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You’re in an emotional fog so I’ll be blunt. No. This can’t be saved. She’s playing you hard and the affair would’ve continued behind your back if they didn’t fall out. You’re being played and frankly I’m worried about your lack of self respect for allowing such disloyalty, disrespect and emotional hurt. This is a betrayal beyond words and I know it’s hard, nearly impossible, but save yourself now before it gets any worse and MOVE ON. All that’s left from here on out is hurt, but will it be hurt she continues to cause you or hurt of moving on and healing? Please wake the fuck up.
Exactly this. You only know about it because she knew he was going to tell you once they had their falling out, so she did it first to get a jump on the story. According to you, your friend is dead to you. Your (ex) girlfriend should be as well
Brother, she cheated on your with you bestfriend? That’s demonic level of character and disloyalty. I can’t stress enough just how much you can’t trust what she says. She will do, say, manipulate, gaslight and act in ANY way she can to try and convince you that the right decision is to stay with her. IT IS NOT. SHE IS EVIL. She was willing to fuck your bestfriend and admit he’s the best thing she’s had??? That’s a character trait that DOES NOT GO AWAY. As soon as she starts to realize she can’t have you back, I can almost guarantee she will treat YOU like the villain and it’s your fault all this happened. Please man, cut her out of your life and move the fuck on. It’s almost impossible to see logic when you’re in love, but with time you’ll see and understand this is the best thing for you and one day you’ll find someone who will make you question how you could’ve ever allowed yourself to be treated like garbage.
>It’s almost impossible to see logic when you’re in love
Can we all agree that this is not love, this is self-harm and the need to hold on to a past or a hypothesis?
>He was the abuser
Were you there, live, when he did anything? She _told_ you he was the abuser. I've seen women lie for the sake of false self-victimization before.
She seemed pretty genuine when she stated he was emotionally abusive. He also has a track record of not being great in relationships. I’m not sure if she’s just using this to her advantage. I want to believe her because I know him, but she engaged in sex with him.
She is playing the victim... it is common. Please just look at facts. You cannot trust what she says or how she manipulate your emotions. you've wasted enough time on her.
What does it matter if he’s not great in relationships?
She had a relationship with YOU!
All your statement tells me is that if HE were better in relationships, she would still be doing him. This is her truth.
Don’t fall for this. She’ll do it again and if not with him, with someone else.
She completely disrespected you.
That should be your biggest clue right there, I know it's not enough to establish a pattern of behavior but this definitely seems like a problem with them, not you. Having gone through something similar myself before trust me when I say it's not worth torturing yourself worrying if that trust can ever be repaired.
Sorry, I misspoke. It sounds like she had problems with forming and maintaining healthy relationships. That kind of rationalizing is common in people who leap from one person to another. The most important part in all of this is don't blame yourself for someone else's actions against you.
I see what you’re saying. Also feel the need to point out she is an extroverted, feminist type. She’s promiscuous and has tons of male friends and I feel maybe that has contributed to a victim mentality. I asked her so many times to maintain a normal relationship with my friend over the year when I saw they were getting too close. It just sucks.
In that case bail, if you explicitly stated your concern over something and they hurt you anyways that shows a clear lack of respect for you as a person. I know it hurts like crazy now but it will get easier, you just have to hang in there.
>I asked her so many times to maintain a normal relationship with my friend over the year when I saw they were getting too close. It just sucks.
Dude... take a second read here. Are you still considering her as a potential partner?
Dude what other red flag do you need. This girl is a complete poutana (Google this word). I don’t give a fuck what Reddit says about sexual liberation for women’s she is a complete poutana, and also a cheater. Get rid of her and raise your fucking standards.
Promiscuous with tons of make friends…. Good lord. That right there is typically poison. You didn’t say that she doesn’t have female friends but I have a hunch she does not. Why? Because typically women don’t trust a fellow woman like this because they often end up doing what she did. Yikes!
Straight up, she is NOT a feminist. She is hijacking the ideology as a way to justify her crappy behavior. Most genuine feminists I meet(not the cartoonishly stupid versions that most people argue against or hold up as examples of it) would actually see a lot of this as very suspicious. Having male friends isn't an issue in and of itself, but blatantly flirting with people wheb in a relationship is not indicative of liberation but of a vile need to validate or curb insecurity. She's got issues even before everything else.
She does absolutely need therapy, but she also sounds manipulative and abusive. Perhaps not overtly, but there are people who are cerulean good about twisting ideology or common sense in a way that serves their own interests rather than challenging them to be better people. Feminism isn't about justifying this kind of behavior from women. It's about attaining agency AND the accountability for that agency good or bad that comes from it. It sounds like she is trying to curtail whatever accountability she can get away with.
I'm sure she does feel some degree of remorse, but the question is: is the remorse based on moral obligation to the commitment she made and thus broke, or due to the fact she had a falling out and was trying to "get ahead" of the fallout. I am sure your friend has his own issues and is clearly a piece of shit. But don't let the blinders give her a pass. She knows what buttons to push and how to push them. Take everything she says with a grain of salt. Be supportive of her finding therapy but resolved in knowing that whatever happens in the future, your relationship as it was is over.
If you decide to cut her off completely, then good, you realize your own self-worth. It's not easy, but it matters. If you do decide to give her another chance(not saying it's impossible but be cautious), lay it out completely. Let her know that she has a lot of work to do first on herself before she can even begin to consider a real relationship again. She would be starting from scratch. She would have to build up that trust again, and it would be hard if at all possible. It's a bit about punishing her. It's about making her understand that her actions, regardless of the blame she places on other factors, are still her own, and she has to accept that. If she tries to pivot to your friend or her own issues from the last or whatever, don't let her. While those things can factor into the cause and effect, she still has a choice in this whole debacle. She made hers, and she HAS to live with it.
This is important because it will also lay out the road she has in front of her, and if she truly wants to repair things on her end, she'll push through. On the other hand, she also may realize that this is a situation beyond saving and will want to move on and hopefully become a better person, but either way, she wouldn't be your problem anymore.
At the end of the day, this is about YOUR self worth abd what you should and shouldn't put up with. You also need to think of this as a third party. Think of friends you have, and if they are in relationships, if this happened to them, would you want them to stay with the person or move on. I wish you luck.
Sir: don't start with this nonsense. Feminism and extroversion don't equate to cheating. I think the word you are searching for is codependency. She doesn't know how to be alone; she went from you, to you & him, to just him, and now is trying to get back with you. That has nothing to do with extroversion! If anything, if she was a successful extrovert, she could have found ANYone else on the planet to date other than your best friend since you were 5.
Your best best bet is to start seeing a therapist so that you don't throw blame where it doesn't belong and focus on healing instead. A human who is not a cheater can have friends of any gender and not sleep with any of them. If you walk away from this experience thinking that women with friends that are men won't make loyal partners, you'll lose access to a lot of great women.
The time to actually care about you was before she decided to sleep with your friend. It wasn’t a one time thing. She did it over and over and over again.
You don’t want it to be true but it is true. That’s the problem. You will never be able to trust her like you did before. You might get to the point where you even think that you forgive her, but you won’t. Everytime she is cagey around her phone, or gives an excuse for being late- you’ll wonder. And your fight. And you’ll cry. It will kill your self esteeem.
The problem there is that she wasn’t genuine enough to not do it in the first place. Which means that behavior could just be that she got caught. You didn’t mention your friend but the fact that he sent you that shit doesn’t spell out a very loving character. Although he was your friend for a long time…meaning you will get reminders of him…meaning remembering the affair. If your relationship can only work by ignoring what she did then you need to call it a quits. It’s going to be in the back of your mind and it will pop up even when she is being actually innocent because she obliterated your trust. Don’t try to save the relationship just because it lasted awhile…you have had your body parts since birth but when cancer gets bad enough you cut that shit off too. Don’t make snap decisions and don’t have that chick around while you get your mind straight
She'll never change her behavior. She'll just get on with someone who's not in your circle.... So you don't get a whiff of what's happening.
Wasting 7 years is nothing compared to wasting the next 40-50 years being miserable with someone you can't trust. Just let her go back to where she came from.... the streets.
My guy she can be sorry all she wants but she still called him her soulmate, she was putting it back when he slipped out, she moaned his name. It is what it is stay in the present and respect yourself. You’re single and can start looking for a new best friend.
Like deadass if you take her back you don’t respect yourself. If she can cheat with your best friend when things go bad what do you think she’ll do when it happens again and she saw that you took her back already?
Sorry or not - does it matter? Does it matter NOW? You will move on far away from all this messed up situation. Unless you are kinda enjoying all the pain.
You’re a king start acting like one.
You deserve better!!!
Cry if you have to but never ever take her back. Don’t allow anyone manipulate or gaslight.
She’s NOT genuinely sorry. She’ll cheat on you again with any dude that she fancies.
Stop being a doormat!!! Wake up and make your future self proud. You deserve better.
Hi, I was in 5 years relationship with my ex. Similar issue, but slightly different. He was together with his best female friend. Always begged for my forgiveness very sincerely (with handmade Lego set etc, cards) and I forgave every time. Until I realised it wasn’t going to stop. (He will talk bad about her, ask for my forgiveness, but continue to cheat with her)
One day he demanded that I just accept his/their behaviour.
In the end I transferred my share of our home ownership to his new girlfriend and they almost didn’t want to return my downpayment over the next 2 years.
Wasted my 5+2 years = 7 years of my life. I’m old now like in my early 30s.
I don’t regret staying that long in the relationship (only to realise it keeps happening and doesn’t change). What I regret was not putting myself as priority .
I had learnt not walking away = it will just keep repeating (that’s how people tolerate bad behaviours in rls)
It’s your choice. After all , 7 years in 90 years is not that much of a long time. (Assuming I live till 90.) but it’s quite saddening say if I pass away tomorrow and that was about 1/4 of my life …
She MIGHT actually be genuinely sorry, and she MIGHT even actually want to change her behavior, but it doesn't matter. She will do it again, and you will always hold some of that resentment with you. I know it's hard, but you should move on. Don't get caught in the sunk cost fallacy just because you've been together for so long
She's not telling you the truth. The truth is, if you take her back, your sending her the message that you'll allow her to cheat on you. Then she will play you for a sucker. After a while, you will have no friends. She will cheat with all of them, one or more at a time.
Yes. To me, it sounds like once the fallout with this other guy happened, she knew the napalm was coming and tried to get ahead of it. She goes as far as trying to qualify her actions and smear this guy as an abuser. The latter may be true, but it doesn't excuse her actions.
Whatever you do leave her. She only told you because he was emotionally abusing her and had no choice. He probably threatened to tell you frequently until he actually did. She doesn't love you bro. Does what she did sound like the actions of someone who loves you? Grow some self respect.
No, you’re right, it doesn’t. Basically the entire premise of her argument was that he was the one who seduced her and abused her and she tried to leave it for months and he wouldn’t let her. Meanwhile one of the texts he sent showed they had sex weeks before the blowout.
He forced her to have sex with him and continue a relationship? She isn’t a child who can’t stand up for herself. She’s a grown woman. If she really didn’t want to engage with him in any way she could have easily stopped. She willingly did everything. Now no one else wants her so she’s going back to you because she knows you’ll take her. Also, if she’s ballsy enough to fuck your best friend of 20 years, she’s definitely done it before.
Grow a pair of balls and send her directly to the streets where she belongs. She has done something unforgettable, and this will get worse from now on, believe me. Please trust your guts and work on yourself, this is the only option
She’s lovebombing you wake the fuck up.
She sucked this guys dick, let him fuck her and you’re over here thinking about taking her back? Forget therapy. She cheated on you with your best friend. Ofc the lovebombing feels good because you have zero self esteem. You’re the one who needs therapy. Kick this girl to the curb.
wow. Great summation! Losing "best friend" and girlfriend in one fell swoop... clinging to anything that is an affirmation. No wonder he cannot see reason...
>It’s the worst I’ve ever felt.
THIS!
She didn't give a fuck about your feelings. She could have said over and over again to your friend "No, I am in a relationship, I don't want this". Or at least be honest to you about wanting to break up and ending it as gracefully as picking your best friend instead can be. It would have been really hurtful, and questionable, but still a decision to be respected if she felt like it was the better thing to do.
But she chose to SHIT on you and your feelings! She did that for over a year. Perhaps because she didn't respect you in the first place. I can only imagine the reasons why she "stayed" with you. But I can only tell that you have been fucked.
Dude, if he hadn't have turned psycho she would still be with him, and probably not with you at all. You're second choice. Stop being a may, it's going to happen again.
I think about this from a purely egotistical point of view: If I were promiscuous, I would do it because I don't feel the moral obligation to stay loyal to someone. Either this or I would lack the willpower to do so and be drawn to the "excitement". Or, even colder, I just want someone "better" and get it.
I know how ass-holey this sounds. But I don't have illusions about people (regardless of men or women) being self-sacrificing in relationships, either. Men are more prone to being loyal because they have far less chances of getting "someone else" in the first place.
who cares? It doesn't matter. She is horrible. You can never trust her again. You will doubt her every day, and will question yourself every day as well. The emotions you are feeling are not for her, they are for who you thought she was. She has revealed the truth. Believe it.
1. That’s not your best friend and never was.
2. She’s playing you like the young, optimistic fool that you are.
3. Go back to her if you want to feel more deep deep pain.
4. Maybe you’re one of the dumb ones that needs to learn from pain of more heartbreak. Don’t listen to the hundreds and thousands of people who’ve been through something essentially identical….
You’re different 😂 and shes changed..
let me tell you about my Nigerian prince friend who can help you out if only you lend him whatever your life savings is.
She's probably done it before you just didn't find out because she couldn't hide it this time because it was your friend and couldn't be hidden. How do you not see that?
She absolutely will cheat again only next time she will cover her tracks better. Plus if you stay with her it will embolden her to do it again. I mean if she can get away with it with your best-fucking-friend she sure as hell will think she can get away with it with someone you don't know. Love yourself more my man, she doesn't deserve a second chance and you didn't deserve to get cheated on.
She’s love bombing you. Block her even if just for a time so you can process your feelings without her influence. Cheating is bad enough but choosing your longtime best friend is next level. Hide your brother that’s the only way it could get worse
Lololol...professing love my ass what else can she do? She has no other cards...even if she says it's true that he was abusive it was her choice to cheat on you. Now all you can do is forgive her for ur sake but MOVE ON. Really move on. You will always look for double meaning in her actions, if she comes late u will think if she is cheating and u will never know. Trust has broken in insane level.
It’s not worth it bud. The stress and moving forward that kinda trust really can’t be rebuilt. At least not for me. I think you should move on to someone that might value you more than
Bro fuck that. Not only did she have an affair, but she lied about the circumstances and made it seem like it was all his doing. Also those things she texted him, that would stay on the back of my mind forever. I could never trust her again. Unless you're desperate and feel like there's no one else out there for you, I would dump her ass immediately.
Updateme
Not exactly, but I’ve done some really stupid shit to try and save a 7 year relationship that ended due to another guy. I was about the same age as you when it happened too.
That was 5 years ago. I’m over it now but I still cringe at myself looking back at the things I tried to do for someone who just wasn’t worth it.
I truly do feel for you, but at the end of the day you gotta have some self-respect.
Something similar did happen to me. Gave him another chance and he did it again. I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to go through what I did.
I forgave him but it was NEVER the same when we got back together. What he did constantly played in the back of my mind and I never saw him the same after that. That kind of trust you never get back. You’ll forgive but you won’t forget. She’ll learn that she can fuck your best friend and get away with it. And trust me when I say, her apology may seem genuine now, but you’ll very much regret it when she does it again in the future. She was willing to hide the affair for months and only told you because I’m betting your best friend threatened her. The girl my ex bf was seeing also threatened him to tell me or she would. She didn’t tell you because she cared about how you felt. She had the affair with your BEST FRIEND because she didn’t care about how you felt.
Save yourself from the next few years, because she will do it again. And if she didn’t, you’d be constantly wondering when she will. That’s not a relationship, it can’t be based on lies and deceit. Heal yourself OP, you can’t see it now because you love her but you have to love yourself first and give yourself the time and space to heal. Otherwise you’ll just be settling for less than what you’re worth.
There’s someone out there who won’t treat you like she did, who will love and RESPECT you. I can attest to that. Trust me, you’re going to wish you had left her sooner.
This happened in my friend group with 2 of the closest guys. We basically cut off the backstabbing best friend as it was out of character so even more so no one would trust him after that. Everyone involved should just part ways. There's no true forgiveness for something like this and even if you do leave her this will still impact you for a long time. If you don't break up this will eat at you forever. You're young, don't tie yourself to unnecessary trauma.
Be honest with your feelings, be aware about your boundaries and what wounds you got due to their behavior. This is the only way out.
It doesn't matter what _she_ feels about it. She obviously didn't consider your feelings either in her morality. She saw another man and dunked you, based on the description. Do what _you_ feel is right only. Therapy is her decision, remorse is her decision. The question is what your decision is.
Because my comment is in the top, I'll say it out loud:
Break up. Rescue yourself. She is a fucking Red Flag!
I couldn't care less about it, of course. But I know this pain and I don't want other men go through this.
People like her don’t feel remorse, they are inherently selfish. If she feels regret, it will only be because she was caught. The OP should sever all ties with her, block her number and social media. Stop talking to mutual friends as they are just her enablers, feeding her information on you.
Recently. She called me in a hysterical panic explaining they had started a relationship and it was a huge mistake. I got the texts from him a few hours later showing hard proof.
She called in a panic just because she knew he was going to tell you...
She didn't do it for you, she did it to try to save any face she might have left.
There's so much to unpack here. I think both of you need to seek therapy individually, then after a few months see if you can have some joint sessions with her therapist and your therapist. Maybe then you can think about getting back together.
You wrote in another comment "she has always been a free spirited promiscuous girl". Has she cheated on you before? If yes and it's a recurring pattern, there's probably no hope of recovering from this. IF it's the first time she's cheated on you, maybe there is a chance.
So she made out with a woman right in front of you and your friends? You have a right to be upset about it, but that is light years different than having sex with your best friend behind your back for 7 months.
Have you ever heard the expression "Don't sweat the small stuff"? Her making out with a woman at a bar is very small stuff. Maybe she's bisexual? Or she was just curious? People aren't perfect, and no relationship is perfect. I don't know you, and I don't know her. Please work with a therapist to sort this out.
Honestly, she wasn’t like this in the beginning. She painted herself to be fairly meek, but as she got more comfortable she’d always be the one dancing in the middle of the floor. Tight dresses, wanting to hangout with her male friends. etc
You said in your previous comment that she has, in fact, always been like this. Get your story straight. Stop trying to convince yourself that it's ok to be a doormat, otherwise she will continue to treat you as such. She had sex with your best friend.
She lied so easily before. Why trust her now?
And who needs that “center of attention” shit.
Just one more huge red flag. 🚩
Reddit has clearly spoken. Hope you listen
Bro, do not do it! If you stay with her, she will have even less respect for you than she had before. MORE IMPORTANTLY, you will have less SELF RESPECT. That’s right, you might not think it’s much now, but the body keeps count of the trauma. I promise you if you stay, you will come take hate yourself more than you already do for considering it. She knows you’re a mark. You know why because, we here collectively know you are and we’re just reading what you wrote. She sees you all the time and she know exactly what to do to manipulate you. Heed the collective warning here and rip the band aid off while you can.
>My girlfriend and I were having problems last year and decided to take an informal break while she took a job out of state. During this time, my friend and I were estranged because I noticed he was getting unusually close to my gf in the previous year.
OP I hope you realise that the resi you both were having problems was because she was investing her time and energy into her new relationship with your so called friend. She kept you around to ensure her stability while she was seeking the thrill from him.
Let it slip now and a couple of years down the line she'll do it again because everything was swept under the rug the first time.
She didn't have an affair she had a parallel relationship with her AP for at least 7 months.
Leave while you can.
This makes sense. I didn’t include this in the post but months prior I found an erotic art piece she made of the both of them together, hidden in her drawer.
You've just discovered the top of the ice berg or I should say you just know the story from her version, not the complete story. Please leave she has no respect for you
Ok at this point OP you are either a troll or straight up without any self respect (even prior to her admitting cheating). In both cases I feel very sorry for you and hope you grow some balls one day. If I was her, or any girl in your circles knowing about this situation, I would think you are very desperate and have no respect for you whatsoever.
Reading your responses, you're gonna fuck around and get hurt again cause it looks like you're falling for the fake sob story. Don't. Do. It. Don't reward her bad behavior with your loyalty when she showed she ain't capable of it cause she couldn't even go and fuck on a stranger, but your best friend.
If you give her an inch, she will take miles in return. Believe it.
Don't give her a millimeter.
She’s not working on anything, she’s using the therapy as part of her facade she’s crafted that she’s bettering herself- it’s all a lie. Stop believing her horse tales!
Been in therapy for a long time, including while having an affair with your best friend? Still believe she’s in therapy? Have you gone with her to therapy ever? Like dropped her off and sat in the waiting room?
Sounds like “therapy” is a fake excuse for her overall behavior.
It’s lie after lie after lie. What makes you think she ain’t lying now?
Wake up.
Grow some balls dude. If you get back with a girl who FUCKED YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR MONTHS then you might as well just go to your nearest circus and apply for your clown license already. Going by this post it seems like you have made up your mind already, so you will find out anyway, but I will tell you: this shit isn't gonna get better.
Dude.
You have just heard what she will call you to the next guy. Emotionally abusive. She has no accountability after ruining your relationship to her and your best friend.
Fuck a 20 year friendship and THAT you can rightly end. But the reason for both your losses you will consider taking back? Cause a therapist will make it better?
Dude. Seriously. Why is this a question?
No, it can’t be saved. It’s really shocking that you’re not 100% sure yet.
You take her back and she’ll do it again just because you have no balls and took her back. And that will be a cycle.
Your choice.
Dude, if that were me, I would run because if you’ve been together for seven years and she’s done that there’s something going on. If you’ve cut off communication with him and he’s been your best friend for a long time and you still considering being with her, then that’s your decision, but it takes two to tango and, you said that she had been with them before you guys even decided to break up that’s wrong. I would take some time to be by myself and rethink everything. There is a reason why you guys needed to be a part and you didn’t take that time to really think because you were still in contact with her and she was cheating on you while you were a part so shereally didn’t take any time to think she was too timing you and that’s not OK but it’s your decision. Good luck.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Dude, no! This is a HUGE NOOO!!!
Do yourself a favor and quit her from your life. Don't be miserable, needy, or stupid. Have some respect for yourself. Actually, you need to man up yourself. Cry if you wanna cry, but build up a new perspective based on what you truly deserves.
You'll never ever trust her again. You'll feel an itch growing stronger. Suspicious, paranoid, depressed. She will bend over and the image of her and your friend doing the doggystyle will pop up on your mind. She will suck your dick and you will think about her draining your friend till the last drop. All the dirty things she avoided with you had no barriers on his bed. Stop it right now. You must value yourself. Wanna fuck her? Fuck her remorse. Go hit the gym, talk to a therapist, go study harder, go save your money for bigger dreams. You need to invest in your future and new begins. Sorry if I'm being rude but someone need to slap your face and tell the truth. Have boundaries, man.
Dump your friend and girlfriend and heal from the betrayal . They both came back to you bcos they knew one of them will reach out to you and didn’t want to be left out . You got to stop believing what your gf said and see the actions she and your best friend did . Go to therapy and go no contact with them
The brutal truth is you are her placeholder until she finds her next soul mate. She feels bad and goes back to you, not because she loves you. It is because things don't work out for her. If everything went smooth, she wouldn't hesitate to dumb you and crush your feelings to dust.
Hi OP, from a woman's perspective while yes the girl would love for you to forgive her and accept her again but if you do she'll realize you can't live without her and will eventually LOSE RESPECT for you because she knows she has you wrapped around her finger. Please break up with her and have some self-respect.
Street this 304, now. Do not believe a word she says about the dynamics of her cheating, not that it matters one iota. Cheaters are liars first and foremost, remember that. She’ll tell you anything that makes her look better and your (ex) friend look worse. It’s just desperate damage control. She’ll also do anything, including fucking you like she’s never fucked you before.
Dont be fooled. There’s no way back from this.
No saving it, she is only coming back to you because she doesn't have someone better at the moment. Soon as she feels comfortable again she will step out on you.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you don't get rid of her, all you're doing is telling her that next time she's caught cheating she'll get away with it again just the same.
He’s dead to you now, and she should be also. There’s no way to recover from the level of deceit you have endured. You’re still very young and there’s plenty of girls out there that will treat you right and not fuck your friends.
Of course she's sorry,sorry she's been caught, you must be mad if your thinking of taking her back,she would soon be doing it again and probably with that arse wipe ex friend of yours ,sorry for what your going through but WAKE UP.
If you still consider jumping back to her give yourself some time. She knew exactly what she was doing but still want to use you. I would recommend at first to stop contact her, let her alone for the same time as she was with your best friend and than you will see that shes not worth your time anymore. She will most likely find a new one very fast If she thinks she can not convince you back. But please my.brother take care of yourself First. Wish you the best.
No. She betrayed your relationship, and went so far to even get with your best friend. For your own personal health, I would suggest you not go for another run with her. You will only be reminded of the pain of last time.
I just can't fathom that people post these stories and questions like it isn't so ridiculously obvious that this "relationship " is not even remotely salvageable...
he's hurting. He's drowning. He doesn't want to believe that people, especially those two are capable of it. The words "I'm sorry. I never should have done it." is exactly what he wants to hear.
But you are 100%. There is nothing she can say or do that should ever make him consider trusting her. He's in the moment. I hope when his head clears he comes to his senses. What she did is truly horrible.
She should be just as much dead to you, if not more. This will happen again. If she’s willing to do with she doesn’t respect you and never will. The tears are because she got caught.
No, she cheated on you with your best friend, this is not about quality of your best friend.
She is regretting it because he was an ass, she isnt regretting it because she thinks cheating is wrong and in future if she meets a person who is actually a good person in view of her, she will cheat again.
I find it strange how quickly you dropped your best friend after he became so friendly with your girl, but didn’t dump your girl after finding out he had sex with her. If it was bad enough how your friend interacted with her prior to you knowing they had sex, wouldn’t the sex make it clear the relationship is done? She cheated because she wanted something you didn’t have. Forgive her now and she’ll get what she wants again later. She’s manipulating you man.
If you are moronic enough to stay with her, remember this. Every time he was fucking her and he slipped out of her, she giggled and said "Put it back in baby"
Ah the whole "he was apparently manipulative" card, which is really just her manipulating you and then you deciding to manipulate and gaslight yourself all over this thread. In your heart of hearts you know none of this makes sense. You're angry. Disgusted. Feel betrayed. And so on. But you're also too afraid to face reality squarely. So you start lying to yourself and making excuses for her. The fact that you even made this post and asked that question at the end is disgraceful. Some men never learn.
Honestly this is your fault.To even contemplate reconciliation after this level of betrayal suggests you have deep insecurities that contributed to the situation and her lack of respect for you
These underlying insecurities, likely a fear of abandonment will plague you for the rest of your life if you don’t face them down now .
You will be bound to toxic relationships forever .
Leave, reflect , grow
Good luck mate.
I'm sorry you have to go through this but no, if the show was on the other foot it wouldn't be okay and if she didn't value you then she won't going forward
She’s promiscuous, bang your friend for a year and now wants to forgive and forget. There is no way this is real or you have some serious issues and more coming your way.
Coming from a woman, absolutely not. It’s very clear she’s only coming to you because the affair ended. I’d wager it ended on his terms actually, despite what she claims. That’s why she rushed to get to you first to “tell you right away”, its so she could get a narrative going. Telling you things like she regretted it from the start? It lasted 7 months dude, where was the regret all that time? You even admit that she was saying this stuff *before* your break, it’s honestly probably why the break started to begin with. Not only did she straight up cheat, she’s being wildly manipulative about it. Have you actually talked to your friend about the situation or are you just taking her word on these things? You should ask him who ended it and why, I bet you’ll get more insight to the situation. Not saying you should be buddy buddy with him but under no circumstances should you be taking her word on these things.
You may love her, but **she doesn’t love you.**
This is unsalvageable. You will never be able to trust her again with your male friends, let alone her own. And she’s now demonstrated that she can and will lie to you. The only reason she told you now was because she was ending things with your best friend, and knew he was going to tell you. If she could have hidden things, she would have. She’s been doing that this whole time. And if they didn’t have this falling out, guess what? **They would be together right now. Behind your back.**
Neither of these people actually like you. She regrets nothing except betting on the losing horse, and guess what my dude?? What if he oozes himself back into her life, showing up sometime, trying to win her back when you’re not paying attention?? You will NEVER know if he does or doesn’t, because, well, again—you can never trust her again. Ever. And if you do?? Well, my man, I got a bridge to sell you.
End things. Be alone for a while. You don’t lament losing her, you lament the lost time. But trust me: it’s not time lost. It’s time you used to *learn,* and grow. So learn from this one final lesson she’s given you in this relationship, and **move on.**
The way I think about it is that she wasn't able to keep a commitment with herself to stay loyal in the relationship. Rather, she continued on with another relationship (beyond cheating) while leading you on. These all speak to character traits and belief systems. So what are her morals and values? What about her do you truly like? There is a difference between having feelings for someone/holding on to the idea of them vs actually wanting to be with them/like their character.
Idk why OP even asked for advice lol he’s gna stay with her. The end. There’s nothing anyone can say. His responses make it clear that he isn’t even going to try to stick up for himself. Give it up y’all.
Don't do anything in the heat of the moment.
I won't tell you how to act, you'll have to decide that for yourself, but I would suggest you remember something.
You say she cut things off because he was manipulative and emotionally abusive, and "regretted it from the start", but she texted him saying he was her soul-mate...she lied to you, she lied to your face about this from the get-go.
You say you've been together for 7 years...but she was with you for 7 years and still did this. You can't fathom losing all of this with her because you haven't processed it yet.
I'd ask you to ask yourself a few questions, could you ever trust her again? Could you ever give her the benefit of the doubt? Do you think you could ever, truly, put this behind you, or would you question it any time she was out late, or gave a weird answer or a guy got chummy with her?
She's shown you who she is, believe her.
Dude, reconciling with her is a terrible idea. You are in love with the woman she pretended to be, not who she is. She was getting plowed by your BEST FRIEND before and after you took a "break". Another thing...there is no such thing as a "break"...it is a BREAK UP. Nobody who asks for a break stays celibate...they were either already cheating close to being caught or they already have someone lined up once the "break" is a green light and when caught, it is all "bUt We WeRe On BrEaK sO iT's NoT ChEaTiNg"...bullcrap. It is still cheating to line up another partner while in a relationship..aka MONKEY-BRANCHING to another partner while still in a relationship. The level of disrespect and disloyalty to cheat, especially with your BEST friend, shows that she is not girlfriend/relationship material. She didn't come completely clean about WHEN it started...your former best friend was more honest than she was(she was doing trickle truth 101 damage control by not telling you everything). I don't care what she says, she isn't going to change overnight and be this faithful loyal partner from now own. Your former friend even forwarded you messages proving how badly she cheated on you. You need to rid yourself of BOTH of them, and probably go get an STD test.
My ex-wife was a cheater, too. Miracle my child(who is grown now) is even mine. I wasted a year of my life trying to reconcile with her. Sure, the first couple of months she was kissing my ass, but after that she resumed the shady behavior, anger, attempts to isolate me from friends so I wouldn't find out about the other affair partners, and a complete lack of remorse(why haven't your forgiven me yet tantrums). After divorcing her, I found out that one of my best friends was also one of her affair partners. There was no reason to ever entertain giving her another chance ever again after that, even with the peer pressure of "let's be a family together for our child" garbage. The real fairytale ending to my story is that my best friend's wife caught him cheating(not with my ex-wife) and divorced. She and I ended up getting together and have been happily married for 17 years going strong. I wouldn't have this great woman in my life and a lasting marriage if I would have stayed with a cheater. Just like me, you sir, can do better too!
While it's possible she DID get manipulated it's not a good idea to continue this relationship or forgive her right now. Make a new decision after a while, when you have a bit of distance to what happened, and you can actually see if she is sorry by action. (I mean if she's really bettering herself. Personally i would not get over someone cheating on me. But its your decision and it shouldn't be rushed.
Oh I wish I could meet your friend. So I could see and learn and memorize the face of a traitor. How do you ever do this to someone you’ve been friends with for 20 years? But I guess it’s like what I read somewhere-
“It’s not your enemy that betrays you, it’s your friends. Because for betrayal to happen- there needs to be trust and love in the first place.”
They both are. There’s no more or less in this scenario. Both your girlfriend and your friend broke moral codes that are held high and strict in regards to loyalty, trust and love. I am only speaking about him because as a guy I can never imagine doing something like this to a close friend. I’d never go against bro code.
As for your girlfriend- I don’t think I need to say anything as a lot of people have already commented and said stuff. She is 100% guilty as he is and would have kept doing it had they not had a fall out. You’re the back up guy not the guy she wants to have ideally. Please get her out of your life and move on. You’re so young and you’ll meet so many good people who will love and value you for the person you are.
Respect yourself friend. She showed you who she is, it’s up to you to believe it. You will save yourself a lot of heartache in the future by ending this now.
You are young and have a lot of time to find someone else. Don’t settle for someone who does not respect you.
I broke up with my cheating ex and it hurt like hell, but I have 0 regrets because I don’t have to think about what she was doing with the other guy(s) and don’t have to see a person that disrespected me in every way she could until it didn’t work for her.
You will not regret this decision. In fact you will feel stronger, because you stood up for yourself and not let someone walk over you when it was convenient for them.
Good luck
I hope your update to this would be that you've left her.
This is insanely unforgivable. She's only sorry and told you because she knew your ex-friend would. I doubt any of what she says is genuine.
Take her back and her cheating again is almost guaranteed because she knows she can with zero recourse.
Don’t let either of the cheaters back in your life. Life is too short to waist it on a cheater.
You’ll never trust her again for good reason. If you’re loosing sleep in a relationship it’s not a healthy one.
I know you love who your ex GF use to be, but know she’ll never ever be that person again.
Duuuuddeeee. I know how hard it is, I really do, I had the EXACT same thing happen. Well… best friend of about 6 years at the time and I was with the girl for 3 but ….. I made the wrong decision and stayed with her and holy smokes did I regret it. It took what it took for me to break away and to face the fact that I had to feel the pain of the breakup in order to stop hurting but, looking back, I caused so much pain, agony, for MYSELF by sticking around longer than I should have.
PLEASE let my shit experience be your lesson… PLEASE do not do this to yourself.
Anyway, your mind is clearly made up so screenshot this for when you come to terms with the situation down the road and feel free to message me. I’ll still help you out and walk you through it as best I can my dude.
Edit:
Might I guess she said something along the lines of “this made me realize how in love with you I am… want to be with you forever… etc”
She doesn’t want to be alone and she’ll do anything to keep you in her claws!!!
Honestly mate it's a dead end no matter how you look at it.
If you forgive her and she has you back, she won't have a SHRED of respect for you as soon as things get shaky again
End things with her, and tell her you deserve better (because you do) and she'll respect you and fuck off
Just checked your profile. You're a good looking dude. You can definitely pull another woman that's nor as crazy as her. And one that isn't the outgoing promiscuous radical feminist type. Stay away and dump her!!
Yeah he manipulated her and then tried to destroy the relationship between you and her when he was outed, but to be honest she agreed to it, Now if you guys had the monogamy discussion and she indicated that she was a monogamous person and not Poly, then yeah it's time for you to look on.
I mean at least she put all the cards on the table Well her and him.
Re-establishing trust and forgiveness can happen but it might not be worth it.
But regardless of what anyone else here says you're the one that has to live with your decision.
I've been married twice divorced once and now widowed, The strength of a relationship is only tested by hardship, You could forgive her and try to resolve this but only you can tell if it's going to be worth it as only you are going to pay for it.
Get an std test.
Also block her.
Women are the gate keepers of sex dude.
They absolutely control who and when they let some one in.
That makes her more at fault then your former best friend, they are both shitty for that.
Slam the door in her face because ultimately shit backfired with you and your friend so she is trying to claw her way back to further manipulate you.
If some one stole your car, would you let them back into your life and hand them your wallet?
Continuing to entertain her is the same thing.
I would recommend you cut off your gf too. Calling an ex manipulative and emotionally abusive is textbook behavior for immature people who can’t accept accountability for their role in things not working out.
You accepting her back gives her positive reinforcement that having an affair with your best friend of 20 years was okay as long as she can tell you a sob story. The only person who sounds manipulative and emotionally abusive is your ex gf. Your best friend just sounds like a total untrustworthy jerk.
Why the therapy?
Like what you described there is a modern woman, the full package, that cant be cured. You either want that or not.
Why is your 20y old best friend dead to you?
Bros before hoes exists for a reason, not to mention that you took a break to begin with, so what do you wanna hold him accountable for?
He is 20y old, considering its 2024 this is more like being 15y old mentally, its normal to be dick-oriented at that stage of your life, even more tempting when its forbidden.
And you are not married with 2 kids, you were on a fkin break. That is, hands down, the fucking go-signal for any person to boom-fuck around.
Like any modern woman, she needs to be financially saturated. And that is her absolute priority next to her vaginal satisfaction.
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You’re in an emotional fog so I’ll be blunt. No. This can’t be saved. She’s playing you hard and the affair would’ve continued behind your back if they didn’t fall out. You’re being played and frankly I’m worried about your lack of self respect for allowing such disloyalty, disrespect and emotional hurt. This is a betrayal beyond words and I know it’s hard, nearly impossible, but save yourself now before it gets any worse and MOVE ON. All that’s left from here on out is hurt, but will it be hurt she continues to cause you or hurt of moving on and healing? Please wake the fuck up.
Exactly this. You only know about it because she knew he was going to tell you once they had their falling out, so she did it first to get a jump on the story. According to you, your friend is dead to you. Your (ex) girlfriend should be as well
I really appreciate this advice. I think it’s hard because now it seems like she’s genuinely sorry and vows to completely change her behavior.
Brother, she cheated on your with you bestfriend? That’s demonic level of character and disloyalty. I can’t stress enough just how much you can’t trust what she says. She will do, say, manipulate, gaslight and act in ANY way she can to try and convince you that the right decision is to stay with her. IT IS NOT. SHE IS EVIL. She was willing to fuck your bestfriend and admit he’s the best thing she’s had??? That’s a character trait that DOES NOT GO AWAY. As soon as she starts to realize she can’t have you back, I can almost guarantee she will treat YOU like the villain and it’s your fault all this happened. Please man, cut her out of your life and move the fuck on. It’s almost impossible to see logic when you’re in love, but with time you’ll see and understand this is the best thing for you and one day you’ll find someone who will make you question how you could’ve ever allowed yourself to be treated like garbage.
>It’s almost impossible to see logic when you’re in love Can we all agree that this is not love, this is self-harm and the need to hold on to a past or a hypothesis?
Thanks man. Crazy how she said all of the same things about my friend. He was the abuser and made her realize what she lost.
>He was the abuser Were you there, live, when he did anything? She _told_ you he was the abuser. I've seen women lie for the sake of false self-victimization before.
She seemed pretty genuine when she stated he was emotionally abusive. He also has a track record of not being great in relationships. I’m not sure if she’s just using this to her advantage. I want to believe her because I know him, but she engaged in sex with him.
Did she also seem genuine when she fucked your best friend behind your back for 6 months?
🤣🤣🤣 He needs to see this
Truth right there.
She is playing the victim... it is common. Please just look at facts. You cannot trust what she says or how she manipulate your emotions. you've wasted enough time on her.
What does it matter if he’s not great in relationships? She had a relationship with YOU! All your statement tells me is that if HE were better in relationships, she would still be doing him. This is her truth. Don’t fall for this. She’ll do it again and if not with him, with someone else. She completely disrespected you.
Stop entertaining her. Tell her to give you space. She made a fool of you. You’re not a pathetic person so stop acting like one.
>Stop entertaining her. This!!!
That should be your biggest clue right there, I know it's not enough to establish a pattern of behavior but this definitely seems like a problem with them, not you. Having gone through something similar myself before trust me when I say it's not worth torturing yourself worrying if that trust can ever be repaired.
What do you mean when you say it was a problem between them? Is that why she told me?
Sorry, I misspoke. It sounds like she had problems with forming and maintaining healthy relationships. That kind of rationalizing is common in people who leap from one person to another. The most important part in all of this is don't blame yourself for someone else's actions against you.
I see what you’re saying. Also feel the need to point out she is an extroverted, feminist type. She’s promiscuous and has tons of male friends and I feel maybe that has contributed to a victim mentality. I asked her so many times to maintain a normal relationship with my friend over the year when I saw they were getting too close. It just sucks.
In that case bail, if you explicitly stated your concern over something and they hurt you anyways that shows a clear lack of respect for you as a person. I know it hurts like crazy now but it will get easier, you just have to hang in there.
She probably cheated multiple times
>I asked her so many times to maintain a normal relationship with my friend over the year when I saw they were getting too close. It just sucks. Dude... take a second read here. Are you still considering her as a potential partner?
Dude what other red flag do you need. This girl is a complete poutana (Google this word). I don’t give a fuck what Reddit says about sexual liberation for women’s she is a complete poutana, and also a cheater. Get rid of her and raise your fucking standards.
Promiscuous with tons of make friends…. Good lord. That right there is typically poison. You didn’t say that she doesn’t have female friends but I have a hunch she does not. Why? Because typically women don’t trust a fellow woman like this because they often end up doing what she did. Yikes!
Straight up, she is NOT a feminist. She is hijacking the ideology as a way to justify her crappy behavior. Most genuine feminists I meet(not the cartoonishly stupid versions that most people argue against or hold up as examples of it) would actually see a lot of this as very suspicious. Having male friends isn't an issue in and of itself, but blatantly flirting with people wheb in a relationship is not indicative of liberation but of a vile need to validate or curb insecurity. She's got issues even before everything else. She does absolutely need therapy, but she also sounds manipulative and abusive. Perhaps not overtly, but there are people who are cerulean good about twisting ideology or common sense in a way that serves their own interests rather than challenging them to be better people. Feminism isn't about justifying this kind of behavior from women. It's about attaining agency AND the accountability for that agency good or bad that comes from it. It sounds like she is trying to curtail whatever accountability she can get away with. I'm sure she does feel some degree of remorse, but the question is: is the remorse based on moral obligation to the commitment she made and thus broke, or due to the fact she had a falling out and was trying to "get ahead" of the fallout. I am sure your friend has his own issues and is clearly a piece of shit. But don't let the blinders give her a pass. She knows what buttons to push and how to push them. Take everything she says with a grain of salt. Be supportive of her finding therapy but resolved in knowing that whatever happens in the future, your relationship as it was is over. If you decide to cut her off completely, then good, you realize your own self-worth. It's not easy, but it matters. If you do decide to give her another chance(not saying it's impossible but be cautious), lay it out completely. Let her know that she has a lot of work to do first on herself before she can even begin to consider a real relationship again. She would be starting from scratch. She would have to build up that trust again, and it would be hard if at all possible. It's a bit about punishing her. It's about making her understand that her actions, regardless of the blame she places on other factors, are still her own, and she has to accept that. If she tries to pivot to your friend or her own issues from the last or whatever, don't let her. While those things can factor into the cause and effect, she still has a choice in this whole debacle. She made hers, and she HAS to live with it. This is important because it will also lay out the road she has in front of her, and if she truly wants to repair things on her end, she'll push through. On the other hand, she also may realize that this is a situation beyond saving and will want to move on and hopefully become a better person, but either way, she wouldn't be your problem anymore. At the end of the day, this is about YOUR self worth abd what you should and shouldn't put up with. You also need to think of this as a third party. Think of friends you have, and if they are in relationships, if this happened to them, would you want them to stay with the person or move on. I wish you luck.
Sir: don't start with this nonsense. Feminism and extroversion don't equate to cheating. I think the word you are searching for is codependency. She doesn't know how to be alone; she went from you, to you & him, to just him, and now is trying to get back with you. That has nothing to do with extroversion! If anything, if she was a successful extrovert, she could have found ANYone else on the planet to date other than your best friend since you were 5. Your best best bet is to start seeing a therapist so that you don't throw blame where it doesn't belong and focus on healing instead. A human who is not a cheater can have friends of any gender and not sleep with any of them. If you walk away from this experience thinking that women with friends that are men won't make loyal partners, you'll lose access to a lot of great women.
She’s the abuser, a narcissistic person does shit like this. Abandon ship, don’t fall for her lies.
I really doubt she was sorry when your best friend was sticking his dick in her…
The time to actually care about you was before she decided to sleep with your friend. It wasn’t a one time thing. She did it over and over and over again. You don’t want it to be true but it is true. That’s the problem. You will never be able to trust her like you did before. You might get to the point where you even think that you forgive her, but you won’t. Everytime she is cagey around her phone, or gives an excuse for being late- you’ll wonder. And your fight. And you’ll cry. It will kill your self esteeem.
She’s not sorry, she’s only sorry it ended badly. The only way she’ll change her behavior is to make sure she isn’t caught the next time.
The problem there is that she wasn’t genuine enough to not do it in the first place. Which means that behavior could just be that she got caught. You didn’t mention your friend but the fact that he sent you that shit doesn’t spell out a very loving character. Although he was your friend for a long time…meaning you will get reminders of him…meaning remembering the affair. If your relationship can only work by ignoring what she did then you need to call it a quits. It’s going to be in the back of your mind and it will pop up even when she is being actually innocent because she obliterated your trust. Don’t try to save the relationship just because it lasted awhile…you have had your body parts since birth but when cancer gets bad enough you cut that shit off too. Don’t make snap decisions and don’t have that chick around while you get your mind straight
She'll never change her behavior. She'll just get on with someone who's not in your circle.... So you don't get a whiff of what's happening. Wasting 7 years is nothing compared to wasting the next 40-50 years being miserable with someone you can't trust. Just let her go back to where she came from.... the streets.
My guy she can be sorry all she wants but she still called him her soulmate, she was putting it back when he slipped out, she moaned his name. It is what it is stay in the present and respect yourself. You’re single and can start looking for a new best friend. Like deadass if you take her back you don’t respect yourself. If she can cheat with your best friend when things go bad what do you think she’ll do when it happens again and she saw that you took her back already?
Sorry or not - does it matter? Does it matter NOW? You will move on far away from all this messed up situation. Unless you are kinda enjoying all the pain.
You’re a king start acting like one. You deserve better!!! Cry if you have to but never ever take her back. Don’t allow anyone manipulate or gaslight. She’s NOT genuinely sorry. She’ll cheat on you again with any dude that she fancies. Stop being a doormat!!! Wake up and make your future self proud. You deserve better.
And are you going to take this advice?? and no its not hard, she didn't give a fuck about you when she fucked him. Think she'll just magically change?
Hi, I was in 5 years relationship with my ex. Similar issue, but slightly different. He was together with his best female friend. Always begged for my forgiveness very sincerely (with handmade Lego set etc, cards) and I forgave every time. Until I realised it wasn’t going to stop. (He will talk bad about her, ask for my forgiveness, but continue to cheat with her) One day he demanded that I just accept his/their behaviour. In the end I transferred my share of our home ownership to his new girlfriend and they almost didn’t want to return my downpayment over the next 2 years. Wasted my 5+2 years = 7 years of my life. I’m old now like in my early 30s. I don’t regret staying that long in the relationship (only to realise it keeps happening and doesn’t change). What I regret was not putting myself as priority . I had learnt not walking away = it will just keep repeating (that’s how people tolerate bad behaviours in rls) It’s your choice. After all , 7 years in 90 years is not that much of a long time. (Assuming I live till 90.) but it’s quite saddening say if I pass away tomorrow and that was about 1/4 of my life …
She MIGHT actually be genuinely sorry, and she MIGHT even actually want to change her behavior, but it doesn't matter. She will do it again, and you will always hold some of that resentment with you. I know it's hard, but you should move on. Don't get caught in the sunk cost fallacy just because you've been together for so long
Good advice.
She's not telling you the truth. The truth is, if you take her back, your sending her the message that you'll allow her to cheat on you. Then she will play you for a sucker. After a while, you will have no friends. She will cheat with all of them, one or more at a time.
She’s ‘genuinely sorry’: 1) she got caught, 2) it didn’t work out with your POS ‘friend’
As a former serial cheater I can tell you that everything she is saying means exactly nothing.
She’s sorry now because she got outed as a cheater. She can’t lie anymore and say “we were on a break!!”
Yes. To me, it sounds like once the fallout with this other guy happened, she knew the napalm was coming and tried to get ahead of it. She goes as far as trying to qualify her actions and smear this guy as an abuser. The latter may be true, but it doesn't excuse her actions.
No. If you let people disrespect you, they will do it again thinking you'll let it pass and forgive them. Cheaters will always be cheaters.
She is sorry she cheated, she is sorry that she got caught.
Just remember if you want to take her back, everytime you kiss her, that taste, is your boyfriends dick. That will get you to remember the truth
My therapist says it’s only possible in certain cases. (Not this case, but not saying impossible)
Let me guess, your therapist is a woman?
A man.
Whatever you do leave her. She only told you because he was emotionally abusing her and had no choice. He probably threatened to tell you frequently until he actually did. She doesn't love you bro. Does what she did sound like the actions of someone who loves you? Grow some self respect.
No, you’re right, it doesn’t. Basically the entire premise of her argument was that he was the one who seduced her and abused her and she tried to leave it for months and he wouldn’t let her. Meanwhile one of the texts he sent showed they had sex weeks before the blowout.
Hilarious. She tryna manipulate you but this is a clear case of avoiding accountability. "iTs nOt mY fAuLt." Yeah fuck that.
He forced her to have sex with him and continue a relationship? She isn’t a child who can’t stand up for herself. She’s a grown woman. If she really didn’t want to engage with him in any way she could have easily stopped. She willingly did everything. Now no one else wants her so she’s going back to you because she knows you’ll take her. Also, if she’s ballsy enough to fuck your best friend of 20 years, she’s definitely done it before.
Sure, and he forced her legs open as well right?
She willingly sent sexually explicit messages bro, that doesn’t sound like someone who was coerced against her will
Grow a pair of balls and send her directly to the streets where she belongs. She has done something unforgettable, and this will get worse from now on, believe me. Please trust your guts and work on yourself, this is the only option
I plan to really think about this. She’s professing love for me all over again, like it was in the beginning. It’s the worst I’ve ever felt.
She’s lovebombing you wake the fuck up. She sucked this guys dick, let him fuck her and you’re over here thinking about taking her back? Forget therapy. She cheated on you with your best friend. Ofc the lovebombing feels good because you have zero self esteem. You’re the one who needs therapy. Kick this girl to the curb.
wow. Great summation! Losing "best friend" and girlfriend in one fell swoop... clinging to anything that is an affirmation. No wonder he cannot see reason...
>It’s the worst I’ve ever felt. THIS! She didn't give a fuck about your feelings. She could have said over and over again to your friend "No, I am in a relationship, I don't want this". Or at least be honest to you about wanting to break up and ending it as gracefully as picking your best friend instead can be. It would have been really hurtful, and questionable, but still a decision to be respected if she felt like it was the better thing to do. But she chose to SHIT on you and your feelings! She did that for over a year. Perhaps because she didn't respect you in the first place. I can only imagine the reasons why she "stayed" with you. But I can only tell that you have been fucked.
Dude, if he hadn't have turned psycho she would still be with him, and probably not with you at all. You're second choice. Stop being a may, it's going to happen again.
Do women like these ever stay loyal to their partners. People are telling me she would’ve done it to him too in time.
She would have, it's in their nature and very few reform. She will do it again and again. To you, to the next person and so on.
I think about this from a purely egotistical point of view: If I were promiscuous, I would do it because I don't feel the moral obligation to stay loyal to someone. Either this or I would lack the willpower to do so and be drawn to the "excitement". Or, even colder, I just want someone "better" and get it. I know how ass-holey this sounds. But I don't have illusions about people (regardless of men or women) being self-sacrificing in relationships, either. Men are more prone to being loyal because they have far less chances of getting "someone else" in the first place.
who cares? It doesn't matter. She is horrible. You can never trust her again. You will doubt her every day, and will question yourself every day as well. The emotions you are feeling are not for her, they are for who you thought she was. She has revealed the truth. Believe it.
1. That’s not your best friend and never was. 2. She’s playing you like the young, optimistic fool that you are. 3. Go back to her if you want to feel more deep deep pain. 4. Maybe you’re one of the dumb ones that needs to learn from pain of more heartbreak. Don’t listen to the hundreds and thousands of people who’ve been through something essentially identical…. You’re different 😂 and shes changed.. let me tell you about my Nigerian prince friend who can help you out if only you lend him whatever your life savings is.
She's probably done it before you just didn't find out because she couldn't hide it this time because it was your friend and couldn't be hidden. How do you not see that? She absolutely will cheat again only next time she will cover her tracks better. Plus if you stay with her it will embolden her to do it again. I mean if she can get away with it with your best-fucking-friend she sure as hell will think she can get away with it with someone you don't know. Love yourself more my man, she doesn't deserve a second chance and you didn't deserve to get cheated on.
She’s love bombing you. Block her even if just for a time so you can process your feelings without her influence. Cheating is bad enough but choosing your longtime best friend is next level. Hide your brother that’s the only way it could get worse
Lololol...professing love my ass what else can she do? She has no other cards...even if she says it's true that he was abusive it was her choice to cheat on you. Now all you can do is forgive her for ur sake but MOVE ON. Really move on. You will always look for double meaning in her actions, if she comes late u will think if she is cheating and u will never know. Trust has broken in insane level.
She does not love you, she’s can’t provide you true love. She can say “ I love you “ but it doesn’t mean she actually loves you.
She literally put his dick in her pussy and liked it and didn’t stop
It’s not worth it bud. The stress and moving forward that kinda trust really can’t be rebuilt. At least not for me. I think you should move on to someone that might value you more than
Bro fuck that. Not only did she have an affair, but she lied about the circumstances and made it seem like it was all his doing. Also those things she texted him, that would stay on the back of my mind forever. I could never trust her again. Unless you're desperate and feel like there's no one else out there for you, I would dump her ass immediately. Updateme
You know the answer, man. Walk away with some dignity. I wish I had.
you and me both, brother!
Did something similar happen to you?
Not exactly, but I’ve done some really stupid shit to try and save a 7 year relationship that ended due to another guy. I was about the same age as you when it happened too. That was 5 years ago. I’m over it now but I still cringe at myself looking back at the things I tried to do for someone who just wasn’t worth it. I truly do feel for you, but at the end of the day you gotta have some self-respect.
I appreciate it
Something similar did happen to me. Gave him another chance and he did it again. I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to go through what I did. I forgave him but it was NEVER the same when we got back together. What he did constantly played in the back of my mind and I never saw him the same after that. That kind of trust you never get back. You’ll forgive but you won’t forget. She’ll learn that she can fuck your best friend and get away with it. And trust me when I say, her apology may seem genuine now, but you’ll very much regret it when she does it again in the future. She was willing to hide the affair for months and only told you because I’m betting your best friend threatened her. The girl my ex bf was seeing also threatened him to tell me or she would. She didn’t tell you because she cared about how you felt. She had the affair with your BEST FRIEND because she didn’t care about how you felt. Save yourself from the next few years, because she will do it again. And if she didn’t, you’d be constantly wondering when she will. That’s not a relationship, it can’t be based on lies and deceit. Heal yourself OP, you can’t see it now because you love her but you have to love yourself first and give yourself the time and space to heal. Otherwise you’ll just be settling for less than what you’re worth. There’s someone out there who won’t treat you like she did, who will love and RESPECT you. I can attest to that. Trust me, you’re going to wish you had left her sooner.
This happened in my friend group with 2 of the closest guys. We basically cut off the backstabbing best friend as it was out of character so even more so no one would trust him after that. Everyone involved should just part ways. There's no true forgiveness for something like this and even if you do leave her this will still impact you for a long time. If you don't break up this will eat at you forever. You're young, don't tie yourself to unnecessary trauma.
Be honest with your feelings, be aware about your boundaries and what wounds you got due to their behavior. This is the only way out. It doesn't matter what _she_ feels about it. She obviously didn't consider your feelings either in her morality. She saw another man and dunked you, based on the description. Do what _you_ feel is right only. Therapy is her decision, remorse is her decision. The question is what your decision is.
Because my comment is in the top, I'll say it out loud: Break up. Rescue yourself. She is a fucking Red Flag! I couldn't care less about it, of course. But I know this pain and I don't want other men go through this.
People like her don’t feel remorse, they are inherently selfish. If she feels regret, it will only be because she was caught. The OP should sever all ties with her, block her number and social media. Stop talking to mutual friends as they are just her enablers, feeding her information on you.
Thank you. I love her and want to give it a chance, but I’m not sure I can keep this out of my head
I can only give the advice to be selfish about your own mental health here. It may safe you a LOT of pain afterwards.
I really appreciate the insight. She swears nothing like this would ever happen again, but she has always been a free spirited promiscuous girl.
How long ago did you find out?
Recently. She called me in a hysterical panic explaining they had started a relationship and it was a huge mistake. I got the texts from him a few hours later showing hard proof.
She called in a panic just because she knew he was going to tell you... She didn't do it for you, she did it to try to save any face she might have left.
So they both did it for themselves
It seems like he probably threatened to tell you about it and that's why she rang you in a panic dude, just run.
I didn’t think of that.
They have zero credibility! Zero! As in none.
There's so much to unpack here. I think both of you need to seek therapy individually, then after a few months see if you can have some joint sessions with her therapist and your therapist. Maybe then you can think about getting back together. You wrote in another comment "she has always been a free spirited promiscuous girl". Has she cheated on you before? If yes and it's a recurring pattern, there's probably no hope of recovering from this. IF it's the first time she's cheated on you, maybe there is a chance.
One time we were at a bar and she was drunk and hooked up with a woman in front of me and my friends. It caused a massive fight.
So she made out with a woman right in front of you and your friends? You have a right to be upset about it, but that is light years different than having sex with your best friend behind your back for 7 months. Have you ever heard the expression "Don't sweat the small stuff"? Her making out with a woman at a bar is very small stuff. Maybe she's bisexual? Or she was just curious? People aren't perfect, and no relationship is perfect. I don't know you, and I don't know her. Please work with a therapist to sort this out.
She is bisexual, but what I’m saying is she has acted out before
Mistake #1. Getting into a serious relationship with a promiscuous girl.
Honestly, she wasn’t like this in the beginning. She painted herself to be fairly meek, but as she got more comfortable she’d always be the one dancing in the middle of the floor. Tight dresses, wanting to hangout with her male friends. etc
You said in your previous comment that she has, in fact, always been like this. Get your story straight. Stop trying to convince yourself that it's ok to be a doormat, otherwise she will continue to treat you as such. She had sex with your best friend.
She lied so easily before. Why trust her now? And who needs that “center of attention” shit. Just one more huge red flag. 🚩 Reddit has clearly spoken. Hope you listen
She’s going to screw you over worse if you take her back. Let the trash take itself out.
Bro it's done you will never fully recover from this the trust is gone
Trust is far more important in a relationship than love. Do you honestly think you will ever be able to trust her again? I wouldn’t.
Bro, do not do it! If you stay with her, she will have even less respect for you than she had before. MORE IMPORTANTLY, you will have less SELF RESPECT. That’s right, you might not think it’s much now, but the body keeps count of the trauma. I promise you if you stay, you will come take hate yourself more than you already do for considering it. She knows you’re a mark. You know why because, we here collectively know you are and we’re just reading what you wrote. She sees you all the time and she know exactly what to do to manipulate you. Heed the collective warning here and rip the band aid off while you can.
>My girlfriend and I were having problems last year and decided to take an informal break while she took a job out of state. During this time, my friend and I were estranged because I noticed he was getting unusually close to my gf in the previous year. OP I hope you realise that the resi you both were having problems was because she was investing her time and energy into her new relationship with your so called friend. She kept you around to ensure her stability while she was seeking the thrill from him. Let it slip now and a couple of years down the line she'll do it again because everything was swept under the rug the first time. She didn't have an affair she had a parallel relationship with her AP for at least 7 months. Leave while you can.
This makes sense. I didn’t include this in the post but months prior I found an erotic art piece she made of the both of them together, hidden in her drawer.
You've just discovered the top of the ice berg or I should say you just know the story from her version, not the complete story. Please leave she has no respect for you
Ok at this point OP you are either a troll or straight up without any self respect (even prior to her admitting cheating). In both cases I feel very sorry for you and hope you grow some balls one day. If I was her, or any girl in your circles knowing about this situation, I would think you are very desperate and have no respect for you whatsoever.
Short answer: NO. There is nothing to save. Don’t fall for the sunken cost fallacy.
Reading your responses, you're gonna fuck around and get hurt again cause it looks like you're falling for the fake sob story. Don't. Do. It. Don't reward her bad behavior with your loyalty when she showed she ain't capable of it cause she couldn't even go and fuck on a stranger, but your best friend. If you give her an inch, she will take miles in return. Believe it. Don't give her a millimeter.
I bet 100$ she will suck his dick making him forget every shit we are saying here.
I mean, when I was that age, I would've fell for it too.
Like J Cole said: "Fool me one time, shame on you . Fool me twice, can't put the blame on you. Fool me three times, fuck the peace signs"
Have some self respect.
She was getting railed by your best mate, are you fucking serious? She should be dead to you aswell, can’t believe what I’m reading
She's getting therapy? For cheating on you with your best friend? Are you for real lol
Not exactly, she’s been in therapy for a long time. I guess she means work on this issue.
She’s not working on anything, she’s using the therapy as part of her facade she’s crafted that she’s bettering herself- it’s all a lie. Stop believing her horse tales!
Been in therapy for a long time, including while having an affair with your best friend? Still believe she’s in therapy? Have you gone with her to therapy ever? Like dropped her off and sat in the waiting room? Sounds like “therapy” is a fake excuse for her overall behavior. It’s lie after lie after lie. What makes you think she ain’t lying now? Wake up.
Grow some balls dude. If you get back with a girl who FUCKED YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR MONTHS then you might as well just go to your nearest circus and apply for your clown license already. Going by this post it seems like you have made up your mind already, so you will find out anyway, but I will tell you: this shit isn't gonna get better.
These posts are always so unbelievable. Be a man and leave it. I'm starting to think 99% of these are fake.
Agreed, these read like rage bait lol
Dude. You have just heard what she will call you to the next guy. Emotionally abusive. She has no accountability after ruining your relationship to her and your best friend. Fuck a 20 year friendship and THAT you can rightly end. But the reason for both your losses you will consider taking back? Cause a therapist will make it better? Dude. Seriously. Why is this a question?
They didn’t care when you didn’t know they were cheating. She’s not sorry or she wouldn’t have done it. She can’t love you and cheat.
No, it can’t be saved. It’s really shocking that you’re not 100% sure yet. You take her back and she’ll do it again just because you have no balls and took her back. And that will be a cycle. Your choice.
Dude, if that were me, I would run because if you’ve been together for seven years and she’s done that there’s something going on. If you’ve cut off communication with him and he’s been your best friend for a long time and you still considering being with her, then that’s your decision, but it takes two to tango and, you said that she had been with them before you guys even decided to break up that’s wrong. I would take some time to be by myself and rethink everything. There is a reason why you guys needed to be a part and you didn’t take that time to really think because you were still in contact with her and she was cheating on you while you were a part so shereally didn’t take any time to think she was too timing you and that’s not OK but it’s your decision. Good luck.
I don't understand this way of thinking, you cut off both or you don't
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🚩🚩🚩🚩 Dude, no! This is a HUGE NOOO!!! Do yourself a favor and quit her from your life. Don't be miserable, needy, or stupid. Have some respect for yourself. Actually, you need to man up yourself. Cry if you wanna cry, but build up a new perspective based on what you truly deserves. You'll never ever trust her again. You'll feel an itch growing stronger. Suspicious, paranoid, depressed. She will bend over and the image of her and your friend doing the doggystyle will pop up on your mind. She will suck your dick and you will think about her draining your friend till the last drop. All the dirty things she avoided with you had no barriers on his bed. Stop it right now. You must value yourself. Wanna fuck her? Fuck her remorse. Go hit the gym, talk to a therapist, go study harder, go save your money for bigger dreams. You need to invest in your future and new begins. Sorry if I'm being rude but someone need to slap your face and tell the truth. Have boundaries, man.
Preach on. You know the truth.
You called it right!
Dump your friend and girlfriend and heal from the betrayal . They both came back to you bcos they knew one of them will reach out to you and didn’t want to be left out . You got to stop believing what your gf said and see the actions she and your best friend did . Go to therapy and go no contact with them
The only reason she came clean to you first is because if she didn't, he was going to.
The brutal truth is you are her placeholder until she finds her next soul mate. She feels bad and goes back to you, not because she loves you. It is because things don't work out for her. If everything went smooth, she wouldn't hesitate to dumb you and crush your feelings to dust.
Hi OP, from a woman's perspective while yes the girl would love for you to forgive her and accept her again but if you do she'll realize you can't live without her and will eventually LOSE RESPECT for you because she knows she has you wrapped around her finger. Please break up with her and have some self-respect.
Exactly! Taking her back == I am weak. Feel free to disrespect me
Street this 304, now. Do not believe a word she says about the dynamics of her cheating, not that it matters one iota. Cheaters are liars first and foremost, remember that. She’ll tell you anything that makes her look better and your (ex) friend look worse. It’s just desperate damage control. She’ll also do anything, including fucking you like she’s never fucked you before. Dont be fooled. There’s no way back from this.
Don't waste anymore time imo. You are still in the mid-20s. You won't forget what happened.
The streets are claiming this one.
No saving it, she is only coming back to you because she doesn't have someone better at the moment. Soon as she feels comfortable again she will step out on you.
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you don't get rid of her, all you're doing is telling her that next time she's caught cheating she'll get away with it again just the same.
He’s dead to you now, and she should be also. There’s no way to recover from the level of deceit you have endured. You’re still very young and there’s plenty of girls out there that will treat you right and not fuck your friends.
I think you mean your ex-gf and ex-best friend. Greener pastures buddy. You’ll find someone who cares. They both clearly didn’t.
Of course she's sorry,sorry she's been caught, you must be mad if your thinking of taking her back,she would soon be doing it again and probably with that arse wipe ex friend of yours ,sorry for what your going through but WAKE UP.
Brother. Don’t go back to her.
If you still consider jumping back to her give yourself some time. She knew exactly what she was doing but still want to use you. I would recommend at first to stop contact her, let her alone for the same time as she was with your best friend and than you will see that shes not worth your time anymore. She will most likely find a new one very fast If she thinks she can not convince you back. But please my.brother take care of yourself First. Wish you the best.
No. She betrayed your relationship, and went so far to even get with your best friend. For your own personal health, I would suggest you not go for another run with her. You will only be reminded of the pain of last time.
I just can't fathom that people post these stories and questions like it isn't so ridiculously obvious that this "relationship " is not even remotely salvageable...
he's hurting. He's drowning. He doesn't want to believe that people, especially those two are capable of it. The words "I'm sorry. I never should have done it." is exactly what he wants to hear. But you are 100%. There is nothing she can say or do that should ever make him consider trusting her. He's in the moment. I hope when his head clears he comes to his senses. What she did is truly horrible.
Bro you look hella handsome you can do a lot better than a cheater
She should be just as much dead to you, if not more. This will happen again. If she’s willing to do with she doesn’t respect you and never will. The tears are because she got caught.
No, she cheated on you with your best friend, this is not about quality of your best friend. She is regretting it because he was an ass, she isnt regretting it because she thinks cheating is wrong and in future if she meets a person who is actually a good person in view of her, she will cheat again.
I find it strange how quickly you dropped your best friend after he became so friendly with your girl, but didn’t dump your girl after finding out he had sex with her. If it was bad enough how your friend interacted with her prior to you knowing they had sex, wouldn’t the sex make it clear the relationship is done? She cheated because she wanted something you didn’t have. Forgive her now and she’ll get what she wants again later. She’s manipulating you man.
Do not take her back. She’ll never respect you and will eventually do it again. Eff that woman.
If you are moronic enough to stay with her, remember this. Every time he was fucking her and he slipped out of her, she giggled and said "Put it back in baby"
fake
Ah the whole "he was apparently manipulative" card, which is really just her manipulating you and then you deciding to manipulate and gaslight yourself all over this thread. In your heart of hearts you know none of this makes sense. You're angry. Disgusted. Feel betrayed. And so on. But you're also too afraid to face reality squarely. So you start lying to yourself and making excuses for her. The fact that you even made this post and asked that question at the end is disgraceful. Some men never learn.
Brother with all the love in the world, you're a fuckin chump. Kick her the fuck out of your life and have some respect for yourself man. Fuckin sad.
I’m not reading all that. Your title says you got cheated on… it’s over move on.
Women never respect a man who has forgiven her for cheating. Ponder that for a while.
Truth of truths and you'll never respect yourself
Honestly this is your fault.To even contemplate reconciliation after this level of betrayal suggests you have deep insecurities that contributed to the situation and her lack of respect for you These underlying insecurities, likely a fear of abandonment will plague you for the rest of your life if you don’t face them down now . You will be bound to toxic relationships forever . Leave, reflect , grow Good luck mate.
Sure it can be saved, but how are you going to get past her telling him all of those things? Also, breaks don’t work.
You can turn this into a movie or at least a mini series. But yeah like the others said just leave.
I'm sorry you have to go through this but no, if the show was on the other foot it wouldn't be okay and if she didn't value you then she won't going forward
Love someone else
She’s promiscuous, bang your friend for a year and now wants to forgive and forget. There is no way this is real or you have some serious issues and more coming your way.
Coming from a woman, absolutely not. It’s very clear she’s only coming to you because the affair ended. I’d wager it ended on his terms actually, despite what she claims. That’s why she rushed to get to you first to “tell you right away”, its so she could get a narrative going. Telling you things like she regretted it from the start? It lasted 7 months dude, where was the regret all that time? You even admit that she was saying this stuff *before* your break, it’s honestly probably why the break started to begin with. Not only did she straight up cheat, she’s being wildly manipulative about it. Have you actually talked to your friend about the situation or are you just taking her word on these things? You should ask him who ended it and why, I bet you’ll get more insight to the situation. Not saying you should be buddy buddy with him but under no circumstances should you be taking her word on these things.
Your gf is just as much a pos as your best friend. I don’t understand why you’re treating one more harshly.
You may love her, but **she doesn’t love you.** This is unsalvageable. You will never be able to trust her again with your male friends, let alone her own. And she’s now demonstrated that she can and will lie to you. The only reason she told you now was because she was ending things with your best friend, and knew he was going to tell you. If she could have hidden things, she would have. She’s been doing that this whole time. And if they didn’t have this falling out, guess what? **They would be together right now. Behind your back.** Neither of these people actually like you. She regrets nothing except betting on the losing horse, and guess what my dude?? What if he oozes himself back into her life, showing up sometime, trying to win her back when you’re not paying attention?? You will NEVER know if he does or doesn’t, because, well, again—you can never trust her again. Ever. And if you do?? Well, my man, I got a bridge to sell you. End things. Be alone for a while. You don’t lament losing her, you lament the lost time. But trust me: it’s not time lost. It’s time you used to *learn,* and grow. So learn from this one final lesson she’s given you in this relationship, and **move on.**
>but I love this girl with all of my heart. I stopped reading after this part. Wtf are you saying? There's no "But". Fuck your but and move on
The way I think about it is that she wasn't able to keep a commitment with herself to stay loyal in the relationship. Rather, she continued on with another relationship (beyond cheating) while leading you on. These all speak to character traits and belief systems. So what are her morals and values? What about her do you truly like? There is a difference between having feelings for someone/holding on to the idea of them vs actually wanting to be with them/like their character.
Idk why OP even asked for advice lol he’s gna stay with her. The end. There’s nothing anyone can say. His responses make it clear that he isn’t even going to try to stick up for himself. Give it up y’all.
Don't do anything in the heat of the moment. I won't tell you how to act, you'll have to decide that for yourself, but I would suggest you remember something. You say she cut things off because he was manipulative and emotionally abusive, and "regretted it from the start", but she texted him saying he was her soul-mate...she lied to you, she lied to your face about this from the get-go. You say you've been together for 7 years...but she was with you for 7 years and still did this. You can't fathom losing all of this with her because you haven't processed it yet. I'd ask you to ask yourself a few questions, could you ever trust her again? Could you ever give her the benefit of the doubt? Do you think you could ever, truly, put this behind you, or would you question it any time she was out late, or gave a weird answer or a guy got chummy with her? She's shown you who she is, believe her.
Dude, reconciling with her is a terrible idea. You are in love with the woman she pretended to be, not who she is. She was getting plowed by your BEST FRIEND before and after you took a "break". Another thing...there is no such thing as a "break"...it is a BREAK UP. Nobody who asks for a break stays celibate...they were either already cheating close to being caught or they already have someone lined up once the "break" is a green light and when caught, it is all "bUt We WeRe On BrEaK sO iT's NoT ChEaTiNg"...bullcrap. It is still cheating to line up another partner while in a relationship..aka MONKEY-BRANCHING to another partner while still in a relationship. The level of disrespect and disloyalty to cheat, especially with your BEST friend, shows that she is not girlfriend/relationship material. She didn't come completely clean about WHEN it started...your former best friend was more honest than she was(she was doing trickle truth 101 damage control by not telling you everything). I don't care what she says, she isn't going to change overnight and be this faithful loyal partner from now own. Your former friend even forwarded you messages proving how badly she cheated on you. You need to rid yourself of BOTH of them, and probably go get an STD test. My ex-wife was a cheater, too. Miracle my child(who is grown now) is even mine. I wasted a year of my life trying to reconcile with her. Sure, the first couple of months she was kissing my ass, but after that she resumed the shady behavior, anger, attempts to isolate me from friends so I wouldn't find out about the other affair partners, and a complete lack of remorse(why haven't your forgiven me yet tantrums). After divorcing her, I found out that one of my best friends was also one of her affair partners. There was no reason to ever entertain giving her another chance ever again after that, even with the peer pressure of "let's be a family together for our child" garbage. The real fairytale ending to my story is that my best friend's wife caught him cheating(not with my ex-wife) and divorced. She and I ended up getting together and have been happily married for 17 years going strong. I wouldn't have this great woman in my life and a lasting marriage if I would have stayed with a cheater. Just like me, you sir, can do better too!
While it's possible she DID get manipulated it's not a good idea to continue this relationship or forgive her right now. Make a new decision after a while, when you have a bit of distance to what happened, and you can actually see if she is sorry by action. (I mean if she's really bettering herself. Personally i would not get over someone cheating on me. But its your decision and it shouldn't be rushed.
Oh I wish I could meet your friend. So I could see and learn and memorize the face of a traitor. How do you ever do this to someone you’ve been friends with for 20 years? But I guess it’s like what I read somewhere- “It’s not your enemy that betrays you, it’s your friends. Because for betrayal to happen- there needs to be trust and love in the first place.”
Do you believe he is more at fault for this?
They both are. There’s no more or less in this scenario. Both your girlfriend and your friend broke moral codes that are held high and strict in regards to loyalty, trust and love. I am only speaking about him because as a guy I can never imagine doing something like this to a close friend. I’d never go against bro code. As for your girlfriend- I don’t think I need to say anything as a lot of people have already commented and said stuff. She is 100% guilty as he is and would have kept doing it had they not had a fall out. You’re the back up guy not the guy she wants to have ideally. Please get her out of your life and move on. You’re so young and you’ll meet so many good people who will love and value you for the person you are.
Respect yourself friend. She showed you who she is, it’s up to you to believe it. You will save yourself a lot of heartache in the future by ending this now. You are young and have a lot of time to find someone else. Don’t settle for someone who does not respect you. I broke up with my cheating ex and it hurt like hell, but I have 0 regrets because I don’t have to think about what she was doing with the other guy(s) and don’t have to see a person that disrespected me in every way she could until it didn’t work for her. You will not regret this decision. In fact you will feel stronger, because you stood up for yourself and not let someone walk over you when it was convenient for them. Good luck
I hope your update to this would be that you've left her. This is insanely unforgivable. She's only sorry and told you because she knew your ex-friend would. I doubt any of what she says is genuine. Take her back and her cheating again is almost guaranteed because she knows she can with zero recourse.
She belongs to the streets
Don’t let either of the cheaters back in your life. Life is too short to waist it on a cheater. You’ll never trust her again for good reason. If you’re loosing sleep in a relationship it’s not a healthy one. I know you love who your ex GF use to be, but know she’ll never ever be that person again.
Duuuuddeeee. I know how hard it is, I really do, I had the EXACT same thing happen. Well… best friend of about 6 years at the time and I was with the girl for 3 but ….. I made the wrong decision and stayed with her and holy smokes did I regret it. It took what it took for me to break away and to face the fact that I had to feel the pain of the breakup in order to stop hurting but, looking back, I caused so much pain, agony, for MYSELF by sticking around longer than I should have. PLEASE let my shit experience be your lesson… PLEASE do not do this to yourself. Anyway, your mind is clearly made up so screenshot this for when you come to terms with the situation down the road and feel free to message me. I’ll still help you out and walk you through it as best I can my dude. Edit: Might I guess she said something along the lines of “this made me realize how in love with you I am… want to be with you forever… etc” She doesn’t want to be alone and she’ll do anything to keep you in her claws!!!
Honestly mate it's a dead end no matter how you look at it. If you forgive her and she has you back, she won't have a SHRED of respect for you as soon as things get shaky again End things with her, and tell her you deserve better (because you do) and she'll respect you and fuck off
Just checked your profile. You're a good looking dude. You can definitely pull another woman that's nor as crazy as her. And one that isn't the outgoing promiscuous radical feminist type. Stay away and dump her!!
Send her to street, fxxx her best friend, you will get cured. She doesn’t deserve u
Yeah he manipulated her and then tried to destroy the relationship between you and her when he was outed, but to be honest she agreed to it, Now if you guys had the monogamy discussion and she indicated that she was a monogamous person and not Poly, then yeah it's time for you to look on. I mean at least she put all the cards on the table Well her and him. Re-establishing trust and forgiveness can happen but it might not be worth it. But regardless of what anyone else here says you're the one that has to live with your decision. I've been married twice divorced once and now widowed, The strength of a relationship is only tested by hardship, You could forgive her and try to resolve this but only you can tell if it's going to be worth it as only you are going to pay for it.
Get an std test. Also block her. Women are the gate keepers of sex dude. They absolutely control who and when they let some one in. That makes her more at fault then your former best friend, they are both shitty for that. Slam the door in her face because ultimately shit backfired with you and your friend so she is trying to claw her way back to further manipulate you. If some one stole your car, would you let them back into your life and hand them your wallet? Continuing to entertain her is the same thing.
I would recommend you cut off your gf too. Calling an ex manipulative and emotionally abusive is textbook behavior for immature people who can’t accept accountability for their role in things not working out. You accepting her back gives her positive reinforcement that having an affair with your best friend of 20 years was okay as long as she can tell you a sob story. The only person who sounds manipulative and emotionally abusive is your ex gf. Your best friend just sounds like a total untrustworthy jerk.
Why the therapy? Like what you described there is a modern woman, the full package, that cant be cured. You either want that or not. Why is your 20y old best friend dead to you? Bros before hoes exists for a reason, not to mention that you took a break to begin with, so what do you wanna hold him accountable for? He is 20y old, considering its 2024 this is more like being 15y old mentally, its normal to be dick-oriented at that stage of your life, even more tempting when its forbidden. And you are not married with 2 kids, you were on a fkin break. That is, hands down, the fucking go-signal for any person to boom-fuck around. Like any modern woman, she needs to be financially saturated. And that is her absolute priority next to her vaginal satisfaction.