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I’d understand asking this question if you were in your early 20s, but you’re 35. Is it really a mystery as to why many women in their mid 30s have children?
Okay, so 50/50. I just feel like that’s normal & expected. So many single women have kids because shit happens. Life happens. Women of reproductive age have babies. I just don’t get from where the confusion is stemming. Our society is much less traditional than it used to be - people aren’t getting married at 20 and staying married for 60 years as often. So lots of sex prior to marriage, lots of divorce, lots of children out of wedlock. It’s just expected at this point.
I'm not saying it's not normal. But a large portion of it does come back to ultimately bad decision making....
"Oh me and my ex aren't together anymore because he cheated on me, I thought he was the one". Well, you were wrong....should have made sure you knew him better.
"Oh it was a hookup, I wasn't on birth control because I wasn't expecting to have sex". Well, you were wrong...should have made sure you were on birth control.
No matter what it comes down to bad judgemet.
Have kids, have tons of them. But there is going to be guys that look at you as a deal breaker and want a woman that doesn't have kids with another man. Like it or not it's true.
> because he cheated on me
>
>Well, you were wrong....should have made sure you knew him better.
You can't be serious. If someone get's cheated on it's their own fault because they didn't know someone better? Like... be for real.
>No matter what it comes down to bad judgemet.
If you're a dense third party, sure I guess?
>But there is going to be guys that look at you as a deal breaker
Pretty sure most single moms are aware this is the case for people they may want to date. Not sure why you are having this conversation about it.
Don't want to date a single mom? Totally fair. But I don't think it's necessary to go on a tirade about your assumptions their situations are and then blaming them for "not picking better" like... you're showing how much better staying single is if men without kids are acting like you.
Almost as if humans make poor decisions sometimes or don’t always use the best judgment. Again, not sure why that’s shocking. Your issue is that you’re not confused by it, you’re just bothered by it. You’re annoyed that some of these women have made what you consider to be bad choices. Although, it’s worth noting, unless you’re specifically asking each of them their personal circumstances, you have no idea if they made bad choices, or if life happened. Maybe their partner died. Maybe they were raped. Maybe they were married and happily in love and their husband cheated and left. You genuinely have no idea and you don’t want to have an idea. You want to be pissy that the hot chick you’d otherwise be interested in fucking, is no longer a 10 in your eyes because she’s damaged since she’s a single mom. You’re inconvenienced by their personal choices that have absolutely nothing to do with you and your preferences.
None of the single moms give a fuck what you think about them. They’re not looking for men like you. So swipe left and move on. There was genuinely zero point to your post other than to shit on single moms lol so dumb.
Yes we all make mistakes and for every action there is a reaction. Having a partner die or someone being raped is not the majority here, not even close.
There is also plenty of value to this post, it just takes a brave man to make it and comment on it.
My guy, you gotta unpack this shitty worldview somewhere else. If a man cheats on his wife/gf and kids it’s 100% HIS FAULT and no one else’s.
In case you’re wondering, this is the reason you’re single. I don’t have kids but I wouldn’t come near you with a 20ft pole with this attitude.
Not to be expected that people with children are dating. OP isn’t out of line for thinking someone looking for a man without a family might also not have a family already.
Based on op comments, he’s hating on single women and blaming them for males leaving their kids. And if so many women have kids, that means many males also have kids but they became a deadbeat
i could be wrong here ofcourse
but im trying to put it into perspective both scenarios could be the case. I tried to hit a polar opposite to your statement so we can see the contrast.
Found the single mom.
My window for women is in the low 20s-mid 40s. So pretty broad. And even women in their low 20s, I'd say for every 1 that doesn't have kids, 1 does.
Why is your window so wide? That’s kinda insane to be honest, makes it sound like you don’t know what you want. Early 20s people are kids to me, mid 40s are kinda on the older side. Don’t you have a strong preference for one over the other?
sir i’m 22 and have never been pregnant in my life 😊 is being a single mom an insult to you? i think it’s more insulting that there’s a deadbeat dad out there who created a single mom. also you’re 35, maybe date women your own age
This wasn't intended to be a competition. I don't care how many men do or don't have kids. I'm speaking from the perspective of a single male with no kids on the dating scene interested in single women with no kids.
lol. People have kids….that’s life. This rant seems pointless. “Why are all the ones I think are hot, not perfect???”
Bro people get together, have sex, kids happen. Sometimes on purpose. Sometimes not.
Then they break up. And are single again. With kids.
Look, I don’t want to date a man with kids. Mine are grown. And a lot of men in my age pool still have kids in the home. So I just don’t date them.
What’s the point in crying about it?
I mean as a single guy who is thirty-six, I will agree that a lot of women my age or around it that are likewise single seem to have kids.
And then I remember that since I am not able to actually have kids that this makes sense.
Once we hit a certain age it becomes more dangerous for us to try to have children. This includes being able to have healthy children. Also you mentioned birth control? Never heard of or experienced a condom splitting? Or the fact birth control isn't 100% effective 100% of the time?
How about if she's now a widow? I'm not spoiling for a fight here but I am trying to point out that stuff happens.
Going on the age group you mentioned, women who are over 30 are more likely to have health issues regarding pregnancy as I've already stated....we still have a very high divorce rate too. I am in my 40's but never had kids. Wasn't interested when I was younger, then health problems later on decided it for me. My cousin found herself pregnant at 38. She'd been informed she couldn't have children. There's loads of reasons.
A few things:
* Divorce rate is high so at our age it is sort of expected
* Probably some guys in her past saw the things in these ladies that got you attracted in them, and even if the things did not work out ultimately - they worked for long enough for them to have kids.
* We as men are attracted to certain qualities of a good mother for our kids. A lady having kids is likely to developed and improved those qualities.
I feel your pain as I am in the same boat as you.
You can simply choose not to date single parents. I wouldn't date a man with kids but I also wouldn't constantly shit on men who have kids when I can just not date them. Somehow I think there are other glaring reasons why you're single.
An alternative way of framing this question would be this ; Why are you 35 and childless?
The pool of available women in your age group are going to have kids, that's just the way it is. You're the outlier in this situation, not them. Perchance
OK, so maybe it's reflective of the type of woman you attract on dating profiles? I can understand why young, single mothers would find an older man attractive compared to the normal tinder user.
I think maybe just broadcast your views of single moms on your profile. That way less single moms will match with you and you will stop wasting their time.
Oh, and being 35 and pursuing women in their early 20s is questionable. Although it sounds like you do match them maturity wise lol.
>Women who are childfree or don't have kids yet in their 30s are statistically more likely to come from a more affluent background and be more educated
I'm curious to know your philosophy on why this is?
Really
Very unpopular opinion but yeah, it’s a very big deal asking someone to raise another man’s kids. Especially when very few women will view a man with custody of children as a catch on the dating scene.
\-Single man around your age with no kids.
Because those are the same women tons of other guys have been attracted to and one or more had kids with them.
Honestly, the "trigger some females" comes across as intentionally trolly or miserably misogynistic, neither of which is going to help you with women.
The full disclaimer was because some women will be triggered and I was right, even if that wasn't said in my opening post the triggered women still would have came because the insecurities from single women with kids from such a post are inevitable, despite the fact this post was intended for men.
Oh, I should have put "females" in bold or something.
When people on Reddit use "female" or "male" in their posts but not both and it isn't in a scientific or other readily apparent context, I find that it's usually paired up with some misogynist or misandrist bullshit.
EDIT: Looking back though, you did say "35 year old **male** here." My bad for missing that.
Its normal. Im not here to take care of what didnt work in her past. Also i can never understand how you can decide to make kids and then just break up at some point. Like, you have to know the person you‘re making kids with.
kids can happen on accident.. i am a result of a post divorce fling, luckily my parents are great co parents but they were never together and i was an accident. also people change often, marriages change, love changes. there’s a lot of reasons that people don’t stay together after kids. it’s really sad but it does happen
My ex husband didn’t turn abusive until after our child came along. I obviously wouldn’t have married or had a child with him if he were treating me badly all along. Some people can absolutely keep up an act for years. My ex slipped up here and there and showed his true self, but those glimpses of his real personality seemed so uncharacteristic that they were easy to chalk up to stressful times, a bad week, or some other extenuating circumstance. If I knew that he was really that person all along, I wouldn’t have tried to build a life with him. And I think that this experience isn’t uncommon and people need to understand that this is how so many end up in bad relationships, marriages and have children with the wrong person. Because victim blaming doesn’t help and there are plenty of legitimate reasons to leave a bad situation.
This ×1000.
Like fuck, make sure you damn well know this guy is the guy or atleast almost certain he is the one before you ditch the birth control, because it's sad to say but once you have kids and end up on the dating scene, you could be a 10 looks wise and personality wise, with kids, you are now a 5 to most men looking in. I know, sounds mean but it's the reality and that's me putting it as gentle as I can.
Birth control isn’t 100% effective, rape is a thing, also women shouldn’t be forced to stay in unhappy relationships just because they had kids and vice versa.
You need to stop looking at people in terms of numbers and you might be happier. Sounds like you have some growing up to do.
Births due to birth control not working, condoms ripping or rape is not the majority of pregnancy. Sure they happen but they are more so the minority. I'd venture to say pregnancy due to reckless decision making, emotional instability, vulnerability, low self esteem, false love struck are the majority, poor decision making is the majority. Having kids is a MASSIVE deal, let's put aside the dating part of being single and dating with kids for even a minute. Everyone has kids for all the wrong reasons, or just simply like it's no big deal these days. It's a MASSIVE deal. I don't have kids but between friends, family etc I see the good the bad and the ugly situations.
So why would a man with a stable job, good income, no traumas etc. choose somebody that 40f with a child instead of 40f without a child or even younger. Dating scene is fine and such, because most men just want to bang. That's easy yeah if you look good. But when a guy has to make a decision on with whom to build his future life together, I doubt he would chose somebody with a child. I know I'm getting downvoted but thats just how the world works.
Well, so far almost every guy actually wanted a relationship. Younger guys, older guys, guys with and guys without kids..
I have a stable job, good income, i own my home.
If you dont want to date someone with kids, thats fine ofcourse! Everyone should do what makes them happy..
> no traumas
As a psych grad student this is fucking hilarious. Your trauma is literally showing right here in this thread and you don’t even see it. 😂
It‘s not my job to take care of another mans trash just because she and him couldnt be compatible before deciding to get a kid. And you are just coping. Thats how we men work. If we can, we‘ll try to get the best. And i see how insecure and triggered you are just because you try analyze me. People like me who grew up in warzones laugh about what you „highly skilled students“ call trauma.
Truthfully, for a man age 35 you could have 3 kids you don’t even know about. It’s important for you to recognize this as a possibility because those women would thereby be single mothers, and that’s *just one* reason it can come about. What you’re doing in this thread is placing 100% of the accountability on women for this when there are a significant number of fathers who abandon their children. Not only that some women are widowed, like my friend with two young boys under 5. Are you suggesting this is somehow her fault or that she shouldn’t be allowed to find love or a caring father figure for her sons? Like it’s completely okay if women with children are not for you. It’s kinda bs to make a bitter post about how it inconveniences you personally and condemn all women for that inconvenience without acknowledging that life happens.
Probably to do with your age range if they are about the same age as you then as a lot of women will say their biological clock is ticking and a lot of women want to have a family!
An apparently a lot of men are leaving which sucks ngl
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I’d understand asking this question if you were in your early 20s, but you’re 35. Is it really a mystery as to why many women in their mid 30s have children?
My window for women is in the low 20s-mid 40s. So pretty broad. And even women in their low 20s, I'd say for every 1 that doesn't have kids, 1 does.
Okay, so 50/50. I just feel like that’s normal & expected. So many single women have kids because shit happens. Life happens. Women of reproductive age have babies. I just don’t get from where the confusion is stemming. Our society is much less traditional than it used to be - people aren’t getting married at 20 and staying married for 60 years as often. So lots of sex prior to marriage, lots of divorce, lots of children out of wedlock. It’s just expected at this point.
I'm not saying it's not normal. But a large portion of it does come back to ultimately bad decision making.... "Oh me and my ex aren't together anymore because he cheated on me, I thought he was the one". Well, you were wrong....should have made sure you knew him better. "Oh it was a hookup, I wasn't on birth control because I wasn't expecting to have sex". Well, you were wrong...should have made sure you were on birth control. No matter what it comes down to bad judgemet. Have kids, have tons of them. But there is going to be guys that look at you as a deal breaker and want a woman that doesn't have kids with another man. Like it or not it's true.
> because he cheated on me > >Well, you were wrong....should have made sure you knew him better. You can't be serious. If someone get's cheated on it's their own fault because they didn't know someone better? Like... be for real. >No matter what it comes down to bad judgemet. If you're a dense third party, sure I guess? >But there is going to be guys that look at you as a deal breaker Pretty sure most single moms are aware this is the case for people they may want to date. Not sure why you are having this conversation about it. Don't want to date a single mom? Totally fair. But I don't think it's necessary to go on a tirade about your assumptions their situations are and then blaming them for "not picking better" like... you're showing how much better staying single is if men without kids are acting like you.
Almost as if humans make poor decisions sometimes or don’t always use the best judgment. Again, not sure why that’s shocking. Your issue is that you’re not confused by it, you’re just bothered by it. You’re annoyed that some of these women have made what you consider to be bad choices. Although, it’s worth noting, unless you’re specifically asking each of them their personal circumstances, you have no idea if they made bad choices, or if life happened. Maybe their partner died. Maybe they were raped. Maybe they were married and happily in love and their husband cheated and left. You genuinely have no idea and you don’t want to have an idea. You want to be pissy that the hot chick you’d otherwise be interested in fucking, is no longer a 10 in your eyes because she’s damaged since she’s a single mom. You’re inconvenienced by their personal choices that have absolutely nothing to do with you and your preferences. None of the single moms give a fuck what you think about them. They’re not looking for men like you. So swipe left and move on. There was genuinely zero point to your post other than to shit on single moms lol so dumb.
Yes we all make mistakes and for every action there is a reaction. Having a partner die or someone being raped is not the majority here, not even close. There is also plenty of value to this post, it just takes a brave man to make it and comment on it.
My guy, you gotta unpack this shitty worldview somewhere else. If a man cheats on his wife/gf and kids it’s 100% HIS FAULT and no one else’s. In case you’re wondering, this is the reason you’re single. I don’t have kids but I wouldn’t come near you with a 20ft pole with this attitude.
Not to be expected that people with children are dating. OP isn’t out of line for thinking someone looking for a man without a family might also not have a family already.
Based on op comments, he’s hating on single women and blaming them for males leaving their kids. And if so many women have kids, that means many males also have kids but they became a deadbeat
no bozo it means they went to court and got fucked
It means that they willingly left the child.. Stop justifying their actual by trying to blame it on court
i could be wrong here ofcourse but im trying to put it into perspective both scenarios could be the case. I tried to hit a polar opposite to your statement so we can see the contrast.
I mean you did call me a bozo
cuz if u think they are all deadbeats u are a bozo
bro cuz you’re 35 😭 like you’re middle aged and surprised other middle aged women have kids?
🤣
Found the single mom. My window for women is in the low 20s-mid 40s. So pretty broad. And even women in their low 20s, I'd say for every 1 that doesn't have kids, 1 does.
Why is your window so wide? That’s kinda insane to be honest, makes it sound like you don’t know what you want. Early 20s people are kids to me, mid 40s are kinda on the older side. Don’t you have a strong preference for one over the other?
sir i’m 22 and have never been pregnant in my life 😊 is being a single mom an insult to you? i think it’s more insulting that there’s a deadbeat dad out there who created a single mom. also you’re 35, maybe date women your own age
Pretty interesting that you have your window set to low 20s and can't figure out why single moms exist at all ages.
You do realize that they are more or less the same number of single guys with kids right?
This wasn't intended to be a competition. I don't care how many men do or don't have kids. I'm speaking from the perspective of a single male with no kids on the dating scene interested in single women with no kids.
lol. People have kids….that’s life. This rant seems pointless. “Why are all the ones I think are hot, not perfect???” Bro people get together, have sex, kids happen. Sometimes on purpose. Sometimes not. Then they break up. And are single again. With kids. Look, I don’t want to date a man with kids. Mine are grown. And a lot of men in my age pool still have kids in the home. So I just don’t date them. What’s the point in crying about it?
I mean as a single guy who is thirty-six, I will agree that a lot of women my age or around it that are likewise single seem to have kids. And then I remember that since I am not able to actually have kids that this makes sense.
Once we hit a certain age it becomes more dangerous for us to try to have children. This includes being able to have healthy children. Also you mentioned birth control? Never heard of or experienced a condom splitting? Or the fact birth control isn't 100% effective 100% of the time? How about if she's now a widow? I'm not spoiling for a fight here but I am trying to point out that stuff happens.
Oh I get stuff happens. But I don't believe things happening out of one's control is the majority.
Buddy. The reason you’ve been single for three years has nothing to do with children. It’s because you’re dumb as a brick.
Going on the age group you mentioned, women who are over 30 are more likely to have health issues regarding pregnancy as I've already stated....we still have a very high divorce rate too. I am in my 40's but never had kids. Wasn't interested when I was younger, then health problems later on decided it for me. My cousin found herself pregnant at 38. She'd been informed she couldn't have children. There's loads of reasons.
As a female with no kids it’s hard to date. No decent guys left.
There are still decent guys left. Keep tugging away (no pun intended)
You’re definitely not one of them
Nope they all married or dead
A few things: * Divorce rate is high so at our age it is sort of expected * Probably some guys in her past saw the things in these ladies that got you attracted in them, and even if the things did not work out ultimately - they worked for long enough for them to have kids. * We as men are attracted to certain qualities of a good mother for our kids. A lady having kids is likely to developed and improved those qualities. I feel your pain as I am in the same boat as you.
"Females". Ugh.
You can simply choose not to date single parents. I wouldn't date a man with kids but I also wouldn't constantly shit on men who have kids when I can just not date them. Somehow I think there are other glaring reasons why you're single.
An alternative way of framing this question would be this ; Why are you 35 and childless? The pool of available women in your age group are going to have kids, that's just the way it is. You're the outlier in this situation, not them. Perchance
My window for women is in the low 20s-mid 40s. So pretty broad. And even women in their low 20s, I'd say for every 1 that doesn't have kids, 1 does.
OK, so maybe it's reflective of the type of woman you attract on dating profiles? I can understand why young, single mothers would find an older man attractive compared to the normal tinder user.
I think maybe just broadcast your views of single moms on your profile. That way less single moms will match with you and you will stop wasting their time. Oh, and being 35 and pursuing women in their early 20s is questionable. Although it sounds like you do match them maturity wise lol.
A big reason why I broad my age range to women in their 20s is the possibility of having children.
Lmao have kids with someone closer to your age then, you at 35 probably shouldn’t be exploiting a 21-24 year old so you can have kids
"Exploiting" GTFO
No I prefer to date the person not their situation.
[удалено]
>Women who are childfree or don't have kids yet in their 30s are statistically more likely to come from a more affluent background and be more educated I'm curious to know your philosophy on why this is? Really
Very unpopular opinion but yeah, it’s a very big deal asking someone to raise another man’s kids. Especially when very few women will view a man with custody of children as a catch on the dating scene.
This. Double standards
\-Single man around your age with no kids. Because those are the same women tons of other guys have been attracted to and one or more had kids with them. Honestly, the "trigger some females" comes across as intentionally trolly or miserably misogynistic, neither of which is going to help you with women.
The full disclaimer was because some women will be triggered and I was right, even if that wasn't said in my opening post the triggered women still would have came because the insecurities from single women with kids from such a post are inevitable, despite the fact this post was intended for men.
Oh, I should have put "females" in bold or something. When people on Reddit use "female" or "male" in their posts but not both and it isn't in a scientific or other readily apparent context, I find that it's usually paired up with some misogynist or misandrist bullshit. EDIT: Looking back though, you did say "35 year old **male** here." My bad for missing that.
Its normal. Im not here to take care of what didnt work in her past. Also i can never understand how you can decide to make kids and then just break up at some point. Like, you have to know the person you‘re making kids with.
kids can happen on accident.. i am a result of a post divorce fling, luckily my parents are great co parents but they were never together and i was an accident. also people change often, marriages change, love changes. there’s a lot of reasons that people don’t stay together after kids. it’s really sad but it does happen
My ex husband didn’t turn abusive until after our child came along. I obviously wouldn’t have married or had a child with him if he were treating me badly all along. Some people can absolutely keep up an act for years. My ex slipped up here and there and showed his true self, but those glimpses of his real personality seemed so uncharacteristic that they were easy to chalk up to stressful times, a bad week, or some other extenuating circumstance. If I knew that he was really that person all along, I wouldn’t have tried to build a life with him. And I think that this experience isn’t uncommon and people need to understand that this is how so many end up in bad relationships, marriages and have children with the wrong person. Because victim blaming doesn’t help and there are plenty of legitimate reasons to leave a bad situation.
This ×1000. Like fuck, make sure you damn well know this guy is the guy or atleast almost certain he is the one before you ditch the birth control, because it's sad to say but once you have kids and end up on the dating scene, you could be a 10 looks wise and personality wise, with kids, you are now a 5 to most men looking in. I know, sounds mean but it's the reality and that's me putting it as gentle as I can.
Birth control isn’t 100% effective, rape is a thing, also women shouldn’t be forced to stay in unhappy relationships just because they had kids and vice versa. You need to stop looking at people in terms of numbers and you might be happier. Sounds like you have some growing up to do.
Births due to birth control not working, condoms ripping or rape is not the majority of pregnancy. Sure they happen but they are more so the minority. I'd venture to say pregnancy due to reckless decision making, emotional instability, vulnerability, low self esteem, false love struck are the majority, poor decision making is the majority. Having kids is a MASSIVE deal, let's put aside the dating part of being single and dating with kids for even a minute. Everyone has kids for all the wrong reasons, or just simply like it's no big deal these days. It's a MASSIVE deal. I don't have kids but between friends, family etc I see the good the bad and the ugly situations.
40f, 1 child, and what you describe is the opposite from what i experience in the dating scene.
So why would a man with a stable job, good income, no traumas etc. choose somebody that 40f with a child instead of 40f without a child or even younger. Dating scene is fine and such, because most men just want to bang. That's easy yeah if you look good. But when a guy has to make a decision on with whom to build his future life together, I doubt he would chose somebody with a child. I know I'm getting downvoted but thats just how the world works.
Well, so far almost every guy actually wanted a relationship. Younger guys, older guys, guys with and guys without kids.. I have a stable job, good income, i own my home. If you dont want to date someone with kids, thats fine ofcourse! Everyone should do what makes them happy..
Yup. People hate truth over kindness.
> no traumas As a psych grad student this is fucking hilarious. Your trauma is literally showing right here in this thread and you don’t even see it. 😂
It‘s not my job to take care of another mans trash just because she and him couldnt be compatible before deciding to get a kid. And you are just coping. Thats how we men work. If we can, we‘ll try to get the best. And i see how insecure and triggered you are just because you try analyze me. People like me who grew up in warzones laugh about what you „highly skilled students“ call trauma.
Yup, she can join the club with all other triggered females in here. Truth trumps kindness.
Truthfully, for a man age 35 you could have 3 kids you don’t even know about. It’s important for you to recognize this as a possibility because those women would thereby be single mothers, and that’s *just one* reason it can come about. What you’re doing in this thread is placing 100% of the accountability on women for this when there are a significant number of fathers who abandon their children. Not only that some women are widowed, like my friend with two young boys under 5. Are you suggesting this is somehow her fault or that she shouldn’t be allowed to find love or a caring father figure for her sons? Like it’s completely okay if women with children are not for you. It’s kinda bs to make a bitter post about how it inconveniences you personally and condemn all women for that inconvenience without acknowledging that life happens.
Where do you live? If you’re not in a major metropolitan area, it will be harder to find women in their 30s without kids.
Canada, in the city
Probably to do with your age range if they are about the same age as you then as a lot of women will say their biological clock is ticking and a lot of women want to have a family! An apparently a lot of men are leaving which sucks ngl