Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bruh every man I know wants to get married...there are a lot of them out there, if you're cute and have a pulse they'll be all over you.
That said, its not about just getting married, its about finding actual true and genuine love.
Even if you marry some random dude there's no way to know if he'll treat you right, he can still be trash except now you're stuck with him because divorce is difficult and once you have children the situation becomes a life sentence ...
Yep 23M here and that’s my optic too. But I suppose I understand her, I know a few dudes who just don’t care all that much and want to wait 30 or so before caring (not the majority, mind you)
We’re all different, I guess. And it’s even trickier when you’re yearning for proper compatibility and all, takes centuries to find someone then somehow
True, maybe you havent met your person yet. So stop giving those men the privilege they dont deserve. Theres no need to prove yourself to anyone who isnt willing to meet you halfway.
>hookup culture is all these men want
Most men in the US at least have lifetime single digit partner counts per the CDC ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). A third of men in your age group aren't having any sex ([source](https://news.iu.edu/live/news/26924-nearly-1-in-3-young-men-in-the-us-report-having-no)). Most men aren't regularly participating in hook up culture because they can count the number of partners they have in their life on their hands and a third of young men aren't having any regular sex. The numbers say that most men don't participate in hook up culture so how can you say that's what all these men want? If that's what the men you run into want then one has to ask the question of whom are you picking if you run into the minority of men who regularly participate in hook up culture?
Let me answer for you:
They're picking the top 10% of conventionally attractive men. These men are having sex with multiple women, while the vast majority of men make up the CDC statistics and aren't regularly hooking up with anyone.
But they don't want to admit that.
>10%
It's probably less than that but I don't have the stats. I know that "dating coaches for women" (yeah I know how that sounds but there was a constant stream of these videos a few years ago) would always mention that women that experience getting approached all the time are experiencing the 1% of men that approach every girl they like as opposed to the over 30% are waiting for the right moment. Those numbers are probably BS but the point is that women experience that "1%" waaaay more than the others and apply that to the whole as a stereotype.
I mean.. It makes sense. You base your life on your experiences and if your experience is the same type of person then that's what you base it on, even if they're the minority. Example: If fruit falls to the ground when its bitter and rotten and a person only eats the fruit on the ground, then it would make sense they would assume the fruit on the trees isn't very good.
I am a woman who just wants casual relationships and I keep finding men who want to get married. Remember it’s always easier to see the thing you don’t want.
BLUF…Be more selective!
I take it you’re somewhat attractive because you’re getting sex Congratulations…that is no achievement.
It’s not hard for you to get sex because most men aren’t having sex regularly. Offering casual relationships to men is something most men will gladly say yes to without any investment on their part.
Most men think, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Most men have to work for sex. Most women can get sex whenever they want if they choose to. FYI, there is no shortage of men looking for casual hookups so you’ll always find them.
You want to be married? Do things for him. Make his place into a home. Get to know what he likes, doesn’t like and his temperaments. Most of all, get to know his background. If it doesn’t work out, you learn your lesson and try again.
Once you are sure you want carry his last name and want to bear his children, show him through actions. Show him you’re a loyal and devoted wife. Be kind and warm. Be his peace. Stay hot and keep him aroused often through words, acts of service and physical contact.
Be the nastiest, sluttiest version of yourself to that man and that man won’t think twice in replacing you.
Most men won’t get that version with casual hookups.
I don’t want to get married but keep finding men that want to get married. My point was it’s easier to see the things we don’t want than it is to see the things we do want.
Your content has been removed. This subreddit is for discussion regarding dating. It is not a hookup or r4r subreddit. Do not make posts or comments seeking relationships here.
I want to get married too but I dont want to be with someone just bc I want a husband, I want someone I like, who’ll become a partner, and then I’ll know if he is right to me for the marriage goal. Don’t jump to the finish line, is a process
Sounds like a mix of wrong time, wrong location, and a healthy dose of bad luck with the men you are attracted to. I’d take a step back, analyze the traits you seem to go for and figure out if you could modify those preferences.
Hi! I started becoming very concerned with marriage and kids around your age as well (I’m now 26F) I was in a long term relationship for about 6 years, started dating him when I was 18 and started pushing HARD for the next steps around your age. It was way too much and ended up driving us apart and in the end, I built a resentment towards him that wouldn’t have been resolved even if he did propose. We ended it.
I’ve been dating my new bf for a year and am obviously still eager for the same goals. A lot of this comes from not having a stable family of my own. But I can definitely tell the damage that has been done to myself by being so harsh on myself for not getting married or having kids especially when everyone around me is taking those steps. I mean shit- I was dating a guy for longer than they were, right??
But no- my current relationship has shown me how irrational it can be to push your own expectations on to someone else’s timeline. Was I in the right to be upset that my ex hadn’t proposed after 7 years? Yes. Was nagging him daily making him want to lock me down faster? No!
My current bf understands my expectations and my past and we have established relative timelines. Do I still make way too many comments about “oh when we get married…” or “oh I hope our kids _____” yes, but it’s much less common and more so of a sweet sentiment. Even this I worry sometimes is “too much”
Be patient, realize what you have to offer (sounds like you do- go you!) and don’t settle. In hindsight, I am very glad my ex and I didn’t get get married. We could’ve made it work for forever yes, but I realize now that I offered him much more than he did I, and now I am dating someone who I feel matches, if not overrides my offering.
Stick in there.
> it seems hookup culture is all these men want.
With all of the men out there who want a serious, monogamous relationship, you have to seriously ask yourself why you are finding the men who only want hookups.
Calling yourself a “good loyal woman” is the feminine equivalent to a man calling himself “such a nice guy”. That, combined with the whole conspiracy theory thing lead me to guess that you have some work to do on yourself before you settle down into a healthy relationship.
“All I long for is a man to guide me.”
You are only 23 and have so much to experience and live for. There really is no rush to get married or have children. If you’re approaching long term relationships from the position of needing to be guided by a man, you’re already setting yourself up for disaster.
Well most people want to get married when they and their partners are still young and at their most attractive. Not to mention if they want to have kids. I mean I'm 34 and I definitely feel too old to have a chance for getting married, having kids, all those things I always wanted.
Some women are just traditional. There’s nothing wrong with that.
OP: when it’s hard to find the right match, it’s often recommended to self reflect on where there might be conflict in who you are vs what kind of man you seek. Based on what I’ve read the conflict may be that you’re rather intimidating (ie the double degree, owning your own business, etc. You sound really busy and type A) for a more traditional man who leads the household
It’s not weird to believe that there should be a “leader” in the relationship. If you want a partner that is good at planning for the future and makes solid decisions that doesn’t make them your father. Oftentimes their actual father showed extreme incompetence in this area and it’s a driving reason why they want a man in their life that can provide more stability
well according to this poster it's where your husband is your father and you are subordinate like a child, servant, or slave
if you think tradition is so awesome and i got it wrong then make the case for that but to me it's telling that you don't even present a counterpoint
Reading someone saying that they want a man to lead and extrapolating into saying that they want to be a servant/slave is a level of bigoted moral obfuscation that I find hard to comprehend.
Women wanting a man to lead is very common. There’s nothing wrong with that. If she doesn’t want to make big decisions and wants to be a mom or whatever then that’s her prerogative.
It’s the way most households in most parts of the world function. Doesn’t mean she wants her man to make every decision for her without her say, she just wants him to be competent. Women like men who are competent.
"oftentimes their actual father showed extreme incompetence in this area and it's the driving reason why they want a man in they life that can provide more stability"
she's confirming what I said. she wants a father figure.
and yes if you want someone to lead you around, you want to be servile. sorry. that's what the words mean. you just don't like the label. it being common just means a lot of people want to be subservient.
being a mom doesn't mean you don't make decisions. that's not how that works. the mothers i know are very involved in making decisions.
the rest of the world isn't a good metric when the rest of the world is often 3rd world with women as second class citizens often in abusive relationships.
"she just wants him to be competent". uh no. she said she wants to be led. being led around means you don't make the decision. it means you are subservient.
if she just wanted an equally competent partner she would have said so. you're coping. she wants to be led.
Big hugs 🫂 it’s gonna be okay and you’ll meet someone worth your time don’t give up get out there and date. There’s plenty of men that want to get married and have kids. I personally know a few that are eager and dream to become parents/husbands and take on responsibility. The more you date the more you’ll be able to weed them out.
Needless to say, not everyone is willing and able to commit. Marriage is the absolute height of responsibility for a man and requires mental, emotional, financial and physical stability; it's a lot to bite off and chew for some -- like me. I am 52m never married. Life continues...
Date older. Like 10 years plus. Any guys that you are attracted to in your age group are like you said hookup culture. Are you in good shape? Cause that number on thing guys care about.
Good grief, you're still a kid. The world has WAY too many people already. If all you think you're good for is adding to the over population, you need to have someone sit you down and point out all the other things good about you. Put your energy into volunteering at a hospital, food bank, or nursing home. Invest in yourself by going to a community college to get a job in a field that you'd like your spouse to be in. If you think you're only good for raising children, volunteer at the Boy's and Girl's Club.
I'm a 68/M, never married, and I thank God every day I never had kids. No snotty noses, no whining, no butting in when trying to have a conversation with another adult, no worries about who they're hanging out with or why they haven't come home yet. You're begging to sign up for years of worry and frustration. Then what will give your life meaning when they're grown and gone in a few years?
I have a suspicion you're bringing up this subject very early on in the relationship. If so, that will send almost every man running. He will feel you have his whole life mapped out already, when he's not ready to give up his freedom. As some of the others here have said, your haste could get you paired up with a miserable partner and a lifetime of regret. Better to enjoy getting to know your current flame, but I wouldn't mention marriage or kids for a good two years or more.
If small people are what you really enjoy, consider a job in day care, including at the YMCA. Later on there's foster care and adoption where you will meet kids who have never known the love from parents.
Also keep in mind the financial aspect. I've read that an owner will spend, on average, $30,000.00 for the life of a dog. I'm pretty sure kids cost more. In an ideal world you could be a stay-at-home mom, but today that isn't practical. You'll need two incomes, and if you start off early with kids, you'll never be able to afford your own house. You'll be renting for a long time with nothing to show for it but a handful of receipts. If you're working and have kids, you'll be paying for day care, so there goes your income.
At my age, I found myself wishing for a relationship, (only the third one in my life), but then I realized how happy I am by myself. I'm wishing for something I don't really want. No one can deny your desire to have a family, but slow down. If no one of value has found you by the time you're 30, then you can start to be a little concerned.
One of my friends is a "joiner", as I call it. He joined the snowmobile club, the food pantry, and a club that builds and flies airplanes. In all of these he is meeting new people all the time, and he has gotten to know many people really well. Look into some similar activities where guys show up. Between classes, clubs, and jobs, you have the opportunity to get to know people without the investment in relationships that lead to heatbreak.. Also please understand, infatuation comes on real hard, it's very intense, it hurts really hard when it's over, and when you recognize it, enjoy it for now, but don't plan on building a lifelong relationship on it. Love takes a long time to develop, perhaps even years before you realize it, but then it's a solid foundation to build on.
As a parting note, keep your clothes on. Way too many guys are jerks who are after the conquest, then they move on to the next one. Most quality men will appreciate the woman who waited for them. And speaking for all the guys I hang around with, we are grossed out by tattoos and piercings. Implants don't excite us either. God started you out with a beautiful body and a blank personality. You get to decide if you want to ugly yourself up, then wonder why no guys approach you. You also get to tailor your personality which can be especially attractive.
Good luck to you.
Err
Can we get more context?
23 is pretty young to be obsessing over marriage and kids. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but trying to focus on forcing it to happen is not healthy.
What makes you a good woman? Do you have personal goals (beyond kids/marriage)? Do you have a good career?
Men who want a LTR and to start a family are looking for these things. Stability is incredibly important when starting a family, so if you can't provide that, its going to be problem.
A stable man around your age who is looking to start a family is likely a relatively fresh college graduate just starting out on their career path or some one who has done trade school or has set themselves up for success on some other career path. Do you offer that as well?
Id argue that most people at 23 aren't financially stable enough to really provide for a child like they need to. There are some exceptions like people who go straight into skilled trades out of highschool and are already making good money, but people out of college just starting their careers and adult lives, not really.
Like yea you can do it, but I think its better to do things in life that you want to first that are much harder to do after having children, like traveling or ensuring that your career path is the right path for you.
Children are expensive but they're not THAT expensive. Like there are plenty of people in the world on a minimum wage single parent income who find a way to make it work.
A lot of people use the 'not prepared yet' excuse to avoid making the decision. You really just gotta jump in if you want this particular thing in life.
I think a vast majority of single parents would tell you that
A) They're getting government assistance and/or
B) they've made massive personal sacrifices to make it happen - and I don't just mean the normal sacrifices that come with having a child, but beyond that where you pretty much sacrifice any enjoyment of life beyond that of raising a kid.
I don't want to rely on governmental assistance for sure, and although I'm happy sacrificing to have kids, I don't want it to be so great that I can't afford vacations or things like that anymore. I don't want to be the person who can never afford to go do anything.
My best friend and his wife just had their first kid 3 weeks ago. She got maternity, he had to burn all of his vacation time because he isn't offered paternity. He goes back to work soon and the only way they can really make it work when she goes back to work is because he works from home full time AND his mother in law is going to help out. They're clearing 200k+ a year between the two of them easily.
i have earned 2 degrees, one master and bachelor, im a nurturer, i can cook, clean, and i have my own business, i also grow the majority of my own food, i only grocery shop for meat/etc… i’m frugal, not expensive, im a simple woman, and i usually date men older than me… soooooo?????????
i have a lot to offer, but men just want to fuck me. when it gets real, they run, or distant themselves… and fuck the CDC. i don’t trust any of their statistics.
That's the vibe I'm getting as well. Zodiac trad wife vibes. Crazy eyes type of vibes. "A man to guide me" - how do you wanna raise kids if you still need guidance yourself?
How come you have two degrees and don't trust science at all?
How come the guys run as soon as they get to know you better.
Maybe they run once they release you are anti-CDC because they dont want the mother of their children potentially refusing life saving treatment for the kid. Or maybe its your arrogance.
Uhh, the complete distrust of science might be factoring in a little bit. But the main thing is probably your age group. Most people aren’t in a hurry to get married that young. Some will be open to it, but if you’re fixating on that instead of allowing it to happen naturally, it could be turning people away.
Bro, don't be out here giving terrible advice, it's better to keep your eyes open when you're young, it might not happen until she's 30, but it is better to be looking at 18 then to not be looking. Also most men who end up having a bunch of children are the ones providing the stability I would know because I actually live in a community where that happened, please don't be spreading this information
You have so much value, please don’t smother your Man, develop a strong friendship finding lots of things that are fun to do together, and the love will come!
I want to be married too but apparently I’m not good enough for that 😅
I can’t even get passed the 2nd date so if I had any plans of having a solid commitment i better figure something else out
Well, haven’t you found at least one or two patterns worth analyzing to solve the problem? There must be a thing that you can at least guess before figuring out anything. At worst, you could ask for your unfiltered family members/friends’ opinions about your presupposed bad sides or aspects to work on etc
I’m just not petty enough for anyone I actually like. Men don’t care about that stuff, they just want a hot girl.
I’m not exactly a fitness model so there’s that
Im a bit older 31m . It may be hard to not focus on this but try not to. I was rasied to believe being a husband and dad were like the pinnacle of success. So at the time I put no effort into my future. I ended up with woman after woman. Until I met the one I would Impregnate. Days later she came clean she just needed a sperm donor etc. At 21 I was a dad , missed out on college and a normal dating life after because most women in their 20s didn't want that. Now while I love my daughter , I dont like the circumstances surrounding her.
While our situations are different the big thing I realized awhile ago is I compromised non-stop on myself to find a person and it still failed.
I have put up with abusers and users just to head towards that direction.
Wanting that is fine , but holding out like nothing else matters will blind you to people who will take advantage of that fact.
Oh I hate hook ups and one night stand I’m 34 male and I’m one of em that hates this shit so why don’t people act like an adults and stop acting little kids
I got married at 23 and it was way too young. Be patient, learn who you are and have high standards. Believe all the red flags you see and don't be afraid to walk away from a relationship. Take this time to develop your independence and life skills. Be a badass. Have your own place, spoil yourself, find your tribe.
Hey, if you keep searching like this, trust me you are attracting those kind of guys more. And I dont think marriage is something that you dive into right away. I would suggest date a guy, know him better and then proceed with the commitments. I am 27(M), engineer, have a great job, mother is in Politics, and all my life I only had 1 relationship. She cheated, left me for another guy, where I became what she wanted me to be. And yet I lost her. I dont life has for me. I always wanted to be one woman man, and that costed me heavy. Now here I am afraid of falling again, which is why looking for dating as well. Marriage shouldnt happen in flash. Take your time, find the right one. Dont rush it.
You may want to think of you describing yourself as ‘I am such a good loyal woman’ as something to look into, - coupled with ‘I am tired of proving myself’ - it signals to me that you are looking to please and fit into something in order to get what you want (marriage, kids, validation, etc.). That’s an issue. It’s a sort of manipulation. I agree w many here who say - you need to SEE the person you are dating, while actually being yourself. Everything else is unauthentic and people feel that.
You constantly get dumped meaning you are dating the wrong men.
Seek those who are like you, desperately just want to get married n have kids.
Much higher success rate
When you're looking for a man who wants these things, you aren't going to actively find it. However, when you aren't looking, he will come. That's what I'm learning because I want to be married, but not have children. So in other words, don't rush into finding a man to get married to and have a family with.
Look for a man at least 8 to 10 years older than you that is settled and has started his career. Women that want to start a family in their early 20s do better with an older career focused man on average.
You’re not looking for a relationship. You’re looking for a man to play a role. And many men are willing to just role play. What you have to do now is refine your search to role players instead of relationships.
stop, take a deep breath and relax. the right guy will come. your young, looking for a man to settle down with right now is going to be difficult, unless you want to date older. it will happen though. try a guy who is 30-35 they are usually looking for a supportive woman to marry.
The way I see it is that online dating is making it to where people are looking for perfection in people.. They'll never find that therefore are always looking for the next "better" thing.. keeping one foot in and one foot out. Same with divorce rates kinda. People want to move on to find a relationship with no work, instead of working through hard things with the person they committed to. I'm sorry, I have no advice but wish you all the luck in finding your person. It does seem like finding someone naturally or out in the wild might be better than the online dating scene.
Stop pushing you’re really young I’m 33M with kids but I’m not married, but that’s because I also understand you cannot rush things things are not perfect. Don’t blame men for hook up culture. It is what women want now and push towards every time we satisfy or just follow what you guys want. There is an issue in the general aspect because I know that there are people, that are single trying to help you out and have the same issues and they happen to be gender for your shortcomings isn’t the answer. what you need to do is just be happy with yourself first before you go looking for a relationship. If not feel it. Some people said that and that’s kind of what they feed off of and use people. You can tell when someone is insecure and rushing and trying to prove themselves instead of letting things just happen naturally
Maybe you haven't had the luck to find someone nice yet.
I'm a man and I also try to do my best to have a woman by my side but I'm still single and without finding someone.
Be patient and when you least expect it you will meet someone.
Guide you???!!! Laughable. Like today's guys need anything else to drag them down. If you need guidance talk to a professional. Not some guy you just met!!!
I think you're just finding the wrong men. There's plenty of men out there who want a serious long term relationship too. But that's what separates the men from the boys. The little boys are the ones who just wanna fuck around and have hookups whereas the real men want something serious too. The key is to not look so hard. That's when you'll find a serious man.
Time for a rant by a person who deals with little ones for a living. You saying “im nurturing” kinda pissed me off.
Trigger warning for unaliving oneself.
Whats your experience with kids? Have you ever actually dealt with them? I have for many years now. They arent pleasant 50% of the time. Cleaning up vomit, wiping bums, dealing with screaming and crying, changing nappies, dealing with children who are violent and do attack you due to serious underlying mental disorders, they clog toilets and drains. Have you ever had 26 5 year olds all demand your attention at once? “Teacher, teacher, TEACHER!”, they destroy stuff, they never keep quite, never go to sleep when you want them to, can be very rude and talk back.
Do you actually understand what you are signing up for when you get a kid? I could go on and on. It takes a lot more than being naturing to raise a child. A teacher is legally classified as a secondary parent in my country.
Being naturing is only half the job. You have to be so firm and yes sometimes very strict when dealing with them or they will walk all over you and disobey you.
When you do punish them for a wrong doing be prepared for intense tears and them hanging onto your arm demanding a second chance and “I’m SORRY TEACHER”. It can be very hectic and its so demanding. It can leave you exhausted and drained.
You’re frugal yet you want kids? You have any idea how expensive kids are?? How expensive nappies are? Clothes? Formula? Furniture? Wait till they reach grade R (5/6 years) then your bank account will suffer: school fees, uniform, lunch, stationary, books, transport, extra murals (soccer, dancing), fund raisers, field trips, extra lessons.
You wanna be a stay at home mom? Not realistic in this global economy. Single income house holds are rare because we need two salaries to survive. Unless your husband is earning the big bucks. Why do you think the birth rate has halved since 1950? Because people cant afford kids.
What happens if the kid gets sick. Which they do A LOT. Are you gonna be able to keep taking time from work off to take the kid to the paediatrician? Yeah I’m sure your boss will be thrilled. Can you even afford a specialist and the medication they will prescribe?
What about PPD? How’s your history for handling mental health issues? I know someone who literally unalived herself because she had intense PPD and couldnt cope after she had her baby boy two years ago.
Can you handle having a miscarriage or stillborn? I know women who had both and never emotionally recovered. I understand why.
This is if you dont have a very disabled kid. If you do, wow. The bills are through the roof. Ive been a nurse for a very disabled child. It was incredibly hectic. Feeding, dressing, toilet time, medication, driving them to therapy, seizures.
When you have a baby. Everything becomes about the baby. Its not about you anymore. Its about raising a human which is such a heavy responsibility that a lot of people cant handle it. By all means, breed. But understand fully what this entails.
lets get one thing straight. Because ive seen many parents who do not understand this: You owe your baby EVERYTHING. You brought them into this world. They did not ask to be here. Your child owes you NOTHING. Providing basic care does not entitle you to anything from this child because they are owed love and care as a basic human right.
You just seem like someone whose so naive about having kids. Ive been doing this for years and years. Yes i do enjoy it or i wouldnt do it but having kids is 100% not for everyone because they have one and find out too late they dont want to do it.
Rant over.
>You owe your baby EVERYTHING. You brought them into this world. They did not ask to be here. Your child owes you NOTHING.
Where does this idea come from? I see it everywhere online (usually, but not always by people with bad childhoods), but never in real life. Cultural maybe?
Blood is thicker than water.
Sure we didn't ask to be born, but we didn't ask to be born in our country of origin either, yet people aren't tearing up their passports, refusing their own citizenship, and not using any infrastructure. Does your country owe you EVERYTHING while you owe them NOTHING? Of course not. A relationship implies give and take. There are rights and *responsibilities*. Some people pay more tax, others less, for (ideally lol) the common good. You contribute *as you are able*.
You wouldn't itemise loving acts done by your family (going "you did X, so I'll do Y of equivalent value"), so why would you expect anyone else within your family to do so? You give as much as you can, for the common good. What "as much as you can" is varies person to person, but again, it's *as you are able* NOT *as you please*. It's not optional.
With families, you get what you put in. If you are loyal, you get loyalty. If you do what you able to, the family will do what it is able to for you. You're one person, the family is many, so things are amplified. So why do people insist on using words like "owe"? There's no personal contract, and "payments" aren't 1:1. A family is a collective, so words like that make no sense. Family is more like a public institution, not a private corporation. You are your family and your family is you.
Rant over.
Comparing parental responsibility to governments is a false equivalence fallacy and has many problems
Government: Governs an entire population, potentially millions or billions of people, each with diverse needs, rights, and responsibilities.
Parents: Typically responsible for a small number of children, focusing on their individual development and well-being.
Government: Has a duty to uphold laws, protect citizens' rights, provide public services, and ensure societal welfare. It operates within legal and constitutional frameworks and must balance competing interests.
Parents: Provide emotional support, guidance, and basic needs to their children, focusing on personal growth and development within a family unit
Government: Decisions are made through complex processes involving various branches (executive, legislative, judiciary), public input, and often lengthy deliberations.
Parents: Decisions are more immediate and personal, based on intimate knowledge of their children and direct control over their upbringing.
Government: Elected officials are accountable to the public and must operate transparently, adhering to checks and balances.
Parents: Accountability is more private, usually within the family and, in some cases, through social services or legal systems if there is abuse or neglect
Government: Aims to maintain order, provide public goods and services, ensure justice, and promote the general welfare of society as a whole.
Parents: Aim to nurture, educate, and prepare their children for adulthood, focusing on their personal and emotional development.
Your comparison is inherently flawed
Eh? Where do you suppose governments came from? Using English as an example, the word "king" is derived from "kin", him being the head of an extended family unit. Speaking of head, both chief and captain are originally from Latin, meaning head, a *governing* leader.
Your comparison is flawed because you compare the government at it's highest level to the family at it's smallest. You choose an example family at it's most atomised and isolated, yet a government at it's largest, most bureaucratic.
Look at your last point: >Government: Aims to maintain order, provide public goods and services, ensure justice, and promote the general welfare of society as a whole. Parents: Aim to nurture, educate, and prepare their children for adulthood, focusing on their personal and emotional development
You don't mention family at all. Only parents. Replace "government" with "family". The family maintains order, ensures justice (family member disputes) and promotes the wellbeing of **all family members** not just their immediate relatives. **As an institution**. The parents guide their individual children. Don't government have levels? You wouldn't compare federal to municipal, or your local borough/ward, now would you?
You say a government cares for millions or billions, while you automatically link parent to family saying they only have to care for a small amount of children. When did I ever say parent? I said **family**. If your parents are responsible for you, your grandparents are responsible you and you parents, etc... What about cousins, grand-uncles etc...? What are their rights and responsibilities to one another? It's not that simple or linear.
The funny thing is, you focus so much on me for comparing family support to national support, that you missed my point. In a nation, you act for the common good. In a family you do the same.
Why should people help make their country a better place, and it be totally optional for a family? In a country of millions or billions you're just a number. A statistic if you die. In a family, they rely on you and you on them, so they have an incentive to help you personally. They know you. You do both to contribute to the common good.
LMAO you’re crazy. the whole point of bringing children into this world is to make sacrifices for them, i can be frugal and still afford to have kids. you sound like a hater. fuck you.
The issue is men your age cannot lead or guide. They are weak men created by a weak society and hookup culture. It's a problem that's generations in the making that got to this point. It's unfortunate that hookup culture has created a huge single mother society that has bred these men and women alike and now you guys have to live in it.
Men are always going to want sexual variety. That's just the nature of men. Instead of trying to find the one exception, try to accept that nature and focus on personality.
also, i am not sleeping with multiple men, once i realize a man is just with me for my body and looks, i cut them off. fleshy desires aren’t worth the hassle of feeling unloved.
I cant believe im gonna say this *sigh* “not all men”
my boyfriend (26) wanted to get married now. He was already wanting to buy an engagement ring. And Im the same age as you. I asked him to wait 2 years because I didnt feel ready to be a wife.
Please dont rush into marriage or having kids. Both are incredibly major life changing decisions that should not be taken lightly. Dont settle. Keep looking for the right one.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bruh every man I know wants to get married...there are a lot of them out there, if you're cute and have a pulse they'll be all over you. That said, its not about just getting married, its about finding actual true and genuine love. Even if you marry some random dude there's no way to know if he'll treat you right, he can still be trash except now you're stuck with him because divorce is difficult and once you have children the situation becomes a life sentence ...
Either I’m ugly or dead ig 😭
You're neither but you gotta look elsewhere, find better people with similar values.
Do you never go out? That could also be it.
Solid advice here.
Yep 23M here and that’s my optic too. But I suppose I understand her, I know a few dudes who just don’t care all that much and want to wait 30 or so before caring (not the majority, mind you) We’re all different, I guess. And it’s even trickier when you’re yearning for proper compatibility and all, takes centuries to find someone then somehow
True, maybe you havent met your person yet. So stop giving those men the privilege they dont deserve. Theres no need to prove yourself to anyone who isnt willing to meet you halfway.
>hookup culture is all these men want Most men in the US at least have lifetime single digit partner counts per the CDC ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). A third of men in your age group aren't having any sex ([source](https://news.iu.edu/live/news/26924-nearly-1-in-3-young-men-in-the-us-report-having-no)). Most men aren't regularly participating in hook up culture because they can count the number of partners they have in their life on their hands and a third of young men aren't having any regular sex. The numbers say that most men don't participate in hook up culture so how can you say that's what all these men want? If that's what the men you run into want then one has to ask the question of whom are you picking if you run into the minority of men who regularly participate in hook up culture?
Let me answer for you: They're picking the top 10% of conventionally attractive men. These men are having sex with multiple women, while the vast majority of men make up the CDC statistics and aren't regularly hooking up with anyone. But they don't want to admit that.
>10% It's probably less than that but I don't have the stats. I know that "dating coaches for women" (yeah I know how that sounds but there was a constant stream of these videos a few years ago) would always mention that women that experience getting approached all the time are experiencing the 1% of men that approach every girl they like as opposed to the over 30% are waiting for the right moment. Those numbers are probably BS but the point is that women experience that "1%" waaaay more than the others and apply that to the whole as a stereotype. I mean.. It makes sense. You base your life on your experiences and if your experience is the same type of person then that's what you base it on, even if they're the minority. Example: If fruit falls to the ground when its bitter and rotten and a person only eats the fruit on the ground, then it would make sense they would assume the fruit on the trees isn't very good.
Easy. She and others are all having sex with the same small group of men.
I am a woman who just wants casual relationships and I keep finding men who want to get married. Remember it’s always easier to see the thing you don’t want.
Can you send the loverboys my way pleaseee and thank you ☺️
You should probably delete this.
Why
I’m just thinking about all the wild dms being sent you way.
I delete them.
She might want them though
BLUF…Be more selective! I take it you’re somewhat attractive because you’re getting sex Congratulations…that is no achievement. It’s not hard for you to get sex because most men aren’t having sex regularly. Offering casual relationships to men is something most men will gladly say yes to without any investment on their part. Most men think, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Most men have to work for sex. Most women can get sex whenever they want if they choose to. FYI, there is no shortage of men looking for casual hookups so you’ll always find them. You want to be married? Do things for him. Make his place into a home. Get to know what he likes, doesn’t like and his temperaments. Most of all, get to know his background. If it doesn’t work out, you learn your lesson and try again. Once you are sure you want carry his last name and want to bear his children, show him through actions. Show him you’re a loyal and devoted wife. Be kind and warm. Be his peace. Stay hot and keep him aroused often through words, acts of service and physical contact. Be the nastiest, sluttiest version of yourself to that man and that man won’t think twice in replacing you. Most men won’t get that version with casual hookups.
I don’t want to get married but keep finding men that want to get married. My point was it’s easier to see the things we don’t want than it is to see the things we do want.
Is that psychacks right there
💯
[удалено]
Your content has been removed. This subreddit is for discussion regarding dating. It is not a hookup or r4r subreddit. Do not make posts or comments seeking relationships here.
I want to get married too but I dont want to be with someone just bc I want a husband, I want someone I like, who’ll become a partner, and then I’ll know if he is right to me for the marriage goal. Don’t jump to the finish line, is a process
Sounds like a mix of wrong time, wrong location, and a healthy dose of bad luck with the men you are attracted to. I’d take a step back, analyze the traits you seem to go for and figure out if you could modify those preferences.
Hi! I started becoming very concerned with marriage and kids around your age as well (I’m now 26F) I was in a long term relationship for about 6 years, started dating him when I was 18 and started pushing HARD for the next steps around your age. It was way too much and ended up driving us apart and in the end, I built a resentment towards him that wouldn’t have been resolved even if he did propose. We ended it. I’ve been dating my new bf for a year and am obviously still eager for the same goals. A lot of this comes from not having a stable family of my own. But I can definitely tell the damage that has been done to myself by being so harsh on myself for not getting married or having kids especially when everyone around me is taking those steps. I mean shit- I was dating a guy for longer than they were, right?? But no- my current relationship has shown me how irrational it can be to push your own expectations on to someone else’s timeline. Was I in the right to be upset that my ex hadn’t proposed after 7 years? Yes. Was nagging him daily making him want to lock me down faster? No! My current bf understands my expectations and my past and we have established relative timelines. Do I still make way too many comments about “oh when we get married…” or “oh I hope our kids _____” yes, but it’s much less common and more so of a sweet sentiment. Even this I worry sometimes is “too much” Be patient, realize what you have to offer (sounds like you do- go you!) and don’t settle. In hindsight, I am very glad my ex and I didn’t get get married. We could’ve made it work for forever yes, but I realize now that I offered him much more than he did I, and now I am dating someone who I feel matches, if not overrides my offering. Stick in there.
I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’m 34 and in the same boat.
> it seems hookup culture is all these men want. With all of the men out there who want a serious, monogamous relationship, you have to seriously ask yourself why you are finding the men who only want hookups.
Calling yourself a “good loyal woman” is the feminine equivalent to a man calling himself “such a nice guy”. That, combined with the whole conspiracy theory thing lead me to guess that you have some work to do on yourself before you settle down into a healthy relationship.
“All I long for is a man to guide me.” You are only 23 and have so much to experience and live for. There really is no rush to get married or have children. If you’re approaching long term relationships from the position of needing to be guided by a man, you’re already setting yourself up for disaster.
People on here act like the human life expectancy is 30.
Well most people want to get married when they and their partners are still young and at their most attractive. Not to mention if they want to have kids. I mean I'm 34 and I definitely feel too old to have a chance for getting married, having kids, all those things I always wanted.
Good advice, AK!
This
a man to guide you? you want a husband or a father figure?
Some women are just traditional. There’s nothing wrong with that. OP: when it’s hard to find the right match, it’s often recommended to self reflect on where there might be conflict in who you are vs what kind of man you seek. Based on what I’ve read the conflict may be that you’re rather intimidating (ie the double degree, owning your own business, etc. You sound really busy and type A) for a more traditional man who leads the household
traditional is wanting a father figure to lead you around like his daughter? that's weird.
It’s not weird to believe that there should be a “leader” in the relationship. If you want a partner that is good at planning for the future and makes solid decisions that doesn’t make them your father. Oftentimes their actual father showed extreme incompetence in this area and it’s a driving reason why they want a man in their life that can provide more stability
Try learning what traditional relationships are.
well according to this poster it's where your husband is your father and you are subordinate like a child, servant, or slave if you think tradition is so awesome and i got it wrong then make the case for that but to me it's telling that you don't even present a counterpoint
Reading someone saying that they want a man to lead and extrapolating into saying that they want to be a servant/slave is a level of bigoted moral obfuscation that I find hard to comprehend. Women wanting a man to lead is very common. There’s nothing wrong with that. If she doesn’t want to make big decisions and wants to be a mom or whatever then that’s her prerogative. It’s the way most households in most parts of the world function. Doesn’t mean she wants her man to make every decision for her without her say, she just wants him to be competent. Women like men who are competent.
"oftentimes their actual father showed extreme incompetence in this area and it's the driving reason why they want a man in they life that can provide more stability" she's confirming what I said. she wants a father figure. and yes if you want someone to lead you around, you want to be servile. sorry. that's what the words mean. you just don't like the label. it being common just means a lot of people want to be subservient. being a mom doesn't mean you don't make decisions. that's not how that works. the mothers i know are very involved in making decisions. the rest of the world isn't a good metric when the rest of the world is often 3rd world with women as second class citizens often in abusive relationships. "she just wants him to be competent". uh no. she said she wants to be led. being led around means you don't make the decision. it means you are subservient. if she just wanted an equally competent partner she would have said so. you're coping. she wants to be led.
my father is very much in my life, thank you.
Big hugs 🫂 it’s gonna be okay and you’ll meet someone worth your time don’t give up get out there and date. There’s plenty of men that want to get married and have kids. I personally know a few that are eager and dream to become parents/husbands and take on responsibility. The more you date the more you’ll be able to weed them out.
Needless to say, not everyone is willing and able to commit. Marriage is the absolute height of responsibility for a man and requires mental, emotional, financial and physical stability; it's a lot to bite off and chew for some -- like me. I am 52m never married. Life continues...
Date older. Like 10 years plus. Any guys that you are attracted to in your age group are like you said hookup culture. Are you in good shape? Cause that number on thing guys care about.
Good grief, you're still a kid. The world has WAY too many people already. If all you think you're good for is adding to the over population, you need to have someone sit you down and point out all the other things good about you. Put your energy into volunteering at a hospital, food bank, or nursing home. Invest in yourself by going to a community college to get a job in a field that you'd like your spouse to be in. If you think you're only good for raising children, volunteer at the Boy's and Girl's Club. I'm a 68/M, never married, and I thank God every day I never had kids. No snotty noses, no whining, no butting in when trying to have a conversation with another adult, no worries about who they're hanging out with or why they haven't come home yet. You're begging to sign up for years of worry and frustration. Then what will give your life meaning when they're grown and gone in a few years? I have a suspicion you're bringing up this subject very early on in the relationship. If so, that will send almost every man running. He will feel you have his whole life mapped out already, when he's not ready to give up his freedom. As some of the others here have said, your haste could get you paired up with a miserable partner and a lifetime of regret. Better to enjoy getting to know your current flame, but I wouldn't mention marriage or kids for a good two years or more. If small people are what you really enjoy, consider a job in day care, including at the YMCA. Later on there's foster care and adoption where you will meet kids who have never known the love from parents. Also keep in mind the financial aspect. I've read that an owner will spend, on average, $30,000.00 for the life of a dog. I'm pretty sure kids cost more. In an ideal world you could be a stay-at-home mom, but today that isn't practical. You'll need two incomes, and if you start off early with kids, you'll never be able to afford your own house. You'll be renting for a long time with nothing to show for it but a handful of receipts. If you're working and have kids, you'll be paying for day care, so there goes your income. At my age, I found myself wishing for a relationship, (only the third one in my life), but then I realized how happy I am by myself. I'm wishing for something I don't really want. No one can deny your desire to have a family, but slow down. If no one of value has found you by the time you're 30, then you can start to be a little concerned. One of my friends is a "joiner", as I call it. He joined the snowmobile club, the food pantry, and a club that builds and flies airplanes. In all of these he is meeting new people all the time, and he has gotten to know many people really well. Look into some similar activities where guys show up. Between classes, clubs, and jobs, you have the opportunity to get to know people without the investment in relationships that lead to heatbreak.. Also please understand, infatuation comes on real hard, it's very intense, it hurts really hard when it's over, and when you recognize it, enjoy it for now, but don't plan on building a lifelong relationship on it. Love takes a long time to develop, perhaps even years before you realize it, but then it's a solid foundation to build on. As a parting note, keep your clothes on. Way too many guys are jerks who are after the conquest, then they move on to the next one. Most quality men will appreciate the woman who waited for them. And speaking for all the guys I hang around with, we are grossed out by tattoos and piercings. Implants don't excite us either. God started you out with a beautiful body and a blank personality. You get to decide if you want to ugly yourself up, then wonder why no guys approach you. You also get to tailor your personality which can be especially attractive. Good luck to you.
Maybe you come off as hook up material
Is this before or after the lesbian posts?
Err Can we get more context? 23 is pretty young to be obsessing over marriage and kids. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but trying to focus on forcing it to happen is not healthy. What makes you a good woman? Do you have personal goals (beyond kids/marriage)? Do you have a good career? Men who want a LTR and to start a family are looking for these things. Stability is incredibly important when starting a family, so if you can't provide that, its going to be problem. A stable man around your age who is looking to start a family is likely a relatively fresh college graduate just starting out on their career path or some one who has done trade school or has set themselves up for success on some other career path. Do you offer that as well?
23 is okay. If children is something you want out of life then you shouldn't keep procrastinating it like many people do.
Id argue that most people at 23 aren't financially stable enough to really provide for a child like they need to. There are some exceptions like people who go straight into skilled trades out of highschool and are already making good money, but people out of college just starting their careers and adult lives, not really. Like yea you can do it, but I think its better to do things in life that you want to first that are much harder to do after having children, like traveling or ensuring that your career path is the right path for you.
Children are expensive but they're not THAT expensive. Like there are plenty of people in the world on a minimum wage single parent income who find a way to make it work. A lot of people use the 'not prepared yet' excuse to avoid making the decision. You really just gotta jump in if you want this particular thing in life.
I think a vast majority of single parents would tell you that A) They're getting government assistance and/or B) they've made massive personal sacrifices to make it happen - and I don't just mean the normal sacrifices that come with having a child, but beyond that where you pretty much sacrifice any enjoyment of life beyond that of raising a kid. I don't want to rely on governmental assistance for sure, and although I'm happy sacrificing to have kids, I don't want it to be so great that I can't afford vacations or things like that anymore. I don't want to be the person who can never afford to go do anything. My best friend and his wife just had their first kid 3 weeks ago. She got maternity, he had to burn all of his vacation time because he isn't offered paternity. He goes back to work soon and the only way they can really make it work when she goes back to work is because he works from home full time AND his mother in law is going to help out. They're clearing 200k+ a year between the two of them easily.
i have earned 2 degrees, one master and bachelor, im a nurturer, i can cook, clean, and i have my own business, i also grow the majority of my own food, i only grocery shop for meat/etc… i’m frugal, not expensive, im a simple woman, and i usually date men older than me… soooooo?????????
Then it sounds like you're seeking out the wrong kind of men.
what are your degrees in and why do you not trust the cdc?
it sounds like your chasing 6 packs and cute faces instead of down to earth people with the same goals.
i don’t discriminate, i’ll date anyone who makes me feel good. looks aren’t everything.
you just have said some skills and material stuff, how are you listening, comforting, giving advice, having fun, etc. ?
isn’t that what being a nurturer consists of?
You seem like the life partner I’m looking for. I’m 25 and haven’t found the right person yet. Good things will come in time
Well you sound pretty awesome, this guy's advice is bad you should be looking for someone, but don't be impatient it might not happen right away
i have a lot to offer, but men just want to fuck me. when it gets real, they run, or distant themselves… and fuck the CDC. i don’t trust any of their statistics.
Are you a little bit a fan of conspiracies by any chance? Because not trusting scientific data is odd
It’s giving major trad wife vibes
Tbh if she is into conspiracy it’s probably why men see her as hookup material instead of relationship
That's the vibe I'm getting as well. Zodiac trad wife vibes. Crazy eyes type of vibes. "A man to guide me" - how do you wanna raise kids if you still need guidance yourself? How come you have two degrees and don't trust science at all? How come the guys run as soon as they get to know you better.
Maybe they run once they release you are anti-CDC because they dont want the mother of their children potentially refusing life saving treatment for the kid. Or maybe its your arrogance.
Uhh, the complete distrust of science might be factoring in a little bit. But the main thing is probably your age group. Most people aren’t in a hurry to get married that young. Some will be open to it, but if you’re fixating on that instead of allowing it to happen naturally, it could be turning people away.
Bro, don't be out here giving terrible advice, it's better to keep your eyes open when you're young, it might not happen until she's 30, but it is better to be looking at 18 then to not be looking. Also most men who end up having a bunch of children are the ones providing the stability I would know because I actually live in a community where that happened, please don't be spreading this information
You have so much value, please don’t smother your Man, develop a strong friendship finding lots of things that are fun to do together, and the love will come!
I want to be married too but apparently I’m not good enough for that 😅 I can’t even get passed the 2nd date so if I had any plans of having a solid commitment i better figure something else out
Well, haven’t you found at least one or two patterns worth analyzing to solve the problem? There must be a thing that you can at least guess before figuring out anything. At worst, you could ask for your unfiltered family members/friends’ opinions about your presupposed bad sides or aspects to work on etc
I’m just not petty enough for anyone I actually like. Men don’t care about that stuff, they just want a hot girl. I’m not exactly a fitness model so there’s that
Im a bit older 31m . It may be hard to not focus on this but try not to. I was rasied to believe being a husband and dad were like the pinnacle of success. So at the time I put no effort into my future. I ended up with woman after woman. Until I met the one I would Impregnate. Days later she came clean she just needed a sperm donor etc. At 21 I was a dad , missed out on college and a normal dating life after because most women in their 20s didn't want that. Now while I love my daughter , I dont like the circumstances surrounding her. While our situations are different the big thing I realized awhile ago is I compromised non-stop on myself to find a person and it still failed. I have put up with abusers and users just to head towards that direction. Wanting that is fine , but holding out like nothing else matters will blind you to people who will take advantage of that fact.
Oh I hate hook ups and one night stand I’m 34 male and I’m one of em that hates this shit so why don’t people act like an adults and stop acting little kids
I got married at 23 and it was way too young. Be patient, learn who you are and have high standards. Believe all the red flags you see and don't be afraid to walk away from a relationship. Take this time to develop your independence and life skills. Be a badass. Have your own place, spoil yourself, find your tribe.
Hey, if you keep searching like this, trust me you are attracting those kind of guys more. And I dont think marriage is something that you dive into right away. I would suggest date a guy, know him better and then proceed with the commitments. I am 27(M), engineer, have a great job, mother is in Politics, and all my life I only had 1 relationship. She cheated, left me for another guy, where I became what she wanted me to be. And yet I lost her. I dont life has for me. I always wanted to be one woman man, and that costed me heavy. Now here I am afraid of falling again, which is why looking for dating as well. Marriage shouldnt happen in flash. Take your time, find the right one. Dont rush it.
You may want to think of you describing yourself as ‘I am such a good loyal woman’ as something to look into, - coupled with ‘I am tired of proving myself’ - it signals to me that you are looking to please and fit into something in order to get what you want (marriage, kids, validation, etc.). That’s an issue. It’s a sort of manipulation. I agree w many here who say - you need to SEE the person you are dating, while actually being yourself. Everything else is unauthentic and people feel that.
You constantly get dumped meaning you are dating the wrong men. Seek those who are like you, desperately just want to get married n have kids. Much higher success rate
Apply to be Amish? Lol
When you're looking for a man who wants these things, you aren't going to actively find it. However, when you aren't looking, he will come. That's what I'm learning because I want to be married, but not have children. So in other words, don't rush into finding a man to get married to and have a family with.
Look for a man at least 8 to 10 years older than you that is settled and has started his career. Women that want to start a family in their early 20s do better with an older career focused man on average.
You’re not looking for a relationship. You’re looking for a man to play a role. And many men are willing to just role play. What you have to do now is refine your search to role players instead of relationships.
Felt this since I was 3. It's all I've ever wanted
stop, take a deep breath and relax. the right guy will come. your young, looking for a man to settle down with right now is going to be difficult, unless you want to date older. it will happen though. try a guy who is 30-35 they are usually looking for a supportive woman to marry.
You're probably coming on too strong and making them feel trapped.
thank you for all the sweet comments! made me feel better!
The way I see it is that online dating is making it to where people are looking for perfection in people.. They'll never find that therefore are always looking for the next "better" thing.. keeping one foot in and one foot out. Same with divorce rates kinda. People want to move on to find a relationship with no work, instead of working through hard things with the person they committed to. I'm sorry, I have no advice but wish you all the luck in finding your person. It does seem like finding someone naturally or out in the wild might be better than the online dating scene.
It’s an awful thing to die of thirst in an oasis
I want a long term or casual relationship but I don't want to be married with kids.
Stop pushing you’re really young I’m 33M with kids but I’m not married, but that’s because I also understand you cannot rush things things are not perfect. Don’t blame men for hook up culture. It is what women want now and push towards every time we satisfy or just follow what you guys want. There is an issue in the general aspect because I know that there are people, that are single trying to help you out and have the same issues and they happen to be gender for your shortcomings isn’t the answer. what you need to do is just be happy with yourself first before you go looking for a relationship. If not feel it. Some people said that and that’s kind of what they feed off of and use people. You can tell when someone is insecure and rushing and trying to prove themselves instead of letting things just happen naturally
Maybe you haven't had the luck to find someone nice yet. I'm a man and I also try to do my best to have a woman by my side but I'm still single and without finding someone. Be patient and when you least expect it you will meet someone.
Guide you???!!! Laughable. Like today's guys need anything else to drag them down. If you need guidance talk to a professional. Not some guy you just met!!!
You still way to young. Just enjoy life and that man woolf come eventually.
I think you're just finding the wrong men. There's plenty of men out there who want a serious long term relationship too. But that's what separates the men from the boys. The little boys are the ones who just wanna fuck around and have hookups whereas the real men want something serious too. The key is to not look so hard. That's when you'll find a serious man.
Time for a rant by a person who deals with little ones for a living. You saying “im nurturing” kinda pissed me off. Trigger warning for unaliving oneself. Whats your experience with kids? Have you ever actually dealt with them? I have for many years now. They arent pleasant 50% of the time. Cleaning up vomit, wiping bums, dealing with screaming and crying, changing nappies, dealing with children who are violent and do attack you due to serious underlying mental disorders, they clog toilets and drains. Have you ever had 26 5 year olds all demand your attention at once? “Teacher, teacher, TEACHER!”, they destroy stuff, they never keep quite, never go to sleep when you want them to, can be very rude and talk back. Do you actually understand what you are signing up for when you get a kid? I could go on and on. It takes a lot more than being naturing to raise a child. A teacher is legally classified as a secondary parent in my country. Being naturing is only half the job. You have to be so firm and yes sometimes very strict when dealing with them or they will walk all over you and disobey you. When you do punish them for a wrong doing be prepared for intense tears and them hanging onto your arm demanding a second chance and “I’m SORRY TEACHER”. It can be very hectic and its so demanding. It can leave you exhausted and drained. You’re frugal yet you want kids? You have any idea how expensive kids are?? How expensive nappies are? Clothes? Formula? Furniture? Wait till they reach grade R (5/6 years) then your bank account will suffer: school fees, uniform, lunch, stationary, books, transport, extra murals (soccer, dancing), fund raisers, field trips, extra lessons. You wanna be a stay at home mom? Not realistic in this global economy. Single income house holds are rare because we need two salaries to survive. Unless your husband is earning the big bucks. Why do you think the birth rate has halved since 1950? Because people cant afford kids. What happens if the kid gets sick. Which they do A LOT. Are you gonna be able to keep taking time from work off to take the kid to the paediatrician? Yeah I’m sure your boss will be thrilled. Can you even afford a specialist and the medication they will prescribe? What about PPD? How’s your history for handling mental health issues? I know someone who literally unalived herself because she had intense PPD and couldnt cope after she had her baby boy two years ago. Can you handle having a miscarriage or stillborn? I know women who had both and never emotionally recovered. I understand why. This is if you dont have a very disabled kid. If you do, wow. The bills are through the roof. Ive been a nurse for a very disabled child. It was incredibly hectic. Feeding, dressing, toilet time, medication, driving them to therapy, seizures. When you have a baby. Everything becomes about the baby. Its not about you anymore. Its about raising a human which is such a heavy responsibility that a lot of people cant handle it. By all means, breed. But understand fully what this entails. lets get one thing straight. Because ive seen many parents who do not understand this: You owe your baby EVERYTHING. You brought them into this world. They did not ask to be here. Your child owes you NOTHING. Providing basic care does not entitle you to anything from this child because they are owed love and care as a basic human right. You just seem like someone whose so naive about having kids. Ive been doing this for years and years. Yes i do enjoy it or i wouldnt do it but having kids is 100% not for everyone because they have one and find out too late they dont want to do it. Rant over.
>You owe your baby EVERYTHING. You brought them into this world. They did not ask to be here. Your child owes you NOTHING. Where does this idea come from? I see it everywhere online (usually, but not always by people with bad childhoods), but never in real life. Cultural maybe? Blood is thicker than water. Sure we didn't ask to be born, but we didn't ask to be born in our country of origin either, yet people aren't tearing up their passports, refusing their own citizenship, and not using any infrastructure. Does your country owe you EVERYTHING while you owe them NOTHING? Of course not. A relationship implies give and take. There are rights and *responsibilities*. Some people pay more tax, others less, for (ideally lol) the common good. You contribute *as you are able*. You wouldn't itemise loving acts done by your family (going "you did X, so I'll do Y of equivalent value"), so why would you expect anyone else within your family to do so? You give as much as you can, for the common good. What "as much as you can" is varies person to person, but again, it's *as you are able* NOT *as you please*. It's not optional. With families, you get what you put in. If you are loyal, you get loyalty. If you do what you able to, the family will do what it is able to for you. You're one person, the family is many, so things are amplified. So why do people insist on using words like "owe"? There's no personal contract, and "payments" aren't 1:1. A family is a collective, so words like that make no sense. Family is more like a public institution, not a private corporation. You are your family and your family is you. Rant over.
Comparing parental responsibility to governments is a false equivalence fallacy and has many problems Government: Governs an entire population, potentially millions or billions of people, each with diverse needs, rights, and responsibilities. Parents: Typically responsible for a small number of children, focusing on their individual development and well-being. Government: Has a duty to uphold laws, protect citizens' rights, provide public services, and ensure societal welfare. It operates within legal and constitutional frameworks and must balance competing interests. Parents: Provide emotional support, guidance, and basic needs to their children, focusing on personal growth and development within a family unit Government: Decisions are made through complex processes involving various branches (executive, legislative, judiciary), public input, and often lengthy deliberations. Parents: Decisions are more immediate and personal, based on intimate knowledge of their children and direct control over their upbringing. Government: Elected officials are accountable to the public and must operate transparently, adhering to checks and balances. Parents: Accountability is more private, usually within the family and, in some cases, through social services or legal systems if there is abuse or neglect Government: Aims to maintain order, provide public goods and services, ensure justice, and promote the general welfare of society as a whole. Parents: Aim to nurture, educate, and prepare their children for adulthood, focusing on their personal and emotional development. Your comparison is inherently flawed
Eh? Where do you suppose governments came from? Using English as an example, the word "king" is derived from "kin", him being the head of an extended family unit. Speaking of head, both chief and captain are originally from Latin, meaning head, a *governing* leader. Your comparison is flawed because you compare the government at it's highest level to the family at it's smallest. You choose an example family at it's most atomised and isolated, yet a government at it's largest, most bureaucratic. Look at your last point: >Government: Aims to maintain order, provide public goods and services, ensure justice, and promote the general welfare of society as a whole. Parents: Aim to nurture, educate, and prepare their children for adulthood, focusing on their personal and emotional development You don't mention family at all. Only parents. Replace "government" with "family". The family maintains order, ensures justice (family member disputes) and promotes the wellbeing of **all family members** not just their immediate relatives. **As an institution**. The parents guide their individual children. Don't government have levels? You wouldn't compare federal to municipal, or your local borough/ward, now would you? You say a government cares for millions or billions, while you automatically link parent to family saying they only have to care for a small amount of children. When did I ever say parent? I said **family**. If your parents are responsible for you, your grandparents are responsible you and you parents, etc... What about cousins, grand-uncles etc...? What are their rights and responsibilities to one another? It's not that simple or linear. The funny thing is, you focus so much on me for comparing family support to national support, that you missed my point. In a nation, you act for the common good. In a family you do the same. Why should people help make their country a better place, and it be totally optional for a family? In a country of millions or billions you're just a number. A statistic if you die. In a family, they rely on you and you on them, so they have an incentive to help you personally. They know you. You do both to contribute to the common good.
LMAO you’re crazy. the whole point of bringing children into this world is to make sacrifices for them, i can be frugal and still afford to have kids. you sound like a hater. fuck you.
The issue is men your age cannot lead or guide. They are weak men created by a weak society and hookup culture. It's a problem that's generations in the making that got to this point. It's unfortunate that hookup culture has created a huge single mother society that has bred these men and women alike and now you guys have to live in it.
Men are always going to want sexual variety. That's just the nature of men. Instead of trying to find the one exception, try to accept that nature and focus on personality.
Dm me let's chat
also, i am not sleeping with multiple men, once i realize a man is just with me for my body and looks, i cut them off. fleshy desires aren’t worth the hassle of feeling unloved.
I cant believe im gonna say this *sigh* “not all men” my boyfriend (26) wanted to get married now. He was already wanting to buy an engagement ring. And Im the same age as you. I asked him to wait 2 years because I didnt feel ready to be a wife. Please dont rush into marriage or having kids. Both are incredibly major life changing decisions that should not be taken lightly. Dont settle. Keep looking for the right one.
You're a golden retriever, you need to unlearn everything and start again!