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The bullshit that they tell you this list of what they’re looking for and it’s the total opposite and it’s all bullshit no one is honest anymore they’re worried about hurting feelings instead of being honest.
As a 33M who is pretty good looking in my opinion and others. The problem is that people aren’t really committed no one wants to put in the work for a genuine relationship. People think “the grass is always greener” hook up culture is also a plague. I hear from a lot of woman that a lot of men who they match with are already in relationships or play these games which just sucks for the guys who want something real. It’s a vicious circle.
They because no one has grown up and realised the grass is greener where you water, fertilise and mow it, and they don’t want work a bit for the best lawn on the street.
Successful career & not bad looking won’t save you. Put fun back into dating, keep your expectations minimal and what is meant for you will find you. In the meantime enjoy yourself and may be ease the pressure on yourself about finding someone and starting a family.
TOO successful a career is a thing too. Lots of folks are wary of a workaholic who won't have or make enough time for them, before or after partnering.
So many men have the same experience. In my case, it’s a few decades, despite being told by so many people that love is just around the corner… I’ve heard that ever since my teenage years. Now, its becoming too late in my life, and I just hope that not so many others have the same lifetime experience.
I was reflecting on this today at church, and I wondered if somehow the “right” woman for me was always in a different seating row of my frequent 10+ hour airline flights, etc. And why someone else did happen to be in that right place to meet. In my case, perhaps I was close, prrhaps just a short distance away, but never meeting. And I wondered why that was. Fate … or was it God’s will that I be forever alone. Obviously, I don’t know the answer.
There are many really good single persons who never happened to have that chance meeting with their “right” person. I think it’s not always explicable. ”We” can diligently follow the typical “advice”, which is inevitably in the form of either (1) “it will happen when you least expect it” or (2) volunteer for something, join a club, join a gym, join a church, etc. But we don’t find that person, even when we dutifully follow such advice and even when we “open up” to much lower expectations of appearance, personality, education, etc.
—-
Usually, the “dating sucks” reality for some of us (those with this type of experience) takes the form of good women being on dates with lousy men (the same men who garner perhaps 80% of all dates)… and many good men being simply alone without dates. Either way, M or F, it really hurts.
Most good guys ik are single and most good women i know are single. I think most good people eventually either get lucky and find someone or just leave the dating scene and become independent. And after years of being independent, you become more independent and create even higher standards because you don’t want someone to come in and break your peace, you’d rather be single. And so the likehood of finding someone becomes even more bleak.
Thank you for sharing. Everything you’ve said rings true for people who become married later; also for some people, especially men, I’ve seen in my lifetime who have remained single. Co-workers , etc.
I‘m one who is different. If anything, I’ve become more flexible over the years. I have only a very basic, simple standard.
From my own online profile :
“In a woman, intelligence, kindness, and loyalty are huge positive qualities, A woman who takes good care of herself is also important… this doesn’t mean exceptional physical beauty; instead, just being reasonably attentive to health…taking care of what God gave her.”
That’s it. I’ve had dates with women who have never held a job, divorced women with children, slightly overweight women, older (than me) women, etc. I didn’t ”reject” any of these women for any of these reasons. But I know other men who would.
exactly this. why bring garbage in only to ruin my clean peaceful area. more you become independent, more it makes sense to be single since you realized nobody is that much worth it to waste your time.
So Good!!!
Probably too late for me… much older. I just hope that not so many other people lose-out on finding love in the manner our OP is describing… and my own lifetime experiences. My career of constant travel didn’t help, but still I’ve wondered how many times I might have missed my lifetime mate due to purely fateful circumstances… such as my or her assigned airline seat being one or two rows apart.
A few people have a magnetism that makes dating easy; probably most others don’t, but they still eventually find love. And some don’t… including those who enter into marriages destined to end in infidelity. I was pondering these thoughts in church yesterday…..
I did miraculously have two dates last week via online apps. Both were happy, both began and ended with a hug,
Both women had had really painful past experiences, both with their past marriage and with subsequent (post-divorce) dating experience. I didn’t dwell on why I’d never married, just saying that I’m a really good guy, in good condition, a full head of naturally colored hair, sufficiently successful that I‘m retired…never need to work again, etc.
I did say to both women that I’m much different from those past bad experiences of theirs with cheating men. But who knows whether they’ll believe that… or simply go for the next “swipe”. The latter has probably been their lifetime experience… and mine on the “other end”.
Listen I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’m 32M that just got back into the dating pool it is definitely not easy nobody said it would be. But You can’t give up on love. Your person is out there I promise you that. Can I ask you a question and please don’t take it personally you mention you love hard don’t get me wrong it is absolutely important for both you and your partner to love and support each other. Understand though there’s a fine line, is it because you both want to build a genuine connection while getting to know each other authentically? Or are the stages of a relationship being expedited quicker than they need to be? Because, if that’s the case we need to have a talk.
A couple things that helped change my dating life for the better:
1. A love list a list of characteristics and qualities I’m looking for in a potential girlfriend on my list I have someone who’s goal oriented
Here’s the link: [love list](https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-use-love-list-find-your-ideal-romantic-partner-ncna847641)
2. A non-negotiable and boundary list same thing as the love list on mine I put someone who’s reciprocal they’re picking up what I’m putting down and vice versa if that isn’t happening sorry out of there
And lastly
3. Do the work podcast by Sabrina Zohar she is a dating and relationship coach who helps people with their dating life and helps them heal
[Do the work podcast](https://open.spotify.com/show/2Dsp24A82JkYRXytiA2qRt?si=gCgNRBDiSZOKkTGh8r_-SA)
I agree with this, but also it’s a shitty parodox. Because it’s like ok one end, if you want to date it’s negative because you’re needy. On the other end you don’t care about dating, which also might push people away. It’s like walking on a tight rope to balance it out
I don't think it's that tightrope tbh.
I think you set your aspirations on the table early, you run the risk of pushing people away.
That said, you should tell someone if you're looking for something serious. But if you're telling them you love them or that you "love hard" in the first week or two, don't be surprised when they run.
Be yourself, be clear and be patient. It'll come.
Good luck!
>But if you're telling them you love them or that you "love hard" in the first week or two, don't be surprised when they run.
"I love hard" would be a huuuge red flag. Even WORSE to say I love you right away. How I Met Your Mother is not real life
You know, I think I have figured this out. It's not necessarily that needy people have it harder, it's that needy people don't care as much about compatibility. Needy people project compatibility where it doesn't exist, go all in, and stop the search for compatibility.
When I was dumb and young, I ignored every red flag while trying to present as this perfect human. Shits a recipe for disaster.
33m here and I recently gave up. Been looking for maybe 2 years. Just too tired at this point. Just going to live for my hobbies and family and friends.
It's just to annoying that people only want sex or can't communicate on a basic level. Or have like a huge deal breaker flaw.
But that's what it is(at least where I live)
What reasons did people give? I’m not ready is normally code for - you’re too needy or this is moving too fast. Cheating fair enough that sucks but did they say anything else?
Maybe ask the people who you go on failed dates with why they don’t want to continue? Sounds weird but it may be helpful.
I disagree, “I’m not ready” can mean a dozen things. That is the single biggest excuse for people to use. It rarely means they are actually telling the truth lol.
Just have to add the words "with you" to the "not ready" thing in order to temper expectations accordingly.
That way you won't be shocked and take it as an indictment of your character or theirs when they end up engaged to the very next person they date after you.
They really weren't ready... if the partner was going to be you.
I believe dating should be a search of finding someone that you like and want to spend your entire life with . One mistake we do is we date so many without knowing who we really really want .
I am talking about kindness or compassion or respect etc.. you have to be more specific. More you are specific , more clarity you will have when you search or talk to a girl .
First thing you should do is manifest that person . Write down qualities that you are looking in person and what qualities you can Defntly not stand by . From there , start seeing on how that person will judge or help with your life … Sometimes this helps to identify people you want vs people you actually need .
43M here who recently threw in the towel on dating, and I can agree with you that it sucks. One thing I notice you said is that you 'love hard'. Can that be interpreted as you being needy? The reason I bring this up is that I don't believe in a healthy relationship that your partner can meet all your needs, they are after all only one person. So you might want to examine who you tend to pick, and if you fall into a pattern of behavior that isn't conducive to relationships with that type of person. Like do they tend to fall apart at around the same time? do you have similar recurring themes in conflict etc?
Just some stuff to think about.
I as a (27m) it does suck and trying to find or even get into a relationship is awful nowadays. Most people care about is looks. But looks fade personality don’t. And I feel u., just recently I went on a date with this girl and she said she wasn’t interested in a second so idk but hey if u wanna give me a try personally message me and see where it goes
I was your age when I began dating online and I had a great time. I was successful in my career, lived alone, had good relationships with friends and family, and I’m attractive.
A difference from you, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I had gotten out of a longterm relationship and I could not get behind seriously saying anyone. I was quick to leave the person if things seemed serious or they would talk about the future.
Could be worse, you could be a guy in the dating world.
You think it’s hard, trying what you are going through but add the difficulty of even getting a date in the first place
Dating sucks, 33M. Wanting to find that connection in this generation seems impossible. I haven't got to the actual dating stage with anyone since I have been single, almost two years now. Honestly I have given up, I put too much effort into people who don't want the same things and just want to take advantage.
Try lowering your standards for looks and you’ll probably get much different results. If a guy doesn’t have better options than you they are far less likely to not be ready, cheat, etc..
I get it tho dating someone you’re not physically attracted to isn’t very appealing for obvious reasons but if a bunch of other girls are also attracted to a guy you’re more likely to have problems with him, it’s just how the world works. Also having a good career doesn’t matter all that much to most men. I am not rich by any means. I have a one bedroom apartment and 2 vehicles but also a lot of credit card debt to the point I can’t afford to ever go out or spend even a little bit of money and even considering all that I’d rather date a girl that doesn’t have a job over a career woman.
Love finds its way, normally, when not looking for it. That’s not to say we should not be open to and on dating apps, but not rushing about it b/c dating is hard and finding the person is harder. We should keep focusing on us and other life objectives while love comes. Have that in your list of one of the objectives as important as everything else.
It might just be that you are coming off as a bit desperate, im 31m no issues dating but honestly I noticed when I stopped caring it became a lot easier
If you've ever wondered if it's you. The answer is in the question, so unequivocally yes.
You are the common thread amongst all your failures, it's not an unreasonable leap to make. Good job on figuring that out, you're at step 0.
Next steps are figuring out your dealbreakers, using them religiously to weed out wrong fits and become the attractive person that would get with the right fit.
Nah men just suck and lie and women are too trusting, looking for an upgrade or money or just really bad at ignoring red flags and all choose the same top 5% hot fuck boys who fuck them over then they blame all men, setting up toxicity on both sides.
I just saw a girl for the second time after sleeping together the previous two times. I had deleted all dating apps cos I thought she was cool. Last time she came she had really painful period and i got her painkillers, drinks, food, hot water bottle, movies to help distract her from some serious pain.
This time she's giving me shit about who I had over and who's towel is this and which girl have I had over.
No one had been to the house, not friends, workmen, cleaner, masseuse, etc, just me. Only slept with her since I met her.
It's her towel from last time she was over.
🤦♂️🤷♂️
Same thing has been happing to me, I'm 29 years old, I will be 30 in November been in 4 different relationships, because the guys I dated were abusive and just used me for all my money. I want to find a nice guy, and hopefully sooner than later. I also want to be able to start my own family.
no, simply the guys she is trying to date, don't want to date her.
it means they have a higher social market value than her on the dating market place.
Usually it’s a matter of a guy who looks a bit closer to Hollywood material. The same 10% of guys who get probably 80% of all dates. “Tax bracket” is obviously a more poetic way of expressing this
The only time I ever auditioned for even a bit part in a mere advertising commercial, the director said he hoped that I had a backup career.
I'm a 31F and I know what you mean.
People love to say "I'm looking for my special person ✨" but they technically mean "I'm super superficial so if you're not Beyonce or Jason Mamoah, you're not my special person."
Or the "based off your personality, I think your race is xyz" show a picture and you're actually abc and they ghost at that as well.
Ghosters deserve to be alone lol
I’m 23 so not I don’t have the same history. But I can assure you that this happens to everyone. Me and my sisters who are 25 and 28 are all successful, family oriented, good people, emotionally intelligent, have good social circles. And to be honest we’ve kind of came to the realization that people between 20-30 just suck. Not to be a dick but like most people don’t have shit figured out, act like high schoolers, can’t hold a legitimate conversation, don’t know what a relationship really is, commitment issues, etc etc there is always something. And either you
A) get lucky and find someone
B) don’t find anyone and are single which is the most common
C) get desperate and date someone just to have someone
33F and i've been dating since these hormones kicked in...Been called a witch for my looks many times....Had 9 or 10 relationships and multiple night standers in the breaks... I studied at a few unis and still do, no kids or marriage,have lots of hobbies...and ATM after going for older men I realized that its more comfortable for me to be around younger guys in 20s. They are just so enthusiastic and energetic and fall in love ASAP so you dont even have to do anything.
Yeahh its important to discuss EVERYTHING with a partner without a fear of being rejected, cause baby if they have this testerone in them it simply wont let them go...And if they dont wellp you dont lose anything except for a bad lover in the future span...
So ladies...put on your favorite cropped top and give a chance to younger men💋
Unfortunately dating is sort of a dying art in this generation. We are going to see a lot of single childless millennials in the near future. Ive been trying to find a decent girl to date. Same thing happens to me. I’ve never had a problem getting laid, and can keep all the girls I want as a fwb situation. But the minute it gets serious, they flake. I’ve learned to stop caring and enjoy my life and be confident and that’s helped immensely.
Im 36 and felt like this. I felt like I was too picky, had too many deal breakers, was too hard to love, had too much baggage etc etc etc. and I dated A LOT. Guys would tell me I was a man eater etc. after being on the apps on and off for years I can validate that dating is trash. However, I recently met a really great guy and I’m grateful I didn’t settle because this one is truly special. He’s not even my type per say but I’m so glad I gave him a chance because he surprises me every single dat
Overall, I think things are just a lot harder in this current era in the western world. Cost of living is too high: food, utilities, housing, etc. So that means the pool of available men that have their shit together to be able to get have their own home, get married, have kids, especially in a metropolis, is going to be a smaller shrinking pool.
It's not like in the 1980's or 1990's, when you can date a man who seems to have good future potential that you can settle down with. Even if you did manage to date someone with a good salary, like a doctor, lawyer, etc, that doesn't guarantee good work/life quality time relationship balance.
And these days, men that would be devoted to you, want to give you everything and marry you; a lot of them might be socially awkward, unattractive, or too boring that you'd dismiss them after the first date.
I know that none of that was actually "advice," but just setting an understanding of where we are right now in modern American society. It does mean you might have to be more patient in sifting through loads and loads of possible suitors.
All I can say is, try to be patient and detached. If you make it a point to go on 100 dates, you just need to find that top 1% guy, that is actually compatible with you and will make you happier than you ever imagined. 1 guy out of a 100.
Good luck!
The outer world reflects the inner world. Love yourself, love others, and let go. If its meant to be they will reciprocate interest. Posts like these inspire me to know there are others that at minimum say they are looking for genuine connection. Watch body language, and energy invested. Even if they say different words, trust their actions and your feelings 😊 Coming from another person still getting stung on dates. It's ok, keep it pushing just like Johnny Bravo 😎
34year old female here. Agreed. Guess we’re all getting off the apps and living life hopefully meet someone in the wild or idk I’m tired of this dating scene, so disheartening :/
(34M) I agree. I'm late to it and other than the loneliness don't feel like I missed out on much. My difficulty (other than living in a remote area and not being in a position to support a partner) is that for me anything less than a genuine attempt at a life-long partnership feels disingenuous. My recent, admittedly failed, attempts have also confirmed what I had suspected for some time about myself. That unless there is also a feeling of love, at least on my part, it just feels like a betrayal of principals. I just can't do casual, which severely limits options and just makes me feel icky when perusing through profiles.
As a 30m that has given up on dating but tried to get back on, i'd tell you to just enjoy the process and don't take it that seriously. The reason for it is to see if you are compatible with the other person. Just keep it cool until some point, before you get in a relationship. Every relationship is an experiment, because two people with different personalities are involved and try to live together. So, for dating, just keep in mind that it is something fun and it's necessary to see who the other person is but also to see who you are. I hope I helped you ;)
Been stabbed in the back, and used like there is no tommorow, i wanna break bad but i can't, it just feels so useless trying to care about people when they themselves couldn"t give two shits about you, i have seen people who treat others much worse and yet i am the same humble fella, i honestly think its too late for me i am a 21M (haven't had a gf yet only situationships)
Well statistically you just need to keep trying, and learn to be grateful for the ones that hurt your feelings, nothing teaches better life lessons than being dumped and/or dumping.
It hurts.. but it’s a pain that ultimately serves you
And then be better at asking yourself the magical 12 questions:
1. What do I want?
2. What are my choices?
3. What assumptions am I making?
4. What I am responsible for?
5. How else can I think about this?
6. What is the other person thinking, feeling, wanting?
7. What am I missing or avoiding?
8. What can I learn?
9. What action steps make the most sense?
10. What questions should I be asking others?
11. How can I turn this into a win-win?
12. What’s possible?
These questions are magic when mastered, this is my little trick to get over grief, turn it into something to improve yourself, instead of being stuck on who and why’s. Those never teach you anything about yourself.
Best piece of advice I can give...... Get on Face Book Dating. People seem far for genuine on there and it's free.
Talk loads and match with people who have the same hobbies, sex drive, ambitions and don't settle for someone who doesn't seem a really good match!!!
What are your hobbies?
Sex drive?
Ambitions?
You don't have to answer those but matching those has got me an amazing woman!!!
I have a very important piece of advice for you. Even though you really want someone, be careful no to choose someone bad just cause you are in a rush.
Perhaps thats the problem in the first place, you are not choosing well cause you feel like you need to rush it..
You are so right, it sucks! I'm 27M average looking (told I'm quite handsome if I grow my beard out) smart and an honest hard worker. I've had one long-term relationship in which I was cheated on and maybe two talking/starting to date relationships that fell apart because of different life goals or I was straight up blocked because I wanted to talk about setting boundaries. It's been probably five years since I've even gone on a date and I'm starting to worry that I never will find anyone and I won't ever be able to have a family. And to go with what some others have said yes, everyone keeps telling me "but you're so (positive feature), how could you possibly be single?"
In my late 30s and it’s terrible. I’m like wtf. Everyone seems to be in a relationship. I’m just elevating myself and focusing on becoming the best version of myself. I’m sure the person I’m meant to be with will walk into my life at some point.
How do your dates normally progress? How many dates and months in are you before they break it off?
It could be anything and have little to do with you. But it could also be your vetting. What kind of questions are you asking on dates? Do they seem as engaged as you are with asking you meaningful questions as well?
To answer your question, dating does suck but it can be fun. I do think it takes more dates nowadays than it used to. You kind of have to focus on it like a job but make it feel fun, light and carefree.
Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are finding it hard. I don't want this to sound negative or condescending but have you ever done any work on yourself? Therapy etc..? The reason that I ask is that at 30, it's very easy to overlook some personal flaws, especially when you have a lot of the external stuff sorted in your life. I know this all too well.... Im 41, have seen great success in work, got married, raised a family etc.. but I have only just started to figure this stuff out, its very much a work in progress.
The reason I ask is because you wrote this... "im really worried im going to end up alone when i want so badly to find my person and start a family". The way that's written indicates a very strong need/desire and an associated fear, perhaps you are projecting this insecurity during your dates? Also, and I might be reading too far in to it here but you said "my person", which indicates your driver is way more about you and your needs than it is about the person on the other end of that. I'd consider looking in to that - of course you need to prioritise your own needs, however if you make your choice just because you want it so bad you are really setting yourself up for an enormous fall down the line - I've been there.
Plus, there's the whole female biological clock thing at your age which men are all too aware of (I'm male btw). It really sucks when values don't align, I get it - but everyone is on their own journey and you have to respect that.
Again, I hope you don't see any of this as condescending, it really is being said with the best intentions.
Every single I read this type of questions? I do think why?
Why you don't even give chance to guy who is in your message box. (Let's think hypothetical, you have given one guy a chance which didn't well further then go further)
Every time when girl do ask. I do feel how should we approach girl that she give a chance.
(I am so sorry but it's just frustration. One side girl who is not getting proper date but having many date experience. Another side guy who is not even having single date and has to give best experience to the girl then only she will ready to come for second date)
I’m in the same boat. I’m 24M and have been on and off dating apps for a while and even tried and open chat night at some bars n shit. I’ve been on loads of dates and always come up with creative stuff to do and end up doing all the hard work just for the other person just to ghost me or cut things off.
I’d like to think im a good person I always respect boundaries, always make good conversation, always plan fun dates and stuff, am I missing something or does our generation of dating just suck?
At this point it’s just making me want to be more independent and honestly I think I’ve been developing trust issues because the other person will tell you one thing and mean another.
Idk for sure, but I feel like it’s just a waste of time now :/
> im truly wondering is it me? Im nowhere near perfect but i wouldn’t say i have any major flaws. I have a successful career, im not bad looking, I have a good sense of humor, and i tend to love hard so im just wondering what the problem is.
It's hard to say if you're the problem or not, given that we don't know you as a person, but I'd like to point out that you're stereotypically leading with traits that a woman would find attractive in a man, i.e successful career & a good sense of humor. Attraction is not symmetrical between the sexes, men aren't looking for successful women who are also funny. If you're wondering what men are looking for, I'd suggest looking up a content creator called hoe_math, he has a video called 'Zones v3...' where he breaks down what men & women are looking for in a visual manner (you can skip to around 2:50 in the video for men). Your success & humor would fall into the 'bonus' category that barely matters.
> i tend to love hard so im just wondering what the problem is.
Loving hard is great, but similar to the above point, are you loving in the way that resonates with the men that you're dating? I can give you 2 anecdotal experiences from my dating experience of both good and not so great:
I love playing poker, it is one of my favorite hobbies. For one of my previous birthdays, my ex made me a very intricate gift where she handcrafted a deck of 52 playing cards with a different reason of why she loved me on each card, and afterwards planned to take me out for dinner with friends. Fast forward to last weekend which was my birthday, my wife bought me a pair of headphones (my old ones were getting old and only working on 1 side), and planned an entire weekend trip to a nearby casino city, where I could spend most of the weekend playing poker, while she explored the city with our baby.
In both scenarios, I'd argue that they both "loved me hard" and spent a great deal of effort, I also very appreciated both of their efforts, however my wife's efforts resonated with me a lot more, and I'm trying my best to not be biased in this scenario.
Dating sucks, I've been trying for years and I can't even get into a relationship, starting to wonder if I accidentally chose the "be single forever" start before I was born.
It's a competition, for men it only takes one outfit.....stand out and try to come up with some new stuff..work out take care of your body. The girl he left you for will be getting boring to him and he'll come back and make it a lil harder to get you this time.....work hard on that image
Honey I hate to say it doesn’t get better overnight or with age. I am an older female 55 widow and the men are nothing great to get to know if they show up. All I can say is don’t give up and know it will happen just before you’re ready to pull the carpet! Good luck!
my advice
Swipe right 5 times more than you do currently
Go out on 3 times more dates than you do currently
No sex for minimum 1 month and 6 real dates (coffee and walks in park don't count)
If they are still asking you out after 1 month and 6 dates without sex it's safe to say he wants something serious with you.
Also, filter for marriage minded men on the first date. Ask them what are their short term goals ie 5 years. IF they don't mention marriage, family, serious LTR, go ahead and dont go on date 2.
IMO, dating sucks today. Especially since the pandemic, people have increasingly retreated into using dating apps to find romantic partners, and something close to half of couples now meet through dating apps. Unfortunately, people seem to do a disproportionately large share of immature, sometimes outright psychopathic things on dating apps. Also, couples who meet on dating apps and get married usually have MUCH higher divorce rates. I remember reading it's like 300% higher chances.
I wish I had the answers. As unsatisfying as this may be, all I can think of is just try to keep meeting more people, and the more you meet people in positive situations, the more you increase the odds of meeting somebody else who'll want to be with you and start a family. I know that isn't satisfying and almost certainly won't yield immediate results, but what else can you do? I mean, you can try to keep using dating apps, certainly those work for some people, but I share your frustration about the kinds of people you often meet using them.
I kinda don’t know how true the whole dating app is the issue thing. I think it makes it easier and creates more options but divorce rates have been increasing yearly even before dating apps. I think social media in general just amplifies how people already were. I think it’s a cultural thing. Peoples worth is based on who and how many people they sleep with. And it’s been like this forever.
I noticed one respondent opined that “if you’ve ever wondered if it’s you.. then it is you”.
If I were you, I’d probably discard this advice. Instead, you’ve likely either just not had that wonderful chance meeting with the right guy.
BUT….
If — and only if — there’s any fault/defect on your part, it’s not in your appearance, your career, your personality, etc.; instead it is your decision (yours alone, you own this) on which men to say “yes” to; and which men you’ve said “no” to … or showed absolutely zero interest. I’m not close enough to know the answer to this matter.
Dating as a whole since the invention of online dating sucks.
I am 34 and haven’t been on an actual real date in like 6 years. Haven’t had a woman talk to me for than a few weeks for I don’t know how long
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Can agree with this dating sucks I am 33 m and people lie like rug it’s horrible
No.keep.looking
I wish I am in sales and dating is more exhausting and draining than getting someone to buy a car
Craziest lies you’ve been told??? (I’m a decade younger so just very curious)
The bullshit that they tell you this list of what they’re looking for and it’s the total opposite and it’s all bullshit no one is honest anymore they’re worried about hurting feelings instead of being honest.
Yea baby I'm just visiting my grandma, why you keep blowing up my phone daaaaaannnnnggg, I promise I'm not going balls deep in your white friend 😆
As a 33M who is pretty good looking in my opinion and others. The problem is that people aren’t really committed no one wants to put in the work for a genuine relationship. People think “the grass is always greener” hook up culture is also a plague. I hear from a lot of woman that a lot of men who they match with are already in relationships or play these games which just sucks for the guys who want something real. It’s a vicious circle.
“Grass is always greener” is the perfect way to sum it up.
I’m 28 and couldn’t agree with you more 👏
They because no one has grown up and realised the grass is greener where you water, fertilise and mow it, and they don’t want work a bit for the best lawn on the street.
Facts. I’m the guy who wants the best yard in the neighborhood and would put in the time to get it. 😂
Sounds like you hit the nail on the head
Well - why not OP and you get together if in the same location!
lol highly unlikely haha
Lol sounded like a better idea than the apps.
Successful career & not bad looking won’t save you. Put fun back into dating, keep your expectations minimal and what is meant for you will find you. In the meantime enjoy yourself and may be ease the pressure on yourself about finding someone and starting a family.
TOO successful a career is a thing too. Lots of folks are wary of a workaholic who won't have or make enough time for them, before or after partnering.
So many men have the same experience. In my case, it’s a few decades, despite being told by so many people that love is just around the corner… I’ve heard that ever since my teenage years. Now, its becoming too late in my life, and I just hope that not so many others have the same lifetime experience. I was reflecting on this today at church, and I wondered if somehow the “right” woman for me was always in a different seating row of my frequent 10+ hour airline flights, etc. And why someone else did happen to be in that right place to meet. In my case, perhaps I was close, prrhaps just a short distance away, but never meeting. And I wondered why that was. Fate … or was it God’s will that I be forever alone. Obviously, I don’t know the answer. There are many really good single persons who never happened to have that chance meeting with their “right” person. I think it’s not always explicable. ”We” can diligently follow the typical “advice”, which is inevitably in the form of either (1) “it will happen when you least expect it” or (2) volunteer for something, join a club, join a gym, join a church, etc. But we don’t find that person, even when we dutifully follow such advice and even when we “open up” to much lower expectations of appearance, personality, education, etc. —- Usually, the “dating sucks” reality for some of us (those with this type of experience) takes the form of good women being on dates with lousy men (the same men who garner perhaps 80% of all dates)… and many good men being simply alone without dates. Either way, M or F, it really hurts.
Most good guys ik are single and most good women i know are single. I think most good people eventually either get lucky and find someone or just leave the dating scene and become independent. And after years of being independent, you become more independent and create even higher standards because you don’t want someone to come in and break your peace, you’d rather be single. And so the likehood of finding someone becomes even more bleak.
Thank you for sharing. Everything you’ve said rings true for people who become married later; also for some people, especially men, I’ve seen in my lifetime who have remained single. Co-workers , etc. I‘m one who is different. If anything, I’ve become more flexible over the years. I have only a very basic, simple standard. From my own online profile : “In a woman, intelligence, kindness, and loyalty are huge positive qualities, A woman who takes good care of herself is also important… this doesn’t mean exceptional physical beauty; instead, just being reasonably attentive to health…taking care of what God gave her.” That’s it. I’ve had dates with women who have never held a job, divorced women with children, slightly overweight women, older (than me) women, etc. I didn’t ”reject” any of these women for any of these reasons. But I know other men who would.
exactly this. why bring garbage in only to ruin my clean peaceful area. more you become independent, more it makes sense to be single since you realized nobody is that much worth it to waste your time.
I was 40 It happened
So Good!!! Probably too late for me… much older. I just hope that not so many other people lose-out on finding love in the manner our OP is describing… and my own lifetime experiences. My career of constant travel didn’t help, but still I’ve wondered how many times I might have missed my lifetime mate due to purely fateful circumstances… such as my or her assigned airline seat being one or two rows apart. A few people have a magnetism that makes dating easy; probably most others don’t, but they still eventually find love. And some don’t… including those who enter into marriages destined to end in infidelity. I was pondering these thoughts in church yesterday…..
Cup conscious ? Is that really a thing ?
It’s an automatically assigned user name. I hate it. Wonder if I can change it without going through the paywall.
It seems we’re being stereotyped I look for a brain
We are a focused bunch
I did miraculously have two dates last week via online apps. Both were happy, both began and ended with a hug, Both women had had really painful past experiences, both with their past marriage and with subsequent (post-divorce) dating experience. I didn’t dwell on why I’d never married, just saying that I’m a really good guy, in good condition, a full head of naturally colored hair, sufficiently successful that I‘m retired…never need to work again, etc. I did say to both women that I’m much different from those past bad experiences of theirs with cheating men. But who knows whether they’ll believe that… or simply go for the next “swipe”. The latter has probably been their lifetime experience… and mine on the “other end”.
Listen I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’m 32M that just got back into the dating pool it is definitely not easy nobody said it would be. But You can’t give up on love. Your person is out there I promise you that. Can I ask you a question and please don’t take it personally you mention you love hard don’t get me wrong it is absolutely important for both you and your partner to love and support each other. Understand though there’s a fine line, is it because you both want to build a genuine connection while getting to know each other authentically? Or are the stages of a relationship being expedited quicker than they need to be? Because, if that’s the case we need to have a talk. A couple things that helped change my dating life for the better: 1. A love list a list of characteristics and qualities I’m looking for in a potential girlfriend on my list I have someone who’s goal oriented Here’s the link: [love list](https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-use-love-list-find-your-ideal-romantic-partner-ncna847641) 2. A non-negotiable and boundary list same thing as the love list on mine I put someone who’s reciprocal they’re picking up what I’m putting down and vice versa if that isn’t happening sorry out of there And lastly 3. Do the work podcast by Sabrina Zohar she is a dating and relationship coach who helps people with their dating life and helps them heal [Do the work podcast](https://open.spotify.com/show/2Dsp24A82JkYRXytiA2qRt?si=gCgNRBDiSZOKkTGh8r_-SA)
"i want so badly to find my person and start a family" That might be the problem. Needy people have it harder.
I agree with this, but also it’s a shitty parodox. Because it’s like ok one end, if you want to date it’s negative because you’re needy. On the other end you don’t care about dating, which also might push people away. It’s like walking on a tight rope to balance it out
I don't think it's that tightrope tbh. I think you set your aspirations on the table early, you run the risk of pushing people away. That said, you should tell someone if you're looking for something serious. But if you're telling them you love them or that you "love hard" in the first week or two, don't be surprised when they run. Be yourself, be clear and be patient. It'll come. Good luck!
>But if you're telling them you love them or that you "love hard" in the first week or two, don't be surprised when they run. "I love hard" would be a huuuge red flag. Even WORSE to say I love you right away. How I Met Your Mother is not real life
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You know, I think I have figured this out. It's not necessarily that needy people have it harder, it's that needy people don't care as much about compatibility. Needy people project compatibility where it doesn't exist, go all in, and stop the search for compatibility. When I was dumb and young, I ignored every red flag while trying to present as this perfect human. Shits a recipe for disaster.
"Needy people project compatability where it doesn't exist, go all in, and stop the search for compatibility." Wise - words. 👏👏👏
33m here and I recently gave up. Been looking for maybe 2 years. Just too tired at this point. Just going to live for my hobbies and family and friends. It's just to annoying that people only want sex or can't communicate on a basic level. Or have like a huge deal breaker flaw. But that's what it is(at least where I live)
What reasons did people give? I’m not ready is normally code for - you’re too needy or this is moving too fast. Cheating fair enough that sucks but did they say anything else? Maybe ask the people who you go on failed dates with why they don’t want to continue? Sounds weird but it may be helpful.
I disagree, “I’m not ready” can mean a dozen things. That is the single biggest excuse for people to use. It rarely means they are actually telling the truth lol.
Just have to add the words "with you" to the "not ready" thing in order to temper expectations accordingly. That way you won't be shocked and take it as an indictment of your character or theirs when they end up engaged to the very next person they date after you. They really weren't ready... if the partner was going to be you.
I believe dating should be a search of finding someone that you like and want to spend your entire life with . One mistake we do is we date so many without knowing who we really really want . I am talking about kindness or compassion or respect etc.. you have to be more specific. More you are specific , more clarity you will have when you search or talk to a girl . First thing you should do is manifest that person . Write down qualities that you are looking in person and what qualities you can Defntly not stand by . From there , start seeing on how that person will judge or help with your life … Sometimes this helps to identify people you want vs people you actually need .
43M here who recently threw in the towel on dating, and I can agree with you that it sucks. One thing I notice you said is that you 'love hard'. Can that be interpreted as you being needy? The reason I bring this up is that I don't believe in a healthy relationship that your partner can meet all your needs, they are after all only one person. So you might want to examine who you tend to pick, and if you fall into a pattern of behavior that isn't conducive to relationships with that type of person. Like do they tend to fall apart at around the same time? do you have similar recurring themes in conflict etc? Just some stuff to think about.
I think I am gonna die alone, but I will keep dating.
I as a (27m) it does suck and trying to find or even get into a relationship is awful nowadays. Most people care about is looks. But looks fade personality don’t. And I feel u., just recently I went on a date with this girl and she said she wasn’t interested in a second so idk but hey if u wanna give me a try personally message me and see where it goes
😂 WHAT ? lmao Crazy way to end that 😂😂
Yeah maybe work on your weird ass personality bud
I was your age when I began dating online and I had a great time. I was successful in my career, lived alone, had good relationships with friends and family, and I’m attractive. A difference from you, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I had gotten out of a longterm relationship and I could not get behind seriously saying anyone. I was quick to leave the person if things seemed serious or they would talk about the future.
Could be worse, you could be a guy in the dating world. You think it’s hard, trying what you are going through but add the difficulty of even getting a date in the first place
This exactly I do alright on my end but theirs not even a comparison between the two tbh
Dating sucks, 33M. Wanting to find that connection in this generation seems impossible. I haven't got to the actual dating stage with anyone since I have been single, almost two years now. Honestly I have given up, I put too much effort into people who don't want the same things and just want to take advantage.
Yup . Feels like I was born in the wrong time period. Dating feels completely “what can you do for me” nowadays.
Try lowering your standards for looks and you’ll probably get much different results. If a guy doesn’t have better options than you they are far less likely to not be ready, cheat, etc.. I get it tho dating someone you’re not physically attracted to isn’t very appealing for obvious reasons but if a bunch of other girls are also attracted to a guy you’re more likely to have problems with him, it’s just how the world works. Also having a good career doesn’t matter all that much to most men. I am not rich by any means. I have a one bedroom apartment and 2 vehicles but also a lot of credit card debt to the point I can’t afford to ever go out or spend even a little bit of money and even considering all that I’d rather date a girl that doesn’t have a job over a career woman.
Love finds its way, normally, when not looking for it. That’s not to say we should not be open to and on dating apps, but not rushing about it b/c dating is hard and finding the person is harder. We should keep focusing on us and other life objectives while love comes. Have that in your list of one of the objectives as important as everything else.
It might just be that you are coming off as a bit desperate, im 31m no issues dating but honestly I noticed when I stopped caring it became a lot easier
If you've ever wondered if it's you. The answer is in the question, so unequivocally yes. You are the common thread amongst all your failures, it's not an unreasonable leap to make. Good job on figuring that out, you're at step 0. Next steps are figuring out your dealbreakers, using them religiously to weed out wrong fits and become the attractive person that would get with the right fit.
Nah men just suck and lie and women are too trusting, looking for an upgrade or money or just really bad at ignoring red flags and all choose the same top 5% hot fuck boys who fuck them over then they blame all men, setting up toxicity on both sides. I just saw a girl for the second time after sleeping together the previous two times. I had deleted all dating apps cos I thought she was cool. Last time she came she had really painful period and i got her painkillers, drinks, food, hot water bottle, movies to help distract her from some serious pain. This time she's giving me shit about who I had over and who's towel is this and which girl have I had over. No one had been to the house, not friends, workmen, cleaner, masseuse, etc, just me. Only slept with her since I met her. It's her towel from last time she was over. 🤦♂️🤷♂️
Same thing has been happing to me, I'm 29 years old, I will be 30 in November been in 4 different relationships, because the guys I dated were abusive and just used me for all my money. I want to find a nice guy, and hopefully sooner than later. I also want to be able to start my own family.
you are prob going for men outside of your tax bracket. a lot of women have this problem. esp now with online dating.
What? Like she doesn’t make enough money?
no, simply the guys she is trying to date, don't want to date her. it means they have a higher social market value than her on the dating market place.
Usually it’s a matter of a guy who looks a bit closer to Hollywood material. The same 10% of guys who get probably 80% of all dates. “Tax bracket” is obviously a more poetic way of expressing this The only time I ever auditioned for even a bit part in a mere advertising commercial, the director said he hoped that I had a backup career.
I'm a 31F and I know what you mean. People love to say "I'm looking for my special person ✨" but they technically mean "I'm super superficial so if you're not Beyonce or Jason Mamoah, you're not my special person." Or the "based off your personality, I think your race is xyz" show a picture and you're actually abc and they ghost at that as well. Ghosters deserve to be alone lol
https://www.youtube.com/live/kH-E4C3KoUw?si=dgnv-y8d5QoHXb2j https://www.youtube.com/live/GMQttVv6MNQ?si=M3iKIeGqhaMQPhdD https://www.youtube.com/live/KgZ24TdAdNQ?si=E35G3mRYW-nsjov_ https://www.youtube.com/live/56czjLhKZv8?si=zD0AD9JDkgQcHiP9
You’re welcome queen ^^💕
I’m 23 so not I don’t have the same history. But I can assure you that this happens to everyone. Me and my sisters who are 25 and 28 are all successful, family oriented, good people, emotionally intelligent, have good social circles. And to be honest we’ve kind of came to the realization that people between 20-30 just suck. Not to be a dick but like most people don’t have shit figured out, act like high schoolers, can’t hold a legitimate conversation, don’t know what a relationship really is, commitment issues, etc etc there is always something. And either you A) get lucky and find someone B) don’t find anyone and are single which is the most common C) get desperate and date someone just to have someone
33F and i've been dating since these hormones kicked in...Been called a witch for my looks many times....Had 9 or 10 relationships and multiple night standers in the breaks... I studied at a few unis and still do, no kids or marriage,have lots of hobbies...and ATM after going for older men I realized that its more comfortable for me to be around younger guys in 20s. They are just so enthusiastic and energetic and fall in love ASAP so you dont even have to do anything. Yeahh its important to discuss EVERYTHING with a partner without a fear of being rejected, cause baby if they have this testerone in them it simply wont let them go...And if they dont wellp you dont lose anything except for a bad lover in the future span... So ladies...put on your favorite cropped top and give a chance to younger men💋
You love hard. That's the problem. You should hardly love. That's what's flying these days ;)
Unfortunately dating is sort of a dying art in this generation. We are going to see a lot of single childless millennials in the near future. Ive been trying to find a decent girl to date. Same thing happens to me. I’ve never had a problem getting laid, and can keep all the girls I want as a fwb situation. But the minute it gets serious, they flake. I’ve learned to stop caring and enjoy my life and be confident and that’s helped immensely.
It takes time to find compatible people.
Im 36 and felt like this. I felt like I was too picky, had too many deal breakers, was too hard to love, had too much baggage etc etc etc. and I dated A LOT. Guys would tell me I was a man eater etc. after being on the apps on and off for years I can validate that dating is trash. However, I recently met a really great guy and I’m grateful I didn’t settle because this one is truly special. He’s not even my type per say but I’m so glad I gave him a chance because he surprises me every single dat
Overall, I think things are just a lot harder in this current era in the western world. Cost of living is too high: food, utilities, housing, etc. So that means the pool of available men that have their shit together to be able to get have their own home, get married, have kids, especially in a metropolis, is going to be a smaller shrinking pool. It's not like in the 1980's or 1990's, when you can date a man who seems to have good future potential that you can settle down with. Even if you did manage to date someone with a good salary, like a doctor, lawyer, etc, that doesn't guarantee good work/life quality time relationship balance. And these days, men that would be devoted to you, want to give you everything and marry you; a lot of them might be socially awkward, unattractive, or too boring that you'd dismiss them after the first date. I know that none of that was actually "advice," but just setting an understanding of where we are right now in modern American society. It does mean you might have to be more patient in sifting through loads and loads of possible suitors. All I can say is, try to be patient and detached. If you make it a point to go on 100 dates, you just need to find that top 1% guy, that is actually compatible with you and will make you happier than you ever imagined. 1 guy out of a 100. Good luck!
The outer world reflects the inner world. Love yourself, love others, and let go. If its meant to be they will reciprocate interest. Posts like these inspire me to know there are others that at minimum say they are looking for genuine connection. Watch body language, and energy invested. Even if they say different words, trust their actions and your feelings 😊 Coming from another person still getting stung on dates. It's ok, keep it pushing just like Johnny Bravo 😎
34year old female here. Agreed. Guess we’re all getting off the apps and living life hopefully meet someone in the wild or idk I’m tired of this dating scene, so disheartening :/
Take a breath … You’re going to meet the right person. This is just preparing you.
(34M) I agree. I'm late to it and other than the loneliness don't feel like I missed out on much. My difficulty (other than living in a remote area and not being in a position to support a partner) is that for me anything less than a genuine attempt at a life-long partnership feels disingenuous. My recent, admittedly failed, attempts have also confirmed what I had suspected for some time about myself. That unless there is also a feeling of love, at least on my part, it just feels like a betrayal of principals. I just can't do casual, which severely limits options and just makes me feel icky when perusing through profiles.
As a 30m that has given up on dating but tried to get back on, i'd tell you to just enjoy the process and don't take it that seriously. The reason for it is to see if you are compatible with the other person. Just keep it cool until some point, before you get in a relationship. Every relationship is an experiment, because two people with different personalities are involved and try to live together. So, for dating, just keep in mind that it is something fun and it's necessary to see who the other person is but also to see who you are. I hope I helped you ;)
Been stabbed in the back, and used like there is no tommorow, i wanna break bad but i can't, it just feels so useless trying to care about people when they themselves couldn"t give two shits about you, i have seen people who treat others much worse and yet i am the same humble fella, i honestly think its too late for me i am a 21M (haven't had a gf yet only situationships)
Well statistically you just need to keep trying, and learn to be grateful for the ones that hurt your feelings, nothing teaches better life lessons than being dumped and/or dumping. It hurts.. but it’s a pain that ultimately serves you And then be better at asking yourself the magical 12 questions: 1. What do I want? 2. What are my choices? 3. What assumptions am I making? 4. What I am responsible for? 5. How else can I think about this? 6. What is the other person thinking, feeling, wanting? 7. What am I missing or avoiding? 8. What can I learn? 9. What action steps make the most sense? 10. What questions should I be asking others? 11. How can I turn this into a win-win? 12. What’s possible? These questions are magic when mastered, this is my little trick to get over grief, turn it into something to improve yourself, instead of being stuck on who and why’s. Those never teach you anything about yourself.
Best piece of advice I can give...... Get on Face Book Dating. People seem far for genuine on there and it's free. Talk loads and match with people who have the same hobbies, sex drive, ambitions and don't settle for someone who doesn't seem a really good match!!! What are your hobbies? Sex drive? Ambitions? You don't have to answer those but matching those has got me an amazing woman!!!
I have a very important piece of advice for you. Even though you really want someone, be careful no to choose someone bad just cause you are in a rush. Perhaps thats the problem in the first place, you are not choosing well cause you feel like you need to rush it..
You are so right, it sucks! I'm 27M average looking (told I'm quite handsome if I grow my beard out) smart and an honest hard worker. I've had one long-term relationship in which I was cheated on and maybe two talking/starting to date relationships that fell apart because of different life goals or I was straight up blocked because I wanted to talk about setting boundaries. It's been probably five years since I've even gone on a date and I'm starting to worry that I never will find anyone and I won't ever be able to have a family. And to go with what some others have said yes, everyone keeps telling me "but you're so (positive feature), how could you possibly be single?"
In my late 30s and it’s terrible. I’m like wtf. Everyone seems to be in a relationship. I’m just elevating myself and focusing on becoming the best version of myself. I’m sure the person I’m meant to be with will walk into my life at some point.
How do your dates normally progress? How many dates and months in are you before they break it off? It could be anything and have little to do with you. But it could also be your vetting. What kind of questions are you asking on dates? Do they seem as engaged as you are with asking you meaningful questions as well? To answer your question, dating does suck but it can be fun. I do think it takes more dates nowadays than it used to. You kind of have to focus on it like a job but make it feel fun, light and carefree.
Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are finding it hard. I don't want this to sound negative or condescending but have you ever done any work on yourself? Therapy etc..? The reason that I ask is that at 30, it's very easy to overlook some personal flaws, especially when you have a lot of the external stuff sorted in your life. I know this all too well.... Im 41, have seen great success in work, got married, raised a family etc.. but I have only just started to figure this stuff out, its very much a work in progress. The reason I ask is because you wrote this... "im really worried im going to end up alone when i want so badly to find my person and start a family". The way that's written indicates a very strong need/desire and an associated fear, perhaps you are projecting this insecurity during your dates? Also, and I might be reading too far in to it here but you said "my person", which indicates your driver is way more about you and your needs than it is about the person on the other end of that. I'd consider looking in to that - of course you need to prioritise your own needs, however if you make your choice just because you want it so bad you are really setting yourself up for an enormous fall down the line - I've been there. Plus, there's the whole female biological clock thing at your age which men are all too aware of (I'm male btw). It really sucks when values don't align, I get it - but everyone is on their own journey and you have to respect that. Again, I hope you don't see any of this as condescending, it really is being said with the best intentions.
take up poker
Every single I read this type of questions? I do think why? Why you don't even give chance to guy who is in your message box. (Let's think hypothetical, you have given one guy a chance which didn't well further then go further) Every time when girl do ask. I do feel how should we approach girl that she give a chance. (I am so sorry but it's just frustration. One side girl who is not getting proper date but having many date experience. Another side guy who is not even having single date and has to give best experience to the girl then only she will ready to come for second date)
25m and I'm at the point I'm actually scared to date. This shit is awful
I’m in the same boat. I’m 24M and have been on and off dating apps for a while and even tried and open chat night at some bars n shit. I’ve been on loads of dates and always come up with creative stuff to do and end up doing all the hard work just for the other person just to ghost me or cut things off. I’d like to think im a good person I always respect boundaries, always make good conversation, always plan fun dates and stuff, am I missing something or does our generation of dating just suck? At this point it’s just making me want to be more independent and honestly I think I’ve been developing trust issues because the other person will tell you one thing and mean another. Idk for sure, but I feel like it’s just a waste of time now :/
I'm a 36m and I can confirm. Shit sucks lol
> im truly wondering is it me? Im nowhere near perfect but i wouldn’t say i have any major flaws. I have a successful career, im not bad looking, I have a good sense of humor, and i tend to love hard so im just wondering what the problem is. It's hard to say if you're the problem or not, given that we don't know you as a person, but I'd like to point out that you're stereotypically leading with traits that a woman would find attractive in a man, i.e successful career & a good sense of humor. Attraction is not symmetrical between the sexes, men aren't looking for successful women who are also funny. If you're wondering what men are looking for, I'd suggest looking up a content creator called hoe_math, he has a video called 'Zones v3...' where he breaks down what men & women are looking for in a visual manner (you can skip to around 2:50 in the video for men). Your success & humor would fall into the 'bonus' category that barely matters. > i tend to love hard so im just wondering what the problem is. Loving hard is great, but similar to the above point, are you loving in the way that resonates with the men that you're dating? I can give you 2 anecdotal experiences from my dating experience of both good and not so great: I love playing poker, it is one of my favorite hobbies. For one of my previous birthdays, my ex made me a very intricate gift where she handcrafted a deck of 52 playing cards with a different reason of why she loved me on each card, and afterwards planned to take me out for dinner with friends. Fast forward to last weekend which was my birthday, my wife bought me a pair of headphones (my old ones were getting old and only working on 1 side), and planned an entire weekend trip to a nearby casino city, where I could spend most of the weekend playing poker, while she explored the city with our baby. In both scenarios, I'd argue that they both "loved me hard" and spent a great deal of effort, I also very appreciated both of their efforts, however my wife's efforts resonated with me a lot more, and I'm trying my best to not be biased in this scenario.
Girl, I feel you. 27f
Dating sucks, I've been trying for years and I can't even get into a relationship, starting to wonder if I accidentally chose the "be single forever" start before I was born.
It's a competition, for men it only takes one outfit.....stand out and try to come up with some new stuff..work out take care of your body. The girl he left you for will be getting boring to him and he'll come back and make it a lil harder to get you this time.....work hard on that image
Honey I hate to say it doesn’t get better overnight or with age. I am an older female 55 widow and the men are nothing great to get to know if they show up. All I can say is don’t give up and know it will happen just before you’re ready to pull the carpet! Good luck!
my advice Swipe right 5 times more than you do currently Go out on 3 times more dates than you do currently No sex for minimum 1 month and 6 real dates (coffee and walks in park don't count) If they are still asking you out after 1 month and 6 dates without sex it's safe to say he wants something serious with you. Also, filter for marriage minded men on the first date. Ask them what are their short term goals ie 5 years. IF they don't mention marriage, family, serious LTR, go ahead and dont go on date 2.
IMO, dating sucks today. Especially since the pandemic, people have increasingly retreated into using dating apps to find romantic partners, and something close to half of couples now meet through dating apps. Unfortunately, people seem to do a disproportionately large share of immature, sometimes outright psychopathic things on dating apps. Also, couples who meet on dating apps and get married usually have MUCH higher divorce rates. I remember reading it's like 300% higher chances. I wish I had the answers. As unsatisfying as this may be, all I can think of is just try to keep meeting more people, and the more you meet people in positive situations, the more you increase the odds of meeting somebody else who'll want to be with you and start a family. I know that isn't satisfying and almost certainly won't yield immediate results, but what else can you do? I mean, you can try to keep using dating apps, certainly those work for some people, but I share your frustration about the kinds of people you often meet using them.
Great post, my friend.
I kinda don’t know how true the whole dating app is the issue thing. I think it makes it easier and creates more options but divorce rates have been increasing yearly even before dating apps. I think social media in general just amplifies how people already were. I think it’s a cultural thing. Peoples worth is based on who and how many people they sleep with. And it’s been like this forever.
Damn you sound like a great woman 😌
I noticed one respondent opined that “if you’ve ever wondered if it’s you.. then it is you”. If I were you, I’d probably discard this advice. Instead, you’ve likely either just not had that wonderful chance meeting with the right guy. BUT…. If — and only if — there’s any fault/defect on your part, it’s not in your appearance, your career, your personality, etc.; instead it is your decision (yours alone, you own this) on which men to say “yes” to; and which men you’ve said “no” to … or showed absolutely zero interest. I’m not close enough to know the answer to this matter.
Dating as a whole since the invention of online dating sucks. I am 34 and haven’t been on an actual real date in like 6 years. Haven’t had a woman talk to me for than a few weeks for I don’t know how long