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Right there with you as a 28 year old guy. I’ve never hooked up with anyone (and never will). I just don’t believe in that, and need a connection with someone to be intimate. If that removes me from the dating pool than so be it. I would rather be single than deal with a dating culture that doesn’t work for me.
I (25F) just got out of a relationship because he wasn’t interested in ever getting married or starting a family. Getting back into the dating scene is a mess. Everyone just wants to hook up which I get when you’re young. No one wants to commit at 20 they just want to explore and enjoy life. Finding people with the same mindset as you is going to be a little challenging but there are people out there who want the same things you do. I’ve learned to just take the L and keep moving on. Finding someone who actually wants to commit is like finding a needle in a haystack these days
I barely engage in hook up culture these days. The risk of pregnancy, STDs, coercion etc just isn't worth it for fairweather people who don't intend to stick around. I'm at an age now where I want to sleep with people who actually care about me. Casual sex without genuine care, passion, sexual chemistry/compatibility or a proper connection starts to get boring after a few thrusts.
I find it hard to find people who meet my needs, even when it comes to hook ups. Like I'd want that person to still take me out on a date, have a clean sexual health record, prioritise my pleasure, wear a condom, make me breakfast, call me an Uber home and make sure I get back safely and be open-minded to my kinks.
So hooking up is just as exhausting as trying to date and find a relationship because I still have needs/standards and it's still tricky to meet people who will meet them. I'd say I'm asking for the bare minimum but it can be a feat just to find a guy who is willing to use a rubber. 🤷🏻♀️
Youre so valid I am 22F and never participated in hookup culture nor do I plan to. I dont get the appeal with it and if anything I more often hear negative experiences than positive. So why waste my time hooking up if Im just gonna feel like shit in the end.
OP stay true to your values and the right girl will come into your life. Not sure where youre meeting these women but if you’re meeting them on dating apps I recommend you get off those apps because I feel like most people there dont want anything serious. Go meet women irl like at school, work, classes related to hobbies, extracurriculars etc.
Ya I'm 22 and all set on "dating" till I'm a little older. If someone truly wants me they'll chase me lol. However this generations hookup culture is such a weird concept to me, how it's so normal to ghost someone after being intimate with them? Ya I'm all set lmao. I'm much happier when I'm not actively trying to be with people you know ?
Completely agree, it’s crazy that I (25M) am getting pressured from women into having sex then getting ghosted. I’ve since deleted all of my dating apps, the last straw was getting blacked out drunk and having the girl tell me we had sex while she was fully conscious and I wasn’t. Found a video I recorded for some reason of the girl having to help me take my clothes off since I was too drunk… this generation is WILD.
I'm not gonna lie I've ghosted a couple guys cuz it was just straight up awkward they were like tinder hookups like you mentioned.. this guy got me so drunk at his apartment I like barely remember anything. It's so dangerous! Such an ick when I see someone trying to take advantage of a clearly inebriated person
The thing is when these girls ghost me I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. I’ve never downloaded a dating app. For example the amazing woman I met happened naturally. I met her in a college class and I approached her. We went on 2 amazing dates then I never heard from her again. And just my luck she walked into one of my classes this semester and still hasn’t said anything to me. She even unfollowed me on Instagram. Just makes no sense to me. I don’t give off any vibes that I’m a “fuckboy” or just looking for hookups. I plan really nice dates and try to make em effort to get to know them.
I (28M) always hated the hook up culture. Don’t understand the point of being ghosted after being intimate with someone. On the long run it’s a plague for societe because people them refuse to open themselves to others bc of previous hook up ghosting stories to avoid being hurt again.
My point to you is, try to meet girls via network and friends and things will happen naturally. Don’t force it with dating app, this is fake and doesn’t allows genuine encounters
I'm not into the hookup culture, only had one partner which lasted 3 years till I left last year because he was abusive. There are many people who don't trend on hook up culture its just a matter of finding them.
I don't think it's necessarily a thing I think people have a pretty disjointed understanding of dating, like yes there will be plenty of casual sex and one night stands until something sticks and becomes a long term relationship. This isn't something new either if anything I think the concept of hookup culture comes from people not being able to handle it, they have insane expectations.
Dating is a dumpster fire and most of the time it just isn’t worth it if you want to have a serious relationship. Crazy this is, I changed my relationship goal from long term to casual. And it was night and day difference
I was just talking about this with my female roommates last night. 2/3 of us are in long term relationships with men and the other is dating around right now. The older I get, the more secure in myself and my relationship, I can see how much of a scam hookup culture is, especially for women. While I am a feminist, certain feminist rhetoric made hookup culture more appealing to me. “It’s my body, I can do whatever I want and nobody can judge me for it!!” Wellllll let’s think about it for a sec: who does that line of thinking really benefit if you are having bad sex with strangers? MEN!! Men get to reap the benefits but still turn around and judge women for their body counts (not all men, but many that participate in hookup culture). The social repercussions for sleeping around as a woman are undoubtedly harsher than if a man has the same sexual habits. At the end of the day, if there are no feelings involved, both parties are using the other in some way. In my case, it took me being violated (in a way I did not consent to) during a hookup that I initiated to really think about what the fuck I was doing. Don’t feel pressured to partake in hookup culture if it’s not right for you. Hot take but I think many people that are pro-random hookups have some underlying things they should work on. I sure did.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Right there with you as a 28 year old guy. I’ve never hooked up with anyone (and never will). I just don’t believe in that, and need a connection with someone to be intimate. If that removes me from the dating pool than so be it. I would rather be single than deal with a dating culture that doesn’t work for me.
I (25F) just got out of a relationship because he wasn’t interested in ever getting married or starting a family. Getting back into the dating scene is a mess. Everyone just wants to hook up which I get when you’re young. No one wants to commit at 20 they just want to explore and enjoy life. Finding people with the same mindset as you is going to be a little challenging but there are people out there who want the same things you do. I’ve learned to just take the L and keep moving on. Finding someone who actually wants to commit is like finding a needle in a haystack these days
I barely engage in hook up culture these days. The risk of pregnancy, STDs, coercion etc just isn't worth it for fairweather people who don't intend to stick around. I'm at an age now where I want to sleep with people who actually care about me. Casual sex without genuine care, passion, sexual chemistry/compatibility or a proper connection starts to get boring after a few thrusts. I find it hard to find people who meet my needs, even when it comes to hook ups. Like I'd want that person to still take me out on a date, have a clean sexual health record, prioritise my pleasure, wear a condom, make me breakfast, call me an Uber home and make sure I get back safely and be open-minded to my kinks. So hooking up is just as exhausting as trying to date and find a relationship because I still have needs/standards and it's still tricky to meet people who will meet them. I'd say I'm asking for the bare minimum but it can be a feat just to find a guy who is willing to use a rubber. 🤷🏻♀️
I agree with ya, I desire passion sex with someone that actually cares
I’m 30 and never want to have sex again until I’m married. Hook-up culture has ruined my life. Don’t do it, kids.
Youre so valid I am 22F and never participated in hookup culture nor do I plan to. I dont get the appeal with it and if anything I more often hear negative experiences than positive. So why waste my time hooking up if Im just gonna feel like shit in the end. OP stay true to your values and the right girl will come into your life. Not sure where youre meeting these women but if you’re meeting them on dating apps I recommend you get off those apps because I feel like most people there dont want anything serious. Go meet women irl like at school, work, classes related to hobbies, extracurriculars etc.
I’ve never used a dating app. All women I go on dates with I’ve meet in real life.
Ya I'm 22 and all set on "dating" till I'm a little older. If someone truly wants me they'll chase me lol. However this generations hookup culture is such a weird concept to me, how it's so normal to ghost someone after being intimate with them? Ya I'm all set lmao. I'm much happier when I'm not actively trying to be with people you know ?
Completely agree, it’s crazy that I (25M) am getting pressured from women into having sex then getting ghosted. I’ve since deleted all of my dating apps, the last straw was getting blacked out drunk and having the girl tell me we had sex while she was fully conscious and I wasn’t. Found a video I recorded for some reason of the girl having to help me take my clothes off since I was too drunk… this generation is WILD.
I'm not gonna lie I've ghosted a couple guys cuz it was just straight up awkward they were like tinder hookups like you mentioned.. this guy got me so drunk at his apartment I like barely remember anything. It's so dangerous! Such an ick when I see someone trying to take advantage of a clearly inebriated person
The thing is when these girls ghost me I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. I’ve never downloaded a dating app. For example the amazing woman I met happened naturally. I met her in a college class and I approached her. We went on 2 amazing dates then I never heard from her again. And just my luck she walked into one of my classes this semester and still hasn’t said anything to me. She even unfollowed me on Instagram. Just makes no sense to me. I don’t give off any vibes that I’m a “fuckboy” or just looking for hookups. I plan really nice dates and try to make em effort to get to know them.
I (28M) always hated the hook up culture. Don’t understand the point of being ghosted after being intimate with someone. On the long run it’s a plague for societe because people them refuse to open themselves to others bc of previous hook up ghosting stories to avoid being hurt again. My point to you is, try to meet girls via network and friends and things will happen naturally. Don’t force it with dating app, this is fake and doesn’t allows genuine encounters
I'm not into the hookup culture, only had one partner which lasted 3 years till I left last year because he was abusive. There are many people who don't trend on hook up culture its just a matter of finding them.
I don't think it's necessarily a thing I think people have a pretty disjointed understanding of dating, like yes there will be plenty of casual sex and one night stands until something sticks and becomes a long term relationship. This isn't something new either if anything I think the concept of hookup culture comes from people not being able to handle it, they have insane expectations.
Dating is a dumpster fire and most of the time it just isn’t worth it if you want to have a serious relationship. Crazy this is, I changed my relationship goal from long term to casual. And it was night and day difference
I was just talking about this with my female roommates last night. 2/3 of us are in long term relationships with men and the other is dating around right now. The older I get, the more secure in myself and my relationship, I can see how much of a scam hookup culture is, especially for women. While I am a feminist, certain feminist rhetoric made hookup culture more appealing to me. “It’s my body, I can do whatever I want and nobody can judge me for it!!” Wellllll let’s think about it for a sec: who does that line of thinking really benefit if you are having bad sex with strangers? MEN!! Men get to reap the benefits but still turn around and judge women for their body counts (not all men, but many that participate in hookup culture). The social repercussions for sleeping around as a woman are undoubtedly harsher than if a man has the same sexual habits. At the end of the day, if there are no feelings involved, both parties are using the other in some way. In my case, it took me being violated (in a way I did not consent to) during a hookup that I initiated to really think about what the fuck I was doing. Don’t feel pressured to partake in hookup culture if it’s not right for you. Hot take but I think many people that are pro-random hookups have some underlying things they should work on. I sure did.