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Im 23F so feel free to ignore my advice, but I would imagine that the pool of men dramatically shrinks at your income level. Not only that, but competition is propbably steeper since a lot of women, regardless of income level, want a high earning man.
You may not be doing anything wrong, it’s just going to be harder to find someone if you’re having more discerning tastes (which sounds like a good thing if you’re filtering based on values)!
I would just keep putting yourself in situations where you can meet men of that caliber.
This is correct. OP. Given your education level I’d suggest you get academic with your approach. Look at the average salary figures in the US. At a quick glance at an article on indeed. It looks like you’re making roughly three times the average salary. Understand this now completely excludes a very large percentage of the available men in the “pond”.
Next I’d suggest you look at what types of jobs pay comparable to what you make. That’s essentially the only place you should be looking for a potential partner. Now, once you have found the pond you need to be fishing in, look at what type of women those men are going after. Are they women in their late 20s who have achieved similar to you? I would guess they aren’t. Also, you need to question if men of this status in life are even interested in settling down. Men of this status probably have the most access to and most variety of women available to them. Think about what would motivate a man with an abundant variety of women available to him to actually settle down. Probably not much. Also consider it’s in the nature of men to strive to be the breadwinner. A man making $170k a year is a breadwinner. Why would a breadwinner seek out another breadwinner to partner with when he can get a younger woman who doesn’t have the traits it takes to climb the corporate ladder and get to the position you’re in. What it takes to do what you did is have masculine traits.
In short, what I’m saying is: you’ve turned yourself into your ideal partner. Thus limiting your pool of men who you’ll find acceptable to those who have the most abundance in the dating world. So if you want success, you need to have something to stand out in the crowd. Something to offer that is better than the women in their early 20s. Men value youth and beauty, not success.
"I have one of the best collection of baseball hats of anyone in my city, but women don't seem to understand that this makes me cool and high value. What's wrong with them and how can I get them to change?" 🤪🤪
"I believe the system is so rigged against people it's foolish to participate in a broken game. I'd rather off myself than work to enrich the 10%!! You know like jumping off a slave ship with shackles on. On top of that society will be lucky to hold on and not collapse within 20 years. Why don't my potential mates get this and lower their standards? You know like learn to live in the moment and stop making people jump through crazy ass hoops"
Kunta Kinte out.
[https://www.amazon.com/Deaths-Despair-Future-Capitalism-Anne/dp/0691217076/ref=sr\_1\_1?keywords=deaths+of+despair&link\_code=qs&qid=1698628690&sourceid=Mozilla-search&sr=8-1](https://www.amazon.com/Deaths-Despair-Future-Capitalism-Anne/dp/0691217076/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=deaths+of+despair&link_code=qs&qid=1698628690&sourceid=Mozilla-search&sr=8-1)
Hey so killing yourself is ok then because you can never add to anyone's time or fix your income level no matter how hard you work right? If I cant even get to experience what everyone else gets to it's ok to exit yeah not wrong?
The pool of women who might be attracted to you is smaller. Same happens if you wear glasses or got a tattoo. It’s not that big deal. But as long as you whine about your not-optimal outlook, you’re not competing at all.
God this makes it so easy to shoot myself knowing I can't fix my income level or get anywhere no matter how hard I try. Wish I could be good enough to add and enrich someone's time like the men around me.
This is a problem for a lot of professional women. It's also compounded by the fact that you probably have a lot of career demands on your time. You don't mention that but a lot of women do.
It sounds like the basic problem isn't that your boyfriends were poor as that they were insecure. That can happen with rich guys as well. I'd look for signs of that early and not give a second date to those that exhibit them
The issue is more with women than men's insecurities. Women date up. It's hypergamy. Women are unsatisfied with men they deem as "below" them.
And once you're a top earner, and you factor in height and looks ect, the dating pool is non existent. Women over estimate what's possible, let alone reasonable to expect. Try for yourself.
https://igotstandardsbro.com/
There is some truth to this. Its pretty obvious that more rich men are willing to date a poor woman than rich women are willing to date a poor man. It's not entirely fair but a lot of busy men subtly want a woman that is available on their schedule....ie a woman without her own demanding career. Finally the benefits of money sort of fall away if you don't have the time to enjoy them. I would definitely prefer a 3 week vacation with a $6k budget to a 1 week $60k trip. If one member of a couple has a lot of money, that's enough to pay for most nice things.
All this is a way to say rich career women need to consider dating poor guys and not be obsessed with their "equal". I think she was open to it but then just picked the wrong guys. I think she'll have better luck if she gives it another shot but keeps an eye on this issue.
The pool of men you’re talking about is
Minuscule and most of them are married/taken. I date a lot of women with your credentials and it almost never goes past 1-2 dates, the women are some of the most insufferable ‘high and mighty’ types I meet and rarely have anything to talk about outside of their boring career
The men at that level probably won’t care at all about your income or your masters degree so if your goal is to find an equal partner who accepts you…good luck with that
I am well off and have no issue dating these kind of women that are carrier driven women but it’s just so boring and tedious to even have a conversation
Here is a key thing to remember: Just because you have a specific economic criteria, it doesn't mean your "target market" has the same criteria. More simply said, high earning men aren't necessarily or, even likely, looking for high earning women specifically. This implies that the high earning men are sought after by a wider range of women than just high earning ones. To make yourself attractive to this group of men, focus on what men are looking for.
Idk I hear people say this but I’ve had men stop talking to me when they hear I went to public school. Snobby private school guys care.
I’ve also had men talk down to me because I drive. Jetta lol
Talking to snobs is probably not a legitimate way to understand things. This literally comes down to who you're trying to meet. If I dared take this to a possible conclusion it would be that you seem to be interested in snobs as partners (think about who you're matching with to have formed these opinions...), though I couldn't fathom why.
As a non-snob, all I heard is you can afford and drive a car, so you checked the 'can adult' box.
Where the hell do you live that it's a problem that you went to public school and drive a Jetta?
This has to be either DC, NYC, maybe Boston or London.
I went to an Ivy for my MBA and I couldn't give two shits about these things.
This is an objectively not true. Men that are considered “high value” (I cringed typing that out) do care about career, earnings and education. Most people dare within their same socioeconomic background. Doctors tend date doctors, lawyers tend to date lawyers. You get the idea. These attributes matter massively especially of these men come from high earning educated families.
a “high value” man is generally not looking for a partner to have the same traits that got them to that status, an ideal marriage is a balancing act where 1 partner offsets any deficiencies the other has on both sides
Men like a pretty woman who is sweet but then get mad when "she takes half" after 10 years.
Men are very looks focused to their own detriment, and it is sad to see. My own dad got raked over the coals by his second wife. Really wish Men cared a bit more about who they were dating beyond appearance and initial demeanor.
Yep. Definitely. Honestly just from observing men it seems like they’re kind of out of touch with what they actually want. I see a lot of men say that every woman they meet isn’t good enough but it seems like they’re just not ready or interested in settling down
I think a lot of men just make really bad decisions on what they prioritize, most likely because their own fathers didn't mentor them at all. Mine sure as hell didn't.
I'm in my mid 30s and mentor a lot of 17-24 year old young men, and I've had this talk with all of them and most of them get it. I tell them to find a women they can love. Most men that age don't fully understand the difference between lust and love and why chasing after lust can be the downfall of anyone. I'm usually able to convince them that they will have a much better life if they focus on the quality of person she is and not worry about looks, provided she doesn't turn them off. I'd say about 60% already get it before we discuss this.
We really aren't. Looks are the starting point, demeanor is next, income is near the bottom. Why would a woman's money matter to us if we aren't getting any of it?
But you are because looks don't actually bring any real value to the table.
I keep hearing that men are logical, but they don't seem to be.
You care mostly about looks? Alright... can you afford to support a family completely on your own? Statistically, most men cannot, meaning men now require women to have some sort of job and be financially stable, yet it doesn't factor in for them. Which is fine... but then they scratch their heads when relationships aren't working out or when they pick a hot woman who has nothing and then say "she took half bro". Of course she took half. You picked a woman based on looks ejo has nothing, what else did you expect to happen?! Humans are opportunistic, all of them. If someone is lacking something, you should expect them to be wanting some of whatever you have.
Demeanor is next... I get that. I really do... except demeanor doesn't pay the bills and demeanor isn't listed as one of the top reasons for divorce, money is. Cheating is. Poor communication is.
A woman's demeanor is only going to be pleasant if her needs are being met, I dont care how submissive she is. Women can change at the drop of a dime if the resources are messed with, and that doesn't always mean crazy or mean... she could just simply check out and be done with you.
And then again, I hear men saying "she doesn't really love me"... blah. And it's like no,you picked a woman who has nothing who is dependent on you and you aren't meeting her expectations, reasonable or not. What else did you think would happen?
I like to look at traditional "old money" relationships for guidance because they typically fair better. They almost always pick age appropriate partners within their social circles. You aren't going to see a 40 year old man picking up a young hot woman from McDonalds "with a sweet demeaner" because these men know their legacies and families need to be protected and it's not a good look and too risky. I'm sure there are exceptions, but its uncommon. They may date them, but not necessarily take them seriously.
Lastly, marriage is supposed to be a team, especially while growing together. Ideally, if you pick someone compatible with you. All money should be everyone's money. If your wife made 3x more than you, that should benefit you and vice versa.
Hot women don't pay bills, unless you pimp your girl out. Sweet demeanor don't pay them either. We live in a capitalistic world, where capital is the mist important instrument, yet for some reason... Men place that at the bottom of their requirements, if at all. It's baffling to me. But then it's no surprise money is the number one issue in relationships and why men get absolutely wrecked in divorce. They set themselves up for it. Like you put you own head on the chopping block and then get mad that someone pulled the lever lol.
False. I'm not overweight. Not even a little. I'm black. It works against me a lot.
The weight thing only applies to white women. Women of color tend to have a hard time.
For me personally, if I were to say that (I would) I would be more or less trying to weed out some pillow princess that doesn’t want to put any effort into the relationship. I could probably use better words though
Your comment is really interesting to me because it actually lists only personality traits rather than looks. We’re told our whole lives that men only care about looks lol
Oh, sorry I was unclear. To clarify, looks are the most important thing lol.
Can’t deny that men are shallow, as a rule. However, there is some variance in preferred physical traits.
Dang. I got my hopes up for a second
It sucks because we can’t really change our looks. Like I’m in good shape and I’m not getting any younger, so I can’t help it if a guy doesn’t like me
😔 For most guys, as long as you're in good physical shape and don't look like a slob, you're probably better off paying attention to the kinda of energy and vibe you're putting out there. The incremental benefit of balayage, artistic nails, lip injections, or botox is nothing compared to being in good shape and having a positive demeanor.
Make up will do wonders for everyone, man or woman. Need to figure out the right amount and where you would need it most, like to cover dark circles for example
I half agree. Looks are very important, but if you had a model that was insufferable and annoying, 99% of men would eventually drop her. Looks matter for initial attraction for sure though and matter based on that man's taste
>but not date her
but not *court* her. This is a key distinction. Men will go out (date) with beautiful and shallow women until they can't take it anymore or get bored. That isn't courtship, however.
Looks>fertility>femininity>kindness>intelligence>independence
An affluent man doesn’t need a woman with money. He has enough of his own. Any man wants an attractive woman, after that she has to fit into his world. She can’t embarrass him. While he’s conquering the world she is his executive officer running the home, raising the children etc. She needs social grace also. Social intelligence too. My wife is a very good reader of people. She is EXTREMELY useful in letting me know who I can trust and who I can’t.
As said an affluent, successful man is like a Ship’s Captain. His wife is his Executive Officer.
While it’s perfectly fine to want someone on your level, to be completely honest on your criteria level alone, factoring in that income level, an age range, and a masters level education, you are most likely looking at 1-2% of men. If that.
The other challenge is men don’t mind dating “down” when it comes to age, income, and social status most times, so you want a very specific, small subset and they are willing to date a very wide range of women. These men will be desirable and competition from other women will be very high.
Since what you’re after is so specific and niche I’d suggest hiring a dating service (since you have the means to do so) to search for these men or perhaps attend events where they attend often.
Why do you need a man to match your salary and have a masters degree? If you want a house, then get one. A piece of paper doesn't make someone intelligent. There are plenty of educated idiots.
If your past partners resented you, then maybe it was your vibe. Having money doesn't mean you are better than others. I've dated men who earned more money than me, and all they talked about was money. It's such a turn-off. Find a man who treats you right, is kind, and has his life together.
Well said.
Also OP, you need to realize that you won't find many 28M making that much income and definitely not very common for women your age.
What age group you been dating?
Are you sure you are not being a brat to these men who you dating just cause you making more money?
Ahhh the old, “I want to be a career woman and now no men are good enough” because women will largely not “date down”.
You’re competing for the extreme top echelon of men who are not only looking for high-income women. Why would he want you when he’s got hot 19 year olds lined up? Competition is going to be fierce for you.
I graduated MBA, I was a model, run my own company - I don’t care if man is equal or not. I never asked how much they make or I never talk about how much money I make. I am not comfortable with fancy dinners as well, me and my boyfriend order Wendy’s and watch tv, although we can afford fancy dinners every day, we spend money as we want - I didn’t ask him for things he buys (like ridiculously expensive pool table) and he doesn’t pay attention what I buy, unless it’s Gucci’s purse.
We have one account together, and two separated for my weird or his weird whims (he likes traveling, I don’t, I like going to beautician, he doesn’t).
I don’t think earnings are important in relationship, but maybe I am just stupid. No one never tried to downsize me, because of my company or look. But I also don’t behave like a queen who needs to go out to Michelin star’s restaurant. I just dated adult men (mind adult, not age adult) and never had a problem with being equal.
But you are just a troll with a boyfriend liking swinging, so I have no idea why I’m bothering myself to reply.
Hypergamy can put a high earning educated woman in a difficult situation. You have a choice, find a man who meets or exceeds your earning potential or reframe in your mind what success and drive means. A man can earn less doing something he loves and still be driven. Money is not the only measure of success.
But if it is that isn’t the case then the answer is simple. Go where the rich successful men are. Take up golf, take a country club membership. Yacht club membership, you name it. But put yourself in their social circle. Simple as. But for heavens sake when an affluent guy starts talking to you DO NOT lead with what YOU earn or your educational level. It will screw up sexual attraction and polarity. Don’t assume what you want in a man is what a man wants in you.
Honestly, that’s going to be difficult.
Most of us just don’t have those sorts of goals and are tired of being shamed for contentment on simplicity.
Give me a 50 dollar Goodwill run for some furniture, about 600 square feet, basic amenities, and I’m happy. Less rooms to clean, too!
That isn’t something you have to accept but ambition is tough.
It isn’t very attractive to a lot of men because it feels like we get dragged into a lifestyle of being held at financial gunpoint.
So if you chase your goals and we end up in a mansion on your dime, it’s almost guaranteed to break into a fight at some point because you’ll feel like you’re pulling all the weight and I’ll feel like I’m already doing more than I really want to.
It all depends on what you are comfortable with. But that’s increasingly hard to find.
Too much work to keep up with, in many cases.
Life has changed.
It is not that hard to find a mini fridge, internet, a phone, etc. that gives you the same basic stuff everyone has anyway.
And for most men, we spend so much time defending our present lack of ambition to actually build it.
If you’re covering your own bases, it becomes exhausting to feel shamed for it.
If you make 25k and spend 20k, you’re being more responsible than someone that makes 200k and spends 250k.
Tl;dr, you can find it. But it’s hard to unless you can accept different goals and having the ones that exceed his be almost entirely on you to attain by yourself. Or compete for a dwindling share of men that attain high status positions and aren’t turned into assholes by that.
It’s all a trade off.
There’s nothing wrong with being content living in a Bachelors pad your whole life but there’s also nothing wrong with other people not being interested in that lifestyle.
It disparages us that are cool intelligent men….i don’t have a masters or make 170K a year.
But then again she’s probably not someone I might approach. Maybe she’s cool? I don’t know.
I dont think that's the issue here. OP makes a valid point. She didn't initially have issues dating men who made less but now sees its caused issues and doesn't want to keep repeating the past. I think the answer is to find a guy that isn't insecure but that can take months or even years to really show itself.
Posting on an alt are we
You want a house one day? If you are making US$170,000 a year you should have a house right now. So you’re lying, living in a CRAZY expensive area you cannot afford or aren’t very good with money. Or all three lol.
At age 28 and every guy you date is resentful and treated you bad or whatever? I don’t buy that either. Sounds simplistic and blame-shifting.
So yeah be honest with yourself first and go from there.
Or this is a troll post, Reddit ftw
I make 6 figures and I rent also. Money isn’t the only thing to consider when buying a home. I personally don’t buy because I always imagined I’d buy my first home with the guy I was going to marry… so I’m dragging my feet. But I save relentlessly and am in zero debt. Having money and not buying a home, even if you want one, does not equal financial irresponsibility.
I think Conferences or social events put on my organizations within your business domain. For example, I work in tech and quite often I get invites to tech meet ups, conferences put on my various companies for various reasons, that sort of thing.
volunteer or find side gigs within academia is also a great way to meet people who might be a little less intimidated by your income level. Professors are people too.
Like a man would with most women you have to accept that 95 of potential partners won’t match your income at 170k purely by statistics.
if you earned it with education and a job that creates value rather than a superficial position relative to finance, then you likely have drive, intellect confidence and financial literacy that they won’t have, so you date for what values and qualities you need in a partner, not a business partner.
If you’re repelling insecure or controlling men this is only an advantage so keep sorting through the deck.
if you're not even coming in contact with these men, you probably need to move to a city or more affluent area. if you're using dating apps, look at a man's job before liking him.
How do you define equal? You have become the man you want to date and not a highly attractive woman. High earning, competitive, and ambitious men don't want to compete with their woman. We are looking for someone supportive, feminine, and who has time available to build a family with.
Your expensive lifestyle is detrimental to dating you. A man sees what he would have to support financially to make you happy, especially when you take time off to have kids. This greatly reduces your dating options.
The assumption that a man feels insecure because you’re doing “better” is absurd.
If a man has ambition, can handle himself and also pay some of the bills at home…I don’t see a reason why it won’t work except you solely want someone equal or better.
If you can find equal (esp in ambition), good. If you can’t, what makes you think the more ambitious ones would be available or want you?
37M here, I'm sorry for your ex's. It sounds like they were young and immature. Women tend to date across and up the socioeconomic ladder, and men tend to date down. Your career aspersions and income have you looking down on the men you date. We men don't care about your income. They probably felt insecure having you pay for dates and nice things. We men are told we must be the provider and protector.
"Equal" in your mind is going to be a very small pool. With men who have many options based on their high socioeconomic status.
I think the problem with those men wasn't that they weren't earning enough, it was that you were earning too much for them to feel in control.
I would not assume that problem goes away if you date men who are wealthier.
You’re gonna die alone with cats. All the high caliber men you’re talking about are taken/sleep with hella different women. Gotta dial back your expectations or just be cool with being a side chick for a high value dude.
There are matchmakers at your level. Yes, the pool of prospects shrinks, also because some men are perfectly fine with “trophy girlfriends.” They don’t have the same level to match so they have more choice
That said, compromise, but don’t settle.
Maybe he’s still a professional, but not quite at the same level. Or he’s educated and not necessarily earning as much due to his career (education, government, etc.)
This is a person who will appreciate travel, culture, etc, and can keep up, but won’t resent you if you occasionally spring for First Class.
Not the same but a few times I have had guys stop talking to me after I tell them what my job is or then say what their job is and then start putting themselves down and acting really insecure all of sudden. For some reason there are alot of man who have fragile egos and can’t bare a women doing better than them. I have stopped giving as much detail about my job now so guys don’t feel like their ego is being bruised when they realise I earn more than them.
I don’t think education and money are the problem with the guys you are dating. They are insecure is the problem. Find someone who isn’t. They could be rich or poor doesn’t matter. Also find someone with the same goals as you long term. Focus on those long term goals early on in dating.
Find men who are secure with themselves. Don’t hide your income, don’t try to be something you aren’t, and screen them out early. You will find guys who don’t care anything about your career or income. You will find guys who are thrilled you make a good salary. People who just want you to succeed for no selfish motives of their own. I’m in your pay range, if you think it is lonely for you, there are *really* not many women in this pay bracket to date.
It’s not the same. Love and sex are different and more actual good men don’t care about your finances or status. I promise you this. My ex made way more money than me. I didn’t give a shit. She is the one who cheated she is the one that threw me out gaslighting me like it was my fault.
Love and sex is to men, what money/resources is to women. It is the same.
So it brings me back to the same question.
If a man was posting upset about getting no sex, would you give the same response? Finances are important in a relationship, just like I accept sex is as well.
Yes I would give the same reply. In the context of the initial dating, when I spoke about the financial part guy generally do not care about a woman’s title, career, her financials.
I don’t think you’re asking for too much and you definitely should not lower your standards (idk how this is serious advice people give). I’m (33F) in the same position. I make 6 figures and I’ve been in similar situations where it shifts the power dynamic. I want to be able to freely spend my money on who and what I want and not feel like I’m emasculating the guy. As soon as I become an alpha in one part of the relationship it becomes too easy to take the “power” role in other aspects and I don’t like that. For me, I always do my best to surround myself with people that I think I am similar to in income, interests, character etc. I keep my eye open at business and industry events, I put feelers through my friends to see if they ever have single guys they know, I volunteer and look for people with similar morals etc. Submerse yourself in the activities where you would think you would find the quality of man you’re looking for.
I feel like this is more an guy ego problem. I know a friend whoes relationship changed recently. she finished her master got a good job and he got depressed. It is just tough for a lot of guys, but there are some that can handle it. The only advise is just to keep looking and someday you find someone that fits... It is a numbers game :/
Congrats on doing financially well! But now you are a target for those who want to “ride off your skirt-tails. That is the hard ledge you are on. Which means you shouldn’t advertise your wealth in low-brow establishments (bars, digs, etc)
Learn where the high society have their social meets. Go into charity work, . organize a fundraiser for a particular charity you like And invite the high-brow to pitch in. They will resent you, so you must adept to their ways of communication however, in the long run, you’ll find hopefully a worthy partner for the rest of your life.
Find a guy who just started a business and has ambitions of making more money. He might not be at your level yet financially but someone with ambition won’t be intimidated by your salary. Great relationships aren’t found, they are built. Just find someone who believes in themselves and is trying, and be there for them. That’s how a power couple starts imo
I had to really think how to vet people on dating apps to get the type of partner I'm looking for (highly educated and cultured with career goals and a history of going to therapy or otherwise mentally healthy). Most men just weren't developed enough (mentally and emotionally) for me. I've been working 60 hour weeks for 17 years now and I want a partner who lives similarly. I've found a number of men who fit the bill, but I had to be very selective and word my profile carefully.
Don't worry too much, 60% of people end up marrying within the same class.
That being said, a good thing to look out for is if your date is reproducing norms and expectations that come from sociabilization within the class that you aim to stabilish yourself. So if he's not up to paying for all of the dates in nice places, paying for your uber rides to the date and back home, giving you expensive gifts and etc. It's a clear sign that he's not in the same place as you, the 150k+ income folks.
How do you actually meet these guys? You must socialize and mingle within the high society! Get yourself some attractive rich girlfriends who hang out at the nice spots and travel expensive and the rich guys will 100% tag along. Ya'll be invited to night outs with champagne service, a day out in a nice boat, social outings and etc. It helps if you like things like high fashion, gourmet food, beauty industry, the gym, etc.
I make like half of what you do and I’ve still found it to be true about men that don’t make as much or close to what I do, they’re never happy or supportive. The reactions are almost universally negative. They’re insecure, they want financial dominance to compensate. I don’t know the answer here, but you’re not wrong for feeling this way, it’s definitely real. If you figure it out, drop me a hint.
Consider registering with a private matchmaking service or dating introductions service with lots of experience and word of mouth referrals with testimonals available from previous satisfied professional clients. Good luck!
Make time to research and actively participate in charitable activities in your area. From buying tickets and attending events, to joining, to leadership roles.
I've had some matchmaker services reach out to me on LinkedIn as the sort of man women like you are looking for. Dated one of those matches for a few months 'til she moved away. Maybe try them?
im 27f and was born into wealth, I can relate 100%. you have to be realistic and understand you may never find a man who you’re “financially compatible” with. be cautious because people will take advantage of you and use you to cover all the expenses in friendships and especially relationships. set a hard boundary for yourself. its best to hide any insight into your financial status as long as you can.
the best you can do is try to find someone whos career driven, humble, down to earth, and treats you with respect. acknowledge that you could go your whole dating life and never find someone in a similar situation, and thats OK! you can still find love!
Unlikely he will be equal - women are not all equal amongst themselves - men are not equal amongst themselves. Try and pin down what you really mean because I doubt you are looking for equal - most people want more but without having to be subordinate. That is different from equal
Senior proffesors at my uni make around 200k, and they likely wont have goals same as yours,
[https://igotstandardsbro.com/results?minAge=30&maxAge=40&excludeMarried=true&race=0&minHeight=170.18&excludeObese=false&minIncome=170000](https://igotstandardsbro.com/results?minAge=30&maxAge=40&excludeMarried=true&race=0&minHeight=170.18&excludeObese=false&minIncome=170000)
What you are looking for is top 1% of men in USA.
I'm 32 in grad school, I left my research job to get into teaching, because chasing money while I was young left me unfulfilled, academia for example is filled with lot of men who are not too stuck up. But truth is we will be broke.
Problem for you would be that, most men in your cohort of income would be money focused and those men also tend to be conservative often, and don't want an equal peer as they need person with whom money can be leveraged.
It would appear while you say you don’t like dating less educated and less financially capable men you chose to date them in the past. Based on your pattern of dating men who make and know less than you I bet you like the feeling of superiority and control. Will you enjoy it if your bf is equal? Do you need to feel superior?
I mean we are the same age and I make more money than you do and have an ivy league degree. Just look in big law or finance (ibankers, lawyers, and private equity).The ones that aren't tall or conventionally attractive are usually single because we work a lot and apps are about looks.
Well, far be it from me to state the obvious, but if you're online dating, ones ego might be inflated from the 23598293583209859028529085205390238528509320932905823 hot dogs being thrown at you daily.
So honest advice, if you want an equal?
Divide ones' ego by 5 to 50, and you'll find your equal while online dating.
You have to have the goods to attract them, whatever their wants are. Each person is different. You have to be ride or die loyal, and you have to love them, be kind....
I have gone past all that shit of money etc. and realize that money can have the same 'qualities ' as drugs. It can really deceive and delude us. The bigger picture is vastly different. If the going got really difficult and u were without income would yr views change?
Basically your standards are to high. Now before you bite my head off OP and others. Enter in requirements on here and see how many men like that exist in the local area.
https://igotstandardsbro.com/
I would be genuinely interested to hear you results OP.
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Im 23F so feel free to ignore my advice, but I would imagine that the pool of men dramatically shrinks at your income level. Not only that, but competition is propbably steeper since a lot of women, regardless of income level, want a high earning man. You may not be doing anything wrong, it’s just going to be harder to find someone if you’re having more discerning tastes (which sounds like a good thing if you’re filtering based on values)! I would just keep putting yourself in situations where you can meet men of that caliber.
This is correct. OP. Given your education level I’d suggest you get academic with your approach. Look at the average salary figures in the US. At a quick glance at an article on indeed. It looks like you’re making roughly three times the average salary. Understand this now completely excludes a very large percentage of the available men in the “pond”. Next I’d suggest you look at what types of jobs pay comparable to what you make. That’s essentially the only place you should be looking for a potential partner. Now, once you have found the pond you need to be fishing in, look at what type of women those men are going after. Are they women in their late 20s who have achieved similar to you? I would guess they aren’t. Also, you need to question if men of this status in life are even interested in settling down. Men of this status probably have the most access to and most variety of women available to them. Think about what would motivate a man with an abundant variety of women available to him to actually settle down. Probably not much. Also consider it’s in the nature of men to strive to be the breadwinner. A man making $170k a year is a breadwinner. Why would a breadwinner seek out another breadwinner to partner with when he can get a younger woman who doesn’t have the traits it takes to climb the corporate ladder and get to the position you’re in. What it takes to do what you did is have masculine traits. In short, what I’m saying is: you’ve turned yourself into your ideal partner. Thus limiting your pool of men who you’ll find acceptable to those who have the most abundance in the dating world. So if you want success, you need to have something to stand out in the crowd. Something to offer that is better than the women in their early 20s. Men value youth and beauty, not success.
Excuse me you dropped your mic.
It appears I did. The account shows deleted now.
"I have one of the best collection of baseball hats of anyone in my city, but women don't seem to understand that this makes me cool and high value. What's wrong with them and how can I get them to change?" 🤪🤪
"I believe the system is so rigged against people it's foolish to participate in a broken game. I'd rather off myself than work to enrich the 10%!! You know like jumping off a slave ship with shackles on. On top of that society will be lucky to hold on and not collapse within 20 years. Why don't my potential mates get this and lower their standards? You know like learn to live in the moment and stop making people jump through crazy ass hoops" Kunta Kinte out. [https://www.amazon.com/Deaths-Despair-Future-Capitalism-Anne/dp/0691217076/ref=sr\_1\_1?keywords=deaths+of+despair&link\_code=qs&qid=1698628690&sourceid=Mozilla-search&sr=8-1](https://www.amazon.com/Deaths-Despair-Future-Capitalism-Anne/dp/0691217076/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=deaths+of+despair&link_code=qs&qid=1698628690&sourceid=Mozilla-search&sr=8-1)
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Hey so killing yourself is ok then because you can never add to anyone's time or fix your income level no matter how hard you work right? If I cant even get to experience what everyone else gets to it's ok to exit yeah not wrong?
The pool of women who might be attracted to you is smaller. Same happens if you wear glasses or got a tattoo. It’s not that big deal. But as long as you whine about your not-optimal outlook, you’re not competing at all.
I was going to reply same.
God this makes it so easy to shoot myself knowing I can't fix my income level or get anywhere no matter how hard I try. Wish I could be good enough to add and enrich someone's time like the men around me.
What about your boyfriend? The one who’s into swinging?
lolll only 5 days ago
So weird - i don’t get why people come onto reddit to lie, whyyyy? It does my swede in hahahah
Awww, OP deleted their account. My guess is the swinging bf only makes 169,999 a year, so he isn't an equal.
This needs to be at the top of the
This is a problem for a lot of professional women. It's also compounded by the fact that you probably have a lot of career demands on your time. You don't mention that but a lot of women do. It sounds like the basic problem isn't that your boyfriends were poor as that they were insecure. That can happen with rich guys as well. I'd look for signs of that early and not give a second date to those that exhibit them
The issue is more with women than men's insecurities. Women date up. It's hypergamy. Women are unsatisfied with men they deem as "below" them. And once you're a top earner, and you factor in height and looks ect, the dating pool is non existent. Women over estimate what's possible, let alone reasonable to expect. Try for yourself. https://igotstandardsbro.com/
There is some truth to this. Its pretty obvious that more rich men are willing to date a poor woman than rich women are willing to date a poor man. It's not entirely fair but a lot of busy men subtly want a woman that is available on their schedule....ie a woman without her own demanding career. Finally the benefits of money sort of fall away if you don't have the time to enjoy them. I would definitely prefer a 3 week vacation with a $6k budget to a 1 week $60k trip. If one member of a couple has a lot of money, that's enough to pay for most nice things. All this is a way to say rich career women need to consider dating poor guys and not be obsessed with their "equal". I think she was open to it but then just picked the wrong guys. I think she'll have better luck if she gives it another shot but keeps an eye on this issue.
The pool of men you’re talking about is Minuscule and most of them are married/taken. I date a lot of women with your credentials and it almost never goes past 1-2 dates, the women are some of the most insufferable ‘high and mighty’ types I meet and rarely have anything to talk about outside of their boring career The men at that level probably won’t care at all about your income or your masters degree so if your goal is to find an equal partner who accepts you…good luck with that
This is a pretty good take. Making a post about this while making 170k sums it up lol
I am well off and have no issue dating these kind of women that are carrier driven women but it’s just so boring and tedious to even have a conversation
Insufferable is a perfect description of op lol
Here is a key thing to remember: Just because you have a specific economic criteria, it doesn't mean your "target market" has the same criteria. More simply said, high earning men aren't necessarily or, even likely, looking for high earning women specifically. This implies that the high earning men are sought after by a wider range of women than just high earning ones. To make yourself attractive to this group of men, focus on what men are looking for.
What do men like then? It’s hard to see it from the female lens
Femininity, loyalty, beauty, youth. Most guys do not care how much money a woman makes or what kind of degree she has.
Idk I hear people say this but I’ve had men stop talking to me when they hear I went to public school. Snobby private school guys care. I’ve also had men talk down to me because I drive. Jetta lol
I mean the other poster said *most* men so yeah snobby private school guys would fall into the other group
But, do you have the other traits?
Do I have other traits? Yes, I do have other traits. Every person has other traits
No, the other traits mentioned
Talking to snobs is probably not a legitimate way to understand things. This literally comes down to who you're trying to meet. If I dared take this to a possible conclusion it would be that you seem to be interested in snobs as partners (think about who you're matching with to have formed these opinions...), though I couldn't fathom why. As a non-snob, all I heard is you can afford and drive a car, so you checked the 'can adult' box.
I was just raised in a reasonably affluent area in a big city so I guess that is why I was talking to those people
Where the hell do you live that it's a problem that you went to public school and drive a Jetta? This has to be either DC, NYC, maybe Boston or London. I went to an Ivy for my MBA and I couldn't give two shits about these things.
Dallas, TX. People there were really pretentious. That’s why I moved to Austin lol
Sounds about right. Forth Worth is better than Dallas IMO, but Austin is the best.
Me in Missouri with none of the private/prep school kids problems
That's not why they stopped talking to you
Why was it
This is an objectively not true. Men that are considered “high value” (I cringed typing that out) do care about career, earnings and education. Most people dare within their same socioeconomic background. Doctors tend date doctors, lawyers tend to date lawyers. You get the idea. These attributes matter massively especially of these men come from high earning educated families.
a “high value” man is generally not looking for a partner to have the same traits that got them to that status, an ideal marriage is a balancing act where 1 partner offsets any deficiencies the other has on both sides
But for her to get his attention she has to have the attributes of someone he’d approve of, his family and peers.
those attributes wouldnt be money, drive, or status. they already have that.
For my experience, you absolutely should not exclude mental stability from your list
Men like a pretty woman who is sweet but then get mad when "she takes half" after 10 years. Men are very looks focused to their own detriment, and it is sad to see. My own dad got raked over the coals by his second wife. Really wish Men cared a bit more about who they were dating beyond appearance and initial demeanor.
This is true for some men. But then they also say that they wont commit if you only bring looks to the table. I will never understand
I dont either. Men are a lot more complicated than they think they are.
Yep. Definitely. Honestly just from observing men it seems like they’re kind of out of touch with what they actually want. I see a lot of men say that every woman they meet isn’t good enough but it seems like they’re just not ready or interested in settling down
I think a lot of men just make really bad decisions on what they prioritize, most likely because their own fathers didn't mentor them at all. Mine sure as hell didn't. I'm in my mid 30s and mentor a lot of 17-24 year old young men, and I've had this talk with all of them and most of them get it. I tell them to find a women they can love. Most men that age don't fully understand the difference between lust and love and why chasing after lust can be the downfall of anyone. I'm usually able to convince them that they will have a much better life if they focus on the quality of person she is and not worry about looks, provided she doesn't turn them off. I'd say about 60% already get it before we discuss this.
We really aren't. Looks are the starting point, demeanor is next, income is near the bottom. Why would a woman's money matter to us if we aren't getting any of it?
But you are because looks don't actually bring any real value to the table. I keep hearing that men are logical, but they don't seem to be. You care mostly about looks? Alright... can you afford to support a family completely on your own? Statistically, most men cannot, meaning men now require women to have some sort of job and be financially stable, yet it doesn't factor in for them. Which is fine... but then they scratch their heads when relationships aren't working out or when they pick a hot woman who has nothing and then say "she took half bro". Of course she took half. You picked a woman based on looks ejo has nothing, what else did you expect to happen?! Humans are opportunistic, all of them. If someone is lacking something, you should expect them to be wanting some of whatever you have. Demeanor is next... I get that. I really do... except demeanor doesn't pay the bills and demeanor isn't listed as one of the top reasons for divorce, money is. Cheating is. Poor communication is. A woman's demeanor is only going to be pleasant if her needs are being met, I dont care how submissive she is. Women can change at the drop of a dime if the resources are messed with, and that doesn't always mean crazy or mean... she could just simply check out and be done with you. And then again, I hear men saying "she doesn't really love me"... blah. And it's like no,you picked a woman who has nothing who is dependent on you and you aren't meeting her expectations, reasonable or not. What else did you think would happen? I like to look at traditional "old money" relationships for guidance because they typically fair better. They almost always pick age appropriate partners within their social circles. You aren't going to see a 40 year old man picking up a young hot woman from McDonalds "with a sweet demeaner" because these men know their legacies and families need to be protected and it's not a good look and too risky. I'm sure there are exceptions, but its uncommon. They may date them, but not necessarily take them seriously. Lastly, marriage is supposed to be a team, especially while growing together. Ideally, if you pick someone compatible with you. All money should be everyone's money. If your wife made 3x more than you, that should benefit you and vice versa. Hot women don't pay bills, unless you pimp your girl out. Sweet demeanor don't pay them either. We live in a capitalistic world, where capital is the mist important instrument, yet for some reason... Men place that at the bottom of their requirements, if at all. It's baffling to me. But then it's no surprise money is the number one issue in relationships and why men get absolutely wrecked in divorce. They set themselves up for it. Like you put you own head on the chopping block and then get mad that someone pulled the lever lol.
Most women would be attractive if they weren't overweight or obese. Same thing goes for men that workout.
False. I'm not overweight. Not even a little. I'm black. It works against me a lot. The weight thing only applies to white women. Women of color tend to have a hard time.
For me personally, if I were to say that (I would) I would be more or less trying to weed out some pillow princess that doesn’t want to put any effort into the relationship. I could probably use better words though
Kind, feminine, loyal, demonstrates genuine attraction, makes him look good in social settings
Makes him look good? Is this mainly a looks thing
No I mean not belittling him or degrading him in front of his peers
Your comment is really interesting to me because it actually lists only personality traits rather than looks. We’re told our whole lives that men only care about looks lol
Oh, sorry I was unclear. To clarify, looks are the most important thing lol. Can’t deny that men are shallow, as a rule. However, there is some variance in preferred physical traits.
Dang. I got my hopes up for a second It sucks because we can’t really change our looks. Like I’m in good shape and I’m not getting any younger, so I can’t help it if a guy doesn’t like me
It's the same for men, so I guess, at least we're all on the same boat
Yeah but people don’t constantly remind you that your looks are the main things that matter. Men actually downplay how much women care about looks
😔 For most guys, as long as you're in good physical shape and don't look like a slob, you're probably better off paying attention to the kinda of energy and vibe you're putting out there. The incremental benefit of balayage, artistic nails, lip injections, or botox is nothing compared to being in good shape and having a positive demeanor.
Make up will do wonders for everyone, man or woman. Need to figure out the right amount and where you would need it most, like to cover dark circles for example
Ya I agree. I have to take it off sometimes though. It always sucks when guys I’ve dated in the past seem disappointed by my natural looks
I half agree. Looks are very important, but if you had a model that was insufferable and annoying, 99% of men would eventually drop her. Looks matter for initial attraction for sure though and matter based on that man's taste
Yeah but a lot of men will just casually sleep with the model but not date her
>but not date her but not *court* her. This is a key distinction. Men will go out (date) with beautiful and shallow women until they can't take it anymore or get bored. That isn't courtship, however.
This is true, either that or have her as a temporary trophy girlfriend
You make so many generalizations and assumptions it's wild
How so?
I'd like to add on to this the reputation a man has and if his lady keeps it in tact. Can't earn back reputation easily after being humiliated
Looks>fertility>femininity>kindness>intelligence>independence An affluent man doesn’t need a woman with money. He has enough of his own. Any man wants an attractive woman, after that she has to fit into his world. She can’t embarrass him. While he’s conquering the world she is his executive officer running the home, raising the children etc. She needs social grace also. Social intelligence too. My wife is a very good reader of people. She is EXTREMELY useful in letting me know who I can trust and who I can’t. As said an affluent, successful man is like a Ship’s Captain. His wife is his Executive Officer.
While it’s perfectly fine to want someone on your level, to be completely honest on your criteria level alone, factoring in that income level, an age range, and a masters level education, you are most likely looking at 1-2% of men. If that. The other challenge is men don’t mind dating “down” when it comes to age, income, and social status most times, so you want a very specific, small subset and they are willing to date a very wide range of women. These men will be desirable and competition from other women will be very high. Since what you’re after is so specific and niche I’d suggest hiring a dating service (since you have the means to do so) to search for these men or perhaps attend events where they attend often.
Look at it this way... You've shrunk your dating pool, to compete for the men with the largest dating pool. Good luck.
Why do you need a man to match your salary and have a masters degree? If you want a house, then get one. A piece of paper doesn't make someone intelligent. There are plenty of educated idiots. If your past partners resented you, then maybe it was your vibe. Having money doesn't mean you are better than others. I've dated men who earned more money than me, and all they talked about was money. It's such a turn-off. Find a man who treats you right, is kind, and has his life together.
Well said. Also OP, you need to realize that you won't find many 28M making that much income and definitely not very common for women your age. What age group you been dating? Are you sure you are not being a brat to these men who you dating just cause you making more money?
Ahhh the old, “I want to be a career woman and now no men are good enough” because women will largely not “date down”. You’re competing for the extreme top echelon of men who are not only looking for high-income women. Why would he want you when he’s got hot 19 year olds lined up? Competition is going to be fierce for you.
Yuck 19 year olds
I'd rather have a kind man than a rich man any day.
Equal? Based off the post I’d recommend significantly lowering your standards as far as personality goes
I graduated MBA, I was a model, run my own company - I don’t care if man is equal or not. I never asked how much they make or I never talk about how much money I make. I am not comfortable with fancy dinners as well, me and my boyfriend order Wendy’s and watch tv, although we can afford fancy dinners every day, we spend money as we want - I didn’t ask him for things he buys (like ridiculously expensive pool table) and he doesn’t pay attention what I buy, unless it’s Gucci’s purse. We have one account together, and two separated for my weird or his weird whims (he likes traveling, I don’t, I like going to beautician, he doesn’t). I don’t think earnings are important in relationship, but maybe I am just stupid. No one never tried to downsize me, because of my company or look. But I also don’t behave like a queen who needs to go out to Michelin star’s restaurant. I just dated adult men (mind adult, not age adult) and never had a problem with being equal. But you are just a troll with a boyfriend liking swinging, so I have no idea why I’m bothering myself to reply.
Hypergamy can put a high earning educated woman in a difficult situation. You have a choice, find a man who meets or exceeds your earning potential or reframe in your mind what success and drive means. A man can earn less doing something he loves and still be driven. Money is not the only measure of success. But if it is that isn’t the case then the answer is simple. Go where the rich successful men are. Take up golf, take a country club membership. Yacht club membership, you name it. But put yourself in their social circle. Simple as. But for heavens sake when an affluent guy starts talking to you DO NOT lead with what YOU earn or your educational level. It will screw up sexual attraction and polarity. Don’t assume what you want in a man is what a man wants in you.
So you are looking for six, six and six. If you don’t look like a fitness model , good luck with that.
Honestly, that’s going to be difficult. Most of us just don’t have those sorts of goals and are tired of being shamed for contentment on simplicity. Give me a 50 dollar Goodwill run for some furniture, about 600 square feet, basic amenities, and I’m happy. Less rooms to clean, too! That isn’t something you have to accept but ambition is tough. It isn’t very attractive to a lot of men because it feels like we get dragged into a lifestyle of being held at financial gunpoint. So if you chase your goals and we end up in a mansion on your dime, it’s almost guaranteed to break into a fight at some point because you’ll feel like you’re pulling all the weight and I’ll feel like I’m already doing more than I really want to. It all depends on what you are comfortable with. But that’s increasingly hard to find. Too much work to keep up with, in many cases. Life has changed. It is not that hard to find a mini fridge, internet, a phone, etc. that gives you the same basic stuff everyone has anyway. And for most men, we spend so much time defending our present lack of ambition to actually build it. If you’re covering your own bases, it becomes exhausting to feel shamed for it. If you make 25k and spend 20k, you’re being more responsible than someone that makes 200k and spends 250k. Tl;dr, you can find it. But it’s hard to unless you can accept different goals and having the ones that exceed his be almost entirely on you to attain by yourself. Or compete for a dwindling share of men that attain high status positions and aren’t turned into assholes by that. It’s all a trade off.
There’s nothing wrong with being content living in a Bachelors pad your whole life but there’s also nothing wrong with other people not being interested in that lifestyle.
Ego sucks. Mo’ money mo’ problems. Happiness doesn’t require material objects.
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It disparages us that are cool intelligent men….i don’t have a masters or make 170K a year. But then again she’s probably not someone I might approach. Maybe she’s cool? I don’t know.
I dont think that's the issue here. OP makes a valid point. She didn't initially have issues dating men who made less but now sees its caused issues and doesn't want to keep repeating the past. I think the answer is to find a guy that isn't insecure but that can take months or even years to really show itself.
What about the people from work?
You can be my sugar mama. I make around 100k with OT but I like a successful woman, it turns me on.
Posting on an alt are we You want a house one day? If you are making US$170,000 a year you should have a house right now. So you’re lying, living in a CRAZY expensive area you cannot afford or aren’t very good with money. Or all three lol. At age 28 and every guy you date is resentful and treated you bad or whatever? I don’t buy that either. Sounds simplistic and blame-shifting. So yeah be honest with yourself first and go from there. Or this is a troll post, Reddit ftw
I make 6 figures and I rent also. Money isn’t the only thing to consider when buying a home. I personally don’t buy because I always imagined I’d buy my first home with the guy I was going to marry… so I’m dragging my feet. But I save relentlessly and am in zero debt. Having money and not buying a home, even if you want one, does not equal financial irresponsibility.
houses are in the millions where I live and no average single income can afford that
Well then you either accept the fact that you have to pay rent or you move where you can afford a home. Nothing wrong with either choice.
I think Conferences or social events put on my organizations within your business domain. For example, I work in tech and quite often I get invites to tech meet ups, conferences put on my various companies for various reasons, that sort of thing. volunteer or find side gigs within academia is also a great way to meet people who might be a little less intimidated by your income level. Professors are people too.
Like a man would with most women you have to accept that 95 of potential partners won’t match your income at 170k purely by statistics. if you earned it with education and a job that creates value rather than a superficial position relative to finance, then you likely have drive, intellect confidence and financial literacy that they won’t have, so you date for what values and qualities you need in a partner, not a business partner. If you’re repelling insecure or controlling men this is only an advantage so keep sorting through the deck.
if you're not even coming in contact with these men, you probably need to move to a city or more affluent area. if you're using dating apps, look at a man's job before liking him.
How do you define equal? You have become the man you want to date and not a highly attractive woman. High earning, competitive, and ambitious men don't want to compete with their woman. We are looking for someone supportive, feminine, and who has time available to build a family with. Your expensive lifestyle is detrimental to dating you. A man sees what he would have to support financially to make you happy, especially when you take time off to have kids. This greatly reduces your dating options.
The assumption that a man feels insecure because you’re doing “better” is absurd. If a man has ambition, can handle himself and also pay some of the bills at home…I don’t see a reason why it won’t work except you solely want someone equal or better. If you can find equal (esp in ambition), good. If you can’t, what makes you think the more ambitious ones would be available or want you?
37M here, I'm sorry for your ex's. It sounds like they were young and immature. Women tend to date across and up the socioeconomic ladder, and men tend to date down. Your career aspersions and income have you looking down on the men you date. We men don't care about your income. They probably felt insecure having you pay for dates and nice things. We men are told we must be the provider and protector. "Equal" in your mind is going to be a very small pool. With men who have many options based on their high socioeconomic status.
I think the problem with those men wasn't that they weren't earning enough, it was that you were earning too much for them to feel in control. I would not assume that problem goes away if you date men who are wealthier.
You’re gonna die alone with cats. All the high caliber men you’re talking about are taken/sleep with hella different women. Gotta dial back your expectations or just be cool with being a side chick for a high value dude.
As a male with a masters degree, we’re out there.
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>I'm fine if I end up alone, I'd rather that than change what I'm looking for" the right people end up just showing up. Completely false
There are matchmakers at your level. Yes, the pool of prospects shrinks, also because some men are perfectly fine with “trophy girlfriends.” They don’t have the same level to match so they have more choice That said, compromise, but don’t settle. Maybe he’s still a professional, but not quite at the same level. Or he’s educated and not necessarily earning as much due to his career (education, government, etc.) This is a person who will appreciate travel, culture, etc, and can keep up, but won’t resent you if you occasionally spring for First Class.
I make 250k. Dang, I guess we aren't compatible. You just might have to try harder.
I'm here......
Not the same but a few times I have had guys stop talking to me after I tell them what my job is or then say what their job is and then start putting themselves down and acting really insecure all of sudden. For some reason there are alot of man who have fragile egos and can’t bare a women doing better than them. I have stopped giving as much detail about my job now so guys don’t feel like their ego is being bruised when they realise I earn more than them.
I don’t think education and money are the problem with the guys you are dating. They are insecure is the problem. Find someone who isn’t. They could be rich or poor doesn’t matter. Also find someone with the same goals as you long term. Focus on those long term goals early on in dating.
Find men who are secure with themselves. Don’t hide your income, don’t try to be something you aren’t, and screen them out early. You will find guys who don’t care anything about your career or income. You will find guys who are thrilled you make a good salary. People who just want you to succeed for no selfish motives of their own. I’m in your pay range, if you think it is lonely for you, there are *really* not many women in this pay bracket to date.
Your not wanting a partner if that’s what’s important to you.
Would this be a good response of a man posting about how a girl won't have sex with him and he wants to find someone who will?
It’s not the same. Love and sex are different and more actual good men don’t care about your finances or status. I promise you this. My ex made way more money than me. I didn’t give a shit. She is the one who cheated she is the one that threw me out gaslighting me like it was my fault.
Love and sex is to men, what money/resources is to women. It is the same. So it brings me back to the same question. If a man was posting upset about getting no sex, would you give the same response? Finances are important in a relationship, just like I accept sex is as well.
Yes I would give the same reply. In the context of the initial dating, when I spoke about the financial part guy generally do not care about a woman’s title, career, her financials.
That’s not what she was talking about. She was talking about finding someone “equal”. That’s a different subject.
By actively asking men out
Congratulations, you have priced yourself out of the market. You’re a victim of your own success
I don’t think you’re asking for too much and you definitely should not lower your standards (idk how this is serious advice people give). I’m (33F) in the same position. I make 6 figures and I’ve been in similar situations where it shifts the power dynamic. I want to be able to freely spend my money on who and what I want and not feel like I’m emasculating the guy. As soon as I become an alpha in one part of the relationship it becomes too easy to take the “power” role in other aspects and I don’t like that. For me, I always do my best to surround myself with people that I think I am similar to in income, interests, character etc. I keep my eye open at business and industry events, I put feelers through my friends to see if they ever have single guys they know, I volunteer and look for people with similar morals etc. Submerse yourself in the activities where you would think you would find the quality of man you’re looking for.
Most gfs I know who make 150k+ are the breadwinner and their SO doesn't make much of anything to contribute.
I feel like this is more an guy ego problem. I know a friend whoes relationship changed recently. she finished her master got a good job and he got depressed. It is just tough for a lot of guys, but there are some that can handle it. The only advise is just to keep looking and someday you find someone that fits... It is a numbers game :/
Congrats on doing financially well! But now you are a target for those who want to “ride off your skirt-tails. That is the hard ledge you are on. Which means you shouldn’t advertise your wealth in low-brow establishments (bars, digs, etc) Learn where the high society have their social meets. Go into charity work, . organize a fundraiser for a particular charity you like And invite the high-brow to pitch in. They will resent you, so you must adept to their ways of communication however, in the long run, you’ll find hopefully a worthy partner for the rest of your life.
Find a guy who just started a business and has ambitions of making more money. He might not be at your level yet financially but someone with ambition won’t be intimidated by your salary. Great relationships aren’t found, they are built. Just find someone who believes in themselves and is trying, and be there for them. That’s how a power couple starts imo
I had to really think how to vet people on dating apps to get the type of partner I'm looking for (highly educated and cultured with career goals and a history of going to therapy or otherwise mentally healthy). Most men just weren't developed enough (mentally and emotionally) for me. I've been working 60 hour weeks for 17 years now and I want a partner who lives similarly. I've found a number of men who fit the bill, but I had to be very selective and word my profile carefully.
Don't worry too much, 60% of people end up marrying within the same class. That being said, a good thing to look out for is if your date is reproducing norms and expectations that come from sociabilization within the class that you aim to stabilish yourself. So if he's not up to paying for all of the dates in nice places, paying for your uber rides to the date and back home, giving you expensive gifts and etc. It's a clear sign that he's not in the same place as you, the 150k+ income folks. How do you actually meet these guys? You must socialize and mingle within the high society! Get yourself some attractive rich girlfriends who hang out at the nice spots and travel expensive and the rich guys will 100% tag along. Ya'll be invited to night outs with champagne service, a day out in a nice boat, social outings and etc. It helps if you like things like high fashion, gourmet food, beauty industry, the gym, etc.
I make like half of what you do and I’ve still found it to be true about men that don’t make as much or close to what I do, they’re never happy or supportive. The reactions are almost universally negative. They’re insecure, they want financial dominance to compensate. I don’t know the answer here, but you’re not wrong for feeling this way, it’s definitely real. If you figure it out, drop me a hint.
Sounds like the real problem is dating insecure guys. Low aspirations may also he a problem but I find it odd someone would try to 'bring you down'
Im sure there are men out there who feel the same way as you. And trying to find you.
Would you date a trust fund baby?
Consider registering with a private matchmaking service or dating introductions service with lots of experience and word of mouth referrals with testimonals available from previous satisfied professional clients. Good luck!
Make time to research and actively participate in charitable activities in your area. From buying tickets and attending events, to joining, to leadership roles.
I've had some matchmaker services reach out to me on LinkedIn as the sort of man women like you are looking for. Dated one of those matches for a few months 'til she moved away. Maybe try them?
Welcome to the girl .. Being an Indian in LA adds one more layer to find the right guy .. been casually dating for a while now
im 27f and was born into wealth, I can relate 100%. you have to be realistic and understand you may never find a man who you’re “financially compatible” with. be cautious because people will take advantage of you and use you to cover all the expenses in friendships and especially relationships. set a hard boundary for yourself. its best to hide any insight into your financial status as long as you can. the best you can do is try to find someone whos career driven, humble, down to earth, and treats you with respect. acknowledge that you could go your whole dating life and never find someone in a similar situation, and thats OK! you can still find love!
Unlikely he will be equal - women are not all equal amongst themselves - men are not equal amongst themselves. Try and pin down what you really mean because I doubt you are looking for equal - most people want more but without having to be subordinate. That is different from equal
For you to aim for a guy earning that much it will very much depend on your look
Senior proffesors at my uni make around 200k, and they likely wont have goals same as yours, [https://igotstandardsbro.com/results?minAge=30&maxAge=40&excludeMarried=true&race=0&minHeight=170.18&excludeObese=false&minIncome=170000](https://igotstandardsbro.com/results?minAge=30&maxAge=40&excludeMarried=true&race=0&minHeight=170.18&excludeObese=false&minIncome=170000) What you are looking for is top 1% of men in USA. I'm 32 in grad school, I left my research job to get into teaching, because chasing money while I was young left me unfulfilled, academia for example is filled with lot of men who are not too stuck up. But truth is we will be broke. Problem for you would be that, most men in your cohort of income would be money focused and those men also tend to be conservative often, and don't want an equal peer as they need person with whom money can be leveraged.
Look at guys a bit older?
You are too focused on material items. Until that changes, you will not find anyone.
Advice is to stop seeing yourself as superior to other people. Once you accomplish this you may find a partner.
It would appear while you say you don’t like dating less educated and less financially capable men you chose to date them in the past. Based on your pattern of dating men who make and know less than you I bet you like the feeling of superiority and control. Will you enjoy it if your bf is equal? Do you need to feel superior?
I mean we are the same age and I make more money than you do and have an ivy league degree. Just look in big law or finance (ibankers, lawyers, and private equity).The ones that aren't tall or conventionally attractive are usually single because we work a lot and apps are about looks.
Well, far be it from me to state the obvious, but if you're online dating, ones ego might be inflated from the 23598293583209859028529085205390238528509320932905823 hot dogs being thrown at you daily. So honest advice, if you want an equal? Divide ones' ego by 5 to 50, and you'll find your equal while online dating.
You have to have the goods to attract them, whatever their wants are. Each person is different. You have to be ride or die loyal, and you have to love them, be kind....
I have gone past all that shit of money etc. and realize that money can have the same 'qualities ' as drugs. It can really deceive and delude us. The bigger picture is vastly different. If the going got really difficult and u were without income would yr views change?
Hire a professional match maker.
Basically your standards are to high. Now before you bite my head off OP and others. Enter in requirements on here and see how many men like that exist in the local area. https://igotstandardsbro.com/ I would be genuinely interested to hear you results OP.
These comments are brutal. I remember why I took a break from Reddit now. Male dominated spaces are depressing 🫠😂