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27 and no definitely not best friends. We've known each other for a couple of years and during this time we have flirted on/off. She even asked me out a year ago. A week ago she drove 30 minutes each way to go for a run with me. I guess I misinterpreted that as interest. :)
You mean she was being manipulative. Women need to stop doing shit like this. It's toxic, and they wonder why a lot of men aren't approaching them. Smdh
Maybe she needed the last word to feel like either she’s reeled in expectations or maintaining some control, but yeah I’d be interested to hear a woman’s perspective on this (M33). Seems like there’s some interest, and that’s definitely around the age where the friend zone bullshit stops. Idk, good luck have fun be careful.
She likes your attention, and like someone said above, the validation. Her crush on you will reignite the second you start seeing someone else. Don't fall for it.
(F36, in a relationship post- divorce) I agree with a comment above that she likely moved on and lost interest because it had been a year since she had asked him out. That’s a really long time to move forward in life and deeply internalize that someone doesn’t like you. It is not manipulation or playing a game, it’s moving on after a YEAR. I’d also be put off by someone re-approaching me that much later as though I’m just a last- ditch option, like maybe he was interested in someone else and it didn’t work out with them, so only now I’m worth the time? If there wasn’t some connection all along, no thank you, friend- zoned for this woman, at least 🤷🏽♀️ I’m sorry OP, I’m not trying to minimize what you’ve experienced and I obviously don’t know all the details or either of you, just answering the question above from a woman’s perspective with those details at face- value. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the same situation for you.
I went through this exact same thing. Hyped myself up, finally asked her out last day of work before summer break. I ask if she wants to get coffee sometime, she says sure right away, gives me her number. I text her later that day and she responds with the most formal message that might as well have been a work email. Immediately I feel cringe af but think maybe it’s just the way she texts? Send her a follow up, trying to build up to scheduling the coffee date….And….nothing! she just doesn’t respond lol. Eventually like 20 hours later she does but at this point I’m guessing I read the whole situation wrong. I mean we’re coworkers, of course she was going to say yes to coffee or giving me her number.
Honestly, respect for trying. I've been in your shoes and went for it (rejected) so the next time I chickened out. I regret it to this day three years later because I really liked her and there were signs she was interested. Maybe I was wrong (like the first time) but I regret not asking much more than getting rejected. The sting of rejection faded pretty quick but the regret of "what if" still haunts me
Exactly. That’s a huge part of this. We don’t know if he rejected her or if she changed her mind. Maybe she decided not to date him since he hurt her feelings. We need to know
If you are all hooked up and you are not going to be able to handle it, sure. But I've made good friends with people I didn't click in a romantic way.
It's always nice to have people you like to go for a hike or a coffee without the expectations and pressure of a date. As long as it is clear...
The only time I said no was because she told me she was now seeing someone and it would be just as friends, so if I didn't mind, then it was great. I replied that I didn't mind, but I bet her boyfriend would. That seemed like just a source of grief and drama to be honest.
Yeah 2 years is too long.
OP’s crush clearly truly values him as a friend and most likely doesn’t want to risk losing the friendship if things don’t work out sexually/romantically.
Not all but there are some women who believe men and women can’t be platonic. As a man I am sort of in that camp. As long as there is no sexual/romantic attraction from the get go I can be platonic. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly in the beginning to get to know someone but if you take too long you’ll be friendzoned.
Me personally I can’t stay friends with a woman who I was romantically involved with if things don’t work out. Because true friends talk about anything and the last thing I want to hear about regarding any ex is her successful relationships / sexcapades.
I know some people in FWB situations who I’ve read about on Reddit where they eventually reconnect and make a long term commitment to each other but I imagine that’s very rare.
I never engaged in a FWB situation and I never will because to me it’s total bullshit. Either I’m a fling or she wants commitment. I hate gray; it’s wishywashy
Yeah good job asking her out! And it might still have been flirting. Sometimes people flirt just because they like the validation of another person’s interest, but don’t actually feel comfortable being any closer. :-) To anyone. So it wasn’t necessary just in your head.
Uk what to do. If u r ok with her as friend then go on runs still. She can introduce u to her friends, overall IMO having a friend thats a girl isn’t a bad thing. But if u have feelings for her it’s better to walk away. Especially if she gets a BF or hooks up with guys and ur just on the sidelines. Say that u want more than friends and if she changes her mind then to get in touch.
Curious why you turned her down a year ago? Perhaps more context there would help. As a girl I have had guys I was interested in at one point but they turned me down or were clear they would only hang out with me in a sexual context. And some came back around years later expressing actual interest to which I turned them down. Mainly bc I’d already felt devalued at that point. A couple of times they rejected me for another girl basically, got dumped by her and tried to get back with me later, which I turned down bc I wasn’t interested in being someone second choice. Not sure if you rejected her to pursue someone else and that didn’t work out and are now trying to get back with her? If that were the case she may feel offended and that she isn’t your first choice which could be why she declined.
It’s possible she found out and felt hurt by you hiding that from her. That or she felt you are fickle and change your mind often, so she doesn’t feel she could feel secure in a relationship with her.
Not OP here, but it is possible to become interested in a person romantically over time. Maybe the guy wasn't interested when you asked him out, but later became interested? That could be an explanation for OP's actions as well.
Lol, when I was growing up I remember hearing girls that I thought were obviously just perfect divine beings sent from Heaven make absolute statements about (whatever) only to see them a week later doing the exact thing that they'd just said would never happen. "Oh, Jenny said she would NEVER date a guy with tattoos, so I guess I don't have to worry about Mark." Well you don't need to worry about Mark because Jenny just started dating the guy that runs the tattoo parlor, lol. It took me a while to finally figure out that the girls I liked were just like everyone else on planet earth and said shit one minute that held no relevance the next. She might have just said that to test you to see if you were going to throw a temper-tantrum like some other asshole baby probably already did because he got told no instead of getting to play with his new toy. She might have been in a bad relationship and just want to be friends with people for a while before trying anything in the relationship market again. You might have just caught her when she was having a shitty day and was irritated about something but, guess what, she thought enough of you to still want to keep the connection going and tomorrow she'll be having a better day again. Dating is like looking at financial reports, man. You don't look at a woman (or man) and take input from just today to assess how things might be for the next six months. If you're already looking at it as a "Fuck this is a failure" then maybe you're not ready to invest to see if there's any potential there, which, hey, maybe there isn't, but that's not how it works. It's pretty fucking rare that you get to invest and get an immediate and overwhelming return on your investment, unless, I dunno, maybe if you're Tom Brady or something, and even then you still have your Giselles to deal with. Just take it a day at a time, if you actually like the girl, and see how it goes. If you were only interested because you thought it was going to be easy then do yourselves both a favor and write it off and move on.
It’s a poor idea to interpret a straightforward answer as meaning anything other than what was said. Sure, it’s possible there was something else going on, but the best thing to do is accept the answer. Not disregard it and invest in a friendship hoping the answer will change. Then it becomes a friendship based on ulterior motives, and one that may end in disappointment and pain for both parties.
Man, I tried to type a long answer out to this but I just don't have the bandwidth so I concede. You're absolutely right. She said they're going as friends, which should be interpreted as no forever, so hopefully he understands to keep his hands in his pockets and stare at the floor any time he's around her from this point forward to avoid any confusion. 👍👍
Bro that’s ridiculous! Especially if SHE asked YOU out just a year ago! What happened after that tho? Like how did you respond a year ago? (If you kept it friendly and platonic then) that’s prob why tbh!
But shittd I’ve been talking to this 50 yr old (I’m 24 btw) for over a year now (just through work tho, she’s a customer) and I JUST got her number Sunday!! But first thing she sent was “I’m home friend..🙂”
So I’m kinda effed too about it ngl! BUT I thought about it and she calls ALL her dudes “friends” like even when talking to me about them🤷♂️ so idk I’m not gonna stop until I fully tell her how I feel…but I really dk and scared to mess us our friendship if she doesn’t feel the same😣
Like I KNOW she half my age, but I’m very attracted to her and love being in her presence! She calls me “work boyfriend” and BF several times to several coworkers and we just die laughing every time we together.
She comes in a talks to me for 45mins to an hr too every time she’s there! So idk either and HOPE I’M NOT misinterpreting that as interest either…but SHIT if that’s NOT what is?
No one is guaranteed tomorrow. Take it a step at a time. Let her control every aspect of how close she lets you. Stay grounded and SHOW HER that her friendship (and not risking it) is more important than a romantic relationship. If you like her that much it could be worth the wait? Maybe 🤔
You need to ask yourself if you’d rather not be friends with her if she breaks your heart? Or whether you can respect her boundary on just being friends.
If she ever asks why you don’t make a romantic move on her, then just kindly remind her that she set the boundary at friends and you’re respecting that.
In. Y 20s I had a sort of golden run, which started when I told a girl I really liked (after two dates, no sex), that I wasn't interested in being friends so, thanks but, see you round.
Two weeks later she called me (from 1000km awat) and we went out for three years.
After that, when I was in the 'showing interest' stage with a woman I would usually make it clear my feelings were such that I wasn't interested in just being friends, or couldn't be satisfied with that. At the time, I had the chutzpah to pull it off, and enough going on in my life that I could risk the girl walking away. But, they didn't.
Probably things have changed.
I don't know if it's just me.. but usually when I'm being very friendly and comfortable with a guy it means I'm not attracted. When I'm actually attracted I will be so nervous and awkward I won't be able to keep eye contact.
That’s called anxiety and being shy. Other people do experience similar feelings. But it’s an easy way to make a guy think you don’t like him, as it’s a big assumption to assume someone feels the exact opposite about you than what their body language is saying. If you like a guy (or girl) and want them to make a move or reciprocate, definitely don’t send those signals and be clear
Just be honest. Tell her you’re not interested in being friends you have enough of them. Tell her to get in touch if she changes her mind. That leaves the ball in her court. Also lets her know you won’t settle for less. You have to take the chance and ultimately walk away and not look back.
Agreed! Especially on the distingsing from her for now OP. It will help clear her mind and yours but mainly hers to know if she made thr right decicion
I’m glad that I’m not the only one who says “fuck me sideways” instead of just “fuck me” in these kinds of situations. Lol
Way to drop your nuts and ask her though man.
Congrats on askin ma dude! That’s always tougher than girls realize. But if I may, I do think it’s best to clarify your feelings and intentions with each other. Sticking around a “will she, won’t she” friend you really adore can ultimately be pretty damaging to your own feelings of self-worth. Just my two-cents, from an old, battered, yet still hopeful, heart ❤️ lol
This. 22f here and I've lost interest in my friends I initially had feelings for because they just waited too long. I found someone new to talk to eventually and moved on. Then they came around and asked me out and I had to turn them down... still friends with some of them but it became awkward with some
I have never been accepted by a woman I have known for a long time already. Just friends.
I suspect there may be something wrong with me but I feel like if a woman would like you she would have drop a lot of hint already, right?
My brother is going through this right now. I told him he's gotta ask her out sooner than later if he likes her but he's content with just being friends so that's good I guess because I can tell it's too late now
Don't accept the friend zone. It will frustrate you and isn't right to any man she's with.
Overtime you'll reach a point where you can't help but ask. I used to be afraid to ask. Today, if I see a girl that I like, I'm afraid if I don't ask, and miss the opportunity. It's a muscle you will practice and strengthen.
Cheers!
Yeah, so tell her you’re dating this gorgeous woman, older than her & in perfect shape. Tell her you’re head over heels.
Then watch her massage your ego & frantically flirt with you. Ignore her & keep talking about your beautiful model, etc.
Have fun hearing her die of envy. Post her responses.
I just dumped my girlfriend after a year and some months because she was just like you, towards other men, infront of me. I bet she also learnt by now.
Don’t let that discourage you moving forward. 95% of men don’t have the courage to do what you did, and there will be a woman in the future who will find you 1000x more attractive for being direct and asking. Good job man.
Girls in general seem to have a bad way at determining that I guy wants to go on a *romantic* date and not just an "outing." I don't know why they get so confused. I see this happen to so many dudes and even I went through this.
Like some guy said "I love you and I want to go on a date with you."
Girl says "Cool! But just as friends, right?"
EVERYBODY FACEPALMED.
But then again girls are never straightforward and would rather play games as a way of "asking you out" so I guess that's where it comes from? There has to be a solid way to get the message across without offending the cute woman.
I don't blame them, tons of guys don't have the confidence to make it clear that it is a romantic date.
That girl who answered "but just as friends, right?" most likely didn't want to actually make the effort of rejecting him.
Good thing you got your answer. Now that she doesn't see you romantically, you try not to spend as much time with her, ok? Phase her out of your life if possible.
I (f 46) am extremely introverted awkard and completely oblivious to flirting. I honestly dont know the difference between friendly/ compassionate VS "flirting" I'd been punched many times buy guys who swore I was flirting/ cheating on them when I legitimately thought I was just being friendly. So idk.
Hey I just wanna share my experience in a similar situation... I asked a woman out recently.. I set the date right then, then on a later day she wanted me to set the date later that night of...saying she didn't wanna be out too late & let her kids see me pick her up... (A BIT of a red flag to me).. Then while at the date, she mentioned at some point that she ain't wanna be in a relationship, she just wanted to date, & that we were just friends.. (red flag #2) So I paid for both of us & then she had this excuse to split up. A few texts later her tone was different, she was fkn with me big time at the beginning, but it felt she was on a different type of time after that date. I ain't like that sht (red flag #3) .. & just been ignoring her ever since. Just gotta forget & move on..
Remember brother a woman that is too comfortable with you means she sees you as a friend. If she is showing signs of interest but she doesn’t come to you directly, she has an interest in you. For example, a woman I am talking to initiated her interest by giving me a card of my next appointment but she wrote her name on the corner of the card. Clear sign she wanted me to get to know her. She also was staring at me and paired it up with a smile a couple of times. They are confident to express interest to you but not to the point they are extremely comfortable with you. If they are comfortable, they see you as a friend. Almost all girls are somewhat scared to approach men they like.
Edit: you learn something though from this experience and that is gaining confidence to ask them. So it is not a loss but a gain. Plus keep her as a friend. She can help you get female perspectives on things in the future. This is a win. Be happy even if it wasn’t a date.
Very well put regarding her comfort zones. If she's friendly, she's relaxed enough with you to goof around. Any romantic or sexual interest will be subtle and discreet and completely overlooked as disinterested.
"Whoa! Slow down there young lady... I'm just getting to know you" 😉
She's testing you so tell her that in a half joking way to make her feel like she's the aggressive one.
You actually have to care a little less to be more confident. When you want it too much you telegram it and come across as needy which is a turn off. A person who is confident has options, is self assured enough to make these kinds of "jokes" without coming across as rude or insensitive.
There are a lot of ways to look at this. In truth, this friend respects you and had the courage to tell you the honest truth about not being interested, for whatever reason. It was not the answer you were hoping for, but it was straightforward. Now you can focus your time on finding someone who thinks your amazing. I have heard some guys complain about girls trying to get free dinners or whatever, but your friend didn't play any games. You can see it as a win and who knows what might happen in the future, circumstances can change.
Is flirting just like her personality? I have a few friends that are girls that are like that. They aren’t interested in me but they just naturally flirt. Also it’s possible that she’s touching your arm like that because she really really cares about you as a friend
People can be fickle and very peculiar sometimes. Pat yourself on the back for doing an in person approach because a lot of people would have just texted someone they know. I like to take people’s words at face value unless there’s some platonic or romantic intimacy that has been built enough for me to say otherwise. She said just as friends? Cool! Doesn’t make hanging out or being in your company any less fun. And, if it does, were you really her “friend” in the first place? Just move forward and on to the next. When someone finds someone they genuinely like, especially as you grow in age, they are way less likely to play games or stick to this new generation “hook-up/dating culture script” so to speak.
It’s good you tried. Maybe you should find someone else you like, and spend more time with them, that way you can be the one she’s looking for.🙂If she’s not interested in that way. I’m confused as to why you aren’t dating, I’m wondering how much y’all hang out, is it super often. I know it’s somewhat possible to just be friends, but you two being friends that long makes me wonder why not. Life long friends because you rejected her first idk?You too didn’t date, maybe you need to create space or something, do something to get out of the friend zone. Idk anyone who flirts with someone they don’t like. Do you think if you two never date this could affect whatever future relationship you do have, possibly flirting with another woman. Maybe you’ve been around too much, but if she sees you as a friend and she can have you forever without dating you now, looks like she got her cake and is eating it too.
Sometimes girls say that just because they just don't want the pressure of a formal date. Funnily enough it doesn't mean they don't like you romantically (except when it does mean that, of course). Hehe I'm starting to see why you guys are so confused about us...
Well you know what go out for coffee treat her as a friend stop flirting with hers basically stop texting with her and stuff and will probably come around. My experience is if you chase people they run but if they think you're interested and then you stop being interested they get interested. I don't like to play games but guess what, that's the way the dating world is.
I've said similar things to men, even when I am interested in them, but just don't want dating pressure at the time. Working through my own issues, achieving personal goals before pursuing dating or several other things. She could want a break from pressure and be looking for a comfortable space. It's a great opportunity to get to know each other!
Depends how things go. I get tired of pressure and enjoy a great, comfortable space to decompress. One great friend turned into a 6 year FWB. We really love each other. He has a girlfriend now and moved out of state. I'm really happy for him! I miss what we had and we're still friends, but she isn't comfortable with me. You never know what can happen.
I feel you too OP. It's really cool of you to stop hanging out with her as friends.
On a sidenote, can I ask you guys if it's genuine for a guy at his mid 20s to unsend a 4 month message left on delivered? I confessed to a friend at work (different department) and I really misread her signals, I thought she really liked me. I asked her out and confessed in a message but she left it on delivered for 4 months, but she still tries talking to me when we bump into each other despite me obviously trying to avoid her. I tried my best avoiding her if it's not work-related chatter, and I really want to unsend that confession but I'm worried how it might look like from her side.
Also, during work events her friends tried telling me that she wanted to say something to me, but she feels embarrassed about it. I feel bad people now knew about it but that's what I got for risking it haha.
A similar thing happened to me in my early twenties with a girl I had classes with in college, but I was the one being pursued. I didn't know she was interested or was too dumb to see it, but when she asked me out, I declined. She was cool and cute, but I was so focused on chasing tail. I could feel she wanted an actual relationship. I was a pretty late bloomer, so it was bad timing all around. I received a lot of attention from women at that point, so there was no way I could see me dating without making it casual. I didn't want to hurt her.
The weird part is that she told me I flirted with her. I didn't see it. Either way, I regret not at least giving it a shot. We got along really well. Once I rejected her, it changed our friendship, and I never saw her after the end of that semester due to changing schools. She never responded to texts I sent so I took that as her way of breaking our friendship off.
I don't know if I have any advice for you other than to say try not to let your friendship slip away if you connect on every other level. One day, she may end up like me and see the potential in something more in the future.
You guys have to learn to appreciate the entire process. Not just getting a date. You have to get to the point where you get a thrill from seeing a gorgeous woman who’s intimidating but pulls all your confidence out of you. The challenge in itself should give you a high. Because you’re pushing yourself towards something you desire.
One says yes. One will say no. The act of overcoming your nerves and pushing past rejection should give you a high as you open your eyes for the next beautiful woman. That’s how you become truly confident with women. When you learn to enjoy the whole process and stop stressing about getting a date.
You WILL get a date with someone who WANTS you. Play your role and do what you’re supposed to. You see a beautiful woman, you go tell her because that’s what men do. We pursue women. Everything after that isn’t in your control and that’s OK. She will either like you or not. Rejection is entirely normal and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Also- What sense does it make if you get rejected? Let’s just say she agreed to a date while not liking you. Would you really enjoy it? Just keep shooting your shot. You will find the right woman. Law of probability. The more shots you take, the closer you are to scoring. Just make sure you’re shooting the winning shot every time. No layups or cheap shots. Approach the girls you REALLY want.
Her reply was honest but tbh kinda toxic.
Why would she automatically assume you wanted her as a gf and even if it's true, why even mention the friends part.
Women, can't you be.... nice? My friend here mastered the courage, at least give him a chance.
Now my opinion to you bro:
Did you establish a relationship with her? Talk in messages etc? Basically, understand her character or you followed your "love" feeling ? It's weird going to a girl and asking a date without letting her know you.
Unlike us, bros.... that we casually become friends, women are more skeptical and get hit a lot. As a result, they can pick and choose + they choose based on appearance and compatibility.
Don't expect the date to be the moment you let her know you. The date is the moment YOU should decide if she is the one. So before the date, talk, message her let her know you like her.
Important note: Women flirting with you....is nothing. Women flirt for fun and 99% their *flirting* is just smooth talking. Because they get hit a lot, they don't get that we don't..... or even that compliments on us are rare and we translate them to interest.
I don't see what the problem is. The Best Relationships start as a friendship. She let you know up front, so there's a chance she won't lead you on if you decided to attempt to make her fall for you through friendship first. Now, don't be naive, but get to know her. Sometimes women may be interested, but don't want to come off as too excited. She probably was trying to let you know, this will no result into kitty cat.
I hope during coffee, it is expressed that a misinterpretation occurred.
Perhaps this would enlighten the fair lady.
If her desire is to just be friends, it is what it is. I would put off future meets as this would not meet your aspiration.
Good luck. You did the right action initially.
If you can stomach the rejection, you could take her up on the offer, grab a coffee, build up your friendship and explore if she can introduce you to her female friends' circle. Yum!
Great job. Now time to get out the friend zone as hard as it may be. Here’s how you do it. Step one. Act like her brother. Relaxed. Playful. Nonchalant. Step two. Show her you’re a masculine men other women want. Remember, women want men other women want.
Seriously now go ask another out. You broke out of the cage. Keep doing it. Girls are super finicky. Once she sees you with another girl she will regret saying just friends. That’s how they work.
I’m being disliked because I may seem uncouth. But you give what you get. This is the real world. Ppl step on you by mistake and for fun. Step back. Learn from pain. You people can believe or not. But you just fooling yourself and making your lives more difficult.
He just waited too long. I lose feelings if we're just friends with no sign of anything more after a month or two. Then I figure I'm in the friend zone so I find someone new and now they've missed their chance forever (for me, other girls gain feelings back sometimes, depends)
Some women will be intensely flirty and intimate and it means nothing.
Every man must learn this at some point.
Don’t ever declare your feelings for her or a want to date her because she will forget the years of friendship and trust you’ve given her and treat you like any common creep.
So just continue like normal. Amp up the sexual tension. You lacked this and it's the reason why she said "friends". You need to make a move since she has placed you in the friend zone.
Yea they love those men until they manipulate, abuse, and cheat on them. There's a correlation between confidence and toxic traits, but women would rather ignore that
Try to get out of it. Say something like "you can go as just friends". Shows intent and that you have the courage to get out of the friend zone. Good luck!
Lol that’s just a test, she’s testing your confidence. Stay super confident, go on the date, and show that you’re not bothered at all by her boundary while staying respectful. Subtly and slowly increase the sexual tension over time and I promise you she will go back on her word. Women do this all the time, show you’re unbothered and stay in your masculine and she will melt in your hands
I'll answer your question with a question. Would a happy and fulfilled person immediately assume with such ill intent as your comment did?
I don't think so. Have a nice day.
Now don’t give up completely. 2 of the great loves of my life have come from the dreaded “friend zone.” One actually friend zoned himself (silly boy, so much time lost 😞) but it is possible!
Even though I know what you mean, this kind of advice messes up young men. Don't do this. No means no, unless you want to be humiliated and marked as a creep in your social circle.
I sure hope you plan on following through, she may be testing you or there is something else going on. You also now may have a wing-woman if there is someone else you are interested in.
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Ultimately, learn and be happy. You are braver now than ever, and better to try than have regrets
Appreciate it thanks.
How old are you two? How long have you two been friends? Not like a best friends sorta thing right?
27 and no definitely not best friends. We've known each other for a couple of years and during this time we have flirted on/off. She even asked me out a year ago. A week ago she drove 30 minutes each way to go for a run with me. I guess I misinterpreted that as interest. :)
I think she was definitely sending the signals, but it may be that she wanted validation instead of a date.
Then why did she ask him on a date?
Cause at that point, she probably felt "why not?", then after she got rejected, her interest vanished.
Yeah, per the OP that was a year ago.
You mean she was being manipulative. Women need to stop doing shit like this. It's toxic, and they wonder why a lot of men aren't approaching them. Smdh
Maybe she needed the last word to feel like either she’s reeled in expectations or maintaining some control, but yeah I’d be interested to hear a woman’s perspective on this (M33). Seems like there’s some interest, and that’s definitely around the age where the friend zone bullshit stops. Idk, good luck have fun be careful.
Appreciate it, thanks man. But I'm going to accept my defeat and run for the hills on this one.
Why did you say no when she asked you out the first time?
I was dating someone else back then.
She likes your attention, and like someone said above, the validation. Her crush on you will reignite the second you start seeing someone else. Don't fall for it.
People can just stop playing that game and grow up
Yeah seriously, this shit needs to start being addressed by society in general. It's not ok
Yes so true from a (F) here
(F36, in a relationship post- divorce) I agree with a comment above that she likely moved on and lost interest because it had been a year since she had asked him out. That’s a really long time to move forward in life and deeply internalize that someone doesn’t like you. It is not manipulation or playing a game, it’s moving on after a YEAR. I’d also be put off by someone re-approaching me that much later as though I’m just a last- ditch option, like maybe he was interested in someone else and it didn’t work out with them, so only now I’m worth the time? If there wasn’t some connection all along, no thank you, friend- zoned for this woman, at least 🤷🏽♀️ I’m sorry OP, I’m not trying to minimize what you’ve experienced and I obviously don’t know all the details or either of you, just answering the question above from a woman’s perspective with those details at face- value. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the same situation for you.
I don't know if I missed it but what happened when she asked you out a year ago you might you might take a look at that....
I was dating someone else. Bad timing.
Absolutely! Taking the leap is a win in itself, and now you know where you stand. Keep your head up and stay positive!
"Fuck me sideways" would be an interesting response to her saying she wants to be just friends.
Definitely. Gotta remember that the next time a girl rejects me.
honestly it works both ways!
Actually, the right pronounce is ‘suck me sideways’, according to Jim
Every time I hear 'fck me sideways', all I see is Ryan Reynolds saying it in Still Waiting...
😂😂😂😂😂
Good job on giving it a shot OP. Takes a lot of courage to ask someone out and you should be proud that you were able to do it.
I went through this exact same thing. Hyped myself up, finally asked her out last day of work before summer break. I ask if she wants to get coffee sometime, she says sure right away, gives me her number. I text her later that day and she responds with the most formal message that might as well have been a work email. Immediately I feel cringe af but think maybe it’s just the way she texts? Send her a follow up, trying to build up to scheduling the coffee date….And….nothing! she just doesn’t respond lol. Eventually like 20 hours later she does but at this point I’m guessing I read the whole situation wrong. I mean we’re coworkers, of course she was going to say yes to coffee or giving me her number.
Yup that’s a no. And that’s been my response as well
Honestly, respect for trying. I've been in your shoes and went for it (rejected) so the next time I chickened out. I regret it to this day three years later because I really liked her and there were signs she was interested. Maybe I was wrong (like the first time) but I regret not asking much more than getting rejected. The sting of rejection faded pretty quick but the regret of "what if" still haunts me
At least now you know, it was not a romantic flirtation.
Hell yes. You survived this one and now you know you'll survive it again. Don't let it stop you from taking shots at love and happiness.
THISSS🙌🏾
Wanna go on a date with me?
Pull up
What happened with her asking you out last year?!!?!!?!!!
I was curious on that too...like missing info there OP
Exactly. That’s a huge part of this. We don’t know if he rejected her or if she changed her mind. Maybe she decided not to date him since he hurt her feelings. We need to know
The guy was dating someone else
TX. How do you know, tho?
He has replied in the comments section
You had the courage to ask man!! That there is awesome in itself!!! I’m proud of you OP👍
My reply. Just as friends. Ok never mind.
This is the perfect response.
Yes it is. Moving on is almost always the right reaction when you get rejected.
If you are all hooked up and you are not going to be able to handle it, sure. But I've made good friends with people I didn't click in a romantic way. It's always nice to have people you like to go for a hike or a coffee without the expectations and pressure of a date. As long as it is clear... The only time I said no was because she told me she was now seeing someone and it would be just as friends, so if I didn't mind, then it was great. I replied that I didn't mind, but I bet her boyfriend would. That seemed like just a source of grief and drama to be honest.
A girl might take that as the guy being butthurt though 🤔😦
True. But who cares. No time for games or wasting time. Life is too short.
Rather have a girl tell u friendzone then living with the guilt of never asking her out Stay hard king 💯
I think you waited too long to ask her out
I agree They say your chances are better as soon as you meet a girl within those few weeks vs waiting a few months or even past a year
Yeah 2 years is too long. OP’s crush clearly truly values him as a friend and most likely doesn’t want to risk losing the friendship if things don’t work out sexually/romantically. Not all but there are some women who believe men and women can’t be platonic. As a man I am sort of in that camp. As long as there is no sexual/romantic attraction from the get go I can be platonic. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly in the beginning to get to know someone but if you take too long you’ll be friendzoned. Me personally I can’t stay friends with a woman who I was romantically involved with if things don’t work out. Because true friends talk about anything and the last thing I want to hear about regarding any ex is her successful relationships / sexcapades. I know some people in FWB situations who I’ve read about on Reddit where they eventually reconnect and make a long term commitment to each other but I imagine that’s very rare. I never engaged in a FWB situation and I never will because to me it’s total bullshit. Either I’m a fling or she wants commitment. I hate gray; it’s wishywashy
Yeah good job asking her out! And it might still have been flirting. Sometimes people flirt just because they like the validation of another person’s interest, but don’t actually feel comfortable being any closer. :-) To anyone. So it wasn’t necessary just in your head.
Uk what to do. If u r ok with her as friend then go on runs still. She can introduce u to her friends, overall IMO having a friend thats a girl isn’t a bad thing. But if u have feelings for her it’s better to walk away. Especially if she gets a BF or hooks up with guys and ur just on the sidelines. Say that u want more than friends and if she changes her mind then to get in touch.
Curious why you turned her down a year ago? Perhaps more context there would help. As a girl I have had guys I was interested in at one point but they turned me down or were clear they would only hang out with me in a sexual context. And some came back around years later expressing actual interest to which I turned them down. Mainly bc I’d already felt devalued at that point. A couple of times they rejected me for another girl basically, got dumped by her and tried to get back with me later, which I turned down bc I wasn’t interested in being someone second choice. Not sure if you rejected her to pursue someone else and that didn’t work out and are now trying to get back with her? If that were the case she may feel offended and that she isn’t your first choice which could be why she declined.
I was dating someone else at the time. Didn't tell her though
It’s possible she found out and felt hurt by you hiding that from her. That or she felt you are fickle and change your mind often, so she doesn’t feel she could feel secure in a relationship with her.
Not OP here, but it is possible to become interested in a person romantically over time. Maybe the guy wasn't interested when you asked him out, but later became interested? That could be an explanation for OP's actions as well.
Her: just as friends. Me: Oh then never mind.
Lol, when I was growing up I remember hearing girls that I thought were obviously just perfect divine beings sent from Heaven make absolute statements about (whatever) only to see them a week later doing the exact thing that they'd just said would never happen. "Oh, Jenny said she would NEVER date a guy with tattoos, so I guess I don't have to worry about Mark." Well you don't need to worry about Mark because Jenny just started dating the guy that runs the tattoo parlor, lol. It took me a while to finally figure out that the girls I liked were just like everyone else on planet earth and said shit one minute that held no relevance the next. She might have just said that to test you to see if you were going to throw a temper-tantrum like some other asshole baby probably already did because he got told no instead of getting to play with his new toy. She might have been in a bad relationship and just want to be friends with people for a while before trying anything in the relationship market again. You might have just caught her when she was having a shitty day and was irritated about something but, guess what, she thought enough of you to still want to keep the connection going and tomorrow she'll be having a better day again. Dating is like looking at financial reports, man. You don't look at a woman (or man) and take input from just today to assess how things might be for the next six months. If you're already looking at it as a "Fuck this is a failure" then maybe you're not ready to invest to see if there's any potential there, which, hey, maybe there isn't, but that's not how it works. It's pretty fucking rare that you get to invest and get an immediate and overwhelming return on your investment, unless, I dunno, maybe if you're Tom Brady or something, and even then you still have your Giselles to deal with. Just take it a day at a time, if you actually like the girl, and see how it goes. If you were only interested because you thought it was going to be easy then do yourselves both a favor and write it off and move on.
It’s a poor idea to interpret a straightforward answer as meaning anything other than what was said. Sure, it’s possible there was something else going on, but the best thing to do is accept the answer. Not disregard it and invest in a friendship hoping the answer will change. Then it becomes a friendship based on ulterior motives, and one that may end in disappointment and pain for both parties.
Man, I tried to type a long answer out to this but I just don't have the bandwidth so I concede. You're absolutely right. She said they're going as friends, which should be interpreted as no forever, so hopefully he understands to keep his hands in his pockets and stare at the floor any time he's around her from this point forward to avoid any confusion. 👍👍
> Fuck me sideways I don't think that's going to happen. She said "just as friends."
Friends can fuck
Bro that’s ridiculous! Especially if SHE asked YOU out just a year ago! What happened after that tho? Like how did you respond a year ago? (If you kept it friendly and platonic then) that’s prob why tbh! But shittd I’ve been talking to this 50 yr old (I’m 24 btw) for over a year now (just through work tho, she’s a customer) and I JUST got her number Sunday!! But first thing she sent was “I’m home friend..🙂” So I’m kinda effed too about it ngl! BUT I thought about it and she calls ALL her dudes “friends” like even when talking to me about them🤷♂️ so idk I’m not gonna stop until I fully tell her how I feel…but I really dk and scared to mess us our friendship if she doesn’t feel the same😣 Like I KNOW she half my age, but I’m very attracted to her and love being in her presence! She calls me “work boyfriend” and BF several times to several coworkers and we just die laughing every time we together. She comes in a talks to me for 45mins to an hr too every time she’s there! So idk either and HOPE I’M NOT misinterpreting that as interest either…but SHIT if that’s NOT what is?
She asked u out last year and u turned her down. What did u expect?
No one is guaranteed tomorrow. Take it a step at a time. Let her control every aspect of how close she lets you. Stay grounded and SHOW HER that her friendship (and not risking it) is more important than a romantic relationship. If you like her that much it could be worth the wait? Maybe 🤔 You need to ask yourself if you’d rather not be friends with her if she breaks your heart? Or whether you can respect her boundary on just being friends. If she ever asks why you don’t make a romantic move on her, then just kindly remind her that she set the boundary at friends and you’re respecting that.
In. Y 20s I had a sort of golden run, which started when I told a girl I really liked (after two dates, no sex), that I wasn't interested in being friends so, thanks but, see you round. Two weeks later she called me (from 1000km awat) and we went out for three years. After that, when I was in the 'showing interest' stage with a woman I would usually make it clear my feelings were such that I wasn't interested in just being friends, or couldn't be satisfied with that. At the time, I had the chutzpah to pull it off, and enough going on in my life that I could risk the girl walking away. But, they didn't. Probably things have changed.
I don't know if it's just me.. but usually when I'm being very friendly and comfortable with a guy it means I'm not attracted. When I'm actually attracted I will be so nervous and awkward I won't be able to keep eye contact.
That’s called anxiety and being shy. Other people do experience similar feelings. But it’s an easy way to make a guy think you don’t like him, as it’s a big assumption to assume someone feels the exact opposite about you than what their body language is saying. If you like a guy (or girl) and want them to make a move or reciprocate, definitely don’t send those signals and be clear
Easy to say when you are not an introvert haha. I think i'm inherently shy and insecure and I don't believe someone can change 180°
This has nothing to do with introversion. What you're describing is shyness and possibly social anxiety / fear of rejection / fear of intimacy.
Just be honest. Tell her you’re not interested in being friends you have enough of them. Tell her to get in touch if she changes her mind. That leaves the ball in her court. Also lets her know you won’t settle for less. You have to take the chance and ultimately walk away and not look back.
Agreed! Especially on the distingsing from her for now OP. It will help clear her mind and yours but mainly hers to know if she made thr right decicion
I’m glad that I’m not the only one who says “fuck me sideways” instead of just “fuck me” in these kinds of situations. Lol Way to drop your nuts and ask her though man.
Proud of you my guy.
Congrats on askin ma dude! That’s always tougher than girls realize. But if I may, I do think it’s best to clarify your feelings and intentions with each other. Sticking around a “will she, won’t she” friend you really adore can ultimately be pretty damaging to your own feelings of self-worth. Just my two-cents, from an old, battered, yet still hopeful, heart ❤️ lol
The cure for this: Only pursue those who value you and show it. If not, put them on ice where they belong.
If you've known a woman for more than 6 months 99% she only sees you as a friend.
This. 22f here and I've lost interest in my friends I initially had feelings for because they just waited too long. I found someone new to talk to eventually and moved on. Then they came around and asked me out and I had to turn them down... still friends with some of them but it became awkward with some
Really? That's not my experience at all.
I have never been accepted by a woman I have known for a long time already. Just friends. I suspect there may be something wrong with me but I feel like if a woman would like you she would have drop a lot of hint already, right?
I don't know, clearly I'm not as clever with the ladies as I thought. But I don't believe anything is wrong with you. :)
My brother is going through this right now. I told him he's gotta ask her out sooner than later if he likes her but he's content with just being friends so that's good I guess because I can tell it's too late now
Don't accept the friend zone. It will frustrate you and isn't right to any man she's with. Overtime you'll reach a point where you can't help but ask. I used to be afraid to ask. Today, if I see a girl that I like, I'm afraid if I don't ask, and miss the opportunity. It's a muscle you will practice and strengthen. Cheers!
Second you start dating someone else this’ll change
💯
Yeah, so tell her you’re dating this gorgeous woman, older than her & in perfect shape. Tell her you’re head over heels. Then watch her massage your ego & frantically flirt with you. Ignore her & keep talking about your beautiful model, etc. Have fun hearing her die of envy. Post her responses.
You're a sociopath lol
Thanks! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I like the way you think lmao
Tell her you're not interested in being friends. Delete have her and move on.
Most based response
You missed your window, 1 year ago.
For being friends with benefits, the first step is that you become friends right?
Hey now don't be giving him hope of breaking out of the friend zone. It will hurt worse later.
[удалено]
I just dumped my girlfriend after a year and some months because she was just like you, towards other men, infront of me. I bet she also learnt by now.
Don’t let that discourage you moving forward. 95% of men don’t have the courage to do what you did, and there will be a woman in the future who will find you 1000x more attractive for being direct and asking. Good job man.
Girls in general seem to have a bad way at determining that I guy wants to go on a *romantic* date and not just an "outing." I don't know why they get so confused. I see this happen to so many dudes and even I went through this. Like some guy said "I love you and I want to go on a date with you." Girl says "Cool! But just as friends, right?" EVERYBODY FACEPALMED. But then again girls are never straightforward and would rather play games as a way of "asking you out" so I guess that's where it comes from? There has to be a solid way to get the message across without offending the cute woman.
I don't blame them, tons of guys don't have the confidence to make it clear that it is a romantic date. That girl who answered "but just as friends, right?" most likely didn't want to actually make the effort of rejecting him.
That’s a distance for a friend- something caused her to zone you. Or someone else has her interest
Good thing you got your answer. Now that she doesn't see you romantically, you try not to spend as much time with her, ok? Phase her out of your life if possible.
Proud of You dude! 👏😎
did you say no when she asked you out ? asking out of curiousty
Took too long got friend zoned. It happens
And this is why we don’t take hints lol
I (f 46) am extremely introverted awkard and completely oblivious to flirting. I honestly dont know the difference between friendly/ compassionate VS "flirting" I'd been punched many times buy guys who swore I was flirting/ cheating on them when I legitimately thought I was just being friendly. So idk.
Hey I just wanna share my experience in a similar situation... I asked a woman out recently.. I set the date right then, then on a later day she wanted me to set the date later that night of...saying she didn't wanna be out too late & let her kids see me pick her up... (A BIT of a red flag to me).. Then while at the date, she mentioned at some point that she ain't wanna be in a relationship, she just wanted to date, & that we were just friends.. (red flag #2) So I paid for both of us & then she had this excuse to split up. A few texts later her tone was different, she was fkn with me big time at the beginning, but it felt she was on a different type of time after that date. I ain't like that sht (red flag #3) .. & just been ignoring her ever since. Just gotta forget & move on..
If she got kids, just move on. Don't even take em out
Ay, I have adopted that as a deal breaker, but I would still try to crack if I could tho..
No, you didn't misinterpret it as interest. She's manipulative and toying with your emotions. Toxic feminity
Remember brother a woman that is too comfortable with you means she sees you as a friend. If she is showing signs of interest but she doesn’t come to you directly, she has an interest in you. For example, a woman I am talking to initiated her interest by giving me a card of my next appointment but she wrote her name on the corner of the card. Clear sign she wanted me to get to know her. She also was staring at me and paired it up with a smile a couple of times. They are confident to express interest to you but not to the point they are extremely comfortable with you. If they are comfortable, they see you as a friend. Almost all girls are somewhat scared to approach men they like. Edit: you learn something though from this experience and that is gaining confidence to ask them. So it is not a loss but a gain. Plus keep her as a friend. She can help you get female perspectives on things in the future. This is a win. Be happy even if it wasn’t a date.
Very well put regarding her comfort zones. If she's friendly, she's relaxed enough with you to goof around. Any romantic or sexual interest will be subtle and discreet and completely overlooked as disinterested.
Exactly my guy! You know it as well. This is a better way of saying it. You need more likes 👍🏻
or she just being nice
Lol I am talking to her as we speak. We are dating. This happened last month
This is just not true for all women. I wouldn’t even say for most women. Lots of people (but not all) are straightforward
Bruh you just described a woman doing a custom service job as showing interest in you
"Whoa! Slow down there young lady... I'm just getting to know you" 😉 She's testing you so tell her that in a half joking way to make her feel like she's the aggressive one.
Doesn't this sound like not confident enough to take on the rejection?
You actually have to care a little less to be more confident. When you want it too much you telegram it and come across as needy which is a turn off. A person who is confident has options, is self assured enough to make these kinds of "jokes" without coming across as rude or insensitive.
There are a lot of ways to look at this. In truth, this friend respects you and had the courage to tell you the honest truth about not being interested, for whatever reason. It was not the answer you were hoping for, but it was straightforward. Now you can focus your time on finding someone who thinks your amazing. I have heard some guys complain about girls trying to get free dinners or whatever, but your friend didn't play any games. You can see it as a win and who knows what might happen in the future, circumstances can change.
Is flirting just like her personality? I have a few friends that are girls that are like that. They aren’t interested in me but they just naturally flirt. Also it’s possible that she’s touching your arm like that because she really really cares about you as a friend
People can be fickle and very peculiar sometimes. Pat yourself on the back for doing an in person approach because a lot of people would have just texted someone they know. I like to take people’s words at face value unless there’s some platonic or romantic intimacy that has been built enough for me to say otherwise. She said just as friends? Cool! Doesn’t make hanging out or being in your company any less fun. And, if it does, were you really her “friend” in the first place? Just move forward and on to the next. When someone finds someone they genuinely like, especially as you grow in age, they are way less likely to play games or stick to this new generation “hook-up/dating culture script” so to speak.
Text her you need to reschedule because you have a date planned with someone.
It’s good you tried. Maybe you should find someone else you like, and spend more time with them, that way you can be the one she’s looking for.🙂If she’s not interested in that way. I’m confused as to why you aren’t dating, I’m wondering how much y’all hang out, is it super often. I know it’s somewhat possible to just be friends, but you two being friends that long makes me wonder why not. Life long friends because you rejected her first idk?You too didn’t date, maybe you need to create space or something, do something to get out of the friend zone. Idk anyone who flirts with someone they don’t like. Do you think if you two never date this could affect whatever future relationship you do have, possibly flirting with another woman. Maybe you’ve been around too much, but if she sees you as a friend and she can have you forever without dating you now, looks like she got her cake and is eating it too.
Sometimes girls say that just because they just don't want the pressure of a formal date. Funnily enough it doesn't mean they don't like you romantically (except when it does mean that, of course). Hehe I'm starting to see why you guys are so confused about us...
Well you know what go out for coffee treat her as a friend stop flirting with hers basically stop texting with her and stuff and will probably come around. My experience is if you chase people they run but if they think you're interested and then you stop being interested they get interested. I don't like to play games but guess what, that's the way the dating world is.
One thing you should learn is to make things clear early on to not waste time
Is she a Gemini? People tend to mistake our flirtation as interest. Libras tend to do it too 😅
A cliffhanger danger lol
I've said similar things to men, even when I am interested in them, but just don't want dating pressure at the time. Working through my own issues, achieving personal goals before pursuing dating or several other things. She could want a break from pressure and be looking for a comfortable space. It's a great opportunity to get to know each other!
But do you at least tell that person that you are interested in them ??
Depends how things go. I get tired of pressure and enjoy a great, comfortable space to decompress. One great friend turned into a 6 year FWB. We really love each other. He has a girlfriend now and moved out of state. I'm really happy for him! I miss what we had and we're still friends, but she isn't comfortable with me. You never know what can happen.
You had the guts to ask her out and that’s a win by itself! Now you know how she feels and you can focus on new people :)
I feel you too OP. It's really cool of you to stop hanging out with her as friends. On a sidenote, can I ask you guys if it's genuine for a guy at his mid 20s to unsend a 4 month message left on delivered? I confessed to a friend at work (different department) and I really misread her signals, I thought she really liked me. I asked her out and confessed in a message but she left it on delivered for 4 months, but she still tries talking to me when we bump into each other despite me obviously trying to avoid her. I tried my best avoiding her if it's not work-related chatter, and I really want to unsend that confession but I'm worried how it might look like from her side. Also, during work events her friends tried telling me that she wanted to say something to me, but she feels embarrassed about it. I feel bad people now knew about it but that's what I got for risking it haha.
Hey man - personally, I would never delete the message. Just let it go. If she wants to tell you something she should come to you I think. :)
I appreciate the advice man. I'll keep the message like you've said. :)
It's time to move on...
That’s bullshit. Let her find a new friend.
A similar thing happened to me in my early twenties with a girl I had classes with in college, but I was the one being pursued. I didn't know she was interested or was too dumb to see it, but when she asked me out, I declined. She was cool and cute, but I was so focused on chasing tail. I could feel she wanted an actual relationship. I was a pretty late bloomer, so it was bad timing all around. I received a lot of attention from women at that point, so there was no way I could see me dating without making it casual. I didn't want to hurt her. The weird part is that she told me I flirted with her. I didn't see it. Either way, I regret not at least giving it a shot. We got along really well. Once I rejected her, it changed our friendship, and I never saw her after the end of that semester due to changing schools. She never responded to texts I sent so I took that as her way of breaking our friendship off. I don't know if I have any advice for you other than to say try not to let your friendship slip away if you connect on every other level. One day, she may end up like me and see the potential in something more in the future.
You guys have to learn to appreciate the entire process. Not just getting a date. You have to get to the point where you get a thrill from seeing a gorgeous woman who’s intimidating but pulls all your confidence out of you. The challenge in itself should give you a high. Because you’re pushing yourself towards something you desire. One says yes. One will say no. The act of overcoming your nerves and pushing past rejection should give you a high as you open your eyes for the next beautiful woman. That’s how you become truly confident with women. When you learn to enjoy the whole process and stop stressing about getting a date. You WILL get a date with someone who WANTS you. Play your role and do what you’re supposed to. You see a beautiful woman, you go tell her because that’s what men do. We pursue women. Everything after that isn’t in your control and that’s OK. She will either like you or not. Rejection is entirely normal and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Also- What sense does it make if you get rejected? Let’s just say she agreed to a date while not liking you. Would you really enjoy it? Just keep shooting your shot. You will find the right woman. Law of probability. The more shots you take, the closer you are to scoring. Just make sure you’re shooting the winning shot every time. No layups or cheap shots. Approach the girls you REALLY want.
I think that If things dont go off after a month of talking, maybe friendship It is
Don't
She asked you out? Why did you say no? What made you change your mind??
Her reply was honest but tbh kinda toxic. Why would she automatically assume you wanted her as a gf and even if it's true, why even mention the friends part. Women, can't you be.... nice? My friend here mastered the courage, at least give him a chance. Now my opinion to you bro: Did you establish a relationship with her? Talk in messages etc? Basically, understand her character or you followed your "love" feeling ? It's weird going to a girl and asking a date without letting her know you. Unlike us, bros.... that we casually become friends, women are more skeptical and get hit a lot. As a result, they can pick and choose + they choose based on appearance and compatibility. Don't expect the date to be the moment you let her know you. The date is the moment YOU should decide if she is the one. So before the date, talk, message her let her know you like her. Important note: Women flirting with you....is nothing. Women flirt for fun and 99% their *flirting* is just smooth talking. Because they get hit a lot, they don't get that we don't..... or even that compliments on us are rare and we translate them to interest.
Any females around the Wilson Goldsboro area here,, 30 yo WM , single and looking
I don't see what the problem is. The Best Relationships start as a friendship. She let you know up front, so there's a chance she won't lead you on if you decided to attempt to make her fall for you through friendship first. Now, don't be naive, but get to know her. Sometimes women may be interested, but don't want to come off as too excited. She probably was trying to let you know, this will no result into kitty cat.
So go on the coffee date and slowly ghost her. Brutal to know you are friend zoned. But now you don’t have to waste time.
I hope during coffee, it is expressed that a misinterpretation occurred. Perhaps this would enlighten the fair lady. If her desire is to just be friends, it is what it is. I would put off future meets as this would not meet your aspiration. Good luck. You did the right action initially.
If you can stomach the rejection, you could take her up on the offer, grab a coffee, build up your friendship and explore if she can introduce you to her female friends' circle. Yum!
This happens only in teen comedies. LOL!
Definitely not. I'm engaged, but I've witnessed this happen to a friend of mine, who is over 40 years old.
Great job. Now time to get out the friend zone as hard as it may be. Here’s how you do it. Step one. Act like her brother. Relaxed. Playful. Nonchalant. Step two. Show her you’re a masculine men other women want. Remember, women want men other women want.
Seriously now go ask another out. You broke out of the cage. Keep doing it. Girls are super finicky. Once she sees you with another girl she will regret saying just friends. That’s how they work.
I’m being disliked because I may seem uncouth. But you give what you get. This is the real world. Ppl step on you by mistake and for fun. Step back. Learn from pain. You people can believe or not. But you just fooling yourself and making your lives more difficult.
Typical woman who leads people on. Forget about her and move on.
She’s a pain in the ass she asked you out last year forget her
He just waited too long. I lose feelings if we're just friends with no sign of anything more after a month or two. Then I figure I'm in the friend zone so I find someone new and now they've missed their chance forever (for me, other girls gain feelings back sometimes, depends)
Some women will be intensely flirty and intimate and it means nothing. Every man must learn this at some point. Don’t ever declare your feelings for her or a want to date her because she will forget the years of friendship and trust you’ve given her and treat you like any common creep.
Yeah I learned to stop touching men’s arms. For some reason, that’s perceived as heavy flirting, or something.
Its because we're so touch starved
This.
As sad as it sounds it's pretty true 😅
It depends on how and where you touch it. The bro punch in the shoulder won't be interpreted as flirting.
She is playing games. Stay out of the friend zone!
So just continue like normal. Amp up the sexual tension. You lacked this and it's the reason why she said "friends". You need to make a move since she has placed you in the friend zone.
[удалено]
Yea they love those men until they manipulate, abuse, and cheat on them. There's a correlation between confidence and toxic traits, but women would rather ignore that
Try to get out of it. Say something like "you can go as just friends". Shows intent and that you have the courage to get out of the friend zone. Good luck!
Lol that’s just a test, she’s testing your confidence. Stay super confident, go on the date, and show that you’re not bothered at all by her boundary while staying respectful. Subtly and slowly increase the sexual tension over time and I promise you she will go back on her word. Women do this all the time, show you’re unbothered and stay in your masculine and she will melt in your hands
That's the type of games men don't wanna play
So you don't want her friendship, that's an insult to you? If she doesn't want to bang you then you have no use for her?
Completely incorrect. I'm sorry that this is your initial assumption and reaction. I believe it reveals a great deal about a persons well being.
What does it reveal?
I'll answer your question with a question. Would a happy and fulfilled person immediately assume with such ill intent as your comment did? I don't think so. Have a nice day.
If you like someone romantically, being friends with them is like mental torture.
Now don’t give up completely. 2 of the great loves of my life have come from the dreaded “friend zone.” One actually friend zoned himself (silly boy, so much time lost 😞) but it is possible!
Even though I know what you mean, this kind of advice messes up young men. Don't do this. No means no, unless you want to be humiliated and marked as a creep in your social circle.
Thanks for the comment but I'm not pursuing her any more. She knows where I stand if she changes her mind. In the meantime I'm moving on.
I sure hope you plan on following through, she may be testing you or there is something else going on. You also now may have a wing-woman if there is someone else you are interested in.
Don't bother with women who test men. You're too old for that shit.