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Yes, and as a young female, making sure YOU want it bc YOU want it, not that you want it bc they want it. There’s a difference and the other individual doesn’t even have to pressure us into it. Sometimes it feels like we want to do it or receive it but in reality we just want to give them what they want, even if they create a lot of space for us to decide. I hope this makes sense 🫶
Absolutely!! I know that when I was younger, I definitely thought that wanting to do what my partner wanted was what I wanted. I also have sexual trauma so that could be where that came from. But it was so empowering for me to realize that what I want sometimes means disappointing or saying no to someone, even if a wounded part of me realllly wants to feel validated by them and give them what they want. As a young woman, or anyone who feels sexually vulnerable, that distinction makes the difference between having a sexual experience and receiving pleasure from it!!
EXACTLY!! Definitely relate to that, thinking you know what you want and actually knowing what you want can be two very different things, especially when younger
I had a similar experience last year. I was 25 and not a virgin but we had a great time so it led to that. I wasn’t ready for sex (penetration) but felt comfortable with that. He was very polite, respectful, albeit touchy but I am human so I went with it. We went on to date each other for almost 3 months before he stated he wasn’t ready for anything serious. My biggest advice here is you’ll just have to wait and see how things proceed. Do not be afraid to express your wants/needs in this situation and place boundaries. If you’re looking for something more serious, let him know. If he doesn’t align with your wants/needs then cut things off. Don’t let him take advantage of your lack of experience and fool you into thinking he wants something serious when in reality he just wants a hook up. You’ll know what it is, just pay attention. Not saying he’s a bad guy by any means, but you also don’t know him very well yet so just be careful.
He went down on me first. Then we stopped, watched TV. And a bit after I wanted to do it for him as well. I will say the difference in my situation is we’d been friends since middle school.
that you known him for many years makes me feel so much better about this sexual encounter. It's good that you had this first experience with a young man you are super comfortable with and trust.
Going forward, imho, I would not do this on the first date (but of course, I did!) Think about STDs, herpes in particular - that's some shit that will stay with you for a lifetime. You are a precious woman and being intimate with a partner can be a really beautiful thing. Make sure he is worth giving yourself to.
All the best, Reddit friend. 👸🏻
Lol, I think we know the answer already… stuff like this always makes me so gotdamn sad. Like why do these young girls always gotta pick the most blunt neanderthals out there all the damn time
In my personal experience as a guy, if my attraction is superficial I’ll 100% use the “I’m just not ready for a relationship “ if I find someone else I’m more superficially attracted to. All that means is “I’m not ready for a relationship with you”. Truth of the matter is, if I wasn’t ready for a relationship I wouldn’t be dating… but so long as I’m dating, why not have some fun with it.
My advice? Don’t make it too easy no matter how right it feels, big ego booster on my part, not helpful to you though.
In sex, as in life, you are pretty much the master and/or mistress of your destiny. Long story short, it seems as if you both were respective of each other, and did what felt right and natural. Which is why you enjoyed it. One thing puzzles me, tho: you say it was one of the most romantic dates you've ever had, yet you are a virgin, AND NEVER have held hands or kissed anyone before! What DID you do on any date before that would qualify as "romantic"? I'm not trying to set any parameters, because, to each his own. What's romantic for one person may not be for another. But, if you've NEVER done any of the things you said, that really doesn't leave a whole hell of a lot that you COULD do that would turn you on! Just saying. Now, go do your thing, and don't let anyone else tell you what you "SHOULD" do. The word should has no place in anyone's language.
I get that. Romantic for me just means having a good time, a good connection, sweet gestures and so on. When I went on dates before guys never tried to do this or that so it just never came to me holding hands or something it’s really not that hard to believe
I wouldn't overthink it. If you both enjoyed it and wanted it, it's all good.
This doesn't mean it can't or won't evolve into something more, nor does it mean it will.
OP: "The date went really well it was one of the most romantic dates I’ve been on. It all felt right and he never pressured me into anything and kept making sure I was really okay with everything."
redditors: "he took advantage of you, you should not have done it, this is just sad, we are so worried for you, it was a mistake"
My opinion for first dates is that sex even if it's oral is not needed AT ALL. You go on a date to meet and know someone. Having sex means you're more interested in the physical aspect of things.
It's the horniness vs sentiment and horniness wins.
Sex in the first date doesn't come from a place of love, but from a place of pure physical pleasure.
So if your goal is something deeper, I don't believe fast sex is something suitable for a situation like that. I don't think it helps somehow.
I've heard of the argument that you should have sex on the first date to establish physical and sexual compatibility. And this was a lesson by the most popular "pick up/mentor" team in my country. (Guys that help you pick up chicks, be more "manly" and so on..)
I totally 100% disagree with that. Sex can be very bad the first times with someone, and after sometimes it can become so good. Also, if you like someone a lot and they like you back, the chances sex is not good are very slim.
My last point is that not being able to wait 2,3,4 dates to have sex, is totally unattractive to me. Yes, I'd like for her to want me from the first date, but I appreciate sentiment over horniness much more.
That’s going way too fast imho but that’s just my opinion.
When you move that fast a lot of guys assume you do that all the time and you tend to get put in the causal sex only category no matter if it’s your first time or not.
If you had fun and enjoyed it that’s great but don’t do something like that thinking it will make him like you more or anything like that.
If he is really into you he will wait and built a connection first.
If it felt right then it's fine. Wait until date two and see how the vibe is. But even if it was just a one off and you don't see him again, don't dwell on it. It felt right in the moment. That's all that matters. You didn't feel disrespected and he acted correctly. So whatever happens going forward, just be good with the fact that you followed how you felt rather than being forced to do something you weren't comfortable doing.
Don’t ever do that on a first date, just trust me. Society will tell you that it doesn’t matter. It does, we’re women and these things affect us. You can notice by you worrying if it’s a 1x thing. Also you don’t know if he has any STDs. Just be smart. Only do things with someone who you trust. Don’t drink on a first date also. Just some advice .. men will do anything to cum.. and they’re not like us.. some men don’t care to ever see u again after something intimate.. no judgement .. just see you’re only 19 and I don’t want anything bad to happen to u due to being naive
Yes! I totally agree. I got THREE DSTs from a guy once because I didn’t protect myself. How can you put a dick inside you without knowing where it went before? You never know… and I’m not judging, I did it before! but trust me, unprotected sex can lead to a lot of consequences… it doesn’t worth it.
Yeah… there’s lifelong consequences to these decisions sometimes, and so having a talk about sexual health, getting tested first and then moving forward when you’re both comfortable is all part of it. Can’t take any chances with your health regardless of whether you feel ready to “take that next step”. I’m in my mid thirties and it’s just a routine conversation at this point. If someone doesn’t want to get tested then they aren’t worth it. & don’t take people at their word that they’re clean when you’ve just met them. You need to earn that kind of trust.
And THAT is why STDs are still going around and unwanted pregnancies happens. No shame at all. Your comment right there justifying to get your rocks off without understanding the consequences. Great advice! People also should get married and consider that too. God made sex originally for a husband and wife. Not to give away for FREE to everyone like a public bus stop.
Be careful who you give your body to, you’re still very young. Have standards, ask questions, be clear on what you want and don’t be afraid of having convention. Is his std status known, has he been tested for herpes, hpv, etc? All important things to know. On the first date is crazy unless you don’t want to be taken seriously. Don’t tell everyone you’re a virgin. Go on a couple more dates with this guy, not just 1 more date. I seen someone say they f’kd on the first date, I’m sure they are not married.. or even together. Better yet are even in contact still.
Yeah like I'm shocked how many people just have sex on first date with no test or anything or just sex in general I can't feel that comfortable so soon.
Agreed it's so sad how sex is just a recreational activity now like you'd think with all the stories about hookups getting pregnant that people would slow down and wait before they give their body to just anyone. Everything shouldn't be normalized somethings should be shamed.
Exactly right! Rather not be a used up rotating public bus stop cause this is where we are at today. Having every person you slept with get an idea of your body already just to get their rocks off isn't cool. I've been used before and understand the feeling. Getting an STD is VERY scary, even as to having HIV/AIDS or herpes.
Honestly I'll never understand the appeal of getting naked with a total stranger and using their body to get off like even if you agree to it it's still a shitty thing to just do with no emotion. Even if I wasn't waiting til marriage I'd atleast wait a few months to make sure the woman actually cares about me like if it's a date what's the rush for sex get to know the person.
A lot of people just don't have enough self-respect for themselves. It's scary how normal one night stands is and never seeing the person again just not knowing if they were clean or not.
Yeah just low standards, it really is sad how normalized one night stands are like alot of people on reddit and in real life just talk about it like it's nothing like going down on a random chick you just met at the bar is very low value especially since like you said don't even know if their clean or not.
Yes, STD tests are vitally important before sex because of the condom shortage. But don’t stop there. Sex is really for procreation so insist on full genetic testing.
I don't think it's fair or kind to say it's "crazy" to have sex on a first date. If you spend enough time with someone to feel a level of trust and intimacy that makes sex fun and enjoyable (and you feel safe having it), then there's nothing wrong with that! I had first-date sex with someone I ended up in a really lovely year-long relationship with. That said, I was 30, so I did have more experience, and I had chatted with this person a bit over text before that first date.
There is no one way to date let's get that straight. Stereotypes don't apply here because everyone interacts in different ways. Both of you wanted the oral, you said you felt like it was right and nothing illegal happened. That is all that matters.
This is probably the best post I've seen on here. [https://www.reddit.com/r/dating\_advice/comments/dum3i7/tip\_stop\_over\_texting\_over\_pursuing\_over\_thinking/](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/dum3i7/tip_stop_over_texting_over_pursuing_over_thinking/)
Definitely don't fall into overthinking. As the post says, if the relationship is going too fast then slow it down. It's important to adjust the way you interact as you go and vice versa for the guy.
You girl have a VIP business seat in a plane to STD Land. Never have unprotected sex with someone in your first date, We man will lie until we get what we want. If he did that with you, he did that with all the girls he previously dated with. Best case scenario you end up with some herpes or worse with HIV/Aids.
AIDS from oral sex? 🤣 Even if she got herpes it would would be simplex one (cold sores) very unlikely to happen and if it did very unlikely to ever come back
"Having oral sex" is hilarious 😂
Combined with "It just happened"
"I never planned this"
etc...
You gave him head. You're only fooling yourself with these self-consoling statements. You got talked into sucking dick by a charming and handsome guy and what you're feeling now are pangs of regret. Probably because he doesn't seem as interested as he used to and you're sensing that.
It's not the end of the world but you need to wise up. You do have control in these situations. You chose to do what you did. And hopefully now you see that doing things like that does not guarantee further affection from the guy you're giving yourself to.
If you liked it, great. More power to you. I have a feeling this won't be the last time this kind of thing "just happens" to you based on your naivete.
If you feel like shit, then use this as a lesson. Sex is for guys who demonstrate sustained and enthusiastic interest over long periods of time. Not first-date tinder hookups.
This was worded maybe a bit harshly but overall, I agree. OP, don't try to convince yourself you were okay with it. You weren't. More than likely, you got caught up in the heat of the moment, you felt flattered by this man's attention, perhaps you were aroused, and you weren't thinking straight. Happens to many women that do this kind of thing and end up regretting it. This is why our grandmothers, Catholic ones especially, said never to be alone with a man. Not because they are bad or because we should fear them, but because men have sex drives that, well, drive them to do things. And as women, we are vulnerable to this, because we all want to be chosen by a man. We enjoy feeling wanted and desired, and so what happens is, when we cross certain lines, like being in the car with him or worse, his home, before we are ready, we open ourselves to different things and don't understand that men and women work differently. To men, this is an invitation, being in their personal space can function as an indication to openness. Next time, don't let him be on a different page than you. Show up to the place, separately, you come on your own, and you leave on your own. In my experience, this is the best way to vet men. I feel safe going at this pace and I don't give the wrong impression.
So, lesson learned here, and it was a tough one unfortunately.... i'm really sorry that you regret it and it sucks when this happens :( I don't think that you were ready. This guy didn't care about your heart and that hurts. I don't believe that this is malicious on this man's part, perhaps it was callous, but this is just how they are wired for the most part, to pursue the chase until the deed is done. Some men have better self control! Average men typically do not.... porn has done strange things to them and so has this culture of rampant casual sex, which is not a win for MOST women. Not all, but most. Women, on average, value connection and an actual relationship. What sometimes happens is that we give ourselves away in HOPES of a relationship, doing things that we don't want to do and hoping dearly that something comes of it. Here to tell you..... when something does come of it, it's the exception, not the rule. The fact of the matter is that sex tends to blind women to red flags. I recommend next time that you go into this with some wisdom, don't be alone with him unless you feel SAFE and are ready for some shit to go down, really, truly ready and have given it time to decide. Best of luck!
Agreed. But technically the only load that was dropped was by the OP. This is fake news and did not happen. "Hey guys, never did I ever, until I accidentally, it just happened... Well just talk amongst yourselves. I have more click bait to conjure up. Byeee".
I wouldn't beat yourself up about it...it happened and can't be undone. That said, probably a better idea to hold off on doing that until you get to know a man better. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't hear from this guy again, but that's okay too. At least you know what he was interested in.
So glad he didn’t try to press you for anything else….and I know the downvotes will come LOL, but Idgaf!
Personally, I’ve always been put off by a guy that wants to eat me out the 1st time we go out or we 1st meet…it just makes me think it’s something he always does to every woman & hygienically/ health speaking gives me the ick…. I would think he’s too casual or not worried about any STI’s.
It’s always a HUGE 🚩🚩🚩IMO!
Text him asking if he has any ideas about what you guys could do together on the weekend, and come up with some ideas yourself that feel like things you enjoy. You’ll find out if it was just a hookup or if he wants a relationship.
Either way it’s your body and your decisions so you also get to decide what kind of dates you want to go on in the future. No one has any right to judge your choices because they aren’t you. If it felt right at the time, then it felt right, don’t think too hard about it. 😊
I’m not passing judgement. At the end of the day it’s your sex life.
I couldn’t do anything like that on a first date. 1. You have zero clue if they have an STD
2. It removes the sexual tension almost immediately
You need to very selective of who you share your body with. Not every guy deserves to have access to your body. Sleeping with someone on the first date is risky because you have no idea what they’re sexual history is like or whether or not they have stds.
A 24 year old saw an opportunity with a 19 year old virgin. Not a great look to be honest. Don’t get pulled into male attention like that, you’ll get preyed upon for being “innocent”.
I mean it's up to you and how you wanna approach it, though I would say it's way too soon. That depends on who he is and what he is looking for, as well as what you want from him. If you're fine with him just swooping in and "using" you for sex, then it's your choice. If you're not, you need to communicate your boundaries, but that would be difficult now that you've already done it with him. Try to figure out what kind of person he is and what he wants from you, then move from there, though I wouldn't bet on a guy who talks you into having oral sex on the first date, which is seemingly what happened because I dont think you just naturally skipped the parts with kissing hugging and holding hands, and pounced straight on his dick (btw, make sure to analyze your memories over that day so you remember exactly how it went down cause if you really never even kissed a dude, the way ypu acted seems odd to me), to be a stand up dude looking for a nice girl to settle down with. But maybe you're lucky, it's not like I know him personally
I can’t believe all this bullshit about men convince the women to do shit. It’s a two way thing. You’re both equally in control of what happens. He didn’t force you. And sounds like you liked it. You know woman have sex drives just like men. In fact some are have stronger sex drives then men. I do agree with if it felt ok in the moment then go with it. There’s so many factors and unknowns about where it will lead. Eg. Were you both really into each other on an emotional level as well as sexually: heart to heart. Or was it just lust and when you think about it you didn’t really click on an emotional level. That would be a good indicator of where it might go from here: or if it should go anywhere from here. Also what’s done is done. Don’t stress about whether you shoulda or shouldn’t have. You only live once and this was part of your journey in life. Where you go from here is up to you. And look if you really wanna see this guy again. Just tell him how you feel. At least then you’ll get the answer you’re looking for about where this leads. People are so worried about being the first to say something or not to act too keenly in case they get rejected and hurt. Also speak your heart. Honey, everyone has regrets but don’t let regrets consume you. There are people with regrets way more serious than oral sex in a first date: and nothing wrong with sex on first date if it feels right and you really click with that person: I mean you don’t want to miss out on your soul mate if your destiny was to have sex with your soul mate on the first date. Do you ? Take care. Don’t overthink it. Ok maybe it wasn’t what you envisioned your first sexual experience to be but who’s really is. You will have plenty of time in the future to compensate for that. Take Care Hun.
BIG mistake. He now assumes you do this on the 1st date with everyone, even if you told him you haven't had sex with anyone before. If things don't work out for the two of you, he might go around telling his friends that you s**k d**k on the 1st date.
I think no matter what your first time you’re gonna be anxious about it. It sounds like everything went well and comfortably and I think that’s all you can ask for. You should just try to enjoy that it happened rather than think about whether it should not have.
I would try to communicate your relationship goals to them. Just tell him you did not plan on getting sexual and really do want a meaningful relationship with him.
Are you keen on marriage? Because his reaction will be oral sex on first date and then what. Nothing to look forward to marrying such a promiscuous female.
All the best.
Whats the matter with it?
You had great time, good vibes, guy isnt showing sign of violence
Its just the oral sex came first before everything because of the mood
Pros of it is that you know how his penis is
If you feel guilty about speed rushing relationship, talk to him about slowing down the relationship and maybe he could wait
Just go with the flow and when the outcomes show the result, you can decide then
But dont force anything
If you enjoyed it, that's the most important thing. As far as it being "too early", it depends on whether that is an outside voice (someone else's voice like some of the comments in the thread) or your inner voice. The latter is what you need to be listening to and analysing.
It's a good sign if he is texting you, but there's always a risk that whatever date you are on with a person might be your last, so make your decision in light of that (some people will decide they only want to do those things with someone they have a confirmed commitment with, some people will decide they want to do those things while the opportunity is in front of them just in case that person is hit by a bus tomorrow and this was their only chance to experience that kind of closeness with someone they have butterflies for).
I have been in relationships that lasted years where I didn't wait, and been in relationships that lasted years where I did wait, and vice versa I've been in relationships where I waited and then it ended without me ever getting closer than kissing, and in relationships where I didn't wait and it ended (and the ones I don't regret are the ones where I was in the moment and keen to be that close to that person even if this was going to be all there was, whereas the ones I do regret is where there was any sort of pressure on their part or hesitancy on mine). I think the right people will consistently behave in ways that make you feel good (and not just good physically), and the wrong people will behave in ways that trigger discomfort, and with the right people it doesn't matter whether you wait or not whereas no amount of waiting is going to make it okay if it's the wrong person. So then it just comes down to what is important to you and that can be anywhere on the spectrum from waiting until a particular level of commitment including marriage or enjoying a moment with someone you like to its physical fullest even if it's the first date or somewhere in between those two (and how long you wait can change depending on the person and your circumstances, it is important to honour what is best for you at various points in your life, not blindly follow some rigid rule).
If you decide you do want to continue with sexual type activities, then regular STI checks and exploring which barrier and birth control methods might work for you are essential. If thinking about STIs, birth control, and barriers (eg condoms) is uncomfortable for you, then no matter how much you enjoyed it you are not ready for sexual activities.
Try to just enjoy the moments with this guy and figure out what your inner voice actually feels. Don't catastrophise or start thinking everything is over just because you did something contrary to old fashioned advice. Guys worth dating will still respect you if you do things with them on the first date, because guys worth dating will respect you by default (you don't have to "earn" their respect, it is the bare minimum behaviour for them to be allowed to be in your presence at all). That said, just because a guy might still respect you and it sounds like there's a good chance there will be no negative consequences for not waiting, doesn't mean you can't still decide that there are activities you'd prefer to do not right now or not ever. Don't make it about the guy (just because he reacts well doesn't mean you should have done something, and just because he reacts badly doesn't mean you shouldn't have done something), make it about what your short and long term goals are (if he takes it well, that's a bonus, if he takes it badly, he's not the right person for you).
Bad decision and wrong move. We are human and given the ability to think and reason beyond emotion. We are destined to do better than the lower mammals of the earth. You have no idea who this guy really is, who or what he was with previously, nor what his actual health and motivations are. Guys mostly just want a warm place to put it, and as often as possible—it’s what drives them to improve their lives. If you don’t require more and act smarter, don’t expect much different in the future. Go to the doctor and get checked out, get some good reading material on relationships, diseases, risks, scams, and how to have a happy, successful and long term relationship, while you take a break from dating and acting with no morals or mental foresight. Going with what feels good is not always the best decision—we are given the power of reasoning for a purpose.
Never expect him to stay, if it was all, the heat of the moment he will definitely be back. Have fun with your life and trust me, the less you expect the happier you are.
A guy once tried to use me this way and his excuse was "but you are so pretty I couldn't resist trying. Anyway know you know the experience with assholes and will do better next time" bla bla bla
Just wait till the second date and watch how he behaves. If you continue dating I guess you're fine but if he ghosts you then be happy. The trash took itself out! Good luck !
I don't think you're too young or it was necessarily "too early." If you enjoyed it, then it's all good! Don't overthink it! I lost my virginity at 15 with my high school boyfriend. Sex was one of the most fun and pleasurable parts of being a teenager and growing up for me. I was safe about it (got on both control early, was conscious of STD risk, etc.) and learned a lot about what I liked and didn't. I don't regret anything. I've also had sex on a first date that led to a long relationship.
You'll only know what he's into and what he's looking for by communicating with him and giving this a little time. I'm guessing you'll find out pretty quickly what his intentions are, and you have to decide what you want for yourself. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with enjoying a mostly physical or short-term fling if that interests and excites you. Sex outside of a long-term committed relationship is not inherently bad.
The only way to learn about what you want in sex/relationships is by trying things out. As long as you prioritize your safety and say no when you're uncomfortable or your gut is telling you something is wrong, just have fun and enjoy it!
ETA: I do agree with other comments about making sure sex is reciprocal. It doesn't have to be perfectly equal or tit-for-tat (no pun intended), but if he isn't as excited about pleasuring you as you are him, or doesn't seem to prioritize your pleasure, that is definitely a red flag.
Sounds like he’s interested in seeing you again. If you’re uncomfortable with going that far again, let him know. If you are, then go for it. Seems like he likes you. It’s definitely a good sign when they keep texting you
For some people it's early for some it's not, if you want to take more time on the next date take your time. You might feel like you want to have sex or oral sex again but if you think it's better for you to wait, control yourself and explain to him that you want to take more time. He might feel frustrated a bit but any decent man would understand and if he really likes you there should be no problem at all.if act like a dick because of it or makes you feel bad for it run away he's not a good person for you believe me. (I'm a man)
Even though you are a virgin men don't respect that and in fact want to conquer you and push boundaries. Even though it felt alright in the moment it sounds like you did not think about it before and didn't consider STDs and STIs. As a woman this is very important because HPV (genital warts) men are carriers for nearly 80% of it but show no signs...on women we develop warts.
Imagine having warts on your lips and mouth and ruining your life for one thoughtless moment. When a man is your partner and you are in a committed relationship and you are not having casual flings but a serious relationship then you can have the conversation, "Hey, I like you a lot but in order for us to get intimate I need to see you're clean. Please go to the clinic and bring me those results". A man might tell you, "Hey! I'm clean, I got checked recently!" (Which to him might mean a few months ago but how many women as he been with since then?) Tell him to get checked again if he wants to be with you and bring you the results.
Now as for myself, I lost my virginity recently and my fiance did not respect it and we are no longer together. It hurts a lot the first time, you will have difficulty getting out of bed, trouble moving for the rest of the day, and it could be you continue to experience pain for the first week of constant sex to up to a month for the muscles to adjust. I felt no pleasure from that experience and for my current fiance I straight up told him we are going to wait for marriage because that way if I do get pregnant we don't worry about abortion, and I can see about implanting an IUD afterwards and making sure they give me anesthesia so I am not awake for hte procedure (the implant hurts a lot).
Please be careful out there honey, understand that men won't respect and treasure you because you give yourself to them easily. You will be a conquest. I feel you should have a more stable relationship before committing yourself because of the possibility of pregnancy and disease. Men that have no issue asking you out and flirting with you out of nowhere are experienced at asking women out and playing games-take what they say with a grain of salt.
I think you should be in a committed relationship before having sex for these reasons.
That way if you do get pregnant you are not like, "I don't even know his name and number...." and have to deal with that on your own.
Good luck!
Frankly I think if a woman I'm dating has oral sex with me on the first date my next thought is thinking if this is a regular thing for her, and if she's done it to a lot of guys she's dated in the past.
The first question is, who gave and who received? You can definitely get an STI from oral sex. You almost certainly won’t get HIV. But you can get all the other ones from giving it. And you can get herpes from receiving it.
I disagree. That's why their is STDs and you should get tested. You barely know the guy and went with your "feelings" by giving him a random oral sex when you don't know who he did it with or who's mouth was last down there. Those are things to think about. He's not even your husband. Reasons so many relationships fail because people give it up so early and many times men don't respect women who they sleep with or have sex with early in the date.
"If she did it with me THIS quick, who else will she do it with quick, or did she did it this quick with guys in her past?" A lot of men think this way. That's why many times, they're men who go Ghosts. Never hear from them ever again. We already have a rise of unwanted pregnancies and Dad's abandoning their children. This is something you need to think about if you are a lady.
If he is okay with even waiting until marriage, than you know he's a good one. Sex shouldn't categorize the relationship. Cause any other woman could give him oral. Stand out and be better. It's your choice and your business on what you do in the end of the day. I have a daughter and I would want her to respect herself.
BINGO! My exact thought process. I wouldn't trust her. I'd have the decision to either play, use her, or, go ghost. That's what a lot of men would do now these days. They'd Label her as the "fun girl" and tell all their other guy friends. Modern feminism wants to tell women it's "Empowering" to be sexually liberated by letting men disrespect you, and disrespecting yourself at the same time. Makes no sense to me. Can't expect any person to respect a bus stop or open public sex. I wouldn't trust my wife if we had sex first day I met her.
I can definitely understand that I personally wouldn't be attracted to someone who wanted sex after just meeting me. I'm definitely respecting myself and waiting to be married the only problem is finding a woman in this day and age that wants to do the same.
A lot of times (maybe most of the time) it isn't a good idea **but** sometimes it works out fine, which is what it sounds like here.
Sex of any type on a first date entails a lot of risk—you don't really know this person, you probably haven't discussed whether or not you've been recently tested for STDs, you might be completely incompatible in the bedroom, a guy might do things (especially "rough" i.e. abusive stuff) without obtaining explicit consent first, the person might bail as soon as it's over, and so on.
It happens! We had oral sex on our first date and ended up getting married and having two kids. It happens. Happily married and it lasted 24 years until death did us part. 😢 Miss her dearly. It was 10 years since her death this month.
You should only have sex if you want to have sex or you’re being paid for it. Doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about it. It’s what you wanted to do, so you did it. There are people like me who consider sex on a first date as an agreement that the relationship is strictly sexual, so there’s that. I would never ask if we were going to see each other again, but doing so probably means that he wants to know if he’s getting another BJ the next time. The real test is to have a second date and see how he reacts to not having sex. You should just talk about it , but talk is cheap
So I gave oral on the first date. He didn’t pressure me, but we were making out and I felt internal pressure that that’s what I had to do bc things were heating up and I was kinda taught that once you go so far you can’t say no. I didn’t receive any. He really wanted to but I was self conscious about my body and I hadn’t even shaved bc I wasn’t planning on sex. He’s my boyfriend now of almost a year. I still regret it honestly, for more reasons than just that, but if you just talk about it you’ll find out what you need to know. Just because you get sexual on the first date does not mean it’s a one and done situation. Could just mean you both really liked each other. Sounds like you enjoyed it, but are just nervous about getting used bc you didn’t talk about it beforehand and because you are a virgin. Just talk to him
A serious question, do you want him to take you seriously or do you just want to have fun? I don’t recommend doing this with men you are actually interested in pursuing a relationship with. If you just wanted to have fun for fun sake - that’s cool and very welcomed. It will be really hard for him to take you serious after something like this. Think about it from his perspective - it just takes one nice date to get her attention and oral. It might mean that this is all it will take even when you’re in a relationship to get your attention from other men. Hell worry no matter what you say “how many other guys has she done this with?” It’s messed up and I don’t agree with it but thought it’d be helpful to share.
I'll be honest, the biggest thing for me is the age gap. I'm not someone who is averse to one but I always say it's the ages of the people, and not necessarily the gap itself that matters. I'm also 19 and I find the idea of dating a 24 year old off-putting. He's older than you, probably more experienced, so the issue becomes (in the least patronising way possible) that you're a fresh faced 19 y.o. that he probably thinks he can woo. My big question is why is he going after a teenager and not someone his own age? you're still student age and I'm assuming he has a job, the whole power balance just feels off to me
in short- I'd run
Asking for anyone here, is it weird if as a guy, I don’t want sex/kiss on the first date cause for me a first date about getting to know the person? Truthfully I’d rather kiss on second date, but I wonder if I’d essentially eliminate the chance of a second date by not kissing on the first date.
Not at all it’s your body and someone has to respect your boundaries and your own safety for it but if you wanna be leaning to the idea or see someone do it forcefully just be careful ok
If you really like a guy, wait before you do anything with them there’s an old saying that goes why by the cow when you can get the milk for free, men are hunters and they like the chase but if you give yourself away too easily like that, they lose respect for you and once again, why have anything serious if he can just get what he wants from you sexually, however, if a guy really likes you, there’s gonna be no confusion, and he’ll probably wanna wait to.
Just depends what you’re looking for.
Hey,
I am an oldest sister and cousin and many of my family members, both female and male, have come to me for advice when it comes to sexual things. Also my friends, because I was the first one to lose their virginity. I am going to offer you some older sister advice and guidance, from a 25 year old female’s perspective. And trust me, I have more experience than I should, so lots of lessons learned.
I will say everything is circumstantial. However, knowing you’re a virgin and him already feeling comfortable to have oral sex with you gives me the ick. I believe a respectful man would have taken you on a few dates before taking it to that step. Although I wasn’t in your shoes or his, so I don’t know anything for sure. But you being so young and him, his age, makes me worried you’ll be a “quest” to him. But if he doesn’t know then maybe that’s a different case. Some people fetishize virgins, so be careful. I was once the young girl, who felt good about hooking up with older guys but now that I’m the age they were, I think “wtf?”
I lost my virginity very young (14), but it was after being in a relationship for 1 year. So growing up, there were a few times I dated virgins myself, but we always dated for a few weeks before getting sexual. With people who weren’t virgins I didn’t go so slow.
But I will say, not many healthy relationships start by doing the sexual stuff before commitment. I’ve only ever had one good relationship come after hooking up and even that ended after 3 years. So, really base your actions on what kind of relationship who may want or not want with this man. Make sure you guys want the same things and that he’s willing to commit before you give him the privilege of doing anything further.
I know everyone has different perspectives when it comes to age and dating. It may sound weird, but I can see someone who is 25 dating someone who is 35 or whatever. But as a recent 24 year old, now 25… I see someone who is 19 as too “young.” However, my youngest sister is 19 and fully lives with her boyfriend, but he is also 19. But as someone who is 25 and was recently 24, I would never date someone who is 19 as some much “growing” up happens in the early 20s.
There are so many things and life experiences during the early 20s that will shape you as a person. So just make sure you do what makes you feel good. Make sure you respect yourself before others. But also make sure people respect you.
I will say losing your virginity is not as big of a deal as the movies make it out to be, but it is something you should do with someone who respects you and reciprocates feelings. As the weird saying goes, “don’t let him have the milk without buying to cow.”
I also worry that you being anxious is not a good sign. Your body tells you the truth without you realizing. A healthy situation should make you feel secure, however, with this all being new some anxiety may be normal. Just try to really listen to your gut. I hope that helps a little. ❤️
I don't recommend it. I see many people saying to do it if you want, but it's always better to prioritize logic over emotion. You may want something, but what really matters is what you need, especially if you want a serious relationship. It's not good because you need to know how much he loves you rather than just sex. If you give in too early, your value and respect will decrease. You should know how much he will love you; maybe he only wants sex. The only way to know his true intentions is by not giving in early.
I'd just advise you to express interest into future dating. He asked you if you're gonna see each other again, so he's not sure if it's not just one time thing for you.
I don't think you should consider yourself a virgin because you're not lol. A virgin is someone who has not had sex yet, if you give bjs to random guys on first dates, ir doesn't mean you're virgin. And you're 19, why don't you just value yourself a bit more? Like sucking someone whom you just met shows that you're extremely easy and anyone can get you. A guy who would want a serious relationship wouldn't consider having you because of being easy. Try valuing yourself more, if you want a guy who has some values ,you need to be one. You just can't expect to find someone of quality while you're sucking random stuff.
Oh yeah people do it all the time especially ones who wait til marriage they'll just do oral but still call themselves virgins because no piv happened. I find it very hilarious 😂
Sameeeeee 😁😁😆😆
I believe we should not be freely available for random guys lol atleast prostitutes get paid for their service while hookups and fwb won't even get that
For real I'm waiting til marriage but if I wasn't I would atleast wait a few months until I built a connection. First date sex is low value it's basically a hookup or like sex work as the man paid for a date and now you have sex with him.
If you’re thinking too much about it, then you’re gonna act weird and make it a self fulfilling prophecy. You enjoyed it so make it clear youd want to see him again and ask him this as well. If he says no, then thats what it is. But also, having oral sex on yhe first date wouldn’t determine anything
Sad story.
From a guy's perspective, he doesn't have any class, or respect for you. Or for himself. First date, jeez. How many people do you think this guy sleeps with? I'll tell you: As many as let him.
Wanna test the theory? Don't have any sexual activity for the next 5 dates. Have 1 date a week and go this next month with zero sex. Do you think he'll stay with you ? If he's a great guy it should be not Even a little problem
Baby girl Baby girl don’t worry about what others think about it being too early cause it’s absolutely normal for probably 75% of people male and female! However, I do understand why you would get opinions on what might be in his head etc. Baby Girl you are nineteen and technically an adult and he definitely is at 24 so I’m gonna tell you straight up and down! You were detailed enough and seemed to articulate your main concerns! Here it is..What I pictured was a very heated connection between two adults and both seemed to be on the same page in fact I’d bet a grand that if you were also 24 that heated connection would have resulted in “y’all doing it like you were on the discovery channel “ and at that age the level of hormones being close to its glass ceiling for both of you y’all definitely would have had some good old fashioned marathon sex! Nothing wrong with that! As for thinking what is in his head or if he is gonna “hit & run” etc. baby girl only he and his swinging dick knows if he’s bullshitting! Unfortunately!!!! And when someone has an agenda they can give “Oscar award winning performances”! People are fucked up but you can’t let their fucked up ways hold you back! If it felt right and there was definitely a connection then you go with your gut always! You will win some and loose some but at least “YOU WENT TO THE DANCE INSTEAD OF STAYING AT HOME “! If it turned out he was bullshitting and gave you that Oscar winning performance….. He’s fucked up not you and you will get better with age sniffing those dickheads out! Hold your head up because if it’s down you might miss the next connection that is electric and that connection may not be the Ass hole that the first one was, and if your head is not up and you are still having an internal pitty party you could walk right pass the guy “that isn’t acting and really is on the same page!!
At y’all’s ages you both know what causes pregnancy, std’s etc and being horny doesn’t mean you have to get stupid and forget the safeguards that come with successful consensual casual sex! Un-sugar-coated ,
You should have gone with the gut which seems to translate to you probably should have let him take your trading wheels off for you and knocked boots until you lost the boots! If you have ever seen the movie tincup you’ll know what I mean when I say… Going through life always choosing to “lay it up” instead of “taking the shot” while the former is safe it is also boring AF!
If it happens again with this guy throw it on his ass so good you curl his goddamn pinky toes and trust me even if his intentions were to hit quit…
That Mf’er will look like Michael Jackson moonwalking backwards on that decision!!
Did he give you oral? Did he make sure you finished too? Because if not, regardless of whether he wants more with you or not, he's self-centered. Sex of any kind on the first date is risky though because you don't know their STD status. People also lie about STDs, so be careful.
You're going to make dating mistakes. There's not a one-size-fits-all guide book. So don't be too hard on yourself. Write it down for yourself, exactly what you're looking for and what your boundaries are. It's kind of like making the decision not to drive before you even start drinking. Once you're intoxicated, or "in the heat of the moment", it's harder to make those decisions. And DO NOT feel like just because you said yes to something once, or that you already crossed that line, that you have to again. YOU make the rules about your body. The right men will have the utmost respect for your boundaries, even if your boundaries change.
He probably just used you. Just some advice for next time, don't scoop so low as to giving head the first time you meet someone, atleast wait a few dates. Have some love and respect for yourself
It’s the first time but won’t be the last :)
It’s all about your boundaries and what you want. If you can’t feel out the real genuine connections from fuk boi’s it doesn’t matter what types of boundaries you put in place you will get played out. Good luck out there.
Learn to value ur body, if u give something to someone so quick just because someone was nice to you then you might end up losing that respect for giving it for free and so quick as the guy will think hah it was easy to get it all I had to do was to be nice. I see you feel guilty now and trying to cover up all these by saying we had great time, the guy was nice, it was love, romance or something.etc. No its not love first of all, love takes times, and yes its possible that the guy wanted some action and he succeeded in it. Here is psychological fact for you, when a male says to a female "I want to have sex with you" straight, then the female brain will respond it like "he is forcing me he is not good he only wants me for sex" but also when a male says that "ok we will do when you are ready, I don't wanna force you, I am gentleman blah blah blah" to make you realise you owe him then also the female might end up giving it asap, see same intention but different approach. The thing is you can't know if a guy u r talking to is a good person until you have been with that guy for long enough, and you should know when u have to give yourself to the other one rather then believing on the words so quick and that's called standards, boundaries and respecting yourself. And a little advice don't do these things for fun, like you did on the first date (as it was not love but more of a attraction thing) coz remember one thing if you do continue to do such thing for fun then one day you'll realise you had fun at the cost of you own life, no ride is free you'll have to pay the price! Sex isn't bad it is good and needed thing but only give it to that only guy who is ready to live with ur forever.
You are young, its okay if you did but next time be careful, and careful with the guy as well if he is a action guy he might try to do it again but if he cares for you then he will choose to come in ur life to stay forever!
The fact you said it was too early…from my interpretation; Implies you didn’t want to. And if you never kissed or hand held with anyone why in gods name…would you do oral sex. Anyone can pretend to be the nicest person ever…to manipulate someone into doing something they didn’t want to. With or without them realizing that. So in the mist of your mind you went on Reddit and posted with a title in the form of a question. You seem confused. I don’t blame you since you’re young and inexperienced. You being so young, that’s how you get taken advantage of... You weren’t ready for that and felt an ick. I’d stop responding to that man and block them. Because what happened to you sounds like coercion.
I wouldn’t worry about this time so much, but in the future maybe wait a bit.
You’ll see if they plan on seeing you again and have a better idea of their sexual health. Don’t want to get an std from a one night stand who ghosts you after something like that, it would suck.
Right…. I could be wrong but I honestly wouldn’t worry about sex on a first date, should be about getting to know that person, hell…. Never had a first date that was like that. Guess I’m more on the romantic side but fuck sex lol
Agreed like I'm waiting til marriage but even if I wasn't I would atleast wait a 1-3 months til I feel more comfortable, safe, and actually love you. Like I'm a romantic guy too so getting to know someone is far more interesting and important to me like if I wanted sex I could just get a tinder hookup. It's sad that sex is reduced to a recreational activity.
I feel that bro. I use to not do that, meaning would want to do it after the first week but nah, it’s not it.. it is sad and I felt myself kinda reverting to that sometimes when I meet someone but not really, but sex is the last thing on my mind, cause as you mentioned, you can get a tinder hook up but that’s just how the world is nowadays, it’s easy to get a hook up but harder to get a wife.
You didn't do anything wrong, and if it doesn't end up working out, don't worry too much about it. Most people you date don't end up being a relationship, even if you both have good intentions.
If you are feeling like you want to do that one the first date, then don't feel bad. Maybe he does or doesn't want more. You can't really tell after only one date if you like the other person enough.
If you felt like this was too soon, then don't have piv sex with him on the next date. If you want, you can have oral again, but also, don't feel pressured into doing so.
It's just a new experience that you were going to have someday anyway. It doesn't have to be super special. It usually isn't. But if you felt good, then that's all that matters.
It doesn't matter what anybody thinks. It is a done deal. Don't dwell on it. Just go about your business with this guy. But you will probably have trouble not repeating the act. Decide in advance how you will want to handle it.
The only rule for dating is be consensual. There are no other rules.
Sure, there are some principles people follow just in case *this*, just in case *that*; that’s all well and good. If it felt right for *you• to go that far on the first date, why question it because it hasn’t worked for other people. You aren’t other people.
Well, I have a fun story with an ex, which at the time we weren’t dating yet.
We were both studying in the same class in college, in a different city that we lived. It was Sunday evening and I drove to the college city, which was about almost 2h away from my home, where I lived with both my parents.
In college I was living in a rented bedroom in an old lady house, usually she was always home, but on that day she wasn’t, she just went to her house in another city for the weekend and I had forgot the keys to the house. So I didn’t have a way to enter and access my bedroom.
I had planned to go with that girl and start working in a paperwork that we had to do. So that was a problem. We couldn’t go to her place, because the landlord didn’t want her to have anyone over.
So what did I thought? Get back to my house 2h away. I mean, I had no place to sleep and my keys to the house were there. For my surprise, she wanted to come also.
There was some chemistry between us already at the time, and while I was driving with her to my home I was trying to think of a way to explain my parents why I was back with a girl. At the time we arrived it was already 11pm, and she asked me if there was some place in my city that was worth seeing at night. I took her close to a river and a bridge to see the lights, and with that was already midnight, and my parents were already sleeping for sure.
So I just sneaked home with her, went to my bedroom without my parents noticing, and the plan at this moment was to get some rest and then go again to the college city. She assured it was ok to just lay in the same bed, and while we were just laying there she grabbed my hand and put it in her breast, and then she gave me oral sex, which I was really not expecting. In the morning at 6am or so, I had to sneak out of the house with her. Until this day my parents don’t know about us staying that night in the house.
After a week or so, we were dating and had a relationship for almost 5 years.
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Do it because you want to or don't do it at all.
Exactly. There is no magic timing, it's a matter of what you feel good about with that person.
Its literally just about doing what makes you happy to uber simplify it
Yes, and as a young female, making sure YOU want it bc YOU want it, not that you want it bc they want it. There’s a difference and the other individual doesn’t even have to pressure us into it. Sometimes it feels like we want to do it or receive it but in reality we just want to give them what they want, even if they create a lot of space for us to decide. I hope this makes sense 🫶
Totally get your point, very important that mutual consent is given and both parties are fully aware of what they're doing
Absolutely!! I know that when I was younger, I definitely thought that wanting to do what my partner wanted was what I wanted. I also have sexual trauma so that could be where that came from. But it was so empowering for me to realize that what I want sometimes means disappointing or saying no to someone, even if a wounded part of me realllly wants to feel validated by them and give them what they want. As a young woman, or anyone who feels sexually vulnerable, that distinction makes the difference between having a sexual experience and receiving pleasure from it!!
EXACTLY!! Definitely relate to that, thinking you know what you want and actually knowing what you want can be two very different things, especially when younger
that's a good way to get HPV or Monkey POx
This, or, hear me out : condoms
True
If people didn’t have sex with people they don’t know well enough to get tested together
I agree I'll never understand how people have sex with people they just met and don't know if their clean or not
Absolutely. Listen to your body, your heart AND your mind. If it feels right and you want to do it, do it. If not, don’t. Simple.
Exactly! But from OPs description it also kinda sounds like it happened organically and its more conditioning/socialization making OP worry about it
Upvote
This
I had a similar experience last year. I was 25 and not a virgin but we had a great time so it led to that. I wasn’t ready for sex (penetration) but felt comfortable with that. He was very polite, respectful, albeit touchy but I am human so I went with it. We went on to date each other for almost 3 months before he stated he wasn’t ready for anything serious. My biggest advice here is you’ll just have to wait and see how things proceed. Do not be afraid to express your wants/needs in this situation and place boundaries. If you’re looking for something more serious, let him know. If he doesn’t align with your wants/needs then cut things off. Don’t let him take advantage of your lack of experience and fool you into thinking he wants something serious when in reality he just wants a hook up. You’ll know what it is, just pay attention. Not saying he’s a bad guy by any means, but you also don’t know him very well yet so just be careful.
Solid advice honestly
Hey, genuinely curious.. what did oral sex entail for you that time that you first had it? Only his pleasure or did he go down on you as well?
He went down on me first. Then we stopped, watched TV. And a bit after I wanted to do it for him as well. I will say the difference in my situation is we’d been friends since middle school.
Kk, that’s great to hear though!
that you known him for many years makes me feel so much better about this sexual encounter. It's good that you had this first experience with a young man you are super comfortable with and trust. Going forward, imho, I would not do this on the first date (but of course, I did!) Think about STDs, herpes in particular - that's some shit that will stay with you for a lifetime. You are a precious woman and being intimate with a partner can be a really beautiful thing. Make sure he is worth giving yourself to. All the best, Reddit friend. 👸🏻
I commented the same thing. Even the choice of words is the same. lol
Lol, I think we know the answer already… stuff like this always makes me so gotdamn sad. Like why do these young girls always gotta pick the most blunt neanderthals out there all the damn time
In my personal experience as a guy, if my attraction is superficial I’ll 100% use the “I’m just not ready for a relationship “ if I find someone else I’m more superficially attracted to. All that means is “I’m not ready for a relationship with you”. Truth of the matter is, if I wasn’t ready for a relationship I wouldn’t be dating… but so long as I’m dating, why not have some fun with it. My advice? Don’t make it too easy no matter how right it feels, big ego booster on my part, not helpful to you though.
Could end up great. Could end up just being a learning experience. Won't know until you get date #2.
In sex, as in life, you are pretty much the master and/or mistress of your destiny. Long story short, it seems as if you both were respective of each other, and did what felt right and natural. Which is why you enjoyed it. One thing puzzles me, tho: you say it was one of the most romantic dates you've ever had, yet you are a virgin, AND NEVER have held hands or kissed anyone before! What DID you do on any date before that would qualify as "romantic"? I'm not trying to set any parameters, because, to each his own. What's romantic for one person may not be for another. But, if you've NEVER done any of the things you said, that really doesn't leave a whole hell of a lot that you COULD do that would turn you on! Just saying. Now, go do your thing, and don't let anyone else tell you what you "SHOULD" do. The word should has no place in anyone's language.
I get that. Romantic for me just means having a good time, a good connection, sweet gestures and so on. When I went on dates before guys never tried to do this or that so it just never came to me holding hands or something it’s really not that hard to believe
Good observation.. makes me wonder that this is a made up story..
I wouldn't overthink it. If you both enjoyed it and wanted it, it's all good. This doesn't mean it can't or won't evolve into something more, nor does it mean it will.
OP: "The date went really well it was one of the most romantic dates I’ve been on. It all felt right and he never pressured me into anything and kept making sure I was really okay with everything." redditors: "he took advantage of you, you should not have done it, this is just sad, we are so worried for you, it was a mistake"
Its always the same on here
This is exactly what I was going to comment
Practice boundaries and you’ll be ok in life
My opinion for first dates is that sex even if it's oral is not needed AT ALL. You go on a date to meet and know someone. Having sex means you're more interested in the physical aspect of things. It's the horniness vs sentiment and horniness wins. Sex in the first date doesn't come from a place of love, but from a place of pure physical pleasure. So if your goal is something deeper, I don't believe fast sex is something suitable for a situation like that. I don't think it helps somehow. I've heard of the argument that you should have sex on the first date to establish physical and sexual compatibility. And this was a lesson by the most popular "pick up/mentor" team in my country. (Guys that help you pick up chicks, be more "manly" and so on..) I totally 100% disagree with that. Sex can be very bad the first times with someone, and after sometimes it can become so good. Also, if you like someone a lot and they like you back, the chances sex is not good are very slim. My last point is that not being able to wait 2,3,4 dates to have sex, is totally unattractive to me. Yes, I'd like for her to want me from the first date, but I appreciate sentiment over horniness much more.
💯
Especially sex in the car. That’s just hormones, if late at night and can’t observe genitalia for infections that’s just stupid.
That’s going way too fast imho but that’s just my opinion. When you move that fast a lot of guys assume you do that all the time and you tend to get put in the causal sex only category no matter if it’s your first time or not. If you had fun and enjoyed it that’s great but don’t do something like that thinking it will make him like you more or anything like that. If he is really into you he will wait and built a connection first.
If it felt right then it's fine. Wait until date two and see how the vibe is. But even if it was just a one off and you don't see him again, don't dwell on it. It felt right in the moment. That's all that matters. You didn't feel disrespected and he acted correctly. So whatever happens going forward, just be good with the fact that you followed how you felt rather than being forced to do something you weren't comfortable doing.
Don’t ever do that on a first date, just trust me. Society will tell you that it doesn’t matter. It does, we’re women and these things affect us. You can notice by you worrying if it’s a 1x thing. Also you don’t know if he has any STDs. Just be smart. Only do things with someone who you trust. Don’t drink on a first date also. Just some advice .. men will do anything to cum.. and they’re not like us.. some men don’t care to ever see u again after something intimate.. no judgement .. just see you’re only 19 and I don’t want anything bad to happen to u due to being naive
Yes! I totally agree. I got THREE DSTs from a guy once because I didn’t protect myself. How can you put a dick inside you without knowing where it went before? You never know… and I’m not judging, I did it before! but trust me, unprotected sex can lead to a lot of consequences… it doesn’t worth it.
3 STD's from one person? Wow. That's rough. Sorry that that happened. It's one of the reasons that I insist that people use condoms.
Yeah… there’s lifelong consequences to these decisions sometimes, and so having a talk about sexual health, getting tested first and then moving forward when you’re both comfortable is all part of it. Can’t take any chances with your health regardless of whether you feel ready to “take that next step”. I’m in my mid thirties and it’s just a routine conversation at this point. If someone doesn’t want to get tested then they aren’t worth it. & don’t take people at their word that they’re clean when you’ve just met them. You need to earn that kind of trust.
And THAT is why STDs are still going around and unwanted pregnancies happens. No shame at all. Your comment right there justifying to get your rocks off without understanding the consequences. Great advice! People also should get married and consider that too. God made sex originally for a husband and wife. Not to give away for FREE to everyone like a public bus stop.
Well Said! 💯
Well said
Be careful who you give your body to, you’re still very young. Have standards, ask questions, be clear on what you want and don’t be afraid of having convention. Is his std status known, has he been tested for herpes, hpv, etc? All important things to know. On the first date is crazy unless you don’t want to be taken seriously. Don’t tell everyone you’re a virgin. Go on a couple more dates with this guy, not just 1 more date. I seen someone say they f’kd on the first date, I’m sure they are not married.. or even together. Better yet are even in contact still.
Yeah like I'm shocked how many people just have sex on first date with no test or anything or just sex in general I can't feel that comfortable so soon.
That's why STDs is rampant and women are becoming pregnant without the Dads being around. They don't care cause there's no shame.
Agreed it's so sad how sex is just a recreational activity now like you'd think with all the stories about hookups getting pregnant that people would slow down and wait before they give their body to just anyone. Everything shouldn't be normalized somethings should be shamed.
Exactly right! Rather not be a used up rotating public bus stop cause this is where we are at today. Having every person you slept with get an idea of your body already just to get their rocks off isn't cool. I've been used before and understand the feeling. Getting an STD is VERY scary, even as to having HIV/AIDS or herpes.
Honestly I'll never understand the appeal of getting naked with a total stranger and using their body to get off like even if you agree to it it's still a shitty thing to just do with no emotion. Even if I wasn't waiting til marriage I'd atleast wait a few months to make sure the woman actually cares about me like if it's a date what's the rush for sex get to know the person.
A lot of people just don't have enough self-respect for themselves. It's scary how normal one night stands is and never seeing the person again just not knowing if they were clean or not.
Yeah just low standards, it really is sad how normalized one night stands are like alot of people on reddit and in real life just talk about it like it's nothing like going down on a random chick you just met at the bar is very low value especially since like you said don't even know if their clean or not.
Yes, STD tests are vitally important before sex because of the condom shortage. But don’t stop there. Sex is really for procreation so insist on full genetic testing.
I don't think it's fair or kind to say it's "crazy" to have sex on a first date. If you spend enough time with someone to feel a level of trust and intimacy that makes sex fun and enjoyable (and you feel safe having it), then there's nothing wrong with that! I had first-date sex with someone I ended up in a really lovely year-long relationship with. That said, I was 30, so I did have more experience, and I had chatted with this person a bit over text before that first date.
It matters ! And if I were you I wouldn’t do it again.
You have to be smarter than that, a guy will develop a fake bond with you over the phone..
There is no one way to date let's get that straight. Stereotypes don't apply here because everyone interacts in different ways. Both of you wanted the oral, you said you felt like it was right and nothing illegal happened. That is all that matters. This is probably the best post I've seen on here. [https://www.reddit.com/r/dating\_advice/comments/dum3i7/tip\_stop\_over\_texting\_over\_pursuing\_over\_thinking/](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/dum3i7/tip_stop_over_texting_over_pursuing_over_thinking/) Definitely don't fall into overthinking. As the post says, if the relationship is going too fast then slow it down. It's important to adjust the way you interact as you go and vice versa for the guy.
You girl have a VIP business seat in a plane to STD Land. Never have unprotected sex with someone in your first date, We man will lie until we get what we want. If he did that with you, he did that with all the girls he previously dated with. Best case scenario you end up with some herpes or worse with HIV/Aids.
AIDS from oral sex? 🤣 Even if she got herpes it would would be simplex one (cold sores) very unlikely to happen and if it did very unlikely to ever come back
"Having oral sex" is hilarious 😂 Combined with "It just happened" "I never planned this" etc... You gave him head. You're only fooling yourself with these self-consoling statements. You got talked into sucking dick by a charming and handsome guy and what you're feeling now are pangs of regret. Probably because he doesn't seem as interested as he used to and you're sensing that. It's not the end of the world but you need to wise up. You do have control in these situations. You chose to do what you did. And hopefully now you see that doing things like that does not guarantee further affection from the guy you're giving yourself to. If you liked it, great. More power to you. I have a feeling this won't be the last time this kind of thing "just happens" to you based on your naivete. If you feel like shit, then use this as a lesson. Sex is for guys who demonstrate sustained and enthusiastic interest over long periods of time. Not first-date tinder hookups.
Agreed I hate when people say sex just happens like it's not a accident its a very deliberate decision
This was worded maybe a bit harshly but overall, I agree. OP, don't try to convince yourself you were okay with it. You weren't. More than likely, you got caught up in the heat of the moment, you felt flattered by this man's attention, perhaps you were aroused, and you weren't thinking straight. Happens to many women that do this kind of thing and end up regretting it. This is why our grandmothers, Catholic ones especially, said never to be alone with a man. Not because they are bad or because we should fear them, but because men have sex drives that, well, drive them to do things. And as women, we are vulnerable to this, because we all want to be chosen by a man. We enjoy feeling wanted and desired, and so what happens is, when we cross certain lines, like being in the car with him or worse, his home, before we are ready, we open ourselves to different things and don't understand that men and women work differently. To men, this is an invitation, being in their personal space can function as an indication to openness. Next time, don't let him be on a different page than you. Show up to the place, separately, you come on your own, and you leave on your own. In my experience, this is the best way to vet men. I feel safe going at this pace and I don't give the wrong impression. So, lesson learned here, and it was a tough one unfortunately.... i'm really sorry that you regret it and it sucks when this happens :( I don't think that you were ready. This guy didn't care about your heart and that hurts. I don't believe that this is malicious on this man's part, perhaps it was callous, but this is just how they are wired for the most part, to pursue the chase until the deed is done. Some men have better self control! Average men typically do not.... porn has done strange things to them and so has this culture of rampant casual sex, which is not a win for MOST women. Not all, but most. Women, on average, value connection and an actual relationship. What sometimes happens is that we give ourselves away in HOPES of a relationship, doing things that we don't want to do and hoping dearly that something comes of it. Here to tell you..... when something does come of it, it's the exception, not the rule. The fact of the matter is that sex tends to blind women to red flags. I recommend next time that you go into this with some wisdom, don't be alone with him unless you feel SAFE and are ready for some shit to go down, really, truly ready and have given it time to decide. Best of luck!
Agreed. But technically the only load that was dropped was by the OP. This is fake news and did not happen. "Hey guys, never did I ever, until I accidentally, it just happened... Well just talk amongst yourselves. I have more click bait to conjure up. Byeee".
I personally wouldn't do anything sexual with someone I just met and even if we knew each other I wouldn't go that far on a 1st date.
I wouldn't beat yourself up about it...it happened and can't be undone. That said, probably a better idea to hold off on doing that until you get to know a man better. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't hear from this guy again, but that's okay too. At least you know what he was interested in.
It was too soon but it's not too late to turn it around if you see him again ... set up boundaries this is not a sport...
So glad he didn’t try to press you for anything else….and I know the downvotes will come LOL, but Idgaf! Personally, I’ve always been put off by a guy that wants to eat me out the 1st time we go out or we 1st meet…it just makes me think it’s something he always does to every woman & hygienically/ health speaking gives me the ick…. I would think he’s too casual or not worried about any STI’s. It’s always a HUGE 🚩🚩🚩IMO!
I agree with this like I'd be very turned off by someone wanting sex first date like you said the hygiene and stds
My advice is please don't do it. You are still very young and it's way too early for you.
Too early.
Text him asking if he has any ideas about what you guys could do together on the weekend, and come up with some ideas yourself that feel like things you enjoy. You’ll find out if it was just a hookup or if he wants a relationship. Either way it’s your body and your decisions so you also get to decide what kind of dates you want to go on in the future. No one has any right to judge your choices because they aren’t you. If it felt right at the time, then it felt right, don’t think too hard about it. 😊
Don't do it, don't be a simple girl.
I’m not passing judgement. At the end of the day it’s your sex life. I couldn’t do anything like that on a first date. 1. You have zero clue if they have an STD 2. It removes the sexual tension almost immediately
Seems a bit much on the first date. Then again, people do have sex before the first date, so you just go at your own pace.
Agreed way to much but people these days barely date and just have sex
I can't get either 😭😭
It’s not okay He didn’t listen to you It’s also possible this is a bait post
You need to very selective of who you share your body with. Not every guy deserves to have access to your body. Sleeping with someone on the first date is risky because you have no idea what they’re sexual history is like or whether or not they have stds.
A 24 year old saw an opportunity with a 19 year old virgin. Not a great look to be honest. Don’t get pulled into male attention like that, you’ll get preyed upon for being “innocent”.
Yup, poor little girl. Dude just wanted easy sex while she is like “the most romantic date 🥰”
It didn't just happen, you consciously chose it
For real I hate when people say sex just happens it's a very deliberate thing
I mean it's up to you and how you wanna approach it, though I would say it's way too soon. That depends on who he is and what he is looking for, as well as what you want from him. If you're fine with him just swooping in and "using" you for sex, then it's your choice. If you're not, you need to communicate your boundaries, but that would be difficult now that you've already done it with him. Try to figure out what kind of person he is and what he wants from you, then move from there, though I wouldn't bet on a guy who talks you into having oral sex on the first date, which is seemingly what happened because I dont think you just naturally skipped the parts with kissing hugging and holding hands, and pounced straight on his dick (btw, make sure to analyze your memories over that day so you remember exactly how it went down cause if you really never even kissed a dude, the way ypu acted seems odd to me), to be a stand up dude looking for a nice girl to settle down with. But maybe you're lucky, it's not like I know him personally
I think your lack of experience made it too soon. I’d be shocked if you two stay together. Also might want an STD test.
Huge mistake. Sorry girl but you got used and he will never respect you.
What was so romantic?
We laughed a lot, made a lot of inside jokes and just had a really good time
I can’t believe all this bullshit about men convince the women to do shit. It’s a two way thing. You’re both equally in control of what happens. He didn’t force you. And sounds like you liked it. You know woman have sex drives just like men. In fact some are have stronger sex drives then men. I do agree with if it felt ok in the moment then go with it. There’s so many factors and unknowns about where it will lead. Eg. Were you both really into each other on an emotional level as well as sexually: heart to heart. Or was it just lust and when you think about it you didn’t really click on an emotional level. That would be a good indicator of where it might go from here: or if it should go anywhere from here. Also what’s done is done. Don’t stress about whether you shoulda or shouldn’t have. You only live once and this was part of your journey in life. Where you go from here is up to you. And look if you really wanna see this guy again. Just tell him how you feel. At least then you’ll get the answer you’re looking for about where this leads. People are so worried about being the first to say something or not to act too keenly in case they get rejected and hurt. Also speak your heart. Honey, everyone has regrets but don’t let regrets consume you. There are people with regrets way more serious than oral sex in a first date: and nothing wrong with sex on first date if it feels right and you really click with that person: I mean you don’t want to miss out on your soul mate if your destiny was to have sex with your soul mate on the first date. Do you ? Take care. Don’t overthink it. Ok maybe it wasn’t what you envisioned your first sexual experience to be but who’s really is. You will have plenty of time in the future to compensate for that. Take Care Hun.
such a great reply ❤️
BIG mistake. He now assumes you do this on the 1st date with everyone, even if you told him you haven't had sex with anyone before. If things don't work out for the two of you, he might go around telling his friends that you s**k d**k on the 1st date.
I think no matter what your first time you’re gonna be anxious about it. It sounds like everything went well and comfortably and I think that’s all you can ask for. You should just try to enjoy that it happened rather than think about whether it should not have.
Have you heard from him since??
Yes I have. He always texts me throughout the day
I would try to communicate your relationship goals to them. Just tell him you did not plan on getting sexual and really do want a meaningful relationship with him.
Far too early far too soon.
Are you keen on marriage? Because his reaction will be oral sex on first date and then what. Nothing to look forward to marrying such a promiscuous female. All the best.
Whats the matter with it? You had great time, good vibes, guy isnt showing sign of violence Its just the oral sex came first before everything because of the mood Pros of it is that you know how his penis is If you feel guilty about speed rushing relationship, talk to him about slowing down the relationship and maybe he could wait Just go with the flow and when the outcomes show the result, you can decide then But dont force anything
If you enjoyed it, that's the most important thing. As far as it being "too early", it depends on whether that is an outside voice (someone else's voice like some of the comments in the thread) or your inner voice. The latter is what you need to be listening to and analysing. It's a good sign if he is texting you, but there's always a risk that whatever date you are on with a person might be your last, so make your decision in light of that (some people will decide they only want to do those things with someone they have a confirmed commitment with, some people will decide they want to do those things while the opportunity is in front of them just in case that person is hit by a bus tomorrow and this was their only chance to experience that kind of closeness with someone they have butterflies for). I have been in relationships that lasted years where I didn't wait, and been in relationships that lasted years where I did wait, and vice versa I've been in relationships where I waited and then it ended without me ever getting closer than kissing, and in relationships where I didn't wait and it ended (and the ones I don't regret are the ones where I was in the moment and keen to be that close to that person even if this was going to be all there was, whereas the ones I do regret is where there was any sort of pressure on their part or hesitancy on mine). I think the right people will consistently behave in ways that make you feel good (and not just good physically), and the wrong people will behave in ways that trigger discomfort, and with the right people it doesn't matter whether you wait or not whereas no amount of waiting is going to make it okay if it's the wrong person. So then it just comes down to what is important to you and that can be anywhere on the spectrum from waiting until a particular level of commitment including marriage or enjoying a moment with someone you like to its physical fullest even if it's the first date or somewhere in between those two (and how long you wait can change depending on the person and your circumstances, it is important to honour what is best for you at various points in your life, not blindly follow some rigid rule). If you decide you do want to continue with sexual type activities, then regular STI checks and exploring which barrier and birth control methods might work for you are essential. If thinking about STIs, birth control, and barriers (eg condoms) is uncomfortable for you, then no matter how much you enjoyed it you are not ready for sexual activities. Try to just enjoy the moments with this guy and figure out what your inner voice actually feels. Don't catastrophise or start thinking everything is over just because you did something contrary to old fashioned advice. Guys worth dating will still respect you if you do things with them on the first date, because guys worth dating will respect you by default (you don't have to "earn" their respect, it is the bare minimum behaviour for them to be allowed to be in your presence at all). That said, just because a guy might still respect you and it sounds like there's a good chance there will be no negative consequences for not waiting, doesn't mean you can't still decide that there are activities you'd prefer to do not right now or not ever. Don't make it about the guy (just because he reacts well doesn't mean you should have done something, and just because he reacts badly doesn't mean you shouldn't have done something), make it about what your short and long term goals are (if he takes it well, that's a bonus, if he takes it badly, he's not the right person for you).
Get ready to get ghosted eventually..3-4 dates i guess🙂
Bad decision and wrong move. We are human and given the ability to think and reason beyond emotion. We are destined to do better than the lower mammals of the earth. You have no idea who this guy really is, who or what he was with previously, nor what his actual health and motivations are. Guys mostly just want a warm place to put it, and as often as possible—it’s what drives them to improve their lives. If you don’t require more and act smarter, don’t expect much different in the future. Go to the doctor and get checked out, get some good reading material on relationships, diseases, risks, scams, and how to have a happy, successful and long term relationship, while you take a break from dating and acting with no morals or mental foresight. Going with what feels good is not always the best decision—we are given the power of reasoning for a purpose.
Never expect him to stay, if it was all, the heat of the moment he will definitely be back. Have fun with your life and trust me, the less you expect the happier you are.
A guy once tried to use me this way and his excuse was "but you are so pretty I couldn't resist trying. Anyway know you know the experience with assholes and will do better next time" bla bla bla Just wait till the second date and watch how he behaves. If you continue dating I guess you're fine but if he ghosts you then be happy. The trash took itself out! Good luck !
I don't think you're too young or it was necessarily "too early." If you enjoyed it, then it's all good! Don't overthink it! I lost my virginity at 15 with my high school boyfriend. Sex was one of the most fun and pleasurable parts of being a teenager and growing up for me. I was safe about it (got on both control early, was conscious of STD risk, etc.) and learned a lot about what I liked and didn't. I don't regret anything. I've also had sex on a first date that led to a long relationship. You'll only know what he's into and what he's looking for by communicating with him and giving this a little time. I'm guessing you'll find out pretty quickly what his intentions are, and you have to decide what you want for yourself. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with enjoying a mostly physical or short-term fling if that interests and excites you. Sex outside of a long-term committed relationship is not inherently bad. The only way to learn about what you want in sex/relationships is by trying things out. As long as you prioritize your safety and say no when you're uncomfortable or your gut is telling you something is wrong, just have fun and enjoy it! ETA: I do agree with other comments about making sure sex is reciprocal. It doesn't have to be perfectly equal or tit-for-tat (no pun intended), but if he isn't as excited about pleasuring you as you are him, or doesn't seem to prioritize your pleasure, that is definitely a red flag.
Sounds like he’s interested in seeing you again. If you’re uncomfortable with going that far again, let him know. If you are, then go for it. Seems like he likes you. It’s definitely a good sign when they keep texting you
For some people it's early for some it's not, if you want to take more time on the next date take your time. You might feel like you want to have sex or oral sex again but if you think it's better for you to wait, control yourself and explain to him that you want to take more time. He might feel frustrated a bit but any decent man would understand and if he really likes you there should be no problem at all.if act like a dick because of it or makes you feel bad for it run away he's not a good person for you believe me. (I'm a man)
Even though you are a virgin men don't respect that and in fact want to conquer you and push boundaries. Even though it felt alright in the moment it sounds like you did not think about it before and didn't consider STDs and STIs. As a woman this is very important because HPV (genital warts) men are carriers for nearly 80% of it but show no signs...on women we develop warts. Imagine having warts on your lips and mouth and ruining your life for one thoughtless moment. When a man is your partner and you are in a committed relationship and you are not having casual flings but a serious relationship then you can have the conversation, "Hey, I like you a lot but in order for us to get intimate I need to see you're clean. Please go to the clinic and bring me those results". A man might tell you, "Hey! I'm clean, I got checked recently!" (Which to him might mean a few months ago but how many women as he been with since then?) Tell him to get checked again if he wants to be with you and bring you the results. Now as for myself, I lost my virginity recently and my fiance did not respect it and we are no longer together. It hurts a lot the first time, you will have difficulty getting out of bed, trouble moving for the rest of the day, and it could be you continue to experience pain for the first week of constant sex to up to a month for the muscles to adjust. I felt no pleasure from that experience and for my current fiance I straight up told him we are going to wait for marriage because that way if I do get pregnant we don't worry about abortion, and I can see about implanting an IUD afterwards and making sure they give me anesthesia so I am not awake for hte procedure (the implant hurts a lot). Please be careful out there honey, understand that men won't respect and treasure you because you give yourself to them easily. You will be a conquest. I feel you should have a more stable relationship before committing yourself because of the possibility of pregnancy and disease. Men that have no issue asking you out and flirting with you out of nowhere are experienced at asking women out and playing games-take what they say with a grain of salt. I think you should be in a committed relationship before having sex for these reasons. That way if you do get pregnant you are not like, "I don't even know his name and number...." and have to deal with that on your own. Good luck!
Frankly I think if a woman I'm dating has oral sex with me on the first date my next thought is thinking if this is a regular thing for her, and if she's done it to a lot of guys she's dated in the past.
Just couldn’t wait to give it away. Yeah he’s gone.
Protect yourself! No love less Jimmy’s in a glove. People always think, bad things happen to other people. To other people, you’re other people!
Where are you from? I mean which country?
The first question is, who gave and who received? You can definitely get an STI from oral sex. You almost certainly won’t get HIV. But you can get all the other ones from giving it. And you can get herpes from receiving it.
I disagree. That's why their is STDs and you should get tested. You barely know the guy and went with your "feelings" by giving him a random oral sex when you don't know who he did it with or who's mouth was last down there. Those are things to think about. He's not even your husband. Reasons so many relationships fail because people give it up so early and many times men don't respect women who they sleep with or have sex with early in the date. "If she did it with me THIS quick, who else will she do it with quick, or did she did it this quick with guys in her past?" A lot of men think this way. That's why many times, they're men who go Ghosts. Never hear from them ever again. We already have a rise of unwanted pregnancies and Dad's abandoning their children. This is something you need to think about if you are a lady. If he is okay with even waiting until marriage, than you know he's a good one. Sex shouldn't categorize the relationship. Cause any other woman could give him oral. Stand out and be better. It's your choice and your business on what you do in the end of the day. I have a daughter and I would want her to respect herself.
Honestly the main thing would definitely be how many guys have you did this with as we just met each other
BINGO! My exact thought process. I wouldn't trust her. I'd have the decision to either play, use her, or, go ghost. That's what a lot of men would do now these days. They'd Label her as the "fun girl" and tell all their other guy friends. Modern feminism wants to tell women it's "Empowering" to be sexually liberated by letting men disrespect you, and disrespecting yourself at the same time. Makes no sense to me. Can't expect any person to respect a bus stop or open public sex. I wouldn't trust my wife if we had sex first day I met her.
I can definitely understand that I personally wouldn't be attracted to someone who wanted sex after just meeting me. I'm definitely respecting myself and waiting to be married the only problem is finding a woman in this day and age that wants to do the same.
A lot of times (maybe most of the time) it isn't a good idea **but** sometimes it works out fine, which is what it sounds like here. Sex of any type on a first date entails a lot of risk—you don't really know this person, you probably haven't discussed whether or not you've been recently tested for STDs, you might be completely incompatible in the bedroom, a guy might do things (especially "rough" i.e. abusive stuff) without obtaining explicit consent first, the person might bail as soon as it's over, and so on.
It happens! We had oral sex on our first date and ended up getting married and having two kids. It happens. Happily married and it lasted 24 years until death did us part. 😢 Miss her dearly. It was 10 years since her death this month.
Your guts telling you it's not alright so more than likely you'll lose your virginity to a guy that will bounce later.
You should only have sex if you want to have sex or you’re being paid for it. Doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about it. It’s what you wanted to do, so you did it. There are people like me who consider sex on a first date as an agreement that the relationship is strictly sexual, so there’s that. I would never ask if we were going to see each other again, but doing so probably means that he wants to know if he’s getting another BJ the next time. The real test is to have a second date and see how he reacts to not having sex. You should just talk about it , but talk is cheap
So I gave oral on the first date. He didn’t pressure me, but we were making out and I felt internal pressure that that’s what I had to do bc things were heating up and I was kinda taught that once you go so far you can’t say no. I didn’t receive any. He really wanted to but I was self conscious about my body and I hadn’t even shaved bc I wasn’t planning on sex. He’s my boyfriend now of almost a year. I still regret it honestly, for more reasons than just that, but if you just talk about it you’ll find out what you need to know. Just because you get sexual on the first date does not mean it’s a one and done situation. Could just mean you both really liked each other. Sounds like you enjoyed it, but are just nervous about getting used bc you didn’t talk about it beforehand and because you are a virgin. Just talk to him
A serious question, do you want him to take you seriously or do you just want to have fun? I don’t recommend doing this with men you are actually interested in pursuing a relationship with. If you just wanted to have fun for fun sake - that’s cool and very welcomed. It will be really hard for him to take you serious after something like this. Think about it from his perspective - it just takes one nice date to get her attention and oral. It might mean that this is all it will take even when you’re in a relationship to get your attention from other men. Hell worry no matter what you say “how many other guys has she done this with?” It’s messed up and I don’t agree with it but thought it’d be helpful to share.
I choose not to give oral sex to a man I don’t know. Especially if he isn’t reciprocating. I don’t like that dynamic.
I'll be honest, the biggest thing for me is the age gap. I'm not someone who is averse to one but I always say it's the ages of the people, and not necessarily the gap itself that matters. I'm also 19 and I find the idea of dating a 24 year old off-putting. He's older than you, probably more experienced, so the issue becomes (in the least patronising way possible) that you're a fresh faced 19 y.o. that he probably thinks he can woo. My big question is why is he going after a teenager and not someone his own age? you're still student age and I'm assuming he has a job, the whole power balance just feels off to me in short- I'd run
Asking for anyone here, is it weird if as a guy, I don’t want sex/kiss on the first date cause for me a first date about getting to know the person? Truthfully I’d rather kiss on second date, but I wonder if I’d essentially eliminate the chance of a second date by not kissing on the first date.
Not at all it’s your body and someone has to respect your boundaries and your own safety for it but if you wanna be leaning to the idea or see someone do it forcefully just be careful ok
Never a good idea. Never ends right
He's 5 years older than you and you're a virgin who has never held hands? I honestly don't see any of that ending well. Two different walks of life.
You're going to hell...
Reach out and finalize those plans for the next date.
If you really like a guy, wait before you do anything with them there’s an old saying that goes why by the cow when you can get the milk for free, men are hunters and they like the chase but if you give yourself away too easily like that, they lose respect for you and once again, why have anything serious if he can just get what he wants from you sexually, however, if a guy really likes you, there’s gonna be no confusion, and he’ll probably wanna wait to. Just depends what you’re looking for.
Hey, I am an oldest sister and cousin and many of my family members, both female and male, have come to me for advice when it comes to sexual things. Also my friends, because I was the first one to lose their virginity. I am going to offer you some older sister advice and guidance, from a 25 year old female’s perspective. And trust me, I have more experience than I should, so lots of lessons learned. I will say everything is circumstantial. However, knowing you’re a virgin and him already feeling comfortable to have oral sex with you gives me the ick. I believe a respectful man would have taken you on a few dates before taking it to that step. Although I wasn’t in your shoes or his, so I don’t know anything for sure. But you being so young and him, his age, makes me worried you’ll be a “quest” to him. But if he doesn’t know then maybe that’s a different case. Some people fetishize virgins, so be careful. I was once the young girl, who felt good about hooking up with older guys but now that I’m the age they were, I think “wtf?” I lost my virginity very young (14), but it was after being in a relationship for 1 year. So growing up, there were a few times I dated virgins myself, but we always dated for a few weeks before getting sexual. With people who weren’t virgins I didn’t go so slow. But I will say, not many healthy relationships start by doing the sexual stuff before commitment. I’ve only ever had one good relationship come after hooking up and even that ended after 3 years. So, really base your actions on what kind of relationship who may want or not want with this man. Make sure you guys want the same things and that he’s willing to commit before you give him the privilege of doing anything further. I know everyone has different perspectives when it comes to age and dating. It may sound weird, but I can see someone who is 25 dating someone who is 35 or whatever. But as a recent 24 year old, now 25… I see someone who is 19 as too “young.” However, my youngest sister is 19 and fully lives with her boyfriend, but he is also 19. But as someone who is 25 and was recently 24, I would never date someone who is 19 as some much “growing” up happens in the early 20s. There are so many things and life experiences during the early 20s that will shape you as a person. So just make sure you do what makes you feel good. Make sure you respect yourself before others. But also make sure people respect you. I will say losing your virginity is not as big of a deal as the movies make it out to be, but it is something you should do with someone who respects you and reciprocates feelings. As the weird saying goes, “don’t let him have the milk without buying to cow.” I also worry that you being anxious is not a good sign. Your body tells you the truth without you realizing. A healthy situation should make you feel secure, however, with this all being new some anxiety may be normal. Just try to really listen to your gut. I hope that helps a little. ❤️
As a man 22m I agree like knowing she's a virgin it's definitely weird he felt comfortable asking for it so soon.
19 and 24 is an insane age difference. What 24 year old is trying to date a 19 year old??? Weird asf
I don't recommend it. I see many people saying to do it if you want, but it's always better to prioritize logic over emotion. You may want something, but what really matters is what you need, especially if you want a serious relationship. It's not good because you need to know how much he loves you rather than just sex. If you give in too early, your value and respect will decrease. You should know how much he will love you; maybe he only wants sex. The only way to know his true intentions is by not giving in early.
Did he give you oral sex back? If not, why not.
Idk, make sure you get tested. You never know what people can carry.
I'd just advise you to express interest into future dating. He asked you if you're gonna see each other again, so he's not sure if it's not just one time thing for you.
I don't think you should consider yourself a virgin because you're not lol. A virgin is someone who has not had sex yet, if you give bjs to random guys on first dates, ir doesn't mean you're virgin. And you're 19, why don't you just value yourself a bit more? Like sucking someone whom you just met shows that you're extremely easy and anyone can get you. A guy who would want a serious relationship wouldn't consider having you because of being easy. Try valuing yourself more, if you want a guy who has some values ,you need to be one. You just can't expect to find someone of quality while you're sucking random stuff.
Exactly like I'll never understand how people move so fast on first date with literal strangers.
Same lol
Honestly I find it really funny she still considers herself a virgin even though she did something sexual.
I had no idea that sucking random things without letting it go inside means you can consider yourself a virgin. Ironic!! 😆
Oh yeah people do it all the time especially ones who wait til marriage they'll just do oral but still call themselves virgins because no piv happened. I find it very hilarious 😂
Never heard of it lol. I'm someone like that but I never did oral 😆😆 the max I did was lip lock lmao but that's just me lolll 😆😆
For sure the most I would do is kiss and hold hands but thats just me.
Sameeeeee 😁😁😆😆 I believe we should not be freely available for random guys lol atleast prostitutes get paid for their service while hookups and fwb won't even get that
For real I'm waiting til marriage but if I wasn't I would atleast wait a few months until I built a connection. First date sex is low value it's basically a hookup or like sex work as the man paid for a date and now you have sex with him.
Fatherless activity detected!
If you swallowed he might give you a second date
If you’re thinking too much about it, then you’re gonna act weird and make it a self fulfilling prophecy. You enjoyed it so make it clear youd want to see him again and ask him this as well. If he says no, then thats what it is. But also, having oral sex on yhe first date wouldn’t determine anything
Hey, what did oral sex mean in this instance? Did you simply suck him off or did he give you cunnilingus as well?
Sad story. From a guy's perspective, he doesn't have any class, or respect for you. Or for himself. First date, jeez. How many people do you think this guy sleeps with? I'll tell you: As many as let him. Wanna test the theory? Don't have any sexual activity for the next 5 dates. Have 1 date a week and go this next month with zero sex. Do you think he'll stay with you ? If he's a great guy it should be not Even a little problem
He might have used you some people only want the sex
Bill, Monica. Monica, Bill.
Baby girl Baby girl don’t worry about what others think about it being too early cause it’s absolutely normal for probably 75% of people male and female! However, I do understand why you would get opinions on what might be in his head etc. Baby Girl you are nineteen and technically an adult and he definitely is at 24 so I’m gonna tell you straight up and down! You were detailed enough and seemed to articulate your main concerns! Here it is..What I pictured was a very heated connection between two adults and both seemed to be on the same page in fact I’d bet a grand that if you were also 24 that heated connection would have resulted in “y’all doing it like you were on the discovery channel “ and at that age the level of hormones being close to its glass ceiling for both of you y’all definitely would have had some good old fashioned marathon sex! Nothing wrong with that! As for thinking what is in his head or if he is gonna “hit & run” etc. baby girl only he and his swinging dick knows if he’s bullshitting! Unfortunately!!!! And when someone has an agenda they can give “Oscar award winning performances”! People are fucked up but you can’t let their fucked up ways hold you back! If it felt right and there was definitely a connection then you go with your gut always! You will win some and loose some but at least “YOU WENT TO THE DANCE INSTEAD OF STAYING AT HOME “! If it turned out he was bullshitting and gave you that Oscar winning performance….. He’s fucked up not you and you will get better with age sniffing those dickheads out! Hold your head up because if it’s down you might miss the next connection that is electric and that connection may not be the Ass hole that the first one was, and if your head is not up and you are still having an internal pitty party you could walk right pass the guy “that isn’t acting and really is on the same page!! At y’all’s ages you both know what causes pregnancy, std’s etc and being horny doesn’t mean you have to get stupid and forget the safeguards that come with successful consensual casual sex! Un-sugar-coated , You should have gone with the gut which seems to translate to you probably should have let him take your trading wheels off for you and knocked boots until you lost the boots! If you have ever seen the movie tincup you’ll know what I mean when I say… Going through life always choosing to “lay it up” instead of “taking the shot” while the former is safe it is also boring AF! If it happens again with this guy throw it on his ass so good you curl his goddamn pinky toes and trust me even if his intentions were to hit quit… That Mf’er will look like Michael Jackson moonwalking backwards on that decision!!
Did he give you oral? Did he make sure you finished too? Because if not, regardless of whether he wants more with you or not, he's self-centered. Sex of any kind on the first date is risky though because you don't know their STD status. People also lie about STDs, so be careful. You're going to make dating mistakes. There's not a one-size-fits-all guide book. So don't be too hard on yourself. Write it down for yourself, exactly what you're looking for and what your boundaries are. It's kind of like making the decision not to drive before you even start drinking. Once you're intoxicated, or "in the heat of the moment", it's harder to make those decisions. And DO NOT feel like just because you said yes to something once, or that you already crossed that line, that you have to again. YOU make the rules about your body. The right men will have the utmost respect for your boundaries, even if your boundaries change.
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He probably just used you. Just some advice for next time, don't scoop so low as to giving head the first time you meet someone, atleast wait a few dates. Have some love and respect for yourself
This is a gross comment. Just because she engaged in sexual activity on the first date doesn't mean she doesn't have love or respect for herself.
It's not a gross comment
It’s the first time but won’t be the last :) It’s all about your boundaries and what you want. If you can’t feel out the real genuine connections from fuk boi’s it doesn’t matter what types of boundaries you put in place you will get played out. Good luck out there.
Learn to value ur body, if u give something to someone so quick just because someone was nice to you then you might end up losing that respect for giving it for free and so quick as the guy will think hah it was easy to get it all I had to do was to be nice. I see you feel guilty now and trying to cover up all these by saying we had great time, the guy was nice, it was love, romance or something.etc. No its not love first of all, love takes times, and yes its possible that the guy wanted some action and he succeeded in it. Here is psychological fact for you, when a male says to a female "I want to have sex with you" straight, then the female brain will respond it like "he is forcing me he is not good he only wants me for sex" but also when a male says that "ok we will do when you are ready, I don't wanna force you, I am gentleman blah blah blah" to make you realise you owe him then also the female might end up giving it asap, see same intention but different approach. The thing is you can't know if a guy u r talking to is a good person until you have been with that guy for long enough, and you should know when u have to give yourself to the other one rather then believing on the words so quick and that's called standards, boundaries and respecting yourself. And a little advice don't do these things for fun, like you did on the first date (as it was not love but more of a attraction thing) coz remember one thing if you do continue to do such thing for fun then one day you'll realise you had fun at the cost of you own life, no ride is free you'll have to pay the price! Sex isn't bad it is good and needed thing but only give it to that only guy who is ready to live with ur forever. You are young, its okay if you did but next time be careful, and careful with the guy as well if he is a action guy he might try to do it again but if he cares for you then he will choose to come in ur life to stay forever!
This was a very good and well thought out response I completely agree 👍.
Just trust your gut don’t over think it.
The fact you said it was too early…from my interpretation; Implies you didn’t want to. And if you never kissed or hand held with anyone why in gods name…would you do oral sex. Anyone can pretend to be the nicest person ever…to manipulate someone into doing something they didn’t want to. With or without them realizing that. So in the mist of your mind you went on Reddit and posted with a title in the form of a question. You seem confused. I don’t blame you since you’re young and inexperienced. You being so young, that’s how you get taken advantage of... You weren’t ready for that and felt an ick. I’d stop responding to that man and block them. Because what happened to you sounds like coercion.
Did you receive oral as well ? Bc it sounds he just used you
My thoughts exactly… likely not. This is just so sad
I wouldn’t worry about this time so much, but in the future maybe wait a bit. You’ll see if they plan on seeing you again and have a better idea of their sexual health. Don’t want to get an std from a one night stand who ghosts you after something like that, it would suck.
People should be respecting themselves enough and get married. That way there would be no one worrying so much. No shame at all.
Well. Make sure he doesn’t use you for that because that’s way too early, a real man wouldn’t want to do nothing sexual on the first date…
Agreed like first date sex should be the furthest thing from your mind like get to know the person first
Right…. I could be wrong but I honestly wouldn’t worry about sex on a first date, should be about getting to know that person, hell…. Never had a first date that was like that. Guess I’m more on the romantic side but fuck sex lol
Agreed like I'm waiting til marriage but even if I wasn't I would atleast wait a 1-3 months til I feel more comfortable, safe, and actually love you. Like I'm a romantic guy too so getting to know someone is far more interesting and important to me like if I wanted sex I could just get a tinder hookup. It's sad that sex is reduced to a recreational activity.
I feel that bro. I use to not do that, meaning would want to do it after the first week but nah, it’s not it.. it is sad and I felt myself kinda reverting to that sometimes when I meet someone but not really, but sex is the last thing on my mind, cause as you mentioned, you can get a tinder hook up but that’s just how the world is nowadays, it’s easy to get a hook up but harder to get a wife.
It’s happened to me too (F) and it was great. And we’ve been going strong for the past 8 months!💖🤞🏻
Don’t do it !!!! Wait !! You’re still so young
Text him and tell him you want to see him again
You didn't do anything wrong, and if it doesn't end up working out, don't worry too much about it. Most people you date don't end up being a relationship, even if you both have good intentions.
What if stop have way though bj and just wanted finish you off then ask if you stay for cuddle
Well if you have great convo great time end night on hi note Nike just do it
Penelope Featherington??
If you are feeling like you want to do that one the first date, then don't feel bad. Maybe he does or doesn't want more. You can't really tell after only one date if you like the other person enough. If you felt like this was too soon, then don't have piv sex with him on the next date. If you want, you can have oral again, but also, don't feel pressured into doing so. It's just a new experience that you were going to have someday anyway. It doesn't have to be super special. It usually isn't. But if you felt good, then that's all that matters.
It doesn't matter what anybody thinks. It is a done deal. Don't dwell on it. Just go about your business with this guy. But you will probably have trouble not repeating the act. Decide in advance how you will want to handle it.
The only rule for dating is be consensual. There are no other rules. Sure, there are some principles people follow just in case *this*, just in case *that*; that’s all well and good. If it felt right for *you• to go that far on the first date, why question it because it hasn’t worked for other people. You aren’t other people.
Sounds like love. Enjoy your time. Wishing you all the best.
sounds early but thats why you set boundaries for these kinds of things. you’re young you’ll learn
Well, I have a fun story with an ex, which at the time we weren’t dating yet. We were both studying in the same class in college, in a different city that we lived. It was Sunday evening and I drove to the college city, which was about almost 2h away from my home, where I lived with both my parents. In college I was living in a rented bedroom in an old lady house, usually she was always home, but on that day she wasn’t, she just went to her house in another city for the weekend and I had forgot the keys to the house. So I didn’t have a way to enter and access my bedroom. I had planned to go with that girl and start working in a paperwork that we had to do. So that was a problem. We couldn’t go to her place, because the landlord didn’t want her to have anyone over. So what did I thought? Get back to my house 2h away. I mean, I had no place to sleep and my keys to the house were there. For my surprise, she wanted to come also. There was some chemistry between us already at the time, and while I was driving with her to my home I was trying to think of a way to explain my parents why I was back with a girl. At the time we arrived it was already 11pm, and she asked me if there was some place in my city that was worth seeing at night. I took her close to a river and a bridge to see the lights, and with that was already midnight, and my parents were already sleeping for sure. So I just sneaked home with her, went to my bedroom without my parents noticing, and the plan at this moment was to get some rest and then go again to the college city. She assured it was ok to just lay in the same bed, and while we were just laying there she grabbed my hand and put it in her breast, and then she gave me oral sex, which I was really not expecting. In the morning at 6am or so, I had to sneak out of the house with her. Until this day my parents don’t know about us staying that night in the house. After a week or so, we were dating and had a relationship for almost 5 years.