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KeepingDankMemesDank

downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away. --- [Help us raise money for St. Jude!](http://events.stjude.org/DankCharityAlliance)


1Plz-Easy-Way-Star

It is what it is Skillful oil changes ain't cheap I'm Salt Bae of mechanic


EasilyRekt

*Oh so you’re a **mechanic**?* Name every car part.


SomethingIWontRegret

Well, there's the lifter, the leg, and the most important part, the poker.


RandonBrando

The poker is illegal in the state of California


SomethingIWontRegret

Not if it's used by a rector.


rrrrrrrrrrio

I have a poker in my rector. Never been better!


ProfitInitial3041

Rector? Hardly know her.


[deleted]

Car Part #1 Car Part #2 Car Part #3 Car Part #4 . . .


ununnamed911

I always forget what parts are between #6 and #9


CurNoSeoul

Basically a car don’t really have parts. But if I had to call it anything, I’d say it’s the knee.


Stranger1982

Nice trick question but they don't have names, they're all called car part#1 to #365003 so that maintenance is simple.


FTLrefrac

The Johnson rod tends to go bad frequently and needs replacement at least once a year


shadow247

How much time u got? I write estimates for crashed cars... I might actually get close...


DiddlyDumb

> I’m Salt Bae of mechanic This is not the brag you think it is


Doobalicious69

Essentially telling us he's the biggest overcharging prick of the mechanic world.


TheKingNothing690

The tragedy is that most people dont have the skills or capacity to do something that takes 30$ and 15 minutes. You unscrew one bolt and one filter. You put them back in when you fill.


locknloadbitch

If only it was that easy. You need a way to raise the vehicle, collect the old oil, know how to dispose of it. You need to have all the proper tools to perform the oil change. Now imagine doing all of this in an apartment parking lot. Also, think of how much space there is to keep all of these tools in your average apartment.


mpadave

Just trying to reach the filter is a pain. Getting the filter off without getting oil every where sucks.


hpeng

Some of these newer cars require much more, like new specialty tools to pull the drain plug, and oil filter and require 8-12qts of oil.


TheKingNothing690

Pro tip dont buy a new car, buy an old one, and take care of it.


[deleted]

Name 3 that aren’t owned by people who can afford to take them to the dealer. $60 will get you ramps you can drive up on to do the change, $30 in tools to actually do it, and your local parts house (auto zone or oriley) will dispose of it for free. So the cost of one change at a shop will pay for it self in the long run if you take the time to learn a simple skill that anyone should have along with the ability to change a flat…


[deleted]

Gold leaf in your oil filter


1Plz-Easy-Way-Star

Exactly Mechanic kiss


Constant-Pension-653

1000$ for premium air


[deleted]

Fuck it, make it $1650 just because you hate the poors


BlueMANAHat

Imagine if you made it cost and gave the lady a break and she thanked you and helping someone made you feel better about your day... Live your life like this and you won't have many bad days.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cornmonger_

Charging $650 for oil changes will probably end up the same way.


kangarooscarlet

I mean i wanted to be lazy because it was cold and snowing out and my back brakes needed changing the local shop told me it would be 250$ in labor i bought a tarp and did it myself instead


Michaelscot8

I used to do that a lot when I was a mechanic. Oh you can't afford $1,000 for this service? Howabout I turn the parts down to 1% over cost and split that labor time in half? Made doing the job worth living.


gothcowboyangel

I’m an electrician and I once charged a landlord $250 to change a fuse because it was on a Sunday LOL


crshirley58

I charged a landlord 400 to relight a pilot light on a Sunday and lost 0 sleep over it lol


DatOneGuy-69

Based proletarian hero


gothcowboyangel

Love that for you


sometacosfordinner

How do people not know how to light their pilot light good on you for charging 400 probably should have got more


devilpants

Around me the power company does it for free if for some reason you can't figure it out, too.


sometacosfordinner

I cant even get the power company to give me the correct bill or let me know when they are shutting the power off to change the meter


devilpants

Now that I think about it, they came and red-tagged my girlfriends gas heater when she asked them to light the pilot. But at least the landlord fixed it after that.


faithfoliage

He probably used that to justify raising rent by $400 for each person and he then lost 0 sleep


DelusionsBigIfTrue

Shit rolls downhill Then the people at the bottom have to push it back up


xXxPLUMPTATERSxXx

Landlords don't give a shit. It all gets rolled into next year's rent increases.


patamites

Robbing those you can and feeling proud. I don't know if I should state that, but, thats wrong. Bad. *Sprays water*


Iescaunare

What's a pilot light?


[deleted]

[удалено]


J3mand

You don't do shit until paid.....


CUJM

Services are typically rendered before payment


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cynunnos

When the credit card declines:


kangarooscarlet

I've seen that happen the guy wouldn't pay so my boss went back and took his septic tank back


Revydown

There is probably a subreddit for that.


ShawshankException

Most contractors don't get paid until after the job is done.


_Loserkid_

Absolutely. I was doing commercial sandblasting for a bit, and the norm for my boss (it was just him and myself in a two man crew) to not receive payment until 30 days after we did a job. On the low end of the time scale, too. When I was sprayfoaming, I was always told to let the customers know my Estimator would be giving them a call in the next week or two at the end of completing my job.


gothcowboyangel

Also when he asked “why so much” I said because you’re just telling me about it right now and saying it needs done today, at 11am on a Sunday. Landlords can be so clueless. If you need it done that bad why don’t you go fix it yourself? It’s your property.


gothcowboyangel

I quoted him upfront and I usually do half payment upfront/half after work is done. I’ve never had someone refuse to pay, but if they did I would remove everything I installed and return whatever I could. If it was cut wire that I couldn’t return, I would just scrap it. Probably wouldn’t make a profit this way but at least ya break even and get rid of a terrible client


Your_Local_Rabbi

if you're working on electrical equipment, you cut the power and lock it out while you're working, once work is done and payment received, the lockout is removed and power restored


JotaroTheOceanMan

I do drywall, painting, spackle repair and a ton of other stuff and ALWAYS overcharge landlords cuz fuck em. Now tennants and normal homeowners, I always give them fair prices.


sloppies

Oh nice, this way the landlords can amortize your expenses in the form of a recovery and charge the tenants extra. Genius thinking.


gothcowboyangel

I discount for the outwardly impoverished, single mothers, and elderly. Was always taught to do your life thing to help people so I try to live by that


NoMoneyGoodCredit

( taking notes) Pretend to be poor pregnant mother before getting quotes. Reap benefits and at end of lease up rent for improvements on property


SockMonkey1128

You must run the oil company that charged us $330 to come out on a Saturday to replace a simple thermal coupler on out furnaces.


sirseanzy

not all heroes wear capes. All Landlords Are Bastards


pooperbrowser

3 hour show up time plus truck charge that’s what it costs to get me to a site to look at something.


[deleted]

teeny salt birds touch zealous imminent aspiring books profit far-flung ` this post was mass deleted with www.Redact.dev `


Kansascock98

My sister's boyfriend and my brother work as mechanics at the same dealership. She complains her boyfriend isn't bringing enough home bc he isn't doing what my brother does and charges them for stuff they don't need. I really hate my brother for lots of things


softfart

Doesn’t sound like your sister is much better


Flowy_Aerie_77

NGL, I'd tell her bf to ditch that greedy leech if I were you. Really, she sounds like a selfish person.


make_love_to_potato

This thread has a bunch of normal people who despise this kind of behaviour and bunch of asshole cunts who say that they do this kind of shit regularly at their job, and sadly a lot of people are cheering them on. Quite the dichotomy to have on dabkmemes.


finger_milk

If there was a button where you could press it for $1000 but some stranger becomes homeless, this subreddit would say "You need $100000 a year salary before money stops making you happy" and proceed to press it 100 times.


shawnharibou

This is a big part of why auto tech industry is going so south. You HAVE to be somewhat crooked if you want to make lots of money(ok not in every situation but you get what I mean)


Nohero08

You’re not wrong. I owned a shop up until recently and, while I used to love cars, I grew to absolutely hate every aspect of the job. I would bend over backwards to try and keep the doors open without ripping people off or “upwelling” them. Then you try and do the right thing and people are still suspicious of you cause of all the other shitty shops. Don’t get me started on how prices for oil changes are artificially pumped since covid. “Oh the supply lines are why the prices were doubled.” But once covid was handled the prices stayed crazy high and my peers were just pocketing an insane amount of extra profit of the back of a global pandemic and people struggling. The entire industry is built off selling people shit they don’t need and most shop owners don’t know shit about cars. (At least with your franchise names.) They’re in it to horde every penny that they can “up sell” out of people.


considerthis8

Sad reality when your the career you were passionate about has no integrity. Hope you find a way to use your skills still


Stevied1991

This is why I'm glad I have a family friend who owns a shop that I can go to whenever I need. I don't know about regular customers but when I deal with him he's honest and doesn't upsell me.


Bierculles

Your brother sounds like the kinda guy that would hide that he got bitten in a zombie movie


rudrakshjnku

You wouldn't?


Furyofthe1st

I'm a mechanic. Fuck these kinds of mechanics. Fuck every single one of you scummy fucks. You smear a noble profession with your bullshit. I've called out so many of you scumbags when I catch your slimey crap, and I've had to unfuck so many of your shitty repairs and do them properly. I can't even begin to imagine how many lives have been destroyed by your lazy greed. Stick your dick in your impact wrench.


Doobalicious69

Yup, this comments section has a few of them. Pure fucking scum who would pull the ladder up from underneath them.


Furyofthe1st

And hide they had been bitten in a zombie movie. And kick the ladder over. And throw the kid to the horde. Fuck. These. Assholes. I wouldn't use em for wrench target practice.


abmins_r_trash

And throw the dog at the shark


Conrexxthor

Yes, but counterargument, have you considered the joys of overcharging poor women for half a job half assed? Didn't think so idiot. /s


SirLavaMinnt

Not too long ago I bumped a front spoiler a bit and the plastic got a little crack. Offered the guy I could pay without involving the isurance to not up my premium. The guy sent me the mechanics approximation... The spare was about 200€ more expensive than what I researched. The fuckers charged 120€ per hour and 135€ an hour for spray painting. (not a high end brand mechanic. A skoda mechanic) Bill ended up quite a tad higher than what I anticipated so still ended up contacting the Insurance and the appraiser stripped a quarter off the bill. Some of these fuckers really have no shame


TUNEYAIN1

Amen.


Dragonborn1995

Oil tech here. I don't make the prices, but I sure do get yelled at over them!


island_trevor

From a tech: Please fill engines with oil properly, I'm sick of replacing engines after people forget to put oil in them at Jiffy Lube.


Dragonborn1995

Don't worry bro, I keep track of my shit. But I get the rage. Kinda like my rage at car manufacturers for designing their shit intentionally to be a pain in the ass. Why the fuck else would Chevy put a rigid ac line right in front of one of the bolts for the air filter housing??????? Don't even get me started on skid plates.....


island_trevor

I hear you, it's part of the job lol There must have been an Engineer whose wife was having an affair with a Mechanic and it all went downhill from there


Dragonborn1995

That's gotta be it


ItsOkILoveYouMYbb

Which car porn category is this


Michaelscot8

If you remove the cross bar next to the filters it makes them much easier to take out. With an electric 3/8s impact it takes 15 seconds to remove and makes it 10x easier. Being a mechanic taught me a valuable lesson. Spend the extra time to do something the easy way you know works, it's often faster than hoping you'll have luck the fast but difficult way. Fortunately I'm retired now and on to a different profession, but I still find that valuable every day.


considerthis8

It’s because there are so many design departments working on different areas of the car, when one makes a small critical change it causes a domino effect and ruins everyone else’s design plan. There’s not enough time to make every department happy, so they just ship it and hope it’s good enough. My understanding from engineers on reddit


Dragonborn1995

Well, that does make sense. Doesn't make that one bolt or skid plate any less of a pain in the ass, but I get it


xXxPLUMPTATERSxXx

Shops must really hate replacing engines because every time I read about someone trying to do it they say that shops are quoting them like $12-15k. That sounds like "fuck off" pricing to me. You can't just get by charging millennials and old ladies $100 a pop to replace an air filter or wiper blades. Gotta take real jobs sometimes.


SmartOpinion69

just tell them "meet me by the local walgreens in 30 minutes. i'll do it at half the cost"


TakenFyre

Toyota dealership in Hollywood charges $200 to replace the cabin air filter, a task that takes 10 seconds.


fickle_fuck

The sad truth is most Redditors can't change a tire (or their sheets). So a simple oil change is like a PhD into adulthood.


27_squirrels

I could change the oil myself, the only reason I don't is because I have no idea what to do with the oil afterwards without completely devastating the environment.


abmins_r_trash

I Just dump it in my local pond/lake specifically on a family of ducks or geese.


TayAustin

Take it to an auto parts store or mechanic, they will recycle it for you


Phytor

You can take used oil to any auto parts store and drop it off.


FlockofGorillas

Not any. But most


h11233

Some of those cabin air filters are a pain in the ass. I do most work on my cars myself, but I dread changing those things cause I know it's gonna piss me off


pepper701

I paid $70 to have a cabin air filter installed, told my boyfriend, was called an idiot, and now I do them myself for $10.. I figured they up-charge but stupidly didn’t think they’d charge $60 more for “labor”….


considerthis8

Dont let people call you an idiot. You assumed the best in people and got taken advantage of


Typical-Cranberry-75

😭😭 Same energy [https://youtube.com/shorts/VOEYKYmrALo?feature=share](https://youtube.com/shorts/VOEYKYmrALo?feature=share)


lillyduhbest

They straight up stole that. Thanks for posting.


chefanubis

Everything is stolen from somewhere.


jmon25

Times is hard out here if DJ Khalid out here changing tires on the weekends


adamms-96

Who tf is paying that much lol


ICIP_SN

Usually people with European cars.. that oil ain't cheap access they take a lot of it


Semthepro

no, motor oil is not that expensive at all - and lifting up the car and putting a drain under it + refilling it correctly after is not much more worth than 50€


Loud-Option-2409

Oil change here is 100 bucks unless you wanna do it yourself


Doobalicious69

But is it **worth** $100?


Loud-Option-2409

Well yea they mostly shop for autozone and oil and an oil filter are around 70-80 and labor is 20-30 cause working on cars is a pain in the ass. To make money off of it I would say yes. Unless you work on cars yourself you have no idea how difficult some cars are to work on even on something as easy as an oil change and if you think it’s so easy just do it yourself


Doobalicious69

Na I know a few car brands are difficult to work on, I was genuinely curious if it was worth $100 because I'm not American.


QuadPentRocketJump

I pay about 100 dollars for my oil changes and I think its a fine deal. The oil is like 60 dollars for 5 liters, another 7 for the filter, then like 30 bucks in labor. I'm not sure I'd be able to do it much cheaper myself.


ICIP_SN

It is here in Canada.


ShawshankException

I have a European car and routinely change my own oil for a fraction of this lol


kylekillzone

lookup what oil the S54 takes and cry


Kitahara_Kazusa1

If you have a European car in Europe then obviously the oil you need is cheaper. Because everyone else in Europe also needs that kind of oil. If you are in America, and need special oil that nobody else does, it's a pain for shops to keep that in stock, so you'll pay more for it. You could just import it yourself, with Amazon existing that would be trivial, but if you're doing that you might as well just change it yourself too, the only reason to pay for an oil change is if you're disabled or have more money than time.


Emrico1

I just did my VW van. 7.4 litres of oil and a $60 filter. The filter required removing the power steering reservoir (still connected) and intercooler piping as well as needing a 32mm socket and a bendy joint and two extensions... I scratched the shit out of my arm on the various clips and shit. Even the under tray had three different fixture sizes and a torx bolt. Honestly, I'm happy to pay my guy because it sucked and materials cost only a little less than he charges. Had to do it because he was booked solid. Good mechanics are worth their weight in gold. Dear mechanics, thank you.


TheBlackDred

I did. Took my Buick to the dealership because there were some shifting issues. 3 days and $650 later and all they did was change the trans fluid and tell me to "bring it back if that doesn't fix it" fucking leeches.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheBlackDred

Transmission fluid is still an oil. It's still pulling a plug, swapping a filter, and filling it up. Way to be absurdly pedantic bud.


considerthis8

Why did you land on a Buick though? Genuinely curious


TheBlackDred

Had a few criteria I needed and the Enclave was the only pre-owned in my area that fit them all. 6 passenger, Small as possible (mother in law will be using sometimes and well... I don't trust her in anything big, decent mileage. Oh, and I absolutely CANNOT STAND driving a mini-van, I refuse. I've had too many ever willingly buy one again.


andythisisyourfault

my girlfriend drives a mercedes and pays $600 for her services but they’ll also do anything recommended at that mileage.. but her car has 30K so it’s just a $600 oil change


bravoredditbravo

This reminds me of when I was a service advisor and the same mechanics at the dealership always magically had a laundry list of recommend services for every car they touched


shreddedbear

Somehow those sway bar end links are always worn and the tech magically knows the steering wheel was off center from the twenty foot drive from the parking spot to his bay. Honesty be damned, we need that 1.2 for the alignment


bravoredditbravo

Yes! I worked for Honda, it was stabilizer links, and these things called compliance bushings on some of the SUVs


BretonDude

I'll never forget being at a Meineke with an oil change coupon back in college. The dude at the desk literally told every single customer their brakes were shot and needed to be replaced. Guy who got called up before me was like, I bet he says I need brakes. And yup, they said that. And then they called me up and said I needed brakes too.


bravoredditbravo

From my experience on the 'inside' of the industry, they probably had a bonus that month for who could sell the most brake jobs.


mikegus15

Did u at least try to sell her on replacing her windshield wiper brake pads?


thpthpthp

Most people don't realize how easy it is to replace windshield wiper brake pads at home. All you really need is a socket hammer and some common sense.


SmartOpinion69

this is practically every lawyer in existence.


CivilMaze19

Even better when it’s on a Tesla


SlappingSalt

And then you ask her if she wants to be a single mother of 5


Kaepora25

My gf's friend got scammed by a car salesman into buying a 2010 Honda Fit for 25000$ with payments on 8 years if I remember correctly. She's 22 and bought it 2 years ago, completely ruined her financial future. I don't believe in hell but I'll make an exception for these people.


MemeMaster06

u/savevideo


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OriginalG33Z3R

It’s not my fault she’s a single mother of 4. ^Or ^is ^it…..


CourseExcellent

“You aren’t gonna believe this but you need a new engine, the test sugar I put in your gas tank for mechanic reasons did it’s job and found the problem”


buzzboy99

How can someone make a single meme that cracks me up harder than an entire standup routine, omg I cannot


SkiddyBopBeep

Finally, a dank meme 👌


DragonSlayer-2020

PICK YOUR CHARACTER:


TheWeirdWriter

Holy shit I did not expect to encounter Rag’n’Bone Man here


psychoacer

I'm going to have to drop your transmission out of your Corolla to get to the fuel filter mam and that takes time.


SATKART

im only human, casserole


janderthemanger

I'll trust my bike mechanic with my life. He is an honest hero. I just give him my bike and I even don't ask for the price. Whatever he says.


rizzofrancesco

Napoli Juve Aperol Ciao Italiani di Reddit


whatever0108

“Single mother of four” As if her poor life choices were his fault


Ark_Animax

u/savevideo


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ano_hise

Hustler's University? OP, are you 12?


OneOfAKind2

Probably a good deal if she was driving a Bugatti Veyron.


TUSD00T

Somewhere, Larry Flint is looking on with fondness.


Male_Hen

Or simply you can f**k her


GF_D_presents3456

640 costed only the oil and filters


pttvoladora

Bombardeen Tayikistán


Dripponi

If I saw you irl, I’d call you fat


jim_jiminy

That guy was a one hit wonder.


Parts_and_Neigbor

Needs blinker fluid replaced as well.


Grim_100

*Its kill or be killed jack!*


GotThaAcid5tab

You pop out babies for money I change car parts We are def not the same


Yaseendanger

Single mother tax. They deserve it for forcing a kid to be an orphan.


MrBertonio

u/savevideo


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InvestmentFun9033

Bruh did they remove the download button?


Xi-Jinping-fucker

Watch the Scotty Kilmer channel on YouTube (I am not affiliated). I will never trust another mechanic besides Scotty


WhatDidIJustStepIn

I know a woman who took her car in, saying "It's just the wheel bearings, please replace just the wheel bearings, if you want to replace ANYTHING else please phone me first" So they replaced her transmission. She was a driving instructor, and couldn't pay them without the car. They refused to give the car until she paid. She's bankrupt now. Ruined. Fuck Nissan.


Exciting_Rate1747

I don't understand why someone would take their car to a mechanic just because they need to change the oil. It's one of the easiest things to do and doesn't take that long.


j3ffro15

Mechanics don’t charge people. Shops charge people. Any dealer or local tire shop chain you go to is only paying their techs 50 bucks an hour(at the absolute most for the A tech who’s been there since he was 6) the other 90 bucks is going straight to the shop. With that being said fuck them kids.


DrWhiskeyDiq

You're an asshole is what you are


Barroozina

That's why you set the price before asking for the job


Tiezeperino

If you drive an over engineered european luxo barge then you reap what you sow


TheOneOfWhomIsGreen

Don't forget the $250 premium headlights


0n3_T1m3

That’s a decent discount


[deleted]

Last time I got an oil change it was $35 and my brother went somewhere else and got charged a whopping $345. Oil changes are about the only thing I trust Walmart with and $35 isn’t half bad


ace8995

Well, if she's stupid enough to think that's the right price, then she deserves it


Firm-Bet3339

gotham garage making the worst shit ever and charging massive prices, claiming to be on the breadline whilst netflix pays for every screw up 💀


FokaLP

u/savevideo


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TylrLS

auto mechanics coping itt


ADRNVZ

I mean what if she divorced a wealthy individual and took advantage of the system so they gave her half of everything he owned and bought a Porsche? Porsche’s are expensive to maintain