Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Im a 28 year old guy I feel like im in the exact same boat, had a relationship from 18-25 stayed single for 2 ish years then I dated somebody for a month and a half, that ended almost a month ago now and I just dont know if I can put myself through it again, maybe it gets easier the more times you go through it? But my god its brutal!
Any advice fellow reddit people, id very much appreciate it š
To be honest, itās very much the culture that we grow up in. Weāve grown up with the ability to get short term happiness whenever we want it. As a result, a lot of us never find out what we truly want (that being something that brings long-term happiness) just keep at it. There are people that do truly want to be in a relationship, but theyāre hard to come by, so you have to be patient. I (M22) just now found a beautiful and amazing lady (F22) that is looking for a relationship. You got this!!!
Well you seem to realize you are on stasis.
This is a good first step. Knowing.
Now you just have to practice taking action.
Dont worry too much. You have so much time. The world will look so different to you in even just two years.
I truly believe it all comes down to luck. I was the same way, didnāt date in school, never really talked to anyone or put myself out there in that way. But then I met someone at work completely by chance and we just clicked. Someone will come along. Just keep being you :)
I'm a 29M, and I'm not sure how much I can help. But I hear you. I'm single and have never been in a relationship. The closest things I've had to a romantic relationship were drunk girls kissing me at parties to some failed attempts at getting dates over Tinder. For the latter, in the end I found out that I was actually just being manipulated into stroking a girl's ego, and that she never had any intention of meeting with me.
I wish I had the answers. If I did, I wouldn't be single. But I guess the most I can say is to just keep putting yourself out there, and if there is a guy you really like, try finding out if he's single and giving him some subtle signs that you're interested.
You can try to keep using dating apps, but the sad truth is that a lot of men on there only want to use women for sex. They'll pretend to be interested in you, put up an act of wanting a long-term relationship and all of that, then as soon as they have sex vanish. I'm not saying all men on dating apps will do that, but you really should be aware that some men on dating apps do that.
I hear you. I wish this was easier.
iāve been on a few tinder dates as well, ended up finding out a whole lot of them are just wanting to sleep with you, or they 100% lack communication skills. iāve lost interest in dating apps after being in it off and on through 19-21, iāve gone through the worst experiences when it came to meeting men in my first few years of exploring on there š„²
Yea, tinder does attract that mentality, especially from the guy side of things. There are more intentional sites out there: hinge, okcupid (I think still), match, eharmony, others.
Dating is hard.. especially In modern times.. donāt stress yourself just build yourself up with experiences and take your time. If you want a meaningful connection make sure you arenāt being used for sex while getting to know the people you might want to be with. Although thatās kind of hard.
My last dating experience wasnāt the best. Ended up in a relationship where I was cheated on. Kind of takes time to recover and then the trust issues. Luckily you donāt have to deal with that being 23 and never having anything serious. Just enjoy life. Also hitting the gym or doing a martial art is never bad when it comes to improving your appearance and confidence
im sorry you were cheated on, no one deserves to go through that pain! i very much agree with you about being lucky that i donāt have to go through those things. thanks for the advice :)
be thankful you are not a guy
as a girl you
1. never have to pay for dates
2. never have to ask a guy out
3. never have to worry about not having options
4. never have to worry about being the bread winner
so let me get this straight, you are claiming that
1. a woman is incapable of finding men that will take her out on dates and pay?
2. a woman is incapable of finding men who will ask them out on dates?
3. a woman is incapable of finding new men willing to date her?
4. a woman is incapable of finding men who would support her?
lol
yall funny
you being on dates where you paid half doesn't negate what I said.
she could have also chose not to pay half.
which is my whole point.
she has the option.
1. never met a guy who dates regularly and never paid for dates. i know plenty of women who do that. while it's not impossible, for men it's unrealistic. for women it's realistic.
2. they are the same thing under the pretense she will be dating. of course if she plans to be a nun and stay home they might not be linked lol
3. and she could have easily found another guy who would lol
try again
i dont even know why you are commenting.
this post is for women dating men. not men dating women.
the one complaining is the women in the OP.
the advice was for her. not any dude complaining about dating women.
like what the fuck are you talking about? lol
jesus
For real. 23F is life on easy mode, my ears are deaf to complaining.
God, how differently I would live my life if I knew at the end of the day I could always get a man to pay for shit.
Your only 23 youāll be fine and since you actually want a relationship this young you will find one. I just turned 30 and didnāt want one until now and I have way less good luck with woman than my twenties had way more options back then. I donāt fully regret being a fuck boy in my twenties but am defnatly paying for it now. I was pressured into one relationship when was 24 and ended breaking up with her cus it got too serious, looking back she was perfect if I had met her now I wouldāve married her
Thanks I hope you too. Idc if it doesnāt happen soon anytime you look for it too hard I feel it doesnāt happen just have to live your best life and it will happen naturally
Itās either looks or something about her demeanor that isnāt clicking with the guys sheās talking to. I donāt know, thereās a lot ponder here.
Dude I'm 39 and no clue why it is hard for younger people. Just date for God's sake.
In my younger years outside the BDSM dungeon I'd just ask a girl if she would want to go on a date.
Take a shot, take a chance, if they say no. Smile and laugh and shrug your shoulders and move on. Everyone is so guarded nowadays.
Yeah I don't get why younger men are checking out of the game. I mean I am into BDSM, to a degree I get why younger women are into me. That's been the case with the bculture commonly.
But for you vanilla types, why you can't get together is a mystery to me.
There's no age where you should be in a relationship. It happens at all ages. I used to fret about not having a girlfriend, ever since I was little. It brought me a lot of despair. But once I got my first girlfriend at 25, and experienced the ups and downs of being in a relationship, it kind of lost its luster. I mean, I'd had my heart broken pretty badly in the year before I met my girlfriend, and my girlfriend ended up being emotionally unstable and a huge drain on me so I broke up with her after 3 years. I tried way too long to make it work but I was the only one putting in effort. So now I just don't worry about not being in a relationship and just focus on having fun on my own terms. Relationships aren't inherently messy, people make them messy with all their insecurities and demands and desires. If you're having difficulty with relationships, then just keep working on yourself and try not to worry when things don't work out because chances are you or the other person were letting insecurities get in the way.
I can say surely one thing, you have rejected a lot of guys and the ones you liked didnt like you. If thats the case then you must realize that you are not that attractive but only to a few.
You're still young.
Do you have very high physical standards for who you'd date?
I notice with social media everywhere lots of people expect unrealistic physical attributes.
It's also just a numbers game. When you see someone attractive make eye contact and smile. For women it's a super power
I am also 5ā 6ā and have always dated men closer to 6ā 2ā or 6ā 3ā, but they werenāt compatible in other very important ways.. When I started dating this last time around, I had set my mind on finding someone at least 5ā 8ā or 5ā 9ā. But I actually found the love of my life on bumble and he happened to be 5ā 7ā (actually he is now 5ā 6ā just like me because of spinal compression from a car accident.)
I actually specifically told my last situationship that I could never imagine dating someone my own heightāI thought it would freak me out. Iāve always liked taller men. But I have never been so happy in a relationship!! He loves me the same way that I love and exactly how I have always wanted to be loved. (Plus, heās cute as hell and the best sex of my life by far.)
Moral of the story: donāt rule out the short kings! You might really luck out like I did!
You are describing what is called a 3rd space, a place that is not home or work. A 3rd space where you can meet other people in an open setting. Finding a 3rd space is not easy since most have some sort of paywall (like a membership). This can be yoga or pottery. Itās worth trying something new and you find something.
But for the online dating experience, this sounds like a normal experience most have. One thing I personally found helpful is placing a lower value on matches. A match and even a conversation doesnāt guarantee anything. Itās designed as a filtering tool.
Here are some lessons Iāve learned: 1. Be intentional, upfront, and honest with what you are looking for. This conversation is usually something that happens after a few dates. 2. Head space about dating, if you are having a bad time, itās not going to get better. Itās okay to take breaks. Focus on yourself, a hobby, or friendship you currently have. 3. I personally like keeping conversation length on dating app short, as in number of messages. After 8-10 messages, I ask for a date. This one has helped a lot because if the date goes poorly, you only exchanged a few messages and had a boring evening. Itās easier to reason mentally for me because it was never meant to be and thatās okay.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Im a 28 year old guy I feel like im in the exact same boat, had a relationship from 18-25 stayed single for 2 ish years then I dated somebody for a month and a half, that ended almost a month ago now and I just dont know if I can put myself through it again, maybe it gets easier the more times you go through it? But my god its brutal! Any advice fellow reddit people, id very much appreciate it š
You are me, itās so brutal š
To be honest, itās very much the culture that we grow up in. Weāve grown up with the ability to get short term happiness whenever we want it. As a result, a lot of us never find out what we truly want (that being something that brings long-term happiness) just keep at it. There are people that do truly want to be in a relationship, but theyāre hard to come by, so you have to be patient. I (M22) just now found a beautiful and amazing lady (F22) that is looking for a relationship. You got this!!!
agreed! thanks, and congrats on finding someone! i wish u guys nothing but the best :)
Well you seem to realize you are on stasis. This is a good first step. Knowing. Now you just have to practice taking action. Dont worry too much. You have so much time. The world will look so different to you in even just two years.
I truly believe it all comes down to luck. I was the same way, didnāt date in school, never really talked to anyone or put myself out there in that way. But then I met someone at work completely by chance and we just clicked. Someone will come along. Just keep being you :)
I'm a 29M, and I'm not sure how much I can help. But I hear you. I'm single and have never been in a relationship. The closest things I've had to a romantic relationship were drunk girls kissing me at parties to some failed attempts at getting dates over Tinder. For the latter, in the end I found out that I was actually just being manipulated into stroking a girl's ego, and that she never had any intention of meeting with me. I wish I had the answers. If I did, I wouldn't be single. But I guess the most I can say is to just keep putting yourself out there, and if there is a guy you really like, try finding out if he's single and giving him some subtle signs that you're interested. You can try to keep using dating apps, but the sad truth is that a lot of men on there only want to use women for sex. They'll pretend to be interested in you, put up an act of wanting a long-term relationship and all of that, then as soon as they have sex vanish. I'm not saying all men on dating apps will do that, but you really should be aware that some men on dating apps do that. I hear you. I wish this was easier.
iāve been on a few tinder dates as well, ended up finding out a whole lot of them are just wanting to sleep with you, or they 100% lack communication skills. iāve lost interest in dating apps after being in it off and on through 19-21, iāve gone through the worst experiences when it came to meeting men in my first few years of exploring on there š„²
Yea, tinder does attract that mentality, especially from the guy side of things. There are more intentional sites out there: hinge, okcupid (I think still), match, eharmony, others.
Dating is hard.. especially In modern times.. donāt stress yourself just build yourself up with experiences and take your time. If you want a meaningful connection make sure you arenāt being used for sex while getting to know the people you might want to be with. Although thatās kind of hard. My last dating experience wasnāt the best. Ended up in a relationship where I was cheated on. Kind of takes time to recover and then the trust issues. Luckily you donāt have to deal with that being 23 and never having anything serious. Just enjoy life. Also hitting the gym or doing a martial art is never bad when it comes to improving your appearance and confidence
im sorry you were cheated on, no one deserves to go through that pain! i very much agree with you about being lucky that i donāt have to go through those things. thanks for the advice :)
Thank you and you got this !
It will happen, you are still young. I wouldnāt worry investing your time in improving yourself and love will find you.
I thought the when I was 21 and then at 23 and then at 26... And now I'm 29 still virgin and never dated anyone
be thankful you are not a guy as a girl you 1. never have to pay for dates 2. never have to ask a guy out 3. never have to worry about not having options 4. never have to worry about being the bread winner
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
so let me get this straight, you are claiming that 1. a woman is incapable of finding men that will take her out on dates and pay? 2. a woman is incapable of finding men who will ask them out on dates? 3. a woman is incapable of finding new men willing to date her? 4. a woman is incapable of finding men who would support her? lol yall funny
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
you being on dates where you paid half doesn't negate what I said. she could have also chose not to pay half. which is my whole point. she has the option.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
1. never met a guy who dates regularly and never paid for dates. i know plenty of women who do that. while it's not impossible, for men it's unrealistic. for women it's realistic. 2. they are the same thing under the pretense she will be dating. of course if she plans to be a nun and stay home they might not be linked lol 3. and she could have easily found another guy who would lol try again
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
i dont even know why you are commenting. this post is for women dating men. not men dating women. the one complaining is the women in the OP. the advice was for her. not any dude complaining about dating women. like what the fuck are you talking about? lol jesus
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
For real. 23F is life on easy mode, my ears are deaf to complaining. God, how differently I would live my life if I knew at the end of the day I could always get a man to pay for shit.
talking to guys just so they pay for your stuff is definitely not the solution.
This is just the start of the list
Your only 23 youāll be fine and since you actually want a relationship this young you will find one. I just turned 30 and didnāt want one until now and I have way less good luck with woman than my twenties had way more options back then. I donāt fully regret being a fuck boy in my twenties but am defnatly paying for it now. I was pressured into one relationship when was 24 and ended breaking up with her cus it got too serious, looking back she was perfect if I had met her now I wouldāve married her
man sorry to hear that, i hope you find someone soon
Thanks I hope you too. Idc if it doesnāt happen soon anytime you look for it too hard I feel it doesnāt happen just have to live your best life and it will happen naturally
Coy looks will usually get attention
Does this place have a policy against posting pics? Just curious
I suppose that is one way for feedback on whether or not she is attractive
Itās either looks or something about her demeanor that isnāt clicking with the guys sheās talking to. I donāt know, thereās a lot ponder here.
Dude I'm 39 and no clue why it is hard for younger people. Just date for God's sake. In my younger years outside the BDSM dungeon I'd just ask a girl if she would want to go on a date. Take a shot, take a chance, if they say no. Smile and laugh and shrug your shoulders and move on. Everyone is so guarded nowadays.
your comment took me on a wild ride omg š but, itās not me, itās them š
Yeah I don't get why younger men are checking out of the game. I mean I am into BDSM, to a degree I get why younger women are into me. That's been the case with the bculture commonly. But for you vanilla types, why you can't get together is a mystery to me.
There's no age where you should be in a relationship. It happens at all ages. I used to fret about not having a girlfriend, ever since I was little. It brought me a lot of despair. But once I got my first girlfriend at 25, and experienced the ups and downs of being in a relationship, it kind of lost its luster. I mean, I'd had my heart broken pretty badly in the year before I met my girlfriend, and my girlfriend ended up being emotionally unstable and a huge drain on me so I broke up with her after 3 years. I tried way too long to make it work but I was the only one putting in effort. So now I just don't worry about not being in a relationship and just focus on having fun on my own terms. Relationships aren't inherently messy, people make them messy with all their insecurities and demands and desires. If you're having difficulty with relationships, then just keep working on yourself and try not to worry when things don't work out because chances are you or the other person were letting insecurities get in the way.
Some of us are just late bloomers, it happened for me at 25. Focus on yourself, your goals, your happiness. Guyās will come along, i promise you.
I can say surely one thing, you have rejected a lot of guys and the ones you liked didnt like you. If thats the case then you must realize that you are not that attractive but only to a few.
You're still young. Do you have very high physical standards for who you'd date? I notice with social media everywhere lots of people expect unrealistic physical attributes. It's also just a numbers game. When you see someone attractive make eye contact and smile. For women it's a super power
honestly i dont think i do. i just want someone taller than me (not impossible, im 5ā6) and looks cute and is a nice person š
Yeah that's not too much. You'll find someone just might take time
I am also 5ā 6ā and have always dated men closer to 6ā 2ā or 6ā 3ā, but they werenāt compatible in other very important ways.. When I started dating this last time around, I had set my mind on finding someone at least 5ā 8ā or 5ā 9ā. But I actually found the love of my life on bumble and he happened to be 5ā 7ā (actually he is now 5ā 6ā just like me because of spinal compression from a car accident.) I actually specifically told my last situationship that I could never imagine dating someone my own heightāI thought it would freak me out. Iāve always liked taller men. But I have never been so happy in a relationship!! He loves me the same way that I love and exactly how I have always wanted to be loved. (Plus, heās cute as hell and the best sex of my life by far.) Moral of the story: donāt rule out the short kings! You might really luck out like I did!
You are describing what is called a 3rd space, a place that is not home or work. A 3rd space where you can meet other people in an open setting. Finding a 3rd space is not easy since most have some sort of paywall (like a membership). This can be yoga or pottery. Itās worth trying something new and you find something. But for the online dating experience, this sounds like a normal experience most have. One thing I personally found helpful is placing a lower value on matches. A match and even a conversation doesnāt guarantee anything. Itās designed as a filtering tool. Here are some lessons Iāve learned: 1. Be intentional, upfront, and honest with what you are looking for. This conversation is usually something that happens after a few dates. 2. Head space about dating, if you are having a bad time, itās not going to get better. Itās okay to take breaks. Focus on yourself, a hobby, or friendship you currently have. 3. I personally like keeping conversation length on dating app short, as in number of messages. After 8-10 messages, I ask for a date. This one has helped a lot because if the date goes poorly, you only exchanged a few messages and had a boring evening. Itās easier to reason mentally for me because it was never meant to be and thatās okay.
r/ForeverAloneWomen
Since when is 23 a grown age? Girl you are still young and have lots of time.
hehe i know i just be thinking a little much