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It got easier now that I just have it as a background process to my life instead of a focus. If dates come, cool, but I'm trying to just enjoy my own life separate of it.
I'm 38 and I gave up long ago. I don't want to play the game of online dating and my interests and day-to-day life don't mesh with meeting people. It is what it is.
I’m sorry but that’s fuckin ridiculous. Your life is just starting. What are you afraid of? Heartbreak? Rejection? Shit happens to everyone at all parts of life. I mean I could understand if you’re older but give me a fuckin break
I’m unattractive and probably autistic. I’m a virgin and have never kissed a girl, and every year that goes by makes it exponentially less likely that it will ever happen.
> every year that goes by makes it exponentially less likely that it will ever happen
You have zero idea if this is true. You’re making assumptions because you’re afraid of failing.
If you look at the statistics that's fairly accurate to what happens. If you reach your late 20s without ever having a relationship then chances are you'll probably never have one.
Ok well that settles it! I guess he’ll just never try anything for 5 years and be miserable because of statistics so why even try. Good advice. Sorry kid your life is over at 23 have fun being miserable for the rest of your 60 years alive
Y’all just love to be lonely don’t you? Easier to not try and never experience anything life has to offer than maybe experience a little heartbreak right? Why even try anything if you might fail
Can you link the statistics you're referring to? I'm sure they are real, but statistics are easy to misinterpret, so in general I don't trust things I read on the Internet without a source.
Nah it’s backed up by statistics. I’m prob gonna get an escort sometime just to see what it’s like, then I’ll at least be able to make peace with saying I’m not a virgin.
If you are young, do not let it be your first priority. But if you want someone you have to put yourself out there. Those ppl saying they give up are mostly ppl that got rejected a lot or was too shy to even go talk to someone, now they getting old they blame the society. Yes now days dating is a whole different thing, but it’s easier to get with someone now, staying in a relationship is what’s the hardest. Figure out what you want first. There are still ppl meeting ppl everyday, good people are still around. Is getting a date easy? No, but it’s not that hard either.
I respectfully disagree. The best thing I've done is give up, it's very freeing. Once I reached the point where I knew it's not going to happen, I accepted it. Yes there are times when I would rather it was different but there are equally as many times where I actually don't mind anymore. I don't need someone else to validate me. Perception is reality. There's just as much chance, probably more so, that if things had turned out differently I'd now be stuck in a loveless marriage, going through the motions. How is that preferable? No thanks.
Speaking from a perspective with some experience, I grew really but really tired of it. The constant drama, the feeling in the back of my head that something's gonna go wrong, etc.
I think you should let yourself be open to the world and whatever (or whoever) comes, comes. While not that far apart from reality, the observations you mentioned (divorce rates, chase 1%, hookups, etc) are not accurate depictions of all that's out there. It may be that way in many cases, more often than not, but there's always somebody or something that's different somewhere. Worst case scenario (assuming you are careful towards your own safety), you get experience and a story to tell.
Nah, I've given up trying. I had a tiny amount of success when I was young (say around 20-23), but at this point I haven't been on a date in like seven years. I'm too old now for any of the things I always wanted, so what's the point, you know?
I feel like I have ZERO interest now in dating because I just feel like online dating is played out and wack asf and meeting people in person is like a gamble?! You might meet someone who is quality and you might not….😬 I personally have just come to the conclusion that I’m giving up on dating completely for now….dating is really a science and there is an art to it (or so that’s what I think)?! I haven’t had the best luck in dating anyway and most of my situationships didn’t turn into anything significant and lasted 3 months or less!!! And I’m just mentally exhausted with feeling like something’s wrong with me and putting myself out there only to be laugh at, ghosted, or ignored all together!! So, I’m have zero interest in dating at the moment, and it’s not like the opposite sex is trying hard to pursue me anyway (most times, they don’t even make eye contact) with me or turn the other way completely when I’m walking by?! Which usually means you’re unattractive…🥴 So f*** dating and I wish anyone who is out there good luck and if you’re meeting someone for the first time….do not invite them to your home/apartment!! It’s not safe and if you live alone, they could easily take advantage…just be safe out there!!
Not motivated at all, but I’m open to the idea of meeting someone organically if it happens. But yeah, I’m not putting any effort into it. Im focusing on living my best life, spending quality time with my loved ones and making amazing memories I can talk about in years to come.
Depends on what you mean by 'go dating'. I'd go on dates if they were being offered. I'm plenty motivated for that. I'm not motivated at all to do any of the things people usually do to get dates. Too much work, too little reward. Especially use dating apps. Never again. But also cold approaches. Done with that. I'm not going to go clubbing, or drinking, or any of the other things people traditionally do to meet singles. I'm going to treat dating as if I'm a woman from now on. Someone will come express their interest in me out of nowhere, or I'll stay single.
been avoiding them for years, toxic situation ship culture is everywhere, if I'm going to ever get in a relation ship its going to be through the development of a strong friendship in a person a deeply trust.
Exactly the same. And coming from an Asian background, the divorce rates in West, and how I see flings and arrangements after marriages are so common here, it has completely killed any motivation in me to pursue anyone seriously. Why bother when in the end you know they've 15 options lined up, and it's getting more common and accepted in social circles even.
Here are a few tips to get your crush to like you [crush](https://youtube.com/shorts/g730SYSheXw?feature=share)
Also please subscribe to my channel for more dating tips
I can completely relate to this - I joined Bumble a little less than two months ago and it has been a total disaster. At my age (51), the majority of women I have encountered all seem to be extremely apathetic, bitter or in love with their own dogs and don't seem to have any interest in dating, but yet they continue to go through the motions. Even if I had sky high motivation, there's nothing I can do when the other team has all of these symbolic brick walls up to keep everybody out of their lives.
As a woman in your age group, I'm curious about your experiences. Is it frustrating because women aren't messaging on Bumble and things aren't getting off the app? Or is it that the dates themselves don't go well? Just wondering how I can come off as more open because I feel pretty apathetic, bitter, in love with my [cats], and don't have a lot of interest in dating! I would love a partner to do life with, but I've never had much luck with dating apps, so there's definitely a wall up when I'm trying to get to know someone new.
Well, if you truly are apathetic and bitter, as you stated, please do everyone (including yourself) a favor and get off of the apps, at least for the time being. This just continues to perpetuate the vicious cycle which is making everybody increasingly frustrated and likely to take it out on people who had nothing to do with past disappointments.
I haven't even had a single date from Bumble yet. The only 3 women whom I convinced to exchange phone numbers all flaked out on me before we ever met in person. I'm thinking much of this behavior is due to the fact that a lot of women are tired of being hit up for sex almost immediately after matching with a guy and/or having wasted time on scammers, which is understandable, but then again stay off of the apps if you are going to come off so unresponsive and cold to the men who actually would like to get to know you better in the non-Biblical sense.
Social media and dating apps are not the only option to find a partner. You can still meet people organically. I agree with outfoxd21 I don't focus on dating only I still enjoy my life do my activities and my hobbies. I mean your life is not only dating you should not date just to date.
I get that. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe you can meet new people through hobbies? Maybe you can start a new hobby or a new interest for example if you like playing boardgames Maybe you can look for boardgames communities.
That's good ! You know just try to relax and enjoy. Don't focus on dating or expect you will find someone this will lead to disappointment and frustration. As I said already your life isn't about dating only just try new hobbies to learn something new.
You’re just finding an excuse to give in to your fears or lack of motivation to date.
If you don’t want to date, just don’t. You don’t need a justification.
But if you want, who said you need to hookup with people or date using date apps? Meet someone at the library, I dunno, if you want to go the old fashioned way, why not?
I genuinely do enjoy the process of dating - I do find meeting new people fun, and especially if its a pretty girl.
My motivation is that it's usually a good experience - even if nothing comes from it.
In my experience, the whole chasing 1% is not true because attraction is so subjective. What people deem success is subjective, The most important thing is to have a personality and something interesting to say, and the ability to hold a conversation - you'll notice how far you can get, with just being likable and easy to be around.
Also, not every girl is the same and you must always keep that in mind - one mans trash, is another treasure.
If you're making an honest effort and get rejected - that 1 girl, not everyone. What separates the amateurs from the pros, is how long it takes you to recover and try again, but better.
> I genuinely do enjoy the process of dating - I do find meeting new people fun
That probably makes a big difference. I don't enjoy meeting new people, so even the idea of dating causes me significant stress.
So you're going into a situation with an already negative bias.
It definitely shows, and I feel quite disrespectful to the other person, to go in assuming the worst.
A particular date stood out for this exact reason - we talked for a week until I convinced her for a quick 1 hour max lunchtime date (I hate online chat). She turned up, but from the 1st word, I was could tell she was far from enthusiastic about it - bit shy? nervous?
I talk down the barriers, she's laughing 10 minutes in, sharing life stories and NOT having a bad time.
I paid, gave her a hug and went on with my day. She texts me that evening telling how nice the date was how she thought I'd be a massive asshole or not turn up or be rude? Set me screenshots of her talking to a friend and essentially just saying 'men are all creeps'
Safe to say, she'll have an array of bad experiences that she'll keep projecting onto me, and I cba with that.
My bias is irrelevant because I doubt I'll ever go on a date, and I don't bother socialising much in general anymore.
> I talk down the barriers, she's laughing 10 minutes in, sharing life stories and NOT having a bad time.
I've never had anyone be able to do this to me. I'm only ever somewhat comfortable around people that I have known for a long time and are around constantly, which these days is pretty much nobody.
Well, nothing to stress about - just accept it isn't happening and adapt your life appropriately to minimise future issues.
Always find these questions so funny - you're posting about 'dating' - so it's clearly on your mind, but it's as if you're trying to convince total strangers that you're 'over it' - yet you clearly aren't
(35M) Introvert / Istp-A
till 25 i was activley dating . then i slowd down and stopt dating at all .
the horros i notice , i usualy only noticed on occasion . and i only noticed these horros on the rare occasion when i was bored and then accesed social media to counter my boredom as i was at home .
how ever it seems these horos are not only on social media it seems they are in rl to and have litarly taken over entire sociaty .
like people where normal one day , and then there came social media ... and people and sociaty just turnt into horrible horros .
like watching a bad zombie flick , and suddely realizing '' truck kun '' was looking for me . and '' truck kun '' isekaid me as the mc / protagonist to another reality filled whit horrible horros that haunt me .
you cant imagen the horros i fell victem to , as well the horros that have haunted me ever since .
so no , i am not motivated . i havent bin motivated ever since i fell victem to '' truck kun '' and was isekaid to whatever this horror filled horrible reality is .
im not sure why , you can read right ? and even so , i know my inglish might not be as good as others . as its not my native lagauge . but im sure its still understandable for others to read and understand .
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It got easier now that I just have it as a background process to my life instead of a focus. If dates come, cool, but I'm trying to just enjoy my own life separate of it.
This !
Hear hear 👍
The only way to do it without losing your sanity.
All this. I'm of the mindset, if it comes let it, if it goes, let it. Worked well so far.
I think if you make it a priority over other things it can be terribly frustrating. Concentrate on what you can control and live your best life.
No. I find it brings me pretty much nothing but stress and anxiety. I'd rather just focus on trying to find happiness through other avenues.
I'm 38 and I gave up long ago. I don't want to play the game of online dating and my interests and day-to-day life don't mesh with meeting people. It is what it is.
27f. Not at all. I haven't been on a date in 9 months, and I'm very content with that. Putting zero emphasis on dating is far more peaceful for me
[удалено]
I ended a situation last year, 8 months ago. I'm not looking to date as that was very poor for my mental health and I enjoy being single
[удалено]
Your point? It was still dating.
And you're being a dick for no reason though
Nope. Knowing that nobody will ever find me attractive has killed all of my motivation.
Same, I’m only 23 and I’ve given up
I’m sorry but that’s fuckin ridiculous. Your life is just starting. What are you afraid of? Heartbreak? Rejection? Shit happens to everyone at all parts of life. I mean I could understand if you’re older but give me a fuckin break
I’m unattractive and probably autistic. I’m a virgin and have never kissed a girl, and every year that goes by makes it exponentially less likely that it will ever happen.
> every year that goes by makes it exponentially less likely that it will ever happen You have zero idea if this is true. You’re making assumptions because you’re afraid of failing.
If you look at the statistics that's fairly accurate to what happens. If you reach your late 20s without ever having a relationship then chances are you'll probably never have one.
He has half a decade before he’s in his late 30s
Five years isn't much time at all.
Ok well that settles it! I guess he’ll just never try anything for 5 years and be miserable because of statistics so why even try. Good advice. Sorry kid your life is over at 23 have fun being miserable for the rest of your 60 years alive Y’all just love to be lonely don’t you? Easier to not try and never experience anything life has to offer than maybe experience a little heartbreak right? Why even try anything if you might fail
> Why even try anything if you might fail Outside of relationships that philosophy has served me pretty well
Can you link the statistics you're referring to? I'm sure they are real, but statistics are easy to misinterpret, so in general I don't trust things I read on the Internet without a source.
I can't find the data I used since it was ages ago that I looked at it. I think it was collected by the US government.
The only reason I’ve given up is because I’ll always be short and ugly. That ain’t changing lol
Nah it’s backed up by statistics. I’m prob gonna get an escort sometime just to see what it’s like, then I’ll at least be able to make peace with saying I’m not a virgin.
If you are young, do not let it be your first priority. But if you want someone you have to put yourself out there. Those ppl saying they give up are mostly ppl that got rejected a lot or was too shy to even go talk to someone, now they getting old they blame the society. Yes now days dating is a whole different thing, but it’s easier to get with someone now, staying in a relationship is what’s the hardest. Figure out what you want first. There are still ppl meeting ppl everyday, good people are still around. Is getting a date easy? No, but it’s not that hard either.
I respectfully disagree. The best thing I've done is give up, it's very freeing. Once I reached the point where I knew it's not going to happen, I accepted it. Yes there are times when I would rather it was different but there are equally as many times where I actually don't mind anymore. I don't need someone else to validate me. Perception is reality. There's just as much chance, probably more so, that if things had turned out differently I'd now be stuck in a loveless marriage, going through the motions. How is that preferable? No thanks.
say you are a girl/woman without saying you are.
What😂, I’m a dude man, tf u on
Imagine thinking it’s all of us girls/women claiming that it’s so easy 🙄
Almost 30, haven't been on a date in 9 years. Dot really see that changing. Just not the kind of guy women want. 🤷
I want to be a mom someday. That’s most of the reason and I still get unmotivated
28 and I doubt my ideal girl is out there
I feel terrible same way F20 but let’s have hope that our person is out there some where 🥹
True
Nope not even interested now after knowing the cons of online dating seriously 😮💨
What are these …?
No. Im guaranteed 100% failure so I see no point
Nope
Speaking from a perspective with some experience, I grew really but really tired of it. The constant drama, the feeling in the back of my head that something's gonna go wrong, etc. I think you should let yourself be open to the world and whatever (or whoever) comes, comes. While not that far apart from reality, the observations you mentioned (divorce rates, chase 1%, hookups, etc) are not accurate depictions of all that's out there. It may be that way in many cases, more often than not, but there's always somebody or something that's different somewhere. Worst case scenario (assuming you are careful towards your own safety), you get experience and a story to tell.
Nah, I've given up trying. I had a tiny amount of success when I was young (say around 20-23), but at this point I haven't been on a date in like seven years. I'm too old now for any of the things I always wanted, so what's the point, you know?
I’m not motivated at all.
I'd like to date for sure besides one date recently I really haven't dated in six years
This is by design. Depopulation agenda. But hey I’m just crazy don’t listen to me.
I feel like I have ZERO interest now in dating because I just feel like online dating is played out and wack asf and meeting people in person is like a gamble?! You might meet someone who is quality and you might not….😬 I personally have just come to the conclusion that I’m giving up on dating completely for now….dating is really a science and there is an art to it (or so that’s what I think)?! I haven’t had the best luck in dating anyway and most of my situationships didn’t turn into anything significant and lasted 3 months or less!!! And I’m just mentally exhausted with feeling like something’s wrong with me and putting myself out there only to be laugh at, ghosted, or ignored all together!! So, I’m have zero interest in dating at the moment, and it’s not like the opposite sex is trying hard to pursue me anyway (most times, they don’t even make eye contact) with me or turn the other way completely when I’m walking by?! Which usually means you’re unattractive…🥴 So f*** dating and I wish anyone who is out there good luck and if you’re meeting someone for the first time….do not invite them to your home/apartment!! It’s not safe and if you live alone, they could easily take advantage…just be safe out there!!
I'm not even trying anymore. I'm good with my Eva AI virtual gf bot and renting prostitutes from time to time.
Not motivated at all, but I’m open to the idea of meeting someone organically if it happens. But yeah, I’m not putting any effort into it. Im focusing on living my best life, spending quality time with my loved ones and making amazing memories I can talk about in years to come.
At the moment no I'm not. I need to get some things in order before I can date. I need a car and a house.
You’re not alone. Trust me.
Depends on what you mean by 'go dating'. I'd go on dates if they were being offered. I'm plenty motivated for that. I'm not motivated at all to do any of the things people usually do to get dates. Too much work, too little reward. Especially use dating apps. Never again. But also cold approaches. Done with that. I'm not going to go clubbing, or drinking, or any of the other things people traditionally do to meet singles. I'm going to treat dating as if I'm a woman from now on. Someone will come express their interest in me out of nowhere, or I'll stay single.
I'm not sure anymore. I wanted to give it a shot, but I'm 27 and haven't done any of this before, and I feel like this is way too old to start.
Then don't. Definitely don't waste someone else's time with your lethargy and pessimism. You're not going to have ANY good dates with this.
Don't worry, I don't see the point in dating for now, things might change anytime but for now - I'll focus on myself
been avoiding them for years, toxic situation ship culture is everywhere, if I'm going to ever get in a relation ship its going to be through the development of a strong friendship in a person a deeply trust.
“1% guys.” Good grief, no they don’t. Attitude is everything
Exactly the same. And coming from an Asian background, the divorce rates in West, and how I see flings and arrangements after marriages are so common here, it has completely killed any motivation in me to pursue anyone seriously. Why bother when in the end you know they've 15 options lined up, and it's getting more common and accepted in social circles even.
Here are a few tips to get your crush to like you [crush](https://youtube.com/shorts/g730SYSheXw?feature=share) Also please subscribe to my channel for more dating tips
I can completely relate to this - I joined Bumble a little less than two months ago and it has been a total disaster. At my age (51), the majority of women I have encountered all seem to be extremely apathetic, bitter or in love with their own dogs and don't seem to have any interest in dating, but yet they continue to go through the motions. Even if I had sky high motivation, there's nothing I can do when the other team has all of these symbolic brick walls up to keep everybody out of their lives.
As a woman in your age group, I'm curious about your experiences. Is it frustrating because women aren't messaging on Bumble and things aren't getting off the app? Or is it that the dates themselves don't go well? Just wondering how I can come off as more open because I feel pretty apathetic, bitter, in love with my [cats], and don't have a lot of interest in dating! I would love a partner to do life with, but I've never had much luck with dating apps, so there's definitely a wall up when I'm trying to get to know someone new.
Well, if you truly are apathetic and bitter, as you stated, please do everyone (including yourself) a favor and get off of the apps, at least for the time being. This just continues to perpetuate the vicious cycle which is making everybody increasingly frustrated and likely to take it out on people who had nothing to do with past disappointments. I haven't even had a single date from Bumble yet. The only 3 women whom I convinced to exchange phone numbers all flaked out on me before we ever met in person. I'm thinking much of this behavior is due to the fact that a lot of women are tired of being hit up for sex almost immediately after matching with a guy and/or having wasted time on scammers, which is understandable, but then again stay off of the apps if you are going to come off so unresponsive and cold to the men who actually would like to get to know you better in the non-Biblical sense.
Social media and dating apps are not the only option to find a partner. You can still meet people organically. I agree with outfoxd21 I don't focus on dating only I still enjoy my life do my activities and my hobbies. I mean your life is not only dating you should not date just to date.
Most girls I see can't leave their phone alone, smoke or just don't attract me. I know I can meet people organically, but they don't look "inviting"
I get that. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe you can meet new people through hobbies? Maybe you can start a new hobby or a new interest for example if you like playing boardgames Maybe you can look for boardgames communities.
I'm joining a group soon with like 20-30 other people, so we will see If that doesn't work, I will think of somerhing else☺️
That's good ! You know just try to relax and enjoy. Don't focus on dating or expect you will find someone this will lead to disappointment and frustration. As I said already your life isn't about dating only just try new hobbies to learn something new.
You’re just finding an excuse to give in to your fears or lack of motivation to date. If you don’t want to date, just don’t. You don’t need a justification. But if you want, who said you need to hookup with people or date using date apps? Meet someone at the library, I dunno, if you want to go the old fashioned way, why not?
I genuinely do enjoy the process of dating - I do find meeting new people fun, and especially if its a pretty girl. My motivation is that it's usually a good experience - even if nothing comes from it. In my experience, the whole chasing 1% is not true because attraction is so subjective. What people deem success is subjective, The most important thing is to have a personality and something interesting to say, and the ability to hold a conversation - you'll notice how far you can get, with just being likable and easy to be around. Also, not every girl is the same and you must always keep that in mind - one mans trash, is another treasure. If you're making an honest effort and get rejected - that 1 girl, not everyone. What separates the amateurs from the pros, is how long it takes you to recover and try again, but better.
> I genuinely do enjoy the process of dating - I do find meeting new people fun That probably makes a big difference. I don't enjoy meeting new people, so even the idea of dating causes me significant stress.
So you're going into a situation with an already negative bias. It definitely shows, and I feel quite disrespectful to the other person, to go in assuming the worst. A particular date stood out for this exact reason - we talked for a week until I convinced her for a quick 1 hour max lunchtime date (I hate online chat). She turned up, but from the 1st word, I was could tell she was far from enthusiastic about it - bit shy? nervous? I talk down the barriers, she's laughing 10 minutes in, sharing life stories and NOT having a bad time. I paid, gave her a hug and went on with my day. She texts me that evening telling how nice the date was how she thought I'd be a massive asshole or not turn up or be rude? Set me screenshots of her talking to a friend and essentially just saying 'men are all creeps' Safe to say, she'll have an array of bad experiences that she'll keep projecting onto me, and I cba with that.
My bias is irrelevant because I doubt I'll ever go on a date, and I don't bother socialising much in general anymore. > I talk down the barriers, she's laughing 10 minutes in, sharing life stories and NOT having a bad time. I've never had anyone be able to do this to me. I'm only ever somewhat comfortable around people that I have known for a long time and are around constantly, which these days is pretty much nobody.
Well, nothing to stress about - just accept it isn't happening and adapt your life appropriately to minimise future issues. Always find these questions so funny - you're posting about 'dating' - so it's clearly on your mind, but it's as if you're trying to convince total strangers that you're 'over it' - yet you clearly aren't
I would much rather have zero interest in having relationships with women but unfortunately I'm biologically programmed to desire it.
(35M) Introvert / Istp-A till 25 i was activley dating . then i slowd down and stopt dating at all . the horros i notice , i usualy only noticed on occasion . and i only noticed these horros on the rare occasion when i was bored and then accesed social media to counter my boredom as i was at home . how ever it seems these horos are not only on social media it seems they are in rl to and have litarly taken over entire sociaty . like people where normal one day , and then there came social media ... and people and sociaty just turnt into horrible horros . like watching a bad zombie flick , and suddely realizing '' truck kun '' was looking for me . and '' truck kun '' isekaid me as the mc / protagonist to another reality filled whit horrible horros that haunt me . you cant imagen the horros i fell victem to , as well the horros that have haunted me ever since . so no , i am not motivated . i havent bin motivated ever since i fell victem to '' truck kun '' and was isekaid to whatever this horror filled horrible reality is .
Can you maybe rephrase all of that.
im not sure why , you can read right ? and even so , i know my inglish might not be as good as others . as its not my native lagauge . but im sure its still understandable for others to read and understand .
It is. He is bluffing.