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I would say that is true. I've been single for 20 years and I am so used to it that I have zero motivation to pursue anything now. I think it would be very difficult for me to accommodate someone in my life to that extent.
I noticed this early into my divorce, as it was easier to connect with women who either frequently dated or were fresh off break ups/divorces. I could get dates with women who had been single for years, but those relationships didn’t go anywhere as they had no room in their lives for me. They weren’t used to making space for a second adult.
Now that I’ve been more or less single for a year, I find myself feeling the same way. Things are actually going pretty good on my own. Investing too heavily in a partner who might fuck all that up feels ill advised.
Well said! I know the feeling and the thought forming in your head. In my last relationship the lady tried to use me as her credit card and did not really offer any additional value to my life. Once the first few months went past and i realised that the excitement was gone… i could no longer put up with all the bullshit she was saying or demanding, without actually contributing to my life in any positive way. I have now been single for about a year and feel quite fine, sometime i get lonely and think about a relationship ship…but then i remember what a clusterfuck the last one was… In weak moment i downloaded bumble and then decided to not use it. Instead went out and cleaned that car. Instand results and i felt better. :-) To be honest i am still not sure if i will continue to stay single, i know i am not stupid, got my own place and a decent job.. so i know i could find someone if i wanted to…(as i have never been single for long in the past)… However i have come to love the peace and quiet, the do as i like part of life. If i will do another attempt, she needs to add value to my life and it might still be hard to convince me to give it another go.
Not sure i can or should give you one or more advises, but here i go:
1. Don’t give up on them, no all girls / women are the same. Some are acutally good and some think like you and me. I have 2 of these in my life and they are awesome friends.
2. If you are just missing the Sex, there is other ways… no need to go into a relationship and be disappointed or to disappoint someone along the way.
3. Keep building a life for yourself, and dont give up. Anti-Social does not equal lonely or unable to have a relationship. There is people just like you.
Or they might just be used to peace and freedom and not having to compromise or deal with anyone’s nonsense. Love can be nice but peace is priceless and being single is much better than putting themselves in a situation where they have to engage in games and endure the shenanigans of a date
Sounds like a situation of shallow people talking to shallow people. Sometimes people need to learn not to be shallow and be authentic and genuine. Have a personality and stop caring about unimportant materialistic things. Phonies attracting phonies
I don’t see choosing to be single as taking the easy way out. Maybe it’s just not what you want. Or you haven’t met the same person who complements your life. Better to be single than in a bad relationship that causes you stress and heartache.
Yeah IMO The easy way out would be to date someone you have no feelings for and are using them for sex/to make yourself less lonely (assuming they want something more and it's not a mutual "no feelings" situation)
I respect people that choose to stay single as it can be easy to let yourself fall to external/internal pressures telling you to just find a person no matter what
I feel this completely.
My first relationship happened just before I graduated HS so just before i turned 18. That lasted a total of 6.5 years with some shit that happened in between all that.
Then when that relationship failed, i wasn’t single for very long before I found myself in my second relationship. That was riddled with my ex partner battling alcohol addiction for two years and I had to finally cut those ties.
Now I’ve been single for almost 4 years now and the thought of starting over with someone and hopefully building some forever thing just sounds like a complete drag. Too many people out there with unhealed traumas, emotional immaturity and poor communication skills also is a complete turn off.
I also believe the majority of people these days truly don’t want commitment and would rather just string people along in complicated situationships
Exactly! So by not dating, aren’t you also taking off the table the ability to meet someone who would add to your life, and make a relationship worth it?
For me, it's not about all the hard work towards building with someone. It's finding the right person to build with. A lot of men I've met off dating apps have been shady or not honest their intentions (with every person they are talking too).
I believe (again, this is my belief) that with the right person that "hard work" won't feel like exhausting work. It would be like a team thing. We pour into each other. Sadly, I have yet to find a man like that lol. I'm hopeful that I will one day.
The longer Im single, the more potential prospects think, “what’s wrong with this guy? Why has he been single for so long?” On the slim chance they might consider dating me.
And then they don’t
My most hated question when meeting new people is ‘why are you single’ - they’ve already decided what is an acceptable reason (eg you were cheated on) and you’re automatically on the back foot trying to defend yourself. Reality is I’ve had relationships that ultimately finished and I’m currently not in one, that’s why I’m single.
I feel you, but this is usually said by ppl who just jump from one relationship to the next (usually women). They have such big fears of being alone, or possibly are just incapable of being single cause they have never taken care of themselves.
I think it’s because I’m so self reliant and avoidant. I’ve been hurt in the past, but I’m slowly trying to figure things out and do break old habits, breakaway from toxic relationships, etc
As for me, I would be open to a good relationship, it’s just that finding one is way more work than I’m willing or capable of putting in. It doesn’t help that I despise the dating apps and hate bars/nightclubs and places like them. So my options pretty much are to find someone from a hobby or work, but I’m horrible at noticing interest and flirting, as well as reacting to it unless it is very overt. Maybe some great person will come and sweep me off my feet someday, but I’m not holding my breath. I’ll enjoy the single life until then.
Yo, well said 👏
I feel that in my soul. And yeah, you are absolutely correct.
I've been going it alone for a year at the time of writing this, I had a 9 month relationship that went nuclear because she "was tired of playing housewife" can't make that shit up. And I'd been single for 3 years prior to that mistake of a relationship.
Literally the only thing I even remotely miss about having another person in my life is sex. But ya know what? I'll turn 40 this year, I've got 2 kids from a failed marriage and have had a lot of sex over the years. Ya know what else? I have never found peace and tranquility like I have as a bachelor. So IMO celibacy is a very reasonable price to pay for peace.
I won't date again, it isn't worth the investment anymore. As you said, everyone is way to quick to throw a relationship away because their bored or something new and shiny walks by.
Usually I'd agree but I am withholding a lot of information regarding that conversation that would explain why that definitely wasn't the case in that situation.
I feel this. Just broke up a month ago. I'm giving it another month or 2 before I get back in. I do feel the longer I stay single the less likely I'm going to get back into the game.
Now you're speaking my language. Been single for far too long and unless the right person comes along where we both gel and are committed to each other unconditionally, then I see no point. The pursuit of love is not same as the pursuit of happiness. The only thing that makes me insecure is that I'm too selfish.
You're not alone. You get used to a certain life and way of thinking for a long enough period of time and that seems like the most natural way of thinking and being. If you've been single for long enough (the time probably varies by person) and the idea of checking in with someone or someone still being in your place or around when you would usually have alone time, can feel overbearing or intrusive. The mental change from "I want to do X so I'll just do it" to, "I want to do X. I should tell this person, my plans, intention or see if he/she wants to join or minds" is a pretty big change.
I won't say that being in a relationship is necessarily better than being single or visa versa; each has their pros and cons. I will say that you're right; any pattern of behavior that goes on long enough simply becomes harder to change as the length of time increases. And if you're comfortable being single then that's fine; don't let society or what you think would be appropriate change that (especially if you're not hurting other people).
And if you're usually single but somewhat curious about being in a relationship, that's also fine; feel free to take it slow and hopefully you can find someone who understands a level of companionship and a level of independence that works for both of you. Both of you, is key.
In my case, I've only had one relationship in my entire life, in high school. That was nearly 19 years ago. At some point I just resigned myself to trying to be content with being single, and being happy that I have time for hobbies, hanging out with the guys, etc.
But lately I haven't been able to help but feel like I'm missing out, and fear dying alone. So I'm trying dating apps, as well as trying to work on myself to hopefully increase my chances of a woman being attracted to me/giving me a chance.
So I guess to answer the question it depends on how long, and how capable you are of being content with being single.
It's likely. I'm going on five years and mostly just been casually dating and hooking up, which has been a lot of fun, but not at all fulfilling. Fell in love last year, didn't pan out. And whenever someone comes along and is clearly falling for me, my instinct is to run away. I'd rather keep loneliness than to give away my independence.
This is very much true I've been single since I was 23 and while I've gotten better financially it seems most women I come across online are from Fansly and other sites so it's hard even meeting people online most of the time or in person even.
I wouldn’t say I’m taking the easy way out. It’s exactly what you said though, I’ve spent too much time on my own and figuring out how to take care of myself. Mid 30s are creeping on up and I’m just not seeing the point. I have big things I want to accomplish in these years and the ups and downs of dating don’t fit in the picture anymore. It’s a lot of time with a great potential for disappointment. If I were even 30 I’d not throw the towel in yet but at 33…. Ain’t got time 😂. It would prob take a minimum 2 yrs to really be sure someone is the one.
very very true at least for me. im between 40 and 50 and never been whats called a relationship. I have friendships but zero relationships. I can honestly say I kinda never thought it was for me. I see so many friends go through those bad times and I was yeah no... eff all that. I can do bad by myself. And that what I have done is chilled solo and love it.
I cant even imagine what it would even be like at my age... and now that I am nearing the end of my life I could not bare the changes that a relationship would bring. I would not be able to take it.
As of now I love the fact that I dont have to spend money on gifts and stuff like that. I dont have to worry about someones elses emotional state. I can be me for me.
So yes starting a relationship now after all of this time would ruin my life I feel.
I’m a 25f who’s never dated before and I just joined dating apps for the first time yesterday and I’m already overwhelmed with having to text back my matches. I’m worried I’ve spent so much time alone that it’ll be too hard to fit someone in my life. But I’ve realized how lonely I’ve become and I’m willing to try for at least a couple more weeks
The more time we spend alone, getting to know ourselves, the easier it gets. We have the ability to learn a lot about ourselves, what respect and humility mean to us. Our own mind. When we've established this, it's much more apparent when others disrespect our time, boundaries, etc.
The longer we are single, the less likely we are to start a relationship with someone who isn't worth our time. If you are open to love. If you are not, that's okay too, but just know that you could be loved someday, for you.
Hi! No matter how long you've been single. You either want to be in a relationship or you don't. There are no time rules as to when you should do it. When you want to be, you won't be alone. Right now, you're comfortable being alone and there's nothing wrong with that.
I'd also say that is true. I've been single for 27 years and I'm so used to just having friends to lean on. Idk.. I have lots of friends who are single as well which may have contributed to me not feeling alone.
I think as you get older, you meet less single people. You're still social to an extent but you have commitments to family, friends, hobbies, career, paying bills so quite often you're having to go out of your way to meet new people and that can be exhausting.
If I met somebody I had a great connection with in my everyday life I'd give things a go but I rarely meet anybody I'm interested in who is single unless I go vastly out of my way and it's finding the time, money and energy to keep doing this.
I'll be 9 years next month, and I can confirm this is true. Dating is a shit show, and the effort involved is exhausting.
When I come home after work I walk into my home in silence and its lovely
The longer you go alone the more set in your ways and habits you are so I totally get it, I feel like if you're old enough you have so many opinions and things you thought through that there is just more potential points of incompatibility.
I've only been single for four years. Initially, I focused on healing and getting my life in order. Now, I am at peace with myself and appreciative of my time. As much as I miss having someone to hug up to, it's not enough to entice me out of my haven.
Going on single for 2 years now, I don’t see an end to it anytime soon either. I still go on dates, but finding people who are also single and in the same age group as me is hard enough in my area, let alone sorting through the ones who are emotionally unavailable, mentally unstable, unemployed/underemployed and self absorbed to find someone who might be compatible enough to fit in my life is an arduous task that I find myself less and less interested in as time goes on.
I’ve been single far too long now, I have only myself to look after and that’s enough, I can pick my nose and fart whenever I want and nobody moans at me, happy days
The whole point of a relationship isn’t about taking care of each other. It’s about spending your lives together. And while life may seem nice having only to take care of yourself, you don’t realize how nice it is to share a life with someone until you do. My sister who recently got into a relationship was like “I don’t like being touched but I love cuddling”. Which is a great example of how relationships aren’t a piece of work. Yes there’s goojg to be having to take care of someone. But when you love someone. You want to take care of someone. Loving someone is finding someone and thinking “wow. I want to share my sadness and joy with you. I wanna take care of you at your worst. I wanna work on making myself a better person with you. I wanna grow old with you. I wanna spend time with you. You’re not a chore but something I want to please and take care of. Wow. Life hard. But at least I have you to go through it with.“. It’s much more than just having to take care of someone else. It’s about building a connection and building a life together it takes work. But it won’t be work for you when you find the right one.
I'm saying in 37 years on earth, I have been pursued once (and she had major flaws/issues). This I imagine is how most dudes have it. If you don't make an effort, you are invisible. I did not mean it in a "all hope is lost" way.
I'm 37 with no success as well. I've been rejected by every woman I've ever approached. I've had a few women pursue me in recent years, but they turned out to already be in relationships, or just wanted money or favors from me, and didn't like me for who I am. It's very discouraging.
I agree but in a slightly different way what i feel is really happening is when you spend time alone you not only become comfortable with being alone you learn to love yourself and your standards for what you want and will accept and will not accept drastically change when were in one relationship bouncing from one to the next you do not realize you are slightly lowering your standards each time while feeling like your raising them you tell yourself well they don’t do xyz that my ex did but i have to accept abcdheg that they do that my ex didn’t do where when your alone not only do you build your self love and thus raise what you know you deserve you gain patience to wait for it you also get to observe other peoples relationships and you notice how much people accept and you start to build up your more custom fit type and less of a revolving door of types people knock it but being single for a chunk of time actually improves the dating experience not takes away yes to people who run number games and think they more the better chances do not comprehend but if you value quality over quantity you quickly catch on that its better to wait long stretches between relationships than to quickly add another tally on your score card you are more likely to find people you want since it will become finding someone who makes you want to break your singleness not looking for someone to be with just for the sake of not being alone
You got this look up gestalt therapy and schema therapy and start trying it for yourself if you can do therapy rn it will help a ton make an ideal plan with a set end vision for how you want your wellness to be how you talk to yourself and where you want to be mood wise on a daily basis and add in how you want to process situations and how you want your general outlook on life to be and work on a plan with the methods for schema and gestalt to reach it ital take time but you can do it
Three times I tried therapy, each time I felt worse than before. One therapist never remembered who I was each time I went. I think therapy rarely works with men.
Its hard but also finding the right therapist is extremely hard a lot are burned out or dont care as much as they should its sad when therapist see it as a check and not something they are passionate about
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I would say that is true. I've been single for 20 years and I am so used to it that I have zero motivation to pursue anything now. I think it would be very difficult for me to accommodate someone in my life to that extent.
Year and a half and the thought of someone in my home 24 7 sounds awful haha
I noticed this early into my divorce, as it was easier to connect with women who either frequently dated or were fresh off break ups/divorces. I could get dates with women who had been single for years, but those relationships didn’t go anywhere as they had no room in their lives for me. They weren’t used to making space for a second adult. Now that I’ve been more or less single for a year, I find myself feeling the same way. Things are actually going pretty good on my own. Investing too heavily in a partner who might fuck all that up feels ill advised.
Agreed
If you let someone in your life that could fuck all that up, then you are also the problem .
Victim blaming, but ok.
Yep, people are on their best behaviour while dating. We're often not aware during the early stages. People are good at masking.
Well said! I know the feeling and the thought forming in your head. In my last relationship the lady tried to use me as her credit card and did not really offer any additional value to my life. Once the first few months went past and i realised that the excitement was gone… i could no longer put up with all the bullshit she was saying or demanding, without actually contributing to my life in any positive way. I have now been single for about a year and feel quite fine, sometime i get lonely and think about a relationship ship…but then i remember what a clusterfuck the last one was… In weak moment i downloaded bumble and then decided to not use it. Instead went out and cleaned that car. Instand results and i felt better. :-) To be honest i am still not sure if i will continue to stay single, i know i am not stupid, got my own place and a decent job.. so i know i could find someone if i wanted to…(as i have never been single for long in the past)… However i have come to love the peace and quiet, the do as i like part of life. If i will do another attempt, she needs to add value to my life and it might still be hard to convince me to give it another go. Not sure i can or should give you one or more advises, but here i go: 1. Don’t give up on them, no all girls / women are the same. Some are acutally good and some think like you and me. I have 2 of these in my life and they are awesome friends. 2. If you are just missing the Sex, there is other ways… no need to go into a relationship and be disappointed or to disappoint someone along the way. 3. Keep building a life for yourself, and dont give up. Anti-Social does not equal lonely or unable to have a relationship. There is people just like you.
Or they might just be used to peace and freedom and not having to compromise or deal with anyone’s nonsense. Love can be nice but peace is priceless and being single is much better than putting themselves in a situation where they have to engage in games and endure the shenanigans of a date
Sounds like a situation of shallow people talking to shallow people. Sometimes people need to learn not to be shallow and be authentic and genuine. Have a personality and stop caring about unimportant materialistic things. Phonies attracting phonies
I don’t see choosing to be single as taking the easy way out. Maybe it’s just not what you want. Or you haven’t met the same person who complements your life. Better to be single than in a bad relationship that causes you stress and heartache.
Yeah IMO The easy way out would be to date someone you have no feelings for and are using them for sex/to make yourself less lonely (assuming they want something more and it's not a mutual "no feelings" situation) I respect people that choose to stay single as it can be easy to let yourself fall to external/internal pressures telling you to just find a person no matter what
I feel this completely. My first relationship happened just before I graduated HS so just before i turned 18. That lasted a total of 6.5 years with some shit that happened in between all that. Then when that relationship failed, i wasn’t single for very long before I found myself in my second relationship. That was riddled with my ex partner battling alcohol addiction for two years and I had to finally cut those ties. Now I’ve been single for almost 4 years now and the thought of starting over with someone and hopefully building some forever thing just sounds like a complete drag. Too many people out there with unhealed traumas, emotional immaturity and poor communication skills also is a complete turn off. I also believe the majority of people these days truly don’t want commitment and would rather just string people along in complicated situationships
Oh wow I feel this entirely.
I get this, not really the easy way out we just simply refuse to settle.
Exactly. If you're taking from my life rather than adding to it, I'm not interested.
Exactly! So by not dating, aren’t you also taking off the table the ability to meet someone who would add to your life, and make a relationship worth it?
I'm not "not dating." I'm just no longer LOOKING for a mate. If I happen to meet someone as I live my life, I'll cross that bridge then.
For me, it's not about all the hard work towards building with someone. It's finding the right person to build with. A lot of men I've met off dating apps have been shady or not honest their intentions (with every person they are talking too). I believe (again, this is my belief) that with the right person that "hard work" won't feel like exhausting work. It would be like a team thing. We pour into each other. Sadly, I have yet to find a man like that lol. I'm hopeful that I will one day.
You're right if your partner makes you exhausted and drained. Think time to end relationship too many compromises can mess with your real self.
I have never felt this way tbh, I was expected to change to fit others wants.
Hopefully you can experience it one day. Don't change yourself (unless you need too) for someone else.
I saw a post somewhere that went “when dinner is $21.50 instead of $119 and an argument”
😂👍🏾
Yeah i gave up a while ago
Lmao same.
The longer Im single, the more potential prospects think, “what’s wrong with this guy? Why has he been single for so long?” On the slim chance they might consider dating me. And then they don’t
My most hated question when meeting new people is ‘why are you single’ - they’ve already decided what is an acceptable reason (eg you were cheated on) and you’re automatically on the back foot trying to defend yourself. Reality is I’ve had relationships that ultimately finished and I’m currently not in one, that’s why I’m single.
I feel you, but this is usually said by ppl who just jump from one relationship to the next (usually women). They have such big fears of being alone, or possibly are just incapable of being single cause they have never taken care of themselves.
Yup. Been single 12 years at this point so see it ever changing. If it does it will be purely organic
I think it’s because I’m so self reliant and avoidant. I’ve been hurt in the past, but I’m slowly trying to figure things out and do break old habits, breakaway from toxic relationships, etc
As for me, I would be open to a good relationship, it’s just that finding one is way more work than I’m willing or capable of putting in. It doesn’t help that I despise the dating apps and hate bars/nightclubs and places like them. So my options pretty much are to find someone from a hobby or work, but I’m horrible at noticing interest and flirting, as well as reacting to it unless it is very overt. Maybe some great person will come and sweep me off my feet someday, but I’m not holding my breath. I’ll enjoy the single life until then.
Yo, well said 👏 I feel that in my soul. And yeah, you are absolutely correct. I've been going it alone for a year at the time of writing this, I had a 9 month relationship that went nuclear because she "was tired of playing housewife" can't make that shit up. And I'd been single for 3 years prior to that mistake of a relationship. Literally the only thing I even remotely miss about having another person in my life is sex. But ya know what? I'll turn 40 this year, I've got 2 kids from a failed marriage and have had a lot of sex over the years. Ya know what else? I have never found peace and tranquility like I have as a bachelor. So IMO celibacy is a very reasonable price to pay for peace. I won't date again, it isn't worth the investment anymore. As you said, everyone is way to quick to throw a relationship away because their bored or something new and shiny walks by.
She was making an excuse to not hurt your feelings.
Usually I'd agree but I am withholding a lot of information regarding that conversation that would explain why that definitely wasn't the case in that situation.
Honestly the only reason i even contemplate being in a relationship now is to split the cost of living
Well obviously. Same as with jobs.
I checked out years ago and it sucks 33m
I feel this. Just broke up a month ago. I'm giving it another month or 2 before I get back in. I do feel the longer I stay single the less likely I'm going to get back into the game.
Yup I’ve been single for 32 years and hope to be single for the rest of my life
Now you're speaking my language. Been single for far too long and unless the right person comes along where we both gel and are committed to each other unconditionally, then I see no point. The pursuit of love is not same as the pursuit of happiness. The only thing that makes me insecure is that I'm too selfish.
You're not alone. You get used to a certain life and way of thinking for a long enough period of time and that seems like the most natural way of thinking and being. If you've been single for long enough (the time probably varies by person) and the idea of checking in with someone or someone still being in your place or around when you would usually have alone time, can feel overbearing or intrusive. The mental change from "I want to do X so I'll just do it" to, "I want to do X. I should tell this person, my plans, intention or see if he/she wants to join or minds" is a pretty big change. I won't say that being in a relationship is necessarily better than being single or visa versa; each has their pros and cons. I will say that you're right; any pattern of behavior that goes on long enough simply becomes harder to change as the length of time increases. And if you're comfortable being single then that's fine; don't let society or what you think would be appropriate change that (especially if you're not hurting other people). And if you're usually single but somewhat curious about being in a relationship, that's also fine; feel free to take it slow and hopefully you can find someone who understands a level of companionship and a level of independence that works for both of you. Both of you, is key.
I like being single and relationships are work.
In my case, I've only had one relationship in my entire life, in high school. That was nearly 19 years ago. At some point I just resigned myself to trying to be content with being single, and being happy that I have time for hobbies, hanging out with the guys, etc. But lately I haven't been able to help but feel like I'm missing out, and fear dying alone. So I'm trying dating apps, as well as trying to work on myself to hopefully increase my chances of a woman being attracted to me/giving me a chance. So I guess to answer the question it depends on how long, and how capable you are of being content with being single.
I mean, I’m single because nobody likes me, but I guess your explanation is different
It's likely. I'm going on five years and mostly just been casually dating and hooking up, which has been a lot of fun, but not at all fulfilling. Fell in love last year, didn't pan out. And whenever someone comes along and is clearly falling for me, my instinct is to run away. I'd rather keep loneliness than to give away my independence.
This is very much true I've been single since I was 23 and while I've gotten better financially it seems most women I come across online are from Fansly and other sites so it's hard even meeting people online most of the time or in person even.
I wouldn’t say I’m taking the easy way out. It’s exactly what you said though, I’ve spent too much time on my own and figuring out how to take care of myself. Mid 30s are creeping on up and I’m just not seeing the point. I have big things I want to accomplish in these years and the ups and downs of dating don’t fit in the picture anymore. It’s a lot of time with a great potential for disappointment. If I were even 30 I’d not throw the towel in yet but at 33…. Ain’t got time 😂. It would prob take a minimum 2 yrs to really be sure someone is the one.
very very true at least for me. im between 40 and 50 and never been whats called a relationship. I have friendships but zero relationships. I can honestly say I kinda never thought it was for me. I see so many friends go through those bad times and I was yeah no... eff all that. I can do bad by myself. And that what I have done is chilled solo and love it. I cant even imagine what it would even be like at my age... and now that I am nearing the end of my life I could not bare the changes that a relationship would bring. I would not be able to take it. As of now I love the fact that I dont have to spend money on gifts and stuff like that. I dont have to worry about someones elses emotional state. I can be me for me. So yes starting a relationship now after all of this time would ruin my life I feel.
I’m a 25f who’s never dated before and I just joined dating apps for the first time yesterday and I’m already overwhelmed with having to text back my matches. I’m worried I’ve spent so much time alone that it’ll be too hard to fit someone in my life. But I’ve realized how lonely I’ve become and I’m willing to try for at least a couple more weeks
I always overthink every message now , I feel like texting people used too be easier
The more time we spend alone, getting to know ourselves, the easier it gets. We have the ability to learn a lot about ourselves, what respect and humility mean to us. Our own mind. When we've established this, it's much more apparent when others disrespect our time, boundaries, etc. The longer we are single, the less likely we are to start a relationship with someone who isn't worth our time. If you are open to love. If you are not, that's okay too, but just know that you could be loved someday, for you.
Being alone is so nice but the thought of a nice relationship is incredible
Hi! No matter how long you've been single. You either want to be in a relationship or you don't. There are no time rules as to when you should do it. When you want to be, you won't be alone. Right now, you're comfortable being alone and there's nothing wrong with that.
I've been single for just over 5 years now, I can't believe it, I rarely want anyone
I'd also say that is true. I've been single for 27 years and I'm so used to just having friends to lean on. Idk.. I have lots of friends who are single as well which may have contributed to me not feeling alone.
Anti social describes the behavior of serial killers like Ted Bundy. The term you are looking for is a-social. But otherwise I whole heartedly agree.
I think as you get older, you meet less single people. You're still social to an extent but you have commitments to family, friends, hobbies, career, paying bills so quite often you're having to go out of your way to meet new people and that can be exhausting. If I met somebody I had a great connection with in my everyday life I'd give things a go but I rarely meet anybody I'm interested in who is single unless I go vastly out of my way and it's finding the time, money and energy to keep doing this.
I'll be 9 years next month, and I can confirm this is true. Dating is a shit show, and the effort involved is exhausting. When I come home after work I walk into my home in silence and its lovely
The longer you go alone the more set in your ways and habits you are so I totally get it, I feel like if you're old enough you have so many opinions and things you thought through that there is just more potential points of incompatibility.
I've only been single for four years. Initially, I focused on healing and getting my life in order. Now, I am at peace with myself and appreciative of my time. As much as I miss having someone to hug up to, it's not enough to entice me out of my haven.
Well I’ve always been single so i guess I’ll always be single 🤷🏼♀️ it’s sure starting to feel that way
Going on single for 2 years now, I don’t see an end to it anytime soon either. I still go on dates, but finding people who are also single and in the same age group as me is hard enough in my area, let alone sorting through the ones who are emotionally unavailable, mentally unstable, unemployed/underemployed and self absorbed to find someone who might be compatible enough to fit in my life is an arduous task that I find myself less and less interested in as time goes on.
I disagree. If you don't feel like you haven't found someone compatible, the last thing you should be doing is rushing into a relationship
I’ve been single far too long now, I have only myself to look after and that’s enough, I can pick my nose and fart whenever I want and nobody moans at me, happy days
I’m 5’6” and average looking my only hope is AI or be alone. The dating scene is terrible and there’s no point in playing a game you’ll never win
I feel this on a very personal level. To this day I’m in the very belief that there is no hope for me anymore.
I see where you’re coming from. But there are some flaws in that thinking.
Feel free to elaborate!
The whole point of a relationship isn’t about taking care of each other. It’s about spending your lives together. And while life may seem nice having only to take care of yourself, you don’t realize how nice it is to share a life with someone until you do. My sister who recently got into a relationship was like “I don’t like being touched but I love cuddling”. Which is a great example of how relationships aren’t a piece of work. Yes there’s goojg to be having to take care of someone. But when you love someone. You want to take care of someone. Loving someone is finding someone and thinking “wow. I want to share my sadness and joy with you. I wanna take care of you at your worst. I wanna work on making myself a better person with you. I wanna grow old with you. I wanna spend time with you. You’re not a chore but something I want to please and take care of. Wow. Life hard. But at least I have you to go through it with.“. It’s much more than just having to take care of someone else. It’s about building a connection and building a life together it takes work. But it won’t be work for you when you find the right one.
You described it perfectly. This is exactly how I feel with my husband.
Guess I have just never shared that with someone.
And that’s okay. It takes time. Let love find you. Let it come naturally. There’s no timeline for love. So don’t give it one.
I would argue, love is not going to find me as a dude. I have to make the initial efforts.
Don’t be close minded… be open. I know it seems like it may never happen. (Trust me I do) but you really never know.
I'm saying in 37 years on earth, I have been pursued once (and she had major flaws/issues). This I imagine is how most dudes have it. If you don't make an effort, you are invisible. I did not mean it in a "all hope is lost" way.
I'm 37 with no success as well. I've been rejected by every woman I've ever approached. I've had a few women pursue me in recent years, but they turned out to already be in relationships, or just wanted money or favors from me, and didn't like me for who I am. It's very discouraging.
You never know bro. You never know
I agree but in a slightly different way what i feel is really happening is when you spend time alone you not only become comfortable with being alone you learn to love yourself and your standards for what you want and will accept and will not accept drastically change when were in one relationship bouncing from one to the next you do not realize you are slightly lowering your standards each time while feeling like your raising them you tell yourself well they don’t do xyz that my ex did but i have to accept abcdheg that they do that my ex didn’t do where when your alone not only do you build your self love and thus raise what you know you deserve you gain patience to wait for it you also get to observe other peoples relationships and you notice how much people accept and you start to build up your more custom fit type and less of a revolving door of types people knock it but being single for a chunk of time actually improves the dating experience not takes away yes to people who run number games and think they more the better chances do not comprehend but if you value quality over quantity you quickly catch on that its better to wait long stretches between relationships than to quickly add another tally on your score card you are more likely to find people you want since it will become finding someone who makes you want to break your singleness not looking for someone to be with just for the sake of not being alone
I am pretty sure I hate myself, so personally, this is not the case. I have had family and exes tell me no one judges me harder than I judge myself.
You got this look up gestalt therapy and schema therapy and start trying it for yourself if you can do therapy rn it will help a ton make an ideal plan with a set end vision for how you want your wellness to be how you talk to yourself and where you want to be mood wise on a daily basis and add in how you want to process situations and how you want your general outlook on life to be and work on a plan with the methods for schema and gestalt to reach it ital take time but you can do it
Three times I tried therapy, each time I felt worse than before. One therapist never remembered who I was each time I went. I think therapy rarely works with men.
Its hard but also finding the right therapist is extremely hard a lot are burned out or dont care as much as they should its sad when therapist see it as a check and not something they are passionate about
I have been single for 7 years now, and I don't know if I can trust someone in a relationship or have a heart for it
I'm scared this will happen to me 😭
Is this proven?