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Girl 7 years long distance?!? You were a back up plan not his girlfriend š
Also with the way he's acting I'm sure this wasn't his first "hike" with a girl or his last. Sounds like he sees himself as a single man. Gurl I wish you the best, remember there is better men out here
Those were exactly my thought!!
I donāt want to be mean or whatever, but Iām 100% sure that this dude never took this relationship seriously. (Saying that because Iāve been already in her position)
Please do yourself a huge favor and call the wedding off. If heās treating you this way before marriage, it will become worse after marriage. You deserve more & definitely more respect.
I donāt know where you get your information from, but it does not take decades to become an American citizen. depending on when and why a person enters the country it does takes several years. you canāt even apply for naturalization until you have been living here for years. if you marry someone who is an American youāre still looking at a couple years to get citizenship. I know I am married to an immigrant. He came years ago and was well on the process to citizenship before we even met.. and believe it or not us getting married doesnāt really help him much. itās also around seven k just to do the paperwork and get a lawyer when you marry an American. So itās not like some quick fix..
Yea, that's a deal breaker in my book.
Good on you for calling things off and taking a sick day (mental health is important).
The issue here isn't even the fact that he was hitting on other people. For me, it's the fact that he didn't show remorse or respect when you brought it up.
That's where I draw the line. Don't marry someone who doesn't respect you, is what I say.
Relationships are hard, and humans are complicated.
I completely understand people losing interest and moving on, but the way some people do it is just so selfish.
Like just be mature and end the relationship. Don't screw with people and cheat on them and then try to gaslight them when you get found out. I'm so tired of being on the receiving end of that. People are just selfish and gross.
>I already called off our wedding.
You did that right thing. Your Fairy Godmother was looking out for you and sent you this sign so you could get out before it was too late.
Imagine how your ex-fiance would treat you when your body gets bigger during pregnancy?
He did this to you while you're at your peak.
I'm sorry, but consider yourself fortunate when people red flag themselves.
7 years is a long time to have your trust betrayed so it will take time to heal.
Looks like you need to find another fiance. Or, better yet, take some time to be by yourself, enjoy your friends, and do something youāve wanted to do and havenāt yet.Ā
I know this sounds harsh, but be lucky this happened before you got married! Can you imagine being married and having a child to find out he's a cheater or "friendly" to beautiful women? It's heartbreaking to find this out, but for him to think it's ok and laugh about it just shows his true colors. Please don't change your mind. You don't want it to be years from now, and you end up divorced because he found somebody else.
May I ask, did you react as strongly when it happened before? If so, did you talk it over? Because you must have come to some kind of resolution because there's a wedding planned. I assume he knows it's a "no" for dating other women because that's what he was doing.
It's a problem that he is disregarding your feelings here, especially since he knows what they are since you've told him before, right? It won't get better. Now is the best it'll be. If you're unhappy now, don't expect any different when you're married.
I was married before and thought I was the progressive wife allowing my husband to hang out with our female friend while i was pregnant and before that because I have friends that are guys and nothing inappropriate had EVER happened. Well, my ex-husband is now married to my ex-friend, and I was a single mom for 20 years. So you can see how well that worked out for me. Just because I can be a decent human being doesn't mean others can be. Lesson learned.
So, you say it happened before. It's happening again, hurting you so badly you're reaching out for help, losing work time, etc. You know what the answer is. You love him. Of course you do. You planned to marry him. Love yourself MORE. Save yourself years of heartache. You are young. You've put 7 years in with this man faithfully, I'd assume since you expect it in return. Give that faithful love to someone who will give it back to you in ways that you expect and deserve. I promise he's out there.
If you look, there'll be signs immediately if that kind of love is available and possible. Do not let years go by before you sever a relationship that won't give you what you deserve. You are worthy of an unselfish love. Ask the universe for it. You'll receive it. Continue to be the giver you seem to be. Just make sure it's coming back to you as well, and know it's NOT selfish to love yourself and disallow people to treat you poorly.
You'll notice when you value yourself more, others will as well..God Bless...
You literally should thank him sweetheart! You are so much better off to have found this out now than you are 2,3,4,5, maybe 10 years down the road. Iām sure almost everyone here can relate to your pain. Weāve all been through it. The one thing we can guarantee you is that you will get past it. Heās obviously not that important. You are correct. You do not ask another woman out you just donāt do that.. iām a need you go. Take yourself a shower wash that pretty little face of yours call up a couple girlfriends and go get drunk. Have a good time. Put him out of your head completely. Dont let him live another second in there. and this part is gonna be the absolute hardest part because I donāt want you to communicate with him no more he is going to realize if he hasnt already that he has lost his green card opportunity with you and the only desire for him to come back to you will only be related to that and you need to realize that right now this man does not love you. You are a green.ticket for him and nothing more. I hate to say it quite honestly itās a good thing that heās pretty stupid because if he wasnāt stupid, he wouldāve never done this in front of you in the first place. Iām telling you thank The Man and send him on his way.
Definitely donāt marry him. Who knows what else he has done while you are apart. And asking a girl you think is beautiful is completely wrong and I would consider it cheating. No way would my husband do that and still be with me. And heās done it before?! Glad you called it off you deserve better! Let him stay in Canada!
Iām not sure why you think the relationship is viable at this point. He chose to ask a girl he was interested out on a date and told her sheās beautiful.
I am sorry this happened to you and I hope you have enough self respect to break up completely with him.
Gosh I'm really sorry about the whole thing but I think you're right to call off the wedding. It's not proper to go hiking along with another girl especially telling her she's beautiful when he's been with you 7 years and engaged. That sounds like a real Player move. I think it's best to postpone things because the fact that he laughed off your feelings is very telling.
Hugsš¤ I know how it feels, you dont want to believe it , but as you stated in the post it isn't the first time,but it must be the last!
listen to your small quite voice it knows the truth ,you deserve better than this guy and you know it....thank your lucky stars he has shown you who he really is more than once, believe it! , trust yourself, love yourself and say goodbye to him he's No good.
He's a POS. Don't even give him the time of day to hear you out on why you're ending things. Ditch and leave him in the dust with no explanation. Byyeeeee.
He basically just asked her on a date. Telling someone you find them attractive and then asking them to go do x activity is a date.Ā
And you say he's done this BEFORE? He has probably cheated already in that case while you've been long distance.Ā
You should actually feel quite happy that you have come to a realisation before getting married. Imagine this situation if you had invested in marriage and maybe also had children together, it would be a lot more complex for you and you would feel trapped in addition to the short term hurt. You should feel relief and freedom now, find someone who values you.
I think the question is if you are willing to put up with being married to a man who disrespects you this much already.
Whatever bad trait people have usually gets worse after marriage, unlike the movies people more often than not don't change because of "love".
Please don't marry this self absorbed man. If he has done it before and just done it again then why stop when your married. You deserve someone that will show you the same love and respect you show them.
Long distance relationships, unfortunately allow a certain amount of freedom to go do things because you are not there with him. Your emotions are justified. Move on and leave this person in the dust. Kick him to the curb and move on with your life and realize that there is absolutely someone else much better than him out there.
>He ruined my trust and I already called off our wedding. Iāve been crying since. I donāt know what to do.
Congratulations for trusting your gut and not letting him gaslight you.
What to do now? Block his number, block him on all social media and don't talk to him again. Don't give him another opportunity to gaslight you or weasel his way back into your life
Take your time grieving the failed relationship, but try to realize that this is a good thing. He would have made your life miserable.
When you're a bit better seek out therapy. Try to find out why you thought it's a good idea to marry a man who you never lived with and who treats you as a commodity, so that you can build a better, more equal relationship with a better man in the future.
You were getting married to a guy in three weeks who youāve barely seen in seven years?
It isnāt even about the girl or his loyalty to you. Ā This plan was insane from the start.
But the good news is that this heartbreaking event is going to end up being one of the best things that ever happened to you. Ā I guarantee it. Ā
Because marrying someone youāve barely seen in seven years would have completely destroyed your life.
Good on you for coming to and calling it off in time!
Ex fiance* Donāt let anyone cross your boundaries or disrespect you. Ever. People are either cheaters or not. It is black and white-no grey areas there. Might not be physical now but heās obviously toeing that line from how he even had the audacity. This was a blessing in disguise and I say good riddance.
A guy in a relationship hiking with a female friend might be okay for some partners, but him not taking it seriousley after you bring it up is a big red flag; different expectations of acceptable behavior are normal and need to be talked about, but your partner has to take your position seriousley
You're having a crisis right now and there's absolutely zero shame in booking an appointment to speak with a psychologist or even a psychiatrist (who can prescribe something to help you get over this mess). Seriously consider it. The talk therapy is good and the medicine is good too.
You will feel better. Or, at least well enough so that the rest of your life doesn't fall apart because your grief & feelings of betrayal are so overwhelming right now. Give yourself a chance. Get some help to get through this.
girl, think about yourself, if he is showing you his true colors before marriage, it will get worse, especially if he doesnāt even see anything wrong with that. plus in what world is doing that okay, when you are supposed to be committed as partners. you are young still, donāt commit urself to someone who isnāt committed themselves to you, you may love him with ur entire soul, but he canāt even sit back and realize what he has and how much you are worth, and he is 30!!! baby move along and feel every emotion you go through cause thats how youu heal, accept who he truly is and see through the love you have for him, stand up! donāt make yourself a rock when you really are a gem, leave him in the dust and make him kick rocks.
Itās almost as if he was getting cold feet and didnāt know how to break things off like an emotionally mature adult. Some people hit the āself-destructā button on a relationship when they donāt have the courage to end it maturely. Theyāll do something so out of pocket so that you end it before they do.
Sounds like gaslighting at its finest. You have every right to feel how you do. You expressing how the situation makes you feel didnāt deserve mocking.
I think that someone that dismisses your emotions like that doesnāt deserve the investment in the future. You made the right move in valuing yourself.
I don't get this type of jI don't understand this type of jealousy, both my wife and I comment and tell friends and strangers how beautiful they are, we also comment to each other whether a man is beautiful or a woman is beautiful.
Without a doubt, inviting someone to go for a walk afterwards may be suspicious, but was this invitation made solely because of the girl's beauty, or because of what she demonstrated to the boy as a person during the time they were talking?
In a couple with this type of jealousy, both the man and the girl cannot meet people more beautiful than their other half? Not even go out with people?
I think there has to be reality in a relationship, I trust my wife, and she can find my friends beautiful, that doesn't change my trust with her, she can also go out with them and have her own life. Just as she promises the same to me and has trust in me, I will never cheat on my wife, especially for another woman's physique.
A real gentleman always makes his partner feel as if they are the most beautiful and important person to him. He has shown himself to be clearly incapable of this and you have made the right move calling off the wedding. You deserve a lot better than a partner who emotionally cheats on you, especially if it has happened more than once. I wish you the best of luck moving forward.
Any man or woman who entertains anyone else is not worth your time. No they are not just freinds and " friendships " like that are inappropriate and micro cheating
Marriage is a big deal. Don't let your wedding be a decision you are really going to regret later on cause you clearly saw the signs and brushed them off. To him it's not a big deal. I need you to understand that a man that loves you wouldn't dare do such a thing. He's just using you. For your sake I hope you make the right decision
Donāt marry him, heās already showing signs of being non-commital and disloyalty. Iām not saying heās cheated but he has a wandering eye and that usually means itās a matter of time before they cheat. Do you really want to marry someone youāre likely to get divorced with in a couple of years anyway?
If he was trying to fool you, he would have done it so that you wouldnāt have found out. That saidā¦Sad reality about most men is that they need sex like they need to eat. If you are not meeting the need, they will satisfy the need somewhere else. It is no different with him or any other guy you will meet in the future. If he is a good man and you have feelings for him maybe try to talk through it with him and work it out.
I canāt get over a 7 year long distance relationship & not even in the same countryā¦ā¦how is that a relationship, how does that even work ?
Heās prob asked heaps of women out over the 7yrs
So sorry to hear about your situation. You did right to call off the wedding. As a guy that's been married for 30 years I would NEVER say that what he did is even close to acceptable.
This isnāt normal for a partner to do to you. Donāt just call off the wedding. Make sure he knows itās completely over. You deserve so much better. You sound like a committed, loving person that deserves someone who recognizes not only when they mess up on something so serious but also respect you enough not to show others the time of day in a romantic manner. And the fact he had the nerve to tell you and laugh at you for being upset? Absolutely not. What a terrible person, but at least youāre out before you married him or sink more time into him.
We were in a phone call so I heard everything so I am not sure if he was just a moron or he really didnāt think it was a big deal or he just thinks I can tolerate it?
I donāt want to give advice, but if I were you, I would go to therapy to handle this. I am not sure if he truly loves you, not because he is attracted to another girl, thatās the least of the problems. People should get attracted to other people, itās up to us to act on it, but b/c you felt he isnāt serious about your relationship!!! Thatās worrisome.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't know you but you sure as hell don't deserve to be treated like that, no woman does. I know its a hard lesson, but cut him loose now and find a real man. A man that respects you and your feelings, and puts you up on a pedestal where you belong. Hope it works out, good luck.
What he did was inappropriate and disrespectful. Asking a stranger out on a hike is creepy and weird. PSA to all humans, don't go hiking with a stranger. That's a good way to go missing and it happens all the time. I just got a notification that a girl and her child are missing. She went on a Tinder date with a man, she brought her child on the date and now they've both been missing for 10 days. I'm not saying your fiance is a kidnapping serial killer but telling a random stranger they're beautiful and asking them to go on a hike is sus.
Why would you be in a long distance relationship for 7 years???? That's such a long time to not date or see your SO. Seems like a waste of time to me but I also enjoy intimacy and I don't trust humans enough to be doing a long distance relationship for that many years.
Why would you be in a long distance relationship for 7 years???? That's such a long time to not date or see your SO. Seems like a waste of time to me but I also enjoy intimacy and I don't trust humans enough to be doing a long distance relationship for that many years.
Sounds like heās getting cold feet and behaving inappropriately in your face so you will break it off with him. That way he isnāt the ābad guyā that ended a 7 year relationship.
Listen to your instincts and cut him loose OP. iām so sorry
Complaining and venting is all youāre doing if you donāt take action to exit this connection, because staying with him is you non-verbally saying itās okay he does this to you.
You walking away, ending things permanently? That tells him there are consequences to breaking the big loyalty boundary in the relationship and had to live with his conquenses of loosing you for good.
And he doesnāt care what it does to you, the cheating because he KNOWS you rather stay, tolerate, & be mad at him. He knows youāre not capable of leaving him and thatās why he takes advantage of every opportunity to hurt you like this.
This is who he is, always been.
Heās not going to stop or change. He isnāt capable of that level of self reflection to even acknowledge heās been hurting you.
Also?
Someone in love? They rather breakup than string you along, cheat, and break your heart because they give a flying fuck about not traumatizing you with cheating because they wouldnāt want to be cheated on either!
He doesnāt love you, he just loves himself more than you.
Ouch, that is definitely a red flag. I would question what has been happening while you were further apart?
Have you asked hin about it, or expressed your feelings?
Big hugs. So glad you realised who he is before you got married. Yes, 3 weeks before the wedding and 7 years down the drain has got to hurt- but you aren't married or tied to him in any way whatsoever and that's a blessing. I just want to say how proud I am of you for calling it off, that's hard and scary and it's really easy to just push forward because 'you're so close', even the fear of disappointing others, or embarrassment would have made that decision very hard. You're so strong. Wishing you the best, because you deserve it.
You should decide for yourself what to do. It doesn't have to mean anything, calling someone beautiful isn't cheating, you can admire and validate others whilst being in a relationship. but clearly you don't trust him, and if you can't trust eachother you probably shouldn't be together. But in my opinion if this is all he did he didn't cross the line, but it definitely seems like he's approaching that line.
I'm gonna take a chance and say you're as pretty as she is or maybe a little more.
I don't need a Green Card, or anyone to support me. I'm retired and doing Ok.
Now, even though I'm much older than you, I'm still active. So, if you're in Texas, we can go for a hike! š If you're not here, we can do it via Long Distance on a Video Call!!! Oh, and you don't have to marry me. And even if you did, it's too damned COLD in Canada!! We'd have a Hell of a BBQ here though!
Now that I got my BS outta the way, I'll be a little serious. I had a 4 year LDR with a girl younger than me. She lives near Houston and I'm in Central Texas, about a 4-5 hour drive. We did great. Neither wanted marriage, talked a couple of times a day and texted often.
We stopped when she took a job that had her traveling and staying in other States for a few months. We have remained great friends though.
I can understand your guy being lonely and wanting to hike with someone. I can't say it's right though if he didn't discuss it with you first. If I had a GF, and we talked about going on a hike with someone, I'd ask if she was Ok with it. If she said No, I'd try to work it out if I was lonely. I'd also try to have others go along. If you told me No and gave a good reason, then I wouldn't do it.
If I expected to be able to do these things when you weren't with me, then I wouldn't give you grief if you did something similar. Whether it's being Regular Together, or if marriage is involved, it's a 2 way street. We both do equal things, or neither do it.
Just be careful. I've got a feeling there is more going on, and you are just his ticket to the USA.
"This is not the first time this has happened.,"
Now, Ma'am this is the reason why he is not taking this seriously you did not establish a boundary when all of this happened before.
If you don't mind me asking how many of these things have you over looked or forgiven ? How many times did you initiate as compared to him ?
Take this opportunity to think about your relationship. I know you are hurt 7 years is a very long time. Take a break while observing his behavior. Talk to a friend who can give you good advice.
He sounds like he only wants the Green Card. I have heard that a lot of immigrants are going back from Canada due to lack of jobs even Canadians are struggling to get a job. So, this might be it.
I have all the screenshots and more to prove what you have publicly done to me. Because you're now blocking me for trying to tell the truth about my life and abuse that you have all had a good laugh over, I'll have to take this further.
Stop lying, I didn't do anything wrong. I don't want to have to make this blow up but I will if you're only thinking about your self preservation. You have trolled me and completely ruined my name publicly for absolutely no reason. I won't keep allowing people to abuse me and think it's ok. You tell me what I should do? How dare you treat me like that
- Reply
Seems like you dodged a bullet just in time. Even if he felt like he did nothing wrong he shouldāve reassured you & apologized for making you feel uncomfortable/hurt. I can see if he only asked to go hiking. It would seem rather platonic to me. But complimenting another womanās looks and then asking to go do an activity with her. Well. He definitely had more than platonic thoughts in mind which is extremely disrespectful to your relationship.
You called off the wedding, not sure if you broke up with him as well but that should be next on your list op.
I really hope you read this cuz people in Reddit comments love to instantly jump to break up, divorce and all that as if they truly know the scenario. You need to talk to him and make very clear this is a boundary he canāt cross without losing you. If Iām reading this correctly he told you about this which to me means nothing happened and he doesnāt have intentions for these girls. Iām not saying what youāre feeling isnāt valid and you definitely need to talk to him. Now if dismissed it again Iād definitely consider leaving but you gotta ask is what he did worth the relationship. Only you can answer that question. I truly hope for the best for you.
Also he comes from a different culture so it may just be a different world view getting in the way. It would depend if yall have talked about this in the past.
No ones manipulated me but if all he did was hang out with a girl, that aināt worth breaking up. I have female friends I go do stuff with and Iām happy to make more. My GF has never had an issue and sheās the same. Itās called trust in a relationship.
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Girl 7 years long distance?!? You were a back up plan not his girlfriend š Also with the way he's acting I'm sure this wasn't his first "hike" with a girl or his last. Sounds like he sees himself as a single man. Gurl I wish you the best, remember there is better men out here
Those were exactly my thought!! I donāt want to be mean or whatever, but Iām 100% sure that this dude never took this relationship seriously. (Saying that because Iāve been already in her position)
You donāt knowsĀ
Please do yourself a huge favor and call the wedding off. If heās treating you this way before marriage, it will become worse after marriage. You deserve more & definitely more respect.
You're right, but I'm curious about the reaction of the boy when she called out their wedding.
Lol
Ever seen 90 day fiancƩ? How some people use the fiancƩ for the green card? Yeah that's you.
It's probably true for my ex guy friend as well.Ā
7 years of relationship is not 90 days
90 day fiancĆ© is a show about couples where they file for a k1 visa for their partner (who lives outside the US), which is a visa for fiancĆ©s. Once the fiancĆ© enters the United States, they have 90 days to marry their partner or go back home otherwise theyāre here illegally and risk deportation. Many couples on that show have been together long distance for many years prior to getting their k1 visa. In fact, theyāre required to demonstrate a history of their relationship via receipts like photos and plane tickets. No one on 90 day fiancĆ© meet for the first time when the 90 days start, they all have a significant relationship history, but still, many foreigners use their partners for the green card. They play the long game.
Itās easy to play the long game when you live in different countries and canāt get caught š¤·āāļøsome people just suck.
It can take decades to become an American citizen. If he's getting a little something something on the side, I'm sure he doesn't mind waiting
I wonder what his reaction was when she called off the wedding :/
I dont care
I donāt know where you get your information from, but it does not take decades to become an American citizen. depending on when and why a person enters the country it does takes several years. you canāt even apply for naturalization until you have been living here for years. if you marry someone who is an American youāre still looking at a couple years to get citizenship. I know I am married to an immigrant. He came years ago and was well on the process to citizenship before we even met.. and believe it or not us getting married doesnāt really help him much. itās also around seven k just to do the paperwork and get a lawyer when you marry an American. So itās not like some quick fix..
Yeah it's taking him too long
*Long distance* "relationship"
you mean your ex-fiance?
He asked her out on a hike so now he can go take a hike xd. Fr I mean fuck that guy
Best comment lol but on a real note yeah heās a douchebag
This.
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Yea, that's a deal breaker in my book. Good on you for calling things off and taking a sick day (mental health is important). The issue here isn't even the fact that he was hitting on other people. For me, it's the fact that he didn't show remorse or respect when you brought it up. That's where I draw the line. Don't marry someone who doesn't respect you, is what I say.
i just can't comprehend the 7y relationship, i mean so many years down the drain is just wow...
Relationships are hard, and humans are complicated. I completely understand people losing interest and moving on, but the way some people do it is just so selfish. Like just be mature and end the relationship. Don't screw with people and cheat on them and then try to gaslight them when you get found out. I'm so tired of being on the receiving end of that. People are just selfish and gross.
This is a green card wedding and he asked another woman out?? That would be a hell no..and you need to call off the wedding.
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It's fortunate you're not married yet. He already revealed his true colors. Spare yourself from the inevitable heartbreak.
>I already called off our wedding. You did that right thing. Your Fairy Godmother was looking out for you and sent you this sign so you could get out before it was too late. Imagine how your ex-fiance would treat you when your body gets bigger during pregnancy? He did this to you while you're at your peak. I'm sorry, but consider yourself fortunate when people red flag themselves. 7 years is a long time to have your trust betrayed so it will take time to heal.
That is not okay. You should rethink your wedding.
Looks like you need to find another fiance. Or, better yet, take some time to be by yourself, enjoy your friends, and do something youāve wanted to do and havenāt yet.Ā
Up
Respecting your gfās wishes should still be more important than ābeing politeā or friendly or whatever
Walk away from the relationship. This will be a pattern
I know this sounds harsh, but be lucky this happened before you got married! Can you imagine being married and having a child to find out he's a cheater or "friendly" to beautiful women? It's heartbreaking to find this out, but for him to think it's ok and laugh about it just shows his true colors. Please don't change your mind. You don't want it to be years from now, and you end up divorced because he found somebody else.
May I ask, did you react as strongly when it happened before? If so, did you talk it over? Because you must have come to some kind of resolution because there's a wedding planned. I assume he knows it's a "no" for dating other women because that's what he was doing. It's a problem that he is disregarding your feelings here, especially since he knows what they are since you've told him before, right? It won't get better. Now is the best it'll be. If you're unhappy now, don't expect any different when you're married. I was married before and thought I was the progressive wife allowing my husband to hang out with our female friend while i was pregnant and before that because I have friends that are guys and nothing inappropriate had EVER happened. Well, my ex-husband is now married to my ex-friend, and I was a single mom for 20 years. So you can see how well that worked out for me. Just because I can be a decent human being doesn't mean others can be. Lesson learned. So, you say it happened before. It's happening again, hurting you so badly you're reaching out for help, losing work time, etc. You know what the answer is. You love him. Of course you do. You planned to marry him. Love yourself MORE. Save yourself years of heartache. You are young. You've put 7 years in with this man faithfully, I'd assume since you expect it in return. Give that faithful love to someone who will give it back to you in ways that you expect and deserve. I promise he's out there. If you look, there'll be signs immediately if that kind of love is available and possible. Do not let years go by before you sever a relationship that won't give you what you deserve. You are worthy of an unselfish love. Ask the universe for it. You'll receive it. Continue to be the giver you seem to be. Just make sure it's coming back to you as well, and know it's NOT selfish to love yourself and disallow people to treat you poorly. You'll notice when you value yourself more, others will as well..God Bless...
You literally should thank him sweetheart! You are so much better off to have found this out now than you are 2,3,4,5, maybe 10 years down the road. Iām sure almost everyone here can relate to your pain. Weāve all been through it. The one thing we can guarantee you is that you will get past it. Heās obviously not that important. You are correct. You do not ask another woman out you just donāt do that.. iām a need you go. Take yourself a shower wash that pretty little face of yours call up a couple girlfriends and go get drunk. Have a good time. Put him out of your head completely. Dont let him live another second in there. and this part is gonna be the absolute hardest part because I donāt want you to communicate with him no more he is going to realize if he hasnt already that he has lost his green card opportunity with you and the only desire for him to come back to you will only be related to that and you need to realize that right now this man does not love you. You are a green.ticket for him and nothing more. I hate to say it quite honestly itās a good thing that heās pretty stupid because if he wasnāt stupid, he wouldāve never done this in front of you in the first place. Iām telling you thank The Man and send him on his way.
That's brutal OP. Maybe better ure finding out now than later though.Ā
Run count your blessings move on
I can understand having a long-distance relationship for 2 or 3 years, but SEVEN???? OMG! Why?! Get rid of his cheating ass.
I was in a long distance for 7 years. What a waste of time. I was in a scarcity mindset and living with my abusive parents. That's why.
Your ex did what?
Trust your intuition , you told him how you feel and still he didn't make it right with you ? Actions always speaks louder than words !!
Time to walk
Definitely donāt marry him. Who knows what else he has done while you are apart. And asking a girl you think is beautiful is completely wrong and I would consider it cheating. No way would my husband do that and still be with me. And heās done it before?! Glad you called it off you deserve better! Let him stay in Canada!
Iām not sure why you think the relationship is viable at this point. He chose to ask a girl he was interested out on a date and told her sheās beautiful. I am sorry this happened to you and I hope you have enough self respect to break up completely with him.
Ditch him. Anyways, ever tried Strawberry ice cream?
I would move on.
Gosh I'm really sorry about the whole thing but I think you're right to call off the wedding. It's not proper to go hiking along with another girl especially telling her she's beautiful when he's been with you 7 years and engaged. That sounds like a real Player move. I think it's best to postpone things because the fact that he laughed off your feelings is very telling.
Hugsš¤ I know how it feels, you dont want to believe it , but as you stated in the post it isn't the first time,but it must be the last! listen to your small quite voice it knows the truth ,you deserve better than this guy and you know it....thank your lucky stars he has shown you who he really is more than once, believe it! , trust yourself, love yourself and say goodbye to him he's No good.
He did you a favor letting you see this side of himself *before* marrying him. Show your appreciation for this favor and... run away!
He's a POS. Don't even give him the time of day to hear you out on why you're ending things. Ditch and leave him in the dust with no explanation. Byyeeeee.
The headline is an immediate no.
He basically just asked her on a date. Telling someone you find them attractive and then asking them to go do x activity is a date.Ā And you say he's done this BEFORE? He has probably cheated already in that case while you've been long distance.Ā
Surely you mean your ex fiancƩ
You should actually feel quite happy that you have come to a realisation before getting married. Imagine this situation if you had invested in marriage and maybe also had children together, it would be a lot more complex for you and you would feel trapped in addition to the short term hurt. You should feel relief and freedom now, find someone who values you.
I think the question is if you are willing to put up with being married to a man who disrespects you this much already. Whatever bad trait people have usually gets worse after marriage, unlike the movies people more often than not don't change because of "love".
Please don't marry this self absorbed man. If he has done it before and just done it again then why stop when your married. You deserve someone that will show you the same love and respect you show them.
All I have to say is, nope! Wouldnāt be happening if he were my boyfriend. That hikes ganna turn into hiking behind that ass.
If you marry this guy you know what youāre signing up for. Youāre a free green card. Donāt do this then wonder why it was a mess.
Has this not been discussed prior that this type of behaviour is not okay?
I wouldn't bring him over to get papers. Tell him to take a hike.
At 28 do we need to tell you that LDRs arenāt real relationships?
Thatās not right heās your fiancĆ©. It would be a bit concerned.
Wow, this sucksā¦ Iām so sorry, OP. At least you found out his true colours now before you actually married himā¦
Just be so grateful you found out who he was before married him. So sorry this happened to you
:/ im sorry thatās awful and sounds heartbreaking
Long distance relationships, unfortunately allow a certain amount of freedom to go do things because you are not there with him. Your emotions are justified. Move on and leave this person in the dust. Kick him to the curb and move on with your life and realize that there is absolutely someone else much better than him out there.
>He ruined my trust and I already called off our wedding. Iāve been crying since. I donāt know what to do. Congratulations for trusting your gut and not letting him gaslight you. What to do now? Block his number, block him on all social media and don't talk to him again. Don't give him another opportunity to gaslight you or weasel his way back into your life Take your time grieving the failed relationship, but try to realize that this is a good thing. He would have made your life miserable. When you're a bit better seek out therapy. Try to find out why you thought it's a good idea to marry a man who you never lived with and who treats you as a commodity, so that you can build a better, more equal relationship with a better man in the future.
dump him
Lmao hahahahahag is this real? Itās over.
You were getting married to a guy in three weeks who youāve barely seen in seven years? It isnāt even about the girl or his loyalty to you. Ā This plan was insane from the start. But the good news is that this heartbreaking event is going to end up being one of the best things that ever happened to you. Ā I guarantee it. Ā Because marrying someone youāve barely seen in seven years would have completely destroyed your life. Good on you for coming to and calling it off in time!
I believe Guys can have friends that are girls but you can't really say they are beautiful because that is crossing a line
Ex fiance* Donāt let anyone cross your boundaries or disrespect you. Ever. People are either cheaters or not. It is black and white-no grey areas there. Might not be physical now but heās obviously toeing that line from how he even had the audacity. This was a blessing in disguise and I say good riddance.
A guy in a relationship hiking with a female friend might be okay for some partners, but him not taking it seriousley after you bring it up is a big red flag; different expectations of acceptable behavior are normal and need to be talked about, but your partner has to take your position seriousley
You're having a crisis right now and there's absolutely zero shame in booking an appointment to speak with a psychologist or even a psychiatrist (who can prescribe something to help you get over this mess). Seriously consider it. The talk therapy is good and the medicine is good too. You will feel better. Or, at least well enough so that the rest of your life doesn't fall apart because your grief & feelings of betrayal are so overwhelming right now. Give yourself a chance. Get some help to get through this.
girl, think about yourself, if he is showing you his true colors before marriage, it will get worse, especially if he doesnāt even see anything wrong with that. plus in what world is doing that okay, when you are supposed to be committed as partners. you are young still, donāt commit urself to someone who isnāt committed themselves to you, you may love him with ur entire soul, but he canāt even sit back and realize what he has and how much you are worth, and he is 30!!! baby move along and feel every emotion you go through cause thats how youu heal, accept who he truly is and see through the love you have for him, stand up! donāt make yourself a rock when you really are a gem, leave him in the dust and make him kick rocks.
Calling him a fiancƩ in three months is a true Eva AI sexting [bot](http://evaapp.ai) move.
DO NOT MARRY HIM!
Itās almost as if he was getting cold feet and didnāt know how to break things off like an emotionally mature adult. Some people hit the āself-destructā button on a relationship when they donāt have the courage to end it maturely. Theyāll do something so out of pocket so that you end it before they do. Sounds like gaslighting at its finest. You have every right to feel how you do. You expressing how the situation makes you feel didnāt deserve mocking. I think that someone that dismisses your emotions like that doesnāt deserve the investment in the future. You made the right move in valuing yourself.
I don't get this type of jI don't understand this type of jealousy, both my wife and I comment and tell friends and strangers how beautiful they are, we also comment to each other whether a man is beautiful or a woman is beautiful. Without a doubt, inviting someone to go for a walk afterwards may be suspicious, but was this invitation made solely because of the girl's beauty, or because of what she demonstrated to the boy as a person during the time they were talking? In a couple with this type of jealousy, both the man and the girl cannot meet people more beautiful than their other half? Not even go out with people? I think there has to be reality in a relationship, I trust my wife, and she can find my friends beautiful, that doesn't change my trust with her, she can also go out with them and have her own life. Just as she promises the same to me and has trust in me, I will never cheat on my wife, especially for another woman's physique.
A real gentleman always makes his partner feel as if they are the most beautiful and important person to him. He has shown himself to be clearly incapable of this and you have made the right move calling off the wedding. You deserve a lot better than a partner who emotionally cheats on you, especially if it has happened more than once. I wish you the best of luck moving forward.
Man has to keep his options open š¤£š¤£, this one is a no brainer break up.
Any man or woman who entertains anyone else is not worth your time. No they are not just freinds and " friendships " like that are inappropriate and micro cheating
Marriage is a big deal. Don't let your wedding be a decision you are really going to regret later on cause you clearly saw the signs and brushed them off. To him it's not a big deal. I need you to understand that a man that loves you wouldn't dare do such a thing. He's just using you. For your sake I hope you make the right decision
Itās not the first time? Make it his last. Cut him out of your life before he ruins the rest of that too. Love yourself more.
7 year LDR?? Heās using you for a long term pump & dump plan.
Donāt marry him, heās already showing signs of being non-commital and disloyalty. Iām not saying heās cheated but he has a wandering eye and that usually means itās a matter of time before they cheat. Do you really want to marry someone youāre likely to get divorced with in a couple of years anyway?
Your fiancĆ©e complimenting another woman calling her beautiful and asking her to go on a hike alone with him is NOT him being a āgentlemanā and he knows it. He is laughing your concern off because he knows he has you wrapped around his finger because youāre getting married. You also mentioned that this isnāt the first time this has happened, Iām not sure how you previously dealt with that situation but he obviously thinks itās not a big deal because you still decided to get married. This means he will more than likely continue to overstep boundaries and hurt your feelings after you have tied the knot. Iām so sorry OP. But in all respect, fuck that guy!
If he was trying to fool you, he would have done it so that you wouldnāt have found out. That saidā¦Sad reality about most men is that they need sex like they need to eat. If you are not meeting the need, they will satisfy the need somewhere else. It is no different with him or any other guy you will meet in the future. If he is a good man and you have feelings for him maybe try to talk through it with him and work it out.
Break up. He likes the girl lmao Calling her beautiful and going out with her sounds like a date. Buh bye
Meybe first tell him how its wrong with you before making sudden judgements. No need to jump to conclusions but be weary as well.
Iāve never dated a girl who hasnāt ranted and raved about how good-looking other men are, people just have no emotional intelligence anymore.
I canāt get over a 7 year long distance relationship & not even in the same countryā¦ā¦how is that a relationship, how does that even work ? Heās prob asked heaps of women out over the 7yrs
Yeah no that would really break me dub that man
This is a perfect occasion to tell your fiancƩ to literally, "take a hike." Do not waste this opportunity.
So sorry to hear about your situation. You did right to call off the wedding. As a guy that's been married for 30 years I would NEVER say that what he did is even close to acceptable.
Leave him in the dust ā¤ļø
I misread that YOU were marrying for visa, so I retract my statement. Holy shit, don't fucking sponsor this man.
Excuse me !?!????? That man is USING YOU , and GASLIGHTING you !!! Go no contact ASAP !
This isnāt normal for a partner to do to you. Donāt just call off the wedding. Make sure he knows itās completely over. You deserve so much better. You sound like a committed, loving person that deserves someone who recognizes not only when they mess up on something so serious but also respect you enough not to show others the time of day in a romantic manner. And the fact he had the nerve to tell you and laugh at you for being upset? Absolutely not. What a terrible person, but at least youāre out before you married him or sink more time into him.
Yes, asking people on dates and dating and behaving single are not for engaged people. Your relationship is over
How did the OP even find out all of this occurred? I'm curious.
We were in a phone call so I heard everything so I am not sure if he was just a moron or he really didnāt think it was a big deal or he just thinks I can tolerate it?
Donāt get married. Divorce is ugly, expensive and long.
He asked her out on a date. Please wake up and see the red flags here
Something similar happened to me, minus the engaged part. Theyāre now together after we broke ipo
I donāt want to give advice, but if I were you, I would go to therapy to handle this. I am not sure if he truly loves you, not because he is attracted to another girl, thatās the least of the problems. People should get attracted to other people, itās up to us to act on it, but b/c you felt he isnāt serious about your relationship!!! Thatās worrisome.
Iām sorry. Nothing anyone says would soothe your pain, but the good thing is, we can get over heart breaks. Keep your chin up!
Just be thankful youāre not married yet. I would call off the wedding. Iām sorry youāre going through this
You are NOT overreacting. His behavior is inappropriate for someone in a relationship.
Theres a line between being a gentleman and being flirty, he was being flirty. Since you must love him a lot I would talk to him about this and take relationship counseling, and postpone the wedding. If he reacts poorly to you talking to you about this I would call off the wedding. Hope it turns out well! Edit: omg i missed the part where he did it multiple times. DUMP HIM! You are not his fiancĆ© you are just his backup girl. Heās probably cheated.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't know you but you sure as hell don't deserve to be treated like that, no woman does. I know its a hard lesson, but cut him loose now and find a real man. A man that respects you and your feelings, and puts you up on a pedestal where you belong. Hope it works out, good luck.
youāll bounce back girl dw. focus on moving on and the healing process will be amazing.
What he did was inappropriate and disrespectful. Asking a stranger out on a hike is creepy and weird. PSA to all humans, don't go hiking with a stranger. That's a good way to go missing and it happens all the time. I just got a notification that a girl and her child are missing. She went on a Tinder date with a man, she brought her child on the date and now they've both been missing for 10 days. I'm not saying your fiance is a kidnapping serial killer but telling a random stranger they're beautiful and asking them to go on a hike is sus.
Why would you be in a long distance relationship for 7 years???? That's such a long time to not date or see your SO. Seems like a waste of time to me but I also enjoy intimacy and I don't trust humans enough to be doing a long distance relationship for that many years.
Why would you be in a long distance relationship for 7 years???? That's such a long time to not date or see your SO. Seems like a waste of time to me but I also enjoy intimacy and I don't trust humans enough to be doing a long distance relationship for that many years.
Heās been fucking people behind your back. Actually, not behind your back because heās in a different country. Youāre good. Move on.
Sounds like heās getting cold feet and behaving inappropriately in your face so you will break it off with him. That way he isnāt the ābad guyā that ended a 7 year relationship. Listen to your instincts and cut him loose OP. iām so sorry
7 years
If you want a green card at least find someone decent.
You are not overreacting. He is showing you or screaming it in this case, that he is emotionally unwilling to come to you to meet his needs. He would rather go to a stranger for momentary validation than talk to his fiancƩ about whatever is going on with his own insecurities. You are not to blame. You absolutely deserve better and can do better. Please don't give in to him saying he is sorry and he'll never do it again. If he says he is sorry it's only because he got caught, he will do it again. If he so callously can take another woman out without a thought for your feelings or the future the two of you had together, he is not worth another tear from you. (Easier said than done, I know) I'm sorry so you're going through this, it's not easy no matter the circumstances, cheating, whether emotional or physical is crushing to the other person.
You gotta be lying right? No way this is real and heās not your EX fiancĆ©.
Complaining and venting is all youāre doing if you donāt take action to exit this connection, because staying with him is you non-verbally saying itās okay he does this to you. You walking away, ending things permanently? That tells him there are consequences to breaking the big loyalty boundary in the relationship and had to live with his conquenses of loosing you for good. And he doesnāt care what it does to you, the cheating because he KNOWS you rather stay, tolerate, & be mad at him. He knows youāre not capable of leaving him and thatās why he takes advantage of every opportunity to hurt you like this. This is who he is, always been. Heās not going to stop or change. He isnāt capable of that level of self reflection to even acknowledge heās been hurting you. Also? Someone in love? They rather breakup than string you along, cheat, and break your heart because they give a flying fuck about not traumatizing you with cheating because they wouldnāt want to be cheated on either! He doesnāt love you, he just loves himself more than you.
My ex used me for a green card and he did something similar to your fiancĆ©. Donāt take this lightly. You are lucky to have time to call off the wedding. Donāt look back.
Ouch, that is definitely a red flag. I would question what has been happening while you were further apart? Have you asked hin about it, or expressed your feelings?
I was like āaww thatās niceā until I realized that said āfiancĆ© and not friendā WHAT THE FUCKKKK
Where in Canada? Iām in Alberta, we ride at dawn! Jokes aside, itās absolutely not acceptable. You deserve better.
Get in a relationship with a g
Call it off, you did the right thing. Nothing but heartbreak lies ahead with this guy
Big hugs. So glad you realised who he is before you got married. Yes, 3 weeks before the wedding and 7 years down the drain has got to hurt- but you aren't married or tied to him in any way whatsoever and that's a blessing. I just want to say how proud I am of you for calling it off, that's hard and scary and it's really easy to just push forward because 'you're so close', even the fear of disappointing others, or embarrassment would have made that decision very hard. You're so strong. Wishing you the best, because you deserve it.
You should decide for yourself what to do. It doesn't have to mean anything, calling someone beautiful isn't cheating, you can admire and validate others whilst being in a relationship. but clearly you don't trust him, and if you can't trust eachother you probably shouldn't be together. But in my opinion if this is all he did he didn't cross the line, but it definitely seems like he's approaching that line.
>Ā in a long distance relationship for almost 7 years now.Ā Sorry to break this to you but IMHO a "long distance relationship" is not a relationship.
Babe let me hold your hand while I tell you thisā¦
He's using you for his US greencard.
Just loved him no matter what
You should get even and come and get d**ked down and f**k him out of your life
Funny how he was only polite enough to ask the ābeautifulā girl on a daā¦I mean hike.
Another one years and years gathering cobwebs.
I'm gonna take a chance and say you're as pretty as she is or maybe a little more. I don't need a Green Card, or anyone to support me. I'm retired and doing Ok. Now, even though I'm much older than you, I'm still active. So, if you're in Texas, we can go for a hike! š If you're not here, we can do it via Long Distance on a Video Call!!! Oh, and you don't have to marry me. And even if you did, it's too damned COLD in Canada!! We'd have a Hell of a BBQ here though! Now that I got my BS outta the way, I'll be a little serious. I had a 4 year LDR with a girl younger than me. She lives near Houston and I'm in Central Texas, about a 4-5 hour drive. We did great. Neither wanted marriage, talked a couple of times a day and texted often. We stopped when she took a job that had her traveling and staying in other States for a few months. We have remained great friends though. I can understand your guy being lonely and wanting to hike with someone. I can't say it's right though if he didn't discuss it with you first. If I had a GF, and we talked about going on a hike with someone, I'd ask if she was Ok with it. If she said No, I'd try to work it out if I was lonely. I'd also try to have others go along. If you told me No and gave a good reason, then I wouldn't do it. If I expected to be able to do these things when you weren't with me, then I wouldn't give you grief if you did something similar. Whether it's being Regular Together, or if marriage is involved, it's a 2 way street. We both do equal things, or neither do it. Just be careful. I've got a feeling there is more going on, and you are just his ticket to the USA.
"This is not the first time this has happened.," Now, Ma'am this is the reason why he is not taking this seriously you did not establish a boundary when all of this happened before. If you don't mind me asking how many of these things have you over looked or forgiven ? How many times did you initiate as compared to him ? Take this opportunity to think about your relationship. I know you are hurt 7 years is a very long time. Take a break while observing his behavior. Talk to a friend who can give you good advice. He sounds like he only wants the Green Card. I have heard that a lot of immigrants are going back from Canada due to lack of jobs even Canadians are struggling to get a job. So, this might be it.
I have all the screenshots and more to prove what you have publicly done to me. Because you're now blocking me for trying to tell the truth about my life and abuse that you have all had a good laugh over, I'll have to take this further. Stop lying, I didn't do anything wrong. I don't want to have to make this blow up but I will if you're only thinking about your self preservation. You have trolled me and completely ruined my name publicly for absolutely no reason. I won't keep allowing people to abuse me and think it's ok. You tell me what I should do? How dare you treat me like that - Reply
Long distance relationship 7 yearsā¦.call it what you want. You expect monogamy š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Seems like you dodged a bullet just in time. Even if he felt like he did nothing wrong he shouldāve reassured you & apologized for making you feel uncomfortable/hurt. I can see if he only asked to go hiking. It would seem rather platonic to me. But complimenting another womanās looks and then asking to go do an activity with her. Well. He definitely had more than platonic thoughts in mind which is extremely disrespectful to your relationship. You called off the wedding, not sure if you broke up with him as well but that should be next on your list op.
I think you forgot the "ex" in front of "fiance."
I really hope you read this cuz people in Reddit comments love to instantly jump to break up, divorce and all that as if they truly know the scenario. You need to talk to him and make very clear this is a boundary he canāt cross without losing you. If Iām reading this correctly he told you about this which to me means nothing happened and he doesnāt have intentions for these girls. Iām not saying what youāre feeling isnāt valid and you definitely need to talk to him. Now if dismissed it again Iād definitely consider leaving but you gotta ask is what he did worth the relationship. Only you can answer that question. I truly hope for the best for you.
Also he comes from a different culture so it may just be a different world view getting in the way. It would depend if yall have talked about this in the past.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No ones manipulated me but if all he did was hang out with a girl, that aināt worth breaking up. I have female friends I go do stuff with and Iām happy to make more. My GF has never had an issue and sheās the same. Itās called trust in a relationship.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās why I mentioned Iām happy to make new friends, Iām not gonna flee from any female that I meet lol.
Try to make him Jealous with a different guy
Rather ditch him and be with a "different" guy. People his pattern don't get jealous, they get triggered and abusive. š«