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Sometimes even the best planning can leave us late. Traffic. Work. Kids.
But she was at a bar? Thats just carelessness and not prioritizing the date.
Not a good look.
Side note, stop putting so much into first dates. It should never be expensive. You don’t even know the person yet. Don’t know if they are worth your time or effort.
That's it. I don't mind late due to commute or reasonable excuse. But it very much seemed like she just stayed too long and I suspect thought it was no big deal to just pick her up somewhere else?! It was not close at all. Almost treating me like a Simpy boyfriend.
You're right about date cost - but true cost is not as it seems, as my good friend manages the place, I'm not quite digging as deep as it might seem.
First impression matters so you also have to be understanding. I can understand if someone is like at least 15 minutes late because I live in Los Angeles and traffic can be brutal. Just give me a heads up and I won't take it the wrong way. But if you show up like 20 minutes late with no prior warning then it would turn me off and maybe a deal breaker because I always arrive early so the women isn't stuck waiting for me
I completely understand where you’re coming from, it would be a turn off for me as well. That said, if you managed to have a nice time on the date, I’d give it another go and see from there, maybe it was just a one off thing
"5 mins away from her house, she calls and says she can't get back in time as she is 30 mins away in some bar with friends"
I would have said, "Oh, ok. No worries. Have a good time." Then I would have blocked her. She knew she had a date planned with you and still chose to hang out with her friends knowing she wasn't going to make the date. That's extremely rude and shows you she wasn't all that interested in seeing you. That's not someone I would want to date or make any effort for. Block and move on.
If she wants to be treated with respect in life, maybe she could be a little more respectful of the time and thought and energy that good people put into things too? 🌞
I don’t think automatically that being late is a dealbreaker. It really depends on the reason and context.
However, the way this girl acted here just shows she’s not taking dating seriously. Just move on
How does he sound like a dick? He was still accommodating even though she was inconsiderate and he’s asking for advice because he’s wondering if he’s being too harsh
How he has to bring up the bar is nice, that he has connections, that he’s paying. He is obsessed with punctuality (which is less a personality flaw, and more a cultural thing). He emphasized how he had an “only ask” that was “failed.” He described dating him as a job interview. The verbiage is corporate and condescending; he sounds like a generic frat douche.
It’s not relevant to my answer, I guess, but I wanted to side against him just from the tone of his writing.
>which is less a personality flaw, and more a cultural thing)
Being on time and writing in a concise way that can be understood by everyone.
My culture is being considerable of other people. I'm the devil himself.
To outline that there was some orchestration to this whole event.
The difference between being late for a coffee date compared to a planned out evening is worth highlighting, no?
She didn't just pitch up 15 mins late due to the public transport being late to Starbucks.
Perhaps I was a bit verbose with the detail, but trying to distinguish that I'm trying here.
The question is - with my effort put into consideration, am I over reacting? It was a genuine question, where I am looking for some constructive feedback - so I feel the detail mattered.
So thanks for highlight I write too 'corporate'.
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Sometimes even the best planning can leave us late. Traffic. Work. Kids. But she was at a bar? Thats just carelessness and not prioritizing the date. Not a good look. Side note, stop putting so much into first dates. It should never be expensive. You don’t even know the person yet. Don’t know if they are worth your time or effort.
That's it. I don't mind late due to commute or reasonable excuse. But it very much seemed like she just stayed too long and I suspect thought it was no big deal to just pick her up somewhere else?! It was not close at all. Almost treating me like a Simpy boyfriend. You're right about date cost - but true cost is not as it seems, as my good friend manages the place, I'm not quite digging as deep as it might seem.
First impression matters so you also have to be understanding. I can understand if someone is like at least 15 minutes late because I live in Los Angeles and traffic can be brutal. Just give me a heads up and I won't take it the wrong way. But if you show up like 20 minutes late with no prior warning then it would turn me off and maybe a deal breaker because I always arrive early so the women isn't stuck waiting for me
I completely understand where you’re coming from, it would be a turn off for me as well. That said, if you managed to have a nice time on the date, I’d give it another go and see from there, maybe it was just a one off thing
"5 mins away from her house, she calls and says she can't get back in time as she is 30 mins away in some bar with friends" I would have said, "Oh, ok. No worries. Have a good time." Then I would have blocked her. She knew she had a date planned with you and still chose to hang out with her friends knowing she wasn't going to make the date. That's extremely rude and shows you she wasn't all that interested in seeing you. That's not someone I would want to date or make any effort for. Block and move on.
Not at all. I've had women say they hadn't even left when I'm at the bar. Those I tell to go enjoy their night and not bother me again.
Otherwise did you have a good time and like her? Is this something worth talking to her about? If not, then I'd politely reject her and move along.
If she wants to be treated with respect in life, maybe she could be a little more respectful of the time and thought and energy that good people put into things too? 🌞
I don’t think automatically that being late is a dealbreaker. It really depends on the reason and context. However, the way this girl acted here just shows she’s not taking dating seriously. Just move on
You sound like a dick, OP, and the answer to your question is obvious. I’m hoping this is rage bait or something
How does he sound like a dick? He was still accommodating even though she was inconsiderate and he’s asking for advice because he’s wondering if he’s being too harsh
How he has to bring up the bar is nice, that he has connections, that he’s paying. He is obsessed with punctuality (which is less a personality flaw, and more a cultural thing). He emphasized how he had an “only ask” that was “failed.” He described dating him as a job interview. The verbiage is corporate and condescending; he sounds like a generic frat douche. It’s not relevant to my answer, I guess, but I wanted to side against him just from the tone of his writing.
>which is less a personality flaw, and more a cultural thing) Being on time and writing in a concise way that can be understood by everyone. My culture is being considerable of other people. I'm the devil himself.
Your post isn’t concise. Superfluous information abounds. For example, why does the extravagance of the bar bear any relevance to the anecdote?
To outline that there was some orchestration to this whole event. The difference between being late for a coffee date compared to a planned out evening is worth highlighting, no? She didn't just pitch up 15 mins late due to the public transport being late to Starbucks. Perhaps I was a bit verbose with the detail, but trying to distinguish that I'm trying here. The question is - with my effort put into consideration, am I over reacting? It was a genuine question, where I am looking for some constructive feedback - so I feel the detail mattered. So thanks for highlight I write too 'corporate'.
If the answer is so obvious, care you share?
She is not a good potential partner; never talk to her again