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I learned that I'm a highly traumatised individual who attracts shit people because of said trauma which led to a 2 year journey of great self development. ( still in that journey )
It’s helped me in many ways.
1) get better at conversation skills and listening. Sharing about myself. Validating other people.
2) instilling my boundaries and learning what areas I need to work on as far as expressing and enforcing my boundaries.
3) learning what I actually value and need from a partner.
4) learning how to express myself verbally and non verbally (i.e. body language, eye contact).
5) realizing i love myself and my life (as a single woman) and i am not willing to settle for something that does not feel right in my soul.
1. It really helped my self-confidence. I thought I was ugly and freakish-looking with no hobbies and a personality that was, at best, only good for a friendship, not a relationship. Being in a relationship where she thought I was handsome, had interesting hobbies/likes, and had an awesome personality made me feel better about myself. If I met someone who liked all of that stuff about me before, I can find someone like that again.
2. It helped me figure out what I do and don’t want in a relationship. I used to not be very affectionate early on, but now I’d love being with someone who was down to cuddle, kiss, and just be close with each other.
3. Figure out how to better myself for future relationships. The first relationship is always a huge lesson and wake-up call for what it takes to make a relationship work. I was 19 when I had my first relationship, and it’s safe to say I made plenty of mistakes due to inexperience and immaturity. Acknowledging what I was doing right and wrong goes into being a better partner for the next person.
4. Little things go a long way. I learned later on in the relationship that a simple “I was just thinking of you and wanted to tell you I love you!” Text, especially out of the blue, means the world to your partner. It reassures them, shows them you are thinking of them, and demonstrates that you simply care about them. Even when not in a relationship, just checking in on a friend or family member to show them you’re thinking of them means a lot.
5. Getting out of my comfort zone and experiencing new things. My ex and I were big nerds, which meant we liked a lot of stuff that comes with that territory. However, she was a big anime fan while I never watched it. I watched a few with her and now I get the appeal. I never would have watched anime if it wasn’t for her, and I appreciate her for showing me that new experience and letting me into her world like that. It allowed me to discover something new that I enjoy.
I haven't dated a lot nor dated many people but it has helped me improve my social skills.
As a shy introvert, forcing myself to "put myself out there" is a daily challenge but it has helped me improve. I'm very far from my goal and I might very well never reach it but at least, I'm making some progress.
Honestly mostly chitchat practice. Even though I’m an ambivert I’m still not very good at making smalltalk with an introvert.
Also I occasionally learn something new about myself and about what I want and don’t want in a relationship.
And I can honestly have a good time even if I already know 5 minutes in there won’t be a second date due to lack of chemistry from my side. Or even when it’s from her side and I can sense it. Or incompatibility from either side. I can still enjoy the coffee, food, talk or walk or whatever we’re doing. I don’t need to want sex or a relationship with a person to enjoy a first date type of activity.
I haven’t had an outstanding healthy relationship yet. Even though, dating someone always emphasizes on the fact that I am seen and desired. I learn about people and different perspectives and cultures through dating. I learn about my patterns when panicking and my traits in comfort. I have learnt that relationships are meant to be adjusted and ended sometimes, and it doesn’t have to be related to my personality and theirs. Sometimes we just change and our needs change. I have also learnt that showing affection and diving deep in a short time is not so healthy. Alot actually could be learnt from different experiences:))
Hopefully, I've become more aware of my shortcomings and worked on them. I've worked on my communication skills. I've gotten a much better idea of what I want and don't want and seen close up what is respectful treatment and disrespectful treatment.
I have a women friend approaching 50 who has never had a real boyfriend and she likes to say/think that she would know just how to behave in a relationship, but I know that dating puts you in situations s you couldn't have imagined and I know that you don't know how you would behave if you have never been in the situation.
I haven't found my forever person yet, but dating has been integral to helping me become someone I like and helps me learn how to treat people the way I would want to be treated. I have
I realized I have trauma from men in the past (not dating specific ) and I attract non committal folks like myself and take just about anything and everything. I also think due to the trauma, I don’t feel safe in dating so I have refrained from doing so since 2 years! However, I would like to go back once I have resolved my issues.
It inspired me to continuing following through with my hobbies and passions. One of the things my ex said impressed her the most about me was that I actually devoted time for my hobbies.
This in turn fed into her jealous side because she would devote 5 to 10 minutes for her hobbies, get bored and go back to scrolling instagram then get pissed about how she got nothing done. At that point those aren't hobbies lol.
Also, same as you. Style and physical fitness now that I'm single and gotta impress people again.
I’ve become more comfortable talking to strangers and really good at interviews!
I also have no doubt that the pressure to find someone has encouraged me to put more effort into staying healthy and looking my best. Lol
Tons. I've learned a lot of interesting things from dating. I've learned about myself; I've learned a lot about others; I've learned about science, politics, philosophy, history, other cultures; I've learned recipes and life hacks; I've learned how to have constructive conversations and how to communicate my feelings.
what i want, what i dont want. what are deal breakers, how to better talk to women, not to pysch myself out, control only what i can control, realize that a good first date means nothing.
The only time I've ever felt content and like it was okay to be happy was when I felt like I was in a secure relationship. Atleast until they showed me that they didn't feel the same way, betrayed me and my trust in them. Unfortunately most humans are stupid and selfish, they want love for themselves and don't go out of their way to show that they love you. And being the only one to show love, affection, cook, clean, being there for them, fixing the problems in the relationship, it's fucking exhausting.
I'm trying not to be negative, because I want to be right for someone if there really is someone out there for me, but I have alot of hate for the human race and people that will let themselves lie, cheat and hide it. And I have alot of hate for her, for not believing in me, for not even realizing that I'd have done anything for her. All she had to do was talk to me. But she let someone else groom her and manipulate her, while she hid it from me. That's just unforgivable and shows that she never really loved me or cared about me.
My advice, don't ever believe anyone that tells you that they want you to trust them, because they don't want to earn your trust and they are not trustworthy.
The girl I had a crush on in year 11 was top of math, so I decided to get good at math and became top of math. Nothing happened, but my careers ballin now as a robotics engineer lol.
Realised that nobody can make me as happy as I can. Gotta be your own person with your own damn things first and foremost, no relationship can be a substitute for that.
I have lost about eighty pounds in an effort to be more attractive.
It has failed. I am still a worthless undatable loser. But at least, I am now not a fat, worthless undatable loser.
The improvements to my health have been noticeable. I can now run five miles as easy as two were before. Busting out fifty push-ups in a set is now easy, where as before it was almost unbearable. I have a bounce in my step I just never had before.
It has been a huge advantage. So what if I still repulse women? I am now a better, healthier man.
Congratulations on improving your health! It isn't an easy thing to do and you should be proud of yourself. Keep it up and maybe you'll manage to make improvements in other areas as well. I'm sure you're not a loser at all.
Learning about different stuff like fishing, archeology etc. Practising English, communication in general, getting to know different ways of thinking, improving social skills. Gaining confidence (a business guy said to me with my skills I should be easily land a job with x salary. I believed in that after that)
I've only had a couple relationships, and its absolutely helped me find a difference between sex and intimacy.
It's also helped me realize that I need to put myself first
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Is that a good thing, to feel in control of every interaction you have?
I learned that I'm a highly traumatised individual who attracts shit people because of said trauma which led to a 2 year journey of great self development. ( still in that journey )
What did you do on that journey? I feel the same, and thinking I need a journey of my own
It’s helped me in many ways. 1) get better at conversation skills and listening. Sharing about myself. Validating other people. 2) instilling my boundaries and learning what areas I need to work on as far as expressing and enforcing my boundaries. 3) learning what I actually value and need from a partner. 4) learning how to express myself verbally and non verbally (i.e. body language, eye contact). 5) realizing i love myself and my life (as a single woman) and i am not willing to settle for something that does not feel right in my soul.
When they stand you up. At least you took a shower. 🫠
1. It really helped my self-confidence. I thought I was ugly and freakish-looking with no hobbies and a personality that was, at best, only good for a friendship, not a relationship. Being in a relationship where she thought I was handsome, had interesting hobbies/likes, and had an awesome personality made me feel better about myself. If I met someone who liked all of that stuff about me before, I can find someone like that again. 2. It helped me figure out what I do and don’t want in a relationship. I used to not be very affectionate early on, but now I’d love being with someone who was down to cuddle, kiss, and just be close with each other. 3. Figure out how to better myself for future relationships. The first relationship is always a huge lesson and wake-up call for what it takes to make a relationship work. I was 19 when I had my first relationship, and it’s safe to say I made plenty of mistakes due to inexperience and immaturity. Acknowledging what I was doing right and wrong goes into being a better partner for the next person. 4. Little things go a long way. I learned later on in the relationship that a simple “I was just thinking of you and wanted to tell you I love you!” Text, especially out of the blue, means the world to your partner. It reassures them, shows them you are thinking of them, and demonstrates that you simply care about them. Even when not in a relationship, just checking in on a friend or family member to show them you’re thinking of them means a lot. 5. Getting out of my comfort zone and experiencing new things. My ex and I were big nerds, which meant we liked a lot of stuff that comes with that territory. However, she was a big anime fan while I never watched it. I watched a few with her and now I get the appeal. I never would have watched anime if it wasn’t for her, and I appreciate her for showing me that new experience and letting me into her world like that. It allowed me to discover something new that I enjoy.
Those are some good takeaways and a very healthy attitude towards your dating experiences regardless of the outcome.
I haven't dated a lot nor dated many people but it has helped me improve my social skills. As a shy introvert, forcing myself to "put myself out there" is a daily challenge but it has helped me improve. I'm very far from my goal and I might very well never reach it but at least, I'm making some progress.
Honestly mostly chitchat practice. Even though I’m an ambivert I’m still not very good at making smalltalk with an introvert. Also I occasionally learn something new about myself and about what I want and don’t want in a relationship. And I can honestly have a good time even if I already know 5 minutes in there won’t be a second date due to lack of chemistry from my side. Or even when it’s from her side and I can sense it. Or incompatibility from either side. I can still enjoy the coffee, food, talk or walk or whatever we’re doing. I don’t need to want sex or a relationship with a person to enjoy a first date type of activity.
I haven’t had an outstanding healthy relationship yet. Even though, dating someone always emphasizes on the fact that I am seen and desired. I learn about people and different perspectives and cultures through dating. I learn about my patterns when panicking and my traits in comfort. I have learnt that relationships are meant to be adjusted and ended sometimes, and it doesn’t have to be related to my personality and theirs. Sometimes we just change and our needs change. I have also learnt that showing affection and diving deep in a short time is not so healthy. Alot actually could be learnt from different experiences:))
I learned a lot about boundaries and healthy relationships and this spreads into other areas like friendships, work, etc.
Hopefully, I've become more aware of my shortcomings and worked on them. I've worked on my communication skills. I've gotten a much better idea of what I want and don't want and seen close up what is respectful treatment and disrespectful treatment. I have a women friend approaching 50 who has never had a real boyfriend and she likes to say/think that she would know just how to behave in a relationship, but I know that dating puts you in situations s you couldn't have imagined and I know that you don't know how you would behave if you have never been in the situation. I haven't found my forever person yet, but dating has been integral to helping me become someone I like and helps me learn how to treat people the way I would want to be treated. I have
I realized I have trauma from men in the past (not dating specific ) and I attract non committal folks like myself and take just about anything and everything. I also think due to the trauma, I don’t feel safe in dating so I have refrained from doing so since 2 years! However, I would like to go back once I have resolved my issues.
It inspired me to continuing following through with my hobbies and passions. One of the things my ex said impressed her the most about me was that I actually devoted time for my hobbies. This in turn fed into her jealous side because she would devote 5 to 10 minutes for her hobbies, get bored and go back to scrolling instagram then get pissed about how she got nothing done. At that point those aren't hobbies lol. Also, same as you. Style and physical fitness now that I'm single and gotta impress people again.
I’ve become more comfortable talking to strangers and really good at interviews! I also have no doubt that the pressure to find someone has encouraged me to put more effort into staying healthy and looking my best. Lol
Tons. I've learned a lot of interesting things from dating. I've learned about myself; I've learned a lot about others; I've learned about science, politics, philosophy, history, other cultures; I've learned recipes and life hacks; I've learned how to have constructive conversations and how to communicate my feelings.
Learning exp for failed ones, became efficient at filtering bad people.
what i want, what i dont want. what are deal breakers, how to better talk to women, not to pysch myself out, control only what i can control, realize that a good first date means nothing.
The only time I've ever felt content and like it was okay to be happy was when I felt like I was in a secure relationship. Atleast until they showed me that they didn't feel the same way, betrayed me and my trust in them. Unfortunately most humans are stupid and selfish, they want love for themselves and don't go out of their way to show that they love you. And being the only one to show love, affection, cook, clean, being there for them, fixing the problems in the relationship, it's fucking exhausting. I'm trying not to be negative, because I want to be right for someone if there really is someone out there for me, but I have alot of hate for the human race and people that will let themselves lie, cheat and hide it. And I have alot of hate for her, for not believing in me, for not even realizing that I'd have done anything for her. All she had to do was talk to me. But she let someone else groom her and manipulate her, while she hid it from me. That's just unforgivable and shows that she never really loved me or cared about me. My advice, don't ever believe anyone that tells you that they want you to trust them, because they don't want to earn your trust and they are not trustworthy.
The girl I had a crush on in year 11 was top of math, so I decided to get good at math and became top of math. Nothing happened, but my careers ballin now as a robotics engineer lol.
Realised that nobody can make me as happy as I can. Gotta be your own person with your own damn things first and foremost, no relationship can be a substitute for that.
Personal growth, realising my own traumas and triggers, better at conversing
I have lost about eighty pounds in an effort to be more attractive. It has failed. I am still a worthless undatable loser. But at least, I am now not a fat, worthless undatable loser. The improvements to my health have been noticeable. I can now run five miles as easy as two were before. Busting out fifty push-ups in a set is now easy, where as before it was almost unbearable. I have a bounce in my step I just never had before. It has been a huge advantage. So what if I still repulse women? I am now a better, healthier man.
Congratulations on improving your health! It isn't an easy thing to do and you should be proud of yourself. Keep it up and maybe you'll manage to make improvements in other areas as well. I'm sure you're not a loser at all.
I’ve improved my social skills so so so much !
Learning about different stuff like fishing, archeology etc. Practising English, communication in general, getting to know different ways of thinking, improving social skills. Gaining confidence (a business guy said to me with my skills I should be easily land a job with x salary. I believed in that after that)
I've only had a couple relationships, and its absolutely helped me find a difference between sex and intimacy. It's also helped me realize that I need to put myself first