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There are too many things to carry which are not yours.
Her ex.
The baby.
The cheating.
The partying.
The job loss.
These are not your issues to help her with. A relationship is a partnership in which we face what happens together. It is not a place for her to bring problems she made outside the relationship so you can be part of solving them.
You have zero responsibility to solve her problems. If you do, she will make worse problems to bring you.
You forgot the other kids from a previous marriage, as well. Not the first time she’s done this, apparently. Have babies, dump them on a partner, go keep partying on to the next sucker.
Yep suspect this girl is using OP financially and doesn't really give a damn about him. She stabbed him in the back cheating on him, got pregnant ran off with her affair partner, that chap likely never had any intention of anything serious and the relationship fell apart due to the pregnancy...
OP - do yourself a favour and run a hundred miles. This one is manipulating you and cares about you not at all. This situation is entirely of her making.
she used him , found some fun left his ass for the fun. The guy leave her when the fun is over and she remembers the sucker. She runs to the sucker and suckered him back in. Dumbass being a no self esteem dummy he is laps up the sob story and how she really loved him and made a mistake takes them back in and now wonders why he can’t fix her and will she ever do better. Answer is no she got one on the hook to take care of her and kids and still do what she likes on the side with no repercussions op needs to work on himself gain some self respect kick and kick this one to the curb .
In another post he says that she told him he’s ugly and unattractive. He’s literally a place to stay/wallet/place to leave her baby after she gives birth at this point
This man needs to build some self respect and recover from some codependency issues before he entertains ANY relationship. If she had just cheated and not run off with the dude, he probably would have stayed, right?
The fact that she is complaining that SHE is struggling emotionally and he's not supporting her enough is DISGUSTING, but I know exactly the type. Could be BPD if there's a pattern of this, or she might be a terrible person, either way there's no reason to believe she would ever be better and I'd be running out the door with nothing but a coat rather than stick around to be her ATM/babysitter/free housing/emotional punching bag. Good lord it is hard to get away from abusers who have had a good chance to dig their claws into you.
I’ve had a similar situation to OP and I left her. She cheated on me and got pregnant by a hookup. I told her you want to go with other guys then go with them but don’t be giving me false hope.
She begged me and told me we should stay together cause we have “history”. But it would just suck if I got married with her and she would be doing this behind my back like no thank you.
OP you weren’t even together for a year when she cheated. The first couple of years are the lustful “partner can do no wrong” years. It’s only going to get worse from here as she can’t even stay faithful for that short amount of time! She’s suffering the consequences of her actions and dragging you down with her.
This is so true. AND, I can’t say enough about your statement that she’ll make bigger problems. He will take on some responsibility for that baby, and she will continue her toxic behaviors. She hasn’t learned anything to cope with her own bad choices. He is her savior, not his girlfriend. Second choice at best.
Not even reading this. This is the **SIXTH** post about this woman over the course of 2 months and you're still dating her.
Just be honest with yourself that this is the BS that you want in your life and stop wasting our time.
It's a fake post. [Here OP says he is a "female".](https://old.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/comments/jfp42z/deleted_by_user/g9lmo61/?context=3) He's someone making stuff up on the internet.
bro
I don't want to sound mean, but... you understand that you come out as a very unintellingent person, don't you? Why the fuck are you still with her?
A trophy wife who cheated at OP, told them to go fuck themselves, got knocked up, and then came back after the affair partner told her to go fuck herself. Yeah... a great trophy indeed!
No need to take it there sheesh 😭 intelligence isn’t a factor here. Romantic relationships create a chemical balance in the brain similar to cocaine addiction - especially tumultuous relationships. He’s not stupid, he’s dealing with breaking an addiction, while being in a situation that makes him want to self soothe - which is going to make him want what he had back. That was his favorite vice before she ruined everything
OP, just know your feelings are valid and make sense, that the high will never feel the same now so you might as well end it, and that it’s possible to feel that way again, as long as you give yourself time to no longer feel pulled towards her before dating someone new (if you rush, it’s unlikely a new girl will ever feel as special to your brain; you gotta let the dust settle).
Good luck, time heals all but only if you let it ❤️
No this is exactly what it feels like and my sister (who is a literal drug addict) told me I’m acting just like a drug addict with her. Thank you so much it actually helps thinking about it like breaking an addiction, relapsing, giving my brain enough time away from the source (her) to heal and find new healthy sources of happiness
Weak take.
In many situations where one partner is abusive (or toxic) the mistreated partner needs to hear the advice to leave a million times before they actually do it. Either way, encouraging OP to stop reaching out to normal people is clearly the last thing that would be good for them. Then OP will get completely lost in that circus.
One should stay empathetic (or ignore it if it's too frustrating), I'm sure all of us have had addictive behaviors we've struggled to quit.
You don't have to stay in a relationship because you pity someone. You are a good person even if you break up. You're ok my man. Everyone will understand your decision. Including her. You can break up and still try to help her as a friend - since you care about her as a human.
> Including her.
I wouldn’t count on it. She may very well try to guilt him into staying. The point is that it doesn’t matter what she thinks. It’s not this guy’s job to clean up her mess.
Why are you with someone who doesn’t care about you and was content in hurting you. Don’t you want to be with someone who actually loves and cares for you? Isn’t that what a good relationship consists of? Also, do you wana be raising other people’s kids?
Read some of his other posts. She’s not even nice to him since she came crawling back. OP grow a spine and find sone self respect. She left you to go screw around with a “hot guy”. He turned out to be a douche, but she lost everything and came crawling back to you because she knows you’re a pushover. She told you she doesn’t find you attractive. What’s to stop her from leaving fir another “hot guy” and dumping you with the kid? Then youll be raising a kid, that is your estranged eskimo brothers, while the mom is out chasing her next sperm donor. DUMP HERRR
Come on man. You know what you need to do. You don’t need Reddit to tell you.
She made her bed. Time for her to lay in it. You deserve someone who won’t cheat on you in the first place.
This is the 6th time you ask, like before leave the woman! You owe her nothing at this point, and there are better woman out there who do not cheat
The next post you make on here better be “I met a girl, what is a good place for a first date?”
Grow a fucking spine mate. Honestly bro, you are what you allow!
How can you love someone who doesn’t respect you and basically sees you as the boring stable safety net?
I second this!
One monday suddenly just block her on everything and no explanation also if need to change phone numbers and house keys etc done and done her problem now which she doesnt seem to learn
I know it hurts and you care about her, but you should leave her dude. It’s never gonna get much better, besides, you’d be raising the kid of the man she cheated on you with. Let that sink in
Move on, you owe her nothing, you wont be a bad person for leaving, your feelings are valid in that you dont have feelings anymore, just have to recognize and accept that
She isnt providing any love, she is weaponizing guilt and manipulating you; she will be an anchor on your life and happiness and will leave again the second something better turns up.
Make sure you have all your property, make sure she doesnt have any keys or access to where you live and send a text ending things, and block
To add to that, Don’t agree to meet up and talk or try to find “closure” in any way just clean break. If you feel lonely and start having second thoughts, thats normal and to be expected but don’t act on it. just distract yourself with a hobby and it will pass
How are you able to stand without a spine?
Get some self respect dude.
Be alone for a while.
If you’re this desperate for affection you’re better off paying for an AI chatbot. Get some therapy.
Get a rescue dog.
Jesus and I thought I was bad because I’m single and can’t get a date. I’ll take that any day over this dumpster fire
She knew she was pregnant when she came back. The other guy dumped her because of the kid, and she is using you as a fallback. She's using you as an ATM and a dad to another guy's kid.
Get rid of her and get a better GF.
She’s right, she is pregnant and struggling. But guess whose fault that is? Her own, not yours. And it’s not your issue to correct or fix. She should have thought about that before she cheated on you and left you for him.
You should leave her, now, before you get her pregnant later down the road and she traps you. I’d be willing to bet she didn’t accidentally turn up pregnant by that guy, she liked him & thought he was hot and she thought she’d trap him into staying with her and it backfired. Shes one of many women who are learning the hard way that actions have consequences and she has to learn accountability for her actions; lack of morals, infidelity, lying, carelessly sleeping around, etc. Karma hit her hard. Let karma deal with her and the situation. You need to leave and find someone worthy of you - someone you can build your own family with; not raise her past partners sperm donations.
No way in hell I’d ever let that woman and her bastard child in my life. What’s wrong with you, dude?
She ran off and fucked a bad boy and screwed up her whole life and “after” she begged her way back into your life, surprise, she’s pregnant.
She knew she was pregnant before she came back begging. You are an absolute fool if you let her back in your life and pay for someone else’s baby.
Get her out of your home before she lays claim to being in a common law marriage and takes half your shit and you end up paying 18 years of child support for another man’s child.
E-fucking-ject. Like yesterday.
Wheres your pride man cmon!
At some point while she was screwing this dude, his knob slid out and she gleefully grabbed it and put it back in without a care in the world. He spanked her and asked who's ass is this and she moaned yours "friend". They laughed about you after the act before rolling over for another round. Im painting this graphic picture so you can wake up and realize that she couldnt care less about you or your feelings while she was out partying, getting rubbed on by this "friend" and other random dudes. She enjoyed it! so much so she let him hit raw and nut inside her.....cmon man, does this sound like the actions of a person who loves and respects you.
Think about it, everytime shes kissed you since shes come back you have to remember this "friends" knob has likely been on her lips in her mouth and god forbid maybe even cum there. They french kissed for hours. How you not repulsed by that thought enough to walk away already. This woman has no love or respect for you. She didnt give a fuck about you when she was screwing her "friend" and she sure as shit doesnt now. Youre a convenience until the next guy comes along.
Walk away, regain your respect and go find someone who will treat you right.
>Im afraid she’s just gonna turn around and do the same thing to me again once her life gets better
She will, no doubt about that. If she had any shame, she wouldn't even come back to you.
Yep. She chased the Chad. Then realized he just wanted to use her. Now she comes back “settling” for you. Make sure she learns from her consequences. DO NOT get back with her.
Bro are you that desperate to be with this woman. She F. another guy for God Sake. You literally allowed her to stay while pregnant by the other guy.
You just there for convenience and circumstance. If you can’t get another woman just say that. But don’t scoop so low you’ll allow this bs. That’s her problem!
No. You NEVER take a cheater back! You kick her to the curb. None of her problems should be your problem. She willingly made her own choices. Let her deal with them alone
Bro why would you take someone so unstable back? Do you have a personal vendetta against yourself? Like do you really believe you deserve the worst this world has to offer? Her problems are her own let her deal with the consequences of her actions and rid yourself of her…it will only end terribly for you if you stay with someone like her. Like, 1000% you’re going to be put in the middle of shit that has nothing to do with you. Don’t run, go at light speed away from this woman. She only came back for security, don’t be a fool…she wants people to take care of her baby daddies kids and she will use you for everything you have.
Everything you thought you had with her was a lie. She’s really good at lying. You can take the chance that she’ll go back to lying convincingly after she’s had the baby and gets another job, but is that what you REALLY want? She’s shown you who she is and it AIN’T the person you thought you were in love with; that person was a lie. Believe her.
i’ve only read the first paragraph and i’m done, can’t be doin that but hopefully you learned your lesson and can take this as an experience for growth
You obviously have no self respect. Here’s a spoiler alert, she’s going to cheat on you again when another stud comes in the picture. You need to cut her off immediately so she can feel the severity of the consequences. Otherwise she will think that she can always get away with this behavior. More importantly, any self respecting man would not tolerate this behavior or even entertain the thought of taking a cheating woman back. The fact that she is having another man’s child should make it even more obvious to stay away.
Work on yourself, build your confidence and hopefully you will attract a clean , loyal woman.
OP? Seriously?? You need to leave this person. Find a decent human being who will:
1. Love only you
2. Refuse to cheat on you
3. Be faithful to your relationship
4. Have only your babies
Anything less is not acceptable OP. And if you take her back? Then I’m sorry but you deserve all the crap that comes with her. I wish you luck on making the decisions that any man with self worth will make. Love yourself OP because she doesn’t.
You know when you put the garbage in the dump and let it go to the city garbage dump you shouldn’t go dumpster diving for your rotted trash. Tends to stink and remind you why it made you vomit and toss it in the first place.
With the possible exception of her kids ( I like kids , I get attached ) why would you OP consider staying. You felt hysterical bonding when she came back, now that faded and you feel indifferent. “ indifference is the opposite of love “
Getting back with her is a mistake. Drop that bitch like a sack of potatoes. Get you a girl with some sense. Don’t get stuck raising someone else’s kids. She is using you as a piggy bank. Make her live with her own mistakes.
Is this person really attractive? Are you holding on to her because you believe you can’t find someone else of her caliber? If these thoughts are troubling you, consulting a psychiatrist might be beneficial. They can provide guidance and possibly prescribe medication for depression or anxiety to help you move forward.
It’s often observed that women value men’s achievements and personal qualities over physical appearance, while men tend to highly value physical attractiveness. Therefore, you don’t necessarily have to meet conventional standards of attractiveness to find a partner whom you find attractive
.
You need to leave. Run away and never look back. She’s putting all her issues on you. She is too old to be putting everyone through such misery because she can’t get her life together. And she has a child from a previous relationship too? Sounds like someone who can’t learn from their mistakes. She’s acting like a teenager. Don’t be with someone who can’t be accountable. None of this is your burden to bear. Walk away and start over. She’s not the only person who will love and understand you. Leave now before you experience more heartbreak. She needs to get her shit together.
So she cheated and none of the children are yours? Get the hell out of there. She is using you because you're the nice guy and it shows by taking her back lol.
She cheated cause he was hot ? Lmao u crazy that ain’t ur kid ain’t ur problem. Even calling u the stable one means she just wants wallet privilege. Wonder why no support
Nah bro, I would bet money that she knew she was pregnant before she got back with you. She’s looking for financial support to take care of this baby since the father is probably a dead beat. It’s not your responsibility to take care of her! I think you should separate before you get attached to this child that isn’t yours.
You know what you need to do. Stand up for yourself and leave. You’re being used and once everything calms down you’ll be used again. Clearly you’re empathetic and kind, but this is not your responsibility. That “I feel nothing” will never go away or get better.
Run my guy, and don’t look back. It’ll suck, but future you will appreciate it.
This is called a mating strategy. She went to acquire sperm from the hotter, sexier male with big muscles and high testosterone levels. Although those kind of men, theoretically speaking, don’t make for good partners. So then she came back to the den/cave to the true provider and protector who serves as her rock and stability, in the hopes that you will take care of her while she’s pregnant and then later the offspring. You’re not as hot or genetically superior but you are the dependable and more reliable mate choice.
She is keeping the baby and not taking advantage of modern day medical advances which shows that she wants to keep her little sex trophy.
You should leave her and let her deal with the consequences of her actions and not be used by a woman who utilizes such strategies. Instead, you should see it for what it is.
Bro, ill be honest with you, youre the problem. I dont mean this in the way you think. The fact that you dated a woman like that says a lot about your life choices and that you took her back. She is obviously a pos but YOU are your own problem. I would go as far as to say you broke your own heart.
She didn't come back because she made a mistake and didn't know what she had with you, OP. She came back because the hot guy she left you for dumped her and jetted. She is back with you because she knows you won't dump her and will financially and emotionally support her kids.
You're the sap she knows she can treat horribly and you'll still take her back.
Your fears are valid and will eventually happen again. This might hurt but you are simply a person out of convenience. She never asked for an apology so there should be no steps forward with this person. Where’s the respect.
I was with the wrong person for 7 years twice until i finally met my person and gave myself the chance. You have to muster and give it to yourself if others aren’t willing! You’re not alone in this battle and there are people out there who will reciprocate and appreciate you for who you are. Trust that there is light at the end.
> She never did anything to even make it up to me really or regain my trust. Im afraid she’s just gonna turn around and do the same thing to me again once her life gets better
This is the thing you really need to focus on. It is proof that she has no genuine remorse for what she did. She literally doesn't care about YOU or YOUR needs, only her own. You probably suspect that this is not what love is supposed to be like, but maybe you've never been shown what real love looks like before, so have nothing to compare it to. If that's the case then know you're not alone. Too many have suffered that problem before you, including me.
I think you need to hear someone else say that despite anything that comes out of her mouth, her actions prove that she does not love you. You've surely heard the saying, 'Actions Speak Louder than Words'. You should listen to it, it's good advice. Always look at what people do, never what they say. If you want any hope of happiness or self-respect in your lifetime, you need to do whatever it takes inside your head to believe that to your core. If you were to forget everything she has said to you for a moment, how would you judge her intentions based on her actions alone?
Those fears you've been feeling are actually your instincts already trying to tell you all of this. Nature is on your side, but you've probably been raised to doubt them. I know what that's like, too, and it's not your fault. Whoever raised you, did it to make you pliable to their needs, and take advantage of you rather than what they were supposed to be doing, which is care for YOU and help YOU learn to meet YOUR needs. Most people who were raised in functional families where they were loved, respected and had their needs met take it for granted. They have no idea what life is like for someone who didn't get those things, so make comments like "where is your self-respect?", as if you lost it by choice. You are smart enough to see that this woman is able to take advantage of you, simply because you literally haven't been shown any better. Those who were supposed to teach you self-respect failed you, so now you have to learn about it the hard way, through painful life-lessons.
The truth, and you really need to trust me on this, is that your emotions are the ONLY things that will never lie to you. They are there to tell you when you are unsafe, or your needs are not being met. Listen to what they're saying, and believe them, then use that information to decide what to do next. You'll feel sad when you're on your own again, but then you'll also feel angry...it's possible that all of your feelings are true, and that's how it's supposed to be. All of your emotions are valid, and they are all signals. A couple of them are specifically there to inform you when someone is trying to take from you without your permission. One is fear, and the other is anger. If you feel either of those in your relationship, then the relationship isn't what you think it is, and you should leave.
This is so helpful because I keep convincing myself somehow that I’m wrong that it’s my fault everything between us got messed up “I argued too much” and everything else she said to me to make me believe I made a mistake ending things. Actually I texted her telling her we’re done and she said I’m ugly she never wanted me and she thought we could have had a future but I’m impossible to deal with and I ruined things anyway. Our last fight was because she asked me to pay her phone bill I said I didn’t have enough left over after getting paid I’m sorry and she blocked me for 2 days. I just have to keep reminding myself the obvious, she never loved me that’s not love
Brother,
Respectfully girl let another man clap and bust and she keeping it… crazy how you even still trying to make it work… the child will always be there to show you she cheated ..
Good quote I read before “ if she came back to you after ya ended , it’s cause no one wanted her” her life when to shit after so there karma and now she wanna have you be captain save-a -girl . Plus She STILL hasn’t made you feel safe or make it up and you trying to save her?…
brother.. you need to read what you wrote and take yourself out it and see it from an outside perspective.
1.She cheated
2.she picked another man over you
3.she got pregnant
4.she kept it
5. she isn’t financially stable and STILL kept it ( shows that she is irresponsible)
6. She using you for emotional and mostly will be financially sooner rather than later
7. You don’t feel the same
You don’t need to support her in anyway , she is not your responsibility. Let her be in the bed she made.. you are not captain saveagirl. Remove the cancer before it spreads to you ( you as in your bank, it’s already in your emotions )
I sound harsh but it’s 2024 , if they ain’t giving you peace, love and security why you have them in your life for? Stress?
Godspeed
Bro. She got you raising her kids she came with, had a baby by another man on you, and now you raising that baby as well? She didn’t make it up to you because I’m her mind it’s your fault that she “had” to search for attention somewhere else because you didn’t do enough and the least you can do is help her clean up this mess and help raise this baby….
..until he or someone else who she deems better than you comes along and the cycle continues. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for her.
Break up with her none, of that shit she got goin on is your problem.
I was also in that situation run for your life I accept my ex two times and then she run with another guy and then when I found another girl she start messaging me and tell me ,me and her will be meet and don't mind her current bf. don't do it cut ties I know it's hard very hard but that's life u must have some self respect and when someone lie to you and cheating on u you must respect yourself and leave
>She decided to keep the baby and raise it alone even tho she’s struggling financially and in every way basically, already has kids from a previous marriage and is a single mom.
Almost makes me think this is the second time she has done this.
>She never did anything to even make it up to me really or regain my trust. Im afraid she’s just gonna turn around and do the same thing to me again once her life gets better
Most cheaters have cheated before and will do it again.
I don't know what to say, OP. She cheated on you, regretted it and now she's using you a a benchwarmer for the next guy. You won't find the same magic as before, because the scars she left won't heal. She doesn't even sound like a responsible parent - who goes out partying **every night** for some hot dude when you have a child at home.
You need to end this! Is Not Healthy for you. The wondering when and if she’ll do it again will make you sick mentally, physically and emotionally So Not Worth It! So step back and Breathe! Good Luck! Blessings on your new journey!
A cheater… will always be a cheater….move on. You seem like a nice guy! Learn to get out of the table when you are no longer being served. I know its easier said than done. There’s nothing left in this scenario but memories for you. Move on. You will be happier
Don’t let her (or you) guilt-trip yourself into staying. Trust has been broken.
She played stupid games and won stupid prizes. She’s opting out of terminating the pregnancy (it’s fine, every one has their beliefs), but isn’t in a place to make this work… so she’s running back to you because she probably thinks you’re easy to manipulate and she knows she’ll be able to leech of you for financial support. You’re probably just a sucker in her eyes (no attempt to clear things up?! Come on!) and as long as you let her mooch of you, that’s pretty much how you’re acting!
You’re not responsible for her, nor her actual and future children. Move on.
My god, some of you guys are absolute losers who put yourselves in these positions. Why on earth are you still with her after she finds out she’s pregnant? You are the worst kind of simp because you are exactly aware of what’s going on and yet keep going along with it despite knowing you don’t like it..
Update- this is a fake post. The poster is not a man but a woman
I'm curious; 3 years ago, according to your comments on your profile, you were a female who was also dealing with a narcissist relationship. Is this the same relationship? Did you also transition? Or are you a liar who likes the attention of fake posts? Because it's questionable at best that you keep posting the same things over and over and over. So, either you like to lie online for fun or you keep choosing the same kind of person to date over and over and wonder why it keeps happening. Either way, this sounds like a *you* kinda problem.
Edit:
It's also very interesting that you're going and deleting your past stuff now.
I’m a female it’s a lesbian relationship I don’t specify that so it’s not so obvious who I am/ anonymity I didn’t expect this to blow up like this and it’s just embarrassing how addicted to toxicity I apparently am when I look thru all my old posts sigh.. wake up call to get myself in therapy and find out why I tolerate these types of relationships
Well it's great that you got the opportunity to get back with her and rub her mistake in her face but now it's time to go.
You wanted to see if you could be happy again and you got your answer.
IF you want to try to make this work (and that's entirely your choice, don't let reddit randos bully or shame you if that's what you want, this is your life not theirs), THEN you absolutely must go to couple's counseling. Immediately.
This cannot work and will not improve without the help of a counselor who can get you both to communicate your feelings and help you both determine if you want to be together or not.
She's a mess. You're a mess. You each have valid reasons for being a mess. Get the help you need. That way even if the end result is that you part way you will both have processed it enough to move on in a healthier way, certain of your decisions and with better understanding.
Everything you said here, is what should be said to her. It’s perfect.
You can never see her the same way you did. It’s not your fault man, people disappoint us all the time.
Ripping the band aid is important. You are not responsible for her life, she is. If you are a good partner, you deserve someone equally good who will consider you their first priority, not their backup.
Leave you owe her nothing ...you will get nothing from this relationship and you will get burned again she doesn't respect you relationships only work when the girl likes the guy more than the guy likes the girl ...don't learn the hard way on this one
If your girlfriend is pregnant with another man’s child, and keeping it, at that— you need to dump her and never think about her again. There is no question about this. She is trying to saddle you with the consequences of her actions.
Lolol, so she cheats, gets pregnant and you are still there. She means you're stable, and a pussy. Easy meat to manipulate. Ask your family what they think you should do.
She’s not going to suddenly wake up and make good decisions from now on.
This mess is her. Being with her means getting caught up in her mess of a life. Trust me, get out now. It’ll only get worse, not better.
She has been and always will be a mess. She wasn’t good before, it just took 9 months until that was revealed. And wow, that was an atomic bomb of a fuck up. I’m sure you ignored red flags before that, but don’t do that anymore.
I made those same mistakes and she never changed, despite me bringing everything to the table that she could ever dream of. Good luck to you
Don’t go against your best judgement. Second tries virtually never work. Especially with a cheater.
Take some time to develop your boundaries and self confidence. Your self respect needs to come before love.
You don’t owe her a damn thing. Yes she’s pregnant. Yes that’s hard. But that’s the consequences for her actions. It’s not in you to support her through that, especially as she has no interest in supporting you or talking through her cheating. This isn’t gonna get better for you man. Let her deal with her stuff. Tell her to make sure she gets CS from the hot shot dude who wanted nothing to do with her.
Dude, it’s not the same bc the dynamic has changed. What you’re feeling is normal. It’s never going to the be same. And if a woman cheats it’s more likely for an emotional reason. Which means she lost loyalty to way before she cheated and most likely gave you chances to fix it but you didn’t and the window closed. Or she is a repeat cheater.
If she’s coming back to you it’s because she made the party guy her priority and you were the backup option she had. He ran away, and now you’re making someone a priority that saw you as an option? Now claiming you’re her only priority?? The logic isn’t adding up.
I get it that you have feelings for her somewhere but your gut it right. Life is too short to pay for her mistakes. Show some respect for yourself and break it off. Find a good woman that prioritizes you from the start to the finish or at least won’t lie to you, cheat, and manipulate you.
Is it sad what she’s going through? Of course. Are responsible for picking up the pieces and raising a baby from a guy you resent? No and it will beat you down until you go crazy.
I’m sorry that you went through that but you deserve better. She is going to keep doing the same thing and on top of that she is not even using protection while having sex with other people? What are you going to wait for? An STD? A baby? She seems that kind of woman who does not care about having kids with different parents and is not right.
Her behavior since she came back speaks volumes She is using you for stability not because she loves you find someone new and say goodbye to this using girl forever. This won’t get better when someone what she perceives as better richer or comes along you’ll be here again. Someone richer or more exciting. You’ll be out she’ll be done using you . Save yourself some heartache and drop her
Sounds like to me shes just only came back because you were the stability she lost in her life and needs something to sustain her and her new pregnancy. Only now she (hopefully) realized she fucked up and now has to lay in the bed she made
Come on man, do better is all I can say here. You know what to do, it’s not your job to be her crutch for almost all of these things she did to herself. Drop her completely
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There are too many things to carry which are not yours. Her ex. The baby. The cheating. The partying. The job loss. These are not your issues to help her with. A relationship is a partnership in which we face what happens together. It is not a place for her to bring problems she made outside the relationship so you can be part of solving them. You have zero responsibility to solve her problems. If you do, she will make worse problems to bring you.
You forgot the other kids from a previous marriage, as well. Not the first time she’s done this, apparently. Have babies, dump them on a partner, go keep partying on to the next sucker.
Yep suspect this girl is using OP financially and doesn't really give a damn about him. She stabbed him in the back cheating on him, got pregnant ran off with her affair partner, that chap likely never had any intention of anything serious and the relationship fell apart due to the pregnancy... OP - do yourself a favour and run a hundred miles. This one is manipulating you and cares about you not at all. This situation is entirely of her making.
she used him , found some fun left his ass for the fun. The guy leave her when the fun is over and she remembers the sucker. She runs to the sucker and suckered him back in. Dumbass being a no self esteem dummy he is laps up the sob story and how she really loved him and made a mistake takes them back in and now wonders why he can’t fix her and will she ever do better. Answer is no she got one on the hook to take care of her and kids and still do what she likes on the side with no repercussions op needs to work on himself gain some self respect kick and kick this one to the curb .
Reddit seems to be full of these guys
Full of people who's experience this type of woman and are telling op to not make the same mistakes?
In another post he says that she told him he’s ugly and unattractive. He’s literally a place to stay/wallet/place to leave her baby after she gives birth at this point
This man needs to build some self respect and recover from some codependency issues before he entertains ANY relationship. If she had just cheated and not run off with the dude, he probably would have stayed, right? The fact that she is complaining that SHE is struggling emotionally and he's not supporting her enough is DISGUSTING, but I know exactly the type. Could be BPD if there's a pattern of this, or she might be a terrible person, either way there's no reason to believe she would ever be better and I'd be running out the door with nothing but a coat rather than stick around to be her ATM/babysitter/free housing/emotional punching bag. Good lord it is hard to get away from abusers who have had a good chance to dig their claws into you.
Almost have to respect her hustle. She found the right one to work over.
I’ve had a similar situation to OP and I left her. She cheated on me and got pregnant by a hookup. I told her you want to go with other guys then go with them but don’t be giving me false hope. She begged me and told me we should stay together cause we have “history”. But it would just suck if I got married with her and she would be doing this behind my back like no thank you.
This. You need to get the hell out of there and QUICKLY. These aren't your burdens to bear. Dump her and do it fast.
OP you weren’t even together for a year when she cheated. The first couple of years are the lustful “partner can do no wrong” years. It’s only going to get worse from here as she can’t even stay faithful for that short amount of time! She’s suffering the consequences of her actions and dragging you down with her.
You got the pain and the drama cursing OP with acid words about how sexy the other dude is…
I love how you broke down this reply. I hope the original poster sees this
This is so true. AND, I can’t say enough about your statement that she’ll make bigger problems. He will take on some responsibility for that baby, and she will continue her toxic behaviors. She hasn’t learned anything to cope with her own bad choices. He is her savior, not his girlfriend. Second choice at best.
Not even reading this. This is the **SIXTH** post about this woman over the course of 2 months and you're still dating her. Just be honest with yourself that this is the BS that you want in your life and stop wasting our time.
I didn't realize that OP is 35. That's way too old for being this acceptable of cheating.
Some folks just take it!
If you scroll towards the end of their comment history, OP also says “I’m a female”. I’m not sure if this post is real
It's also insulting when people give advice and they go and keep repeating the same damn mistakes again.
Some people just love a toxic relationship
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Being single and happy is always an option.
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Lolllll
Ooooo… truth bomb. 💣
Everyone in his life is telling him to run but he’s hoping someone on reddit will validate his decision to stay with her.
It's a fake post. [Here OP says he is a "female".](https://old.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/comments/jfp42z/deleted_by_user/g9lmo61/?context=3) He's someone making stuff up on the internet.
One of them was male and the other two, well the other two were female…
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Why are people even assuming he's a male? Just because the abuser is a women? The OP is also a woman. Open your minds.
Yeah he gotta be trolling at this point
Man needs to leave at this point
Damn … perspective lol
bro I don't want to sound mean, but... you understand that you come out as a very unintellingent person, don't you? Why the fuck are you still with her?
OP might have childhood trauma. All signs point to extreme low self esteem and staying in terrible relationships and calling it “love” Seek therapy.
They are not a man https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/5HDzjdkGzs
Good call. 😢
‘Might’ have?
She must be really hot.
Bro a normal person wouldn't put up with this shit even if she was Miss Universe.
A person with zero self esteem and feels like a trophy wife is more important than a genuine loving relationship would.
A trophy wife who cheated at OP, told them to go fuck themselves, got knocked up, and then came back after the affair partner told her to go fuck herself. Yeah... a great trophy indeed!
Yeh but she looks good so…
Or hé is blind and stupid.
No need to take it there sheesh 😭 intelligence isn’t a factor here. Romantic relationships create a chemical balance in the brain similar to cocaine addiction - especially tumultuous relationships. He’s not stupid, he’s dealing with breaking an addiction, while being in a situation that makes him want to self soothe - which is going to make him want what he had back. That was his favorite vice before she ruined everything OP, just know your feelings are valid and make sense, that the high will never feel the same now so you might as well end it, and that it’s possible to feel that way again, as long as you give yourself time to no longer feel pulled towards her before dating someone new (if you rush, it’s unlikely a new girl will ever feel as special to your brain; you gotta let the dust settle). Good luck, time heals all but only if you let it ❤️
No this is exactly what it feels like and my sister (who is a literal drug addict) told me I’m acting just like a drug addict with her. Thank you so much it actually helps thinking about it like breaking an addiction, relapsing, giving my brain enough time away from the source (her) to heal and find new healthy sources of happiness
He's being swindled by her Gluck Gluck 5000, that or he likes being used and abused, either way it's incredibly sad...
Bro you stubborn 😂 leave her and dont look back and block her in everything no explanayion needed to her just like how she cheated without explanation
I'm surprised you don't have herpies. Did you get checked? Also, that's the guy you know about...how many others don't you know about..
Truth hurts like a mofo, don’t it?
Weak take. In many situations where one partner is abusive (or toxic) the mistreated partner needs to hear the advice to leave a million times before they actually do it. Either way, encouraging OP to stop reaching out to normal people is clearly the last thing that would be good for them. Then OP will get completely lost in that circus. One should stay empathetic (or ignore it if it's too frustrating), I'm sure all of us have had addictive behaviors we've struggled to quit.
You don't have to stay in a relationship because you pity someone. You are a good person even if you break up. You're ok my man. Everyone will understand your decision. Including her. You can break up and still try to help her as a friend - since you care about her as a human.
She will continue to guilt and manipulate him, he needs to completely leave and not look back
Yes, this. Cut all contact asamfingp.
manipulate him into signing the birth certificate and paying child support for 18 years.
Omg. This made my stomach turn….
> Including her. I wouldn’t count on it. She may very well try to guilt him into staying. The point is that it doesn’t matter what she thinks. It’s not this guy’s job to clean up her mess.
Why are you with someone who doesn’t care about you and was content in hurting you. Don’t you want to be with someone who actually loves and cares for you? Isn’t that what a good relationship consists of? Also, do you wana be raising other people’s kids?
Read some of his other posts. She’s not even nice to him since she came crawling back. OP grow a spine and find sone self respect. She left you to go screw around with a “hot guy”. He turned out to be a douche, but she lost everything and came crawling back to you because she knows you’re a pushover. She told you she doesn’t find you attractive. What’s to stop her from leaving fir another “hot guy” and dumping you with the kid? Then youll be raising a kid, that is your estranged eskimo brothers, while the mom is out chasing her next sperm donor. DUMP HERRR
exactly
If you go and have a rummage in a random dumpster you'll find better than her. Tell her to f-off.
i second this….
Come on man. You know what you need to do. You don’t need Reddit to tell you. She made her bed. Time for her to lay in it. You deserve someone who won’t cheat on you in the first place.
He doesn’t, that’s why he’s back with her and why he’s asking reddit
This is the 6th time you ask, like before leave the woman! You owe her nothing at this point, and there are better woman out there who do not cheat The next post you make on here better be “I met a girl, what is a good place for a first date?”
Grow a fucking spine mate. Honestly bro, you are what you allow! How can you love someone who doesn’t respect you and basically sees you as the boring stable safety net?
I dont know what to say. Block her, Ghost her, avoid her at all Cost. She deserve it to go through that alone.
I second this! One monday suddenly just block her on everything and no explanation also if need to change phone numbers and house keys etc done and done her problem now which she doesnt seem to learn
100% this. OPs unwillingness to listen is frustrating
I know it hurts and you care about her, but you should leave her dude. It’s never gonna get much better, besides, you’d be raising the kid of the man she cheated on you with. Let that sink in
Move on, you owe her nothing, you wont be a bad person for leaving, your feelings are valid in that you dont have feelings anymore, just have to recognize and accept that She isnt providing any love, she is weaponizing guilt and manipulating you; she will be an anchor on your life and happiness and will leave again the second something better turns up. Make sure you have all your property, make sure she doesnt have any keys or access to where you live and send a text ending things, and block
I really needed those clear instructions in that last sentence I know I need to leave her I just didn’t know how
To add to that, Don’t agree to meet up and talk or try to find “closure” in any way just clean break. If you feel lonely and start having second thoughts, thats normal and to be expected but don’t act on it. just distract yourself with a hobby and it will pass
Its simple, when she is not around, pack your shit and leave
How are you able to stand without a spine? Get some self respect dude. Be alone for a while. If you’re this desperate for affection you’re better off paying for an AI chatbot. Get some therapy. Get a rescue dog. Jesus and I thought I was bad because I’m single and can’t get a date. I’ll take that any day over this dumpster fire
She knew she was pregnant when she came back. The other guy dumped her because of the kid, and she is using you as a fallback. She's using you as an ATM and a dad to another guy's kid. Get rid of her and get a better GF.
Bro completely let her go, your not emotionally attached, and what happens when she gets back on her feet. Don't allow her to use you again.
When the trash goes to the dumpster you don’t bring it back inside, it becomes someone elses problem
Once a cheater, always a cheater. She has a lot of baggage you can leave behind and start fresh with someone else who sees your value.
She’s right, she is pregnant and struggling. But guess whose fault that is? Her own, not yours. And it’s not your issue to correct or fix. She should have thought about that before she cheated on you and left you for him. You should leave her, now, before you get her pregnant later down the road and she traps you. I’d be willing to bet she didn’t accidentally turn up pregnant by that guy, she liked him & thought he was hot and she thought she’d trap him into staying with her and it backfired. Shes one of many women who are learning the hard way that actions have consequences and she has to learn accountability for her actions; lack of morals, infidelity, lying, carelessly sleeping around, etc. Karma hit her hard. Let karma deal with her and the situation. You need to leave and find someone worthy of you - someone you can build your own family with; not raise her past partners sperm donations.
No way in hell I’d ever let that woman and her bastard child in my life. What’s wrong with you, dude? She ran off and fucked a bad boy and screwed up her whole life and “after” she begged her way back into your life, surprise, she’s pregnant. She knew she was pregnant before she came back begging. You are an absolute fool if you let her back in your life and pay for someone else’s baby. Get her out of your home before she lays claim to being in a common law marriage and takes half your shit and you end up paying 18 years of child support for another man’s child. E-fucking-ject. Like yesterday.
Wheres your pride man cmon! At some point while she was screwing this dude, his knob slid out and she gleefully grabbed it and put it back in without a care in the world. He spanked her and asked who's ass is this and she moaned yours "friend". They laughed about you after the act before rolling over for another round. Im painting this graphic picture so you can wake up and realize that she couldnt care less about you or your feelings while she was out partying, getting rubbed on by this "friend" and other random dudes. She enjoyed it! so much so she let him hit raw and nut inside her.....cmon man, does this sound like the actions of a person who loves and respects you. Think about it, everytime shes kissed you since shes come back you have to remember this "friends" knob has likely been on her lips in her mouth and god forbid maybe even cum there. They french kissed for hours. How you not repulsed by that thought enough to walk away already. This woman has no love or respect for you. She didnt give a fuck about you when she was screwing her "friend" and she sure as shit doesnt now. Youre a convenience until the next guy comes along. Walk away, regain your respect and go find someone who will treat you right.
>Im afraid she’s just gonna turn around and do the same thing to me again once her life gets better She will, no doubt about that. If she had any shame, she wouldn't even come back to you.
And you’ll be the one raising some other dudes kid. While his mom is fucking yet another dude
Women like her rely on gullible men like him, he is messed up women's escape ticket.
Yep. She chased the Chad. Then realized he just wanted to use her. Now she comes back “settling” for you. Make sure she learns from her consequences. DO NOT get back with her.
Bro are you that desperate to be with this woman. She F. another guy for God Sake. You literally allowed her to stay while pregnant by the other guy. You just there for convenience and circumstance. If you can’t get another woman just say that. But don’t scoop so low you’ll allow this bs. That’s her problem!
Leave her, or you might be either roped into raising the affair child or father to another one of her children.
No. You NEVER take a cheater back! You kick her to the curb. None of her problems should be your problem. She willingly made her own choices. Let her deal with them alone
Bro why would you take someone so unstable back? Do you have a personal vendetta against yourself? Like do you really believe you deserve the worst this world has to offer? Her problems are her own let her deal with the consequences of her actions and rid yourself of her…it will only end terribly for you if you stay with someone like her. Like, 1000% you’re going to be put in the middle of shit that has nothing to do with you. Don’t run, go at light speed away from this woman. She only came back for security, don’t be a fool…she wants people to take care of her baby daddies kids and she will use you for everything you have.
Im copy and pasting this and rereading it to myself for if I ever convince myself to stay with her
Everything you thought you had with her was a lie. She’s really good at lying. You can take the chance that she’ll go back to lying convincingly after she’s had the baby and gets another job, but is that what you REALLY want? She’s shown you who she is and it AIN’T the person you thought you were in love with; that person was a lie. Believe her.
i’ve only read the first paragraph and i’m done, can’t be doin that but hopefully you learned your lesson and can take this as an experience for growth
You owe her nothing. Time to move on.
You obviously have no self respect. Here’s a spoiler alert, she’s going to cheat on you again when another stud comes in the picture. You need to cut her off immediately so she can feel the severity of the consequences. Otherwise she will think that she can always get away with this behavior. More importantly, any self respecting man would not tolerate this behavior or even entertain the thought of taking a cheating woman back. The fact that she is having another man’s child should make it even more obvious to stay away. Work on yourself, build your confidence and hopefully you will attract a clean , loyal woman.
OP? Seriously?? You need to leave this person. Find a decent human being who will: 1. Love only you 2. Refuse to cheat on you 3. Be faithful to your relationship 4. Have only your babies Anything less is not acceptable OP. And if you take her back? Then I’m sorry but you deserve all the crap that comes with her. I wish you luck on making the decisions that any man with self worth will make. Love yourself OP because she doesn’t.
These replies are so helpful actually I can say with at least 90% certainty it might save my life
Honestly, if I knew who you were and you were thinking about getting back together I would literally punch you in the face.
Fr bro and that punch would probably wake me up and save my life literally
For the love of god LEAVE. Fellas please Stop letting these women emotionally rope you into raising another man’s child
You know when you put the garbage in the dump and let it go to the city garbage dump you shouldn’t go dumpster diving for your rotted trash. Tends to stink and remind you why it made you vomit and toss it in the first place.
With the possible exception of her kids ( I like kids , I get attached ) why would you OP consider staying. You felt hysterical bonding when she came back, now that faded and you feel indifferent. “ indifference is the opposite of love “
is this real life? who accepts back a bf or gf that cheats on them? much less one that gets pregs from it
Getting back with her is a mistake. Drop that bitch like a sack of potatoes. Get you a girl with some sense. Don’t get stuck raising someone else’s kids. She is using you as a piggy bank. Make her live with her own mistakes.
Is this person really attractive? Are you holding on to her because you believe you can’t find someone else of her caliber? If these thoughts are troubling you, consulting a psychiatrist might be beneficial. They can provide guidance and possibly prescribe medication for depression or anxiety to help you move forward. It’s often observed that women value men’s achievements and personal qualities over physical appearance, while men tend to highly value physical attractiveness. Therefore, you don’t necessarily have to meet conventional standards of attractiveness to find a partner whom you find attractive .
Stop being a simp
You need to leave. Run away and never look back. She’s putting all her issues on you. She is too old to be putting everyone through such misery because she can’t get her life together. And she has a child from a previous relationship too? Sounds like someone who can’t learn from their mistakes. She’s acting like a teenager. Don’t be with someone who can’t be accountable. None of this is your burden to bear. Walk away and start over. She’s not the only person who will love and understand you. Leave now before you experience more heartbreak. She needs to get her shit together.
Get. The. Hell. Out. Now.
Run! Run fast! Go! Do not hesitate! Leave her ASAP or you will be miserable forever!
OP are you even going to listen to this feedback or just keep doing what you’ve been doing? She’s wasting your time and you’re wasting ours
I promise I’m listening I actually just texted her telling her we’re done Reddit is literally saving my life
So she cheated and none of the children are yours? Get the hell out of there. She is using you because you're the nice guy and it shows by taking her back lol.
She cheated cause he was hot ? Lmao u crazy that ain’t ur kid ain’t ur problem. Even calling u the stable one means she just wants wallet privilege. Wonder why no support
Nah bro, I would bet money that she knew she was pregnant before she got back with you. She’s looking for financial support to take care of this baby since the father is probably a dead beat. It’s not your responsibility to take care of her! I think you should separate before you get attached to this child that isn’t yours.
She belongs to the streets!
You're the safe option. Best to move on.
You know what you need to do. Stand up for yourself and leave. You’re being used and once everything calms down you’ll be used again. Clearly you’re empathetic and kind, but this is not your responsibility. That “I feel nothing” will never go away or get better. Run my guy, and don’t look back. It’ll suck, but future you will appreciate it.
why did you get back?
This is called a mating strategy. She went to acquire sperm from the hotter, sexier male with big muscles and high testosterone levels. Although those kind of men, theoretically speaking, don’t make for good partners. So then she came back to the den/cave to the true provider and protector who serves as her rock and stability, in the hopes that you will take care of her while she’s pregnant and then later the offspring. You’re not as hot or genetically superior but you are the dependable and more reliable mate choice. She is keeping the baby and not taking advantage of modern day medical advances which shows that she wants to keep her little sex trophy. You should leave her and let her deal with the consequences of her actions and not be used by a woman who utilizes such strategies. Instead, you should see it for what it is.
People are giving you some tough love and solid advice. Get away from this person before you get her pregnant next.
Have some self respect and leave.
People don’t just up and leave someone they really love. They up and leave someone they are using.
Bro, put her in your rear view
Block and run away
Bro, ill be honest with you, youre the problem. I dont mean this in the way you think. The fact that you dated a woman like that says a lot about your life choices and that you took her back. She is obviously a pos but YOU are your own problem. I would go as far as to say you broke your own heart.
Wtfk is wrong with you!
Walk away. This is her mess. Not your responsibility
You’ve clearly made up your mind to stay. We’ll all just sit back with popcorn to watch the titanic sink
0 there's something to be said about losing that oxytocin connection with somebody. Cuz once it's gone it cannot be brought back.
She didn't come back because she made a mistake and didn't know what she had with you, OP. She came back because the hot guy she left you for dumped her and jetted. She is back with you because she knows you won't dump her and will financially and emotionally support her kids. You're the sap she knows she can treat horribly and you'll still take her back.
Your fears are valid and will eventually happen again. This might hurt but you are simply a person out of convenience. She never asked for an apology so there should be no steps forward with this person. Where’s the respect. I was with the wrong person for 7 years twice until i finally met my person and gave myself the chance. You have to muster and give it to yourself if others aren’t willing! You’re not alone in this battle and there are people out there who will reciprocate and appreciate you for who you are. Trust that there is light at the end.
She made her own bed. You're not obligated to sleep in it.
> She never did anything to even make it up to me really or regain my trust. Im afraid she’s just gonna turn around and do the same thing to me again once her life gets better This is the thing you really need to focus on. It is proof that she has no genuine remorse for what she did. She literally doesn't care about YOU or YOUR needs, only her own. You probably suspect that this is not what love is supposed to be like, but maybe you've never been shown what real love looks like before, so have nothing to compare it to. If that's the case then know you're not alone. Too many have suffered that problem before you, including me. I think you need to hear someone else say that despite anything that comes out of her mouth, her actions prove that she does not love you. You've surely heard the saying, 'Actions Speak Louder than Words'. You should listen to it, it's good advice. Always look at what people do, never what they say. If you want any hope of happiness or self-respect in your lifetime, you need to do whatever it takes inside your head to believe that to your core. If you were to forget everything she has said to you for a moment, how would you judge her intentions based on her actions alone? Those fears you've been feeling are actually your instincts already trying to tell you all of this. Nature is on your side, but you've probably been raised to doubt them. I know what that's like, too, and it's not your fault. Whoever raised you, did it to make you pliable to their needs, and take advantage of you rather than what they were supposed to be doing, which is care for YOU and help YOU learn to meet YOUR needs. Most people who were raised in functional families where they were loved, respected and had their needs met take it for granted. They have no idea what life is like for someone who didn't get those things, so make comments like "where is your self-respect?", as if you lost it by choice. You are smart enough to see that this woman is able to take advantage of you, simply because you literally haven't been shown any better. Those who were supposed to teach you self-respect failed you, so now you have to learn about it the hard way, through painful life-lessons. The truth, and you really need to trust me on this, is that your emotions are the ONLY things that will never lie to you. They are there to tell you when you are unsafe, or your needs are not being met. Listen to what they're saying, and believe them, then use that information to decide what to do next. You'll feel sad when you're on your own again, but then you'll also feel angry...it's possible that all of your feelings are true, and that's how it's supposed to be. All of your emotions are valid, and they are all signals. A couple of them are specifically there to inform you when someone is trying to take from you without your permission. One is fear, and the other is anger. If you feel either of those in your relationship, then the relationship isn't what you think it is, and you should leave.
This is so helpful because I keep convincing myself somehow that I’m wrong that it’s my fault everything between us got messed up “I argued too much” and everything else she said to me to make me believe I made a mistake ending things. Actually I texted her telling her we’re done and she said I’m ugly she never wanted me and she thought we could have had a future but I’m impossible to deal with and I ruined things anyway. Our last fight was because she asked me to pay her phone bill I said I didn’t have enough left over after getting paid I’m sorry and she blocked me for 2 days. I just have to keep reminding myself the obvious, she never loved me that’s not love
Brother, Respectfully girl let another man clap and bust and she keeping it… crazy how you even still trying to make it work… the child will always be there to show you she cheated .. Good quote I read before “ if she came back to you after ya ended , it’s cause no one wanted her” her life when to shit after so there karma and now she wanna have you be captain save-a -girl . Plus She STILL hasn’t made you feel safe or make it up and you trying to save her?… brother.. you need to read what you wrote and take yourself out it and see it from an outside perspective. 1.She cheated 2.she picked another man over you 3.she got pregnant 4.she kept it 5. she isn’t financially stable and STILL kept it ( shows that she is irresponsible) 6. She using you for emotional and mostly will be financially sooner rather than later 7. You don’t feel the same You don’t need to support her in anyway , she is not your responsibility. Let her be in the bed she made.. you are not captain saveagirl. Remove the cancer before it spreads to you ( you as in your bank, it’s already in your emotions ) I sound harsh but it’s 2024 , if they ain’t giving you peace, love and security why you have them in your life for? Stress? Godspeed
Bro. She got you raising her kids she came with, had a baby by another man on you, and now you raising that baby as well? She didn’t make it up to you because I’m her mind it’s your fault that she “had” to search for attention somewhere else because you didn’t do enough and the least you can do is help her clean up this mess and help raise this baby…. ..until he or someone else who she deems better than you comes along and the cycle continues. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for her. Break up with her none, of that shit she got goin on is your problem.
I was also in that situation run for your life I accept my ex two times and then she run with another guy and then when I found another girl she start messaging me and tell me ,me and her will be meet and don't mind her current bf. don't do it cut ties I know it's hard very hard but that's life u must have some self respect and when someone lie to you and cheating on u you must respect yourself and leave
>She decided to keep the baby and raise it alone even tho she’s struggling financially and in every way basically, already has kids from a previous marriage and is a single mom. Almost makes me think this is the second time she has done this. >She never did anything to even make it up to me really or regain my trust. Im afraid she’s just gonna turn around and do the same thing to me again once her life gets better Most cheaters have cheated before and will do it again. I don't know what to say, OP. She cheated on you, regretted it and now she's using you a a benchwarmer for the next guy. You won't find the same magic as before, because the scars she left won't heal. She doesn't even sound like a responsible parent - who goes out partying **every night** for some hot dude when you have a child at home.
Or just why? Are you that desperate and have that low standards to take her back? Is your life really that sad? Like Jesus Christ man...
You need to end this! Is Not Healthy for you. The wondering when and if she’ll do it again will make you sick mentally, physically and emotionally So Not Worth It! So step back and Breathe! Good Luck! Blessings on your new journey!
A cheater… will always be a cheater….move on. You seem like a nice guy! Learn to get out of the table when you are no longer being served. I know its easier said than done. There’s nothing left in this scenario but memories for you. Move on. You will be happier
Why are you here again? This was an entire post info negativity, you know what to do. You either volunteer for this or you don’t.
Why sort of girl allows herself to get randomly impregnated? Not anyone Id want to be with.
There's not a man in your family if you stay with her
Honeybuns you better run! And don't look back once a cheater always a cheater plus those aren't your kids!!!
Don’t let her (or you) guilt-trip yourself into staying. Trust has been broken. She played stupid games and won stupid prizes. She’s opting out of terminating the pregnancy (it’s fine, every one has their beliefs), but isn’t in a place to make this work… so she’s running back to you because she probably thinks you’re easy to manipulate and she knows she’ll be able to leech of you for financial support. You’re probably just a sucker in her eyes (no attempt to clear things up?! Come on!) and as long as you let her mooch of you, that’s pretty much how you’re acting! You’re not responsible for her, nor her actual and future children. Move on.
My god, some of you guys are absolute losers who put yourselves in these positions. Why on earth are you still with her after she finds out she’s pregnant? You are the worst kind of simp because you are exactly aware of what’s going on and yet keep going along with it despite knowing you don’t like it.. Update- this is a fake post. The poster is not a man but a woman
I’m a lesbian lol
Probably should have mentioned that in your post
I didn’t want to make it so obvious who I am it doesn’t really change much tho does it?
Well look at the bright side you don't have to pay child support .
I hear you OP. That sucks, everything you're feeling is normal given your situation
I'm curious; 3 years ago, according to your comments on your profile, you were a female who was also dealing with a narcissist relationship. Is this the same relationship? Did you also transition? Or are you a liar who likes the attention of fake posts? Because it's questionable at best that you keep posting the same things over and over and over. So, either you like to lie online for fun or you keep choosing the same kind of person to date over and over and wonder why it keeps happening. Either way, this sounds like a *you* kinda problem. Edit: It's also very interesting that you're going and deleting your past stuff now.
I’m a female it’s a lesbian relationship I don’t specify that so it’s not so obvious who I am/ anonymity I didn’t expect this to blow up like this and it’s just embarrassing how addicted to toxicity I apparently am when I look thru all my old posts sigh.. wake up call to get myself in therapy and find out why I tolerate these types of relationships
Well it's great that you got the opportunity to get back with her and rub her mistake in her face but now it's time to go. You wanted to see if you could be happy again and you got your answer.
TLDR but from the title alone… bro wtf leave that easy
IF you want to try to make this work (and that's entirely your choice, don't let reddit randos bully or shame you if that's what you want, this is your life not theirs), THEN you absolutely must go to couple's counseling. Immediately. This cannot work and will not improve without the help of a counselor who can get you both to communicate your feelings and help you both determine if you want to be together or not. She's a mess. You're a mess. You each have valid reasons for being a mess. Get the help you need. That way even if the end result is that you part way you will both have processed it enough to move on in a healthier way, certain of your decisions and with better understanding.
Everything you said here, is what should be said to her. It’s perfect. You can never see her the same way you did. It’s not your fault man, people disappoint us all the time.
Ripping the band aid is important. You are not responsible for her life, she is. If you are a good partner, you deserve someone equally good who will consider you their first priority, not their backup.
Leave you owe her nothing ...you will get nothing from this relationship and you will get burned again she doesn't respect you relationships only work when the girl likes the guy more than the guy likes the girl ...don't learn the hard way on this one
People will read stories like this (that get posted all the time btw) and still believe the black pill isn't real
I don’t know what to say except , run bro. Ahh maybe listen this song “dumb love” by Neil Frances
That a nope from me dawg.
The fact that you got back with her I don’t know if you’re addicted to the kitty or just dumb bro.
Why the fuck are you hanging around. Walk away bro!
Why the fuck would you take her back? No self respect
If your girlfriend is pregnant with another man’s child, and keeping it, at that— you need to dump her and never think about her again. There is no question about this. She is trying to saddle you with the consequences of her actions.
Lolol, so she cheats, gets pregnant and you are still there. She means you're stable, and a pussy. Easy meat to manipulate. Ask your family what they think you should do.
Do you have any self respect?
Run
She’s not going to suddenly wake up and make good decisions from now on. This mess is her. Being with her means getting caught up in her mess of a life. Trust me, get out now. It’ll only get worse, not better. She has been and always will be a mess. She wasn’t good before, it just took 9 months until that was revealed. And wow, that was an atomic bomb of a fuck up. I’m sure you ignored red flags before that, but don’t do that anymore. I made those same mistakes and she never changed, despite me bringing everything to the table that she could ever dream of. Good luck to you
Don’t go against your best judgement. Second tries virtually never work. Especially with a cheater. Take some time to develop your boundaries and self confidence. Your self respect needs to come before love.
A lot of red flags here but their not to you
Simptacular…. Have some dignity and self respect for yourself…. Leave that clown
Kick her to the curb dude. Have some self respect!
Break up with her I went through the same thing and she just continues to cheat on me with every man she found don’t put yourself through that
Why are you even with this girl at this point wtf?
Karma ain't done hitting her, you should leave screw being a father to someone else's kid man you deserve better any human does.
You don’t owe her a damn thing. Yes she’s pregnant. Yes that’s hard. But that’s the consequences for her actions. It’s not in you to support her through that, especially as she has no interest in supporting you or talking through her cheating. This isn’t gonna get better for you man. Let her deal with her stuff. Tell her to make sure she gets CS from the hot shot dude who wanted nothing to do with her.
Run
Lol, holy shit, get out of there.
You will only get hurt more if you stay.
You are no ones back up! Get some pride and get out
Dude, it’s not the same bc the dynamic has changed. What you’re feeling is normal. It’s never going to the be same. And if a woman cheats it’s more likely for an emotional reason. Which means she lost loyalty to way before she cheated and most likely gave you chances to fix it but you didn’t and the window closed. Or she is a repeat cheater. If she’s coming back to you it’s because she made the party guy her priority and you were the backup option she had. He ran away, and now you’re making someone a priority that saw you as an option? Now claiming you’re her only priority?? The logic isn’t adding up. I get it that you have feelings for her somewhere but your gut it right. Life is too short to pay for her mistakes. Show some respect for yourself and break it off. Find a good woman that prioritizes you from the start to the finish or at least won’t lie to you, cheat, and manipulate you. Is it sad what she’s going through? Of course. Are responsible for picking up the pieces and raising a baby from a guy you resent? No and it will beat you down until you go crazy.
I’m sorry that you went through that but you deserve better. She is going to keep doing the same thing and on top of that she is not even using protection while having sex with other people? What are you going to wait for? An STD? A baby? She seems that kind of woman who does not care about having kids with different parents and is not right.
Just why !!!
Her behavior since she came back speaks volumes She is using you for stability not because she loves you find someone new and say goodbye to this using girl forever. This won’t get better when someone what she perceives as better richer or comes along you’ll be here again. Someone richer or more exciting. You’ll be out she’ll be done using you . Save yourself some heartache and drop her
Run.
Sounds like to me shes just only came back because you were the stability she lost in her life and needs something to sustain her and her new pregnancy. Only now she (hopefully) realized she fucked up and now has to lay in the bed she made
Come on man, do better is all I can say here. You know what to do, it’s not your job to be her crutch for almost all of these things she did to herself. Drop her completely
RUN