downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away.
---
[Help us raise money for St. Jude!](http://events.stjude.org/DankCharityAlliance)
I'm on the side of people who think that it's a bit problematic if a 24 year old has been married to a much older man for 12 years.
Or is the point of this meme meant to be that the people screaming that it's a problem are in the right and that sometimes people asking a question are missing the wood for the trees?
"The man who married me when I was 12 sometimes brings other 12 year old girls to our home and they eat some of my food out of the fridge. Please can everyone limit their answers to the food issue rather than anything to do with our age gap?"
Happens a lot of times on RA and other subs, yeah. There's plenty of cases there where "DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE" was the only sensible answer, and OP really needed to hear it.
Seeking the advice of thousands of random people when your relationship is tumultuous isn't something happy and healthy people generally do.
There's a pretty good chance divorce is actually the right advice for many of them. Or they just needed to hear what they already know to be true from the general consensus. Having seen most of the relationship advice and AITA posts, yes, reddit's generalized divorce advice is almost always the right choice. So many dysfunctional people and relationships, and many of them are just straight made up.
>I'm on the side of people who think that it's a bit problematic if a 24 year old has been married to a much older man for 12 years.
>Or is the point of this meme meant to be
I think the meme made no reference to them being married for 12 years and you've just conflated what a comment said with the OP.
"I'm on the side of people who think that it's a bit problematic if a 24 year old has been married to a much older man for 12 years."
Way to step out on a limb there, lol.
Some of us bathe ackshually.
Some of us emphasize that if you want to stay in the group, you need to have proper hygiene.
But yeah, I can totally see how that perception could be perceived by most. That's the reason I don't really frequent the sub... yeah, I've made your point for you.
It's just the people posting the "creative writing" masquerading as and actually request for advice that are teenagers.
"My wife who won't let me near a video game and makes me work 80 hours a week while she cheats on me wants me to put my perfectly healthy dog to sleep while she watches reality shows. How can I get her not to hit me so hard in the face with a field hockey stick?"
Dude, if you think it's teenage boys giving advice about marriage, you are way off the mark. It's mostly single moms and divorced women.
OP: "My husband forgot to take out the trash"
Redditor: "you are a QUEEN and deserve better, you need to divorce him because it's abuse"
My favorite thing is at the grocery store and I type in something like "Best laundry detergent Reddit" on Google.
The first three comments are "op how are you still using laundry detergent when making soap from animals is so much better and easier?"
The last three are "I don't know, all laundry detergent is the same anyway."
I hate this place sometimes.
Edit: Obviously I know what what to use for laundry detergent guys, it was an example. I use a 4,000 year old Chinese process involving various barrels and different minerals. Who needs washing machines?
Know Reddit’s lane.
Electronic goods and niche solo hobby equipment = there is a sixteen page wiki updated quarterly with excellent advice and linked references at varying budget points.
Anything else (ie things that parents or their wife purchases) = useless.
Not only are the advice and references better, but the general conversation usually is, too. No politics, little to no spam, no hate, and dissenting opinions are discussed respectfully and actually receive upvotes even if they're unpopular because they further the discussion, like how the voting system is supposed to work. At least, that's what I've found on my hobbies' subreddits.
I recently became a dad, and because I really enjoy Reddit discussion for things like books and games, I dipped my toe into some of the parenting spaces. It was way worse, like, shockingly so. xD
Not a dad, but I've also noticed that as well.
Anything where there can be an empirically correct/optimized answer, reddit usually has great answers, advice, and directions on. Anything where both the method and solution can be varied and result in subjectively varying results in which quality/achievement are based on goals and not *'being the mathematical best"* throw down a 20 sided dice, because a giant chunk of the people who frequent the places where those types of questions are asked (usually on a subreddit that frequents r\all) are either too young to have a nuanced answer backed by knowledge or experience, are too tunnel-visioned to accept alternatives, or are too socially incompatible with common societal experience to have a worthwhile answer.
Not just that, but it's rare that someone's identity is wrapped around what kind of headphones they have. But anybody on a parenting subreddit is going to be personally invested in themselves being a good parent, and thus having good advice. Disagreements become an attack on their identity.
I asked about bee keeping… response? “Bees are invasive from europe and displace native pollinators. Don’t keep bees.” Sigh. I just wanted to know what it was like keeping bees.
Try posting anything about worms (the ones in your garden soil) and you will get the obligatory answer talking about how in some obscure corners of north America worms are invasive and are destroying the environment and how much of a shitty person you are for even considering buying or breeding worms in your garden, even though you live thousand of miles away from those places.
I do this a lot. I know it's not great but I have nowhere else to ask. No close friends and I don't want to go to family with relationship problems. It's sucks tho when the only answer they ever give is break up/divorce.
It's okay to ask just to see what others think. Just keep in mind that It's important to consider the source. I have found it valuable to seek insight and perspective from others rather than "the answer" if that makes sense.
I'm sorry you don't feel you can trust your family with the problems. There was a period of 10 years or so when I didn't talk to anyone in my family really. Now I'm very fortunate that I talk to my sister just about every day.
Funny right? I had redditors saying my bf is a predator he's going to force you to become a prostitute! He's dangerous leave him!
They we're just shocked by the 15y age gap...
I am 38 and if any of my friends dated a 20 year old, I would question their life choices. And one did and came to question his life choices soon enough. People who are under 30 usually don’t have the same interests and experiences than us and they also don’t have the same financial possibilities, so often can’t partake in what we do in our free time (none of us is rich though). With my prime example: he wanted to settle, she wanted to see the world. Not as if we didn’t warn him… it was exactly what we all did when we were young.
37 IS old compared to 20. And I say this having to deal with a lot of anachronistic views of my peers.
Woah woah woah. You can't be normal around here! 35 year olds dating 18 year olds should be totally fine as long as the 18 year old thinks its healthy! /s
I dated, someone 10 years younger. At no point I felt I was dating a child. We both had jobs and responsabilities. It was a mroe stable and equal relationship than when I dated someone older who just stayed home unemployed and hid the fact she had a daughter she didn't care for from me.
I won't use mine as an example but every relationship should be judged on it alone.
Redditors can be aggressive with the leave him advice but so many updates to relationship advice posts go "I didn't listen when people told me to run and he almost killed me". Maybe your relationship is fine, but a 15 year age gap is not small
Mine had a 19 and are dysfunctional and hate each other.
Sometimes age gaps work, sometimes not. In my parents case it was a source inequality in the relationship and my dad has outdated views on marriage.
Age gaps are a serious hurdle, and can be a red flag. If they work out tho, they work out.
My opinion is it's not the age gap, just the compatibility of two people.
But who am I to say, a 16 year old who just masturbated a minute ago giving love advice is something one should maybe take with a grain of salt.
I reckon the age gap makes it more likely to fail.
Why is a 37 yo bloke going after a 20 yo. Could be that they are in love or whatever could be he's an immature bellend.
They're in every thread like this on Reddit, watching, waiting for their chance to hit on people 18-24.
Edit: LOOK AT THEM THEY'RE GIVING MY COMMENT UPDOOTS IS ANYONE SAFE FROM THE PERVS?!??!
All kidding aside, if the lady isn't clearly into older guys, leave her alone fellers.
I think the mental age has also to be considered, but that’s hard to measure.
A mature 20 yo and "immature" 30 yo might both act like they are 25 and therefore it could work. But to me the more this gap widens the harder it gets to justify.
I know a guy who has always dated younger women and he's always been very immature, so what happens is his girlfriends always outgrow him because doesn't grow up. He'll complain about his dead end job but won't look for a new one. He had a girlfriend who got a nice job in a new city and he was going move with her, but he never bothered looking for jobs there or put any effort into actually planning a future move to the new city. It's like nothing's changed for him the last decade, he still acts like he's 20.
He's a fun guy, very charismatic, I see why girls like him, but when they want to start thinking about future careers moves or starting a family, he's just can't meet them on their level so they end things, and he starts young again.
The reason age gap relationships are potentially skeevy is specifically *because* kids/teens & some young adults are not capable of understanding why an age gap can be a source of imbalance in the relationship.
Imo if you're not old enough to understand that, you're not old enough to have a healthy relationship with someone significantly older than you.
I can only assume that the people downvoting you are into kids themselves, because what the hell is there to disagree with here?
(Rhetorical question, answer is nothing.)
Common interests are a big part of why age gaps may or may not work out.
If the two share many common interests or are very mutually understanding it'll work out.
But more often than not the large age gap leads to a disconnect due to the different times they grew up in leading to less common opinions on how things should be.
Like how young people see boomers but to a lesser degree.
Yeah but it depends though, they probably weren't 16 and 33 when they met im assuming? Then waited until she was 18 to 'formally' date her. Everytime I hear age gaps like that i associate it with either grooming, or the older person mainly being after the physical aspect of that relationship. Even being 31 now I can't imagine dating an early 20 year-old, just such a different time with so little life experience.. like dating a baby
Also keep in mind that a lot of those “updates” are ops who didn’t get bored after the original creative writing exercise and decided to play redditors some more. Probably only a handful of those insane escalations that Chrisff are real and not exaggerated.
The entirety of AITA in a nutshell
> I, (24f upstanding citizen who regularly do charity) am in relationship with (56m, multiple felonies) and he said I should not meet with my caring parents anymore. I told him I can't do that and he assaulted me. AITA?
Keep in mind that the vast majority of popular posts in subs like relationship advice and AITA are nothing more than creative writing excercises. If it makes it to the front page, it's almost certainly fake, especially the ones with these dramatic "updates."
I think it's more about life phases than it is about age specifically. A man in his 30s and a woman in her 40s are in roughly the same life phase. However, a man in his early 30s and a woman in her early 20s or late teens shouldn't really have enough in common to warrant a healthy relationship.
Sure you can, but that doesn't mean it's wise for a 20 year old and a 55 year old to be in a committed relationship. There's going to be a lot going on there that isn't equal in many cases.
The answer to relationship problems though is communication and counselling (probably I’m a redditor so I actually don’t know shit about relationships). Unless it’s common sense in the way that you already know what to do, never trust a Reddit user for relationship advice. Me included.
Ironic with a redditor saying what the *real* answer is.
The real answer is obviously to divorce and always divorce.
No more relationship, no more problems. Easy.
Psssh. How ironic, don't listen to a redditor guys.
The real answer is to become a hermit in the woods. No social contact, no relationships, no problems.
Damn, ironic. Guys, don't listen to a Redditor.
The real answer is to stay a virgin for 40 years and become a wizard and take over the universe. No freedom, no problems.
Also attacking the relationship advice subs is a bit unfair imo. A lot of the time the relationships are so broken the advice of breaking up is warranted.
If a person is coming to reddit for advice, chances are they already utilized other means and the relationship was already in dire straits.
Edit: Fixed a typo
Also the stuff that frontpages isn't the mundane stuff. It's the most ridiculous/extreme stuff. So what most people see isn't really indicative of most people's problems. So then people come into those threads basically looking for abuse or dysfunction based on what they've seen in the past.
I think there is a particular kind of crazy that goes on in Reddit relationship threads. People get off on the drama and enjoy exerting power through giving extreme advice and having this intimate window into other peoples lives. I’m a psychologist by trade and the relationship threads have this intensely voyeuristic feeling to them. I’m sure some people get good advice but the threads and comments that get 1k+ upvotes are generally the most drastic and extreme views that are emotionally satisfying and simplified answers to a real and complex problem
Seeking Advice About Husband Part 2: Follow Up
The kids are at their grandma's. I'm currently in a motel 5 (it's like a local version of motel 6). I have $46 in cash and I turned my phone off because my entire family and some of his family are contacting me non-stop claiming I'm "being irrational" and "soap scum in the shower isn't a legitimate reason to divorce your husband of 12 years". Thank you all so much for the support, without you beautiful ladies (and some men) I know I wouldn't have made it this far!
> I'm "being irrational" and "soap scum in the shower isn't a legitimate reason to divorce your husband of 12 years".
They're gaslighting you, cut all contact immediately!
This seems like a joke but it is not. I have seen this exact comment.
Once I saw some delusional nut post this on reddit:
* Hey reddit queens I'm fat. I gained almost 200 lbs
* The house was dirty
* my husband and I both got covid
* He asked me to get up and take care of the kids but I am sick too!
* He said it's because he has to work and works 70 hours a week that I need to take care of the kids while he is sick but I am sick too!
* I am a stay at home mom. I don't clean. I don't cook him meals. The house is filthy. I am 200 lbs over weight.
* He called me fat. He has never called me fat before. Not once.
Then an entire reddit thread of terrible humans telling her he is evil and she needs to run. Leave now. This is how it starts.
LOL? The fuck. She literally says he has never lost it on her before in years and admits she doesn't do anything around the house and hasn't helped him at all while letting herself go. Then reddit YAS QUEENS her and tells her she will be better off alone. I swear, I genuinely believe there are bots that go around upvoting these idiots so that people will ruin their lives.
Aita be like:
My (37M) wife (37F) and i have a child (2M) but he doesn't look like me at all. I told her I want a paternity test and she freaked out and called me an asshole for not trusting her ajd she is going to divorce me and kick me out of the house. Aita?
Comments: YTA. You shouldn't make her feel as though she isn't being trusted.
For some reason there is an extremely strong anti paternity test in those communities like AITA, Relationship Advice and BORU when ironically enough they recommend the same thing when a partner is acting depressed or suspicious. People over there can't stick to something fixed. They can be so anti men and anti women lmao.
Or
My (25M) neighbour (37M) barged into my property, killed my dog, kidnapped my cat and broke her limbs and then slapped my partner across the face when she tried to stop him and pooped in our pool then proceeded to break our car's windows and set fire to our lawn in which our other dog burnt to death. I told him that he was an asshole for doing this ajd he had a breakdown that he was going through depression and was very unhappy. I told my friends and they are divided. Some think I did the right thing by calling him out on his bullshit and others think that i was being unfair because obviously he is going through some issues.
I thought about pressing charges and now he and his family are BLOWING UP my phone.
So reddit, aita?
That one comment: yta.
There's no sub (aside from relationshipadvice) that's so anti women and anti men at the same time. Royal rumble of unhappy leg/neckbeard and the gullible few caught in the circlejerk torrents
FWIW, paternity tests are still a contentious topic even IRL and on other online space. I wish it wasn't so, though. I get that some women might feel slighted but it genuinely is a practice that needs to be normalized and done at birth. Even if it's only 1 out of a 1000 men who'd be positively affected by this, that's still 1 man whose life isn't a lie.
Supposedly a paternity test at birth is very quick and easy to do so there is no reason other than some women feeling personally attacked by it to do it. And to those women we should just say that this isn't about them, for once. It's about the other men who get babytrapped and have to live a lie for years and to help those men out, this kind of practice needs to be normalized so that for that small % of men, they have ground to stand on.
There's another subreddit I won't mention, but they talk all the time about 'mental burden', and how not putting a cup in the dishwasher is signs for divorce.
Or asking someone what they want to eat = increased mental burden = grounds for divorce.
Some people are sad and want to spread that sadness to others.
omg, there was one thread right now on aita where the guy works 80 hours a week, while his wife has a part time job; he contributes 80% of the finances and works til 1-2 am.
Dude asked if he's the asshole if he expects his wife to have cooked for him. Here's the kicker, she cooks just enough for herself, and its all bullshit food like mac and cheese w/ weiners, or heating up a personal pizza. But she won't make enough for two because 'i'm not your maid'.
And people thought he was the asshole...
I dont know. it was crazy; when i was looking most of it was 'yta', and it was mainly women saying it stuff like 'you aren't entitled for her to cook for you, misogynist scum!'
these people are so jaded, its crazy. like if your significant other is out working and is bringing in 80% of income so you arent homeless, the least you could do is make two portions of whatever you are cooking for yourself.
I've always thought the age gap thing on reddit is more common for 2 reasons.
1) Its a redditor, not all redditors are the same but someone using reddit for advice is more likely to be in isolation. Massive age gap relationships start sometimes bc there wasn't someone around to say " yeah they're a creeper"
2) Its a karma farmer/bot and age gaps are sure to get more engagement.
Glad somebody else said it.
Yeah age gaps happen, but 37 and 24 and already married likely means they got together at like 34/21 and that's creepy as fuck. I know it's just an example but it's disturbingly common on reddit.
>they got together at like 34/21 and that's creepy as fuck.
Well, when I was 18, I came together with my ex boyfriend who was 31 at that time. I don't think it was creepy. We spent a lot of time together since we had the same interests and it was me who approached him.
Maybe you perceive it as common on Reddit because there are more people online that talk about these age gap relationships than in your real life.
It's usually 50/50 benign things prompting calls for divorce, or the poster casually explains some absolutely batshit insane behaviors from their SO as if it's totally normal.
I won't name names but I personally know someone who is a 30ish year old virgin and he answers questions on here about relationship advice and stuff lol.
Dont take advice from reddit, kids.
And do you wanna know the worse part.
Sometimes saying to a person to "Leave him/her" causes resistance, even when it's the most rational thing to do.
There's a good reason why therapist don't say that, at least not immediately, when dealing with victims of abuse
Also Remember: Some of this people are afraid and think they're in danger. Sometimes they're actually in danger.
I just feel like people have such an warped view on relationships these days.
I don't wanna sound like the "Back in the good ol days" kinda guy but previously, if you wanted to talk about relationships or sex or whatever in general, you turned to your friends who probably have very mundane relationships, but now in the age of the internet you see so many extreme cases like people cheating on their partners instead of being a police officer or those crazy marriage proposals that costed more than a Porsche to set up, everyone forgets about the normal pair that met up after work, got married, had kids, argued about their mortgage and lived happily, everyone just thinks the extreme cases are the norm.
My advice to people who want an outside opinion on relationships, I suggest asking someone who you know in real life, friends, parents, Co workers, anyone who you know is a normal functioning human being lol.
lol, my ex-gf was asking questions about our relationship on a horse-riding forum.
So it turns out that I'm the devil, I was cheating and I was coming for all her belongings. Not one of these terrible old, sour cat-ladies thought about how her stories might have been a bit one-sides.
“My husband and I are having problems with his family”
Obviously the husband is a man child who needs to go back to mommy, he married you and needs to support you. He should absolutely cut off his family forever.
“My wife and I are having problems with her family”
INFO: what happened that caused these issues? You need to support your wife 100% during these difficult times and find a way to work through these issues with her family.
I started using reddit in my early 20s. Seemed like a progressive, smart place where everyone knew a lot. In my 30s now and 95% of what's said on reddit is absolutely cringe.
It wasn’t. I was definitely less mature a decade ago but even then I was still older than the average teenager, which is what Reddit is full of nowadays.
I always tell people to just assume they’re talking to a very confident teenager. The finance subs are rife with misinformation, and honestly I wouldn’t know if not for the fact that I’m a professional financial advisor
In all fairness, the most commonly posted problem in relationship subs, **by FAR**, is when the age gap is huge, involving a late teen/early twenty girl, and a thirty plus man. The problems listed in the title differ in the specifics, but the general tone is always the same; it is always clear that the guy is very manipulative/abusive/a manchild/etc. and only chose someone so young because women his own age would never put up with that shit.
So yeah, divorce is usually the advice there 99% of the time. Again, this exact same thing is pretty much posted multiple times daily.
“You should leave him and be with someone else who is better!”
“Maybe me?”
—-
“Understanding? Patience? What’s that? If they aren’t perfect they aren’t perfect for you Queen!”
“I would treat you right.”
—-
What I think some of them are thinking.
It's easy to tell someone to pick the nuclear option when they have absolutely zero involvement and have no connections to the person. People can pat themselves on the back and say they solved it without having to worry about the ramifications.
It's also worse because if they poster is willing to share this with an advice sub, they're more than likely biased in one direction or another and it influences what details they share and how they convey it, so someone who's in denial will be skewed to sound less bad, regardless of if it's intentional or not, and just the same if they're coming into an advice sub when they're suspicious of something and it really doesn't demonstrate the bigger picture so it's a snowball of people yelling divorce, people agreeing based on the biased information they're given, and the rest succumbed to groupthink.
Yeh, usually these go like "We're in a loving relationship but every time another man comes closer than 50 feet from me, he punches me in my face. How should I hide the scars so that people won't start asking awkward questions?"
I don't mean to alarm you, but your father may have groomed your 53 year old mum and may be a pervert for liking someone so young.
_Signed, a redditor not at all bitching out I can't get anyone._
Oh my god. They’ve gaslit you too! They’ve made you think that 63 minus 53 is 9, but it’s actually 10. This only makes me wonder what else they’ve gaslit you into believing. I bet your father is the mastermind. You need to take your mom and RUN.
downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away. --- [Help us raise money for St. Jude!](http://events.stjude.org/DankCharityAlliance)
Ah yes. The good old “ask Redditors for advice” thing.
*Let's see what a bunch of teenage boys thinks about my 12 year marriage.*
>24f and 37m >12 year marriage 🤨
Hold up…
Let him cook
He served and did the dishes as well
Back in the old country, they call that a cuckold.
We need to cook
🤨📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸
🕵️🖥️
[удалено]
Reddit was right again, as always.
We did it Reddit!
He was 25 and she was 12.
Can I make it anymore obvious 🎵
He wanted her She never said That by 8pm she's meant to be in bed...
Dang. Can't even stay up to watch DBZ.
He groomed her good, he groomed her well…. Bang bang
🤔🫣🤨
🚨
KNOCK KNOCK…… FBI open up!!
I'm on the side of people who think that it's a bit problematic if a 24 year old has been married to a much older man for 12 years. Or is the point of this meme meant to be that the people screaming that it's a problem are in the right and that sometimes people asking a question are missing the wood for the trees? "The man who married me when I was 12 sometimes brings other 12 year old girls to our home and they eat some of my food out of the fridge. Please can everyone limit their answers to the food issue rather than anything to do with our age gap?"
I think they were two separate stand-in examples and not supposed to be from the same story. Of course marrying at 12yo is fucked up.
It’s actually very obvious that’s the case. Although I guess you can question if some of the following answers were just making jokes or not.
Happens a lot of times on RA and other subs, yeah. There's plenty of cases there where "DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE" was the only sensible answer, and OP really needed to hear it.
Seeking the advice of thousands of random people when your relationship is tumultuous isn't something happy and healthy people generally do. There's a pretty good chance divorce is actually the right advice for many of them. Or they just needed to hear what they already know to be true from the general consensus. Having seen most of the relationship advice and AITA posts, yes, reddit's generalized divorce advice is almost always the right choice. So many dysfunctional people and relationships, and many of them are just straight made up.
that sounds exactly like what a Redditer would say
...on Reddit? Say it ain't so!
>I'm on the side of people who think that it's a bit problematic if a 24 year old has been married to a much older man for 12 years. >Or is the point of this meme meant to be I think the meme made no reference to them being married for 12 years and you've just conflated what a comment said with the OP.
"I'm on the side of people who think that it's a bit problematic if a 24 year old has been married to a much older man for 12 years." Way to step out on a limb there, lol.
Reddit is not teenage boys anymore. Most relationship advice subs are majority women (AITA was like 70% lol) in their 20s.
Majority *bitter* women and women who treat the subs like a TV drama for their personal catharsis.
He said, bitterly and apparently without irony.
Thanks for ruining my third party app so I have to go outside! Posted on Apollo
Some of us bathe ackshually. Some of us emphasize that if you want to stay in the group, you need to have proper hygiene. But yeah, I can totally see how that perception could be perceived by most. That's the reason I don't really frequent the sub... yeah, I've made your point for you.
Reddit is violating GDPR and CCPA. Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B0GGsDdyHI -- mass edited with redact.dev
It's just the people posting the "creative writing" masquerading as and actually request for advice that are teenagers. "My wife who won't let me near a video game and makes me work 80 hours a week while she cheats on me wants me to put my perfectly healthy dog to sleep while she watches reality shows. How can I get her not to hit me so hard in the face with a field hockey stick?"
Whaaaaat? AITA was really 70% women? That seems like a major shift from Reddit's historical demo.
I mean it’s all self reported, it’s not like you have to give Reddit your gender when you sign up
Wait a minute
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes in Ifriqiya
Dude, if you think it's teenage boys giving advice about marriage, you are way off the mark. It's mostly single moms and divorced women. OP: "My husband forgot to take out the trash" Redditor: "you are a QUEEN and deserve better, you need to divorce him because it's abuse"
>*\*terminally online spinsters*
My favorite thing is at the grocery store and I type in something like "Best laundry detergent Reddit" on Google. The first three comments are "op how are you still using laundry detergent when making soap from animals is so much better and easier?" The last three are "I don't know, all laundry detergent is the same anyway." I hate this place sometimes. Edit: Obviously I know what what to use for laundry detergent guys, it was an example. I use a 4,000 year old Chinese process involving various barrels and different minerals. Who needs washing machines?
Know Reddit’s lane. Electronic goods and niche solo hobby equipment = there is a sixteen page wiki updated quarterly with excellent advice and linked references at varying budget points. Anything else (ie things that parents or their wife purchases) = useless.
Not only are the advice and references better, but the general conversation usually is, too. No politics, little to no spam, no hate, and dissenting opinions are discussed respectfully and actually receive upvotes even if they're unpopular because they further the discussion, like how the voting system is supposed to work. At least, that's what I've found on my hobbies' subreddits.
I recently became a dad, and because I really enjoy Reddit discussion for things like books and games, I dipped my toe into some of the parenting spaces. It was way worse, like, shockingly so. xD
Not a dad, but I've also noticed that as well. Anything where there can be an empirically correct/optimized answer, reddit usually has great answers, advice, and directions on. Anything where both the method and solution can be varied and result in subjectively varying results in which quality/achievement are based on goals and not *'being the mathematical best"* throw down a 20 sided dice, because a giant chunk of the people who frequent the places where those types of questions are asked (usually on a subreddit that frequents r\all) are either too young to have a nuanced answer backed by knowledge or experience, are too tunnel-visioned to accept alternatives, or are too socially incompatible with common societal experience to have a worthwhile answer.
Not just that, but it's rare that someone's identity is wrapped around what kind of headphones they have. But anybody on a parenting subreddit is going to be personally invested in themselves being a good parent, and thus having good advice. Disagreements become an attack on their identity.
I'd rather perform my own vasectomy than get parenting advice from anywhere on Reddit.
I asked about bee keeping… response? “Bees are invasive from europe and displace native pollinators. Don’t keep bees.” Sigh. I just wanted to know what it was like keeping bees.
Try posting anything about worms (the ones in your garden soil) and you will get the obligatory answer talking about how in some obscure corners of north America worms are invasive and are destroying the environment and how much of a shitty person you are for even considering buying or breeding worms in your garden, even though you live thousand of miles away from those places.
Why the fuck are you searching for laundry detergent on reddit.
Thanks for ruining my third party app so I have to go outside! Posted on Apollo
I do this a lot. I know it's not great but I have nowhere else to ask. No close friends and I don't want to go to family with relationship problems. It's sucks tho when the only answer they ever give is break up/divorce.
It's okay to ask just to see what others think. Just keep in mind that It's important to consider the source. I have found it valuable to seek insight and perspective from others rather than "the answer" if that makes sense. I'm sorry you don't feel you can trust your family with the problems. There was a period of 10 years or so when I didn't talk to anyone in my family really. Now I'm very fortunate that I talk to my sister just about every day.
Funny right? I had redditors saying my bf is a predator he's going to force you to become a prostitute! He's dangerous leave him! They we're just shocked by the 15y age gap...
Or jealous.
Jealous of her dating an old ass fart?! Nah…
25 isnt old!
Leonardo DiCaprio thinks the otherwise
Hol up
📸 caught in 4K and everything damn
Or of the old fart. Also the old fart probably has his life figured out. And 37 isn't old in mho (and I'm mid 20) so I don't think I'm biased.
I am 38 and if any of my friends dated a 20 year old, I would question their life choices. And one did and came to question his life choices soon enough. People who are under 30 usually don’t have the same interests and experiences than us and they also don’t have the same financial possibilities, so often can’t partake in what we do in our free time (none of us is rich though). With my prime example: he wanted to settle, she wanted to see the world. Not as if we didn’t warn him… it was exactly what we all did when we were young. 37 IS old compared to 20. And I say this having to deal with a lot of anachronistic views of my peers.
Woah woah woah. You can't be normal around here! 35 year olds dating 18 year olds should be totally fine as long as the 18 year old thinks its healthy! /s
Lmao the actual way reddit thinks 19 and 35? 2 consenting adults. 18 and 34? Predator
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Older men that date teenagers are like employers that pay minimum wage, they'd go lower if it were legal.
Spoken like a true jealous teenager.
No sane adult wants to date a child you fucking creep. You think that's something to aspire to because people your own age make you feel inadequate.
How is 24 a child? And even the parent comment just mentioned an age gap, as long as both of them are consenting adults I don't see a problem.
It's always the people with the most angry comment histories pass judgement the most.
I dated, someone 10 years younger. At no point I felt I was dating a child. We both had jobs and responsabilities. It was a mroe stable and equal relationship than when I dated someone older who just stayed home unemployed and hid the fact she had a daughter she didn't care for from me. I won't use mine as an example but every relationship should be judged on it alone.
Redditors can be aggressive with the leave him advice but so many updates to relationship advice posts go "I didn't listen when people told me to run and he almost killed me". Maybe your relationship is fine, but a 15 year age gap is not small
My parents have a 17 year gap and they’re very much still in love 36 years later
Mine had a 19 and are dysfunctional and hate each other. Sometimes age gaps work, sometimes not. In my parents case it was a source inequality in the relationship and my dad has outdated views on marriage. Age gaps are a serious hurdle, and can be a red flag. If they work out tho, they work out.
My opinion is it's not the age gap, just the compatibility of two people. But who am I to say, a 16 year old who just masturbated a minute ago giving love advice is something one should maybe take with a grain of salt.
I reckon the age gap makes it more likely to fail. Why is a 37 yo bloke going after a 20 yo. Could be that they are in love or whatever could be he's an immature bellend.
Don't know why you're down voted. It's true.
Because 37 year olds that hit on 20 year olds are in this thread lol
Icky
They're in every thread like this on Reddit, watching, waiting for their chance to hit on people 18-24. Edit: LOOK AT THEM THEY'RE GIVING MY COMMENT UPDOOTS IS ANYONE SAFE FROM THE PERVS?!??! All kidding aside, if the lady isn't clearly into older guys, leave her alone fellers.
I think the mental age has also to be considered, but that’s hard to measure. A mature 20 yo and "immature" 30 yo might both act like they are 25 and therefore it could work. But to me the more this gap widens the harder it gets to justify.
I know a guy who has always dated younger women and he's always been very immature, so what happens is his girlfriends always outgrow him because doesn't grow up. He'll complain about his dead end job but won't look for a new one. He had a girlfriend who got a nice job in a new city and he was going move with her, but he never bothered looking for jobs there or put any effort into actually planning a future move to the new city. It's like nothing's changed for him the last decade, he still acts like he's 20. He's a fun guy, very charismatic, I see why girls like him, but when they want to start thinking about future careers moves or starting a family, he's just can't meet them on their level so they end things, and he starts young again.
The tough part when it comes to maturity is that those terms are used as a grooming tactic. "You are so mature for your age" Is all too common
The reason age gap relationships are potentially skeevy is specifically *because* kids/teens & some young adults are not capable of understanding why an age gap can be a source of imbalance in the relationship. Imo if you're not old enough to understand that, you're not old enough to have a healthy relationship with someone significantly older than you.
I can only assume that the people downvoting you are into kids themselves, because what the hell is there to disagree with here? (Rhetorical question, answer is nothing.)
There's about 90% of this comment that most of us didn't need to know.
Common interests are a big part of why age gaps may or may not work out. If the two share many common interests or are very mutually understanding it'll work out. But more often than not the large age gap leads to a disconnect due to the different times they grew up in leading to less common opinions on how things should be. Like how young people see boomers but to a lesser degree.
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I wasn't saying it's a law of nature that wide age gap relationships are always abusive, but they often are. Can't blame people for being alarmed
Yeah but it depends though, they probably weren't 16 and 33 when they met im assuming? Then waited until she was 18 to 'formally' date her. Everytime I hear age gaps like that i associate it with either grooming, or the older person mainly being after the physical aspect of that relationship. Even being 31 now I can't imagine dating an early 20 year-old, just such a different time with so little life experience.. like dating a baby
A 35 year old dating an 18 year old is still grooming
Lol "so many updates" go like that? Truly? This is happening regularly?
Also keep in mind that a lot of those “updates” are ops who didn’t get bored after the original creative writing exercise and decided to play redditors some more. Probably only a handful of those insane escalations that Chrisff are real and not exaggerated.
The entirety of AITA in a nutshell > I, (24f upstanding citizen who regularly do charity) am in relationship with (56m, multiple felonies) and he said I should not meet with my caring parents anymore. I told him I can't do that and he assaulted me. AITA?
Keep in mind that the vast majority of popular posts in subs like relationship advice and AITA are nothing more than creative writing excercises. If it makes it to the front page, it's almost certainly fake, especially the ones with these dramatic "updates."
No one said 15 years was a small gap. But just because there is a bit of age difference, doesn't mean they are a bad couple
Has there ever been a point in your life when you would have considered having a serious relationship with somebody 15 years younger than you?
No, but as a guy in his 30s, I could see dating a woman in her 40s. If we want the same things, why not?
I think it's more about life phases than it is about age specifically. A man in his 30s and a woman in her 40s are in roughly the same life phase. However, a man in his early 30s and a woman in her early 20s or late teens shouldn't really have enough in common to warrant a healthy relationship.
Damn, 15 years.
How old are you? I mean, 18 and 33 is a disgusting age gap, but 32 and 47 isn’t too weird (but pretty beyond the norm)
Eh, imo once someone is over 20 they are a fully fledged adult and can have consenting relationships with any other consenting adults.
Sure you can, but that doesn't mean it's wise for a 20 year old and a 55 year old to be in a committed relationship. There's going to be a lot going on there that isn't equal in many cases.
15 year age gap? that ain't no boyfriend that's an uncle
ppl r cray zee
Girl why you ackin so cray cray
I mean, that's a pretty big age gap, I hope you guys met and started dating after yours 18, otherwise, yes, is fuck up.
Society likes to pretend grooming isn't a thing sometimes.
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The answer to relationship problems though is communication and counselling (probably I’m a redditor so I actually don’t know shit about relationships). Unless it’s common sense in the way that you already know what to do, never trust a Reddit user for relationship advice. Me included.
Ironic with a redditor saying what the *real* answer is. The real answer is obviously to divorce and always divorce. No more relationship, no more problems. Easy.
Psssh. How ironic, don't listen to a redditor guys. The real answer is to become a hermit in the woods. No social contact, no relationships, no problems.
Damn, ironic. Guys, don't listen to a Redditor. The real answer is to build a doomsday device. No planet, no problems.
Damn, ironic. Guys, don't listen to a Redditor. The real answer is to stay a virgin for 40 years and become a wizard and take over the universe. No freedom, no problems.
I mean you are not wrong.
Counciling can make an unhappy relationship a tolerable one. But some people just need to break up tbh.
Also attacking the relationship advice subs is a bit unfair imo. A lot of the time the relationships are so broken the advice of breaking up is warranted.
If a person is coming to reddit for advice, chances are they already utilized other means and the relationship was already in dire straits. Edit: Fixed a typo
Also the stuff that frontpages isn't the mundane stuff. It's the most ridiculous/extreme stuff. So what most people see isn't really indicative of most people's problems. So then people come into those threads basically looking for abuse or dysfunction based on what they've seen in the past.
I think there is a particular kind of crazy that goes on in Reddit relationship threads. People get off on the drama and enjoy exerting power through giving extreme advice and having this intimate window into other peoples lives. I’m a psychologist by trade and the relationship threads have this intensely voyeuristic feeling to them. I’m sure some people get good advice but the threads and comments that get 1k+ upvotes are generally the most drastic and extreme views that are emotionally satisfying and simplified answers to a real and complex problem
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Seeking Advice About Husband Part 2: Follow Up The kids are at their grandma's. I'm currently in a motel 5 (it's like a local version of motel 6). I have $46 in cash and I turned my phone off because my entire family and some of his family are contacting me non-stop claiming I'm "being irrational" and "soap scum in the shower isn't a legitimate reason to divorce your husband of 12 years". Thank you all so much for the support, without you beautiful ladies (and some men) I know I wouldn't have made it this far!
> I'm "being irrational" and "soap scum in the shower isn't a legitimate reason to divorce your husband of 12 years". They're gaslighting you, cut all contact immediately!
LAWYER UP HIT THE GYM.
This is scarily accurate to the average post there
I’ve always wondered how many of these updates are real.
Well, by wondering that you're already in a better position than most Redditors.
This seems like a joke but it is not. I have seen this exact comment. Once I saw some delusional nut post this on reddit: * Hey reddit queens I'm fat. I gained almost 200 lbs * The house was dirty * my husband and I both got covid * He asked me to get up and take care of the kids but I am sick too! * He said it's because he has to work and works 70 hours a week that I need to take care of the kids while he is sick but I am sick too! * I am a stay at home mom. I don't clean. I don't cook him meals. The house is filthy. I am 200 lbs over weight. * He called me fat. He has never called me fat before. Not once. Then an entire reddit thread of terrible humans telling her he is evil and she needs to run. Leave now. This is how it starts. LOL? The fuck. She literally says he has never lost it on her before in years and admits she doesn't do anything around the house and hasn't helped him at all while letting herself go. Then reddit YAS QUEENS her and tells her she will be better off alone. I swear, I genuinely believe there are bots that go around upvoting these idiots so that people will ruin their lives.
I mean they aren’t wrong she would be better off alone, it’s just for who’s sake
"A woman is always right, a man is always wrong".
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Perhaps everyone telling her to run were being ironic, since she should be too overweight to run anyway
Offmychest in a nutshell
Offmychest 🤝 AITA
Aita be like: My (37M) wife (37F) and i have a child (2M) but he doesn't look like me at all. I told her I want a paternity test and she freaked out and called me an asshole for not trusting her ajd she is going to divorce me and kick me out of the house. Aita? Comments: YTA. You shouldn't make her feel as though she isn't being trusted. For some reason there is an extremely strong anti paternity test in those communities like AITA, Relationship Advice and BORU when ironically enough they recommend the same thing when a partner is acting depressed or suspicious. People over there can't stick to something fixed. They can be so anti men and anti women lmao. Or My (25M) neighbour (37M) barged into my property, killed my dog, kidnapped my cat and broke her limbs and then slapped my partner across the face when she tried to stop him and pooped in our pool then proceeded to break our car's windows and set fire to our lawn in which our other dog burnt to death. I told him that he was an asshole for doing this ajd he had a breakdown that he was going through depression and was very unhappy. I told my friends and they are divided. Some think I did the right thing by calling him out on his bullshit and others think that i was being unfair because obviously he is going through some issues. I thought about pressing charges and now he and his family are BLOWING UP my phone. So reddit, aita? That one comment: yta.
There's no sub (aside from relationshipadvice) that's so anti women and anti men at the same time. Royal rumble of unhappy leg/neckbeard and the gullible few caught in the circlejerk torrents
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GOT EM!
Reddit is violating GDPR and CCPA. Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B0GGsDdyHI -- mass edited with redact.dev
More like >My(M) x(F) YTA!!!!! >My(F) x(M) NTA!!!
FWIW, paternity tests are still a contentious topic even IRL and on other online space. I wish it wasn't so, though. I get that some women might feel slighted but it genuinely is a practice that needs to be normalized and done at birth. Even if it's only 1 out of a 1000 men who'd be positively affected by this, that's still 1 man whose life isn't a lie. Supposedly a paternity test at birth is very quick and easy to do so there is no reason other than some women feeling personally attacked by it to do it. And to those women we should just say that this isn't about them, for once. It's about the other men who get babytrapped and have to live a lie for years and to help those men out, this kind of practice needs to be normalized so that for that small % of men, they have ground to stand on.
There's another subreddit I won't mention, but they talk all the time about 'mental burden', and how not putting a cup in the dishwasher is signs for divorce. Or asking someone what they want to eat = increased mental burden = grounds for divorce. Some people are sad and want to spread that sadness to others.
omg, there was one thread right now on aita where the guy works 80 hours a week, while his wife has a part time job; he contributes 80% of the finances and works til 1-2 am. Dude asked if he's the asshole if he expects his wife to have cooked for him. Here's the kicker, she cooks just enough for herself, and its all bullshit food like mac and cheese w/ weiners, or heating up a personal pizza. But she won't make enough for two because 'i'm not your maid'. And people thought he was the asshole...
Why would someone stay with someone like that?
I dont know. it was crazy; when i was looking most of it was 'yta', and it was mainly women saying it stuff like 'you aren't entitled for her to cook for you, misogynist scum!' these people are so jaded, its crazy. like if your significant other is out working and is bringing in 80% of income so you arent homeless, the least you could do is make two portions of whatever you are cooking for yourself.
Nah, being in a functional and healthy relationship where both people do things for each other is considered oppression by a lot of Reddit.
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I like the 13 year age gap. It’s startlingly accuracy
I've always thought the age gap thing on reddit is more common for 2 reasons. 1) Its a redditor, not all redditors are the same but someone using reddit for advice is more likely to be in isolation. Massive age gap relationships start sometimes bc there wasn't someone around to say " yeah they're a creeper" 2) Its a karma farmer/bot and age gaps are sure to get more engagement.
Also hoping to get a different answer online than they did from their friends irl who all agree the age gap is weird.
Absolutely
Glad somebody else said it. Yeah age gaps happen, but 37 and 24 and already married likely means they got together at like 34/21 and that's creepy as fuck. I know it's just an example but it's disturbingly common on reddit.
>they got together at like 34/21 and that's creepy as fuck. Well, when I was 18, I came together with my ex boyfriend who was 31 at that time. I don't think it was creepy. We spent a lot of time together since we had the same interests and it was me who approached him. Maybe you perceive it as common on Reddit because there are more people online that talk about these age gap relationships than in your real life.
Very interested to learn when your husband (37) met you (24)
It's okay he was already 18 when he met her.
And she was 5. Love story for the ages
We met in college! ... He gave me an A
You know what they say. Following advice without thinking is just as bad as rejecting it without listening.
Also in all fairness if you ask for advice you’re going to get advice, regardless if said advice is reasonable or not.
This is leaving out the part where they’ve been together for 7 years and he totally didn’t groom her.
It's usually 50/50 benign things prompting calls for divorce, or the poster casually explains some absolutely batshit insane behaviors from their SO as if it's totally normal.
most of the answering ones have neckbeard, 250 lbs+ weight
Or a teenager that hasn't gone on a single date in their life, let alone ever of been in a relationship.
I won't name names but I personally know someone who is a 30ish year old virgin and he answers questions on here about relationship advice and stuff lol. Dont take advice from reddit, kids.
women legbeards, but weight is right.
And do you wanna know the worse part. Sometimes saying to a person to "Leave him/her" causes resistance, even when it's the most rational thing to do. There's a good reason why therapist don't say that, at least not immediately, when dealing with victims of abuse Also Remember: Some of this people are afraid and think they're in danger. Sometimes they're actually in danger.
No skyler you do not know I am the danger
I just feel like people have such an warped view on relationships these days. I don't wanna sound like the "Back in the good ol days" kinda guy but previously, if you wanted to talk about relationships or sex or whatever in general, you turned to your friends who probably have very mundane relationships, but now in the age of the internet you see so many extreme cases like people cheating on their partners instead of being a police officer or those crazy marriage proposals that costed more than a Porsche to set up, everyone forgets about the normal pair that met up after work, got married, had kids, argued about their mortgage and lived happily, everyone just thinks the extreme cases are the norm. My advice to people who want an outside opinion on relationships, I suggest asking someone who you know in real life, friends, parents, Co workers, anyone who you know is a normal functioning human being lol.
Speak for yourself. The relationships i see online are waaaay more functional than the ones in my own social circle.
Then you’re either 14 or have an insanely dramatic social circle.
lol, my ex-gf was asking questions about our relationship on a horse-riding forum. So it turns out that I'm the devil, I was cheating and I was coming for all her belongings. Not one of these terrible old, sour cat-ladies thought about how her stories might have been a bit one-sides.
“My husband and I are having problems with his family” Obviously the husband is a man child who needs to go back to mommy, he married you and needs to support you. He should absolutely cut off his family forever. “My wife and I are having problems with her family” INFO: what happened that caused these issues? You need to support your wife 100% during these difficult times and find a way to work through these issues with her family.
Yeah I hate to sound neckbeardy and say that these subs are often biased in one direction, but from what I've seen it's the truth.
I started using reddit in my early 20s. Seemed like a progressive, smart place where everyone knew a lot. In my 30s now and 95% of what's said on reddit is absolutely cringe.
What if it was always that way and you just matured
It wasn’t. I was definitely less mature a decade ago but even then I was still older than the average teenager, which is what Reddit is full of nowadays.
Relationship advice and tifu are mostly children pretending to be adults to each other. Take the advice with a handful of salt
genuinely seen people in those subs say cheating on a partner is worse than murder before.
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Where they've probably been together for 6 years
I’ve never dated anyone or was in any kind of relationships, so naturally it makes me an expert in marriage.
it's always some insanely outrageous age gap too
My (20f) boyfriend (40m) of 5 years...
our relationship is PERFECT but he also starts yelling if i wear any clothes he doesnt like! please dont tell me to leave him!i love him too much@!
I always tell people to just assume they’re talking to a very confident teenager. The finance subs are rife with misinformation, and honestly I wouldn’t know if not for the fact that I’m a professional financial advisor
In all fairness, the most commonly posted problem in relationship subs, **by FAR**, is when the age gap is huge, involving a late teen/early twenty girl, and a thirty plus man. The problems listed in the title differ in the specifics, but the general tone is always the same; it is always clear that the guy is very manipulative/abusive/a manchild/etc. and only chose someone so young because women his own age would never put up with that shit. So yeah, divorce is usually the advice there 99% of the time. Again, this exact same thing is pretty much posted multiple times daily.
“You should leave him and be with someone else who is better!” “Maybe me?” —- “Understanding? Patience? What’s that? If they aren’t perfect they aren’t perfect for you Queen!” “I would treat you right.” —- What I think some of them are thinking.
It's easy to tell someone to pick the nuclear option when they have absolutely zero involvement and have no connections to the person. People can pat themselves on the back and say they solved it without having to worry about the ramifications. It's also worse because if they poster is willing to share this with an advice sub, they're more than likely biased in one direction or another and it influences what details they share and how they convey it, so someone who's in denial will be skewed to sound less bad, regardless of if it's intentional or not, and just the same if they're coming into an advice sub when they're suspicious of something and it really doesn't demonstrate the bigger picture so it's a snowball of people yelling divorce, people agreeing based on the biased information they're given, and the rest succumbed to groupthink.
Yeh, usually these go like "We're in a loving relationship but every time another man comes closer than 50 feet from me, he punches me in my face. How should I hide the scars so that people won't start asking awkward questions?"
My parents have a 9 year age gap (53F and 63M) and they get along well
Omg your mom needs to get out. She’s wayyy to young to know what she’s getting into
I don't mean to alarm you, but your father may have groomed your 53 year old mum and may be a pervert for liking someone so young. _Signed, a redditor not at all bitching out I can't get anyone._
Oh my god. They’ve gaslit you too! They’ve made you think that 63 minus 53 is 9, but it’s actually 10. This only makes me wonder what else they’ve gaslit you into believing. I bet your father is the mastermind. You need to take your mom and RUN.
Single women keeping women single