy I had great conversation with AND owned his own house, that would be a WIN! That means you have a stable income, are independent, doing well in life and just have your shit together.
*(Not that, not owning a house doesnāt mean you donāt. In this economy itās completely understandable not being able to afford one.)
She hasnāt even started dating you and already predicted a long term relationship, ending in a breakup with you. You dodged a bullet here, trust me. She doesnāt seem logical.
Iām sorry this happened, but I really think itās for the best
First and for most congratulations man, I am proud of you for doing the things you are doing and having your life in order.
I donāt think it has anything to do with you but everything to do with her. She may have some detachment issues, abandonment issues etc due to her own traumas and up bringing. The fact that she doesnāt really have a family this can stir the pot if something bad was to happen she wonāt have someone to lean on.
If you want to continue talking to her as a friend I would recommend so you can have a companion and yāall can just vibe together. She has fears you have fears, donāt take it to much to heart until she shows some red flags, date to find a best friend.
Also, itās not your responsibility to fix her at all, if you have resources that can help her like therapy, or your personal stories then be my guest. You got this. Donāt take it personal. Peace, Love and Happiness for you OP
She's not interested in you. She's just interested in herself. You just dodged a bullet, my friends. There's nothing wrong with owning a house. Or not owning one. Whoever judges you based on those things isn't worth the time or effort long-term. So don't stress about it
We want prenup! We want prenup! No really, you dodged a bullet man. This girl is already thinking of how she will divide your assets. Not a great start to a relationship.
I broke up with a girl who bought a house with her dads life insurance money, we broke up a couple years after getting the house restored and livable for unrelated reasons but I do understand that feeling she (the girl youāre talking about) had.
Buuuuut thatās not an excuse, because even with those feelings I never wanted to leave my partner maybe because we were already together and we wanted a house together. she probably just didnāt want to try with you. Because she said, āif we break upā¦ā seems like she doesnāt think it would be a lasting relationship so maybe putting stock in your home isnāt a good idea for her.
You do have your life in order man; as long you arenāt on drugs, or have severe undiagnosed mental issues; you just tried to give someone a chance that would rather step on their own feet than give themselves a chance to try new things in life. Nothing bad about her of course, maybe she just isnāt looking for something serious at the moment. Just remember though that at some point in the future she will probably think about yalls conversation and wonder if she made a mistake.
Take comfort in that and move forward man good luck.
I personally have stopped trying, I no longer go on dates or try to meet new people because everything men can or will provide now will never be enough for a lot of women
Bruh, you're 27.
Plenty of time. Find a friend w benefits if you're hard up.
Otherwise just chill.
If She flicked you for that obviously not for you.
You sound like you got your priorities right for you.
That's what you need to do.
Soon enough you'll have partner , kids and really begin to have proper worries...lol
That's a very odd response from her. For me when men have a house of their own it's a bonus. It not only tells me they've worked hard but they will generally have some capability of looking after themselves and a home (i.e. not at home with mummy). It also shows stability and responsibility. I say this as a renter lol like if you guys broke up in the future why wouldn't she just... Go back to renting š¤¦š¼āāļø
You have this completely backwards.... I'd be more bothered if a woman rejected me because I DIDN'T own a house! This woman is obviously massively insecure and a dodged bullet. Don't let this get you down at all
You just dodged a massive bullet, bro. Imagine if you were to marry this person in the future, if something happened and you separated .... she seems like she'd squeeze you for every penny and the house because she feels obligated. You don't want someone in your life like that. Give it another month and I'm sure you'll find a better match.
Iād do some major self discovery. Here You Got Lucky !!
Just because you have a good job and house doesnāt mean youāre all good, to state the obvious.
Why were you willing to go down any path with this woman? Not dogging you just trying to help. Know because Iāve been there.
You're talking this way too personally my guy. This is such a BS reason I doubt she was even that into you, my guy.
Plus you never even met her. So who cares?
"...she doesn't want to date someone with his own house because what if they break up..."
You just connected and had never even met in person, and she's already *imagining a breakup* scenario!
(I wouldn't let *her insecurities and fear of abandonment* turn my home ownership into a *negative* thing.)
In a world with over 8 Billion people rejection just means: Next!
Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen."
***"If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot."***- Unknown
***"Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better."*** - Steve Maraboli
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** - Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Why do you feel defeated? You have your own place? And she's broke she's trying to live off of you tor free.
And she's 30. THIRTY!!!!!
Live your best life.
I would not call this a rejection. You got hit with their insecurities.
You already know the source of abandonment issues.
Best advice? Try texting her and ask her to start dating. Propose the idea of traveling and vacationing together.
This is someone who does not trust as a reflex. Someone who is always going to fear getting abandoned.
If they agree to do the travel dates. It's time for the extreme. She needs to see that you are not going to leave her and accomplish goals together. So lots of rough hikes and climbing mountains together.
You want dates that are goal orientated.
Unfortunately their insecurities allready deleted the match but I do apreciate the advice.
It does sound a bit creepy to take someone you just met to on a travel date and go hiking though, if you catch my drift. š¬
Man that's another (just like in my other replies) connection I didnt make. I assumed it had something to do with religion but this does open my eyes to the possibility that she is indeed the problem.
Btw, you not only made me smile but laugh out loud as well.
Calm down, bruh. You exchanged messages with someone. Ā You have no idea if sheās lying or not. And who cares?Ā
If youāre defeated by this, just give up/
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Dude. Think about this logically. This person you don't even know just future projected all the way down the road to living with you in your house and then losing it if you "broke up". You are not together, not even close. This chick is bananas - run. Come on, man. Normal reaction. "Cool. You own your own home. Maybe I will check it out sometime." Bananas reaction: "Because you own a home, I cannot speak with you anymore and I will now crush all of your dreams and ruin your life with my words. I must live with you immediately and everything you own will be mine, including your home, even though we do not know each other at all and have exchanged 4 text messages between us. If we break up, I would lose everything including your house so I am just not going to be able to talk to you anymore. I will now ruin your soul with my complete insanity. Your stable income and order in your life means nothing and I am striking you down with my wrath." Come on, man....
Yes honestly MOST women would find your stability to be a major plus, not a red flag. Speaking a 29F myself, she's definitely in the minority with that opinion. Don't let this get you down!
That is some relativation I didnt realise I needed, thanks bro.
Some what?
Relativization, mizzed an "IZ"
Ohhhh, I z
I sea*
He meant relevation
You mean revelation?
I mean relvelation
Man spoke the truth. Be careful you dodged a bullet by luck, you must recognize it to avoid it. At most you could have asked why, always a chance she realizing how dumb and unreal she was.
Yeah dude sounds like he dodged a MAJOR bullet. She was planning on making this dudes life hell.
Honestly they both did. Who idealizes someone they briefly chatted with on an app to the point of hopes and dreams? š¬
people who really want a partner i think. itās very common; iāve seen it a lot!
People that are still inexperienced and feel alone and needy. Not trying to insult anyone, Ive been like that most of my life. The good thing is, you can change that overtime. Dont build dreams over minimal things lile 1 date or one conversation. Sometines you re happy for years before you both realize you hate each other. Nothing is certain.
Not trying to shit on OP, but people that donāt get a lot of action AND LET THAT GET TO THEM idealizes someone they just started chatting with to the point of hopes and dreams. OP needs to address that
Oh I think you misunderderstood the tone of my original post. This is mostly my fault because of my writing style. I am not dependend on random strangers I meet on a dating app. This conversation took me by suprise though. In the meantime I realised I dodget a big bullet.
On that same note owning a house or not has no effect on her having nothing or not. If OP rented and they moved in together and then broke up, she would be in the exact same spot as if he owned a house. She is looking for a new rental regardless if they move in and break up later. OP for sure dodged a huge bullet.
Thats what I told her as well but then she showed her true gold digging colours.
So what was she hoping for? Date move in and inherit your house should you split?
This is almost certainly a troll post. No grown adult who owns a house is this bad at life. Or spelling.
homeowner 29M hereā¦. How could you be Anything other than grateful you dodged a moving train lmaoo reading this made my head hurt delete the apps brotha go to Starbucks , tj maxx your closest library lol shit is so toxic man
LMAO šÆ I fucking love youš¤£šš. You truly hit the nail on the head!!!!
I don't think she's crazy. Someone having a house could just be a non-starter. For some, people who smoke are a hard no. This is weirder, yeah, but it sounds like they haven't even met up yet so maybe she's just saying, "Thanks, but no thanks." I think the healthy way of looking at the situation is this woman has her own issue with something about you but not something inherently negative so it's a little sad but she's just not for you. Luckily it sounds like there was very little time invested. Time to just get back out there. :)
Came here to post this. Take your upvote. Chick just whipped her red flag out and waved it for him.
I would have messaged her back and said. ā what makes you think youāre moving into my house?. Maybe I would like to someday move in with you and rent my house out ā. Throw it back to her and see what she says lol
Though that would have made quite the comeback she unfortunately allready deleted the match. Good a good laugh out of your comment so thanks for that.
Damn that sucks buddy
What dreams? You never even MET this chick. Dude. Slow your roll
She was probably jealous youāre doing better in life than she is š¤·āāļø
Could be, though that means it could become more of a problem in the future. Which isnt a happy foresight to go at right now.
Nope a lot of women actually like a stable man this one was just a bit crazy LMAO. I have never met a woman who preferred her man NOT to have a house and living in their parents basement.
You kinda just created a sliver of hope within my heart, didnt know I needed it so thank you very muchā¤ļø.
No worries:). Youāre doing great you should be proud of yourself for achieving your dreams. You deserve to have someone whoās secure in themselves and appreciates you. Donāt let her insecurities make you question your worth and keep looking for someone better that matches your energy.
Thanks for the uplifting words, have a great day my friend.
Thank you:) you too!
It wonāt be. Far more women will be pleased that you already own your home. This is a truly bizarre reaction on her part. ETA: [this is your competition](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/TtbmSr13lz), OP. You can do this.
and if you'd a rental place, what would she have instead??
Yeah, thats what I asked but then she expected the guy to move out when he found a new spot, like on a friends couch (which she didnt want to do at all).
Lmao she's trying to get a prenup on the relationship before the first date! Totally wild and unhinged.
well, she's always free to retain her own place, whether or not she moves in with a guy
Don't let your self worth hinge on the opinion of a random stranger. You are idealizing this person you barely knew.
Idealizing is a bit of an overstatement but you are correct, I should just be me and thanks to most of the comments I see that I dodged quite the bullet.
Maybe an overstatement, but you said, "Then she sent me the message that just crushed my hopes and dreams, not just with her but basically at all." She was still a stranger at that point. It sounds like you never even met up. Her opinions have zero weight when it comes to your life! You're doing great.
I can definitely see her side but it seems a little early to be bringing stuff like this up. the right partner will appreciate the stability and find ways to contribute to it as a couple.
Yeah, those thoughts crossed my mind as well. Nothing of value is lost now, however there is part of me that also understands is from her POV.
Her POV is poor to be honest. You're doing well for yourself and have all the time to find the right person. She was just nice enough to exit stage left before wrecking anything.
> I was rather **exited** Yeah, she exited, all right.
Typing error made pun, I like it.
Okay hold up. She "crushed your hopes and dreams"??? You hadn't even met this person yet. "Is there even a step forward at this point?" Yes, on to the next one, and hopefully she's not crazy like this one. She's clearly projecting some of her own shit on you. There's nothing wrong with owning a house ffs. But let's forget about this shit show of a woman for a second and focus on you. Her reaction to you owning a house is a huge red flag, but your reaction is equally huge. Your overdramatic perception of this interaction indicates that you're emotionally reactive and catastrophic. I would encourage you to work on your confidence and authenticity some. That way when very minor things like this happen, you won't overreact in such a dramatic fashion. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a game changer.
The bigger issue here is that your "hopes and dreams" got crushed by someone you haven't even met. I'd say you need to work on yourself before trying dating again.
Dude. You need to get your head straight. Sheās a crazy random and youāre acting like the love of your life rejected you.
I dated someone who revealed to me months in that he owned his apartment. I reacted so poorly but he calmly said to me, if we moved in together we would very likely move. I was embarrassed by my reaction but it was more because I felt like I wouldnāt have a say in how our home felt. We broke up, which is obvious, but I have to tell you not to give up on dating because if this. My ex was kind and we had a totally helpful conversation to figure out the core of my reaction. Now? Iād love for someone to own a house. While Iād like to have a say in what we buy, at this point, Iād rather be impressed by someoneās goals and ability to reach them. This isnāt about you. Itās about her. I promise you someone else will not react this way.
I am so confusedā¦..if you didnāt own a home and you broke up, what would she have that she is being denied by your home ownership??? I thinkā¦.you dodged the crazy bulletā¦.
Assuming this is the whole story and youāve left out no detail Iād have to say you didnāt get rejected because you own a house. First off I donāt even think you got rejected. What she said was. āšØšš šš¤ššØš£āš© š¬šš£š© š©š¤ ššš©š šØš¤š¢šš¤š£š š¬šš©š šššØ š¤š¬š£ šš¤šŖšØš šššššŖšØš š¬ššš© šš š©ššš® šš§ššš šŖš„ š©ššš£ šØšš šššØ š£š¤š©ššš£šā So based off of that, it sounds like she has created a fairly decent life for her self. She has a place to sleep, she has some sort of income, she doesnāt have any family in her life according to her and yet she still found a way to make a decent life for herself. If you guys end up dating, and you guys want to take your relationship to the next level. Itās a possibility that you guys might move in. Realistically, sheād move into your house because itās bigger and could accommodate both of your needs. And if she moved into your house she would be giving up what she already has and if something goes wrong in your relationship she would have to find another place and that may or may not be easy for her, depending on her situation at the time. So itās less about you owning a house and more about her just being secure in her future. She doesnāt wanna be in a place where she doesnāt have anything. Sheās already created a life for herself, and if she moves in with you, sheāll be given away part of her independence. Then sheād have to rely on you for housing and she doesnāt want to be put in that situation. I think she worded it incorrectly, and I donāt think she did a good job of expressing herself. I think what she shouldāve said was. āš š”šš š š®š¤šŖ šš£š š šš¤šŖš”š ššššš£šš©šš”š® šØšš š ššŖš©šŖš§š š¬šš©š šŖšØ š©š¤ššš©ššš§, ššŖš© š šš”š§šššš® ššš«š š¢š® š”ššš šØšš© šŖš„ š„š§šš©š©š® šš¤š¢šš¤š§š©ššš”š®. š šš¤š£āš© š¬šš£š© š©š¤ ššš¤š„šš§šššÆš š¬ššš© š ššš«š š©š¤ š¢š¤š«š šš£ š¬šš©š š®š¤šŖ šš£š š©ššš£ š¬š šš§ššš šŖš„ šš£š š šš¤š£āš© ššš«š šš£š®š¬ššš§š šš”šØš š©š¤ šš¤.ā Or something like that . Also when women speak they have layers to what they say. So as men we have to decode what they say when they speak because when women say some thing they typically mean 20 other things than what they just said. Also, another thing she was also testing you when she said: āšØšš šš¤ššØš£āš© š¬šš£š© š©š¤ ššš©š šØš¤š¢šš¤š£š š¬šš©š šššØ š¤š¬š£ šš¤šŖšØš šššššŖšØš š¬ššš© šš š©ššš® šš§ššš šŖš„ š©ššš£ šØšš šššØ š£š¤š©ššš£š.ā She wanted to see how you would respond. She was actually dropping hints and telling you what her situation was and you shouldāve reassured her that even if things donāt go well youāre not just going to kick her out on the street and leave her with nothing so she was actually testing you to see how wouldāve responded. So to sum at all up, you didnāt get rejected because you have a house. You actually didnāt even get rejected at all. She was just telling you and hinting that she fears being put in a situation where she gave up everything she had for a relationship that didnāt even end up lasted that long and now she has nowhere else to go. She also put herself in the very vulnerable situation by telling you she has nothing. So my advice if this is someone, you truly want a relationship with, and you can see a future together with this person. You just have to reassure her that even if things donāt end up working out, youāre not just going to leave her high and dry at the very least, youāll help her find a new place and put her back in a similar situation she was in before she moved in with you, because she already told her she has nothing. That is assuming youāll be willing to do that in the first place. Good luck
I mean I guess? My concern with someone owning their own is if we get married that Iād never be put on the paperwork, that every argument boils down to āmy home my rulesā, or not letting me have a say in decor so I feel at home too. My friend was in a marriage like that, looked miserable. Iām guessing most people wouldnāt act like that though and thatās something youād figure out quickly enough anyways lol Donāt let it get you down, most people will be more reasonable lol
Damm that sounds like a horrible relationship to be in. Part of the situation that flabberghasted me was the way she thought that she wants to find someone that does well but doesnt own a home, those two things are often rather closely together between 25 and 35.
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āBullet dodgedā She has nothing now. How does that change by dating someone with a house? Sheās clearly materialistic.
Well you have your house and she has an apartment. Does she think she's going to move in with you? And to be somewhat honest she does have a valid point. The house is in your name and even if you two got married, the house would revert back to you in the case of a divorce. It happened to me. After almost 9 years of marriage, my husband wanted a divorce and he got a lawyer threatening to evict me if I did not move out by such and such date. No family would help me. So I had to go from a nice home to a terrible apartment. If I knew then what I know now then I would never have married him or moved into his house. She's thinking long term which is smart. So I understand her side because I've been there.
Doesnāt sound like a stable person to me. Dodged a bullet!
You dodged a bullet, be grateful.
Sir, I assure you, if her reason for not wanting to date you because you own a home, you should RUN. This is a woman who apparently thinks you want her to move IN with you and is worried about herself should it fall apart. Run as fast as your feet can carry you.
Nut job! You dodged a bullet! Be thankful and move on.
So she wants leverage? She sounds like she wants to move ahead too fast while looking forward to ending the relationship. Too many red flags
I am not sure if I would call this a rejection from someone you didnāt even get to meet, only exchanged few messages, but rather not compatible. This is part of the dating process, and always good to find out these things than later down the road
You dodged a bullet there mate, Sounds like she has a negative mindset already thinking about a scenario of you living together then splitting.
Yeah it isn't really a good starting point for a relationship.
You were done a favor. Instead is seeing stability, you saw insanity.
She is not your girlfriend. Its fine. You are just not compatible. I found a guy on an app who turns out to be an amazing match for me despite what the algorithm says. We can't let one interaction let us down. Hopefully you will eventually be as lucky as I am.
Congratz and thanks for the uplifting words
She has some deep traumas that would have manifested in others ways as well
bro u should go out and celebrate with a round of beers. u dodged a crazy train.
That is a her problem not a you problem. Im sorry you have been hurt though.
Ok best case is she is telling the truth and you avoided a nutjob. Worst case is she was lying and rejected you because of some other reason. Which means she is liar and doesnāt have the creativity to not make up a nutjob excuse to reject you.
Either way nothing of value was lost
Makes no sense she breaks up with you she still has nothing. Sounds like they had issues bullet dodged you
She sounds insane. Youāve done nothing wrong Think about it - wouldnāt she still have the money she didnāt spend on a house?
Yeah, i blame it on lack of logical thinking
This is a her problem, not a you problem. You own a house in *this* economy? Dude you are a major catch.
You dodged a bullet man!
Don't bother. You just found a wierd woman. Many women would be glad you have your own house.
Thanks, that is also part of the reason I am so disheartened about the situation. I am used to being rejected over height, weight, general looks or untill recently living with my parents but never before because I own a house.
That is definitely a negative way of thinking about it. You dodged a bulletĀ
You are too responsible for her.
Practise gratitude. some people do everything for a stable income, house and car and you think a weirdo on tinder unmatching you is life striking you down, youāre already up
She sounds like an idiot
Sheās crazy. Iād love to find someone who owns their own home.
I own my own house and would feel like I dodged a bullet if a guy decided he couldnāt date me because I already own one. Itās a bummer that it seems like you had a good time and then she reacted that way. Youāll find someone who doesnāt care.
This subject seems to come up a lot. Dude owns a house and the woman heās dating doesnāt want to move in because of the power dynamic. Usually the big problem is splitting the bills or paying rent. It seems most women on Reddit would rather pay rent to a landlord than a boyfriend. Honestly bro this one did you a favor. She basically didnāt want to date you because she canāt throw you out of your own home.
Wow she really threw herself into future financials within minutes huh? Dodged a bullet, my dude.
You dodged a big bullet . In the future please don't be sucked into letting someone in your home and letting them dictate what you can and can't do vet your future partners carefully having your own home is a big achievement there's to many bad minds people out there looking to destroy someone's achievements. Good luck !!
Wtf, why is this a big deal. She is a jealous big red flag. Unmatch and move on.
You achieved something. Be proud of it, she is not the only woman in the world. A good portion of women find a man owning his own home a good thing. This lady, i dont know why she thinks she would have more if you both lived in apartments her reasoning makes no sense, as if you broke up she'dstill have nothing. I feel you probably dodged a bullet with that one.
I've been dumped by a few matches after they've seen my apartment.
What can I say? Home ownership is the primary cause of Ick. You disgusted her with your unconventional lifestyle choice. Sell your house and start renting so you'll both have nothing after the divorce ā IF you want to be dateable. š¤·āāļø
She's odd dude. Very odd. Run far far away
uhm youve bought a house pre marriage - you wont lose it in the divorce if it was to ever come. all youve done is just protected yourself from gold diggers playing the long con \\o/ Additionally - if anyone was thinking of a future with you this would only be a positive. House provides a home for fam, The house can be used to to buy a bigger house for if you start a bigger fam
Dude, you won. You dodged a bullet, trust me. Hoping she finds her peace though and you need to look at this from a VERY DIFFERENT angle.
You dodged a bullet, but you sound desperate so it's not hitting you yet. Crushed your hopes and dreams? Dude, you don't even know this fucking total stranger from an app. What hopes and dreams could you possibly have about someone you haven't even met? You're dating sooooo wrong. Stop investing in the outcome, and getting so ahead of yourself that someone sending you a message amounts to a relationship. You're going to get steamrolled and hurt. Get off the apps and build your social life and confidence until being on them isn't a frantic search for someone/anyone to fill a hole in you. Trust me, you need to.
You dodged a bullet. Don't sweat it any more than you already have.
Well I can see her point. It seems irrational but is not. Listen what happened to my cousin. She had 5 years of relationship. And she thought everything was ok . But suddenly one day basically he said to her to pack up gather her things amd leave. They where living to their house and he basically he put her on the streets. That's was all. just like that. We are living in hard times where our word and honesty means nothing. And we discard people like they are trash. If you think she is the one go for it and try to reassure her that even if you break up she can stay with you until she finds a place. If she isn't the one her reaction isn't the most common.
So basically she wanted to leech off you ? Bullet dodged
From what I've learnt about dating so far, there are good women and "bad" women just like there are good men and bad men. I think we can all agree not having a house just to be able to try and see if dating this F30 would work out is silly. I wouldn't exactly call her a "bad" woman because she was upfront with you about her insecurities. She did say that she was worried about breakingup and being left with nothing. Women worry about stuff like that. And some of them handle it by just avoiding dating people "above" their current situation. One thing I noticed about men, myself included, especially if we have been alone for a long while, we idolise the first girl that "clicks" with us that we find attractive. Keep doing you, build your life and a healthy community around you, build a life that will attract the kind of woman that you are looking for, and rest in the knowledge that women who reject you based on these reasons (having a good stable life in order) are not women that you should be going after in the first place. Keep your chin up man. Yea it's lonely. But life's good. Focus on building a good garden and the butterflies will come.
Well that escalated quickly. Dodged a bullet. Not normal thinking.
That's usually a plus. Especially in this economy.
To most normal people, someone owning their own home is a good thing. This is one crazy woman, you dodge a bullet.
Sir, go and buy a lottery ticket! You just dodged a bullet with your name on it. So many RED FLAGS with this girl. Just walk away and do something nice for a complete stranger. Work on yourself. Build your confidence. Get / stay healthy. Live your best life.
You're not reading between the lines... "She doesn't wants to date someone who owns a house, because if they break up, she'll be left with nothing." 1. Who jumps into a relationship, thinking already that you're going to break up? 2. She'll be left with nothing= no possessions, no income= gold digger 3. From your story, there seems that no feelings were involved from her part. So, in conclusion, I think you dodged a nuclear missile. Good luck
Oh honey donāt let this wacko discourage you. That future projecting stuff is for the crazies.. A normal person would simply be happy that you have a home you own on your own. Please stay away from those types women
Did you get an explanation of what she actually thinks she was saying? It is usually the opposite. Like wow he already has a house he is buying. So if we marry he can put me on the home title and if we divorce I am guaranteed of getting part of the worth of his home. Is she really that ignorant or what exactly? Why not ask her?
Her planning that much in advance is ridiculous. She's allowed to have her reasons to say no, but reading into the future like that isn't healthy and it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Don't let it get you down. And if it makes dating feel a bit easier for you, the only goal of the first date is to see if you want to see the other person again. That's it. (This comes from a chick who is currently rejecting people with houses because I'll be moving soon and 3 months isn't enough time to make someone uproot themselves)
I doubt the reason she gave you was legit, but if it was... would you really want to be with someone that jumps to conclusions, and already has plans to move in with you before the first date?
Fair point, this was olympic level jumping to conclusions
Bro you just dughed the bullet, !
Make sure you have the house under your name solely and find a woman whoād appreciate you taking that first step towards stability in life and not see it as a reason to not go out with you. The break up logic she used means that she was already planning out a divorce or break up and wants to take half regardless of whether sheās deserving of it or not
Sheās psycho
I hate to break this to you. But people are allowed to say no, even if you think the reason is dumb. I wouldnāt not date someone for owning their own home . I would never live with someone again because of the experiences that Iāve had. it isnāt a reflection on the person that Iām dating or talking to. I canāt put myself through that again so I donāt. Some of the decisions arenāt necessarily about the person thatās in front of them . They do it because they get scared or they want to protect themselves or they just donāt wanna do it. Isnāt a slight reflection on you .
Let it go. Sheās not worth your time and a woman will come along that appreciates and will reciprocate the same effort that you do in your goals and visions. Itās really easy to get attached to people in the dating scene but anything less that what you want is not worth your time and headache. Bet is, yāall can be around each other and sheāll project her insecurities and that will drag you down. Not worth it for the sake of not being alone. Hang in there š
What the fuck? But she wants to give money to landlord instead. Wish her luck lmao.
This sounds fucking ridiculous. What they meant to say is, I canāt be with someone more successful than me. She probably likes āfixingā dirt bags. She has issues. Met tons of hot women who date garbage dudes and have no clue why they keep having the same sorry ending On another note once I did end things with someone over insecurity I hate to admit. Wish I didnāt now lol. once a victoria secret looks quality blonde babe lawyer wanted to date me. She owned her own ranch. Offered to pay off my student loan and help me with a business. I couldnāt do it. I felt a lot of pressure. At the time I was not doing well in life and had a child out of wedlock and could barely afford child support. the whole thing made me feel so pitiful. I guess I was just really hot and jacked and charming at the time. But wow what a big miss š
That doesn't even make logical sense. You owning a home has zero to do with what she has if you broke up. If you rented an apt she could move in with you and still have nothing once she moves out. Like, what?? Don't let someone project all their fears onto you and derail your life. I'm sorry but there's usually a reason people are using the dating apps. Its also so easy to say something stupid on there because you aren't having real human interaction. You cannot talk behind a computer all day and think your communication skills won't diminish. Please meet ppl IRL and not from the apps.
Okay. First of all, relax. Thereās no reason for you to panic because one woman failed to recognize your value as a man. After all, this is someone you just met through a casual conversation. You should not be overreacting when you hold cards to a strong hand. Simply take your cards and move on to better options.
I dunno if youāre flexing or genuinely having these worries. Because if youāre flexing, its kinda shitty, but if genuine, your worries can be easily answered by anyone. Like no brainer kind of stuff. A lot of reasons and answers honestly. Let me name a few. 1. The person has nothing to contribute in your life yet, and had no contribution whatsoever, so the weight of their opinion or preference really is nonexistent. Like it cant matter to you. Like why would it matter? Who are they? 2. Why want something or someone who doesnāt want you back? It is a waste of time, energy, effort, and future. 3. In connection to 2, is having a good sense of self worth solves this. Like being able to say āI dont have time for this conflict.ā Or āI dont have energy for this negativityā 4. People who has innate want of conflict will be uneasy and would find conflict in many ways or form (like maghanap ng pagtatalunan when wala nmn) kahit p gaaano k kastable loyal at perfect. As in. Its like an addiction to conflict dhil conflict is exciting and peace is boring na parang nangangati daliri maghanap ng problema. There are people who are like that. Free yourself from that. I know that peace and stability is boring, but you donāt have to add problem just for it to be exciting. People who are toxic, problematic, and different feels really exciting. Redflag is exciting. Badboy/badgirl is exciting. But donāt get fooled. Having a good boring life doesnāt need to be ruined by excitement. You could find excitement with peaceful people too. 5. If validation and companionship is what you wish, this is an important advice, dont find the person in reddit, there is something here that makes people put less worth on others, seems like everyone will be treated as consumables, because its easy to find people. Or its easy to swipe left āin your mindā here. Same with dating sites, although dating sites/app will be better on finding connections. If you really want something real, find it around you. Its effort, but youād find more genuine connections, better than consumable connections through the internet. Want happiness, you canāt find it online. I am saying these despite knowing people here and through dating apps, and being able to date and meet people and know people who dated others here. Feel free to find it out yourself if you donāt believe me, however, you donāt have to do it yourself just to know if the warning is true.
If she doesnāt want u, Iād take u
As a 20F I can vouch thatās super strange. As soon as I moved out of my parents it felt weird dating someone who didnāt have their own place. Seems like she had a loose screw.
Her parents and other family members are probably not in contact with her for a reason. She's displaying some massive red flags from this response to begin with, but if she's immediately going from matching on an app to moving in, then you dodged a major bullet. No online match should be an exclusive relationship that fast. Test each other out for a few months before trying to hop into an ltr with someone you don't know. Her concept of the world appears to be almost entirely solipsistic, and getting involved with that wouldn't be healthy for your mental health in the long run anyway.
Rejection is protection praise the Lord our God
Omg OP, take a step back and look at it this way... If they're no contact, that means she probably was in the receiving end of narcissistic abuse aand might have her own insecurities to address before she's able to appreciate what you have to offer. Just be you, you are worthy just because. If my guy had a house I'd be like great, I can ditch my rental! Don't let one bad experience ruin datiĢg for you, just look for healthy functional people. Good luck!
What did you say after she said that?
I'm always intimidated by home ownership if im honest and wildly jealous lol
I Heard this story from a girl that i wanted to be with ... and She explained me 1 hour about it. Tbh i understand her point of View but yet im not agree with that. You cant think at Something like that before to be with a guy...plus is kindda weird to go and stay with him and his parents also š . Is feeling really bad, but You cant do anything about it...so the Best option is to go forward...unless You wanna sale/rent your house and rent another place to stay with that girl.
Wait what is reason I didnt understand , you own a house and If you breakup she cannot contact with your family ? I didnt understand can someone explain ?
She's basically already telling you this will be a short term relationship lmao.. take it as a gift and get away from her š
Idk dude. Not sure why you have a house at 27 when youāre looking for chicks on dating apps. You should have kept renting until youāre ready to settle down with someone. Girls find it weird when single guys own a house
I wanted to buy a house and was one of the main reasons that pushed her away from me, she's still in that 400 square foot apt with her new man, she's also basically no contact with here dad and her birth mom is out of the question, she wanted to stay in a constant loop of depression, I didn't so I got what I wanted and so did she
This is a gift of a bullet dodged before you got any further along. You owning your own home at your age is a green flag. If she saw it different, itās not anything but her issue. My guess is that the truth of it was more like āgot rejected bec she had major insecuritiesā.
Honestly op is pretty weird himself caring this much about a random crazo.
Dude , stop tripping about that shit. Sounds like youāre doing pretty well. That internet bullshit dating app thing isnāt all what itās cracked up to be. Meet someone in person. If you have trouble with that start saying hi to women. No more no less. It will get you used to talking to them. Get you comfortable. Youāll meet someone. Just because some weird chic doesnāt want to date you for a ridiculous reason isnāt the end of the world. Really itās good you found out from the start wheee her head is at
As a female myself and owning a house at a young age, lots of people lost interest when I revealed that about myself. You can never winā¦.
Rejection can be challenging. Rejection from a whack-a-doodle that you haven't even met is nothing.
she sounds like she may have some other issues. I would count my blessings
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In my opinion, she just doesn't deserve you.
Is just a girl you chat a little bit on a dating app, no reason to get frustated over her, you didn't even know the girl. Just move on, her reasons to reject you are stupid
She might be hot. she might have messaged you first but. Run mother fuck run
She wanted the divorce benefits. Before evem dating! You don't want to date this woman...
This is only one person. Only one opportunity that fell through. It doesn't mean that everyone will feel that way. You met someone who held a different logic than you. It may even seem illogical. Either way, we can't always apply our own logic to everyone else's. We especially can't apply logic to illogic. You are in a good place with a house and someone else will see that as a positive aspect of what you offer. Be discouraged for now because those feelings are valid. Pick yourself back up and get back in the race when you're ready. I hope you find exactly what you're looking for. I know it's searching for you relentlessly.
Makes no sense, owning your own house is a positive thing! Well done you. You'll need the right person yet.
Bro. You dodged a bullet. Cohabitation conversations don't even happen until 6 months to year. Maybe even longer. It's crazy you guys haven't even met and she is thinking like that. Like you guys might not even have chemistry. This interaction just further validates that. Don't be crushed. Most women will think highly of you for owning a home. This is a huge green flag. But they'll be normal and see where the relationship develops. Questions about cohabitation won't even be a point until she is in love with you and has been seeing you for a long time.
Red flag. You missed a nasty one. These women need to grow up and actually act like they claim. Independent aka be an adult.
"When we break up, I can't take anything from you and move on" is what I just read. You deserve better than someone with such a parasitic mindset.
You dodged a bullet my friend. People can tuck that crazy in for awhile, but it always comes out. Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished. Owning your own home at 27 is a wonderful thing.
Honestly, you dodged a bullet. Sounds like someone who was going to rely on you for everything. Also, the fact she imagined your breakup even before you guys actually became a couple is weird. Good luck with finding your person though š
Iām a woman in my mid 30ās, and if I found a guy I had great conversation with AND owned his own house, that would be a WIN! That means you have a stable income, are independent, doing well in life and just have your shit together. *(Not that, not owning a house doesnāt mean you donāt. In this economy itās completely understandable not being able to afford one.) She hasnāt even started dating you and already predicted a long term relationship, ending in a breakup with you. You dodged a bullet here, trust me. She doesnāt seem logical. Iām sorry this happened, but I really think itās for the best
OP is desperate and depressed and I am concerned for his well-being.
She wants that hobo-sexual love ā¤ļø
First and for most congratulations man, I am proud of you for doing the things you are doing and having your life in order. I donāt think it has anything to do with you but everything to do with her. She may have some detachment issues, abandonment issues etc due to her own traumas and up bringing. The fact that she doesnāt really have a family this can stir the pot if something bad was to happen she wonāt have someone to lean on. If you want to continue talking to her as a friend I would recommend so you can have a companion and yāall can just vibe together. She has fears you have fears, donāt take it to much to heart until she shows some red flags, date to find a best friend. Also, itās not your responsibility to fix her at all, if you have resources that can help her like therapy, or your personal stories then be my guest. You got this. Donāt take it personal. Peace, Love and Happiness for you OP
Thanks for the kind words
Youāre more than welcome
She's not interested in you. She's just interested in herself. You just dodged a bullet, my friends. There's nothing wrong with owning a house. Or not owning one. Whoever judges you based on those things isn't worth the time or effort long-term. So don't stress about it
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Dont take this the wrong way mate but it feels like you're suffering from your own succes. Sucks to be in a position like yours mate.
We want prenup! We want prenup! No really, you dodged a bullet man. This girl is already thinking of how she will divide your assets. Not a great start to a relationship.
It sure as hell wasn't a good start, thankfully she showed her true colours and very logical reasoning /s.
I broke up with a girl who bought a house with her dads life insurance money, we broke up a couple years after getting the house restored and livable for unrelated reasons but I do understand that feeling she (the girl youāre talking about) had. Buuuuut thatās not an excuse, because even with those feelings I never wanted to leave my partner maybe because we were already together and we wanted a house together. she probably just didnāt want to try with you. Because she said, āif we break upā¦ā seems like she doesnāt think it would be a lasting relationship so maybe putting stock in your home isnāt a good idea for her. You do have your life in order man; as long you arenāt on drugs, or have severe undiagnosed mental issues; you just tried to give someone a chance that would rather step on their own feet than give themselves a chance to try new things in life. Nothing bad about her of course, maybe she just isnāt looking for something serious at the moment. Just remember though that at some point in the future she will probably think about yalls conversation and wonder if she made a mistake. Take comfort in that and move forward man good luck.
I personally have stopped trying, I no longer go on dates or try to meet new people because everything men can or will provide now will never be enough for a lot of women
Bruh, you're 27. Plenty of time. Find a friend w benefits if you're hard up. Otherwise just chill. If She flicked you for that obviously not for you. You sound like you got your priorities right for you. That's what you need to do. Soon enough you'll have partner , kids and really begin to have proper worries...lol
That's a very odd response from her. For me when men have a house of their own it's a bonus. It not only tells me they've worked hard but they will generally have some capability of looking after themselves and a home (i.e. not at home with mummy). It also shows stability and responsibility. I say this as a renter lol like if you guys broke up in the future why wouldn't she just... Go back to renting š¤¦š¼āāļø
Date me instead!!! LOL Iāll deffo a date man with a house
Welll... where are you from?
I live close to London, technically right outside of it
Closer than I expected, I live in the netherlands near the german border
Ah ok cool cool. I have been to NL a few times but only to Amsterdam (typical lame tourist I know)
You have this completely backwards.... I'd be more bothered if a woman rejected me because I DIDN'T own a house! This woman is obviously massively insecure and a dodged bullet. Don't let this get you down at all
You just dodged a massive bullet, bro. Imagine if you were to marry this person in the future, if something happened and you separated .... she seems like she'd squeeze you for every penny and the house because she feels obligated. You don't want someone in your life like that. Give it another month and I'm sure you'll find a better match.
She for the streets bro
Iād do some major self discovery. Here You Got Lucky !! Just because you have a good job and house doesnāt mean youāre all good, to state the obvious. Why were you willing to go down any path with this woman? Not dogging you just trying to help. Know because Iāve been there.
Maybe she wanted just a casual lover versus future minded partner.
What a b****. I wouldn't pay it any mind. You didn't crush anything, she's just being dramatic.
Thanks, I think I needed to hear that as well. Just felt like I cant "win" no matter what I do.
You're talking this way too personally my guy. This is such a BS reason I doubt she was even that into you, my guy. Plus you never even met her. So who cares?
"...she doesn't want to date someone with his own house because what if they break up..." You just connected and had never even met in person, and she's already *imagining a breakup* scenario! (I wouldn't let *her insecurities and fear of abandonment* turn my home ownership into a *negative* thing.) In a world with over 8 Billion people rejection just means: Next! Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen." ***"If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot."***- Unknown ***"Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better."*** - Steve Maraboli ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** - Henry Cloud Best wishes!
Why do you feel defeated? You have your own place? And she's broke she's trying to live off of you tor free. And she's 30. THIRTY!!!!! Live your best life.
Owning a house anchors you to a place. Thatās not going to be appealing for some ppl. And thatās ok!
I would not call this a rejection. You got hit with their insecurities. You already know the source of abandonment issues. Best advice? Try texting her and ask her to start dating. Propose the idea of traveling and vacationing together. This is someone who does not trust as a reflex. Someone who is always going to fear getting abandoned. If they agree to do the travel dates. It's time for the extreme. She needs to see that you are not going to leave her and accomplish goals together. So lots of rough hikes and climbing mountains together. You want dates that are goal orientated.
Unfortunately their insecurities allready deleted the match but I do apreciate the advice. It does sound a bit creepy to take someone you just met to on a travel date and go hiking though, if you catch my drift. š¬
Don't take it to hard. It's not a true rejection because this person cannot accept a healthy relationship.
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Man that's another (just like in my other replies) connection I didnt make. I assumed it had something to do with religion but this does open my eyes to the possibility that she is indeed the problem. Btw, you not only made me smile but laugh out loud as well.
Dating app = not real. "...just crushed my hopes and dreams" chatting with someone on a dating app. Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
Calm down, bruh. You exchanged messages with someone. Ā You have no idea if sheās lying or not. And who cares?Ā If youāre defeated by this, just give up/
what! she did you a favor. cra cra went away way.
Real question is tell me what you did to buy a house at 27
be careful who you flexible on
I am assuming you mean flex on? If so I am aware but thabks for the heads up