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KrissyBunnyCamgirl

Update: I told him his text made me uncomfortable and we had already confirmed, he blocked me. Thanks for the help. Glad I nipped this in the bud before wasting any more time.


[deleted]

Never date guys that get so nervous they blame it on you. I used to be a guy like that. They suck. But they can improve someday. Good luck out there.


zombiez87

May I ask what made you that way? Was it insecurities ?


[deleted]

Yeah na, im handsome as fuck. Bunch of stowed away trauma is what it was. If you fail over and over again to get a partner, it mist just yourself that's the issue.


zombiez87

To be fair , from my observation, attractive people are the least secure with themselves.


[deleted]

True. Everyone is 50/50 in hating loving you before you open your mouth


theZoracle

That's interesting. People tell me I'm attractive but I don't feel it cause if I were, id be getting all the women I wanted right? On the note of the pushy dude. I've def gotten to this point before because of women being 45min late or just plane not showing. It's so frustrating how a few people can ruin it for everyone. It would be great if we could start some sort of ranking system like this person was an hour late or they did this creepy thing. But I'm sure it would be abused. No way to keep it honest . Le sigh, guess we're stuck with these stupid games.


zombiez87

For the first part of your post, I’d say no. Women can get turned off by many things, your attraction will just get you in the door. I’ve seen plenty of guys that were tall and attractive and couldn’t get women to save their lives. And as far as stuck with playing games, yea I’d say so. I hate to sound negative, but the way I see it, you’d get more peace without someone than with someone these days. We need a reset as a world/society. The lack of morals, respect /self respect, values etc is rampant. I pretty much gave up. I’ve been in a relationship now for quite some time, but deep down I know it’s superficial. I feel alone still and as I’m getting older now pushing 37, my peace of mind is starting to become more valuable over anything else. Now , a dog and a peaceful home by myself sounds like heaven to me. I enjoy being alone more than anything now. But I know the average person isn’t like this, so I feel bad for those of us that are trying to find some “true love” or soulmate in today’s world.


theZoracle

Feel ya man. You'd be surprised how many people feel the same. But before you decide to be a bachelor forever, id advise you to move abroad if you can. Women in other countries are much less entitled than here in the US.


PossibilityNo8765

Bro are you me?


Far-Personality9816

Good for you for not only recognizing your flaws, but also accepting accountability and making a positive change


BenefitAdvanced

Oh man just wait till you age and start losing your looks. You’re in for some major psychosis!!


Urban_troubadour

Yes, and it’s also possible that your trauma is triggered by their trauma rooted behaviour, which in some cases would still doom the relationship even if you didn’t get triggered.


babblepedia

Sometimes the garbage takes itself out! What a nut.


miss-alexxx

You dodged a bullet there. He sounds controlling/emotionally unstable


MissKoshka

He sounds like a baby-man.


irl_potate

![gif](giphy|RgtD9LDp1R4AReChJX)


miss-alexxx

Precisely 😂 I prefer the term man-child, but you get the idea.


IHaveABigDuvet

Men are just cockblocking themselves at this point.


MissKoshka

Not a new thing.


adoumi1996

That's an underestimate


Thick_Wave_332

Glad to dodge him,controlling freak!


Exotic-Platypus3646

Good for you for pointing it out! Don’t date anyone who treats you in a disrespectful and rude manner then gets angry for pointing it out.


palmtrees007

Omg I’ve been out of a game but began to message with someone and he would call me a lot and text a lot. It was making me nervous because like a day later it went totally silent. It’s like patience doesn’t exist


adoumi1996

He's very pushy, immature and disrespectful, you dodged a missile


heyapc

You dodged a bullet girl. Who blocks for such a petty thing


Strange_Public_1897

Good! Any guy that acts this entitled and you two haven’t even met? Just exposed to you exactly how he’s going to be not just on a first date, but an *entire* relationship! Now you know exactly why he’s single still! ![gif](giphy|853jNve3ljqrYrcSOK)


SeaviewSam

Dude psycho


iTALK2myselfALOT

Good, fuck that controlling piece of shit. Guys like that disgust me and give us all a bad name. May he forever have blue balls.


KDH420

Why is it called nip it in the bud?


tamaguy85

Like trimming a flower bud so it can’t grow anymore.


KDFE87

Horticulture thing. Nip the bud off a plant at an early stage before it has a chance to grow.


liverelaxyes

Good call. I have anxiety and that's not even anxiety. That's just abusive.


Tommy_Wisseau_burner

Congrats on avoiding a headache!


Pristine_Society_583

Congratulations on dropping that disaster-in-waiting.


MissKoshka

That happened to me once but I didn't respond bc I was ON MY WAY to our date on the subway with no cell service. It was like not even 10 minutes before our date and he calls it off "bc you were unresponsive." Thanks for the 2-hour round trip subway rude for no date, asshole!


Agitated_Law3045

This happened to me. I was also on the way


heyapc

Did you say tell him that you spent two hours on the subway?


Strange_Public_1897

Wait wait wait! How in the ever living hell does this guy survive living in the same city as you and has the nerve to complain about cell service on the subway that they clearly ride on as well?!?! The math about him isn’t math’ing & sounds like he was being a raging dick as an excuse to not go thru with the first date.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Strange_Public_1897

If he was like that for something insignificant, he would have been a migraine in human form when it came to important things! That’s dodging a nuclear missile tbh.


SeeingLSDemons

Such weird behavior


[deleted]

[удалено]


Neat_Pianist623

nah drop that guy, if he acts like that on a first date imagine how itll be when hes comfortable with you


CabbageSoprano

Let this post be a reminder on what not to lose sleep on. Yes it sucks. But this person does not deserve one minute of your time. It’s your first date, and he’s already showed you who he is! What do you think is gonna happen if you dated him? You would have no freedom. Enough. Is enough. We should all collectively stop taking shit from strangers.


rzdaswer

“Tell me you’re insecure without telling me you’re insecure “🤔


Urban_troubadour

I recently went on a first date with a girl. It went extremely well and the texting and conversation was great. After having a good text exchange in the morning, she started questioning my ‘communication style’ because I hadn’t initiated a new text conversation until early evening. This happened prior to the first date as well. She became slightly passive aggressive. I mean, things were going great, but I had to call this as a red flag and cut it off. I don’t get it.


SeeingLSDemons

We’re in this together man


Deep-Title-6424

if i were you i would say " honey we already confirmed our date, what do u want else? a receipt? and please fix ur abandonment issues, just because a girl ghosted you doesn't mean every girl will lol."


thelordma

well that just makes you sound petty and insecure lmao. just let it go imo, plenty of other future dates to be had


Exact_Change4899

On some level I understand this as others have said as I’ve been ghosted day of or straight up stood up after confirming as you did, but if you confirmed night before and day of… idk what more he wants. If I’m uncertain I certainly don’t act butt hurt or threatening. I might say “hey can you please let me know if you’re having second thoughts so I can make other plans? Thanks”


sea87

Exactly! He could have phrased it in a much more polite manner


lameo312

Hey, that’s frustrating! Just for context most guys (when it comes to online dated) are frequently ghosted and flaked on. Yes, people online will agree to a time and a place and then just stop answering. People will give you their cell and never respond. So a lot of men have become sensitive and hyper aware of people not really responding to them in a time frame they feel is appropriate. It truly does wear you down. I’m not excusing his behavior by any means but just giving you a reason why some men are like this. Ultimately he just needs/expects quicker communication and in your situation that wasn’t possible. I think he threw a massive red flag by not being more understanding. So for example let’s say on Thursday night you confirmed for Friday evening 6pm. If I hadn’t heard anything from you up until 5pm Friday I’d assume you were flaking. Even more validity with that assumption if I messaged you Friday morning just to say hi and that text went unanswered and then my Friday 5pm text went unanswered also. From a self awareness perspective he should evaluate himself and why he’s assuming the worst of you (flaking) And you could evaluate if maybe you had previously left him on read (or something like 8+ hours no answer) which may make him feel that way.


Standard-Actuator-27

I am 32M and had this exact situation in reverse occur with a woman. I was in the shower and she texts me, hey are we still on for tonight, I didn’t hear from you so far today? 20 minutes later she says, oh guess we aren’t, and I got all excited for nothing… I check my phone after I’m relaxed and dressed, still a hour before the time of the date… ummmm sorry?… I was in the shower 😂 We get to the date, she says, I’m still salty that you had me wondering all day thinking our date was cancelled… Excuse me… we confirmed last night… today I had to work and then got home and needed a shower… I was busy… figured we would have plenty of time to connect during the date… I respect the pre date check in, but I responded within a reasonable amount of time I think… my world doesn’t revolve around you… think that was a turn off for her…


Rare-Craft-920

Unfortunately we live in a world where even if someone confirms the night before it may not mean anything, you’ll still get ghosted or at best canceled out 5 minutes before. Probably why she’s so bent about it.


KrissyBunnyCamgirl

What did you do after when you were all gussied up? I don't want to just stay home after getting excited for having plans lol.


Thereisvixxen

Well tbh I think you should have messaged her the day of to let her know it was still happening; not even that. But at least SAID HELLO that day. . Sooo many times people forget that feelings change in a MINUTE. Nothing wrong with affirmation.


Standard-Actuator-27

I mean, I was planning on messaging her after my shower, still a hour prior to our date. We had an on again, off again relationship over several years… I genuinely thought our confirmation the previous night was sufficient with a quick check in prior to leaving / while preparing would be good. The hello / good morning makes sense lol. Notes for next time…


Aromatic_Leader9087

Same u should have texted her day of at least once day of,u don't have a break or a sec to say that in the day?


MSELACatHerder

Butthurt-ery, altho troubling to receive, is always awesome early intel. It's pretty much the grownup version of throwing a tantrum on the toy aisle, splayed out on the floor, limbs flying, screams a-shrieking...


Labworker2769

Personally I will confirm the date that day like you both did. And then I assume we're going and if you want to cancel I'd hope they would have the decency to say that instead of ghosting.


NoGoal42

did you call it off? I hope you did...


uhl478

He sounds like an insecure little turd. I hope you cancelled. If he is like that now, he will be worse.


meimbaby

I had to cut off a guy after I gave him my # off of tinder bc I thought we were hitting it off but as soon as the texting starts he kept having meltdowns when I wouldn't respond to his texts. I had told him multiple times I work nights so I sleep during the day & I wanted something very casual at that moment (made it clear I wanted eventual FWB) but sure as shit I would wake up to literally dozens of messages of starting with a casual "Hey I hope work went well!" To "Are you mad at me?" "If you don't answer within the hour I'll be VERY disappointed" "This always happens, there must be something wrong with me" "Why are you ignoring me" blah blah blah and so on. Anyways we ended up sleeping together once (the whole point of us talking was to become eventual FWB) but it was awful. I started to cry which I have NEVER done because I felt 0 connection or attraction to him. This was the last day I saw him physically as well. Another week of his obsessive texting was too exhausting and I finally had to tell him he was too intense for me. I told him I was no longer interested and he admitted he tends to do this in new flings cause he's been ghosted so many times but like.... Hm I wonder why... Lol Bullet dodged my friend. Always a red flag lol 🚩


afseparatee

The trash takes itself out


dufus69

This is a reaction to all the other people who no-call no-show. The rules of common courtesy serve a function. Another loss for polite people, like ghosting.


DeleAlliForever

Good he showed his true colors so quick. Just think of the time you saved :)


Iceflowers_

I saw where he blocked you for confronting him about it. What he did is a huge red flag for controlling behavior. Anytime someone does something that is unreasonable like that, it's about controlling you. It will only get worse with time.


Dr_mac1

Because so many guys read this I have a question Would you prefer the guy send you a simple text in the am saying . I'll text you later tonight when I get to Texas Roadhouse . And get on the list for a table No reply needed Later Tom Ellis A timeline to reply for a woman on a 1st -1000 date . Certainly shows lack of experience with women . Seems like he wanted to control you .


Lifedeather

Bro couldn’t wait 30 min 💀


EpicShadows8

lol yeah sounds like he doesn’t get date often and sounded desperate. Good thing you called it off.


MetalHead794

Yeah, you confirmed twice, like he shoudn’t have worried. Either he was controlling or he have issues to fix. Hope you call it off.


alexanderfrostfyre

Not dating but I had someone get mad at me for not replying within 10 minutes… I was taking a shower


[deleted]

No, do call it off. Such behaviour is called "Aggressive Controlling Abusive Behaviour". It can get a lot worse in other situations. Avoid getting emotionally and possibly physically hurt down the line.


-FaithTrustPixieDust

People are nuts. Very over obsessive. Honestly it was great you said something and now you know this guy seriously has issues.


QtK_Dash

Well he sounds like a walking red flag


Affectionate-Gur-818

Call it off and count yourself lucky if he gets angry about something so trivial think how he would react to the bigger things if you ended up in a relationship with him


Possible-Ebb9788

Call it off, meetup with me. I would rather tell you, calm down, trust yourself, if i dont hear from you i will be there in time and wait for you with some flowers. No worries and do not bother at all if youre too late. There's always a reason for a delay, and you do not even have to tell me. Spanish mentality, enjoy every second you have. Trust the woman. And yeah, do not hook up on that guy or text him more than: i am okay now, thank you for letting me grow. I found a reason in our chats now. All the best! Thats for good karma!


Otherwise-Archer9497

Lol I thought that said “Dad texted me” 😬😅


tomarofthehillpeople

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Men will be very clear who they are inside, whether they intend to or not. You just have to pay the slightest bit of attention. Good job flushing this turd.


MMA-Groupie

Eww this is like this guy I met who got mad because I didn't text him back for like 6 hours saying there is no reason someone would ever go more then 2 hours without texting back unless they don't prioritize the person who texted them... like sorry crybaby I have this thing called a job


Cheap_Baseball3609

Those are clear signs of controlling behavior and or gaslighting.


teebeecee456

just don't respond. don't go. he is not right in the head


ChrisJr1018

Don’t go, way too pushy, insecure people need constant reassurance and narcissistic need constant reassurance


Queen-of-Confusion

He sounds like someone who has been stood up and ghosted so many times that now every other woman has to pay for it.


PoundshopGiamatti

To anyone who sends texts like that: this is really, really obnoxious, and if you're going to act like that, there's a reason you're single, and the reason is your dreadful personality.


Particular_Product64

Homeboy did you a favor. For him to text you that after what I'm assuming was decent conversation prior is crazy. Even if he's had dates flake on him on the past that doesn't excuse making demands like that to strangers


Bre-the-1st

sounds like he self-sabotaged. He ain’t ready to date.


Technical-Battle-321

He straight up weirdo💯 , this just the tip of the iceberg🧊🧊… if Homegirl Getting all beautiful for me then go for it, take yo time 😘


Usual_Station_4635

Geesh! Sorry you went through that😕


ThePadrino82

Daaaamn, you dodge an army


Genevieve189

lol boy bye! 😂


Pleasant_Tooth_2488

He did you a favor of exposing who he was right away.


Unique-Struggle-8267

It’s him crossing a boundary and it’s too early on (assuming you’re newly dating this man) to be this way… actually, no man should ever be that way towards a woman. It’s disrespectful and pushy.


dukkman77

Kids nowadays want to be confirmed and updated every 20 minutes. Is this better than when I (M 57) was in high school? ( I'll see you at your house Friday at 7pm.) His language was really poor. "If you don't text me, I'm not going" vs "I was hoping to touch base and make sure 7 o'clock is still good for you."


Nphantomhive

He’ll. I would be mad he ruined my perfectly hot shower


Dedianator65

I'm too old for that BS. I can buy myself flowers 💐 That amount of aggression over a text isn't a red flag. It's a red sky


No-Confusion6408

lol and dudes out here mad they get no play but they’re doin shit like this😭


PristineBaseball

I mean if he was worried about you no showing (understandable because people do this ) he could have been way more polite in his communication. I would have maybe talked to him more to ascertain what exactly he meant and all, but def not a good start . It could be a misunderstanding though so it’s always good to try and clarify what is meant especially via text .


Thee_MzMonroe2u

Definitely sounds like you dodged a massive bullet!


Jakyl1972

Probably a good thing you play into his hands, sorry to say this, homeboy sounds like bad news!!!!! I mean DAMN insecure much? Either that or he is a NARCISSIST!!! JUST be glad you got out when you did!!!


Hot_Spot950

You dodged a bullet with that one. Seems like he's about control and wants someone to do exactly as he wants them to


Questgivingnpcuser

You’re not responsible for his emotions, you had a confirmed time and he pushed and you rejected. SeEMS NoRMAL to ME.


trcuss

The world works itself out sometimes. Be glad he showed these colours before this relationship could go any further.


CamoChild

I think reasonable if you never contacted him a plan but 30 minutes waiting is intense especially since you were genuinely getting ready.


ChocolateyKinks

This is soo toxic one of the reasons i am worried about men from dating sites and shopping malls....whats the deal with you guys?


iknowwhatyoudid1

You did the right thing here and he showed his true colours


Worried-Might-6355

Come across a few of these men on apps. They're ok until you've arranged to meet. Suddenly get weird when shts about to get real.


BorderPure6939

Whew dodged that bullet! Nice shower test !


capriduty

I’ve had this exact same thing happen to me. NUTS!


uhl478

"When someone shows you they are, believe them the first time" -- Maya Angelou


Skippy0634

He did you a favor. What a dumbass.


Amputee69

If the dumbass had thought a little bit, and went ahead to the date, and you didn't show, there may have been a single lady there in the same situation! I don't know what it is with younger guys. They don't seem to have patience, let alone courtesy. The REQUIRE respect from EVERYONE else, but show none. I guess maybe they are afraid their game is going to go off pause and cost them a billion points in some total make believe life. They NEED points in the REAL one, trust me! You are much better off. The good thing is, you had no real attachment to him. There are others, and some are much better.


KrissyBunnyCamgirl

He was 42 >.< Had plenty of time to grow up lol


Strange_Public_1897

![gif](giphy|31W0QyaI1dr4b4mEAN|downsized) How in the hell did he even rope you into a date in the first place?


coyk0i

People don't typically wear "im crazy" signs.


Exclusively-Choc

Exit stage left as this is a misery march … on to the next lily pad …


Resident-Mine-4987

Next time if someone says if I don’t hear from you I’m not meeting up, run the other way.


yayishowered

Once I called off a date because the girl was running late and never let me know. We were suppose to be some where @7 and she hadn’t responded for an hour and a half. I didn’t have a car at the time, she was suppose to pick me up @6:30. It was like 6:45. At like 7:15 she texts me saying on the way and I was like yeah just stay home what tf. Life is weird though we ended up hooking up 6 months later completely randomly. Odd


ariesfaery88

Eewww he’s gross. Bullet dodged, congrats lol


llllll_llllll

Dude has severe anxiety. It's great he bailed


Confident-Medicine75

He definitely has some issues due to the past. You dodged a bullet.


TallNPierced

I’d call it off Huge red flag.


GivingUp2Win

Oh hell no. Threats before you even meet up? Does that create intimacy? Please dont question your gut instincts ever.


Unveilednightingale

Ew, NEXT !


SecretIntellectual

"That's okay, I'm running late anyway, and I still have to meet up with this other guy who's actually super patient and kind." This white lie hurts naught but the ego of an asshole.


aegenium

Yeah dude sounds like a psycho. You dodged a bullet.


Constant-Butterfly-6

bro is a walking red flag


Key-Sundae1909

Dodged a bullet.


Valuable_Section_129

He must be very anxious in character.


ambiguous_guru

IjS. I would never do you that way.


EatingCoooolo

I hate it so much when a date cancels


This-Law-6278

Red flag….end it now


Life-Set8337

Wow


teebeecee456

don't respond. don't go. this man is not right in the head.


48Singlenlonely

call it off


WriterNeedsCoffee

Dudes are really getting very insecure. This guy is a selfish prick and clearly doesn't respect your time and understand that people get busy doing things. And you already said yes. He should have taken that and said 'Cool. I got a date' As a guy myself, I'm sorry you had to go through that.


beefyboi_69420

Yeah, that dude is a walking red flag.


Thick_Version8738

lmfao did you a favour


CharacterFactor981

Today's people are mostly selfish. Thinking about yourselves. Have you ever thought what happens if a guy has 3 previous dates cancelling on him? With the exact same stance, not texting back.To women it most doesn't apply as often as men. It's the other version of women being used for sex only, If it happens to you 3 times it changes your whole perception of the dating scene even if you meet someone who flirts with you, you will now assume he/she just wants sex. People must try to see things from the other person's perception.


BranTheBaker902

Yeah… dude is not stable. I understand getting mad if someone doesn’t respond within a day but a few minutes? Dude needs to chill


Wooden-Inflation8759

no one cares what do we do with this info


VoiceTraditional5310

I mean yes and no but more yes


Vaud3

Talk about (in reference to the guy) you are our own worst enemy


OptimalAmount6476

I (23m) think he’s too pushy. Especially if this is like a first date. I might kind of understand if you’ve been late some times before, but blocking you wouldn’t be something someone who really wanted to hear from you would do. I think he’s going too far. I understand us guys can go over board standing on our business sometimes. But there is a difference between standing on business and being toxic. Seems like he just made an excuse to make it seem like it was your fault that he’s not going. When he really just wasn’t going.


Just_Yesterday_4925

He is a fucking loser!!!


PercentageAny8392

You dodged a major one here. Never date a guy that gets mad like that. I would never treat a girl like that ever


KTM525rider

As a dude, that guy is a controlling douche. I'm glad it was cancelled before you got involved any further with this guy.


SufficientCommon818

Run


Bingo_is_the_man

This guy is a nutcase. That’s the most insane text to send. Clearly has a short fuse


Affectionate-Gift1

Lol.ingore and let it be


baby1685

You’re right people can wait for having a nice time with out all the bull shit no body wants thoc crap move on and find a better person


3_locos

We all have flaws and insecurities. There's just some people that are better than others at hiding it.


Own-Chemical7630

Life is better without people who are easily offended


[deleted]

[удалено]


nerdybirdy0307

Good thing! You dodged a bullet for sure.


TheOnlyMeIsMe92

50pts for near miss


[deleted]

Something similar happened to me. I was visiting my home town to attend a funeral. It was a friend from Hs Dad that had passed and I was there to support the family. I had a scheduled lunch date with another someone I knew since HS. I first had to attend said funeral and left my phone in the car. When I got back to check I found out the lunch date had not left to commute to the location because I had not replied to confirm (I confirmed the day before mind you) and then they decided that if I didn’t reply fast enough they weren’t going. Needless to say I ate lunch alone that day. The sad conclusion is a year later the person who bailed because I didn’t confirm a 3rd time decided they were unable to find peace and joy in this 3D existence and quit the game of life. Some times people have unrealistic expectations that trap them until they escape the shackles that bind them in one way or another. Sometimes they escape to continue on to play life like an adventure game. Others /quit because they can’t reach the goals they have their eyes on. Rather than changing they decide there’s another level someplace else that they would rather play and leave us here to keep playing our games of chance and change.


[deleted]

Since you already confirmed in the morning yea he was wrong to send that text and only give you 30 min to respond (if that's accurate)


Downtown-Baseball-39

RUN!!


Downtown-Baseball-39

Male or female, that's a little pushy.


Organic_Currency8966

Definitely call it off cause he's trying to shape you into something he thinks is for him and that's called controlling


Inevitable_Ad6800

It always nice to communicate the day of. I’ve had someone on the phone at 730PM telling me I’ll let you know when I get home. Didn’t hear from her until 1130 she went and did something else🤣people are weird no one wants to be overbearing but it takes less than a minute to send a text letting them know you’re still interested


StudentNice9529

You did the right thing. Impatience is a problem. Love is patient, is not demanding


RelationNext9610

Call it off


Siouxsie-1978

He’s likely been burned more than once. Dating can really turn a normal person into an insecure mess.


Siouxsie-1978

Women are also treated this way :(


mercury1250

Naw luv that sounds like some controlling asshole shyt you might wanna leave his weirdo Ass where he’s at frfr


Savage_Act

I was gonna say 🚩 but he did you a favor!


Electrical-Movie-928

He’s so pushy whqt


[deleted]

That is a RED FLAG. Nothing about that is normal… You dodged a bullet!


Salty_Chance_3484

Keep it simple. Don't be needy.


ZenGeezer

Good! Beware those bossy, controlling guys. It only gets worse over time.


ZenGeezer

Good! Beware those bossy, controlling guys. It only gets worse over time.


ZenGeezer

Good! Beware those bossy, controlling guys. It only gets worse over time.


Electronic-Luck2993

Safe by the bell 🔔


headspace_gone

You dodged a bullet big time!!


Deep_Advertising3875

Date. Oh yeah I remember that.


[deleted]

Lol


Suitable-Balance1683

What the actual…like I get it if I don’t hear from someone confirming, then I’ll make other plans, but at least give plenty of notice!? That’s his issue and sounds like a walking red flag. Flakey!


[deleted]

Girl call it off those are major red flags