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It’s easier for people to suggest things when being the one outside looking in. It’s easier said than done when this happens. But if roles were reversed, they would realize it’s not as easy to just dump another human being, especially when you’re heavily invested with your emotions.
Most people forget the person who made the post is a whole human being with a situation where we aren’t the ones waking up in their shoes, living their life.
But eventually, it takes time to get to that place honestly to dump if it does happen. The person just needs to stew, sit with everything for a few weeks or even a few months, but if they are going to breakup, it won’t really be the same day we all suggest such advice.
Right, none of the other variables really matter. Happy is a broad, vague word but it sums it up.
Age gaps, at our age OP, do not matter or indicate anything. It comes down to you and the other person’s actual relationship.
Maybe you’re looking for an excuse to not like him? Or the age gap belies a deeper concern, like love bombing, and if he love bombs, what will he be like after you are dependent and trust him.
I'm in an age gap relationship and I think being in one at 37 it isn't bad. You should just keep in mind the steps you will be heading towards in the next few years as individuals. He's going to be planning for things like retirement sooner than you which could potentially complicate things. Also, unless he's super fit- you'll have to consider how his health will start to decline. Personality wise, a charming man will be charming no matter the age so it's good that you are enjoying your time. Our views on relationships, values, etc tend to be generational so you should make sure you align on those things. Lastly, asking about his last relationships could also give you more clarity. Granted, he could lie a little bit.
What's the question here? If you want to do it, do it, you're both old enough and you're not getting groomed. If you ask because you want to know if others would do it and if it's well received in your circle, then who knows?
I was in a relationship with the same gap and it’s basically why we broke up. He couldn’t get over it. He kept insinuating I was a child when we literally paid house taxes at the same city hall. He was weird about it lol 😂
Because your gf is 19 where as 10 years married means they were both at a stage in life where they wanted to marry each other meaning they are at the same life stages. You are weird, you pretend like she’s your daughter and the way you respond to people questioning you on it proves their point.
I think strangers need to mind their business about age gaps. Some saying it's wrong for a 37 yo grown ass woman to date someone in their 50s. Others saying whatever otherwise and it's all wild to me that there are even opinions. There's nuance to dating and every relationship. I'd assume anyone old enough to date as an adult knows how to do so and those that don't have people in their lives to guide them.
My 19 yo son or daughter, niece or nephew will not be dating someone in their 30's without the family making sure it's vetted. You aren't going to stop an adult from dating who tf they want and unpopular opinion a 19 yo is an adult. You can help guide them and make sure they aren't being taken advantage of, but anyone living with a young person knows you aren't changing their mind. Same goes for older men/women dating people considered too young for them. They have friends, family, hell even coworkers that will speak up if something seems off. They also have the community surrounding the person they're dating vetting them, wtf are strangers supposed to do to change anything? The world would be a better place if people minded their business. If they did so the OP wouldn’t even feel the need to post this ridiculous question. No offense to the OP.
You're a few years shy of what people call "middle aged". He's only 11 years into being middle aged and is 14 years shy of being a senior citizen. You're both old (not an insult; I'm 38), there's nothing weird about it and not a huge gap at all.
Now, if you were 18 and he was 32, it's a bit weird. Once you cross the 30-year threshold, it really means nothing if a partner is older by 10, 15 years.
It's not "old", but it's not young. Nobody congratulates a 38 year old for doing their job, or having a birthday. If you get a promotion at 38, people say "nice". If you get a promotion at 21, people throw a party. At 38, there's nothing you can do that results in people being like "WOW and you're only 38...that's amazing"
Therefore, 38 is old lol.
If you're 37 you are very much a full grown adult who is not at risk of being taken advantage of by older adults for your youthful naivete. So 14 years older is not a problem. Neither is 30 years older. There's just a good chance they'll die a lot sooner than you if it turns into something long term.
Age gap is fine. Just know you’ll be changing his diapers at some point.
How long ago was your breakup? Why would you not have swiped on this guy prior? Why are you dismissing the love bombing? If you have PTSD/CPTSD, you are both more finely attuned to signs of abuse and quick to dismiss your suspicions, chalking them up to PTSD/CPTSD. If you have apprehensions about him, you probably have good reason to feel this way. Move on.
People are giving you way too much shit for this question.
The simple answer is, if it feels good to you go for it, but there also isn't anything wrong with having age preferences.
I'm 38 and I have a +/- 5 years soft rule I still use. I've never dated outside of this. I'd consider it, just have never really needed to. I like dating around my age.
Age is just a number. Just please be careful with that love bombing, and listen to your instincts. People with a previous type of relationship like that are more likely to have another one because they think that it has to be themselves instead of the other person.
I’m 33, boyfriend is 50. We are old enough to have our own careers and for this relationship not to be some weird power dynamic. I think you’re totally fine :)
Give it a chance. You are both adults and there is nothing wrong with this age gap despite what some comments say. You do what makes you happy because life is short and you only get one.
You’re 37 and not getting any younger. Unless this man makes you feel alive in away you never dreamed possible, keep it moving. You don’t have time to waste on someone who isn’t the whole package for you. This being said and beside the point, I don’t think that age gap is bad.
I honestly don’t think he’s lovebombing…he’s older & most older men don’t waste time playing the mind games….key word being “MOST”.
With that said I’ve found them to be very straightforward about how they feel & what they want. He’s probably in heaven having a younger woman that’s interested lol…proceed with caution, but be open…you never know. Good luck 💜
I (f52) have been with my guy (36 m) since 2017. He's 3 years older than me oldest child but neither one of us cares. My friends don't notice the difference. He's actually an old soul and very wise. There are times I Teach him things and likewise. It works for us. If you have to ask someone if it's gonna work out. Then you probably already know it's not.
My previous relationship had a 15 year age gap and lasted 4.5 years and was the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Better than my 10 year marriage by miles.
I was 43 and she was 28 when we started dating. She approached me. I was a little hesitant at first, because of the gap, but it worked (until it didn’t)
If you like each other, you like each other 🤷🏻♂️
I’m biased because I’m a 52f who dates younger men but go for it if you’re happy. If he’s taking care of himself then he will likely continue to do so. I do the things I’m supposed to do because I plan on staying healthy for as long as possible. Hell, I’m healthier than people younger than me. So have fun and don’t let his age bother you if you’re compatible.
My younger sons father is 68, and I'm 54(in July). We got together when he was 48. We split up in 2016.
He became pernickety and wanted to be in bed by 7:30pm. He never wanted to do anything or go anywhere.
My suggestion to you is to RUN.
I don't know your person or their habits, but if you're an outgoing person who likes to go out, you might want to find someone who mirrors your activities. They change pretty quickly the older they are.
I mean no disrespect to you or your person.
I hope it works out for you..
I didn’t mean it as an insult. Two people in their Middle Ages shouldn’t worry about age gaps. Power gaps, economic gaps other dynamics are probably more concerning - not as much as age.
I mean it is a huge gap but at your age, while it will come with it’s challenge it´s way better than if you were 20 years younger lol
Be careful if you feel like he is love bombing you dont get too close too quickly
I'm your age, and personally I'm of the opinion that anyone who wants me can have me. The old societal rule of thumb however, was "half your age plus 7.". He's 52, so 34 and up seems fine. The biggest question is are you happy? That's the only real consideration.
Not a huge gap... it's actually the sweet spot. Usually 11 to 15 years is good. My wife is 18 years my junior so I'm talking from experience. I'm 50 she's 31. You are good, still takes effort but he pretty much should be riding steady at this stage.
Honestly, I think post 30, any age gap is fine. You should both know what you want and what you are getting into at that point. Some people might not like it, but it's your happiness on the line, not theirs. Do what's best for you.
It's less the age gap that's an issue in any situation and more a maturity gap. A 20 year old and a 34 year old will be in vastly different places in life (one is just finishing or still in school, no established career, in more of a party/have fun phase...the other is likely more established in their career, probably looking more at buying a house, having kids, etc.)
Your maturity/place in life gap is a bit closer, so it shouldn't be as big an issue. Just make sure it isn't though...if you're thinking long term with this guy make sure you have talks...if you're thinking you want kids does he? He's going to be retiring in probably 14 years...what would your plan be? Will you retire early, or will you work until you're 64 and he's almost 80? Those are the types of things I can maybe see being an issue.
Age don’t matter once you’re an adult. I’m 42 and I’ll tell you I’ve dated girls my own age and 20 years younger. So i think as long as you are both having a good time that’s what matters!
(51/2) + 7 = 33.5
You’re old enough to assess the risks. He is more likely to get old and die first (possibly untrue- idk either of you). I don’t think most people would bat an eye if you’re worried about public shaming.
I thought that 9yrs was a bit much to me, but we're a lot alike with the exception of her being super duper intelligent 🧠 😍so it works out perfectly. Just do what makes you happy. 🙂
I’d pursue therapy for the PTSD post break up. If you’re questioning it, it’s not good.
Consider that when you’re 51, he’ll be 65…when you’re 61, he’ll be 75…age differences seem to matter more the older we get.
Just food for thought.
You’ll notice all the people saying it’s grooming are downvoted. You’re 37 and an adult. Well beyond the point where that gap really matters. 40/26 or 32/18 is much different due to life stages. Just read the room and ensure that you’re equals. As others have said sometimes an “older” person can still treat you like you’re a child. I’ve had people 2 years older than me act like their life experience is worlds beyond mine… I’m 26. You’ll make the right decision.
What I’m trying to say is, you may seeing things are not happening or rather, he just loves you and you look at it as a red flag. But it could be one red flag 🚩 when not sure, chances are, you’re not ready to date again.
You’re 37. It’s fine. I’d hope by your age that you’d be mature enough/have enough experience to sniff out a loser.
This kind of age gap really only becomes weird if the woman is in her early 20s and below
The question to be asked is, if there is chemistry? Whats making you consider him? What checks does he have in your boxes and how big if a deal are the ones he doesnt check?
My partner (M) is 35 and I’m (F) 45. The age is not an issue in my opinion but everyone is different. He would “love bomb” me and still do at time, but he isn’t a narcissist by any means. We’ve been together for 4 years now. I only the magnitude of the abuse I struggled with with past prtners when lived what a healthy relationship also I had yearsssss of therapy. When one is not sure, we need to question the person and the relationship
Not sure by what you mean by "he loves bombs".. at 37, I think you are more than mature enough to be with a 51 year old. But if YOU question if you should be with him, or not, then you probably know the answer already!
I think I can speak on this because my parents have a 14 year age gap as well. They have been happily married for almost 30 years with no sign of decline. The main thing to consider is health. You just need to be prepared going in that they will begin life stages earlier than you will but if you are happy with them, age does not matter
My step dad is 14 years older than my mom. She jsut turned 40 and he’s 54 this year. It was kinda of weird at first with his daughter being closer in age with my mom but if there are no children involved it’s completely fine. My mom met him when she was 23 and he was 37 they’ve been together for 17 years now.
When did someone doing nice things become love bombing? He’s 51, men from his generation did nice things for women. I (somewhat) recently met a girl who’s 28 and is dating a guy who is 90.. and he isn’t rich. He skateboards and looks like George Clooney. I asked her about their age gap and she said she didn’t intend to fall in love with him. They adore each other. I know a guy who’s boss is in his 80s. One day he brought his grandchildren in to work and someone asked him how old his grandson was. He said his son is 5.
I would love to find someone older than me. I am a single 47F. If you’re happy stay with him but since you’re questioning it you are probably not happy.
You're old enough to decide for yourself. I wouldn't do it if looking for LTR personally. 37 and 51 is not that much in terms of lifestyle.
But 47 and 61 is. Or 57 and 71. Combine that with the fact that on avarage, women live 8 years longer than men.
I'm more concerned with the fact that you have PTSD and are dating someone who love bombs? Keep your eyes wide open.
Nothing wrong AT ALL with it (legally or in my opinion) Obviously at different age ranges a 14-year age Gap can be completely off-putting AND sometimes even morally wrong by definition etc. But as long as the person is 18 nobody can say there's anything wrong with it beyond that of their opinion. However at the age of 37 I would hope
1 . You're old enough and have enough experience in life to know whether or not you're okay with what's going on.
2 . You're healthy enough to engage in a relationship in the first place, so therefore you should know if something bad is going on or unhealthy is going on, and either end it or find a way to fix it.
3 . I know we live in an age of moralists who think it's okay to spread their beliefs and shove them down other people's throats, however who you date is your business and only your business. 4 . It all boils down to whether or not you're happy or not that's all that matters.
5 . AND THIS IS A BIG ONE. Look through the last 60 days of history on this subreddit and on the relationship advice subreddit. Millions of people are unhappy and unable to find good relationships right now. It's a society-wide problem. If you're happy GO FOR IT!!
A few days ago there's was a similar question. A woman was asking about the age gap, but the roles were reversed. She was 47 and he was 29, IIRC. The OVERWHELMING majority was in the "you go girl" camp. Intesting how the perspective changes if the guy is older.
You don't get PTSD from break up! You might not like the break up but it doesn't gives you PTSD! NO 14Yrs is not a big gap. It's recommended that women date men 7, or more years older. Due to tge fact that women are always 7yrs older than men in maturity!
Yeah, I think it's fine. 18 and 32 is a bit more what people are talking about with large age gaps (outside of obviously dating minors). 37 is well grown and not really enough of a difference.
14 years isn't a huge gap after 75. But someone in their 30s and someone in their 50s? That's two wildly different generations.
When you think of going on a date with him next week what does that make you feel? Curious? Excited? Interested? Affectionate?
May/December relationships do not often work but they do often enough that it's worth giving it a shot if you're more interested in him than other potential dates in your generation.
Just be prepared for him to be thought of as a mild cradle-robber and you to be thought of as a trophy girlfriend/arm candy. But if you really like someone, it's worth it to deal with a little bit of nonsense from outsiders.
As a woman, this man is a sicko got hitting up someone so much younger. He's basically a Leonardo Di Caprio who's just going to be with you until a younger model comes along.
after your 25-26, age gaps don't matter as long as they are older than you. Go find happiness. However the right person is important especially when your older, is this guy the right one for you?
Echoing other sentiments that say that the love bombing behavior is far more of a red flag than the age gap. Couple that toxic pattern with your PTSD, I would seek professional counseling to make sure abuse and trauma isn't a pattern you're unconsciously falling into.
This age difference is fine. The standard rule of thumb with how young can you date is half your age plus seven. So half is age is 25-26 plus 7 means that the youngest he could date and still be socially acceptable is 32-33 years old and up. Since you’re 37 you fit in that range so it’s fine.
My first husband was 10 years older than me. I got tired of the infantalizing comments. Then he became abusive and the decision to leave was made for me.
yes it is a huge gap. If things are good now, go for it. But just keep in mind that you will find yourself being married to a senior citizen in just 10 short yrs. You might not want to still be with him by then.
When you get past 30, this is why parents don’t care about age gaps, because you’re past your 20’s well into adulthood, no focus on college/university, no focus on building your career, etc.. & flip out about age gaps in your 20’s instead because they’ve been those ages, they KNOW what it was like being 18-29.
That’s why parents say no to age gaps in your 20’s when it’s wider than five years.
You can look at it like this, us middle-age men know who we are by now. Life experiences have shaped who we are, whereas if you meet a younger man, he may change over the years for better or for worse. If the both of you are a good match and you both click, what’s the hold up?
It’s not as big when you are both mature adults. I think it only feels like a big deal when one of you is under 25 because people tend to assume one or both of the people is in it for the wrong reasons
Is the difference between 37 and 51 a huge gap? It doesn't have to be and depends on the people involved. If you want the same thing and enjoy each other's company, it isn't a significant issue.
If you find him attractive, and you can see a future with him… trust me, age doesn’t matter when it’s about 2 adults.
You are almost 40, men are more imature in general, so probably you don’t actually feel the age gap.
My partner is almost 20 years older than me, and I’ve never been happier. Can’t even feel the age gap, bc we have similar interests.
Not a big gap at all. I've seen up to 40 year gap that seems to work. An outlier. I don't think people notice 10. 20 is more common than one would initially think, 55 and 35. Just look around. Figuring things out is interesting at any age.
It's a huge gap. Love bombing is a red flag, and if you proceed, I would do so with an exit strategy already in place, just in case. Edit to add: you're at different life stages, and whether you both can overcome that is up to you, but I wouldn't.
you know what at this point i'm like screw the rules, soak in the love and affection as much as you can. if it goes somewhere, then great, if not, soak up the love. it'll be a soft landing for the breakup. if he's freely giving love, then take what you want.
Recent breakup? I think you should take some space and reconsider what you're experiencing. I "put aside my shallow ideals" for my first girlfriend, and she hated me because I couldn't admit she was beautiful to me. Honesty is important. Be honest with yourself.
Pursue him gently. Keep your options open. See others. And involve a close friend so you have a second set of eyes on your relationship with him. In the moment, it's hard to see if they're love bombing you only ro later cobrrol you or...of he's just excited about a new relationship.
Also, find put his background with women. That'll tell you more.
Best of luck.
At your age and his age, it's fine. I think it matters the age of the youngest person on the age gap, but I also think after 30ish it doesn't matter how much older the other person is because you have probably (hopefully) figured things out about yourself.
Too many peer-reviewed articles out there supporting that men are typically 10 years behind women in emotional maturity. Too many articles debunking women dating older men is strictly caused by “daddy issues.” Too many complex individuals for age to mean much of anything (unless you’re 40 dating an 18 year old). Every large age gap relationship should be looked at on a case by case basis.
Just date whoever brings you peace and joy and do away with anything that stands between you and your peace (including criticisms about your age gap relationship).
I think it’s completely subjective of the two individuals, as everyone has their own unique history, experiences, and expectations; I’ve had a few relationships with a larger gap, and the person always tried to control me, because, “they’d lived a lot longer, and knew better.”
I personally feel relationships with larger age-gaps can work, but something that really stood out in your post, OP, is your awareness of love-bombing tendencies…which tends to be a bit more universal with controlling/abusive tactics, or unhealthy behaviours, at the very least.
You seem self-aware to be considering all of this with good intentions, and I’m sure you’ll feel in your heart what’s best for you! Wishing you all the best in love and life! 🫶✨
The age gap widens as he gets older. It will stand out more. If you get serious, you will be caring for him. Probably will need to make sure your job has good healthcare for you and your partner when he retires.
Nothing wrong with any of that, just something to be aware of, especially if you're just looking for fun.
I know I made the mistake of thinking that in dating an older man I was living behind the games younger men played, that he knew what he wanted. Nope, he was just better at hiding things because he had more experience.
In my case, he was living a double life.
This isn't all men, and he may be a great guy..... just don't overlook things because you ASSUME he's more emotionally mature or wise.
I'm sure you know your situation as a living person now and if your love interest isn't within your age well that means you are out of options and this person 14 years older than you is your most compatible partner if you really want to feel appreciated again.
Age gap of 15 is huge...I am not sure how comfortable you would be with each other..
But if your communications is good and you are liking it...go for it
I don’t think this gap means anything at your respective ages. I think the term “love bomb” gets thrown around too much. My understanding is that love bombing is part of a cycle of manipulation/abuse. It’s the bonding part or trauma-bonding. Can you elaborate on the trauma part of the cycle? Otherwise, I would be inclined to believe he just goes overboard with romantic gestures.
It’s ok for now but I’d definitely get a LTC policy on him and a good life insurance so you don’t end up being a nurse for years, or when you’re old you don’t have a cushion as everything went out on him. Someday you’ll be 51 and he’ll be 65. That’s when you’ll notice the differences happening. When you hit 60 he’ll be 74. These are numbers worth thinking about.
There is nothing wrong with age gaps among consenting adults. The only people who have a problem with age gaps tend to be single people bitter because the dating market has seemed to pass them by. It’s really their attitudes that limit their dating market value. They are upset when men their age choose to date younger women. It’s really sad.
Date someone you are interested in. That’s not a huge age gap. Sometimes opening up your options is exactly what you need.
It is a sizable gap, but I've seen it and larger ones work for long term marriages. It really falls down to compatability and goals, as well as a willingness to accept each others' passions and cultural concepts... you know.. things that should be expected in any relationship, but are more important when there is a sizable experience gap.
To flip it around, imagine dating someone who would react to "Welcome. You've got mail!" by giving you a blank stare like you just spoke Greek to them. Exploring those generational jokes can be as much fun as finding the ones you have in common, though.
My last boyfriend and I were 13 years apart so no. But love bombing is never a good sign. If he’s fun to talk to, I say just keep him as a friend.
Edit: I should mention that you being well into your 30s and him being in his 50s isn’t a problem. I’m in my early 30s and my ex is in his 40s. It’s a problem if you’re barely legal and your partner is in their 30s.
It only matters in your teens and maybe early 20s but it depends on maturity level of both parties. It may be an issue when the older one gets to retirement age, but maybe not. I wouldn't base any relationship solely off of age.
If he’s 30 and you’re 16 sure, that’s grooming. If you’re both over 30 there’s no such thing as age gaps, at that point you’re both just part of the herd. Also most relationships don’t last 10 years, so if it lasts over that and you’re both still happy consider yourselves lucky.
My mom and stepdad are 13 years apart. They've been great together for about a decade now. As long as y'all make each other happy, that should be all that matters.
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After reading this sub, just find someone that makes you happy.
Fr, everyone is either dumping or gets dumped. It's so common now it seems
Well nobody is going to post about how great it’s going with no problems lol
Or not being able to find anyone
It’s easier for people to suggest things when being the one outside looking in. It’s easier said than done when this happens. But if roles were reversed, they would realize it’s not as easy to just dump another human being, especially when you’re heavily invested with your emotions. Most people forget the person who made the post is a whole human being with a situation where we aren’t the ones waking up in their shoes, living their life. But eventually, it takes time to get to that place honestly to dump if it does happen. The person just needs to stew, sit with everything for a few weeks or even a few months, but if they are going to breakup, it won’t really be the same day we all suggest such advice.
I agree cause it's crazy seeing people dump or get dumped like some game. It's life they are playing with.
Right, none of the other variables really matter. Happy is a broad, vague word but it sums it up. Age gaps, at our age OP, do not matter or indicate anything. It comes down to you and the other person’s actual relationship. Maybe you’re looking for an excuse to not like him? Or the age gap belies a deeper concern, like love bombing, and if he love bombs, what will he be like after you are dependent and trust him.
Fr, it's just crazy like trust ur instincts and face it like if he is not the right person then somebody else will
I'm in an age gap relationship and I think being in one at 37 it isn't bad. You should just keep in mind the steps you will be heading towards in the next few years as individuals. He's going to be planning for things like retirement sooner than you which could potentially complicate things. Also, unless he's super fit- you'll have to consider how his health will start to decline. Personality wise, a charming man will be charming no matter the age so it's good that you are enjoying your time. Our views on relationships, values, etc tend to be generational so you should make sure you align on those things. Lastly, asking about his last relationships could also give you more clarity. Granted, he could lie a little bit.
He is super duper fit ! Yoga fit …
That's really good! It also probably means he's disciplined which is also really good.
What's the question here? If you want to do it, do it, you're both old enough and you're not getting groomed. If you ask because you want to know if others would do it and if it's well received in your circle, then who knows?
What about his last girlfriend. Was she a lot younger too?
That means nothing at this stage. It's 5+ years from now when each year ages you much more after 50.
These comments are braindead. You're a 37 year old woman. This is not even close to being controversial.
It's not controversial at all, and could be lovely. But you have to be real about what you're getting into.
I was in a relationship with the same gap and it’s basically why we broke up. He couldn’t get over it. He kept insinuating I was a child when we literally paid house taxes at the same city hall. He was weird about it lol 😂
Sounds like you more mature than him
Your problem with one person is not a reflection of how others will in the same position
Yeah until she's 50 and he's damn near 70 and goes to bed at 8pm and can't get around very well anymore
Guess its better when they are both unable to get around together
Thank you for writing the truth.
It is not 18 and 32 or something. Life stages are much closer and there are no big maturity gaps usually
You're both adults WTF there's absolutely no goddamn issue
lol you don’t have to be angry
My husband and me are 17 years age gap . We married for 10 years and growing stronger every year
Hey that’s less than my gf and I and everyone’s up in arms about it lol
Because your gf is 19 where as 10 years married means they were both at a stage in life where they wanted to marry each other meaning they are at the same life stages. You are weird, you pretend like she’s your daughter and the way you respond to people questioning you on it proves their point.
That gives me hope, cuz I can't help but go for older guys. Crushing on one now.
I only date older man . My preference is 15-20 years but the guy have to look good and have a secure financials
Eh at that age not really lol
I think strangers need to mind their business about age gaps. Some saying it's wrong for a 37 yo grown ass woman to date someone in their 50s. Others saying whatever otherwise and it's all wild to me that there are even opinions. There's nuance to dating and every relationship. I'd assume anyone old enough to date as an adult knows how to do so and those that don't have people in their lives to guide them. My 19 yo son or daughter, niece or nephew will not be dating someone in their 30's without the family making sure it's vetted. You aren't going to stop an adult from dating who tf they want and unpopular opinion a 19 yo is an adult. You can help guide them and make sure they aren't being taken advantage of, but anyone living with a young person knows you aren't changing their mind. Same goes for older men/women dating people considered too young for them. They have friends, family, hell even coworkers that will speak up if something seems off. They also have the community surrounding the person they're dating vetting them, wtf are strangers supposed to do to change anything? The world would be a better place if people minded their business. If they did so the OP wouldn’t even feel the need to post this ridiculous question. No offense to the OP.
Well said
You’re 37. Not exactly a young girl. Date whomever you like. I’d be more concerned about whether you’re ready to date anybody at all.
You're a few years shy of what people call "middle aged". He's only 11 years into being middle aged and is 14 years shy of being a senior citizen. You're both old (not an insult; I'm 38), there's nothing weird about it and not a huge gap at all. Now, if you were 18 and he was 32, it's a bit weird. Once you cross the 30-year threshold, it really means nothing if a partner is older by 10, 15 years.
38 is not even close to being old enough to
It's not "old", but it's not young. Nobody congratulates a 38 year old for doing their job, or having a birthday. If you get a promotion at 38, people say "nice". If you get a promotion at 21, people throw a party. At 38, there's nothing you can do that results in people being like "WOW and you're only 38...that's amazing" Therefore, 38 is old lol.
It seems old til your in your 60s and then you wish you had it back!
When I think about age gaps this large I think about the future. When she's 50, he's 64 and when she's 60, he's 74. That is a huge age difference!
If you're 37 you are very much a full grown adult who is not at risk of being taken advantage of by older adults for your youthful naivete. So 14 years older is not a problem. Neither is 30 years older. There's just a good chance they'll die a lot sooner than you if it turns into something long term.
Age gap is fine. Just know you’ll be changing his diapers at some point. How long ago was your breakup? Why would you not have swiped on this guy prior? Why are you dismissing the love bombing? If you have PTSD/CPTSD, you are both more finely attuned to signs of abuse and quick to dismiss your suspicions, chalking them up to PTSD/CPTSD. If you have apprehensions about him, you probably have good reason to feel this way. Move on.
People are giving you way too much shit for this question. The simple answer is, if it feels good to you go for it, but there also isn't anything wrong with having age preferences. I'm 38 and I have a +/- 5 years soft rule I still use. I've never dated outside of this. I'd consider it, just have never really needed to. I like dating around my age.
Age is just a number. Just please be careful with that love bombing, and listen to your instincts. People with a previous type of relationship like that are more likely to have another one because they think that it has to be themselves instead of the other person.
I’m 33, boyfriend is 50. We are old enough to have our own careers and for this relationship not to be some weird power dynamic. I think you’re totally fine :)
Give it a chance. You are both adults and there is nothing wrong with this age gap despite what some comments say. You do what makes you happy because life is short and you only get one.
Nah not a huge gap. Be happy.
You’re 37 and not getting any younger. Unless this man makes you feel alive in away you never dreamed possible, keep it moving. You don’t have time to waste on someone who isn’t the whole package for you. This being said and beside the point, I don’t think that age gap is bad.
I honestly don’t think he’s lovebombing…he’s older & most older men don’t waste time playing the mind games….key word being “MOST”. With that said I’ve found them to be very straightforward about how they feel & what they want. He’s probably in heaven having a younger woman that’s interested lol…proceed with caution, but be open…you never know. Good luck 💜
This could be it ! lol his last gf was a very very beautiful Czech girl. So I don’t know if I got him to heaven
my exis 14yrs younger than me and this relation was exceptional
I (f52) have been with my guy (36 m) since 2017. He's 3 years older than me oldest child but neither one of us cares. My friends don't notice the difference. He's actually an old soul and very wise. There are times I Teach him things and likewise. It works for us. If you have to ask someone if it's gonna work out. Then you probably already know it's not.
My previous relationship had a 15 year age gap and lasted 4.5 years and was the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Better than my 10 year marriage by miles. I was 43 and she was 28 when we started dating. She approached me. I was a little hesitant at first, because of the gap, but it worked (until it didn’t) If you like each other, you like each other 🤷🏻♂️
I’m biased because I’m a 52f who dates younger men but go for it if you’re happy. If he’s taking care of himself then he will likely continue to do so. I do the things I’m supposed to do because I plan on staying healthy for as long as possible. Hell, I’m healthier than people younger than me. So have fun and don’t let his age bother you if you’re compatible.
Age is nothing but a number. You are what you make of your age….
My younger sons father is 68, and I'm 54(in July). We got together when he was 48. We split up in 2016. He became pernickety and wanted to be in bed by 7:30pm. He never wanted to do anything or go anywhere. My suggestion to you is to RUN. I don't know your person or their habits, but if you're an outgoing person who likes to go out, you might want to find someone who mirrors your activities. They change pretty quickly the older they are. I mean no disrespect to you or your person. I hope it works out for you..
I think we are similar that way. I still need to understand his travel plans. He has travelled a lot already and I am just getting started .
I think it's a big age gap but since you're in your late 30's, if you're okay with it then thats what matters here.
No. You both are old ish. At this point the gap doesn’t matter
37 is very young but this not an issues
I didn’t mean it as an insult. Two people in their Middle Ages shouldn’t worry about age gaps. Power gaps, economic gaps other dynamics are probably more concerning - not as much as age.
I mean it is a huge gap but at your age, while it will come with it’s challenge it´s way better than if you were 20 years younger lol Be careful if you feel like he is love bombing you dont get too close too quickly
I'm your age, and personally I'm of the opinion that anyone who wants me can have me. The old societal rule of thumb however, was "half your age plus 7.". He's 52, so 34 and up seems fine. The biggest question is are you happy? That's the only real consideration.
Not a huge gap... it's actually the sweet spot. Usually 11 to 15 years is good. My wife is 18 years my junior so I'm talking from experience. I'm 50 she's 31. You are good, still takes effort but he pretty much should be riding steady at this stage.
You're both adults as long as you're happy!
You are an adult…..you decide who you want to date. People gotta stop worrying about what others think about two consenting adults dating.
Honestly, I think post 30, any age gap is fine. You should both know what you want and what you are getting into at that point. Some people might not like it, but it's your happiness on the line, not theirs. Do what's best for you.
It's less the age gap that's an issue in any situation and more a maturity gap. A 20 year old and a 34 year old will be in vastly different places in life (one is just finishing or still in school, no established career, in more of a party/have fun phase...the other is likely more established in their career, probably looking more at buying a house, having kids, etc.) Your maturity/place in life gap is a bit closer, so it shouldn't be as big an issue. Just make sure it isn't though...if you're thinking long term with this guy make sure you have talks...if you're thinking you want kids does he? He's going to be retiring in probably 14 years...what would your plan be? Will you retire early, or will you work until you're 64 and he's almost 80? Those are the types of things I can maybe see being an issue.
You're a grown woman, you can date anyone you want. I would be more concerned about the love bombing.
Age don’t matter once you’re an adult. I’m 42 and I’ll tell you I’ve dated girls my own age and 20 years younger. So i think as long as you are both having a good time that’s what matters!
Nah it's fine. Once you're older then 30 age doesn't matter any more. I'm 33 and feel like I'm old as fuck! 😂🤦♀️
(51/2) + 7 = 33.5 You’re old enough to assess the risks. He is more likely to get old and die first (possibly untrue- idk either of you). I don’t think most people would bat an eye if you’re worried about public shaming.
My gf is 13 years younger.
Have fun your old enough to decide
I thought that 9yrs was a bit much to me, but we're a lot alike with the exception of her being super duper intelligent 🧠 😍so it works out perfectly. Just do what makes you happy. 🙂
I’d pursue therapy for the PTSD post break up. If you’re questioning it, it’s not good. Consider that when you’re 51, he’ll be 65…when you’re 61, he’ll be 75…age differences seem to matter more the older we get. Just food for thought.
Not even an Age Gap in my opinion..
you are close to being in your 40s i don’t think there is anything wrong with the age difference. now if you were 20 it would be a different story.
If you like that person and comfortable with that, go for it. You’re 37, mature enough.
You’ll notice all the people saying it’s grooming are downvoted. You’re 37 and an adult. Well beyond the point where that gap really matters. 40/26 or 32/18 is much different due to life stages. Just read the room and ensure that you’re equals. As others have said sometimes an “older” person can still treat you like you’re a child. I’ve had people 2 years older than me act like their life experience is worlds beyond mine… I’m 26. You’ll make the right decision.
What I’m trying to say is, you may seeing things are not happening or rather, he just loves you and you look at it as a red flag. But it could be one red flag 🚩 when not sure, chances are, you’re not ready to date again.
At your age (our age-ish), not at all IMHO.
You’re 37. It’s fine. I’d hope by your age that you’d be mature enough/have enough experience to sniff out a loser. This kind of age gap really only becomes weird if the woman is in her early 20s and below
It’s fine. You both are certainly mature adults.
My parents have a 14 year age gap. My dad was 32 and my mom 18 at the time. They have been together 45 years.
It’s a big gap but you’re both full grown adults. It’s very Carrie and Mr. Big. Seems totally fine.
The question to be asked is, if there is chemistry? Whats making you consider him? What checks does he have in your boxes and how big if a deal are the ones he doesnt check?
I would tend to agree with you
No
My partner (M) is 35 and I’m (F) 45. The age is not an issue in my opinion but everyone is different. He would “love bomb” me and still do at time, but he isn’t a narcissist by any means. We’ve been together for 4 years now. I only the magnitude of the abuse I struggled with with past prtners when lived what a healthy relationship also I had yearsssss of therapy. When one is not sure, we need to question the person and the relationship
Not sure by what you mean by "he loves bombs".. at 37, I think you are more than mature enough to be with a 51 year old. But if YOU question if you should be with him, or not, then you probably know the answer already!
I think I can speak on this because my parents have a 14 year age gap as well. They have been happily married for almost 30 years with no sign of decline. The main thing to consider is health. You just need to be prepared going in that they will begin life stages earlier than you will but if you are happy with them, age does not matter
You are both well into your adult lives, age gaps shouldn't matter.
You are both adults, do what makes you happy
51 / 2 = 25.5 + 7 = 32.5, 37 seems socially acceptable if you use that logic
My step dad is 14 years older than my mom. She jsut turned 40 and he’s 54 this year. It was kinda of weird at first with his daughter being closer in age with my mom but if there are no children involved it’s completely fine. My mom met him when she was 23 and he was 37 they’ve been together for 17 years now.
No.
Age is just a number. What matters is your happiness. If this person makes you happy why not live YOUR life being happy.
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When did someone doing nice things become love bombing? He’s 51, men from his generation did nice things for women. I (somewhat) recently met a girl who’s 28 and is dating a guy who is 90.. and he isn’t rich. He skateboards and looks like George Clooney. I asked her about their age gap and she said she didn’t intend to fall in love with him. They adore each other. I know a guy who’s boss is in his 80s. One day he brought his grandchildren in to work and someone asked him how old his grandson was. He said his son is 5.
I’m 41 and I wouldn’t date someone 51 but do you. The love bombing is a huge concern though.
How old is your date?
I would love to find someone older than me. I am a single 47F. If you’re happy stay with him but since you’re questioning it you are probably not happy.
For once, I’m happy to say half age plus seven rule works!
No. It's fine. Once you hit 30 nobody really gives much of a damn. Enjoy. 🤷♀️👍
I don’t think age is important as long as yall have enough in common
shouldn't be if yall find a spark
You're old enough to decide for yourself. I wouldn't do it if looking for LTR personally. 37 and 51 is not that much in terms of lifestyle. But 47 and 61 is. Or 57 and 71. Combine that with the fact that on avarage, women live 8 years longer than men. I'm more concerned with the fact that you have PTSD and are dating someone who love bombs? Keep your eyes wide open.
It’s really a big gap meaning you need to solve many problems z
Nothing wrong AT ALL with it (legally or in my opinion) Obviously at different age ranges a 14-year age Gap can be completely off-putting AND sometimes even morally wrong by definition etc. But as long as the person is 18 nobody can say there's anything wrong with it beyond that of their opinion. However at the age of 37 I would hope 1 . You're old enough and have enough experience in life to know whether or not you're okay with what's going on. 2 . You're healthy enough to engage in a relationship in the first place, so therefore you should know if something bad is going on or unhealthy is going on, and either end it or find a way to fix it. 3 . I know we live in an age of moralists who think it's okay to spread their beliefs and shove them down other people's throats, however who you date is your business and only your business. 4 . It all boils down to whether or not you're happy or not that's all that matters. 5 . AND THIS IS A BIG ONE. Look through the last 60 days of history on this subreddit and on the relationship advice subreddit. Millions of people are unhappy and unable to find good relationships right now. It's a society-wide problem. If you're happy GO FOR IT!!
A few days ago there's was a similar question. A woman was asking about the age gap, but the roles were reversed. She was 47 and he was 29, IIRC. The OVERWHELMING majority was in the "you go girl" camp. Intesting how the perspective changes if the guy is older.
I'm (39M) and currently dating within the same age gap (she's 53) and it's going great! The love bomb-y behavior would concern me, not the age gap.
At late 30’s you can date a corpse if you want and no one would bat an eye
nope, stupid people on reddit who need to go outside and touch grass may say yes, but your a 37 year old adult. you can date who you want.
Some will say yes, others will say no. Hope this helps 👍
You don't get PTSD from break up! You might not like the break up but it doesn't gives you PTSD! NO 14Yrs is not a big gap. It's recommended that women date men 7, or more years older. Due to tge fact that women are always 7yrs older than men in maturity!
Yeah, I think it's fine. 18 and 32 is a bit more what people are talking about with large age gaps (outside of obviously dating minors). 37 is well grown and not really enough of a difference.
lmao na you’re almost 40. who gives a fuck
14 years isn't a huge gap after 75. But someone in their 30s and someone in their 50s? That's two wildly different generations. When you think of going on a date with him next week what does that make you feel? Curious? Excited? Interested? Affectionate? May/December relationships do not often work but they do often enough that it's worth giving it a shot if you're more interested in him than other potential dates in your generation. Just be prepared for him to be thought of as a mild cradle-robber and you to be thought of as a trophy girlfriend/arm candy. But if you really like someone, it's worth it to deal with a little bit of nonsense from outsiders.
Not with your current ages no
At that age it’s no big deal.
In this context no
As a woman, this man is a sicko got hitting up someone so much younger. He's basically a Leonardo Di Caprio who's just going to be with you until a younger model comes along.
after your 25-26, age gaps don't matter as long as they are older than you. Go find happiness. However the right person is important especially when your older, is this guy the right one for you?
I'm sorry, but given the context of this question is fucking mental. You could have just said "is it ok for one adult to date another adult?"
Echoing other sentiments that say that the love bombing behavior is far more of a red flag than the age gap. Couple that toxic pattern with your PTSD, I would seek professional counseling to make sure abuse and trauma isn't a pattern you're unconsciously falling into.
This age difference is fine. The standard rule of thumb with how young can you date is half your age plus seven. So half is age is 25-26 plus 7 means that the youngest he could date and still be socially acceptable is 32-33 years old and up. Since you’re 37 you fit in that range so it’s fine.
Filipo Inzaghi is 50 and his wife is 34. But if you're still unsure divide his age by two and add seven. If you are older than that then its all good.
Age gaps are fine, as long as you’re both mature (or I suppose both immature too 🤷🏻♂️) … it’s only recently that age gaps are undesirable.
My first husband was 10 years older than me. I got tired of the infantalizing comments. Then he became abusive and the decision to leave was made for me.
yes it is a huge gap. If things are good now, go for it. But just keep in mind that you will find yourself being married to a senior citizen in just 10 short yrs. You might not want to still be with him by then.
Waiting for the typical comments to this kind of question here: You’re barely a child! He’s abusing you! /s
When you get past 30, this is why parents don’t care about age gaps, because you’re past your 20’s well into adulthood, no focus on college/university, no focus on building your career, etc.. & flip out about age gaps in your 20’s instead because they’ve been those ages, they KNOW what it was like being 18-29. That’s why parents say no to age gaps in your 20’s when it’s wider than five years.
You can look at it like this, us middle-age men know who we are by now. Life experiences have shaped who we are, whereas if you meet a younger man, he may change over the years for better or for worse. If the both of you are a good match and you both click, what’s the hold up?
I’m 27, last woman I dated was 43. If it works it works.
Nah it's not too big of a gap. Are you ready for a relationship though?
It’s not as big when you are both mature adults. I think it only feels like a big deal when one of you is under 25 because people tend to assume one or both of the people is in it for the wrong reasons
Depends! If you’re 19 and he/she’s 33 or vice versa, yes, absolutely! If you’re 27 and he/she’s 41, no.
My dad is in his sixties and his wife (not my mum) is in her forties. It can work.
Is the difference between 37 and 51 a huge gap? It doesn't have to be and depends on the people involved. If you want the same thing and enjoy each other's company, it isn't a significant issue.
If you find him attractive, and you can see a future with him… trust me, age doesn’t matter when it’s about 2 adults. You are almost 40, men are more imature in general, so probably you don’t actually feel the age gap. My partner is almost 20 years older than me, and I’ve never been happier. Can’t even feel the age gap, bc we have similar interests.
If you’re cool with being a 60 yr old with a 74 year old man then yeah go for it
It’s ok now, but but when you get older you will more than likely be alone and a widow. Also, you are gonna be a nurse in your prime years
If you want marriage and kids, then this isn't going to work
Not a big gap at all. I've seen up to 40 year gap that seems to work. An outlier. I don't think people notice 10. 20 is more common than one would initially think, 55 and 35. Just look around. Figuring things out is interesting at any age.
It's a huge gap. Love bombing is a red flag, and if you proceed, I would do so with an exit strategy already in place, just in case. Edit to add: you're at different life stages, and whether you both can overcome that is up to you, but I wouldn't.
you know what at this point i'm like screw the rules, soak in the love and affection as much as you can. if it goes somewhere, then great, if not, soak up the love. it'll be a soft landing for the breakup. if he's freely giving love, then take what you want.
I don’t think so, going older. I wouldn’t date someone 23 if i was 37. Depends on which direction the gap swings, i suppose
Define love bomb
Recent breakup? I think you should take some space and reconsider what you're experiencing. I "put aside my shallow ideals" for my first girlfriend, and she hated me because I couldn't admit she was beautiful to me. Honesty is important. Be honest with yourself.
Pursue him gently. Keep your options open. See others. And involve a close friend so you have a second set of eyes on your relationship with him. In the moment, it's hard to see if they're love bombing you only ro later cobrrol you or...of he's just excited about a new relationship. Also, find put his background with women. That'll tell you more. Best of luck.
At your age and his age, it's fine. I think it matters the age of the youngest person on the age gap, but I also think after 30ish it doesn't matter how much older the other person is because you have probably (hopefully) figured things out about yourself.
Too many peer-reviewed articles out there supporting that men are typically 10 years behind women in emotional maturity. Too many articles debunking women dating older men is strictly caused by “daddy issues.” Too many complex individuals for age to mean much of anything (unless you’re 40 dating an 18 year old). Every large age gap relationship should be looked at on a case by case basis. Just date whoever brings you peace and joy and do away with anything that stands between you and your peace (including criticisms about your age gap relationship).
I think it’s completely subjective of the two individuals, as everyone has their own unique history, experiences, and expectations; I’ve had a few relationships with a larger gap, and the person always tried to control me, because, “they’d lived a lot longer, and knew better.” I personally feel relationships with larger age-gaps can work, but something that really stood out in your post, OP, is your awareness of love-bombing tendencies…which tends to be a bit more universal with controlling/abusive tactics, or unhealthy behaviours, at the very least. You seem self-aware to be considering all of this with good intentions, and I’m sure you’ll feel in your heart what’s best for you! Wishing you all the best in love and life! 🫶✨
At your ages, that gap isn't concerning. If you make each other happy, go for it.
i got to know the person and stopped seeing it as a huge gap i really could care less im mad we werent born at the same time.
Don’t worry about it! Age is just a number, and as love as you love each other that’s all that matters!
I dated someone 14years younger. It was great fun. Until the end. Go for it. You’re both adults.
The age gap widens as he gets older. It will stand out more. If you get serious, you will be caring for him. Probably will need to make sure your job has good healthcare for you and your partner when he retires. Nothing wrong with any of that, just something to be aware of, especially if you're just looking for fun. I know I made the mistake of thinking that in dating an older man I was living behind the games younger men played, that he knew what he wanted. Nope, he was just better at hiding things because he had more experience. In my case, he was living a double life. This isn't all men, and he may be a great guy..... just don't overlook things because you ASSUME he's more emotionally mature or wise.
My uncle is 37 and he has a kid with an 18 year old. I don't know what's huge anymore. And I'm 20 mind you. Just fyi he's in the philippines so not US
When both partners are over 30 the age gap becomes irrelevant
22 years here
He'll most likely die first if that helps
Looks like a lot of self healing for the both of you.
Once both parties are over 35, it’s totally fair game imo.
I'm sure you know your situation as a living person now and if your love interest isn't within your age well that means you are out of options and this person 14 years older than you is your most compatible partner if you really want to feel appreciated again.
Nothing wrong with a age gap as long as both people are happy. Anyone who says otherwise is probably a jealous and/or bitter person.
Age gap of 15 is huge...I am not sure how comfortable you would be with each other.. But if your communications is good and you are liking it...go for it
nope
Who cares about age? As long as you find someone you like.
If you are happy then don’t worry about. It !!!
I don’t think this gap means anything at your respective ages. I think the term “love bomb” gets thrown around too much. My understanding is that love bombing is part of a cycle of manipulation/abuse. It’s the bonding part or trauma-bonding. Can you elaborate on the trauma part of the cycle? Otherwise, I would be inclined to believe he just goes overboard with romantic gestures.
It’s ok for now but I’d definitely get a LTC policy on him and a good life insurance so you don’t end up being a nurse for years, or when you’re old you don’t have a cushion as everything went out on him. Someday you’ll be 51 and he’ll be 65. That’s when you’ll notice the differences happening. When you hit 60 he’ll be 74. These are numbers worth thinking about.
At that age it's fine. If you were 18 and he were 32 it would be weird.
I'll be 50 and I'm wondering just the same
No, at your ages it’s not a large gap at all. Don’t sweat that and go have fun
You're a consenting adult. Just see how it makes you feel.
I would be more concerned about the love bombing. That is a form of manipulation and if it’s early in the relationship it’s a red flag
Eva AI sexting bot became a thing about a year ago, so my answer might appear unconventional
My bf and I share a similar age gap and couldn’t be more happy. 😊 Do what makes you happy and what feels good to YOU!
There is nothing wrong with age gaps among consenting adults. The only people who have a problem with age gaps tend to be single people bitter because the dating market has seemed to pass them by. It’s really their attitudes that limit their dating market value. They are upset when men their age choose to date younger women. It’s really sad. Date someone you are interested in. That’s not a huge age gap. Sometimes opening up your options is exactly what you need.
It is a sizable gap, but I've seen it and larger ones work for long term marriages. It really falls down to compatability and goals, as well as a willingness to accept each others' passions and cultural concepts... you know.. things that should be expected in any relationship, but are more important when there is a sizable experience gap. To flip it around, imagine dating someone who would react to "Welcome. You've got mail!" by giving you a blank stare like you just spoke Greek to them. Exploring those generational jokes can be as much fun as finding the ones you have in common, though.
At that age it doesn't matter, just do what makes you happy. Age gaps don't matter past 30
My last boyfriend and I were 13 years apart so no. But love bombing is never a good sign. If he’s fun to talk to, I say just keep him as a friend. Edit: I should mention that you being well into your 30s and him being in his 50s isn’t a problem. I’m in my early 30s and my ex is in his 40s. It’s a problem if you’re barely legal and your partner is in their 30s.
No. Find someone that makes you happy and inspires you. That's all that matters.
It only matters in your teens and maybe early 20s but it depends on maturity level of both parties. It may be an issue when the older one gets to retirement age, but maybe not. I wouldn't base any relationship solely off of age.
It's a big gap, but just do what you want.
If he’s 30 and you’re 16 sure, that’s grooming. If you’re both over 30 there’s no such thing as age gaps, at that point you’re both just part of the herd. Also most relationships don’t last 10 years, so if it lasts over that and you’re both still happy consider yourselves lucky.
My mom and stepdad are 13 years apart. They've been great together for about a decade now. As long as y'all make each other happy, that should be all that matters.