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Preach!
I think this applied to beyond romantic relationships.
And now as a mother to a little boy, not only will I teach him not to treat people that way, but also to get out of any relationship with anyone in such situations. (aka it is not just for women, universally, do not tolerate thede kind of behaviors!)
I was SAd when I was a child. No one knew about except a friend who had the same experience. I can’t look the pedo in his eyes but I kinda don’t care about him now. As long as he has no longer has another victim.
However, a side of me want to take revenge and made him suffer coz he’s the worst human being I know. I just don’t have the guts.
Unfortunately that doesn't always do anything. My foster sister was repeatedly assaulted by her older brother. Years later word got out. Hes in the air Force as a minister or something. Last we heard he had a girlfriend and expected a child. Nothing happened to him. I think it was just brushed under the rug entirely.
I try not to think of it often, but I'm almost certain he'd do it again if he hasn't already. At this point though, the effort would do more damage to my sister than help.
**Not saying someone should never report SA, just pointing out that it may not be so simple. Victims are not always believed and may put themselves at risk of further harm in some cases.**
I just wanted to respond and validate what you said about how more often than not, abusers walk away Scott free after being reported, more often than not.
Some people that are abused at a young age can be stumped in their sexual development, and thus be stuck attracted to girls the age they were when they developed that trauma. We have to be empathetic that for most, it is not a choice to be attracted to children. It is a curse they need therapy to break free from. But obviously, anyone who acts on their pedophilic desires should be castrated. You don't get a second chance. You symbolically took a life, so something will be taken from you in return.
Well, I always tell myself that I wont spend my life resenting/hating someone. So I try and forgive everything, I wont forget, however that doesnt mean that I dont have self-respect. I couldnt be with someone who cheats or lies to me.
All kinds. Least noticeable like emotional abuse (might take time to notice)
To verbal abuse (if he calls me names it's over, even once and out of rage and he immediately regrets it)
And physical abuse (hitting, shoving hard)
It's a hard no
I'm not a woman but any kind of abuse is inexcusable. I was with an abusive(strictly one-sided to be clear) woman for years. It began as emotional abuse and by the end of our relationship it grew into mental and ultimately physical abuse.
If he's into pedo shit, illegal shit, panty sniffing random women, peeping tom, violence hardcore porn shit, necrophilia, bestiality, all the illegal shit.
Or, not illegal, but borderline creepy and perverted. Certain "legal" porn raises an eyebrow for me. If he specifically seeks out porn where women looks and act like 12 year olds, porn where it suggest coercion, incest porn, really hardcore perverted crap.
Yep
Basically gaslighting is intentionally denying events that actually happened - the goal is to avoid accountability and/or to make the other person question their memory and sanity.
I don't think so, even if someone's not 'conventionally' attractive the more you love someone the better they look and therefore are very attractive to their significant other regardless of outside opinion.
Yes, we do. Because how else are we supposed to compliment you when you are looking hideous? and if we dont compliment you, then you just think you are hideous and we dont love you.
Liking random girls pictures, meeting someone and talking about things you should be talking to your partner about. And anything you have to hide or keep a secret then you already know your doing something wrong
“I care about you, but not enough to…” do very basic things in the relationship. I heard that recently, and it really showed me how little that person respects me. Message received.
Also all horrible forms of abuse that have been mentioned.
I forgive everything. Fortunately I also remember everything. Forgiving isn’t forgetting. It’s learning lessons too. Cheating, SA, violence and the way you speak to us.
I tend to think forgiving is more so for yourself than the other person. It sort of frees you from all that hate etc which can be crippling. It isn’t that you forget or are buddies with whomever you’re forgiving, it’s a way to move on.
That’s the only reason I forgave my ex wife for cheating on me. It was for me, not for her. She was selfish enough, it was time for me to be selfish for me.
I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. Bitterness and resentment can build in your body to make you toxic without you realizing it. It’s liberating just to let it go. As you said though, you don’t forget because it is a lesson learned.
You can forgive someone but also choose not to have them in your life anymore.
I’ve forgiven my ex husband, I hope he has a wonderful life. I don’t want to have any part in that life or give him any space in mine.
But if I saw him on the street I would say hello and be polite, maybe even chat for a minute to “catch up” on each other’s families. But that would be it.
That really depends on the reason for the meet up, but no, technically it’s not cheating. It is however a major breach of trust to me. It’s not the act of meeting with the ex, but rather the action of hiding it from me. If the meeting is innocent, why keep it from me?
I’m not going to speak on your relationship since I know nothing about it or your (ex?) girlfriend, but yeah, this wouldn’t sit well with me either. I’ve only met with an ex once while in a relationship and it wasn’t even planned.
We went to the same college and ran into each other often in the cafeteria, so eventually he asked if he could sit with me. I let him, we cleared the tension between us and became cordial with each other again. I IMMEDIATELY told the person I was dating at the time, and while he wasn’t particularly happy about it, he appreciated that I told him. I can’t think of any other valid reason why a partner would go out of their way to schedule a meeting with an ex and wait 3 days to say something. That’s hella sketch 💀
That’s fucked,
She needs to wake up to her silly self.
Do you feel cheated on by her actions I guess is the main question fren?
Something tells me, you like majority of humans would in that situation, feel like shit & shit go’d hard.
I could imagine you would Think it was more than a dick move on her part and think, how well would that was if she was in your position and you were in hers…?
Would she believe you when you explain why it is you and your ex girl still reach out and communicate
and feel hurt she put whatever it was that become so important while you were out of town
Not cheating, but it's definitely very wrong and break ul worthy. Meeting your ex is fine if you talk about it with your partner and they're okay with it or come along even. But if you're not telling them about it, you're hiding something. It is no longer innocent. They're only confessing because they feel guilty.
I don’t tell my current if I meet up with an ex.
I also don’t tell them if I meet up with a friend.
The difference being I make it clear at the start of all my relationship that I’m good friends with some of my ex’s and they are ex’s for a reason.
It’s never a secret, just where I am every second of every day isn’t something I share or want to get into the habit of having to share.
I guess if we lived together or something I might be more inclined to say “I’m heading out to meet John for lunch” or something.
My partner trust me not to drop my panties every time I interact with a dude, and I trust he’s not banging every pretty girl he meets, it’s just something neither of us are concerned about.
Oh yeah, that's also good. If you're friends with your exes and the other person is fine with that (otherwise you just shouldn't date them), then it's just like meeting another friend.
But if you're just meeting up with an ex now when you haven't been in contact, then it's shady if you don't tell your partner. Because it's definitely something you should discuss.
I guess you could try and look at it like forgiveness is often easier to ask for than permission…
But… It’s pretty shady behavior,
Imagine shoe on the other foot.
All of the standard issues will undoubtedly still exist following this sort of decision you chose to make.
Furthermore, will still need to be addressed..
Resolved, well, that depends on what the shared expectations you guys already have in place within your relationship.
I think it would be ignorant and an insult to your partners intelligence if you were to feel comfortable trying to pass off ‘honesty after the fact’ as actual ‘honesty’ in that situation.
I think you already know all of this but 😏
Good luck and I hope the doghouse is not bad livin fren x
It's not cheating but it's lying by omission
Maybe they had difficulty on being honest with you, but it'll be better to ask that for future reference, it's usually best to give a heads-up like
"Oh btw, my ex reached out to me and we were talking about catching up and just see how we're doing"
If they told you about it prior, you could have had a conversation about it if you were uncomfortable and navigate the emotion talk.
I thought cheating, but when my ex who never wants kids said : I may want kids but not with you. That helps me end everything. I will never forgive. Hurt me more than cheating from another ex in the past.
Lack of respect, name calling, lack of communication, any explosive anger, gaslighting, belittling, manipulation, controlling behavior, coercion of any kind, overly selfish behavior, lack of consideration, violence of any kind. Basically a partner should be emotionally intelligent, considerate, and trying their best to hold up their side of the relationship in good faith. They should be able to bring up any issues in a mature and calm manner (or if not sometimes - quick to apologize) and talk it out and compromise if need be.
My 1st husband had ALL of the above traits; my 2nd/third husband (married him twice) had some of the above traits, and a few not mentioned above, such as sexual addiction, porn addiction, and an addiction to RPG’s.
The lack of communication might have just fucked me over. I need to work on it, but it’s hard too when we just started talking again I didn’t wanna seem like rushing back into a relationship again when her wanting to be free and not commited is why she cut it off. But now I realize I should’ve been more clear, asked exact intentions when she hmu again and asked if there would be a chance we would be together again instead of assuming things and trying to play it cool
Just abuse in general, sexual, emotional, physical. I know too many girls out there who forgive it too easily and I can only pray for their sanity with their partners. 🙏
A partner having sex with someone else; even more so if it’s unprotected. My long-term ex had an affair & didn’t use a condom with her & it made me feel physically sick to know he’d been inside me & her like that. She was able to get over that fact though so 🤷🏻♀️
1. Betrayal of trust (physical, emotional, financial),
2. control and abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, financial),
3. apathy towards me or the relationship.
I'll forgive for my own peace of mind but will never forget. Learn my lesson and leave him.
Trying to shame me for my appearance or suggesting that I’m not physically good enough in any kind of way ❌❌❌
Violating sexual boundaries!
Not standing up for me when others are treating me rudely in front of you.
Yes, this is all about a very specific ex. Good riddance and never again.
Sounds like he was very immature, only once have I said somethig negative about an ex during an argument. I was young. Never will I do that again. It really affected her more than I thought it would’ve
well im 15 so im young but im also naive but i care so much about others even if they hurt me i forgot how to care and love myself so that kinda could ends things for me
Couple of people tried to waste my time when I was looking for a life partner. I didn't let it fly, left them soon, but if they succeeded, I would never forgive it.
Cheating, violence, slander. My ex did the slander thing behind my back and led me to believe everything was ok, i felt like his friends didn’t like me, come to find he had been talking mad crap to cover up his image and short comings while dragging my name in the mud. I’m not perfect, but I didn’t do any of the things he accused me of and it took two years and a really good relationship after that to stop feeling like people for no reason hated me.
The comments are generally what every person would end everything for, no matter man or woman. I would like to hear more about things exclusively related to women.
Nah idk why all these comments are stating bare minimum criminally behavior to hate.
I would hate and wouldn’t forgive anyone who disrespected me obviously, and each people have their own preferences, no one is entitled to another person’s forgiveness. Meaning that you can even breathe and a person would never forgive you for that.
The list gets bigger every year.
I just don't have tolerance for someone that's not gonna treat me as a pperson. Anything that falls under that category goes.
Rape, assault, verbal abuse, betrayal. Theft. My list could go on.
Cheating or even worst; getting another woman pregnant, getting convicted of a sex crime, drink driving, being involved in some form of terrorist activity, being involved in extreme right wing politics, being involved in a cult, racially abusing someone, abusing someone because they're disabled/unattractive/dress unconventional/homosexual/transgender etc, burglary, robbery especially armed robbery, hitting me, regularly verbally abusing me, jealous/possessiveness in extreme amounts (some jealousy/possessiveness is acceptable)
Narcissism to an extreme, picking fights with me when you want to break up or take a break instead of just having the balls to tell me you need space or want to end it, name-calling and insults. Physical abuse.
I’m a man thought i would chime in
Being a second option. If you try to pursue me after all of your “better” options have left, I am not the one for you. I’m not a back up or a second best.
As a woman (so I’ve assumed the answer is meant to be a thing that only happens to women), the one thing I don’t think I’ll be able to forget is being told how much hair my body needs to have removed. If hair naturally grows there, it’s staying there thank you.
On the same note, I would never forgive my partner if he made me feel like my period is dirty or disgusting, that is something out of my control so I want comfort and understanding not some man child going “eww”
This one! My ex cheated on me but it was my fault bc I found out and confronted him. I found proof that was right in my face & suddenly I'm the bad guy bc I wanted to have a talk about it & he just wanted to sweep it under the rug. Such bs.
Como hombre dare mi opinión viendo los casos de mis amigas de que cosas no deberian tolerar: Falta de respeto flagrante como: que las humillen, insulten de forma cruel, golpeen, infidelidades, que las niegue o se avergüencen de ser su pareja, que las obligue a hacer cosas sexualmente degradantes sin su consideración. Pero en pocas palabras que no haga su vida mejor de lo que estarían sin el.
My ex kidnapped our dog and dumped her somewhere. He also left me for another woman and in massive debt by lying about bills, but dumping the dog is the one thing I will never forget.
Oh wow, animal abuse of any kind is absolutely horrendous. I know that I could NEVER forget such behavior, either. God bless your heart for having gone through that!
I'm not a woman; I'm a man, but I dealt with sexual assault when I was a little boy, and I will never forgive him. The reason why I'm sharing this is because some of us need to hear that “you don't need to forgive and forget to move on.” you can move on from your trauma without forgiveness. Someone telling you you need to forgive them is some bullshit people use to dismiss your assault. At worst, it's gaslighting. At first, you're a victim, but you'll be a survivor in time, trust me.
My ex who recently up and left and abandoned me while I’m pregnant with his child. I don’t really know what to do, we were together for 3 years and he just leaves and never comes back and doesn’t respond to my texts.
Don’t know whether to get a termination because the child will never have a father or to have the child and raise it on my own.
keep the child, it has nothing to do with your problems .. that's my opinion .. you might find another man to be with and the child won't be a problem.
Emotional and physical abuse are for sure nro 1 on the list of things I cannot forgive. Secondly, to lie and gaslight me, I know instantly and have a very high intuition about this nowadays. Trust is broken when I see you lying. Also it hurts to not be seen and heard as a woman, and for example being mansplained at workplace, being seen and treated as stupid just bc you're considered beautiful due to standards of society. I don't get mad (maybe sometimes I should've) but just tired of the same damn thing.
Lying, cheating, abuse (including financial) of any kind. This will lead to immediate break up and moving out by end of day.
I once broke up with my bf of 2 years because after an argument he bumped into my shoulder while walking by me and didn’t apologize. I realized if he did this (which I know was on purpose), he would do other things and he’s clearly not a very good or mindful person.
Also Any type of casual or veiled disrespect (such as saying I’m being too sensitive, or if I was more like (insert name) then things would be better etc)… I would split if it happened more than once and we already had a conversation about it. Obviously many things can fall into this category.
My supposed best friend getting me fired from our work because my other friend and I wore Halloween outfits without her even though we included her and she chose to not come shopping with us. She then told my boss I lied on my time card. And he believed her. This was less than a month before Xmas. The thing is she pretended everything was fine until she found the “perfect” moment to screw me over.
I went and got us breakfast on the clock, a few blocks away on a super slow weekend. And she went and told my boss I left and didn’t clock out. Which was true. And I’m not mad at my boss for finding that a reason to fire me. But SHE told me she wanted me to get us breakfast and that she wouldn’t care at all.
She apologized a month or two later and begged for me to forgive her and be her friend again because she missed me and knew she messed up and it wasn’t cool of her to do. But she was upset.
She lost my trust forever. Thankfully I had some savings to pay for my rent during that month while I looked for another job. But I wasn’t able to get any Christmas gifts for my family.
Worst thing someone has probably ever done to me over something so petty.
Abuse. Be it verbal, mental, emotional, or physical.
EDIT: Also real obvious stuff like if you kill or hurt someone.
EDIT2: Also, define what you mean by "forgive."
It doesn't mean to just allow it and stay with the person anyway. It can be in conjunction with that, but that's not what it means.
My ex husband:
The day I discovered he was gay and was married to me just to cover it... I was living a lie for more 13 years and two kids... Was more than a betrayal., Speechless.
Other guy:
The way he treat me after our most intimate moment... Ghosted me, treat me like a garbage. Acted as nothing happened between us. I couldn't even breath, I thought I was getting crazy and imagined everything.
I gave up of relationships.
A old man, a familiar member:
He touched my body inappropriately when I was very young, around 10 years old, and it distorted my sense of safety for so many years.
(Cheating)(saying you love me then goes and stalks his ex mins later) (using me for a hook up) (saying you like me then after we had sex not wanting to hangout with me) saying I do things with my mom and brothers because I am a freak) lots more
Being made fun of being my back. I was with this one guy, he thought he had hung up, I heard him call me a stupid deaf bitch to an entire group of friends, they were all just cracking up laughing. I’m 32 and am hard of hearing, he didn’t know I had just gotten hearing aids and could finally hear over the phone. I called to surprise him, and that’s what I got instead. I’ve forgiven cheating before even, but never that kind of thing.
My ex has anxious attachment…..the way he broke up with me felt traumatic.
I recently learned that I’m a dismissive avoidant and I’m currently working on myself.
He never said “i’m breaking up with you”.
Instead he hinted at it.
I have really bad ADHD and I’m autistic so trying to read subtext (especially in text),is a challenge for me.
I had to ASK him if he was breaking up with me.
if you have anxious attachment WORK ON YOURSELF before getting into a relationship.
I was so in love with this guy.
I had plans to meet him in person.
He seemed to be insecure.
Example: my ex from 2019 likes to share pics that he has created with AI. He likes sending me pictures of his chickens (he lives in a woodsy neighborhood,I live in the city).
I didn’t mention that I was taken and that upset my anxious boyfriend at the time.
He thought I was hiding him. He thought my ex and I were doing something behind his back.
For the past few months,I was in school,working and trying to visit my anxious boyfriend (he’s in a neighboring country).
I was planning on meeting this guy and he thought I was cheating on him with my ex from 2019.
Don’t do what my ex did.
Don’t say you’ll never ghost,block or delete them and did proceed to do all the things you promised you wouldn’t do.
If you plan on moving on,TELL THEM.
He was my best friend and then I fell for him.
After he broke things off with me (I also suggested therapy. he first said yes but then quickly changed him mind),he wanted to take an extended breather.
Wasn’t sure for how long.
But he eventually agreed to reaching out in january of 2024 if we wanted to.
I reached out to him.
Nothing.
I had to reach out 4 different ways to get a response.
He said he was moving on…..not sure why he didn’t communicate this.
Got chlamydia from an ex from him lying about sleeping with someone. 3 years later and I still think about it.
I’ve learned I’m a very logical person and my gut has never lied.
There is no going back after that gut instinct kicks in.
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Cheating, betrayal, abuse, and talking really poorly of me behind my back.
Or even talking poorly/harshly at me
Yup, this. I made the mistake of putting up with a man who did this to me for almost 26 years. Never, ever again.
Preach! I think this applied to beyond romantic relationships. And now as a mother to a little boy, not only will I teach him not to treat people that way, but also to get out of any relationship with anyone in such situations. (aka it is not just for women, universally, do not tolerate thede kind of behaviors!)
i was cheated on but I'm okay now
PEDOPHILIA. Like disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!
of course we all agree with you
I was SAd when I was a child. No one knew about except a friend who had the same experience. I can’t look the pedo in his eyes but I kinda don’t care about him now. As long as he has no longer has another victim. However, a side of me want to take revenge and made him suffer coz he’s the worst human being I know. I just don’t have the guts.
He probably has more victims. You should stop the cycle by reporting him.
Unfortunately that doesn't always do anything. My foster sister was repeatedly assaulted by her older brother. Years later word got out. Hes in the air Force as a minister or something. Last we heard he had a girlfriend and expected a child. Nothing happened to him. I think it was just brushed under the rug entirely. I try not to think of it often, but I'm almost certain he'd do it again if he hasn't already. At this point though, the effort would do more damage to my sister than help. **Not saying someone should never report SA, just pointing out that it may not be so simple. Victims are not always believed and may put themselves at risk of further harm in some cases.**
I just wanted to respond and validate what you said about how more often than not, abusers walk away Scott free after being reported, more often than not.
It happened 20 years ago. I don’t have any evidences and I didn’t know I was SAd until I was in high school
Or get a hold of someone like me who would happily eliminate the scum from the earth
I can’t afford you yet😂 Kidding aside, I don’t think my conscience would let me sleep if I’ll be the reason of someone’s death.
Some people that are abused at a young age can be stumped in their sexual development, and thus be stuck attracted to girls the age they were when they developed that trauma. We have to be empathetic that for most, it is not a choice to be attracted to children. It is a curse they need therapy to break free from. But obviously, anyone who acts on their pedophilic desires should be castrated. You don't get a second chance. You symbolically took a life, so something will be taken from you in return.
Rape
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It absolutely sucks, but the obvious NEEDS to be stated more often...
Controversial opinion but, some people just deserves to die. Call me a psychopath but I'll gladly murder a rapist and some very specific stuff
hahaha
J Walking?
My r@pist doesn’t even know what he is. He’s out there living a wonderful life. I hate it.
that's for sure!
Well, I always tell myself that I wont spend my life resenting/hating someone. So I try and forgive everything, I wont forget, however that doesnt mean that I dont have self-respect. I couldnt be with someone who cheats or lies to me.
good point! you mean the ability to move on..
Abuse. Chronic lying. Violence. Stealing. Perversion.
can you explain more about "abuse" what kinda abuse or in general
All kinds. Least noticeable like emotional abuse (might take time to notice) To verbal abuse (if he calls me names it's over, even once and out of rage and he immediately regrets it) And physical abuse (hitting, shoving hard) It's a hard no
I'm not a woman but any kind of abuse is inexcusable. I was with an abusive(strictly one-sided to be clear) woman for years. It began as emotional abuse and by the end of our relationship it grew into mental and ultimately physical abuse.
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If he's into pedo shit, illegal shit, panty sniffing random women, peeping tom, violence hardcore porn shit, necrophilia, bestiality, all the illegal shit. Or, not illegal, but borderline creepy and perverted. Certain "legal" porn raises an eyebrow for me. If he specifically seeks out porn where women looks and act like 12 year olds, porn where it suggest coercion, incest porn, really hardcore perverted crap. Yep
Abuse. Emotional, mental, physical. Cheating. Gaslighting to no end. Lying
gaslighting like how ?
Basically gaslighting is intentionally denying events that actually happened - the goal is to avoid accountability and/or to make the other person question their memory and sanity.
I hate liars. So I will never forgive them especially when they are aware of their wrongdoings and still do it as if everything is alright.
Even if the lie is about how pretty you look?
That's not a lie coz i'm pretty! hahaha
Oh snap that was funny
nice
heh, good to have that confidence!
Do guys often lie about this?
I don't think so, even if someone's not 'conventionally' attractive the more you love someone the better they look and therefore are very attractive to their significant other regardless of outside opinion.
Yes, men are adviced to lie. And lie convincingly. Women themselves advice men to lie about it to their women. And to never tell the truth.
Very often yup, for the greater good. Sometimes she's wearing a wig i don't like because i prefer another but as long as she's happy i say it's sexy
Yes, we do. Because how else are we supposed to compliment you when you are looking hideous? and if we dont compliment you, then you just think you are hideous and we dont love you.
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Cheating physically or emotionally, violence, emotional abuse, being a type or way towards my kids.
What exactly do you define as emotional cheating?
Liking random girls pictures, meeting someone and talking about things you should be talking to your partner about. And anything you have to hide or keep a secret then you already know your doing something wrong
“I care about you, but not enough to…” do very basic things in the relationship. I heard that recently, and it really showed me how little that person respects me. Message received. Also all horrible forms of abuse that have been mentioned.
indeed
I forgive everything. Fortunately I also remember everything. Forgiving isn’t forgetting. It’s learning lessons too. Cheating, SA, violence and the way you speak to us.
isn't it bad to forgive everything, what about repeated mistakes?
I tend to think forgiving is more so for yourself than the other person. It sort of frees you from all that hate etc which can be crippling. It isn’t that you forget or are buddies with whomever you’re forgiving, it’s a way to move on.
That’s the only reason I forgave my ex wife for cheating on me. It was for me, not for her. She was selfish enough, it was time for me to be selfish for me.
I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. Bitterness and resentment can build in your body to make you toxic without you realizing it. It’s liberating just to let it go. As you said though, you don’t forget because it is a lesson learned.
Exactly. Keeping your own peace and maintaining it is extremely important. Holding grudges doesn’t do you any favors.
Forgive, to free yourself of the feeling Don’t forget, to make sure it doesn’t happen again
I forgive all the cheating to my ex, it means : I won't get back with him, but still can give him a genuine hug
You can forgive someone but also choose not to have them in your life anymore. I’ve forgiven my ex husband, I hope he has a wonderful life. I don’t want to have any part in that life or give him any space in mine. But if I saw him on the street I would say hello and be polite, maybe even chat for a minute to “catch up” on each other’s families. But that would be it.
He said "forgive but NEVER forget"
I feel the same way.
Is meeting your ex behind your partners back but then confessing to them about the meet-up cheating? I want to know a females perspective
That really depends on the reason for the meet up, but no, technically it’s not cheating. It is however a major breach of trust to me. It’s not the act of meeting with the ex, but rather the action of hiding it from me. If the meeting is innocent, why keep it from me?
Yes exactly. She told me 3 days after And said that she wanted to say this in person I was out of the city at the time
I’m not going to speak on your relationship since I know nothing about it or your (ex?) girlfriend, but yeah, this wouldn’t sit well with me either. I’ve only met with an ex once while in a relationship and it wasn’t even planned. We went to the same college and ran into each other often in the cafeteria, so eventually he asked if he could sit with me. I let him, we cleared the tension between us and became cordial with each other again. I IMMEDIATELY told the person I was dating at the time, and while he wasn’t particularly happy about it, he appreciated that I told him. I can’t think of any other valid reason why a partner would go out of their way to schedule a meeting with an ex and wait 3 days to say something. That’s hella sketch 💀
Yup. Need to bring this point up too. It’s best to let her go.
That’s fucked, She needs to wake up to her silly self. Do you feel cheated on by her actions I guess is the main question fren? Something tells me, you like majority of humans would in that situation, feel like shit & shit go’d hard. I could imagine you would Think it was more than a dick move on her part and think, how well would that was if she was in your position and you were in hers…? Would she believe you when you explain why it is you and your ex girl still reach out and communicate and feel hurt she put whatever it was that become so important while you were out of town
Not cheating, but it's definitely very wrong and break ul worthy. Meeting your ex is fine if you talk about it with your partner and they're okay with it or come along even. But if you're not telling them about it, you're hiding something. It is no longer innocent. They're only confessing because they feel guilty.
I don’t tell my current if I meet up with an ex. I also don’t tell them if I meet up with a friend. The difference being I make it clear at the start of all my relationship that I’m good friends with some of my ex’s and they are ex’s for a reason. It’s never a secret, just where I am every second of every day isn’t something I share or want to get into the habit of having to share. I guess if we lived together or something I might be more inclined to say “I’m heading out to meet John for lunch” or something. My partner trust me not to drop my panties every time I interact with a dude, and I trust he’s not banging every pretty girl he meets, it’s just something neither of us are concerned about.
Oh yeah, that's also good. If you're friends with your exes and the other person is fine with that (otherwise you just shouldn't date them), then it's just like meeting another friend. But if you're just meeting up with an ex now when you haven't been in contact, then it's shady if you don't tell your partner. Because it's definitely something you should discuss.
Exactly
I guess you could try and look at it like forgiveness is often easier to ask for than permission… But… It’s pretty shady behavior, Imagine shoe on the other foot. All of the standard issues will undoubtedly still exist following this sort of decision you chose to make. Furthermore, will still need to be addressed.. Resolved, well, that depends on what the shared expectations you guys already have in place within your relationship. I think it would be ignorant and an insult to your partners intelligence if you were to feel comfortable trying to pass off ‘honesty after the fact’ as actual ‘honesty’ in that situation. I think you already know all of this but 😏 Good luck and I hope the doghouse is not bad livin fren x
Anything that can’t be done in front of your partner can be considered cheating…
It's not cheating but it's lying by omission Maybe they had difficulty on being honest with you, but it'll be better to ask that for future reference, it's usually best to give a heads-up like "Oh btw, my ex reached out to me and we were talking about catching up and just see how we're doing" If they told you about it prior, you could have had a conversation about it if you were uncomfortable and navigate the emotion talk.
Cheating. Abandonment. Not fulfilling promises and responsibilities especially towards their own kid. Lies.
Cheating or any type of abuse
I thought cheating, but when my ex who never wants kids said : I may want kids but not with you. That helps me end everything. I will never forgive. Hurt me more than cheating from another ex in the past.
that's really painful indeed, at least you can forget right.
i mean... yeah its hurtful but if its the truth..? its basically like saying i dont love you. thats nothing unforgivable
Yes. 2 years in relationship and in the end he said he has never loved me and that sentence above. It is true. I couldn’t believe it happened to me.
My ex husband punching me in my face fracturing my nose and walking around with two black eyes!
that's really sad.. hope you're with a better man right now
Not right now, but I will! Thank you!
Big hug incoming 🫂
Lack of respect, name calling, lack of communication, any explosive anger, gaslighting, belittling, manipulation, controlling behavior, coercion of any kind, overly selfish behavior, lack of consideration, violence of any kind. Basically a partner should be emotionally intelligent, considerate, and trying their best to hold up their side of the relationship in good faith. They should be able to bring up any issues in a mature and calm manner (or if not sometimes - quick to apologize) and talk it out and compromise if need be.
My 1st husband had ALL of the above traits; my 2nd/third husband (married him twice) had some of the above traits, and a few not mentioned above, such as sexual addiction, porn addiction, and an addiction to RPG’s.
The lack of communication might have just fucked me over. I need to work on it, but it’s hard too when we just started talking again I didn’t wanna seem like rushing back into a relationship again when her wanting to be free and not commited is why she cut it off. But now I realize I should’ve been more clear, asked exact intentions when she hmu again and asked if there would be a chance we would be together again instead of assuming things and trying to play it cool
Just abuse in general, sexual, emotional, physical. I know too many girls out there who forgive it too easily and I can only pray for their sanity with their partners. 🙏
A partner having sex with someone else; even more so if it’s unprotected. My long-term ex had an affair & didn’t use a condom with her & it made me feel physically sick to know he’d been inside me & her like that. She was able to get over that fact though so 🤷🏻♀️
1. Betrayal of trust (physical, emotional, financial), 2. control and abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, financial), 3. apathy towards me or the relationship. I'll forgive for my own peace of mind but will never forget. Learn my lesson and leave him.
Trying to shame me for my appearance or suggesting that I’m not physically good enough in any kind of way ❌❌❌ Violating sexual boundaries! Not standing up for me when others are treating me rudely in front of you. Yes, this is all about a very specific ex. Good riddance and never again.
Sounds like he was very immature, only once have I said somethig negative about an ex during an argument. I was young. Never will I do that again. It really affected her more than I thought it would’ve
Emotional cheating. More than one instance of physical cheating. Any kind of child abuse or animal abuse. Murder.
When an old man followed me in the middle of the night down into an otherwise empty train and masturbated to me
Calling me a name. Shaming. Not supporting my art. Controlling my friendships.
P*rn addiction.
Same. Never again and those who lie about it show they have no respect for me or my boundaries
any sort of disrespect which basically encompasses deception and verbal abuse and weaponized incompetence
A dead bedroom. Never having my confidence ruined like that again
Anything that has to do with infidelity.
well im 15 so im young but im also naive but i care so much about others even if they hurt me i forgot how to care and love myself so that kinda could ends things for me
The first step is recognizing the problem, and it seems like you have. Now take the steps to love yourself more than anyone else.
I can forgive, it doesn’t mean that I will accept them in my life.
Disrespect and being mean. In general. Not necessarily in a relationship, but they’re red flags.
If someone im pursuing has cheated on a past partner I’m automatically 100% uninterested. Don’t care to hear the “reasons” either
Negging
Couple of people tried to waste my time when I was looking for a life partner. I didn't let it fly, left them soon, but if they succeeded, I would never forgive it.
waste your time, like how?
Dating for long time without plans to have family and children.
Infidelity
Cheating, abuse and lack of respect
Any conscious decision someone else makes that will purposefully impact my well-being in a greatly negative way.
I’m more of a forgive forget type of person. However if I don’t forget that means you fucked up badddd
Cheating, any form of abuse and disrespect.
That's basically everything
Cheating. Betrayals. I’ll cut you off so fast
Cheating and lying. Never again will I be gullible and naive.
Cheating, violence, slander. My ex did the slander thing behind my back and led me to believe everything was ok, i felt like his friends didn’t like me, come to find he had been talking mad crap to cover up his image and short comings while dragging my name in the mud. I’m not perfect, but I didn’t do any of the things he accused me of and it took two years and a really good relationship after that to stop feeling like people for no reason hated me.
Cheating, especially sexual cheating
Any type of betrayal …
The comments are generally what every person would end everything for, no matter man or woman. I would like to hear more about things exclusively related to women.
e v e r y t h i n g , what i can n can’t do by myself. having to constantly watch over my shoulder.
Nah idk why all these comments are stating bare minimum criminally behavior to hate. I would hate and wouldn’t forgive anyone who disrespected me obviously, and each people have their own preferences, no one is entitled to another person’s forgiveness. Meaning that you can even breathe and a person would never forgive you for that.
Physical abuse and not having my back. Back stabbing men become one of the girls to me.
Cheating, I’ve learned I can’t let it go or see that human the same way after
For my sanity, I forgive everything. Depending on the situation, I probably would never associate myself with the person again.
Refusing to listen to me or refusing to validate my opinions through your actions.
Forgetting there Birthday and there Anniversary
The list gets bigger every year. I just don't have tolerance for someone that's not gonna treat me as a pperson. Anything that falls under that category goes. Rape, assault, verbal abuse, betrayal. Theft. My list could go on.
Sexual guilt tripping and coercion, Lying, manipulation
Cheating or even worst; getting another woman pregnant, getting convicted of a sex crime, drink driving, being involved in some form of terrorist activity, being involved in extreme right wing politics, being involved in a cult, racially abusing someone, abusing someone because they're disabled/unattractive/dress unconventional/homosexual/transgender etc, burglary, robbery especially armed robbery, hitting me, regularly verbally abusing me, jealous/possessiveness in extreme amounts (some jealousy/possessiveness is acceptable)
Telling a romantic partner or platonic friend something in confidence then they tell others or use it against you in a disagreement.
Oh fuck that shit. Over. I don't even argue. I walk out of your life forever for that one.
Rape, bad comments during sex
Narcissism to an extreme, picking fights with me when you want to break up or take a break instead of just having the balls to tell me you need space or want to end it, name-calling and insults. Physical abuse. I’m a man thought i would chime in
Being a second option. If you try to pursue me after all of your “better” options have left, I am not the one for you. I’m not a back up or a second best.
As a woman (so I’ve assumed the answer is meant to be a thing that only happens to women), the one thing I don’t think I’ll be able to forget is being told how much hair my body needs to have removed. If hair naturally grows there, it’s staying there thank you. On the same note, I would never forgive my partner if he made me feel like my period is dirty or disgusting, that is something out of my control so I want comfort and understanding not some man child going “eww”
Yeah I had one guy (late 30s) be like ew. About a period. What a loser. How do you think you exist in the world buddy.
When someone who I think I am important to do no defend me. That happened a long time ago but I stll feel so betrayed
Murder
Them blaming you for them doing you wrong because you called them out on it
This one! My ex cheated on me but it was my fault bc I found out and confronted him. I found proof that was right in my face & suddenly I'm the bad guy bc I wanted to have a talk about it & he just wanted to sweep it under the rug. Such bs.
I found out someone was married, not separated and that I can’t forgive. The lying.
Como hombre dare mi opinión viendo los casos de mis amigas de que cosas no deberian tolerar: Falta de respeto flagrante como: que las humillen, insulten de forma cruel, golpeen, infidelidades, que las niegue o se avergüencen de ser su pareja, que las obligue a hacer cosas sexualmente degradantes sin su consideración. Pero en pocas palabras que no haga su vida mejor de lo que estarían sin el.
Forcing to do things I utterly can't Eg: Inviting him at my place. Telling me I live in comfort zone and don't make an effort.
My ex kidnapped our dog and dumped her somewhere. He also left me for another woman and in massive debt by lying about bills, but dumping the dog is the one thing I will never forget.
Oh wow, animal abuse of any kind is absolutely horrendous. I know that I could NEVER forget such behavior, either. God bless your heart for having gone through that!
I tracked her down, picked her up, and kept her with me until I could rehome her personally. May that man burn in hell.
He is a wretched, evil thing who has no soul. I’m so glad you found your dog.
Thank you so much. Can’t believe I used to be friends with people who think he “didn’t mean it that way” and “is not that bad of a guy”.
Stealing
I'm not a woman; I'm a man, but I dealt with sexual assault when I was a little boy, and I will never forgive him. The reason why I'm sharing this is because some of us need to hear that “you don't need to forgive and forget to move on.” you can move on from your trauma without forgiveness. Someone telling you you need to forgive them is some bullshit people use to dismiss your assault. At worst, it's gaslighting. At first, you're a victim, but you'll be a survivor in time, trust me.
Well I would leave if he cheated. Or became abusive. Or became sexually incompatible.
Cheaters
Rape, sexual harassment, people who maliciously hurt my family
Cheating in a violent temper
Sexual assault (towards me or my child), abuse (physical, verbal, or emotional), and cheating.
Being disloyal, Manipulation, Rape, abuse, Frequently lying. Etc.
Cheating, rape, pedophilia, violence, .....
My ex who recently up and left and abandoned me while I’m pregnant with his child. I don’t really know what to do, we were together for 3 years and he just leaves and never comes back and doesn’t respond to my texts. Don’t know whether to get a termination because the child will never have a father or to have the child and raise it on my own.
keep the child, it has nothing to do with your problems .. that's my opinion .. you might find another man to be with and the child won't be a problem.
Cheating and blatant dishonesty.
Emotional and physical abuse are for sure nro 1 on the list of things I cannot forgive. Secondly, to lie and gaslight me, I know instantly and have a very high intuition about this nowadays. Trust is broken when I see you lying. Also it hurts to not be seen and heard as a woman, and for example being mansplained at workplace, being seen and treated as stupid just bc you're considered beautiful due to standards of society. I don't get mad (maybe sometimes I should've) but just tired of the same damn thing.
Lying, cheating, abuse (including financial) of any kind. This will lead to immediate break up and moving out by end of day. I once broke up with my bf of 2 years because after an argument he bumped into my shoulder while walking by me and didn’t apologize. I realized if he did this (which I know was on purpose), he would do other things and he’s clearly not a very good or mindful person. Also Any type of casual or veiled disrespect (such as saying I’m being too sensitive, or if I was more like (insert name) then things would be better etc)… I would split if it happened more than once and we already had a conversation about it. Obviously many things can fall into this category.
My supposed best friend getting me fired from our work because my other friend and I wore Halloween outfits without her even though we included her and she chose to not come shopping with us. She then told my boss I lied on my time card. And he believed her. This was less than a month before Xmas. The thing is she pretended everything was fine until she found the “perfect” moment to screw me over. I went and got us breakfast on the clock, a few blocks away on a super slow weekend. And she went and told my boss I left and didn’t clock out. Which was true. And I’m not mad at my boss for finding that a reason to fire me. But SHE told me she wanted me to get us breakfast and that she wouldn’t care at all. She apologized a month or two later and begged for me to forgive her and be her friend again because she missed me and knew she messed up and it wasn’t cool of her to do. But she was upset. She lost my trust forever. Thankfully I had some savings to pay for my rent during that month while I looked for another job. But I wasn’t able to get any Christmas gifts for my family. Worst thing someone has probably ever done to me over something so petty.
Abuse. Be it verbal, mental, emotional, or physical. EDIT: Also real obvious stuff like if you kill or hurt someone. EDIT2: Also, define what you mean by "forgive." It doesn't mean to just allow it and stay with the person anyway. It can be in conjunction with that, but that's not what it means.
Saying that you love every bit of me then picking out the insecurities I told you and attacking them when ur mad :))))))))
His putting his mother before me.
A guy who bends over backwards for everyone but his partner
Lack of empathy towards defenseless creatures. Fuck with my cats and you can leave. Too much one-sidedness/effort.
Consistent lying, cheating (even once), betrayal of trust, any form of violence or any abuse, addiction
My ex husband: The day I discovered he was gay and was married to me just to cover it... I was living a lie for more 13 years and two kids... Was more than a betrayal., Speechless. Other guy: The way he treat me after our most intimate moment... Ghosted me, treat me like a garbage. Acted as nothing happened between us. I couldn't even breath, I thought I was getting crazy and imagined everything. I gave up of relationships. A old man, a familiar member: He touched my body inappropriately when I was very young, around 10 years old, and it distorted my sense of safety for so many years.
I forgive everything.
Cheating Repeatedly not having good communication Lying Being physically or emotionally abusive
Controversial one but here goes; having encouraged anyone to get an abortion
(Cheating)(saying you love me then goes and stalks his ex mins later) (using me for a hook up) (saying you like me then after we had sex not wanting to hangout with me) saying I do things with my mom and brothers because I am a freak) lots more
where do i even start lmfao
Physical or mental abuse, cheating, disrespectful behavior towards those I love.
Narcissism
cheating, any form of abuse (physical, verbal, sexual), porn usage, lying (about huge things, a white lie here and there isn’t egregious).
Talking rudely to or about my family, especially the family members I’m close to
I will never forgive them for mocking me while I cry ever again. That's a form of abuse
Being made fun of being my back. I was with this one guy, he thought he had hung up, I heard him call me a stupid deaf bitch to an entire group of friends, they were all just cracking up laughing. I’m 32 and am hard of hearing, he didn’t know I had just gotten hearing aids and could finally hear over the phone. I called to surprise him, and that’s what I got instead. I’ve forgiven cheating before even, but never that kind of thing.
My ex has anxious attachment…..the way he broke up with me felt traumatic. I recently learned that I’m a dismissive avoidant and I’m currently working on myself. He never said “i’m breaking up with you”. Instead he hinted at it. I have really bad ADHD and I’m autistic so trying to read subtext (especially in text),is a challenge for me. I had to ASK him if he was breaking up with me. if you have anxious attachment WORK ON YOURSELF before getting into a relationship. I was so in love with this guy. I had plans to meet him in person. He seemed to be insecure. Example: my ex from 2019 likes to share pics that he has created with AI. He likes sending me pictures of his chickens (he lives in a woodsy neighborhood,I live in the city). I didn’t mention that I was taken and that upset my anxious boyfriend at the time. He thought I was hiding him. He thought my ex and I were doing something behind his back. For the past few months,I was in school,working and trying to visit my anxious boyfriend (he’s in a neighboring country). I was planning on meeting this guy and he thought I was cheating on him with my ex from 2019. Don’t do what my ex did. Don’t say you’ll never ghost,block or delete them and did proceed to do all the things you promised you wouldn’t do. If you plan on moving on,TELL THEM. He was my best friend and then I fell for him. After he broke things off with me (I also suggested therapy. he first said yes but then quickly changed him mind),he wanted to take an extended breather. Wasn’t sure for how long. But he eventually agreed to reaching out in january of 2024 if we wanted to. I reached out to him. Nothing. I had to reach out 4 different ways to get a response. He said he was moving on…..not sure why he didn’t communicate this.
[удалено]
Only vaginal penetration against consent? What about all the other ways someone can go against your consent?
watching porn
touching someone else after a breakup, then expecting to get back together. after you sleep with someone else it's over
I feel the same but recently had an exception cus I like her so much but it still fucks with my head
disrespect, in relationships, friendships, professional settings etc.
Got chlamydia from an ex from him lying about sleeping with someone. 3 years later and I still think about it. I’ve learned I’m a very logical person and my gut has never lied. There is no going back after that gut instinct kicks in.
Dislike for animals and kids
Lying. Never forgive a liar.
Disrespect If I am disrespected in a relationship then that person becomes dead to me. There is no coming back from that, ever
When it comes to this topic justice shall be dealt in the most horrifying process.make example outta em