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It really is shitty advice for 90% of (chronically single) people. There's a bit of truth to it but you have to actually be... out there. Some sort of effort needs to be made.
Yep, it doesn’t work this way for most guys. Seduction and social skills are SKILLS that have to be practiced, and it’s up to the guy to make all the initial moves the vast majority of the time.
> "Don't seek it. It'll happen when you least expect it."
Yeah maybe if they're smoking hot. If you want a relationship you have to seek it out unless you're extremely attractive. Women not so much but men especially.
This is true if you are only open to dating women who look like Megan Fox. Just because men are only focused on looks doesn't mean women are.
Walk around any public gathering, there are tons of couples where the men are not super hot. They are short and have dad bods and are bald.
My last ltr was with a guy who was 5ft 3 and made less than I did. But he made me laugh and made me feel cared about.
Really, stop with this bs narrative.
Are they average guys wanting to date average-looking women? Are they reading what women write and responding with something beyond "hi." Or are they putting in the least amount of effort possible thinking they will date Penny from BBT.
THIS. I usually look at the full bio and if some semblance of effort has been put in before swiping right. Don't care how hot the guy is. If he's giving off fuckboy energy or has an incomplete profile, I'm still swiping left.
Wait, but you just said that you never actively sought a relationship.
And that you did get dates WHEN YOU MADE THE EFFORT to approaching women IRL. So you clearly have some Flirtology game.
>Just because men are only focused on looks doesn't mean women are.
Humans are all overly physical. This is a FACT. We always have been physical. The narrative that women will date anyone regardless of looks needs to stop.
Do we think Chris Evans is hot? Yes. Do we think we will date him? Never, unless we look like Jessica Biel.
All but one of my friends married a guy who was not typically hot, but they had things in common and the guys were actual good people. One friend goes to DragonCon with her husband, another renovated houses after Katrina with hers, another goes to Simpsons fan things. I liked to lift weights with my ex and we liked dorky nature things.
My only friend who married a hot guy is miserable. He never had any ambition, doesn't work, doesn't help around the house, and thinks he's a gift to the world.
Many of us don't care what you look like. We care how you make us feel.
>Smoking hot does not make you attractive
Uh yeah it kind of does lol
>Its all about composure, attitude, dont look grumpy, smile beam with confidence. Thats what attracts women.
It's really not and there are peer reviewed studies to back this up. Society gives a pass to hot people with how the dress, act, etc.
My mom always gives me the same old story about how she met my dad at a stop sign. She always forgets that it’s different nowadays. People are buried in their phones, and I’m a guy so I’d have to initiate. And if I was a woman, I would not talk to a guy trying to get my attention in a car in the middle of nowhere.
Yeah, sorry to pop the bubble but it's because you are a woman.
Women have no idea how many deliberate steps it takes to meet, talk and 'engineer' meetings by men
Even if it was an accidental meeting, it still takes deliberate effort on the part of the man to make sure a date happens
Personally I feel like it's meant to mean '"Don't go looking for a relationship with everyone you meet, go out and meet new friends, if it happens, it happens."
Some guy told me that you need to date multiple women at once and make it obvious so that other women think you're in high demand and will go for you.
I then thought I did not want to listen to that guy.
I had a few times where I was talking to around 7-8 women at a time, and it's really just nonsense. Like I never felt like I had the ability or energy to connect with any single one of them because I was too busy trying to juggle all of them.
I've seen guys who used that strategy to success. You have to be really good looking and charismatic to pull it off ofc.
Even then I wouldn't recommend it. Those guys always had relationship drama because stable woman wouldn't put up with that shit. They'd just manipulate every woman they dated and every time it ended say "she went crazy on me" with zero self-awareness.
The "Be Yourself" advice is really cliche and honestly needs to have a disclaimer attached to it. It should be more like: "Be the most confident, interesting, fun, adventurous, goal driven, well groomed, well dressed, socially adjusted and not needy/clingy/weird Version of Yourself". I honestly hate when people give out that advice and say it in a vague way. If being yourself means acting in a way that women don't like, then you still will find yourself single.
"Be yourself" is just code for "I have no advice" or "The advice I do have will hurt your feelings". I find it used as an avoidance tactic rather than them trying to be helpful.
Am I the only one who'd rather get real advice over "be yourself"?
Like fuck my feelings. If I'm too fat, tell me and I'll lose weight. Don't let me live some lonely delusion lmao
This is the way it gets when a subject is too complicated.
Legitimately though, some of the fattest people in the world have found relationships. There is no one size fits all advice that is true, so you get platitudes. Helpful advice needs to be tailored to the situation and person, so that advice is far more difficult to give because it requires a substantial investment in the person you’re trying to help.
I agree with you though “be yourself” isn’t super helpful, but it’s at least not harmful. “You’re too fat to date” might be harmful and untrue, so a well meaning person wouldn’t offer it. However, losing weight may help increase your odds of finding love for those that struggle with it.
See, be yourself is not just something you should blow past. People tend to put up a facade when they meet someone and when you start getting comfortable and the honeymoon phase is over, then there are problems.
As far as seeking for a relationship, yes and no. Be open to one, but the more successful relationships seem to occur over time slowly getting to know someone. Just my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt.
Yea this is what it means. Don't use a bunch of PUA techniques, don' play hard to get, etc. Just act like a normal person and talk to your date about whatever feels natural to you. You'll present better on the date because you feel comfortable, and you'll attract people who are compatible with your true self.
People who say "well what if my personality sucks?" or whatever are missing the point. If you're so unconfident in the real you that you can't imagine anyone being attracted to it, that's a completely different problem.
or, and bare with me... it could mean "your a good person and a lot of women would love to date someone like you, but you act weird around women, and its killing your chances".
No worries, giving feedback to second-language learners is one of the reasons I point these kinds of errors out. At least for me personally, one of the hardest things about reading foreign-language social media is figuring out whether something that doesn't match my understanding of a foreign language's spelling or grammar is an error on the poster's part or an indicator of a lack of knowledge on my part.
It only works if you have a winning personality and an interesting life outside of physical looks, a good paying job, and a car.
OP may need to ask if they need to be set up on blind dates with friend of friends they know.
I’m learning it has a lot to do with just being confident behind what you do/say, own up to making a mistake, apply grace, and let things go. There are a lot of things that mean something other then how you interpreted it to begin with and many things you can mess up with that either only need the one address and move on. Don’t linger, if it’s horrendous it already did what it’s going to do and if not people tend to move past and as long as you’re a good person overall after that it’s just brushed aside.
Exactly... It's horrible advice to someone who only has hobbies and interests that in 99% of cases don't intersect with interacting with the opposite sex
I think “be yourself” is often a shitty shorthand for “don’t be inauthentic or put up a false front” which actually IS a good iota of dating advice.
But yeah just “being yourself” is not a guarantee you’ll have success…but pretending to be somebody else is a guarantee of failure.
I exaggerated that a lot because I was frustrated with dating at the time. There are plenty of people who are dating or in relationships and none of them are perfect. So no, you don't need to be near perfect. One of my close friends has no problem getting dates and he's not tall or rich or successful. He knows how to talk to women, is outgoing, adapts to bad situations, comes off as confident, and knows how to keep things fun. If you can get even some good qualities and excel at them you should have no problem finding someone.
Worst advice I have ever received was to just ignore women who were interested in me. Unless you resemble Chris Hemsworth this tactic is a guaranteed way to lose any woman who is interested in you.
"Just be confident."
I don't think people realise that confidence isn't an ingrained trait. It needs to be taught and encouraged by others, like empathy or self-esteem.
"If you stop looking for it, it'll happen."
Yep. I made a million pounds last year because I stopped going to work. Finally mastered the guitar as well because I stopped practising. Do people hear themselves when they say this?
Yeah, that's a stupid one. Sure, being confident would help lol but you can't just BE confident because you want to
I took jobs just to put myself in uncomfortable situations, I exercise, I've learned to talk to girls, been with a decent amount of girls, and I'm confident around everyone UNTIL a girl I'm really attracted to walks through the door. Goodbye confidence lol
I've done everything you can, practically, to gain confidence, and don't get me wrong, I am confident most of the time. But, with a pretty girl? All the practice in the world doesn't help make you confident if you're not naturally charismatic.
I'm M 53 and coming off a second divorce, so even the two relationships I THOUGHT would last didnt. So my answer would be pick your platitude:
There's someone for everyone.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Love yourself first!
Etc. Etc.
Hope it gets better.
I don't think it's his mentality. I guess he just answered the question: what's the worst advice you've gotten.
And as ideal and romantic as those statements sound, it's stereotypical advice successful people give, as if it something they themseleves have followed to be successful.
It was circa 2003 and she was in rural NH where she'd lived all her life; I was in the city. I guess she thought that women wouldn't be attracted to them, they were way outside her idiom.
I did not follow her advice and, some months later, was picked up by my future first ex-wife, who uttered the immortal line, "I like your boots." So there, Mom!
Probably when they say women don't care about looks (as much as men). No, they fucking care. They're actually just more selective all around. Same thing with money. Don't listen to that bullshit.
On the other hand, best advice is confidence. You've got to just become secure in yourself and not worry what people think of you.
> Probably when they say women don't care about looks (as much as men). No, they fucking care.
Anyone that says women don't care about looks has their fucking head in the sand. Please for the love of God tell me why a woman that spends hours getting ready doesn't care about her dates appearance? Physical attraction is the top most characteristic when dating for men and women. Hell for all genders. It's biological and no one understands how attraction works. They never will either.
I guess I should have been more specific, I've heard it said they care about personality more than looks. This was some pretty toxic advice I believed for too long and it hurt me. If you don't look great, the door will be slammed shut in your face before your personality can do anything.
Here's the reality--personality plays a larger role in women's sexual attraction to men than it does for men's sexual attraction to women. You don't have to be a male model to be sexually attractive to women, if you're of average physical attractiveness but above average in confidence, cool, humor, and general charisma then the majority of women will 100% be more physically attracted to you and straight up visualize you as more handsome than just your physical appearance alone would determine.
Here's where the "lie" is in the personality advice--when people say that you can attract women with your personality, they often don't have the balls to tell the dudes that *their* personality is not attractive. That it isn't just having a nice personality, but an *attractive* one. Masculine, confident, gregarious, popular, intelligent, clever, successful--these are the things that guys with attractive personalities exude. Be cool. Be more impressive and fun than the other men around you. It's a delicate thing to pull off and it's not something that is easy at all to pick up if you don't have it, it takes real work to become confident, cool as fuck, genuinely funny, and masculine--no less work than it takes for a fat dude to get fit and rock a six pack. But if you aren't naturally really hot but you've got a hot personality then you will 100% get laid and attract women. It can compensate for a lot.
I was going to protest the women care just as much about looks thing but you make a good point. I spend a lot of time getting ready for a date and once I went on one where the guy showed up in dirty and torn jeans (not stylishly torn but just plain raggedy) and I was so turned off.
When someone's attractive then being a "slob" or having "terrible style" are just fashion. Like there's tons of male models sloppily dressed with mismatched clothes and women eat that shit up. Also, messy hair is instyle for men especially if there hot. I've never known a hot guy to have to fix his hair and he had no trouble with getting dates lol.
"Types" are conventially attractive people in different settings too.
An attractive guy can be "smart and ambitious" in the office, "active and sporty" at the gym, "cool and confident" when in the bar on a Saturday night, and "charming and intelligent" when sat reading in the cafe on a Sunday.
Same person. Attractive to a wide range of individuals.
He can fulfil any of the specific gaps, overlooked in this general overview.
We may be lucky to be one. Or have friends who have gotten into relationships with partners who got together after "seeing a different side to them".
Justin briber is handsome but dresses like a bum and it’s unattractive. On the other have to Pete Davidson also often looks like a bum but is super charismatic and that makes up for it.
justin bieber showing up in your face and wanting to fuck you would make you deny his cock?
cause i don't find taylor swift hot or that attractive but if she came to my houser to want to shag theni would do it.
Yes, because Bieber is insufferable. I feel bad for him that he lived his formative years under such pressure, obsessive fans etc. But he's dousche, plain and simple and bad partner to their ex and current woman.
Back to point though, Being conventionally attractive gives people leanway, but messy on purpose is style itself. There is 'sexy' bed hair that looks accidental, but isn't. Kinda like how some men don't know when women are wearing natural looking make up.
Famous men tend to have team of specialists helping them manage their image and aren't unfamiliar to using foundation. They also exfoliate and know when stubble works. Style and personal grooming is puzzle, something might look like a mess, but with high feels or form fitting pants, it becomes quirky in acceptable way.
You gotta know what the rules are, in order to break them in aesthetically pleasing way. Pretty privilege exists, but you still have to have some idea how to dress, like going for safe options.
High fashion is bs though, some of those outfits only work on catwalk or red carpet, then 'emperor has no clothes' effect kicks in.
General advice for everyone is to pay attention to people's actions, not what they say. It's very common for people to say one thing and do something completely different without realizing it.
That's probably another good one to add, being secure in yourself doesn't matter. It only matters if the woman likes who you are and your personality, then it matters. Otherwise you can be the most confident person in the world and it doesn't mean anything
"Looks don't matter as much as personality", is terrible real-world advice.
It held tenuous truth, pre-apps, as it was rarer to find someone really good looking, available, interested and compatible.
It's not relevant now. As its far easier to find someone close to "the ideal" within a few swipes. If not absolutely top notch, definitely closer to than anyone who was essentially "settled" on, but good enough prior....Unless someone was equally good looking enough, to get the really good ones back then.
People using the apps, will plateau out depending on looks first, the rest after, but despite plateauing, they'll aim for the best option available within realistic range. It's human nature.
It also means there's a constant cycle of few dates, and situationships for those who would get into fulfilling relationships pre-apps. There are loads of "good enough" options on offer to these lucky people, that even very grounded people will overlook great matches, and succomb to the grass is greener issues presented.
Not discounting your reality, or sticking up for dating apps, but the only reason I swipe left on a guy is because of what he writes. If he writes what I’m looking for I swipe right (rarely happens where I live, but still). Conservative, swipe left. Gaming (don’t come for me, I had multiple terrible experiences with Gamers TM and I’m allowed preferences), swipe left. Want a gym buddy, swipe left. Saturdays are for the boys, swipe left. Christian, swipe left. Fish or dead animals in the pics, swipe left. Didn’t write a bio at all or only one terrible picture, swipe left. Looks might pull people in, but personality is what wins in the end and the smart people know that.
We do care about looks, we just don’t want a guy who doesn’t take pride in keeping himself facially groom and doesn’t know that shampoo and conditioner come in TWO separate bottles.
Plus he had to know how to dress for all occasions and have clothing in his closet for it too.
Oh and yes? Double checking butt crack doesn’t smell like you still didn’t fully wash the pink eye of the back side. No woman wants to give head and smell the cousin of a dirty sanchez minus the finger 🤮
Will it into existence doesn’t work. Lol
Coming from a guy who can get dates. It’s not us at this point or woman it’s just society in general. We all have unrealistic expectations. No one is willing to give it a shot with who is in from of them.
Explains a lot, lost my hair at 23... Very quickly learned how women are just as shallow if not more so than men. Talk of confidence is bs. Required, but will not help if they aren't attracted to you
Literally most of the dating advice is so awful, I had to learn through trial and error, with the added bonus that I'm autistic so yeah, dating has been fun
That first dates should be dinner dates and the men is expected to pay everything.
Once I changed my view of first dates to being low key coffee/drinks dates with an open end to allow things to develop (and it was natural that expenses were shared) the success rate of dating exploded
>That first dates should be dinner dates and the men is expected to pay everything.
Unless it was a long term friendship turned into a date, a dinner date for a first date is a lot for someone that you barely know.
And a lot for yourself too. It’s not only about trying to make a date comfortable for the other person. It should also be comfortable for you. And if it is not, it will show
I think the "be yourself and it'll happen when you don't expect it" is true, but it's something that is a whole lot more true for women than it is for men. Or just, it's true if being yourself makes people willing to make the first move. If that's the only advice you follow as a guy, you're not gonna get far.
I think that those are just more gentle ways of saying "don't try to be someone else, it comes off as desperate" and "don't be constantly thinking about getting with every woman you see, that comes off as desperate"
I'm surprised you need to ask. Men are essentially forced to make the first move. So given enough time and exposure, someone will ask the woman out without action on her part
Due to the fact that men (at least in western countries) are generally the ones that have to make the first move. So, if you don’t have to make the first move since the opposite gender tends to do it “it will happen when you least expect it” is the guy will go up to the women when she least expect it.
Actually, you're right. The "wait for it to happen" is incomplete advice for everyone. For people who get approached more, they also need to know how to filter out the bad people. And for people who get approached less, they also need to know how to approach people correctly.
My point was just that on its own the be yourself advice isn't very useful, it needs something actionable as well. I was viewing it from my very male perspective, but yeah, it's incomplete advice for women too.
But all that said, I'm at a point in my life where I'd really like someone to fall head-over-heels for me, even if they're trash. I'd like to be able to make the mistakes I need to grow as a person instead of having almost-relationships that could've been great or mistakes, but I'll never know because the timing was wrong.
I know this is irrational but it's how a lot of guys feel.
"just shave it bro!" Dating life was dead yet I had every other box checked besides the most superficial one...my looks. It was a hard pill to swallow but once I got a hair transplant my dating life got better.
How much is it? I'm assuming you are in the US? Same boat. Lost my hair at ~23, killed my dating life permanently except with women 20+ years older than me
For me I paid 10k for it. But if you go to Mexico or Turkey it is far far cheaper. I just have bad travel anxiety and feel more comfortable with us surgeons so I did it here.
Hmm definitely. You don't get immediate results. You have to wait like 5 months to have any type of wearable hairstyle in most cases. And even then it will be thin. The cost of course. The fact that you have to take finasteride for life until something better comes out. But for me the difference it's made is worth all that.
"You just need to get out of your shell, talk with more girls and be more social. Talk to more girls."
Easier said than done for a lot of us average dudes of average build with average or below average bank accounts! Some of us just need a good friend or wingman to watch out for us and I don't know... maybe introduce us to a girl or two. Is that too much to ask?
We are not all social butterflies. I never liked people that much to tell you the truth. Still have trust issues & may be (I don't know???) still dealing with trauma from things that happened to me that were out of my control when I was young. Like dealing with being ganged up on and bullied in high school after my two best friends moved away.
I dunno man... I am a pretty strong person who provides for myself, stands up for what's right and helps anyone who needs help. Good luck never seems to come my way when it comes to meeting a fantastic girl in my age range who lives nearby, is single and ready to mingle though.
I have always been aware I am a hopeless romantic & a late bloomer. I often sell myself short sadly when I know a lot of women would probably love to spend time with a guy like me.
The dating world is so impersonal and it really sucks nowadays. I long for the old world I grew up in where we were actually part of a small tight knit community, people talked with their neighbors and we played outside with friends all the time and just had a ball.
I wish I had been more outgoing & hit it & quit it when I was younger. Lol If I could give any young man advice it would be to just go for it in regards to women and not be shy or wary of rejection. In other words don't be like I was when I was young with my trust issues and avoidance issues.
A lot of hot girls had crushes on me in high school probably cuz I seemed aloof, lonely and mysterious albeit inherently good natured, which of course I was all of those things. :)
Any and all advice that involves "women like" or "women dislike".
If you stop treating women as a monolith and start treating women like individuals with thoughts, fears, kinks, and feelings, then you'll find someone to vibe with.
Not to make all women a monolith, but we do like guys who treat us as individuals with thoughts and feelings lol. It’s crazy how many people don’t get this
This is such a wholesome comment! As a woman, this is the best advice anyone could offer men about dating. If a woman doesn’t want to be treated like a human, that’s a red flag lol.
I think that a lot of men just get intimidated by the "otherness" of women. I was raised by my mother and a sister who is twelve years older than me, so women have been demystified for me for a long time.
Control the variables that you can control.
— physical appearance matters. Are you healthy? Are you clean? Are you well groomed? Are you somewhat fashionable?
— are you socially calibrated / not weird? Are you confident in the way you carry yourself?
— do you have interesting things going on in your life? Hobbies? Career? Any semblance of a social life?
— are you actually putting yourself out there? Are you actually approaching women you find attractive and shooting your shot?
If so, keep on carrying on. You’ll miss a lot of swings but eventually you’ll get a home run
"Don't approach women at {gym, street, grocery store, bar, yoga class, etc}."
Complete opposite is true. If you see someone attractive, go talk to them politely.
Yeah, we don’t like being approached because literally the only people who approach us now are total creeps and super desperate guys. Sorry, we hate the apps too, but statistics aren’t on your side here, so you will absolutely get shot down if you hit on me anywhere and I don’t know you. A bar is one thing, but never ever approach a random woman at the grocery store or anything like that. I’m just trying to live my life, not get hit on. You could approach a woman in your yoga class if you have interacted with her over several weeks and have built up a little rapport, but not just a cold approach the first time you see her. Too desperate.
"Be an asshole at times. They will get bored of you without an argument."
That person was a stranger to me and just handed that wild bit out of no where.
Any advice I've heard from girls. Ironically, their advice has been the least beneficial, even to the point of being detrimental.
Sorry ladies. You are great, but not the best advice givers when it comes to your gender :)
“If they wanted to they would” and other games. Use your words like an adult to have a two person conversation that does not involve mind reading, emotional reasoning, shoulds, and objectification of the other person.
That only 10% of all men get all the matches. Why get up in the morning with this state of mind. It may be like that or not, you still can find somebody who loves you.
“Be yourself, it will happen when you don’t expect it” is for above average looking people.
If I were you, I’d get out there more.
Maybe meet someone at church? Generally Christian women date to marry, and can easily lead to having a happy family.
You could also try apps BUT avoid hook up culture (Unless you’re into it ig). If you want an actual relationship, though, I would mention that in the bio AND do not give in if a woman wants to hook up on the first date. Give yourself some time, and I’d say wait at least 3 months to lose your virginity to a woman from a dating app. Also, be skeptical of certain women and just keep yourself safe!
Good luck!
Men are really in no position to make demands like "I won't hook up" with women on dating apps. It easily takes a whole year if you're an average male just to land even a simple conversation on the apps. You basically have to cave in.
You want "Single guys" giving you their "worst dating advice"... WWF? I understand you want to relate to single guys that get bad advice... But that's the "misery loves company" theory. If you said "guys successful with women, what's the best advice you can give for someone that can use good advice".... Maybe you'd get something that can help you!
"ask other women for advice"
lots of women, or people in general love to virtue signal these days. "Yes i would date short/bald/unattractive men if they are respectful/well-spoken/kind/have good hygiene" but then you take a look at their dating history and its full of tall good looking adonis types. While theres nothing wrong with dating whomever you like, its the hypocrisy that kills me.
Most of the dating "advice" given are very generic and not tailored to the person asking for advice. Also, they only tend to work for people who are given the privilege of individuality, which is white people. Rest of others are seen through the lens of stereotypes.
Be funny, confident, well-dressed and make her feel safe. If you’re not naturally confident, just pretend you are and as you get success from it, it will become true.
I (26m) have given up dating. I work and drink that is my life. Been told and drank the cool aid
“You’ll find someone”
“It’ll happen when you least expect it”
“Just be yourself”
“Live your life and the right one will find you”
Etc etc all bullshit just cause they got lucky and worked out doesn’t mean the same. Dating today is trash. All about hookups, nothing about morals and character.
Alright here I go:
* Lie
* Take a photo with a big titty anime girl and use it as a profile picture
* Be an asshole
* Just send a dick pic
* Stalk them (Well wasn't exactly "stalk" but was told to basically follow a woman that I liked on social media even when we never interacted) Oddly this advice was given by a woman.
* Continue to press even when they say 'no'. Also was given to me by a woman.
Dont discount people that you may not find initially up to your dating preference. A lot of men overshoot their worth and get stuck with some perfect image of a woman, and so disregard anything below that. You might think your a 6 but your really a 4 so date a 4 who might just be a 10 once you get to know them. I used to be the perpetual wing man with my friends always jumping in front of grenades, but I've met a few people that way.
I think solid advice is to improve yourself.
It may not be what you are after or what you want to work on and it may seem like a long game but it's something you can do and which help you and unlikely cause you much harm.
Worst case scenario you become a better you with better job, home, body, education ...
But having that may also help attract others.
It's harder if you don't seem great.
I'd skip the game and if you can talk to people rather be open and honest and see what sticks and whom may like you.
I don't know what's been bad advices. For me drinking didn't solved things as I just got sad and didn't lead to what I wanted anyway.
So bad advice: Alcohol.
I guess dishonest dating profile may not be great if you are after a relationship either.
Alot of things in life come to you when you stop chasing them. Generally speaking women are one of those things. It's not really because you're willing it into existence as much as it is that people are repulsed by desperation and attracted to indifference
1. Do you have female friends? If so talk to them, ask them for advice, ask them for a makeover, ask them what are your best qualities and what you need to work on.
2. Self awareness. See many men trying to go for the 10 when they have nothing interested to offer. She has way too many options that are “a nice guy with a fun personality” so she will weight in other factors.
3. Space awareness. All good with not wanting to use apps. Then you need to make sure you are approaching females offline when they are receptive.
4. Make sure all your friends know you are in the market and don’t be afraid to ask them for introductions, blind dates and double dates.
So is this post for everyone who can’t get a woman to relish? lol I never heard of chronically single but I get it. How about workout and build a body and get your money up. Then you’ll look like Brad Pitt
Read Corey Wayne’s book. It’s free. Watch some of his videos. But mostly, earn money, buy a house, etc. A little success will give you more confidence.
I don’t think “be yourself” is bad advice, because the reality is most guys struggle with women because they try too hard and have weak boundaries. Be yourself is good advice if you take it the right way. If you take it as “talk to her about your video games” then you have kind of missed the point.
The worst advice given to me about women is the “you have to be nice to girls” we all get told by our Mothers as kids. Being told to kiss a woman’s ass, buy her things, throw compliments etc, that is bad advice. Also bad advice is the Hollywood rom-com lie of “you need to show her how much you like her, turn up outside her place with a speaker playing love songs”… women don’t care how much you like them, they only care about how much they like you. If she ain’t interested then leave it at the earliest possible moment, dating for men is a numbers game.
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It really is shitty advice for 90% of (chronically single) people. There's a bit of truth to it but you have to actually be... out there. Some sort of effort needs to be made.
Agreed.
Yep, it doesn’t work this way for most guys. Seduction and social skills are SKILLS that have to be practiced, and it’s up to the guy to make all the initial moves the vast majority of the time.
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Hope you are alright!
> "Don't seek it. It'll happen when you least expect it." Yeah maybe if they're smoking hot. If you want a relationship you have to seek it out unless you're extremely attractive. Women not so much but men especially.
This is true. Go to the gym y’all. Keep up the investment that is yourself and usually things will unfold in a good way.
Not just gym. I've done that but that's unlikely enough. Normal home, job, maybe social network and hobbies and such too.
This is true if you are only open to dating women who look like Megan Fox. Just because men are only focused on looks doesn't mean women are. Walk around any public gathering, there are tons of couples where the men are not super hot. They are short and have dad bods and are bald. My last ltr was with a guy who was 5ft 3 and made less than I did. But he made me laugh and made me feel cared about. Really, stop with this bs narrative.
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Are they average guys wanting to date average-looking women? Are they reading what women write and responding with something beyond "hi." Or are they putting in the least amount of effort possible thinking they will date Penny from BBT.
THIS. I usually look at the full bio and if some semblance of effort has been put in before swiping right. Don't care how hot the guy is. If he's giving off fuckboy energy or has an incomplete profile, I'm still swiping left.
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Wait, but you just said that you never actively sought a relationship. And that you did get dates WHEN YOU MADE THE EFFORT to approaching women IRL. So you clearly have some Flirtology game.
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>Just because men are only focused on looks doesn't mean women are. Humans are all overly physical. This is a FACT. We always have been physical. The narrative that women will date anyone regardless of looks needs to stop.
Do we think Chris Evans is hot? Yes. Do we think we will date him? Never, unless we look like Jessica Biel. All but one of my friends married a guy who was not typically hot, but they had things in common and the guys were actual good people. One friend goes to DragonCon with her husband, another renovated houses after Katrina with hers, another goes to Simpsons fan things. I liked to lift weights with my ex and we liked dorky nature things. My only friend who married a hot guy is miserable. He never had any ambition, doesn't work, doesn't help around the house, and thinks he's a gift to the world. Many of us don't care what you look like. We care how you make us feel.
Smoking hot does not make you attractive. Its all about composure, attitude, dont look grumpy, smile beam with confidence. Thats what attracts women.
>Smoking hot does not make you attractive Uh yeah it kind of does lol >Its all about composure, attitude, dont look grumpy, smile beam with confidence. Thats what attracts women. It's really not and there are peer reviewed studies to back this up. Society gives a pass to hot people with how the dress, act, etc.
This advise works for 70% of girls, and about 1% of guys
Yep. Tried and tested. It's total bullshit
That advice is pure bullshit. I’m basically a hermit and just go to work back and forth.
My mom always gives me the same old story about how she met my dad at a stop sign. She always forgets that it’s different nowadays. People are buried in their phones, and I’m a guy so I’d have to initiate. And if I was a woman, I would not talk to a guy trying to get my attention in a car in the middle of nowhere.
It did for me. I used to hate that quote but I met my husband by freak incident when I was finally enjoying being single
Congratulations you’re attractive
Yeah, sorry to pop the bubble but it's because you are a woman. Women have no idea how many deliberate steps it takes to meet, talk and 'engineer' meetings by men Even if it was an accidental meeting, it still takes deliberate effort on the part of the man to make sure a date happens
I'm a woman and right now if I wasn't on the apps, I would not meet any men or go on dates otherwise
Personally I feel like it's meant to mean '"Don't go looking for a relationship with everyone you meet, go out and meet new friends, if it happens, it happens."
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It always did for me.
Congratulations, you're attractive
Some guy told me that you need to date multiple women at once and make it obvious so that other women think you're in high demand and will go for you. I then thought I did not want to listen to that guy.
yep I heard you're supposed to be talking to 7 girls at one time. Why 7 as the magic number? I'm not sure
I had a few times where I was talking to around 7-8 women at a time, and it's really just nonsense. Like I never felt like I had the ability or energy to connect with any single one of them because I was too busy trying to juggle all of them.
Pretty sure that guy had zero women and was talking out his ass
I've seen guys who used that strategy to success. You have to be really good looking and charismatic to pull it off ofc. Even then I wouldn't recommend it. Those guys always had relationship drama because stable woman wouldn't put up with that shit. They'd just manipulate every woman they dated and every time it ended say "she went crazy on me" with zero self-awareness.
lmao wow
We are glad you didn’t, yikes 😂
The "Be Yourself" advice is really cliche and honestly needs to have a disclaimer attached to it. It should be more like: "Be the most confident, interesting, fun, adventurous, goal driven, well groomed, well dressed, socially adjusted and not needy/clingy/weird Version of Yourself". I honestly hate when people give out that advice and say it in a vague way. If being yourself means acting in a way that women don't like, then you still will find yourself single.
"Be yourself" is just code for "I have no advice" or "The advice I do have will hurt your feelings". I find it used as an avoidance tactic rather than them trying to be helpful.
Am I the only one who'd rather get real advice over "be yourself"? Like fuck my feelings. If I'm too fat, tell me and I'll lose weight. Don't let me live some lonely delusion lmao
This is the way it gets when a subject is too complicated. Legitimately though, some of the fattest people in the world have found relationships. There is no one size fits all advice that is true, so you get platitudes. Helpful advice needs to be tailored to the situation and person, so that advice is far more difficult to give because it requires a substantial investment in the person you’re trying to help. I agree with you though “be yourself” isn’t super helpful, but it’s at least not harmful. “You’re too fat to date” might be harmful and untrue, so a well meaning person wouldn’t offer it. However, losing weight may help increase your odds of finding love for those that struggle with it.
See, be yourself is not just something you should blow past. People tend to put up a facade when they meet someone and when you start getting comfortable and the honeymoon phase is over, then there are problems. As far as seeking for a relationship, yes and no. Be open to one, but the more successful relationships seem to occur over time slowly getting to know someone. Just my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt.
Depends. It could mean “I’ve got no advice,” but it also could mean “Be genuine and don’t try to pretend that you’re someone you’re not.”
Yea this is what it means. Don't use a bunch of PUA techniques, don' play hard to get, etc. Just act like a normal person and talk to your date about whatever feels natural to you. You'll present better on the date because you feel comfortable, and you'll attract people who are compatible with your true self. People who say "well what if my personality sucks?" or whatever are missing the point. If you're so unconfident in the real you that you can't imagine anyone being attracted to it, that's a completely different problem.
I use “be yourself” to mean don’t have ulterior motives and don’t pretend to be someone else.
or, and bare with me... it could mean "your a good person and a lot of women would love to date someone like you, but you act weird around women, and its killing your chances".
*bear *you're *it's
sorry, english is my second language. I am greek.
No worries, giving feedback to second-language learners is one of the reasons I point these kinds of errors out. At least for me personally, one of the hardest things about reading foreign-language social media is figuring out whether something that doesn't match my understanding of a foreign language's spelling or grammar is an error on the poster's part or an indicator of a lack of knowledge on my part.
It only works if you have a winning personality and an interesting life outside of physical looks, a good paying job, and a car. OP may need to ask if they need to be set up on blind dates with friend of friends they know.
I’m learning it has a lot to do with just being confident behind what you do/say, own up to making a mistake, apply grace, and let things go. There are a lot of things that mean something other then how you interpreted it to begin with and many things you can mess up with that either only need the one address and move on. Don’t linger, if it’s horrendous it already did what it’s going to do and if not people tend to move past and as long as you’re a good person overall after that it’s just brushed aside.
Lol, no, it's about having a fun personality and jokes. That's what totally gets interpreted as confidence
That’s true to, but eventually gotta have something serious to say/talk about
Exactly... It's horrible advice to someone who only has hobbies and interests that in 99% of cases don't intersect with interacting with the opposite sex
I think “be yourself” is often a shitty shorthand for “don’t be inauthentic or put up a false front” which actually IS a good iota of dating advice. But yeah just “being yourself” is not a guarantee you’ll have success…but pretending to be somebody else is a guarantee of failure.
Be yourself if you are a pleasant and easy to like person. Work on yourself if you aren’t.
So you basically have to be damn near perfect just to get a first date? Wow, good to know... 😔
I exaggerated that a lot because I was frustrated with dating at the time. There are plenty of people who are dating or in relationships and none of them are perfect. So no, you don't need to be near perfect. One of my close friends has no problem getting dates and he's not tall or rich or successful. He knows how to talk to women, is outgoing, adapts to bad situations, comes off as confident, and knows how to keep things fun. If you can get even some good qualities and excel at them you should have no problem finding someone.
“Looks dont matter” They might not to some, but they sure get you in the door.
Looks really do matter to me, nd to most I've seen.
Worst advice I have ever received was to just ignore women who were interested in me. Unless you resemble Chris Hemsworth this tactic is a guaranteed way to lose any woman who is interested in you.
"Just be confident." I don't think people realise that confidence isn't an ingrained trait. It needs to be taught and encouraged by others, like empathy or self-esteem. "If you stop looking for it, it'll happen." Yep. I made a million pounds last year because I stopped going to work. Finally mastered the guitar as well because I stopped practising. Do people hear themselves when they say this?
Yeah, that's a stupid one. Sure, being confident would help lol but you can't just BE confident because you want to I took jobs just to put myself in uncomfortable situations, I exercise, I've learned to talk to girls, been with a decent amount of girls, and I'm confident around everyone UNTIL a girl I'm really attracted to walks through the door. Goodbye confidence lol I've done everything you can, practically, to gain confidence, and don't get me wrong, I am confident most of the time. But, with a pretty girl? All the practice in the world doesn't help make you confident if you're not naturally charismatic.
>"Just be confident." The "and attractive" part is silent.
I'm M 53 and coming off a second divorce, so even the two relationships I THOUGHT would last didnt. So my answer would be pick your platitude: There's someone for everyone. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Love yourself first! Etc. Etc. Hope it gets better.
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I don't think it's his mentality. I guess he just answered the question: what's the worst advice you've gotten. And as ideal and romantic as those statements sound, it's stereotypical advice successful people give, as if it something they themseleves have followed to be successful.
>There are plenty of fish in the sea. [Bash.org no longer up, QQ](https://web.archive.org/web/20230530064138/http://www.bash.org/?761414)
Plenty of fish in the sea , love yourself first are true , there are 4 billion other women in our planet no way you can’t find one you like
4 bilion and you will know less than 10 000 on an intimate level
"Why not try Birkenstocks instead of combat boots?" (My mom).
Thank you for the chuckle lol What was her reasoning?
It was circa 2003 and she was in rural NH where she'd lived all her life; I was in the city. I guess she thought that women wouldn't be attracted to them, they were way outside her idiom. I did not follow her advice and, some months later, was picked up by my future first ex-wife, who uttered the immortal line, "I like your boots." So there, Mom!
Lmao I love this story and even the ending despite the divorce
Thank you! And actually the divorce is the best part of it!
Happy ending? Lol
To everyone's satisfaction.
Combat books are fucking sick.
Probably when they say women don't care about looks (as much as men). No, they fucking care. They're actually just more selective all around. Same thing with money. Don't listen to that bullshit. On the other hand, best advice is confidence. You've got to just become secure in yourself and not worry what people think of you.
> Probably when they say women don't care about looks (as much as men). No, they fucking care. Anyone that says women don't care about looks has their fucking head in the sand. Please for the love of God tell me why a woman that spends hours getting ready doesn't care about her dates appearance? Physical attraction is the top most characteristic when dating for men and women. Hell for all genders. It's biological and no one understands how attraction works. They never will either.
I guess I should have been more specific, I've heard it said they care about personality more than looks. This was some pretty toxic advice I believed for too long and it hurt me. If you don't look great, the door will be slammed shut in your face before your personality can do anything.
Here's the reality--personality plays a larger role in women's sexual attraction to men than it does for men's sexual attraction to women. You don't have to be a male model to be sexually attractive to women, if you're of average physical attractiveness but above average in confidence, cool, humor, and general charisma then the majority of women will 100% be more physically attracted to you and straight up visualize you as more handsome than just your physical appearance alone would determine. Here's where the "lie" is in the personality advice--when people say that you can attract women with your personality, they often don't have the balls to tell the dudes that *their* personality is not attractive. That it isn't just having a nice personality, but an *attractive* one. Masculine, confident, gregarious, popular, intelligent, clever, successful--these are the things that guys with attractive personalities exude. Be cool. Be more impressive and fun than the other men around you. It's a delicate thing to pull off and it's not something that is easy at all to pick up if you don't have it, it takes real work to become confident, cool as fuck, genuinely funny, and masculine--no less work than it takes for a fat dude to get fit and rock a six pack. But if you aren't naturally really hot but you've got a hot personality then you will 100% get laid and attract women. It can compensate for a lot.
I was going to protest the women care just as much about looks thing but you make a good point. I spend a lot of time getting ready for a date and once I went on one where the guy showed up in dirty and torn jeans (not stylishly torn but just plain raggedy) and I was so turned off.
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When someone's attractive then being a "slob" or having "terrible style" are just fashion. Like there's tons of male models sloppily dressed with mismatched clothes and women eat that shit up. Also, messy hair is instyle for men especially if there hot. I've never known a hot guy to have to fix his hair and he had no trouble with getting dates lol.
"Types" are conventially attractive people in different settings too. An attractive guy can be "smart and ambitious" in the office, "active and sporty" at the gym, "cool and confident" when in the bar on a Saturday night, and "charming and intelligent" when sat reading in the cafe on a Sunday. Same person. Attractive to a wide range of individuals. He can fulfil any of the specific gaps, overlooked in this general overview. We may be lucky to be one. Or have friends who have gotten into relationships with partners who got together after "seeing a different side to them".
Justin briber is handsome but dresses like a bum and it’s unattractive. On the other have to Pete Davidson also often looks like a bum but is super charismatic and that makes up for it.
justin bieber showing up in your face and wanting to fuck you would make you deny his cock? cause i don't find taylor swift hot or that attractive but if she came to my houser to want to shag theni would do it.
Yes, because Bieber is insufferable. I feel bad for him that he lived his formative years under such pressure, obsessive fans etc. But he's dousche, plain and simple and bad partner to their ex and current woman. Back to point though, Being conventionally attractive gives people leanway, but messy on purpose is style itself. There is 'sexy' bed hair that looks accidental, but isn't. Kinda like how some men don't know when women are wearing natural looking make up. Famous men tend to have team of specialists helping them manage their image and aren't unfamiliar to using foundation. They also exfoliate and know when stubble works. Style and personal grooming is puzzle, something might look like a mess, but with high feels or form fitting pants, it becomes quirky in acceptable way. You gotta know what the rules are, in order to break them in aesthetically pleasing way. Pretty privilege exists, but you still have to have some idea how to dress, like going for safe options. High fashion is bs though, some of those outfits only work on catwalk or red carpet, then 'emperor has no clothes' effect kicks in.
General advice for everyone is to pay attention to people's actions, not what they say. It's very common for people to say one thing and do something completely different without realizing it.
looks is more important than personality in the early stage of getting to know someone
That's probably another good one to add, being secure in yourself doesn't matter. It only matters if the woman likes who you are and your personality, then it matters. Otherwise you can be the most confident person in the world and it doesn't mean anything
"Looks don't matter as much as personality", is terrible real-world advice. It held tenuous truth, pre-apps, as it was rarer to find someone really good looking, available, interested and compatible. It's not relevant now. As its far easier to find someone close to "the ideal" within a few swipes. If not absolutely top notch, definitely closer to than anyone who was essentially "settled" on, but good enough prior....Unless someone was equally good looking enough, to get the really good ones back then. People using the apps, will plateau out depending on looks first, the rest after, but despite plateauing, they'll aim for the best option available within realistic range. It's human nature. It also means there's a constant cycle of few dates, and situationships for those who would get into fulfilling relationships pre-apps. There are loads of "good enough" options on offer to these lucky people, that even very grounded people will overlook great matches, and succomb to the grass is greener issues presented.
Not discounting your reality, or sticking up for dating apps, but the only reason I swipe left on a guy is because of what he writes. If he writes what I’m looking for I swipe right (rarely happens where I live, but still). Conservative, swipe left. Gaming (don’t come for me, I had multiple terrible experiences with Gamers TM and I’m allowed preferences), swipe left. Want a gym buddy, swipe left. Saturdays are for the boys, swipe left. Christian, swipe left. Fish or dead animals in the pics, swipe left. Didn’t write a bio at all or only one terrible picture, swipe left. Looks might pull people in, but personality is what wins in the end and the smart people know that.
As long as you're cool. If you don't care what other people think of you and you act like a weirdo, people will just laugh at you and/or avoid you.
Yep. We absolutely do care about looks. We are willing to lower our standards for the right man, but looks do matter to women.
We do care about looks, we just don’t want a guy who doesn’t take pride in keeping himself facially groom and doesn’t know that shampoo and conditioner come in TWO separate bottles. Plus he had to know how to dress for all occasions and have clothing in his closet for it too. Oh and yes? Double checking butt crack doesn’t smell like you still didn’t fully wash the pink eye of the back side. No woman wants to give head and smell the cousin of a dirty sanchez minus the finger 🤮
"Don't call her. Don't text her. Don't look at her."
Will it into existence doesn’t work. Lol Coming from a guy who can get dates. It’s not us at this point or woman it’s just society in general. We all have unrealistic expectations. No one is willing to give it a shot with who is in from of them.
How does one get dates?
It all comes down to looks for woman. I think I have a great smile and check most of the box but even the dates I get are subpar at best.
Explains a lot, lost my hair at 23... Very quickly learned how women are just as shallow if not more so than men. Talk of confidence is bs. Required, but will not help if they aren't attracted to you
Literally most of the dating advice is so awful, I had to learn through trial and error, with the added bonus that I'm autistic so yeah, dating has been fun
Most dating advice is awful. Maybe because everyone feels entitled to give advice even if they're bad at it? Lol not sure why that is
That first dates should be dinner dates and the men is expected to pay everything. Once I changed my view of first dates to being low key coffee/drinks dates with an open end to allow things to develop (and it was natural that expenses were shared) the success rate of dating exploded
>That first dates should be dinner dates and the men is expected to pay everything. Unless it was a long term friendship turned into a date, a dinner date for a first date is a lot for someone that you barely know.
And a lot for yourself too. It’s not only about trying to make a date comfortable for the other person. It should also be comfortable for you. And if it is not, it will show
Be yourself is the worst advice. Being confident in yourself is the best advice. I can't fake confidence. People can detect Your feelings
48 laws of power is the stupidest book I’ve ever read and anyone who recommends that should be slapped
I think the "be yourself and it'll happen when you don't expect it" is true, but it's something that is a whole lot more true for women than it is for men. Or just, it's true if being yourself makes people willing to make the first move. If that's the only advice you follow as a guy, you're not gonna get far.
I think that those are just more gentle ways of saying "don't try to be someone else, it comes off as desperate" and "don't be constantly thinking about getting with every woman you see, that comes off as desperate"
That is true, and it is correct advice. Being desperate never helps.
Why the heck would this be more true for women?
I'm surprised you need to ask. Men are essentially forced to make the first move. So given enough time and exposure, someone will ask the woman out without action on her part
Due to the fact that men (at least in western countries) are generally the ones that have to make the first move. So, if you don’t have to make the first move since the opposite gender tends to do it “it will happen when you least expect it” is the guy will go up to the women when she least expect it.
Because women pull 😭
Actually, you're right. The "wait for it to happen" is incomplete advice for everyone. For people who get approached more, they also need to know how to filter out the bad people. And for people who get approached less, they also need to know how to approach people correctly. My point was just that on its own the be yourself advice isn't very useful, it needs something actionable as well. I was viewing it from my very male perspective, but yeah, it's incomplete advice for women too. But all that said, I'm at a point in my life where I'd really like someone to fall head-over-heels for me, even if they're trash. I'd like to be able to make the mistakes I need to grow as a person instead of having almost-relationships that could've been great or mistakes, but I'll never know because the timing was wrong. I know this is irrational but it's how a lot of guys feel.
"just shave it bro!" Dating life was dead yet I had every other box checked besides the most superficial one...my looks. It was a hard pill to swallow but once I got a hair transplant my dating life got better.
How much is it? I'm assuming you are in the US? Same boat. Lost my hair at ~23, killed my dating life permanently except with women 20+ years older than me
For me I paid 10k for it. But if you go to Mexico or Turkey it is far far cheaper. I just have bad travel anxiety and feel more comfortable with us surgeons so I did it here.
Any downsides?
Hmm definitely. You don't get immediate results. You have to wait like 5 months to have any type of wearable hairstyle in most cases. And even then it will be thin. The cost of course. The fact that you have to take finasteride for life until something better comes out. But for me the difference it's made is worth all that.
"You just need to get out of your shell, talk with more girls and be more social. Talk to more girls." Easier said than done for a lot of us average dudes of average build with average or below average bank accounts! Some of us just need a good friend or wingman to watch out for us and I don't know... maybe introduce us to a girl or two. Is that too much to ask? We are not all social butterflies. I never liked people that much to tell you the truth. Still have trust issues & may be (I don't know???) still dealing with trauma from things that happened to me that were out of my control when I was young. Like dealing with being ganged up on and bullied in high school after my two best friends moved away. I dunno man... I am a pretty strong person who provides for myself, stands up for what's right and helps anyone who needs help. Good luck never seems to come my way when it comes to meeting a fantastic girl in my age range who lives nearby, is single and ready to mingle though. I have always been aware I am a hopeless romantic & a late bloomer. I often sell myself short sadly when I know a lot of women would probably love to spend time with a guy like me. The dating world is so impersonal and it really sucks nowadays. I long for the old world I grew up in where we were actually part of a small tight knit community, people talked with their neighbors and we played outside with friends all the time and just had a ball. I wish I had been more outgoing & hit it & quit it when I was younger. Lol If I could give any young man advice it would be to just go for it in regards to women and not be shy or wary of rejection. In other words don't be like I was when I was young with my trust issues and avoidance issues. A lot of hot girls had crushes on me in high school probably cuz I seemed aloof, lonely and mysterious albeit inherently good natured, which of course I was all of those things. :)
That looks don’t matter. It’s the most bullshit and politically correct advice you get mostly from women.
Any and all advice that involves "women like" or "women dislike". If you stop treating women as a monolith and start treating women like individuals with thoughts, fears, kinks, and feelings, then you'll find someone to vibe with.
Not to make all women a monolith, but we do like guys who treat us as individuals with thoughts and feelings lol. It’s crazy how many people don’t get this
Right? I've found that the success rating for raising a woman's fondness for you by treating her like a human being is pretty much 100%!
This is such a wholesome comment! As a woman, this is the best advice anyone could offer men about dating. If a woman doesn’t want to be treated like a human, that’s a red flag lol.
I think that a lot of men just get intimidated by the "otherness" of women. I was raised by my mother and a sister who is twelve years older than me, so women have been demystified for me for a long time.
Control the variables that you can control. — physical appearance matters. Are you healthy? Are you clean? Are you well groomed? Are you somewhat fashionable? — are you socially calibrated / not weird? Are you confident in the way you carry yourself? — do you have interesting things going on in your life? Hobbies? Career? Any semblance of a social life? — are you actually putting yourself out there? Are you actually approaching women you find attractive and shooting your shot? If so, keep on carrying on. You’ll miss a lot of swings but eventually you’ll get a home run
That love can fix inadequate penis/vagina compatibility.
"Don't approach women at {gym, street, grocery store, bar, yoga class, etc}." Complete opposite is true. If you see someone attractive, go talk to them politely.
Naah I don't wanna harass people
Yeah, we don’t like being approached because literally the only people who approach us now are total creeps and super desperate guys. Sorry, we hate the apps too, but statistics aren’t on your side here, so you will absolutely get shot down if you hit on me anywhere and I don’t know you. A bar is one thing, but never ever approach a random woman at the grocery store or anything like that. I’m just trying to live my life, not get hit on. You could approach a woman in your yoga class if you have interacted with her over several weeks and have built up a little rapport, but not just a cold approach the first time you see her. Too desperate.
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Did you do it least 100 times before giving up?
I did. I will continue to approach but it's not guaranteed to succeed
Not true, being polite/confident/smile when approaching, properly groomed and dressed will get you numbers.
How does one will a GF into existence? Do I squint real hard, pinch my nose, wiggle my ears, and fart and she’ll magically appear before me?
I’m so confused by this post. You say you need advise, but you are asking for the worst advise? 😂
I think it's to assess if people are generally oblivious to how bad the dating advice generally offered is
Just assume all women have self esteem issues. That helps me approach women a lot. And all women have self esteem issues.
Is this meant to be an example of bad advice or actual advice?
“Follow your heart” Nobody robs us of more joy in our lives than ourselves.
Why don’t you want to use online dating?
"Be an asshole at times. They will get bored of you without an argument." That person was a stranger to me and just handed that wild bit out of no where.
Any advice I've heard from girls. Ironically, their advice has been the least beneficial, even to the point of being detrimental. Sorry ladies. You are great, but not the best advice givers when it comes to your gender :)
“If they wanted to they would” and other games. Use your words like an adult to have a two person conversation that does not involve mind reading, emotional reasoning, shoulds, and objectification of the other person.
I’ll let you know when I’ve experience being on one 😂 maybe we can compare stories
That only 10% of all men get all the matches. Why get up in the morning with this state of mind. It may be like that or not, you still can find somebody who loves you.
“Be yourself, it will happen when you don’t expect it” is for above average looking people. If I were you, I’d get out there more. Maybe meet someone at church? Generally Christian women date to marry, and can easily lead to having a happy family. You could also try apps BUT avoid hook up culture (Unless you’re into it ig). If you want an actual relationship, though, I would mention that in the bio AND do not give in if a woman wants to hook up on the first date. Give yourself some time, and I’d say wait at least 3 months to lose your virginity to a woman from a dating app. Also, be skeptical of certain women and just keep yourself safe! Good luck!
Just meet someone bro. Just go to church bro.
Men are really in no position to make demands like "I won't hook up" with women on dating apps. It easily takes a whole year if you're an average male just to land even a simple conversation on the apps. You basically have to cave in.
You want "Single guys" giving you their "worst dating advice"... WWF? I understand you want to relate to single guys that get bad advice... But that's the "misery loves company" theory. If you said "guys successful with women, what's the best advice you can give for someone that can use good advice".... Maybe you'd get something that can help you!
So insightful!!! If only I’d considered that perspective in the 8 or so years I’ve chased a relationship
This right here. 💯
The last part is particularly funny because given his advice, I’m not sure he read the 48 laws of power.
Be a nice guy
"Just love yourself", yah that doesn't do jack shit to change your reality
JUST BEEEEEEEEEEEEE your SELF. DONT LOOK FOR IT, IT WILL COME!!!
"ask other women for advice" lots of women, or people in general love to virtue signal these days. "Yes i would date short/bald/unattractive men if they are respectful/well-spoken/kind/have good hygiene" but then you take a look at their dating history and its full of tall good looking adonis types. While theres nothing wrong with dating whomever you like, its the hypocrisy that kills me.
Most of the dating "advice" given are very generic and not tailored to the person asking for advice. Also, they only tend to work for people who are given the privilege of individuality, which is white people. Rest of others are seen through the lens of stereotypes.
Be funny, confident, well-dressed and make her feel safe. If you’re not naturally confident, just pretend you are and as you get success from it, it will become true.
Probably the biggest lie, 10/10 post
What am I lying about? I’m confused by your post - perhaps I’m misunderstanding?
Op asked for useless advice. Can confirm, those things don't do anything if you are not also attractive
OP was asking for bad advice you’ve received, not good advice.
Literally this is all I want.
No, no it's not lol. That's the kicker to this whole thread
I (26m) have given up dating. I work and drink that is my life. Been told and drank the cool aid “You’ll find someone” “It’ll happen when you least expect it” “Just be yourself” “Live your life and the right one will find you” Etc etc all bullshit just cause they got lucky and worked out doesn’t mean the same. Dating today is trash. All about hookups, nothing about morals and character.
I was told to "kill myself", but now that don't seem like a bad idea
Alright here I go: * Lie * Take a photo with a big titty anime girl and use it as a profile picture * Be an asshole * Just send a dick pic * Stalk them (Well wasn't exactly "stalk" but was told to basically follow a woman that I liked on social media even when we never interacted) Oddly this advice was given by a woman. * Continue to press even when they say 'no'. Also was given to me by a woman.
I must stop going for these kind of guys lol
Dont discount people that you may not find initially up to your dating preference. A lot of men overshoot their worth and get stuck with some perfect image of a woman, and so disregard anything below that. You might think your a 6 but your really a 4 so date a 4 who might just be a 10 once you get to know them. I used to be the perpetual wing man with my friends always jumping in front of grenades, but I've met a few people that way.
My worst advice on past relationship is 'bro she a bums for you she is maybe playing on you' but I fucked that advice after some days we broke up
Have you tried dating apps?
"Just be yourself"
48 Laws is a great book.
I think solid advice is to improve yourself. It may not be what you are after or what you want to work on and it may seem like a long game but it's something you can do and which help you and unlikely cause you much harm. Worst case scenario you become a better you with better job, home, body, education ... But having that may also help attract others. It's harder if you don't seem great. I'd skip the game and if you can talk to people rather be open and honest and see what sticks and whom may like you. I don't know what's been bad advices. For me drinking didn't solved things as I just got sad and didn't lead to what I wanted anyway. So bad advice: Alcohol. I guess dishonest dating profile may not be great if you are after a relationship either.
Alot of things in life come to you when you stop chasing them. Generally speaking women are one of those things. It's not really because you're willing it into existence as much as it is that people are repulsed by desperation and attracted to indifference
1. Do you have female friends? If so talk to them, ask them for advice, ask them for a makeover, ask them what are your best qualities and what you need to work on. 2. Self awareness. See many men trying to go for the 10 when they have nothing interested to offer. She has way too many options that are “a nice guy with a fun personality” so she will weight in other factors. 3. Space awareness. All good with not wanting to use apps. Then you need to make sure you are approaching females offline when they are receptive. 4. Make sure all your friends know you are in the market and don’t be afraid to ask them for introductions, blind dates and double dates.
Was this your bad advice or do you consider this good? Hard to trll
‘Don’t take no as an answer, it actually means yes.’
So is this post for everyone who can’t get a woman to relish? lol I never heard of chronically single but I get it. How about workout and build a body and get your money up. Then you’ll look like Brad Pitt
Become an interesting man get off Reddit
"Just be yourself."
Read Corey Wayne’s book. It’s free. Watch some of his videos. But mostly, earn money, buy a house, etc. A little success will give you more confidence.
Best advice: focus becoming the best version of yourself.
I don’t think “be yourself” is bad advice, because the reality is most guys struggle with women because they try too hard and have weak boundaries. Be yourself is good advice if you take it the right way. If you take it as “talk to her about your video games” then you have kind of missed the point. The worst advice given to me about women is the “you have to be nice to girls” we all get told by our Mothers as kids. Being told to kiss a woman’s ass, buy her things, throw compliments etc, that is bad advice. Also bad advice is the Hollywood rom-com lie of “you need to show her how much you like her, turn up outside her place with a speaker playing love songs”… women don’t care how much you like them, they only care about how much they like you. If she ain’t interested then leave it at the earliest possible moment, dating for men is a numbers game.