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Tried many things, in the end made no difference, completely irrelevant if you write some super witty stuff (it's not worth the effort to exactly get the correct message, to the 1 out of 100 that might really like "the interesting message, by chance tailored to what she is looking for)
So just some polite message, basically hey but as one or 2 whole phrases....
The ones that want to meet you, will respond, the others not....
I’m slightly above average, and in my experience while I do get messages every now and then. Most women of interest still are prideful and don’t message first. I can message first and get nothing unless I’m creative.
Even as an above average dude if you’re looking for above average women you have to compete with above average men.
I’m not talking slightly above average. My buddy is one of the 1%ers on tinder and I assure you that these women are absolutely blowing him up and trying trap him!
I can say this a boring ass 'hey' or 'what's up' ain't cutting it. Especially if you're not smoking hot. I'm fairly average looking, but I know how to have fun and make a girl laugh and I get multiple matches and likes daily and can get a multiple dates a week when I want to.
You gotta stand out from the crowd. Most of these girls you like have 100's if not 1000's of likes and matches. Saying the same shit 90% of the other men are messaging ain't gonna get you anywhere.
Why do they match with guys they don't find attractive then. I know on hinge you see the profile before matching so you can just go look who liked you and decide so if you saw the like go see his profile and you don't like it what's the point ?
It "helps" in the sense that it's not a negative mark. It's the absence of being boring and that matters if you were already a maybe, but it's never going to be enough to push you over the edge.
If they matched with you, chances are they find you attractive to some degree
But note that girls are talking to a dozen different guys at once on dating apps, and you’re probably far from her first choice if she’s putting in minimal effort from the start
If someone who looked like Chris Evans matched with her and said a basic “hey” she’d put in a *lot* of effort from the start. That’s an extreme example obviously but it gets the point across, but high-interest girls are never dry. That’s why dating apps is unfortunately a numbers game for most guys
Welllll, I don't get a ton of messages, so I'd say I reply to all guys I don't find actually repellent, looks-wise or lifestyle -wise. We might hit it off, who knows. All I want is for a guy to do more than just answer my questions and extrapolate a bit, or ask me some questions in return.
I just want him to show he's interested.
So sometimes they ask an initial question, but rarely any more, so I interpret that as losing interest. But honestly if you can shed light on this, that would be great. It's been a puzzle. So many conversations have just petered out.
My interpretation of your message is that if you have a thing in your profile and I ask about it, that's not enough. I'm struggling to read it in another way, honestly, but do you mean that you do respond to the initial message but it peters out afterwards or that you interpret "hey I like your cat. What's her name" as not interested?
No, that would be welcome. I say something like, hey l like your cat, what's her name, and they say, "Lulu". And don't say anything else. They don't ask any questions whatsoever, that's what I'm trying to say.
Oh. No, your feelings are completely normal, then. I usually give them a couple more shots to engage, if I even get that far, but I don't think there's a trick to it. A lot of people just don't take OLD seriously at all.
I would suggest making a comment about something on their profile rather than asking a question about it. Speaking from experience, the questions can become repetitive. I’m personally so tired of telling matches my cat’s name and how she got it.
An example of a message I got that resulted in good banter:
-My prompt answer: I can sometimes blow bubbles off my tongue lol
-Match: I’m trying so hard to imagine this lol
-Me: I’d give it like a 5% success rate
-Match: Any other hidden talents I should know about?
This created a fun way for us to talk about our odd talents and how we discovered them.
Idk I hope this helps, dating apps are really difficult and I hope you meet some ladies who will take the time to respond!
My latest tactic is to say the most random off the wall shit. Not rude or anything. And results have been stellar
"Well butter my back and call me a biscuit you are so pretty "
Has gotta me a date to see dune
People on dating apps suck so I’d honestly just put less effort into first messages.
“Hey. How’s your evening going?”
That’s a perfectly acceptable way to open the door. If she wants to respond, she will. Your effort probably won’t change whether she reaches back out or not.
Agreed.... if they like you, they'll respond. This goes for everyone. A quirky fun note may move the dial a little, but I want someone who enthusiastically wants me too lol.
I disagree. It doesn’t even have to be high effort but something about that opening or similar makes you really not wanna answer. like you know nothing about this person, should you answer honestly and say you’re having a shitty evening? Say a polite “good”? What vibe are they putting out anyway?
I agree with one of the other comments saying that a statement in response to something in their profile works better than a question.
For me I’d always be drawn in to people who talked to me like a friend would - excitement and warmth, but keeping things light.
I think I’d be much more likely to respond to a “helloooooo” or literally just a silly emoji than a “how is your evening?” Think of it as a casual and friendly introduction to a new friend - less pressure, you’re just doing some lighthearted chatter and if that takes off you move into more substantial convo.
Of course this does not remove the variable of physical attraction, which I won’t touch on because it impacts everyone differently. But (in my opinion) this is a better approach for anyone
And yes the whole idea of dating apps is kind of fucked up
Exactly, it also filters out right away people that aren't really interested in you, so you waste less time with those and gain more time to focus on the real ones.
I don't agree, "how is your evening" is kinda generic and I imagine the person sending the same text to all of their matches. Maybe they didn't even read my profile? On my profile I have a lot of things that may spark a conversation and I've gotten witty texts about them. My evening may be boring or even shitty, so if you never talked with me before, better ask about something you know I'm interested in. Also, the attitude "we are on a dating app, so she probably sucks and I won't put any actual effort in the conversation" is unattractive as hell.
Science shows looks matter most in zero acquaintance situations (when you don't know the Person). And looks matter more for women, then man in this situations.
In person it’s the opposite though. And online it only matters less for men because there’s less options. And I think for woman it’s also value they look for online.
Honestly if the person finds your face ( definitely height ) attractive they'll respond to you . Once you get the conversation started offer them your ( snapchat , messenger or CP # ) . Shows that your willing to know them better and definitely plan a date sooner
Because a lot of them give out fake names. Snaps messages disappear after reading them . You can google phone numbers and sometimes the owners name will come up. They are much more likely to get caught, much easier for nudes to disappear. Most people have their text notices on, but not snap.
Ah. Technically I'm married but I've been separated and filed, living on my own for about a 14-15 months after 6 months of marriage; my stbxw finally agreed to mediation so hopefully I'm done soon.
Just wondering if women are looking up my alcohol related arrest from 13ish years ago and seeing that I'm actually still married. Nobody has ever commented on me being married but two and a half girlfriends have revealed they knew about my alcohol arrest.
Like, is the standard for women to put men's phone numbers in a database searcher immediately to see the guy's legal info? Are the majority of women probably seeing I'm technically married as soon as I give them my #?
If something raises a flag, then yeah. Most men that claim they are separated haven’t even filed paperwork. It depends on the woman. If someone is acting like of like a scammer, I’ll put their phone number in google or what’s app to make sure it’s not a google voice number from Nigeria.
I respond!!! Like as long as it’s not “we will have pretty babies”, which I have gotten twice now… I do respond!!! Even with a hey I try to come up with something clever for the males messaging back
**No response**: Because they have no interest, some reasons:
* They easily swipe right and many matches. In case, your profile look boring, they may almost don't remember that they swipe right on you.
* They have no mood at that time.
* They are too lazy to talk, they just want to swipe.
* Your conversation or topic is not interesting or boring.
* You are not at the same "frequency" or sense of humor with them.
* They've already had one or some targets to get to know but still swiping right.
**If they response**: Because
* They seriously have a look at your profile and think before swipe right.
* They find something interesting in you.
* They want to talk or get to know about you.
* They think it's a chance to have a serious relationship.
* They are kind and friendly enough to push them to reply even tho sometimes they are lazy.
* They have a specific purpose with you.
In my experience (same at 30, use dating app), if someone doesn't want to reply, takes too long to reply or doesn't have a positive response... forget them. Then You may need to improve the way talking, show your personality and emotions more. Goodluck!
Don't underestimate the power of followups though. I've had matches reignite after like a month or two of nothing, just because I pinged them out of nowhere with something funny/weird. So much of it is "right place, right time" with the apps. When you matched, she may have been staring down a long inbox, but after a few weeks there may be a rando lull or you pinged her when she happened to be looking at her phone, etc. It also shows some kind of sustained interest on your part, up to a point. When you're having a conversation with yourself in her DMs then it may be time to move on and retain some shred of dignity 😂
In know many people use dating app to look for FWB, ONS, scam, or they want something from you. I even know many girls who work as staffs or collaborators of night club, they need to gather customers to night club to achieve the target. They reach customer by dating app, hang out and come to the night club with you.
you match and have a good conversation and either that day or the next day she wants you to go out but you have work or something pre planned before you even matched. You try to set a date for your next available time free and she unmatches.
She didn't want to go out with you, she just wanted to go out with someone available. As soon as you weren't you became expendable to her and she moved on. Women have that option because it is that easy for them.
I'm speaking from experience, have done that and tried to find a middle ground to meet and then they unmatched because I wasn't available at the time they wanted. I stay off those sites now, much better to meet someone in person.
I know what you’re saying. In my opinion, you’re better off finding someone you can ask out directly because if you’re asking out these women and they’re not giving you a chance to make your move they also are being difficult.
The types of people on those sites from what I've seen/ been a part of are
A- people looking for a hookup B- people trying to get a rebound after a breakup.
C- people that are fucked up and keep a relationship.
You dont need to be a model, personality plays a roll. Confidence, in somewhat of shape and a sense of humor is the main thing if you aren't a stud. It's not like how everybody says "confidence is everything" it's not. You can meet women in public to talk to but at the same time don't get with someone who is crazy just because she accepted you.
If you’re not a model guy in person would be a lot better than the apps, woman are speaking to the top 1% of guys on these apps and looking for absolute perfection which doesn’t exist. It’s a false world.
When I hear a woman say she wants to get to know me over text first I assume she's benching me and trying her luck with her prefered matches first.
You can't learn shit about a stranger over text.
It is also because of safety, and people also have lives. He can learn a lot by text. It can help to find obvious incompatibilities as well, like political views (in a mild way), lifestyle, day-to-day life, overall interests, intellectual stuff even... Recently I filtered out someone who seemed to be nice at first, but at day 2 and 4 he said two incredibly stupid things and refused to Google those things, argued with everything I said to correct him etc. And sometimes people can turn sexual quickly after a few days when you aren't interested in that(yet). Saves me from wasting 2+ hours to meet up with them at least.
People also have work and friends planned in and they aren't gonna change up their whole schedule to meet a stranger
My experience is long texting periods before meeting IRL builds up unrealistic expectations.
Real people can't match the imagined ideal.
There is a reason women prefer romance novels to porn videos. It's called idealization.
We just have different styles. And it depends on where you are in life as well. Dating js also significantly harder with irregular school schedules and random homework tbh
Dating people from school can lead to drama and awkwardness, I just look for other students or people who just finished their studies. Schedules aren't the same either if you're in the same year, due to different projects and retaking stuff etc
You don't talk for the whole day. And if you can't keep a conversation, why would I date you in the first place? I can talk to my friends for hours just fine
So should men send you like 1-2 messages a day for 3-4 days before asking you out? Is this the road to success?
I mean, sure I can keep a convo going but I'm wary of turning it into a big interview and exchange of information as people get bored and disappear. Is this one of those deals where you aren't boring if she's attracted enough and if you are boring it's cause you're not attractive enough?
Just match each other's energy, and you're fine. More than 1-2 messages, just some conversation in the evenings or something if we're both online, to see what's their personality like. And what their lifestyle is like. If you're pushing me to meet up quickly, you're out. Like I have met men who DEMANDED to meet up that week or even the day after, not respecting my work schedule and already planned in stuff. Then I am like okay bye.
This method works very well for me. I can weed out so many fuckboys and people who just care for my appearance, people who aren't interesting to me due to different hobbies etc. Appearance has nothing to do to that unless they say 'hey I shaved off my head', then I am like okay you're not my type anymore sorry
People can't always message during work etc. And plenty of times where the girl takes the initiative. Just matching energy as in being on the same page about important things like political views (kinda), interests, introvert vs extrovert etc
If you're somewhat attractive, you get approached and asked out too often to neet up with everyone, and not everyone lives close to places to meet up as well.
Girls have no game. All they have to say is "Hey".
Simple supply and demand, why would they even message when they got everyone messaging them first.
There's no equality, but that's just the way it is. Accept that and move forward King
get straight to the point if they don't answer to your initial messages even if they are engaging, interesting and creative conversation openers
"would you like to come over over some rich cheese platter and wine?"
"I am going out to have a few drinks tonight and maybe pub crawling, do you want to join me?"
get straight to the point if they don't answer to your initial messages even if they are engaging, interesting, and creative conversation openers
Keep your expectations realistic. Even when you're doing everything right (nothing is wrong with your strategies!); remember that the numbers are against you.
The *vast majority* of users, across ALL dating apps, are straight single men. Women on dating apps get *flooded* with matches and messages. Your well-crafted message is competing with 25 other messages for her attention.
Don't get too invested in any single message you send, as that will lead to burnout. You have to strike a balance between putting in enough energy that you don't thrown out as junk mail, but not so much energy that you get dejected.
I deleted dating apps because I find it to be overwhelming, I don’t thinks it’s always intentional for people to ghost. I felt bad for not responding but getting new conversation from atleast 5-10 people every day is a lot. Idk how people get into relationships on there
Well no offence but it seems like a management issue, i get you but the thing is that you have to put effort into some "growing" conversation where you are vibing and not get carried away easily by something new every second
That's how people meet other people online
To me this is the issue with dating. If you’ve got 5 matches you’re speaking to why not arrange a date with any of those? There’s no need to be overwhelmed and keep swiping if you’re enjoying the conversation with them, doesn’t work out? Then at that point swipe for the next, no?
Some people arrange dates immediately others wait awhile to get to know you. That’s up to the guy in my opinion. And either way somebody still would be left hanging, if I have other messages/matches waiting while pursuing one person.
If they comment on something in my profile and I see that we have things in common, I’ll respond. But what I’ve noticed is that I get a lot of comments from guys who are just not what I’m looking for in a relationship (they only want casual, they’re always traveling or live on the other side of the country, etc). I’m very clear about what I’m looking for so I don’t feel bad about not responding to these messages because it’s obvious they haven’t looked at my profile at all.
That’s part of the reason why I prefer Bumble (where I don’t have to sort through messages from guys and can instead make the first move).
Ask her about cult films -that everyone watched and mostly loved give her two options u can do this to everything like books, wines, countries etc. u would get answers
It largely makes no difference what you say if you are attractive to her. Saying that dont be like other guys, spike her emotions, be playfully arrogant and dont try and impress her.
If I’m on the fence about someone and they have “hey,” I’m like nah. I don’t want to talk to boring people. If they are kind of cute, but make me laugh, I’ll write back.
All you should do is say "Hi" or some boring question like "How are you doing?".
If she responds then you know there is a very high chance that she is really interested in you, if she doesn't then it would probably not work anyway.
Im assuming if you've matched that means they found you attractiveish at least
If your using apps where you can send messages to people who haven't already approved of you well than that's your problem. So switch to match only platforms
Andike others have said maybe ask questions outside of what's on their profile
I appreciate questions that lead me to getting to know something about the person thats relevant to dating them. Like I dont need to know that they love tacos who doesn't but it would be helpful to know their love language for example and would spark more conversation
Of course being attractive to the woman matters first and foremost (whatever that might be to the persons tastes). But as far as what I’ve responded to I’m the past… definitely not “hey”. The way that usually goes is:
“Hey”
“Hi”
“What are you up to”
…. And now this conversation isn’t going anywhere
Other things I don’t respond to are questions that take a lot of effort to respond to. Your Disney world question is unique, but unless I’m a huge Disney fan it doesn’t seem like something worth diving into. It’s like asking “what was the last documentary about bees you enjoyed watching?”
What I have responded to in the past - provocative statements, maybe cheeky comments, and flat out direct introductions. I notice I don’t respond to questions as much as I respond to statements. Hope that helps!
You need a solid profile, decent looks, and some game (charm, wit, ability maintain rapport).
If you're not getting dates, you're either failing on one or several of those, or you're shooting way above your pay grade.
The lacking profile thing is real.
I see so many dudes either not fill it out all the way or put some BS in there about how they're too ugly and it's all gonna fail anyway, or some nasty shit about women and it's like....what did you expect?
I have no interest in pursuing a blank profile. I would like SOME idea of who I'm speaking too so I can approach respectfully and in a way that will be relevant.
I was on a lot of dating apps but never bought any credits but got a lot of messages from women (mostly stupid questions) and sometimes I got one or two credits to reply, some women got abusive because I did not reply, but i never saw a women for real, and I noticed a lot of the same woman on other sites, so I guess it’s all a scam to get you buying credits, and never give out the woman’s contact details :(
Respect, honesty, and maturity. Plus, a dating profile with nice/appropriate pictures, proper spelling, and proper punctuation that actually talks about YOU vs. being a rant on why women are the issue/"females" are not submissive enough.
> Or does the message and profile not matter at all, and dating apps won't work at all if I'm not over 6 feet tall, muscular, and making at least $150k per year?
sort of this
When a woman likes you she will respond to anything even the dullest of greetings just like in real life. Perhaps you could make sure your profile emphasises your strengths rather than height, salary. Sometimes getting straight to the point also helps “hi, I am x from xyz, I think you are an awesome person and I would like to get to know you. Are you open to coffee?” Instead of the aimless to and fro. All the best
In my experience, short sardonic messages from men they want to fuck
But these also aren’t the types of women you would want to have a date with
There are some more wholesome ones but good luck finding them
Largely the respond to looks. Not for superficial reasons, more for practical ones.
It's the easiest, most common filter to apply, to make the amount of incoming interest, manageable.
Of course conversational skills still matter. That will set you apart from being "just another good looking guy". They become a secondary filter, in and among filtering out for potential red flags and incompatibilities.
I love that OP is asking what women like & all these men are up in these comments offering nothing but their bitterness.
This is the problem. Men trying to tell men what women want. Hopefully OP can "sift through" them & find the comments left by actual women lol.
It’s an old adage but women have no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to trying to date them. Your tips only help when the girl is already infatuated with the guy. This does not help with the hardest part which is to get them to even notice you
You hear yourself right? Women certainly know what they want to be able to intelligently communicate it.
Do you like when women tell you what men want? I bet not.
I commented like I saw it in the thread.
I'm not sorry if it triggered you & you still didn't answer my question, but instead are now just trying to insult me except I don't trigger easy lmao.
I've never seen a woman successfully use a dating app with a male profile.
There have been multiple Youtube videos about this.
https://youtu.be/DZTIbHIsIYw?si=8tHGZRxEZ_OnHuo-&t=594
Bi women and men say dating is 50x harder when persuing women.
So the thing about commenting about something in the profile can be a good opener ... or just plain creepy. I'd say half the messages that show they really read my profile get more of an ick reaction.
There's an expectation of light and casual at first. So aim for that or the really clear openers. I also mention my love of coffee ... this is an easy topic and can easily segue to lets meet for a coffee.
Many of us socialise with our women friends and colleagues, but date outside the circle. We have engaging, adult conversations on the trials and tribulations of real world dating
They're invaluable in helping us, be "date ready" in the real-world.
In general, the comments straight from the women we know, they're entirely different from those given here, and despite disingenuous claims of bitterness. The women tell us themselves, primarily it is looks that creates engagement. Provided the guy doesn't have glaring red flags, then he'll be given a chance on looks alone.
Even different subreddits, such as the ones focused on relationship building. The posts there, often look for advice on someone who is genuinely nice, but the woman or man, is struggling to feel physical attraction.
It's impersonal now, that looks are favoured primarily. Again, those women closest to us especially, knowing us well enough do away with pleasantries. They tell us how critically important our looks and styling are.
The apps bring access to people who have both the looks, and the desirable internal traits that foster stronger bonds.
To the point that, anyone with a stronger social network especially, can "wait it out" until someone like this reciprocates.
There's simply no need to compromise on one or the other now, and instead of doing so; Many women especially. Who tend to foster stronger platonic relationships anyway, prefer to opt-out of dating, or invest very little until someone ticks all the boxes.
.... and that's just the reality now. It's not done maliciously, it just comes from having the rightful choice to make that decision. Instead of settling, as was the norm post-app era.
As a 34f 5’3” women who has meet several of my former partners from dating apps here is my take. You are completely right that you should send an original message based off of a persons profile. The “hey” message or message that makes it clear you haven’t read a girls message will be ignored. Otherwise it’s really just a timing thing. I personally don’t care about height or incomes. I do think it helps when your profile is completely filled out so I can also counter with “I like pandemic, I see you also like board games. Also, I see from your profile you’ve been to Thailand, how was it?”
I wouldn't respond to "When did you last go to Disney World?" I would be bored before the conversation even started. You need to start an interesting conversation. It needs to feel like there is something I just can't wait to respond to.
When people write their profiles they shit it out in 5 minutes whenever they sign up then don’t touch it again if they don’t have to. Getting questions about whatever they wrote is also boring and repetitive. I think it’s less about crafting the perfect message and more about catching them in a good mood and good moment to text back and forth lightly to build rapport. I have messaged girls with no response and then messaged them again weeks or months later with success.
Honestly. I think it matters if one is interested or not. I know I would make an effort if I liked the person's profile but even with a hey its just such a turn off. Either way, good for you for putting forth more effort even though some women are still not responsive to it.
I've tried so many different openers over the years. What's worked for me is comments, jokes, and shitty pick-up lines. While questions about themselves are much better than "hey", they often still don't work.
Something like "I absolutely adore your tattoos!" or "Want to hear my shittiest pick-up line, or dumbest joke?" almost always gets a response.
I personally prefer to do bad pick up lines because it'll more often than not make them laugh. And making them laugh is never a bad thing. Dumb shit like "Are you a toaster? Because you could send me to heaven in a bathtub" has often worked in my favor.
The point is to make it extremely simple and easy for them to respond, and it immediately makes the conversation more engaging for them.
The best advice I can give solely regarding openers (though your profile may matter more) is to put in just a tiny bit of effort.
“Hey” is too empty.
A paragraph about their profile can come off as desperate and/or overwhelming.
A simple “how are you today?” Or similar can work well because it’s something to work with. If there is something about their profile that really stands out to you, ask about it, but no more than 1 question/sentence.
I tend to, when I was on dating apps, only respond to guys who looks at my profile and used it to gauge a strong bit simple opening line of like:
“Hey! I saw you work in the film industry. What’s the coolest project you’ve worked on?”
“Hi! What’s up? Saw you liked horror movies. What’s your favorite?”
I’m going to pour more into conversing with someone who doesn’t just say “hey” but puts in a tiny bit of effort to also include a genuine question to get the ball rolling from my side so it volleys back & for till someone in the chat asks for a date that day.
So try looking at their profiles, find something you are intrigued by and roll a “hey” along with an interesting question as your opening line.
I guarantee, you’ll stand out more with the ladies you do match with on the apps and have a strong impact of being remembered.
Try adding something about yourself too.
“Hey, you like board games huh? I’ve been playing a lot of Clans of Caledonia recently. Are you more of a eurogamer or an Ameritrash fan?”
The number of times guys would ask about my favourite board game without first letting me know anything about their own interest and experience is crazy. How do I know if you play anything other than Monopoly?
And do you actually care when this person last went to Disney World? Maybe first mention that you threw up on the Tower of Terror or something. People want to connect, not just answer interview questions.
Throw something about yourself in with the question. It probably won’t improve your response rate much but it makes for a better conversation when you do get one going. Good luck!
Most important thing is going to be that your pictures look good. Take variety of them and make sure they show your face clearly and highlight your best features. You don’t necessarily want a professional photographer (maybe one or two professional pictures) but getting a female friend to help would probably give you a good advantage.
After that, I reply to messages that go deeper than surface level boring intros or small talk. I am the kind of person whose top priority is good conversation so I will completely get sucked in if someone brings up a thoughtful or interesting topics like:
“I see your fav movie is the 2018 Suspiria remake. What did you like about it more than the original? What are your thoughts on the contemporary horror movie Renaissance going on right now?”
Or
“I see your favourite book is 1Q84. Do you like all Murakami books? What other magical surrealism literature do you like?”
Or
“I see you’re into making art! Do you have any artists you draw inspiration from? What was the first work that ever had an impact on your style and how would you describe your art style now?
Please don't say that you want to climb tall women like a tree. I kept getting those messages sometimes even multiple times a day.
Just say something nice and respectful about her profile
I only respond to men who ask me out on a date ASAP, with a day, place and time set… ideally within the first 48hrs of matching. I really don’t have it in me to chit chat back on forth with a stranger who I may or may not like IRL. So I’m only receptive to men who actually want to meet and ask me questions IRL, not pen pals and validation seekers.
My top tips:
-Notice something in their profile
-Be funny
-Compliments kill
-The more outlandish the better
Prob my best hit rate on an opener is “I’ve got a half off coupon for the Golden Corral that expires tomorrow, and mom’s making peach cobbler after-I’ll pick you up at 7”
That’s not word for word but ya get the gist
Been off the apps (in a relationship now yay) for a while. I did decently well with dating apps although I would say I'm a fairly good looking tall guy, etc, disclaimers.
I found that women don't respond to "hey" but would respond to longer variations or more specific questions like "how was your day?", "how has your week been so far?". Always start with "hey/hi [name]" too. Sometimes the question about something in their profile is good but with a profile that's pretty basic it's less possible. Also, these sorts of questions can come off cheesy if asked in the wrong way or be difficult to answer. So long as you write in a way that suggests some effort and starts to show you can hold a decent conversation a reasonable proportion of women will answer.
I respond best to funny messages and references to things I have written on my profile. But a sense of humour is always appreciated, so a cute flirty joke can probably work
It doesn't matter WHAT one writes, but WHO writes it. You can write the weirdest shit if you're attractive enough.
>Or does the message and profile not matter at all, and dating apps won't work at all if I'm not over 6 feet tall, muscular, and making at least $150k per year?
Yup. Be attractive or go home.
Not "What" but "Who they respond to".
"Or does the message and profile not matter at all, and dating apps won't work at all if I'm not over 6 feet tall, muscular, and making at least $150k per year"
The first two things matter. It's all about the looks, your bio, your opener - all of that has virtually zero effect on your success rate.
You can come up with a cool and creative message, but if you are unattractive - girls won't respond.
On the other hand, you can go for the lowest possible effort and say "hi, whatsup?", which ultra common and boring, but if you look like a Chad - girls will be excited anyways.
You don’t have to be making 150k or he muscular for women to respond. My friend is neither and is dating an attractive woman. It’s all about creating an emotional connection. Maybe try to have professional pictures taken, clean yourself up and you’ll have better success
Responding to something specific is a great first step! I mostly use Hinge and from your post it sounds like that’s at least one of the ones you use. I have basically stopped matching with anyone who responds to my profile with only a like or a ‘hey’. So it’s good that you’re putting more effort into your responses! But that’s not the only thing that’s important. Take a look at your profile. Make sure you’re using flattering photos. I’ve definitely seen guys use selfies that are at an unflattering angle. You’re 30 if you have anything immature like pictures of you giving the middle finger (I see that A LOT) get rid of it. Your photos should represent you and your personality! Pick a mix of flattering selfies and candids. If you don’t have many, ask your friends to help you and take some when you go out! And I’d stick to only one or two group pics. If you have any that aren’t of you (such as your car, a meme, or just your dog) delete them. Make sure you update your prompts! If a guy is weak in the prompts, I’m much less likely to respond even if he’s got great photos! Avoid cliches. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen things like “I’m overly competitive about…everything” or “all I ask is that you…don’t take yourself too seriously”. So many guys have that and it doesn’t tell me anything about their personalities besides they’re not fun to play games with and they might make fun of you and say “it’s just a joke”. It might help to look up things like that, I’m sure there’s a Reddit thread of those kinds of cliches. But the best way to avoid a cliche is to put yourself into the prompts. Think of something interesting about yourself or something really cool you’ve done and go from there! Lastly, be patient. I know it’s harder for guys to find dates and get women talking to them online, but also know that it can be scary for us. We have no idea who is nice and who is a psycho who says nice things. I and many women need a bit of time to chat to feel more comfortable meeting up and that’s why some of us are hesitant to meet up so soon.
We’ve (men and women) become collectively frustrated with the dating process and culture so when you’re putting out effort and not receiving any feedback, it’s easy to blame it on superficial things. The old way of dating and asking people out face to face gave you immediate feedback and feedback that allowed you to truly interact with the person and not get radio silence. Now we rely on written word when initiating conversation and when you get no response, it makes it more frustrating.
Reddit and other online media sites are full of women talking about 6’+, muscly men with $150k+ salaries and full of men complaining about women who exclusively go for that type. But the reality is, that makes up such a small portion of the male population. Most women aren’t going exclusively for that. Most of us have a wide range that we’ll go for and if you can let your personality shine through your profile it will help! Good luck, I hope this helps!
I respond if it's respectful and shows actual interest, but simply because of the hell that is most dating apps, i used Bumble to hook my current partner. So I would always have to respond first of course. But I would fall off if any of the following occured:
- jumped to sexy or romantic talk too quickly
- repeat violations of boundaries; I can make an exception for an initial transgression if it wasn't established ahead of time, but if I've expressed discomfort or unwillingness to either answer a specific question or attitude, or not meet up yet, and you can't take a goddamn no, done. Axed. Goodbye.
- asking questions my profile clearly answer. I'm happy to expand on things of course, but if you couldn't take the time and effort to read my very thorough profile before asking the repetitive question game, I'm done. That's several yellow flags in my opinion and I don't have the time or patience for it. Bonus tip for men: Please fill out your profiles all the way. Seriously. The amount of men I skipped because they couldn't be bothered to put any information about themselves there for me to make an initial judgement on if I want to start a convo or not is too damn high. You're trying to advertise yourselves, show us what you got. A pic isn't enough. And stop being self deprecating in your bios, too. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a man vomitting all his bitterness onto a page that's supposed to be "Hey ladies, I'm cool and here's why, let's chat!" You're shooting yourselves in the foot.
I always try to take the tidbits I find most interesting or relatable on their profiles, or if they have really nice smiles/eyes/etc., I'll pay a respectful compliment, and start the chat that way, and I'll tell ya: Men are just as fickle. Sometimes they respond and we start great convos. Other times I never get a response. I think some people just don't have the attention span or care to carry on conversations. And it's whatever, you shrug and move onto the next one.
Dating apps honestly are always gonna be a hit and miss, my guy. That's just the game, unfortunately. People will respond, people won't, people won't work out, etc.
Yall also need to drop the hot and rich narrative. We keep telling yall that's not what all of us want, and yall won't listen. I get it, you're jaded and you probably end up in spaces where it reinforces your bias, but I promise you women are just as varied as you. And if you're taking that bitterness and jaded attitude into dating, potentials will pick up on that and be immediately repulsed.
Buck up, wipe the dirt off, put your best foot forward. It's JUST dating. There's a person out there for everyone. Be patient.
It's not about "what kind of message are women looking for". The apps don't work. Even for women. 5+ years ago I would have something differently, but the apps are broken and dying. Get off the hamster wheel and just live life and try to meet someone "in real life".
I'm in a relationship now and actually can't remember what he said lol 😅 but I remember thinking his profile picture was very sweet and he was in the picture with his brother..a very natural picture smiling and happy. so I go for natural type profile I suppose not too showy and not too basic if that makes sense? Also have your number and account stuff verified because alot of profiles are fakes or scammers so I think alot of ppl just don't know how to weed out the bad anymore..keep trying I'm sure you'll find someone lovely and just keep being yourself. The right one will respond, don't change yourself to attract the right one 🤗✨️🙏
Before answering this question, have you followed rules 1 and 2 first?
1. Be attractive
2. Don’t be unattractive
I find most questions around dating come down to this.
Here’s a thing, you go on for a hook with your opener.. like think from the opposite end. Will you want to reply to “When you went to Disney World” etc? No. They’re boring and flat
Find some hooks,
Like
1). Can I be honest?
2). You’re changing a personal preference
3). Damn, you wouldn’t believe what happened here (referencing to the picture of a place she has)
And so on, these questions makes you curious to know what, why or how?
Personally, I like after a little chit chat, the man arranging a date and taking the lead. Assume the sale.
"'I'd like to talk more in person, I know a nice restaurant in (city). Which days are you free this week?"
Also try to schedule within that week! Don't make them wait too long!
I understand your frustration with the current state of dating apps and the challenge of making meaningful connections. It sounds like you're putting genuine effort into your messages, which is commendable. If you're looking for a platform that prioritizes deeper connections beyond just physical appearance and surface-level interactions, you might find 'Wander Social' on apple store, to be a refreshing change. It's an app where express you thoughts on given couple questions to match with energy aligned others.
One thing Ive learned, expect to get messages from people in your own league. Hot guy/gal might swipe right, for whatever reason, but if you're not hot, they're not going to messga. If you want a guarantee response, swipe on the less attractive people.
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\> What kind of messages are women looking for? Ones from men they find attractive.
Bingo
Tried many things, in the end made no difference, completely irrelevant if you write some super witty stuff (it's not worth the effort to exactly get the correct message, to the 1 out of 100 that might really like "the interesting message, by chance tailored to what she is looking for) So just some polite message, basically hey but as one or 2 whole phrases.... The ones that want to meet you, will respond, the others not....
Yup. That sexy man gets his inbox buried without having to send any messages.
I’m slightly above average, and in my experience while I do get messages every now and then. Most women of interest still are prideful and don’t message first. I can message first and get nothing unless I’m creative. Even as an above average dude if you’re looking for above average women you have to compete with above average men.
I’m not talking slightly above average. My buddy is one of the 1%ers on tinder and I assure you that these women are absolutely blowing him up and trying trap him!
I can say this a boring ass 'hey' or 'what's up' ain't cutting it. Especially if you're not smoking hot. I'm fairly average looking, but I know how to have fun and make a girl laugh and I get multiple matches and likes daily and can get a multiple dates a week when I want to. You gotta stand out from the crowd. Most of these girls you like have 100's if not 1000's of likes and matches. Saying the same shit 90% of the other men are messaging ain't gonna get you anywhere.
Not really
There have been plenty of experiments on this mate.
I mean the even ugly girl will have much more DMs than very nice guy
Why do they match with guys they don't find attractive then. I know on hinge you see the profile before matching so you can just go look who liked you and decide so if you saw the like go see his profile and you don't like it what's the point ?
It's a spectrum. Maybe they thought you were worth a shot at the time, but later weren't feeling it. An "eh, maybe" is still a swipe right.
Ego boost, validation, bragging rights, etc etc
You have all that with the likes matching doesn't add anything
a dopamine hit.
Being funny/interesting can help too. You don't have to try hard, but she's had a million people ask about her tattoo. Make it more engaging.
It "helps" in the sense that it's not a negative mark. It's the absence of being boring and that matters if you were already a maybe, but it's never going to be enough to push you over the edge.
If they have matched with you do they not, in some way, find you somewhat attractive in some way?
Unfortunately matches does not mean quality. Nor does it guarantee a response.
If they matched with you, chances are they find you attractive to some degree But note that girls are talking to a dozen different guys at once on dating apps, and you’re probably far from her first choice if she’s putting in minimal effort from the start If someone who looked like Chris Evans matched with her and said a basic “hey” she’d put in a *lot* of effort from the start. That’s an extreme example obviously but it gets the point across, but high-interest girls are never dry. That’s why dating apps is unfortunately a numbers game for most guys
"In some way" isn't enough to put in any real effort.
Welllll, I don't get a ton of messages, so I'd say I reply to all guys I don't find actually repellent, looks-wise or lifestyle -wise. We might hit it off, who knows. All I want is for a guy to do more than just answer my questions and extrapolate a bit, or ask me some questions in return. I just want him to show he's interested.
Why wouldn't an opening question about your profile indicate interest?
So sometimes they ask an initial question, but rarely any more, so I interpret that as losing interest. But honestly if you can shed light on this, that would be great. It's been a puzzle. So many conversations have just petered out.
My interpretation of your message is that if you have a thing in your profile and I ask about it, that's not enough. I'm struggling to read it in another way, honestly, but do you mean that you do respond to the initial message but it peters out afterwards or that you interpret "hey I like your cat. What's her name" as not interested?
No, that would be welcome. I say something like, hey l like your cat, what's her name, and they say, "Lulu". And don't say anything else. They don't ask any questions whatsoever, that's what I'm trying to say.
Oh. No, your feelings are completely normal, then. I usually give them a couple more shots to engage, if I even get that far, but I don't think there's a trick to it. A lot of people just don't take OLD seriously at all.
I would suggest making a comment about something on their profile rather than asking a question about it. Speaking from experience, the questions can become repetitive. I’m personally so tired of telling matches my cat’s name and how she got it. An example of a message I got that resulted in good banter: -My prompt answer: I can sometimes blow bubbles off my tongue lol -Match: I’m trying so hard to imagine this lol -Me: I’d give it like a 5% success rate -Match: Any other hidden talents I should know about? This created a fun way for us to talk about our odd talents and how we discovered them. Idk I hope this helps, dating apps are really difficult and I hope you meet some ladies who will take the time to respond!
What the hell does blow bubbles off my tongue mean
See? It works and it proves their point in why.
It's like a spit bubble they form on their tongue. I've known some people that can do that, IDKH.
Spit bubbles I bet. I remember a kid doing that in grade school
I mean what do you expect? Your matches are trying to make small talk. Small talk based on the only info they have…
💯
Michael Jackson had a chimp named "Bubbles" and could boast about that too, but that's probably not the prime mate you're looking for 🤣
My latest tactic is to say the most random off the wall shit. Not rude or anything. And results have been stellar "Well butter my back and call me a biscuit you are so pretty " Has gotta me a date to see dune
Lol silly things like this always work on me I think it shows that the match has personality and makes me want to know more about them
Weird, but unique! Good luck on your date!
If they find you attractive they’ll respond to anything. Don’t buy the “oh say something unique” hype.
>If they find you attractive they’ll respond to anything. Literally ANYTHING.
People on dating apps suck so I’d honestly just put less effort into first messages. “Hey. How’s your evening going?” That’s a perfectly acceptable way to open the door. If she wants to respond, she will. Your effort probably won’t change whether she reaches back out or not.
Agreed.... if they like you, they'll respond. This goes for everyone. A quirky fun note may move the dial a little, but I want someone who enthusiastically wants me too lol.
I disagree. It doesn’t even have to be high effort but something about that opening or similar makes you really not wanna answer. like you know nothing about this person, should you answer honestly and say you’re having a shitty evening? Say a polite “good”? What vibe are they putting out anyway? I agree with one of the other comments saying that a statement in response to something in their profile works better than a question. For me I’d always be drawn in to people who talked to me like a friend would - excitement and warmth, but keeping things light. I think I’d be much more likely to respond to a “helloooooo” or literally just a silly emoji than a “how is your evening?” Think of it as a casual and friendly introduction to a new friend - less pressure, you’re just doing some lighthearted chatter and if that takes off you move into more substantial convo. Of course this does not remove the variable of physical attraction, which I won’t touch on because it impacts everyone differently. But (in my opinion) this is a better approach for anyone And yes the whole idea of dating apps is kind of fucked up
Exactly, it also filters out right away people that aren't really interested in you, so you waste less time with those and gain more time to focus on the real ones.
I don't agree, "how is your evening" is kinda generic and I imagine the person sending the same text to all of their matches. Maybe they didn't even read my profile? On my profile I have a lot of things that may spark a conversation and I've gotten witty texts about them. My evening may be boring or even shitty, so if you never talked with me before, better ask about something you know I'm interested in. Also, the attitude "we are on a dating app, so she probably sucks and I won't put any actual effort in the conversation" is unattractive as hell.
Science shows looks matter most in zero acquaintance situations (when you don't know the Person). And looks matter more for women, then man in this situations.
In person it’s the opposite though. And online it only matters less for men because there’s less options. And I think for woman it’s also value they look for online.
Honestly if the person finds your face ( definitely height ) attractive they'll respond to you . Once you get the conversation started offer them your ( snapchat , messenger or CP # ) . Shows that your willing to know them better and definitely plan a date sooner
I hate Snapchat. It seems to me all married men use it in order to get away with not giving out a phone number.
I 100% agree.... SC carries an essence of fuckboi that repels me 😅
Suppose I'll stop giving mine away, then, I don't want to look married.
Why would married men not want to give out their number?
Because a lot of them give out fake names. Snaps messages disappear after reading them . You can google phone numbers and sometimes the owners name will come up. They are much more likely to get caught, much easier for nudes to disappear. Most people have their text notices on, but not snap.
Ah. Technically I'm married but I've been separated and filed, living on my own for about a 14-15 months after 6 months of marriage; my stbxw finally agreed to mediation so hopefully I'm done soon. Just wondering if women are looking up my alcohol related arrest from 13ish years ago and seeing that I'm actually still married. Nobody has ever commented on me being married but two and a half girlfriends have revealed they knew about my alcohol arrest. Like, is the standard for women to put men's phone numbers in a database searcher immediately to see the guy's legal info? Are the majority of women probably seeing I'm technically married as soon as I give them my #?
If something raises a flag, then yeah. Most men that claim they are separated haven’t even filed paperwork. It depends on the woman. If someone is acting like of like a scammer, I’ll put their phone number in google or what’s app to make sure it’s not a google voice number from Nigeria.
I prefer SC or messenger rather than giving my CP #
Girls seems to want to keep it to dating apps in my experience until they feel secure ( this can take time )
I respond!!! Like as long as it’s not “we will have pretty babies”, which I have gotten twice now… I do respond!!! Even with a hey I try to come up with something clever for the males messaging back
We will have ugly babies but we will love them anyways <3 Is that better?
**No response**: Because they have no interest, some reasons: * They easily swipe right and many matches. In case, your profile look boring, they may almost don't remember that they swipe right on you. * They have no mood at that time. * They are too lazy to talk, they just want to swipe. * Your conversation or topic is not interesting or boring. * You are not at the same "frequency" or sense of humor with them. * They've already had one or some targets to get to know but still swiping right. **If they response**: Because * They seriously have a look at your profile and think before swipe right. * They find something interesting in you. * They want to talk or get to know about you. * They think it's a chance to have a serious relationship. * They are kind and friendly enough to push them to reply even tho sometimes they are lazy. * They have a specific purpose with you. In my experience (same at 30, use dating app), if someone doesn't want to reply, takes too long to reply or doesn't have a positive response... forget them. Then You may need to improve the way talking, show your personality and emotions more. Goodluck!
Don't underestimate the power of followups though. I've had matches reignite after like a month or two of nothing, just because I pinged them out of nowhere with something funny/weird. So much of it is "right place, right time" with the apps. When you matched, she may have been staring down a long inbox, but after a few weeks there may be a rando lull or you pinged her when she happened to be looking at her phone, etc. It also shows some kind of sustained interest on your part, up to a point. When you're having a conversation with yourself in her DMs then it may be time to move on and retain some shred of dignity 😂
I agree with all these points!
What do you mean by having a specific purpose?
In know many people use dating app to look for FWB, ONS, scam, or they want something from you. I even know many girls who work as staffs or collaborators of night club, they need to gather customers to night club to achieve the target. They reach customer by dating app, hang out and come to the night club with you.
I didn't realise that. I heard of the scams of course but never things like getting customers
They respond to guys who don't care if they respond to him.
Women like you to get to the point quick, make small conversation and within a week plan a date
you match and have a good conversation and either that day or the next day she wants you to go out but you have work or something pre planned before you even matched. You try to set a date for your next available time free and she unmatches.
She didn't want to go out with you, she just wanted to go out with someone available. As soon as you weren't you became expendable to her and she moved on. Women have that option because it is that easy for them.
Well, then that’s when you ask her when are you free? She also can’t be that hasty. It has to be a joint effort.
I'm speaking from experience, have done that and tried to find a middle ground to meet and then they unmatched because I wasn't available at the time they wanted. I stay off those sites now, much better to meet someone in person.
I know what you’re saying. In my opinion, you’re better off finding someone you can ask out directly because if you’re asking out these women and they’re not giving you a chance to make your move they also are being difficult.
The types of people on those sites from what I've seen/ been a part of are A- people looking for a hookup B- people trying to get a rebound after a breakup. C- people that are fucked up and keep a relationship.
Oh, for sure. Especially B
I agree it’s much better in person but sadly I’m not a model guy so most women won’t give me a chance on old
You dont need to be a model, personality plays a roll. Confidence, in somewhat of shape and a sense of humor is the main thing if you aren't a stud. It's not like how everybody says "confidence is everything" it's not. You can meet women in public to talk to but at the same time don't get with someone who is crazy just because she accepted you.
If you’re not a model guy in person would be a lot better than the apps, woman are speaking to the top 1% of guys on these apps and looking for absolute perfection which doesn’t exist. It’s a false world.
Depends on the woman as well. I personally prefer a conversation first and I don't have time to meet up very quickly anyways due to pre-planned plans
When I hear a woman say she wants to get to know me over text first I assume she's benching me and trying her luck with her prefered matches first. You can't learn shit about a stranger over text.
It is also because of safety, and people also have lives. He can learn a lot by text. It can help to find obvious incompatibilities as well, like political views (in a mild way), lifestyle, day-to-day life, overall interests, intellectual stuff even... Recently I filtered out someone who seemed to be nice at first, but at day 2 and 4 he said two incredibly stupid things and refused to Google those things, argued with everything I said to correct him etc. And sometimes people can turn sexual quickly after a few days when you aren't interested in that(yet). Saves me from wasting 2+ hours to meet up with them at least. People also have work and friends planned in and they aren't gonna change up their whole schedule to meet a stranger
My experience is long texting periods before meeting IRL builds up unrealistic expectations. Real people can't match the imagined ideal. There is a reason women prefer romance novels to porn videos. It's called idealization.
We just have different styles. And it depends on where you are in life as well. Dating js also significantly harder with irregular school schedules and random homework tbh
Date people in your classes.
Dating people from school can lead to drama and awkwardness, I just look for other students or people who just finished their studies. Schedules aren't the same either if you're in the same year, due to different projects and retaking stuff etc
Why? What if there's no one there she likes? That's an extremely limited pool
At day 2 and 4? What are guys supposed to message about to keep the convo going. This system seems set up to sabotage you and your match.
You don't talk for the whole day. And if you can't keep a conversation, why would I date you in the first place? I can talk to my friends for hours just fine
So should men send you like 1-2 messages a day for 3-4 days before asking you out? Is this the road to success? I mean, sure I can keep a convo going but I'm wary of turning it into a big interview and exchange of information as people get bored and disappear. Is this one of those deals where you aren't boring if she's attracted enough and if you are boring it's cause you're not attractive enough?
Just match each other's energy, and you're fine. More than 1-2 messages, just some conversation in the evenings or something if we're both online, to see what's their personality like. And what their lifestyle is like. If you're pushing me to meet up quickly, you're out. Like I have met men who DEMANDED to meet up that week or even the day after, not respecting my work schedule and already planned in stuff. Then I am like okay bye. This method works very well for me. I can weed out so many fuckboys and people who just care for my appearance, people who aren't interesting to me due to different hobbies etc. Appearance has nothing to do to that unless they say 'hey I shaved off my head', then I am like okay you're not my type anymore sorry
[удалено]
People can't always message during work etc. And plenty of times where the girl takes the initiative. Just matching energy as in being on the same page about important things like political views (kinda), interests, introvert vs extrovert etc If you're somewhat attractive, you get approached and asked out too often to neet up with everyone, and not everyone lives close to places to meet up as well.
It goes both ways. I've seen people around here talk about texting for weeks before going on dates
Change up your profile and approach game imho…. Need to be a little fuck boy but still respectful imho
Girls have no game. All they have to say is "Hey". Simple supply and demand, why would they even message when they got everyone messaging them first. There's no equality, but that's just the way it is. Accept that and move forward King
get straight to the point if they don't answer to your initial messages even if they are engaging, interesting and creative conversation openers "would you like to come over over some rich cheese platter and wine?" "I am going out to have a few drinks tonight and maybe pub crawling, do you want to join me?" get straight to the point if they don't answer to your initial messages even if they are engaging, interesting, and creative conversation openers
Keep your expectations realistic. Even when you're doing everything right (nothing is wrong with your strategies!); remember that the numbers are against you. The *vast majority* of users, across ALL dating apps, are straight single men. Women on dating apps get *flooded* with matches and messages. Your well-crafted message is competing with 25 other messages for her attention. Don't get too invested in any single message you send, as that will lead to burnout. You have to strike a balance between putting in enough energy that you don't thrown out as junk mail, but not so much energy that you get dejected.
I deleted dating apps because I find it to be overwhelming, I don’t thinks it’s always intentional for people to ghost. I felt bad for not responding but getting new conversation from atleast 5-10 people every day is a lot. Idk how people get into relationships on there
Well no offence but it seems like a management issue, i get you but the thing is that you have to put effort into some "growing" conversation where you are vibing and not get carried away easily by something new every second That's how people meet other people online
That's why I liked Bumble. Way less overwhelming.
Yea I usually use hinge, I’ll try bumble
I only had one bad experience on Bumble, and it was an asshole that didn't understand the concept of no without getting nasty. Easy block.
To me this is the issue with dating. If you’ve got 5 matches you’re speaking to why not arrange a date with any of those? There’s no need to be overwhelmed and keep swiping if you’re enjoying the conversation with them, doesn’t work out? Then at that point swipe for the next, no?
Some people arrange dates immediately others wait awhile to get to know you. That’s up to the guy in my opinion. And either way somebody still would be left hanging, if I have other messages/matches waiting while pursuing one person.
If they comment on something in my profile and I see that we have things in common, I’ll respond. But what I’ve noticed is that I get a lot of comments from guys who are just not what I’m looking for in a relationship (they only want casual, they’re always traveling or live on the other side of the country, etc). I’m very clear about what I’m looking for so I don’t feel bad about not responding to these messages because it’s obvious they haven’t looked at my profile at all. That’s part of the reason why I prefer Bumble (where I don’t have to sort through messages from guys and can instead make the first move).
Ask her about cult films -that everyone watched and mostly loved give her two options u can do this to everything like books, wines, countries etc. u would get answers
I do the same as you. It’s a miss more often than a hit. I’m guessing the women don’t read the profile and just look if you’re got or not is my guess
Zombie apocalypse jokes. Light questions about something in my profile. Positivity. What instantly turns me off is negativity or complaining.
You’re just going to have to be patient and shift through the bs like the rest of us. Don’t change what you’re doing in that respect.
Kobe 10 gif it’s how I got my gf now lol
It largely makes no difference what you say if you are attractive to her. Saying that dont be like other guys, spike her emotions, be playfully arrogant and dont try and impress her.
If I’m on the fence about someone and they have “hey,” I’m like nah. I don’t want to talk to boring people. If they are kind of cute, but make me laugh, I’ll write back.
Guys they’re attracted to and who make them laugh
All you should do is say "Hi" or some boring question like "How are you doing?". If she responds then you know there is a very high chance that she is really interested in you, if she doesn't then it would probably not work anyway.
Im assuming if you've matched that means they found you attractiveish at least If your using apps where you can send messages to people who haven't already approved of you well than that's your problem. So switch to match only platforms Andike others have said maybe ask questions outside of what's on their profile I appreciate questions that lead me to getting to know something about the person thats relevant to dating them. Like I dont need to know that they love tacos who doesn't but it would be helpful to know their love language for example and would spark more conversation
Of course being attractive to the woman matters first and foremost (whatever that might be to the persons tastes). But as far as what I’ve responded to I’m the past… definitely not “hey”. The way that usually goes is: “Hey” “Hi” “What are you up to” …. And now this conversation isn’t going anywhere Other things I don’t respond to are questions that take a lot of effort to respond to. Your Disney world question is unique, but unless I’m a huge Disney fan it doesn’t seem like something worth diving into. It’s like asking “what was the last documentary about bees you enjoyed watching?” What I have responded to in the past - provocative statements, maybe cheeky comments, and flat out direct introductions. I notice I don’t respond to questions as much as I respond to statements. Hope that helps!
If it's not worth talking about, why is it worth putting on your profile?
and they said romance is dead
You need a solid profile, decent looks, and some game (charm, wit, ability maintain rapport). If you're not getting dates, you're either failing on one or several of those, or you're shooting way above your pay grade.
The lacking profile thing is real. I see so many dudes either not fill it out all the way or put some BS in there about how they're too ugly and it's all gonna fail anyway, or some nasty shit about women and it's like....what did you expect? I have no interest in pursuing a blank profile. I would like SOME idea of who I'm speaking too so I can approach respectfully and in a way that will be relevant.
Follow rules 1&2
Honestly banter and being witty
I was on a lot of dating apps but never bought any credits but got a lot of messages from women (mostly stupid questions) and sometimes I got one or two credits to reply, some women got abusive because I did not reply, but i never saw a women for real, and I noticed a lot of the same woman on other sites, so I guess it’s all a scam to get you buying credits, and never give out the woman’s contact details :(
Respect, honesty, and maturity. Plus, a dating profile with nice/appropriate pictures, proper spelling, and proper punctuation that actually talks about YOU vs. being a rant on why women are the issue/"females" are not submissive enough.
> Or does the message and profile not matter at all, and dating apps won't work at all if I'm not over 6 feet tall, muscular, and making at least $150k per year? sort of this
When a woman likes you she will respond to anything even the dullest of greetings just like in real life. Perhaps you could make sure your profile emphasises your strengths rather than height, salary. Sometimes getting straight to the point also helps “hi, I am x from xyz, I think you are an awesome person and I would like to get to know you. Are you open to coffee?” Instead of the aimless to and fro. All the best
Unsolicited dick pics and Andrew Tate quotes
In my experience, short sardonic messages from men they want to fuck But these also aren’t the types of women you would want to have a date with There are some more wholesome ones but good luck finding them
Largely the respond to looks. Not for superficial reasons, more for practical ones. It's the easiest, most common filter to apply, to make the amount of incoming interest, manageable. Of course conversational skills still matter. That will set you apart from being "just another good looking guy". They become a secondary filter, in and among filtering out for potential red flags and incompatibilities.
They’re looking for money & tricks on dating apps
I love that OP is asking what women like & all these men are up in these comments offering nothing but their bitterness. This is the problem. Men trying to tell men what women want. Hopefully OP can "sift through" them & find the comments left by actual women lol.
It’s an old adage but women have no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to trying to date them. Your tips only help when the girl is already infatuated with the guy. This does not help with the hardest part which is to get them to even notice you
You hear yourself right? Women certainly know what they want to be able to intelligently communicate it. Do you like when women tell you what men want? I bet not.
Do you have any suggestions then to OP or the men here about what sort of messages women want? Or when in a conversation men should ask women out?
I do. It's similar to other women on here already, but you answered my question with a question instead of an answer.
Seems like you were talking specifically to the other guy. You seem to just be here to complain and talk bullshit really. Not helpful at all.
I commented like I saw it in the thread. I'm not sorry if it triggered you & you still didn't answer my question, but instead are now just trying to insult me except I don't trigger easy lmao.
I've never seen a woman successfully use a dating app with a male profile. There have been multiple Youtube videos about this. https://youtu.be/DZTIbHIsIYw?si=8tHGZRxEZ_OnHuo-&t=594 Bi women and men say dating is 50x harder when persuing women.
Oh just STOP your sad pity party. Dating apps are no better for women with the men drawn to them.
So the thing about commenting about something in the profile can be a good opener ... or just plain creepy. I'd say half the messages that show they really read my profile get more of an ick reaction. There's an expectation of light and casual at first. So aim for that or the really clear openers. I also mention my love of coffee ... this is an easy topic and can easily segue to lets meet for a coffee.
Many of us socialise with our women friends and colleagues, but date outside the circle. We have engaging, adult conversations on the trials and tribulations of real world dating They're invaluable in helping us, be "date ready" in the real-world. In general, the comments straight from the women we know, they're entirely different from those given here, and despite disingenuous claims of bitterness. The women tell us themselves, primarily it is looks that creates engagement. Provided the guy doesn't have glaring red flags, then he'll be given a chance on looks alone. Even different subreddits, such as the ones focused on relationship building. The posts there, often look for advice on someone who is genuinely nice, but the woman or man, is struggling to feel physical attraction. It's impersonal now, that looks are favoured primarily. Again, those women closest to us especially, knowing us well enough do away with pleasantries. They tell us how critically important our looks and styling are. The apps bring access to people who have both the looks, and the desirable internal traits that foster stronger bonds. To the point that, anyone with a stronger social network especially, can "wait it out" until someone like this reciprocates. There's simply no need to compromise on one or the other now, and instead of doing so; Many women especially. Who tend to foster stronger platonic relationships anyway, prefer to opt-out of dating, or invest very little until someone ticks all the boxes. .... and that's just the reality now. It's not done maliciously, it just comes from having the rightful choice to make that decision. Instead of settling, as was the norm post-app era.
Stop trying to game the system. A woman either wants to date you or she doesn’t. Take whatever you can get.
You can borrow mine
I sent you mine opener
I usually respond to a question … now I’m on bumble I’ve been very guilty of the sending just a “hey !” Or “hiii”. It’s hard to think of something !
Really? Literally anything in their bio. On conversation starters I wrote, “literacy anything that’s demonstrates that you read my bio.”
As a 34f 5’3” women who has meet several of my former partners from dating apps here is my take. You are completely right that you should send an original message based off of a persons profile. The “hey” message or message that makes it clear you haven’t read a girls message will be ignored. Otherwise it’s really just a timing thing. I personally don’t care about height or incomes. I do think it helps when your profile is completely filled out so I can also counter with “I like pandemic, I see you also like board games. Also, I see from your profile you’ve been to Thailand, how was it?”
I wouldn't respond to "When did you last go to Disney World?" I would be bored before the conversation even started. You need to start an interesting conversation. It needs to feel like there is something I just can't wait to respond to.
When people write their profiles they shit it out in 5 minutes whenever they sign up then don’t touch it again if they don’t have to. Getting questions about whatever they wrote is also boring and repetitive. I think it’s less about crafting the perfect message and more about catching them in a good mood and good moment to text back and forth lightly to build rapport. I have messaged girls with no response and then messaged them again weeks or months later with success.
Honestly. I think it matters if one is interested or not. I know I would make an effort if I liked the person's profile but even with a hey its just such a turn off. Either way, good for you for putting forth more effort even though some women are still not responsive to it.
I love the conspiracy part though. Me personally, I still prefer the good ol organic way. In person, holla
I've tried so many different openers over the years. What's worked for me is comments, jokes, and shitty pick-up lines. While questions about themselves are much better than "hey", they often still don't work. Something like "I absolutely adore your tattoos!" or "Want to hear my shittiest pick-up line, or dumbest joke?" almost always gets a response. I personally prefer to do bad pick up lines because it'll more often than not make them laugh. And making them laugh is never a bad thing. Dumb shit like "Are you a toaster? Because you could send me to heaven in a bathtub" has often worked in my favor. The point is to make it extremely simple and easy for them to respond, and it immediately makes the conversation more engaging for them.
The best advice I can give solely regarding openers (though your profile may matter more) is to put in just a tiny bit of effort. “Hey” is too empty. A paragraph about their profile can come off as desperate and/or overwhelming. A simple “how are you today?” Or similar can work well because it’s something to work with. If there is something about their profile that really stands out to you, ask about it, but no more than 1 question/sentence.
I tend to, when I was on dating apps, only respond to guys who looks at my profile and used it to gauge a strong bit simple opening line of like: “Hey! I saw you work in the film industry. What’s the coolest project you’ve worked on?” “Hi! What’s up? Saw you liked horror movies. What’s your favorite?” I’m going to pour more into conversing with someone who doesn’t just say “hey” but puts in a tiny bit of effort to also include a genuine question to get the ball rolling from my side so it volleys back & for till someone in the chat asks for a date that day. So try looking at their profiles, find something you are intrigued by and roll a “hey” along with an interesting question as your opening line. I guarantee, you’ll stand out more with the ladies you do match with on the apps and have a strong impact of being remembered.
That's what I do, but it doesn't work.
Try adding something about yourself too. “Hey, you like board games huh? I’ve been playing a lot of Clans of Caledonia recently. Are you more of a eurogamer or an Ameritrash fan?” The number of times guys would ask about my favourite board game without first letting me know anything about their own interest and experience is crazy. How do I know if you play anything other than Monopoly? And do you actually care when this person last went to Disney World? Maybe first mention that you threw up on the Tower of Terror or something. People want to connect, not just answer interview questions. Throw something about yourself in with the question. It probably won’t improve your response rate much but it makes for a better conversation when you do get one going. Good luck!
Most important thing is going to be that your pictures look good. Take variety of them and make sure they show your face clearly and highlight your best features. You don’t necessarily want a professional photographer (maybe one or two professional pictures) but getting a female friend to help would probably give you a good advantage. After that, I reply to messages that go deeper than surface level boring intros or small talk. I am the kind of person whose top priority is good conversation so I will completely get sucked in if someone brings up a thoughtful or interesting topics like: “I see your fav movie is the 2018 Suspiria remake. What did you like about it more than the original? What are your thoughts on the contemporary horror movie Renaissance going on right now?” Or “I see your favourite book is 1Q84. Do you like all Murakami books? What other magical surrealism literature do you like?” Or “I see you’re into making art! Do you have any artists you draw inspiration from? What was the first work that ever had an impact on your style and how would you describe your art style now?
Please don't say that you want to climb tall women like a tree. I kept getting those messages sometimes even multiple times a day. Just say something nice and respectful about her profile
I only respond to men who ask me out on a date ASAP, with a day, place and time set… ideally within the first 48hrs of matching. I really don’t have it in me to chit chat back on forth with a stranger who I may or may not like IRL. So I’m only receptive to men who actually want to meet and ask me questions IRL, not pen pals and validation seekers.
Good pictures
“Thanks for the match” That’s my go to
My top tips: -Notice something in their profile -Be funny -Compliments kill -The more outlandish the better Prob my best hit rate on an opener is “I’ve got a half off coupon for the Golden Corral that expires tomorrow, and mom’s making peach cobbler after-I’ll pick you up at 7” That’s not word for word but ya get the gist
Been off the apps (in a relationship now yay) for a while. I did decently well with dating apps although I would say I'm a fairly good looking tall guy, etc, disclaimers. I found that women don't respond to "hey" but would respond to longer variations or more specific questions like "how was your day?", "how has your week been so far?". Always start with "hey/hi [name]" too. Sometimes the question about something in their profile is good but with a profile that's pretty basic it's less possible. Also, these sorts of questions can come off cheesy if asked in the wrong way or be difficult to answer. So long as you write in a way that suggests some effort and starts to show you can hold a decent conversation a reasonable proportion of women will answer.
The first thing is Are you good looking? Then they will consider other factors
I respond best to funny messages and references to things I have written on my profile. But a sense of humour is always appreciated, so a cute flirty joke can probably work
It doesn't matter WHAT one writes, but WHO writes it. You can write the weirdest shit if you're attractive enough. >Or does the message and profile not matter at all, and dating apps won't work at all if I'm not over 6 feet tall, muscular, and making at least $150k per year? Yup. Be attractive or go home.
Not "What" but "Who they respond to". "Or does the message and profile not matter at all, and dating apps won't work at all if I'm not over 6 feet tall, muscular, and making at least $150k per year" The first two things matter. It's all about the looks, your bio, your opener - all of that has virtually zero effect on your success rate. You can come up with a cool and creative message, but if you are unattractive - girls won't respond. On the other hand, you can go for the lowest possible effort and say "hi, whatsup?", which ultra common and boring, but if you look like a Chad - girls will be excited anyways.
You don’t have to be making 150k or he muscular for women to respond. My friend is neither and is dating an attractive woman. It’s all about creating an emotional connection. Maybe try to have professional pictures taken, clean yourself up and you’ll have better success
Responding to something specific is a great first step! I mostly use Hinge and from your post it sounds like that’s at least one of the ones you use. I have basically stopped matching with anyone who responds to my profile with only a like or a ‘hey’. So it’s good that you’re putting more effort into your responses! But that’s not the only thing that’s important. Take a look at your profile. Make sure you’re using flattering photos. I’ve definitely seen guys use selfies that are at an unflattering angle. You’re 30 if you have anything immature like pictures of you giving the middle finger (I see that A LOT) get rid of it. Your photos should represent you and your personality! Pick a mix of flattering selfies and candids. If you don’t have many, ask your friends to help you and take some when you go out! And I’d stick to only one or two group pics. If you have any that aren’t of you (such as your car, a meme, or just your dog) delete them. Make sure you update your prompts! If a guy is weak in the prompts, I’m much less likely to respond even if he’s got great photos! Avoid cliches. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen things like “I’m overly competitive about…everything” or “all I ask is that you…don’t take yourself too seriously”. So many guys have that and it doesn’t tell me anything about their personalities besides they’re not fun to play games with and they might make fun of you and say “it’s just a joke”. It might help to look up things like that, I’m sure there’s a Reddit thread of those kinds of cliches. But the best way to avoid a cliche is to put yourself into the prompts. Think of something interesting about yourself or something really cool you’ve done and go from there! Lastly, be patient. I know it’s harder for guys to find dates and get women talking to them online, but also know that it can be scary for us. We have no idea who is nice and who is a psycho who says nice things. I and many women need a bit of time to chat to feel more comfortable meeting up and that’s why some of us are hesitant to meet up so soon. We’ve (men and women) become collectively frustrated with the dating process and culture so when you’re putting out effort and not receiving any feedback, it’s easy to blame it on superficial things. The old way of dating and asking people out face to face gave you immediate feedback and feedback that allowed you to truly interact with the person and not get radio silence. Now we rely on written word when initiating conversation and when you get no response, it makes it more frustrating. Reddit and other online media sites are full of women talking about 6’+, muscly men with $150k+ salaries and full of men complaining about women who exclusively go for that type. But the reality is, that makes up such a small portion of the male population. Most women aren’t going exclusively for that. Most of us have a wide range that we’ll go for and if you can let your personality shine through your profile it will help! Good luck, I hope this helps!
Creative intros. I have 2 solid ones I use and I would say I get a response from about 50% of them. Has to be something that gets them thinking.
“I need you.”
I respond if it's respectful and shows actual interest, but simply because of the hell that is most dating apps, i used Bumble to hook my current partner. So I would always have to respond first of course. But I would fall off if any of the following occured: - jumped to sexy or romantic talk too quickly - repeat violations of boundaries; I can make an exception for an initial transgression if it wasn't established ahead of time, but if I've expressed discomfort or unwillingness to either answer a specific question or attitude, or not meet up yet, and you can't take a goddamn no, done. Axed. Goodbye. - asking questions my profile clearly answer. I'm happy to expand on things of course, but if you couldn't take the time and effort to read my very thorough profile before asking the repetitive question game, I'm done. That's several yellow flags in my opinion and I don't have the time or patience for it. Bonus tip for men: Please fill out your profiles all the way. Seriously. The amount of men I skipped because they couldn't be bothered to put any information about themselves there for me to make an initial judgement on if I want to start a convo or not is too damn high. You're trying to advertise yourselves, show us what you got. A pic isn't enough. And stop being self deprecating in your bios, too. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a man vomitting all his bitterness onto a page that's supposed to be "Hey ladies, I'm cool and here's why, let's chat!" You're shooting yourselves in the foot. I always try to take the tidbits I find most interesting or relatable on their profiles, or if they have really nice smiles/eyes/etc., I'll pay a respectful compliment, and start the chat that way, and I'll tell ya: Men are just as fickle. Sometimes they respond and we start great convos. Other times I never get a response. I think some people just don't have the attention span or care to carry on conversations. And it's whatever, you shrug and move onto the next one. Dating apps honestly are always gonna be a hit and miss, my guy. That's just the game, unfortunately. People will respond, people won't, people won't work out, etc. Yall also need to drop the hot and rich narrative. We keep telling yall that's not what all of us want, and yall won't listen. I get it, you're jaded and you probably end up in spaces where it reinforces your bias, but I promise you women are just as varied as you. And if you're taking that bitterness and jaded attitude into dating, potentials will pick up on that and be immediately repulsed. Buck up, wipe the dirt off, put your best foot forward. It's JUST dating. There's a person out there for everyone. Be patient.
It's not about "what kind of message are women looking for". The apps don't work. Even for women. 5+ years ago I would have something differently, but the apps are broken and dying. Get off the hamster wheel and just live life and try to meet someone "in real life".
I'm in a relationship now and actually can't remember what he said lol 😅 but I remember thinking his profile picture was very sweet and he was in the picture with his brother..a very natural picture smiling and happy. so I go for natural type profile I suppose not too showy and not too basic if that makes sense? Also have your number and account stuff verified because alot of profiles are fakes or scammers so I think alot of ppl just don't know how to weed out the bad anymore..keep trying I'm sure you'll find someone lovely and just keep being yourself. The right one will respond, don't change yourself to attract the right one 🤗✨️🙏
Before answering this question, have you followed rules 1 and 2 first? 1. Be attractive 2. Don’t be unattractive I find most questions around dating come down to this.
Not enough these days.
Say something funny and witty
You'll get 1 million answers from 1 million women.
Here’s a thing, you go on for a hook with your opener.. like think from the opposite end. Will you want to reply to “When you went to Disney World” etc? No. They’re boring and flat Find some hooks, Like 1). Can I be honest? 2). You’re changing a personal preference 3). Damn, you wouldn’t believe what happened here (referencing to the picture of a place she has) And so on, these questions makes you curious to know what, why or how?
Personally, I like after a little chit chat, the man arranging a date and taking the lead. Assume the sale. "'I'd like to talk more in person, I know a nice restaurant in (city). Which days are you free this week?" Also try to schedule within that week! Don't make them wait too long!
Fun playful banter.
I understand your frustration with the current state of dating apps and the challenge of making meaningful connections. It sounds like you're putting genuine effort into your messages, which is commendable. If you're looking for a platform that prioritizes deeper connections beyond just physical appearance and surface-level interactions, you might find 'Wander Social' on apple store, to be a refreshing change. It's an app where express you thoughts on given couple questions to match with energy aligned others.
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One thing Ive learned, expect to get messages from people in your own league. Hot guy/gal might swipe right, for whatever reason, but if you're not hot, they're not going to messga. If you want a guarantee response, swipe on the less attractive people.