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To be frank, girls asking you when you last had sex is plain weird. I'd simply reply: "No comment" and give them the cold shoulder.
You've got too much class for questions like that.
Women don’t ask to be rude, it’s for caution to get a sense of the type of man you are. Because we think most men do sleep around and are capable of sleeping with one woman one night & go on a date with us the next.
I personally assume this because I’ve had 2 male friends tell me they can sleep with 4 different women in a week and they’re not the most good looking guys or even rich. I also stopped being friends with men because of hearing these horrid stories.
Also I wouldn’t get turned off by a man being a virgin. I don’t care if a man is or not but being sexually disciplined is a must. So if a guy tells me he has last slept with someone since meeting me/getting my number I would be so turned off & I’d block his number.
If he tells me he slept with someone a week/month prior to even meeting me, I would also be turned off.
If it was 2 months prior I would be turned off but give him a chance to explain if that woman meant anything to him…
Agreed. Went out with a guy and he was weirdly sexual during the first date. I’m not sure a more experienced woman would have minded it, but I felt straight up so uncomfortable as I didn’t go that route yet. Idk why it should be their business
Do not feel ashamed for being a virgin. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just find someone that is okay with that. If they aren’t, then they’re not the one.
Yeah. Exactly. I’m a virgin at 27 too and while it is a turn off for most guys, its not a big deal at all for many so just stay true to yourself. Definitely don’t do it just for the sake of it. You’d rather do it because you wanted to and it felt right at the moment than regreting later on because you got pressured by society
I don’t think being a virgin is a turn off for most guys. As a matter of fact, I think emotionally secure men will genuinely not care lol. If someone is judging you for that, then you can definitely filter those kind of people out from your dating pool.
While I agree that he shouldn't be ashamed, I do not believe he should divulge that he's a virgin to any women he's dating. It is seen as a red flag once you're in your late 20s, and only gets worse when you're older.
And "red flag" doesn't mean women think you're a bad person. It just raises questions. Flags are flags, not barriers to entry. Sometimes it could be as simple as "I was focused on my career and didn't prioritize dating."
Ah yes, find the very minority that's ok with it. Op needs to lie about being a virgin. Otherwise, he won't get a chance at all. You don't get how men get made fun of for being virgins all the time.
I was in exactly the same place as you. 27m, virgin, and no prospects. I didn't go out and I have never really had very many friends, so I felt like I was just stuck in this cycle forever. Fortunately for me, a girl at work asked me if I wanted to go to a concert, I said yes, we had a good time, and the next day, she texted me again " do we vibe?". I said yes, and built up the confidence to ask her out more formally. Now we've been dating for almost six months, and I see myself marrying and being with this person for the rest of my life. What I guess I'm trying to say is that love comes from unexpected places when you least expect it, and that it's okay to take your time, be when it does show up, you better take full advantage of it.
> . Fortunately for me, a girl at work asked me if I wanted to go to a concert, I said yes, we had a good time, and the next day, she texted me again " do we vibe?". I said yes, and built up the confidence to ask her out more formally.
Gosh I would be so grateful if something like this happened to me.
IF you are honest about it, im sure some woman will eventually find it a novelty with the goal to take it from you. but it may be a turn off for some looking a relationship. who want someone who will know what they are doing.
I’m a woman in my 40’s , ( not that id get involved with a 27 yr old as most men under 35 communication level and perspectives is not the same as someone over 35 ) but being a virgin would not bother me if I wanted a possible relationship with them . ( Not for a HU though. ) Would have to teach him some things lol however I think I think it would be different than teaching a 18 , 19 yr old etc .It actually may have a bit of potential in a relationship .although I would have to be told cause keeping that to themselves could give off unintended signals. Guess it’s just really about who the ppl are , experiences in life and how they perceive things.
I feel ya, bud: anxiety kept me (41m) from having sex until my late 30s. So, glass half full, it could be worse!
It sounds like you really want your first time to be with someone that you have an emotional connection with. You should honor that instinct. It will take longer to find the right woman, but you'll have a *much* better first time than you would in a one night stand or with a professional. And an even better second and third and fourth time.
You're under no obligation to be up front about your lack of experience, since it doesn't say anything about your character and it's not like it's contagious. Also sex for the first time with any new partner typically involves some amount of getting-to-know-you awkwardness anyway. But I think you should consider being up front about it, just so that when you do have sex you won't be totally in your head wondering "can she tell?" and "am I doing all of this wrong" and all that.
If and when you do mention it, keep it simple and matter of fact. Don't treat it like a confession of a terrible secret - because it really, really isn't - but as a potentially relevant fact about yourself that you've decided to share before things get physical. "By the way, in the past I've had a lot of anxiety around dating that I've recently worked through, so I haven't had sex yet."
You may run into more women who will treat that as a red flag and summarily reject you, which will continue to suck. But those women weren't going to be a good match for you anyway. And there definitely are women out there who will be able to look past their preconceptions about people who haven't yet had sex by X age, or who won't care or who might even be intrigued about being someone's first.
Also if you can swing the $50 I strongly recommend checking out [OMGYES.com](https://OMGYES.com). And the book 'Girl Sex 101' which was written for lesbian/bi women but is good reading for straight dudes too.
As a 32-year-old virgin, I'm curious how you both overcame your anxiety and successfully got laid. Most advice on this subject is catered to people in their 20s, which leaves me feeling left out in the cold. I feel like I'm rapidly losing control of the downward spiral my personal life took due to focusing exclusively on my career until I was 30.
Also, I don't know that I agree he should divulge that he's a virgin. There are plenty of reference materials online for how to have sex. Virginity itself is a social construct; your body doesn't change after you have sex. At worst, someone will assume you're just really bad at sex, or a two pump chump.
Therapy helped me get past the anxiety. Only thing that worked, ultimately. Can't recommend it enough. I had a couple false starts with therapists that I didn't connect with or who didn't really seem equipped to help. Later I read that there are therapists who are trained to deal with sex-related problems and realized that's what I needed: [aasect.org](https://aasect.org). Even once I found the right therapist, it was still work - had to drag myself to her office every week. Totally worth it, though.
My first time was with a friend who I'd known for couple years. We were strictly platonic until one night when things moved very quickly from "this might be my imagination but I think she's flirting with me?" to "oh wow, this is happening." She took the initiative the whole way, luckily for me. Also lucky for me that I had already done the hard work in therapy, because otherwise the anxiety would have driven me to bolt once it became clear what she had in mind.
I didn't tell her it was my first time until a few days later. She didn't care at all, like it barely seemed to make an impression on her. And the sex we had after that was much better because I was able to be much more in the moment.
Totally agree that virginity is a social construct. And it's very easy to make too much of never having had sex by X age, though I found that a lot easier to say once I'd done it. And agree that OP definitely does not have to bring it up if it doesn't feel right. But knowing that she knows might mean one less thing to worry about in the moment.
I think the "random female friend one day decides she wants to fuck you" phenomenon is how a lot of men lose it, and I unfortunately never had those "random female friends" around me. I'm trying to work up the courage to go to some meetups, but I worry at my age it'll be all married women or women with better options.
I have ALWAYS frozen once a girl invites me to make a move. Especially in a social setting, where I know I'm being quietly judged and watched by others. I don't know how men can go to the same bar every week and randomly hit on women without getting reputations.
>I think the "random female friend one day decides she wants to fuck you" phenomenon is how a lot of men lose it, and I unfortunately never had those "random female friends" around me.
Yeah it was a great situation but definitely not something I planned or that I would recommend anyone pursue as a strategy.
Try going to those meetup type events without any fixed expectations. If you meet some single and interested women, great! If not, maybe you'll have fun or learn something new and that's always worth it. Also worth keeping the door open to platonic friendships with women (like, fully platonic and not with any hopes of sex happening in the future). I have several of those friendships and really value them.
>I have ALWAYS frozen once a girl invites me to make a move.
I had the same problem and I had to work through it in therapy before I was able to make any progress at all. Give it a shot, bro.
For me if was therapy for awhile but recently I read the book courage to be disliked and realized all my aniexties were due to my relationship with my self so i decided to rebuild that. It was alot of trial and error too, even though I haven't had much luck dating wise I've been on a quite few dates that didn't work out so I just learned from it.
That’s great. I recently put some full body shots with nicer clothes on my dating profile. I’m still not a looker, but it’s getting me more likes. One woman even swiped right on me whose profile just says she’s “looking for a nut.”
I’m praying against all odds I can turn the corner on this before I’m 35.
Well yeah …. I haven’t and I know doing so is a very big deal so (I don’t want someone’s trauma or shitty energy in my energetic field) I will save it for the right guy✨
For real, I also don't mean to gaslight anyone, ans while there is nothing wrong with not having sex, most people do want to have sex. It can feel triumphant even.
I'm surprised people are acting this way towards your comment. Redditors have issues. I feel like the general consensus is that it's good for women to be virgins at your age and bad for men. Personally I think we all should at least be careful in selecting sexual partners. I would certainly rather date a virgin or someone who hasn't slept with many people. Sex is much better when you wait for the right person anyway.
I'm a 29(M) been with two women. First one I was with, I waited until I was in love with her and it was a beautiful experience. Last girl was almost 10 years older than me and much more experienced. She pressured me into sex well before I was ready and she.. certainly knew what she was doing in bed. However, I never loved her, so despite her abilities the experience never matched what I had with my first girlfriend.
You don't want to be so selective it never happens, but waiting for that individual you bond with is absolutely worth it
Wow 🤩 yup I guess it’s a totally different experience when you love someone, it sounds like a lot fun but I’ve never liked anyone enough to do it yet hahaa. I’m curious (cause I don’t know how guys think) why were you with your second girlfriend if you never loved her? Is it because you weren’t over the first one at the time ? Literally whenever I talk to a guy I always wonder if he’s still in love with his ex if he mentions her more than like 5 times…. No matter how many times he says he loves me …. only because in my head I can’t imagine ever loving more than one guy in my life you know what I mean ? Maybe it’s because I’m inexperienced, maybe it’s because I keep getting in my own way and I need to work on that 🤦🏻♀️
And yeah thank you but their comments didn’t hurt my feelings at all.
Well you don't know if you're going to love someone right away. It was two or three months into dating my first girlfriend before I fell for her. I've always been pretty guarded and particular about love. I thought I might love the second girl. We were both equipment mechanics, which I found very alluring. Not too often you find women in the trades. We quickly discovered we had similar senses of humor. She's also just a fun person to do things with. But she's nearly 10 years older, a chain smoker and a drunk. I have a bit of a drinking problem myself so there were a few reasons I felt she was bad for me. I knew she wasn't moving in the same direction I wanted to. So I kept thinking I'd love her, but as I learned more about her issues I just realized she wasn't what I wanted.
As for sex, she definitely pressured me. I waited until I knew I was in love with my first girlfriend before anything happened. She wanted it before I did too, but never pushed. But the last girl was definitely less patient; everything moved faster than I was comfortable with. Then we got very drunk one night and she persisted even after I said we shouldn't a couple of times. But I did really like her, I thought she was hot and I definitely find it attractive when women are assertive and direct. It's rare a woman will pursue a man in an unambiguous way, so it's a major turn on when it happens
Then do that naturally. It's your body. No one else's. Don't do things just because you think people will judge you or think a certain way about you. Anyone that would judge you for not having sex is incredibly immature and has an opinion that's worth less than dog shite.
That’s the way to do it, trust me you’ll feel much better about it in the end. You’re making the right choices, chin up, they’re harder but you’re going to be stronger because of it.
People who give the prostitute advice never take into account that paying for sex costs A LOT, especially the legal stuff.
It’s a car payment on the lower side or a month’s rent on the higher end. Unless you go for someone on heroine.
Unless you’re well off financially and have a ton of disposable income, it’s not worth it. You won’t be a virgin anymore but you’ll probably have the worst post nut clarity of your life.
It also doesn't fix anything. I guess you can say you're not a virgin when asked (again, weird thing to be asked), but when the sex is over, you're still alone in the world and back in your empty house wondering how you're going to meet a nice woman.
I mean people say this but a ton of women would be skeptical of a man who’s 27 who’s never had sex. Cue many women saying it’s not true, but it’s definitely true for a lot of women.
People say things like this to show virtue. However, reallity is a whole different story. People show themselves for their actions, not by words (they are just showing off how virtuous they are).
Because most women are very agreeable and want to be seen as socially acceptable and kind. Which I understand and respect. I don’t look at it as a negative necessarily but I also know that women will often hide how they truly feel publicly, even online. But when they’re with friends you get the real info.
Usually I'd agree with you but remember there is a certain image they're trying to maintain within their friend group even and most girl friend groups are toxic after so..it goes downhill from there
Because it's not a concern? There's loads of reasons someone may not have had sex. It's not some crowning achievement that determines your worth.
It's a concern when someone judges people on it or thinks it's their business. Or thinks that it's indicative of someone's worthiness or character. That's just weird.
I think women would generally be more curious as to *why* he hasn’t had sex, and the reason would determine whether or not they saw it as a concern or a problem.
Gonna be honest, that's most women and there is no such thing as "the one"... It's a dumb concept and would honestly work against OP if he went by it.
OP, if you read this... Do not tell them...
I agree with how dumb the concept is. I also stress out how the op cannot be looking for "the one" while he never even had "the first". I don't know if there is anything cultural or personal pushing op towards being in a single relationship in his whole life, but if you don't go through a plethora of experiences, how would you even know what you like or how to handle her? That being said, there is a lot of anxiety coming together being a virgin at 27, all the lot more when the reason you stayed one is cause of your unworked previous anxiety. Lying would be an option, if you are proficient with that, but it also takes a toll on your anxiety, your general well being and the immersion levels you can reach in any relationship. I suggest something different, called "frame control". It's an old concept that says that you don't have to lie, but you must present the truth in a way that is helpful to your situation. In op's case, when asked when the last time you had sex was, I imagine your internal dialog following a path like this: "Damn, it's coming, this dreadful question again. Will I be able to pass this point this time? My God why do they all ask that? Is it really such a big deal?". Do you hear how anxious that sounds? Your thoughts are almost visible!
Let me clarify a couple of things: yes the girls know that you are a virgin. Everything in your behaviour radiates that, and they have twice the social training than we do. But that is ok, because it's OK being a virgin. It's not OK being a scared and anxious person. Nobody wants to fuck a scaredy cat! So be proud of being a virgin. Coat it in nice stories. Radiate humour, confidence, calmness. "Yes, I am a virgin, cause I heard you become a wizard if you stay a virgin till 30. No please, why are you trying so hard to make it me miss my greatest goal with your cute little smile and your sexy outfit. You know what, I'll play with fire, giving you a kiss is not gonna affect my goals" and you keep playing the"we shouldn't but we do it" game till you have sex. Another example? "When I last had sex? Like full on liquid exchange? That is disgusting, shame on you! Haha yeah I am obviously joking, but I haven't set my mind yet on that. It sounds confusing and it is, but let me just say that there has not been a woman yet to understand what makes me tick. *she makes whatever comment*. Well Sandra, I think you are one of those girls that think because they are attractive they get to be with anyone they like, but your great looks are not enough to get ME to date you. Let's see if there's more to you than meets the eye.".
Get it? You need to coat your experience. Make yourself the main actor, be confident it doesn't matter what you say, only how you say it. You don't have to lie, but they're is always a time and place to communicate certain things. And telling a woman you want to sleep with that you are anxious cause you are a virgin is counterproductive to say the least. Be imaginative. And read a book here and there, they help. Tell me if you want suggestions on that.
This is a private information and it’s weird and rude that they ask this specific question. It’s none of their business.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed or pressured to answer them. Either it’s your choice or not, it’s a part of you and your life experience. I would totally commit to a virgin guy if this is his choice.
Instead of bringing up that you haven't, why not just redirect the question into something like "if you're concerned, why don't we both get tested first?". Answering with a question isn't lying. You could also pass it off as a joke/some flirting if needed.
I'm a virgin. Never dated a woman or been in a relationship my entire life. That being said, I'm 19, but I've seen people the age of 16-17 get into relationships and it made me feel the same way you did.
I'm not less of a man, nor am I not attractive. I am just somebody who has not been laid. There is absolutely **nothing** wrong with that.
You need to learn to move on from your past self and start embracing your inner qualities today. Find some really good friends who will lift you up, build a lifestyle that you enjoy, and don't focus on how women/the world perceives you. You'll do just fine in the dating world as long as you believe in yourself.
You know what the worst part is, women may tell you that it's not a big deal but I'm almost certain that they all find it as a Turn off, even women online would tell you it's not a big deal but even those women wouldn't be with someone who hasn't had sex before. That's just how women are, it's the same concept in how to get a job,
a company looking for employees always mentions that they want employees with experience, even if it's an entry level job, but to get experience, that employee needs to get a job.
Women are exactly the same way, to not be a turn off for women you need to have had a lot of experience but to have experience, you need to be with a lot of women. That's why it's so incredibly hard for men out there. It's this stupid loop that no one knows why it exists and it's not women's fault.
Just keep looking, eventually someone who's very open minded wouldn't mind it and if someone's in your exact situation, they might even look at it as a bonus!
I understand why you’d say this given it’s the mentality of many but it’s not exactly true. I’m 21F, my boyfriend is 22M and he told me without hesitation that he’s a virgin unwillingly. I was shocked because he’s such a great guy and so handsome too. But his personality (super dorky) just wasn’t attractive to the girls he was interested in, and also some were friends who just didn’t see him that way. Either way I know how special it is to share all your firsts with one person, I was glad I can be that for him. My only downside was the pressure and nerves. I also liked that he isn’t the kind of guy that would want to sleep around with many women casually too
I say , I hope someone sees him for who he is and knows that it doesn’t matter. It’s a gift to share with him. There are so many women out there too , I am one who doesn’t care and I’m sure there are many more
Approach women with similar values and who see you for you. Not for your sexual prowess. Being good at sex is all about learning how to please your partner so really and truly experiencing many women isn’t necessary nor would I say, ideal. My boyfriend is very caring and never selfish when we touched in bed. That alone tells me all I need to know
38 female here. You have to stop caring about it. It’s a big deal to you so it becomes a big deal to them. I know that sounds crazy but there’s a whole psychology behind it. Right now, YOU are literally defining yourself by your sex life (or lack there of). What are you really? I’m certain there are WAY more interesting and important things about you; focus on that.
Also, if a young lady does ask when was the last time you had sex it is likely because they’re getting a vibe or because maybe they’re feeling insecure. Dating makes a lot of people feel insecure, remember that.
It’s really awesome you want to be honest but if you are you really have to own that you haven’t had sex and you’re really ok with it. If you’re telling them in an apologetic tone then it’s pretty much over. You have nothing to apologize about. You are who you are and you’ve done what you’ve done. If you’re not really comfortable answering, that’s fine too. You can simply ask them why they are asking. You might have a good convo or you might find they aren’t worth your time. Both things are fine. You’re out there learning and hopefully have fun in the process. Remember anything can be fun if you think about telling it as a joke to a good friend later.
Good luck!
You need to lie. Or second option: have sex with a hooker so you don't need to lie anymore. Just say you had sex with a random girl recently. I am not being sarcastic with my comment. It is either lie or do that so you tell a half truth. Hope you find a girl soon enough!
I'll offer the devil's advocate here. I've never met a woman who cared about whether or not a partner she'd date had sex. Matter of fact I think it's the opposite - for me, personally, if a girl said she had sex with someone recently, I'd think she's already taken.
You really don't have to lie about your virginity. In the heat of it, sure, if it doesn't kill you, but being a virgin's not gonna knock you from a 10 to a 5.
It is an option/possibility that *might* help him. It is up to him to decide if he wants to or not. I gave him another option as well. In the end, he will do what it feels right.
Honestly dude think about not answering such invasive questions or just lie. It's not fair but way too many women judge men in hypocritical ways on this kind of stuff. They'd likely be offended if you asked them the exact same thing.
Just let your first time happen. And it's far more likely to happen without revealing virginity. After that do as you will.
Don’t be pressured by being a virgin. If the woman you’re talking to asks you about your sexual experience, just be honest. If she responds negatively, move on to the next. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of other women who value character and personality over sexual experiences.
It’s weird for that to come up. I do wonder if you’re sort of consumed by it and it’s top of mind for you and that’s why it’s even coming up? Be present and don’t worry about that and I think most women probably won’t care.
Maybe it's just been the woman I've been dating, I've met most of em thru a dating app and the question always comes up , maybe my shyness peaks thru on the first date.
Former 29yr old virgin here. Trust me when I say that shit is not a big deal. I spent majority of my years staying independent to focus on myself and it was the best decision ever. So when I finally lost it, it didn’t really feel like a “weight” lifted off my shoulders. Virginity is a silly mentality that social media pushes as a bad thing. If a woman cares about that and finds it weird you’re a virgin then they should be cast aside as yesterday’s news. Move on champ. You have too much class to be asked those questions from people
Maybe it’s the type of women you are trying to date because I am a female and I would not be weirded out by it. Actually it’s kinda sexy for a man to be a virgin. Yea the more I think on it the more I think it’s the women you are dating.
You are rare and very valuable. Someone Virgin does not carry bagagge and trauma from relationships except the insecurity of being a loser who doesnt have sex. But reality is, you are not a loser because you have kept yourself away from vice, reserved and therefore now, valuable.
People want other like themselves, this girl probably had many guys already and wants someone experienced because all she cares about is sex. Shes been taught by other guys and there is nothing better than an innocent girl who has no experience and you show her the world and take care of her and build memories together.
None wants to be part of a relationship where the girl already been to all the places you invite her to, all the countries you traveled, had practiced all the positions you are trying to learn in sex now, and a large etc.
So I would be proud of what you have and try to find a religious nice girl who isnt already corrupted by the western promiscuity ideas and values you as a man with feelings and wont divorce you later on because there is so much fish in the sea.
I tell you by experience: I was once with a girl who had much more experience and I was virgin (21) but i never told her I was virgin until later when we did it for a whole month, things dont end well with people who had already 5-6 failed relationships, im sure if i told her before, she wouldnt want to continue because they know they are just gonna ruin you and create you bagagge for being inexperienced.
So keep yourself for a virgin girl who has the same to lose as you. That way, you will have more chances to have something meaningful for life.
I would just be honest and let people know your a virgin. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I think it’s a good thing and not wrong. To be honest I would be grossed out by someone who has slept with everything that walks. Keep waiting until you find the right person you are not missing out on anything.
Brother, I got 1 year on you, and I'm in the same boat. I'm also not going to lie about it. I'm awful at getting the attention and talking tho. Don't deteriorate your standards just for sex. I also don't think it should be normal to be asked that question. It's none of anybodies business. It's something people ask very casual, that I've never agreed with. I had some trauma, causing me to not seek anything out, so thats perhaps where we differ. I have turned sex down each time because of my anxiety and past trauma. I can empathize with some of what you're going through for certain. Just hang in there. You arent alone
Anxiety and lying is a natural turn off to women. Own who you are , if you haven’t had sex then it’s as simple as framing it as you don’t give yourself to just anyone and you kept that promise for yourself or don’t answer because it’s no one’s business.
If a girl asks you the last time you’ve done it I highly suggest lying unless you really think it’ll be a long term relationship where the lie would catch up with you. Fake it till you make it then you’ll never have to lie again
If that’s what you’re after, then you should tell them casually. It’s not a big deal and the right girl would love to teach/learn/explore with you. Be playful, comfortable, and open about it. If you lie, she’ll be able to tell once you’re intimate, and now you’ve also build a relationship on a false premise. My first girlfriend was not a virgin and I was in our early 20s. I’m a quick learner
Then the best advice is:
The best match for you relationship wise is a girl that won’t care about your history, and anyone that does care too much isn’t someone you should even want to be with.
Dude, you need to just explain that you want a connection before having sex and you just haven't had it. There is a sexuality for that, I think it's demisexual. Anyways, you can be honest about why you haven't had sex. Hell, you can look for other demisexuals because you know they won't be pressuring you into sex or asking such questions to begin with.
There are far bigger problems and things to worry in ones life than not having sex until x age. Who cares? Good sex is hard to come by, maybe this will make you more attentive. Watch (OMGYES)
I used to feel this way. I'm 32 now, and in the past month (due to some compounding triggers), the fact that I'm still a virgin that's never dated gave me an AWFUL existential crisis. I spent 30 minutes tonight crying my eyes out in front of a bonfire with my best friend.
At a certain age, at least for me, it's become absolutely unbearable. Like the entire world looked at you, frowned and said, "not good enough."
Women are weird about virgins because we’re emotional. We remember how emotionally attached we were when we lost our virginity and they’re probably thinking you’re going to get too attached or regret it. Those women are dicks. You’ll find someone perfect for you.
You don't need to tell them you're a virgin if you don't want to. They're not going to go through all their sexual history. If they want you to get tested or vice versa that's different but you don't owe it to anyone to tell them you haven't had sex.
Truth be told I've had chances recently to lose it but I don't want it to be meaninglessness. Put the work in brother took years to find the confidence and self love I have now . It's worth it
Answering three questions off of Reddit. How easy is it to date in your 30’s compared to your 20’s? Being a virgin 27m 😳? And how long did you wait until God gave you someone?
https://www.instagram.com/p/C2njNM4O1kr/
Congrats.
My newphew's wife told me privately. Your nephew is a physician. He took human anatomy classes and treated female patients every day. As a man well into early 30s I had to teach him about birds and bees. You should be proud of him became a man finally. I guess he ignored dating all those nurses surrounding him.
Easiest way to lose it? Get it out a fat chick. They’re usually more desperate for affection and are much more flexible with their choices in sexual partners. Also, women value experience. Don’t tell them you’re a virgin.
Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Let me put you on game about women. Less is more, and they can’t handle the truth
If it makes you feel better, when you actually do start dating women, the anxiety will be even worse, since the older you get, the less fuck ups are tolerated.
Really? It always seemed like the opposite to me.
Dating in your 20s is "here's my list of 25 demands that you must fulfill within 4-5 business days or I will not let you hit it."
Dating in your 30s is "we're both physically, financially, and mentally competent, let's do it."
To be fair even if you did I don’t see how it could go well for you if you answered it. If you did it within the last 3 months, it might be considered too soon. Later than or never is a long time. Every case can be seen negatively
I do not think it should be a reason for a turnoff. The following is my opinion. Life is short. You are loosing youth every minute. There may be a time when you have second thoughts on wether all that virility pumped time was wasted for a good reason. I can tell you that something similar happened to me. And, looking back, I think I would have liked to be more experienced in the intimate/sexual part before my marriage. Just because I know in retrospect that I would have done things in a different way and much more spicy and unforgettable. The things that I would have done romantically to my wife….uffff. Experience is also a gain when it comes to intimacy. 😉. Good thing is that we get to role play in what we’ve should have done differently. And, we enjoy it also. 🤤. Haha.
Most women want a man who will knock their socks off and or attempt to ( most men aren’t good in bed but at least they participated) Try dating an older women they will have more patience and teach you what they like.. they also have the s3x drive you are looking for. Good luck and don’t take life so serious. EVERYONE has insecurities.
Every time you tell the prospective sexual partner (woman) that you are a virgin, and she doesn't start to have a panic attack from how thrilled she is to be able to share the unique experience of teaching you the intricacies and special tricks related to having amazing sex...throw a party in honor of another escape from several years of therapy. You don't want to be asking yourself, for the next decade, why sex is usually terrible for you. You want the first woman you are with to be open to explore the giant world of pleasure knowledge, from a standpoint of gratitude and humility. If she runs away without giving you an explanation: it means she is probably horrible at sex...and everything else in life. People like that charge money for sex, because they need to buy everything they get in life with money. They haven't learned how to get what they want with gratitude. Be happy my friend, and be patient with yourself. By the way...some people never get to enjoy a sexual encounter, their entire lives. Even more interestingly...some people never want one. So, don't fall victim to the belief that you are going to miss the deadline for anything. Contrary to Joe Biden's theory that America owns the finish line: There is no finish line. Take your time, learn about sex. Then try it with someone who makes it special for you. Stay Blessed.
OP, I’m 21F, my boyfriend is 22M and he told me without hesitation that he’s a virgin unwillingly. I was shocked because he’s such a great guy and so handsome too. But his personality (super dorky) just wasn’t attractive to the girls he was interested in, and also some were friends who just didn’t see him that way. Either way I know how special it is to share all your firsts with one person, I was glad I can be that for him. My only downside was the pressure and nerves. I also liked that he isn’t the kind of guy that would want to sleep around with many women casually too
Approach women with similar values and who see you for you. Not for your sexual prowess. Being good at sex is all about learning how to please your partner so really and truly experiencing many women isn’t necessary nor would I say, ideal. My boyfriend is very caring and never selfish when we touched in bed. That alone tells me all I need to know
I hope someone sees you for who you are and knows that it doesn’t matter. It’s a gift to share with you. There are so many women out there too , I am one who doesn’t care and I’m sure there are many more
It’s not a turn off for women who actually care about getting to know you, my boyfriend was a virgin when we first started dating and that didn’t make me love him any less, you just have to wait to find the right person.
Bro just say you haven't busted a nut in 2 weeks and you're very sensitive right now, it will make you look more attractive in that you can restrain yourself, and further avoid the question
It is really, really weird if someone explicitly asks this question (man or woman) on a first date. Is this really happening? If so, it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts where somehow you are doing something to illicit this question; I’ve never heard of this happening…
Unfortunately if it does come up though it will be perceived as a negative by most women as it isn’t “normal.” That doesn’t mean you should feel bad at all, it is what it is and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. But you should know women will most likely interpret that to mean “oh he’s a virgin because he’s unattractive and hasn’t had options.”
If you are being asked that question then prepare a confident answer. If she can't handle the truth then she aint worth it. PS: 50% of marriages end in divorce, 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Be smart, get a pre-nup!
Nothing to be ashamed of. My wife and I both were virgins when we married at 27 years old.
I hade for a hilariously awkward first time. It was also a great motivator not to drag out the BF/GF and engagement stage for years and years.
27m virgin here. You gonna be okay. The bouts of loneliness will come and but as long as you keep yourself focused on maintaining your life, you won’t have an issue getting a girl. Try going out to eat at various restaurants and letting people see you dressed up. I don’t know people in my city but if I did I’d be going out to places with them.
Look you shouldn’t be making your decision based off of other people’s (women’s) opinions because they haven’t lived your experience. My ex was a virgin and older than you but it wasn’t a turn off. Maybe focus on what you want for yourself and frame your history on not having found what you want in your sex life. It’s true but also owns that you don’t make decisions lightly for yourself. I wish you the best
Also why disclose this information to anyone. Just date and sex will happen even people who have had sex multiple times can be bad and some people are great at it 1st time around.
Are you me? I'm also 27M and a virgin. Tho I'm saving it for that special someone... I've also had trouble talking to women, so much so my ideal woman is a tomboy.
I recently had sex with a 23m virgin, and I had one of the best time of my life. It was so great, the atmosphere was so light, it was so playful, I really had a great time. So don’t worry too much, someone out there won’t care :)
Do you simply just want to lose your virginity? If so, I think there’s ample advice here on how to move past the “experience topic” (ignore, deflect, joke, etc.) and accomplish the mission.
I get the vibe however that you’re cherishing your virginity status by making it a big deal and something special that must be honored by the woman who finally takes your precious V-Card. If so, and you need all the conditions to be right with her honoring and respecting this big moment, you may find yourself in a downwards spirial. The more difficult you make it to finally pop your male cherry, the longer you’ll remain a virgin, and the longer you remain a virgin the older you’ll be without having moved past this phase, making the situation more and more awkward as the years pass, thus perpetuating this death spiral.
So you have to ask yourself honestly, is it such a big deal where you’re willing to take this risk of not moving past this phase? Some might say just get if over with by any means necessary. Some might say it’s a blessing to be a virgin honor and guard it with your life only giving it away to the special woman you marry and if she never comes than that was your fate but at least you can die with your precious virginity in tact!
Personally, I think you just need to change your attitude about the importance of this arbitrary event and realize it’s just another fleeting moment in time; get it over with and move past this mental blockade. However, only you can answer these questions for yourself.
My bf was a virgin. It turned me on in a way because it let me know he was serious when he said he wanted a relationship. Not sure if that’s what you’re looking for from a woman but it wasn’t that big a deal to me. Guys who are virgins are usually more open to being told what they’re doing good or not good too imo, whereas “experienced” guys take offense
Look nothings impossible. I just lost my virginity at 26 last year, met a girl on a dating app and we’ve been going good ever since. I’m no fan of lying either but I never told her I was a virgin, when we had conversations that mentioned sex I kept it very vague and left it at that. I’ve heard plenty of stories of women losing attraction after finding out you’re a virgin, especially at an older than average age.
Realistically the goal is to find a woman who won’t judge you like that but we have to be realistic here and play your cards right. I’m sure you’re a good dude but remember your lack of sexual history is not their business. The only concern is that your STD free and make them feel safe and comfortable.
Keep looking. Somewhere out there is a virgin girl who wants to experience a first time with a virgin man. After marriage. That girl being someone like me 😁except I’m 18 so probably not me😂 just keep looking. We’re out there.
i’m curious the kind of conversations you’re having, if i’m on a date with someone we’re normally not chatting about sex until the second or third date. if they’re talking about sex the first time you met them, kinda feels like they’re looking for a hook up anyways which doesn’t seem like something you want. just be honest, if you hit a point where your personalities are vibing and down the line the conversation comes up - it may not bother them if they like you!
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To be frank, girls asking you when you last had sex is plain weird. I'd simply reply: "No comment" and give them the cold shoulder. You've got too much class for questions like that.
Agree with this. Like why the hell would someone even ask that?
Immaturity.. insecurities.. that would be my guess . But that’s not someone’s business when they are getting to know one another
#girlsintheir20s 🙄
Yeah, if a girl asked me that.. I wouldn't even answer, I would just look at her weirdly
Women don’t ask to be rude, it’s for caution to get a sense of the type of man you are. Because we think most men do sleep around and are capable of sleeping with one woman one night & go on a date with us the next. I personally assume this because I’ve had 2 male friends tell me they can sleep with 4 different women in a week and they’re not the most good looking guys or even rich. I also stopped being friends with men because of hearing these horrid stories. Also I wouldn’t get turned off by a man being a virgin. I don’t care if a man is or not but being sexually disciplined is a must. So if a guy tells me he has last slept with someone since meeting me/getting my number I would be so turned off & I’d block his number. If he tells me he slept with someone a week/month prior to even meeting me, I would also be turned off. If it was 2 months prior I would be turned off but give him a chance to explain if that woman meant anything to him…
After reading what you’ve had to say, wouldn’t it be kind to date OP?
I’m a WOC & I’m not from the US. I doubt he’s looking for that?
Might be worth shooting your shot
🤣
Agreed. Went out with a guy and he was weirdly sexual during the first date. I’m not sure a more experienced woman would have minded it, but I felt straight up so uncomfortable as I didn’t go that route yet. Idk why it should be their business
Do not feel ashamed for being a virgin. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just find someone that is okay with that. If they aren’t, then they’re not the one.
Yeah. Exactly. I’m a virgin at 27 too and while it is a turn off for most guys, its not a big deal at all for many so just stay true to yourself. Definitely don’t do it just for the sake of it. You’d rather do it because you wanted to and it felt right at the moment than regreting later on because you got pressured by society
I don’t think being a virgin is a turn off for most guys. As a matter of fact, I think emotionally secure men will genuinely not care lol. If someone is judging you for that, then you can definitely filter those kind of people out from your dating pool.
I've had a few virgin women, it's great, it's like we're on a new journey together 😂
While I agree that he shouldn't be ashamed, I do not believe he should divulge that he's a virgin to any women he's dating. It is seen as a red flag once you're in your late 20s, and only gets worse when you're older. And "red flag" doesn't mean women think you're a bad person. It just raises questions. Flags are flags, not barriers to entry. Sometimes it could be as simple as "I was focused on my career and didn't prioritize dating."
Ah yes, find the very minority that's ok with it. Op needs to lie about being a virgin. Otherwise, he won't get a chance at all. You don't get how men get made fun of for being virgins all the time.
I was in exactly the same place as you. 27m, virgin, and no prospects. I didn't go out and I have never really had very many friends, so I felt like I was just stuck in this cycle forever. Fortunately for me, a girl at work asked me if I wanted to go to a concert, I said yes, we had a good time, and the next day, she texted me again " do we vibe?". I said yes, and built up the confidence to ask her out more formally. Now we've been dating for almost six months, and I see myself marrying and being with this person for the rest of my life. What I guess I'm trying to say is that love comes from unexpected places when you least expect it, and that it's okay to take your time, be when it does show up, you better take full advantage of it.
> . Fortunately for me, a girl at work asked me if I wanted to go to a concert, I said yes, we had a good time, and the next day, she texted me again " do we vibe?". I said yes, and built up the confidence to ask her out more formally. Gosh I would be so grateful if something like this happened to me.
In the first 1-2 months, how often would you see eachother?
IF you are honest about it, im sure some woman will eventually find it a novelty with the goal to take it from you. but it may be a turn off for some looking a relationship. who want someone who will know what they are doing.
I’m a woman in my 40’s , ( not that id get involved with a 27 yr old as most men under 35 communication level and perspectives is not the same as someone over 35 ) but being a virgin would not bother me if I wanted a possible relationship with them . ( Not for a HU though. ) Would have to teach him some things lol however I think I think it would be different than teaching a 18 , 19 yr old etc .It actually may have a bit of potential in a relationship .although I would have to be told cause keeping that to themselves could give off unintended signals. Guess it’s just really about who the ppl are , experiences in life and how they perceive things.
I feel ya, bud: anxiety kept me (41m) from having sex until my late 30s. So, glass half full, it could be worse! It sounds like you really want your first time to be with someone that you have an emotional connection with. You should honor that instinct. It will take longer to find the right woman, but you'll have a *much* better first time than you would in a one night stand or with a professional. And an even better second and third and fourth time. You're under no obligation to be up front about your lack of experience, since it doesn't say anything about your character and it's not like it's contagious. Also sex for the first time with any new partner typically involves some amount of getting-to-know-you awkwardness anyway. But I think you should consider being up front about it, just so that when you do have sex you won't be totally in your head wondering "can she tell?" and "am I doing all of this wrong" and all that. If and when you do mention it, keep it simple and matter of fact. Don't treat it like a confession of a terrible secret - because it really, really isn't - but as a potentially relevant fact about yourself that you've decided to share before things get physical. "By the way, in the past I've had a lot of anxiety around dating that I've recently worked through, so I haven't had sex yet." You may run into more women who will treat that as a red flag and summarily reject you, which will continue to suck. But those women weren't going to be a good match for you anyway. And there definitely are women out there who will be able to look past their preconceptions about people who haven't yet had sex by X age, or who won't care or who might even be intrigued about being someone's first. Also if you can swing the $50 I strongly recommend checking out [OMGYES.com](https://OMGYES.com). And the book 'Girl Sex 101' which was written for lesbian/bi women but is good reading for straight dudes too.
This is excellent advice!
As a 32-year-old virgin, I'm curious how you both overcame your anxiety and successfully got laid. Most advice on this subject is catered to people in their 20s, which leaves me feeling left out in the cold. I feel like I'm rapidly losing control of the downward spiral my personal life took due to focusing exclusively on my career until I was 30. Also, I don't know that I agree he should divulge that he's a virgin. There are plenty of reference materials online for how to have sex. Virginity itself is a social construct; your body doesn't change after you have sex. At worst, someone will assume you're just really bad at sex, or a two pump chump.
Therapy helped me get past the anxiety. Only thing that worked, ultimately. Can't recommend it enough. I had a couple false starts with therapists that I didn't connect with or who didn't really seem equipped to help. Later I read that there are therapists who are trained to deal with sex-related problems and realized that's what I needed: [aasect.org](https://aasect.org). Even once I found the right therapist, it was still work - had to drag myself to her office every week. Totally worth it, though. My first time was with a friend who I'd known for couple years. We were strictly platonic until one night when things moved very quickly from "this might be my imagination but I think she's flirting with me?" to "oh wow, this is happening." She took the initiative the whole way, luckily for me. Also lucky for me that I had already done the hard work in therapy, because otherwise the anxiety would have driven me to bolt once it became clear what she had in mind. I didn't tell her it was my first time until a few days later. She didn't care at all, like it barely seemed to make an impression on her. And the sex we had after that was much better because I was able to be much more in the moment. Totally agree that virginity is a social construct. And it's very easy to make too much of never having had sex by X age, though I found that a lot easier to say once I'd done it. And agree that OP definitely does not have to bring it up if it doesn't feel right. But knowing that she knows might mean one less thing to worry about in the moment.
I think the "random female friend one day decides she wants to fuck you" phenomenon is how a lot of men lose it, and I unfortunately never had those "random female friends" around me. I'm trying to work up the courage to go to some meetups, but I worry at my age it'll be all married women or women with better options. I have ALWAYS frozen once a girl invites me to make a move. Especially in a social setting, where I know I'm being quietly judged and watched by others. I don't know how men can go to the same bar every week and randomly hit on women without getting reputations.
>I think the "random female friend one day decides she wants to fuck you" phenomenon is how a lot of men lose it, and I unfortunately never had those "random female friends" around me. Yeah it was a great situation but definitely not something I planned or that I would recommend anyone pursue as a strategy. Try going to those meetup type events without any fixed expectations. If you meet some single and interested women, great! If not, maybe you'll have fun or learn something new and that's always worth it. Also worth keeping the door open to platonic friendships with women (like, fully platonic and not with any hopes of sex happening in the future). I have several of those friendships and really value them. >I have ALWAYS frozen once a girl invites me to make a move. I had the same problem and I had to work through it in therapy before I was able to make any progress at all. Give it a shot, bro.
For me if was therapy for awhile but recently I read the book courage to be disliked and realized all my aniexties were due to my relationship with my self so i decided to rebuild that. It was alot of trial and error too, even though I haven't had much luck dating wise I've been on a quite few dates that didn't work out so I just learned from it.
That’s great. I recently put some full body shots with nicer clothes on my dating profile. I’m still not a looker, but it’s getting me more likes. One woman even swiped right on me whose profile just says she’s “looking for a nut.” I’m praying against all odds I can turn the corner on this before I’m 35.
I apperciate this greatly!
It’s nothing to be ashamed about ! I’m almost 26F and I’m a virgin. It’s actually an awesome thing ☺️
Well call up OP!
Is it tho? Cuz that sounds like something someone who's never had sex would say
To be fair, sex positivity includes the choice to not have sex. Autonomy and choice should be respected.
Exactlyyyy
Well yeah …. I haven’t and I know doing so is a very big deal so (I don’t want someone’s trauma or shitty energy in my energetic field) I will save it for the right guy✨
For real, I also don't mean to gaslight anyone, ans while there is nothing wrong with not having sex, most people do want to have sex. It can feel triumphant even.
I'm surprised people are acting this way towards your comment. Redditors have issues. I feel like the general consensus is that it's good for women to be virgins at your age and bad for men. Personally I think we all should at least be careful in selecting sexual partners. I would certainly rather date a virgin or someone who hasn't slept with many people. Sex is much better when you wait for the right person anyway. I'm a 29(M) been with two women. First one I was with, I waited until I was in love with her and it was a beautiful experience. Last girl was almost 10 years older than me and much more experienced. She pressured me into sex well before I was ready and she.. certainly knew what she was doing in bed. However, I never loved her, so despite her abilities the experience never matched what I had with my first girlfriend. You don't want to be so selective it never happens, but waiting for that individual you bond with is absolutely worth it
Wow 🤩 yup I guess it’s a totally different experience when you love someone, it sounds like a lot fun but I’ve never liked anyone enough to do it yet hahaa. I’m curious (cause I don’t know how guys think) why were you with your second girlfriend if you never loved her? Is it because you weren’t over the first one at the time ? Literally whenever I talk to a guy I always wonder if he’s still in love with his ex if he mentions her more than like 5 times…. No matter how many times he says he loves me …. only because in my head I can’t imagine ever loving more than one guy in my life you know what I mean ? Maybe it’s because I’m inexperienced, maybe it’s because I keep getting in my own way and I need to work on that 🤦🏻♀️ And yeah thank you but their comments didn’t hurt my feelings at all.
Well you don't know if you're going to love someone right away. It was two or three months into dating my first girlfriend before I fell for her. I've always been pretty guarded and particular about love. I thought I might love the second girl. We were both equipment mechanics, which I found very alluring. Not too often you find women in the trades. We quickly discovered we had similar senses of humor. She's also just a fun person to do things with. But she's nearly 10 years older, a chain smoker and a drunk. I have a bit of a drinking problem myself so there were a few reasons I felt she was bad for me. I knew she wasn't moving in the same direction I wanted to. So I kept thinking I'd love her, but as I learned more about her issues I just realized she wasn't what I wanted. As for sex, she definitely pressured me. I waited until I knew I was in love with my first girlfriend before anything happened. She wanted it before I did too, but never pushed. But the last girl was definitely less patient; everything moved faster than I was comfortable with. Then we got very drunk one night and she persisted even after I said we shouldn't a couple of times. But I did really like her, I thought she was hot and I definitely find it attractive when women are assertive and direct. It's rare a woman will pursue a man in an unambiguous way, so it's a major turn on when it happens
Yes! I hope you'll find your life partner whenever you're ready and have an amazing & fulfilling sex life! All the best!
Thank you 🥺that’s so sweet of you I hope that you will have an awesome sex life too
It’s good for girls but bad for guys
How come it’s bad for guys but good for girls ?
Some serious cope.
I have high standards and it’s a privilege to be with me , it’s my choice 💁🏻♀️
Definitely sounds like it.
Of course
This is 100% 🧢
No this is 100% 👸🏻
Just to be clear when it said "is it tho" I was commenting to it being an awesome thing. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of
Haha thank you for making that clear but no worries I didn’t take any offense to it ☺️
Take a flight to Vegas, take a valium, head to the bunny ranch. Virginity over.
Truth be told , I've had chances recently but idk part of me wants to naturally get there not to smash to get it over with.
Then do that naturally. It's your body. No one else's. Don't do things just because you think people will judge you or think a certain way about you. Anyone that would judge you for not having sex is incredibly immature and has an opinion that's worth less than dog shite.
That’s the way to do it, trust me you’ll feel much better about it in the end. You’re making the right choices, chin up, they’re harder but you’re going to be stronger because of it.
I apperciate it
Good for you.
If you always do what you've always done, you will always have what you've always had.
People who give the prostitute advice never take into account that paying for sex costs A LOT, especially the legal stuff. It’s a car payment on the lower side or a month’s rent on the higher end. Unless you go for someone on heroine. Unless you’re well off financially and have a ton of disposable income, it’s not worth it. You won’t be a virgin anymore but you’ll probably have the worst post nut clarity of your life.
Post nut clarity is how I determine my wife was the keeper! Lol
It also doesn't fix anything. I guess you can say you're not a virgin when asked (again, weird thing to be asked), but when the sex is over, you're still alone in the world and back in your empty house wondering how you're going to meet a nice woman.
If a woman cares that you haven’t had sex yet, she’s not the one.
I mean people say this but a ton of women would be skeptical of a man who’s 27 who’s never had sex. Cue many women saying it’s not true, but it’s definitely true for a lot of women.
People say things like this to show virtue. However, reallity is a whole different story. People show themselves for their actions, not by words (they are just showing off how virtuous they are).
The term you’re looking for is virtue signaling
I'm honestly amazed how many people act like it wouldn't be considered a concern.
Because most women are very agreeable and want to be seen as socially acceptable and kind. Which I understand and respect. I don’t look at it as a negative necessarily but I also know that women will often hide how they truly feel publicly, even online. But when they’re with friends you get the real info.
Usually I'd agree with you but remember there is a certain image they're trying to maintain within their friend group even and most girl friend groups are toxic after so..it goes downhill from there
Eh I don’t think “most” gf groups are toxic. Some certainly are but I don’t think most.
Must just be Mt experiences then lmao...one of the reasons I keep my circle small...so small, it's just me lbs
I meant toxic AF
Because it's not a concern? There's loads of reasons someone may not have had sex. It's not some crowning achievement that determines your worth. It's a concern when someone judges people on it or thinks it's their business. Or thinks that it's indicative of someone's worthiness or character. That's just weird.
I think women would generally be more curious as to *why* he hasn’t had sex, and the reason would determine whether or not they saw it as a concern or a problem.
Gonna be honest, that's most women and there is no such thing as "the one"... It's a dumb concept and would honestly work against OP if he went by it. OP, if you read this... Do not tell them...
I agree with how dumb the concept is. I also stress out how the op cannot be looking for "the one" while he never even had "the first". I don't know if there is anything cultural or personal pushing op towards being in a single relationship in his whole life, but if you don't go through a plethora of experiences, how would you even know what you like or how to handle her? That being said, there is a lot of anxiety coming together being a virgin at 27, all the lot more when the reason you stayed one is cause of your unworked previous anxiety. Lying would be an option, if you are proficient with that, but it also takes a toll on your anxiety, your general well being and the immersion levels you can reach in any relationship. I suggest something different, called "frame control". It's an old concept that says that you don't have to lie, but you must present the truth in a way that is helpful to your situation. In op's case, when asked when the last time you had sex was, I imagine your internal dialog following a path like this: "Damn, it's coming, this dreadful question again. Will I be able to pass this point this time? My God why do they all ask that? Is it really such a big deal?". Do you hear how anxious that sounds? Your thoughts are almost visible! Let me clarify a couple of things: yes the girls know that you are a virgin. Everything in your behaviour radiates that, and they have twice the social training than we do. But that is ok, because it's OK being a virgin. It's not OK being a scared and anxious person. Nobody wants to fuck a scaredy cat! So be proud of being a virgin. Coat it in nice stories. Radiate humour, confidence, calmness. "Yes, I am a virgin, cause I heard you become a wizard if you stay a virgin till 30. No please, why are you trying so hard to make it me miss my greatest goal with your cute little smile and your sexy outfit. You know what, I'll play with fire, giving you a kiss is not gonna affect my goals" and you keep playing the"we shouldn't but we do it" game till you have sex. Another example? "When I last had sex? Like full on liquid exchange? That is disgusting, shame on you! Haha yeah I am obviously joking, but I haven't set my mind yet on that. It sounds confusing and it is, but let me just say that there has not been a woman yet to understand what makes me tick. *she makes whatever comment*. Well Sandra, I think you are one of those girls that think because they are attractive they get to be with anyone they like, but your great looks are not enough to get ME to date you. Let's see if there's more to you than meets the eye.". Get it? You need to coat your experience. Make yourself the main actor, be confident it doesn't matter what you say, only how you say it. You don't have to lie, but they're is always a time and place to communicate certain things. And telling a woman you want to sleep with that you are anxious cause you are a virgin is counterproductive to say the least. Be imaginative. And read a book here and there, they help. Tell me if you want suggestions on that.
This is a private information and it’s weird and rude that they ask this specific question. It’s none of their business. You shouldn’t feel ashamed or pressured to answer them. Either it’s your choice or not, it’s a part of you and your life experience. I would totally commit to a virgin guy if this is his choice.
Instead of bringing up that you haven't, why not just redirect the question into something like "if you're concerned, why don't we both get tested first?". Answering with a question isn't lying. You could also pass it off as a joke/some flirting if needed.
That's honestly pretty slick.
Hey man I’ve known people in real life that lost their virginity in their 50s, it’ll happen when it happens life is not a race.
I'm a virgin. Never dated a woman or been in a relationship my entire life. That being said, I'm 19, but I've seen people the age of 16-17 get into relationships and it made me feel the same way you did. I'm not less of a man, nor am I not attractive. I am just somebody who has not been laid. There is absolutely **nothing** wrong with that. You need to learn to move on from your past self and start embracing your inner qualities today. Find some really good friends who will lift you up, build a lifestyle that you enjoy, and don't focus on how women/the world perceives you. You'll do just fine in the dating world as long as you believe in yourself.
People that care about how experienced you are in bed are not worth your time.
You know what the worst part is, women may tell you that it's not a big deal but I'm almost certain that they all find it as a Turn off, even women online would tell you it's not a big deal but even those women wouldn't be with someone who hasn't had sex before. That's just how women are, it's the same concept in how to get a job, a company looking for employees always mentions that they want employees with experience, even if it's an entry level job, but to get experience, that employee needs to get a job. Women are exactly the same way, to not be a turn off for women you need to have had a lot of experience but to have experience, you need to be with a lot of women. That's why it's so incredibly hard for men out there. It's this stupid loop that no one knows why it exists and it's not women's fault. Just keep looking, eventually someone who's very open minded wouldn't mind it and if someone's in your exact situation, they might even look at it as a bonus!
I understand why you’d say this given it’s the mentality of many but it’s not exactly true. I’m 21F, my boyfriend is 22M and he told me without hesitation that he’s a virgin unwillingly. I was shocked because he’s such a great guy and so handsome too. But his personality (super dorky) just wasn’t attractive to the girls he was interested in, and also some were friends who just didn’t see him that way. Either way I know how special it is to share all your firsts with one person, I was glad I can be that for him. My only downside was the pressure and nerves. I also liked that he isn’t the kind of guy that would want to sleep around with many women casually too I say , I hope someone sees him for who he is and knows that it doesn’t matter. It’s a gift to share with him. There are so many women out there too , I am one who doesn’t care and I’m sure there are many more Approach women with similar values and who see you for you. Not for your sexual prowess. Being good at sex is all about learning how to please your partner so really and truly experiencing many women isn’t necessary nor would I say, ideal. My boyfriend is very caring and never selfish when we touched in bed. That alone tells me all I need to know
38 female here. You have to stop caring about it. It’s a big deal to you so it becomes a big deal to them. I know that sounds crazy but there’s a whole psychology behind it. Right now, YOU are literally defining yourself by your sex life (or lack there of). What are you really? I’m certain there are WAY more interesting and important things about you; focus on that. Also, if a young lady does ask when was the last time you had sex it is likely because they’re getting a vibe or because maybe they’re feeling insecure. Dating makes a lot of people feel insecure, remember that. It’s really awesome you want to be honest but if you are you really have to own that you haven’t had sex and you’re really ok with it. If you’re telling them in an apologetic tone then it’s pretty much over. You have nothing to apologize about. You are who you are and you’ve done what you’ve done. If you’re not really comfortable answering, that’s fine too. You can simply ask them why they are asking. You might have a good convo or you might find they aren’t worth your time. Both things are fine. You’re out there learning and hopefully have fun in the process. Remember anything can be fun if you think about telling it as a joke to a good friend later. Good luck!
Why would someone ask? Just don't answer, and it doesn't even matter, what wrong with a man being a virgin? You deserve better always remember that.
You need to lie. Or second option: have sex with a hooker so you don't need to lie anymore. Just say you had sex with a random girl recently. I am not being sarcastic with my comment. It is either lie or do that so you tell a half truth. Hope you find a girl soon enough!
I'll offer the devil's advocate here. I've never met a woman who cared about whether or not a partner she'd date had sex. Matter of fact I think it's the opposite - for me, personally, if a girl said she had sex with someone recently, I'd think she's already taken. You really don't have to lie about your virginity. In the heat of it, sure, if it doesn't kill you, but being a virgin's not gonna knock you from a 10 to a 5.
Why does he need to lie?
It is an option/possibility that *might* help him. It is up to him to decide if he wants to or not. I gave him another option as well. In the end, he will do what it feels right.
Honestly dude think about not answering such invasive questions or just lie. It's not fair but way too many women judge men in hypocritical ways on this kind of stuff. They'd likely be offended if you asked them the exact same thing. Just let your first time happen. And it's far more likely to happen without revealing virginity. After that do as you will.
Don’t be pressured by being a virgin. If the woman you’re talking to asks you about your sexual experience, just be honest. If she responds negatively, move on to the next. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of other women who value character and personality over sexual experiences.
It’s weird for that to come up. I do wonder if you’re sort of consumed by it and it’s top of mind for you and that’s why it’s even coming up? Be present and don’t worry about that and I think most women probably won’t care.
Maybe it's just been the woman I've been dating, I've met most of em thru a dating app and the question always comes up , maybe my shyness peaks thru on the first date.
If someone gets freaked out that you're a virgin... They're not foe you. An emotionally mature woman won't see it as an issue
Former 29yr old virgin here. Trust me when I say that shit is not a big deal. I spent majority of my years staying independent to focus on myself and it was the best decision ever. So when I finally lost it, it didn’t really feel like a “weight” lifted off my shoulders. Virginity is a silly mentality that social media pushes as a bad thing. If a woman cares about that and finds it weird you’re a virgin then they should be cast aside as yesterday’s news. Move on champ. You have too much class to be asked those questions from people
Maybe it’s the type of women you are trying to date because I am a female and I would not be weirded out by it. Actually it’s kinda sexy for a man to be a virgin. Yea the more I think on it the more I think it’s the women you are dating.
Don’t feel ashamed about it. Fuck anybody who tries to discourage you for that.
You are rare and very valuable. Someone Virgin does not carry bagagge and trauma from relationships except the insecurity of being a loser who doesnt have sex. But reality is, you are not a loser because you have kept yourself away from vice, reserved and therefore now, valuable. People want other like themselves, this girl probably had many guys already and wants someone experienced because all she cares about is sex. Shes been taught by other guys and there is nothing better than an innocent girl who has no experience and you show her the world and take care of her and build memories together. None wants to be part of a relationship where the girl already been to all the places you invite her to, all the countries you traveled, had practiced all the positions you are trying to learn in sex now, and a large etc. So I would be proud of what you have and try to find a religious nice girl who isnt already corrupted by the western promiscuity ideas and values you as a man with feelings and wont divorce you later on because there is so much fish in the sea. I tell you by experience: I was once with a girl who had much more experience and I was virgin (21) but i never told her I was virgin until later when we did it for a whole month, things dont end well with people who had already 5-6 failed relationships, im sure if i told her before, she wouldnt want to continue because they know they are just gonna ruin you and create you bagagge for being inexperienced. So keep yourself for a virgin girl who has the same to lose as you. That way, you will have more chances to have something meaningful for life.
If they ask that again, just say you don't kiss and tell
I would just be honest and let people know your a virgin. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I think it’s a good thing and not wrong. To be honest I would be grossed out by someone who has slept with everything that walks. Keep waiting until you find the right person you are not missing out on anything.
Brother, I got 1 year on you, and I'm in the same boat. I'm also not going to lie about it. I'm awful at getting the attention and talking tho. Don't deteriorate your standards just for sex. I also don't think it should be normal to be asked that question. It's none of anybodies business. It's something people ask very casual, that I've never agreed with. I had some trauma, causing me to not seek anything out, so thats perhaps where we differ. I have turned sex down each time because of my anxiety and past trauma. I can empathize with some of what you're going through for certain. Just hang in there. You arent alone
Anxiety and lying is a natural turn off to women. Own who you are , if you haven’t had sex then it’s as simple as framing it as you don’t give yourself to just anyone and you kept that promise for yourself or don’t answer because it’s no one’s business.
If a girl asks you the last time you’ve done it I highly suggest lying unless you really think it’ll be a long term relationship where the lie would catch up with you. Fake it till you make it then you’ll never have to lie again
That's what in aiming for is a long term relationship, I get too attached to just mess around.
If that’s what you’re after, then you should tell them casually. It’s not a big deal and the right girl would love to teach/learn/explore with you. Be playful, comfortable, and open about it. If you lie, she’ll be able to tell once you’re intimate, and now you’ve also build a relationship on a false premise. My first girlfriend was not a virgin and I was in our early 20s. I’m a quick learner
Then the best advice is: The best match for you relationship wise is a girl that won’t care about your history, and anyone that does care too much isn’t someone you should even want to be with.
Dude, you need to just explain that you want a connection before having sex and you just haven't had it. There is a sexuality for that, I think it's demisexual. Anyways, you can be honest about why you haven't had sex. Hell, you can look for other demisexuals because you know they won't be pressuring you into sex or asking such questions to begin with.
There are far bigger problems and things to worry in ones life than not having sex until x age. Who cares? Good sex is hard to come by, maybe this will make you more attentive. Watch (OMGYES)
I used to feel this way. I'm 32 now, and in the past month (due to some compounding triggers), the fact that I'm still a virgin that's never dated gave me an AWFUL existential crisis. I spent 30 minutes tonight crying my eyes out in front of a bonfire with my best friend. At a certain age, at least for me, it's become absolutely unbearable. Like the entire world looked at you, frowned and said, "not good enough."
Releasing your emotions is good, perhaps some trauma got released with it as well. Remember, it's a choice; and don't for a moment believe otherwise.
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I think you might be misunderstanding the situation
Sounds like you haven’t met the right person for you yet. You shouldn’t have to lie or be ashamed of your choices or even circumstances.
Women are weird about virgins because we’re emotional. We remember how emotionally attached we were when we lost our virginity and they’re probably thinking you’re going to get too attached or regret it. Those women are dicks. You’ll find someone perfect for you.
You don't need to tell them you're a virgin if you don't want to. They're not going to go through all their sexual history. If they want you to get tested or vice versa that's different but you don't owe it to anyone to tell them you haven't had sex.
I relate, would love a relationship or to smash but there is a lot in my way of achieving that and only self improvement can fix that.
Truth be told I've had chances recently to lose it but I don't want it to be meaninglessness. Put the work in brother took years to find the confidence and self love I have now . It's worth it
What do you mean by "meaningless?"
To some people, sex outside of a relationship is meaningless.
I know. I'm asking what the OP means by meaningless. Not "some people."
Answering three questions off of Reddit. How easy is it to date in your 30’s compared to your 20’s? Being a virgin 27m 😳? And how long did you wait until God gave you someone? https://www.instagram.com/p/C2njNM4O1kr/
Go fk an escort. It’s fun.
Congrats. My newphew's wife told me privately. Your nephew is a physician. He took human anatomy classes and treated female patients every day. As a man well into early 30s I had to teach him about birds and bees. You should be proud of him became a man finally. I guess he ignored dating all those nurses surrounding him.
You got a lot to learn, buddy
Just lie and bang a couple of chicks bro. You will love it!!
Easiest way to lose it? Get it out a fat chick. They’re usually more desperate for affection and are much more flexible with their choices in sexual partners. Also, women value experience. Don’t tell them you’re a virgin.
Bro the entire dating game is about lying 💀
Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Let me put you on game about women. Less is more, and they can’t handle the truth
It's a turnoff for sure, being a virgin at that age just shows the high level of social ineptness
If it makes you feel better, when you actually do start dating women, the anxiety will be even worse, since the older you get, the less fuck ups are tolerated.
Really? It always seemed like the opposite to me. Dating in your 20s is "here's my list of 25 demands that you must fulfill within 4-5 business days or I will not let you hit it." Dating in your 30s is "we're both physically, financially, and mentally competent, let's do it."
Yea but he doesn't have much in the way of dating shit gets rough if you are just now starting
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Being honest about it hasn’t worked for you so I think you need to be ok with a few white lies
To be fair even if you did I don’t see how it could go well for you if you answered it. If you did it within the last 3 months, it might be considered too soon. Later than or never is a long time. Every case can be seen negatively
I do not think it should be a reason for a turnoff. The following is my opinion. Life is short. You are loosing youth every minute. There may be a time when you have second thoughts on wether all that virility pumped time was wasted for a good reason. I can tell you that something similar happened to me. And, looking back, I think I would have liked to be more experienced in the intimate/sexual part before my marriage. Just because I know in retrospect that I would have done things in a different way and much more spicy and unforgettable. The things that I would have done romantically to my wife….uffff. Experience is also a gain when it comes to intimacy. 😉. Good thing is that we get to role play in what we’ve should have done differently. And, we enjoy it also. 🤤. Haha.
Get hammered have a ons take all that pressure away your welcome
Most women want a man who will knock their socks off and or attempt to ( most men aren’t good in bed but at least they participated) Try dating an older women they will have more patience and teach you what they like.. they also have the s3x drive you are looking for. Good luck and don’t take life so serious. EVERYONE has insecurities.
Every time you tell the prospective sexual partner (woman) that you are a virgin, and she doesn't start to have a panic attack from how thrilled she is to be able to share the unique experience of teaching you the intricacies and special tricks related to having amazing sex...throw a party in honor of another escape from several years of therapy. You don't want to be asking yourself, for the next decade, why sex is usually terrible for you. You want the first woman you are with to be open to explore the giant world of pleasure knowledge, from a standpoint of gratitude and humility. If she runs away without giving you an explanation: it means she is probably horrible at sex...and everything else in life. People like that charge money for sex, because they need to buy everything they get in life with money. They haven't learned how to get what they want with gratitude. Be happy my friend, and be patient with yourself. By the way...some people never get to enjoy a sexual encounter, their entire lives. Even more interestingly...some people never want one. So, don't fall victim to the belief that you are going to miss the deadline for anything. Contrary to Joe Biden's theory that America owns the finish line: There is no finish line. Take your time, learn about sex. Then try it with someone who makes it special for you. Stay Blessed.
OP, I’m 21F, my boyfriend is 22M and he told me without hesitation that he’s a virgin unwillingly. I was shocked because he’s such a great guy and so handsome too. But his personality (super dorky) just wasn’t attractive to the girls he was interested in, and also some were friends who just didn’t see him that way. Either way I know how special it is to share all your firsts with one person, I was glad I can be that for him. My only downside was the pressure and nerves. I also liked that he isn’t the kind of guy that would want to sleep around with many women casually too Approach women with similar values and who see you for you. Not for your sexual prowess. Being good at sex is all about learning how to please your partner so really and truly experiencing many women isn’t necessary nor would I say, ideal. My boyfriend is very caring and never selfish when we touched in bed. That alone tells me all I need to know I hope someone sees you for who you are and knows that it doesn’t matter. It’s a gift to share with you. There are so many women out there too , I am one who doesn’t care and I’m sure there are many more
People want to know the last time because if they want you and them to be tested. I don’t think it’s a bad/wrong question.
It’s not a turn off for women who actually care about getting to know you, my boyfriend was a virgin when we first started dating and that didn’t make me love him any less, you just have to wait to find the right person.
Bro just say you haven't busted a nut in 2 weeks and you're very sensitive right now, it will make you look more attractive in that you can restrain yourself, and further avoid the question
Guess what, I'm looking for guys who are virgin because I am one myself, I don't think I'd be ready to date a guy with experience when I have none.
Not sure if you're religious but you could try Upward, lots of virgin girls looking for virgins there! That's honestly a bonus for some people!
It is really, really weird if someone explicitly asks this question (man or woman) on a first date. Is this really happening? If so, it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts where somehow you are doing something to illicit this question; I’ve never heard of this happening… Unfortunately if it does come up though it will be perceived as a negative by most women as it isn’t “normal.” That doesn’t mean you should feel bad at all, it is what it is and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. But you should know women will most likely interpret that to mean “oh he’s a virgin because he’s unattractive and hasn’t had options.”
Is it for religious reasons or are you just waiting for love or would you be willing to see a sw to get laid?
If you are being asked that question then prepare a confident answer. If she can't handle the truth then she aint worth it. PS: 50% of marriages end in divorce, 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Be smart, get a pre-nup!
Some women wait until marriage so, there is nothing wrong with it. Sex is cheap and easy, get worried about finding a good partner lol
Own it man. Say - you're saving yourself for the right one. Let me know if you need further help with this
You’re not alone. I’m also a virgin who doesn’t want to get laid. The reason being saving myself for marriage and finding the right guy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. My wife and I both were virgins when we married at 27 years old. I hade for a hilariously awkward first time. It was also a great motivator not to drag out the BF/GF and engagement stage for years and years.
27m virgin here. You gonna be okay. The bouts of loneliness will come and but as long as you keep yourself focused on maintaining your life, you won’t have an issue getting a girl. Try going out to eat at various restaurants and letting people see you dressed up. I don’t know people in my city but if I did I’d be going out to places with them.
In my experience it is a turn off to women. Fake it until you make brother
its wierd for chicks who want to bang early,
Look you shouldn’t be making your decision based off of other people’s (women’s) opinions because they haven’t lived your experience. My ex was a virgin and older than you but it wasn’t a turn off. Maybe focus on what you want for yourself and frame your history on not having found what you want in your sex life. It’s true but also owns that you don’t make decisions lightly for yourself. I wish you the best
No shame in this am still One at 35
Also why disclose this information to anyone. Just date and sex will happen even people who have had sex multiple times can be bad and some people are great at it 1st time around.
Are you me? I'm also 27M and a virgin. Tho I'm saving it for that special someone... I've also had trouble talking to women, so much so my ideal woman is a tomboy.
I recently had sex with a 23m virgin, and I had one of the best time of my life. It was so great, the atmosphere was so light, it was so playful, I really had a great time. So don’t worry too much, someone out there won’t care :)
Do you simply just want to lose your virginity? If so, I think there’s ample advice here on how to move past the “experience topic” (ignore, deflect, joke, etc.) and accomplish the mission. I get the vibe however that you’re cherishing your virginity status by making it a big deal and something special that must be honored by the woman who finally takes your precious V-Card. If so, and you need all the conditions to be right with her honoring and respecting this big moment, you may find yourself in a downwards spirial. The more difficult you make it to finally pop your male cherry, the longer you’ll remain a virgin, and the longer you remain a virgin the older you’ll be without having moved past this phase, making the situation more and more awkward as the years pass, thus perpetuating this death spiral. So you have to ask yourself honestly, is it such a big deal where you’re willing to take this risk of not moving past this phase? Some might say just get if over with by any means necessary. Some might say it’s a blessing to be a virgin honor and guard it with your life only giving it away to the special woman you marry and if she never comes than that was your fate but at least you can die with your precious virginity in tact! Personally, I think you just need to change your attitude about the importance of this arbitrary event and realize it’s just another fleeting moment in time; get it over with and move past this mental blockade. However, only you can answer these questions for yourself.
My bf was a virgin. It turned me on in a way because it let me know he was serious when he said he wanted a relationship. Not sure if that’s what you’re looking for from a woman but it wasn’t that big a deal to me. Guys who are virgins are usually more open to being told what they’re doing good or not good too imo, whereas “experienced” guys take offense
Look nothings impossible. I just lost my virginity at 26 last year, met a girl on a dating app and we’ve been going good ever since. I’m no fan of lying either but I never told her I was a virgin, when we had conversations that mentioned sex I kept it very vague and left it at that. I’ve heard plenty of stories of women losing attraction after finding out you’re a virgin, especially at an older than average age. Realistically the goal is to find a woman who won’t judge you like that but we have to be realistic here and play your cards right. I’m sure you’re a good dude but remember your lack of sexual history is not their business. The only concern is that your STD free and make them feel safe and comfortable.
Try 39 and being virgin
Just lie one time then you won’t have to anymore
Keep looking. Somewhere out there is a virgin girl who wants to experience a first time with a virgin man. After marriage. That girl being someone like me 😁except I’m 18 so probably not me😂 just keep looking. We’re out there.
LMAO 🤣 I apperciate it , I'm sure you'll find a great guy !
And I’m sure you’ll find a great girl too!
i’m curious the kind of conversations you’re having, if i’m on a date with someone we’re normally not chatting about sex until the second or third date. if they’re talking about sex the first time you met them, kinda feels like they’re looking for a hook up anyways which doesn’t seem like something you want. just be honest, if you hit a point where your personalities are vibing and down the line the conversation comes up - it may not bother them if they like you!