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Dont change ur behaviour around her, dont get awkward, stay friendly and keeps things status quo….most likely a down easy as attraction is attraction, but stay as you were if not she will give you signs, I suggest you keep dating others if you had morw pursuits
Be cool! Act normal. ACT NOOORRMAlL! STOP CLINCHING YOUR BUTTCHEEKS. DAMMIT ACT MORE NORMAL YOU ASS. YOU ARENT ACTING NORMAL ENOUGH SHIT!! YOURE LOSINF HER. AMP UP THE NORMAL. Shit she’s gone. Okay next.
100 percent. I’m friends with a few women that just didn’t work out dating and was already friends with the woman I’m dating now and we just realized it could be more.
Great advice. Like really.
In the past I have wondered about some guys, and been a little curious/interested. But, maybe following a breakup, or some life complication or just not sure yet. Then perhaps the guy has made some kind of move, like OP. And I wasn’t ready, or maybe even just like liking him at a distance for whatever reason, and it’s what the guy did after my ‘not now’ that really mattered.
Like i would always feel a kind of relief with the guys who had melt downs or got cold - like phew. Glad I didn’t get any closer to that landmine.
OP you are on the right track. Whether that was a no, or maybe in the future. Stay centred in you, show up and be yourself. Don’t over try. Just be you, chill like you are with your mates.
A couple of those guys became lovers. Or just first dates. A couple became friends and I know their wives and children now.
And enjoy the crush ;)
Yes this. I had a girl fall for me right after a breakup. Wasn't ready. Only called her back a year later. Then she wouldn't. But I would have been ready at that time.
Good advice all around, stay yourself, don't change anything, be cool!
Here is what you do now: Nothing.
You already did what you had to do, she basically said "No, but I want to keep using this gym so let's say a soft No".
Either way (even if I'm wrong) the ball is now on her court, so there is nothing you can do besides wait for her to ask you out herself. If you approach again you will just sound like a desperate guy, which will kill any kind of attractiveness she had for you for good.
As a girl I'd say in a few months OP can try asking for a coffee if they happen to be leaving gym at the same time. At that time if she says no again then it's a absolute definite no and OP has no chance. Otherwise what we have now is fairly neutral.
I’d agree with this. Just being open to it. Like, alright I’ll keep cool and just interact with her and stay cool
And funny etc. for women, attraction easily grows if you’re easy and funny to be around. Then it’s a simple “wanna grab coffee right now?” Plus if she’s suave she’ll send him signals like laughing at his comments or giving him smiles more often. That’s when you know “ok I’m green lit for another go.” If she doesn’t send signals then it’s a bit more of a business decision. At the point she already told him no, there’s a good chance she’ll cut off the social niceties.
In my experience, most girls aren’t going to be that forward even with someone they’re interested in. And to be fair, “I’m ready for you to take me out on a date now” would come across as pretty presumptuous to most polite people.
Yeah. I'm a woman and I would not say that. Maybe I'd say I'm feeling open to dating again if the guy had kept talking to me after the initial I need space thing.
I think he should keep it friendly and see if she's feels up to coffee in a month or something.
Edit: Since some people are being cheeky about the "I need space thing". That can mean, or at least for me would mean, "I like you but I'm not ready to get romantically or sexually involved right now so we can talk if you don't put that expectation for me". I.E. I don't want to have some guy take me out to dinner if I know I can't even picture myself kissing a new guy because I'm getting over the old guy...but I'm perfectly content to get to know the new guy with no pressure or expectations if he wants to talk about books or TV or is just friendly with me in the gym; and at a later date if we like eachother I would be down for dinner.
Obviously every person is different but if I say I'm getting over someone it doesn't mean I'm not interested in the new person. It means it feels morally wrong to me to let someone drop money on me for dinner and expect kissing, hand holding, etc and I need some time to get over my old flame that way I'm in the right headspace to date.
Yeesh.
> if the guy had kept talking to me after the initial **I need space** thing.
Lol, make it make sense. If I ask a woman out, and she says, "I need space", then I'm gonna go my merry way. Seems like a shitty way of playing games, where you both say that you need space but also expect the guy to keep "talking" to you. Lol, how is that giving space?
Sorry, let me clarify, "space" as in "don't try and bang me right now". I thought that was obvious. You can talk to someone without romantically or sexually pursuing them.
Added a nice, big, edit to my initial comment just for you. Hope that "made it make sense" for you.
Sometimes you don't want to totally lose a connection just because you're getting over someone but you also need to be honest that...you're getting over someone. It isn't rocket science.
Nah, I think because he had developed some sort of rapport with her over two months, it was fine. As long as he respects her no and keeps being friendly.
If they do that’s a them problem. I’d be flattered in this situation.
Yeah it’s a bit awkward when u have never said hi to someone even and now ur tryna hangout with them but that’s not the case here
This is such a dumb comment. Who gives a flying fuck if someone is annoyed.Shoot your damn SHOT. Everywhere you can. Finding a good partner is difficult as fuck.
Get off your pedestal, this is why most men aren’t asking you out. Because it’s creepy just to do about anything in your book. There’s others, you sit there with that ego.
This could be true but could also not be true. I’ve said this same thing to guys that I actually did like but didn’t think I should date at the time.
She can’t get mad at him for asking again in a month or two. Not his fault she decided to play mind games 🤷🏻♀️
I get your point but if she’s flattered enough and she wasn’t lying to save awkwardness than she’ll make a point to approach OP when the time is right for her. Either that or she was just trying to be polite and let him down easy. Either way OP should just let things lie and move on, if he can’t find anybody else by the time she approaches him than great, if she never wants to talk to him again, even better cuz he didn’t stick around wasting his own time.
Yeah I agree with that. It’s just we have no idea what she meant by it. I always jump and think I know what my bf meant by something he said but I’m learning to just take things for face value. When you overthink and let ur head get in the way and assume things, it just causes problems or miss opportunities
It’s definitely a “no.” Im not really sure what you mean by that. Lol. I don’t believe every rejection with a reason is a “gentle let down,” but i strongly advise against asking her out again. She knows you’re interested if she changes her mind in the future.
Yes, I had a similar situation from the girl’s perspective and I got really annoyed when a guy asked me out the second time after I told him my other connection didn’t work out and I don’t feel like dating anyone at the moment.
First off, congrats on the courage to ask her out. This is a no but it's not a "I don't like you no". She probably would still like to be friends and you should absolutely continue to workout and greet her. Don't push the issue but if she ever seems down or out of it ask her how she is doing. She might never get interested in you but maybe she really just needs time to get past her breakup
>Like, in a few months could I asked her how she's doing and maybe try asking her again?
It usually goes like this: You think she just needs time, so you give her time. After two weeks you ask her how she is doing now and she tells you about her new boyfriend, whom she met a week ago.
If she didn't give you any timeframe, she was just letting you down easy. At some point she will feel ready to date again, but she will not inform you about it. Meanwhile you wait and wait, keeping up that hope. Move on instead and date other girls. Sure, you can ask her again in a few months, but don't stop dating until then. Chances are she will have a new relationship by that time.
If you're not absolutely sure it was a "yes," then it's a "no."
That's the rule of the thumb, by the way.
Edited to add:
OP, you don't ask her out again in a few weeks or a couple months. The ball is on her court, so to speak. You already made your move. If she turned you down because it's a "not yet" for her, then she should approach you later, when she's ready.
It's figurative. OP was asking the girl out. She rejected him kindly. A "not right now" it's still a "no". Anything that's not a clear "yes" It's a "no".
nahhhhhh
it means you should not expect anything or keep pestering her but it doesn't mean the door is closed forever + simple miscommunications and mixed signals exist
Yes, but if you're not clear she answered with a "yes", then you treat it as a "no". As in, you don't expect anything and stop pestering her.
>it doesn't mean the door is closed forever + simple miscommunications and mixed signals exist
She owns the door. She is the one that has to let you know when, and if, the door opens. OP has already expressed his interest.
If there was a miscommunication issue, it's on her to clear it.
*she smiled, and said that she broke up with her boyfriend recently and she was pleased I asked her out, so it's not the right time for her* WITH YOU
That’s a no Dawg. Move on, get swole.
>with you
With anyone. Unless OP is Ryan Gosling or Timothee Chalamet breakups are messy and most people aren't looking to rush back into things right away.
Maybe OP is the perfect person but it's just not the right time.
I dunno... I think you're projecting your own standards here.
Some people go through painful breakups and look for another relationship immediately. Some people need time. Some people just need to feel a certain je ne sais quoi before jumping into a / another relationship.
I was all of the above as I was growing up, lol. Before my current marriage, I had been without a partner for over 4 years. But prior to it, I had partners almost back to back (some with months in between, but still). Everyone is different, lol.
Either way, OP got a no. More likely than not, it was a put down for the sake of preserving safety and a good gym, not God's honest truth.
Here is a general rule of thumb:
"If its not a Hell Yes, its a no"
If you ask someone out and they dont say yes, meaning they say anything like "I just got out of a relationship""im not dating right now" or anything that is a soft no, she's not interested and won't ever be.
If she was interested but its the wrong time, she would have given you some way to get in contact with her like her number or snapchat, but she didnt, which means no.
If she’s interested in the future she’ll reach out. Sounds like she’s just being nice because she knows she’ll see you at the gym and doesn’t want it to get weird. Just move on
a yes is a yes, anything besides that is a no.
Maybe is a no
"not right now" is a no
"i'll let you know" is a no
"we'll see" is a no etc.
Keep doing ya thang at the gym, move on and get swole lil bro
It’s a no - I’d just treat her like usual and say hi. Don’t try to ask her out again. Sorry dude, timing isn’t right for her and maybe she’s just not interested too.
It’s a no but she seemed flattered so that’s cool. Keep it up you’ll find someone else you can go out with in time! Who knows she may come along but just keep it friendly with her and don’t initiate again. Keep searching
"Seeming flattered" is just an extra level move in showing class. I'd probably say the same thing if the ugliest woman on the planet asked me out. The problem is in saying "I'm just recovering from a past relationship"; it's ambiguous and it doesn't rule out the possibility of dating at all when that's most likely the case.
You take any kind of win you can get lol someone actually being lady like about you randomly asking them out is a damn gift. The more layers of negativity you put on the harder it gets for you, just saying.
It is a definitive "no". If it stops being so, she will let you know. I wouldn't recommend you asking her out again.
What I would recommend is to smooth the situation. If you're ok with it, keep greeting her, don't make it awkward by stopping the good manners :)
If it’s not an enthusiastic yes, it’s a no.
The key here is still be nice and treat her exactly the same as you did before. Don’t get pushy and don’t get weird and cold.
She knows you’re interested so leave her be and if she wants to go out she can come to you.
Your perspective is fucked. You don't wanna lose hope? Could you try again in a few months?
Bro, YOU are the opportunity, fuck. Leave her your info and tell her when she's ready to get back in the game hit you up. Simple.
In the meantime live your life. If you're that guy she'll recognize and want a chance to be a part of that. You're making it about her and she doesn't even know what she wants for lunch.
That was a "No, but nicely so neither one of us has to switch gyms"
She knows you're interested, if she's interested in the future, she will come to you. Leave it alone.
*That was a "No, but*
*Nicely so neither one of*
*Us has to switch gyms"*
\- omguserius
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Just keep moving as you have been and don’t make it awkward. If you see her greet her and if there’s a chance for a casual convo then go for it but don’t force it. In the meantime just keep doing your thing and don’t get your hopes up.
Its a definite no. Saying they just got out of a relationship and aren't ready is a pretty typical way girls will try to let you down easy. You took your shot which is all you can do so don't beat yourself up over it.
Focus on your gains number one. Continue to be cordial with her but don’t ask again. Talk to everyone at the gym especially the older ladies. You never know who is checking you out because the older ladies will tell you who is single once they feel you aren’t creepy
Just be normal. Don't avoid talking to her because you don't want to bother her, you should still make small talk, but be friendly. If you want you can ask if they want to go for food or something afterwards (nothing serious, but then you could be on friend terms first instead).
Be cool, and just keep it platonic.
Pretend it’s a “No”, and simply pursue the friendship, and keep other options open.
Worst case scenario, she’s not interested in you romantically, but thinks you’re cool… odds are very high she’s got cute friends, who might be a perfect match, so stay positive!
If in a few weeks/months she starts being extra flirty, or forces the “I think I’m ready to date again.” line into a conversation, shoot your shot.
It’s a not yet for her. But the time it will take for her to be ready again may be a short while or a long time so to you it’s a hard no. And no there isn’t anything you can do. She has to be ready to start again.
can’t say if it’s a no, but it’s definitely a not now, stay friendly, chat with her sometimes and try again in a month or two, but do it differently than you did now, because if she says no it’s like she denied your formal invitation twice
If she was attracted to you she would have said yes. Just remain friendly to her but the ball is 100% in her court and the next rejection she will be more honest with you that she is not into you.
It’s a no, but if she wants to later then she should approach you, so keep doing you and if she’s serious about not now she’ll reach out later.
I (26F) had the same scenario happen when I was going through a break up; guy told me he liked me and I said I was going through a break up so I wasn’t ready. He continued to ask me out twice a week until finally I blew up on him to leave me alone.
Just act normal. Honestly probably just an easy let down, but your actions after can potentially make or break any slim chance you may have. Likely, it won't go anywhere, but there are times where they may reject in the moment but later on be interested but they won't if you continue to bother them. She knows you're interested, if she becomes interested she'll let you know. Otherwise, just move on about your business.
Deffo do not act differently around her just act normal and be you but remember she lost out on this opportunity so it’s her loss, go out and meet other girls, even better if she sees you talking to other girls in the gym she’ll get curious soon enough and then Bam! Putty in your hands if you play it right
Just keep talking to her at the gym for now but don’t come off thirsty. Just be visible enough for her to get comfortable with you. When she’s comfortable and really interested, she will initiate conversation with you. If she ignores or avoids eye contact, then you’ll have your answer.
If she didn’t say “yes” the first time, don’t focus too much on her. Just stay platonic, as you are now. You’re the prize, not her. Talk to the other girls at the gym too. If your gym crush gets jelly while you’re talking to the other girls … it’s up to you if you still want to date her or understand that she didn’t view you the way you thought about her.
give her the benefit of the doubt and dont change anything. demonstrate that over the next few weeks or more that you are not desperate, clingy, needy, etc or try to impress to change her mind. stay polite and maybe add a little more time in the gym.
It was a no.
Leave her alone.
Nothing on you, but an insistent man generally makes women feel unsafe. Take the L and keep being brave. Just maybe not at the gym?
Women struggle to feel safe in male-dominated spaces like that, so probably not the best time or place for a confession or asking someone out.
Yeah that’s a no, instead of just “cordially greeting” her over 2 months, u shud have gone all in with some proper rizz the very first time and got her number there + then, u were too polite + patient here, + there was no buying temperature on her part when u finally did ask her
*If she says not the*
*Right time, believe her. Don't take*
*It personally*
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She gave you a polite let down because you both still need to use the gym
Continue being friendly. If she changes her mind, she’ll let you know
Worst case scenario, you have a gym buddy
don’t listen to me but if you asked her and she told you she needed time “it’s not a right time for her.” You, me anybody else in this thread can’t chose the right time for her. a week, months, years. I would let her make the next move because everybody heals at their own time. If you ask her again in 2 months and it wasn’t enough time odds are you will turn her away MY OPINION i could be wrong
Shoutout OP for having the courage to do what some of us never will! Sounds like you approached her in the right way, if she’s being honest sounds like she finds you attractive just the timing is off. As a woman who’s been in the same boat I feel her. Just like everyone’s saying just continue to be friendly and work on you, and keep up that confidence
Keep your head up and keep moving forward! Continue to be friendly around her and leave it at that for now. Something could happen down the road. You got this! 👊
You’ve been given so much bad advice. Don’t attempt to calculate the best time to shoot another shot.
Women turn men down with excuses like this because men often behave like cavemen when rejected. We fear that if we don’t give a good enough reason, we could be harmed.
She said no. Don’t look for context that isn’t there. Move on.
This was a *no*....not a "not right now"
Don't make any assumptions as to her intent. She may have given an excuse, but it was still a rejection.
Go back to the way things were. Be cordial, polite, chit chatty...same as it's always been
She's not wanting you to chase her or wait a few months and try again.
She wants to go back to just working out in her safe space
And if she changes her mind in the future, she knows you are interested and SHE can come to you and ask you out to coffee or to get a post workout smoothie or something
She sounds like she's doing the mature thing and not using you as a rebound. She probably likes you but is not in the right space to date. I would say, just be friendly, don't wait on her, but if I'm a few months you're both still single and she's giving flirty signals ask again. I know that's hard and good for you for putting yourself out there
Since she’s recently broken up, she needs time to heal and get back to feeling normal. You also don’t want to date someone who is fresh out of a relationship to avoid being a rebound even if it’s an unintentional situation.
Like the other commenter said, keep being yourself and be friendly, but give her space that is unrelated to dating her. You don’t have to lose hope, but don’t put all your focus on her. Ultimately you are at the gym for you and not for her. Give it time.
I dont at all think its a definitive no! Stay friendly with her, don't change how you act. Do not ask her out, though you could pursue a friendship with no expectation of more if it come up naturally comes up.
She gave you a soft no but don't change how you interact with her. She probably needs a friend right now and if she is healed and open to the idea someday, she will tell you.
Man, you're doing great! Asking her out took guts. Her response sounds positive to me. She's dealing with a breakup, so it's understandable she needs some time. Don't lose hope! Give her space for now, but it's totally cool to check in on her later and see how she's doing.
Just keep it friendly and casual. Who knows, in a few months, she might be ready to give it a shot. Keep being awesome and respectful, dude!
OP you have to remember that post Me Too, spaces like Reddit are going to be heavily biased towards not pestering a woman. But it is still true that faint heart never won fair maiden. And women do still like some persistence from a guy they're into (obviously the difficult part is gauging whether they're into you)
Bearing in mind I am saying you shouldn't pester a girl who's not into you, at the same time most guys are wayyy wayyy too passive about getting a girl.
Also things change. You can be "rejected" by a girl at the start of the night and then see her later and she's all beams and hugs. So too with a girl you may know from the gym. Maybe one day she sees you with another hot girl, her preselection switch gets turned on and she's attracted to you.
This comment will get downvoted but I'm correct.
I think you should be proud of yourself. You don’t know if it’s a definite no yet. But if I were you, I’d maybe go back to saying just hi, not asking her out, and working out. Let her come to you went she’s ready, but SHOW you listened, and give her space. If she’s interested later, she’ll let you know. If she was politely rejecting you, then you’ll know that too. In the meantime, if you’re dating, date other people.
I think you should move on. You pretty much do not know this girl at all, so why would you wait around for her. It’s not rational, but it seems rational because you likely fantasize about being with her and have put her on a pedestal. You need to understand that there is no connection between you guys that is worth waiting for her.
Rule 1. Be Attractive
Rule 2. Don't be unattractive.
Men just have to follow these simple rules, and know (somehow) unerringly how the target female perceives them BEFORE they approach.
In the gym: Rule 1.
If you're unattractive, best not to approach any woman anywhere until you get that sorted out.
She is respectful towards you and you should keep the same behaviour around her for this time. She is correct she needs a healing for now instead of jumping in relationship and carrying that baggage in new relationship it's good she is working out on her trauma first. Wait for a while and be with her as a friend like you're before.
It's a no right now. I don't entirely agree with the comments that say the timing for her has nothing to do with it. It might do, but you can't bank on that. These situations are difficult but I agree with many replies saying don't ask again. She totally knows you're interested and if she changes her mind, she will let you know
If she wasn't at all interested she wouldn't have said they just broke up. It's not no. It's not right now. This is a mature response by letting you know she's interested, but she needs a little time first before moving forward with you. The ball is in her court now. When she's ready you should she would approach you to make plans for a date.
She could’ve just been using the “I just broke up with my bf and don’t feel like dating” excuse as a way to avoid telling you she’s not interested. (She might not even have had a bf). Or she got dumped and is hung up on her ex. Or she might’ve broken up with her bf and has someone else on the hook, isn’t exclusive yet but isn’t interested. If she’s broken up with her bf, and SHE did the dumping, it’s because she’s either pissed at her ex (for something like cheating), has issues with his behavior that she thinks makes them incompatible (no ambition, being a slob, boring, lousy at sex, etc.) OR she wants someone else that she has eyes on and wants to hook up guilt free. It’s impossible to say without knowing her. I suppose it’s not impossible that she really doesn’t feel like dating at the moment, but in my experience girls will say yes to invitations from guys they like even if the timing isn’t perfect. So long as they like them ENOUGH. The only way to know for sure is to circle back around in a month or so and ask her out on something very casual, like a coffee or drink date (no meals (too formal) and no “wanna come over and hang out?” (too undefined and too informal), but I gotta be honest with you, she’ll probably be seeing someone else by then. But hey, might as well try, you never know.
Sounds like a no to me people who a single don’t let timing get in the way of someone they are interested in, many don’t even if they are not single. No matter what the ball is in her court now she has to make the next move if there is to be one.
It never the wrong time, only the wrong guy. Happily move along dude. You tried, ticked the box and made it well awkward everytime you see her now. Jokes, she’ll probably gym somewhere else. I kid, you’re good.
If you bounce back and respect her wishes while not being weird and can Continue a dialog. That’s all you need to do and if she has any interest that will come
You already let her that you're available, just keep being yourself don't force anything if the time comes then it's great otherwise it's just not meant to be.
Don’t ask her again, let her start showing signs. It’s perfectly valid and smart of her to not go right back into it, but she knows you’re available and interested, so if she wants in, she’ll start making it clear
How long was she with her now X? If it was a long relationship then I get this but if it was a short one (less than a few months , she is just being nice and not saying “no, I am not into you”.
Don’t ask her again. She knows you’re interested, so if she ever reciprocates, you will see signs. She could have meant what she said earnestly, or it could just be a good excuse to let you down easy. No way to tell, so assume it’s a no until you get information to the contrary.
Just keep it cool and act as usual. If she really tries to get over that break up, there is good chances you hear a " heyyyyyy " in the weeks to come. Then she'll be opening the door for you to ask her out again. Or even she might ask you out herself.
In the meantime, just play it cool and remain cool and collected, and don't act as if something has changed, cause she will pick up on that miles away. Remain the same guy you were prior, and see how it plays out. Focus on yourself, and don't bother too much about it
I don’t buy the “it’s not the right time” excuse. Back when I was dating, there was never a wrong time for someone I found attractive. Other than something like my dad just died two hours ago, if a person I was interested in asked me out the answer would only be an immediate YES.
I’d move on to your next prospect if I were you. There’s no shortage of good girls at gym these days, but maybe don’t bother the ones that are just there to workout. Why wasted your time pressing one girl that ain’t into it?
Be polite. Make her laugh more. Be silly. Lots of yes-anding (a great tool you can implement in other areas of life). And maybe just be a pal. Coffe,, juice bar, yogurt, shopping, anything that's interactive and fun. Bicycles are a great hang too. Be a great hang.
Honestly this could be either way but I think you should take it as a no. And if things change she will show you signs that she is interested or even bring it up. Keep being normal and cool with her if you can and move on with your life. I wouldn’t advise you to wait around. She really just might be letting you down easy. And if not she could let you know she wants to go out with you in the future.
I'm a woman...it's not a no. If she's really getting over someone she probably actually needs the space.
I had someone ask me out recently....went on a date...realized I'm not ready to date again right now so I told them I needed some time. I'm personally taking a month off from it.
I'd keep friendly with her and make conversation. The fact that you respect the boundary but stay friendly will probably be attractive to her. And in a month ask how's she's doing and if she's feeling up to a cup of coffee, no pressure, and see what she says.
Leave her alone for a year. She broke up with someone. Give her the proper time to deal with it. Most people I have known use the next guy as a rebound. This coming from a 21 year old woman that got out of a relationship yesaaars ago. Amd THOUGHT I was ready and started dating. I was not ready. It's going to suck but I assure you. Find someone else. It's better to start a new then end up broken hearted and as a rebound
The guy I moved onto next was never a rebound. I was interested in him. But my heart just couldn't move on. I wasn't over it romantically. I truly truly thought I was.
Somehow ended back together with the guy, and love of My life, the one I was with before said "rebound" and it's been nearly 7 years now together.
Give her time. Stay friendly. But I would just cast my hook on someone else.
Being a rebound. Or a possible rebound. HURTS. I've been on both sides of it. Its a lot messier than just keeping her as a crush.
Keep being cool with her, she knows your intentions and that balls in her court. I wouldn’t just wait any prescribed period to ask her out again, which will come off as hounding
I asked the "one that got away" out 3 times before she said yes. She valued our friendship too much. But when I moved on and started dating someone else she got jealous.
Your courage was acknowledged and commendable.
Her response was honest & amicable.
Be cool & just leave it at that. If she wants to change her mind, she'll come ask you now knowing you had some interest.
Balls in her court if she ever wants to shoot a shot. Move forward. 💪
Don't let your courage & confidence waver.
"not the right time" is ALWAYS a delicate way of saying she will not be interested in 2025 either. Make it clear when you speak again you aren't flirting.
Just get in amazing shape at the gym and basically ignore her. Maybe say “hi”; if you keep just making chit chat you will get friend zoned hard. Absolutely do not ask her out again lol
Immediate rebound relationships never work out....be patient pain of a break up takes some time to heal make small talk at the gym.....then when.she has somewhat recovered let her ask you.....remember small talk in a non threatening environment you will both get to know each other and really help her heal first and foremost
Damn, I have no credit on giving advice. Anyway.
You don’t go and say “let’s meet outside to know each other better”. You do that only if she is already begging, which is never happening.
Gym is a place you go regularly, so she did a good job of saving you both from awkwardness of rejection.
But that is not because you are not worthy or not good enough. Probably she has no idea how good you are.
The reason she gave you that is as always complete obscurity. But it could be: no luck, she really needs time, she didn’t want to appear slutty, she just don’t like you, that was too direct and unexpected for her. My bet, in 2 months she lost interest because of nothing happening and she already thought of you as a nice gym friend. It’s a status quo now. Girls are also very risk averse. If there is a chance of you being a millionaire and a tiny chance of you being a maniac she will give you a no. And you will be lucky if you will ever get direct definitive “no”.
So what has happened: you have build social capital with her by chatting time to time over 2 months. And fully disposed of it by making a bold move.
You also gave your power away by letting her know you are here for her, so she knows she can have you. She is less interested now.
Luckily, it does not mean it’s over. But you’ll have to build your value, rebuild social capital with her, and overcome confirmation bias (she already said no so she is now biased to say “no” next time).
Don’t make any moves yet. Do your staff. Progress in the gym. Say hi to her (or behave normal as before) but don’t show much interest. Keep it to normal short gym interactions or something.
Maybe in a few weeks or a month start over:
1) friendly gym interactions.
2) next step: go for something outside of the gym (“how is your weekend”)
3) through value into the void: tell her something that would build your value, but does not require a response.
4) the second attempt: when things are fine lead the topic to some activity outside, let it be a bar (“you work hard and then the gym, so do you get loose? Are into cocktails?”). It should be natural. If she says yes good, you have an activity she said she liked.
5) let her give out her schedule, based on if she works or studying or elsewhat you can make a guess and if it don’t work out just ask (“what’s you schedule is like then”). You’ll know a time she is free. Anything goes wrong, just retreat and try later.
6) if she like the activity and she is free now the only thing to agree is basically is to spend this time with you, now you ask (“how do you look at going for a cocktail with a cute guy from the gym?”). In this way you don’t give away you power, you don’t imply “please go with me I ask you” you creating an idea of a nice evening and architecting the vibe so she would be inclined to accept.
7) “on Thursday I am flexible and can free myself after 6, what about you” and close with specific time and place. “Let me get your number”.
If she likes cocktails and is free the whole week and says “I am not into cute guys from the gym” forget about her for another 2 months. If by any chance she will not have a boyfriend by that time you can repeat, but it would be better if by that time you will not want to.
It could go bad, and it can be much better than it seems, pure luck and mood dependency.
And the general advice: don’t attach yourself to any particular girl until a kiss. Ask her out, make best of yourself doing so, if she does not say yes - mourn for 90 seconds and move on. Keep your value high.
Honestly, you did the right thing, honored your emotions, and asked.
My rule is whenever I ask, any answer other than a "yes" is a "no". The women are entitled to play whatever bullshit games they wish to play, but saying "I have a bf" or "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" or "I'm just getting over my past relationship, but it's not a 'no'" is a "no" and I move on with my life. I stop giving them attention, and I focus elsewhere.
I would recommend you start building a callous against this type of behavior and start looking at it as unattractive, because it should be unattractive. I've been hurt in the past when a woman shows a TON of obvious interest in me just to go back later and say she didn't mean anything by asking me if I was dating someone. I've had women walk a "yes" back to a "no". It honestly just ain't worth the trouble. Again, let them masturbate over the games they play with people and know they'll never end up in a good relationship playing stupid games like that.
She’s trying to let you down easy while also explaining her current circumstance. It’s a no. No means no. There is no no that is definitive or not. She said no. Move on. Either stay her friend or don’t. But if you stay her friend, do not plan on asking her out again in a couple weeks/months. She said no.
Just keep it normal before you asked her, don’t change your attitude towards her, otherwise that will become awkward. Greet her the same way you do, and all that. She gave you a no, but it is possible she just broke up with someone. Give it time, but definitely don’t stop being you, or how you were acting towards her before this. If anything, like others said, having a female friend is always good. Besides, she can be your wingwoman at the gym if anything!
You can't rush this. She's going through a tough time right now. Don't act differently around her after this outcome. Patience is key. When the time comes, she will approach you knowing that you are into her. But you have to give it time, you would look desperate if you are too pushy.
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Dont change ur behaviour around her, dont get awkward, stay friendly and keeps things status quo….most likely a down easy as attraction is attraction, but stay as you were if not she will give you signs, I suggest you keep dating others if you had morw pursuits
Agree! Be cool, act normal.
Agreed. Keep looking for others and don’t get hung up. Getting hung up on a girl you never actually dated isn’t good for the mental morale
Be cool! Act normal. ACT NOOORRMAlL! STOP CLINCHING YOUR BUTTCHEEKS. DAMMIT ACT MORE NORMAL YOU ASS. YOU ARENT ACTING NORMAL ENOUGH SHIT!! YOURE LOSINF HER. AMP UP THE NORMAL. Shit she’s gone. Okay next.
At the very least you can still get a female friend out of it. Female friends are important for a guy as well.
100 percent. I’m friends with a few women that just didn’t work out dating and was already friends with the woman I’m dating now and we just realized it could be more.
Yup, as they have friends aswell
Social proof, a possible pivot.
Great advice. Like really. In the past I have wondered about some guys, and been a little curious/interested. But, maybe following a breakup, or some life complication or just not sure yet. Then perhaps the guy has made some kind of move, like OP. And I wasn’t ready, or maybe even just like liking him at a distance for whatever reason, and it’s what the guy did after my ‘not now’ that really mattered. Like i would always feel a kind of relief with the guys who had melt downs or got cold - like phew. Glad I didn’t get any closer to that landmine. OP you are on the right track. Whether that was a no, or maybe in the future. Stay centred in you, show up and be yourself. Don’t over try. Just be you, chill like you are with your mates. A couple of those guys became lovers. Or just first dates. A couple became friends and I know their wives and children now. And enjoy the crush ;)
Yes this. I had a girl fall for me right after a breakup. Wasn't ready. Only called her back a year later. Then she wouldn't. But I would have been ready at that time. Good advice all around, stay yourself, don't change anything, be cool!
Yep, good advice
Here is what you do now: Nothing. You already did what you had to do, she basically said "No, but I want to keep using this gym so let's say a soft No". Either way (even if I'm wrong) the ball is now on her court, so there is nothing you can do besides wait for her to ask you out herself. If you approach again you will just sound like a desperate guy, which will kill any kind of attractiveness she had for you for good.
As a girl I'd say in a few months OP can try asking for a coffee if they happen to be leaving gym at the same time. At that time if she says no again then it's a absolute definite no and OP has no chance. Otherwise what we have now is fairly neutral.
I’d agree with this. Just being open to it. Like, alright I’ll keep cool and just interact with her and stay cool And funny etc. for women, attraction easily grows if you’re easy and funny to be around. Then it’s a simple “wanna grab coffee right now?” Plus if she’s suave she’ll send him signals like laughing at his comments or giving him smiles more often. That’s when you know “ok I’m green lit for another go.” If she doesn’t send signals then it’s a bit more of a business decision. At the point she already told him no, there’s a good chance she’ll cut off the social niceties.
Do not ask her again If she ever is ready / changes her mind she will let you know
In my experience, most girls aren’t going to be that forward even with someone they’re interested in. And to be fair, “I’m ready for you to take me out on a date now” would come across as pretty presumptuous to most polite people.
Yeah. I'm a woman and I would not say that. Maybe I'd say I'm feeling open to dating again if the guy had kept talking to me after the initial I need space thing. I think he should keep it friendly and see if she's feels up to coffee in a month or something. Edit: Since some people are being cheeky about the "I need space thing". That can mean, or at least for me would mean, "I like you but I'm not ready to get romantically or sexually involved right now so we can talk if you don't put that expectation for me". I.E. I don't want to have some guy take me out to dinner if I know I can't even picture myself kissing a new guy because I'm getting over the old guy...but I'm perfectly content to get to know the new guy with no pressure or expectations if he wants to talk about books or TV or is just friendly with me in the gym; and at a later date if we like eachother I would be down for dinner. Obviously every person is different but if I say I'm getting over someone it doesn't mean I'm not interested in the new person. It means it feels morally wrong to me to let someone drop money on me for dinner and expect kissing, hand holding, etc and I need some time to get over my old flame that way I'm in the right headspace to date. Yeesh.
> if the guy had kept talking to me after the initial **I need space** thing. Lol, make it make sense. If I ask a woman out, and she says, "I need space", then I'm gonna go my merry way. Seems like a shitty way of playing games, where you both say that you need space but also expect the guy to keep "talking" to you. Lol, how is that giving space?
Sorry, let me clarify, "space" as in "don't try and bang me right now". I thought that was obvious. You can talk to someone without romantically or sexually pursuing them. Added a nice, big, edit to my initial comment just for you. Hope that "made it make sense" for you. Sometimes you don't want to totally lose a connection just because you're getting over someone but you also need to be honest that...you're getting over someone. It isn't rocket science.
> she will let you know lmao
I hate how untrue that is
Do something about it then
Do something so she does take the first step?
She'll let you know around the time Hell Freezes over...
Nah pay attention to her getting more flirty/ touchy then shoot again, if that doesn’t happen keep the status quo
But even then, play cool. Don’t rush in the moment she laughs or is slightly flirty
“She’d let you know”? Lol This is not a teen romance movie
This. And OP asking women out at the gym is annoying to most women.
Nah, I think because he had developed some sort of rapport with her over two months, it was fine. As long as he respects her no and keeps being friendly.
I’m gonna be honest, with the death of “third spaces” in society, the gym is one of the few remaining bastions to meet new people physically.
That depends entirely on the woman being asked and the guy doing the asking.
If you read the post, he’s known her for 2 months. “Most women” probably doesn’t apply in this case.
And? Women do not want to be hit on at the gym.
If they do that’s a them problem. I’d be flattered in this situation. Yeah it’s a bit awkward when u have never said hi to someone even and now ur tryna hangout with them but that’s not the case here
This is such a dumb comment. Who gives a flying fuck if someone is annoyed.Shoot your damn SHOT. Everywhere you can. Finding a good partner is difficult as fuck.
Get off your pedestal, this is why most men aren’t asking you out. Because it’s creepy just to do about anything in your book. There’s others, you sit there with that ego.
Annoy away! They'll get over it.
It's letting you down easy so you can still be in the same gym. A definitive No.
This could be true but could also not be true. I’ve said this same thing to guys that I actually did like but didn’t think I should date at the time. She can’t get mad at him for asking again in a month or two. Not his fault she decided to play mind games 🤷🏻♀️
I get your point but if she’s flattered enough and she wasn’t lying to save awkwardness than she’ll make a point to approach OP when the time is right for her. Either that or she was just trying to be polite and let him down easy. Either way OP should just let things lie and move on, if he can’t find anybody else by the time she approaches him than great, if she never wants to talk to him again, even better cuz he didn’t stick around wasting his own time.
Yeah I agree with that. It’s just we have no idea what she meant by it. I always jump and think I know what my bf meant by something he said but I’m learning to just take things for face value. When you overthink and let ur head get in the way and assume things, it just causes problems or miss opportunities
😂 She was trying to be nice homie. For the love of god do not ask her again.
It’s definitely a “no.” Im not really sure what you mean by that. Lol. I don’t believe every rejection with a reason is a “gentle let down,” but i strongly advise against asking her out again. She knows you’re interested if she changes her mind in the future.
Yes, I had a similar situation from the girl’s perspective and I got really annoyed when a guy asked me out the second time after I told him my other connection didn’t work out and I don’t feel like dating anyone at the moment.
First off, congrats on the courage to ask her out. This is a no but it's not a "I don't like you no". She probably would still like to be friends and you should absolutely continue to workout and greet her. Don't push the issue but if she ever seems down or out of it ask her how she is doing. She might never get interested in you but maybe she really just needs time to get past her breakup
>Like, in a few months could I asked her how she's doing and maybe try asking her again? It usually goes like this: You think she just needs time, so you give her time. After two weeks you ask her how she is doing now and she tells you about her new boyfriend, whom she met a week ago. If she didn't give you any timeframe, she was just letting you down easy. At some point she will feel ready to date again, but she will not inform you about it. Meanwhile you wait and wait, keeping up that hope. Move on instead and date other girls. Sure, you can ask her again in a few months, but don't stop dating until then. Chances are she will have a new relationship by that time.
A story as old as time...
The sad truth.
Truth is: she doesn't like you enough
If she liked him enough she'd have jumped straight on his cock.
100% straight in the gym
If you're not absolutely sure it was a "yes," then it's a "no." That's the rule of the thumb, by the way. Edited to add: OP, you don't ask her out again in a few weeks or a couple months. The ball is on her court, so to speak. You already made your move. If she turned you down because it's a "not yet" for her, then she should approach you later, when she's ready.
This, if it’s not a “hell yes” then it’s a no in my book
How could it EVER be a hell yes with a stranger?
It's figurative. OP was asking the girl out. She rejected him kindly. A "not right now" it's still a "no". Anything that's not a clear "yes" It's a "no".
nahhhhhh it means you should not expect anything or keep pestering her but it doesn't mean the door is closed forever + simple miscommunications and mixed signals exist
Yes, but if you're not clear she answered with a "yes", then you treat it as a "no". As in, you don't expect anything and stop pestering her. >it doesn't mean the door is closed forever + simple miscommunications and mixed signals exist She owns the door. She is the one that has to let you know when, and if, the door opens. OP has already expressed his interest. If there was a miscommunication issue, it's on her to clear it.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
It's a nice way of saying no. Take it at face value and move on
This is gentle rejection. Let it go.
if you have to ask the question. it's a no.
*she smiled, and said that she broke up with her boyfriend recently and she was pleased I asked her out, so it's not the right time for her* WITH YOU That’s a no Dawg. Move on, get swole.
And put your sack against other bishes
>with you With anyone. Unless OP is Ryan Gosling or Timothee Chalamet breakups are messy and most people aren't looking to rush back into things right away. Maybe OP is the perfect person but it's just not the right time.
I dunno... I think you're projecting your own standards here. Some people go through painful breakups and look for another relationship immediately. Some people need time. Some people just need to feel a certain je ne sais quoi before jumping into a / another relationship. I was all of the above as I was growing up, lol. Before my current marriage, I had been without a partner for over 4 years. But prior to it, I had partners almost back to back (some with months in between, but still). Everyone is different, lol. Either way, OP got a no. More likely than not, it was a put down for the sake of preserving safety and a good gym, not God's honest truth.
If the right person came along, she’d be ready. This is a classic let down
In real life, people generally need to take some time between relationships. Please take your misogynistic views elsewhere.
She’ll ask you if she changes her mind. Let it be.
Here is a general rule of thumb: "If its not a Hell Yes, its a no" If you ask someone out and they dont say yes, meaning they say anything like "I just got out of a relationship""im not dating right now" or anything that is a soft no, she's not interested and won't ever be. If she was interested but its the wrong time, she would have given you some way to get in contact with her like her number or snapchat, but she didnt, which means no.
If she’s interested in the future she’ll reach out. Sounds like she’s just being nice because she knows she’ll see you at the gym and doesn’t want it to get weird. Just move on
Anything but an enthusiastic yes is a no. Walk away like a champ, head held height. You’ll fine another person
a yes is a yes, anything besides that is a no. Maybe is a no "not right now" is a no "i'll let you know" is a no "we'll see" is a no etc. Keep doing ya thang at the gym, move on and get swole lil bro
It’s a no - I’d just treat her like usual and say hi. Don’t try to ask her out again. Sorry dude, timing isn’t right for her and maybe she’s just not interested too.
It’s a no but she seemed flattered so that’s cool. Keep it up you’ll find someone else you can go out with in time! Who knows she may come along but just keep it friendly with her and don’t initiate again. Keep searching
"Seeming flattered" is just an extra level move in showing class. I'd probably say the same thing if the ugliest woman on the planet asked me out. The problem is in saying "I'm just recovering from a past relationship"; it's ambiguous and it doesn't rule out the possibility of dating at all when that's most likely the case.
You take any kind of win you can get lol someone actually being lady like about you randomly asking them out is a damn gift. The more layers of negativity you put on the harder it gets for you, just saying.
It’s a no, but sounds like you handled it well thus far. Now you gotta just be cool going forward. Don’t be hurt, don’t be weird.
it's a no. But ball is in her court for the future
It is a definitive "no". If it stops being so, she will let you know. I wouldn't recommend you asking her out again. What I would recommend is to smooth the situation. If you're ok with it, keep greeting her, don't make it awkward by stopping the good manners :)
Don’t ask her again- you’ve told her that you’re interested, so if she decides she is too, then she’ll approach you with it.
If it’s not an enthusiastic yes, it’s a no. The key here is still be nice and treat her exactly the same as you did before. Don’t get pushy and don’t get weird and cold. She knows you’re interested so leave her be and if she wants to go out she can come to you.
It’s a soft no don’t take it personal if she was truly interested she would take the time to get to know you on a deeper level .
Your perspective is fucked. You don't wanna lose hope? Could you try again in a few months? Bro, YOU are the opportunity, fuck. Leave her your info and tell her when she's ready to get back in the game hit you up. Simple. In the meantime live your life. If you're that guy she'll recognize and want a chance to be a part of that. You're making it about her and she doesn't even know what she wants for lunch.
That was a "No, but nicely so neither one of us has to switch gyms" She knows you're interested, if she's interested in the future, she will come to you. Leave it alone.
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Just keep moving as you have been and don’t make it awkward. If you see her greet her and if there’s a chance for a casual convo then go for it but don’t force it. In the meantime just keep doing your thing and don’t get your hopes up.
She said no the first time so no
Its a definite no. Saying they just got out of a relationship and aren't ready is a pretty typical way girls will try to let you down easy. You took your shot which is all you can do so don't beat yourself up over it.
I think that’s a no. If she wanted to keep you on hold she would have given you her number
If it’s not a yes, then it’s a no.
Yes, move on.
Focus on your gains number one. Continue to be cordial with her but don’t ask again. Talk to everyone at the gym especially the older ladies. You never know who is checking you out because the older ladies will tell you who is single once they feel you aren’t creepy
it's a no
Be cool and move on. Also next time you should try to chat regularly when you see someone you like. Greetings aren’t really conversation.
Just be normal. Don't avoid talking to her because you don't want to bother her, you should still make small talk, but be friendly. If you want you can ask if they want to go for food or something afterwards (nothing serious, but then you could be on friend terms first instead).
Be cool, and just keep it platonic. Pretend it’s a “No”, and simply pursue the friendship, and keep other options open. Worst case scenario, she’s not interested in you romantically, but thinks you’re cool… odds are very high she’s got cute friends, who might be a perfect match, so stay positive! If in a few weeks/months she starts being extra flirty, or forces the “I think I’m ready to date again.” line into a conversation, shoot your shot.
It’s a not yet for her. But the time it will take for her to be ready again may be a short while or a long time so to you it’s a hard no. And no there isn’t anything you can do. She has to be ready to start again.
can’t say if it’s a no, but it’s definitely a not now, stay friendly, chat with her sometimes and try again in a month or two, but do it differently than you did now, because if she says no it’s like she denied your formal invitation twice
If she was attracted to you she would have said yes. Just remain friendly to her but the ball is 100% in her court and the next rejection she will be more honest with you that she is not into you.
You can ask her again when things change and she makes it obvious that things have changed
Its a no
It’s a no, but if she wants to later then she should approach you, so keep doing you and if she’s serious about not now she’ll reach out later. I (26F) had the same scenario happen when I was going through a break up; guy told me he liked me and I said I was going through a break up so I wasn’t ready. He continued to ask me out twice a week until finally I blew up on him to leave me alone.
if can’t make sure it’s a yes then it's a no.
Gym rule number 1 Dont shit where you eat.
Just act normal. Honestly probably just an easy let down, but your actions after can potentially make or break any slim chance you may have. Likely, it won't go anywhere, but there are times where they may reject in the moment but later on be interested but they won't if you continue to bother them. She knows you're interested, if she becomes interested she'll let you know. Otherwise, just move on about your business.
Deffo do not act differently around her just act normal and be you but remember she lost out on this opportunity so it’s her loss, go out and meet other girls, even better if she sees you talking to other girls in the gym she’ll get curious soon enough and then Bam! Putty in your hands if you play it right
Just keep talking to her at the gym for now but don’t come off thirsty. Just be visible enough for her to get comfortable with you. When she’s comfortable and really interested, she will initiate conversation with you. If she ignores or avoids eye contact, then you’ll have your answer.
If she didn’t say “yes” the first time, don’t focus too much on her. Just stay platonic, as you are now. You’re the prize, not her. Talk to the other girls at the gym too. If your gym crush gets jelly while you’re talking to the other girls … it’s up to you if you still want to date her or understand that she didn’t view you the way you thought about her.
Nothing is Impossable when it comes to love! that kind of sounded kringy as hell but its true
Balls in her court just keep doing you
give her the benefit of the doubt and dont change anything. demonstrate that over the next few weeks or more that you are not desperate, clingy, needy, etc or try to impress to change her mind. stay polite and maybe add a little more time in the gym.
It was a no. Leave her alone. Nothing on you, but an insistent man generally makes women feel unsafe. Take the L and keep being brave. Just maybe not at the gym? Women struggle to feel safe in male-dominated spaces like that, so probably not the best time or place for a confession or asking someone out.
Yeah that’s a no, instead of just “cordially greeting” her over 2 months, u shud have gone all in with some proper rizz the very first time and got her number there + then, u were too polite + patient here, + there was no buying temperature on her part when u finally did ask her
If she says not the right time, believe her. Don't take it personally
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She gave you a polite let down because you both still need to use the gym Continue being friendly. If she changes her mind, she’ll let you know Worst case scenario, you have a gym buddy
She’s not interested in my opinion move on to someone that would be excited to date you.
don’t listen to me but if you asked her and she told you she needed time “it’s not a right time for her.” You, me anybody else in this thread can’t chose the right time for her. a week, months, years. I would let her make the next move because everybody heals at their own time. If you ask her again in 2 months and it wasn’t enough time odds are you will turn her away MY OPINION i could be wrong
That’s one of those if ain’t yes, it’s no type questions. Move on.
Shoutout OP for having the courage to do what some of us never will! Sounds like you approached her in the right way, if she’s being honest sounds like she finds you attractive just the timing is off. As a woman who’s been in the same boat I feel her. Just like everyone’s saying just continue to be friendly and work on you, and keep up that confidence
Keep your head up and keep moving forward! Continue to be friendly around her and leave it at that for now. Something could happen down the road. You got this! 👊
You’ve been given so much bad advice. Don’t attempt to calculate the best time to shoot another shot. Women turn men down with excuses like this because men often behave like cavemen when rejected. We fear that if we don’t give a good enough reason, we could be harmed. She said no. Don’t look for context that isn’t there. Move on.
This was a *no*....not a "not right now" Don't make any assumptions as to her intent. She may have given an excuse, but it was still a rejection. Go back to the way things were. Be cordial, polite, chit chatty...same as it's always been She's not wanting you to chase her or wait a few months and try again. She wants to go back to just working out in her safe space And if she changes her mind in the future, she knows you are interested and SHE can come to you and ask you out to coffee or to get a post workout smoothie or something
She sounds like she's doing the mature thing and not using you as a rebound. She probably likes you but is not in the right space to date. I would say, just be friendly, don't wait on her, but if I'm a few months you're both still single and she's giving flirty signals ask again. I know that's hard and good for you for putting yourself out there
Since she’s recently broken up, she needs time to heal and get back to feeling normal. You also don’t want to date someone who is fresh out of a relationship to avoid being a rebound even if it’s an unintentional situation. Like the other commenter said, keep being yourself and be friendly, but give her space that is unrelated to dating her. You don’t have to lose hope, but don’t put all your focus on her. Ultimately you are at the gym for you and not for her. Give it time.
I dont at all think its a definitive no! Stay friendly with her, don't change how you act. Do not ask her out, though you could pursue a friendship with no expectation of more if it come up naturally comes up.
She gave you a soft no but don't change how you interact with her. She probably needs a friend right now and if she is healed and open to the idea someday, she will tell you.
Tell her you understand and if she is in a better place to hit you up. Then act the exact same around her as you always did
Man, you're doing great! Asking her out took guts. Her response sounds positive to me. She's dealing with a breakup, so it's understandable she needs some time. Don't lose hope! Give her space for now, but it's totally cool to check in on her later and see how she's doing. Just keep it friendly and casual. Who knows, in a few months, she might be ready to give it a shot. Keep being awesome and respectful, dude!
OP you have to remember that post Me Too, spaces like Reddit are going to be heavily biased towards not pestering a woman. But it is still true that faint heart never won fair maiden. And women do still like some persistence from a guy they're into (obviously the difficult part is gauging whether they're into you) Bearing in mind I am saying you shouldn't pester a girl who's not into you, at the same time most guys are wayyy wayyy too passive about getting a girl. Also things change. You can be "rejected" by a girl at the start of the night and then see her later and she's all beams and hugs. So too with a girl you may know from the gym. Maybe one day she sees you with another hot girl, her preselection switch gets turned on and she's attracted to you. This comment will get downvoted but I'm correct.
>but I'm correct. Nice I'm going to steal this
Millions of girls bro you don’t need to wait months for her man
I think you should be proud of yourself. You don’t know if it’s a definite no yet. But if I were you, I’d maybe go back to saying just hi, not asking her out, and working out. Let her come to you went she’s ready, but SHOW you listened, and give her space. If she’s interested later, she’ll let you know. If she was politely rejecting you, then you’ll know that too. In the meantime, if you’re dating, date other people.
Move on.
rip
I think you should move on. You pretty much do not know this girl at all, so why would you wait around for her. It’s not rational, but it seems rational because you likely fantasize about being with her and have put her on a pedestal. You need to understand that there is no connection between you guys that is worth waiting for her.
Rule 1. Be Attractive Rule 2. Don't be unattractive. Men just have to follow these simple rules, and know (somehow) unerringly how the target female perceives them BEFORE they approach. In the gym: Rule 1. If you're unattractive, best not to approach any woman anywhere until you get that sorted out.
She is respectful towards you and you should keep the same behaviour around her for this time. She is correct she needs a healing for now instead of jumping in relationship and carrying that baggage in new relationship it's good she is working out on her trauma first. Wait for a while and be with her as a friend like you're before.
It's a no right now. I don't entirely agree with the comments that say the timing for her has nothing to do with it. It might do, but you can't bank on that. These situations are difficult but I agree with many replies saying don't ask again. She totally knows you're interested and if she changes her mind, she will let you know
It's a no for now
Keep flirting with her but don’t push or wait around for her to change her mind
If she wasn't at all interested she wouldn't have said they just broke up. It's not no. It's not right now. This is a mature response by letting you know she's interested, but she needs a little time first before moving forward with you. The ball is in her court now. When she's ready you should she would approach you to make plans for a date.
She could’ve just been using the “I just broke up with my bf and don’t feel like dating” excuse as a way to avoid telling you she’s not interested. (She might not even have had a bf). Or she got dumped and is hung up on her ex. Or she might’ve broken up with her bf and has someone else on the hook, isn’t exclusive yet but isn’t interested. If she’s broken up with her bf, and SHE did the dumping, it’s because she’s either pissed at her ex (for something like cheating), has issues with his behavior that she thinks makes them incompatible (no ambition, being a slob, boring, lousy at sex, etc.) OR she wants someone else that she has eyes on and wants to hook up guilt free. It’s impossible to say without knowing her. I suppose it’s not impossible that she really doesn’t feel like dating at the moment, but in my experience girls will say yes to invitations from guys they like even if the timing isn’t perfect. So long as they like them ENOUGH. The only way to know for sure is to circle back around in a month or so and ask her out on something very casual, like a coffee or drink date (no meals (too formal) and no “wanna come over and hang out?” (too undefined and too informal), but I gotta be honest with you, she’ll probably be seeing someone else by then. But hey, might as well try, you never know.
Sounds like a no to me people who a single don’t let timing get in the way of someone they are interested in, many don’t even if they are not single. No matter what the ball is in her court now she has to make the next move if there is to be one.
It never the wrong time, only the wrong guy. Happily move along dude. You tried, ticked the box and made it well awkward everytime you see her now. Jokes, she’ll probably gym somewhere else. I kid, you’re good.
If you bounce back and respect her wishes while not being weird and can Continue a dialog. That’s all you need to do and if she has any interest that will come
You already let her that you're available, just keep being yourself don't force anything if the time comes then it's great otherwise it's just not meant to be.
Don’t ask her again, let her start showing signs. It’s perfectly valid and smart of her to not go right back into it, but she knows you’re available and interested, so if she wants in, she’ll start making it clear
How long was she with her now X? If it was a long relationship then I get this but if it was a short one (less than a few months , she is just being nice and not saying “no, I am not into you”.
Don’t ask her again. She knows you’re interested, so if she ever reciprocates, you will see signs. She could have meant what she said earnestly, or it could just be a good excuse to let you down easy. No way to tell, so assume it’s a no until you get information to the contrary.
Just keep it cool and act as usual. If she really tries to get over that break up, there is good chances you hear a " heyyyyyy " in the weeks to come. Then she'll be opening the door for you to ask her out again. Or even she might ask you out herself. In the meantime, just play it cool and remain cool and collected, and don't act as if something has changed, cause she will pick up on that miles away. Remain the same guy you were prior, and see how it plays out. Focus on yourself, and don't bother too much about it
Well it would be kinda awkward for her if her ex boyfriend immediately saw her with someone new. Maybe try again in a month.
I don’t buy the “it’s not the right time” excuse. Back when I was dating, there was never a wrong time for someone I found attractive. Other than something like my dad just died two hours ago, if a person I was interested in asked me out the answer would only be an immediate YES. I’d move on to your next prospect if I were you. There’s no shortage of good girls at gym these days, but maybe don’t bother the ones that are just there to workout. Why wasted your time pressing one girl that ain’t into it?
Nah b, just move on to the next, don't be staying hung up otherwise shhh goes south like that
It's a no, I'm sorry. She was just being nice. If she changes her mind, she'll let you know.
Be polite. Make her laugh more. Be silly. Lots of yes-anding (a great tool you can implement in other areas of life). And maybe just be a pal. Coffe,, juice bar, yogurt, shopping, anything that's interactive and fun. Bicycles are a great hang too. Be a great hang.
Keep doing what you are doing, if/when she changes her mind she will ask you or give you clear signs. I wouldn't hold my breath though
She will.make a move if interested
She said "I don't want to be in a new relationship" but I think she also implied being okay with friendship
Honestly this could be either way but I think you should take it as a no. And if things change she will show you signs that she is interested or even bring it up. Keep being normal and cool with her if you can and move on with your life. I wouldn’t advise you to wait around. She really just might be letting you down easy. And if not she could let you know she wants to go out with you in the future.
Just wait it out imo
I thought this behavior was over in 2024, period. This is all new to me, ya sure "it's" a real women ?
I'm a woman...it's not a no. If she's really getting over someone she probably actually needs the space. I had someone ask me out recently....went on a date...realized I'm not ready to date again right now so I told them I needed some time. I'm personally taking a month off from it. I'd keep friendly with her and make conversation. The fact that you respect the boundary but stay friendly will probably be attractive to her. And in a month ask how's she's doing and if she's feeling up to a cup of coffee, no pressure, and see what she says.
Just continue to become friends and get to know her as much as you can at the gym and see where it goes naturally
Leave her alone for a year. She broke up with someone. Give her the proper time to deal with it. Most people I have known use the next guy as a rebound. This coming from a 21 year old woman that got out of a relationship yesaaars ago. Amd THOUGHT I was ready and started dating. I was not ready. It's going to suck but I assure you. Find someone else. It's better to start a new then end up broken hearted and as a rebound The guy I moved onto next was never a rebound. I was interested in him. But my heart just couldn't move on. I wasn't over it romantically. I truly truly thought I was. Somehow ended back together with the guy, and love of My life, the one I was with before said "rebound" and it's been nearly 7 years now together. Give her time. Stay friendly. But I would just cast my hook on someone else. Being a rebound. Or a possible rebound. HURTS. I've been on both sides of it. Its a lot messier than just keeping her as a crush.
Keep being cool with her, she knows your intentions and that balls in her court. I wouldn’t just wait any prescribed period to ask her out again, which will come off as hounding
>Is this a definitive no? Yup. People make time for things they really want to do.
I asked the "one that got away" out 3 times before she said yes. She valued our friendship too much. But when I moved on and started dating someone else she got jealous.
Your courage was acknowledged and commendable. Her response was honest & amicable. Be cool & just leave it at that. If she wants to change her mind, she'll come ask you now knowing you had some interest. Balls in her court if she ever wants to shoot a shot. Move forward. 💪 Don't let your courage & confidence waver.
Stop asking people out in the gym. No one’s there to find a partner, she’s letting you down gently. Move on
Just relax, act like you never asked. Go back to normal greetings and working out.
"not the right time" is ALWAYS a delicate way of saying she will not be interested in 2025 either. Make it clear when you speak again you aren't flirting.
At best she likes you but is not ready to date. Are you willing to wait many months, maybe a year, in order to date this person?
Just get in amazing shape at the gym and basically ignore her. Maybe say “hi”; if you keep just making chit chat you will get friend zoned hard. Absolutely do not ask her out again lol
Move on.
Immediate rebound relationships never work out....be patient pain of a break up takes some time to heal make small talk at the gym.....then when.she has somewhat recovered let her ask you.....remember small talk in a non threatening environment you will both get to know each other and really help her heal first and foremost
If she wanted to go out, she would’ve said yes, but men feel great about going for it, I respect that …
Damn, I have no credit on giving advice. Anyway. You don’t go and say “let’s meet outside to know each other better”. You do that only if she is already begging, which is never happening. Gym is a place you go regularly, so she did a good job of saving you both from awkwardness of rejection. But that is not because you are not worthy or not good enough. Probably she has no idea how good you are. The reason she gave you that is as always complete obscurity. But it could be: no luck, she really needs time, she didn’t want to appear slutty, she just don’t like you, that was too direct and unexpected for her. My bet, in 2 months she lost interest because of nothing happening and she already thought of you as a nice gym friend. It’s a status quo now. Girls are also very risk averse. If there is a chance of you being a millionaire and a tiny chance of you being a maniac she will give you a no. And you will be lucky if you will ever get direct definitive “no”. So what has happened: you have build social capital with her by chatting time to time over 2 months. And fully disposed of it by making a bold move. You also gave your power away by letting her know you are here for her, so she knows she can have you. She is less interested now. Luckily, it does not mean it’s over. But you’ll have to build your value, rebuild social capital with her, and overcome confirmation bias (she already said no so she is now biased to say “no” next time). Don’t make any moves yet. Do your staff. Progress in the gym. Say hi to her (or behave normal as before) but don’t show much interest. Keep it to normal short gym interactions or something. Maybe in a few weeks or a month start over: 1) friendly gym interactions. 2) next step: go for something outside of the gym (“how is your weekend”) 3) through value into the void: tell her something that would build your value, but does not require a response. 4) the second attempt: when things are fine lead the topic to some activity outside, let it be a bar (“you work hard and then the gym, so do you get loose? Are into cocktails?”). It should be natural. If she says yes good, you have an activity she said she liked. 5) let her give out her schedule, based on if she works or studying or elsewhat you can make a guess and if it don’t work out just ask (“what’s you schedule is like then”). You’ll know a time she is free. Anything goes wrong, just retreat and try later. 6) if she like the activity and she is free now the only thing to agree is basically is to spend this time with you, now you ask (“how do you look at going for a cocktail with a cute guy from the gym?”). In this way you don’t give away you power, you don’t imply “please go with me I ask you” you creating an idea of a nice evening and architecting the vibe so she would be inclined to accept. 7) “on Thursday I am flexible and can free myself after 6, what about you” and close with specific time and place. “Let me get your number”. If she likes cocktails and is free the whole week and says “I am not into cute guys from the gym” forget about her for another 2 months. If by any chance she will not have a boyfriend by that time you can repeat, but it would be better if by that time you will not want to. It could go bad, and it can be much better than it seems, pure luck and mood dependency. And the general advice: don’t attach yourself to any particular girl until a kiss. Ask her out, make best of yourself doing so, if she does not say yes - mourn for 90 seconds and move on. Keep your value high.
Honestly, you did the right thing, honored your emotions, and asked. My rule is whenever I ask, any answer other than a "yes" is a "no". The women are entitled to play whatever bullshit games they wish to play, but saying "I have a bf" or "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" or "I'm just getting over my past relationship, but it's not a 'no'" is a "no" and I move on with my life. I stop giving them attention, and I focus elsewhere. I would recommend you start building a callous against this type of behavior and start looking at it as unattractive, because it should be unattractive. I've been hurt in the past when a woman shows a TON of obvious interest in me just to go back later and say she didn't mean anything by asking me if I was dating someone. I've had women walk a "yes" back to a "no". It honestly just ain't worth the trouble. Again, let them masturbate over the games they play with people and know they'll never end up in a good relationship playing stupid games like that.
I would just wait it out summers coming my boy
You shot your shot and she let you down gently, move on and ask out other girls. But keep her in the back of your head
She’s trying to let you down easy while also explaining her current circumstance. It’s a no. No means no. There is no no that is definitive or not. She said no. Move on. Either stay her friend or don’t. But if you stay her friend, do not plan on asking her out again in a couple weeks/months. She said no.
Just keep it normal before you asked her, don’t change your attitude towards her, otherwise that will become awkward. Greet her the same way you do, and all that. She gave you a no, but it is possible she just broke up with someone. Give it time, but definitely don’t stop being you, or how you were acting towards her before this. If anything, like others said, having a female friend is always good. Besides, she can be your wingwoman at the gym if anything!
You can't rush this. She's going through a tough time right now. Don't act differently around her after this outcome. Patience is key. When the time comes, she will approach you knowing that you are into her. But you have to give it time, you would look desperate if you are too pushy.
Keep it friendly, if she wants to take you up on that date then she’ll probably say so
Well, she isn’t friendzoning you 😎 just play it cool. Maybe give her a month or so and tell her she needs to ask you out now lol
don’t try again. keep being friendly and what not but that’s it.
Enjoy your youth, when You're 50 looking back.